Veep S03E07 720p

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Ripped By mstoll
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DAN: Kyle, we need to
blow up the Veep's visit
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to the British pub, okay?
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We are running some reverse
My Fair Lady shit here.
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We're showing she's a regular gal.
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Mark, the memorial.
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We need a ton of coverage.
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It's 100 years from World War I,
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Selina's back in black, she's looking good,
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and it's "Good Mourning, America"
mourning with a "u."
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(GRUNTS) Sue.
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I need you to get Selina
a meeting with Prince Charles,
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that 65-year-old fuckin' intern. Okay?
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Dan, if you want to get
into the palace at short notice,
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you're going to have to storm it yourself!
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Okay, Sue, listen.
This is me, campaign manager,
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telling you, schedule woman, to just,
you know, make that happen.
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All right, all right.
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Someone get me the Prince of Wales'
private secretary on the phone, stat.
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Tough call. Then again, you're a tough caller.
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SELINA: (CHUCKLES) Wonderful, wonderful.
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Hey. Listen. I am thrilled to be here
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looking presidential, of course.
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But what about POTUS?
Is there any more news from him?
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No, he definitely wanted to come.
He had to stay and close the China deal.
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He had tickets for a West End musical.
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Something with a duck or a ghost.
I don't remember.
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Hey, is FLOTUS having an affair?
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- Not that I would blame her.
- GARY: Have you seen her lately?
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- She's lost a lot of weight.
- A lot, right?
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Her neck is like stretched cheese.
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- Yeah, it looks bad now.
- Right?
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- Bad.
- It's gone bad.
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SELINA: Hello again, Mr. Ambassador.
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And you know
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Peter Mitchell, Deputy Prime Minister?
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Yeah, we met in Hong Kong.
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Heroin and Chinese food.
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- Noodles and needles.
- (SELINA CHUCKLES)
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It was actually
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the solar energy summit in Stockholm.
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That's the one, that's the one. Same vibe.
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100 years since the Great War
is so my area, Amy.
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How does this sound? "In four years,
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"16 million perished.
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"In the silent aftermath,
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"towns grieved for their fallen young men."
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This is my masterpiece.
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I mean, I'm nailing pathos
to the fricking wall here.
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Death, glory, folly, tragedy.
It's got the four main mood groups.
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So have you set up the secret
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Transatlantic Security Organization meeting
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- with the German chancellor?
- AMY: Mmm-hmm. At the cathedral.
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She can lie to the Brits
and go straight to confession.
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The Brits are gonna be unhappier.
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I need a stiff fuckin' drink.
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In related news, Ray's talking.
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- Oh, God. To smart people?
- BEN: Yeah.
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He's currently with a woman
from the Bank of England.
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It's like watching a goat trying to use an ATM.
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You know, because money is just a concept.
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You know, we believe in it
because we're too scared not to.
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There's no intrinsic value to it.
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- It's not like muscles in your arms.
- Well...
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Okay, I think that's
quite a superficial analysis.
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You know what "intrinsic" means?
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- Yeah.
- Yeah, I try to learn a word a day.
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I love words very ardently.
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Yeah. Sorry, who are you again?
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The Transatlantic Security Organization
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that's going to Frankfurt and not here?
Because...
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Honestly, we haven't made a decision
about that yet.
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Right. And I hope that "honestly"
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isn't one of those words that's lost
its meaning whilst traveling the Atlantic.
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(CHUCKLES)
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What about the censure vote
in the House of Commons tomorrow?
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How do you think that's gonna go?
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- On spying?
- Mmm-hmm.
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- It'll be defeated.
- Oh, good.
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But then you probably know that already.
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(CHUCKLES)
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I'm relieved to hear that. I really am.
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You know, 'cause the U.S.
doesn't spy on its allies.
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- Now I'm relieved.
- We collect data.
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- Same thing.
- Oh. No.
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No? Gary, what do you think?
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Well, I...
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Gary likes to keep his cards
close to his chest.
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- Yeah.
- GARY: Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
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No, please, do share.
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I'm just "collecting data."
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- (CHUCKLES)
- (STUTTERS) Yeah.
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Um, I think it's very nuanced.
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And I think there's a lot of different sides
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to a lot of different topics that are out there
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that I think we could...
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Gary, I need that lipstick.
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- Thank you so much.
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
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- Madam out there hobnobbing...
- (AMY CHUCKLES)
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...us here in the servants' quarters.
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It's like Downton Abbey.
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"McClintock, Lady Selina wishes to eat
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"a Cornish pasty in the paddock this evening.
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"Post-haste, you bugger!"
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I love that voice.
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It makes me feel inadequate and horny.
The dream.
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Ray, I don't know if you've met
the Deputy Prime Minister.
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- Ray Whelans.
- Pleasure.
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- Wellness consultant.
- Wellness?
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Oh, like a fitness chap?
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- I'm also a businessman and an author.
- An author?
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Would I know any of your titles?
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"60-Day Shred."
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"Get A Bod Like God,"
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"My Name Is Ray, You're Okay,"
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"The Greater Glory In 20 Days"...
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Ray, I need Gary.
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- Okay.
- Yeah.
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Yes, I've seen the numbers, Kent.
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I know that she's bleeding blue collars.
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So we're gonna make her
look fucking folksy in a London pub.
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Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said,
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"Dan's a fucking terrible campaign manager“?
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I would like to shoot him,
but there are no guns in this country.
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Yeah.
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JONAH: Steven, this is Jonah Ryan
reporting to Team Maddox.
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(ATTEMPTING BRITISH ACCENT)
I'm in London Town,
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and it's going to be a
"right royal cockney barrel of turnips"
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when I dish the dirt on Selina Meyer.
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(IN NORMAL VOICE) Yes, sir,
I'll stop using the accent.
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KENT: Hello, Jonah.
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Hello, sir.
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Just buying some tickets
for Madame Tussauds.
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You're an imbecile.
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SELINA: What a charming little pub.
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I have to say,
this is just the most delightful place.
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I can imagine Harry Potter
getting loaded in here.
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- (CHUCKLES)
- PETER: Right, yes. Although, well...
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Well, he's a small child,
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so, underage. But...
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Oh, right. Yes, of course. Of course.
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Although I think the actor
is quite a grown man.
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The actor, yes.
But the original, the literary version,
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which, of course,
is the fictional story of a child witch.
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So, would very much
still be considered a minor.
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Right. Actually, I think it's a wizard.
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- Yeah.
- Yeah, right.
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Same.
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SELINA: So, you are the owner of the pub?
