Thursday

30 October 2003
Published by the USSU
Communications Office
issue number 1066
free
www.ussu.co.uk

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ NEWSPAPER

STOP FEES NOW INTERACTIVE I N T H I S W E E K ’ S PA P E R

Phil Howard and Sarah A brang spangly new Quote COMMENT | Neil Christie wonders what
Butterworth report back Quiz and photo teaser from Ben women really want | page 5
on the National Demo, Berryman, Dave Tucker and HALLOWEEN | Barearts is full of a distinctly
including a groovy photo Matt Adams, provide some Halloween-y flavour | pages 16-18
collage by Pete Nichols. diverting entertainment. SPORT | Tim Goodman interviews cricket
Collage | page 7 Interactive| page 20 maestro, Alec Stewart | page 23

Surrey Students Demonstrate

USSU join 31,000 students from around the country to demonstrate in London against the proposed top up fees

BY PHIL HOWARD & SARAH BUTTERWORTH
ON SUNDAY, STUDENTS from the University of
Surrey joined an estimated 31,000 students
marched through central London, bringing
it to a standstill. The “biggest student
demonstration for decades” produced
over three times the number of protestors
predicted by the Met police, according to
figures from the coordinators, NUS. The
atmosphere was electric, with chants and
whistles filling the air and photographers
lining the streets.
The students marched from Malet Street to
Trafalgar Square for the rally, with speakers
such as Frank Dobson, who is now a vocal
critic of tuition fees. One student told the
Guardian that “there are those of us who
want to do something, but we get money
taken off us all the time”, whilst others saw
university becoming a form of job training.
On Sunday night the national news was full
of coverage of the demonstration, and those
watching Sky News might have caught a
glimpse of some familiar faces from USSU.
The march comes after some research
published by the NUS suggested that 85%
of year 10 students who were likely to
attend university would change their minds
if they faces debts of over £20,000 upon
graduation. This is the latest of many studies
which suggest that the public perception
of increased fees may well reverse the
government’s intention to widen access and
increase participation.
Original predictions from the Metropolitan
Police put numbers at around 10,000
protestors, whereas NUS figures put the
attendance on the day at around 31,000,
including some 600 from Scotland. The fear
for Scottish students is that a by-product of
the increased tuition fees south of the border
could be a move toward tuition fees in students demonstrating | photo: chris hunter
Scotland as well.
Ms Telford is looking to persuade MPs
to oppose top-up fees in Parliament, and
had this advice in her campaign blog:
“The government would be better simply
conceding they have got it wrong with top-
up fees, scrap the idea and save themselves
the embarrassment of a prolonged fight in
the Commons.”
She remarked on Sunday: “It makes me
more optimistic that we can beat the top-up
fees plan. Students are getting involved in
their thousands and the government should
start listening.”
For more on the Demonstration see
barefacts opinion on page 4, and the collage
of photographs from the event on page 7.
Keep your eyes open for more ways in
which you can help the Stop Fees Now
campaign - this is just the beginning.

Drink Spiking Concerns at USSU

watch your drink | photo: chris hunter
BY CLAIRE ILES
VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION & WELFARE
FOLLOWING LAST WEEK’s article in barefacts on drink spiking
concern in Guildford, an incident involving a date rape drug
has been reported as happening at the University of Surrey
Students Union building. The student reported that they had
consumed a small quantity of alcohol when their legs gave
way beneath them and they collapsed on the floor. When
they had regained their balance, they felt extremely drunk.
Fortunately, trustworthy friends took the student home.
The next day, however, the student in question did not
experience a hangover, but endured vomiting and fly like
symptoms. It was then that the student realised a drug may
have been introduced to their drink the night before. If
you believe that you may have been the victim of a drink
spiking incident, you are advised to go straight to the
Health Centre, where a blood test is available to see if any
unusual substances are present in your system. However,
a blood test will only pick up irregularities within 24 hours
of the drug being administered, so we urge you to contact
your doctor if you have any concerns, just to clarify the
situation.
If the health centre is not open (staff illness prevents sick
bay being open between 12pm and 9am from Monday 27th
October until Monday 3rd November) please go to your
local police station or A & E immediately.
Colin Howard, the Dean of Students, has stated that the
University will not tolerate such behaviour and will take
any attempt to incapacitate a student to the level of severity
where the culprit (if a student) may not be allowed to
remain at the University. The individual will face Union
disciplinary procedures and a life ban from USSU.
If anyone has any information on this issue, or wishes to
seek advice, then they should visit the Students’ Union’s
Welfare and Representation Unit as soon as possible.

Dave Project | page 9 GU2 Sketch Show | page 10 Lyrics Quiz | page 21 Sandy’s Stars | page 22
2 NEWS 30 October 2003

EDITORIAL TEAM 2003-4

Oxford Professor Suspended
Editor in Chief BY CHRIS WARD June. Duvshani said that the email outlined
Sarah Butterworth EDITOR Wilkie’s objections to the way Israel treated
comms Palestinians. As a result of the hearing,
@ussu.co.uk PROFESSOR ANDREW WILKIE, Nuffield Professor Wilkie was given an unpaid
professor of psychology, has been suspension period of two months, and
Editor suspended by Oxford University for will have to undergo equal opportunities
Chris Ward rejecting a student’s application on the basis training.
cs21cw that he had served in the Israeli army. He A spokesman for the University said: “This
@surrey.ac.uk emailed Amit Duvshani, a masters student ruling reflects that there can be no place
at Tel Aviv University who had applied to for any form of discrimination within the
Deputy Editor do a PhD under him, stating that he would University of Oxford. Professor Wilkie
Neil Christie not enrol “someone who had served in the fully accepts the gravity of the situation and
ms33nc Israeli army”. is determined to make full use of training to
@surrey.ac.uk Wilkie had been called to face a ensure that his actions and those of his staff
disciplinary hearing for this decision in reflect best practice in future.”
Deputy Editor

Meningitis Looking For Something?

Ben Berryman
ma91bb
@surrey.ac.uk

Music Editor
Matt Badcock
ms01mb
Outbreak at BY NEIL CHRISTIE
DEPUTY EDITOR
has been traditionally seen as offering and
utilising many skills that are important in

Bristol Uni
@surrey.ac.uk the workplace. It was seen to promote
IF YOU CAME to university and did not confidence, presentational skills, and turn
Music Editor have an idea as to which career you wish young adults into academics. However, with
Jon Allen to pursue after graduating, you are officially more vocational degrees giving, arguably,
bs21ja BY CHRIS WARD in the same circumstances as one in two these skills and many more specific talents
@surrey.ac.uk EDITOR students. As the government is intent on to students, the traditional view of a degree
increasing university participation to 50% has changed. Graduate numbers are ever
TWO STUDENTS FROM Bristol University are by 2010, will the rising number of students increasing, so merely having a degree is no
Film Editor being treated after they were confirmed to starting university and falling numbers of longer much of an edge, more something
Neil Boulton have contracted type B bacterial meningitis vacancies (on average 3.4% per year) mean taken for granted. It may be possible to go
cs21nb two weeks ago. A further two are receiving students need to be more focused than ever so far as to say it’s the individuals who have
@surrey.ac.uk treatment after suffering symptoms of the on the direction their career paths? taken a more experience, hands-on based
disease. Ben Taylor, spokesman for the It is thought that a contributing factor to this approach that catch the eyes of employers,
Theatre Editor University said: “The two confirmed cases trend is the lack of career guidance given to not the letters after an applicant’s name.
Daisy Clay are first year students and have made a young adults in schools. However it seems Speculation aside, there are many students
ps21dc good recovery”. almost contradictory that specialisation is that echo the words of Linda Zell, who
@surrey.ac.uk To counteract the threat of infection, the something that is being called for, yet the studied law at Cambridge. She said: “Like
university has issued antibiotics to 3,000 government are looking to introduce a wider most of my friends, I picked my degree
people. These pills have primarily been curriculum for students studying A-Levels, without being really sure about what I
Literature Editor given to students and university staff in the either in colleges or sixth form. There have wanted to do after university. I worked
Jennifer Walker Stoke Bishop and Clifton area. In regards been a few schools that decided to reject the hard to get my qualification but, by the
ph21jw to the two being treated for symptoms, Ben advanced level subject curriculum and opt to time I’d gained my law degree, I knew a
@surrey.ac.uk
Taylor added: “ The two suspected cases are push students through onto the International legal profession definitely wasn’t for me.
more recent and it is too early to say much Baccalaureate, which was deemed to have I’m back at home now, waitressing and
News Editor about their condition”. Three of the patients greater influence on more needy skills. temping, and trying to work out what I
Philip Howard are being treated at the Bristol Royal Another possible factor leading to such want to do with my working life.”
ph02ph Infirmary, and one in Taunton. ‘directionless’ students is that a degree
@surrey.ac.uk

Sports Editor barefacts is an editorially independent

newspaper and is published by the University
Do you have a complaint
barefacts notices
Peter Nichols of Surrey Students’ Union Communications against this newspaper?
cs11pn Office. barefacts meeting | Thursday 30th October | 5pm | USSU Media Centre
If you have a complaint about
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the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the our editorial team about it.
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This publication may not be reproduced in contact the Press Complaints
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whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or Commission - an independant
Amnesty International Soc AGM | Monday 3rd November | Committee Room
Tom Cartwright Frankie Mann distributed, without the express permission of organisation established to uphold
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the publisher beforehand. USSU Union Council | Tuesday 4th November | 1pm | Main Union
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Michael Field Katy Saunders is no guarantee of publication.
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Chris Hunter Pete Tivers Articles submitted Anonymously and Pseudonymously will 1 Salisbury Square
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email barefacts@ussu.co.uk
30 October 2003 NEWS & LETTERS 3

Roehampton May Lose UniS Branding For more UniS Merchandise, visit
the USSU Shop, open Monday-
BY PHIL HOWARD Friday 12 noon til 4pm
NEWS EDITOR

UNIVERSITY OF SURREY Roehampton may be due to change

its name in the near future, losing ‘University of Surrey’
from its title, according to the Wandsworth Guardian.
Roehampton’s council has commissioned a report into
the effects of changing its name, with the most likely
replacement being ‘Roehampton University’. Roehampton
joined the Federal University of Surrey in 2000, and
according to Roehampton’s chief executive and Rector, Dr
Bernadette Porter, it would remain part of the federation.
If Roehampton decides to go ahead with its application, the
DfES would be notified in December, so the name change
would be unlikely before the next academic year.
Roehampton’s place in the Federal University of Surrey
has been criticised by some as Roehampton is a significant
distance away from Guildford. However, Dr Porter said that
staff recruitment, student enrolment and academic quality
had all improved since Roehampton joined the federation.
Should Roehampton opt to change its name, it would be an
attempt to strength the brand of Roehampton as an institution
in its own right, as other similar institutes use the proposals
in the recent White Paper to obtain university status, which
university of surrey roehampton... soon to be roehampton university?
could disadvantage Roehampton.

S T O P P R E S S

photo: chris hunter | model: amy fawcett

Is there something you don’t like about the University? Maybe
you have a gripe about the Students’ Union? Then head on down
to the Lecture Theatres on Friday lunchtime every week between
12 and 2pm and have a chat with the Sabbatical and
Executive Officers. Get your voice heard.
b e h e a r d | b e h e a r d

