apping “I Can’t Depend On My Body -- It’s Let Me Down”

Visualize: Close your eyes and breathe -- relax and unwind for a minute. Loosely hold
the idea of your body in your mind, just an overview of your body in general. Now, ask
your mind to take you back to a time when you’re body failed you in some way. It let
you down. Maybe it was an injury or illness, something you were born with. Or maybe it
was something someone said that made you self-conscious. Whatever it is, don’t judge
or edit. Even if it seems like “no big deal”, just let happen. Really let the feelings come
up and sit with them. If your body betraying you isn’t the real button pusher, think about
past events with other people -- maybe a bully, someone making fun of you. A family
member criticizing the way you look. This could even be hair or clothes, some outward
appearance. Whatever it is, let it and the pain come up. Margaret Lynch points out in
these situations with other people, we’re often shocked and blindsided. Caught off guard
by what they’re saying. That’s a very painful shock -- it leaves deep scars. When you
have it, rate the intensity on a scale of 1-10 if you’d like.

Tips before we start: During this script, you’ll see a few things. First, I added harsh
language. Say only what feels right to you, but throwing in curse words can help move
things along. Also, if this script doesn’t resonate with you, use your own statements and
use this as an outline. If you feel like going off on a tangent -- go with it!! I added some
physical sensations; that’s also helpful during tapping. If your chest starts to hurt or
you’re nauseous, say and tap on it.

Tapping -- Round 1:

Each space means move to the next tapping point.

There I am
There’s my body
It’s always been me and I’m used to it
But there’s something really wrong with my body
At a core level / So there’s something wrong with me
It hurts to look at this
So much pain
It makes my gut twist deep inside
During this time, this painful time -- I learned to reject my body
That it’s flawed
I never even thought about this before
It just never occurred to me to judge my body -- it was just a part of me
What a shock -- holy sh*t!
And I figured out real fast
That my bodies can let you down -- my body has let me down
My body is to blame for this pain
It really screwed me over
It’s humiliated me, caused me pain -- I’ve suffered because of my body
People criticized me, made fun of me
I’ve been laughed at and gossiped about
Because there is something wrong with me
And this has been proven to me over and over
It’s not perfect, it’s not even good enough / No way, not at all
If I could trade it in, I would in a heartbeat
This body’s a lemon
Its not the one I want
Not at all -- this one’s a lemon
And now I’m trying to connect with it?
Why would I want to?
This body’s a lemon, a traitor
How could I ever feel confident or comfortable when so much is wrong?
It’s impossible to feel good in this body
It’s never going to happen so why should I bother making myself feel all this old pain?
I’m constantly in battle with this body
It stayed broken no matter who’s tried to fix it
I just can’t get there
It’s not gonna happen
The truth is, I hate my body
I want to love it; want to love myself
But deep inside, I reject my body and I reject myself
Maybe if these problems were fixed -- I’d feel different
Right now though, I reject it
I don’t like it, I don’t want it
I don’t want to connect with my body
I don’t want to feel this
Its all pointless; my body’s broken
And I’m right about this -- it’s true.

Tapping -- Round 2:

