1

Explore
Your Potential:
Start The Journey To Your Dream Life

Written By
Shaz Khan
and
Shawn Katz

Managing Editors
Salim Sader
and
Cyrus Gorjipour

A Publication of
 Contents

“Cash in on Your Vision Check”...........................................5

Chapter 1:. Define Your Vision.......................................9
Define Your Vision Exercise...................................14
STEP 1: Explore Your Values...........................14
STEP 2: Find Out Your Strengths....................16
STEP 3: Define Your Vision..............................17
STEP 4: Get support..........................................17
“Befriend Your Fears”...........................................................19
Chapter 2:. Overcome Your Fears..................................23
Overcome Your Fears Exercise...............................30
STEP 1: Find Out What You Want....................30
STEP 2: Identify Your Fears.............................31
STEP 3: Overcome Your Fears.........................32
“Believe in the Magic of Madness”.......................................35
Chapter 3:. Readjust Your Beliefs...................................39
Readjust Your Beliefs Exercise...............................44
STEP 1: Explore Your Beliefs...........................44
STEP 2: Understand Your Beliefs....................47
STEP 3: Readjust Your Beliefs..........................48
“Make Time for Your Dreams”.............................................49
Chapter 4:. Change Your Habits.....................................53
Change Your Habits Exercise..................................58
 STEP 1: Find the Trigger.........................................58
STEP 2: Identify the Reward...................................59
STEP 3: Replace the Routine...................................60
“Pour Your Heart Into It”.............................................................62
Chapter 5:. Master Your Emotions........................................66
Master Your Emotional State Exercise.........................72
STEP 1: Tame Your Emotion...................................72
STEP 2: Get Confident..............................................74
STEP 3: Get Excited and Take Action.....................75
“Focus on the Light”.....................................................................76
Chapter 6:. Keep Your Focus.................................................81
Keep Your Focus Exercise..............................................86
STEP 1: Write Down Your Goal...............................86
STEP 2: Break Your Goal Down Into Milestones...86
STEP 3: Stay Inspired...............................................87
“Cash in on Your
Vision Check”

5
F
or much of Jim Carrey’s life, success seemed a distant
dream. The Canadian-born actor and comedian grew
up in a family so poor that they lived for a time out of
a camper van on a relative’s lawn. Distant or not, however,
Carrey’s dreams of grandeur never paled in his eyes, no mat-
ter how desperate things seemed in the present. His vision
stayed forever riveted just over the horizon, his legs march-
ing inexorably, indefatigably, towards the future he painted
so clearly in his mind’s eye.

Some people take a winding road towards finding their call-

ing in life. Some people take the scenic path through many
callings throughout a lifetime. And some people, like James
Eugene Carrey, are virtually born with their life’s purpose
projected. An incurable extrovert from the earliest age, Car-
rey would perform eagerly for anyone who would watch, and
at age 10 he even mailed his resume to The Carol Burnett
Show. This kid saw big.

We often think that children have the confidence in their

dreams only because they haven’t had their naivety ham-
mered out of them by the adversities of life. But Carrey’s
child-like belief in his dreams didn’t just survive the passage
to adulthood. It strengthened, almost in exact proportion to
the setbacks and obstacles that conspired to push him off his
path.

6
Poverty struck the Carrey family when Jim was a teenager,
after they were forced to relocate from their small town of
Newmarket, Ontario to a suburb of Toronto. The whole family
took security and janitorial jobs at a factory, and Jim worked
8-hour shifts every day after school let out. After leaving the
factory and living out of a Volkswagen van for a period, the
family eventually returned to Toronto, where Carrey began
gradually working his way into the comedy world.

Carrey was reportedly awful at first, but he continued to

work tirelessly on his routines and impersonations, even
quitting high school to focus on building up the skills and
confidence—topped off with a hint of lunacy—to make the
leap. At only 17, Carrey left Canada, and headed west to Los
Angeles in the hopes of chasing his dream.

Carrey arrived in California in 1979, and spent the next fif-

teen years as he hustled his way up through the acting and
comedy worlds. He was a struggling actor, taking small roles
in television series, comedy shows and films as he tried to
carve out a space for himself in a land of fierce competition,
where too many fumble and fall fast through the cracks. Car-
rey was broke, but he was not one to be broken by upward
climbs, no matter how steep or unsteady.

One night in 1990, Carrey drove his old beat-up Toyota up a

hill that he often liked to drive up. From Mulholland Drive,
he looked out over the sprawling city below, looked ahead to
the future he visualized on the other side of the windshield,
and wrote himself a check for $10 million. He inscribed “For
acting services rendered” on the memo line, dated the check
for Thanksgiving 1995, and placed it in his wallet.
7
That check was to sit in Carrey’s wallet for years, deterio-
rating gradually as his career continued its slow but steady
crawl upwards. Then, all of a sudden in 1994, an outlandish
little film by the name of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective intro-
duced the world to Jim Carrey’s weird and wonderful brand
of magic, and the long-time struggling actor found himself
on a one-way rocket to stardom. Success likes company, and
that hit was quickly followed up by The Mask and Dumb and
Dumber later that same year. Just before Thanksgiving 1995,
Carrey found out that he would receive $10 million for Dumb
and Dumber—and with it, the ability to cash in on his vision
check, just in the nick of time.

By 1995, Carrey was a box-office staple whose elastic expres-

sions and cartoon antics kept the fans rollicking and the film
roles rolling in. Today, the two-time Golden Globe-winner
and multi-millionaire, who has since expanded into dramatic
roles with such critically acclaimed hits as The Truman Show
and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, is among the most
beloved and respected actors in Hollywood.

And all of it was because of a vision, and the hard work and
perseverance to never let hardships or hesitation get in the
way of pursuing your potential.

8
 Chapter 1:
Define Your Vision

To accomplish great things, we must not only

act, but also dream; not only plan, but also
believe.

– Anatole France

I
t was Ralph Waldo Emerson that once said, “Unless you try
to do something beyond what you have already mastered,
you will never grow.” It is this statement that gives rise to
the nature of human experience; through the course of our
lives, we embark on all sorts of journeys—some longer than
others—and we measure our endeavors through our trophies,
résumés, bank accounts, relationships, fitness, or personal
happiness, to name a few. But most of all, what really makes us
feel like we’re on our authentic path is an overwhelming sense
of progress. We may be moved in the moment by such mile-

9
stones or measurements, but we are pushed to growth only
through progress. A new relationship or new car may seem ex-
citing at first, but if we don’t keep growing individually, these
relationships and possessions will not stay exciting. So, how do
we live life in such a way that we are equipped with the tools
needed to not only reach for our dreams and achieve our mile-
stones, but also experience astonishing growth along the way?
This is the entire foundation of Explore Your Potential. Per the
title, this book seeks to explore what is already inside each of
us, to bring this inner world to the surface of our reality using
specific techniques, to project this reality into our future, and
to discover what has been holding us back all along.

On the road to uncovering our potential, we need to start

by defining a vision. Many begin by asking what they want
to change in their lives, but a better question to ask is: what
do I seek to make progress in? It’s important to note here that
most of us want to make changes, but those changes often
go short-lived. This is because in looking for change, we are
mentally unprepared to uncover our fears, beliefs, habits,
emotions, and the focus we need along the way in order for
our vision to come to life. If we think about change, we will
likely be disappointed because the things we want to change
are just a wish list, and we may not know where to start. But
if we think about progress, this requires a concrete starting
point, and a result brought about through action.

What in your life do you seek to make progress in? Write a

list for yourself of all the answers. nce you have that list, for
each item, ask the question: am I interested or am I commit-
ted? You see, an interested person will only do a thing when

10
it is convenient, when the conditions are right—and if they
don’t act, or if they don’t achieve their desired result, they
express no more than disappointment. A committed person,
on the other hand, will accept no excuses, only results. And if
they experience a roadblock, disappointment, or even failure
along the way, they will find a way to achieve the result. Be
that person. Interest is not enough to get you to act, so cross
off everything on your list to which you are not committed.

With the remaining items on your list—those you are commit-

ted to—write down reasons that are phrased in a way that pull
on your heartstrings. Why do you want these things? Write
them down. This is your vision. It is the words you choose to de-
scribe your reasons and commitments that will pull you along
during your difficult moments. Anyone can expend their will-
power during those moments, but if they are not compelled by
a vision of their life that directly links to their commitment,
this energy will eventually fizzle out. And so, the only thing
that will keep you going when that willpower fizzles, is having
a desire that is so strong, a reason so big, that you will contin-
ue trying even when it hurts, because you know the progress
you’ll make by getting through it. Make sure you’re committed
to continually finding another way. Make sure you know your
reasons. Find reasons that speak to what you’ll gain (progress)
rather than what you’ll lose (change), and focus on those rea-
sons every day—remind yourself, because those reminders
will be the fuel for your pursuit, and you’ll undoubtedly be
successful if you keep them front of mind.

After setting your vision, separating interests from commit-

ments, and giving yourself compelling reasons, now write

11
down where you’re at in your life with respect to your vision.
Where are you today, at this very moment? Challenge
yourself to be completely honest here. The answers, no mat-
ter how near or far from your vision, will provide clarity in
the next step. And when this is complete, what you’ll have
in front of you is a list of things to which you are committed,
a list of undeniable reasons you’re committed, and a truth-
ful statement of where you’re at today. This sets the stage
for the next question: what actions and thoughts have you
been taking and having that brought about your current
results? Take time to make note of every single one you
can think of, because you will use this comprehensive list to
determine the kind of progress you’re going to make. This
exercise assists our mind in breaking down an “impossible
dream” into a purpose that we know to be true, and a series
of thoughts and actions that will lead us there.

