A COACHING BOOK

2011
 A COACHING BOOK
…FOR COACHES, COACHEES, MEN, WOMEN AND MICE

2011

DEVELOPED BY OLDE VECHTE FOUNDATION

WRITTEN BY STELLA SARATSI

ILLUSTRATED BY GREG MICHAILIDIS

PUBLISHED WITH THE SUPPORT OF “YOUTH IN ACTION PROGRAM”

 SPECIAL THANKS

STARTING…
CHAPTER ONE

THE PRINCIPLES OF OUR APPROACH

…FROM THE LEVEL OF KNOWING…

THE PREPARATION OF THE COACH
CHAPTER TWO

MY COACHING CONCEPT
MY DATABASE

my successful case
my coaching question
my unchangeable competences
my internal map
my perception preference

…TO WANTING, DARING AND DOING…

THE COACHING SESSION TOOLKIT
CHAPTER THREE

BEING IN RAPPORT
CONVERSATION TECHNIQUES

backtracking
reflection on feelings
summarize & paraphrase
reframing
lazy coach
dead-end street

QUESTION TECHNIQUES

shooting from the hip: the cowbo y technique

meta model

ASSIGNMENTS: IN & OUT OF THE COACHING SESSION

recipe on problem making

six logical levels
with special thanks to
Hiel Terpstra & Anne-Marie van Timmeren
of the “it’s all about doing” company (www.allaboutdoing.nl)
who showed us the way in the field of coaching
STARTING…
CHAPTER ONE
The Principles of Our Approach
In our coaching approach we use generalizations, including this one, and we consciously
decide to act as if they are true. These are generalizations about the world of coaching,
which are forming the Principles of Our Approach.

We are aware that these principles are not the holy truth. We cannot and we don’t want to
know, how real they are. What we know is that they are coming out of a process of ongoing
insights of ours, a process, which is stimulated again and again from our own experiences.

Our principles are a dynamic whole that can always change. Still, for the moment being, we
decide to act as if they are true, because for now they work and they ease our journey in
coaching.

We find it fair, before anything else, to take a moment to present the Principles of our
Approach, since they are the context that give shape to our content:

“There is no coaching, if there is no coaching question”

In our coaching approach, we consider this quotation as basis. Many times, we heard
ourselves and other people around us claiming something like the following: “Yesterday
evening, I coached my best friend. He did not notice, but it had a huge impact.”

In our perspective, this is not coaching. Coaching exists only from the moment on that there
is a coaching question raised by our coachee.
 “As a coach, I tell myself that my personal opinions are irrelevant to the coaching session.
Important is that I manage to become a fair witness of the path that my coachee decides to
take at every single moment.”

As humans, we have the tendency to have an opinion upon the phenomena that we
encounter. Somehow, we like to believe that this comes to us naturally. The tricky part
starts, when we claim that these opinions of ours are right and we start projecting them to
the reality around us.

As coaches, we need to be aware of this automatic function of our opinions. The role of the
coach is to be a fair witness of the path that the coachee decides to take at every single
moment. As a fair witness, we observe what is there and we keep our options and
possibilities open.

As a fair witness, we need to be present at all the series of moments. And when opinions are
formed in our minds we need to let them go and to get again connected with the factual
reality that our coachee is bringing.

“As a coach, what keeps me constantly busy is not how to put the best of myself in the
other, but how to get the best out of the other”

No matter how strong our internal process might be, no matter how many statements like
the following ones: “That was brilliant of me to use this technique…I screwed up….I rocked…I
could have done better…” are formed in our minds while interacting with our coachee, we
have to master it.

Our fundamental question is “how will I make it to get the best out of the other”. This is
what matters. And on the path of this investment, our ego comes along.

These statements, which are putting a context around our approach, intent to get their
meaning and their actual function through the pages of this book.
…FROM THE LEVEL OF KNOWING…
THE PREPARATION OF THE COACH
CHAPTER TWO
My Coaching Concept
Our language is connected with our conscious and unconscious concepts. Words that we use
to express are bringing to the foreground our conceptualization of phenomena. Being a
coach and using language in a random and unconscious way are two attitudes, which
contradict each other.

This is because as a coach we need to be aware of our own concepts, expressed through our
language. We want to be a coach or we are a coach, we do coaching, still it is possible that
we are unaware of our own concept on coaching. We do not know what we are talking
about.

