Pantheon Comics #13: "Love Me Tender"

Digest by Joe Grendel

Hack's and Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

"Fools Rush In," by the King, was on the jukebox.

Gail sat at a table, forlornly running her fingers through a bowl of mashed
potatoes.

At the next table, Impulse was looking at his reflection in broken pieces of mirror.

Lucky sat by the door, wondering when Emerald Void's ankle would be back.

Grendel leaned against the bar, growling to himself.

"Whatsamatter, boss?"

Grendel turned toward the speaker slowly. It wasn't hellgirl. Of course not. Life
was too cruel. It was the Regular Hank.

"NOTHING! GET BACK TO WORK, YOU AMNESIAC MORON!"

Hank slunk back off to his stool. All eyes were on the bartender. "What?"

OzBat floated over to him.

"I think you may have been a tad harsh, Joe. It's not the end of the pocket
universe, just because you haven't heard from …"

"DON'T say her name …"

"Right."

Just then, a squeal of tires came from outside, as a navy blue late '80s Chevy
Malibu (with a broken tape deck) pulled up out front. "SKUNKY 1" was spelled
out on the vanity plate. The passenger side door was thrown open, and a battered,
bleeding and stinky Binary 11 was flung out.

"DORK!" The Skunkmobile squealed off again. Several Ewoks wandered over to
Binary, poking him with sticks to see if he was alive.

"Well," Grendel grinned slightly. "THAT sort of cheered me up."

 Chapter Three: The Evil Prescription of Dr. Love
By The Wet Willie

KJST Smoothies FM Radio

The Staff Lounge

Lenny and Squidley, the morning guys, sat smoking cigarettes, eating donuts, and
talking about one of their co-workers.

"So, do you know anything about him? Like, do we even know his real name?"
asked Lenny.

"No. I tried to ask him, but he said, and I quote, ' you must address me, call me
Doctor Love or nothing at all!'*"

"Wow. That's weird."

"No kidding.*"

* = Translated from the Squid.

***

The bar.

Cupid was being pinned to the floor. J'onn was NOT letting go of him. He never
wanted to have a discussion like THAT with A'nne again. And he had a feeling
that unless the little twerp here undid his magic spells, he'd been in for plenty
more. Or divorce court.
"All right, you little bugger, you've got five seconds to explain what's going on
and return everything to normal … or, at least, some semblance of it…"

"Can't."

"What's wrong with you? Are you being controlled?"

The cherub managed to squeeze out two words before he collapsed into
unconsciousness.

"Doctor … Love …"

***
The Citadel of Dr. Love

OK, OK, it's actually the broom closet at the radio station.

"Thank goodness the goons that work here haven't bothered to clean the place, or
they would have discovered my plans! While I've been controlling Cupid
subliminally through the radio receiver I planted in his little head, I've been
studying the chemical compounds that make up the poison on the end of his
arrows. I believe I have finally synthesized the exact formula out of Mr. Clean,
Comet, Windex, and Chanel No.5! My plans to control all the love in the world
have almost reached fruition!"

Dr. Love stopped, realized he'd been talking out loud (as megalomaniacs oft do),
and continued his thoughts … inside his head.

J Street is the nexus of all time and space. Similarly, it is the nexus of all emotion.
By afflicting certain individuals around the place with Cupid's insidious potions, I
can eventually become the master OF ALL LOVE! Cupid bungled the other
individuals I needed on purpose. He must've been fighting my control, otherwise
he never would have missed. Now that I know the formula, I can continue without
him. I'll need a way to deliver the potion, but I still have to infect certain key J
Street citizens. JYu, Jason Borelli, Wet Willie, MacTyson, Regina, Olga the Flower
Lady, Marital Bliss, Charley the Pygmy Marmoset, the Scarlet Dragon, and John
Starr will all be …

"MINE! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH—"

Dr. Love peeked his head out the closet door to make sure no one had heard him.

Chapter Four: Calling Dr. Love

By White Knight

Marinela's Dinner
Classy and Expensive Cuisine

"Only You," by the Platters, was played by the orchestra.

It was the first time in ages Marinela's had been booked. Not one platypus, not
one enhanced wiener could get even close to the front doors.
MacTyson and Gina were at table 17, dining on veal and lamb chops.

"So, tell me a little about yourself?" asked MacTyson.

Gina chewed her food and gave tiny bites to a bread stick.

"Well, I work at Frendel's Motel, down route 66. It's a nice place, with a lot of
strange visitors."

"From another planet?"

"We get some of those too. It's not the greatest job, but it helps to pay for college."
MacTyson gulped.

"Excuse the question, but you are over 18, aren't you?" As Police Chief,
MacTyson had some standards of conduct.

Gina blushed slightly.

"Oww! You're so cute! Of course! I'll be 24 coming February 14th."

MacTyson let out his breath.

"Aaaanyway, I'm on vacation. And a friend's boyfriend's cousin knows someone

who accidentally visited here some stories ago, and I decided to check it out by
myself."

"Ah!"

"And how about you?"

"To be sincere, there's not much about me. I'm just an honest cop …"

"Oh, you sexy cop you!"

Gina leaned over the table (cleavage) and kissed MacTyson on the lips (again and
again).

Well, at least I'll never talk myself into an argument with her thought MacTyson.

"Tell me one thing, Mike. Do you still have your patrolman's uniform?"

"Why yes I do. It's in my closet, back at my apartment on top of the precint.
Why?"

"I'm having a wild idea …"Gina's voice trailed off.

"Check please!"

***

Dr. Love's Closet

Dr. Love had a miniature (what did you expect? he's in a broom closet!) replica of
J Street's buildings and streets.

"Grendel's bitter about hellgirl. Kevrhon lust for Jester. KC Suberman has J'onn
more preoccupied with his advances than with anything else. OzBat will try to
keep the Djinn out of Abdul's hands. And Jester's got the hots for young Mickey.
gail loves a sack of potatoes and MRMIRACLE's got the tar beaten out of him by
his own wife. Emerald Void runs from a cat and a smurf! And Impulse loves
himself! (did I had something to do with it? I'll check my notes.)"

(Insert Crazy Laughter here)

"Part One of my plan … check. Now, on to part two …" he raised his hands in a
victory pose, but his hands crashed against the cleaning items on the closet and
everything fell on his head. Including and old iron.

"Cripes, now I smell like Drano! I hope this stuff does not eat through my trousers
… oh, no! I need to get out of the closet!"

Chapter Five: Puttin' on the Ritz

By Kevrhon

kevrhon found himself whistling Barry Manilow's Can't Smile Without You. This
should have been particularly disturbing since he didn't like the song or the artist
overmuch. But it accurately reflected his mood at the time. They say for every
boy and girl there's just one love in this whole world and kevrhon had found his.
He was so sure. And he knew in his heart that he could make Jester see it too.
He'd just taken the wrong approach. What was he thinking? Honestly, chartreuse
worn with cyan and royal blue?

He'd never owned a tuxedo, but if he had, it would have looked just like the one
he was wearing now. It was a cream color with cyan lapels and trim, a chartreuse
ruffled shirt, and a royal blue cummerbund and coordinated carnation
boutonnière. He'd had to dispense with the top hat, as he just couldn't make it
work with his Dr. Fate helmet. He had resurrected the helmet to complete the full
effect he was trying to achieve.

He struck a series of GQ poses and admired himself in the mirror. He cut quite a
dashing figure. How could Jester resist him now? How could anyone resist for
that matter? Hmmmm … that might be a problem. What if all the Pantheon
members finally released the passionate feelings for him they all obviously
concealed? He might need … extra protection.

kevhron checked the address of the Hexall Drug store one last time in the phone
book before exiting through the wall. Upstairs, Marital Bliss (Martial Bliss when
she was angry) slept soundly, unaware of what was going on elsewhere in the
tower.

***

Jester, in his civilian guise as Joe Rice, sat in a booth at Grendel's and Hack's with
Amazon. She had recently acquired a roommate, and Joe thought it might be best
to approach Mickey through her new "big sister". She might even chaperone an
evening for the two of them. His intentions were entirely honorable, and he was
nothing if not a gentleman. He would certainly have no objection to her company
if she thought it was appropriate. But he really hoped that the two of them could
be left alone to get to know each other. He was hopelessly, helplessly smitten, and
wanted a chance to see if he had a chance with the young Miss O'Peigh.

Amazon appreciated Jester's, or rather "Joe's" invitation to get together for coffee.
She'd had too little contact with the male members of the Pantheon on this level.
They all worked together in a manner of speaking, and it only seemed natural that
they should all be friends as well. Jester was one of the more outlandish members
of the team, but she was finding Joe to be quite charming. She couldn't remember
the last time she had just sat and talked to a man, without any sort of hidden
agendas or expectations; without any tension.

"Amazon, I'm really glad you agreed to meet me here. There are too many people
in the Pantheon that I don't know all that well. I thought it was time to correct
that."

Amazon put down her cup and smiled.

"You know, I was just sitting here thinking the same thing. Being a close knit
group can only make us more effective in action."

Joe nodded.

"These down times are so important to the health of the team, don't you think?
Relationships, close, personal relationships in a group like this are only natural."
Hmmmm … where is this going? I'm not sure I liked the sound of that.

"I couldn't agree more. I think it's very important that we all be close. Like an
extended family."

There was a long pause as both of them sipped their beverages. Well, perhaps that
shut this down without any muss or fuss. Way to go Amazon.

"Amazon, I need to ask you something … delicate. I hope you won't think me too
forward, or … what's wrong?"

Amazon's attention had been diverted by the approach of kevrhon, looking like
Peter Max at his senior prom. No, take that back. Peter Max was an artist. He had
more color and design sense than this. This was more like an acid dream of prom.
Amazon thought at first she would welcome the interruption to defuse the
situation. Now, she wasn't so sure.

***

kevrhon walked into Grendel's and Hack's and scanned the crowd. The place was
pretty quiet at the moment. The jukebox was silent. The only sound was that of
OzBat sweeping up broken glass. kevrhon looked around and spotted Jester sitting
in a booth to the side of the bar and grill. But, who was he with? As he
approached, his heart sank. Jester was apparently having a very serious
conversation with Amazon. He was losing him. He had to do something. He had
to think. kevrhon did his best thinking sitting on the toilet, but there seemed to be
a line forming at the mens' room. Someone was pounding on the door.

"C'mon Impulse. You've been in there for an hour. We don't really want to come in
there and kick you out, but if things have to get messy we will." kevrhon did some
of his other best thinking on a bar stool. He veered past the booth occupied by
Jester and Amazon, and took a seat at the bar.

"Whattaya want?" Grendel snapped.

Not completely out of character, kevrhon thought, but completely unprovoked. He

put it out of his mind. He had other concerns at the moment.

"Gimme a Long Island Ice Tea." kevrhon wasn't fooling around. He needed to
loosen up his thought processes, and fast. If his inhibitions got loosened up along
the way, well that couldn't hurt.
 Chapter Six: Adios, Amigos
By The Jester

Jester ran in the door of the bar. He sat down next to kev and looked at him. now's
the time Kevhron thought.

"Jester, I …" but before he could pop the big question, the Jester's head popped
off, and his body crumpled. Kevhron looked at it, but before he could let out a
scream, the shimmering image of Doctah Looooooooooove appeared.

"Don't worry, this isn't really the Jester. It's just a model of what could happen to
him if you don't follow my demands. They are …" but the holo-emitter blanked.
Kevhron sat there for a long time, not moving. Then he finally decided that he had
to think of something, and fast. "Emerald, give me some pickled sausage."

"Uh, Kev, are you …"

"Just give it to me, damn you!"

"OK, whatever you say."

Chapter Seven: Lust for Life

By Jason Borelli

Amazon's Apartment

There was a knocking on the door.

"I'll get it," shouted Amazon, as Mickey resumed her shower.

Amazon opened the door. It was Jason … with a single rose.

"Jason, what … oh. Great Hera."

"Hi, 'Zon."

"They told me you were hit yesterday."

"Yeah. But I'm not in love with you."

"What?"
"Let me explain. When I was back at Miracle's place, I was dreading what was
going to happen to me, that I would become the drooling mess that everybody
else had become. Then suddenly, it was gone."

"What happened?"

"My angst. My neuroses. Gone, completely. I've been so used to nit-picking about
every little thing. It's like a huge weight's been lifted off of my shoulders. Busting
Cupid isn't that big of a deal now."

