Alex Sumption Dialogue.

docx
by Alex Sumption

Submission date: 21-Mar-2018 10:38AM (UT C-0500)

Submission ID: 933858941
File name: Alex Sumption Dialogue.docx
Word count: 1239
Character count: 5791
 1

2
those

How so? What

do you mean
C/S

by this?
3

C/S

Try to be clearer
that the sandwich
was not a
success before
you get to that
4 last sentence.
 5

Have Freedman
sum up his point
here--that fast,
processed foods
C/S can be healthier.

6
 No ","

Solid "I Say!"

HI
It al.

pages?
It al.

pages?
Alex Sumption Dialogue.docx
ORIGINALITY REPORT

39 %
SIMILARIT Y INDEX
36%
INT ERNET SOURCES
0%
PUBLICAT IONS
38%
ST UDENT PAPERS

PRIMARY SOURCES

1
thekias.com
Int ernet Source 14%
2
Submitted to South Dakota Board of Regents
St udent Paper 5%
3
Submitted to Des Moines Area Community
College
3%
St udent Paper

4
Submitted to Abraham Baldwin Agriculture
College
3%
St udent Paper

5
Submitted to El Dorado Union High School
District
3%
St udent Paper

6
www.nytimes.com
Int ernet Source 3%
7
Submitted to 56586
St udent Paper 2%
8
Submitted to Foothill-De Anza Community
College District
2%
 St udent Paper

9
Submitted to College of the Canyons
St udent Paper 2%
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www.theatlantic.com
Int ernet Source 1%
11
Submitted to Del Mar College
St udent Paper 1%

Exclude quotes Of f Exclude matches Of f

Exclude bibliography Of f
Alex Sumption Dialogue.docx
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

92
Alex,

I'm so glad you used Moss's essay with Freedman's!

T he length seems to scare people away, but those

/110
are great essays to investigate together!

I am a little concerned, though, that you are taking

quotes and ideas out of the essays without also
acknowledging the context or the overall arguments.
I'll talk more about that later.

With this assignment, I'm looking specif ically at f ive

skills that you'll need f or the f inal paper, so I'll try to
organize my comments around those skills. T hey
are 1) the ability to accurately understand the
arguments of others; 2) the ability to synthesize
views; 3) the ability to state a specif ic issue; 4) the
ability to develop a strong response to others; and
5) the ability to cite.

You're doing well with 4 and 5, so I'll just mention the

f irst three in my comments.

1) T his is my biggest area of concern. I wouldn't

necessarily say that you don't understand the
arguments. But I would say that you are taking
quotes or ideas out of context so that your
reader/viewer really never gets a strong sense of
Moss's argument (the f ood companies have mad "a
conscious ef f ort...to get people hooked on f oods
that are convenient and inexpensive" by using
science and market research). Because of this, you
don't have Moss and Freedman discuss the ideas
that they most dif f er on or most agree on. Moss
 gave tons of examples of instances in which
companies were using f ood science and research to
make their f oods more addictive, but Freedman
f ound similar f ood science to be positive because it
would help people eat f ewer calories. T hat
comparison just isn't in your dialogue. You miss a
chance to convey arguments to your audience as
well as the chance to compare complementary
details.

2) I've already talked a little about the synthesis in

the last point, but I'll add that some of your
questions don't seem to keep the authors f ocused
on the issue at hand.

3) T his, of course, brings me to the issue. Right

now, you don't have an issue. You have a topic.
Remember the suggestions in the class session to
convey your issue as a question or a debate. What
is the exact idea that both authors could debate?
I've given a f ew ideas in the comment at the
beginning. Ultimately, I think if you had a strong
issue, you may be able to keep your authors and
your questions more f ocused on that debate and
the whole dialogue would be more cohesive!

Overall, I am a little concerned about the issue

problem because that's a big deal f or the next
paper--understanding what an issue is and choosing
a narrow one. So if you have any questions about
that, please let me know!

PAGE 1

Comment 1
T his isn't quite an issue. It's more of a topic. What is the exact debate? Even f rom the titles of
both authors' essays, you could probably identif y a debate--what does science say how healthy
junk f ood is? But other issues are possible to, like "Can f ast f ood be good f or us?"

Comment 2
Ideally, Moss should probably also say something about how these numbers have been pushed
 by f ood companies that that knowingly play up the addictive nature of certain f oods or f ood
additives. Put these numbers in the context of his essay.

T his would also give Moss and Freedman something to disagree about.

Text Comment. those

Text Comment. How so? What do you mean by this?

