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the Wanderling
Although my family was not religious (though not atheist either), I had always
had a spiritual 'touch', in the sense that ever since I was a small child I had a
desire to look for 'that which was greater than me.' That 'looking' manifested
itself in a great love for nature, while also stirring up a nearly unquenchable
interest in the supernatural and mysterious. I always had the feeling that I was
different in the sense that I felt where others might think pursuing spiritual and
mystical matters with their heart and soul was an intriguing 'idea', this was
something that I considered a very real opportunity in my life.
Other than that continuing feeling that there somehow had to be more to life, I
had an ordinary happy childhood. I surely wasn't dissatisfied with my life in
any way, I just wanted to go deeper. I had always believed that there had to
be some ultimate reality that could be realized.
When I was 14 years old I discovered Buddhism for the very first time. The
appeal was instant. Here was someone, Shakyamuni Buddha, whom I felt
must have penetrated to true understanding and had found real inner peace.
And they, the Buddha's followers, had laid out a path for others to follow.
Buddhism seemed reasonable in every way regarding its approach to the
world, and yet deeply mystical, beyond the ordinary world so to speak.
Particularly the Tibetan Masters appealed to me, as I saw their supernatural
powers called Siddhis as an expression of having found true Enlightenment.
After a few weeks of intense study of Buddhism I was pouring through a book
about Buddhism in general when I came across a small section about a
Japanese branch of Buddhism called Zen, where monks had to face
inhumane hard labour every day, and when not working they would be
meditating at least six hours a day. Furthermore, there was no seeming logic
in the Zen philosophy. Zen masters were known to harass their students to
the extreme, hitting them completely unexpected and were generally not
above making their students' lives a living hell. This might not sound very
appealing, but I was intrigued. What little impression I had of Zen was as a
mysterious and arcane monk order (the name alone was incredibly alluring!).
Unlike the somewhat failed attempts among new-agers to resurrect arcane
and ancient traditions, this was a tradition that had actually stayed alive
throughout the millennia. Thus I concluded that this would not be possible if
there wasn't something to it. Zen, I felt, transcended all logic and thus they
had to have found something beyond. I felt assured that if someone had
somehow discovered ultimate truth, it had to be a Zen Master. I was
convinced that Zen was the right way for me.
I had many small insight experiences after that, none of which I can remember
now, and generally just tried to practise as openly and honestly as possible. I
was never much good at meditating. I tried at times, my posture was good and
rarely caused me problems, but I never managed to establish a regular habit
of sitting and thus never managed to make my mind one-pointed in meditation
either. The closest thing I ever came to establishing actual concentration was
when meditating upon metta (lovingkindness/compassion), which is
something I still have a fondness for.
One could very well say that I am a child of the Cyber-Sangha. I have never
actually met another Buddhist or spiritual seeker in my real life (at least not
that I am aware of), but fortunately I have met many on the internet. Some
were Enlightened, some were not, but all of them helped me in one way or
another. Looking back, I can see just how tremendously beneficial it was to
have friends on the path, to spur me onwards, and to help me look deeper into
myself and what I considered to be 'me'. The newsgroups I subscribed to
enabled me to engage in conversations about the path and to challenge my
own views, uprooting many attachments to my own ideas and beliefs. It was
not always beneficial (there were many times I was being misguided), but the
friends I have gained from posting to these newsgroups are all people who
have contributed much to my progress and whom I am deeply grateful for
meeting, as I have gained much from their experience. The internet was also
my prime source for reading, as my local library only had very few books on
Buddhism. Thus I was fortunate that so many Buddhist teachings existed on
the internet.
Just after the new year, I met my teacher via the internet. It did not have
much impact on my progress, as his instructions merely affirmed the way my
own practise had developed, primarily thanks to my studies of the Platform
Sutra.