Equipped with a list of thoughts and actions that brought us

our current results, we can now ask ourselves which of these
thoughts and actions we can improve to make progress to-
ward our vision. This is your time to shine. You don’t need
to make progress on all of these items at once, but pick one
or two… pick as many or as few as you’d like, and write down
how you’re going to improve in each. Be specific. Write not
only what actions you’ll be adjusting, but also, how you’ll mea-
sure yourself. Every day, ask yourself if you’re taking a dif-
ferent approach, performing a different action, having a dif-
ferent thought, doing something other than what you were
doing before. If you can answer yes to these questions fre-
quently enough, you are making progress—this progress will
become a habit. Your habit will build your confidence (since
12
you can clearly measure your improvement day-to-day), and
your newfound confidence will allow you to take on more of
your pre-existing thoughts and actions to improve upon. If we
focus on repeating these micro-tasks in our daily lives, if we
focus simply on making progress and improving from where
we were, over time, we will step closer and closer to living our
dream; a vision that once sat in the far distance is now within
reach.

Once this pattern develops, our mind has the incredible abil-
ity to take over for us; what used to require a lot of willpow-
er becomes automatic, because our mind is an energy con-
servation and pattern recognition genius. Once your mind
recognizes that you are doing something repeatedly over an
extended period of time, it will form a habit of it, and it will
feel as though you’re acting on autopilot, conserving energy
and conscious thought. Your consciousness can be trained to
make specific progress in any category you desire in your life.
Even more incredible is that once this habitual, action-ori-
ented, thought-driven automation takes over, as a bonus,
your mind will start to identify all the resources, people, op-
portunities, ideas, and environments that align with your
vision in the real world. You will begin to see patterns and
alignments that you didn’t see before, because once a pat-
tern exists in your mind, that same mind will seek out more
patterns that match in your life. This is the beautiful gift we
receive for acquiring discipline for the sake of progress. Jim
Rohn famously said that there are two types of pain: the pain
of discipline, and the pain of regret. Discipline weighs ounc-
es, but regret weighs tons. It’s time engage your discipline.
It’s time to explore your potential.
13
 DEFINE YOUR VISION EXERCISE:
STEP 1: Explore Your Values

B
efore painting the bigger picture of where you are
heading in life, you must first explore who you are. As
you discover yourself, you will unveil what truly mat-
ters to you, and it will help you have a clear view of what you
stand for. This is essential to defining your vision.

First, write down the 10 things that you enjoy doing the most.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

14
Then, write 3 things you need to do to feel fulfilled at work.

1.
2.
3.

Now, write down 5 of your most important values in life. Be

honest about what you stand for.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Lastly, imagine if money weren’t an issue. Write down what

would spend your time doing instead of working.

15
 STEP 2: Find Out Your Strengths
Now that you know a little more about yourself, let’s discover
what your strengths are. It is not always easy to think about
your own strengths, so a good way to start is to write down
the strengths that other people usually see in you.

Then, write down the strengths you see in yourself.

Last but not least, take a moment to think about a weakness

you would like to overcome.

16
 STEP 3: Define Your Vision
You are now ready to define your vision. Write a statement in
the first person. Define your vision, and explain why you do
what you do. Describe actions that will allow you to pursue
your vision. Try to be unconventional about your vision. Ex-
plore new things, keep it simple, but make it big. Don’t down-
grade your ambitions.

STEP 4: Get support

It is impossible to go through the journey of life alone. Every-
one needs support from time to time, and you need to find
the right resources. Think of 5 people that are most likely to
help you pursue your vision.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
17
Every now and then, everybody can feel a lack of motiva-
tion or inspiration. Let’s prepare for that before it happens.
Write down 5 sources that will inspire action when you need
a boost. It could be a website, a venue, a video, a book etc.

1.
2.
3.

Now you’re all set. You know your values and your strengths.
You’ve defined your vision, and you have thought of resourc-
es to help you along the way. So, what is preventing you from
taking action? Most of the time, fear is the main obstacle.
Jump to the next chapter to get insights on how to overcome
your fears.

18
“Befriend Your Fears”

19
A
t a restaurant in London In 1889, a young law student
from India stood up to deliver an address to a small
gathering of the London Vegetarian Society. The
young man was a member of the organization’s executive
committee, and he had prepared his remarks specially for
the occasion. Yet when he rose to his feet, paralysis overtook
him, and the words refused to come out. “My vision became
blurred and I trembled,” he later wrote, “though the speech
hardly covered a sheet of foolscap.”

The attack of fright was a mild occurrence by the man’s stan-

dards. When the young lawyer stood before a judge for his
first court case a few years later, he froze and actually fled
from the courtroom in a panic, later reimbursing his client’s
legal fees.

The man had what is known as glossophobia, the fear of pub-

lic speaking. He was born Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
in Porbandar, India in 1869, though he would later become
known to the world as Mahatma Gandhi, the father of Indian
independence and one of the world’s greatest spiritual and
political leaders.

Today, Gandhi is universally revered as one of history’s most

transformative figures, celebrated as much for his fearless
championing of humanist principles as for his powerful or-
atory that continues to inspire countless millions across the

20
globe. Yet for much of his life, what Gandhi called the “awful
strain of public speaking” prevented him from speaking up
even at friendly dinner parties. And it nearly stopped him
from becoming the international icon he is today.

What allowed Gandhi to overcome his fears? How did a man

so terrified at the idea of speaking before a small dinner
crowd go on to lead a whole nation to revolution?

In a word, he found his purpose, and it arose a passion so

profound in him that his own anxieties paled in importance.
On a train journey through South Africa where he was living
in 1983, Gandhi was accosted by a white man who objected to
his presence in the first-class rail car. After refusing to move
to the back of the train, and despite him holding a ticket, he
was forcibly ejected from the vehicle at the next station. The
event sparked a seminal awakening in the young man. That
night, he vowed to root out the “deep disease” of racial prej-
udice, even if it meant suffering personal hardships. Sudden-
ly, his own fears seemed strangely surmountable.

Over the following decades, Gandhi went on to champion

countless civil rights causes in South Africa and India, pro-
testing injustices through mass civil disobedience campaigns
that would forever change the way resistances were fought.
Gandhi’s small stature and unassuming appearance belied
his exceptional courage, and his unshakeable commitment
to non-violence in the face of oppression and brutality won
the hearts of the world.

Over time, Gandhi managed not only to overcome his fear

of public speaking, but to turn it to his advantage. Always a
21
soft-spoken and polite man, his unease at speaking made him
an excellent listener, whose humility and empathy allowed
him to channel the dreams and aspirations of the masses. Al-
ways hesitant with words, he learned to transform that “an-
noyance,” as he put it, into a “pleasure,” as it taught him “the
economy of words.”

Gandhi showed us that you don’t need to speak loud to be

heard. He taught us that you don’t need to take up arms to
win a revolution against the world’s mightiest empire. And
in the end, Gandhi didn’t just free India from British rule.
Gandhi changed the world. Not by emulating the great ora-
tors who came before him, but by harnessing his own unique
traits, and forging a style all of his own by transforming per-
ceived shortcomings into his greatest strengths.

Gandhi’s story reminds us that no obstacle is too implacable

to be overcome, and that excellence flourishes amid adversi-
ty. It reminds us that those we view as the most courageous
may have once been stricken by the most humiliating and
debilitating of fears.

And most of all, it reminds that no two paths are ever the
same, and that it’s only by embracing and nurturing that
which makes us different that we can begin to explore our
full potential, and at long last, to chart our own.

22
 Chapter 2:
Overcome Your Fears

You gain strength, courage, and confidence

by every experience in which you really stop
to look fear in the face. You must do the thing
which you think you cannot do.

– Eleanor Roosevelt

A
s is the case with any problem-solving technique,
before we can develop a solution, we must first get
to the core of the problem. To know exactly what is
holding us back, we must be cognizant of what our fears are,
where they come from, where they reside, and why they ex-
ist. But even before this, we have to commit to who we are. So
if you’re taking the time to read this book, congratulations,
you’ve already committed to overcoming the fears that are
holding you back.
23
Why are you on this journey? Because you have a vision for
your life, and you have an insatiable desire to make it come
true. You want to cast your goals into your future and see
your greatest moments come to fruition. You are a goalcaster,
and your fears are goal-hunters. They prey on your dreams.

It is said that success can be a lonely journey, and certain-

ly it is, because in order to reach the dreams at the top of
your proverbial mountains, you have to escape the crowd of
goal-hunters along the way. They are the fears that live with-
in, that live with you, and you are now on a journey to sepa-
rate yourself from them. In order to do this, you must stop
being the hunted, and commit to becoming the hunter. This
chapter will equip you with the understanding necessary to
become that hunter, no longer stalked by the irrationalities
in your head. It will teach you to take aim at every thought
that stands between you and your goals.

