Sanah RoyChowdhury

Professor Enos
First Year Writing
November 19, 2018

Context Note:

When I was thirteen, a girl named Sandy Warchol caught me off-guard with one of my

most prominent interactions with racism. “You’re so pretty, Sanah,” she said, “but I feel like

boys don’t like you ‘cause of your skin color.” At the time, I had no reaction. I simply finished

getting dressed, then promptly left. Now, over five years later, I have decided to write a letter to

Sandy’s parents, and explain to them why this was such a difficult interaction, and tell them the

possible precautions they could’ve, and should’ve taken to prevent such a situation.

My secondary audience is, as aforementioned, Sandy’s parents, while all White parents

are my primary. The open letter would also be found in the NY Times, published both digitally

and print. Digital would help reach parents of a younger generation, and kids my age who relate

to the situation, while the concrete newspaper would be for an older generation with either

children or grandchildren that they could potentially educate.

To the parents of Sandy Warchol:

Hi. My name is Sanah RoyChowdhury; you don’t know me. Your daughter did, though.

Here’s a photo (or three) for contextual purposes.

We went to school together for about four years; we were even friends, but she never mentioned

me. You don’t exactly tell your parents about the kids beneath you, or at least, the kids that you

made feel as if they were beneath you.

I’d like to preface the rest of this letter by saying I’m sure your daughter is more well-

educated, and an all around better person than she was in the eighth grade. However, I do need

to discuss this with you, if not for your sake than for the sake of all of the women that look like

me, that stand in the line of fire of ignorance. I owe it to them to write you this letter. In

December of 2013, your daughter, Sandy, and I were getting ready for dance practice together.

The outspoken girl she was, she decided to give her opinion on my appearance, with something

rather nice, but ultimately back-handed. “You’re so pretty, Sanah,” she said, “but I feel like guys

don’t like you ‘cause of your skin color.” She may have prefaced her comment with a

“compliment,” but the power behind her ignorance outweighed perhaps the world’s most

arbitrary compliment: “You’re so pretty!” And how I wish it didn’t! Word-for-word, it still
rings in my head. The shame never stopped, either. Ah, the shame. The fact that prepubescent,

sex-obsessed tween males weren’t “into” my skin color, suddenly I realized, I wasn’t either.

How can you be ashamed of something as inherent and inalterable as your skin color? Well,

when someone gives you a reason to be. Someone like Sandy.

But before you get defensive, like any parent would about their child, I want you to know

that this is not an attack, though it may feel like one. This is not an attack on you as parents, or

any of your children. Yes, I am angry, but less-so at Sandy, and more so at the fact that she

believed she was able to say what she said without consequence, without it even warranting a

reaction. That is the mindset you raised her in. She had such blatant disregard of my feelings,

and yet, everything she said was said with a giant smile slapped across her face. Why was she

smiling, I wondered. How did this comment warrant a smile?

I just wish you’d taught her. I wish you’d shown her the benefits of non-ignorance:

exposure to culture, and lifestyles outside of her own. You should’ve taught her. How to be

polite, how to be kind, and yes, how to interact with a minority. But also, maybe before then,

she never had. Maybe you raised her alongside people that only looked like her! She was a kid,

she made a mistake, but I’m the one who’s had to live with it. I’m the one, Mr. and Mrs.

Warchol, who has lived her life in fear of there being some truth to Sandy’s words.

So let’s talk problem solving, shall we? This letter, in its most pure form, is meant to be

constructive, change the future for other little brown girls, and maybe make their interactions

with White people a little better than mine. No one should ever reach my level, my level of fury,

frustration, and of fear. We live in an era of technology, in which kids and adults alike have

access to an infinite amount of information. The Namesake, Fruitvale Station, Do the Right
Thing,1 these are the movies that could’ve made the difference, that could’ve stopped her racist

commentary in its tracks. They teach, they explain! They aim to show people who haven’t

experienced race-based oppression what it’s like to live in a country BUILT ON RACISM. What

she said did more than give power to the beauty norms in our society, but also, give power to the

racism embedded in those beauty norms. But she never watched them, did she? If she did, I don’t

want to assume she didn’t learn anything, but she definitely didn’t learn enough.

To reiterate my point, I’m here to change the future, not the past. I have no expectation

that you, Mr. and Mrs. Warchol, will go back in time, and force Sandy to watch all of these

movies in order to stop her from being the ignorant eighth grader she was. This, here, is problem

solving. This is my attempt to look at what you could’ve done in order to make sure it’s what

future parents in your exact position will do.This may be idealistic, even crazy, and I’m

definitely not naive enough to believe that my one letter to one white family will change the

course of racism forever. But that doesn’t mean it can’t have an effect, and that it’s not worth

writing. There’s more to do than just show your kids movies, by the way. Books, literary

magazines, newspapers, conversations! All of these mediums can help propel your children to be

on the right side of ignorance, you know, the side that’s not ignorant.