Letters to barefacts
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to be published in the next newspaper.
Letters may be edited for length or clarity | barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Dear barefacts
I don’t enjoy paying lots for drinks as much as the next guy,
but the amount of whinging that goes on in the letters section
about prices for entry to the union, and drinks in the union,
really only shows one thing – people don’t know what
they’re missing.
USSU is expensive when compared to other unions. In
terms of ‘living in an expensive area’, that claim is simply
not true. What is true is the fact that too many people see
the union as just a source of entertainment. Yes, that part
is expensive, but why are people overlooking everything
else? Pete Tivers’ article about where the money goes was
informative, but it covers merely the financial aspect.
DAVE and V are not just there to help students to learn
skills or ‘get involved’. They are, I’d argue, another tool that
makes Surrey students the most employable in the country.
Nowhere near enough people utilise their potential.
The sports and societies – yes, there are a lot of people
that get involved, and many that don’t, but there’s a huge
opportunity for people to get involved. Chatting to a
Sabbatical the other day, it came up that societies have
money for far more things than just running the club. Books,
equipment, training, teaching… you name it, the union
subsidise it. Sports – the elite sports programme doesn’t
pay for itself. The minibuses are constantly booked out
for sports teams to travel about. The fields around campus the university of surrey students’ union | photo: chris hunter
aren’t just maintained by the university – it’s union too. So
if you want decent playing fields, you need the union.
When you need representation – from academics, to
health, or to implement sensible ideas and get funding for
campaigns… there’s the union again.
Barefacts and GU2 – opportunities to start careers or
interests in the media, journalism, technical skills… these
things make you as an individual more interesting and
potentially more employable.
Basically if you as a student get up and do something, that
something will be subsidised heavily by the union. USSU
do a lot for their students, more so than other unions around
the country hence the extra prices. The union makes a profit
– but all profits go back into the union.
I write this not as a sabbatical, not even as a union official,
but as someone with their eyes open to what goes on. At
first I didn’t know what the union did do for us, so I went
and found out. I’m glad I did. There’s so much opportunity,
due to USSU, and if you come to uni simply to get a degree
you’re going to miss out. A first and nothing else won’t beat
a 2:1 or 2:2 with loads of other experience and skills.
YOURS SINCERELY,
NEIL CHRISTIE
4 COMMENT
opinion
Union Council
TUESDAY 4TH NOVEMBER sees the second Union Council of
the Academic Year. Everyone is free to come along and
find out what’s really going on in the Union - question your
Sabbatical and Executive Officers, find out where the money
goes, or have a gripe about something in the University. One
representative from every Sports Club and Society should
attend, as well as all the Union Councillors. On the menu is
a debate on Top Up Fees to formulate an official view from
all our students, as well as a chance to find out about current
Union campaigns. We will be discussing issues which
affect us all, so come along and get your voice heard. Any
apologies from Union Councillors should be emailed to Jay
Butcher, Union Chair, at unionchair@ussu.co.uk. So, put
the date in your diaries - Tuesday 4th November, 1pm on the
Main Unin Dance Floor. Be there and be heard!
Be Heard....
.... And We Were
ON SUNDAY MORNING, bright and early, members of the
barefacts team joined 2 minibus loads of other Surrey
Students heading to London to get our voice heard about the
prospect of top up fees. Seeing so many other students who
cared enough to be there was certainly an experience, and
depsite a rather chilly day and a distinct lack of toilet stops,
an amazing day was had by all, and hopefully, along with
32,000 other students, we went some way to showing the
government what we really think about top up fees.
the bf demonstrators: ben, sarah & neil
THIS WEEK WE welcome two new additions to the
barefacts editorial team - Neil Christie and Ben
Berryman [pictured above] as Deputy Editors. They
have both been regular contributors to the paper since the
start of this semester, and will now also be joining Sarah
Butterworth and Chris Ward on the design and editing
side of barefacts. Good luck to them!
Random Fact of the Week [by Matt Adams]
It is physically impossible to lick your elbow.
barefacts | be heard
30 October 2003
The Saga of Campus Life
Paul Sanderson wonders about the state of campus accommodation
and facilities, and asks where exactly all of our money really goes?
Consider, if you will, the simple verb phrase
‘I iron my clothes’. It only means one thing no
matter how pragmatically you look at it, right?
and had we not cooked together it would have
been unthinkable. If people have guests over
the situation worsens tenfold. The cause of our
Wrong. Place it in a student accommodation absurdly small kitchen: money. According to a
context. Linguistic magic then transforms it into ‘I very good source, one of the rooms on our floor
increase exponentially the number of creases in my used to be part of the kitchen but the university
clothes’. Basically, the iron provided is woefully decided that they would cut the kitchen in half
I do feel quite
inadequate. It must be from the 70s; this small and shoehorn another room into the floor thus
happy with my
black plastic thing with a bit a metal bolted to the earning them an extra £2000 a year whilst making
accommodation
bottom sits in the cupboard looking incompetent. the kitchen impractical. You would think they
on the whole
It has two uses; drying your clothes if you can’t be could at least provide a decent iron.
- as I sit here
bothered to wait for a dryer in the painfully small I can just about live with these things. Indeed,
eating my Dairylea
launderette; secondly, you could use it to crack the I consider myself lucky compared to some places
on toast, I’ve
skull of an invader since it does have quite a nice *coughGuildfordCourtcough* but I don’t like the
realized that we
point on it. Perhaps if you hit them hard enough university’s unwillingness to sort things out. The
have quite a nice
it would break and then maybe the university freezer really is a problem that needs fixing. It
toaster.
would get you a new one. Sorry, temporary lapse took 4 days for them to get us a new light in our
of sanity there: they would get their superglue out bathroom. All this while they spend obscene
and stick it back together, of course. amounts of money on fountains, leather sofas and spiral
I’m not simply moaning. Granted I’m moaning but it’s staircases for the management building. I accept that as a
objective. On my floor alone we have to deal with several flagship building, this looks good and will probably play
annoying things which most students will either relate to or a part in attracting new, decent students to the university.
think ‘that’s nothing’; the aforementioned iron; the freezer; Perhaps they should be less concerned about their research.
the kitchen; and a housemate’s room. The freezer is broken. Perhaps they should be less concerned about covering the
The second shelf sits in the third one rendering it useless cracks with impressive buildings to attract potential research
unless you fancy building up your muscles by lifting out students. Perhaps they should care more about what keeps
a drawer full of food each time you want to get out your them in business – the existing student body. I don’t
frozen lime. There’s only one such person on our floor, know where the profits from my accommodation fees go
and yes, he does have a frozen lime. We told our cleaner – undoubtedly there is a profit. I’m quite sure I don’t see it
about the problem and she informed the appropriate people. directly judging by my iron.
They initially said we might get a new freezer which, as you As I said, I do feel quite happy with my accommodation
can imagine, was quite exciting. The next report was that on the whole. As I sit here eating my Dairylea on toast,
they would come and fix it. This was about week 4. Now I’ve just realized that we have quite a nice toaster. I hate
going headlong into week 7 (doesn’t it go fast?), several to think what state the old one was in to replace it. Maybe
complaints later, drawer two still sits ominously in drawer they used to have students build a fire in the corner and
three. Perhaps they’ve fallen in love and the university recently realized that this wasn’t quite right for the 21st
doesn’t want to separate them. century. Cathedral Court also has a decent location between
The freezer is also too small for 6 people but that pales Tesco and the amenities on campus, it isn’t on too much of
into insignificance compared to the relative size of the a hill, and I’m on the bottom floor so I don’t have to climb
kitchen. Those in Cathedral Court will know what I mean. the stairs every day. However, the issue is one of customer
Guests certainly understand judging by their reaction to service; we pay for it and expect something in return. If a
it; something along the lines of ‘bloody hell!’ We joked hotel behaved in such a way it would be bankrupt within 6
when we got here that we would have to have an eating months. The university would do well to acknowledge that
rota. Yesterday we had three people eating at the same time it needs us more than we need it.
living on campus: more trouble than it’s worth? photo: chris hunter
30 October 2003 COMMENT 5

What do Women Want?

Neil Christie is as confused as the next man about that age old subject - you can’t live with
‘em, can’t live without ‘em - women...
You can’t live with
them, yet can’t live
without them. They
pick you up (steady at the back) to the
highest peak, or put you down to the lowest
ebb. Girls are fascinating / confusing
as hell. I write as a male that personally
feels his understanding of women is a bit
better than average (or perhaps my friends’
understanding are just pitiful), but I’ll never
claim to have it all sussed out and don’t
even know if it’s possible. This stems from
when a female was introduced to a group of
two males and another female. The males
responded positively and enquired how
she was. The female invited her down for
what proceeded to appear like best-friends
reunited after thirty years apart. The amount
of variation of topics of conversation was
somewhat bewildering and the depth and
meaning nearly brought a tear to my eye.
So this prompted a discussion of memorable
female traits – of course with no opinions
attached to them, and lasted nearly as long
as the discussion amongst the girls. One
major point that came up, was just – ‘what
do (females) want?’
Whether you want to just sit and admire
their beauty (or lack of, depending on
personal tastes of course) or are sitting
crying uncontrollably in your room,
suffering from a broken heart, the fact is that
women are a complete mystery to all men.
According to a recent room survey, only gay
guys understand women (understandably
frustrating for women) and are also the
best looking – so for the heterosexual
community, it seems to be a losing battle
trying to understand what makes females
tick.
One viewpoint could be that females abuse
their powers of sexuality in order to gain
power and money. A male dominated world
is therefore the utopia for females that can
use their sex (or power to get some) to reach
the tops of corporate ladders. “Sleeping” the
way to the top is a phrase that is uttered with
reference to the successful female in the
business world. Although there’s absolutely
no evidence to support this claim and it’s
based purely on personal observation – is it
a coincidence that the best looking females
tend to earn more money? For the males
reading this article, would you give a job
to a female who has all the experience and
qualifications going, or to the immensely
gorgeous one that kept eyeing you up
during the interview? Shallower than the
baby pool, but there is evidence to suggest
it happens.
This is obviously an extreme viewpoint,
as is believing that all females are helpless,
hapless individuals that spend single life
searching for a man and attached life trying
to serve their other half. Although extreme,
I think it’s fair to say that everyone knows
at least one female that has a few of these
characteristics to some degree, and it makes
for a huge range of female attributes for
males to get to grips with. Hence the classic
response from an annoyed girlfriend, “Oh
you just don’t understand” or the ‘silent
treatment’. Why is that so scary anyway?
All you’ve been thinking for the past half
hour is “please stop talking” and when they
do, it’s like walking into a room that was
audibly bustling and turns silent upon your
arrival. Cue the questions, “Is it something
I said / didn’t say / should have said / did
/ didn’t do / should have done / shouldn’t
have thought of doing or saying”. Someone
isn’t getting any tonight.
Males on the other hand tend not to differ
from the norm too much. In terms of a
spectrum, the concentration around the
modal average for male behaviour would be
far greater than that for females. Or at least,
the behaviour expected from a male in a
given situation is more predictable than that
of females. For the record, I’m not saying
that this is better or worse, but that it seems
to be the general feeling amongst society.
The stereotypical differences in the sexes
is phenomenal – hence the many number of
pictures and emails highlighting these facts.
His and her responses to certain situations,
the image that the sexes portray (as given
above in some instances), the list is endless.
The question is, why do these differences
exist?
Trying to tread carefully, I think it’s clear
that females tend to experience emotional
turmoil at least once a month, which is
out of their control, but surely not all of
the differences can be accountable in this
manner. The difference in male / female
perception and behaviour is probably best
left to the psychology boffins that I ironically
labelled over-analytical last week. However
from a purely male-orientated point of view,
it does make you wonder if you, as a male,
should be feeling more… emotion. I believe
it was Chandler in Friends who summed it
up nicely with his inability to cry.
I think I’ve lost count of the number of
times either I have, or one of my friends
has, been labelled as heartless or having
“no idea” – much to the bemusement of
the males present at the time. What I ask
is that if someone, somewhere, could throw
us males a line was to what idea we need
- in order to understand the crucial aspects
of female psychology we are, at present,
missing. How many times have I heard
“I’m not spelling it out to you” or something
along those lines? If I had a pound for every
time… but anyway, the point is girls, we
need it spelt out to us. Empathy is not a
male strong point, and apart from the likes
of Derren Brown, we can’t mind read or
interpret slight physiological responses
to situations until it’s too late. I’ve even
seen the film What Women Want but there
were no clues there apart from jump in the
bath with a hairdryer for enlightenment. I
welcome anyone (ideally female but I’m
not one to be exclusive), for the sake of
male pride and to bring about a brighter
future for the female race, to answer the
old age question – what do females want?
Answers to barefacts@ussu.co.uk, no points
scored for technical language and / or an
equally complicated reply. Big neon signs
welcome.

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Complete the name of one of Topman’s new ranges, ‘Shine on you Crazy…”
Is it: a) Opal | b) Diamond | c) Ruby