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Amy, the "emu“ has landed.
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Jonah's in London.
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ANN: Oh, shit.
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Maddox must have sent him here
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to spy or something. Ha.
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"Jonah Bond, double-o-fuck off."
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I'll see you at the press conference.
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What?
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I'm also here.
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Have you been here a long time?
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Oh, I've been running this gaff for 25 years.
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- I've lived around here me whole life.
- I see.
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Born and bred West Ham fan.
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What kind of ham did you say?
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West Ham United.
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They're my local team.
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- Football.
- Oh!
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Of course, football. Right.
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We call that soccer, actually.
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No, here, football.
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Right. We have football there.
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And I'm wondering actually
what do you call, what we call soccer?
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That's one thing I don't...
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- Yeah. Football.
- Right. Great.
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So, uh, what are you having, ma'am?
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Uh-huh. What am I having?
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What would you recommend
that I have at this lovely place?
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(CLEARS THROAT) Oh.
Uh, how about a nice pinot noir?
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Oh, that sounds divine.
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I'm joking. No, that's... He won't...
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I think to me, you look like
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a bitter person,
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maybe.
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Which is a type of beer. Don't worry.
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It's just a joke.
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Just playing.
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Bitter is a horrible beer.
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Well, she's gonna drink it
and she's gonna smile, Gary.
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- Okay, I've got some peppermints.
- RAY: I've got digestive enzymes.
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Do you want me to just put that in my bag?
Oh, okay.
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So would you like to do the honors, ma'am?
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- SELINA: I'm not sure...
- Pulling a pint?
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- DAN: Yes, yes.
- Yes, I would. I'd absolutely love to do that.
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Well, stroll on down and I'll show you how.
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MIKE: Okay, gang, if you guys want to...
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All right, guys. The Vice President
is now going to "pull a pint."
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- I just said that. I just said that.
- Come on down.
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Yen, yep. Ooh.
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Okay. Well, cheers.
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- Cheers. Cheers.
- Cheers.
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(CHUCKLES)
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That's lovely.
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(LAUGHING)
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(CROWD MURMURS)
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MAN 1: Hey!
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MAN 2: Bottoms up, ma'am!
Get it down you' Selina.
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Down in one, sweetheart.
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What? What did you say?
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- Down in one.
- "Daniwah!" Okay!
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- "Daniwah!"
- "Daniwah!"
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(CROWD LAUGHING)
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Daniwah!
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- Daniwah!
- Daniwah!
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They're eating this up.
I think we just landed a catchphrase.
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They're not saying "Daniwah."
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They're saying "down in one."
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Moron.
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Daniwah!
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- Make her stop saying that.
- Yeah.
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They're laughing at her like a toddler
they taught to swear.
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Okay, ma'am. Are you feeling okay?
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- No.
- Yeah, you a little gassy?
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Oh, yeah. Like the Hindenburg.
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I think we're good. I think we're good.
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- Let's get out of here.
- DAN: Okay.
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Thank you guys very much for coming out.
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DAN: We really appreciate it.
SELINA: Daniwah, guys!
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- CROWD: "Daniwah!"
- SELINA: Daniwah!
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(LAUGHING)
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- (SIRENS BLARING)
- AMY: Okay, "Daniwah" is trending.
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It's number two under
Kate Middleton's bony ass.
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You know, I thought it was some sort of
a Japanese thing that he was saying.
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Yeah, like konnichiwa.
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Hey, ma'am, I ordered
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a pot of hot tea for your room.
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I'm not having anything else
to drink for the next month.
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Siri, how many horses died
in the First World War?
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- Why are you asking that?
- (CELL PHONE BEEPS)
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For the speech.
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No. I'm not talking about horses.
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Cancel search, Siri.
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(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
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GARY: You're gonna look so stunning
at the war service, ma 'am.
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(CHUCKLES) Those guys are
gonna wish they weren't dead.
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All right.
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00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,853
Here's the cherry on top of the most
245
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:08,518
- delicious sundae, I must say.
- (CHUCKLES)
246
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:09,983
(LAUGHS)
247
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:12,493
Look how beautiful that is.
248
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,553
RAY: Mmm...
249
00:09:13,753 --> 00:09:15,027
What?
250
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,328
What, do you think the bigger one?
251
00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:19,193
Don't you think the other hat
is a little too "natty"?
252
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:20,326
I don't know. What do you think?
253
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,394
RAY: I think it's London.
254
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,201
Britain is the kingdom of the hats.
255
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,066
I have never heard that phrase.
256
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:26,570
It's a well-known phrase.
257
00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:27,667
Is it?
258
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:30,412
Yeah.
259
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,380
I agree with you.
I'm gonna go with the other one.
260
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,214
I'm gonna go with the other one.
Yeah, why not?
261
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,185
Maybe I can wear this with something else.
262
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,846
I don't know what else I brought.
263
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:39,184
Or nothing at all.
264
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,924
- Ooh, what?
- What?
265
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,858
I don't know what you mean.
266
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,954
- RAY: Do you know what that means?
- Oh, dear.
267
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:47,531
SELINA: I don't think we have
time for this, do we?
268
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:48,861
RAY: What, horsing around?
269
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,629
GARY: Look at these branches.
270
00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:52,430
It is springtime in here.
271
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:54,865
SELINA: Gary, close the door behind you.
GARY: Sure. Yeah.
272
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,532
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
273
00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:58,442
All right, guys, I need a plan here. Okay?
274
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,436
I am "Dan With A Plan" Egan,
275
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,275
so if I can't work, then you can't work, and...
276
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:05,280
Call him back.
We've got to go in there and talk to Selina.
277
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:06,543
I'm just, urn...
278
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,586
I was just doing a little role-playing.
279
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:10,919
Like a Charles Manson defense?
280
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:12,779
Ah...
281
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,817
AMY: Front of the Standard.
MIKE: Oh.
282
00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:17,656
AMY: You've even managed
to get yourself in there.
283
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,229
Nicely done, "Obi-Wah Kenobi."
284
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,460
No one reads that rag.
285
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:22,794
That's one paper.
286
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:24,300
I can handle one paper, guys.
287
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:25,630
And you know this about me. All right?
288
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:26,965
I can chop this thing in two
289
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,664
- like a disputed kitten.
- AMY: Oh, pleasant.
290
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:29,973
SELINA: Mike?
MIKE: Yes, ma'am.
291
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:31,974
I want to talk to you about this speech
292
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,840
for the World War I service, okay?
293
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:37,176
Very proud of it, ma'am.
