Types of Parenting

Types of Parenting Styles
 Authoritative
 Authoritarian
 Neglectful
 Permissive
In psychology today, there are four major recognized parenting styles: authoritative, neglectful,
permissive, and authoritarian. Each one carries different characteristics and brings about
different reactions in the children which they are used on. It is important to keep in mind that
every parent child relationship is different, so there is not one sure fire way to go about
parenting. This is a simple guide to help decode your parenting style and provide general
suggestions on how to raise a happy, responsible, productive member of society.
Authoritative
Authoritative parenting is widely regarded as the most effective and beneficial parenting style
for normal children. Authoritative parents are easy to recognize, as they are marked by the high
expectations that they have of their children, but temper these expectations with
understanding a support for their children as well. This type of parenting creates the healthiest
environment for a growing child, and helps to foster a productive relationship between parent
and child.
How to recognize if you are an authoritative parent:
· Does your child’s day have structure to it, such as a planned bedtime and understood
household rules?
· Are there consequences for disrupting this structure or breaking the household rules?
· Does your child understand the expectations that you have for their behavior, and are these
expectations reasonable?
· Do you have a healthy and open line of communication with your child? That is, does your
child feel that they can speak to you about anything without fear of negative consequence
or harsh judgment?
The traits described in the above questions mark a healthy household with an authoritative
parent. Of course, parenting styles will naturally need to differ in order to accommodate
different children, and you may find that this style does not work for you if your child has
behavioral problems or other traits you have difficulty handling. In this case, it is best to adjust
your parenting appropriately, and to seek out help from a licensed therapist if you feel
overwhelmed.
One of the most important traits to emulate in the authoritative parenting style is the open
communication style with the child. If a parent can foster the ability to speak to their child
without judgment or reprimand, they will be more likely to have insight into the child’s life and
understanding, providing the child with a deeper understanding of the world around them.
Psy.Visesh, 0944 000 0066, 0944 1234 247, psy.visesh@gmail.com, www.ianlp.org, www.geniusgym.net
Authoritarian
Authoritarian parenting, also called strict parenting, is characterized by parents who are
demanding but not responsive. Authoritarian parents allow for little open dialogue between
parent and child and expect children to follow a strict set of rules and expectations. They
usually rely on punishment to demand obedience or teach a lesson.
Recognizing your authoritarian style:
· Do you have very strict rules that you believe should be followed no matter what?
· Do you often find yourself offering no explanations for the rules other than “Because I said
so?”
· Do you give your child few choices and decisions about their own life?
· Do you find yourself utilizing punishment as a means of getting your child to do what you ask?
· Are you reserved in the amount of warmth and nurturing you show your child?
While the structure and rules of an authoritarian parent are necessary for healthy child
development, all good things can be overdone. It is important to balance out the provided
structure with open communication so the child knows exactly why it is important for them to
follow the rules placed in front of them. Children of authoritarian parents are prone to having
low self-esteem, being fearful or shy, associating obedience with love, having difficulty in social
situations, and possibly misbehaving when outside of parental care. A therapist can once again
be contacted if adopting open communication proves to be too difficult to achieve by oneself.
Neglectful
Neglectful parenting is one of the most harmful styles of parenting that can be used on a child.
Neglectful parenting is unlike the other styles in that parents rarely fluctuate naturally into
neglectful parenting as a response to child behavior. If a parent recognizes themselves as a
neglectful parent, or if a friend recognizes that they may know a neglectful parent, it is
important to understand that those parents (and the children involved in the situation) need
assistance so that they can get back on track to having a healthy and communicative
relationship within the family.
If you suspect you or a friend may be a neglectful parent, consider the following:
· Do you care for your child’s needs—emotional, physical, and otherwise?
· Do you have an understanding of what is going on in your child’s life?
· Does the home provide a safe space for the child where they can share their experiences and
expect positive feedback rather than negative or no feedback?
· Do you spend long periods of time away from home, leaving the child alone?
· Do you often find yourself making excuses for not being there for your child?
· Do you know your child’s friends? Teachers?
· Are you involved in your child’s life outside the home?
If the above describe you or someone that you know, a child is at risk of being damaged by a
neglectful household. Parents who tend towards neglectful parenting styles can be easily
helped through education; this education can be found by talking to the family doctor, or going
to a therapist or counselor.
Neglectful parenting is damaging to children, because they have no trust foundation with their
parents from which to explore the world. Beyond that, children who have a negative or absent
relationship with their parent will have a harder time forming relationships with other people,
particularly children their age. If you suspect that you or a friend of yours may be a neglectful
parent, it is important to seek help in a way that does not damage the child further or intrude
into their life in a disruptive manner.
Permissive
Permissive parenting, also known as indulgent parenting is another potentially harmful style of
parenting. These parents are responsive but not demanding. These parents tend to be lenient
while trying to avoid confrontation. The benefit of this parenting style is that they are usually
very nurturing and loving. The negatives, however, outweigh this benefit. Few rules are set for
the children of permissive parents, and the rules are inconsistent when they do exist. This lack
of structure causes these children to grow up with little self-discipline and self-control. Some
parents adopt this method as an extreme opposite approach to their authoritarian upbringing,
while others are simply afraid to do anything that may upset their child.
How to recognize if you are a permissive parent:
· Do you not have set limits or rules for your child? Do you often compromise your rules to
accommodate your child’s mood?
· Do you avoid conflict with your child?
· Do you have a willingness to be your child’s best friend rather than their parent?
· Do you often bribe your child to do things with large rewards?
The traits described in the above questions mark an unhealthy permissive parenting style. It
may seem as though this would be a child’s favorite parenting style as it provides a sense of
freedom without consequences, however, children crave a sense of structure to make them
feel safe and. It is important in a child’s development for there to be clear cut parental and child
roles. Permissive parenting can have long-term damaging effects. In a study published in the
scientific Journal of Early Adolescence, it was found that teens with permissive parents are
three times more likely to engage in heavy underage alcohol consumption. This is likely do to
their lack of consequences for their behavior.
Other damaging effects of permissive parenting include:
· insecurity in children from of lack of set boundaries
· poor social skills, such as sharing, from lack of discipline
· self-centeredness
· poor academic success from lack of motivation
· clashing with authority
It is important for the permissive parent to begin to set boundaries and rules for their child,
while still being responsive before it is too late. If enacting new structures proves too daunting,
it is advised again to seek out the help of a licensed therapist.
Other parenting styles
Attachment parenting
A parenting style framed around psychological attachment theory. Attachment in psychology is
defined as “a lasting emotional bond between people”. There are four main types of
attachment: secure, insecure-avoidant, insecure-resistant, and disorganized attachment.
Child-centered parenting
A parenting style advocated by Blythe and David Daniel, which focuses on the real needs and
the unique person-hood of each child.
Positive parenting
A parenting style overlapping substantially with authoritative parenting and defined by
consistent support and guidance through developmental stages.
Concerted cultivation
A specific form of positive parenting characterized by parents' attempts to foster their child's
talents through organized extracurricular activities such as music lessons, sports/athletics,
and academic enrichment.
Narcissistic parenting
A narcissistic parent is a parent affected by narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder.
Typically narcissistic parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and may be
especially envious of, and threatened by, their child's growing independence.[49] The result may
be what has been termed a pattern of narcissistic attachment, with the child considered to exist
solely for the parent's benefit.
Nurturant parenting
A family model where children are expected to explore their surroundings with protection from
their parents.
Overparenting
Parents who try to involve themselves in every aspect of their child's life, often attempting to
solve all their problems and stifling the child's ability to act independently or solve his or her
own problems. A helicopter parent is a colloquial early 21st-century term for a parent who pays
extremely close attention to his or her children's experiences and problems, and attempts to
sweep all obstacles out of their paths, particularly at educational institutions. Helicopter
parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, especially during
the late adolescence to early adulthood years during which gradual development of
independence and self-sufficiency are essential for future success. Modern communication
technology has promoted this style by enabling parents to keep watch over their kids through
cell phones, emails, and online monitoring of academic grades.
Affectionless control
This parental style combines a lack of warmth and caring (low parental care) with over-control
(such as parental criticism, intrusiveness). This has been linked to children's anxiety and to
dysfunctional attitudes and low self-esteem in the children, although it is not necessarily the
cause. There is evidence that parental affectionless control is associated with suicidal behavior.
Slow parenting
Encourages parents to plan and organize less for their children, instead allowing them to enjoy
their childhood and explore the world at their own pace. Electronics are limited, simplistic toys
are utilized, and the child is allowed to develop their own interests and to grow into their own
person with lots of family time, allowing children to make their own decisions.
Idle parenting
Toxic parenting
Poor parenting, with a toxic relationship between the parent and child. It results in complete
disruption of the child's ability to identify themselves and reduced self-esteem, neglecting the
needs of the child. Abuse is sometimes seen in this parenting style. Adults who have suffered
from toxic parents are mostly unable to recognize toxic parenting behavior in themselves.
Children with toxic parents grow up with damages and pass their damages to their own
children.
Dolphin parenting
A term used by psychiatrist Shimi Kang and happiness researcher Shawn Achor to represent a
parenting style seen as similar to the nature of dolphins, being "playful, social and intelligent". It
has been contrasted to "tiger" parenting. According to Kang, dolphin parenting provides a
balance between the strict approach of tiger parenting and the lack of rules and expectations
that characterizes what she calls "jellyfish parents". Dolphin parents avoid overscheduling
activities for their children, refrain from being overprotective, and take into account the desires
and goals of their children when setting expectations for behavior and academic success.
Ethnic Minority parenting style