"So, you're falling in love with?"

"Life. I never took time to stop and view my surroundings. I just stand around and
fight, or gripe, or both. But now, life isn't a never-ending struggle. It feels
wonderful! And I want you to share in my joy."

"You mean … date?"

"Well, date may be pushing it. I know you have no interest in me in that way. But
it sure would feel even greater if you came along."

"I … I don't know what to say. This is so … sudden."

"Who's there?"

Mickey walked into the hallway in her robe (nothing revealed).

"Well, who do we have here?" asked Jason.

"Jason, this is Mickey O'Peigh. She's Matthew's niece."

"How are you, Mickey?" asked Jason, with a friendly smile.

"Fine," replied Mickey.

"Amy, you don't have to decide right away. But I'll be out flying around for a
while. Later."

As Jason began to leave, a thought came to him.

Haven't I seen Mickey before? She sure does look familiar …

Chapter Eight: Going to the Chapel

By Dom
"Bright Lady, she is not here," Cable77 stated rather worriedly.

"Don't panic; she probably went to search for JYu, it probably won't be too hard to
find her. Come on, Cable77, you come with me and Wildcard, if you don't mind,
stay here. Dom just might come back."

Without any hesitation Wildcard agreed to stay at Minuteman Comics to wait and
see if Dom would come back. Meanwhile, the Mother Askani, has safely arrived
in BellDandy, a city of Glass, Gold, and Light, on the Goddess' home planet of
Megami. While she is on the stoop of the Home of home of Dom's Sisters she
thinks to her self Almighty, I forgot how beautiful this place was … Now I realize
why I miss it so … Still have to keep my mind on the mission.

She pressed the chime which filled the air with beautiful music, but before Mother
Askani could once again become enraptured in the things that are so familiar, yet
so missed, the door flung open and before her stood Del, Dom's little Sister.
Dwarfed in size by the Mother Askani, she was dressed in her traditional robe of
pink, her hair the color of pearl so that when the light hit it, it just reflected a
rainbow of colors. Needless to say, Del was very happy to see Mother Askani.

"By the great spirit! Mother! I dunno whether to salute you or give you a hug!"

Mother opted for the hug, however soon after she got right down to business.

"Sadly, Little one I bring you some sad news. It is Dom, she is …"

Right before Mother Askani could finish another goddess entered the room. Tall
and shapely, her skin was that of bronze and her hair of silver wearing what barely
could be called a robe of the color gray. Now anyone who had seen a goddess can
tell you that they are very uniquely beautiful, however she posed a beauty that
could only be described as divine, yet, she possessed a quality within her that
could be simply described as wicked …

"Well, well, if it isn't the war-monger! What are you doing here, Askani, here to
take another one of my sisters on a fool's quest?"

At that very moment Mother Askani remembered a reason she left Megami:
Dom's older sister, Silver Fox. It took all of mother's self control not to lose her
temper at the sound of Silver Fox's taunts. Instead she proceeded to tell both
sisters about Dom's dilemma.

***

Meanwhile on J street
After taking some time off to visit his cousin Lance at Glenshadow, Lynx was
headed for Minuteman Comics. While he was walking up J street he saw Dom
running up behind him. Lynx had to do a double take because Dom was wearing
something that she never had before, a very low-cut dress.

"Dom, izzat you?"

"Oh Lynx, why yes it is! Welcome back. Hope your trip went well. Wish I could
stay and chat but I have something rather important I have to do."

As Dom ran into Minuteman Comics Lynx followed suit behind her.

"Wait Dom … What's with the Dress? And why does your new Perfume smell like
liver?"

But before Dom could even answer she shut the door behind her, locking Lynx
out. Continuing her feverish pace, she ran through the Minuteman lobby only to
be stopped on the stairs by Wildcard.

"Thank the lady! There you are!"

"Oh Wildcard," Dom squealed as she grabbed Wildcard in a tight embrace. "I am
so happy you could make it to the wedding!"

"Wedding!" Wildcard though as Dom ran to her quarters in Minuteman. She was
going to run after Dom, but knowing that when push comes to shove, Dom was
definitely more powerful than she was. Instead she answered the door in which
Lynx was a few pounds away from tearing down.

"Dom what were you thinking? Wait! You're not Dom … Wildcard? What are you
doing here?"

"Lynx, We have a problem."

Back at BellDandy

"So you see, Dom's emotions are raging out of control and I thought that you guys
could reprogram her back to normal."

Del and Silver Fox looked at each other uncomfortably, and Del began.

"Mother, It's not that easy …"

Silver Fox interrupted.

"Yeah, we're talking about a goddess here, not a computer …"

"Anyway, Mother, I think we can solve the problem. Fox and I will have to go to
this J Street and actually confront Dom. It maybe as simple as a negating or we
might have to bring her back here and return her to the Almighty."

With that said, Mother Askani made a gesture and with a flash all three Goddesses
were on J Street.

The first to speak, as always, was Silver Fox.

"Ugh, is this where Dom lives now? What a PIT! No wonder she went insane."

Back at Minuteman Comics

"So, let me get this straight, Wildcard, Dom is madly in Love with JYu? And
unless we stop her, she's going to marry him and kill us all? Ugh, I should have
stayed at Glenshadow."

Right after Lynx made his remark Dom came down the stairs clad in an even
tighter revealing purple lace dress.

"Well, what do you guys think of my wedding dress?"

At that very moment both Wildcard and Lynx were speechless.

Chapter Nine: Superheroes, Weirdness, and Vous!

By Hank!

Hack and Grendel's Pond Bar And Grill

The Regular Hank, as the strange ones of this weird place had now taken to
calling him, drank his grape soda and stared at Victor The Mighty Viking!

Victor drank his mead and stared back. His eyes glowed red. His 7'0" body was
tensed by his immense muscles. His hair glowed a fiery shade of crimson.

"T'would be advisable, small and weak one For thou to tell me the location of
Mine lady fair, the lady gail. Or, thou Will be smited as thou never has been
before," Victor said, slurping on his straw. For effect, he crushed the iron mead
cup like paper.
"OK, three things hot-head. First of all, I dunno where gail is. Secondly, if I did, I
wouldn't tell you. And finally, what does 'smited' mean?" Hank slurped down the
rest of his grape soda, then crushed the cup for effect. It, too, crushed like paper.
Probably because it was paper.

"Small mortal, thou doth test mine patience too much!" Victor said, leaping back
from the table and smashing it with his broadsword. Hank leapt back from the
table in alarm. He was trying his best to talk tough to The Viking. But he had to
admit, he was a bit nervous. Hank felt his heart racing and pounding. He
wondered if he could even hope to fight a 7'0" viking warrior. He remembered the
fight with Raphael Starkiller, and wondered if he could survive another battle with
someone bigger than he was.

Victor growled, and tightened his grip on his sword. Hank felt the adrenaline
coursing through his body, and felt time slow down to a crawl. Then, he thought
about the strange people he'd met in town so far. He thought about Joe Grendel.
He thought about The Martian Manhunter. He thought about a lot of folks.

Then he thought about that girl gail.

Hank had been sitting at the bar, just minding his own business, feeling sorry for
himself. Then, that girl gail had sat next to him. Hank remembered their
conversation.

"Hi there, stranger," she'd said to him.

"Um, do I know you?" he'd said back.

"Yeah, ya' big doof! Come on, where's the 'greetings fair and foul-mouthed one'?
or 'How dost thou feel today?' Come on, talk to me Hank!" Hank had then gotten
up from his stool in alarm.

"Look, lady, everyone around here seems to know and recognize me, and maybe
we are friends or something, but I don't have the slightest idea who you are!" gail
just frowned at Hank, and sat him back down.

"I'm sorry. I just thought that maybe you'd gone through some weird
transformation like everyone else around here. I'm sorry. My name is gail." gail
offered her hand in friendship to Hank. Hank had looked at her hand, then thought
about his predicament a bit. One minute, he was in Bellinghamster. The next, a
pan-dimensional hyperspace anomaly, filled with Superheroes and other such
weirdoes. Hank started to cry.

"Look (sniff) maybe we did know each other before. But I don't remember. I
woke up naked in Toronto two years ago, and I haven't been able to remember
anything before that time since then. I finally get to a point where I think (sob) my
life is normal, and SUDDENLY I'm in a place filled with walking hot-dogs, folks-
in-tights and other weirdness!" Hank slumped on the bar, and cried some more.

gail did then what gail would always do in those situations.

She hit Hank upside the head.

"Look, stop crying! The Hank that I know wouldn't cry about something like this.
He would roll with the punches, and try to figure out a way to make the best of
this. Like it or not, you're stuck here until you can figure a way out. And like it or
not, people around here know you. Heck, a few of them used to LIKE you." gail
finished her drink, then hopped off of her barstool. Hank turned to her, wiping the
tears from his eyes.

"B-buh-but, (sniff) everything is so weird around here! And wouldn't you be a bit
upset if you had woken up in Toronto without any clothes?" Hank screamed. gail
raised an eyebrow at her.

"Maybe, I don't know. I do know that things get even weirder around here than
you can imagine," gail threw some money on the bar.

"I wanna go home! Wherever that is," Hank blubbered.

"Hank, grow-up," gail said, shaking her head and walking out of the bar.

Hank ran into gail a few more times after that. She convinced him to take the job
at The Pond. She convinced him to try to make a new life here.

She yelled at him a lot.

And Hank appreciated it.

Hank's mind raced back to The Pond and The Viking, as he finally decided what
to do.

"Well, insolent whelp, information or death?" Victor said. Hank squeezed his fists,
as a miniature cracking sound creaked from them.

"Neither, you … you stupid Viking. I don't know where she is. You wanna go out
with her? Then ask her. Last time I heard, she was taken."

Victor screamed the Viking rage, as his berserker blood boiled. He gripped his
sword, smashed a wall, then walked out.

OzBat cleaned a glass, and shook his head.

"Hey, Hank, you'd better fix that wall before Grendel gets out of the john," OzBat
said.

And you'd better fix yourself pretty soon, too, OzBat thought.

OzBat put his now clean glass up on a wall. He looked into the bar mirror. He
looked at Hank, and shook his head some more.

If we had Richard Pryor, we could start filming Superman III, he thought.

Chapter Ten: Can We Talk?

By The Jester

The Pond

Back at the Joe Rice/Amazon table.

"Aaaaaaaanyway …" Amazon said.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about the pause. What was I saying?"

"Um, ah, I don't … remember," Amazon feared what she was going to hear. It was
obvious. Joe, the Jester … well, he apparently had a crush. On Amazon. And she
didn't want to hurt the poor boy. He just wasn't … you know, her type.

"Oh, I remember!" Joe said. Amazon silently sighed. "Man, this is uncomfortable.
I guess I just oughtta come out with it."

Oh, no. Amazon thought.

"I've got a crush—"

Here it comes. Mustn't look disgusted!

"On Mickey."

I knew it. WAIT! Amazon spoke aloud, "WHAT?"

"I, uh, kind of have a crush on Mickey. Don't hurt me. It's nothing bad, or
anything!"

"What about me?"

"Uh, you're lovely and all, Amazon, but I see you as a friend …"

"I know, I know. I was just … never mind. Mickey? You know she's rather young,
don't you?
"
"Just a few years behind me. I'm just 19, you know."

"Yeah, I forget that. Well, why are you telling me?"

"Well, for one, you're a woman. I was wondering if it's creepy or what. And you
seem to know her just as well as anyone else. She's just the most adorable, sweet,
pretty woman I've ever seen … you think she'd go out with me?" Joe blushed.

How cute! Amazon thought. "Well, I don't see why not …"

Chapter Eleven: A Case of Love

By AoAMimic

Site of the future Mimic Estate

It was now six o'clock in the afternoon. The workers were, once again, not
working. Their boss was still there all right, but not paying much attention to
them. She was completely diverted from her job by the constant advances of one
AoAMimic.

"Oh please, Kelly! Just a small date? C'mon girl! I know you aren't doing
anything tonight!"

"You think I don't have a date for tonight, or a boyfriend?" Kelly snarled.

"I'm sure you do! You are so beautiful! Why wouldn't you have a date?" At this
point he was on his knees following her around. "I'll take you anywhere you want
to go! Anything you want!"

"What?"

"Is that a yes? You'll go out with me? Huh?"

