WHAT IS TRUST?

Rousseau and her colleagues offer the following definition: "Trust is a psychological state
comprising the intention to accept vulnerability based upon positive expectations of the
intentions or behavior of another."
Lewicki and his colleagues describe trust as "an individual's belief in, and willingness to act on
the basis of, the words, actions, and decisions of another.

What is Interpersonal Trust?

Interpersonal Trust is the perception you have that other person will not do anything that harm your
interest.
Interpersonal trust is a multidimensional concept, distinguished by several authors according to
whether it is directed to relatives or friends, on one side, or to strangers, on the other and its
measures should reflect such multidimensionality. Some authors show different interpretation about
the interpersonal trust. For example, Putnam uses the term thick trust when it is based on
experiences embedded in personal roots and relationships, and is generated by networks of kin and
friends. Conversely, when A and B are people who do not know each other there is thin trust, which
is based on reputations, norms and signals such as appearance or demeanour. A broad distinction
is between strategic trust, when A trusts someone that he or she knows personally and moralistic
trust when A trusts a stranger[17].

IMPORTANCE OF INTERPERSONAL TRUST

 Team Spirit
 Cordial Environment
 Enthusiasm
 Sound Relationships
 Better Communication
 Delegation of Authority and Responsibility
 Defensiveness

BUILDING AND MAINTAINING TRUST

1. Stay Honest
The most effective, and, arguably most obvious, method of maintaining a trusting relationship is
through preserving shared honesty. While healthy relationships do not require both parties to
divulge everything about themselves, dishonesty, either in the form of blatant lying
or withholding of the full truth only work to tear individuals apart.

2. Learn to Communicate Effectively

One of the top reasons for failed relationships is a lack of communication. Unfortunately,
effective communication is not a skill that is typically incorporated into our education and, thus,
must be developed actively through direct efforts.
Active, constructive communication encourages honest conversations and the sharing of
positive news. Through making these ongoing communication efforts, you include those around
you in the details of your life and start the sharing ball rolling, which helps to develop trust
through mutual understanding.

3. Moderate Your Impulsive Decision Making

Relationships often struggle when one or more parties feel as though they are not taken into
account when the other makes an important decision. This struggle can occur in a wide variety of
settings from intimate relationships to a lack of transparent communication in the workplace. For
example, a worker is likely to feel untrusting of his boss if the boss schedules him to work on a
major holiday without consulting the worker first.
By becoming more aware of our impulsive behaviours through active, constructive
communication, we canlearn self-control and consider others when making decisions. This is
not an easy lesson however the fruits of mutual decision making will leave all parties feeling
valued and commitment to the relationship.

4. Be Reliable
Trust can dissolve in no time at all if one or both parties in a relationship fail to follow through
with their promises or don’t do what they said they would. Reliability goes hand in hand with
remaining honest and communicating openly. A large part of being trustworthy is ensuring that
your actions match your promises.

5. Admit Your Mistakes

While mistakes themselves can damage close relationships, sometimes they are unavoidable.
An essential part of the human experience is failing to meet every expectation; we are not
perfect even though we may try. So when those inevitable blunders do arise, it is essential to
confess your behaviour, take responsibility for your mistake and don’t avoid them as this breeds
mistrust and begs the other party to think “ I wonder what else they are lying about….”

6. Do The Right Thing

Although making mistakes is an inevitable part of life, we do have an internal compass telling us
how right or wrong our actions are. Maintaining your awareness of this internal moral gauge and
moderating the behaviours which lean to the ‘wrong’ side can help others to understand, rely and
trust you.
An essential aspect of maintaining a trusting relationship is prioritising the alignment of one’s
actions with one’s values. We cannot always be congruent with the values of the other person in
the relationship, however, in situations such as these, standing by one’s moral integrity and
building a reputation for doing what is right will also work to build trust.

7. Avoid Self-Promotion
 Relationships are a two-way street and trust can become difficult if one seems to always be
looking out for their own interests. By no means should you downplay your own efforts, but
rather learn to respect the importance of the other person in the relationship, be grateful for
their presence and the efforts they make to keep the relationship working.

8. Express Yourself
While revealing feelings can be uncomfortable and make one feel vulnerable it is an important
part of building trust. Allowing those feelings to be made known rather than hiding them away
can help to build an understanding of your position. Concealing true emotions may negatively
impact a relationship by fostering an air of resentment or secrecy.