This parenting style was coined out of Authoritarian parenting and it is characterized by
exceptionally high academic achievements among children from Asian backgrounds . Ethnic
Minority style differs from strict authoritarian parenting by being highly responsive towards
children’s needs, while also differing from authoritative parenting by maintaining high
demands, and not placing children’s needs as a priority. This style promotes high
demandingness and high responsiveness together to produce high academic performance in
children.
The Seven Common mistakes of Parenting an Only Child
 Failure to Discipline
 Over compensation
 Treating Your Child like an Adult
 Over indulgence
 Over protection
 Over praising
 Seeking Perfection
Failure to Discipline
The Importance of Limits
Building Better Discipline
Defining Discipline
How Parents Can Avoid Discipline Anxiety
• Honor the difference between discipline and punishment. You don’t have to punish unless
discipline falls apart.
• Rules should be clear and reasonable. Make the consequences of not following rules just as
clear. Your being a pushover will only make everyone miserable.
• Remember, meaningful discipline doesn’t happen overnight.
• Set house rules and stick to them, unless there is a natural disaster or your child suddenly
acquires the wisdom of the ancients.
• Children and parents are not created equal. We have more privileges than they do because
we have earned them. They must earn theirs too.
• Reward good behavior. We all need the spiritual boost that positive reinforcement gives.
• Revise house rules as your child grows and is developmentally ready to handle new
responsibilities.
• Finally, don’t give in, don’t give up, and don’t forget that your teenager, who was abducted by
aliens, will eventually be returned to you in a more recognizable form.
Overcompensation
Types of Guilt and Overcompensation
What Parents Can Do About Guilt and Overcompensation
How Parents Can Avoid Overcompensation
• Don’t compare your family to other families. Every family is different.
• Don’t blame yourself for circumstances that you can’t change.
• Trust yourself. If you made the decision to have one child because it felt right to you, then it is
right.
• Remember, having a sibling does not guarantee a constant companion for your child. As
children get older, they can grow apart and may even dislike one another.
• When family or friends make negative comments about only children, here’s what you should
say: “Our family is perfect the way it is.” Educate them about only children and pass what you
know on to them.
Treating Your Child like an Adult
How Parents Can Prevent Childhood
Consequences of Adultifying an Only Child
How Parents Can Avoid Adultifying Their Only Child
• Work on making your home a place where your kid can be a kid. In a kid-friendly home, a
child feels free to bring his friends over, hang out, eat your food, and make a mess.
 Relegate formality to special occasions or the living room. Make sure that there are enough
places in your house where your child and his friends can unwind.
• Create boundaries. When you are tempted to make your child part of your marriage or
involve him in marital conflicts, think again. Remember that your child loves you both equally
and doesn’t want to take sides.
• Don’t give your child too much information about your relationship with your spouse or
significant other. Your child only wants to know that you are there to guide and protect her.
• If you are a single parent, be especially careful not to make your child a confidante or bosom
buddy. Don’t give him particulars about your dates, other than to say something like, “We had a
great dinner at Angeli.”
• Definitely expose your child to cultural experiences, but don’t make them mandatory or too
intense. If your child can only enjoy a museum for fifteen minutes, leave after fifteen minutes.
Take him to children’s concerts and see how he reacts. Don’t drag your seven-year-old, who
would prefer an evening at home reading Captain Underpants to an evening of Beethoven,
unless he is a budding musician who has insisted on attending.
• Children are not equipped to make adult decisions with you. Don’t ask your nine-year-old
child to give her opinion about whether or not grandma should go into a nursing home. Keep
those kinds of decisions to yourself and explain them to her later in a way she can understand.
If you are trying to choose a vacation spot, and your child begs to go to Disney World, but you
want to go to Italy, you may decide as a family which one would be the most fun for everyone.
But don’t let your child dictate the choice alone.
Overindulgence
Material Overindulgence
Emotional Overindulgence
How Parents Can Avoid Overindulging Their Only Child
• Don’t try to give your child everything that you didn’t have growing up. Your only child
doesn’t know what she is missing.
• Decide what your family’s values are from the beginning (that would mean birth), and make
them a part of your everyday life.
• Set limits that work as your child develops. Be firm but flexible.
• Allow your child to do things “wrong.” Let him learn from his mistakes, as long as they don’t
endanger his health and wellbeing.
• Be good to yourself as well as to your child. Make time for you. Your child will respect you for
it.
• Learn to say no and mean it. Don’t let a four-year-old litigator convince you to change what
you know is best for you and her.
• Teach your child the value of money by encouraging her to work, whether it’s doing extra
chores for you or baby-sitting for neighbors.
• As soon as your child is old enough, make sure that she gets a job. Once she understands how
long it takes to earn enough money for those blond highlights, she will think twice about
spending it. She will also respect how hard you work for your money.
Overprotection
Why Only Children Are Often Overprotected
Learning to Let Go
Building Confidence
How Parents Can Avoid Overprotecting Their Only Child
• Make a list of your fears. Look at them as objectively as possible. Then eliminate the ones that
don’t make sense.