Becoming aware of the last lines of this text, it would be contradictive, if we do not define
the word concept, before continuing.

In this case, it is worthy to make a clear distinction between “definition” and “concept”.

Definition is a rational choice that leads to one conclusion.

Concept is a mental picture about practice and how practice will operate according to ones
standards.

According to this distinction, defining coaching limits us to fulfill one precise idea of it. On
the contrary, conceptualizing coaching allows us to imagine and explore what we desire to
fulfill and how we are going to do so.

Danger: Finding a concept on coaching is a starting stage. The danger is to get sophisticated
and lost in it. Then, it becomes a nicely dressed up way to move away from action.

Hint: Pick one. You can always change it.

My Database
Conceptualizing coaching, designing our mental picture about practice and how practice
will operate according to our standards formulates our playing field.

Now we have our playing field, it is time for us to get to know what kind of player we are: in
which positions we are really good at, which are our critical behavioral points, which parts
we want to exercise, how we prefer to exercise and which positions we are never going to
take.

At this coaching playing field of ours, we have to be at the same time the player and the
observer, as if we were looking to ourselves through a camera, while playing. Important is
that we accept what we say, so that we get to know ourselves in the sense of data.
My Successful Case
Many times, we have the tendency to skip what we know already. We jump directly to what
we want to learn more and how we will make it, instead of looking to what is there.

Focusing on what we miss, without acknowledging what we have, might lead us to a

misconception about what we want to achieve.

It can be that we are already a coach or that we desire to become one. In both cases,
identifying a successful coaching experience of ours from the past can be a delightful and
encouraging action.

The following assignment may bring forth our stepping stones for coaching. It might spot
what we are really good at, which are our strong points and which is a comfortable approach
for us.

It is defined as “a successful case”.

How to do it:

Choose a case that you handled successfully. A case that represents the kind of
coaching you do and you are proud of.

Prepare yourself to share this case with someone, mentioning the following
information:

Who was your coachee?

Which was his/her coaching question/the issue your coachee was solving?

What did you do as a coach?

What was the key moment, the turning point?

How did you make it?

What was the result?

Arrange for yourself a person (or more) to share it.

Share your successful story.

My Coaching Question
One of our basic principles of coaching is that “there is no coaching, if there is no coaching
question”. This is quoted for our coachee and, at the same time, for us.

In our perception, being a coach is not something that one day you turn into. It is a
continuous process of ongoing insights and of constant practice.

We can keep this process on by setting for ourselves coaching questions, learning questions
towards the direction we desire to move and to grow.

What follows is an example of a simple technique that can help us to formulate our learning
outcome through answering these questions:

Example:

Which are the questions that are keeping me busy as a coach?

Which are outcomes that I want to achieve:

(I have…I am able to…I know how to…)

How would I summarize my learning outcome in one key-word?

How will I know that I have achieved it? What will I be doing? What will I see, hear, feel
when I will have achieved it? Which is my motivation to get there?

Danger: The danger might be to start spending a huge amount of time on formulating what
exactly we want to learn and never start to exercise.

Hint: Take one step at a time. Start from anything that comes first.

The following scripts might give ideas to you.

A) Basic skills of a coach

Active listening and reflecting

Be able to ask open questions

Be able to paraphrase and summarize

Pick up non-verbal signs

Be able to identify yourself with someone else.

Be able to cope with your own and someone else’s emotions

Be able to cope with silent moments in a conversation.

Confront in a positive way

Have patience and continue, if the coin doesn’t drop immediately

Be trustworthy and reliable

(stick to made appointments, do what you say and say what you do, guarantee privacy)

Accept it, when the other makes mistakes.

Be able to give relevant information, when requested

Know yourself and be aware on how you appear to someone else

Be aware about your own perception and intuition in the present situation

Relevant self-expression
Choosing critical behavior points

From the below list, which aspects of non-learning behavior do you recognize for yourself?