HOW TO REBUILD TRUST

1. Taking Responsibility for your Actions

i. Come clean. If you are the one who betrayed someone else, you need to come clean. In
interpersonal relationships, it’s especially important to tell the truth when you would benefit
from a lie.[3] If you have betrayed someone, coming clean at your own expense tells the other
person that their well-being is more important than your own.[4]Denial will only make the other
party's distrust run deeper, especially if the truth is already clear.
Admit all of your mistakes. Even if there are parts that you can keep hidden without getting
caught, you should still reveal them to the other person. Only in admitting all your mistakes can
you be forgiven for all of them.

ii. Expect an emotional reaction from the other person. Admitting that you betrayed someone
is not going to make things easier immediately. On the contrary, you can expect an emotional
outburst—yelling, crying, and so on—from the other person when she hears you admit your
betrayal. But remember, the best way to move on is by putting it all into the open.

iii. Apologize. This one should be obvious, but unfortunately, sometimes it gets overlooked.
How you approach saying your apology will influence whether or not the apology is accepted
and you both can move on.[5]
 When apologizing, avoid justifying your actions.[6] Don’t claim that the offended person
misunderstood you (“you read that wrong”). Don’t deny their hurt (“you didn’t even get hurt”).
Don’t tell a sad tale (“I had a troubled childhood”).
 The best way to accept responsibility is by recognizing the other person’s hurt, saying what you
should have done instead, and doing that behavior in the future.[7]
 Let the person you betrayed know why you are apologizing. If they know that you are
apologizing out of guilt and shame, they are more likely to forgive you. If they think that you are
apologizing out of pity, they are less likely to forgive you. Pity, unlike guilt and shame, does not
show an element of personal responsibility of the offender. Pity also implies that the offender is
superior to the offended.[8]
 iv. Forgive yourself. When you violate someone's trust, you may feel so regretful that you have
a hard time forgiving yourself for the violation. While a repentant heart is an essential part of
making up with the person you betrayed, you also need to accept and learn to forgive yourself
after you put the effort into making amends.
 Remember that no one is perfect. Whether your error in judgment was minor or major, it goes to
show that you are only human. Accept your failure, and try to push forward into the future.
 By clinging to thoughts of past failure, you risk devaluing yourself. Once you begin to have such
thoughts, it could zap your motivation for self-improvement.

2. Moving Forward If You Betrayed Someone

i. Make your life transparent for the other person. Everybody wants to control personal
information.[9] But, for a little while, you may need to forfeit a portion of your privacy for the
sake of the person trying to trust you again. By making your life transparent, the other person
will be able to confirm with their own eyes that you are not in the midst of another betrayal.
 This is especially important in romantic relationships broken apart by infidelity. Give your
significant other complete, uncensored access to your texts, phone logs, emails, and appointment
book for a few weeks to months after your betrayal. Let him or her know where you are and who
you are with whenever possible.
ii. Let the other person vent.[10] Hard feelings are natural after any betrayal. The person who
feels betrayed will need to vent their emotions and thoughts to heal. It might be unpleasant for
you, but it is essential for the other person.
 One of the worst things you can do is attempt to get them to “shut up” while expressing their
anger. This action shows that you are not taking this person’s feelings seriously.
 Let the other person vent at their own pace. Everyone goes about things in a different way and in
a different time period. Rushing the other person shows a lack of consideration.
iii. Keep your word going forward. Actions speak louder than words. Trust between two
people means that you have to be dependable and consistent over a long period of time.[11] You
should make a promise to do better, but a promise or apology alone with only restore trust short-
term.[12] If you can’t be honest in the future, or cannot do all that you promise to do, the person
you betrayed will be unable to accept that you have changed or that you are worthy of being
trusted again.
You should avoid making the same mistake at all costs.
iv. Stay patient. Understand that rebuilding trust takes time. Be patient with the other person,
but be persistent in your own efforts.
 Depending on the severity of your betrayal, building trust can take weeks, months, or years.
 Never pressure the other person into showing you more trust.
 Understand that things may never be quite the same after your betrayal, but if you show that you
are a trustworthy person, some level of trust can usually be revived.
 3. Getting Ready to Trust Someone Again