Identify Fear
When you think of your dreams, what is the first thing that
you think of? Do you think of all the ways in which you could
fail? Do you think of all the things that could go wrong? Or
do you think of the one thing that could go right? Most of us
rarely do the latter. It’s because we are not wired to follow
our dreams or overcome our fears; we’re wired to listen to
those fears so that we feel safe and comfortable. We’re wired
not only to escape danger, but also to anticipate it, to sur-
vive… because we have a brain that has evolved to accomplish
these tasks. However, this evolution carries implications for
24
the modern human being. You see, unlike our ancient an-
cestors, we no longer live under daily threat of predators or
imminent demise, and yet those fundamental “fight or flight”
tendencies still arise in our lives. From a survival perspective,
our wondrous self-preservative tendencies are an incredible
gift, but in the context of the present day, our brain does a
very bad job of anticipating danger, because the brain’s re-
ward is simply that you are still alive. The brain does not care
if the danger doesn’t actually exist; it only cares that you
didn’t die. And so every time your survival instincts kick in
and you “escape death,” your brain quite literally develops
a reinforcement. This reward system is at the core of your
fears. Why?

Because danger is not the same as fear.

Danger is pain or death. Fear is anticipated danger. Fear is an

assumption. Danger is a fact. Our brain can’t tell the differ-
ence between the two because it did not evolve to do so. This
is where we must choose to activate our mind. Yes, the brain
is the most complex organ in the body and its job is to keep
you alive; it has the capability of surging your adrenaline,
making you sweat, racing your heart, and giving you every
sign to retreat. But no, it does not ask your permission. This
is why the thought of approaching a person you’re attracted
to often gives rise to the same feelings of anxiety as jump-
ing off a cliff. The anticipation of rejection and humiliation
is “seen,” by the brain, as danger. If you do not approach, the
danger is averted, and your brain rewards you with comfort.
Comfort is the reason we do not overcome our fears, be-
cause lack of comfort causes reactions in our brain that

25
are incorrectly interpreted as danger. The mind, however,
is your conscious cognition, your “reasoning” friend, your
ability to think critically. And it is your mind, not your brain,
that must identify the difference between danger and fear,
reinforcing that discomfort is not death, and forcing you to
take action in spite of the discomfort. You must choose (using
your mind) to make this assessment after your brain tries to
do it for you, because if you don’t, you’ll retreat.

Note that just as danger and fear are two discrete concepts,
the mind and the brain are distinct as well. Understanding this
nuance is critical to overcoming fears, because without it, we
will always fall victim to our survival mechanism. Needless to
say, then, overcoming your fears is no simple task; you will be
going against your brain to do it, but by taking control of your
mind, it can be done. There are plenty of resources out there
that offer a series of steps to help you accomplish this task. But
more important than steps is the reinforcement of a mindset.

Sometimes, we can feel light-years away from getting to our

dreams, and our distance from that destination stops us from
even setting foot on what may be the most important jour-
ney of our lives. When the end seems too far and the dream
seems too big, we become paralyzed by the fear of not know-
ing where to start.

Start where you are. Use what you know.

If you never start, you will always remain exactly where you
are (comfort). If you start, though, and even though you may
not know how to get to your destination yet, you will at least
know where you are going, and will have already taken your
26
first step. The sense of uncertainty will again trigger your
brain’s danger aversion instinct. How do we circumvent this?
By using your conscious mind to remove the destination from
your focus, thereby removing the unknown factor, and instead
focusing on what you can control: your next step. That sounds
easier said than done, right? Well, think of it this way: if you
wanted to hike up a mountain, would you get there by staring
at the summit? Of course not! And what if you stared at the
summit while you climbed? You would trip while climbing.

That’s what you’re doing when you focus on the destination.

By taking our eyes off the summit for a moment and focus-
ing on placing our next step, the summit doesn’t magical-
ly disappear. We’ve already committed to the climb, but we
gain a greater clarity of the terrain around us so that we can
take our next step. Trick your brain into the certainty of the
next step. Take enough of these steps, and you will be at that
once-far removed destination sooner than you realized. Af-
ter every few steps along the way, we can glance at the sum-
mit to ensure we are on course.

Remember, your brain is already doing the work to keep you

alive. Instead of letting it tell you that there might be danger
on the way up, use your mind, take the first step, and trust
that you will figure out how to navigate. Because you are not a
victim of the future; you are the owner of your present. When
you take action, you will learn more about the reality around
you, and the more informed you are, the more confident you
will begin to feel in moving forward. When upon occasion you
spend some time in reflection, you can then look at all the
progress you’ve made. Like a bird flying through the air, you

27
will develop an intuition about the conditions and the envi-
ronment, and that intuition will allow you to continue flying.
A bird sitting on a tree doesn’t put its trust in the branch it’s
perched on; it puts its trust in its own wings. Only by believing
in ourselves can we ever soar, but we can’t soar without first
attempting flight. And we can’t take flight if we don’t start.

Some of us have allowed our brain’s natural response to

condition us through fear for so long, that we’ve enslaved
our minds to mimic the brain! When it comes to living our
dreams—the greatest gift of all—this affliction leads us to
become calculating statisticians, using our minds to try to
determine the likelihood of our impending doom of failure
or rejection. We then use these stories in our head to reason
that the odds are against us. This is an even greater pitfall,
because the mind, which understands logic and reason, is
convincing us that we are in danger. A difficult paradox, it
would appear. The solution to this is counter-reasoning.

Do you ever have conversations in your head, almost as if

you’re arguing with a second voice? Use that voice. While one
voice argues the odds, your fearless voice must stake claim to
personal growth. Because odds are not impossibilities. Fail-
ure and rejection are real, but they are not dangerous, and
they are not reasons to abort mission. You see, failure and
rejection offer clarity. Allowing yourself the freedom to fail
is like asking yourself if you actually care, at all or enough.
After all, it’s only after failure that you can even begin to de-
cide whether you want to try again. When the answer is a
resounding “yes,” you know what you’re doing is important.
When the answer is “no,” it’s time to move on.

28
If yes is your answer, and you’re willing to try again and
weather the storms—because there will be many—then you
are giving yourself an opportunity to learn, and to grow. So
don’t run from rejection; invite it in, and allow it to offer you
a clear picture of where your values lie, and what you are
willing to pursue. The process itself of finding relief within
rejection will increase your confidence tremendously, and
soon you’ll be comfortable with something most people fear:
uncertainty. Your brain wants to convince you that history is
destiny, but your mind knows better.

Your mind knows that it is life’s imperfections that make it so

incredibly beautiful. Yes, bad things happen, but how often
do we take the time to look back and measure our post-trau-
matic progress? Imagine knowing from the very beginning
that everything was going to happen just as you wanted.
There is no excitement in that—no struggle to reward, no sto-
ry to tell. It’s almost as though we need to be challenged with
hardship to adapt and grow, and to learn our true strength.
Think back to a time when you felt like the world was crash-
ing down on you. Now, think about what it taught you, and
how it changed you. You’ll see, you’ve already been through
this. You have everything it takes to overcome your fears.
You just have to remember.

We give thanks for the gifts in life, but perhaps we should

take a moment to be grateful for the challenges—for these,
too, are our gifts. With them, we may feel lost, but without
them, we would be lost. Remember, it’s not the wins and loss-
es, but the wins and lessons that define us.

29
 OVERCOME YOUR FEARS EXERCISE:
STEP 1: Find Out What You Want

I
n order to overcome your fears, you need to first know
what you really want in life. Fear is often a psychological
obstacle between you and your goal, so to clearly over-
come what’s preventing you from taking action, you need to
figure out what your goal really is.

Take a moment of reflection and write down what you really

want in your life.

30
Now what you really need to know is what thoughts are pre-
venting you from taking action.

List the main reasons you aren’t doing what you want.

STEP 2: Identify Your Fears

Now, let’s tackle the fear. Try to associate the reasons you’ve
previously listed with a specific type of fear.

Fear of loss: What are you afraid to lose?

31
Fear of process: Which parts of the process are you afraid of?

Fear of outcome: What could happen if you don’t make it?

STEP 3: Overcome Your Fears

Lastly, instead of focusing on your fear, write down the pos-
itive side of things. Imagine all the positive outcomes that
could result from focusing on your goals and taking actions
to achieve them. Instead of being fearful, try to be confident.

32
Confidence in the gains: Describe the positive gains you will
acquire during your journey.

Confidence in the process: It will be hard, but describe the

positive things the process will bring you.

33
Confidence in the outcome: Describe the positive outcome
you will get when you’ll succeed.

34
 “Believe in the
Magic of Madness”

35
F
rom a humble upbringing as one of five children in ru-
ral Missouri, Walter Elias Disney always had the widest
of eyes. Yet Walt’s power of dreaming was only half
the story of his success. His courage to challenge the odds
and defy common wisdom, or learn from failing, propelled
him forward throughout his life, as he refused to let even
the most daunting obstacles undercut his ambitions. He was
the sort of man for whom the word “pioneer” seemed tai-
lor-made, and for whom the words “It can’t be done” spurred
only incitement to prove everyone wrong.

Walt Disney was a tireless experimenter, and the road for

such risk-takers is rarely a smooth one. Disney had devel-
oped a keen interest in art as a teenager, selling pictures to
family friends and neighbours, and taking drawing and pho-
tography classes at high school in Chicago, where he was a
contributing cartoonist to the school paper. He was just over
20 years old when he decided to launch his first animation
business in 1922. Their innovative cartoons, called Laugh-
O-Grams, were hugely popular. Yet the studio became bur-
dened by debts, and Disney was forced to declare bankruptcy
only a year later.

