Allyson Markham

COMM 1010 517

Ashley Givens
May 2, 2019

Myself as a Communicator: Interview & Reflect

Interviewees
I chose to interview three people from different areas of my life. The first person I chose
to interview is my mother. She raised me as a single parent until I moved out, so she will have a
good knowledge of who I am. The second person I chose to interview is my best friend since
high school, Serenity. We have an extremely close, open, and honest friendship. She knows me
better than almost anyone else, and I trust her honest opinion. The third I chose to interview is
my coworker at the restaurant, close friend, and potential third roommate, Brandon. The
restaurant is like a second family, and Brandon has become a trusted and close friend there. I
know he is honest and will provide quality feedback.

Thesis
I learned that my perception isn’t too far off from what three people close to me have to
say in regard to the different communication skills I asked them about. They have seen me at my
best and my worst over years of knowing me, so I trust their opinions. I have some very strong
skills that benefit my communication a lot, but there are a few things I do need to be more aware
of and improve upon.

Articulating needs, opinions, views or concerns

My mom looked more in terms of then to now. She told me I have improved from where
I used to be, but she notices that I worry about upsetting others. My mom lives in Virginia, and I
tend to call her when I am worrying about things; she gets more of an understanding where the
emotions behind what I’m saying are. I don’t really think about the worry I get when I am
expressing my needs or thoughts.
Serenity said something that was honestly similar to what my mom said, and that is that I
am good about saying how I feel unless I think that the other person will disagree with me.
Serenity and I talk a lot, so she’s very up to date with things. Having two very close people in my
life say similar things, I can see that I need to stop worrying about what others will think and just
be confident and comfortable in expressing my thoughts.
Brandon said that I articulate my needs and opinions effectively. I easily express my
views on things. He said that when bring up me concerns, it is usually in one of two ways: I
either let it all out at once or I am slow and calm about it. I notice that myself, I will sometimes
just let everything out super quickly, or I will "sit down" to really just talk about it. He also
mentioned something I never noticed, and that is that I seem to be able to get people to agree
with me on something that would be complex for others. He said that I can be charismatic and
persuasive. I am interested by these opinions. I want to be on the lookout more for moments
where I seem to be persuasive because I have never really noticed that quality in myself.

Listening
My mom says I’m a good listener; I try to understand what’s being said. She did mention
there is something I do once in a while, and more commonly with her than anyone else really,
and that is that I will sometimes assume what is about to said. I can look back and see that I do
tend to assume what my mom is going to say sometimes, and I really do it most noticeably with
her. Our relationship has had a lot of stress on it, those emotions take that poor communication
quality and amplify it. I need to be more aware of it not only with her, but in those rare occasions
with others so I can avoid doing it.
Serenity also said I am a good listener and that I will listen to people rant. That is
honestly true, and I have heard other people say that they are grateful I let them talk and rant to
me about anything. I do try to listen to people because I really am interested in what people have
to say to me.
Brandon said the same thing as my mom and Serenity, and that is that my listening skills
are some of my best communication skills. He said whether it be someone asking for advice,
asking a question venting, or just needing someone to talk to; I am always there. He notices that I
wait until the other person is finished talking and don't interrupt really. I am happy my good
listening skills are being noticed by people in different areas in my life because it has been an
important quality that I have worked on improving for a while.