Refusing to look at myself

Avoiding a dialogue with others

Waiting, until others take responsibility

Discarding ideas as worthless/inadequate

Wanting to reinvent the wheel alone

Being critical and judgmental towards others

Being critical and judgmental towards myself

Being careful: stay in my comfort zone

Excluding myself from new ideas and information

Excluding myself from other people

Telling people only what they would like to hear

Repeating the same mistakes

Justifying mistakes/searching for scapegoats

Talking in terms of what happened and not in terms of what I have learned

Making no decisions

Being a wise-ass

Being oversensitive for comments and feedback of others

Being satisfied with the minimum

Not standing up for myself

Being reactive (waiting and hoping)

Being unwilling to ask for help.

Remaining…
C) Coaching Conversation Skills High Medium Low Other Remarks

Open questions. Avoid

closed questions

Persistently, interrogate a
subject to clarify something

Read and pick up non verbal

signs from the other

Effective ordering and

summarizing

Active listening and

receiving what the other
actually means

Looking at matters from the

point of view of the other

Reflect. Being able to read

and name underlying
feelings

Structure the conversation

by paraphrasing and
summarizing

Support the other when

he/she is under tension

Giving feedback

Receiving feedback
My Unchangeable Competences
In the field of learning, a huge amount of energy was spent and still is spent in the wrong
direction, due to a vague conception, according to which “everyone can and should learn
everything”.

Probably, many of us can recall moments when we got the desire to become like someone
else or to achieve a competence that someone else has and we do not.

The following perspective might liberate us from this going nowhere process.

According to this perspective, there are five competences which are unchangeable.
Meaning that no matter how hard we exercise, we are never going to increase or decrease
them. These five competences are:

Aggression: The ability that someone has to draw the attention quickly and without
necessarily aiming to do so. People who score high on aggression are noticed in a crowdy
room only by entering.

Empathy: The ability of someone to take into consideration the people that are around and
to intensively care for them and for their emotions.

Self-criticism: The ability of someone to criticize him/herself and, especially the speed and
the directness in the way of doing so.

Cooperative decision making: One’s ability to make decisions inside a group context in a
harmonious way, in which he/she combines his/her priorities with the expectations of
others.

Craftsmanship: The ability to perceive and understand the function of a system in a fast,
holistic and correct way.

Example:

On a scale from 1 to 10, if we decide for ourselves (also through asking other people) that
we score 1 on aggression and 9 on empathy. Then the best thing to do is to exercise
ourselves on how we can use all the elements of aggression, which are forming this 1,
instead of start imagining how great it would be, if we would manage to score 9 on
aggression and 1 on empathy.

Danger: There might be a huge misunderstanding here. We do not mean that someone is
bad at a competence and good at another one. We simply point out that we can achieve our
desired outcomes by using all that we have rather than expecting to increase what we have
in order to do so.

Hint: If you can achieve your desired outcomes by using your 9, why struggle using your 1.
My Internal Map
Knowing ourselves on the level of data, apart from knowing our skills, our qualities and our
questions, is also connected with being aware of how we do perceive the world around us.

The awareness of our perception becomes strongly important inside the context of
coaching, from the moment that being a coach requires constant interaction with ourselves
and others.

In the following part, we present an assumption about our way to perceive the world as
humans, which if we practice and adopt, it can ease our journey through life.

This assumption proposes a structure on how humans think and experience the world.

It is called “The Internal Map of Reality”:

Input: We experience the world through our senses (seeing, hearing, touching, smelling,
tasting). The external phenomena are coming in.

Delete, Distort & Generalize: Every second our senses are bombarded with 4.3 billion bites
of information. From this huge amount only 5 to 9 bites manage to enter. The rest awful lot
of information we filter out. This happens through three key processes: we delete, we
distort and we generalize. These ways of sorting information are influenced by our filters:
our experiences, our language, our beliefs, values, attitudes, strategies, decisions, memories.

Internal Representation of Reality: After deleting, distorting and generalizing through our
filters, we form our internal map of the external territory. We make our internal
representation of reality.

Emotional State: This representation brings us to a certain emotional state.

Behaviour: Our emotional state, connected to our internal representation of reality,

influences our behaviour.

Results/Experience of life: Our behaviour forms our experience and results of life.

The Internal Map of Reality gives us a manual for the function of our minds.

Danger: It is an assumption. It is not another filter to add to our mind and then to delete
anything else that does not fit.