Send in your answers to barefacts@ussu.co.uk, and remember get them in by Monday

3rd November at 5pm. Good Luck!
6 COMMENT 30 October 2003

Just Wondering... The New Rulebook

BY JOSEPHINE BRIGHT (A. LITTLE-PERSON)
I’ve had moments when I think I may be
going crazy. No really, there are times
when I have serious doubts about my sanity.
Let me talk you through a day I had last
weekend…
Because of a malfunction of my body
clock, I woke up at the ungodly hour of 8am.
Now some of you may be saying “8am? You
pansy! I’m up at 6am everyday… blah
blah”, but if I tell you that I went to bed at
4am you may cut me some slack. And I do
mean went to bed – I fell asleep at around
5am, woke up again 3⁄4 hour later and so on.
So you see being awake at 8am was a little
alien to me.
The day in question was a Saturday, one
of my favourite days of the week because it
means no work and no uni. Though I had a
few things planned to do (veging out being
the main one); I hadn’t planned on quite so
much time to do it in. So I mustered up all
my early morning strength (and believe me,
there’s not much) and stumbled blindly to
the kettle for a reviving cup of coffee. After
that and a plate of chips (the fridge was
empty and I thought I’d pay my body back
for confusing me) I promptly fell asleep.
Typical. When I resurfaced next at 2pm,
I realised that the world was in full swing
and I was, once again, going to be labelled
a lazy sod.
The rest of the day seemed to follow a
pattern: read, go cross-eyed, fall asleep,
wake up, make coffee, read again. Including
my 9-11am nap, I managed to fall asleep
three times that day. Three times?! Surely
that’s not normal? But the worst (and perhaps
most predictable) part of it was that once it
reached the early hours again, I couldn’t
sleep. Not tossing and turning couldn’t
sleep, but full on pottering around the house,
(badly) drawing random items and listening
to nearly every cd in my collection (it took
5hrs and included Hanson…).
However it wasn’t merely my nocturnal
behaviour that worried me, oh no. You
see when you’re awake at 3, 4, 5am, most
normal people are tucked up in bed and (like
my next door neighbour whose window was
wide open) snoring loudly. My problem
was that I had no one to talk to. That may
not seem like an issue in itself, but anyone
who’s met me will tell you that I do like a bit
of a natter (I believe the phrase “kissing the
blarney stone” may have been mentioned…).
So I did what any self-respecting chatterbox
would do – I talked to myself. For three
hours. That’s where the sanity part comes
in, because my friends reliably inform me
that while talking out loud isn’t necessarily
reason to call the men in white coats, a full
blown conversation may well be.
For your peace of mind, I’ll let you know
that yes, I am totally sane (the funny man
with the stethoscope said so). It was merely
a rather bizarre, almost sleepless night (I
finally crashed at 6am). Strange as it may
sound I would like to do it again. I believe
I fell asleep arguing with myself about the
merits of hypnotism…
Laura Koskenmäki takes an alternative look at the mentality of our road users
There are different rules for the different
drivers, but unfortunately these rules are not
in the study syllabus for the driving license
test.
Bus drivers are allowed to ignore the
annoying 15 mph speed limit and number
of zebra crossings, especially if they that
standard 20 minutes late from schedule.
After all they drive the same route dozen
times day, surely they are safer drivers than
the more inexperienced students, lecturers
and in fact any other road users.
If you fancy yourself as a safe driver, you
are allowed to drive as fast, and as close to
the others as you like - as long as you say you
are doing it safely. Most of the speed limits
are unnecessary, and the speed cameras are
a real rip-off. They are there just for the bad,
unsafe drivers! Everyone knows that the
reaction times in the statistics do not apply
to safe drivers. They can react instantly
when something unexpected happens - it’s
only the rest 100 percent of the population
that take at least 1-1.5 seconds. Also their
cars stop immediately, they don’t work
under the laws of physics like other cars that
travel forward considerable distance after
the driver hits the brake pedal.
Rich and famous who have expensive
sport cars, are not expected to follow the
same rules as the ordinary people. Their car
parked on the double yellow lines will never
be a hazard. Fire engines and ambulances
can always wait or take another route; surely
they don’t need that couple of square meters
that BMW is using. And the child that is
trying to cross the road can see and be seen
through expensive vehicles, unlike those
older and cheaper ones.
Drunks are the only people entitled to
drinking and driving. Ask any sober person
and they’d say they’ll never drink and drive
because it would be dangerous. But if you
ask the drunk who is just climbing into his
car, he’d say “I’m ok, don’t worry, I’ll be
careful, plus I’m only a few pints over the
limit, and the roads are empty at night” The
slower reaction times and poorer judgement
don’t apply to these people. They never
kill their friends when losing the control
of their car. They have super human ability
to overcome the effect of the alcohol
while driving. The police are wasting their
time trying to tell them off. They should
concentrate only to the dangerous drunk
drivers - not the safe ones!
Please note that if you do not belong to any
of these groups, you are part of the statistics.
You may cause an accident by speeding,
drinking and driving, ignoring signs,
parking wherever you like etc. Tough luck!
You should go drive down to nearest pub
and get pissed, or spend three year’s wages
on a flashy BMW, and join the privileged
group of drivers who are immune to errors.
Got something to say?
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
be heard

Drink Spiking: The Bare Facts

After recent concerns at USSU about drink spiking, the Vice President Education and Welfare, Claire Iles, gives us the low down on the facts on drinks spiking

How to avoid drink spiking
• Don’t accept drinks from strangers or leave drinks unattended. If someone offers you a
drink, go to the bar with them.
• Buy your own drinks and know what you are drinking.
• Don’t drink something you did not open, or see opened or poured.
• If you’re unsure about your drink, leave it.
• If you feel dizzy or sick, ask someone you trust to take you to a safe place. If you are
alone or can’t find your friends tell the staff behind the bar.
• If you’re on a date with someone you don’t know arrange for a friend to call you
during the evening and/or pick you up. Meet in a public space. Arrange your own
transport
How do I know if my drink has been spiked?
You might not be able to see, smell or taste if you drink has been spiked—the drug may
be colourless, ordourless and may not affect the taste of your drink
Warning signs include:
• Feeling dizzy or faint
• Feeling sick or sleepy
• Feeling intoxicated or confused even if you have only had a little alcohol to drink.
• Passing out
• Waking up feeling uncomfortable and disorientated, with memory blanks about the
night before
What to do if you think your drink has been
spiked?
If you think your drink has been spiked, tell a friend, the bar or security staff, or the
police. Your doctor can test for the presence of traces of certain drugs through urine or
blood tests within 24 hours.
If you think that you have been assaulted or raped, it’s important you tell a friend or
family member, and go to a doctor or hospital. If you think you’ve been spiked, don’t
hesitate: get yourself to the doctor immediately, inform friends, the police, the Advice
Centre, Education and Welfare Officer, or whoever you trust
Drink spiking and the law
Drink spiking is illegal. It’s a serious offence to introduce a drug into the body of
another person without their knowledge or consent, especially if the person is assaulted
as a result
Information from: Reachout.com.au
For more information on drinks spiking, and how to avoid it, pop into the Activities
Centre in the Students’ Union and have a chat with Claire Iles or Lisa Widdows in
the Welfare and Representation Unit.
 photos: chris hunter | collage: pete nichols
surrey students
demonstrate
26.10.03
8 UNION
Self Defence - Can
You Risk Not Going?
BY CLAIRE ILES
OVER 50 STUDENTS attended the self defence
session run on October 19th and reported
that it was an overwhelming success,
teaching them techniques to use against
attack and building their confidence.
Its now your last chance to sign up for
the four week self defense course starting
this Sunday. At a ridiculously cheap 5 isnt
it worth resisting those two drinks and
learning how to defend yourself?
This is the only course being offered this
academic year, so dont regret missing the
opportunity at a later date.
You can sign up now at the Students Union
reception with Jacqui or at the Union Shop
or email welfare@ussu.co.uk to find out
more information, have any questions
answered.
3-5pm Sunday November 2nd
3-5pm Sunday November 9th
Euro Quiz Night Success
BY MIKE CHAMBERS
ROOTS CAFÉ BAR saw an unusually busy
Tuesday night last week when the venue
was taken over by the newly established
European Society. EuroSoc, as they prefer
to call themselves, ran a quiz night, which
attracted numbers never seen before on a
Tuesday. The high turnout at what was the
society’s first major event was an impressive
achievement for EuroSoc. The Quizmaster,
and Director of Communications for
EuroSoc, Mike Chambers said “The
overwhelming success of this event was a
marvellous accomplishment for the society.
The venue was packed to capacity, and
most importantly all participants had a very
enjoyable evening”.
The quiz consisted of six 10-question
photo: eurosoc management committee with euro flag
3-5pm Sunday November 16th
3-5pm Sunday November 23rd
Venue: Sports Centre Studio (Unisport)
Price: 5 (plus 5 deposit)
rounds and a number of spot-prize questions.
Entrance was a very reasonable £2 per person
or just £1 for EuroSoc members. Prizes were
awarded to the winning team in each round,
and included French Champagne, Italian
wine, Belgian chocolates, a subscription to
The Economist (worth £35), £100 cash and
many more.
The winning team overall, “Culture
Shock”, won a small trophy. There was also
a prize for the Best team name, awarded to
the “Eurotrash Team”. EuroQuiz part 2 is in
the planning and is set to take place at the
end of November.
In the mean time, EuroSoc is taking
members on a Bar Crawl next Tuesday (4th
Nov), which starts in Roots at 7.30pm. For
more info on the European Society, email
eurosoc@surrey.ac.uk.
30 October 2003
Ride The London Eye For Free!
A reminder of exciting V Project competition that I announced in last week’s Barefacts. This
is your chance to write a short piece about some volunteering that you have taken part in, and
the winner will be awarded a pair of tickets for the British Airways London Eye (valid until
30th December 2003) - otherwise known as ‘the big wheel on the River Thames’, where you
get stunning views of London on a breathtaking 30 minute ‘ride’, whilst snapping away on
your camera at all those well known London sights.
All you have to do is write a short piece (the length is up to you) about any volunteering
that you have been involved in in the last 12 months (it does not have to have been done
through The V Project) – it could be a club or society that you sit on the committee of, a ‘one-
off’ volunteering event that you took part in, or volunteering that you are involved in in the
community on a longer term basis. Just tell me who you are, what you did/ are doing, where
and when you did it, why and how you got involved, what you learnt, and anything else you
think is interesting about the experience.
Submit your entry by email, post, or bring it to me in person (post it under my door if I’m
not here) by 5pm Friday 7th November. An independent source will read all of the articles
and pick the winner, who will be notified by Friday 14th November.
Poppies!
Yes it’s that time of year to wear your poppy with pride – to remember all those brave
people who fought in battle for our freedom. If you can help in Guildford town centre to sell
poppies for a minimum of 1 hour over the 7th and 8th of November, or would like to find out
more about The British Legion then get in touch asap.
RAG Goes To Windsor!
Have a fun day out, meet new people, and actually make a difference to people’s lives!
RAG (Raising & Giving) are having an exciting street collection on Saturday 1st November
in aid of The Children’s Trust, which are a charity that provide help and support to children
with severe disabilities, as well as their families. They are currently trying to raise £4 million
to make drastic improvements to the trust’s school and children’s houses.
Collecting will commence at 10.30/ 11am, and then return to Guildford at about 6/16.30pm,
and if you can’t manage the whole day – don’t despair as it is possible to just collect for
part of the day. The money will then be counted before trundling down to Chancellors for
a well deserved drink, where totals will hopefully be announced. If you are not able to
come out collecting but would like to help count the money then your help would be greatly
appreciated! Transport and a lunchtime snack will be paid for, and you will be provided with
everything you need to go out collecting, including an information pack containing tips and
advice on street collecting and info about the charity.
Handicap International
…Is an NGO working to support landmine victims and people with disabilities in 55
countries around the world, and was co-winner of the 1997 Nobel Peace Prize. Handicap
International UK is based in Farnham, and is in need of volunteers to help with an event on
Saturday 1st November in Trafalgar Square. The event marks the start of Landmine Action
Week, and is an awareness raising day. The focus will be the construction of a ‘pyramid of
shoes’, each show symbolising lives and limbs lost as a consequence of landmines. A variety
of exhibitions and entertainments will be on offer, and experts will be on hand to talk about
de-mining, mine-risk education, and prosthesis fitting. Volunteers are needed (whole day,
morning or afternoon) for stewarding, talking to people, event set up/ clear up, etc, and will
be invited to attend a post-event get together.
Please contact me for more information on any of the above fantastic opportunities, or to
find out about more exciting opportunities – the list is fun, and endless!
Name | Carol Main
Tel | (01483) (68) 3254
Email | c.main@surrey.ac.uk
Web | http://www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering
Person | The Activities Centre @ USSU
10 COMMUNICATION 30 October 2003

Dogu2
You GU2?
sketch show
PGA

BY TOM CARTWRIGHT & FRANKIE MANN
Radio? With no music? A comedy sketch
show? Here? On GU2? Now there’s a
thought.
We need writers and performers for a new
comedy sketch show on GU2. The show
will be half an hour long, and run for a series
of 8-12 weeks depending on various factors
yet to be determined. The format is quick
fire sketches, like a radio version of Smack
the Pony or Big Train.
Anyone can be a writer, sketches can be
submitted by email, and anything received
will be read and considered.
However, you could become a regular
writer on the show, taking part in production
meetings where we shall undergo an intense
comedy brainstorming. We find, we get
more ideas this way, and the more brains
there are to storm, the better.
We will also need some people to say all
this stuff in front of a microphone. We are
after a small cast of versatile performers.
Comic timing and a range of voices, accents
and impressions are always handy.
The plan is to write most of the material
now, and the show will start in January. We
can then add sketches about current affairs
as and when they happen.
If you would like to be a writer or
performer or both, then please contact
Frankie: mu21sm@surrey.ac.uk, or if
you find her frightening, contact Tom:
mu22tc@surrey.ac.uk. Come along to the
general GU2 meeting on Thursday, 6.15pm
in Hari’s Bar to find out more…

Want to find out what’s on GU2, or listen to

our very own radio station online? Then type
www.gu2.co.uk into your web browser, and discover
the wonders of online streaming, as well as
finding out the programme schedule, and much
much more about GU2.

otherwise tune your radio to 1350am/mw, sit back,

and relax to the sound of your favourite music

Care about the environment? Want to make people

more aware of mental health issues? If you care about
these, or any other issues, you should get involved
with USSU Campaigns.

email Claire at welfare@ussu.co.uk for more details

30 October 2003 PROFESSIONAL & ADVERTISEMENT 11

Coming Up in Week 9 at the Careers Service Dr Russ Replies

DEVELOPING YOUR SKILLS use as part of their selection process. There are three
sections designed to test your logical thinking. DR RUSS CLARK | UNIS CAREERS SERVICE
HOW TO SURVIVE THE INTERVIEW*
WEDNESDAY 5 NOVEMBER EMPLOYER PRESENTATIONS Got any tips about answering difficult questions during
2 – 4 PM IN LT B interviews?
A repeat workshop for anyone unable to attend on 22 BUNAC
October. MONDAY 3 NOVEMBER The first question I was asked in my first ever job interview
6 PM in LT F was “Tell me, Mr Clark, what prompted you to apply to our
PRACTICE APTITUDE TEST* BUNAC will be giving a presentation on the company?” This wasn’t really a difficult question. The
THURSDAY 6 NOVEMBER opportunities they offer for work and travel in the US, trouble was, I hadn’t prepared for it, so it was ten times more
6.15 – 8.15 PM IN LT B Canada, Australia and New Zealand. difficult than it appeared. As a result, I simply panicked.
The tests we run are parallel to those that many employers What could I possibly say - surely the truth is the best thing
in emergencies I told myself. “Well, you pharmaceutical
* Please register with Careers if you wish to attend or email c.arrowsmith@surrey.ac.uk firms are all the same so I just stuck a pin in it”. My intense
relief at being able to blurt out the semblance of an answer
was matched by the look of abject horror on the interviewer’s
face. She got rid of me as soon as she could and I was left
licking my wounds.

