Working with difficult personalities

How to survive
emotionally fragile and
reactive behaviour

Nathan E. Ory, M.A.

Challenging Behavior Analysis and Consultation, Ltd

Special Education Council of the

Alberta Teachers’ Association
Kananaskas, Alberta
October 15, 2010
 Mental health support specialist

Emotionally disturbed,
Emotionally fragile and reactive persons.

P You can’t tell me what to do!

P You and what army are going to make me do

it?

P You have to do what I tell you to do, or else!

 Before you begin

P Environment should be physically safe

P Level of stimulation should be controllable

P Known “triggers” that “set off” person should be

identified and avoided

P Structured daily routine should be in place

P Alternative communication methods should be

modeled.
 What is emotionally
fragile and reactive behaviour?

Contributing factors in most people

with challenging behaviors

P Poor regulation of their emotional states

< It is easy for them to go up, or to crash down

P Poor recovery after being over-aroused

P Low frustration tolerance

< Limited history of successes
Arousal cycle for a person who is
emotionally fragile and reactive

QUALITY OF JUDGEMENT
WITH
SLOWER RECOVERY
 “Shut down”functional questions

P What does “shut down” look like for this person?

P What do you know that triggers “shut down?”
P What are examples that show the individual
“Doesn’t know what to do when they don’t know
what to do?”
P Are there any examples of the individual becoming
“stuck in arousal?”
P What methods have you found that work best?
< Do’s and Don’t Do’s.
< Are these included in a behaviour or teaching
plan?
 How to tell if person is

emotionally fragile?
Personal boundaries are permeable.

Metaphors for unusual states

in persons who are fragile and vulnerable

P Emotional radar (wired to pick up rejection)

P Conditioned emotional reactions (old triggers lead

to “automatic” reactions.)

< Having a memory is the same as if happening

right now. (Can look like PTSD or dissociation)
 How to tell if person is
emotionally fragile?

P They are explosive about receiving “correction.”

P They are painfully aware of what they can not do

and angry about their need for your help.

P Without a person to reflect or a defined role they

are anxious, display psychiatric or regressed
function.
 Avoid confrontation by
dealing with predictable issues
in a routine manner.

If you can identify that escalating behavior is based on

“I can’t be criticized,” set up a way for person to be in
control, yet also accept clear boundaries.
 Personality and experiential factors

P Perfectionist. Has to “win.” Or, at least, “can’t

lose.”
< Over-reaction to frustration is more handicapping
than assessed cognitive deficits.
< Won’t allow themselves to feel “stupid.”

P They over-focus on immediate obstacle.

< Inability to step-back from situation.
< They are caught up in the moment.
P May have little ability to focus unless provided with
an external “target” for their immediate attention.

P What they “oppose” is your emotional opposition to

them. They fixate on and over-focus on the
unfairness of it all.

P If you do not appear to be “in their way”, they may

not display oppositional or emotionally reactive
behaviour.

P Don’t be a “sail in their wind.” Be cautious

about being “set up” to give him/her an excuse for
becoming explosive.
 Ability to form attachments
may be impaired.

P They can not resolve conflict, but they can tell what
is wrong right now!

< They are “smarter” than they can do!

< Able to tell when they do “wrong”, but unable to

figure out what to do about it.

< Life is never “fair!”

 Maintain clear personal boundaries

Martin Lyden, PhD

Director, Psychology Department
The Center for the Disabled, Cohoes, NY

“How to become more emotionally thick skinned, Part I.”

The NADD Bulletin, March/April 2005, Volume 8, #2, pages
22-32.

“How to become more emotionally thick skinned, Part II.”

The NADD Bulletin, July/August 2005, Volume 8, #4, pages
76-80.

“How to become more emotionally thick skinned, Part III.”

The NADD Bulletin,

contact email: lyden@cftd.org

 Personality and experiential factors

Maladaptive coping patterns

P I can never do anything wrong.

P You can never do anything right.

P Nothing is ever right for me

< Constant, ongoing conflict, unable to resolve.

P I’m right and you are wrong.

 Avoid confrontation by
dealing with predictable issues
in a routine manner.

If you can identify that escalating behaviour

is based on

“I can’t be criticized,”

set up a way for person to be in control,

yet also accept clear boundaries.

 Emotional factors-reaction to anxiety

Reactions when under stress or distress

P When anxious may be vigilant-challenging:

< “Can you keep me safe from over-arousal?”

 Anxiety associated with “thought flooding.”
Momentary focus of attention is like the ball dropping
into a spinning roulette wheel.

Person is “captured” by their immediate sensations.

 Mental health approaches

- Identify triggers and protect person from these.

- Don’t “back person into a corner”

- Maintain close attachment.

- Don’t confront obsessive, fear driven behaviour.

- Maintain physically safe environment.

 Emotional responses
to distress circumstances

Emotionally unstable reactions

when unable to meet own needs
or other’s expectations
P Failure and rejection. Dependent.
P Confusion and anxiety. Fear, loss of control.

P If you think it’s your fault: Embarrassed, inhibited.

Shame, desire to save face.

P If you think it’s someone else’s fault: Angry,

disappointed, demoralized. Blame, desire to get
even.
Nathan E. Ory, M.A. © 2010
Challenging Behaviour Analysis and Consultation, Ltd.
543 Marine View
Cobble Hill, BC
V0R 1L1
Canada

phone: (250) 743-1667

http://www.psychologists.bc.ca/pro/nathanory

challengingbehavior@shaw.ca

“Working with people with challenging behaviors: A guide

for maintaining positive relationships” 2nd edition 2007

www.fasdconnections.ca
www.autismtodayory.com