"No, what did you say? Anything I want?" her eyes lit up in the way only a
woman's eyes can when fashionable or expensive objects are involved.

"Yes! I'm fabulously wealthy! Why do you think I'm building this gigantic
mansion? Here, take this diamond ring! Will you go with me?"
"Hmm." She pondered as she examined the ring. "Real diamonds! Whyyyyy …
sure! Anytime?"

"I'll call you!"

"Suurrrreee …" After they he got her phone number, Mimic turned and leapt
away, bounding joyfully to his car. A wicked grin crept over the face of the pretty
young woman. "Anything I want."

***

Starr Detective Agency

A rather perturbed John Starr stood up from his desk, piled up with cases where
his expertise was requested.

"Where are those two? I told them I was starving. Grendel's isn't that far down the
street! Hmph. The food from that new cook isn't worth waiting a second for, let
alone an hour! We have some high paying cases here, involving Cupid? What
the?"

***

Impulse was smooching his own reflection in the mirror when suddenly there was
a knock at the door.

"Impulse? Open up! This is …"

"A smurf? A snork? A robo-smurf? A-"

"No you nincompoop! Officer MacTyson! I'm (ahem) kind of busy and I need to
drop off this document so I can get back to work."

"Slip it under the door." A brown envelope slid under the doorway, and Impulse
detached himself from the mirror long enough to pick it up. "What's this?
Blahblahblahblah. Minors are unable to own apartments? Unless at no, not there!"

Chapter Twelve: What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?

By Joe Grendel
 Hack's and Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" was blaring on the jukebox.

"WHO PUT THAT ON THERE?" Grendel held the phone to his chest. "Hack!
Disconnect that and get that CD out of there!"

As the music stopped, he turned back toward the fish tank, noting as he did that
gail sat at the bar, rubbing a potato all over her face.

I'm not even going there.

"Hellgirl?" he put the phone up to his ear, ignoring the sound of all the men
banging on the men's room door. "Are ya there? Does your tattoo still hurt? Yeah, mine
too. Look, I'm not supposed to be physically capable of falling in love anymore.
Somebody sicced Cupid on all of us, and I've got an idea who. I'd like you to pay
a visit to WJST radio …"

Chapter Thirteen: Ch-Ch-Chain of Fools!

By The Scarlet Rob

The Scarlet Dragon walked down J Street with a spring in his step. He had
decided to take the bull by the horns, as it were, with a more aggressive approach.
So he dressed to the nines in a very large burgundy tux (to set off his gleaming
crimson scales), with a violet bow tie and matching cummerbund to complement
his intended's beautiful violet eyes.

Outside Grendel's Pond he ran into Olga, the gypsy flower-seller, in her usual
spot.

"Olga, my friend!" he greeted her. "Have you any purple roses today?"

"Purple? Purple is not a color for roses!" Olga snorted. "What is it with the funny
colors today? That crazy kevrhon, in the most garish of wardrobes you can
imagine (and clearly you can imagine plenty!) come by asking me for blue roses!
I say to him, pleurosis? Why you want pleurosis? But he no get it, he never see
The Glass Menagerie, Mr. Big-Shot Director, hah! And then that Jason boy, he
wander by mumbling about new roses, I dunno sometimes with these pipples…"

"Uh, oooooOK. Olga, do you always speak in this pidgin gypsy?"

"Mebbe, who knows? I no remember and I no have time to sift through old
digests to check! I'm sure Mr. Joe fix it with some smart-@$$ comment in his
next chapter if it wrong! I got red roses! You want them or no?"

"How about some … scarlet roses, then?"

"Oh, sure, you want scarlet? I got you scarlet roses right here, right next to the red
ones (boob)!"

"I'll take a dozen, please! Here, keep the change! I'm in a good mood today!"

"Oh, thank you so much, sir! Do come again!" Oh, boy! thought Olga, A whole
freakin' dollar! Now I can buy that flower shop I've had my heart set on ever
since I was a little girl reading the adventures of Black Canary!

The Scarlet Dragon walked into Grendel's …

… and stopped dead.

There ahead at a table sat his intended, Raphael Starkiller, he of the beautiful
violet eyes …

… Which were currently fixed with a look of longing on Just Hank! …

… Who was dreamily dancing with a push broom around a pile of plaster while
he cast glances at gail …

… Who sat at the counter languidly smearing ketchup all over her lips with the
end of a French fry.

The Scarlet Dragon looked back at Starkiller, dropped his roses and shook his
head sadly. So that's what he's into, he thought. Guys who beat him up.

Sicko!

"Why Do Fools Fall In Love?" burst forth cheerily from the Wurlitzer.

Behind the counter, Joe Grendel surveyed Cupid's carnage and giggled.

Chapter Fourteen: Devil with the Purple Dress On

By Dom
"You putrid excuse for a
carbon-based life form! I
just knew that one day you
would cause trouble! I was
just waiting for the
slightest excuse to come
here and rid this insipid
world of your miserable
pathetic existence
FOREVER!"
Rule number one when you deal with Goddesses, don't get them mad at you,
especially if that goddess is named "Mother Askani." Having come to save her
best friend from her own emotions, Mother Askani thought rather than spend
precious time chasing Dom down, she would instead find the one Dom would
come to. Very unfortunate for JYu, who currently is in the grasp of Mother
Askani, hovering about a foot from the ground.

"Please Mother put me down, I can explain …"

Tossing him to the ground, Mother Askani was come up from the behind by, Del
and Silver Fox. While JYu was regaining his bearings, Silver Fox snickered.

"This is the one my Sister is in love with? Almighty, no wonder she ends up
killing herself."
"Listen Mother, and the rest, whomever you are, I didn't do that to Dom! It was
Cupid! Trust me, I wish this whole thing would have never happened!"

***

Back at Minuteman

"Dom, have you lost your MIND?" Lynx yelled in disbelief.

"What do you mean, Lynx? Aren't you happy for me?"

Seeing that Lynx was about to lose it, Wildcard softy whispered to him.

"Please Lynx, calm down …"

"HAPPY FOR YOU? CALM DOWN! Dom, this is JYu were talking about! God,
He's a deserter! A member of the Pantheon! MY GAWD, the mere thought of you
with him repulses …"

Lynx needn't continue, Dom had already gotten the message which bring us to
Rule number two of dealing with goddesses, when you see the air crackle with
energy and especially when that energy is seemingly emanating from a goddess,
RUN …

"How DARE you speak of my beloved that way!"

And with that said, Dom hurled an energy bolt toward Lynx, knocking him down.
Wildcard rushed to Lynx's side checking to make sure he was alive, which he was,
barely.

"Come, Wildcard, we can't have me be late my for my own wedding can we?"

Nack with JYu and the Three Goddesses

Silver Fox cooed, "So you say you desire that this would have never happened?"

"Yes," JYu answered back firmly.

"Good," Silver Fox responded, "Desires are my specialty."

Suspiciously, Mother asked, "Is it that simple?"

"Yes, it is, When Dom shows up, I just project this man's desire as a negating
spell, and it'll be just like it never happened. And you people can go on living
your own little mundane lives," Silver Fox answered.
Then at that very moment, Dom showed up, and behind her, was a very worried
looking Wildcard. Although she was happy to see JYu, she could not contain her
excitement at seeing her sisters. A big group hug ensued and all of the sudden the
tension of the whole situation seemed to ease. If only for that split second.

"Bright lady be praised! Del! Foxy! I'm am so thrilled you could make it on the
happiest day of my life!"

With that said, Silver Fox knew what she had to do …

"Sorry, Dom, but this will hurt you more than it will hurt me … Great dress by the
way …"

The next thing Dom knew she was bombarded by energy that made her lose her
balance and orientation. Luckily Wildcard was there to hold her up. Slowly she
regained her sense of reality …

"Almighty, Wildcard, I feel really weird. What happened?"

Mother Askani started, "Oh girl, we don't know where to begin, all I can say is
thank the blessed lady that you are all right now."

"Yes, Scrapper, thank the lady that I am all right, but I guess every girl gets a little
disoriented on her wedding day."

All were stunned silent! Silver Fox's negation spell did not work! Dom was still in
love with JYu!

"Reaching her hand out towards JYu Dom said, "Well darling, what are we
waiting for …"

The final and third rule when dealing with goddesses, when at first a spell does
not succeed … give up …

Chapter Fifteen: Not Where You Are!

By Impulse

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," said Officer MacTyson.

Impulse opened the door and took the manila envelope that he was given earlier
and slapped it on the good officer's desk.
"So, you want to stay somewhere else EVEN THOUGH I own the shop below the
apartment. EVEN THOUGH I pay rent there. EVEN THOUGH—" said Impulse
before being interrupted by MacTyson.

"All I'm asking you to do is to either, A) stay at someone else's apartment, B) live
in my office, or C) live in the dino feeding pits," said MacTyson.

"I can stay ANYWHERE except that apartment?" said Impulse.

"Yes."

"OK … I choose to stay with YOU!" said Impulse as MacTyson was

dumbfounded. "Oh, officer! No need to grab help me … I can help myself" and
Impulse sped off.

"Oh, god. What have I gotten into?" said MacTyson.

Chapter Sixteen: Media Terrorism

By hellgirl

WJST Smoothies FM Radio Station

Lenny and Squidley were hanging out by the water cooler talking about the OJ
verdict.

"So, I heard the news shows were worried 'cause the Browns had to drive an hour
or more to the courthouse, and the State of the Union address was starting at 6
o'clock …"

Squidley was just about to respond that he'd been playing Wet Willie's Wild
Watersports on his Sony PlayStation all night and didn't even know there had
been a verdict when the door smashed in, causing him to spill his water all over
Lenny.

hellgirl marched in, a shotgun in either hand.

Lenny and Squidley dove behind the ratty couch that took up one side of the
room. hellgirl glared at them.

"Where's Doctor Love?" she snapped.

"Uh, oh, ooh, argh, I mean, please …" stammered Lenny.

Squidley made wet squishy noises.

"I want him, and I want him now!" One of the shotguns centered itself on Lenny's
forehead.

Lenny fainted.

Just then there was a squeak from the broom closet and a crashing sound, as
though several industrial size containers of cleaning fluid had fallen off the shelf.

A wicked gleam appeared in hellgirl's eye. Both shotguns trained themselves on

the closet.

"Squid! Open that door!"

Squidley found that he'd inked all over himself.

There was a low moan from behind the door.

The demoness thumbed back the hammers on her shotguns.

"Boy, is Grendel going to be happy to see you. And he ain't the only one."

Chapter Seventeen: Not to be Impulsive, but …

By The White Knight

"I'm sorry, Impulse, but you cannot move in with me." Chief MacTyson's voice
was firm.

"But officer, you evicted me out of my apartment."

"That was not my call. I just want you to remember that I don't make the law, I
only enforce it. I didn't like to hold Mickey within custody until her parents
showed up, but that's my job."

"And where will I sleep?"

"Look, there's something we can work out …"

"Can I stay?"

"Don't push it, kid. I meant that you can secure proper lodgings with your peers."
"Come again?" said Impulse, dumbfounded.

"Do you have someone else you know besides me?"

"Sure! There's Emerald Void."

"There you go! As I can recall from the Who's Who you two are friends, aren't
you? You can ask him if you can stay with him. If you paid rent for your loft over
your store, you can pay him instead."

"Cool,youknowyour'reright.
I'mracingoverthererightthisminutesowecanarrangesomethingbye!"

And with that, he zoomed away …

"Michael!" came a soft, inviting voice from the room upstairs.

"I'll be there in just one sec." He closed the doors of the precinct and turned on the
superhuman defenses.

"Now I'll have some peace!"

He turned off the lights and raced up the stairs.

Chapter Eighteen: Frozen Feet

(and Ambiguous References)
By JYu

Hack's and Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

"Crazy Little Thing Called Love," by some group whom anyone born after 1977
wouldn't care about, (even when their lead singer died,) until after a song of
theirs had been featured in one of the most moronic films made in the latter part
of the current century, was someone's selection currently playing on the jukebox.

Until Grendel walked over and pulled the plug.

"When Dom shows up, I just project this Man's desire as a negating spell."

And JYu had said he desired that Dom had never fallen in love with him. Yet
nothing changed. Dom still appeared to be as madly in love with him as ever.
Sooner or later, she'd find him hiding here in the bar, and drag him to the alter.
Not that he'd known about any actual wedding arrangements, i.e.. priest, organist,
best woman/man, etc., but hell, she was a goddess. She could do whatever she
darn well wanted. Most goddesses are able to do whatever they wanted. Move
mountains. Redirect the flow of rivers. Stuff like that.