So what could you have said if you’d had another

chance?

How about - “I’ve applied to you because I believe your

company could make the best use of my abilities”, or what
about “I read about the kind of work you require graduates
to do and I must say it all sounds extremely interesting”.
Although those answers could be improved they are at least
a lot more positive than my rather pathetic first attempt.
Actually that particular question is one which you are almost
certain to be asked during the interview and the best way to
deal with it is to plan your answer in advance. In fact, it’s
a good idea to make a list of all of the questions which you
think they might ask and consider how you would reply.

But how would I reply to a question I wasn’t expecting?

The following strategy might help. First of all it’s very

important to keep calm. Don’t worry about pausing before
you answer. You can even comment that it’s a difficult
question and that you’d like a moment to think about it.
While the interviewer is quietly reflecting on how good
they are at their job, you are using those precious seconds to
consider your reply. Ask yourself what exactly they’re trying
to get at. They almost certainly want to find out something
about you which will show them whether you are right for the
job. Frame your answer in such a way that it says something
positive and relevant about you. It doesn’t have to be earth-
shattering - just confident, honest and to the point.

What if my mind goes completely blank?

If you really can’t answer a question, why not ask if you can
come back to it later. It shows you’ve got the confidence to
ask and it gives the old grey matter a chance to mull over the
question in the meantime. They might even forget they asked
the question in the first place - but don’t bank on it!

Do you have a question you

think Dr Russ or the Careers
Service could help with?

Just send your question in to

barefacts@ussu.co.uk or pop
into the careers service (in
the Philip Marchant Building,
by the Accommodation Office)
and speak to an advisor
 HALLOWEEN SPECIAL
Barearts Film and Literature sections are home to
a Halloween Special this week - spooky films, scary
books - you name it, Neil Boulton and Jen Walker
have them all for you...

ELBOW

singles
FUGITIVE MOTEL

daniel beddingfield performing live

V2
THE NEXTMEN
FIRE WALKER Gliding effortlessly past their
Scenario post-Britpop peers (mentioning
no names), Elbow prove once
What we have here is a funky MC headed dance mix again that endlessly rewriting
which struts itself along with it’s solid loops leading the way the same indistinct tune needn’t
and a rather memorable chorus. There’s also a remix which does little be the only way. Guy Garvey
to change the song but seems to slap a nice fuzz-box effect on the soars where other vocalists would
original’s guitar funk. The Aracde-fuelled B-side ‘High Score’ is also saunter aimlessly and strings
worthy of merit. n.b. hum gently without suffocating CHICKS ON SPEED MACHO MAN RANDY
the haunting main melody, which 99 CENTS SAVAGE
embeds itself deeply in your Chicks On Speed Records BE A MAN
STARSAILOR KELIS
consciousness after at most a
BORN AGAIN MILKSHAKE Unusual pop-ish album from No, your eyes do not deceive.
couple of listens. It’s nothing new
EMI Virgin of course, but executed with such this all-female German art- Wrestling super-legend Randy
aplomb that it’s hard to care. j.d. collective - It’s a big swirly mix ‘Macho Man’ Savage has
The title of this single from Kelis returns with the first single of electronics, vocals, guitars, actually recorded an entire
the band’s ‘eagerly-awaited’ from her forthcoming album sort-of-occasional rapping, and album. I’m Back kicks in with a
(by who? I can’t work it out) ‘Tasty’. What struck me first loads of other stuff. And this is no metal riff, and as soon as Macho
second album is misleading; whilst listening to this, is the DANIEL BEDDINGFIELD bad thing, the whole thing starts starts flowing, you can’t help
it’s the same heart-on-sleave striking similarity to Missy Elliott. FRIDAY as a guitar/electronica mix and but chuckle, especially as he
whining and dreary mush that Producer Pharrell Williams lays Empire wraps up as techno-pop. Stand out says things like “shout out” and
has characterised James Walsh down a tribal bass through which tracks are the stompy ‘We Don’t “jizzle”. Rockier tunes such as
and co’s sound ever since they Kelis’ voice can drift in and out Behold, a stop gap single release Play Guitars’ - which features the RU Ready sound like generic
promised much yet failed to of, leading to a hypnotic effect from Mr. Bedingfield - Now to sorta-similar-sounding Peaches rap-metal, and might win some
deliver on the trio of excellent which makes the tune stick in your be honest I wasn’t the greatest (She appears to be everywhere at Limp Bizkit fans over. Half the
songs on their epic debut EP head well after hearing it. I have fan of Gotta Get Through This, the moment), the plinky ‘Culture album sees Macho dropping the
Fever. Astute observers will to admit this type of tune isn’t my but Friday is nowhere near as Vulture’ and opener ‘Shooting rock edge in favour of straight
note the Nick Drake-embezzled usual cup of tea, but this song is a annoying. The music’s fasted From The Hip’. The track ‘Sell- up hip hop that could have come
acoustic jangle and for this real grower. m.f paced and with a few tweaks it out’ is a good testament to the from a Ja Rule album (except
heads should roll. The song could almost sound sinister. The diversity on show, there’s at least with the “Oooooh Yeeeeah...
arrives without fanfare and drifts human beat box with acoustic three different styles going on in Macho Man bout to drop this”
aimlessly until the unmoving guitar intro for the live B-side of the song. Nothing ear-bleeding, epigraphs). And like Ja, he gets
conclusion; stick it on repeat and James Dean is amusing (laughing just a good mix of styles built on guest female vocalists to sing his
huzzah, you’ve got an instant at, not with) and there’s also a a strong electronic-pop base. Nice choruses and provide a harmonic
insomnia cure. m.d.f forgettable remix of Friday, but hidden track too. n.b. contrast to his raspy
Friday on it’s own isn’t bad. n.b. voice. The standout title track
Be a Man hits you like one of
Randy’s signature elbow drops
- Killer beats with a Nelly-like
THE HOLIDAY PLAN chorus. It’s a callout to his
THE HOLIDAY PLAN EP apparent nemesis Hulk Hogan
Fallout : “I smell a coward, is that you
Hogan? Macho’s gonna kick
Young emo rockers, The Holiday Plan thrash into Every Day Is Winter your butt is the slogan.” . Make
mixing the classic formula of a commotion of noise followed by a blend no mistake, this is a novelty
of sweet melodies ending on a crescendo of smashing drums. The album and should not be taken
macho man randy savage - musician?!

four tracks making up this EP release sees strength seriously (apart from maybe
musically with a mature sound at a relatively young the aforementioned track), but
age though sounding like yet another American the man has obviously made a
emo band. Not to take anything away its promising serious effort and it’s not as
stuff but is never able to differentiate itself. m.b. bad as you’d think. a.m

s
This week’s music section is brought to you

m
by: Matt Badcock, Jon Allen, Jonathan
THE BELLES

u
(WHO WILL BE) HERE TO HEAR? Darzi, Dina Mystris, Andrew

al b
Eat Sleep Records
Malek, Michael Field, Matt
This EP is the first offering from this Kansas based duo, who offer Fisher and Neil ‘Tree’
a rich blend of acoustic soft rock and emotionally charged lyrics.
Although this collection of songs hints at the obvious talent on offer, Boulton.
I’m afraid to say it’s just boring – none of the songs have any life in
them. I really wanted to like it, but on this form The Belles remind me
of a second rate Turin Brakes without the tunes. m.f
30 October 2003
To become part of the bf
music team, just
turn up to the meetings
at 5.15pm on Mondays in
the
USSU Media Centre
or email barefacts@ussu.co.uk.
AQUALUNG
STILL LIFE
B-Unique
Matt Hales was brought to the
public’s attention last year when
his song Strange and Beautiful
off his debut album was used
in an advert for Volkswagen.
His new material is not really
that different – acoustic indie
with excellent sweetly sung
vocals, but to be honest it’s non-
descript enough to not be able
to describe much else. Brighter
than Sunshine is by far the
best song but it’s one of those
shrinking violet albums, very
happy to hide behind the success
of contemporaries Elbow, Doves
and so on. Having said that, it’s
definitely worth a listen, but do
make sure you try before you
buy. j.a.
MUSIC 15
COMPETITION
Want to get your hands on ultra rare My Morning Jacket single
‘Mahgeetah’ on 7” vinyl, OutKast album sampler, Iron Maiden and
Alfie posters plus various other CD delights?
Well three lucky readers will win these goodies by just answering
this question:
Which band released the singles ‘Growing On Me’ and ‘I Believe
In A Thing Called Love’
BORDER CROSSING
OMINOUS
Send your answer, name and contact details by e-mail to
RG Records
barefacts@ussu.co.uk by 5pm on Monday 3rd November 2003.
THE Thankfully, Ominous is not
THE FIRE THEFT an extended 46-minute paean
BOGGS
THE FIRE THEFT to guns, drugs and comically
STITCHES
Rykodisc oversized gold jewellery as I
Cityrockers
had initially feared, but instead
I’d call the music of The Fire Theft sort of a more toned down, and exhibits a proactive social
boring, version of Jane’s Addiction – Sort of slow rock with orchestral The Boggs take their chaotic
sound honed on debut album We awareness (excepting laid-back
type sounds going on in the background with Perry Farrell-esque vocals ode to hedonism Dance For
over the top of it all, though these go missing as the album continues. Are the Boggs We Are and take it a
step further on this equally madcap Your Life) that British hip-hop
For me the album started off without much to hold my interest, then artists are becoming increasingly
‘Chain’ came around and the sound became less sparse after the string follow-up. Ranging from raucous
and anthemic to rousing acoustic reputed for. Rather than restricting
led intro. Which flows into a nice instrumental called ‘Backwards Blues’. themselves to a single genre,
Another high point is the soaring ‘Rubber Bands’. While a bit lengthy singalongs its lo-fi production
and the band’s don’t care attitude Border Crossing have gone for a
(8 minutes…) the final track ‘Sinatra’ is a great way to end the album, kitchen sink-type affair, mixing
coupled with the ambient sounds of the hidden track. Once the album make it a charming but ultimately
difficult record to listen to. It lacks numerous styles loosely united
gets going, and you get into it, this album’s really quite good... n.b. under the hip-hop banner with
the necessary flow and continuity
and at times the badly-played varying degrees of success. The
violins sound a bit like the hidden lush cinematic ambience of
track on the Stone Roses’ Second Taxi and Flight Path along with
CHINGY
Coming. That said, there’s a fair politicised statement of intent
JACKPOT
mixture of styles and instruments In Your Area work particularly
Capitol well, but Ricky Rankin’s gruff
(banjo included) and some decent
tunes to catch your attention. If vocals on Rankin’s Move and the
It all starts with the sound of a grating Future Blues prove less
winning slot machine; yes this mess and disorder is your thing,
give it a try. m.d.f palatable. Ultimately, I’m not
album is about cashing in, not qualified either to wholeheartedly
musical integrity. It has been a recommend Ominous or to
massive success State side; it’s unceremoniously pan it – but
not hard to see why though. Tunes it certainly beats yet another
with catchy beats and Nelly style Starsailor single. j.d.
rapping, bounces from one party
track to the next. Lyrically it deals
mainly with bootys and having as
much fun in one night as possible. BRAND NEW
It also isn’t short of the power DEJA ENTENDU
sellers like Snoop Dogg, Jermaine Triple Crown Records
Dupri and of course Ludacris,
who bring old skool approval to Who would have guessed that being really sad and singing about it
this fledgling rapper. One for a hip could bring so much success. Following in the wave of recent emo
hopping time and who knows this style rock and punk this band shines. Think Coldplay with aggressive
smash hit in the guitars and song titles such as Good to know that if I ever need
states may just attention all I have to do is die. It is a slight departure from their
hit it big right previous albums, with the praise they have received from Zane Lowe
‘herre’ in the making them single of the week on his show, to Rolling Stone saying,
UK. d.m “When is emo worth a million dollars? When made by these guys”
certainly a move in the right direction. The definite bass lines and
heartfelt expression of lyricist Jesse Lacey come together with sincere
screaming and perfect whisper. d.m
16 FILM 30 October 2003