I gave this one 100% effort.
294
00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:39,513
As I do everything I write for you.
295
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:41,586
Okay, I'm not sure about this...
Uh...
296
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,151
"To honor all who
297
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:46,190
"fell in frozen Flanders fields
298
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,156
"and hold their memory fresh."
299
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,091
- It's just a little bit too "effy" for me.
- DAN: Yeah.
300
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,024
- SELINA: Do you know?
- Well, that's kind of the idea, ma'am.
301
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:54,325
I mean, it's poetic.
302
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:55,660
Yeah, but we're trying to appeal
303
00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:58,361
to the blue-collar demographic, right?
Not the poets.
304
00:10:58,458 --> 00:10:59,937
- I agree.
- GARY: Ray agrees.
305
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,473
So, "16 million perished."
306
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:04,805
No, well they didn't.
They died, so just say that.
307
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:07,538
"The loss, though impossible
to adequately comprehend..."
308
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:09,773
That sentence is impossible to comprehend.
309
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,713
Just say, "hard to understand," you know?
310
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:13,283
- RAY: Plain English.
- (MOUTHING)
311
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,114
- I kind of agree.
- SELINA: Mmm.
312
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,618
I could normalfy this for you.
313
00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:17,847
No. No, no.
314
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,514
No, no, no. Just listen. Just listen.
315
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:21,683
He's got sort of a working-class touch,
316
00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:23,158
which is something that's valuable,
317
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,718
- and we should listen to it.
- (SCOFFS)
318
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:27,696
RAY: I printed a copy of
the speech from the "G" folder.
319
00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:29,528
Why does he have access to the "G" folder?
320
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,363
I don't even have access to the "G" folder.
321
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:32,527
AMY: Yes, you do, Mike. We all do.
322
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:34,529
It's the general file on the iCloud.
323
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,868
Everything was much easier
when it was just floppy discs.
324
00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:38,965
BEN: To paraphrase My Fair Lady,
325
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,137
we need to get to the fuckin' church on time.
326
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,202
One second. So, Mike,
327
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:43,975
what's your favorite part of this speech?
328
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,141
Okay. This is like Gettysburg.
329
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,412
"Beneath the..."
330
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,514
"Beneath the dark soil of Passchendaele,
331
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,489
"100,000 bodies still lie
332
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,991
"unaccounted for.
333
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,324
"Let today be their funeral service
334
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,192
"and we their mourners."
335
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,195
RAY: How about this?
336
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:04,326
"There's a whole lotta guys
who never came home.
337
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:06,231
"Good guys.
338
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:07,930
"Here's to those guys."
339
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,063
Holy fuckin' Christ.
340
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,699
- BEN: What is that, Ray?
- I'm just spitballin'.
341
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,243
No, Ray, listen, listen.
342
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,745
I've gotta stick with Mike's words,
you understand?
343
00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:17,246
- Totally.
- Because it's appropriate.
344
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,441
- Thank you, ma'am.
- Ame?
345
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:19,539
- AMY: Yes?
- What's happening with
346
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:20,914
the German chancellor?
347
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:23,453
After the speech, you're gonna
meet with him in the side chapel
348
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:24,954
and tell him that POTUS guarantees
349
00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:26,887
the TSO will be in Frankfurt, not London.
350
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,184
Hey, I'm gonna make a phone call
351
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,750
- about that right now.
- SELINA: Okay.
352
00:12:30,216 --> 00:12:31,388
Uh, where is Gary?
353
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:33,422
I'm right here.
354
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:36,029
What? Were you there the whole time?
355
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:37,962
Yeah, yeah.
356
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,292
(CELL PHONE CHIMING)
357
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:41,605
Jonah Ryan, Maddox Team.
358
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:43,970
AMY: (WITH BRITISH ACCENT)
Is this "Ryantology" Jonah Ryan?
359
00:12:44,063 --> 00:12:45,303
Yeah, one and the same.
360
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:46,604
(BRITISH ACCENT)
I'm a big fan of your website.
361
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:47,643
Well, thank you.
362
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,042
Actually, I don't run it anymore.
363
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,376
Oh, what a shame.
364
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,712
I was going to give you a story
about Ray Whelans,
365
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,115
Selina Meyer's trainer?
366
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,311
You know, I do still run it.
367
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:57,479
I was just looking at
one of my feeds right now.
368
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,215
Well, prepare to be astonished.
369
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:01,258
I'm ready for anything with that accent.
370
00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:04,990
I can! believe Ray tried to edit my speech.
371
00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:07,655
I feel like Shakespeare
when that monkey tried to make fun of him.
372
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:08,994
What?
373
00:13:09,088 --> 00:13:10,897
I think that might have been a cartoon.
374
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,436
All right, let's get on
with the remembering thing,
375
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:13,901
and I'll finesse the speech in the car.
376
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:15,728
- Anne?
- Yeah?
377
00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:18,138
I know Ray was a little off on the speech,
378
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,142
but wait till you see the hat he chose.
379
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:25,505
(DOOR CLOSES)
380
00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:29,113
SELINA: "In four fateful years,
381
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:32,315
"16 million perished.
382
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:34,958
"This loss,
383
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:38,120
"though impossible to
adequately comprehend..."
384
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:40,130
This speech is so beautiful.
385
00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:42,132
So beautiful.
386
00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:46,034
"Beneath the dark soil of Passchendaele..."
387
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:49,931
Right after this, Selina has to go
straight to meet the German chancellor.
388
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,340
I'll hold off that long streak of deputy piss
389
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:53,638
while she's in there.
390
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,270
SELINA: "...and we their mourners."
391
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:59,815
Let's remember the guys
who never came home.
392
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:02,950
Here's to the good guys.
393
00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:07,050
Boy, they were good guys, weren't they?
394
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:08,523
They were.
395
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:13,297
- You all right, mate?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
396
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:15,023
Lost your car?
397
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:17,692
No, no, no. I'm waiting on a guy.
398
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,226
Oh, right.
399
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:20,902
No. I...
400
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:23,030
I'm not waiting on a guy to have sex with.
401
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:25,006
I am waiting on a guy to talk... He's a reporter.
402
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:26,065
Is he?
403
00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:28,577
Look, you wouldn't get it.
Your jacket is fluorescent.
404
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:30,545
- Oh, I get it, sir.
- Really? You do?
405
00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:31,838
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
406
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,580
Jonah Ryan, Maddox Team.
407
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,711
This is Rob from the Daily Mirror.
You've got a story?