This first major failure could well have sabotaged the young
Disney’s belief in himself. Instead, it emboldened him. Walt
Disney and his brother Roy gathered up their suitcases,
pooled what little money they had, and headed west to Hol-
36
lywood to start anew. It might have seemed like a crazy idea.
It would be far from his last.

In Los Angeles, the duo founded the Disney Brothers’ Stu-

dio and, with a little help from their friends, began to slowly
make a name for themselves: Mickey Mouse, and later Min-
nie Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, and Pluto, appeared in Dis-
ney’s animations for the first time, setting Walt Disney up on
a fateful date with the hearts of Americans of all ages.

From then on, Walt Disney’s career was built on a steady suc-
cession of firsts. In 1932, Mickey and his friends starred in
the first ever color cartoon, entitled Flowers and Trees, which
netted their studio the first of its 22 Academy Awards, and
the first ever Oscar won by an animated short. He then re-
leased The Old Mill in 1937, which was the first ever short sub-
ject to utilize the multi-plane camera technique.

Yet of all his famous firsts, it was the next that would electrify
the motion picture industry, and permanently alter the des-
tiny of one of the cinema world’s leading trailblazers. Snow
White and the Seven Dwarves was premiered in December 1937
and released to the public early the following year, spark-
ing an instant sensation among critics and fans alike. The
first full-length animated musical feature would ultimately
be recognized as a monument of cinematic genius, becoming
the first in a beloved tradition that lives on to this day. The
next five years alone saw no fewer than four full-length ani-
mated films follow, with Pinocchio, Fantasia, Dumbo and Bambi
all emerging as classics that helped raise successive genera-
tions of children across the globe.

37
Yet Snow White, we so often forget, was a success that wasn’t
supposed to be. It was a phenomenon that defied all odds,
and disproved the many naysayers who had the weight of
“popular wisdom”—and economics—on their side. It was the
height of the Great Depression, and Walt Disney had risked it
all, borrowing almost the entirety of Snow White’s unheard-of
budget of nearly $1.5 million to see his project through to
fruition. Even his wife had questioned the folly of it, warning
that adults would never sit through a feature-length cartoon
about princesses and dwarves.

In the end, it was the cynics who were living in a fantasy

world. Snow White netted $8 million—a staggering sum during
the Depression, and a record for any film at the time—gar-
nering eight Oscars, and catapulting Walt Disney Studios into
one of the most iconic American cultural institutions of the
20th century.

Today, Walt Disney sits in the pantheon of great American in-

novators and entertainers, his name indelibly marked in the
hearts of countless children and children-at-heart around
the world. And all of it began with a crazy vision, and the
courage to challenge those beliefs that, well-intentioned or
not, threatened to dampen and deny the power of a dream.

38
 Chapter 3:
Readjust Your Beliefs

We don’t see things as they are; we see them as

we are.

– Anaïs Nin

T
he first obstacle that stands between our desires and
results rarely comes from the outside. Our mind, as
discussed in Chapter 2, can be our greatest ally or our
biggest roadblock. The actual challenges we face are in fact
rarely the source of our problems; no, it is how we view our
situation, and how easily we fold to the idea of having prob-
lems, that defines the journey. When the mind is on our side,
we can use our critical thinking skills to identify our desired
outcomes, translate them into the actions we must take, use
those actions to reverse engineer our thinking, and put our-
selves in a state of absolute truth regarding our eventual suc-
cess. So, let us begin this chapter with that very truth.
39
The truth is that there is a change we seek. We have felt the
need for this change for a long time, but we have also felt stuck,
and immobilized, and tired. Tired of being mocked. Tired of not
achieving our goals. Tired of being tired. You see, some people
settle; they accept the world that has been handed to them
and call it final. They catch up on their shows and play a pas-
sive role in their own lives. But you are not one of those people.
You believe that impossible is nothing; that there are bound-
aries to be pushed; that freedom is a gift given by the choices
you make. You believe that the conventions standing between
you and your dreams are simply rules meant to be broken. You
are no longer afraid of the unchartered path—most may never
understand, but you know a life lived on autopilot isn’t for you.
You are the architect of the future that you imagine. The au-
thor of the story you want to live. You know you only get one
chance to leave a dent in this world. So when you tell yourself
you’re tired, that’s nothing more than a reminder that you’re
still awake; restless, but you haven’t given up. Remember that
next time you look in the mirror—and the mirror is indeed
the only place we should ever seek validation, because to think
otherwise is the greatest limiting belief there is.

Our beliefs are the operating system of our mind. Limiting

beliefs are like a virus in that operating system; the machine
of our mind still functions, but is prevented from ever reach-
ing its full potential. Whereas fear terminates our goals with
a cloak of danger, limiting beliefs tell us to procrastinate and
delay them indefinitely. They tell us that we will act when
the time is right, when the conditions are more appropriate.
Yet the time is never right. The conditions are never perfect.
And this is how cowardice veils itself as leashed courage.
40
We can unleash this courage by first understanding why we
procrastinate: because of the limiting belief that time is
unlimited. It is not. Every breath we take is literally killing
us. Remembrance of our own mortality, of how short life is,
serves as a great reminder that we mustn’t be wasteful of
such a precious resource as the fleeting present. This limita-
tion is typically met with ignorance, because death is consid-
ered a morbid thought. But if we develop the courage to meet
this thought with reality, we realize the urgency at hand. A
survey was once conducted amongst nurses who cared for
those on their deathbed, and the question asked was, “What
were your patients’ greatest regrets?” The number one an-
swer was, “I wish I had more time.” Use yours wisely. What
can be done with certainty today should never be postponed
to the coin toss of tomorrow.

If we define success as living a life truthful to our inner most

desires, most people have failed, because they have not asked
themselves a very important question: “Am I willing to dis-
appoint others in order to be true to myself?” You might
be reading this thinking, “That’s not me!” But be mindful
of your actions. If we dive into our subconscious and look
at some of the ways in which we’ve previously stopped our-
selves or said no, at some point it’s been because we did not
want to disappoint or antagonize the establishment (our par-
ents, significant other, mentors, family, etc.). Most people are
unwilling to disappoint those who question or disagree with
their dreams. The idea that we must obtain the approval of
others is a flawed ideology. Dwell on that every day, and ask
yourself if a part of you feels like you need extrinsic approval.
Be honest with yourself and ask yourself why, because the
41
greatest prison is living in fear of what others think—doing
what is meaningful to them, and convincing yourself that it
is also meaningful to you. Free yourself. Be a fantastic dis-
appointment for the right reason. Live your truth and stop
asking for permission.

The greatest paradox is indeed the human condition, and the

caution with which we handle our hearts and minds. We say
we desire what is in our interest, yet we are afraid of pain,
resistant to change, and weary of damage. Like any muscles,
the heart and mind must be pushed to their limits to devel-
op strength. But instead of pursuing this strength, we often
claim that we do not have the right opportunities, so we nev-
er put forth effort. We’ll do it when it’s easier, when we have
more time, more money, less stress, more confidence, when
our “big issue” disappears... the list goes on. This is the limit-
ing belief that opportunity always looks attractive; that it
will look like gratification, a buttoned-up no-brainer, instant
emotional validation, something that feels like you made the
right decision. However, opportunity doesn’t always look like
any of that in the beginning. Instead, it can look like a stupid
plan. It looks like difficulty. The path of most resistance. It
looks like hard work and confusion. More questions and few
answers. Getting lost in the dark. It actually looks scary. But
it’s the road to success. Don’t avoid a process, looking for a
prize.

Do you see a pattern? Many of our limiting beliefs are not

only statements such as “I can’t do it” or “I don’t deserve
it.” They’re also in how we fail to see alternatives outside of
our perspective. The way to turn this around is by question-

42
ing what we believe, no matter how firm that belief may be,
no matter how strong our convictions—we will experience
incredible growth when we question our positions on any-
thing in life. One of two outcomes will result: we will develop
a more clear understanding of what motivates us, or we will
discover layers of beliefs that we have borrowed from others
and wrongfully appropriated as our own. In either case, with
the clarity to make this distinction, we can readjust our be-
liefs to those conducive to our goals. When you truly know
your “why”, you know what to do.

There exists an ancient parable of four blind people who are

brought to an elephant, and asked to describe the object in
front of them. The first person touches the trunk and thinks
the elephant must be shaped like a pipe. The second touches
the leg and thinks the elephant is like a pillar. The third pulls
the tail and says the elephant is a rope. And the fourth touch-
es the ear and believes the elephant looks like a fan.

We perceive things based on our experience, which, by defi-

nition, becomes our reality. Yet sometimes, our experienc-
es deceive us, and blind us from absolute truth. In order to
reach that truth, we must empty our minds from what we
think we know, and be receptive to ideas that contradict our
experience. We must ask, “What is it that I may not be see-
ing? Is there more than what I know?” It is only by asking
these questions that we can move beyond the boundaries of
our old beliefs, and transcend to a new success shaped by
possibility. We are limited when we think we already have
the answers, but the possibilities become endless when we
ask the right questions.

43
 READJUST YOUR BELIEFS EXERCISE:
STEP 1: Explore Your Beliefs

I
t is important to dedicate at least an hour to this exercise.
Get comfortable. Then consider the statement: “Some-
thing I believe about myself is…” and write down the first
thing that comes to mind. Let your thoughts flow and just
allow whatever comes up to be written down. Don’t judge
your beliefs, and don’t analyze or resist them. Even if what
you’re writing sounds strange or is something that you don’t
believe anymore, keep writing.