QM C/S
Comma splice:
A sentence must have both a subject and a main verb in order to be complete, but it cannot
have more than one subject or main verb. A comma splice is a variety of run-on sentence that
occurs when two complete sentences, each with its own subject and verb, are joined mistakenly
by a comma. T here are generally three methods of correcting this problem: 1) Replace the
comma with a stronger mark of punctuation such as a period or semicolon, 2) use a
coordinating conjunction ("and," "but," "or," "nor") to join the two constructions, or 3) make one
of the two sentences a dependent construction by linking it to the other with a subordinating
conjunction ("if ," "when," "so that," "although," "because") or relative pronoun ("that," "which,"
"who," "whom," "whose").

Comment 3
T hat's not really what Freedman says on page 526. He lists these old menu items, but he says
that they were huge f ailures. Don't misrepresent Freedman's ideas here.

QM C/S
Comma splice:
A sentence must have both a subject and a main verb in order to be complete, but it cannot
have more than one subject or main verb. A comma splice is a variety of run-on sentence that
occurs when two complete sentences, each with its own subject and verb, are joined mistakenly
by a comma. T here are generally three methods of correcting this problem: 1) Replace the
comma with a stronger mark of punctuation such as a period or semicolon, 2) use a
coordinating conjunction ("and," "but," "or," "nor") to join the two constructions, or 3) make one
of the two sentences a dependent construction by linking it to the other with a subordinating
conjunction ("if ," "when," "so that," "although," "because") or relative pronoun ("that," "which,"
"who," "whom," "whose").

Text Comment. T ry to be clearer that the sandwich was not a success bef ore you get to
that last sentence.

Comment 4
T he connection between Freedman's statements and your question is abrupt.

PAGE 2
 Comment 5
Who is he? And what is being ref erred to here when this person says "they bought what they
liked?"

Text Comment. Have Freedman sum up his point here--that f ast, processed f oods can be
healthier.

QM C/S
Comma splice:
A sentence must have both a subject and a main verb in order to be complete, but it cannot
have more than one subject or main verb. A comma splice is a variety of run-on sentence that
occurs when two complete sentences, each with its own subject and verb, are joined mistakenly
by a comma. T here are generally three methods of correcting this problem: 1) Replace the
comma with a stronger mark of punctuation such as a period or semicolon, 2) use a
coordinating conjunction ("and," "but," "or," "nor") to join the two constructions, or 3) make one
of the two sentences a dependent construction by linking it to the other with a subordinating
conjunction ("if ," "when," "so that," "although," "because") or relative pronoun ("that," "which,"
"who," "whom," "whose").

Comment 6
It's hard to f ollow these statements. Are you saying that, despite being warned about the
dangers of the addictiveness of their products, most f ood companies had the attitude that they
weren't going to mess with what helped them sell a lot of product?

PAGE 3

QM No ","
Unnecessary comma:
Commas have a wide variety of uses: setting of f introductory phrases, separating items in lists,
separating adjectives, enclosing appositives, and preceding coordinating conjunctions that are
used to join two complete thoughts. However, commas should not be used alone to join two
complete thoughts or to unnecessarily break apart long sentences. Caref ul comma usage is
necessary to avoid conf using your readers.

Text Comment. Solid "I Say!"

PAGE 4

QM HI
Don't f orget hanging indent!

QM Ital.
Italicize
 Text Comment. pages?

Strikethrough.

QM Ital.
Italicize

Text Comment. pages?

RUBRIC: SYNTHESIS PROJECT RUBRIC 9 2 / 110

COMPLET ION 0/0

A Includes 12 lines of dialogue or 6 lines f rom each author

(0)

A/B Includes 6 lines f rom one author and 5 f rom another (-5 pts)
(0)

B Missing two lines of dialogue f rom authors (-10 pts)

(0)

B/C Missing three lines of dialogue (-5 pts)

(0)

C Missing f our lines (-20 pts)

(0)

C/D Missing f ive lines (-25 pts)

(0)

D (-30 pts)
(0)

D/F (-35 pts)

(0)

F (-40 pts)
(0)

LOW F (-45 pts)

(0)

FOCUS 7 / 10

A Names a specif ic issue f or the conversation

(10)

A/B
(9)

B Names an issue, but may be broad

(8)

B/C
(8)

C May not have a f ocus other than the topic

(7)

C/D
(7)
D Little sense of f ocus
(6)

D/F
(6)

F No sense of f ocus f or the conversation

(5)

LOW F
(0)

READING 7 / 10

A Accurately identif ies arguments and support of each author; uses comprehensive
(10) detail

A/B
(9)

B Accurately identif ies arguments and multiple points of support; f ewer details; may
(8) have very minor misunderstandings; may cherry-pick quotes without strong sense of
context, but still accurate

B/C
(8)

C Accurately identif ies arguments, but may not discuss support well; may report only
(7) one point of support; uses f ew details; some misunderstanding; may cherry-pick
quotes completely out of context