The Happiness Of The Katakuris

Starting off his Halloween film special with a bang, Film Editor Neil Boulton ponders how the hell producers
managed to fuse together “The Sound Of Music” and “Day Of The Dead”... and make it relatively good.
The Katakuris are a simple family, living up the wrong end
of the mountain, trying to run a guest house in the middle
of nowhere – business is terribly light due to their location,
but the future promise of a new road helps them cling to
their dreams of happiness and prosperity. For Grandpa, Dad,
Mum, Shizue, Mayasuki and little Yuri all is well… and then
their first guest shows up on one stormy night. They welcome
him into their home and, well, wake up next morning to find
he’s killed himself with the room key. This would be what
you’d call a crisis, and like most other families in a crisis,
they… break into a musical number… err…
Hold on, this isn’t normal and I know it, and that’s what
makes The Happiness Of The Katakuris so damn special.
It’s a horror film, with love stories and musical numbers. In
a similar, but far more highly funded, ilk to Cannibal: The
Musical (See the Halloween-y Suggestions)… it’s a film
packed with love, death and song. As it so helpfully stated
on the back of the DVD, it’s “The Sound of Music meets
Day Of The Dead”, and while I may not wholly agree with
that statement it’s a great place to start. Anyway, where was
I – The family with a corpse on their hands fearing the bad
publicity that would follow the guesthouse’s first occupant
committing suicide on the first night decide to bury him
in the garden. Slowly the guesthouse gets more and more
visitors passing by and they all have a habit of dying on
the poor Katakuris, and when you get locked into a habit
you can’t stop yourself – More bodies get buried out the
back and more song and dance numbers thunder by. Then
development prior to the new road threatens to unearth their
ill-fated guests resting places.
This film really does twist genres like nothing I’ve seen
before, it’s almost as if director Takashi Miike went around
the big cinema supermarket just grabbing film genres off the
shelves and sticking them in a well funded trolley. This film
has so many movie traits packed in it including: romance,
family, horror, comedy, musicals, thrillers, clay-mation…
the film even has policemen and a volcano in it. Let me take
a second to take about the clay-mation, it’s so damn odd -
it’s fantastic. The film’s opening 5 to 10 minutes are almost
nothing to do with the rest of the film and will probably
have you looking at the film’s case going “Uh?!” when
the small clay monster jumps from her soup to bite off her
uvula (yes, uvula). And despite all these ideas being stuck in
the same bag, things are done amazingly well. On paper it
looks like a great B-movie, but the finished film never looks
like a B-movie. Within the film the colours can be so bright
and vibrant and then turn on their head to being as dark as
Takashi Miike’s previous works (In the past he’s done some
pretty gruesome horror films, take Audition for example,
it has some ‘not very nice’ torture scenes in it. He’s also
responsible for bringing us Ichi The Killer). The acting’s
great too, there’s some ham flying around but the family
comes into their own for the final dance number, a post
disaster show-stopper complete with dancing corpses. The
film even has a positive life-affirming message at the end.
Full on horror fans may not appreciate this film fully, it’s
only a 15 and the horror elements aren’t that horrific or they
might not be too fond of musical numbers. Other people
might not get it because of the basic ludicrousness of the
whole thing. If you like things random, there aren’t many
films out there this random. Buy it, rent it, or borrow it off a
friend and don’t let the subtitles put you off.

Halloween Spectacular
Classics of halloween
by Neil Boulton
Rather than just fit one solitary film in for classic of the week, given that barefacts will be (hopefully) be finding it’s way to you on Devil’s Night, I’ve decided to try and cram a heap of
season themed cinema nuggets into one section, I could probably harp on about these films all day so I’ll try and cheap things succinct. Also, I’ve tried to keep things fairly light hearted,
most of big horror film names were on TV last week and people are probably sick of hearing about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre by now (I didn’t really like it that much). So, if you
like your horror with a big ol’ smile on its face, read on (Read on if you don’t too, you might see something you like).

Sam Raimi Peter Jackson

In my opinion (as usual) no Halloween Yes, him what did the Lord of the
style movie sit in would be complete Rings films. His forays into the world
with out at least one of Mr. Raimi’s cinema didn’t start with big budget
Evil Dead films. All three of them are Tolkien adaptations, no sir. Peter, bless
wonderful and they’re nice enough for his cotton socks, started off by making
there to be a film for everyone. Evil a film funded by himself and shot over
Dead, the original, the darkest of the four years in his native New Zealand.
three would probably be the best choice And the similarities with the dear Mr. Troma
for your straight up horror enthusiast, Raimi above don’t end there, his first Ah, Troma. As this article goes on I
a group of young friends (Damn young steps were also made in the wonderful see most of the films I’ve mentioned
people) go up to a secluded cabin in world of horror, Well, horror comedy. are mainly low budget home-made-
the woods and accidentally unleash a terrible evil from the woods surrounding it, the His first film was the gore-laden tour- ish type things. And nothing says
evil unleashed from the book of the dead starts attacking the quartet and introduces us de-force that is Bad Taste - A film that low budget like a Troma film. Llyod
to the All-American-Anti-hero Ash (Bruce Campbell – lantern jawed B-movie wonder, teaches us to never mess with a man Kaufman and Michael Herz’s empire
looks a bit like Elvis) … Evil Dead 2, a loose remake of the first adds a whole load named Derek (Derek’s don’t run!). “The have been proudly shunning good
more screwball, three stooges, pratfalling into the mix and allows Ash to really come Boys” are sent out to dispatch some taste and decency for over 20 years,
into his own, especially when he’s forced to cut of his own hand and decides to attach alien nasties that are hiding out in small producing films of dubious standards.
a chainsaw on the end. Then there’s Army Of Darkness, the alone in the woods formula town New Zealand. With the success of Troma also released South Park’s
of the last two films is destroyed and along this he then went on to make the even Trey Parker’s Cannibal: The Musical
comes a medieval time-travelling deadite messier Braindead, where a young (Watch it, it’s ace). Depravity and bad
comedy horror masterwork. Ash finds himself man tries his best to stop a shed load of cinema, a good Halloween night in if
in the past (life ain’t easy for Ash) and has to zombies from escaping the house (rather ever there was one. Anyway – some
fight his way through the army of darkness to then the usual convention of keeping quick recommendations: Terror Firmer
get home to his own time. The film’s dripping them out of the house), even more (Self-parodying Spectacle of Gore), Sgt.
with quotes and is funny as hell (Seriously, go quotable lines and officially the best use Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. and the legendary
watch all three of them, now). of a lawnmower in cinema follow. broom wielding Toxic Avenger.
30 October 2003 FILM 17

Extra Terrestrial - The Week Ahead

Channel 4’s Shriek Week rumbles on bringing with it Sunday 2nd November 2003
even more choice horror morsels and distributing
Channel 4 | Final Destination | In the wake of all the slasher clones which followed
them like sweet candy for greedy kids, and the 9:00pm – Scream, Final Destination came along with quite a novel idea… It’s not who
horror films continue well after 31st October has 10:50pm dies, but how they die. A Boy and some classmates have a narrow scrape with
disaster - Turns out Death’s still after them for cheating him. The film is packed
BY NEIL BOULTON passed... there’s still some gems about, though, so with elaborate death sequences, which makes for some fun viewing. Too bad
FILM EDITOR there’s a sequel.
settle down with a mug of cocoa, and have a night
Channel 4 | Audition | One of Takeshi Miike’s, as mentioned elsewhere in the film section,
in with the old goggle box. 11:50pm – gruesome horror films – excellent. A widower is convinced to audition young
1:55am women in order to find himself a new beau. At first everything smells of roses,
but further investigation leads him to wonder if he made the right choice, with
Thursday 30th October 2003 messy results. Might not be for the squeamish, this one.
Channel 4 | Ring | Super-de-doop-er Japanese horror, as this film’s attained cult type status Monday 3rd November 2003
12:20am – you’ve probably heard of it. Legend has it, there’s a videotape, and a week
2:10am after you watch this videotape, you die. The premise is excellent and it’s not a Channel 4 | Chopper Chicks In Zombie Town | It’s Troma time, kids… The title pretty
gore type horror, but it’s all the better for it. Great, yet scary, stuff. 1:10am – much describes everything you need to know about the film. It also looks like
2:40am Takeshi Miike’s not the only guy who likes putting musical numbers in horror
Friday 31st October 2003 films. The cycle slut’s roll into a town to find a mad scientist and his midget are
ITV | The Glimmer Man | Watch Steven Segal fight his way through all manner of turning everyone into zombies. Genre… err… Exploitation-Horror-Comedy
12:00am – naughty people as he takes up his old policeman’s job to track down a serial
Wednesday 5th November 2003
01:45am killer. The film gets extra points for inventive use of a credit card. Action fun
albeit rather stupid. Five - 10:00pm Predator 2 | Danny Glover proves how hard he is by taking on the Predator in
– 12:05am this sequel to the jungle based original. This time the Predator’s made his way
Channel 4 | The Hitcher | Rutger Hauer! A young man transporting a car to another state
into the city and starts killing goodies and baddies all over the place. No Arnie
12:45am – gets stalked along the road by a relentless serial killer who eventually frames
but still a laugh.
2:30am the him for a string of murders. Now the driver’s being chased by the police
and shadowed by the killer. How’s he gonna get out of this one? Rutger Hauer BBC1 | Escape From L.A. | Stuff blows up, Kurt Russell gurns in this futuristic
plays the nasty hitcher making life hell for unfortunate motorists. 11:15pm – actioner. It turns out in the future that L.A. has become one big prison, and the
12:55am presidents daughter just went inside with a device which controls the city’s
Channel 4 | Ring 2 | Sequel to Ring, same basic premise intact, okay but not as good as it’s
power. Rather than save her, Snake Plissken is sent in to kill her and retrieve
2:30am – 4:10 predecessor.
the device or else.
Saturday 1st November 2003 Channel 4 | Night Watch | If Snake Plissken isn’t your thing, try Nightwatch. Ewan
Channel 4 | The Exorcist | They’re starting up Tubular Bells as I type – the infamous film 11:15pm – McGreggor’s a student moonlighting as a night watchman in a morgue. But he
10:00pm – about possession is here! A woman fears her 12-year-old daughter has become 1:10am soon becomes the prime suspect for a set of nasty serial killings as the bodies
12:20am possessed by dark forces, and as a last resort she calls in the Exorcist (sounds start arriving, however soon the real killer is also after him. Has Brad Dourif in
like he should have a cape). it, that may not seem important, but it is.

Film in Guildford
Friday 31st October -
Thursday 6th November
2003

THE MATRIX 8.15 performance not 18.00 19.05 20.45 Wednesday only 20.30
REVOLUTIONS (15) showing Sunday 21.45 Thursday only 20.30
[2hr 9min] Fri & Sat 11.00 12.00 Sun-Tue 13.15 15.55
Free list suspended 12.30 13.30 14.45 17.45 18.35 20.45 SECONDHAND LIONS
Wednesday only 14.00 15.15 16.15 17.30 21.10 (PG) [1hr 49min]
15.30 16.45 17.20 18.05 19.00 20.15 Wednesday only 12.15 Daily 12.15
19.30 20.00 20.10 21.30 15.00 17.45 18.35 Sun-Thu 12.00
Thursday only 12.20 Sun-Tue 11.20 12.00 21.10
13.20 14.00 15.30 12.30 14.00 14.45 Thursday only 12.15 BAD BOYS 2 (15) [2hr
16.45 17.20 19.30 15.15 16.45 17.30 15.00 17.45 18.35 27min]
20.00 20.40 18.05 19.30 20.15 21.10 Fri & Sat 20.50
Wednesday only 12.00 Sun-Tue 20.35
THE TEXAS 14.45 17.30 20.15 THE LEAGUE OF
CHAINSAW Thursday only 12.00 EXTRAORDINARY SEABISCUIT (PG) [2hr
MASSACRE (18) [1hr 14.45 17.30 GENTLEMEN (12A) 21min]
38min] [1hr 50min] Advance Screening
Free list suspended INTOLERABLE ‘contains moderate Sunday 8.20
Fri & Sat 14.35 17.05 CRUELTY (12A) [1hr violence and horror’ Advance Screening
19.30 22.00 40min] Fri & Sat 12.45 15.30 Thursday 8.30
Sun-Thu 14.20 16.40 ‘contains moderate sex 18.15 21.10
19.00 21.20 references and one use Sun-Thu 12.45 15.30 ODEON Movie Mob

HOLES (PG) [1hr

57min]
of strong language’
Fri & Sat 13.45 16.10
19.05 21.35
18.15 20.55

CALENDAR GIRLS
SINBAD: LEGEND OF
THE SEVEN SEAS (U)
[1hr 25min]
Happy Halloween to everyone...
Free list suspended Sun-Thu 13.20 15.55 (12A) [1hr 48min] Saturday 10.40
Fri & Sat 12.50 15.25 18.30 21.00 ‘contains moderate
Sun-Tue 12.35 15.10

FINDING NEMO (U)