There is no limit to the number of beliefs you can write down

for each category. We’ve numbered to 3 just for convenience,
but try to find at least one belief for each category.

Things I believe about myself:

1.
2.
3.

44
Things I believe about my body:

1.
2.
3.

Things I believe about relationships:

1.
2.
3.

Things I believe about money:

1.
2.
3.

Things I believe about my work:

1.
2.
3.

Things I believe about my sexuality:

1.
2.
3.
45
Things I believe about my circumstances:

1.
2.
3.

Things I believe about life:

1.
2.
3.

Things I believe about my abilities:

1.
2.
3.

Things I believe about the past:

1.
2.
3.

Things I believe about the future:

1.
2.
3.
46
 STEP 2: Understand Your Beliefs
After each belief that you wrote down, note whether it is
helpful (H) or detrimental (D) to your goals. If you believe
that a belief is both helpful and detrimental, write (D).

Looking at the items with a (D) in the list above, pick the top
5 beliefs that you feel the most negative about and that you
would like to get rid of:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

The next step is to be willing to see it differently. You don’t

have to believe it will happen or know exactly when. Focus
instead on developing an attitude that allows for the idea
that change might occur. For example, you might say to your-
self, “I’m open to shifting my belief about…”

Open yourself to the possibility that there is another way

to view life, yourself and others. The goal here is to look at
yourself from the outside as if you were looking at someone
else’s list. Try to see:

1. What’s the advantage of having this belief?

2. What would my life look like without this belief?
3. Where does this belief come from? Why did I
choose to believe it?

47
 4. What would I rather believe? What belief would
be more positive, beneficial, and empowering in
my life?

STEP 3: Readjust Your Beliefs

When you get rid of an old belief, you then have the opportu-
nity to install a new and more empowering belief in its place.

So often, when we want to change something about ourselves,

we put all of our attention on stopping something. Thinking
about what you want to stop focuses your mind on what you
don’t want. Instead, switch your attention to the thing you do
want.

Look at each of the 5 beliefs that you have listed above. For
each one, choose one sentence that represents something
you want more of – a quality of character, for instance, or a
positive condition in your life. Start with the words “I am…”,
“I have…”, or “I enjoy…” and write these sentences below.

My New Beliefs:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

48
“Make Time for
Your Dreams”

49
I
n the annals of American history, few figures are as syn-
onymous with industry and accomplishment as Benjamin
Franklin. The Founding Father, who helped negotiate the
treaty that ended the Revolutionary War and draft both the
Declaration of Independence and Constitution of the Unit-
ed States, was undoubtedly a man of great virtue and wis-
dom. But beyond his life in public service, Franklin’s eclectic
pursuits left a legacy of innovations and advancements that
must make most modern-day politicians blush with embar-
rassment. It is not for nothing that Franklin is often called
“The First American.”

A publisher and writer by trade, Franklin was the essence of

a polymath; a true Renaissance man who invented bifocal
glasses and the first rocking chair, crafted his own wooden
flippers to swim across the River Thames in London, orga-
nized America’s first successful lending library, and pursued
scientific investigations into mathematics, electricity, and
mapmaking. Here was a man clearly driven by purpose, who
succeeded in channeling his boundless curiosity and intel-
lectual energies into ambitious projects that he pursued with
focus, intelligence, and determination.

Seen from the vantage point of contemporary life challenges,

a glimpse at Franklin’s imposing array of achievements runs
the risk of intimidating us into paralysis. How did one man
accomplish so much?
50
The answer isn’t to be found in some intangible quality prop-
er to the Great Figures of History. Benjamin was the fifteenth
of seventeen children, who dropped out of school at age 10
to work full-time in the cash-strapped family’s businesses. His
background and education, in other words, did nothing to
favor him. And unlike many of the Enlightenment’s highest
achievers, Franklin was never wealthy enough to skip out on
having a day job either. As an adult, he worked full eight-hour
days, and was a firm believer in the virtues of working hard.

The answer, instead, lies in the particular manner Franklin

approached his day-to-day routine. He lived his life in a high-
ly deliberate way, following a daily schedule that he stuck to
rigidly, and that was carefully designed to get the most out
of his days. Though written over two hundred years ago, the
items in his agenda, published in his autobiography, are so
general that they could apply to any modern routine.

Every morning, Franklin woke up at 5 am and reserved the

next three hours to rising, washing, praying, planning the
day ahead, and taking “the resolution of the day.” He would
then “prosecute the present study” (because he was always
learning something new), eat breakfast, and finally head to
work from 8 am to noon. He would take two hours from 12 to
2 pm to dine, and then either read or go over his accounts. He
would work again from 2 to 6 pm, after which he would de-
vote himself largely to eating supper, enjoying “music, diver-
sion, or conversation,” and always and above all, taking stock
of the day’s activities. He would sleep from 10 pm to 5 am.

It is often said that time is money, and if there was ever a

man who took this maxim to heart, it was surely the one who
51
was rewarded with a permanent home on the hundred-dol-
lar bill. Franklin carefully budgeted his time so that every
minute served a conscious and considered purpose. Without
any excess of severity—he knew the importance of balancing
work with time for leisure, rest and socialization, all of which
were generously budgeted for in his daily routine—Franklin
understood that great achievements are built on tiny actions
that serve a larger goal, and that the secret to success is to
focus your energies consistently over time.

Yet of all the lessons we can take from Franklin’s daily habits,
the most essential is likely his manner of recording and ac-
counting for his daily activities. He would begin every morning
with a daily resolution and a question: “What good shall I do
today?”. Every night, he would reflect on the day’s events and
come full circle, answering, “What good have I done today?”

In short, Franklin didn’t coast through his days. He drove,

with eyes wide open and fixated on the horizon ahead. He
never allowed the weight of unconscious habits to throw
sandbags in his shoes, or the wheels of robotic routine to get
him caught spinning in the mud. Every activity encouraged
growth. Every habit had a positive purpose.

Because at the end of the day, Benjamin Franklin under-

stood a fundamental fact of human potential: that learning
and growing, working and planning, replenish energy rather
than deplete it; that momentum is as self-propulsive as in-
ertia; and that if you’re not moving forward every day, you
might as well stay in bed.

52
 Chapter 4:
Change Your Habits

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then,

is not an act, but a habit.

—Aristotle

O
ur beliefs, as discussed in Chapter 3, become our
thoughts, and those thoughts become the platform
upon which we take action. The repetitive nature of
our actions, per the Zen adage, then become our habits. Your
entire life today is a sum of all your habits. The quality of
your happiness, your relationships, contentment with your
fitness, whether you feel successful, are all a result of your
habits. If we take a closer look at the areas in our lives where
we desire change, we see can see that our outcomes can be
impacted by the actions we take. However, those actions can
very often go unnoticed, leaving us with the impression that
things are happening to us, instead of the understanding that
53
we can influence the things that happen. As Carl Jung once
said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will di-
rect your life and you will call it fate.” In this chapter, we will
break down some common unconscious habits, demonstrate
how to recognize the ones we don’t want, and learn how to
strengthen our resolve to maintain the ones we need.

Even after understanding the nature of fear, and the power

our beliefs have, changing our behavior can be quite the task,
because once again, our brains don’t do a very good job of
telling the difference between a good habit and a bad one. So
we must begin by first analyzing how our habits form. Take
a moment to think about the things you do “automatically”;
the activities you engage in without a schedule, but do reg-
ularly. Some examples might be brushing your teeth, tying
your shoes, obeying traffic laws, to name a few. Why do you
do these things? You wouldn’t omit these tasks from your
routine, because at some point after someone stopped telling
you to do them, you decided that the cost of not performing
these tasks was high, and that this cost was overshadowed by
the benefit you received in doing them.

Every habit has three consecutive pieces to it: a trigger, an

action, and a reward.

Using a few of the examples above:

While driving, you encounter a red light (trigger);

you decide to stop (action), and in doing so, you
mitigate the potential for a collision, avoid law en-
forcement, and are more likely to reach your des-
tination (reward).
54
 After finishing dinner, you feel tired (trigger); you
decide to brush your teeth (action), and in doing
so, you mitigate the potential for dental issues as-
sociated with not brushing, and are more likely to
have better dental health (reward).

You want to go outside (trigger), so you put your

shoes on, tie your laces (action), and in doing so,
you mitigate the potential for tripping over your
laces, and are more likely to walk without falling
(reward).

These are very simple illustrations, but most of us do these

things every day without question. With each trigger, the
subsequent action is reinforced through the reward (remem-
ber your brain’s reward system from Chapter 2?). So, how do
we use this concept of rewards to form new habits that are
just as effortless and effective as our everyday tasks? How do
we get “stuck” in a loop of positive habits?

We have to find new triggers, we have to commit to taking

action, and we have to identify the rewards. It becomes easy
to give up even the best of habits, or to continue bad habits, if
we are not in a state of clarity about our triggers and rewards.
If you had no idea what your destination was, how would you
know how to set your sails?

The mistake that is often made is that we identify our reward

as an end goal instead of a series of incremental checkpoints
along the way. We become so committed to making mas-
sive changes in our lives that we get caught up in the idea of
reaching that goal, unwittingly undermining the consistency
55
of micro-actions that will get us there. Anyone can set a goal,
but creating a schedule to follow through on that goal is
what builds a habit. This is why triggers and actions are so
important.