C/D
(7)

D May not accurately identif y arguments; serious misunderstanding of essay

(6)

D/F
(6)

F
(5)

LOW F
(0)

ANALYSIS 7 / 10

A Goes beyond the surf ace to reveal new connections

(10)

A/B
(9)
B Strong analysis, but not as deep as an A
(8)

B/C
(8)

C Basic; doesn't go beyond agree/disagree, but accurate

(7)

C/D
(7)

D Simplistic; may not point out agreement/disagreement well

(6)

D/F
(6)

F Little ability to synthesize ideas

(5)

LOW F
(0)

I SAY 9 / 10

A Writer's response to/view on issue is clear, organized, and well developed

(10)

A/B
(9)

B Writer's response to issue clear; may be a little scattered or underdeveloped

(8)

B/C
(8)

C Writer's response to the issue is muddled or extremely brief

(7)

C/D
(7)

D Writer's response to issue barely exists

(6)

D/F
(6)

F
(5)

LOW F
(0)

LOG. SEQUENCE 7 / 10

A Ideas are presented logically and connections between statements and ideas in
(10) dialogue are sharp

A/B
(9)

B Ideas are presented logically, but not connected as perf ectly as A

(8)

B/C
(8)

C Ideas presented logically, but logic breaks down f rom time to time
(7)

C/D
(7)

D Ideas not always presented logically

(6)

D/F
(6)

F
(5)

LOW F
(0)

INT RO 8 / 10

A Provides excellent context f or dialogue; may announce or hint at "I Say"

(10)

A/B
(9)

B Provides context f or dialogue; may not have issue, but strong introductory inf o)
(8)

B/C
(8)

C Attempts at intro and context, but may not match dialogue or be very general
(7)

C/D
(7)
D Exists but doesn't introduce authors or topic
(6)

D/F
(6)

F Introductory elements included, but seriously f lawed or brief

(5)

LOW F Does not exist

(0)

CONCLUSION 10 / 10

A Skillf ully draws dialogue to a close without repetition; writer's conclusion on the
(10) dialogue is clearly stated and developed

A/B
(9)

B Draws essay to a close without repetition; writer's conclusion on dialogue clear but
(8) underdeveloped

B/C
(8)

C Draws essay to a close, but may be repetitive or too brief ; writer's conclusion on
(7) dialogue exists but muddled

C/D
(7)

D Exists, but f lawed; writer's conclusion on dialogue too muddled to understand

(6)

D/F
(6)

F Seriously f lawed; doesn't include "I Say"

(5)

LOW F
(0)

ST YLE/GRAMMAR 8 / 10

A Style and word choice excellent f or audience; adopts authors' style and tone exactly;
(10) f ew grammar or mechanics errors

A/B
(9)

B Style and word choice suited to audience; adopts authors' words well, but may only
(8) quote; f ew grammar or mechanics errors

B/C
(8)

C Style and word choice f ine f or audience, but with some discrepancies; may not
(7) incorporate authors' own words well; some grammar and mechanics errors

C/D
(7)

D Style and word choice not specif ic to audience; no attempts to incorporate authors'
(6) own language or style; numerous grammar and mechanics errors

D/F
(6)

F
(5)

LOW F
(0)

CIT AT ION 9 / 10

A Includes end-text and in-text citation; direct quotes identif ied; only minor problems
(10)

A/B
(9)

B Includes end-text and in-text citation; direct quotes identif ied; some more serious
(8) problems

B/C
(8)

C Includes some attempt at in-text and end-text; direct quotes may not be identif ied;
(7) many serious errors

C/D
(7)

D Includes end-text OR in-text citation, but not both

(6)

D/F
(6)

F Citation attempted, but not consistent or accurate

(5)

LOW F
(0)
MULT I-MEDIA 10 / 10

A Included
(10)

A/B
(0)

B
(0)

B/C
(0)

C
(0)

C/D
(0)

D
(0)

D/F
(0)

F
(0)

LOW F
(0)

RHET ORICAL 10 / 10

A Chosen multimedia f orm excellent f or assigned audience and context; purpose

(10) matches perf ectly to media; may be creative

A/B
(9)

B Chosen multimedia f orm strong f or assigned audience and purpose, but may have
(8) some questionable f eatures

B/C
(8)

C Chosen multimedia f orm f ine f or general audience, but may not be specif ic to
(7) assigned audience; purpose may not match up well to media

C/D
(7)

D Chosen multimedia not dynamic; no real reason it would appeal to most audiences;
(6) purpose doesn't necessarily match media

D/F
(6)

F Chosen multimedia extremely simplistic (added colors, f or example); no reason it

(5) would appeal to audience

LOW F Not included

(0)