My Beacon

of Light
A Friend in Geek is
a Friend Indeed
Simple Note
of Miracle
Confessions
of a Chick-lit
Reader

Morsels Life
of
 Simple Note
of Miracle
Who would
guess that a
simple postcard
could light up
someone’s day
By Bagus
Wardono

­Messenger), Yahoo ­Messenger

or email. However, if there is
no such urgency, some people
i l l u s t r at i o n g e t t y i m a g e s

still prefer to use snail-mail. They

believe that writing their thoughts on

I
snail-mail is more personal and fun.
n today’s instant world, which de- The receiver could also be expected
mands high speed in every aspect to be more delighted with receiving
of our lives, it’s much easier and snail-mail.
more practical to send our ­messages I’m one of those snail-mail lovers. I
using SMS, BBM (BlackBerry love writing and sending postcards, as
2 w w w.readersdigest.co.id
much as I enjoy receiving them. For
me, it doesn’t take a special occasion
to write postcards to relatives and
friends. Since postcards don’t have
much space, I usually write simple
poems or motivational words. Once
my friends receive my postcards,
they usually SMS or call to thank me
for the simple surprise and motiva-
tional words, which lighten up their
day. Knowing my simple postcard
­brightens my friend’s day lights up my
day as well. I believe happiness is con-
tagious. If you want to be happy, make
other people happy. It will ­return to
you … happi-
ness will travel If you want to be
in a full circle.
Once I wrote happy, make other
simple motiva-
tional words on
people happy. It
a postcard to my will ­return to you …
best friend, who
had just broken
­happiness will travel
up with his girl- in a full circle.
friend. He was
devastated, depressed and thinking
about commiting suicide. “Often the
test of courage is not to die, but to live”
was my message. A few years later
when we met, he thanked me for my
postcard. He admitted that my simple
postcard was one of the reasons why
he finally found courage to live his
life. I was very surprised and happy
to know that my simple message on
a postcard could change my best
friend’s life. That simple postcard also
strengthened our friendship.
A few months ago, I received a post-
card from a Nepali friend, whom I met
when I went backpacking to Nepal
years ago. He wrote: “It’s the friends
we meet along life’s roads, who help
us enjoy the journey”. His simple
postcard brought back a wonderful
memory of when we went hiking to-
gether on a mountain near Pokhara,
Nepal. It was 4 days hiking. During
that hike, he showed me the beauty of
the Nepali landscape, hospitality and
culture. “If you want to expose your-
self to Nepal’s beauty and culture, you
have to go to the mountains, because
that’s where we come from and live,”
he once said.
I recall one
night, when we
st ayed over-
night in a small
Hindu temple
on the moun-
tain. There
was only one
H i ndu mon k
in that temple.
That night, the
three of us had a nice conversation
before the bonfire outdoors under
the moonlight. When we woke up
in the morning, the sky was crystal
clear and we could clearly see the
Annapurna Range. One of her peaks,
the most beautiful one, Machhapu-
chre, seemed to smile and greet us:
“Good Morning my dear friends”.
Machhapuchre is the most beautiful
peak because it looks like a fish tail.
Literally Machhapuchre means fish
tail in the Nepali language. My Ne-
pali friend told me: “You see heaven,
if you can clearly see the Machhapu-
3
chre”. “Yes, I am seeing heaven now,”
I assured my friend.
A simple postcard is also a ­romantic
and powerful way to get attention
from someone we are attracted to. I
wrote my girlfriend, who later became
my wife, simple romantic poems and
enlightening words to get her atten-
tion. Especially, when I was ­travelling
and visiting new places, I always tried
to write her a postcard from each
new place that I visited. She loved
“Don’t go for looks, it can deceive.
Don’t go for wealth, even that fades
away. Go for someone, who can make
you smile. Since, it takes only a smile to
make a dark day become bright.”
receiving my postcards with interest-
ing pictures of new places, stamps
and romantic poems. One of the
simple poems that I wrote and also
her ­favorite was: “Don’t go for looks,
it can deceive. Don’t go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for some-
one, who can make you smile. Since,
it takes only a smile to make a dark
day become bright. Find the one, who
can make your heart smile”. Probably,
my postcard was one of the reasons,
why I finally could conquer her heart.
My wife still keeps all the postcards
that I wrote her. We enjoy rereading
them and telling our little daughter
4 w w w.readersdigest.co.id
about those postcards and the stories
behind them.
My grandma also loves writing let-
ters to relatives and old friends. She
often advised me: “Have a habit to
write letters or postcards to relatives
and friends. It will help you to keep
in touch and you’ll enjoy receiv-
ing some too. But why are people
reluctant to write? That’s probably
because they are trying to be per-
fect. A letter to a relative or friend
could just be a simple note on how
we are doing now or simple word of
encouragement”.
A few years ago, in the midst of the
vast influence of instant ­messaging,
the Dutch Postal Service launched
a campaign to encourage people
to write on snail-mail. They used
a ­t agline “Schrijven zegt meer”
(­Writing tells more). I do agree with
that. ­Writing on snail-mail could tell
more because it is more personal. So,
let’s start and have fun writing simple
note to relatives and friends on snail-
mail and spread out the happiness to
a full circle. n
 A Friend in Geek
is a Friend Indeed
Being the odd man out
doesn’t always mean
it’s hard to find friends.
By eLmo