In the age of social media, we have more of an opportuni-

ty than ever to share our actions and implementations with
each other, and to collectively motivate us. And yet it is also
social media that gives rise to our lack of habitual tendencies.
Interestingly, online platforms allow us to construct very
specific windows into our lives, and most of the time, those
windows peer only into the reward portion of our three-part
habits. We see our peers’ results, with no indication or inqui-
ry into the schedule they created or the regimen they built to
get there. We then set upon similar ventures, but we lose our
drive when we don’t see similar rewards because we never
developed the proper triggers, or chose a reward that was
too far removed from our own actions. This is why it is im-
portant to choose rewards that are relative to our actions;
to make it so easy, you can’t say no… just like brushing your
teeth. The point here isn’t to say easier is better. The point is
that when you begin to form a new habit, it’s less about how
well you’re doing something, and more about taking the time
to do it consistently. This is the phase where we establish our
identity.

Identity is a key component of how well we accomplish the

task of forming new habits. There are three layers of identity
we each assume. The first and outermost is our appearance.
This is what the world sees of us, what our peers see, what
we show on our Instagram feeds. The second is our perfor-

56
mance. This is what actions we take, and how well we per-
form our tasks. The third and deepest layer is our mirror.
This is who we see ourselves as, and the type of person we
are; this is our mindset.

It is imperative to know which of these three layers we tend

to operate from, and which we value most, because the truth
is that real, lasting habits must occur from the mirror layer.
A person who knows their identity—the person who is most
self-aware—will go much further and become much better at
something than a person who only seeks vanity for their ef-
forts, or focuses too heavily on the results. But why shouldn’t
we focus on the results? Because if we believe ourselves to
be the type of person who will never give up, if we develop
that identity, and are the type who demands results, always
gets the job done, and finds a way, then we will achieve the
results of that type of person—our efforts will produce the
results for us. What we believe, we achieve. It matters not
that we do not have access to the information of “how”, so
long as we are clear on our “why”.

Whereas the average person would rather focus on once-

in-a-lifetime transformations and goals, successful people
prioritize their identity. They focus on building a lifestyle
around consistent, repetitive behaviors, because this is what
breeds inevitable success.

57
 CHANGE YOUR HABITS EXERCISE:

I
n order to change our habits, we first need to understand
how they work. Change is not always fast and it isn’t easy,
but with time and effort any habit can be changed.

There are 3 steps to every habit:

1. The trigger: The cue that initiates your behavior

2. The routine: The behavior itself, or the action
that you take
3. The reward: the benefit from doing the behavior

STEP 1: Find the Trigger

The trigger is a cue that starts your habit. Oftentimes it is a
very subtle event that makes you automatically take the ac-
tion that you take. All triggers can fit into one of 5 categories:

1. Location
2. Time
3. Emotional state
4. Other people
5. Immediately preceding action

So in order to determine the trigger that leads to your habit,

you can answer the following 5 questions the moment the
urge hits:
58
Where am I? (At my desk)
What time Is it? (12:30 pm)
What’s my emotional state? (Tired)
Who else is around? (John)
What action preceded the urge?
(Ate my lunch)

Day 2:

Where am I? (At the dining table)

What time is it? (7:00 pm)
What’s my emotional state? (Happy)
Who else is around? (My wife)
What action preceded the urge?
(Just finished eating dinner)

After a few days, identify the recurring trigger that leads to

your habit. In the example above, it is pretty clear that the
urge to get a snack comes right after a meal.

STEP 2: Identify the Reward

In this step we want to identify the craving that your habit
is satisfying. The way to do that is to come up with a list of
different rewards that you might be seeking and to test each
of them.

Write down a list of all possible rewards for your habit:

1.
2.

59
3.
4.
5.

Test each of these potential rewards by removing it right af-

ter you go through the routine. The point is to test different
hypotheses to determine which craving is driving your rou-
tine. Are you craving the cookie because you’re hungry or do
you crave the break from work? If you’re hungry, an apple
should work just as well. Is it because you want the burst of
energy the cookie provides? A coffee should suffice. Do you
want a break? If so, walking to someone’s desk and chat for a
few minutes.

After each activity, jot down on a piece of paper the first

three things that come to mind. They can be emotions,
random thoughts, reflections on how you’re feeling, or just
the first three words that pop into your head.

By experimenting with different rewards, you can isolate

what you are actually craving.

Now that you know your trigger and you’ve figured out your
reward, you can now redesign your habit with something
more beneficial.

STEP 3: Replace the Routine

To change a habit, you must keep the old trigger, and deliv-
er the old reward, but insert a new routine. That’s the rule:
If you use the same trigger, and provide the same reward,

60
you can shift the routine and change the habit. Almost any
behavior can be transformed if the cue and reward stay the
same.

Now that you have identified the trigger and the reward,
choose an activity that is triggered by the old trigger and
still delivers the old reward.

Write the the plan down:

When ,
I will
because it provides me with .

Post this plan somewhere so that you will see it every day.
Try it for 2 months. It takes about 60 days to implement a
new habit and if you do it long enough the new behavior will
become automatic.

61
 “Pour Your
Heart Into It”

62
I
n 1981, a young man from New York walked into a lo-
cal coffee and tea shop in Seattle. A one-time appliance
salesman with a Bachelor of Science in communication,
the man had quickly risen through the ranks of his company
to become director of sales, and was now on a mission to in-
vestigate the tiny West Coast purveyor that was buying more
of his company’s European coffee makers than Macy’s.

The moment Howard Schultz entered the Starbucks Coffee

Tea and Spice Company, he felt a special magic call out to
him, and his heart swiftly spoke: he felt like he was home.
Schultz sat down with the founders of the small company
that at the time counted but a handful of local outlets, and
he eagerly listened to their story. Their passion for the craft
inspired him, and a year later, he was hired as the director
of retail operations and marketing for the growing company.

At the time, Starbucks dealt only in coffee beans rather than

drinks, and most Americans couldn’t tell a fine Arabica
blend from a teaspoon of burnt Nescafé. Then, in 1983, How-
ard Schultz travelled to Milan, Italy, and fell in love. The in-
toxicating aromas of the roasters and chatter of the coffee
house crowds wafted out from every street corner. He was
struck by how Italy’s cafés were more than simple businesses.
They were cradles of culture and romance, public gathering
grounds where life was loved and the product on offer wasn’t
just coffee, but human connection. Schultz’s heart inflated,
63
and the future was laid out before him. He was determined to
bring the old continent’s coffee culture to America.

Schultz returned to Seattle with his big dream, but found

his ambitions frustrated when Starbucks’ original owners
refused to bite. So after a brief adventure starting his own
Italian-style coffee house company called Il Giornale in 1985,
Schultz bought out Starbucks in 1987, and merged the two
companies under the rebranded Starbucks Coffee Company.
The rest, as we say, is history.

The new Starbucks was a phenomenon, and it remains to

this day one of corporate America’s most inspiring success
stories. By the 1990s, the company was opening a new store
almost every day, and it is today the world’s largest coffee-
house chain with over 24, 000 stores in more than 72 coun-
tries as of 2016, and almost $20 billion in annual revenues.

Yet what inspires about Starbucks’ story is not just the speed
and scale of the company’s meteoric rise. It is the undercur-
rent to its success—or as Schultz calls, it, the “love story” that
gave birth to the dream. Schultz built his company just as he
led it, with love and passion propelling him at every turn. In a
world where we are encouraged to view business successes as
built on heartless rationales and hard-nosed “facts,” Schultz
proved that our emotions can in fact be our greatest guides.
And in a culture where so many of us are either detached from
our emotions or outright hostile to them, he demonstrated the
incredible force that comes from nurturing one’s deepest in-
tuitions, and channelling one’s emotional intelligence to build
an empire on the foundation of human connection. The “key”
to Starbucks’ success, says Schultz, “is heart.”
64
Schultz was always deeply in touch with his emotions. From
his life, he gained an instinctive distaste of profit that was
pursued for its own sake, and of business decisions decou-
pled from the emotional needs and sensibilities that define
our humanity. Schultz’s father struggled with meaningless
blue-collar jobs his whole life, unable to find fulfillment in
his work. Then one day, his father was injured on the job,
without any access to health insurance or worker’s compen-
sation. Like too many of us, Schultz’s father had lived for a
security that was always illusory, and when it suddenly evap-
orated, he was left with nothing. The event marked Howard
Schultz for life.

Instead of building a company around coffee, he built one

around the elements that gave his own life meaning: a set
of values and guiding principles, a sense of culture and com-
munity, and the human need to connect. With his father’s
experience never far from his mind, Starbucks became the
first company in America to provide comprehensive health
insurance and ownership in the form of stock options to all
of their employees, including part-time workers.

Starbucks succeeded because Schultz didn’t just bring his

heart to work. He made his job work for his heart. At every
step of his journey, it was his emotional compass that served
as his guide, and his intuition that charted the way forward
and lit his path, even when more “reasoned” minds threat-
ened to darken his destination.

65
 Chapter 5:
Master Your Emotions

“Instead of resisting any emotion, the best way

to dispel it is to enter it fully, embrace it, and
see through your resistance.”

