Common TOEFL Essay Mistakes

10 Common TOEFL Essay Mistakes
Improve your TOEFL essay writing score by avoiding these 10 mistakes.

There are a few mistakes that you should never make in your TOEFL iBT essays. Here is
our list of 10 things you should never do:
1. Never use abbreviations
Students often make the mistake of using inappropriate abbreviations in their writing.
Never do this. Never write u instead of you. Don't writel8r instead of later. These are great
abbreviations for writing quick SMS messages, but not for an academic essay such as the
TOEFL writing.
2. Never end a sentence with three dots...
When you end a sentence with three dots (...), you are telling the reader that you don't
have the words and vocabulary to complete your thought. Don't do this. Ending your
sentences in this way is simply bad English...
3. Don't use slang
The TOEFL writing tests your ability to write an academic essay, not to use slang with
your friends in the pub. Never use any words or phrases that could be considered
slang: coulda, woulda, shoulda, gonna, wanna, blah blah blah. Slang will not impress the
TOEFL assessor, but it will lower your essay score.
4. Don't use emoticons :-)
Agan, the TOEFL writing is academic in nature, and this is not the same as the writing you
use when sending SMS messages. Always avoid smileys and other emoticons. :-(
5. Don't use big words and complicated language
Many students think that their TOEFL iBT writing score will improve if they use big words
and complicated language. This is not true. In fact, the opposite is true. If you try to use
big words and complicated language, it will not sound natural. There is also a chance that
you will use the words incorrectly or make mistakes in grammar. It is important to express
yourself naturally, in a simple and elegant way, as a native English speaker would.
6. Never memorize a text

Never memorize an essay text, format, or template to use in the TOEFL iBT writing. The
assessors have a lot of experience correcting essays, and it is very easy to recognize
when a student has simply memorized text.
7. Do not begin a sentence with a conjunction
A conjunction is a word that is used to connect two words, phrases, or sentences. Here
are some examples: and, but, or. Only use these words for connections. Never begin a
sentence with one of these words.
8. Do not use contractions
A contraction is the combined form of two words. For example, if we have the
words are and not, they can be combined as aren't. Theoretically, this is good English. In
academic writing, however, it is usually not acceptable to use these short forms.
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9. Do not write more than 5 paragraphs
Most TOEFL iBT essays are 4 paragraphs long. An essay with 5 paragraphs is possible,
but it is difficult to write because your time is limited. Our recommendation: 4 paragraphs.
10. Never leave a sentence, paragraph, or idea incomplete
Always write in complete sentences and make sure that each sentence ends with the
proper punctuation. Similarly, when you write a paragraph, be sure to develop your ideas.
You always need at least two or three supporting sentences after the topic sentence. It is
usually not possible to have a paragraph with only two sentences.
Using Transitional Phrases in the TOEFL Essay

A transitional phrase helps you move from one paragraph to the next. It also
helps you move from sentence to sentence.
Transitional phrases help the reader understand your essay. Learning how to use them
will really make your TOEFL essay flow. They can be used in two places: at the beginning
of a paragraph or at the beginning of a sentence. Here's how:
At the beginning of a paragraph
Pargraph 1
This is your introduction. Do not use any transitional words or phrases at the beginning of
this paragraph.
Pargraph 2
This is the first paragraph of the essay body. Use any of these at the beginning of this
paragraph:
first, first of all, for a start, for starters, in the first place, for one thing, to begin
withPargraph 3
This is the second paragraph of the essay body. Use any of these at the beginning of this
paragraph:
second, next, in addition to the previous point, more importantly, more important than,
another key point isPargraph 4
This is your conclusion. Use any of these at the beginning of this paragraph:
in conclusion, in closing, to summarize, in sum, in summary
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At the beginning of a sentence
There are many transitional words and phrases that we can use at the beginning of a
sentence. These words have many different meanings, and this makes it more difficult for
us to use them correctly.
However
in spite of that; on the other hand; but
It is true that guns are dangerous. However, they are not responsible for the sudden rise in
violent crime.
Moreover
here is some more information; in addition; also
Television is a complete waste of time. Moreover, there is never anything good to watch.
Nevertheless
but; however; in spite of that
Sometimes my boyfriend makes me crazy. Nevertheless, I still love him.
For example
here is one example of what I mean
A dog is a wonderful pet. For example, it always comes when you call its name.
For instance
here is one example of what I mean
The internet is one of the greatest achievements in history. For instance, people can now
learn about almost anything online--it has more information than most libraries
For one thing

this is my first example; one example is this
I hate my car! For one thing, it never starts in the morning.
In fact
here is some more specific information
Americans are fat people! In fact, statistics show that 4 out of 5 Americans are overweight.
In point of fact
but here is some surprising information
Some people argue that guns are responsible for violence in our society. In point of fact,
most violent crimes do not involve guns.
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Similarly
in the same or similar way
Both of my parents were teachers. Similarly, I am also a teacher.
Likewise
in the same or similar way
All machines require some kind of energy. Likewise, the human body also requires energy--
in the form of food.
In contrast
on the other hand
Animals just make sounds. In contrast, humans can speak and communicate.
In other words
what I mean to say is this
All politicians lie, cheat, and steal. In other words, the only people they really care about are
themselves.
All in all
in general; overall
My town has a library, a swimming pool, and a few good places to eat. All in all, it's a nice
place to live.
In short
here is a summary in very simple language
Pollution causes global warming, destroys the environment, and endagers human life. In
short, there is nothing good about pollution.
Grammar note: don't forget the comma!