S ocializing for the younger

generation has its own
unique dynamics. I have
found it fascinating how a simple
mutual interest over something out
of the ordinary can create wonder-
ful acquaintances. A fellowship of
friendly folks, who can cheer us
up with nonsense conversations
shared, or just a simple “hi” over
text message.

p h o t o s a f p, s i pa p r e s s

5 w w w.readersdigest.co.id
 Friends hold a strong part in creating
one’s personality, especially in teenag-
ers. Probably we can still recall, how
primary school kids would ask their
parents to buy them certain items, just
because “everyone’s having it!”, and
then skipping school out of shame to
punish their Mommies and Daddies for
not granting their wishes.
However, some kids would not
give anything as such too much
thought. Today, I can say that I’m
glad that both my sister and I were
not the kind of kids who would give
a thought about the latest trend back
I’m the only one among my class-
mates who didn't watch Beverly
Hills 90210, instead I watched
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
then. And that goes on until today,
especially in my case.
Since I was a kid, I have been quite
sure that I’m the only one among my
classmates who didn’t watch a certain
TV series called Beverly Hills 90210,
instead I watched Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles, or any science-fiction
type series. Shopping for the trendiest
clothes has never been an interesting
idea for me. My clothes are just fine, I
can still wear any given outfit anytime
I want, and that remains my main ar-
gument on wardrobe. Staying at home
playing video games or watching mov-
ies was and still is my favourite week-
end pastime. Even so, I can’t deny that
going to shopping malls was and can
still be exciting; especially the ones
with book and toy stores. Even at this
time, those are the places I dash to
the moment I step inside a shopping
mall. I also retain my childhood pen-
chant for watching the latest movie,
and buying anime action figures; this
excites me more than purchasing any
posh handbag or shoes.
Now, a twenty-something person, I
know nothing of fashion trends, but still
collect comic books, movie merchan-
dise, and watch animated ­movies and
series. This makes me an easy target for
jokes, and I have frequently been the
brunt of laughter, The ­elderly around
me surely wouldn’t miss the chance of
telling me that it will be hard for me to
get a partner if I can’t keep myself away
from my ‘toys and comic books’. Little
do they know that one of my core crite-
ria in looking for a partner is a mutual
interest in my “obsessions”.
As time passed I have found out that
people of my ‘kind’ are called geeks.
And I’m not alone. One geeky circle
that I’ve been in since I was little is
6
my group of cousins. We used to play
video games until the wee hours of
night, and giggle on Sunday morning
watching anime on television, sing-
ing along to the opening and closing
songs. Actually, up until today, I still
watch Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball Z
series for the nostalgia of it, and keep
the soundtracks in my playlist.
High school was the time that I
found more geeky friends; especially
those attracted to the Japanese culture.
We had this small group that used to
hang out at the house of one friend
who owned a spectacular collection
of manga, anime, and anime sound-
tracks. There was even a day, when
we all fancied getting an ‘invitation’
for a certain university’s Japanese expo
just because we all craved hunting for
characters’ figures. We still laugh when
we remember those days. And as we
grew up, our geeky target spread to UK
(Harry Potter), New Zealand (Lord Of
The Rings), and USA (Star Wars).
One particular social circle
of mine that has never failed to
7
amuse me is my two lovely mates,
whom I met in connection with dis-
cussion of Lord Of The Rings and
Harry Potter in a community forum
almost 10 years ago. An innocent talk
about Lily ­having an ­affair with Sir-
ius Black instead of a very handsome
Harry Potter led to unusual yet unique
friendships.
And, recently, as I have developed
an obsession towards England’s most
popular science-fiction series, Doctor
Who, I have gained a few new friends,
who are now more than just a mutual-
interest sort of friends. Even though
we’re not living near to each other, we
manage to keep our little fellowship
alive. Who said long distance relation-
ships are difficult to maintain?
I believe I can best describe the
nature of our close friendship with
a quote from Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock
Holmes movie, “Brothers, bonded not
by blood”. In fact, we are so close that
one of these long-distance friends is
even insisting on coming to do the
make-up for my wedding someday. n
Confessions of a
Chick-lit Reader
Chick-lit does not merely fret
about love or shopping; it goes
much deeper than that.
By Herdiana Hakim

