March 5th, 2018

Improvements for Your Future Papers

Dear Incoming UD Freshman,

Congratulations on graduating high school and being accepted to the University of

Delaware! I’m sure you are excited and eager to start. College will be a big transition for you

both socially and academically. Freshman year will be fun yet stressful. I have analyzed a paper

from my freshman year called, “Is Coding the New Literacy”, a paper for my required English

110 class, to help you enhance your future papers. My own mistakes as well as the guidance

from Joe Glaser’s book, “Understanding Style”, will guide you to success. After reading this

book, I can improve my freshman year paper immensely. These guidelines you haven’t learned

in high school will turn your papers into professional papers. Professors will love your essays.

Guidelines such as ending your sentence with a bang, alternating long and short sentences, and

eliminating weak verbs have helped me and will help all. I will explain the problems I faced in

my paper and how to fix them, so you don’t run into the same writing mistakes.

While analyzing my writing, the biggest problem was alternating sentence length. This is

crucial. Glaser (2016) explains mixing sentence length by saying, “The point is to combine long

and short sentences to give readers the variety they need to stay interested and involved in what

you’re saying” (p. 15). My writing lacked this rule terribly. The essay I revised had groups of

sentences twenty to thirty words long. The reader finds no enjoyment reading that. At one point

during my essay, I had a fifty-six-word sentence. These lengthy sentences start to drone on.

Glaser reveals that this is due to breath units. Breath units as defined by Glaser (2016) are, “the

words spoken together between pauses in a sentence” (p. 15). The example Glaser gives is the

phrase “or Black Stone” in the sentence “Inside a small cubical enclosure within the Great
Mosque at Mecca, rests the Kaaba, or Black Stone, the most highly venerated object in the

Muslim world” (p. 14). The phrase “or Black Stone” has three breath units. This short phrase

contrasts the longer sentence segments around it that have more breath units. So, the breath units

are the three words in the phrase that are broken up by the commas. Breath units and the length

of the sentence go together. The main idea surrounding these two elements is to make it easier on

your reader. Flow in your writing makes all the difference. That is the biggest problem I had

while analyzing my freshman essay. Sentence length variance along with differing breath units

will boost the readers experience.

Another component accompanying sentence length and breath units are the syllables per

each breath unit. The flow that the reader experiences is connected to all three of these factors.

Syllables within breath units shouldn’t exceed twenty-five. Controlling breath units can lead to a

control over rhythm, pacing, and sound quality. These breath units consist of many different

word types. These types include learned and commonplace, abstract and concrete, and short and

long. Each of these types of words consists of syllables. The recommended syllables per word is

1.4. Having longer words is not always the best. Short words are better to use in your writing.

Analyzing my writing showed me I succeeded in this regard. My average syllable per word for

the entire paper was 1.36 which is close to the recommended mark. If you’re writing a paper,

always remember that short words are better than long words. As Glaser explained it, “Long

words widen the gap between writer and reader” (p. 107). You don’t want to bore your reader

with long words, while at the same time, having too many short words will make it sound

choppy. Finding the happy medium between long and short words will take your paper to the

next level.
 To continue improving your future college essays keep in mind how you end sentences.

Your sentences should end in a bang; not a whimper. The sentence needs to be memorable,

especially in a business setting. Glaser (2016) explains this technique saying, “The final few

words of a sentence most often receive the greatest emphasis, so it pays to put ideas you most

want to leave in readers minds at the end of the sentence” (p. 15). Many of my sentences did not

end in a bang. For example, in my paper I said, “He mentions some of the fields that are using

some sort of coding and algorithms which include farming, finance and so many more.” This

could have been reconstructed to end with more emphasis on the skills of coding and algorithms.

“Fields such as farming, and finance are just some that are using coding and algorithms,” is a

much better way to reword this sentence. Trying to convince your professor of a topic or

potential customers that your firm is the best requires more emphasis on the ending of sentences.

The endings gain the most attention.

The subject and verb relationship will also improve your future essays. The subject of

your sentence should start most of your sentences. My paper did this most of the time. Starting

your sentence with your subject lets your reader know what you’re talking about. Your subject

should be chosen wisely and be named clearly. I fell victim to not naming my subject clearly and

it led to a few “Zombie Nouns” or nominalizations. Glaser explains nominalizations as,

“Choosing nominalizations (nouns made from verbs) for your subjects or using passive

constructions (in which, instead of doing something, the subject has something done to it) makes

the sentence even less effective” (p. 6). Eliminating nominalizations will make your paper

stronger. The only thing to keep in mind with your verbs is to cut out all weak verbs. Weak verbs

such as establish, concern, is, are, and were should be cut out or substituted for stronger actions.

Many of these weak verbs came up in my writing. For example, “This opinion is well supported
throughout the technology world.” The verb “is well supported” is a weak and can be replaced

by “is advocated”. Strong verbs help create a strong sentence. Bringing the subject and verb

together makes the sentence, but there are still guidelines for that. The subject and verb should be

in close together. This relationship needs to be as obvious as you can make it. This will help the

reader identify what is happening in the sentence with ease. My subject and verb relationship are

close together throughout my paper after looking at the coding. Helping your reader understand

what is going on within your paper and within your sentences specifically, will help improve

your paper overall.

There are countless guidelines and strategies to improve your writing. I have named the

few that were most applicable while evaluating and coding mine. Joe Glaser’s book is an

excellent source to help improve your writing skills to impress any professor, customer, or firm

that is reading your writing. There will always be ways to keep improving your writing and

making it stronger. Good writing takes time and practice. Take these tips I have explained, as

well as the skills you have already learned throughout your schooling career and bring them

together to create the best writing possible.

Sincerely,

Noah McCardell