Looking at this has been really hard

I know I’m supposed to love myself and my body
It just feels like a pipe dream
There’s so much damage
So much pain
Looking at this reminds me how unsafe and insecure I really feel
Not comfortable in my own skin
Vulnerable and not in control
I feel exposed and ripped wide open
I don’t want to feel this
It reminds me how small and weak I feel
How I’m not as strong as I want to be
Or as powerful as I want to be
Do I even have any power?
I’m an easy target for other people’s judgments
Open for them to criticize and hurt me more
At least if I’m floating and dissociated, it might not sting as bad
But then I’ll never heal either if I’m floaty
If it’s even possible
I don’t want to be in my body
It’s not safe, and I’m scared
At a very basic level, I don’t feel safe in my body
So much fear, so much shame
Danger and pain
It’s a constant loop always playing through my system
I’m wired for fear
I refuse to be in my body
I refuse to feel all of this pain
All this emotion and intensity
And underneath all the fear -- sadness / deep, bone-crushing sadness
A lifetime of sadness and pain
All wired into my body
If I let this all come up
It’ll drown me
I may never recover
I’m scared if I let these feelings come out
Give them free reign
I’ll cry forever
I can’t go through that
Can’t deal with it
Phew - I’m just gonna breathe
It’s all gonna be alright
It’s okay, I’m okay
It’s just energy and its moving
All this stuff that’s in the past
Nothing can hurt me now and I choose my future
This energy is moving, releasing
I’ve kept it trapped for so long
All this energy bottled up and hidden
How much more energy did it take for me to suppress it?
Imagine if I had all that freed, how much better would I feel?
Looser, calmer, more powerful
More energized
I’ve tried managing this
Keeping a lid on all these emotions
And it’s only made things worse
It feels good to finally acknowledge this
Own it and not run
It feels good to have it moving
I’m never going to be the same after
Never going back to that dark, awful place
I completely and totally honor myself and this journey
Honor everything I’ve gone through -- all this pain
I’m letting myself feel some compassion
This has been really hard!
I’ve gone through alot!
And if I need to cry -- I’m going to
Cry these tears I’ve never allowed for myself before
Let myself grieve all I’ve lost
My body is getting lighter by the second
All this trapped stuff moving
The truth is, I’m alive -- and I like being alive
I want to enjoy life and enjoy being me
That’s what I’m moving towards
I completely honor my journey, I honor myself and my body
I accept and see all the pain I’ve had for all these years
And I’m totally ready to let it go
Ready to heal this and move on
All this energy moving
I’m letting it flow, letting it do what it needs to do
I’m releasing -- letting go
I’m open to feeling good in my body, open to loving it even
All these emotions and energy that’s been stuck -- I’m unblocking it
Letting it flow up and out
Every muscle, bone, and cell of my body lightening, releasing -- healing.

Take a deep breath. Notice where you are at -- what’s going on in your body. How do
you feel? Lighter? Do you feel calmer or more intensity? If there’s alot of emotion still,
you’ll need to do some more tapping. Tap on specific issues or memories. At this point,
remind yourself that your thoughts and feelings aren’t necessarily true, and that feelings
pass. It’s all energy releasing.

Tapping -- Round 3 Final Round:

Wow, this has been really intense

Uncomfortable and intense
I see all this so clearly now
All this stuff I’ve been holding in my body
It’s always been there just below the surface
I see so clearly all the blaming and loathing I’ve been doing about my body
Rejecting it on a daily basis
All of this wounding
It’s been programmed into my subconscious
And like a brainwashing campaign
It’s run like a recording over and over, every chance it gets
No wonder I feel so bad about myself
Like having someone following me around criticizing and putting me down all the time
No one has done more damage, or been meaner to me that I have
Sometimes it’s loud and blatant
Sometimes it's sneaky and passive aggressive
This inner programming reminding me how broken I am
How not good I am
I’ve never really questioned it
This rolling tape in my subconscious
It was created by events, pain, and trauma -- by me and by other people
Everyone has some airtime
if it’s negative, it’s allowed!
But what about the good?
There’s got to be some some -- it hasn’t always been bad
I’m done ignoring the good and only thinking/accepting that bad stuff about me
Maybe I’ll start making a point to point out good stuff about myself and my body
It’s not conceited or selfish
It’s necessary to my survival
All this sorrow and pain will make me sick
If it hasn’t already
So I’m calling bullshit on this tape playing in my head
I’ve always assumed it’s true
I see now it’s all perception
And I’m changing it now
In the beginning -- this was probably a defense mechanism
A way to protect myself
Like not getting hopes up, or keeping expectations low to avoid disappointment
If I hated and picked myself apart first
I’m less vulnerable to others
I’ve been hating and judging and feeling bad about myself
Viewing myself as flawed and broken
Not fixable and unworthy
What would it be like to feel good about myself
Look in the mirror and go “Wow, I look amazing -- I’m gorgeous”
Go out in public with a swagger because I know I’m awesome
Feeling strong, confident, powerful
Sexy, beautiful, worthy
To look at myself with love and kindness instead of disdain and sadness
I have a choice to make
And it’s all mine -- all in my power what happens from here
To observe these old paradigms
Become aware
And in this awareness, I can choose
Choose something healthy
In this present moment, I’m in my body
Fully in my body and I’m safe
Totally safe, totally okay
There’s power here in my body
It’s vibrant and buzzing and alive
Here in this moment, I bring up beautiful strong energy from the earth, through my feet
and into the base of my spine
Here at the most basic level of me
My first chakra, my root
This solid, stable connection to the earth
Loving and supporting me
Giving me power, energy and strength
The rich greens, reds, and browns of Earth energy swirling through my legs -- on up
throughout my body
Grounding, connecting, and stabilizing me
I feel wide awake and clear
I’ve never felt more alive
I’m powerful and magnetic
This is my natural inner strength and aura, natural magnetism and power
I own it, claim it, embrace it
I was meant to feel powerful and strong
Meant to be a force of nature
I’m now allowing my inner Goddess to shine
Allowing myself to feel good
I’m safe, stable, secure -- comfortable in my body with myself
My body is swirling with sensation
Tingling in my feet and legs
Vibrations, movement -- I can feel the energy flowing
Vibrant and alive
I’m open to feeling my body
In ways I never have before
Feeling it, listening to it, honoring it
I appreciate my body -- its a miraculous living creation
I’m connected to this miraculous living thing
Its my body -- it’s me
I am a walking, talking, living, breathing miracle
And I’m ready to see that now -- how special I am
There’s only one of me, completely unique and one of a kind
Sure, I’ve still got some work to do
There’s still healing that needs to happen
But this was the biggest, most important step
Now that my eyes are open and I’m going to be living with awareness
Watching my thoughts and feelings
Making sure I treat myself well
Now, my true healing can really begin
And I can start living the happy, rich life feeling good in my beautiful body
That I was always meant to live
Level 1, Chakra 1: Earth, physical identity, oriented to self-preservation
This center represents everything solid in our lives, from our body and the ground we walk on to the
house we live in and the people in front of us. It represents the beliefs you have about your body,
family and community and what brings your body safety and security. At this level, we manifest at the
material level our visions, beliefs, relationships, and work and life purpose. When this level opens, it
becomes a magnet, drawing the matter of life to you in the form of good health and prosperity. Its job
is to teach you to see that solid matter and the people in front of you right now are an essential part of
your life purpose and should not be avoided or negated as unimportant.

Level 2, Chakra 2: Water, emotional identity, oriented to self-gratification

This center represents everything that flows gracefully, moves, attracts us and gives us the desire to
change. At this vibrational level, we feel and let in the feelings of the world. It represents how sensitive,
sensual and passionate we allow ourselves to feel. Through the pleasure of contact with the world and
others, we stimulate our passion to create both physically and sexuality. It is how we feel our way
through and hold our power in one-on-one relationships. It is our self-image in that to really feel good
about ourselves, we have to like the way we feel being in our own skin.

Level 3, Chakra 3: Fire, ego identity, individuality, peace, oriented to self-definition

This center represents our one-of-a-kind, never-to-be-seen-on-this-planet-again self. Jung called it the
individuated self. It is our strength of character, honor and where we make and hold to vows and ideals.
It is our individuality and ability to be at inner peace with who and what we are in this moment and
with whom we become in the next moment. It holds our personal power, self confidence and self-
esteem, and helps us live a life of non-dominating power. It is the center where you realize that no one
can teach you who you are. It is your life purpose not to conform and be a follower, but instead to be a
leader and express your unique qualities as your greatest gift to others and the world.

Level 4, Chakra 4: Air, social identity, forgiveness, love, balance, oriented to self-acceptance
This center represents how we come into and maintain relationships as well as our ability to hold love,
compassion and forgiveness for ourselves and the people in our lives. It is where we let love be the
bridge between Heaven and Earth, the mind and body, the masculine and the feminine, light and dark,
good and bad. This is the center that balances all twelve levels and inner forces in our lives and creates
a stable inner life environment of self-acceptance and the love and acceptance of others.