Nonverbal Communication
My mom said that I look at people when I am talking to them; I don’t come off as
uninterested or too busy to listen what they have to say. I was surprised when she told me she
didn’t think I need much improvement in my nonverbal communication. I am not able to see all
the things I can improve upon, so her saying that gives me a confidence in that part of how I
communicate with others. I am very attentive when speaking to people, especially one-on-one. I
care about people close to me, a lot.
Serenity brings up a very good observation; she says that I show how I feel. When I start
to get really passionate, I will gesture, and it can distract from what I am saying. I never really
thought about this, but it is something I could improve upon by being more aware of it. I talk
with my hands, and taking a few American Sign Language classes honestly amplified, looking
back.
Brandon said that my eye contact is very effective, and I show I am engaged and paying
attention to them. Eye contact is also a big part of listening to me, so I can see why it has also
been a common, good communication skill mentioned by those I interviewed. Brandon did also
say that he notices that sometimes the rest of my body language can come off as a bit distracted
sometimes. That is something I will try to watch so I can avoid it happening more.
Communication Strengths
My mom told me that she thinks I am polite, firm, and verbalize my thoughts well. I
thought it was quite interesting because I don’t feel like I am the best at verbally speaking
because I will over explain or repeat things or sometimes go on a tangent. I feel like I
communicate well in written form because I can review what I wrote before I send it to make
sure it conveys what I want it to effectively.
Serenity said that my strengths are that I will say what is on my mind and I listen to
others. I do tend to say what I am thinking a lot; goes along with the fact of my personality that I
just talk a lot.
Brandon said that my communication strengths are that I am always attentive, always
interacting with the other person, I am not afraid to ask for help, and I always find ways
communicate, even if there are barriers in place such as a language barrier. I like that he pointed
out me trying to communicate no matter what barriers there might be. It is a strength I wouldn't
have realized without him saying it. I am very social, so I won't let barriers get in the way, and I
will always pay attention and try to understand what is being said the best I can.

Communication Weaknesses
My mom really only touched back on is my tendency to sometimes, especially with her,
assume what someone is going to say before they say it. This does make me reflect more on how
in some close relationships I have better, or worse parts of my communication skills amplified by
the long-term emotions connected to the relationship.
Serenity said my weakness is that when I disagree with someone, I am quieter or don’t
respond. This is something I do when I am upset by others too. I know it comes from me not
wanting to start conflict because of my experiences with conflict throughout my life. I detest
arguing most times because there is usually some big communication barrier or difference that
makes it worse than what the disagreement was originally about.
One of the weaknesses Brandon said was about my body language, apart from my eye
contact, can sometimes be kind of distracted. He also mentioned that I can start to ramble and cut
parts of the conversation. I know this is honestly one my biggest weaknesses in communication,
and it is why I feel I can communicate more effectively through written words sometimes. I do
start to ramble, and then sometimes it leads into another topic and sometimes into a full tangent.
I know it happens more when I have a lot to say in that moment. I do need to work on it, and
improve my overall verbal communication to be more concise when expressing my thoughts to
others.

Having a conversation with me

Like I expect most people to say, my mom told me it is fun and interesting. Something
most know about me is that you never know what my energy level will be or what I might say.
Conversations with me vary a lot, but people tend to enjoy talking to me.
Being that Serenity and I talk about such a variety of subjects, her answer made sense.
She said that it depends on the conversation. It is very true because me and her can talk about
very deep, personal, sad, exciting, gossipy, etc. things and it’s always different. It makes for the
best and most interesting conversations between us.
Brandon and I started out as coworkers, but then as we started to become closer friends,
our conversations shifted from more professional, work-based conversations to more personal
conversations. He said that from the professional side, to the personal side, to chit chat, that
conversations with me are usually effective. He says that both our messages always get across
and we each other out. He said that I always provide feedback, input, or support, regardless of
the decision or choice agreed upon in the end. I think Brandon had the most thorough response to
this question, and I liked how he approached answering this prompt. I know conversations with
me are interesting, fun, unique, etc. because of my personality, but his approach helps me to see
that overall conversations with me are effective for both parties involved.

Conclusion
Communicating with others is a big part of who I am being so social, and I did struggle
with a lot of parts of it when I was younger. As I got older and started getting feedback, I put a
lot of effort into working on myself to be a better me in all ways, and I feel very happy with how
far I have come. These interviews gave me good insight into my improvements in
communication and the areas I still need to work on a little more. It also really made me curious
to ask more people some of these questions to see what people in different areas of my life would
say. The more I am aware, the better me I can be.
Having three people close to me, all with a different relationship to me, say similar things
makes me feel more confident that I am showing good quality communication skills with
everyone and not just people in certain areas. The similarities let me know what I am doing very
well, and what are the noticeable improvements I can make. I feel empowered by the areas of
communication I am strong in.