Congruence

By Adam Eason

I can remember being at a dinner party with my wife and her work colleagues… I was doing
all I could to be charming, articulate and interested with the odd splash of wit thrown in here
and there … Yet all the time I was thinking, "Uughh I am bored and I do not want to be
here…" Not very inspiring of me I know… But there is only so much financial institution
talk that I can cope with at once…

However, everyone there knew… They could sense it… Maybe not consciously, but they
knew and sensed it unconsciously… You see we all have a huge antenna sticking out of the
top of our heads that transmits to the entire world what is going on within us…

I talk often about being in the right state, I also talk often about the value of congruence and I
want to mention something similar to you here today. Every thought that you have manifests
itself behaviourally in some way. Your unconscious mind picks up these manifestations and
takes them into account when responding to communication. This is the essence behind
multilevel communication. It is essential, therefore, that you send congruent messages to
augment your hypnosis skills and abilities.

In 1943 prominent hypnotherapist George Estabrooks stated that hypnosis subjects will
absolutely not actualise the effects of hypnotic suggestions that the hypnotist does not believe
will work. It is vital therefore, that you make sure you wholeheartedly believe in the words
that you say. Believe and expect a certain outcome, as I mention often. Not only will your
hypnotic subject feel that congruence, you are going to enhance the effectiveness of
everything you say and do when your thoughts, feelings and actions all go in the same
direction.

When you are training in hypnosis, when you look at fabulous hypnotists and hypnotherapists
who excel and create good hypnotherapy businesses and make lots of progressive change
possible in the world, something that is common-place with those people is… a level of
noticeable congruence.

When I had completed my own initial hypnotherapy training, when I was first setting up my
business, I attended a large local breakfast networking meeting with lots of varying types of
businesses and people and one of the speakers was talking about and explaining how online
networking had helped him go from redundancy to having his own lucrative business that he
really enjoyed running in a relatively short period of time…

He was not very good speaker at all. The way he talked about himself and his company was
rather poor and unprofessional. However, there was something about him that made me want
to give him business and that made me like him: He was congruent. He had a deep sense of
congruence about him. Something I think is incredibly important in the hypnosis and personal
development fields and should form part of any good quality hypnosis training.

What do I mean by congruent? I mean that congruence is how you are when what you do
matches what you say, and both in turn match what believe…. They are all in alignment.

Congruence is like having a deeper level of honesty about who and how you are as an
individual… Congruence is attractive and it is appealing…. Most importantly, it creates trust.
The chap at the breakfast meeting was a man who I knew almost nothing about, who
(technically) spoke and delivered his message quite badly, yet I liked him and would have
spent money with him and his company... In a metaphorical sense, you want your hypnotic
subjects to invest themselves in you in the same way... and sometimes you can induce
hyposis with your own state of expectation and congruence without worrying about the
technicalities of your language and so on.

Congruence is not only something that is about how others perceive you. It is also important
in how you perceive yourself. If you want to make a powerful change in your life and you
really want a particular thing but keep on doing something else, then incongruence will exist
in your own perception of yourself too. This can cause loss of balance and will shine through
in your communication… And how we communicate verbally and non-verbally as hypnotists
is crucial, right? That is why I say that this notion should form part of every hypnotist's
training.

Your body and your neurology have been developed over thousands of years to provide you
with very accurate and real feedback about congruence and balance. Like I said earlier, it is
like we have a HUGE antenna stuck out of the top of our head that tells the entire world what
it is we are actually thinking… Even the tiniest of cues get picked up on by the unconscious
minds of others…

With my previous example; if you are at a dinner party and you are smiling and chatting
nicely and being charming but all the time you are thinking “I cannot stand these people” that
uncomfortable feeling in your body and thought in your mind is an incongruent signal - a sign
that you are “out of tune.” When you have a deep sense of peace and joy, genuine balance,
really truly enjoying the company of those people, then that is a sign that you are aligned and
are subsequently going in the right direction.