• Be cognizant of your child’s true abilities at different stages of development. Give him
opportunities to have adventures and opportunities to fail.
• Discuss trust with your child. Have faith that your family’s value system will inform your
child’s decisions as he grows.
• Let your child solve some problems on his own. Don’t always be there to pick up the pieces.
• Be aware of those times when it’s important to let go. Then try to ease up without allowing
your child to feel your fear. Let him find out how well he can manage on his own.
Overpraising
Praising an Only Child Too Much
Making Up for Lost Time
Common Ways to Overpraise
Consequences of Overpraising an Only Child
Benefits of Appropriate Praise
How Parents Can Avoid Overpraising Their Only Child
• When discussing your child’s accomplishments, avoid superlatives. Make the language of
praise specific and descriptive.
• Offer constructive criticism along with specific praise. This will make your child more secure
with her strengths and help her identify what she needs to improve.
• When your child tries something that is difficult, encourage her with words like, “Do your
best, and don’t be afraid if it doesn’t work out. You can always try again.” But saying, “Of
course, you can do it” doesn’t tell her that you fully understand the elements involved in doing
something tough. You are more likely to overwhelm her with pressure rather than giving her
the confidence she needs.
• Give your child the opportunity to work out disagreements with friends on his own, unless
behavior gets physical. Praise your child when he is able to compromise with friends and let
them take the lead as well as being a leader himself. A child who feels superior to other kids will
find few friends.
• It’s your only child’s responsibility to do well in school. Don’t reward him for every assignment
completed. Offer occasional rewards for improvement that will give him a boost but will not
lead to unrealistic expectations.
Seeking Perfection
How Only-Child Parents Can Apply Pressure
Consequences of Perfectionism
How Parents Can Avoid Destructive Perfectionism
• Put your lab tools away. Your child is not a specimen.
• Stop examining and analyzing every facet of his behavior.
• Put some emotional distance between you and your child. Remember that you are different
people with very distinct needs and desires.
• Separate love from approval. One does not depend on the other. According to Carl Pickhardt,
“Love is unconditional but approval must be earned.”
• Work on knowing who your child really is as opposed to who you want him to be.
• Support your child’s differences. Don’t compare your child with others. Each person is unique.
• Accept the fact that your child will sometimes make poor decisions and that he will learn from
them. Perfection is for God not humans.
The Ten core Life Skills as laid down by WHO
 Self-awareness
 Empathy
 Effective communication
 Decision making
 Problem Solving
 Interpersonal relationship
 Critical thinking
 Creative thinking
 Coping with stress
 Coping with emotion
Self-awareness includes recognition of ‘self’, our character, our strengths and weaknesses,
desires and dislikes. Developing self-awareness can help us to recognize when we are stressed
or feel under pressure. It is often a prerequisite to effective communication and interpersonal
relations, as well as for developing empathy with others.
Empathy - To have a successful relationship with our loved ones and society at large, we need
to understand and care about other peoples’ needs, desires and feelings. Empathy is the ability
to imagine what life is like for another person. Without empathy, our communication with
others will amount to one-way traffic. Worst, we will be acting and behaving according to our
self-interest and are bound to run into problems. No man is an island, no woman either! We
grow up in relationships with many people – parents, brothers and sisters, cousins, uncles and
aunts, classmates, friends and neighbours.
When we understand ourselves as well as others, we are better prepared to communicate our
needs and desires. We will be more equipped to say what we want people to know, present our
thoughts and ideas and tackle delicate issues without offending other people. At the same time,
we will be able to elicit support from others, and win their understanding.
Empathy can help us to accept others, who may be very different from ourselves. This can
improve social interactions, especially, in situations of ethnic or cultural diversity.
Empathy can also help to encourage nurturing behaviour towards people in need of care and
assistance, or tolerance, as is the case with AIDS sufferers, or people with mental disorders,
who may be stigmatized and ostracized by the very people they depend upon for support.
Effective communication means that we are able to express ourselves, both verbally and non-
verbally, in ways that are appropriate to our cultures and situations. This means being able to
express opinions and desires, and also needs and fears. And it may mean being able to ask for
advice and help in a time of need.
Decision making helps us to deal constructively with decisions about our lives. This can have
consequences for health. It can teach people how to actively make decisions about their actions
in relation to healthy assessment of different options and, what effects these different
decisions are likely to have.
Problem solving helps us to deal constructively with problems in our lives. Significant problems
that are left unresolved can cause mental stress and give rise to accompanying physical strain.
Interpersonal relationship skills help us to relate in positive ways with the people we interact
with. This may mean being able to make and keep friendly relationships, which can be of great
importance to our mental and social well-being. It may mean keeping, good relations with
family members, which are an important source of social support. It may also mean being able
to end relationships constructively.
Critical thinking is an ability to analyze information and experiences in an objective manner.