Hint: Do your self-coaching through realizing that also for ourselves we have an internal
representation, which is not the territory.
My Perception Preference
As it is demonstrated in the Internal Map of Reality, we get our input through our senses.
We have three main ways of doing so: the visual, the auditory and the kinesthetic. All of us
have all three ways.

Still one of the three is dominating us. We have a perception preference.

Some of us prefer to perceive our information through images and sights (visual). Others
prefer to get their input through sounds and hearings (auditory). And some prefer to
perceive the emotional aspects, through touch and feelings. They have a sort of body
awareness (kinesthetic).
Becoming aware of which is our perception preference inside the context of coaching, can
be useful, playful and fascinating.

It gives us options on how we can ask for our information, on how we can do our self-
coaching and, also, it gives us an extra dimension for our interaction with the coachees.

Our perception preference is many times expressed through the words that we choose,
while talking:

Example (visual): “I see…Look…Imagine…It looks like…I cannot picture this…It is clear…”

Example (auditory): “Listen…Tell…It sounds like…So you say…”

Example (kinesthetic): “It doesn’t feel like it…I got the impression….I sense it…”

Our perception preference appears also, when we describe an experience:

“It was a great party. So bright and shiny. And all the happy faces…” (visual)

“It was an awful meeting. Everyone was so silent. And when they talked, their voices were so
harsh.” (auditory)

“Hmm…..(long pause) I don’t feel like going there again. Last time I entered that place I got
such a weird sense.” (kinesthetic)

Danger: The danger is that, after finding our preference, we forget that we use all three and
we start demanding others to adapt to us.

Hint: Find out also which is the one that you prefer the less.
…TO WANTING, DARING AND DOING…
THE COACHING SESSION TOOLKIT
CHAPTER THREE
Being in Rapport
Definition: To build and maintain a two ways connection

In our coaching approach, the moment we decide to jump from the level of knowing to
wanting, daring and doing, to the actual coaching session, there is one primary technique
that we establish and maintain. The best way to describe this technique is the term rapport.

Without rapport, all the techniques that follow in this chapter are turning into something
totally different from what we want to represent.

Rapport can be explained through a wide range of words, such as: connection, trust,
harmony, comfort, openness, flow, respect. One thing is for sure, when it is there, it is
there and we actually know it from the response we receive.

For rapport to be a complete technique, which brings results, it takes to approach it both
from the conceptual and the technical level. Skipping one of them makes rapport superficial.

On the conceptual level, rapport is a way of being with others. It is about getting curious,
appreciating and being involved with the distinctive characteristics of another. It takes to
establish true respect and interest towards the details, which together are building
someone’s way of being in the world, exactly on the moment that these details are
confronting yours through interaction.

On the technical level, rapport is achieved through matching and mirroring our coachee’s
communication elements. It supports to remind ourselves here that the impact of
communication looks as it appears in the following schema:

7% verbal

55% non verbal

38% vocal
This schema does not show that verbal (content) is not important. Content remains very
important. Still, the vocal (voice) and the non-verbal (body postures, gestures, face
expressions, energy) are deciding whether we are going to be effective or not.

Precisely, if we want to build up rapport with our coachee, it requires that from the very first
moment we start matching and mirroring his/her communication non-verbally, vocally and
verbally.

Examples of non-verbal match:

level of energy
eye contact
body posture
movements
speed
distance
breathing
mimics
Examples of vocal match:

tonality
rhythm
pace
volume
Examples of verbal match

similar vocabulary
using back words that the coachee is pointing out
similar topics
short encouragements (aha…hmm…)

Through matching and mirroring our coachee’s communication at all three levels, we are
establishing rapport, this two ways connection, which supports the coachee to feel
comfortable inside our interaction.

Matching and mirroring is not an attitude that we maintain through a whole session. It is
required, so that we achieve rapport. It is a way to pace our coachee. And after we
persistently pace and pace and pace our coachee, when rapport is there we can start
leading.

What is fascinating about this step is that as long as we decide to lead, if our coachee does
not follow, it means that we are not leading and we did not achieve rapport. This was all a
wild assumption of ours. So, as quickly as possible, we correct, we go back, achieve rapport
and attempt to lead once more.
Danger: If we say to ourselves “I will be in rapport with my coachee. I will make it. I am sure.
I have this intention”, without performing it in details through matching and mirroring, we
are not anymore in rapport with ourselves and with reality. If we do it technically, as a
monkey, with no real interest, our coachee will perceive it. In both cases, we will not make
it.