And he really didn't want to discover the consequences of defying her. But at
least at the bar, he'd be safe from her. For a while, at least.

Yes, the goddesses were supposed to be omnipotent (or reasonably close). But
even then, Silver Fox's spell to return Dom to "normal" didn't work. She had cast
a spell to take his "desire" and make it a reality.

"So you say you Desire that this would have never happened?"

Of course he did, he had replied. It was exactly what he had wanted.

Wasn't it?

The answer to this sudden question would be postponed, as the door to the bar
burst open, and the bruised body of Lynx limped in and made its way to the table
at which JYu was sitting.

"I've gotta bone to pick with you …" Lynx muttered.

JYu looked up from his glass of Sprite.

"What else is new? What, you having a problem with me acting like "moral
defender" guy to the Minutemen and not putting up with their crap again? Get on
line, Evan."

"Francis, dammit. I can't believe you're doing this. Marrying Dom. Taking
advantage of her like this." He pointed his index finger at JYu's chest. If anything
happens to her!"

"It's not me. Get it through your head. She was hit by one of Cupid's arrows —"

"Cupid? Right."

"— And I was the first person she saw. She's a goddess, for God's sake. You know
yourself: What Dom wants, she gets. This isn't happening to me by my own
choice. It's beyond my control."

"Just like when you decided to run out on us? Was that beyond your own control?
Pretty convenient timing, too. Right when he showed up. Hell, it's your fault the
Olavslaught even —"
JYu slammed his hands against the table, stood up, and stared right into Lynx's
eyes.

"Don't … judge … me … by … your … standards. More went on there, I was far

deeper in, than you could ever even possibly know. And I did what had to be
done."

And after the two stared at each other for another few silent minutes, JYu left
Lynx sitting there as he walked up to the bar, dropped a dollar bill on the counter,
and left.

Chapter Nineteen: Emerald Dawn

By Impulse

Hack's and Grendel's Pond Bar & Grill

"Well, Impy, sure. You can stay with me," said EVoid.

"Whoo-hooi'llgotomyoldapartmentandgetallmystuf — INCLUDING —
mymirror!" said Impulse.

"Um. No kissing your image, Impy," said EV. "Now, listen. Here are my rules.
One: No kissing your image. Two: Lights out when I say so. Three: Don't
interrupt me during my meditation. I'm trying to get home. But, I don't think I will
be getting there."

"Okey-dokeyartichokey!" said Impulse. And he ran off.

"Hey, EV! We got some people coming in! Make some food!" said Joe.

And, in walked Dr. Loooooooove and Cupid.

Chapter Twentey: Transformations and Endings

By Dom

"Lynx! Lynx! Are you OK? Great, first you zonk out on me, Cable, and now Lynx
is out."
"Here, maybe if you elevate his head a little." As Cable reached out to Lynx's
head his hand brushed Red Monster, and he got a shiver … However, it had
worked and Lynx was coming to.

"Dom." Lynx said softly and then he jerked awake.

"Lynx! Are you OK?" Red Monster asked.

"OK? OK! NO I am most certainly not OK! My god! Dom tried to kill me! I
knew she would be trouble ever since I first laid my eyes on her! All you women
are trouble! I swear once I find Dom, I'll give her a piece of my mind! Wait what
am I saying! It's not all Dom's fault! It's that damn JYu! He was probably the one
to told her to do it! God help him when I get through with him!" And after that
rather lengthy rant session, Lynx stormed out of Minuteman Comics.

Cable77 then turned to Red Monster and said "Come on, we better go talk some
sense into him!"

Red Monster, rather annoyed about that generalization about women, muttered,
"Oh screw him, I'm tired of running around! And we have more important things
to worry about! The important thing is Dom, and Mother Askani assured us she
has the situation under control. All we can do is stay here and wait."

Back with the Goddesses

"Almighty, it didn't work! My spell! It DIDN'T work! That's not possible! My

spells always work!"

"Calm down Foxy." Del said, "Maybe you made a miscalculation."

In the whole confusion of the scene JYu had managed to slip away, and Del was
able to make one of her tranquillity spells work on Dom, who is currently
unconscious in the arms of Mother Askani.

"Miscalculation my @$$!" Mother Askani retorted, "Even though I for one would
be celebrating the fact that Fox here for once got a spell wrong, I know it's not
possible, her spell was based on a desire, and if that desire is not 100 percent
wanted, then the spell is not going to work. So that means that twisted little
scumwad actually liked having Dom in love with him. Oh, he will PAY when I
find him. He will pay most dearly." And with Dom still in her arms she teleported.

"Almighty! Where did Mother go?" asked Del.

"Well, I have an idea. Come on, let's go! This should prove to be interesting!"
In front of Hack's and Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

"There you are!" Mother Askani yelled as she put the unconscious Dom on the
bench in front of the bar and then started to confront JYu. "You piece of trash, the
spell didn't work because of you! You like having Dom in love with you.."

"OK, yeah," JYu started to explain as he was backing away from Mother Askani,
"Maybe I do like the fact that Dom is in love with me. That she'd cook me liver
when ever I want and that she really looks hot in that dress. But I am not in love
with her, and I'm not going to marry her …"

Just as Mother looked like she was about to explode, Dom came to and yelled,

"WHAT?"
It was so loud and resounding that even Mother stopped in her tracks.

"You mean you have been using me, and you never had any intentions on
marrying me, and you never even loved me? How dare you toy with my
emotions! I'll kill you! I'll tear your arms and legs off!"

As Dom was going to charge JYu, Del and Silver Fox arrived on the scene and
Del appraised the situation, and Very quickly stopped Dom in her tracks in a
Containment Bubble.

"Girls, think of something fast! I can't hold her for long!" Del said, straining.

"So what? Let her go!" Silver fox responded, standing to the side. "Let her kill
him! It's no big deal! It might even solve the problem. After all, she can't be in
love with someone who is not alive."

Instead of scolding Silver Fox for her brash statement Mother said, "Fox you're
right! If we get rid of him, then maybe our problems would be over! Fox come
here: It's time to use my use your powers on a desire of my own."

Mother Askani, whispered into Silver Fox's ear and they looked at each other and
then at JYu, and laughed devilishly.

A few hours Later at Minuteman

"Oh, it feels so good to be my old self again! Thank the lady, that the almighty
was able to fix my programming! Girls, I can't thank you enough!"

"Anything to get you back to your old self again, Sis!" Del said happily.
"So, what are you girls gonna do now? You know there's always room for you
here."

However she was quickly followed by Mother Askani saying, "Although we

completely understand if you wanna return to Megami! After all, it is your home.
Where you belong … especially if your name is Silver Fox."

Silver Fox responded, "Well Dom, I think we'll stay, for a bit. I mean this place is
not so bad for a stale little town and an inferior planet. What do you say Del? Are
you with me?"

Del very excitedly answered, "YES!"

"Great! You guys can stay here with me or," Dom turned to look at Mother Askani
and saw an panicked look on her face, "Or you could stay here with me." With
that settled Dom then turned to Lynx. "Listen Lynx I am so sorry, really. I wanna
make it up to you, how about next round at Glenshadows is on me?"

Lynx responded, "Deal"

Then from far off in the corner, a vaguely familiar voice said, "Great. Now that
you guys have tied up all the loose ends what about me? When are you going to
change me back! I mean this hair is so long, and this robe is heavy! And don't
even get me started on these!" pointing at her chest.

Wildcard responded "Oh JYu, or shall we say 'Goddess JYu,'" Everyone burst in to
laughter "All you have to DO is just douse yourself in warm water and you'll be
your old self again." More laughter followed.

Containing herself, Silver Fox said, "No JYu, she's messing with you, the spell
will wear off in a few moments. We just needed you to stay as a goddess until
Dom realized JYu no longer existed and we could send her up to the Almighty to
cure her! By the way, great robe, once you grow out of it can I borrow it?"

Once again laughter filled the Minuteman building.

Chapter Twenty-One: Reading Comprehension

By Joe Grendel

Meanwhile, back at the bar.

"Love is a Battlefield" was playing on the jukebox.

Grendel watched the goddesses arrive and kidnap JYu. This had actually made
him smile, a fact that reassured OzBat greatly.

Moments later, Cupid and Doctor Love marched in (pay attention Impulse,
reading comprehension is easy), with hellgirl's shotguns at their backs.

"Sit." The two scrambled onto bar stools. "Talk."

The began at once, pointing fingers, jabbering wildly.

"Shut up." She poked Cupid with a shotgun. "Speak."

"He did it! He found a charm that he was able to control me with! He's trying to
get control over all the love in the world."

Grendel spit out a mouthful of RC Cola.

"WHAT? That's got to be the STUPIDEST thing I've ever heard of!" His ex-
girlfriend (well, his most recent one) raised an eyebrow that seemed to imply
something about poking him in his still-tender tattoo if he didn't button his lip. So
he did.

She poked Cupid again.

"Shut up." She poked Dr. Love with the other shotgun. "Speak."

"What do you want to know?" he sighed. "It's true, all of it."

A sneer forming on his face, due in part to the fact gail was still doing things with
potatoes that would get her arrested in 47 states, Grendel bu*eve you people made
me help deliver Santa's presents …"

"Don't worry," Captain Pantheon announced from the doorway, "We'll help you
work things out with your lady friend." The wind blew his cape heroically as
Grendel reached for an antacid.

Chapter Twenty-Two: A Romantic Interlude

By OzBat!

Grendel & Hack's Bar and Grill

Behind Captain Pantheon, another figure arrives at the door. It is … Abdul Aziz.
In bandages. Lots of them. And a wheelcha

Abdul pointed angrily across the barroom towards OzBat.

"Behold, Imp! The doom that waits for all those that seek to stand between Abdul
Aziz and a strong profit margin!"

OzBat almost fell out of midair laughing.

"Who's THAT supposed to be? And am I supposed to be worried!"

Abdul stammered lividly.

"You invade my establishment, create damage, steal my property, and expect me

to do NOTHING?"

"Well, I kinda hoped!"

"This … is the ANTI-BAT-MITE!"

"Oh, bruther!"

Grendel had what might have almost passed for a shocked look on his face. By
almost, I mean that he'd just been confronted with the brain-dead plot of Doctor
Love (to control Cupid, and thereby J Street), and hadn't really thought there was
much more room in this storyline for anybody else to do anything so inherently
stupid as steal from the pan-dimensional emporium. Or to come up with
something so lame as the 'anti-bat-mite.'

Oz noticed the look in his eyes right away. Sighing, the mite removed his apron,
and hefted the ornate bottle up on to the bar top.

The patrons of the bar gasped in horror. At least the one's not smitten with little
arrows protruding awkwardly all over the place, staring into each other's eyes.

"Oh, s@#$ Ozzie, not Jeannie's bottle!"

Oz bamfed out momentarily and reappeared, sans bottle.

"What bottle?"

Abdul roared indignantly.

"THIEF!" He sicced the Anti-Bat-Mite onto him.

The anti-bat-mite didn't last very long. about as long as it took OzBat to morph
into his warrior form, set his hand plasma cannons on "Nuke," and create a smear
on the side of a passing bus with his opponent.

"Boss, I's outta here! Have fun!"

*BAMF*!

Grendel frowned; not uncharacteristic of itself, but with a somehow more

malevolent edge than normal when regarding his off-sider and all-round lackey.
Abdul fished around frantically in the glove compartment of his floating
wheelchair, looking for his ACME warranty covering his Bizarro-cloned mite as
he drifted back across the road forlornly to his shop.

And the jukebox lamented "Why do fools fall in love?"

Chapter Twenty-Three: Poor Yorick

By JYu

Hack's and Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

A the clicking sounds of 45 rpm records being shifted by mechanical pulleys and
levers filled the bar. And then the squealing voice of Lenny Kravitz pierced the
air, preaching about love transcending space and time.

Grendel, himself, was noticeably absent, having ten minutes ago buried his face in
his left hand, sighed, and concealed himself in the restroom.

"Impulse made a mess of it," he had claimed.

No one disagreed, in part because no one present had any reason to doubt him, but
primarily because the only one left sitting in the bar was JYu, everyone else still
either a) pursuing a nonexistent love interest, or b) desperately trying to avoid
members of the aforementioned party.

