CASE 4: DISRESPECT OF OTHERS; TOM IS HOSTILE AND DEFIANT

Students, like Tom, with oppositional and defiant behavior tend to have a pattern of negative
and abrasive interactions with others (teachers and peers). All children are noncompliant from
time to time, particularly when feeling hungry, anxious or upset. Tom, however; exhibits this
hostile behavior consistently. His conduct stands out in comparison to his peers, which is cause
for serious concern. The symptoms are usually seen in multiple settings, but may be more
noticeable in school and home. Disrespectful, defiant, and hostile behavior must be carefully
examined when it begins to affect the child’s social, family, and academic life. Contributing
causes are likely a combination of inherited and environmental factors, including:

 A child's natural disposition

 Limitations or developmental delays in a child's ability to process thoughts and feelings
 Lack of supervision
 Inconsistent or harsh discipline
 Abuse or neglect
 An imbalance of certain brain chemicals, such as serotonin

Strategies

1. Keep Responses Calm, Brief, and Business-like

Because teacher sarcasm or lengthy negative reprimands can trigger defiant student behavior,
instructors should respond to the student in a 'neutral', business-like, calm voice. Also, keep
responses brief when addressing the non-compliant student. Short teacher responses give the
defiant student less control over the interaction and can also prevent instructors from
inadvertently 'rewarding' misbehaving students with lots of negative adult attention.

2. Project Calmness When Approaching an Escalating Student

A teacher’s chances of defusing a potential confrontation with an angry or defiant student

increase greatly if the instructor carefully controls his or her behavior when first approaching the
student. Here are important tips: Move toward the student at a slow, deliberate pace, and
respect the student’s private space by maintaining a reasonable distance. If possible, speak
privately to the student, using a calm and respectful voice. Avoid body language that might
provoke the student, such as staring, hands on hips, or finger pointing. Keep your comments
brief. If the student’s negative behaviors escalate despite your best efforts, move away from the
student and seek additional adult assistance or initiate a crisis-response plan.
Strategies (cont.)

3. Listen Actively

The teacher demonstrates a sincere desire to understand a student’s concerns when he or she
actively listens to and then summarizes those concerns. Many students lack effective
negotiation skills in dealing with adults. As a result, these students may become angry and
defensive when they try to express a complaint to the teacher-even when that complaint is well
founded. The instructor can show that he or she wants to understand the student's concern by
summing up the crucial points of that concern (paraphrasing) in his or her own words. Examples
of paraphrase comments include 'Let me be sure that I understand you correctly…', 'Are you
telling me that…?', 'It sounds to me like these are your concerns:…' When teachers engage in
'active listening' by using paraphrasing, they demonstrate a respect for the student's point of
view and can also improve their own understanding of the student's problem.

4. Have the Student Participate in Creating a Behavior Plan

Students can feel a greater sense of ownership when they are invited to contribute to their
behavior management plan. Students also tend to know better than anyone else what triggers
will set off their problem behaviors and what strategies they find most effective in calming
themselves and avoiding conflicts or other behavioral problems. (learn to self-monitor behavior)

Do the Opposite of What They Expect:

When a child/student misbehaves, they often anticipate your response. Do the unexpected. For
instance, when you see children playing with matches or playing in an area that is outside of the
boundaries, they expect you to say "Stop", or "Get back inside the boundaries now!" However,
try saying something like "You kids look too smart to be playing there" (or playing with matches).
You'll quite surprise them. This is a little trick that works well most of the time. Say something
positive first.

Things you may do to make it worse:

• Lose your temper (yelling or using sarcasm tend to escalate oppositional kids)

• Engage in the interaction in front other students

• Try to persuade the student or worse…bribe the student

• Threaten the student

• Adding more and more consequences

• Trying to embarrass the student or put them down

• Not following through with consequences or being inconsistent

• Letting the struggle go on way too long

• Crowd the student

• Get annoyed at every little thing they do wrong…always focus on the big battle.

Things you can do to make it better:

• Use a calm neutral voice no matter what

• Give clear directions to the student

• Discuss things briefly and in private to remove the audience

• Making sure to listen to the student and consider what they are saying

• Have clear boundaries and predetermined consequences for problem behavior

• Remove yourself from the interaction if you cannot keep it together

• If you have a teacher’s aid, have a plan for who will take over the class when a defiant student
must be spoken with.

• Analyze the power struggles you have been hooked into…what hooked you?

Creating Change

Monitoring your tone

With negative and defiant students you may become triggered to be negative too. This is a
mistake. Use your Jedi powers to keep your tone neutral when the child is negative, and be
positive when the child is neutral or positive.

