LIFE CHANGE

This morning we are task to share with you about the topic “Life change.” I just hope
that our discussions will be of some use to us, either educational, informative, or at least
entertaining. To start w/ our session today, let me share with you a table that lists the
developmental Life Stages in Man, and the corresponding Developmental Tasks
associated with each life stage. EIGHT STAGES OF MAN

AGE STAGE DEVELOPMENTAL TASK

1–2 INFANCY TRUST & MISTRUST
1 - 21/2 TODDLER TRUST & MISTRUST
1–3 TODDLER AUTONOMY,DOUBT,SHAME
3–5 CHILD INITIATIVE, GUILT
6 – 11 PRE-TEEN INDUSTRY/INFERIORITY
11 – 20 TEENAGER IDENTITY/ROLE DIFFUSION
20 – 40 YOUNG ADULT INTIMACY/SELF-ABSORPTION
40 – 60 ADULT GENERATIVITY/STAGNATION
60 UP OLD AGE INTEGRITY/DESPAIR
 Life Stage
Infancy (birth to 2 years)
Toddler hood (2 to 4)
Early School age (4 to 6)
Middle School age (6 to 12)
Early Adolescence (12 to 18)
TEENAGER (11 to 20)
YOUNG ADULT (20 to 40)
ADULT (40 to 60)
OLD AGE (60 up)
Developmental Task
Social attachment.
Maturation of sensory, perceptual, and motor functions.
Sensorimotor intelligence and primitive causality.
Understanding the nature of objects and creating
categories
Emotional development
Elaboration of Locomotion
Fantasy Play
Language development
Self-control
Sex-role Identification
Early moral development
Self-esteem Group play
Friendship
Concrete operations
Skill Learning
Self-evaluation
Team Play
Physical Maturation
Formal Operations
Emotional Development
Membership in the Peer group
Sexual Relationships
Autonomy from parents
Sex-role Identity
Internalized Morality
Career choice
Marriage
Childbearing
Work
Generativity vs. Stagnation
Nurturing the marriage relationship
Management of household
Parenting
Management of a career
( Generativity = reproductive, multiplicative, procreative,
procreant, propagative
Promoting intellectual vigor
Redirecting energy to new roles and activities
Adopting ones life
Coping with physical changes of aging
Developing a psycho historical perspective
Developing a point of view about death
 A developmental task represents our culture's definition of "normal" development at
different points in the life span. In each stage the person confronts, and hopefully
masters, new challenges. Each stage builds on the successful completion of earlier stages.
Studies have shown that challenges in each of the stage, if not successfully completed
may be expected to reappear as problems in the future.

This morning our discussion will center on the Psychosocial changes that will occur in
the Middle adulthood which range from 40 – 60 yrs of age, average of 50, this will be a
simple time of reflection. It may lead them to try new things, to make more time for
themselves, to take better care of their health, lose weight, or to take certain leaps such as
starting their own business or making investments. These can be healthy changes if not
done too impulsively.

The developmental task at this stage is Generativity vs. Stagnation. Generativity is the
concern of establishing and guiding the next generation. Socially-valued work and
disciplines are expressions of generativity. Simply having or wanting children does not in
and of itself achieve generativity

General description : It is in this age population between 40 – 60 yrs of age that a

midlife change or what we traumatically term as “midlife crisis” is experienced. It was
first identified by the psychologist Carl Jung and is a normal part of the maturing process
Victor Hugo in the midst of 18hundred once said “Forty is the old age for youth, Fifty is
the youth of old age” Most people will experience some form of emotional transition
during that time of life. A transition that might cause you to take stock in where you are
in life and make some needed adjustments to the way you live your life. Most seem to
come through the process smoothly without making major life changes.

TRANSITION: A MOVEMENT FROM ONE STAGE OF LIFE TO ANOTHER (E.G.

FROM CHILD TO ADOLESCENT), IF PROPERLY UNDERSTOOD AND
PREPARED FOR… IT CAN TAKE PLACE WITHOUT AN OVERWHELMING
AMOUNT OF DISTRESS
For some a midlife change is more complicated. It can be an uncomfortable time
emotionally which can lead to depression and the need for psychotherapy. Those who
have a hard time with this transitional stage might experience a midlife CRISIS …..that
is WHEN STRESSFUL FACTORS CONVERGE ALL AT THE SAME TIME WHILE
THE TRANSITION IS TAKING PLACE AND- YOU CANNOT COPE WITH ALL
THESE… YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE LOSING CONTROL OF THE SITUATION…
That is why Dante in his poem the “The Inferno said"Midway on our life's journey, I found
myself In a dark woods, the right road lost. To tell About those woods is hard - so tangled
and rough..."
For the approximately 10% of middle aged adults who go through an age-related
midlife crisis, the condition is most common ranging from the ages of 35-50 (a large
study in the 1990s[5] found that the average age at onset of a self-described midlife crisis
was 46). Their studies showed that Mid life crises last about 3-10 years in men and 2-5
years in women.