Nonetheless, it was reassuring to know that there was someone there
whom I could rely on to point me in the right direction and alert me when
I was heading in the wrong direction.[1]
On February the 25th, I broke through the barrier.[2] I was walking home
alongside a lake as usually, when I discovered my true self, and that it had
always been with me. Because it had always been with me, it didn't really
change anything. In fact nothing changed. Because nothing changed, there
was no reason to respond to anything, and I walked on as if nothing had
happened, entirely undisturbed by what had just been revealed to me.
I cannot pinpoint anything concrete that could have triggered this event.
Rather, it was a sudden consequence of something that had happened
gradually over a long period of time, namely the falling away of my
attachments to 'me' and everything that comes along with that, such as views,
concepts, beliefs etc.
The Discovery
I will now try to describe as accurately as possible that which I discovered on
that day and which became much clearer to me in the months that followed.
Basically, what I discovered cannot be said to be anything. There is absolutely
nothing that can distinguish it any way, so trying to describe it is useless
really. It is forever indescribable.
Nonetheless, there is a conditioned existence which can be distinguished and
when one puts It in relation to this conditioned existence, it is possible to give
a description of what it is not. It is not possible to give a positive description of
it, yet the via negativia description is not true either. It should be understood
that it is not an actual description, but rather a negation in relation to
conditioned existence.
My true self is awareness or consciousness, but not as you think of it. What I
discovered was that my awareness is not bound by anything at all. I call it the
Unconditioned or Essence of Mind. What I mean by Essence of Mind is that
when you take everything in the mind and strip away, then there is just this,
the essence, left.
It is not bound by space, so it could be called infinite, yet this is not really true
as it cannot really be said to have any spatial limits even if this limit is infinity.
Thus my true self expands everywhere in all directions, yet it is nowhere to be
found.
It is not bound by time, so it could be called eternal, yet this is not really true
either, as it is utterly beyond any time limits even if this limit is eternity. My true
self was never born, never ages and never dies. Yet to say that I will live for
eternity is not true either, as it is utterly beyond time. Perhaps the closest thing
would be to say that there is just this utterly unchanging moment, yet this also
fails to hit the mark as it could imply that it is static which it is not. It is beyond
static and moving. Thus before the world was, I AM. Not before the world,
I was, but before the world, I AM.
Since it is not bound by any phenomena, it is not bound by the senses either.
There are no sounds in the Unconditioned, so it could be said to be silent, yet
this isn't really true either. Rather, it is the absence of sound and silence. It
cannot be seen, heard, smelled, felt, tasted or cognised about in any way.
Rather, your true self is that which cognises, smells, tastes, feels, hears and
sees. Yet this is not entirely true either as this could imply that there is a self
experiencing this, and thus bound by the senses. Rather, there is just this
awareness of the senses.
It is not dual in any way. Thus it could be said to be non-dual, yet this isn't
really true either. Rather, it is neither dual nor non-dual. In actuality, the only
thing that creates dualistic notions such as good/bad, here/there and
subject/object is your thoughts. Thoughts is that which separates. Thus
whenever you are bound by thoughts, you are separated from that which is,
and true freedom cannot be found. Thus thoughts will never be able to
capture your true self. True freedom means that everything merely is as it is.
There is no trying to add or take anything, indulgence or rejection, or perhaps
more accurately: There is no 'should'. Only when you are capable of giving up
all ideas of anything that 'should' be in any way, including the tendency to
think 'should', only then can you truly be free. Even the thought that 'should'
should not be there means you are bound. True non-'shouldness' means
taking in both 'should' and the absence of 'should' and let everything, even
your 'shoulds', be as it is. As long as you are bound by any mental state
whatsoever, your true Unconditioned awareness cannot manifest. If your true
self can be said to be any mental state, it is the state of no state at all.
Since it is this true ground of reality and there is nothing further beyond this, it
could be said to be 'ultimate'. But since it is always present in all things (and
always has been), it would mean that everything is ultimate. Since there is
nothing for which the ultimate can stand in contradistinction against, what is
the point of labeling it such?