—Deepak Chopra

D
o you know the difference between living and be-
ing alive? That seems like a ridiculous distinction to
make, but consider it an important one. Everybody
who wakes up from physical sleep is alive, but only those
who awaken from their emotional slumber are truly living.
We all know we have feelings; a robot can be programmed
to say it has feelings, but to be aware of those feelings, to un-
derstand when and under what conditions they arise—while
they arise—that is conscious awareness. That’s how you know
you’re alive; that is emotional mastery, and it is the most im-

66
portant skill in the game of life. In fact, the most success-
ful people on the planet have learned to navigate this maze
in their minds. This chapter will walk you through what it
means, why it’s so critical, and how you can use emotional
mastery to enhance the quality of your life. This chapter will
release you from your sentient snooze, opening your eyes to
a skill that few possess, and allowing you to join the ranks of
the elites on the road to their dreams.

The first step in mastering your emotions is to recognize

them as they happen. Why are we doing this, you ask? To
reveal any hidden influences that may affect the way we
think, behave, and interact with the world around us. There
is a voice inside each of our heads, and for those who do not
employ this technique, that voice becomes disruptive when
they feel “bad” feelings. Have you ever noticed yourself get
very angry, and in the moment, we feel like we aren’t in con-
trol of ourselves? It’s as if all the rage in the world is flowing
through us, shutting down our ability to think critically. What
separates us from other animals, as human beings, is that we
have the ability to understand what is happening inside of us,
if we choose to analyze. Interior patterns shape our external
behavior. We know this because we have learned that every-
thing we do starts from the brain and the mind, and works
through our thoughts, habits, and feelings.

When we were very young, we had an extremely high neu-

roplasticity, meaning that our brain was essentially an emp-
ty cup being “switched on” to fill, and absorbing everything
from the world around us… from our caregivers, environ-
ment, media, and social cues. As our minds evolved, those

67
empty cups became filled with the learned behaviors and
language patterns of whatever we were exposed to. As we
age, the cup of the mind continues to fill up. At this stage,
we know when we’re supposed to get angry, and what we do
when we become sad, and how to express joy—but do we re-
ally know why? Do we truly understand how to interrupt our
robotic behaviors if they are not productive? For most of us,
the answer is no. We were never taught the reason for our
feelings, nor were we taught to address their existence or ac-
knowledge our control over them. We just accepted them as
part of life, or as tools of communication. Yet as with any
tools, if we do not understand how to use them, we cannot
optimize their use, or learn to wield them more effectively. If
we treated technological tools like we treat our emotions, we
would still have cars with stone wheels.

It’s important to understand that emotions first occur at the

non-conscious level; they send signals to our bodies, and we
call these signals feelings. After recognizing these feelings,
the next step towards emotional mastery is learning how to
respond instead of react. You see, our default reactions are
just that: reactions, ways for our brain to do its job of keeping
us safe. Just as we learned in Chapter 2, this is the reason that
when faced with something the brain interprets as danger-
ous, we react with fear. Reactions happen in the brain, while
responses occur in the mind. Have you ever felt so overcome
with fright that you froze into inaction? It’s as though the
fear of uncertainty pushed you into safety. Or maybe there
was a time when someone cut you off while driving, and the
feeling of anger led you to do the same, or give an unkind
gesture. These reactions are natural, and the key to master-
68
ing our emotions is not denying them, but rather activating
our minds when they occur so that we can identify the feel-
ing and respond.

We identify feelings by giving them names. Once we are able,

in the moment, to name the feeling, we can begin to analyze
it. “This is making me angry,” or “I am feeling sad about this”
are two very simple examples. This is important because the
words we use in our minds allow us to ask the question, “Why
do I feel this way?” While the obvious answer may be “because
they cut me off,” or “because they said something hurtful,”
this process of self-analysis gives rise to a depth we haven’t
explored. Yes, someone may have indeed cut us off, or hurt us
with their words, but it is us who have chosen to feel a partic-
ular way. The anger or sadness isn’t the underlying cause for
our feeling—feelings are nothing more than effects, the caus-
es of which must be identified. By equipping ourselves only
with basic reactions, we allow others to control us—victimize
us—by indirectly demonstrating that their actions and words
have the power to make us react a certain way. Reacting re-
sults in a lot of feelings getting “stuck” inside us, and because
we haven’t taken the time to understand the real why, we
carry these feelings with us. In order to stop becoming vic-
tims, and become victors, we have to take responsibility for
our feelings and answer the “why?”.

Perhaps the real reason we manifest a reaction such as anger

is because we feel disrespected, or because we have an inse-
curity, or because our values are being violated. Whatever
the true reason in our respective situations, we must work to
understand this “why”, and use this information to respond

69
to our environment. When we take time to pause and think
about our reasons, not only are we less likely to react dis-
proportionately, but we avoid blaming our feelings on oth-
er people, and avoid manifesting those feelings in unrelated
situations. When you have what feels like a bad day at work,
understanding why you feel that way, and responding to the
exact cause of such a feeling makes you less likely to bring
any anger or disappointment with you into your home life.
By making this method our emotional homework in every
scenario, we can form new habits. Be mindful that this does
not mean you are ignoring your feelings, only that you are
using your mind to find the root cause of them, and utilizing
the gratification that comes from problem-solving to propel
you towards finding new meaning in your feelings.

We can see now that even our “negative” feelings can teach
us about ourselves. When we are in this state of learning, we
are no longer limited by the victim mentality, but propelled
by the reality that there is an important reason for our feel-
ings. The final stage of mastering our emotions is to find the
meaning. Think of a moment in which you felt a lot of anx-
iety or stress leading up to an event. How did you feel com-
ing out of that situation? Relieved? Confident? Think about
those positive feelings. The mere fact that you were able to
pass through that moment of stress is evidence of the power
your mind has to accomplish this again and again in life. The
meaning of your stress may be for you to remember that con-
fident and relieved state of mind you experienced. Chang-
ing this state during your next moment of stress can and will
change your emotions, which will ultimately take you from
a place of uncertain stress to certain calm, knowing that you
70
have what it takes because you’ve done it before… You just
didn’t know how you did it.

The most beautiful side-effect of this entire mastery process,

in addition to the personal gain we receive, is that we devel-
op an enhanced sense of compassion for others, because we
know that anyone can be going through any stage of this del-
icate process at any time. They may still be reacting instead
of responding, but suddenly, we understand that they, too,
seek the same emotional fortitude we seek. Such compassion,
such understanding, may not be for the faint of heart, but it
is necessary in order for us to reach our true potential in our
careers, relationships, and all our endeavors.

When we break our feelings down, we see that responding to

an emotion is far more productive than reacting. The world
is full of people who react. Avoid becoming part of that re-
action loop. Get away from blame, take responsibility, but
be compassionate. Be a responder—practice your responses,
teach others to respond, question your behaviors, and de-
mand reasons from yourself. Make your world a place where
this analysis becomes the norm, because reaching your goals
is a never-ending, lifelong journey—and to do better, we have
to be better. To withstand the hurdles on the journey, you
have to master the tempest of emotions that surge within
you, for if you do not, those emotions will surely master you.

Upgrade your response, and you will upgrade your reality.

71
 MASTER YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE EXERCISE

I
t often happens that emotions get the best of us, and it’s
mainly because we don’t realize what is happening until
it’s too late. Far too regularly, people only try to master
their emotional state after they’ve already lost control of it.
So, here is the trick: You have to handle an emotion when
you first begin to feel and experience it fully. Here are a few
steps to help you take control of your emotions.

STEP 1: Tame Your Emotion

Before controlling an emotion, you need to deeply under-
stand it. Identify what you are really feeling.

72
Then, instead of rejecting that emotion, try to appreciate it.
Write down why what you are feeling at the moment is right.

Now, get curious about your emotion. Describe why you are
feeling the way you feel.

73
 STEP 2: Get Confident
It’s probably not the first time you are feeling what you are
feeling. Identify a prior time when you felt the same emotion.

Now that you’ve identified that, try to remember what you

did to get through that difficult emotion. Write it down.

74
 STEP 3: Get Excited and Take Action
Get excited about the fact that you can easily handle an emo-
tion. Write down how you will handle the same emotion
when it shows up again.

75
“Focus on the Light”

76
I
n the summer of 1990, Joanne Rowlings was sitting on a
delayed train from Manchester to London, when sudden-
ly a vision of a story abruptly invited itself into her mind.
Reaching around for something to write with, she jotted
down her ideas on a napkin, tracing the outlines of the story
about an orphan boy and a wizard boarding school where he
would discover his true nature.

When she got home to her apartment in London, Rowlings

immediately sat down at her typewriter to begin writing
the manuscript. Her attention crystallized over the course
of months, the characters sprung to life before her, leaping
from her fingertips as they readied to lead her through the
tale. But life, it soon turned out, was not to be so accommo-
dating. That December, tragedy struck when Rowlings’ moth-
er passed away from multiple sclerosis, plunging the aspir-
ing author into a deep depression, and launching her into a
prolonged period of turbulence that threatened to derail her
focus and ambitions.

Seeking to flee her despair, Rowlings set off nine months

later to teach English in Portugal, where she met her first
husband, Jorge Arantes, with whom she soon had a daugh-
ter. Rowlings struggled to focus on the book through a mar-
riage that ultimately proved destructive and short-lived, and
she was forced to work almost up until the birth of her child
when Arantes was unable to find a job. Still, she carved out
77
the time, and managed to complete the first three chapters
of the book in the moments when her husband was away
from the house. Yet by December 1993, barely six months
after the birth of their daughter Jessica, their marriage had
fallen apart. Her husband beat her and drove her from the
house, and Rowlings moved with her daughter to Edinburgh
that December in at attempt to start anew.