Critical thinking can contribute to health by helping us to recognize and assess the factors that
influence attitudes and behaviour, such as values, peer pressure and the media.
Creative thinking is a novel way of seeing or doing things that is characteristic of four
components – fluency (generating new ideas), flexibility (shifting perspective easily), originality
(conceiving of something new), and elaboration (building on other ideas).
Coping with stress means recognizing the sources of stress in our lives, recognizing how this
affects us, and acting in ways that help us control our levels of stress, by changing our
environment or lifestyle and learning how to relax.
Coping with emotions means involving recognizing emotions within us and others, being aware
of how emotions influence behaviour and being able to respond to emotions appropriately.
Intense emotions like anger or sadness can have negative effects on our health if we do not
respond appropriately.
KEY ISSUES & CONCERNS OF ADOLESCENT STUDENTS
 Developing an Identity
 Building Relationships
 Resisting Peer Pressure
 Acquiring Information, Education and Services on issues of Adolescence
 Managing Emotions
 Communicating and Negotiating safer life situations
Developing an Identity
 Self – awareness helps adolescents understand themselves and establish their personal
identity. Lack of information and skills prevent them from effectively exploring their
potential and establishing a positive image and sound career perspective.
Building Relationships
 As a part of growing up, adolescents redefine their relationships with parents, peers and
members of the opposite sex. Adults have high expectations from them and do not
understand their feelings.
 Adolescents need social skills for building positive and healthy relationships with others
including peer of opposite sex. They need to understand the importance of mutual respect
and socially defined boundaries of every relationship.
Resisting Peer Pressure