408
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:38,015
Hey, where are you?
409
00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:40,182
Why do you want to meet
in a fucking car park?
410
00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:41,384
I don't know, I just thought
411
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:42,824
"Watergate, Deep Throat."
412
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,862
- (WHISTLES)
- No. You son of a...
413
00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:46,486
Look, let's just meet in a pub.
414
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:49,223
How about a coffee?
415
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:53,903
Eight pounds for two coffees?
Thank you, America.
416
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,037
I could get four pints of Ruddles for that.
417
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:57,199
Okay,
418
00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:58,571
check this out.
419
00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:01,736
The Vice President
is fucking her personal trainer.
420
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,010
Ooh.
421
00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:07,008
No. Not really interested.
422
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,245
Is this all you have?
423
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:11,083
No, I've got a super hot
British source with a super sexy voice.
424
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:12,884
She sounds like Mary Poppins on all fours.
425
00:15:13,112 --> 00:15:15,422
You do realize Mary Poppins
would be over 100 by now?
426
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,222
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
Yeah, and I'd love to sweep her chimney.
427
00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:18,284
You know what I mean?
428
00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:20,725
No. Shall we just go to the pub?
429
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,095
There's one over there,
they'll do a shit coffee.
430
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:23,690
No, no, no. See, here's the thing.
431
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,134
This guy Ray,
he had a blog a couple of years ago, right?
432
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:27,429
But it got deleted.
433
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:28,801
So I did some research...
434
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:31,034
- So you googled it.
- No, I didn't just google it.
435
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,270
I found this thing called
the "Internet Archive"...
436
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:34,572
So you googled it.
437
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,477
I googled "Internet Archive," yes,
and I found it there.
438
00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:38,774
- But, on the Internet Archive.
- Yeah.
439
00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:41,750
- I found screen grabs of his old blog, right?
- Mmm-hmm.
440
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:43,583
What Ray said was, and I quote,
441
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:47,221
"Obesity is a punishment for sins
committed in a previous life.
442
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,290
"Fat people have to learn self-discipline
443
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:53,119
"until they are rid of the demon
that lives within them.“
444
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:54,887
- Oh, hello.
- Yeah.
445
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:56,898
What do you have to say about that?
446
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:58,334
"Daniwah!"
447
00:15:58,424 --> 00:15:59,630
Excuse me one second.
448
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:01,830
- Ben.
- Peter. Great service.
449
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:03,737
Yes, it was very moving.
450
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:08,406
I thought the Vice President's speech
was quite excellent.
451
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:11,137
You don't happen to know her whereabouts,
do you?
452
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,678
She's on the phone. State Department.
453
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:15,279
Right.
454
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:18,987
I saw the German chancellor just now heading
455
00:16:19,078 --> 00:16:20,853
toward the Lady Chapel.
456
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:23,983
Yeah.
457
00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:27,326
Um. He was going in there to pray privately.
458
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,525
I overheard him speaking to one of his aides.
459
00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:30,756
Oh.
460
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:32,928
You overheard. You speak German?
461
00:16:33,759 --> 00:16:34,829
Yes.
462
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:37,533
Ja, as they say in Germany.
463
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,145
My German's a little bit rusty, I must admit.
464
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,146
Oh, God. So is mine.
465
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:46,806
Ich muss wieder zur Schule gehen.
466
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:48,608
(CHUCKLES)
467
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:50,887
Absolutely.
468
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,456
Good times.
469
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:55,119
- At school?
- What?
470
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,553
I said, "I should go back to school."
471
00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,722
Yes. Well, the thing about German is
472
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,322
- once it's with you, it stays with you.
- Mmm-hmm.
473
00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:04,994
It's like riding ein bike.
474
00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:09,837
Is the Vice President in the Lady
Chapel with the German chancellor?
475
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:12,374
No, I told you before, she's on the phone.
476
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:14,876
Okay.
477
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:17,538
Okay, because
is that not quite clearly her hat?
478
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,414
No, I don't think it is.
479
00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:24,715
No, that's not her hat.
480
00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:26,153
I think it is her hat.
481
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,692
It's definitely her hat.
482
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:30,250
I'll tell you howl know, because I remember
483
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:34,058
when I first saw it, thinking to myself,
"What a hideous hat."
484
00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:37,430
It is like she stuck her head
in a swan and it's exploded.
485
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:41,335
I don't believe it is, sir.
486
00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:44,163
Well, du lügst.
487
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,231
(CHUCKLES)
488
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,604
Hilarious.
489
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:47,871
It means "you're lying."
490
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,004
I know.
491
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:54,283
Okay. Okay, so we're all
perfectly comfortable standing here
492
00:17:54,373 --> 00:17:56,853
pretending that we can't
quite clearly see the Vice President
493
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:59,880
in the Lady Chapel
with the German chancellor
494
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:02,187
finalizing a deal about the TSO?
495
00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:08,088
I wouldn't say "comfortable."
496
00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,631
MIKE: Maybe that's her hat?
497
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:11,633
I'll see you at the press conference.
498
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,436
Okay, so, unelected loony
499
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:18,099
has the ear and minge of the Vice President.
500
00:18:18,197 --> 00:18:20,803
And he says that fat people... No, fat kids...
501
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,278
Fat kiddies have "sinned" in a past life. Yes.
502
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,713
Yeah. You know how upsetting
that's gonna be to fat people?
503
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,307
All of America is fat people.
504
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:28,476
That's all we have.
505
00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:31,578
All of our children weigh 300 fucking pounds.
506
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,248
We've got fat kids too. I've got a fat kid.
507
00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:35,314
Well, I can see her... I mean, that's...
508
00:18:35,414 --> 00:18:36,950
She's...
509
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:38,460
Right. We'll ambush the Vice President.
510
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:41,464
We'll get photos of her being surrounded
by fat kids dressed as devils.
511
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:42,828
Seriously?
-Yeah.
512
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:44,731
Oh, my God. You guys are fucking brutal.
513
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:46,126
This calls for a celebration.
514
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:47,932
Come on, I'll give you the first pint, at least.
515
00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:56,278
PETER: And, of course, those volunteers
who tend the war cemetery graves.
516
00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:59,641
Let's take some questions.
517
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:01,343
Nick Hadley, Daily Express.
518
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,181
- SELINA: Okay.
- Madam Vice President,
519
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:05,812
can you comment on the breaking story
520
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:08,152
about your personal trainer,
521
00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:09,487
Ray Whelans?
522
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,326
- Or would you like to comment?