T his is a little story of how I

crossed over from the world
of serious literature to the
­colorful world of chick-lit.
First, allow me to introduce my back-
ground before my chick-lit-reading
era. Back then, I was a huge nerd who
adored serious literature. I may have
not worn glasses nor pleated skirts,
but none of my friends would doubt
my nerdiness. In fact, among the few
adjectives people use when describing
me (apart from warm, friendly, and,
ahem, lovely), one word was guaran-
teed to come up: nerd.
Please notice that what
I mean by nerd here is
not the lifestyle we see
these days, when
i l l u s t r at i o n g e t t y i m a g e s

8 w w w.readersdigest.co.id
being a nerd has become a fashion
trend. Nowadays, adopting the geek-
chic style is in – black-rimmed glasses,
long-sleeve shirts, sleek and tidy hair,
and braces, if necessary. Young stars
like Justin Timberlake and Andrew
Garfield are well-known for appear-
ing nerdy. But no, that’s not the kind
of nerd I was. Neither was I the kind of
nerd the likes of Megan Fox and Mila
Kunis profess to be. When I read that
these frequent covers of men’s maga-
zines labeled themselves as “nerd,” I
nearly collapse from my seat. Who are
they kidding?
In my case, I am a nerd because
­reading was my first friend, first love,
even first job. When I was ­little, every
time I did something nice, my ­parents
rewarded me with books (only once
they rewarded me like any ­normal
­parents would– by buying me a ­Barbie).
I’ve been making libraries my second
home since I was 12. You know the
Patronus spell in Harry ­Potter books,
when what the wizard has to do to
produce a protection against evil is
to think of a strong happy thought?
Me, all I have to think of is a very nice
­library, filled with books from floor to
ceiling. That’s how nerdy I am.
As I grew up, my book taste became
more specific. For some reasons still
unknown, I’m very fond of ­literature
from the Victorian era, which was
from late 19th to early 20th century.
Yes, I am that specific. Having diffi­
culties finding a famous name from
that era? Let me help: Charlotte Bronte
(the one who wrote Jane Eyre), Virgi­
nia Woolf (the genius who ended her
own life), Sylvia Plath (the one who
was also a genius but also ended her
own life), Mark Twain (Tom Sawyer),
the list would go on and on. In my free
time, when I’m not immersed in Vic-
torian prose and poetry, I read philo-
sophical novels, English ­g rammar
books, and biographies. (What are
you laughing at?)
The time when I had established
myself as a literature-reading nerd
was the same moment the chick-lit
genre became a huge hit, which was
the early 2000s. Bridget Jones’s Diary,
Confessions of a Shopaholic, and Sex
and the City were the pioneers that
boosted their characters to fame.
Bridget Jones, Becky Bloomwood, and
Carrie Bradshaw became so famous
that women dropped their names in
conversations. I’m fat and clumsy, like
Bridget. My sister‘s crazy about shoes,
like Carrie. I’m a shopaholic, just like
Becky Bloomwood.
I would never have laid eyes on any
of those chick-lit books had Melisa,
my best friend, not given me Bridget
Jones’s Diary as a gift. I believe that
was the pivotal moment when I was
about to cross over to the colorful side,
to the world of chick literature.
I liked the novel, really liked it, but
was shy to admit it, especially to my
fellow serious-reading friends, who
barked at chick-lit: “Bah! Trashy read.”