Reinforcement

Oppositional and defiant behavior is often driven by the student’s resistance to being under
someone else’s control or authority. Therefore, reward systems may not always work, especially
if the child smells your desire to tame them or manipulate them.

Reinforcement that may prove more successful includes:

• Giving praise briefly and discreetly as you walk around; or a quick whisper in the student’s ear
when they are on task (do not draw attention).

• Write some good comments on a note and leave it on their desk.

• Reward them with a leadership role.

What else can I do???

Make your oppositional student a helper and a leader. Because oppositional children have a
strong need for control, helping them find pro-social ways to channel that need can be a great
strategy to help them gain a sense of self-worth and community. Of course, make sure that your
student is appropriately prepared, trained, and supervised in the activity. If the student’s
academic skills are below grade level, you may consider creating opportunities for leadership or
mentorship with younger children.

Great roles for oppositional students are:

• Leader of a small group, or co-leader of a small group with an adult.

• Caretaker of the class pet.

• Tutor or read-aloud buddy for peers or younger children.

• Buddy, lunch pal, assistant, or mentor to a younger or new student.

• Conflict mediator to help others solve a problem.

• Have them help create and/or lead a community service project.

• Have them construct something for the whole class to use.

Most important, take care of yourself outside the classroom, this is not an easy job! Set realistic
expectations. Set the bar low enough so that your student can definitely clear the jump. Build
slowly from there

Discussion

When a child is disrespectful to teachers or classmates, the first source to consider is the
behavior of the adults in this child's life. Children who aren't treated with respect have no model
for respectful behavior. Joe's parents call each other names, belittle Joe, and sneer when he
objects to anything. When Joe behaves similarly at school, it is unacceptable. Joe needs
training, experience, and examples of respectful behavior.

Self-respect is the other important aspect here. The teacher who passively allows a child to
belittle her or call her names isn't modeling respect for herself. She must tell the child, "I won't
continue to listen to disrespectful language," and then calmly walk away. Please note that the
teacher does not say, "I won't allow you to call me names." The former statement clearly states
what the teacher will do, not what she will try to make the child do or not do. The difference is
critical. With the first response, the teacher shows respect and models self-control without trying
to control the student. It is likely to produce improved behavior, especially if followed up with a
dialogue when both teacher and student are calm again. Contrast this response to lecturing,
blaming, and threatening, and then decide which response you would prefer if you were the
student.
For another important clue to the source of this misbehavior, consider how widespread the
displays of disrespect seem to be. One wise administrator said that if a classroom has two or
three problem children, then there are probably two or three children with problems; if a
classroom has five, six, or more problem children then there may very well be a problem
teacher. A wise university professor stated that all teachers have problems with students.
Conversely, all students have problems with teachers.

Every teacher knows that some classes are more difficult than others. Whatever the situation, a
teacher's best tool is control over his or her own behavior.

Suggestions

1. Model respectful behavior. Before approaching a situation that's making your blood boil,
take a moment to calm down and regain your composure.
2. Give lessons on respectful behavior. Demonstrate respectful ways to approach and
respond to others, and let the children practice them.
3. Encourage children by letting them know when you notice their efforts to practice new
behaviors. Be specific: "Mary, you explain to Susan how much her whistling during lunch
was annoying to you. That shows respect for Susan as well as respect for your own
needs."
4. Use the mistaken goal chart to decode what a child's behavior is telling you. A teacher's
intuition may offer the best clue. Typically a child who is hurting others is feeling hurt
herself; the goal then is revenge. Some children may be disrespectful to get attention or
to show power. Identifying the likely hidden message helps the teacher figure out the best
way to respond.
5. Avoid lectures, shaming, and blaming children. Such adult tactics incite disrespectful
responses.
6. Practice mutual respect. That means remembering to respect your own needs as well as
the students' needs.

Planning Ahead to Prevent Future Problems

1. Take time to connect with your students. It's easy to be disrespectful to a person you
perceive only as an object of your control or manipulation. Similarly, it's difficult to be
disrespectful toward someone who is an asset to you or who sees you as an asset.
Middle and high school teachers who use positive discipline class meetings have
discovered that taking time for giving compliments, appreciations, and encouragements
contributes to a mutually respectful atmosphere in their classrooms.
2. At a class meeting, discuss the students' understanding of disrespectful and respectful
behavior. Share your own thoughts. Identify and role-play ways in which people can
behave respectfully in specific situations. The class might formulate a plan with a chosen
focus, such as ways in which they can show respect for one another when standing in
line waiting for lunch. In a few days or a week, students can discuss how the new plan is
working.
3. Take time for training. Role-play a problem situation with a child individually or during a
class meeting. Allow the child to play the role of the adult and to practice both
unacceptable and acceptable responses. Then encourage the child to express the
feelings he experienced when in the adult role. Reverse roles, and go through the
process again.
 4. Develop an atmosphere of trust by helping children to see that you are more interested in
solutions to problems than in identifying or punishing those who misbehave.
5. Learn to trust the process of working with children rather than trying to control them.