Of course, this wasn't entirely true. Captain Pantheon had shown up in the
doorway moments ago, and hellgirl had been interrogating Cupid and Dr. Love at
gunpoint.

But for some reason, none of this was of any concern to JYu. hellgirl could have
given Dr. Love and Cupid instant lobotomies with her shotguns as scalpels;
wouldn't have fazed him. Grendel could have locked himself up in the bathroom
for the remainder of the story, for all he cared (and he didn't, having endured a
similar experience once before.)

Because something was wrong.

Having endured the amorous advances of an albino goddess compelled beyond

her own will to show affection for him had been tough enough. Being transformed
into a goddess, himself, was even tougher. Learning that the proper application of
nail polish required not one, but two coats, (while still as a goddess, of course,)
was an absolute horror. (Applying nail polish to one's fingernails, waiting for the
polish to dry, then polishing them again? What a waste of time, he'd thought.)

But the drop-dead strangest thing to happen to him would be something else,
entirely. Something he could not quite explain. Something virtually alien, to
someone, who ironically enough, had, metaphorically speaking, lived a thousand
lives and died a thousand deaths (which is pretty darn tiring, BTW).

And after countless minutes of staring into a half-empty glass of Sprite, JYu had
finally decided what to do about it. He stood up, made his way to the telephone,
uttered a prayer to the first deity whose name came to mind, hoping for good luck,
or at least forgiveness, and then picked up the receiver.

***

Megami

Del hurried back on her way to Belldandy, bouquet of purple lilacs in hand. It'd
been a pain in the butt, she'd decided, to get rid of the FTD delivery boy, who
refused to leave without a tip. He'd been pestering her for five minutes straight
until she finally threatened to turn him into a newt. Which worked nicely.

She stopped for a minute, deep in thought as she examined an envelope attached
to the bouquet. And then her temptation got the better of her.

Even though this is for Dom, and not me, it's not wrong if no one knows about it,
right? She reasoned to herself.

Of course not.

She glanced around, making sure that no one was watching, then slowly opened
up the envelope, and removed the message.
And twenty seconds later, she burst out in laughter.

Chapter Twenty-Four: Hell Hath no Fury Like a Man Scorned By Joe

Grendel

Hack's and Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

The men's room door was kicked open, nearly catching JYu, who leaned next to
the phone, considering what he'd done.

"Hey, Joe, feeling better?"

"Eat [excrement] and die, cyborg." He stalked over to the bar and flung open the
door to the back room.

"EV! GET OUT HERE!"

JYu checked the coin return on the phone and trailed after Grendel.

It's so hard to tell with Grendel: Is he acting like this because of hellgirl or is he
acting like this because he's Joe Grendel?

Emerald Void wandered out from the back room, the smell of vinegar and sausage
clinging to him.

"What's up, boss?"

"You're fired, punk. This was your evaluation period and you failed. Miserably."

"But ... but ... why?"

"I just came from the men's room. Between Impulse and your victims, there's no
TP left. And the graffiti on the stalls was very informative. Your food poisoning
victims have even named the unique condition you give them. They call it the
Green Revenge. I want you and your [condemned to the afterlife of the wicked]
pickled sausages OUT OF HERE!"

Emerald Void, looking shell-shocked, pulled off his apron and slouched out the
door.
"I wonder if Impulse has any openings at his comic book shop?"

Then Grendel whirled toward the jukebox.

"AND WHO STUCK 45s IN MY CD JUKEBOX?!"

JYu, deciding that he'd been battered enough recently, crept out as well.

Chapter 25: Heaven Has no Glory Like a Lovely Woman

By Michael MacTyson

After a very, very long pause (Too bad you missed the steamy episodes!)

Michael stepped out of the police station. The sunlight was too bright so he had to
squint. "Man, I have been indoors too long!" He looked around "Seems like
everything has been built all over again. Kind of a reboot!" In the morning, when
he awoke, Gina was nowhere in sight.

He scooped his gun: fully loaded. His adamantium handcuffs were in place too.
Holding them in his hands, he remembered Gina. He put them away. He also had
the "plot-twist proof restraining orders; just in case. On a whim, he decided to
grab the tazer gun from the weapons locker. (Tazer Gun: a small gun-like
weapon. It fires two darts connected to the body of the gun, which carry
enough electricity to incapacitate a large man)

He got on his cruiser, for it was time to patrol his beat.

After a couple of hours, he saw nothing usual. That is because J street has been
endlessly stated as a place where the unusual is the usual. Mind boggling? Yeah.
Fun? Absolutely. He found amusing the sight of an "English bloke", dressed like a
magician, walking around with a man that at a certain angle looked like a cow.

Almost at the end of his shift, around eight o'clock, he spotted something fishy
around an alley, seven blocks away from Grendel's.

It was a man. He could not see his face. There was something suspicious about
him. He took his flashlight and pointed at him. "Hey, you! Come here; I want to
ask you some questions!"
The stranger froze at the sound of his voice. But just for a second. Then, he ran
like a thunder.

"Why do they always run?" thought MacTyson. He got out of the car, took his
tazer gun and fired at the suspect's legs. He immediately fell to the floor.

"Shaken, not stoned. I love this gun. " MacTyson picked up the tazer's darts and
reloaded it. He then handcuffed the man and helped him up.

"Easy does it, fella. Now..." he looked at his face. "...tell me why you were
running?"

"I'll tell you why!" shouted a voice behind him. MacTyson looked around. He saw
Impulse, JYu and several other beings (pantheon and non-pantheon) with torches
and swords and ropes. "He's the one responsible for the almost reboot of the
universe."

"huh?"

"Yes! We were trapped in a dimensionally inert flux for days until the All-Father
restored everything." said leeharvey.

"But it was not without cost. Everything had to be reset. This universe, the DC
board universe..."

"So that explains the disappearance of Gina!"

"Not exactly copper. That will be solved in just a few sentences." spoke JYu.

"O.K. and who is this guy?" asked MacTyson to the crowd.

"He's the master of deceit and a traitorous cunning..."

"Who is he?"

"He's ??????????"

"How do you pronounce that?"

"Hardly."

"I'm taking this punk to the station and I'll need you there to press charges, not to
lynch him."

"No dice. I say we fry him here and now!" screamed Binary11.
"Yes!"

MacTyson felt his stomach lurch. He had to defuse the situation fast. "I need
backup. What am I thinking? There's no backup!"

"Oh yes there is!" sounded a voice from behind the crowd. To MacTyson, it was
the voice of an angel.

It was Gina, dressed in a blue policeperson (we have to be politically correct!)

uniform. She was carrying the most powerful weapon the J Street Police Station
had.

A DELETE key. "Back off people! Or you'll wish you were retconned into tiny
little Rob Liefelds."

While they were taking the ????? down to the precinct, MacTyson asked Gina.

"How the heck did you end up in a uniform?"

"Seems that with all the confusion, I got stuck into a plot-hole. In this past
rebooted days, I underwent police academy training and I'm now a policeperson
(politically correct, also). It was convenient, so I kept it until you needed it."

"Well, if you want, I can talk to the mayor and ask him for a deputy."

"Would you?"

"Are the Grendel's soulless?"

Chapter Twenty-Six: With a Reboot Comes Re-Thinking

The Jester

*Man, I'm glad that's over,* Joe Rice thought. *Although, a good reboot does
wonders for my back. Let's see, anything changed? Hmmm. Nope, not that. That's
still there. That, too. Yep, that. No change there. Nope, nothing . . .wait a minute. I
had a crush on Mickey before. Now I don't. Geez, she's 14, for Pete's sake! What
was I thinking? Glad I didn't actually go through with anything!*

Joe walked into the Pond, a moping (not Mopeing) Emerald Void was leaving.
That meant Joe could eat with impunity. So he did. He had two chili dogs, a
Hawaiian Punch, and a frozen hot chocolate for desert.

Joe then walked outside and down the street to the link to Greenwich Village,
Earth A was located. Relaxing his mind, he stepped through. Tonight was to be a
big night, going to Shades of Green.

And it was bigger than he ever imagined. For that night brought him Margo, the
lovely, tall goddess. (Not really a goddess. In these stories, you have to specify!)

The Jester smiled.

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Love Hangovers

By TSRob

Hack and Grendel's Pond Bar And Grill

The Eurythmics' Love is a Stranger played on the Jukebox.

The Scarlet Dragon stopped on the way to the men's room and stared at the line.

"Oh, come on!" he burst out. "This has been going on every time I've been in
here! What, is Impulse still in there? Somebody ate the pickled sausage? What?"

"Worse," answered The Regular Hank., who was shifting his weight from one foot
to the other at the end of the line with an anxious look on his face. "Some macho
idiot challenged hellgirl to a drinking contest. Now he's in there puking his guts
out."

"Hank! That's really tasteless!"

"Tell me about it. I wish there were some way I could erase the whole thing from
my mind..."

Some time later, the Scarlet Dragon found himself walking approaching the bar
with no memory of the past several minutes. He noticed a very attractive cow-
man standing at the end of the bar, staring at a spot on the wall.

Hmmmm... he thought. This is great... I can work on my assertiveness skills some

more!

He sidled up next to the cow-guy, leaned one elbow casually on the bar, then
turned to the stranger and arched one eyebrow suavely.
"Got milk?" he asked.

The cow-man tossed a drink in his face and stomped away, angrily muttering,
"MOooOO moOOoo MOOOoo moooOo moOOO MOoOoo mooOOooo."

Dang! the Dragon thought. Those British accents really slay me!

Joe Grendel stopped in front of him. "I see that line doesn't work any better on
cow-men than it does on cow-women."

"Joe, what's been going on around here? I seem to have a big gap in my
memory..."

"Hmmm... must have been the reboot. Well, hellgirl tracked down Cupid and his
evil master. Captain Pantheon showed up and they're going to see if they can do a
little heart surgery on Dr. Love."

The Scarlet Dragon gasped. "Did... did you say... Dr. Love?"

"Yes."

The Dragon's eyes narrowed. "That [illegitimate offspring]!" he hissed.

Back at the jukebox, Ray Charles was admonished to Hit the Road, Jack.

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Approaching a Climax

By TSRob

Hack & Grendel's Pond

Bar & Grill

On the jukebox, Teena Marie belted out Lover Girl.

In one of the dimmer corners of the bar, hellgirl and Captain Pantheon sat with
Cupid and Dr. Love, attempting to get more details about the doctor's mysterious
"wuv bunny." hellgirl was trying not to notice Wet Willie staring her down from a
nearby table and yawning conspicuously every time she glanced up.

The doctor held his face in his hands, sobbing convulsively. "I'm so sorry!" he
cried. "I never meant to cause everyone so much pain! I just needed love... love...
to ease my mind... I need to find time... someone to call mine..."

"Shut the [CENSORED] up!" hellgirl snarled. "You'll have plenty of time on
your hands soon enough (not to mention more new fans than you can shake a
stick at, if you know what I mean)! Now start talking sense before I hang your butt
out to-"

Wet Willie clamped his hand over hellgirl's mouth, stifling her stream of salty
invective. "Now, now, hg, there's no need for that kind of blue language! If you
can't interrogate a suspect nicely, then don't interrogate him at all!"

hellgirl fixed him with an evil glare. "Try that again and you'll have enough hooks
to hang curtains..."

"*AHEM!*" Captain Pantheon interrupted. He smiled encouragingly and slapped

Dr. Love on the back with a strong, comforting hand. "Sir, if we're going to help
you, we'll need to know more about this 'love bunny' of yours."

Dr. Love blew his nose several times, scattering bits of wet tissue all over the
tabletop. ("That's okay, I was done with those fries anyway," said Cupid, pushing
his plate away - far away.)

"Well, it was a few years ago now," Dr. Love began. "I had been in the midst of a
long and painful soul-searching process for many years. I read dozens of self-help
books as I criss-crossed the country, moving from station to station on a quest to
find myself..."

hellgirl mimed sawing a bow across a violin, and mysterious, shrill string music
filled the air. Wet Willie slapped her wrist and she sat back in her chair and folded
her arms across her chest sullenly.

Dr. Love continued. "I arrived in Coconino, New Mexico for an interview at a
country music station. I had booked a room at the local Justice League Embassy
Suites. As fate would have it, the desk clerk on duty was a lovely, warm woman
named Gina..."