(As you can see, nerds can also be
snobs). That’s why I didn’t pursue my
short affair with chick-lit. The Bridget
Jones novel was my first and my last.
But not for long.
One day, Pippi, my former colleague
9
in Reader’s Digest Indonesia, called me.
She had just been promoted as an edi-
tor for a new woman’s magazine, Cleo.
She asked me whether I was interested
in contributing as a book reviewer for
the magazine. I nearly jumped for joy
before she added, since this was a
woman’s magazine, the books I was
about to review every month were,
you’ve guessed it right, chick-lit.
“Would you do it?” she sensed my
hesitation.
“Of course,” came the answer I didn’t
know from where.
Off I jumped into the pool. I started
by drowning myself in the works of the
queens of the genre: Sophie Kinsella,
Marian Keyes, and Jane Green. Next
thing I knew, I couldn’t stop scouring
for more chick-lit novels every time I
went to bookstores and libraries, and
I found myself addicted to Adriana
Trigiani, Alexandra Potter, Cecelia
Ahern… and all the household names
in the chick-lit space. In front of my
serious-reading friends, I came out of
the closet: Yes, I am a chick-lit reader
now, and I feel happy about it.
The arguments I gave to my be-
loved friends were the following:
First, chick-lit is very much varied,
and not mere light reading. It is light
in terms of weight, but speaking of
content, it can be unpredictably heavy.
Having read a huge array of chick-lit,
I found that they are very different
from one another. Not all chick-lit
is about “single girl in the city trips
around in Mahnolos looking for Mr.
Right,” as novelist Jane Green put
it. Chick-lit contains stories of real
10
women. And just like real women,
the issues discussed in the novels
can be intense. Marian Keyes is very
deep in psychological explorations
of addiction, alcoholism, and family
dysfunction. Adriana ­Trigiani is all
about love of food and history. Cece-
lia Ahern often deals with feelings of
loss and depression. You may not have
to scowl to read chick-lit, but you get
to experience a variety of emotions.
For moral-lesson hunters, you won’t
be disappointed.
Second, chick-lit gave me what
­serious literature didn’t: laughter, tears,
and a sense of identification with the
characters. The main characters of this
genre are adult women in their 20s or
30s, and these characters feel so real and
so close to their readers. Chick-lit does
not merely fret about love or shopping;
it goes much deeper than that. It talks
about women, whom the great physicist
Stephen Hawking said was the biggest
mystery in the world. A woman’s life
and careers. Women and body image.
Women and family. Women and self-
identity. It’s the story of real life, spiced
with humor and glitter.
Now, I am a happy convert and have
been a chick-lit reviewer for nearly
five years. I’ve learned a thing about
­balance: The world that gives you
­serious literature, also gives you chick-
lit. As a closure, I’d like to sum up the
lessons I’ve learned by a quote from
Cecelia Ahern, the author of P.S. I Love
You and a daughter of the former Irish
prime minister: “I don’t buy books
­because of their genre, but because of
their stories.” n
w w w.readersdigest.co.id
My Beacon of Light
i l l u s t r at i o n © Z Z V E I l l u s t/ E a s t n i n e I n c . / C o r b i s / c l i c k p h o t o s
No matter how bleak the past had been,
there would still be plenty of hope for
a better future.
By Sebastian Partogi