i. Assess the situation. Before you can rebuild trust in someone after they betrayed you, you
should first ask yourself if the relationship is one you want to salvage. Ask yourself:
 Is this the first time this person betrayed me?
 Will I really be able to trust this person again, even if they do everything perfectly from now on?
 Am I able to forgive?
 Is the relationship I have with this person important enough to fight for?
 Is this a one-time mistake or a pattern of behavior?
ii. Consider the person's reaction to the situation. Do they seem genuinely sorry for hurting
you, or sorry that they got caught? Are they willing to listen to you and make an effort to do
better next time? Are they willing to accept blame?
 If they don't seem to truly regret hurting you, or aren't interested in making things better, then
this relationship probably isn't worth your time.
iii. Keep an eye out for continued deception. Continue to assess the situation as you progress.
After a few weeks to months, you should be able to notice signs of trustworthiness in the person
who betrayed you. Trying to determine whether someone is lying is tricky business, but the
following clues might signal deception:[13]
 People who are lying take longer to respond, and say less when they do.
 A liar tells more far-fetched stories and use fewer details. They are also less direct, have more
pauses, and use fewer gestures.
 Liars are less likely than those telling the truth to correct themselves.
 People who lie are more tense. This make their voices sound higher, and they are more likely to
fidget.
iv. Express your feelings. Let the person who betrayed you know just how deeply you were hurt
by their actions. Most importantly, tell your betrayer exactly what it was that hurt you. Tell them
what you need so that you will start trusting that person again.

4. Moving Forward if Someone Betrayed You

i. Try to let go of your anger. Once you let out your anger, let it go. After you have discussed
the betrayal, you need to let it stay in the past. Even if you feel sad or angry now, you won’t feel
this way forever. Don’t bring it up in future arguments, especially if the other person has shown
an effort to make amends for the action.
 If you still notice that you are holding onto your negative feelings, think about why you are
having trouble letting go. Is it because your partner is still behaving in a way that betrays your
trust? Or is it because of your personal issues related to your own past history?
ii. Adjust your expectations. Even if someone never wants to hurt you, no one will be able to
give you exactly what you need, 100 percent of the time. Once you understand that you should
not expect perfection, you can get a better idea of how much trust you actually can put in the
other person. [14]
 The goal is to be realistic, not to let yourself get walked all over. Accept that everyone can slip
up here and there. However, don’t ever let anyone get away with hurting you intentionally or
with intentional neglect.

TRUST AND FRIENDSHIP

Most people will agree that trust is an important element in their friendships. What does “trust”
mean? And why is it important in friendship?

Trust can mean something slightly, or dramatically, different to each of us. Being clear with your
friends about what trusts does mean to you can be the first step in building trust in those
friendships. Think about the words you associate with trust — dependability, responsibility,
integrity, honesty, and commitment are some words that might help to understand and clarify the
meaning of trust for each of us.

In friendships, as in all relationships, trust is one of the foundational building blocks. We need
trust to establish and deepen our friendships. Trust allows us to feel safe with friends: safe to
make plans and safe to share ourselves and our lives. Trust requires that we keep our promises
and show demonstrations of dependability, respect, and honour.

In friendships, as in all relationships, the betrayal of trust can be devastating. Betraying a friend’s
confidence, that is, sharing something that a friend confided in us, can dent the trust in a
friendship.

So how do we build a trustworthy friendship?

It is important to explore and understand what trust means to us and what it means to our friends.
It is also important to show that we are trustworthy to each other. We have to demonstrate to
each other that we are trustworthy. For example, matching our actions to our words.

Trust can be built and maintained in many different ways in a friendship.

In the beginning, when we are first creating a friendship, some ways to demonstrate trust
are to:
Be dependable: return calls and messages, be there, show up (more or less on time).
Be kind: if one person changes or cancels plans, we will contact each other to find out if
everything is alright.
Be fully present: Trust that we will listen with our full attention, put down the devices, resist
advice giving, and offer our presence. This can be more challenging today with technology
accompanying us when we spend time with friends. “Designing” the environment so that we can
listen to each other might be a helpful strategy. For example, designing how you will deal with
your devices, or talking about whether you want to be listened to or receive advice.
Be thoughtful: communicate and respond with respect, empathy, and kindness. Sharing too
much intimate information about ourselves in the early phase of a friendship can be
overwhelming, for both people. This can be a good opportunity to talk about what we can do to
build trust in the relationship.
Be reciprocative: give and take, mutually and with reciprocity. For example, invite our friend to
do things and trust that our friend will invite us too.
As we move further into a friendship, some ways to demonstrate trust to maintain or
deepen the friendship are to:
Demonstrate integrity: show that we can be trusted with intimate, private information that our
friend shares with us. Show that we trust our friend with intimate, private information that we
share, trusting that our friend will not gossip about it with others. Discussing and being clear
about our boundaries, what is and is not to be shared, is one way to take care of ourselves as well
as take care of and strengthen the friendship.
Demonstrate inter-dependence: show that we will ask each other for help. Trust that we will
each ask for help when we feel scared, panicked, or desperate. The act of asking for help and the
type of help we can offer a friend are great conversation topics to have with friends and can also
strengthen friendship.
Demonstrate commitment: reach out and stay connected with each other through distance,
space and gaps.