Some specifics which could be a source of stress to this age group: BODY CHANGES

• HAIR- STREAKS OF GREY HAIR… “WISDOM”

 • FACE- EYEBAGS, CROWS FEET, NECK RINGS, TIRED
LINES, DOUBLE CHINS, BIFOCALS, RECEDING
GUMS, And HAIRLINE
• TRUNK- SAGGING BUSTS, “LIFE-SAVERS” IN ABDOMEN
• LEGS- LOOK LIKE LOGS
• FEET- FROM STILLETO HEELS TO FLAT SHOES
• GENERAL HEAVIER, LESS AGILE, CREAKING JOINTS FEELING
• POSTURE FROM ERECT TO HUMPS, OSTEOPOROSIS
• NAILS- CRACK EASILY (LACK CA, Se, Zn, Mg

HIGHLIGHTS- In spite of the difficult aspects associated with the changes and
adjustments in all dimensions… it can be a positive turning point of one’s life such
that- THE PERSON, CAN TAKE THIS GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO BE TRULY
ALIVE AND TRULY ONE’S SELF… NOT BECAUSE ONE IS FORCED TO,
BUT BECAUSE ONE DESIRES TO BE

SIMILARITIES SEEN IN BOTH MALE & FEMALE MIDLIFE CRISIS:

– “YOUTH CULTURE” INFLUENCES BOTH. Problems related to a

realization that they no longer conforms to society's standards of youth
and beauty include low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.
– THEY ARE AWARE OF THEIR CHANGING BODIES The growing
recognition that we are not young anymore can trigger painful feelings of
loss, of your once perfect body.
– AFFECTED BY GENERATION ON EACH SIDE (PARENTS AND
CHILDREN… “SANDWICH GENERATION,” the "sandwich" of
caring for both parents and children.
– INFLUENCED BY THE “DISPOSABLE SOCIETY” THAT DOES
NOT SEEM TO NEED THEM AS MUCH AS THEY USED TO…
– THEY EXPERIENCE A LOWERED SELF-IMAGE
– THEY ARE AWARE OF THEIR PERSONAL AGING
– THEY HAVE A NAGGING FEELING OF BEING UNFULFILLED
IN THEIR MARRIAGE
– At this juncture I am reminded of a story of a couple who have been
married for 25 years: The husband took a look at his wife one day and
said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept
on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep
every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde. "Now we have a nice house,
nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-
old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of
things."
His wife, a very reasonable woman, told him, Yes you can go out
and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, but I’m gonna make it sure that you
would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car,
sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV."
For us men, it’s a blessing if we still slept w/ older women, why?
because they really know how to solve our mid life crisis
–

DIFFERENCES IN MALE/FEMALE MIDLIFE CRISIS

1) CAREER.
 2) INTIMACY
3) ASSERTIVENESS.
4) FAMILY VIEW
5) VIEW ON DEATH

Midlife crises seem to affect men and women differently If so, are there gender
differences in these triggers? Yes. Researchers have proposed that the triggers for mid-
life crisis differ between men and women, with male…. mid-life crisis more likely to be
caused by work issue. Researchers summarized an earlier work w/c found that, men were
far more likely than women to consider a career event to be a "life turning point" (38% vs
17%); education also had a large difference (19% of men considered it a turning point, vs
6% of women)

3) Say what you feel “I have asthma, so when my partner smokes at home I have
difficulty breathing. But I don't like to ask him to stop - after all, it is his home too!' 'I
bottle up my anger until it all bursts out in one big explosion, and then I feel awful.'
Assertiveness isn't about being aggressive, or always getting your own way. It's about
standing up for yourself, constructively.