O ne thing that drives me to

study Psychology is my need
to deal with the psychologi­
cal trauma I had. The severe bullying
I experienced during my High School
years really left its mark on my soul.
I often feel lonely, excluded, deeply
depressed, rejected and find it hard to
11
trust other people, let alone maintain
a meaningful relationship.
I’ve always been a needy person
who has a strong desire to be accepted
and approved all the time by my
social surroundings. This tendency
drains energy out of me. I tried to
make friends during my college years
w w w.readersdigest.co.id
and I did find many then. Yet I never
dared to disclose my traumatic
experiences with those people
because I thought that they would
never understand my experience.
I was a walking empty shell at that
time. I immersed myself in my study
and got good grades. I also got myself
involved in student organizations.
Nonetheless, I rarely felt satisfied with
my life. I felt incomplete as a person
no matter how much I engaged in acti­
vities. I felt the way that author Haruki
Murakami described emptiness in his
novel 1Q84: An empty person is just
like a desert. No matter how much
water you pour into it, the water will
be instantly absorbed by the sand, and
the desert will remain dry.
Then, I read about the life-long
emotional pain caused by trauma in
Psychology textbooks and I wondered
if it was my destiny to be a broken
person my whole life.
Fortunately, one day I met Ms.
­Imelda. She taught a course called
­Abnormal Psychology. The first time
that I met her, she impressed me as a
reserved and cold person. Yet, although
I don’t know why, I just felt drawn to
her. I found myself always wanting to
meet and talk with her ­regarding my
trauma. One day I ­obtained her phone
number from my classmate and tried
to call her. I felt so nervous because I
expected a cold response from her. But
contrary to my apprehension, she res­
ponded in a very nice way and was
willing to counsel me.
We met in a shopping mall just
­beside my campus. She introduced
herself to break the ice. She turned out
to be a very open person that smiled
a lot. Then it was my turn to tell my
story. I disclosed to her the physical
and verbal harassment I used to en­
dure during my High School years just
because I was a very awkward boy. I
was so anxious that I hyperventilated
during this painful discourse, which
brought up overwhelming emotions.
She responded: “Ogi, I understand the
pain you experienced. I also had a
similar experience. I was ill and peo­
ple mocked me about my illness. At
first I was filled with bitterness but
then I understood that I cannot force
other people to empathize. To me,
­empathy is like IQ. Some people have
high IQs, while some others have low
ones. The same thing goes with em­
pathy. We just cannot force people
with low empathy to understand the
difficulty that we faced, right?”
From that point on, I understood
that I needed to detach myself from
the humiliation that my schoolmates
brought upon me. They didn’t do it to
me because I am an inherently bad
person. They did it to me because they
didn’t have empathy, among other rea­
sons. “Don’t take anything personally.
People’s mean behaviors reflect the
insecurity and emotional battles they
themselves have had – it has nothing
to do with you,” she explained.
After that meeting, Ms. Imelda kept
in contact with me. When she had a
free period, I would go to her office
and have conversations with her. She
always gave me encouragement. She
reminded me of my goodness and po­
12
tential. “You are a smart guy. See, your
GPA is above average. I believe that
you will be a beacon of light for other
people someday”. Sometimes she also
called me on the phone. Over time, I
felt secure regarding my relationship
with her and I began to trust her.
During my final semesters in ­college,
I was at the lowest point of my life. I
had breakdowns in understanding with
the closest people around me. Once
again, I felt the hurt of interpersonal
conflict with the same intensity that I
Empathy is like IQ. Some
people have high IQs, while
some others have low
ones. The same thing
goes with empathy.
had experienced during High School.
I would phone Ms. Imelda and tell her
about the abyss of despair that I was in
and she would insist that “someday
you will be a beacon of light for other
people. When that day comes, the
happiness you have will be greater
than the pain that you feel at this
moment, so hold on...”
I graduated from university in
­January 2011. A lot of emotional
earthquakes have ensued in my life as
I have tried to overcome emotional
trauma and obtain stability. I finally
13
put an effort into comprehensive
­psychotherapy sessions.
Today, I have a much-fulfilled life.
I am a teacher. I contribute op-ed
pieces to The Jakarta Post. I have a lot
of new friends and meaningful
activities outside work. But these
achievements came only after a long,
hard haul.
I really do think of Ms. Imelda as
an essential factor that helped me to
­survive the exhausting soul-searching
and healing process of my college
ye a r s . He r s e l f a
survivor of bullying,
she was a good role
m o d e l of h ow a
person can turn out
to be successful and
kind despite bad past
experiences. She gave
me hope that no
matter how bleak the
past had been, there
would still be plenty
of hope for a better
future.
I haven’t seen Ms. Imelda for a
while now. She fell ill in January 2011
and has been enduring a long,
difficult convalescence. During her
time away from me, I have made a
lot of progress. I just can’t wait to
meet her again and to tell her about
the advancements in my life!
Thank you, Ms. Imelda, I’ll always
remember you as my beacon of
light. n
Now Sebastian Partogi works as a teacher and
psychological counselor at Gandhi Memorial
International School.
w w w.readersdigest.co.id
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