KILL BILL - VOLUME
1 (18) [1hr 51min]
nudity and sex
references’
Fri -Tue 12.50 15.20
To book tickets
online, visit
odeon.co.uk
... from the barefacts crew
[1hr 44min] Fri & Sat 13.45 16.20 17.55 20.30
Literature
18
Dracula - by Bram Stoker
Literature Editor Jennifer Walker dissects the origin of the famous horror novel, and provides a glimpse at what
possibly could have conceived such a woeful tale of darkness.
Dracula, possibly the most notorious piece of literature in
gothic fiction, a book on horror, sex, suspense and the classic
good versus evil scenario. Stoker’s classic book inspired
countless numbers of gothic horror films, and writers such
as Anne Rice.
What is it about the Dracula myth that entices us so? Is
it just a straight horror story or does it have something we
can all relate to. There are many different interpretations of
the book. One of these interpretations is from the sexual
point of view; that the whole Dracula myth is based around
menstruation. The idea that “the blood is the life”, springs to
the idea of the menstrual cycle, the relation with a female’s
ability to create life, the blood produced when the womb is
not fertilised – dead blood.
Dracula searches for something that he needs to sustain
him, his obsession with the blood! Is Stoker trying to convey
a message to society of the importance of feminine power?
It may sound laughable now, but in the past menstruation
was seen as something powerful and spiritual. The idea of
womanly power came from her ability to bleed in old pagan
beliefs, Dracula being an ancient creature, may be Stoker’s
way of showing this. Other symbolism shown here is the
garlic, used in medicines in the past for period pains, the
crucifix – the fact that the Christian religion oppresses the
feminine power by seeing women as a soul-less creature;
parallel to the idea that vampires are also soulless creatures.
This book was written in the 19th century, a time of social
oppression and sexual frustration, denial and double
standards. Women were put on pedestals and seen to be
either angels or whores. The girls in the book are innocent
and good, yet when they encounter Dracula their wild and
passionate side is unleashed. When Lucy dies and becomes
a vampire she is reborn as a woman with power, she is
transformed into almost an animal; the opposite to the ideal
Spirits Of The Dead
Edgar Allen Poe
Thy soul shall find itself alone
‘Mid dark thoughts of the grey tomb-stone –
Not one, of all the crowd, to pry
Into thine hour of secrecy:
Be silent in that solitude,
Which is not loneliness – for then
The spirits of the dead who stood
In life before thee, are again
In death around thee – and their will
Shall overshadow thee: be still.
The night – tho’ clear- shall frown-
And the stars shall look not down.
From their high thrones in the heaven,
With their red orbs, without beam,
To thy weariness shall seem
As a burning and a fever
Which would cling to thee for ever.
LITERATURE
of a Victorian lady. Dracula is interpreted as a personification
of sex; wild, seductive, dangerous and above all evil. He is
a devil, a demon, identifying with the Christian/Victorian
ideal of sex. Dracula speaks to us on a deep level on our
deepest desires and fears. Did Stoker use this book as way of
putting across this subliminal message?
But the Dracula novel was not just inspired by sexuality,
it was also based on a true life character. Vlad Szepes was a
Transylvanian aristocrat in the 15th century, no more than a
blood thirsty warrior who served in the brotherhood of the
Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish –
Now are visions ne’er to vanish –
From thy spirit shall they pass
No more – Like dew-drops from the grass.
The breeze – the breath of God –is still –
And the mist upon the hill
Shadowy- shadowy- yet unbroken,
Is a symbol and a token-
How it hangs upon the tree,
A mystery of mysteries! -
30 October 2003
“Dracul”. He acquired the name “Vlad the Impaler” due to
the numerous Turks he has impaled. He was also famed for
other atrocities he committed, he took pleasure from torture
and no one was safe from him, not even his own people.
However he was not the only Transylvanian that gave the
country its vampyric name. Countess Erzsébet Báthory
(other spelling as well) who obsessed with the blood of
virgins, bathed in a bath of blood in the belief it would keep
her young and beautiful.
The superstition of the Dracula myth was also fuelled from
rigor mortis (when dead bodies would randomly sit up from
their coffins due to this) and a rare disease called Porphyria;
causing the gums to recede and bleed, it also causes the
person to become photosensitive. It is also known that some
chemicals make this condition worsen such as garlic.
So is Dracula a book based on the feminine sexuality or
Eastern European history mixed with unexplained Victorian
science? Any way it is definitely a gripping book. Written
in the form of a diary and letters, Stoker writes the book
as if it is a collection of reports giving the book an edge of
realism. However this report style of writing does however
leave the character of Dracula two-dimensional. He is only
really shown as an individual at the beginning of the book
in Transylvania, when Jonathan Harker travels to his castle.
In the rest of the book he is just a monster, a horrible shape
shifting, blood sucking nocturnal creature. He remains
mysterious and horrific, and this story is really and truly
a horror/mystery. However the moment in this book that
shocked me the most was that of Lucy’s death; when she
becomes a vampire. Stoker knew how to induce suspense
and fear, which he does perfectly when Van Helsing and the
others are in the cemetery looking for the living dead girl;
an almost seductive horror. It is definitely a book to get your
teeth (or should I say fangs) into.
Pain By Katy Saunders
When you feel pain, how does it feel to you?
Does your heart ache with longing,
With hatred, with sorrow?
Does your heart fill with overwhelming grief,
With a sense that it was not meant to be,
With a fear that it never will?
Or, does your heart fill with rage?
Does the pain cut through you as a knife would,
As it sliced up your pitiless body
With its catatonic soul?
Have you realised that you were not
meant to be,
And is that your pain?
Nothing is meant to be.
30 October 2003 THEATRE 19

Madam Bovery: Breakfast With Emma

Chris Hunter takes a stroll down to the Yvonne Arnaud, and is impressed with the contrasting juxtapo-
sition of depression laced with “wedges of humour”.

Madame Bovary is set in just one rather
plush room of a house, with a politely
set dinner table ready for breakfast. The
theme of the story is rather morbidly about
suicide, although the sharedexperience
theatre company were able to bring in
wedges of humour to stop the audience
becoming too depressed.
The main characters are:
- A grave digger who comes to bring the
post,
- A housekeeper/maid who looks after the
kid and makes the breakfast
- The Bovary’s child, a rather spoilt little
girl who only appears in the story for the
first 10 minutes, before being sent to her
grandparents so not to be in the way
- Mr Bovary, a country doctor and very
traditional bread winning husband who
totally does not understand the female of
the species!
- Finally Madame Bovary, who has some
real issues!
To summarise the whole story in two paragraphs, Mr
Bovary comes down to breakfast and sits down as normal
to eat. Madame Bovary (Emma) then comes down and starts
asking whether her husband would miss her if she was dead.
He starts prying, and gradually Emma reveals more and
more about what she has been up to behind her huspands
back. While Mr Bovary loves Emma as a husband is meant
to, it is all on the surface, and what Emma really desires is
the truly, madly, deeply love of fairytales. Over her years of
marriage in the small country village, she
does meet a couple of men that she falls
totally for, and ends up getting in huge
debt from buying them gifts.
As we get more into the story line we
find out that although Emma thought that
no one else knew about her relationships,
in fact the whole town did know – and
to make matters worse for Mr Bovary,
the whole town was laughing and
pitying him for blindly loving his wife
all along. Emma continually threatens
to commit suicide to make things
easier for Mr Bovary, and all through
the story he forgives her at every new
revelation. At the end though, when the
true magnitude of Emma’s love affairs
and the 8,000Franc debt he now owes
the bank is revealed, Emma runs up the
stairs to stuff herself full of arsenic and
the Maid asks Mr Bovary if it was at this
point that he should run upstairs after
Emma and stop her…
Instead he gets up and slowly shuts the door, and the
audience is forever more wondering if Emma really did take
the arsenic, or did Mr Bovary know Emma more than we
thought and knew she would chicken out?

The Deep Blue Sea

Providing his usual cynical view on love and life in general, Chris Ward
reviews a performance based upon the inevitable endurance of pain.

Set in 50s London, The Deep Blue Sea by
Terrence Rattigan is a deep exploration of
how we face obstacles in the world, and either
move on, or die. It is a perfect example of the
typical cliched phrase, “if it doesn’t kill us, it’ll
only make us stronger”. The curtain opens to
us revealing darkness with the sound of waves
crashing against a shore, it is then that the
audience realises that the play is indeed not
set anywhere near the sea, yet the presence
of a looming dark depth is always present as
Rattigan explores the satisfying yet painful
accomplishment of finding a way through life.
The play opens with the attempted suicide
of Hester Colyer (Harriet Walter), ironically
foiled by the fact she forgot to put another 10
shillings in the gas meter. Smashing the cliché
of romantic love, Hester is haunted by love, and
feels sexually dissatisfied with her lover, Freddie
Page (Robert Portal). She is emotionally and
sexually unstable, and her feelings seem almost
tangible to the audience when accompanied
with the dark and threatening colours of blue
high above the scenery, along with the sound of
the waves, crashing. The image of the sea, it’s
power, provides a reminder of life’s devastating
inevitability, and how the laws of cruelty discard
“happily ever after”, and forcefully drags the
audience into a world where painful reality is the
only substance. (Walter) listens to his words of advice. Pack’s
An excellent performance is given by the main character is something to look up to – someone
actors. As noted in previous reviews of this who has endured the shame and the pain of
play, the current actors have the unique talent ridicule. Walter similarly performs her character
of making the audience empathise with all the with a height of eloquence, portraying the pain
characters, swinging the pendulum of sympathy and suffering of life, with a cynical and sarcastic
and disgust in many different directions. Roger overtone. Her analysis of suicide seemed to be a
Lloyd Pack (of whom you may remember as logical one. As is pointed out later, she does not
Owen in The Vicar of Dibley, and Trigger in want to kill herself as a way out, she wants to kill
Only Fools and Horses) seemingly plays his herself because she feels she has no worth in the
usual typecast character at the opening, yet twists world, that the “flame” of life has burnt out. In
the perception round as the play progresses. The her own words, “When you’re caught between
subtext of his character, a former shamed doctor, the devil and the deep blue sea, the deep blue sea
is later revealed during the play, as Hester can sometimes look very inviting”.
“Taking Sides” - Showing at the Yvonne Arnaud, Guildford from Monday
3rd - Saturday 8th November.
From the Oscar-winning writer of The Pianist, playwright Ronald Harwood recently won an Oscar for the screenplay of the film
The Pianist.
“A taut chilling drama… Riveting… Witty… stirs one with a powerful indignation” (Financial Times)
Willhelm Furtwangler was one of the outstanding orchestral conductors of his generation. The focus of this gripping play, a huge
hit in the West End and on Broadway, are the accusations of Furtwangler’s Nazi collusion and his interrogation by the American
section of the De-Nazification Tribunal at the end of WW2. Little is known of this group; what is known is that Furtwangler was
humiliated and pursued and, even after his acquittal, disinformation followed him.
Was this justified? That depends on THE SIDE YOU TAKE.
20 INTERACTIVE 30 October 2003

Quote Quiz by Dave Tucker &

Ben Berryman

And now for something completely different! Match up the quote down the left hand side with the quotee from the list on the right hand
side. Couldn’t be easier. The answers, as ever, are opposite, under Rawson’s Creek.
returns
Matt Adams is back, not with a random
fact, but a random photo. For those of you
1. I realise we’re in Los Angeles, a city that lacks integrity and moral value, but you would Bill Clinton who weren’t aroound last year for Eye Spy,
rather cheer a porn star over me? What is wrong with you people? the general idea is that you idenitify where
on campus the random image is taken from.
2. If I wasn’t so sure you were a lesbian, I’d say you were coming on to me. Peter Griffin
It’s a pretty easy one to start us off.... stand
3. I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception. Margaret Thatcher by for the answer next week!

4. They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of
course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head. Chandler Bing
5. For a time I considered sparing the wretched planet Cybertron, but now, you shall Ian Rush
witness its dismemberment

6. In my country we go to prison first, then become president. Groucho Marx

7. “There’s just no such thing as truth when it comes to him. He just says whatever sounds Nelson Mandela
good and worries about it after the election”

8. Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t Kurt Angle
Let us know what you think
9. ‘I couldn’t settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.’ Unicron of the Interactive Page...
10. You know what’s weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he’s getting out ... email barefacts@ussu.co.uk
of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about? Edmund Blackadder

bfpub quiz Word Search

1 What type of creature is a guillemot?
This week Deputy Editor and Interactive-wiz Ben Berryman brings us a random selection
of things found in a campus kitchen - and it’s not necessarily all food or kitchen implements,

2
Bill Beaumont was a famous name in which sport during the 1970s and 1980s?
so lateral thinking is the key!

3
Do you do the wordsearch in your Friday morning lecture and think “I could do that!”? Well
then, what are you waiting for? Email your 20 words across to barefacts@ussu.co.uk, and
In the title of a famous book, what kind of creature is Tarka?
sit back and wait for them to appear in the next paper. Only problem is you’ll know all the

4
answers then. Damn.
What is a bream?
V R P A D L O C K M B F T U F
5
Hoi polloi is a derogatory term for whom? X X K J M I C R O W A V E R Y

6 The
T he British dependency of Gibraltar is joined by land to which other country?
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7 What was the name of the character played by Julia Sawalha in ‘Absolutely Fabulous’? A
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8What is the name of the snack made from pieces of pork skin?
D M W B B I G O I L C G F B D

9 In which sport does a player ‘address’ the ball?

H
K
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10 The chalky cliffs of Beachy Head look out over which body of water?