Bob and Jenny have two young teenage children. Every Sunday for as long as they
have been a family, they have gone round to Bob's mother's home for Sunday lunch. Bob

doesn't really want to, but thinks it's a way of saving Jenny from cooking on Sundays.
Jenny doesn't want to, but is afraid of hurting Bob's feelings by saying so. The children
don't want to go, either, but feel their parents won't listen if they say so. Bob's mother is
getting old, and increasingly finding the weekly visits an ordeal, but she doesn't mention
this for fear of hurting Bob's feelings, or of failing in her own eyes as a mother and
grandmother. In this situation, nobody is doing what they really want to do, and nobody
is talking about it. It's likely that everybody will end up feeling resentful. In a situation
like this, deadlock can be broken when someone says (and it may well be one of the
children), 'I don't want to go to Gran's on Sunday'. This can open up the possibility of
others saying what they want and feel about how Sundays are in this family. New
negotiations can take place, and there is the possibility that a different way of organising
their Sundays can be found that gives more pleasure to more family members. There is
more satisfaction and less resentment, all round.

Women were slightly but not significantly ahead of men in considering

parenthood or death of a family member to be important in shaping the course of their
life. Another study asked subjects at various stages of adult life to assess the importance
of career, marriage, parenthood, and retirement; it found that work always topped men's
lists of turning points. Young women selected marriage, while somewhat older women
chose parenthood. Only older women thought work was a major life turning point. Their
own study found that women were more likely than men to self-report a turning point --
whether positive or negative -- within the last five years. In particular, women were far
more introspective than men: "Women ... reported significantly more turning points
involving changes in how they viewed themselves over the past twelve months and in the
last five years. Women were significantly more likely to report discovering something
upsetting about themselves, as well as more likely to report discovering something good
about themselves." So whether you call what happens in midlife a "crisis,"
"reassessment," or "transition," the causes and effects are usually going to be different for
men and women.

PREVENTING AND REDUCING MID-LIFE CRISIS

I. INVENTORY AND EVALUATION lV. BALANCE

ll. COMMUNICATE V. SPIRITUAL

lll COMPENSATE

INVENTORY AND EVALUATION

a) WHO, WHAT AND WHERE AM I (NOW) IN RELATION TO WHO,

WHAT AND WHERE I WAS (BEFORE)

b) WHAT WERE MY DREAMS DURING MY ADOLESCENT AND ADULT

YEARS? ARE THEY BEING FULFILLED IN MY LIFE NOW? WHAT DO I
WANT OUT OF MY LIFE NOW? HOW DO I GET THERE FROM HERE
(TO MY NEW GOALS)

WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME NOW? (VALUE REDEFINITION)

BEFORE NOW

Career/ministry family/home and privacy

Time for others time for myself and family

A beautiful house how to live simply and contentedly

. Go abroad to be contentedly productive in one place

Social recognition choosing of real friends

Do many things few activities, meaningful personal relationships

for persons you love, care for and enjoy

Serious and competitive more relaxed, approachable and having a

great sense of humor

Outside appearance inside beauty, changed perspective and attitudes

better character/behavior (“the unfading beauty of
a gentle and quiet spirit which is so precious to God
(1 Pet. 3:4)

Exercises and diets exercises and diets to prevent overweight and

osteoporosis

An attractive body says goodbye to youthful figure and face. Now face
with GRACE, SERENITY & HUMOR, learn to
 accept the inevitable “sags and bulges” in their
bodies

Problems I’m struggling with:

• MYSELF physical, medical, self-esteem, self-image, pride,

anger, frustrations, bitterness, cynicism
• MY SPOUSE time together (quali/quanti), levels of trust,
levels of communication, married singles,
relational vulnerabilities
• CHILDREN how far/near am I with them, influence/ values
controlling them, my impact/influence on them
• CAREER retrenchment issues, efficiency/effectivity,
competitors, successor/replacement
• COMMUNITY material/non-material contributions, time and
CHURCH effort in involvements, abilities, talents,
knowledge for voluntary services

II. COMMUNICATE

• TO VALIDATE EVALUATION OF SELF

• TO ASK FOR MORE INFORMATION
• TO HAVE A BETTER PERSPECTIVE
• TO FIND NEW SOLUTIONS
• TO EDUCATE OTHERS

III. COMPENSATE

• TIME FOR MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS

• CAREER REENTRY
• ASK CHILDREN’S HELP
• NEW LOOK , NEW BUDGET
• SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS

IV. BALANCE

V. SPIRITUAL LIVES AND GROWTH ISSUES. This will be taken up by Dr. Marge

– FACING GOD
– FORGIVENESS AND HEALING
– COMMUNICATIONS- OPENNESS
– TRUST AND OBEDIENCE
– GAINING THE WISDOM (ACCEPTING THE GOOD AND THE BAD; THE
IDEAL AND THE REAL).
– GIVING AND SHARING

A closing thought :
“Midlife doesn't need to bring crisis. Sometimes, it just brings change, in the form of
reinvention”