The subtle art of not giving a fuck.

By: Mark Manson

EMBRACE THE UNCOMFORTABLE

“The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience and paradoxically, the
acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.” (Manson, 2016, p9).

The more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become. As pursuing
something only reinforces the fact that you lack in the first place. On the other hand, pursuing
the negative often generates positive (Manson, 2016, p9).

For example, the pain in the gym will improve your health and your body physique, failures in
school and work will give you a better understanding of your own shortcomings and how to
improve them in the future. Being open with your insecurities makes you more confident,
overcoming fears and challenges allows to build you courage and character and everything
worthwhile in life are won through surmount associated with negative experience. If you
constantly run from the uncomfortable you will feel constantly happy at all times constantly
entitles to. Therefore, any challenge coming on your way is seem as injustice and any
disagreement becomes a betrayal we must all be comfortable with the idea of some suffering is
inevitable. No matter what you do you will face challenges, failures, loss, regrets and ultimately
death?

THE PROBLEM WITH HAPPINESS

“Life is essentially an endless series of problems, Mark,” the Disappointment Panda told me. He
sipped his drink and adjusted the little pink umbrella. “The solution to one problem is merely the
creation of the next one… Don’t hope for a life without problems,” the panda said. “There’s no
such thing. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems.”” (Manson, 2016, p30).

“There is a premise that underlies a lot of our assumptions and beliefs. The premise is that
happiness is algorithmic, that it can be worked for and earned and achieved as if it were getting
accepted to law school or building a really complicated Lego set. If I achieve X, then I can be
happy. If I look like Y, then I can be happy. If I can be with a person like Z, then I can be happy.
This premise, though, is the problem. Happiness is not a solvable equation. Dissatisfaction and
unease are inherent parts of human nature and, as we’ll see, necessary components to creating
consistent happiness.” (Manson, 2016, p26).

Positive emotions are positive feedback for good behaviors and negative emotions serve as a
called action. It is evolution that is telling you that something is not quite right.
“To be happy we need something to solve. Happiness is therefore a form of action; it’s an
activity, not something that is passively bestowed upon you.” (Manson, 2016, p31).

The struggles you overcome are equally important in creating and sustaining happiness.
Problems never stop they merely exchange and upgraded (Manson, 2016, p.31).

Happiness results from solving these problems for many of us we should suppressed are
negative emotions for social and cultural reasons but to deny one’s negative emotion is to deny
the many feedback mechanisms that help the persons to solve their problems (Manson, 2016,
p.18).

Mark Manson list of life goals is a common question to ask someone. What do you want out of
life? And everyone’s have same fairly answer. Happiness, family, great job etc., but instead ask
yourself “what pain am I willing to struggle for? This is the better question to give you insight on
how to live your life. What pain are you willing to sustain? Asking yourself what you’re willing to
struggle for? Will lead you down to a path that is more worthwhile for you (Manson, 2016, p.31).

Manson applies this logic to relationships, most people want have a great sex life and awesome
relationship but not everyone is going through the though conversations. The awkward
challenges, the hurt feelings, and the emotional psychodrama to get there and so instead they
settle.
People want a romantic partner, but you don’t just find someone you believe is amazing without
first appreciating the emotional roller coaster that is dating, rejections, and failed attempts.
People want an amazing body but you only get there if you’re able to endure and appreciate the
pain and challenges associated with regular exercise and meticulous tracking of your calorie
intake. You’re defined by what you’re willing to struggle for; those who enjoy the struggles of the
gym are the same people who are strong and athletic.

“To be happy we need something to solve. Happiness is therefore a form of action; it’s an
activity, not something that is passively bestowed upon you.” (Manson, 2016, p.31). Facing
obstacles and challenges head on, is useful and a necessary component in the development. If
challenges and suffering are inevitable we should ask our self, how do I stop suffering? Rather,
why am I suffering? For what purpose? The beautiful thing is that while problems can often not
to be change. We have complete control over how we choose to think about them. Problems
add meaning and importance to our lives, so embrace them.

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF

While may some argue that you measure your self-esteem by how positively feel about yourself.
Manson actually argues that the more accurate way is to see how someone feels about the
negative aspects of themselves.