Some people may perceive all of this as something deeply mysterious beyond
the scope of their own capacities. It is not. It is simple and plain living, and
nothing mysterious about it. Do not imagine that this unconditioned awareness
is somehow apart from the world and daily life. On the contrary, it could be
said that one is even more closer to life than ever before, because there is no
separation between you and the world. When caught up in dualism, one
creates the illusion of someone being aware (subject) and something to be
aware of (object). Yet there is just this awareness, there is nothing to be
aware of. Conditioned phenomena are not apart from awareness in any way,
yet they not really awareness either.
Perhaps the best way to describe this is to use the analogy of a mirror, the
unconditioned awareness being the mirror and conditioned phenomena
beings images reflected in the mirror. The mirror doesn't change because
reflections arise. It does not dwell upon the reflections, yet the reflections
exists nowhere apart from the mirror. The are the mirror, yet the mirror isn't
the reflections.
This is as exact as I can possibly describe this discovery, yet it still misses the
mark. The only way to truly know is to experience it for yourself. I hope you do
someday.
Up to this point (and it still is), my practise has revolved mostly around settling
in the Enlightenment. Firstly, since that initial Awakening, the insight derived
from this has become a lot clearer and settled as past concepts and views has
simply fallen away, thus letting the insight penetrate into more and more
aspects of being so to speak. The other aspect, which cannot really be
separated from the first, is to integrate your awareness more and more into
life, growing accustomed to just being your true self. The reason that this
cannot be separated from the first is that this is also just letting your true self,
which is truth itself, integrate more and more into the various aspects of being.
When I say aspects of being, I am talking about division, which are divisions
created from my own mental formations, thus it simply means allowing the
divisions that we have created for ourselves to fall away so that truth itself can
penetrate and liberate.
It is exactly because we have created and nurtured such divisions over such a
long period of time, that Enlightenment does not instantly pervade your whole
being and all obstructions instantaneously fall away. Thus there are still many
delusions, defilements and sufferings left after Awakening. Once Enlightened,
I had seen what truth really is, yet I still have to integrate this into my whole
life and being and let those divisions fall away, before there can be true
unconditional unending freedom. It has always been there with me, it is just a
question of uncovering it.
In early June 2001, I decided to help a good friend of mine on the path of
truth, after not having spoken with him for many months. He needed guidance
on the path, and since I had discovered the way myself, I figured that I might
help him, by pointing him in the right direction. He accepts my guidance and I
talk with him often, giving him pointers on the path. I talked with my own
teacher and he told me that at my current stage, guiding others would be
highly beneficial. I can see what he means, but I am no teacher. At the
moment, I am still involved in the process of 'settling' and that is really all that I
would want to concern myself at the moment. It's not that I mind at all, I am
more than happy to help out a friend who needs it, but this is very much the
exception to the rule (not that I mind helping others on the path either. I just
have no interest in teaching them). Maybe one day I will begin teaching (some
ten or twenty years from now), but not now. The Awakening I had was only
simply an initial one, not total and complete insight into the nature of all
reality.[3] I still have much to learn, most importantly, learning to settle in just
being. And that is all I am really doing at the moment.
THE END
A Child of the Cyber-Sangha
Long before there was an internet there was a man of great spiritual
Attainment by the name of Alfred Pulyan. In lieu of the internet Pulyan had in
those days what would be called a mail order following. People that came to
hear about him and his level of Attinment would write hoping for insight into
what one could do to Awaken to the Absolute, and Pulyan would respond,
asking for no more than a stamped self-addressed envelope. Pulyan
presented through his teaching what he simply called Transmission, a
personalized version of Direct Transmission somewhat extrapolated from a
working mixture of his own experience combined with it is thought, the weight
behind the meaning of the four lines of the stanza attributed to the First
Patriarch of C'han Buddhism, Bodhidharma that starts with A special
transmission outside the scriptures. Pulyan claimed to have a 70% success
rate, more than ten times higher than the ancient Zen masters.[4]
It was largely because of the purported success rate of Pulyan's mail order
efforts that in the age of computers that the idea of AWAKENING 101 came
about. In regards to any potential possibility of Enlightenment via the auspices
of the internet the following question was asked on YAHOO: Answers:
Arjuna Ranatunga, who goes by the screen name Goodfella and working on
his Master's Degree in Buddhist Studies in a traditional setting, and a YAHOO:
Answers respondent since April 17, 2006, replied:
The most famous site with perhaps the most integrity is "Awakening 101",
authored by "the Wanderling". I met an Enlightened person who'd used it in
His approach / initial studies / on His journey.