Upsidedown answers to everything in the Interactive section, are

M
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Y
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at the bottom of page 21. L H U S B A J N O R I N O J X
If the bf pub quiz has whetted your appetite for something more
K W Y P R U G F L O K L A Y O
‘real’, then grab your mates and toddle along to Chancellor’s at C C O O K E R N K P A S W H A
U V W B Y G Y K F H Q H B L H
8.30pm on Thursday night and pit your wits against the resident
quizmaster, Chris ‘Funkyberry’ Hunter, at the weekly
Chancellor’s Challenge. The answers to this week’s wordsearch are at the bottom of page 21, underneath Rawson’s Creek.
30 October 2003 LIFESTYLE 21

The lyrics Quiz

The Lyrics Quiz this week is courtesy of Pete ‘Mr. Tea’ Tivers, copresenter of the J-Team
Classic show - every Thursday night from 7 only on 1350am GU2!
Sabbatical Officers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random
slice of life from their humble dwellings within Surrey Court Think you can write the lyrics/slogan/anything else quiz? Email barefacts@ussu.co.uk.
Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the Students’ Union...
1 “Take me as I am - take my life, I would give it all I would sacrifice”
THERE ARE LOTS of condoms in my office. THIS WEEK, FOR once, I have no shortage
Boxes of them, in fact. Now, I thought at all for what to write. As you may read in 2 “You live for the fight when it’s all that you’ve got”
that condoms normally came in discreet this edition we kinda went on this little walk
little wrappers, but these ones are entirely thing around London village with a few 3 “Maybe get a blister on your little finger; maybe get a blister on your thumb”
different. Each one (yes, each condom
as opposed to each set) comes in its own
other students. I didn’t do much chanting,
although I found it all rather too easy to get
4 “Early morning, April 4, Shot rings out in the Memphis sky”

little box, with a detailed instruction leaflet,
complete with humourous headings. ‘After
rising to the occasion...’ heads the entire
leaflet, following with several more ‘witty’
“Strapped in the chair of the city’s gas chamber, why I’m here I can’t quite
carried away and start shouting “FEES NOT 5 remember”
GRANTS!!”. Our president Pete and best-
mate Mental’s jovial banter was keeping
all around amused, and they found various
6 “So when the night falls, my lonely heart calls”

(note the sarcasm) titles. ‘What to do after other chants in response to ones that people 7 “She Was More Like A Beauty Queen From A Movie Scene”
the deed’ was the main one that jumped out were chanting. For example “Education
at me... needless to say, the condoms appear should be free!!” replaced by “KFC should 8 “You’re so fine and you’re mine, I’ll be yours ‘till the end of time”
to be from some dodgy far eastern company, be free!!”.
and I think the translations are even more THE noise was amazing, and there were 9 “Each time you leave me I start losing control; you’re walking away with my heart
and my soul”
dodgy.... so many people that you just could not take
THIS weekend it hit me that Christmas it in. Despite the obese number of people 10 “So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye, so you think you can love me
and leave me to die”
really is just around the corner... well, at the march, the NUS training events the
in the views of the million and one toy sabbaticals went on over the summer paid
retailers it is, anyway. Whilst watching off as the whole day we kept bumping into
some rather terrible Saturday morning TV sabbaticals from other universities. A lot of
[so terrible that it’s completely slipped my people had gone to a real effort to make
mind what on earth it was], I noticed that banners and learn chants for the march,
every single advert in the breaks was for but they were mostly made up of lots of
some hideously expensive ‘mummy-can-i- 4-letter words and the name of our beloved
have-that-please-please-please?’ toy. There “Downing Street Dictator”.
were Micromachines that can go upside- THE only real issue I have with the march
down, Barbie toys ‘from her latest movie’ was that someone had the great idea of
(Barbie can act?!) and of course the crying, holding the march in the middle of London
talking and weeing babies that definitely on a Sunday. This meant that for the day
This week I am mostly … wondering how long I can hang
didn’t exist when I was young. Sometimes we became London’s largest mobile tourist
onto my job following threats of a P45 from a small precocious
I look forward to the time I’ll have kids, but attraction! Even the chosen location for the
child!
I think I’m going to be of the ‘give them a ending speeches was carefully selected so
cardboard box to play with and they’ll be that Trafalgar Square’s most permanent and
Twice a week I play piano for ballet lessons at a local primary
happy’ parental ilk! prominent resident had his back turned to
school. Before you all start cooing in unison, whilst there
LAST week I did my first semi-proper radio the stage!
may seem nothing cuter than twenty four-year-olds in pink
show (drum roll). After realising that GU2 AFTER the speeches we all went to the
tutus flying round the school hall like fairies, it’s not all plain
was on SBN (Student Braodcast Network) Leicester Square McDonalds, where myself,
sailing – projectile vomit, tears and the odd fistfight [believe me, bitchiness in all-girl
in the middling of the morning, Scott Famer Scott, Jess, Pete and Chops waited in the
schools begins in Reception] are all par of the course. The perks most definitely outweigh
(of DAVE fame) and I decided to take a brief freezing cold for aaggeess while the others
these traumas though – there’s nothing like a chorus of “Thank you Miss Catherine” whilst
‘break’ from the hectic life of the Union to all feasted in the warm (they told us they
they perform a synchronized curtsey at the end of class to make it all seem worthwhile,
present our first joint (and very impromptu) were going in to pick up the food!). Finally
and their wide-eyed innocence never ceases to keep me entertained. With Halloween
show... One of our links involved talking they came out, and before we left we were
approaching, we’ve been doing some role-play – witches, broomsticks, cauldrons and the
about Britney Spears’ stalker suing her, accosted by some guy who had too much
like. Imaginations were working overtime to think of the nastiest, grisliest, squelchiest
and I commented that maybe I should stalk life on his hands.
ingredients for our magic potions… worms… spiders…mud…goo… and er… curtains
Britney, so I could sue her and get some ALTHOUGH someone pointed out today
all went into the mix. Trouble was, they just weren’t listening to the music. Then came
money. Scott then asked me what i’d do if “1million people marched through London
the fateful question. “Girls, why is Miss Catherine here?”. Twenty hands shot straight up
she said yes to me.... and I had to admit that against the war, and still the government
into the air and the class simultaneously stopped breathing as they jumped around on their
I really would turn Britney Spears down, in went to war” I really hope that our efforts
tiptoes, trying to get the teacher’s attention. My stomach was a field of butterflies, I didn’t
the completely hypothetical world that she will have paid off, and all the MPs back in
want to hear it, I didn’t want this moment of truth to ever arrive. The chore of answering
‘wanted’ me! their constituencies will have watched us on
fell on five-year-old Abby, blissfully unaware of the emotional significance [for someone
OH yes, by the way - the aforementioned TV while eating their Sunday roasts.
as sensitive as myself] of what she was about to say. You see, Abby and I are friends,
condoms aren’t actually my personal
we’ve had conversations about dinosaurs and Robin Hood and everything. I had an ally
supply - they’re from the welfare office for
chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter here… “Because she’s easier than a tape recorder?”. That was it, it was out there now.
distribution to all and sundry. So, remember
She couldn’t unsay it and I, well… I couldn’t stop giggling behind the piano. How the
kids, play safely, and pop into the Media
teacher managed to maintain a straight face eludes me. I still fail miserably. A discussion
Centre if you need any help on that front.... ‘ickle sarah butterworth
on the appropriate undergarments to wear under their ballet attire led to one tiny ballerina
Rush, 10 Chandler Bing declaring “But Mrs.Blackley, my mummy doesn’t like me taking my knickers off”. No I
Marx,4 Edmund Blackadder, 5 Unicron, 6 Nelson Mandela, 7 Bill Clinton, 8 Margaret Thatcher, 9 Ian bet she doesn’t. On that occasion, I found myself chuckling just like one of them would
Turner, 10 Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen | Quote Quiz: 1 Kurt Angle, 2 Peter Griffin, 3 Groucho after hearing a naughty word like “poo” or “willy”.
- Whitney Houston, 7 Billie Jean - Michael Jackson, 8 Like A Virgin – Madonna, 9 The Best - Tina I’m smarting this week though. Sophie announced that maybe I wouldn’t need to come
Of Love) - U2, 5 Paradise City - Guns ‘n’ Roses, 6 I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)
back next week. Apparently, she can now play both Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Jelly
on a Plate so she’d be playing for the lessons from now on. There was something about the
Adams, 2 Livin’ On A Prayer - Bon Jovi, 3 Money For Nothing - Dire Straits, 4 Pride (In The Name
saucepan, sponge, tea towel, toaster, wok | lyrics quiz: 1 (Everything I Do) I Do It For You - Bryan
cooker, fairy liquid, fork, freezer, fridge, iron, liquidizer, microwave, mould, padlock, late, rubbish, evil glint in her eye that really has me worried.
6 Spain, 7 Saffron, 8 Scratchings, 9 Golf, 10 English Channel | wordsearch: barefacts, beer, bowl,
upsidedown answers: bf pub quiz: 1 Bird, 2 Rugby Union, 3 Otter, 4 Freshwater fish, 5 The masses, Catherine Lee
20 LIFESTYLE 30 October 2003

Stars
silly
the
by psychic sandy and David

Libra Capricorn Aries Cancer

All you Librans on the
floor, let me see you
dance! All you Librans
wanting more, let me
see you dance! This
week, you’ll feel the beat from the tip of
your toes running through your veins. My
my, we pity all you Britney wannabes – but
there’s only one!
Scorpio
Birthday time is
coming! The planets
wanna lick, lick, lick,
lick, lick you from your
head to your toes – oy
oy sailor. Well, funny that sailors should
crop up, what with the Spanish Armada
docking at your port last weekend, bringing
with them plenty of pleasure and South
African sausage.
Sagittarius
Marks & Sparks
chocolate milk is
flavour of the week
right now, which is
pretty handy since you
most definitely aren’t. At the moment you
are the Cava of the champagne world, so
ditch that Attitude (magazine), learn some
moves and get a trout-pout!
Fake tans and porcelain
veneers may make you
look like a Hollywood
movie star, but we all
know you’re a fake.
Wipe that grin off your face and do some
serious begging…or you’re not coming to
my party.
Aquarius
Having been incredibly
shocked and overawed
by the frankly
overwhelming image
of Othello over the
weekend, you’re feeling not just a little
faint. Don’t worry though, there’s always
the Swedish sauna boys…wooo!
Pisces
Portable first aid kits
and Barbie plasters
won’t heal those
wounds inflicted when
you are savaged by a
Leo, nipped by a Cancerian, and butted
by an Aries. In short, you’ll be looking
like a nun that’s just rolled down the stairs
backwards. Pull an Aqua move and call Dr
Jones as you find that life in plastic isn’t
really all that fantastic after all.
The planets seem to
have been pulling you
towards that law school
lot lately, but you
haven’t been making
the most of it…bumping and grinding
Guildford’s hottest nitespot on Thursday
nights seems to be on the cards, but just
remember, Arians, you’re not in Girls
Aloud.
Taurus
Do you believe in
GHD? Obviously not,
as your recent frolics
in the undergrowth by
the lake have led you
to sporting a moorhens nest instead of your
usual coiffed ‘do.
Gemini
Bum-skimming black
mini-skirts, fabulous
MAC make-up and
brummie lassies
have been playing
an important part of your singleton life.
However all will change this weekend,
what with Halloween fast approaching, and
a song-writing hunk dressed as a fiendish
ghoul should fulfil all your sordid fantasies.
Pinch pinch. There
go your little nippers
snapping at all the
freshers’ booties yet
again. Don’t you
Cancerians have any shame at all! It’s time
to put those pincers away and pull out those
pens as deadlines are approaching.
Leo
Sugar cubes,
Courvoisier and
Cristal are definitely
gonna put a rocket up
your arse this Bonfire
night. Remember remember, the fifth of
November, as well as that guy you pulled at
The Drink on Monday, the pikey you pulled
at Time on Thursday and that minger at 80s
Flirt!!
Virgo
Birthdays, Halloween
and Christmas are
coming! Ho ho ho!
Well, as you well
know, it isn’t really a
laughing matter, so perhaps a little visit to
the Hardship Fund could well solve all your
financial woes. Oh Oh! You’re in trouble,
but tell us, what’s come along and burst
your bubble?