Always remember that disrespect is never given without reason. The reason may or may not
have to do with the teacher. Yet, student disrespect will never be resolved unless we realize this
fact-and do something about it.

Adopt the strategic position of acting in a positive rather than a negative way. Don't try to fight
fire with fire. The behavior of this student can't be changed with such an approach.

Be aware that, more often than not, the teacher is not the cause of disrespect. It's an
indicator that a child has problems, is experiencing failure, has been hurt, or has been indulged
too often by adults. However, a close look will reveal that disrespect is often a result of a
circumstance which could be altered rather than a permanent condition. It's an instant response
which the student might withdraw immediately if so allowed.

Try responding to the offender with "What's wrong? Did I do something to offend? If I did, I'm
sorry." This can set the stage to resolve rather than fuel the situation.

Keep the responsibility on the student. This is an important aspect of handling the
disrespectful student. Retaliating only lets him/her off the hook.

A public confrontation may put the student on the spot and compel him/her to act even worse
to save face or retain his/her image as one who "doesn't get pushed around by anyone."
Whenever you can, move to the hall or a private place in the room to handle disrespect.

Remember, an unprofessional reaction always reinforces negative behavior in this student.

Approach disrespect as you approach other student misbehavior-professionally. Although it's
normal to be offended by disrespect, returning it only proves to the disrespectful student that
he/she is right and justified in the behavior. It convinces the student that the teacher does not
deserve respect. That's why a private one-on-one meeting always has a better chance of
success and of achieving honest communication-and a student apology. In addition, classmates
will not support disrespect from another student directed at the teacher when the teacher
responds respectfully to the disrespectful student.

Be calm, poised, and perceptive when disrespect is shown. Most disrespectful outbursts are
the result of quick, unthinking, and emotional responses. They would never have been made
with forethought. By remembering this reality, you'll never prolong a student's quick outburst.
Rather, you'll shorten it.

If you believe that the disrespectful remark was completely unwarranted, say so. Simply say,
"Jim-I don't think I deserve that." Follow this remark with "Now . . . tell me what's really on your
mind." This is confronting in a professional and caring way. This response will produce more
instant student apologies and resolve more ugly incidents than you might think.

Remember, disrespect is often a result of hostility and revenge. Give the student nothing
more to be hostile toward, and he/she will usually cooperate.
 Don't jump on disrespect too quickly and harshly. Doing so can turn a cornered kitten into an
ugly tiger. If your reaction is negative or retaliatory, you may receive further disrespect. So be
careful not to let your initial response be defensive, indignant, or attacking.

Don't engage in sarcastic comments, put-downs, ridicule, or barbed teasing with students, or
you will probably hear similar statements made to you-openly or behind your back. There is
much truth in the old cliche: Example is the best teacher. The behavior you display toward
students will be mirrored. You can count on it. Remember, misbehavior can originate from both
sides of the desk.

Resources

Aaron, J. When I'm Angry. Explains anger as a normal part of life and discusses how to deal
with it. Includes a parents' guide with examples and suggestions.

Johnson, J. Being Angry. Five young people discuss what makes them angry and the
experiences they have while feeling anger.

Mayer, M. I Was So Mad. A child tries a variety of ways to dissolve anger.

PEGS(Practice in Effective Guidance Strategies) Interactive CD-Rom

Uses cartoon classroom simulations to teach educators to use various disciplinary interventions.

Websites: http://www.disciplinehelp.com/
http://www.teachers.tv/behaviour

References

Far., & ", t. b. (n.d.). Defiant Students | Dealing with Defiance in Children and Teens at
School. BehaviorAdvisor.com Dr. Mac's Amazing Classroom Behavior Management Site.
Retrieved August 31, 2010, from http://www.behavioradvisor.com/Defiance.html

Intervention Central | Home. (n.d.). Intervention Central | Home. Retrieved August 31, 2010,
from http://www.interventioncentral.

Schrock, K. (1995). Kathy Schrock's Guide for Educators.

Retrieved Aug. 31, 2010, from http://school.discoveryeducation.com/schrockguide

Subject. (n.d.). Education World ® Professional Development Center: How to Accentuate

Respect and Eliminate Disrespect in Students. Education World® The Educator's Best
Friend. Retrieved August 31, 2010, from http://www.educationworld.com.shtml