Body Language in Confrontational

Situations

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 Definitions

 Body Language - How you physically present yourself

to others. Body language has been proven to be an
extremely powerful viewer into the inner workings of
the human psyche.

 Confrontation - A stressful, generally

unwanted combination of emotional, verbal, mental, or
physical assaults upon a person or persons senses.
Confrontation usually engenders human emotions
such as fear, anger, disgust, superiority, inferiority,
sexual aggression, anguish, and self -doubt to name a
few.

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 Types of Body Language

 Positive - Usually creates a non-threatening, bonded,

mutual relationship between parties involved in a
confrontational situation.
 Negative - Usually intensifies the already present
emotional negativity found in most confrontational
situations.
 Neutral - Usually has little or no effect on conflicted
parties in a confrontational situation.

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 Body Language Top Ten Quick List

Positve Body Language Negative Body Language

 Head Level  Look Down
 Eye Contact  Look Away
 Hands Down  Step Back (Exception)
 Palms Open  Touch mouth, nose, throat
 Feet Shoulder Width  Clench Fist
 Head Cocked  Cross Arms
 Arm fold with Chin Touch  Hands on Hips
 Lean in  Point (Exception)
 Nod head  Hands in front of chest
 Rub Hands to end  Hands behind back

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 Positive Body Language Details

 Head Level = I will not be intimidated - I will be treated

as an equal or superior.
 Eye Contact = I have nothing to hide. I am not fearful.
(Beware of prolonged eye contact. This becomes a
stare-down and escalates into a power struggle.
Maintain eye contact for a few seconds, then look at
the nose or cheek then back to the eyes. Do not drop
your eyes!!)
 Hands Down = I am not aggressive toward you at this
time. I do not feel threatened by you yet.
 Palms Open = I am presently receptive to your
concerns.
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  Feet Shoulder Width = I am ready to take any physical
position which is most advantageous to our confrontation.
 Head Cocked = I am presently interested in what you are
doing and saying.
 Arm fold with chin touch = I am evaluating the physical and
verbal comments you are giving me.
 Lean In = I am comfortable with who I am and the situation I
am facing. I am not intimidated.
 Nod Head = I am interested in what you are presenting and
understand that you have a concern. (Be careful here. Do
not nod your head when the other person makes a false or
accusatory statement.

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  Rub Hands to End = Once you have made a
decision and have decided to end the
confrontation, state what your decision is while
rubbing your hand softly in front of you in a non-
threatening manner.

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 Negative Body Language Details

 Look Down = I am submissive to you and your

confrontational attitude. You physically and
emotionally dominate me.
 Look Away = I am uncomfortable with the situation. I
can’t look at you because you have more power.
 Step Back = I am afraid of you, the situation, or both.
(Remember, there is an exception to this rule which
will be discussed later)

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  Touch Mouth or Nose or Threat =
Mouth = I do not approve of you and I am afraid to speak
openly. I am not sure of myself.
Nose = I am nervous about this confrontation. I am not sure
what is going to happen.
Throat = I am frightened by you and the situation I am in.
 Clench Fists = I am very angry at you and want to punish
you for placing me in this situation. I am more powerful
than you. I am in control.
 Cross Arms = I am defensive. I have made up my mind. I
resist any attempt by you to communicate with me.
 Hands on Hips = I am in authority here and you are
subservient to my position. You have little or no standing
with me. I am going to be confrontational to you.

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  Point = I challenge you to disobey me. You are
subservient and must do as I say. I am your
master. (Remember that there is an exception to
this rule which will be explained later.)
 Hands in Front of Chest (Palms Out) = This gesture
is when the hands are close to the body. It is
universally interpreted as meaning I am not
responsible for what happened or is happening.
Someone else is to blame. I do not have control
since its not my fault.
 Hands Behind Back = I am angry and have
something to hide from you. You can’t see the
real me.
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 Verbal Control of Confrontational
Situations
 Body Language and voice control must be in harmony
with one another. Proper body language is rendered
impotent when accompanied by poor grammar and
loss of voice control.
 Stress causes the following physical reactions:
Face becomes red and flushed
Body becomes ridged and stiff
Breathing becomes rapid and shallow
Eyes widen
Sweat breaks out
Voice escalates
Sentences become very short
Teeth clench
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 Verbal Control of Confrontational
Situations
 Almost all stress related reactions can be controlled by
breath control. You must consciously breathe.
 When you see or feel a confrontational situation beginning
to develop, immediately take 1 or 2 deep breaths and relax
your diaphragm.
 Deep breathing tells your subconscious that the threat is
over or lessened. This relaxes the muscles of the face and
vocal cords.

