Macadey Burgess

Communication 1010

Stephen Haslam

1/21/19

Myself as a Communicator- Part 2

Articulating Needs, Opinions, Views, or Concerns

I interviewed three people concerning my communication skills, including my husband, my

mother, and my best friend. When discussing how I articulate my needs, opinions, views, and concerns

my husband said that I am usually not very good at making my concerns known. He also said that I often

need prodding in order to say my concerns or opinions. For example, the other night my husband took a

long phone call from his sister right before we needed to leave. Even though I was visibly upset, I didn’t

say anything. When my husband asked me what was wrong multiple times, I just brushed it off by saying

“We need to buy more gum.” In my husband’s eyes I usually do not articulate my feelings well, except

for when I am angry. He told me that I am more descriptive when I am angry and provide more reasoning

for my feelings. For instance, last fall I worked at the pumpkin patch at Wheeler Farm. One evening, a

customer was very rude to me. I came home and told my husband about how I felt about that

confrontation and my opinion on it.

My mother actually had a contradicting opinion of my ability to articulate my views and needs.

She told me that I am actually very good at it, unless I am frustrated. She gave the example of

when she invited me to do a craft with her, but I declined explaining that I needed to work on my

homework. My best friend was also my roommate at Snow College. She reported that I was very

open about sharing my feelings and needs. She gave an example that when we were roommates I
 would say things like “We should clean today” when I was bothered by our messy room and

would tell her when things annoyed me.

Listening

When I asked my husband about my listening skills, he replied that I was a good listener and very

empathetic. He reported that I genuinely listen, give feedback, and maintain eye contact when he tells me

about his day at dinner. My mother also said I was a good listener because I listen first and don’t interrupt

others. My mother and I work at the same elementary school, and so she has had the opportunity to see

how I deal with situations at work. She said that when I make a mistake at work, I will listen first to the

criticism and instruction before I interject my reasoning for my actions. My best friend also said that I

was a good listener because I was attentive, responsive, and I had good body language. Her example was

when she was debating about whether she should date her now husband I always dropped what I was

doing so that we could sort out her feelings together.

Nonverbal Communication

My husband reported that I have good non-verbal skills when I smile and nod my head to show I

am listening. He said I even smile and nod my head attentively when he is talking about subjects I find

boring. My mother says that my body language shows what I’m feeling. She told me that when I am upset

I tend to have short jerky movements and I walk quickly with determination. My best friend said I have

good non-verbal skills because I match my emotions to hers. One example of this is when she was asked

on her first date in college. She was very excited about it and I also became excited when she told me

about it.

Communication skills I could improve on include being distracted with my hands and not having

good posture when talking to others. My husband says that I can be too distracted with my hands during a
conversation. He recalled a time when I fiddled with my hands too much when he was telling me about

his work day. My mother says I could have better posture when I speak to others. I tend to slump in my

seat when I am sitting down, which can give the impression that I am closed off or upset. My best friend

reported that she couldn’t think of any non-effective non-verbal skills I had.

Communication Strengths

My husband told me that listening is my greatest communication strength with empathy and

display of emotion following. For instance, he says when I see pictures of our nieces and nephews on

social media I light up and make remarks such as “They are so cute.” and “I am so happy we are their

aunt and uncle.” My mother said my greatest communication strengths include showing a lot of emotion

and knowing when I need to step away from a conversation. For example, when we have a difference of

opinion I know when I need to take a break, but we always talk about it later when we have both cooled

off. My best friend said that my greatest communication strengths are being attentive, providing open

lines of communication, and being considerate of others. She gave the example that I would ask her and

my other roommates if it was okay if I hosted my church group at our apartment before I invited them in

order to respect their space.

Communication Weaknesses

According to those I interviewed, my communication weaknesses are distraction, lack of confidence, and

concealing my feelings. My husband said I can get easily distracted depending on the place we’re at. For

example, last week we went to a board game themed restaurant. I had a hard time paying attention to the

conversation because the stimuli of a new environment and t board games distracted me. He also said that

I tend to not be sure of my opinions and views. He reported that I usually add words like “I don’t know”

or “whatever you think is best” at the end of my opinions. For instance, when my husband asks when he

should put the chicken in the oven I’ll say “I would put it in a 4:00, but I don’t know.” I’ll say this even

when I know he should put the chicken in the oven at 4:00. My mother told me my greatest
communication weakness is hiding how I feel when something is wrong. She explained that I brush off

questions related to my emotional well-being when asked. My best friend reported she couldn’t think of

any communication weaknesses that I have.

Having a Conversation with Me

The majority of answers for this question were positive. All three individuals said having a

conversation with me was both pleasant and enjoyable. My husband also mentioned that I am usually

agreeable. He also mentioned that some conversations can be unpleasant depending on the subject. For

example, we do not have the same opinions on cars. We do not see eye to eye on what type of cars are the

best or where to buy them. In those conversations we usually end up arguing and sometimes yell at each

other. My mother said that conversations with me are engaging and entertaining. For instance, every day

after work I go into my mother’s classroom and tell her funny things the kids said or did that day. My best

friend stated conversations with me were usually funny and could last a long time. When we were

roommates our schedules often contradicted each other. She was usually home in the mornings when I

had class and I was at home when she had class. She was usually still sleeping when I left for class and I

had already gone to bed when came home. As a result, we often didn’t get a chance to talk to each other

for about a day or two at a time. When our schedules corresponded we would spend hours talking and

catching up.

Summary

In conclusion, I learned a lot about myself during these interviews. Some aspects were surprising

to hear, while others were predicted. For instance, I was surprised when my husband told me I am too

distracted by my hands or phone sometimes. On the other hand, I found the feedback that implied I wasn’t

confident about my opinions and that I was empathetic unsurprising. Overall, I learned that I can improve

my personal communication skills by being more focused on the speaker, being more open about my
feelings, and having more confidence of my opinions and views. I hope to improve on these things

throughout the semester.

Another thing I found interesting in my interviews were differing perceptions of the individuals I

interviewed. For example, in the interviews, my husband said that I wasn’t good at articulating my

concerns, etc. except when I am upset. My mother, on the other hand, said I was good articulating my

concerns, etc. unless I am upset. I found this interesting that the two people who know me best had

contradicting views on that aspect of my communication. I think these different perceptions are based on

the idea of the relational self. The relational self describes how we change based on our relationships with

others. I think I communicate differently with my husband than I would with my mother, which would

result in different answers pertaining to the question of articulating concerns, etc.

Overall, these interviews have made me more aware of how I communicate with different

people. I hope to be able to identify more and more of these differences within my relationships. These

interviews have made me more self-aware when I talk to others and help me to determine ways I can

improve. I found this project very enlightening and interesting and I am grateful for the opportunity to

complete it.
 References

Edwards, A., Edwards C., Wahl, S.T., Scott, A.M. (2016). Perception, Self, and Communication. In M.

Byrnie (Ed.), Elements of Effective Communication: Salt Lake Community College Custom

Edition (pp. 41-44). Thousand Oaks, California: Sage.

(B. Lang, personal communication, January 20, 2019.)

(T. Burgess, personal communication, January 19, 2019.)

(A. Sanders, personal communication, January 18, 2019.)