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Haydan Drake

Professor Kardell

Eng 101 Honors

5 November 2018

Ethnographic Essay: Religious Biases

The difference between religious families and non-religious families has been painted in

various ways by American culture. Religion is an extremely prominent concept throughout the

world. Society has portrayed devout Christian families with traditional structure to be faultless

for centuries. As a result, society retains its preconceived notion that church going families have

a stronger sense of emotional stability and support. After examining my irreligious family

against a family of strong faith, I understood the opposite. The familial bonds within this

community are not as strong as an outsider would assume: many factors including morality,

acceptance, and intolerance have a strong effect on the relationships between children and their

parents. Both the secular community and the spiritual community were examined during their

form of communion: dinner time. Within this short time span, the conversation and body

language of each family exposed an idea that politically conservative people regarding church

would disagree with. Religion is not responsible for keeping families close or shaping children’s

morals. The biases held by each party are almost opposite: non-religious individuals can have

very close familial bonds and strong ethics, while church can put strain on the relationships of a

faithful household and push family members away.

Eating dinner together is a timeless tradition that many households partake in, which is

why I chose it to be the focus of my observations. It was fascinating to examine the dynamic

between the two families during a time when everyone gets together to share about their days. It
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was the most real space to study; domestic relationships are revealed to be more raw when their

entire support system is present.

The dining room of the secular home is especially rowdy, yet welcoming. It is part of the

three main rooms in the house; the kitchen, dining room, and living room are all connected in a

straight line, only separated by carpet. The space is rampant with people and pets all throughout

the day. When dinner was served around 5:00 pm, the family of four sat down for a healthy,

homecooked meal. During the meal, everyone shared about their current life events and stories

with eagerness. There was never a lull in the conversation as they were all very interested in

what each other had to say. After dinner was over, they remained at the dark wooden table to

continue chatting. This behavior truly indicated that they were happy to be there and be able to

share that time together, especially the yellow Labrador who begged with undying optimism.

Comparatively, in the religious household, dinner talk was inane: mostly driven by the

oldest son, Jacob, but never organically expanded on. The kids sat lazily in their seats and hardly

spoke when asked about their schoolwork and activities. It was obvious by the slouched body

language that most of the family was utterly disinterested in conversation, yet they all enjoyed

the homemade fried chicken and potato salad. After the meal was finished, the kids and parents

quickly dispersed back to their bedrooms to watch tv or relax on their own. While most people

might believe that faith is a driving force in keeping family members close, it is apparent that

religion is not at all necessary for close familial bonds and can even put a strain on them.

Within this particular household, church is an extremely critical involvement, especially

for the oldest son. He was raised in a strict manner where God and church were the center of his

world. The parent’s faith has been pushed on each of the four children, but with less intensity for

the younger siblings. Church used to be an everyday occurrence for him, no matter what prior
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commitments he had. His parents did not allow him to be involved in clubs or sports as a kid

because they feared it would impair his faith. Although this lifestyle can have little effect on

other kids, this stringent routine drove him away from his church and his family. He stopped

attending church when he turned 18, making his relationship with his mom especially difficult,

as she is a devout Christian and extremely disappointed in his choice. He is now 20 and their

connection has never recovered. He feels the disappointment throughout his extended family as

well, making him feel like an outsider. “They don’t celebrate any of my accomplishments. My

mom even told my younger siblings not to get too close to me because I might pull them away

from their faith.” Religious individuals tend to preach about the importance of acceptance,

especially within a family, but in this case and many others, do not practice unconditional love.

This families God-focused mentality can be considered closed-minded, but according to

the aforementioned son, it allowed him to be less judgmental. Although his church forced its

ideas on him, he was still able to gain his own perspective as he got older. Growing up around

religion allowed him to see that his faithful community was errored in their criticism toward

fundamentally immoral individuals. The non-religious parents were more accepting of their

children’s lives and choices, which is possibly the main difference in each families’ conversation

style. Religious parents appear to respond more harshly to their children’s mistakes, making

them more careful when sharing about their lives. It is easier for the kids to stay quiet than to

accidentally overshare and face penance. The aspect of morality is not much different between

these two communities, but for some reason, each side has their own reasons for condemning the

other.

It has been found that religion can have incredibly positive effects on a family because it

helps to teach children discipline and commitment. Unfortunately, though, some religious
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individuals have a loyalty too strong for their own church that it causes them to become

intolerant. It can be used as weapon of hate, teaching children that their purpose is solely to serve

God and look down on others of different denominations. Instead of being taught to accept

people and extend love to their fellow humans, they are passing down their biases. Secular

parents are guilty of passing on their small-mindedness as well, especially towards religion and

ideology. Each side has their own opinions on the other, which are generally stereotypical as the

media negatively portrays them. The difference between humanism and religiosity is not all that

great, but due to the biases forced on us through centuries of propaganda and one-sided

arguments, we hold strong biases that separate us in multiple aspects.

To be without faith is to be an outsider in the church going community. Having little to

no experience in any religion can lead to a biased perspective of how they function. An insider to

this specific church would view an atheist as immoral, or even think of another religion as

corrupt and incorrect. In this aspect, we are all outsiders. We all have differing beliefs and are

generally guilty of judging people that don’t think along the same lines as us.

Observing the nightly dinners between two different families shed light on a different

perspective than is shown by media and politics. Traditional family values do not always go

along with religion and classic familial organization. Although my family does not practice

religion, we are closer to the definitive version of a good American family, while the latter

family is farther from it, considering the relationships within it. Religious individuals tend to

lecture about the importance of family and interpersonal connections in their church but judge

harshly against outsiders. Their God is the center of their world and they close their minds to

anyone that believes otherwise, and unfortunately even their own son. This family’s main

connection is through church, otherwise they do not spend time together unless they are
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obligated to eat dinner collectively. On the other side, the secular family tries their best to find

time to spend in each other’s company. Dinnertime is their designated period every day to share

about their lives and have meaningful conversation over a homecooked meal. The parents love is

unconditional, while the faithful parents share a restrictive affection of their firstborn now that he

lives a life that they do not accept. The biases held by each group are almost opposite: the

relationships of a secular family seem to be much closer than the other family, disproving the

idea that religion is responsible for morality and familial bonding.