Hint: Enjoy doing it.

Conversation Techniques
One of our principles in coaching is “not to put the best of yourself in the other, but to get
the best out of the other”. This conceptualization, in order to have impact, has to be
performed in details through our attitude as a coach.

The chapter that follows offers techniques, which will support us to lead a conversation,
while being in a coaching session, by giving to the coachee the maximum space for
expression and exploration.

We would like to present them as “conversation techniques”, as they are offering another
way to take an active role in a conversation, different from what might come to us
“naturally” or “logically”.
Backtracking

Definition: To paraphrase by repeating key words.

Backtracking is based on the assumption that, behind few of the words that we are using
while talking, there are extra words, which are hidden, those ones that are remaining
unsaid. Although, these words are not actively being said by the speaker, it can be that they
are showing up through the tonality of few of the outspoken ones.

Example: “Today, I was at work and I did nothing!” (coachee)

At this situation, when a word expressed from our coachee “does” something to us, gives us
an extra impression, as a coach the trap that we might fall in is to start searching for the very
very complicated question, which will lead our coachee to hand us out the holy truth.

Example: “What do you mean exactly by nothing?” (coach)

Then, consciously or not, still for sure actively, we are becoming the guide of the
conversation.

Backtracking offers a simple technique, which brings forward what is unsaid, keeps the flow
of the conversation and encourages smoothly the expression of the coachee.

Example: “Nothing?” (coach)

Danger: With this technique, the trap, that we might fall as coach, is to start thinking hard,
which might be that correct word to use for the backtracking. By doing this, there is high
chance that we will miss the moment and get disconnected from our coachee.

Hint: Achieve and maintain rapport. Do the backtracking, simply, by using a word from your
coachee, which has a different energy.
Reflection on feelings

Definition: To give a name to the energy of the coachee.

Many times, when it comes to feelings, we start to complicate the situation. This technique
offers an easy way, through which a coach can show empathy and deep understanding
towards the coachee.

For this technique, it is important to mention how, in our approach, we perceive feelings.
We assume that, at the first place there is an energy in motion through our body (e-motion =
energy in motion). To this energy we give a name, we give to it ourselves a label. In this way,
the energy in motion, the emotion, becomes, through our thinking system, a feeling.

This is exactly what as a coach we can do, when we encounter any emotional expression of
our coachee.

Example: “The last year, I am searching everywhere for a job and I start to believe that it is
impossible for me to get one!” (coachee)

“You are angry” (coach)

“Yes, I am terrible angry!” or “No. I am simple very sad” (coachee)

Apart from “you are…” we can use “you were…” or “you make yourself…” followed by any
kind of feelings:

frustrated

happy confused

Danger: The danger here might be that we want to find the correct feeling. In this way, we
wait, with the hope that we will find out. Result can be that we break rapport and we do not
catch the moment.

Hint: It is better to do it wrong, than not doing it. Anyhow, if you give the wrong label to the
emotion, the coachee will correct you. Reflect on the right time.
Summarize & Paraphrase

Definition of summarize: To give a shortened version of something that has been said from
the coachee, by stating its main points.

Definition of paraphrase: To restate, what the coachee said, in another form or in other
words.

The moment that, during a coaching session, the coachee is running into a never-ending
story, this technique might be supportive, in order to give structure to the coachee and to
take the session to a further step.

Example: “I finished my studies and then I started to work at a bank, in the center of the city,
where I live. I am still working over there. It is a nice place. My co-workers are kind and the
salary is satisfying. Still, lately, I get the feeling that I want to explore more, to travel around
the world and to do something totally different.” (coachee)

“So, you finished your studies. You start working at a bank, where it is nice and the
salary is satisfying and now you feel that you want to explore something totally different.”
(coach – summarize)

“So, up to now, you were fulfilled with what you were doing, but now you got the
desire to do something else and have a change.” (coach – paraphrase)

Danger: What is tricky is, while summarizing and, especially, while paraphrasing, to start
projecting to the coachee our own opinions and judgments and to start believing that we
understood the meaning behind.