***

The Scarlet Dragon stood at the bar and dug his claws into the counter. Puffs of
steam jetted from his nostrils.

"So, uhhh, how do you know this Dr. Love?" Joe Grendel asked.

"It was a long time ago, just after I started college. My roommate was a 'deejay'
on the student radio station. We were young and idealistic and curious about
everything. We used to talk late into the night about philosophy, politics,
religion... If you had only heard him talk about love in that voice of his... like
honey on velvet... *sigh!*

"Well, we were spending more and more time together, and it was starting to
cause some comment, but I was too happy to notice! Then one day he just
disappeared! He left me a note saying he was overwhelmed by his feelings and
just had to get away.

"I was devastated. I went into a funk for months... maybe years. I couldn't finish
my studies. None of it made sense to me anymore."

"Wow," said Joe, "That's... really moving..."

"Yeah, well, I'm over it now," the Dragon said dismissively. "So where'd they take
Dr. Love, anyway?"

"Uhh, that table in the corner," Joe said, pointing.

The Scarlet Dragon spun around and stared. His lower lip quivered.

"Muffin..." he whispered...

***

Office of the Mayor
J Street

Officer Mike MacTyson strode into the Mayor's office, accompanied by

policeperson Gina.

"Good morning!" Ms. Kannen-Fauder greeted them brightly, looking up from the
coffee station in the corner, where she was attempting to dislodge a broken Pop-
Tart from the toaster with a steel letter-opener.

"Hello, Blanca," MacTyson responded. "I've come to discuss something with the
mayor. Is he in?"

"Oh, you just missed him - *Whoops!*" she said as she knocked over a watering
can at her feet. "He's headed over to Grendel's for lunch. (Almost got it...)"

"Well, maybe I can catch up to him there. How about it, Gina? You ready for
lunch?"
"Sure!" Gina replied.

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Down From Cloud Nine

By Jason Borelli

Binghamton, NY
191 Edwards St.

Her name was Lily Chen.

She had just come home from another grueling day of tests. It wasn't easy being a
senior, especially in the field of animal medicine. Her ultimate goal was to use her
talents in Africa.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the conversation of two birds.

You see, Lily also has the ability to not only understand animals, but to
communicate with them as well. A lifetime ago, she was Anigirl of Team: Cougar,
a superhero group/metahuman support group based in New York. But while most
of her friends went on to become heroes, Lily decided not to follow that road.

She heard the birds say something about...a stranger, breaking into her apartment.

She began to run up the stairs, leading to her apartment. She knew that if worse
came to worse, the two Dobermans from next door could take care of anything.
She noticed the lock was still there. She opened the door, expecting to find the
worse.

There, on the floor, in the fetal position, was her best friend. The one person who
was more neurotic than she was.

"J-Jason?" she stammered.

"Lily," he responded. "I...I got a story to tell..."

Chapter Thirty: Vodka-Milk Mixer

By Merlin
...Back at the Bar & Grill

Cowman sat in a corner of the bar nursing his Vodka-Milk mixer. It wasn't his
fault the kitchen had blown up, well, O.K. it was, but at least the blast had
returned his and Merlin's memories. Did he get any thanks for that? Did he? No,
he got thrown out on his ear and told not to come anywhere near Minuteman
Comics until they got the fire under control. Even Merlin was too busy for him,
catching up with all his old friends and re-living the good old days.

So here he was, in the first bar he could find drowning his sorrows and wondering
why a Dragon had just attempted to chat him up. He took a handful of grass
clippings from the bowl on the table and munched on them thoughtfully as he
looked round the bar. He saw the Dragon again, this time it was approaching the
occupants of the other corner of the room with a look somewhere between anger,
happiness, love and sadness (human facial features, let alone dragon ones, had
never been his strong point) on its face. It looked like there was going to be
trouble. He tried to remember the last time he'd been in a pub brawl... last
Tuesday? Had it been that long? Almost a whole week? No wonder he felt so
depressed. He considered staying and watching all the fun on his own, but it
wouldn't be the same without Merlin there to talk to. Reluctantly, he pressed the
button on the signal device that would summon his friend and settled down to
watch the action...

Chapter Thirty-One: Goddess Flower Wrestling

By Dom

Meanwhile back in Megami,

Dom has been having quite a day. Falling in and out of love, having her sisters
move in, and finally after witnessing the explosion of the kitchen at Minuteman
she just needed to get away. So she went home, Belldandy, to spend the day
relaxing, plus it gave her the sisters, Del and Silver Fox the excuse to return home
and pack up their belongings.

"Two minutes, not even two minutes," she thought, "and they already blew up my
kitchen...*sigh* Well at least it go t rid of that awful liver smell..."

In the living room, Silver Fox was walking in while levitating several boxes of
her belongings. She saw Del laughing hysterically while holding a small card in
one hand and a bunch of Lilacs in the other. But the moment that Del saw Silver
Fox enter the room she automatically stopped laughing and quickly put the
flowers and card behind her back.
"Whatchu got there Del?" Fox asked suspiciously

"Oh nothing! Nothing at all" Del responded quickly while shaking her head while
she was backing away.

Silver Fox saw that Del was about to bolt and grabbed Del's arm

"Come on Del we can't have secrets among sisters can we ?"

Del wormed her way out of Fox's grip, "Listen these are not for you, now leave
me alone!"

Angered Fox replied, "Gimme that or you'll be sorry!"

Silver Fox the fired a bolt of energy at Del knocking her to the ground. Then Fox
grabbed the flowers from Del's hand. Del not being one to give up easy, held on
the flowers to dear life. After a while of struggling, Silver Fox yelling "Gimme"
and Del shouting, "NO!" Silver Fox grew tired of the struggle and shocked her
sister rather violently, and out of natural reflex as she had done many times before
in her young life, Del yelled.

"DOM!"

The second that Del realized she had yelled for Dom, and seeing the state that the
flowers were not in after the struggle, Del cursed herself and Dom emerged from
the stairs. Upon seeing both her sisters on the floor tangled within each other she
stated,

"What are you two fighting about now...."

Del with a rather worried look stuttered, "Um....um...."

Fox very casually responded, " Oh I was just showing Del these lovely flowers,"
Fox them Ripped from Del's hand , " I got from...uh...um... Tuamor...yeah,
Tuamor from the office for my.... um..going away present that's it... and ah.... Del
was calling for you asking if you knew where the Vases were... yeah that's it..."

Amazed with her sisters elaborate cover up, Del just stated, "Yeah what she said"

"Dom Replied, "Tuamor? I don't remember any Tuamor. Any way the Vases are in
the Right most Cabinet in the Kitchen." The she walked over to the flowers
fingered the limp bunch gingerly and said, " What a shame they already wilted.
They were beautiful... anyway, I'll go put them in a vase and we can take them
back to Minuteman"

As Dom Left the room angrily Del said to Silver Fox,

"How can you lie like that! You know, those flowers weren't for you! They were
for her!

At that moment Silver Fox also ripped the message card form Del's hand coolly
replied, "I knew that! I just wanted to know who sent them to her and why...."

Silver Fox quickly read the message card and started laughing devilishly. "HA! I
knew it! This is perfect!!!! Watch out Dom, your life is going to get very
interesting.... "

Chapter Thirty-Two: Say, It HAS Been A While...

By Joe Grendel

Hack's & Grendel's Pond

Bar & Grill

"Muffin?"

Dr. Love recoiled against the wall, shoving on Cupid with his feet. The minor
Roman deity bounced out into the walkway, tripping a Klingon warrior. She fell
against the group of Cimmerians, who in turn stumbled back against the newly
returned Victor the Viking.

He reacted predictably. Chairs shattered, swords and phasers were put to use, and
Cupid was picked up and used as a club.

"HANK!" Grendel's eyes blazed with anger. "Would someone find Hank and
wake him up?"

"Worry about yourself," a tiny voice said.

"Who?"

: Then a bedraggled Grendel Patch Kid doll leapt upon his head, its little jaws
working furiously. (Bet you guys thought I forgot about the Hindenburg, didn't
you?)

"Die! For the greater glory of the Infernal Five!"

hellgirl and the Klingon warrior rolled around on the floor, taking turns banging
each other's heads against the hardwood floor.

Victor took turns punching out Cimmerians and flinging glasses at the Wet Willie.

Yelling "for Crom!" one of the Cimmerians took it into his head to attack the
Scarlet Dragon.

Realizing that hanging out with superheroes wasn't really the safest way to spend
one's time, Dr. Love edged toward the door ...

and ran smack into Gina and Bianca.

"Nino?" Gina grabbed the disc jockey by the oily scruff of his neck. "Is that you?"

"Love bunny?"

Chapter Thirty-Three: Mindless Violence? Surely Not.

By Merlin

Merlin ran along J-Street, looking at his pocket watch, which for some reason had
decided to run backwards. He didn't like leaving Minuteman so soon after
regaining his memories (he had a lot of catching up to do, and he was sure some
of them still owed him some money...), but he hadn't been in a good natured, no
questions asked, pub brawl for at least a week. The fire at Minuteman was more
or less under control and if Cowman had activated the emergency beacon, he
didn't have much time. He arrived at the bar, took a look at the neon sign and
hurried inside.

Hack's & Grendel's Pond

Bar & Grill

Hack's and Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill? he thought to himself Where have I
heard that name before? Hmmm... must have read about it in a copy of 'Which
Time & Space Anomaly ' 1997.

Inside the bar, the brawl was already in full swing and he saw Cowman waving at
him from the far corner while, with his left hoof, he was repeatedly slamming a
Klingon's head against a table. Merlin ducked as someone took a swing at him
with what appeared to be a minor Greek deity (or perhaps it was a Roman one, he
was always getting those two confused). He punched the person nearest to him on
general principle, cast a hex on whoever it was who had swung at him with the
Greek/Roman deity/club and then flicked his derringer into his hand. He took a
pot shot at what looked like a weird midget dressed as a doll mauling someone's
head and blew it away from its victim and across the bar. Smiling to himself, he
was about to pick another target when he was jumped from behind by a group of
barbarians.

Chapter Thirty-Four: Love is a Four-Letter Word

By White Knight

Lieutenant MacTyson had been momentarily detained on the street by two

Vulcan's asking for the nearest motel. After a short exchange of words, he then
found out they were really Romulan.

After sending the couple well on their way, he saw that both Blanca and Gina
were nowhere in sight.

" They must have already reached the bar. " He made haste and approached...
Hack's & Grendel's Pond
Bar & Grill

Inside, the brawl was more than just a fight. It was well on its way to become a
multiversal conflict of tremendous proportions. He stumbled momentarily on the
prone body of a wizard like human. For some strange reason, he knew his name
was Merlin. He had been decked by a horde of barbarians which right now were
prying the unconscious body of Cupid from the hands of hellgirl. The Scarlet
Dragon had Dr. Love cornered and between those two were more than sparkles.
There was Gina too. And she was asking TSD not to weenie roast Dr. L?

Police Chief MacTyson ( Combat armored action figure soon to hit the stands on
Toy Stores everywhere!) took his gun and fired several times to the air.

As you can imagine, having more than forty different beings beating the crap out
of each other, the loud detonations were no more than an annoyance.

"$%··!!!" thought MacTyson. He ducked twice to avoid the fists of a three armed
shark. He then used his electric gun on him. The shark fell.

" How will I make this %$!· to stop the fight? " Sudden inspiration hit him. There
was an item on the station that he was 100% sure that would draw their attention.
He walked out of the bar and returned less than five minutes later. hellgirl was
using Cupid to beat a stormtrooper.

MacTyson maneuvered carefully and placed himself in the middle of the bar. He
took a large envelope, written on both sides Top Secret and he stood atop a table.
He then opened the envelope and took out a single 12'' by 18'' photograph.

Everybody froze. Blows were exchanged no more...lasers and other bio-energetic

weapons were not fired...no one dared to move as they contemplated... "look at
it!...I thought it was a legend...Legend? I thought it was a rumor!...It's existence
has been whispered for generations!...what th'frag izzat?..."

Gail's Infamous BatGirl Picture!

.

"Now that I have your attention, would someone tell me what the goog is going
on?" growled MacTyson.

Chapter Thirty-Five: You Oughta Be in Pictures

By Joe Grendel

At this moment, without any apparent customers inserting dollars, the jukebox
began playing "The Cradle of Love."