We’ll start with conversations, an incredibly difficult thing to have with kids, of any age.

How do you tell them, or even begin to explain, racism? Start young! The younger the better!

The longer you wait to have this conversation, the greater the risk of your child genuinely

hurting someone, even if that’s not their intent. Here’s a constructive conversation between, well,

we’ll call her Suzy, and her mom.

1
Truffaut-Wong, Olivia. “19 Movies About Race Every White Person Needs To Watch Right Now.” Bustle, Bustle, 24 Aug.
2018, www.bustle.com/p/19-movies-about-race-every-white-person-needs-to-watch-from-fruitvale-station-to-do-the-right-thing-
8605651.
Mom: “Suzy, do you know what racism is?”

Suzy: “Um, I mean, kind of, it’s bad, right?”

Mom: “Very bad. But sometimes the people who say racist things aren’t so bad, just uneducated.

So let’s educate you. Racism is the oppression of some person, or group, solely because of their

race.”

Suzy: “Oh good! So it’s easy to avoid being racist because I don’t really care about race.”

Mom: “That’s where it gets a little tricky. Like I said, you don’t have to be a bad person, or even

a racist person to say something ignorant and hurt someone.”

Suzy: “So what does that mean for me?”

Mom: “Good question. That means, when talking to someone who identifies as a racial minority,

an African-American woman for example, your goal is to not let your curiosity make them

uncomfortable in their own skin. There is no difference between us and people of color, except

for the fact that we are privileged. That means we don’t have to go through racism or oppression

like they do.”

Suzy: “Thanks, mom! I’ll try to be sensitive and kind to those around me.”

I know, you’re probably laughing, or at least scoffing. Number one, your kid may ask

harder questions than Suzy, and number two, it may take longer than that to explain. The

conversation featured above is not meant to be a script, of any sort, but rather an example of a

constructive conversation. Simply having an open conversation with your kid about racism and

ignorance could benefit them extremely, and also benefit the kids around them. Let them ask

their questions, and give them the right to be ignorant in front of a non-judgemental audience, so

that you can teach them not to be.

 But conversations go way beyond this; you could even use social media to BENEFIT the

conversation. According to Pew Research Center, “some researchers and activists credit social

media with propelling racially focused issues to greater national attention.”2 It’s hard to imagine

social media as beneficial from a parental point of view, which I understand. However, there is

research to prove otherwise! Twitter is home to so many first hand accounts of racism, Asians

and other minorities alike. With that, people on Twitter also tend to use hyperlinks to articles that

also describe and defend the problem. Pictured

below are two examples of this.34

2
Anderson, Monica, and Paul Hitlin. “Social Media Conversations About Race.” Pew Research Center: Internet, Science &
Tech, Pew Research Center: Internet, Science & Tech, 15 Aug. 2016, www.pewinternet.org/2016/08/15/social-media-
conversations-about-race/.
3
Kore (reloaded_kore). “Racist Driver to Asian Woman: ‘You’re Illegals Crossing The Border.’” 14 September 2018, 9:39 PM.
Tweet.
4
Luo, Michael (michaelluo). “Well dressed woman on Upper East Side, annoyed by our stroller yells: ‘Go back to China… go
back to you f—ing country.’” 9 October 2016, 9:29 AM. Tweet.
 Halfway into my sophomore year, your daughter apologized to me. She learned from her

mistakes, and she grew up. She texted me with an undoubtedly sincere and well-written message.

However, that apology didn’t erase the pain, and it sure as hell didn’t erase the shame. People

learn as they mature, but she should’ve learned earlier; all kids should learn about racism earlier.

Racism is not a curse word; it’s not profane. So why are we all so afraid of using it? To make

change, we have to be honest about the things that need to be changed. Thank you for your time.

I just want to make things better for the girl who will really let the ignorance get to her, just as I

did once upon a time.

Regards,

Sanah

Work Cited

1. Anderson, Monica, and Paul Hitlin. “Social Media Conversations About Race.” Pew

Research Center: Internet, Science & Tech, Pew Research Center: Internet, Science &
 Tech, 15 Aug. 2016, www.pewinternet.org/2016/08/15/social-media-conversations-

about-race/.

2. Kore (reloaded_kore). “Racist Driver to Asian Woman: ‘You’re Illegals Crossing The

Border.’” 14 September 2018, 9:39 PM. Tweet.

3. Luo, Michael (michaelluo). “Well dressed woman on Upper East Side, annoyed by our

stroller yells: ‘Go back to China… go back to you f—ing country.’” 9 October 2016, 9:29

AM. Tweet.

4. Truffaut-Wong, Olivia. “19 Movies About Race Every White Person Needs To Watch

Right Now.” Bustle, Bustle, 24 Aug. 2018, www.bustle.com/p/19-movies-about-race-

every-white-person-needs-to-watch-from-fruitvale-station-to-do-the-right-thing-8605651.