Hint: Even when paraphrasing, maintain in respect towards the meaning and the idea, which
the coachee wants to bring forth. With this technique you can give the feeling to the
coachee that you are following fully and paying attention.
Reframing

Definition: To change the conceptual or the emotional viewpoint of the coachee towards a
situation and place it in a different frame that fits the facts of another situation equally well.

Reframing is based upon the assumption that the meaning of any behaviour exists only in
relationship to the context, in which it appears. In other words, a signal has meaning only in
the frame or context, in which we perceive it.

Through this technique, we are offering to our coachee another frame of reference, by
looking to the same situation from a different point of view.

Example: “If I ever try to have a love relationship, I am sure I will fail.” (coachee)

“You mean, you never tried before, but you would like to do it now.” (coach)

Example: “I am too anxious to study.” (coachee)

“Probably, you need to be anxious, so that you can concentrate.” (coach)

Example: “I am very stressed out before starting something new.” (coachee)

“It looks like change gets you excited!” (coach)

By reframing, the coachee might achieve a completely other representation and state, in a
split of a second.

Danger: It might be tempting that we are so overexcited by our own perception of the
situation, that we start convincing the coachee. This will be off course according to our
approach.

Hint: Fantasy and imagination are the key tools for reframing.
Lazy Coach

Definition of lazy: A state of mind that we reside in, when we get comfortable doing
nothing, in which we demonstrate a lack of response to requests.

A common generalization is the combination between successful and intelligent work with
hard and complicated images.

The lazy coach technique represents the minimum effort for the maximum results. It is
based on the assumption that the coachee knows the path to follow.

Example: “Tell me!” (coach)

“Bla...bla...bla…” (coachee)

The following should be used at the correct moments:

“…and…/…so…/…because…/…but?...” (coach )

“Bla...bla...bla…” (coachee)

This can be used at any moment:

“Yes, and now what? (coach)

“Bla...bla...bla…” (coachee)

This can be used at any moment:

“What do you suggest/what is your proposal?” (coach)

“Bla...bla...bla…” (coachee)

If the coachee comes with a suggestion that you don’t like:

“No, and I will explain you why...-explanation-….-then-…Yes…” (coach)

Danger: The misleading concept is that we might think as a coach that it is an easy
technique, although it turns out to be the hardest one. That is, because it takes to place
ourselves to the side and offer the entire “stage” to the coachee.

Hint: Maintain in total rapport.

Dead-end street

Definition: A place where, however wise and creative we are, there is, simply, no way out.

The dead-end street technique can be used in situations, in which our coachee says
something to us or reacts in a certain way, but we cannot use this in any way or this is not
real. This might be, for instance, a personal timed remark. At these moments, as a coach, we
feel like we are in a dead-end street and we can’t get out anymore. This technique offers a
basic structure to get us out of this street.

Example: “I really think you are/doing…” (coachee)

“So, if I understand correctly, you say that you…” (coach)

“Yes.” (coachee)

“I know that your intentions are good, and they are not yet clear to me. Could you
tell me a little bit more about this?” (coach)

“Bla…bla…bla…” (coachee)

“So, if I understand correctly…is important for you?” (coach)

“Yes.” (coachee)

“If I could give you/do for you…would you be willing to do/prepare…?” (coach)

Danger: Being in a dead-end street can be frustrating. The danger is to start defending
ourselves towards our coachee, reaction, which will bring us nowhere else, but closer to the
“wall” of the street.

Hint: Follow the steps as they are mentioned, whatever your emotional state might be.
Question Techniques
Making questions is a distinctive form of human thought, which can be described as a
matter of exploration that brings humans to the creation of answers and insights.

There is a claim that behind aggressive behaviour and anger is laying a question, which is
never asked. Probably, many of us are able to recall a moment, at which, although a
question was precisely formed in our mind, we decided never to raise it.

Making this decision often leads to an internal answer that we give ourselves to our own
question. And this is how our thinking system starts to have a life on itself, not necessarily in
line with the life outside of it.

Going away from the “habit” of putting questions, apart from leading to misconceptions and
complications, brings us further from our natural tendency to do so.

If as coaches, we become owners of the culture of putting questions, this might have a
liberating impact to our coachee.

The techniques that follow are giving structure on how we can use questions during our
coaching session in such a way, that the session turns into an insightful and explorative road-
trip for our coachee.
“Shooting from the hip”:
The Cowboy Technique

Definition: To question without questioning it.