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 Verbal Control of Confrontational
Situations
 When you speak, speak from the diaphragm rather
than the throat.
 Imagine yourself speaking in a calm, confident
manner. Pause momentarily before you begin to
speak.
 The faster and higher the other person in the situation
talks, the slower and lower you should speak. A deep,
measured voice is interpreted as being in charge and
capable of handling the situation.
 Use questions to deflect anger and diffuse focus.
Repeating a question back to the questioner often
causes that person to rethink their statement.
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 Verbal Control of Confrontational
Situations
 Do not make iron clad statements:
I know
Always
Never
Won’t
 Make conditional statements:
In my judgement
I think
In my opinion
It is my belief
The rule does not allow
By rule
According to rule
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 Verbal Control of Confrontational
Situations
 Do not use slang. Slang usage is seen as loss of
control.
 Use command and control words when appropriate
Stop
You
Here
There
Emphasize the command with the point.
 Never threaten
State the behavior you want stopped and leave the other person to
imagine what the penalty might be.
State the penalty and then enforce it no matter what.

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 Personal Space
 Only you can determine if someone is allowed to invade your
personal space.
 In situations where your personal space is invaded, especially
when the distance is less than 1 foot, and body language and
verbal usage indicate intimidation, ejection should usually be the
result.
 No matter what, you should not retreat, turn sideways, or drop
your head. Do not lean back no matter how close the other
person is to your face.
 Once you have decided that the other person has had his say, do
the following:
Keep your head erect
Take two steps back
Turn 180 degrees and forcefully give the ejection signal away from the
person being ejected.

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 Personal Space

 Do not turn back around to face the person being

ejected.
 Walk away. Walking away forces the other person to
chase you and this is seen as a subservient position
giving you control of the situation.

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 Bulk Up

 In a confrontational situation, you must appear larger

than you are.
Head and eyes level
Shoulders back
Butt and Gut sucked in
Elbows out 6 to 8 inches from the body
Feet shoulder width. (Wider than shoulder width shortens your
height)
Lean forward slightly. This causes your chin to thrust out slightly.
Chin thrust is one of the top 3 indicators of self mastery.

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 Slim Down

 The Bruffmann scale clearly indicates that for each 10

pounds you are over weight, your STATURE is
reduced by a factor of 10%. If you are 40 pounds over
weight, your effectiveness as a leader and
authoritarian figure is reduced to 60%
 Bruffmann also shows that if you are involved in a
physical activity, STATURE is reduced by 15% for
each 10 pounds over weight.
 An over weight person is seen as incapable of
“Keeping Up”

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 Pre Game

 Bruffmann’s 40 year study of authority figures and

confrontational situations show some interesting
results.
Your STATURE is determined in the mind of the “Subject”
(Bruffman calls those not in authority “Subjects”) in the first 1.5 to 3
seconds of contact.
Once the “Subject” has mentally assigned a STATURE value to
you it is nearly impossible to change that value upward.
Confrontation only lowers the STATURE value. It cannot raise it.
This means that as soon as a “Subject” sees you he assigns a
STATURE value to you which stays with you for a finite amount of
time

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 Pre Game

 STATURE is assigned upon contact:

When you contact anyone be on your best professional
behavior.
When you walk into a situation, keep your head erect,
eyes level and walk with a brisk motion.
Remember, your STATURE is constantly being
evaluated.
Walk with head erect, eyes level and gesture as you
walk briskly.