- Personals -
It’s very simple, really. All you need to do is wait for your friends (or yourself) to do something silly, amusing or just downright strange, and then find
yourself a computer or indeed a scrap of paper if technology isn’t your thing). barefacts@ussu.co.uk is the email address, ‘Personals’ is the email subject,
and then all you need to do is sit back and wait for the next issue of barefacts, and the look of horror on your friends’ faces...

these computers are crap!!!!!
Marc: I just don’t want cuddles tonight Matt.
Matt: Its called 99 because that’s how long it is.
‘I am the extension king’
JMB...I just thought i would let U know and the world
know that U are a fine
specimen of a man...U are certainly the most
gorgeous, most talented and
most intelligent person i have ever had the pleasure
of knowing...Oh and I
know U how U like leather sofas, stairs, kitchen work
tops and your parents
shower....U have been a busy boy! Wink Wink Px
You having a good time with Neil? Well, you should
see what he’s doing to me now!
mole on his head.
Bring back BAR PRIDE it keeps the continuity of team
drinking, Ta
Women’s Rugby would like to give a big hand to
Women’s Basketball who won on wednesday, Well
played ladies see you in the union I expect.
Hey Sexy K, remember to keep the hole alive!
Oi Oi Sweetboy! You’re still looking as sexy as ever!
Shake that booty!
I’m not really on a power trip - the keys have a hold
over me...
Does Tony Blair really have a wonky willy?
Funkyberry is so cute, gorgeous and very sexy. xxxxx
Yes basketball girls, you are all very sexy ladies!! Well
done on the win!
paint is fit
Love you, my gorgeous! xx
Neil’s directions to the pub: Go down the road that I
used to walk down when I was 5, turn left at the shop
my dad used to work at, cross next to the bus shelter
where I first had a snog, down the road my sister hurt
her knee on and it’s on your left next to my ex’s house.
Thanks for the great road trip. Rach. xx
Who cares what the score was its the continuity that
counts!
i love you puddels even tho your not much of a
trained seal
I’m finding it hard to resist Chris’ magic powers.....
Why did u get rid of the magic mole. I’ve lost my
magic learning powers!
Jo, you are the reason I get up in the morning ..... (cos
you kick me out of bed)!
I love you ... chicken! Hehe ... x
QM: Which 3 countries border Lake Victoria?
NC: (to MA) You ought to know that, it’s in America...
Dumbass Hobbit!
Shopping list for Sarah: Disinfectant, Large sofa, and
new telly.
tim you fat bastard - loose some weight, the belly is
going to take over the world
Chops f*cked three beautiful women... apparently!
Bigs, you rock my world
My house mate has herpes
Rach the best has won the treble - hearts, solitare and
free cell
Has anyone seen Vic’s unbothered face?!
To the guy who got his funky brown ‘about a boy’
style hat nicked at the union
last Wednesday night by 2 crazeeeee scary girls - we
are v.v. sorry. Its at
the union reception in lost property if u want it back.
Also sorry to any
other people who we inflicated our drunken hat
fetish on - particularly the
pregnant scottish guy, the hobbit and the guy with
elvis glasses and a dead
Sully, have you had any more run-ins with horny
ostriches recently?
shall we line the vibrators up along the windowsill
then?
Hey Sexy, remember rabbits are good for the soul,
they are filled with good vibrations!
P: I REALLY AM SHY - Although it doesn’t really come
out in photos, does it?
Oh well, you’ll just have to take my word for it! You’re
awesome, JMBx
beware of the strange noises in pizzaman....
who’s pulling your pubes?!
Beware the roads of Guildford! Caroline has passed
her test! Muchos congratualtions from The Park Barn
Massive
I’m too busy to write this personal!!
I’m busy!
happy birthday maisie lots of love sandy and david
xxx
I’m wearing big pants alright?!!!
30 October 2003
Tim Goodman meets Alec Stewart
Tim Goodman from the GU2 Sports Show interviews Alec Stewart before his signing at WHSmiths, and has a brief
discussion about his achievements and plans for the future.
What are your plans now you’ve retired?
I’m looking broaden my outlook on the
working world having spent 20 years as a
cricketer. The easy option may have been
to go into coaching or the cricket media
but I’m going to join a sports management
company and also I’ll be doing 30-0 days
with Surrey (my former county) on the PR
and marketing side of the club.
Being a big Chelsea fan, what did
you think of the Chelsea game at the
weekend?
I suppose my language better stay polite
hadn’t it? We always go to arsenal and
never turn them over do we? One error
from Cudechini who’s been the best
goalkeeper in the premiership for the past
few seasons, as a keeper, be it a wicket
keeper or goal keeper, your mistakes are
highlighted and unfortunately that cost
Chelsea the game. As long as we’re ahead
of Arsenal at the end of the season, I don’t
mind.
Did you enjoy writing the
autobiography?
Yeah, I did it through the winter when
we were in Australia and then during the
world cup in South Africa. It bought back
some good memories, just to go through
your own life sounds a bit boring but was
actually quite interesting re living certain
things and I’m very happy with the way it’s
come out as well.
BUSA Results | 22 October 2003
Mens
Badminton
SURREY 1st vs Sussex 1st 0-0 W0
Imperial 2nd vs SURREY 2nd 0-0 W0
Basketball
London Met 1st vs SURREY 1st 75-38
Fencing
SURREY 1st vs Essex 1st 126-97
Football
SURREY 1st vs Imperial Medics 1st 4-0
SURREY 2nd vs Sussex 3rd 3-1
Portsmouth 4th vs SURREY 3rd 4-0
SURREY 4th vs SURREY 5th 0-3
Golf
SURREY 1st vs Royal Holloway 1st 4-2
Rugby Union
SURREY 1st vs Brighton 1st 0-22
Squash
LSE 1st vs SUIRREY 1st 0-5
SURREY 2nd vs Imperial 2nd 3-0
SPORT
As a kid, you were obviously influenced
by your father (a former Test cricketer
himself), who were your other influences
as your career progressed?
Geoff Arnold, the former Surrey and
England opening bowler was also my coach
at Surrey and had a big influence. Duncan
Fletcher, England coach in recent times,
has taken my game forward even at the
age of 35 that goes to show you never stop
learning. A fellow called Kevin Gartrell
who was my coach when I used to spend
my winters in Australia.
Which players in the modern game do
you admire?
To be honest, I admire anyone who goes
into professional sport. Especially those
who play at the top level because it requires
a lot of hard work and dedication. I guess
Graham Gooch is the one player I’ve
admired or respected more than anyone
else I’ve played with or against. There’s
so many though, Steve Waugh, Brian
Lara, Sachin Tendulkar, I could go on but
Graham is the one I’ve admired more than
any other.
What do you think is the biggest
challenge facing England’s two new
wicket keepers in taking over form
someone with your experience?
You’ve answered it really; it’s gaining the
experience. Chris Read has already had a
taste of international cricket about 4 years
ago and has come back into the one-day
Womens
Badminton
Reading 1st vs SURREY 1st 8-1
Basketball
SURREY 1st vs Royal Holloway 1st 57-45
Football
Kingston 1st vs SURREY 1st 0-1
Hockey
SURREY 1st vs Chichester 1st 2-0
Netball
SURREY 1st vs Kings 1st 29-20
SURREY 2nd vs Portsmouth 3rd 30-39
Rugby Union
Imperial 1st vs Surrey 1st 78-0
for more fixtures and
results visit:
busaresults.org.uk
internationals this year and performed well.
Now all its gong to be is going up a level
to international cricket and gaining the
experience and making sure he produces
the right results. Both him and Geraint
Jones will be doing their best, which is
what they’ve always done, but at the same
time you have to take the rough with the
smooth and realise that it isn’t every day
you score a hundred or take 5 catches
and it’s how you react in adversity that’s
important.
What was your most memorable
international game?
There’s been a few in my time haven’t
there? I guess from an individual point of
view it would be the Barbados test match in
94 when I scored the twin hundreds in that
game. From a team point of view it would
be when I captained England at Headingley
against South Africa in 98 to win that
series and it was the first 5 test match series
England had won for 13 years.
What were your favourite places to tour
and your favourite grounds?
Favourite ground has always been
Lords weather its full up with 32,000 or
even if it’s empty it has it’s own special
atmosphere as it’s the home of cricket and
its certainly been a lucky ground for me.
I’ve got a lot of good friends in Australia
form my time playing grade cricket out
there and the West Indies, both tough places
to play but away from that the people live
BUSA Fixtures | 5 November 2003
Mens
Badminton
SURREY 1st vs Brunel 1st
SURREY 2nd vs Kent 2nd
Basketball
LSE 1st vs SURREY 1st
Fencing
Sussex 1st vs SURREY 1st
Football
SURREY 1st vs LSE 1st
Kingston 3rd vs SURREY 3rd
Brighton 4th vs SURREY 2nd
Chichester 3rd vs SURREY 5th
SURREY 4th vs Sussex 4th
Golf
SURREY 1st vs UWI 1st
Hockey
St. George’s Hosp 1st vs SURREY 1st
Royal Holloway 2nd vs SURREY 2nd
Rugby Union
Sussex 1st vs SURREY 1st
23
and breathe cricket. Every country you
go to is a new experience and you meet
new people you learn about their cultures
etc. That’s the good side of cricket but the
downside is the length of time we spend
away from home.
Having played for so long, what do you
think are the major changes in the game
since your debut?
From a purely cricket point of view, the
fitness levels have increased. Most teams
now have fitness coaches to ensure this.
With that go improvements with running
between the wickets and fielding becoming
much quicker and more athletic. It’s a much
quicker game sine I started in 1981.
What interests do you have outside the
game?
Chelsea football club, spending time with
my family and I’ve just taken up golf.
Well, thanks for your time Alec.
No worries at all
If you have any sporting topics you would
like to discuss, listen to the sports show on
1350AM GU2 every Thursday between
1pm and 4pm.
If you would like to
write about your club’s
achievements, contact the
Sports Editor, Pete Nichols,
on cs11pn@surrey.ac.uk
Squash
UCL 1st vs SURREY 1st
Sussex 1st vs SURREY 2nd
Womens
Badminton
SURREY 1st vs Imperial 1st
Basketball
SURREY 1st vs Kingston 1st
Football
Sussex 3rd vs SURREY 3rd
Hockey
Imperial Medics 1st vs SURREY 1st
Netball
St. George’s Hosp 1st vs SURREY 1st
SURREY 2nd vs St. Mary’s 2nd
Rugby Union
Roehampton 1st vs SURREY 1st
Squash
SURREY 1st vs Guy’s 1st
24 SPORT 30 October 2003

teamsurrey
Windsurfers Hit the Sea in Style
BY GEMMA BLOCK
The student windsurfing association’s festival aka Aussie
Kiss set the 2003/2004 series off to a kicking start last
weekend with the biggest UK windsurfing event this year.
500 students from literally all corners of the Country met
in Weymouth where their prayers were answered with
winds between forces 5 and 7 constant all weekend. A
great turn out for our new club, 16 guys and gals from
Surrey- including 11 brave beginners who made the trip
down on Friday evening ready for an early start. By 9am
Saturday we were down on Portland Bay, checking out
the water and joining the crowds in the manic rigging.
The first event of this year; its aim was to promote
student windsurfing, provide taster lessons for all those
new to the sport while offering tuition and handy tip
sessions to those of all other standards. Over 200 complete
beginners took part and, once wetsuits were on the right
way round, took on the choppy water and crazy winds
with admirable determination using the smallest sails
that could be found. Over 200 successfully returned to
shore! On the other hand, the advanced league rigged up
huge 7.5m2 sails and, much overpowered, raced under
the guidance of the RYA National Race coach, Helen
Cartwright. Surrey was well represented with good results
from Andy Benstock, Will Brown and Ben Hipwell.
As usual at student windsurfing events a party is essential
and dressing up even more so. The theme here was Rolf
Harris, which brought about a shortage of cotton wool in
Weymouth to make the beards, as well as much drinking,
limbo dancing, and the predictable void in memory
afterwards. Nursing hangovers we somehow made it back
to the bay Sunday morning, to be met by even more severe
winds. Unfortunately this resulted in the cancellation of
the beginner lessons but provided an entertaining freestyle
competition from the advanced guys, with many attempting
impressive ‘vulcan’ jumps, following tuition from
windsurfing pro John Hibbard.
The weekend proved a successful introduction to the
years racing events in which I’m sure Surrey will do well
in all 3 divisions of windsurfing. The next event will be
at Cardiff over the weekend 1/2nd November, where there
will be racing for advance, intermediates and fun racing
for beginners. Anyone who would like to go or join the
windsurfing club contact me, gemblock@yahoo.co.uk or
andy, abj_benstock@hotmail.com.

SPORTS PROFILE Surrey Skiers Kick off the Racing Season

Name: Martin Page
Age: 21
Sport(s): Cricket & Squash
Nicknames: Pagey, Worthers, Batfink,
Symbols, Social Handgrenade, Ray
Most Embarrassing Sporting
Moment: Taking a stumping, screaming
like a girl and then realising I missed the
stumps!
Sporting Idols: Ray Dent, Steve
Redgrave
Other Pastimes: Drinking & sleeping,
drinking & not remembering, squash,
sailing and the ‘spicy chicken combo’
The plug: Cricket training is on
Sundays at 5:30-7:30 at UniSport
BY CHRIS HUNTER
The first ski race of the season and Surrey
put up two mixed teams and a ladies team.
We usually train at Wycombe Summit dry-
ski slope on Monday nights, and so when
we arrived at 4:30pm on Saturday it was
interesting to see what the place looked like
outside the reaches of the floodlights we are
used to seeing.
The dual slalom course was initially set-up
so close that there were several very close
shaves during practice, and before racing
started the poles were moved further apart.
Basically the way that racing works is that
there are two slalom courses side by side, at least one ski, then attempt to attach this but the viewing pleasure comes when you
and each team races in relay. There are ski to their feet (which is made harder by watch them both trying to scramble back up
really only three rules: the gradient of the slope, and the fact that the slope to go round the pole they missed. It
they probably lost their poles in the fall), helps that snowboarders tend to have a lack
1. You cannot start until the previous team then having to both run back up the slope of co-ordination anyway
member has crossed the finish line, to go round the poles they missed, and then Both teams did quite well, and some of
2. You must go round ALL the poles, ski the rest of the course on 1 or 2 skis while the team lost their racing virginity. In the
3. You must cross the finish line with a avoiding any stray skis/poles. end Surrey 2 came 10th and Surrey 1 came
minimum of one ski. They also have snowboarding races, and 7th. I must just add that the team who came
if you thought the ski crashes were funny, first (Hertfordshire Uni) had a fresher in
Rule 1 is just procedure, but rules 2 and you should see snowboarding crashes. their team who is in the England Ski Racing
3 are where the most excitement arises. For Snowboarder’s feet don’t usually come Academy…oh, and she brought along her
example, if skiers from both teams crash off when they fall, so they don’t have the younger sister to race for them too, and she
out, then a mad dash ensues to first locate problem of having to re-apply their board, also is in the Academy!

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