“Shooting from the hip” is, basically, a technical way of asking question, which enables
expression. As it is revealed from the idiom itself, it requires from the coach to ask questions
directly and quickly, without considering the possible outcome of this action.

The moment that we decide, during a coaching session, that this technique is suitable, what
it takes is that we start ask our coachee questions on what he/she is telling, at every
possible chance.

Example: “Before three years, we moved from our house...” (coachee)

“Where was your house?” (coach)

“It was half hour driving, away from the city center…” (coachee)

“How many years did you leave there?” (coach)

“We live there for four years…” (coachee)

“Who is we?” (coach)

“Me and my parents…” (coachee)

“Why did you move?” (coach)

Danger: The danger is that, although we start shooting from the hip questions directly,
repeatedly and technically, on the way we might get emotional or surprised from the
answers of our coachee and lose our tempo and effectiveness.

Hint: The idea of "Shooting from the hip" is to be inconspicuous, so as not to change the
atmosphere. This allows you as coach to capture moments from the coachee as they come,
without interfering with mood and emotion. Become a question machine! Let yourself to be
surprised!
Meta Model

Definition: To ask, in order to link language and experience.

According to the pre-introduced internal map of reality, the model that we have in our head
of the world around us isn’t the actual world, but a representation that we make out of it.
This is because, while perceiving reality, three mechanisms are on: deletion, distortion and
generalization.

A tiny reminder for this…

Based on this principle, words that we use to express back to the world our experience
offer just a model, a symbol of our experience. They cannot describe fully the whole picture,
from the moment that, basically, exactly how we let reality in, we let reality out. While
speaking, these three mechanisms are again on. We delete, we distort and we generalize.

Meta Model technique offers a series of questions that enables us to overcome deletions,
distortions and generalizations that are coming from our coachee.

Through the Meta Model we can lead our coachee from the surface structure of the
language into the deeper structure of the experience. In this way, he/she can get closer
access to the experience he/she codes through speech.

Example deletion: “I am not good enough.” (coachee)

“Tell me more…When... At what precisely... With whom... How

exactly…?” (coach)

Example distortion: “When he does this, I am sure he is ignoring me.” (coachee)

”How do you know… What is the evidence…How exactly does this means
that he ignores you... What makes you say this...? (coach)

Example generalization: “I will never ever be able to cooperate with anyone” (coachee)

“Is that always the case… Never… Anyone… Just imagine you
could, what then…What stops you… What happens if you do…?” (coach)

Danger: That we miss the moment, because of strongly questioning ourselves “Is it a
deletion, a distortion or a generalization?” until our chance is gone.

Hint: Listen to the key words, the language indicators that will support you to recognize the
mechanism. Keep always in mind that using the Meta Model is not for you to find out the
hidden experience, but for the coachee to get closer to his/her experience. Practice,
practice, practice…
…the Meta Model Questions:

Recognize whether the statement is a deletion, a distortion or a generalization and note

next to it as many questions as possible.

He thinks I am not good enough.

If you don’t look at me, you don’t think I am worthy.
I never do it right.
I can hear it in your voice that you don’t like my ideas.
They don’t like me, I can smell it.
They don’t listen to me.
Not being consistent is not good.
We need to improve our communication.
This group wants to learn.
You give me the feeling that I am not perfect.
The man never looks at me, so he thinks I am unsuitable.
They cannot work, for sure.
He doesn’t have any retrospect at all.
I have to succeed.
I know you don’t want it anyway.
I feel insecure.
I cannot develop, because you will not let me.
This is a disaster.
You are a disaster.
I have to take care of this.
I am not saying anything, she doesn’t understand anyway.
I can’t learn this.
My decision created a situation in which I cannot continue.
Assignments:
In & Out of the Coaching Session
In our approach, we perceive the coaching session as a dynamic whole. The coach is there,
with antennas wide open, in order to connect with everything that the coachee is bringing.

Every new and, probably, unexpected element, which the coachee is letting to come on the
surface, is actually opening a wide range of options for the coach.

After achieving to create and to maintain rapport, as coaches, we have plenty of

opportunities to spice up our coaching session with all sorts of input that can offer to our
coachee an insightful angle and a refreshing energy.