The ramifications for a hypnosis session are such that if you do not believe that the person
you are with is going to be hypnotised, then they are unlikely to… If you do not believe in
yourself to help them create the change they want… What does that suggest???

You level of congruence will affect your hypnosis skills as well as your results! It affects how
people perceive you! If your beliefs, non-verbal signals, values and language are not aligned,
then incongruence will be communicated within your communication, wherever it may be.
This is being communicated unconsciously, hypnotically if you like.

I could tell that the chap at the breakfast meeting was loving his work… When you do what
you love, enjoying your life and then letting go of as much of the other stuff as possible, you
get to spend more and more time experiencing a sense of joy, fulfilment and happiness. As
well as being great fun, this is also highly attractive – people really like to be around someone
who is doing what they love! That includes you being around yourself. You will love yourself
a lot more when you are enjoying what you are doing and potential customers and clients.

One of the things I spend lots of time with my students on inherently within their training…
Is being congruent… Congruence is a state. A state is any way of being at any given moment:
Psychologically, physiologically, emotionally etc.

It is believed by many that over 90% of communication is unrelated to the actual words that
you use. Your voice tone and body language (even subtle signals such as changes in skin
tone, pulse and breathing) will significantly colour the words you use. Much of that message
lies outside of your direct conscious control, by that I mean that your unconscious is
generating these signals based on the thoughts and feelings you are having at that time. If you
want to master your hypnosis skills, you must master these thoughts and feelings too.

One of my heroes is the amazing Milton Erickson, the Godfather of modern hypnosis and
psychiatrist who has been the study of many hypnosis guides over the recent decades. One of
the things he mentions in his work a lot is the idea of being in the state that you want the
other person to go into and so he spent lots of time going into hypnosis first, while he then
took his clients into hypnosis too.

Think about it, when you are excited, people around tend to get the same, when you are
morose, others feel it and can often get weighed down with it.

Your state is very important in the process of taking someone into hypnosis.

In professional hypnosis circles, there is a general tenet that is: if you want to induce a given
state in someone, you must go there first. Your state will influence how your suggestion is
communicated. When your internal state matches the suggestions you are giving someone to
take them into hypnosis, your subject’s unconscious mind will pick up on this and will be far
more likely to respond as you wish.

So the next thing I want you to be aware of before you even start to think about taking
someone into hypnosis is the idea of managing your own state.

You are always in some kind of a state, though we are often not consciously aware of it. A
state is your way of being at any given moment. It involves what is happening in your brain,
what is going on in your body, what you are seeing, doing, feeling and what you are thinking.

Before we go further with this, I want you to think about one of the times in the past when
you had what I refer to as “one of those days.” Let me give you an example; I worked for a
national newspaper in central London when I was much younger and I commuted from
outside of London. One day, I slept through my alarm clock and awoke late. I was running
late and caught the train during the busiest time of day when there were more people than I
was used to with my earlier train, I could not get a seat, so had to stand for the entire journey
and could not read my newspaper to update myself with them as was an essential part of my
job, my routine was disrupted. Upon arrival in the city, I grabbed a coffee and raced for the
underground which was packed, I mean it was heaving.

I was nose to nose with people that I did not want to be. I eventually got into work about an
hour late. My boss rushed over, would not accept any excuses, told me off and told me he
expected the report that I had to give him today by 11am. I rummaged through my bag to
realise that I had left it on my table at home where I had been up all night working on it. So, I
have another coffee and ignore all of the messages from my worst clients that are fuming that
I am not returning their calls. I went and told my boss about the report and he gave me a full
written warning that went on my files and I had to go home and get it.

When I got back, people were ranting, boss was not impressed with my report, etc, etc. More
coffee, nothing to eat, more stress. My best friend at work, the girl on the next desk, leaned
over, smiled assuringly and understandingly and asked if she could borrow a paper clip as she
had run out, to which I replied; “Look, can you just get lost! For Christ’s sake!”