Grendel, looking carefully around him for rogue toys, pointed at the picture.

"Where'd you get that? Abdul Aziz SWORE he didn't have it!"

The officer frowned.

"That's not important, Mister Grendel."

"'cause there was a mutant orangutan in here the other day, offering 30 strips of
gold-pressed latinum for whoever could bring it to him."

"Listen," MacTyson cleared his throat.

"Thirty-five!" yelled a Ferengi from beneath the protective cover of a table.

A Cimmerians threw a jerk wing at him.

"Forty, and the crown of the Witch Priest of Abu-Seth!"

MacTyson rubbed his temples.

"I could go as high as 45," Grendel offered.

"ENOUGH!" Only through great force of will did MacTyson keep from pulling
his gun on the patrons. "It's NOT for sale. Now, WHO ... STARTED ... THIS ...
FIGHT?!"

Everyone turned and pointed at Dr. Love.

He grinned and shrugged.

"Oops?"

Chapter Thirty-Six: Why Am I Here?

By Jason Borelli

Binghamton, NY

"So, this Cupid...he shot you with an arrow?" asked Lily.

"Yeah," Jason responded, sweating profusely, sipping on some hot chocolate.

"Next thing I knew, I felt...great. It was lie I didn't have a care in the universe. But
the stuff wore off."

"And that's why you're a wreck?"

"Uh huh. I fell down to earth really, really fast. I feel like crud to the infinite
degree."

"Jason, let me ask you a question. If almost everyone on J Street treats you like
dirt, if you feel so unhappy when you're on J Street...why don't you leave?"

"Huh? I...I don't know. I think I'm the only one from my dimension to be on J
Street, and I...I have to make sure...nothing escapes."

"Jason, do not feed me that! Why are you still a member of the Pantheon?"

"I...I..."

As Jason stammered, Lily began to go inside Jason's head. The same abilities that
allow her to communicate with animals could also be used to get the truth.
"I...I...Because...if I left...J Street, I would have failed..."

"Go on," Lily replied, knowing that Jason couldn't tell he was being probed.
"Keep going."

"They'll put me in the same group as Suberman, and Chris Mallory...an annoying
boogieman they can entertain themselves with."

"And you don't like that?"

"No. I stay on because I have to. It's far too late for me to get off now. I'm
addicted to the action. You know back on Staten Island, there wasn't anybody else
to fight. J Street keeps me entertained."

"Even at your own expense?"

"I guess. You know how I've always felt an intense need to belong to something?
This is it."

"Jason, do you know what you just said?"

"I...oh, man! You probed me again didn't you?"

Lily smiled.

"Lil, it's just too complex for me. Someday, I'll get out, leave the ring to
somebody else. But now I..."

"Jason, you don't have to go back."

"Yes I do. It's an addiction. I'll break it soon. But for now, I gotta book."

Jason looked at his watch.

"Y'know what? They can wait. How often do I get to see my best friend? So, how
is college life?"

The duo sat down and talked...

Chapter Thirty-Seven: A Toilet Brush with Death

By Hank

Meanwhile ....
"Who started this fight?" asked Officer MacTyson.

Everyone turned and pointed at Dr. Love.

He grinned and shrugged.

"Oops?"

The Regular Hank walked out of the bathroom at that point, wearing rubber
gloves, an apron and shower-cap. In one hand, a bucket. In the other, a brush. The
brush dripped strange, odiferous slime. Some would say the slime smelled of
pickled sausage. Others, of brine. Whatever the smell was, it was unpleasant. Like
the armpit smell of a long-despised girl or boyfriend.

"Um, Mr. Grendel, I've washed off the walls, mostly, except for the phone
numbers. hellgirl's number is--"

"Shut-up, Hank!" Grendel yelled. Hank just shrugged his shoulders.

Dr. Love tried to hastily sneak out of the bar. Luckily, he was grabbed by a Man-
Python and two Klingons.

All you need is love, fellas," Dr. Love said lamely.

All eyes turned back to Dr. Love, who stood in the center of the bar. All eyes,
except for those of Victor the Viking, who was once again staring at The Regular
Hank.

He pointed a lone finger at Hank.

"Unhand thine bucket and brush, Hank, and face thine DOOM!" Victor said, as he
leapt toward Hank.

While leaping, Victor managed to smack the here-to-fore unmentioned MR

MIRACLE in the noggin. This then knocked MR MIRACLE into a marmoset,
who then broke a chair over the back of a surly Cimmeranian.

As the bar erupted into ruckus again, Dr. Love quietly snuck out. Grendel watched
him go, then followed him. He looked over his shoulder at the brawlers. Then he
looked at Victor and Hank.

Damned loose sub-plots thought Grendel as he slunk out after Dr. Love.
 Chapter Thirty-eight: Armpits Pickled in Brine
By Merlin

An unpleasant smell of armpits pickled in brine wafted over Merlin's nose, jarring
him back to consciousness. This didn't make sense, he'd cast a Mengel's Rune of
Total Consciousness before entering the bar, nothing should have been able to
knock him out. He checked to see what spells were currently active. ...Menson's
Instant Identifier (well, at least everyone who looked at him would instantly know
who he was) ...and... Gell's Robe of Wizardry? ... Oops. So that was why he was
wearing this stupid pointy hat and star covered robe. He quickly dispelled both of
them, revealing his normal black waistcoat, round rimmed black shades and
baggy rune covered trousers. Now what he really needed to do was find the
person who had knocked him out and introduce them to the business end of his
Derringer... hey wait a minute, where was his Derringer? He must have dropped it
in the fight.

Punching a few people out of his path, he made his way across the bar to
Cowman, who was standing dazed, his mouth half open, staring out into space.

"Hey Cowman," Merlin shouted. "have you seen my Derringer anywhere?"

"MooOOo MOooo MoooOooOO moooo" sighed Cowman absently with a

dreamy look in his eyes.

"Batgirl? What Photo? What are you talking about?" Merlin kicked an Ewok
away that had begun chewing on Cowman's leg, Cowman shook his head to
regain his composure and punched a Naan that was about to break a chair over
Merlin.

"MooOOo mOOooOOOO mOOooOo" he shouted over the din.

"What? You saw someone leave the bar with it? You know how much that gun
means to me, who was it?"

"MooOO MooOooOo"

"Dr. Love? Who the [bad word, rhymes with duck] is Dr. Love?"

"MooOo moOoooOoo mOOoooO mmmoooOOOOOOOo moOoooOooO

mOOooOOoo mOooooo mooOOooOooOOo mooo mOOooooOO mooo-"

"Never mind," interrupted Merlin, "I haven't got time for a whole plot summary
now, did you peg him with a Cow-Tracer?"

"Moo."
"Then come on, lets get after him!"

Cowman took one last look in the direction of the Police officer who had held up
the picture. He was now in the midst of fending of attackers, desperate to get hold
of the picture for themselves. Cowman didn't blame them and, for a second, he
considered joining them himself, but then Merlin grabbed him by the fur and
pulled him after Dr. Love.

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Keep on Hitting!

By White Knight

MacTyson was regretting the fact that he showed them gail's Batgirl picture. After
the auction began, and he tried to disperse it, they all made an attempt to grab the
picture and leave.

He ran up and down the bar, climbing on tables and jumping off the chandeliers
(one or two, donated by ILM). Dodging drunk Bronx gangsters was one thing, but
evading a whole bar filled of intergalactic creatures was entirely another matter.

He began considering the fact that his lack of super-powers was indeed a handicap
in his line of work. While he evaded a Vuldarian and pushed a Cimmerian, he
considered getting himself some sort of weaponry to help him maintain order on J
Street.

Clutching the picture dearly, he grabbed a pool cue and broke it on the head of a
shrimp-sized troll. "Maybe I could manufacture myself some weapons, shaped
like ordinary, everyday items...a belt, a glove...¡I got it! A boomerang and force
field concealed to look like ¡a hat!"

He took one can of hairspray from hellgirl's purse and used it with a lighter
(Author's note: Children, do not try this at home! and flamed a minotaur. "And
I could be...HatCop!...Nah! That'd never work."

Grendel was helping him beat all the photo-opportunist.

"Thanks for the help!"

"Help my @$#! I want that picture too!"

The Scarlet Dragon stomped over the Smurf and looked around.

"My muffin is getting away!" and with that, he tumbled a wall and left the bar in
hot pursuit of Dr. Love.

Grendel groaned. But momentarily forgot about the picture and left to punish the
amorous physician.

MacTyson ducked behind the bar and crawled on his hands and feet until he
reached the other end. Then, using a bottle of Tequila and the lighter, made a
molotov bomb and threw it on the onlookers. "They're metahumans. They can
take the punishment." Taking advantage of the confusion, he exited a few seconds
behind Grendel.

Needless to say, the fight continued in the bar.

Dr. Love had captured Merlin's Derringer, although he had no idea what it could
do, and ran towards Archimedes Circle.

Behind him were Merlin and Cowman.

Behind them was The Scarlet Dragon.

Way behind it was Joe Grendel.

And way, way behind him was MacTyson.

"Stand back! I warn you!"

Merlin and Cowman, the closest to the M.D. of hearts, slowed down and
maneuvered carefully.

"MooO MoOo moOo"

"Stay away from me!" shouted the quack of amour. The Scarlet Dragon arrived.
"Don't move! I just want to leave!"

"But muffin! WHALTTA!"

"What?"

"Sorry, that's FoLC's talk. We have a lot to talk about."

"No. I just want to leave!"

Then Cowman fainted and hit the floor.

Merlin took advantage of the fact that Cowman was distracting Dr. Love and
casted a hex. The Scarlet Dragon, standing the closest to Dr. Love, suddenly felt
an itch on his nose. He tried to scratch it away, but he could not.

Then, without a warning, a mighty sneeze came out of the Dragon.

And when the Dragon sneezed, a huge flame went in the direction of Dr. Love.

The impact of the flame knocked Dr. Love backwards, but left Dr. Love's hands
and it was caught by the possum'playing Cowman's horns.

"The old sneezing dust hex. It never fails." grinned Merlin.

"And why isn't he toasted?" asked TSD while wiping his nose with a Kleenex.

"I casted a minor force field on him, so the impact would not kill him, but knock
him out only."

Grendel and MacTyson arrived. The situation was under control. Cowman handed
Merlin his weapon.

"Let's head back to the bar." said TSR, clutching Dr. Love.

"I have to clear the bar of all the raffle. You got a spell that can make everyone
disappear?" asked Grendel to Merlin.

"Not right now, but I can cast one that can make them turn into frogs for one
hour."

"Deal!"

Chapter Forty: Pillow Talk

By Joe Grendel

Hack's & Grendel's Pond

Bar & Grill

The jukebox, turned up loud in an attempt to drown out the ribbiting bar patrons,
was booming out "My Head's In Mississippi" by ZZ Top.

Grendel, pulling at his hair, stalked back and forth.

"I HATE the fact that I got dragged into this nonsense. I had to help deliver
presents at Christmas, now I'm giving relationship advice on Valentine's." He
whirled toward TSD. "If I get dragged into something on, say, Memorial Day, I'm
kickin' your scaly butt up and down the street!"

TSD recoiled in shock.

"What'd I do?"

"You're the only Pantheon member left standing, and in my experience, it's always
one of y'all's fault."

"Fair enough."

Grendel reached over with his left hand and shoved Dr. Love back into his seat.
"Stay." He pointed at Gina. "OK, nimrod here loves you. You used to have a
thing, right?"

Gina nodded.

"Yep. Years ago."

Grendel looks from Gina to Dr. Love and back.

"HIM?"

She shrugged.

"It was a college thing."

Grendel looked at TSD.

"And you had a thing with him as well?"

TSD nodded. After a moment, so did Dr. Love.

Grendel looked from one to another, opening and closing his mouth several times.

"I don't want to get involved with that. TSD, he's not worth it, OK?"

The dragon sniffed back an ethyl-laden tear.

Grendel rubbed his temples, groaning.

"OK, Love, there's a lot more fish in the sea. Since Hatman vanished, no one
CREDIBLE," he glared at Hank and Victor for a moment, "Has shown any
interest in gail. You're in the music industry, she's a sucker for those types. And
Amy and Regina are pretty much single. And I hear Regina likes to party. More
importantly, Gina dumped you ..."

"Years ago," Gina said.