One of the possibilities that we have in our toolkit is a variety of assignments, which can be
given, either inside the time range of one coaching session or for the period in between two
sessions.

What follows represents few of these assignments. Apart from the assignments that are
standing here, in this “spicing up the session” area, there is a wide range of options that we
can choose, coming from the fields of art, sports, music, videos and anything else that might
come to us.

For any assignment to have impact, it is crucial that, as coach, we connect the correct
assignment to the correct moment, according to the energy and the needs of our coachee.
Recipe on problem making

Recipe on problem making can be given to the coachee in between two coaching sessions.

This assignment is based on the following perspectives:

I create my own problems.

I am an expert, a genius on doing it.
When I know how I create my problems, it would be much more difficult to repeat
them.
Problems are functioning on a level, beneath our conscious level, of which we are
not aware.
This is why they can exist.
By explaining their function in details, they become conscious.
80% of caused problems are by lack of distance towards them.
How to give the assignment as a coach to your coachee:

It is supportive to demonstrate to your coachee the frame, inside which this assignment gets
its meaning, by explaining the pre-mentioned perspectives. Then, you give the precise
instructions for the recipe on problem making.
Example:

1. Till our next coaching session, you will write the recipes for minimum two of the main
problems that you are creating.

2. You will write them in a way, as if you are teaching me, for example, on how can I also
make it: When it is time to start? What do I have to feel? What do I have to visualize? What
do I have to tell myself about me? What do I have to think about myself?

3. Give it a tittle.

4. Use present tense, like: “Go…Do…You have to…”

5. Use strong words, like: “Tell yourself…”

6. Leave out all the circumstances and the stories.

7. Do not complain. Purely, describe what someone else has to do, in order to also make it,
as well as you.

Hint: The recipe assignment can be adjusted and be used, apart from problem making, in
other areas, as well. For example: “Write your own recipe on creating success” or “Write
your own recipe on self-coaching”.
Six Logical Levels

Six logical levels can be given to the coachee inside the time range of one coaching session.

This assignment can be supportive, when our coachee appears to be totally lost in an
experience of a situation and does not know from where to start correcting.

Through this assignment, we offer to our coachee the possibility to break the experience
into manageable parts and work with the current reality from the perspective of its
components.

The six logical levels are environment, behaviour, competence, values/ beliefs, identity,
mission/ vision. These levels represent different angles through which someone can perceive
the total perspective of a situation.

We are presenting here a way to work with the logical levels inside a coaching session.
Before giving the assignment, it is important to clarify with the coachee that he/she is willing
to work on the brought up situation.

After this clarification, you can start the assignment:

1. You form a path on the floor with the logical levels cards, starting from the environment
card and ending with the mission/vision one.

2. Explain to the coachee that these cards will be the stepping stones.

3. Ask the coachee to step on the environment card.

4. As far as the coachee is there, start asking all the questions coming from this level.

5. When the coachee believes that this level is clear, then he/she can step to the other card,
the behaviour one.

6. This is how to continue, until the coachee reaches the mission/vision card.

7. There you ask the coachee to turn around, so that he/she can look to all the cards again.
There, you ask the question for this level, until it becomes clear to the coachee.

8. After this is completed, the coachee starts stepping backwards, answering the same
questions for each stepping stone, now through the prism of having a clear vision for the
situation.

9. When he/she reaches back the environment card, you make it clear through questions,
which are the new options for him/her of handling the situation.

Hint: Using the logical levels in this way is offering to the coachee a sort of reframing. On the
way up, the coachee starts from the small picture and builds up to the bigger one. On the
way down, having made clear his/hers mission and vision, he/she starts putting together the
smaller parts in a reframed way.
 what are you part of? why are you here?

which is your purpose in life?

mission/vision

what do you believe about

yourself?

identity what drives you?

which are your values?

values/believes what do you believe about others?

what are you capable of?

which skills are you using?

competence

what are you doing?

how are you doing it?

behaviour

how is the situation?

who is there? what triggers you?

environment
contact information
email: oldevechte@hotmail.com
website adresses:
Olde Vechte Foundation: www.oldevechte.nl
Youth In Action: www.youthinaction.nl
phone number : +31529451963
fax number: +31529456290
Address: Zesserweg 12, 7731 BG, Ommen, the Netherlands