- (RAY CHUCKLES
523
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:13,863
SELINA: Well, I don't know
524
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:16,024
what story it is you're referring to.
I'm so sorry...
525
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,127
HADLEY: He wrote an essay saying,
526
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:21,166
"Obese children are possessed by the devil
527
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:23,604
"as a punishment for past sins."
528
00:19:24,296 --> 00:19:25,297
SELINA: Uh, wow...
529
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:26,668
Goodness. I...
530
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,109
Way to go, Dan.
531
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,545
- Way to go, Ray.
- Yeah, just throw the blame around.
532
00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:32,047
Not at me, though. It's not my fault.
533
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,775
Your source? I don't know anything about it.
534
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,216
HADLEY: The essay's online, here.
535
00:19:35,307 --> 00:19:37,014
Is it? Okay.
536
00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:38,945
That is a thoroughly bizarre story.
537
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,820
It's called "cosmic balance."
538
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,553
It's not anything the Buddha didn't talk about.
539
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:44,787
Yeah, well, Buddha's got a big fat ass, Ray.
540
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,852
I believe in karma.
541
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:48,898
- Does that make me weird?
- ALL: Yes!
542
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:51,025
HADLEY: It just has
quotes leaping out. Here's one.
543
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,171
"Body fat stores all that is bad in us.
544
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:57,332
"Too much, and the host is enveloped in sin."
545
00:19:58,664 --> 00:19:59,904
Guys, I wrote a treatise
546
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:02,377
- a couple of years ago. I write a lot of treati.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
547
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:03,538
It's treatises, Ray.
548
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:04,842
The normal plural.
549
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,482
- (BRITISH ACCENT) Hello?
- JONAH: Hey, I just wanted
550
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:07,847
to say thanks for the lead,
551
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:10,148
- "me olde Pearly Queen."
- My pleasure.
552
00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:11,479
Another?
553
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,555
Two more. Two pints, please.
554
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:14,886
I was wondering if you were
555
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:16,653
available this evening by chance
556
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,354
you would like to join me for some dinner.
557
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:19,987
I've found a very charming gastropub.
558
00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:22,329
That sounds lovely. Brilliant.
559
00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:24,593
Text the details lo my cell, mobile.
560
00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:26,067
So this idea that
561
00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:27,501
"fat is fate,"
562
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:28,832
that's nonsense, is it?
563
00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:30,706
I am certain that
564
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:34,233
the Deputy Prime Minister
would like to move on now
565
00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:36,574
to the matters at hand.
566
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:37,670
Oh, uh...
567
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:38,909
I think we're in it now.
568
00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:40,415
I think we probably should,
569
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:41,917
maybe, see this through to the end.
570
00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:43,350
BEN: What's going on?
571
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:44,513
Well, where is she?
572
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,749
Yeah, I got this.
573
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:47,051
I got this. I can...
574
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,414
Uh...
575
00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:49,754
Here's what we're gonna do.
576
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,022
We are gonna go big on Prince Charles.
577
00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:53,524
No, no, scratch that.
578
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:54,758
- We're gonna cancel Charles.
- KENT: What?
579
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:56,265
We're canceling Charles, okay?
580
00:20:56,355 --> 00:20:57,698
Do you hate fat people?
581
00:20:58,023 --> 00:20:59,934
You know what,
let me just put this to rest, okay?
582
00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:04,735
I have always been a friend
of the (STAMMERING) full-figured folks.
583
00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:06,810
Okay, my pretend friends.
584
00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:08,276
I got to go back to DC.
585
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:09,778
Something very big has happened
586
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:11,212
and I've got to be there.
587
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,647
- AMY: What is it?
- Daniwah!
588
00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:13,739
- Daniwah.
- AMY: What's that?
589
00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:14,807
RAY: Daniwah.
590
00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:16,386
(DAN GROANS)
591
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:18,816
RAY: Easy, buddy.
592
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:20,788
- AMY: Hey, hey, hey!
- Get your hands off me, all right?
593
00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:22,787
- I don't want to catch your fucking idiocy.
- AMY: Okay.
594
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:24,953
- I can...
- Whoa!
595
00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:27,257
GARY: Oh, he's having a heart attack.
Are you having a heart attack?
596
00:21:27,319 --> 00:21:28,764
AMY: No, I think he's just
having a breakdown.
597
00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:31,427
- I think this is, like, indigestion or something.
- MIKE: Easy.
598
00:21:31,924 --> 00:21:34,404
I don't think I should have
eaten that Scotch egg.
599
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,098
Is that that egg with
the sausage wrapped around it?
600
00:21:36,162 --> 00:21:37,470
Never mind. Not important.
601
00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:39,406
KENT: Ray, I need to speak with you privately.
602
00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:40,569
Mike,
603
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:41,668
you're in charge.
604
00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:44,439
- Yes, sir.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
605
00:21:44,503 --> 00:21:46,505
Oh, my God, Mike.
606
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:48,414
Oh, my God.
607
00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:51,254
- I got... I got this, I got this.
- (CELL PHONE BEEPS)
608
00:21:52,077 --> 00:21:55,684
Siri, Ray Whelans' treati. Treatises!
609
00:21:55,781 --> 00:21:56,851
Okay, okay.
610
00:21:57,683 --> 00:21:59,424
People are disturbed by your role.
611
00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:01,988
Yeah, they think folks who are physical
can't be cerebral.
612
00:22:02,087 --> 00:22:06,365
They think those two things are
separate, that they're not symbiotic.
613
00:22:06,525 --> 00:22:08,163
No, no, you don't understand.
614
00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:09,330
I do, I do. Look,
615
00:22:09,428 --> 00:22:11,999
people think that, you know,
"He's a fitness guy,
616
00:22:12,097 --> 00:22:13,508
"how can he know about politics?"
617
00:22:13,599 --> 00:22:14,600
I get you, Kent.
618
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:15,701
(SIGHS)
619
00:22:15,801 --> 00:22:18,304
Again, I don't think you do.
620
00:22:18,771 --> 00:22:21,342
People think Selina's judgment is bad
621
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,182
if she listens to people like you
622
00:22:24,276 --> 00:22:25,949
whose beliefs are very
623
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:27,012
- stupid.
- Exactly.
624
00:22:27,112 --> 00:22:28,113
People.
625
00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:29,448
(SIGHS) You're not getting it.
626
00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:31,825
You know, the brain is a muscle.
627
00:22:32,451 --> 00:22:33,486
No, it isn't.
628
00:22:33,719 --> 00:22:34,789
And I have sympathy.