Someone who actually has high self-esteem can honestly assess their negative qualities and
subsequently act to address them. Entitled people on the other hand are unable to be honest
with their problems and therefore are unable to improve their lives in lasting and meaningful
way. They lived in denial, this entitlement usually manifest in one of two ways either one. I am
great and you all suck and therefore I deserve special treatment or two, I suck and the rest of
you are all incredible therefore, I deserve special treatment (Manson, 2016, p.29)

The former is referring to those who are considered themselves superior and the latter is
referring playing the victim card. Choose your values carefully. Our values determined the
matrix by which we measure ourselves and everyone else. Resist the human natures to
compare yourself to others rather; by what standard do you measure yourself? (Manson, 2016,
p.29).

The best way to re-frame how you see your problem is to change you what you value and how
you measure failure and success. Here are some examples of good and bad values.
For good values examples are honesty, motivation, vulnerability, self-respect, curiosity, charity,
humility and creativity while for bad values are dominance through manipulation, feeling good all
the time, always being the center of attention, not being alone, being liked by everybody, being
a gunner – a gunner means overly competitive and bring others down in order to get ahead.
So figure out your values comes down to what are the values that you prioritize above
everything else and therefore influence your decision making more than anything else. Better
values with the better the problems will result to better life.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

“Often the only difference between a problem being painful or being powerful is a sense that we
chose it, and that we are responsible for it.” (Manson, 2016, p.91).

If you’re miserable right now chances are you feel that a big part of it is out of your control and
you can’t solve. It is a problem is trust upon you without being able to choose, once you learned
to accept that you are responsible for everything in your life no matter the external
circumstances you’ll be able to achieve greater level of self-improvements and growth (Manson,
2016, p.91).

We do not always control what happen to us but we always control how we interpret what
happen to us as well as how we respond accepting responsibility for our problems is the first to
solving them because as soon as we choose to accept responsibility the more power we
exercise over our lives it is important to know the difference that taking responsibility for your
problems does not mean that you’re at fault for them (Manson, 2016, p.94).

“The more we choose to accept responsibility in our lives, the more power we will exercise over
our lives.” (Manson, 2016, p.96). Fault is past tense, responsibility is present tense. Fault is due
to the choices already made where us responsibility is due to choices that you’re currently
making.

“Nobody else is ever responsible for your situation but you. Many people may be to blame for
your unhappiness, but nobody is ever responsible for your unhappiness but you.” (Manson,
2016, p.99).

Don’t be so certain

Certainty is the enemy of growth, nothing is for certain until already happened even when
questionable. Best way is to solve is the accept the imperfections of your values growth is an
intuitive process, when we learn something we don’t go from wrong to right instead we go from
wrong to slightly less wrong so relevance for certainty search for doubt, doubt about our own
beliefs, feelings and what the future holds for us, and instead of looking to be right all the time.
Tried to be wrong, being wrong opens up the possibility of change and brings the opportunity for
growth, don’t even trust your conception of positive and negative.
Most of our beliefs our wrong they are valuable and our memories are horribly unreliable, if we
become certain about our intelligence and our ability to get in school of example we’ve much
more likely to feel worst in the end when you see someone else is getting to a better school, you
feel unappreciated and under acknowledge.
In these moments, we become susceptible to entitlement believing that we deserve to chill a
little way to get our way that others should be punished.

You’re not special going back to the concept of not being extraordinary, Manson applies with
different spin if you believe you pride damn one and everyone laughs at you or you’re the
person lame and no fun you’re actually telling yourself I am the exception, I am unlike everyone
else, I am different and I am special (Manson, 2016, p.140).

Manson argues that insecurity is essentially narcism so choose to measure yourself and
mundane identities a student, a friend, a creative not as undiscovered genius the more narrow
your definition the more threatening and intimidating it’s going to be.
This meansyou must give up the grandiose ideas of yourself and your uniquely intelligent,
talented, good looking or victimized in ways that other people could never imagine (Manson,
2016, p.140).

SUSTAIN THE PAIN

Many people when they feel some form of pain or anger, sadness. Drop everything and attempt
to numbing out whatever their feel, the goal is to get back to feeling good again quickly as soon
as as possible even if that means substances or delusional or returning to shity values.
Learn to sustain pain that you chose, when you choose a new value you introduce a new form
of pain into your life. Relish it, savor it, welcome it with open arms then act despite it (Manson,
2016, p.42).

JUST DO IT

Action is not effective the motivation it also causes of it, using motivation is an endless lope the
inspiration, motivation, action and it circles around. If you lack of motivation to make important
changes in your life do something and harness the reaction to them as a way to begin
motivating yourself (Manson, 2016, p.160).

Reference: The subtle art of not giving a fuck, Mark Manson, 2016 Edition