"... years ago. Now she's with Dirty Harry over there ..."

"HEY!" MacTyson snarled. Gina stepped in between them, pushing MacTyson

into a seat.

"Sorry, Charles Bronson," Grendel rolled his eyes. "She's not interested, he could
break you into a million pieces, and frankly, at this point, most of the residents of
J Street would be inclined to help him."

"That won't be necessary," MacTyson said slowly. "Dr. Love is guilty of extortion,
misappropriation of extradimensional power sources, dozens of counts of
coercion, resisting arrest and fleeing the scene of a crime. And I have to check the
books to see whether trying to control all the love in the multiverse would violate
anti-trust laws."

Grendel nodded.

"Book him, Dano."

MacTyson glared at him.

"Don't ever say that again."

Gina and MacTyson dragged the handcuffed Dr. Love into the police car and
drove off.

Grendel swept the frogs into the street and began cleaning the bar of all the debris,
saving the biggest messes for OzBat, Chet, Hack and Hank when they changed
back from froggy-form in an hour. Leaning on his broom, he surveyed the
damage.

You know, I can't help thinking I've overlooked an ongoing subplot or two ...

Out on the sidewalk, the Hindenburg had been transformed from deadly Grendel
Patch Kid into a toy frog. One with powerful mechanical jaws and lots of tiny
metal teeth.

He began to hop toward the door ...

 Chapter Forty-one: A Frog in the Throat
By TSRob

Hack's & Grendel's Pond

Bar & Grill

Exhausted and a little discouraged by the bar brawl and its disappointing
aftermath, the Scarlet Dragon headed for the door. Maybe I can still find one of
those Cimmerians when they all change back, he thought.

Staring dismally at the floor as he pulled the door open, he saw a tiny mechanical
metal frog hop in.

Its teeth gnashed with a frightening, if barely audible, sound, and a mechanical
voicebox inside it snarled, "RRRRRRrrrrripIt!"

It hopped between the dragon's legs and headed inexorably for Joe Grendel, who
was stapling a big sheet of plastic over the hole the dragon had made in the wall.

"Uh, Joe," the dragon began.

"I'm busy!" Grendel snarled, sounding remarkably like a loud mechanical frog
himself.

The Scarlet Dragon looked down at the Joe-seeking frog. The dragon was in a
really, really nasty frame of mind, and was just in the mood to take it out on
someone.

He took a deep breath, then blew it out in a steady, tightly-focused stream of

flame aimed directly at the toy frog. The miniature metal menace glowed bright
red as it heated up, then dissolved into a molten blob, which darkened again and
began to cool as the dragon's flame gave out.

"Seeya, Joe," the dragon said as he left the bar. "Oh, and be careful; that hot lump
of metal on the floor wants to kill you."

Joe turned around and stared blankly.

As the Scarlet Dragon trudged down J Street, he was startled to find himself
wondering what JYu, Dom, and Jason were up to.
 Chapter Forty-two: Returns
By The Jester

The Jester waltzed in the Pond, wondering what all the frogs were about.

"What's your deal, Jester? What you humming about?"

"Hmmm? Sorry, Joe. Didn't know I was humming. After Valentine's Day, a
wonderful thing happened. I was just talking to Margo, who I thought wasn't
interested, and she--"

"Shut up, Jester. Well, that's one more of you accounted for. Don't know where
Hat is, or Borelli (oh, darn), or Hack (double darn)."

"Hack? You mean . . .THE INTERNET INCARNATE! Which, I suppose, makes

him Lord of Geeks enjoying sick pornography. Wow, what a dominion. What's
that smell?"

"Something that was trying to kill me. Molten frog isn't really too effective an
assassin." Joe put the mess in the trash.

"So, big Joe, what have I missed?"

Grendel considered this for a moment. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

Chapter Forty-three
By Jason Borelli

The talk with Lily had been pleasant. She finally got Jason to admit what he never
could to anybody else; that his pride couldn't allow him to leave J Street. He was
too immersed in the problems of others to depart.

Still, as Jason felt the tingle that let him know he had made the interdimensional
jump, he knew that if he was going to stick around, at least he'd be busy. He'd get
a job.

And he knew just where to go.

He saw the car near the office.

"Excuse me...Skunk Girl, is it?"

"Gee, what gave it away? What do you want?"

"I was wondering...are there any openings at the paper?"

Chapter Forty-four: I'm Baaaaack!

By Impulse

Impulse sat there in the bar, wondering how the hell he stopped loving himself.
After all, he was the coolest teen super-hero alive. Everyone knew that.

"Hey, Joe?" asked Impulse, "Am I the coolest teen hero?"

"Um, no comment.", said Joe.

"Great.", said Impulse and walked to the door. "EV? I'm going home. Seeya
there." And he ran out.

But, when he was running home, he ran into a man and a cow.

"Who are you?", said the man, "For I am Merlin. And this is Cowman."

"I'm Impulse. J Street's coolest teen hero. Super-fast, super-slick and super-cool."

"Right. O.K., you wanna help us, Mr. Super-cool teen hero?", said Merlin.

"Sure, Why not?", said Impulse, and they went off.

Chapter Forty-five: What?

By Jasper

Watching her friends go off with Impulse Jasper wondered what was going on.

"I missed something I know it. Wait you guys!" she yelled as she caught up with
them. "Where are you going, and can I come also?"

"Ummm it's a long story Jasp, but come on I'll tell you on the way." Merlin said as
the went on.
 Chapter Forty-six: Speeding Toward the End
By Merlin

"Yeahwherearewegoing.whatcanI,thecoolestfastestteenheroonJstreet,dotohelpyou?
"

"What?" Said Merlin confused. Cowman held up Mr.Talkie(TM) to translate and

slow down Impulse's speech. "Oh, thanks Cowman."

"Hey,whatdoyoumeanfastest?I'mthefastestonJStreet!" Interupted Jasper

Merlin continued to read Mr.Talkie's translation as the two super-speedsters began

to argue.

"OfcourseI'mthefastest,whoareyouanyway?"

"I'mJasperandIcanbeatyouanydayyoutwobitflashwannabe!"

"Ohyeah?
leastI'mnotinsomesecondrateteamlikeMinuteman,I'moneofthePantheon'sgreatesthe
roes!"

"YeahwellatleastI'mnotsostuckupthatifIgotshotbycupidI'dfallinlovewithmyself!"

"AtleastIcanholddownasteadyjob!"

"Whyyou!"*SLAP*

"Ow,takethat!"*PUNCH*

*KICK*

*CRUNCH*

*SMASH*

*THUMP*

Merlin gave up trying to understand what was going on and switched Mr.Talkie
off (it was threatening to explode under the stress of translating so many high
speed verbal jibes) and turned his attention to Impulse and Jasper's quickly
escalating super speed brawl.

"STOP!" he shouted at the top of his voice. Both Combatants stopped in mid
lunge.

"Its no good, there are just too many loose plot threads running around in this
story, we can't start another one now."

"ButMerlinhestartedithesaidhewasthefastestan-"

"AND BOTH OF YOU TALK AT NORMAL SPEED! *sigh* and I though

Cowman was hard to understand"

"Moo!"

"Sorry, no offense."

"But Merlin," said Impulse, "Don't you need my help?"

"Yes, yours and Jasper's, but it can wait until the next episode of the Pantheon. I'm
already in at least 3 on-going stories and I'm sure I was in two different places at
once a while back. I only just arrived on J-Street, it takes a while to get adjusted
to the unique way time runs here."

"Fair enough and when-you-need-meI'llbetherebeforeyouknowitbye!" finished

Impulse as he sped off.

"MooOoo MooOOoo mOOoOoOooOoOo"

"Your right Cowman, Ricochet, Jasp and now Impulse, that's the third Super-
Speedster we've met since we've been here."

"You think there is some sort of pattern?" Asked Jasp.

"Hmmm.... could be. I'm sure we'll find out in time, but for now lets get back to
Minuteman, the sooner we're out of here, the sooner they can wrap up the whole
story.

A league of super-speed villains from all over the multiverse? Thought Jasp to
herself But who could be behind it all?

...A question for another time.

Chapter Forty-seven: The END, Already!

By Joe Grendel
Impulse raced into his apartment, where EV had just arrived.

"You NITWIT!" EV went, well, dark green in the face. "I was clearing out my
stuff! You could have at least helped me."

"Clearingoutyour? Whathappened?"

"Grendel fired me several chapters ago ... although YOU WERE TOO BUSY TO
NOTICE!"

Impulse looked at his feet.

"I told you he wouldn't like the pickled sausage..."

EV glared at him and said nothing.

"Uh," Impulse said after a moment, "Maybe you and I could give the old comic
book shop thing another try? There's only Minuteman Comics to compete with,
and they only sell Marvel and Image ... "

"Fine." EV flipped on the radio. It was on WJST. The two heroes looked at each
other and dove for the dial, quickly changing it to another station ...

The EPILOGUE
By Wet Willie

One of the many different versions of "No Woman, No Cry" was playing on the
juke box.

Everyone was laughing, having a good time. Laid back, relaxed. Dr. Love was
gone, and the bizarre Valentine's Day was over. No worries, right?

The door opened up, and a familiar figure trudged in.

"HEY, WILLIE!" a few people cheered. Willie ignored them all, heading straight
for the bar.

"Joe. Get me some scotch. A bottle."

Grendel could tell something was wrong, but because he knew Willie was a
paying customer, he kept to himself and complied. He really couldn't care what
was bothering the fish-boy, either.
"Make it a double."

Agitated, Joe grabbed the bottle and the glass.

"No, leave the bottle."

"Look, what do you want? Make up your mind."

"Leave the bottle. Bring another one. Two bottles. A double. And shut up."

"*Sigh* That's the dumbest--"

"What did I say?"

So Willie drank. And drank. And he cried.

"No wonder they call you 'The WET Willie'."

"What do you want, Regina?"

"Geez. Forget it. I wanted to know what was wrong, but if you're gonna be that
way, I don't much care."

"What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG? *Sigh*. I'm sorry, I shouldn't take it out on
you. It's just that this has been one of the worst Valentine's Days of my life."

"Why? Where've you been?"

"I was out looking again. Looking for her."

"Who...NOT Dolphin?!"

"Yes, Dolphin. She's been on my mind all this time. It's crazy, isn't it?"

"Yeah, you wanna know what? It is! Aq, you haven't seen her since we left for
that wacky space station place. [Editor's note: Regina is talking about Point Zero
Station. See Pantheon Comics #6 for details.]"

"Well, come on. I told her I loved her. I think I meant it. It's been eating away at
me since. I've looked and looked for her, but there's been no trace. I went out
thinking that it would be a perfect ending to Valentine's Day if I could find her. I
guess it wasn't meant to..."

"Willie, SHUT UP! I'm sick of it. You have been moping a lot. Well, I'm here to
tell you, GET OVER IT. It's been months!"
"Yeah, you're right. I SHOULD get over it, but I CAN'T. Everywhere I look, I see
her."

"You see her when you look at me?"

"Er...uh...well...no."

"See? Things'll get better. Just have fun with your friends. Live a little. You're
being stupid."

"Geez. You're right."

"Duh. Come on. Go dance or something. Look! KC Subes is out there without a
partner!"

"Shut up, you dweeb. You know what else? They gave Jason Borelli my job at the
paper. Oh, well, I wasn't really enjoying that, anyway."

"Well, at least quit drinking! Joe, come get this stuff!"

The bartender moseyed over. Which was extremely unusual, because he was
never known to "mosey".

"Geez, Aq. Half a bottle, already?"

"Just take the stuff away from me, Grendel, buddy."

"Sure."

Willie set some money down on the bar...more than the drinks cost.

"C'mon, Reg, you're right, I should dance. Let's go."

"Uhh...I'm not too good."

"Who cares? Put something you like on the juke."

"Oh, all right."

They danced. They noticed Mimic out dancing with his contractor-friend, too. She
was giving him some unusual looks, too. Malicious looks. He didn't seem to
notice, though. This kinda creeped Willie and Regina out.

"Reggie, let's go. I know a place we can get some dessert. It's rrreallllyyy go-oo-
od?"
"What's your problem? Like you have to convince me to get dessert. C'mon!"

THE END
Coming next ... NOT the next issue of "Pantheon Comics!" Instead, all of J
Street is thrown into an uproar in our first solo book crossover event ...
"SCATTERDAY!"