629
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,663
I do have
630
00:22:36,722 --> 00:22:39,498
deep sympathy for those who struggle
with their weight.
631
00:22:39,558 --> 00:22:43,062
And I will go on
to say that even I, as a young teenager,
632
00:22:43,162 --> 00:22:44,368
had a bit of a struggle
633
00:22:44,463 --> 00:22:47,000
with my weight as I'm sure
634
00:22:47,066 --> 00:22:50,673
almost everyone here in this room has had
635
00:22:50,736 --> 00:22:52,647
atone moment or another in their life.
636
00:22:54,340 --> 00:22:56,149
(DAN GRUNTING)
637
00:22:59,478 --> 00:23:00,479
I can't feel my hands.
638
00:23:00,546 --> 00:23:02,184
- Do you feel my hands?
- No. Yeah. I do.
639
00:23:02,248 --> 00:23:04,091
Okay. I can feel them,
but that's not how it works.
640
00:23:04,183 --> 00:23:05,491
I'm googling your symptoms right now.
641
00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:06,552
What are your symptoms?
642
00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:08,996
- Massive pain.
- Yeah. Where? In your chest?
643
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:11,091
Yeah, like right where my hand is clutching.
644
00:23:11,190 --> 00:23:12,191
The pain is right around there.
645
00:23:12,758 --> 00:23:14,169
- I'm trying to help.
- Like, under my heart?
646
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:15,569
Right in the middle...
647
00:23:15,661 --> 00:23:17,402
Do you taste copper?
648
00:23:17,997 --> 00:23:19,738
I think you're having a panic attack.
That's what...
649
00:23:19,832 --> 00:23:21,334
No, no, no.
650
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,004
I don't panic. I'm the fucking iceman.
651
00:23:23,068 --> 00:23:24,172
That's why I'm the campaign manager.
652
00:23:25,671 --> 00:23:26,615
Call Sue.
653
00:23:26,705 --> 00:23:28,241
What's the codes you put before the number?
654
00:23:28,340 --> 00:23:29,410
0-0-1. U.S.
655
00:23:29,508 --> 00:23:31,249
I just have her name,
so I need to memorize the number
656
00:23:31,343 --> 00:23:32,549
before I put the codes in.
657
00:23:32,678 --> 00:23:34,214
Hey, Sue? Sorry. Hey, listen...
658
00:23:34,346 --> 00:23:35,347
(CLATTERING)
659
00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:36,949
GARY: Shit.
660
00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:38,527
FEMALE REPORTER:
How much exactly did you weigh?
661
00:23:38,617 --> 00:23:39,618
Uh...
662
00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:41,755
Okay. Well, at my very biggest,
I would say I was probably
663
00:23:41,854 --> 00:23:44,460
roughly around 151
664
00:23:44,556 --> 00:23:46,035
or 152 pounds.
665
00:23:46,091 --> 00:23:49,937
I don't know what that translates to
in terms of stones.
666
00:23:50,696 --> 00:23:52,300
- That's a lot.
- Yeah, heavy.
667
00:23:52,398 --> 00:23:53,968
Is it? That's a lot? Okay.
668
00:23:54,233 --> 00:23:55,712
This is like the Queen's china.
669
00:23:55,801 --> 00:23:57,803
MIKE: They're never gonna
let us back into England again.
670
00:23:57,903 --> 00:23:59,439
We need to research everything
Ray Whelans ever wrote...
671
00:23:59,538 --> 00:24:00,539
oh. my God!
672
00:24:00,606 --> 00:24:02,051
- It doesn't matter.
- It does matter!
673
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:03,916
- This is the fuckin' Queen's china!
- (SHUSHING)
674
00:24:04,376 --> 00:24:07,914
It's been something that's...
You know, it's a part... It's my history.
675
00:24:07,980 --> 00:24:11,951
I can't say that I was proud to be
as enormous as I was,
676
00:24:12,051 --> 00:24:13,428
but there you have it.
677
00:24:13,485 --> 00:24:16,091
- What are you looking for?
- I'm looking for a napkin to at least cover it.
678
00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:20,392
MIKE: Behind the curtain.
Put it behind the curtain.
679
00:24:21,827 --> 00:24:22,828
Go.
680
00:24:24,663 --> 00:24:26,939
You really don't get it,
681
00:24:26,999 --> 00:24:30,139
so I'm going to keep this very simple.
You're fired.
682
00:24:31,603 --> 00:24:32,809
I get you.
683
00:24:33,339 --> 00:24:35,012
Very simple.
684
00:24:35,908 --> 00:24:37,353
- Yes, it is.
- Great.
685
00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:39,422
I'm so pleased we had this talk.
686
00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:41,355
Let's see where we all are in a month or so.
687
00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:43,585
This is amazing.
688
00:24:44,283 --> 00:24:45,694
Thank you.
689
00:24:46,085 --> 00:24:47,758
- Hurry up, Gary.
- Shit.
690
00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:48,821
(DOOR OPENS)
691
00:24:50,122 --> 00:24:51,795
SELINA: Oh, my God.
692
00:24:51,857 --> 00:24:55,964
What a fuckin' misery marathon that was.
693
00:24:58,764 --> 00:25:01,142
- Where is everybody?
- Dan had a nervous collapse.
694
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,770
Amy's taking him to the hospital.
695
00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:05,509
Ben went back to DC. Kent's firing Ray.
696
00:25:05,604 --> 00:25:06,605
And I'm in charge.
697
00:25:08,273 --> 00:25:09,217
Fuck!
698
00:25:09,308 --> 00:25:10,446
I know, right?
699
00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:12,113
I should just go back out there.
700
00:25:13,112 --> 00:25:14,182
Did you see that?
701
00:25:14,279 --> 00:25:15,349
Yep, I saw.
702
00:25:15,447 --> 00:25:16,448
Why?
703
00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:20,827
Why am I in London
talking about my enormous
704
00:25:20,886 --> 00:25:22,991
jiggly-ass ass?
705
00:25:23,055 --> 00:25:26,969
Ma'am, but people love people
who were like fat and they're no longer fat.
706
00:25:27,026 --> 00:25:28,300
- No, they don't.
- GARY: Right.
707
00:25:28,627 --> 00:25:30,868
Fat people don't even vote.
708
00:25:30,963 --> 00:25:33,307
They can't even be bothered
to get out of the house, you know?
709
00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:35,470
There's no food in the voting booth.
(CHUCKLES)
710
00:25:35,968 --> 00:25:36,969
Ma'am,
711
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:40,540
the House of Commons voted
to censure U.S. data monitoring activities.