I had things out of perspective. I went into a rage when my best friend had asked me for a
paper clip. It was ridiculous, she still reminds me about that day now. What I wanted to
introduce with that story of me foaming at the mouth and going temporarily insane with
stress, is that I was in a state.

Do you think that the state I was in there, would have been a good state to be in to take
someone into hypnosis. “Just relax will you, for Christ’s sake!” I don’t think so.

Usually when we say that we are in a state, we often are referring to something pretty intense
or negative. A state is a merging of a number of psychological and physiological events and
behaviours, which last long enough to be recognised by others or the individual concerned as
a state of some kind. A state may involve both particular thoughts and feelings and
physiological characteristics such as respiration rate, muscular tension, blood pressure, facial
colour and temperature changes.

Now then I can confirm that some states are pleasant, uplifting and enjoyable, oh yes. Some
are divine, ecstatic and blissful. Others may be mild or unpleasant. We like some states and
are apprehensive or fearful about others. Good management of our states make us more and
more effective in our lives – and what’s more; it greatly enhances our ability to hypnotise.

We tend to develop our own repertoire of states that we are accustomed to such as relaxing
when the sun shines, my bosses tone makes me nervous, seeing other people exercising
makes me guilty and so on. Sometimes we recognise these states at the time, particularly in
relation to specific stimuli. Exams and tests are widely seen as triggering anxiety, our
birthdays often make us excited, Christmas or other celebrations often makes many people
feel good. Some people become euphoric with some things, others can become anxious or
filled with dread as they anticipate that event. You want to ensure that you associate taking
other people into hypnosis with a good receptive state for yourself.

When considering the kinds of states you experience, we can be aware of a great many things
creating the overall experience:

• The feelings and states such as pressure, anxiety, relaxation, frustration.

• The pace of the experience; whether things are hurried, forced, or leisurely. This
includes thoughts too.
• The non-verbal communication and body language of tension, your speed of
movement, tones of voice, degree of focus.

Think about how many times you have been able to identify people’s states without them
saying a word. Or if you have ever seen a television programme in a foreign language and
still known what was going on from everything else that they communicated about their state.

Think about the most powerful hypnotic personality and then think of what kind of state that
person would be in to hypnotise someone. Think of when you are influenced the most by
someone very influential in your life, what state are they in whey they influence you the
most.
The key to maintaining progressive states within yourself is as much about finding out more
about your good states, how you created them, how you can have more of them; is much
more important than trying to avoid unwanted states.

Transforming Your States:

1. Tuning in to your state: As discussed already, find out more and more about your states.
The reason I keep emphasising this so much is because it is so important. Get aware of the
details of your state and ask yourself how you get into that state.

2. Tune into your physiological experiences: become aware of the physical elements to what
you are experiencing. Notice what occurs physically during certain states and experiences.

3. Notice the states of others and be aware of the states of others and ask them questions
about their states. Then model what it is that they do well and add this to your own list of
achievable and attainable states so that you have more choices for your own states.

4. Demand more, more, more: Take your time to enjoy your good feelings. I mean really
experience the good states. Learn how to recreate them and add to them and enrich them and
make them better and better. Always look at how to enjoy them more but really appreciate
them for what they are now. Work out how to have more good feelings. Then even more and
keep working this out. I get excited just thinking about that. The real essence of beautiful
state management is allow yourself to have more good feelings and enjoy them more and
how to adjust or alter those that you are not entirely happy with.

Find what you think is the most optimum state for taking someone into hypnosis and practice
being in that state.

If you develop some belief and congruence and combine it with a supreme hypnotic-inducing
state - you are going to get some remarkable results with hypnosis.

Please do visit me at my online home www.adam-eason.com and come get your instantly
downloadable hypnosis session - certain to blow your mind - as well as many other
fabulously free hypnotic goodies and resources.