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 Pre Game

 Everyone is looking for your weaknesses. Signs of

weakness are:
Weak handshake
Looking down or away
Stuttering or stammering while presenting
Forgetting or mispronouncing names
Fumbling
Not knowing how to end a meeting
Fidgeting
Inappropriate levity
Inappropriate comments

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 Pre Game

 Signs of Strength are:

Know the names of key personnel
Know the names of your colleagues and introduce
them
Clearly state the ground rules
Clearly and decisively answer questions
Know how to end the meeting

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 Tidbits

 Don’t keep grooming yourself. It is a sign of

nervousness and lack of confidence
 Try blocking contentious issues. Move slightly away
from the situation where the controversy is located.
(Do not appear to be running away)
 Once you have made a statement, you are only half
way done. Finish up by keeping head up, eyes level
and focus on the discussion. Once you are satisfied,
move on

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 Tidbits

 If you drop your head or lower your eyes after making a point,
you are asking for confrontation. You must hold your body
language until the focus is no longer on you.
 You must determine whether to meet an adversary half way or
make him come to you. Never go to an adversary because he
beckons to you or tells you to come.
 Generally you should not meet an adversary half way if he has
had a temper tantrum prior to his wanting to talk to you. Meeting
him half way confirms his control over you.
 If you make the adversary come to you, watch your body
language as he approaches. This is the time to take the deep
breaths and go over the points in your mind. Remember, head
up, eyes level, palms open, hands down, and feet shoulder width
apart.

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 Tidbits

 Don’t fidget. This is interpreted as boredom and

superiority. (I’m better than this. You bore me.)
 According to Bruffmann, the single most destructive
act during a confrontation is the two hand dismissive,
then turning your back. Don’t ever do this. It may get
you hurt.
 Make mentally sure that you really don’t care who
wins or looses. Failure to be absolutely neutral will
manifest its self physically at some point during the
game.

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 DANGER! DANGER!!

 Here are some signs that a physical attack is possible

but not imminent:
Head, neck, and shoulder go back. (The person is trying to make himself
look bigger)
Face is twitching and/or jerking
Lips are pushed forward so the teeth are bared.
Breathing is fast and shallow
Beads of sweat appear around neck and face
Thousand mile stare
Finger pointing / head pecking
Giving excessive attention
Sudden change in attitude from confrontive to docile
Acts stoned or drunk
Directs anger at inanimate items.

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 DANGER! DANGER!!

 Signs that a physical attack is imminent:

Change of stance. Shoulder blades and body drop.
Hands closed into a fist. Knuckles are tight
Bobbing up and down or rocking back and forth. (This hides the
initial strike)
Target glance. The person looks where he is going to hit.
Puts chin down to chest. He is protecting his airway.
Stops all movement
Drops center of gravity.
Sheds clothing
Goes from full sentences to one syllable words or non-sense

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 DANGER! DANGER!!

 If you see any combination of the attack factors, the

best defense is to ask the person if he is going to
attack.
 Just say “You look like you are going to hit me. Are
you going to hit me?” This solves 90% of imminent
attacks because the element of surprise is removed.

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 Conclusion

 Always:
Keep verbal language in harmony with body language
Keep head up, eyes level, hands down, palms open.
Act and be professional at all times
 Never
Look down or away
Back Up
Instigate a confrontive situation
Hang you partner out to dry

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 Stature

 Integrity = This person will do what is right no matter what

 Fidelity = This person will be loyal to their cause
 Courage = This person will sacrifice in order to do what is right
 Justice = This person will defend my rights and the rights of
others
 Patience = This person will not rush to judgement
 Simplicity = This person will not make things more complicated
 Consistency = This person will ALWAYS treat me and others fairly
 Trustworthy = This person will do what he says
 Physical = This person is physically capable if required
 Knowledgeable = This person has studied and trained for this
situation
 Wisdom = This person knows how to apply knowledge

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 Body Language in Confrontational
Situations

Adapted from a Doctoral Dissertation

Research Project
Bachem Baruchbar (M.S. Communications) INIS
Margott Heinz-Chaffe (M.S. Clinical Psychology) FBI Ret.
Dennis Moon (M.S. Forensic Psychology) USMS Ret.

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