712
00:25:40,639 --> 00:25:41,640
Huh?
713
00:25:41,740 --> 00:25:45,244
And there's five fat kids outside
dressed as Satan.
714
00:25:48,847 --> 00:25:50,155
Already?
715
00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:52,320
You know what we're gonna do?
716
00:25:52,384 --> 00:25:54,523
We're gonna cancel on Prince Charles.
717
00:25:54,586 --> 00:25:55,929
Gary, we're gonna have to get out of here
718
00:25:56,021 --> 00:25:57,329
the back way or something.
719
00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:00,593
- Gary?
- GARY: Yep, yep.
720
00:26:07,166 --> 00:26:09,544
SELINA: God, I hate this
stupid country so much.
721
00:26:09,601 --> 00:26:11,205
Nothing makes sense here, you know?
722
00:26:11,270 --> 00:26:12,578
- (SIREN BLARING)
- You ask what temperature it is,
723
00:26:12,671 --> 00:26:15,675
you get some tiny little number.
I don't know what...
724
00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:17,379
What? What is that supposed to mean?
725
00:26:17,443 --> 00:26:20,185
Even the plugs here are bigger
726
00:26:20,245 --> 00:26:22,350
than the things that they power.
727
00:26:22,414 --> 00:26:23,586
Okay, ma'am, I've got to say something,
728
00:26:23,715 --> 00:26:25,524
so do not interrupt me. All right?
729
00:26:25,617 --> 00:26:27,221
I will interrupt you whenever
I want to interrupt you.
730
00:26:27,286 --> 00:26:29,288
Okay, okay, but this is...
731
00:26:29,388 --> 00:26:31,061
Like right now.
If I wanted to interrupt you right now.
732
00:26:31,123 --> 00:26:32,761
Okay. Ray is poison.
He's got nothing to do with wellness.
733
00:26:32,858 --> 00:26:35,429
He's a sickness, and you've got him bad,
and you've got to get rid of him.
734
00:26:37,029 --> 00:26:39,600
Do you actually think that I don't know that?
735
00:26:39,698 --> 00:26:41,609
I just got "Brit-fucked"
736
00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:43,043
by that balloon animal.
737
00:26:43,569 --> 00:26:45,549
Ray's gone. Trust me.
738
00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:46,605
(CHUCKLES)
739
00:26:46,972 --> 00:26:49,543
That is such a huge relief.
740
00:26:49,641 --> 00:26:51,621
He was getting into everything' you know?
741
00:26:51,710 --> 00:26:52,654
Yeah, I know, I know.
742
00:26:52,744 --> 00:26:54,280
I mean, my God,
743
00:26:54,379 --> 00:26:56,757
Dan only hired him as a sex slave.
(CHUCKLES)
744
00:26:58,417 --> 00:26:59,418
(EXHALES)
745
00:26:59,885 --> 00:27:00,989
What?
746
00:27:01,086 --> 00:27:02,087
Uh...
747
00:27:04,223 --> 00:27:05,759
Dan,
748
00:27:05,824 --> 00:27:07,667
he hired Ray as a...
749
00:27:07,759 --> 00:27:11,434
As a sex slave, did you not know?
750
00:27:11,497 --> 00:27:12,737
He...
751
00:27:13,465 --> 00:27:14,944
He pimped me out?
752
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,241
Yeah, yeah.
753
00:27:25,244 --> 00:27:26,416
Who knows about this?
754
00:27:27,579 --> 00:27:28,922
Me, Amy and Mike.
755
00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:31,359
- Okay.
- And Ben, Kent and Sue. Everybody.
756
00:27:31,450 --> 00:27:32,986
Everybody pretty much knows, ma'am.
757
00:27:33,085 --> 00:27:34,291
Give me my phone.
758
00:27:34,419 --> 00:27:36,160
Just give it to me.
759
00:27:36,588 --> 00:27:37,828
Yeah.
760
00:27:37,923 --> 00:27:39,334
Dan is so fired.
761
00:27:43,762 --> 00:27:45,002
DAN: I gotta say, Amy.
762
00:27:45,097 --> 00:27:46,337
(STAMMERS) You're like an actual friend.
I mean,
763
00:27:46,431 --> 00:27:49,002
throughout all this, you know,
me being made campaign manager over you,
764
00:27:49,101 --> 00:27:51,047
I mean, you could have been a real bitch,
and you've been great.
765
00:27:51,136 --> 00:27:53,480
Well, I guess I'm a team player, so.
766
00:27:53,539 --> 00:27:54,540
JONAH: Knock, knock.
767
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:56,646
Hey, buddy, how you doing?
768
00:27:57,543 --> 00:27:58,954
Am I hallucinating?
769
00:27:59,011 --> 00:28:00,183
Can I please get some better drugs?
770
00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:01,849
How are you feeling? You doing okay?
771
00:28:01,947 --> 00:28:04,154
What the fuck are you doing here, Jonah?
772
00:28:04,283 --> 00:28:06,388
What, are you molesting coma patients?
773
00:28:06,618 --> 00:28:07,619
Is that a thing?
774
00:28:07,686 --> 00:28:10,292
I might, now.
Maybe I'll just put them in some funny hats.
775
00:28:10,489 --> 00:28:13,026
No, I'm just here because I wanted to
776
00:28:13,125 --> 00:28:16,004
tell you how sorry I am that you
had a massive nervous breakdown.
777
00:28:16,195 --> 00:28:17,333
Oh, yeah.
778
00:28:17,796 --> 00:28:21,300
I also just wanted to tell you
that I'm the one that broke you,
779
00:28:21,633 --> 00:28:24,546
because I broke that personal trainer story,
780
00:28:26,071 --> 00:28:27,049
that was me.
781
00:28:27,139 --> 00:28:28,174
What are you talking about?
782
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,914
Oh, I got a tip from some
super hot British chick.
783
00:28:31,009 --> 00:28:32,488
I'm actually going to see her right now.
784
00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:34,182
So those flowers aren't for Dan?
785
00:28:34,246 --> 00:28:35,384
Fuck, no.
786
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:37,221
No, those are for my filthy Mary Poppins,
787
00:28:37,316 --> 00:28:39,489
and I'm gonna give her
(IN BRITISH ACCENT) a "spoonful of sugar."
788
00:28:39,551 --> 00:28:40,757
How delightful.
789
00:28:40,852 --> 00:28:43,230
I have to go, so get well, and...