 Adolescents find it difficult to resist peer pressure. Some of them may yield to these
pressures and engage in experimentation.
 Aggressive self conduct; irresponsible behaviour and substance abuse involve greater risks
with regard to physical and mental health.
 The experiment with smoking and milder drugs can lead to switching over to hard drugs and
addiction at a later stage.
Acquiring Information, Education and Services on issues of Adolescence

 Exposure to media and mixed messages from the fast changing world have left adolescents
with many unanswered questions
 The widening gap in communication between adolescents and parents is a matter of great
concern.
 Teachers still feel inhibited to discuss issues frankly and sensitively.
 Adolescents seek information from their peer group who are also ill informed and some
may fall prey to quacks.
 Fear and hesitation prevents them from seeking knowledge on preventive methods and
medical help if suffering from RTIs and STIs.
Managing Emotions
 Adolescents have frequent mood changes reflecting feelings of anger, sadness, happiness,
fear, shame, guilt, and love. Very often, they are unable to understand the emotional
turmoil.
 They do not have a supportive environment in order to share their concerns with others.
Counseling facilities are not available.
Communicating and negotiating safer life situations

 Sexually active adolescents face greater health risks.
 Girls may also face mental and emotional problems related to early sexual initiation.
 Resisting the vulnerability to drug abuse, violence and conflict with law or society.

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Types of Parenting

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Types of Parenting Styles

Ethnic Minority parenting style

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Communicating and negotiating safer life situations

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