Arjuna
(PLEASE CLICK)
AWAKENED TEACHERS FORUM
GASSHO
SEE ALSO:
THE AWAKENING EXPERIENCE IN THE MODERN ERA
AS WELL AS:
CLICK
HERE FOR
ENLIGHTENMENT
ON THE RAZOR'S
EDGE
E-MAIL
THE WANDERLING
(please click)
FOOTNOTE [3]
It should be mentioned NOT all Awakening experiences
ARE profound say like Kaivalya or at the level of the
Buddha with Anuttara Samyak Sambodhi. Sometimes,
as one finds over and over in Zen literature, the
experience can be more of a flash or short-term, and
depending on the person and the depth of the experience,
over a period of time the experience can "leak" if not
addressed. Sometimes too, the opposite occurs and the
experience "ripens," as recorded for example, with Tung
Shan, the founder of the Chinese Soto Zen lineage or the
Sixth Patriarch of Zen, Hui-neng. That is why there are
such things as the Five Degrees of Tozan, Five Varieties
of Zen, and Eight Jhana Stages. See
also Pratyekabuddha Versus Arahat.
the Wanderling
FOOTNOTE [1]
In regards to the quote this Footnote is cited to, the
following is found on the very first page of Awakening
101, the free online college level Dharma course:
If the above quote, which is mine, were the case, and it is,
then why would a Zen adept, that is, myself, bother to
indulge in something as mundane as all this and why
would YOU be interested? For one thing, always lurking
somewhere behind in the shadows of the mind, however
distant and however heralded or unheralded, is the seeker
and the adept's underlying, innate feeling toward the
precepts found in The Four Bodhisattva
Vows....precepts not thrust upon the seeker or the adept,
but that slowly unfold and blossom from a growing inner
light, delicately translated into deed and action rather than
ingested through or dispensed from words. As the ancient
Zen proverb alludes:
the Wanderling
FOOTNOTE [4]
There are several classic records of Zen histories such
as Ching Te Ch'uan Teng Lu (Record of the
Transmission of the Lamp); Tsu T'ang Chi (Collection
from the Halls of Ancestors); Wu Teng Hui Yan(Five
Lamps Merged in the Source); and Ku Tsun Su Yu
Lu (Records of Sayings of Ancient Venerable Adepts) that
together compile information on well over 600 Zen
masters. Among those masters cited, for example,
are Kuei Shan (771-853) whose community numbered
1500 and produced 43 Enlightened disciples (2.8%).
Hsueh Feng (822-908) 1500 community followers, 56
Enlightened disciples (3.7%). Fa Yen Wen I (885-958)
never less than 1000 followers and 63 Enlightened
disciples (6.3%). Yun Chu (d. 908) led a community of
1500 and produced 28 Enlightened disciples
(1.8%). (source)
FOOTNOTE [2]
Although it has since been made no longer accessible on
the net, awhile back a web-based spiritual organization
that leans heavily toward the works of Richard Rose ---
and of whom I write, within reason, quite favorably on my
page about Alfred Pulyan --- placed a direct copy of this
page, A Child of the Cyber-Sangha, on the web basically
verbatium, albeit without citing the original source, all the
while placing it under a NEW title with NO reference to the
original title, simply calling it THE WANDERLING ---
stating the author as "unknown."
So said, you may find their reasons for placing the article
on the web of interest. An editor of the organization wrote
at the top of their copy:
"This article was posted and garnered responses from
several readers. The common theme among the
readers: they believed that the author of The
Wanderling experienced anIntellectual Satori but did
not have a maximum realization experience."