Level 5, Chakra 5: Sound, creative identity, oriented to self-expression

This center represents our ability to communicate our hearts truth and inner self creatively into the
minds of others, so we can be seen and understood. It includes our language–both verbally and through
creative expression-and what we do for work in the world. We literally create ourselves in the minds of
others. In this center, we directly choose what is good for us and what is not. We are able to create our
lives through our words and intentions as a wonderful work of art or as a disaster and know that both
are a choice of how we use this power. Truth is felt and thought is conveyed simply and directly
through language.
Level 6, Chakra 6: Light, archetypal identity, oriented to self-reflection
This center represents our ability to see and perceive patterns in the world. It is often referred to as the
third eye center of psychic sight, but its primary role is to see all that you are in the present moment and
then process your world through thinking and analysis of your life data and experience in order to keep
you safe and on track. It is the primary center for the virtual reality when you are out of balance, and
the primary center for you to be able to see your life purpose unfolding before you when you are
healthy. At this level, you see how you fit into the world at every level as well as if you are in the right
place to express your life purpose at this time. It teaches you to see when to “pick up your bed and
walk,” and when you need to put your roots down in fertile soil.

Level 7, Chakra 7: Knowing, universal identity, infinite possibility, oriented to self-knowledge

This center represents our connection to infinite wisdom, possibility, spirit and the divine. From this
level, all the lower six levels are awakened to infinite possibility in each of their life experiences,
infinite ability to see, to express the self, to be in relationships, to transform and be the self, to feel life
flowing through you and to live a healthy, vibrant life. At this level, the mystery of life is seen in every
object. Nothing is static. The seventh level center brings meaning and purpose to our lives and gives us
infinite ways to express it.

Level 8, Spiritual Center 1: Physical Life Purpose Point, instantaneous action, the Seat of Wisdom
This center represents the spiritual potential that our body is called to in this lifetime. It is a perfect
match to our spiritual life purpose and has the exact qualities to live out our life purpose at the physical
level. It is the point which the martial artists call the Tan Tien, or the point from which they derive the
chi energy to exert focused force, health and vitality through their movements. It is the point from
which action emerges effortlessly with flowing grace or as raw power, whichever is needed in any
present moment. It cannot be enlisted by the processing mind, which can only exert force through will.
Thought and action are simultaneous; actions are in union with the flow of life.

HigLevel 9, Spiritual Center 2: Spiritual Life Purpose Point, or

h Thymus, our contract to God in this lifetime, the Christ Light

This center represents the information we can access about our spiritual path and life purpose in this
lifetime. It represents a way of being and expressing our inner selves as our life purpose. A life purpose
is never a job or a relationship or anything material. A life purpose is a quality of presence within you
that roots you solidly in your life and frees you to make any choice within that life. This level is the
window between your heart and soul that Christ so beautifully expressed in his words and actions.

Level 10, Spiritual Center 3: Soul Point, individual connection to the creator, consciousness itself,
eternal self, core character
This center represents the part of you that has always been and always will be. It is the emanating light
of the soul that is the core life force, and the life that you refer to when you feel your life. Like a star of
radiating light and energy in the center of your being, it constantly is filling you with an infinite well of
energy and life when you are open to it. When it is closed, you feel adrift and aimless in your life and
lack vibrancy.

Level 11, Spiritual Center 4: Inner Light Point-ability to see light–both physical and non-physical,
brilliance, genius
This center represents the point from which we create and see the light in the universe and in our
minds. It is the light that dreams are made of—the light we see in our mind, the internal soul light.
Through this, your spiritual path is seen, and it forms before you.

Level 12, Spiritual Center 5: The Zeal Point, or Gestalt Point–the union of body, mind, and spirit,
integrates all the energy centers into one “ah-ha” feeling of action and knowing.
This center represents an integration point where the brainstem transitions into the spinal cord, and the
mind and body integrate. It represents the full present moment understanding of who we are, a
situation, or what to do all the way down to the cellular level. Its opening creates a Gestalt—an ah-ha
moment—an epiphany or realization of deep truth that is felt throughout the entire body. It is where all
the soul, life purpose, body and mind come into a symphony of vibrations. The result is pure, unfiltered
you. It is the point that gets triggered in my writing whenever I discuss a strong enlightenment, or in
smaller doses, an epiphany.