790
00:28:44,256 --> 00:28:46,827
Ah, on the other hand,
791
00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:49,031
Selina just fired you as campaign manager,
792
00:28:49,161 --> 00:28:51,232
so take as long as you need.
793
00:28:51,330 --> 00:28:52,832
Take longer.
794
00:28:55,434 --> 00:28:57,277
KENT: Sue, forgive me.
795
00:28:57,369 --> 00:28:58,404
This is a terrible thing to ask,
796
00:28:58,503 --> 00:29:02,417
but I'm afraid that we're
going to have to cancel Prince Charles.
797
00:29:02,507 --> 00:29:06,853
Do you realize how difficult and demeaning
it was for me to set up that meeting?
798
00:29:07,012 --> 00:29:08,218
And it was a triumph, Sue.
799
00:29:08,347 --> 00:29:10,691
You have put me in a hideous situation.
800
00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:12,023
Remotely, I might add.
801
00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:14,758
So from now on,
remotely is how we will interact.
802
00:29:15,554 --> 00:29:17,693
KENT: Sue, there's no need to take that tone.
803
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:21,101
I'm used to a better class of tone, so just...
804
00:29:27,132 --> 00:29:28,202
She had to take another call.
805
00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:29,438
- Uh-huh.
- AMY: Of course. Okay.
806
00:29:30,369 --> 00:29:31,473
I have to take this outside.
807
00:29:31,570 --> 00:29:32,640
Yep.
808
00:29:37,909 --> 00:29:39,547
My flight doesn't leave until tomorrow night,
809
00:29:39,645 --> 00:29:41,955
so I figured it makes sense for me
to be on Air Force Two.
810
00:29:43,382 --> 00:29:45,726
Uh. In what world would that make sense?
811
00:29:46,551 --> 00:29:48,656
You need to get on your running machine,
812
00:29:48,754 --> 00:29:49,960
and run away.
813
00:29:50,289 --> 00:29:52,098
Running machines don't go anywhere.
814
00:29:53,392 --> 00:29:54,427
I understand.
815
00:29:54,493 --> 00:29:55,836
I get it.
816
00:29:56,495 --> 00:29:57,496
KENT: Ma'am.
817
00:29:58,797 --> 00:30:00,401
I'm afraid I have some bad news.
818
00:30:00,732 --> 00:30:03,679
Oh, my God. Seriously?
819
00:30:03,769 --> 00:30:06,249
Okay, let's just,
820
00:30:06,338 --> 00:30:07,942
add it to the fucking heap.
821
00:30:08,006 --> 00:30:10,452
The First Lady has attempted
to take her own life.
822
00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:14,286
SELINA: Oh! What?
823
00:30:16,081 --> 00:30:17,025
How?
824
00:30:17,115 --> 00:30:18,992
Overdose of sleeping pills and vodka.
825
00:30:19,084 --> 00:30:21,030
That's why POTUS sent for Ben.
826
00:30:21,119 --> 00:30:22,154
It was touch and go there for a while.
827
00:30:22,954 --> 00:30:23,955
SELINA: Oh...
828
00:30:26,925 --> 00:30:29,804
Really makes you put your own problems
into perspective. Doesn't it?
829
00:30:29,861 --> 00:30:30,999
Seriously.
830
00:30:31,096 --> 00:30:32,666
It does.
831
00:30:32,764 --> 00:30:34,835
Although your problems are still pretty bad.
832
00:30:34,933 --> 00:30:36,344
Yeah, they are.
833
00:30:37,469 --> 00:30:39,449
RAY: I couldn't help but overhear,
but I always thought
834
00:30:39,504 --> 00:30:41,541
that lady was a little damaged.
835
00:30:41,940 --> 00:30:44,284
Jesus fucking Christ.
836
00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:45,481
You're fired.
837
00:30:45,610 --> 00:30:47,112
Okay? Get out.
838
00:30:47,813 --> 00:30:49,952
Unbelievable.
-SELINA; Isn't it?
839
00:30:50,682 --> 00:30:51,990
All right, so I think this is the last of it.
840
00:30:52,951 --> 00:30:53,952
Okay.
841
00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:56,123
Wait, wait. What are we gonna do about Dan?
842
00:30:56,188 --> 00:30:58,031
I don't care. He missed the last chopper out.
843
00:30:58,123 --> 00:30:59,466
And, Ame?
844
00:31:00,459 --> 00:31:02,200
You are now officially
845
00:31:02,294 --> 00:31:03,739
the new campaign manager.
846
00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:06,699
Yes, ma'am. Thank you.
847
00:31:06,798 --> 00:31:07,799
SELINA: Okay.
848
00:31:07,866 --> 00:31:09,209
MIKE: So then I'm not in charge anymore?
849
00:31:09,301 --> 00:31:10,473
Correct.
850
00:31:10,569 --> 00:31:12,207
Good, 'cause I could use a nap.
851
00:31:13,972 --> 00:31:15,815
Okay, let's get the merrie olde fuck
852
00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:16,875
out of merrie olde England.
853
00:31:16,975 --> 00:31:19,854
I need to be driven to the airport
at "Diana speed," okay?
854
00:31:20,479 --> 00:31:22,322
Just more carefully, though, please.
855
00:31:30,689 --> 00:31:31,690
Ow.
856
00:31:39,197 --> 00:31:41,074
JONAH: Okay, let's check out your chart.
857
00:31:41,166 --> 00:31:43,840
Let's see how you're doing here. Okay.
858
00:31:44,236 --> 00:31:46,079
All right. "Dan Egan,
859
00:31:46,171 --> 00:31:47,878
"67, female.
860
00:31:48,006 --> 00:31:50,043
"Unemployed campaign manager.
861
00:31:50,108 --> 00:31:51,416
"30 different types of semen
862
00:31:51,510 --> 00:31:53,012
"pumped from stomach,
863
00:31:53,178 --> 00:31:54,418
"inverted nipples,
864
00:31:54,513 --> 00:31:56,083
"abnormally high douche readings."
865
00:31:56,181 --> 00:31:57,353
That makes sense.
866
00:31:57,416 --> 00:31:58,588
"Cancer of the soul,
867
00:31:58,683 --> 00:32:02,028
"traces of dog excrement
found around the corners of the mouth,
868
00:32:02,187 --> 00:32:04,428
"chronic cretinism, leprosy,
869
00:32:04,523 --> 00:32:05,797
"anal bleeding,
870
00:32:07,692 --> 00:32:09,365
"tiny child balls"?
871
00:32:13,300 --> 00:32:23,300
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