Rowlings was at her lowest point yet: her abortive marriage

had collapsed, she was unemployed, and she was a single
mother trying to raise a child on state welfare payments,
teetering on the brink of a measly subsistence of 70 pounds
per week. She felt like an utter failure, and it looked like the
parade of misfortunes would never end. Rowlings was diag-
nosed with clinical depression and contemplated suicide.

Plunged into an ocean of darkness, Rowlings grabbed hold of

the one string of light that dangled from above, and focused
on it intensely. Her book would be her salvation.

Every single day, Rowlings wandered the streets with her

daughter so that the baby would fall asleep. With the young
Jessica in tow, she would then sit with a coffee at one of two
local cafés, where she dove into her writing, more determined
than ever to complete the story that had planted its fateful
seeds in her mind over three long and trying years earlier.

At home, she hid her magical world in cardboard boxes be-

neath her bed. There were lists of all the students at the wiz-
ard boarding school, with their various pedigrees and skill
levels; Latin terms and drawings; even sketches of the char-
acters and their magical transformations, all scrawled on the
78
backs of social assistance statements, in notebooks, and on
scraps of paper. It engulfed her.

For Rowlings, plunging into her world of writing was the

only way to divert her attention from the barrage of prob-
lems that threatened to crush her spirit. Focusing on her pri-
mary passion was more than a goal for her. On some level,
she knew that channeling her drive into the one thing that
kept her going – that kept her dreaming – might also have
been the thing that literally kept her alive.

It was in 1995, after five years of writing, that Rowlings fi-

nally finished Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. She sent
it off to many literary agents, and the manuscript was sub-
mitted to twelve different publishing houses before finally
finding a receptive ear.

Rowlings had no reason to think her manuscript would ever

get published, and indeed, everything in her life at that point
instead conspired to push her deeper into despair. Yet while
she didn’t know it at the time, her persistent, almost super-
human focus on a single powerful dream would be her ticket
through the mud.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone was published by

Bloomsbury in June 1997 with a print run of 1,000 copies.
Within weeks, the momentum was snowballing, and the
awards and attention were rolling in. Soon Scholastic Press
had signed a contract of £100,000 to release the book in the
United States under the title Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s
Stone, and in 1998 Warner Bros secured the film rights with a
seven-figure sum. Harry Potter took off into the stratosphere.
79
Seven sequels later, the series has sold a total of 450 mil-
lion copies in seventy-three languages worldwide, with the
last five all setting consecutive records for the fastest-sell-
ing books in history. Add the eight films, and Harry Potter
is today a mega franchise pegged at $25 billion US, while J.K.
Rowling, with a net worth estimated near $1 billion, is richer
than the queen of England.

Sir Winston Churchill famously said, “If you’re going through

hell, keep going.” He might well have added: “so long as
you’re focused, like hell, on the light ahead.”

80
 Chapter 6:
Keep Your Focus

I
t is a common peculiarity for even the most motivated
and mentally prepared individuals to sometimes lose
their focus. Considering all the intrinsic factors dis-
cussed in previous chapters, we know our minds must also
work within dynamic environments to give rise to the best
possible experience. Sometimes those environments can be
distracting, or induce fatigue, producing a lack of focus that
leads us to skip our rituals, disrupt our habits, and spiral us
into a self-perpetuating stagnant state—we lose motivation
and take no action. As pioneers on our personal journey to
success, it is incumbent upon us to not only be prepared for
such distraction and fatigue, but to also develop the tools to
understand when it’s happening to us, and what to do about
it. Keeping our focus is a critical task that is less about en-
thused strategies, and more about intentional maintenance
of our environment. This chapter will demonstrate what
ecosystems (referred to, henceforth, as factors of focus) are
conducive to our executive capabilities, and what initia-
tives we should embark upon to give ourselves the greatest
chance of achievement. No matter how skilled, self-aware,
81
and fearless we train ourselves to be, if we are living in the
midst of chaos, eventually that external chaos may find its
way in. To ensure the integrity of our dreams, we must first
protect ourselves.

The first external factor of focus in your life is the group

of friends you keep. It is commonly said that our circle of
friends is our circle of influence, and it is noteworthy to
mention that this influence is bidirectional. Your circle is
an extension of your resourcefulness: the more commit-
ted you become to a goal, the more resourceful you’ll be
in maintaining friendships with those who have similar
goals, and those who encourage you to reach yours. When
you defined your vision, you determined that your purpose
undoubtedly involves adding incredible value to the world.
Ask yourself who adds value to your life. Take out a blank
sheet of paper and draw a circle in the middle of the page.
Inside this loop, write the names of five people whom you
definitively believe to support your dreams; these are peo-
ple who encourage you, and for whom you provide encour-
agement; the people who know your innermost desires and
always push you to be the best version of yourself. Now, if
you consider the shape of the circle you’ve drawn—a loop—
the people inside this loop naturally offer you the most
valuable feedback because they are the closest in proxim-
ity. By virtue of the implicit trust inside the border of this
circle, you have drawn what is, quite literally, your feed-
back loop. We must be very selective of this feedback loop
because those inside can influence a great deal of how we
think; if we have negative or complacent people in that cir-
cle, if we allow people who bring us down and exploit our
82
insecurities, our feedback loop becomes a vortex of nega-
tivity in which our learned skills can be overshadowed by
doubt and lack of support. There is no shame in auditing
your circle. Let out those who do not belong find their way
out. Keep your circle tight, keep your focus alive.

The second factor of focus in your life is your rest and sleep
cycle. For those who are extremely motivated and pulled
by their vision, sleep may sometimes feel like a burden that
keeps them from squeezing out another thirty minutes or
few hours out of the day, but being human means resting
properly to recharge your biological battery. Extended peri-
ods of work or any non-physical activity can result in leth-
argy, and more importantly, poor concentration for days to
come. Imagine your energy as an hourglass, where each in-
dividual grain of sand is a unit of energy. When we wake up
each morning, every grain in our hourglass is at the top, and
we are full of energy. From that moment forward, the grains
start to fall… and with each grain that drops, our impair-
ment increases and our ability to function in a peak state
is diminished, until of course, all the sand is at the bottom.
Sleep is the equivalent of flipping this hourglass over.
This is a simple, but powerful metaphor. If we don’t flip the
hourglass, we don’t have the energy. If we don’t have the
energy, we don’t have the focus. It is tempting to want to
remain busy in the pursuit of a goal, but being busy doesn’t
always equate to being productive. If you need an example
of this, look no further than those moments of clarity felt
after a full night’s rest, despite ruminating over a solution
for hours the night before. It is truly amazing how proper
sleep can clear a mental fog. We can’t always force ourselves
83
to sleep, but we can choose to put down our devices, and
disconnect from our emails, social media, and apps, in order
to catch a little more sand in our hourglass.

When you are recharged, don’t forget about this factor of

focus: organization. The more chaotic your workspace, task
list, or living area, the more difficult it will become to man-
age your mental state to gain focus. Our extrinsic space
is correlated to our intrinsic space—in other words, the
more frenzied & unfocused our thoughts, the more likely
this is to be the case in our physical world, and vice versa.
When we go through the work of organizing our physical
spaces, we are not only taking a necessary break from our
other work, but we are teaching our brain to identify and
categorize items based on their relevance and location. This
is a great exercise to get the mind in sync and start look-
ing for patterns that help develop focus upon returning to
our original task. And when the things we need to refer-
ence are neatly organized, we don’t carry them into other
parts of our lives. Would you ever [mis]place your pots and
pans in your bedroom? Of course not, they have no reason
to be there; they belong in the kitchen. In a similar fashion,
to-do lists allow us to successfully arrange known items or
requirements; we can then prioritize those items, and add
things to our lists, knowing that we won’t run the risk of for-
getting or misplacing them. Don’t put information where
it doesn’t belong. Have you ever tried memorizing a long
number before you wrote it down, and in order to memo-
rize it, you spoke the number out loud, to yourself, over and
over, while looking for a writing utensil? Were you able to
focus on anything else until you wrote the number down?
84
The answer is probably no. Creating lists is much like the
act of writing that number down… you free your short-term
memory to focus on more time-sensitive tasks, instead of
trying to memorize what needs to be referenced later. Lists
keep you organized, and organization permits greater use of
short-term memory, thus greater focus.

85
 KEEP YOUR FOCUS EXERCISE:
STEP 1: Write Down Your Goal
In order to keep your focus, you have to know exactly where
you are going. Write down your goal, and flesh it out with
details inspired by the vision you defined in the first chapter.

STEP 2: Break Your Goal Down Into Mile-

stones
Now, to keep yourself motivated, you need to acknowledge
the accomplishments you’ll be achieving along the way.
Break down your final goal into milestones and check them
off once you’ve attained them. It’ll help you to keep track
and stay focused on your goal.
86
 Milestone Done
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
STEP 3: Stay Inspired
You’ll need inspiration along the way whenever you lack mo-
tivation, or whenever someone tries to drag you down. To
overcome this, write down 3 quotes that inspire you to keep
moving towards your goal. Read them when you need to.

1.

87
2.

3.

88