Transitional phrases are usually used at the beginning of a sentence. They are always
followed by a comma. Examples:
In contrast, humans can speak and communicate.
For example, it always comes when you call its name.
Moreover, there is never anything good to watch.
Never forget your comma! This is a very, very important part of writing your TOEFL essay.
10 Tips to Improve Your TOEFL Essays
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By following this simple advice you may see a big improvement in your
TOEFL writing score.
There are many ways to improve your TOEFL writing, and a lot of these don't involve
studying at all. Here's our top ten list:
1. Answer the question
Your grammar may be perfect and your ideas may be great. Even so, if you don't answer
the TOEFL question, none of that matters. If the question asks for your opinion, be sure to
write about what you think--don't write about what other people think. On the other hand, if
the question is about what other people think or do, don't write about yourself.
2. Use short and simple sentences
Good writers can express complex ideas in a very simple way. If you are able to do this,
you will demonstrate strong writing skills. More importantly, short and simple sentences
mean fewer grammatical mistakes.
3. Give your essays a beginning, middle, and end
Learn the TOEFL essay structure. Your essay should have anintroduction, a body, and
a conclusion. This structure helps organize your thoughts and makes it easier for readers
to understand.
4. Have a thesis statement
The thesis statement is the most important sentence in the essay. It is last sentence in the
first paragraph (the introduction), and it tells the reader exactly what your opinion is. Not
writing a thesis statement is one of the biggest mistakes you can make.
5. Use topic sentences
A topic sentence is the first sentence of each paragraph in the essay's body. It gives the
reader two things: 1) a summary of what will be in the paragraph, and 2) one reason that
supports your thesis statement.
6. Learn the conditionals: first, second, and third
Learning the conditionals may actually help you more than studying the tenses.
Conditionals are especially useful when expressing opinions and giving reasons, two
things that you must do in the TOEFL independent writing tasks.
Each conditional, however, has a slightly different meaning. This depends on reality,
possibility, and time. Learn how to use the conditionals, and practice them often. Not
using the conditionals correctly is one of the most common mistakes in TOEFL essays.
7. Never begin a sentence with a conjunction
The words and, but, and because are all conjunctions. In English, we only use
conjunctions to connect sentences--we almost never begin a sentence with one.
8. Learn how to use the comma (,) in English
Using the comma correctly will bring your writing to life. The good news is that many
languages use the comma. The bad news is that the rules for using the comma are often
different in each language! Learn the rules for using them in English--it will make your
writing much easier to understand.
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9. Use the active voice
There are two "voices" in English: active and passive. Here they are:
ACTIVE: Cats eat birds.
PASSIVE: Birds are eaten by cats.
The active voice is much stronger than the passive voice. Use the active voice as much
as possible.
10. Use transitional words and phrases
Transitional words and phrases make your writing easier to understand. They connect
ideas and present them to the reader in a logical order. Here are some examples: First of
all..., In addition...,More importantly..., In closing..., In conclusion....
writing toefl ibt templates

Agree/Disagree
Some people argue as if it is a general truth that a ...But to be

frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons
why I hold no confidence on them, and I would explore only a
few primary ones here.
The main problem with this argument is that it is ignorant o the

basic fact that...Explain...
Another reason why I disagree with the above statement is that
I believe that...
What is more, some students are interested in...
In a word, ...
Agree/Disagree
Some people prefer to A, others believe B, Nowadays some

may hold the opinion that ..., but others have a negative
attitude. As far as I am concerned, I agree/disagree that... MY
arguments for this point are listed as follows.
One of the primary causes is that...
Examples...
But there is a further more subtle point we must consider.
Examples.
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What is more... Examples...
General speaking, ... Recognizing the fact that ...should drive
us to conclude that...
Agree/Disagree
Nowadays, some may hold the opinion that ... But others have
a negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, I agree that ... My
arguments for this point are listed as follows.
I agree with the statement that ...without reservation since ...
Another reason why I agree with the above statement is that I
believe that...
In a word, ... Taking into account of all these factors, we may
reach the conclusion that...
Choice/Preferences
When it comes to ..., although some people think that ..., they
fail to see....I am , and probably will always be ,one of those
who argue that ...
The most persuasive point is that ...
Furthermore ,sociological studies have found that ...
Of course, arguments will be raised against my standpoint.
Some people might argue that ... for this point are listed as
follows.
The main reason for my propensity for ... is that ...
There is another factor that deserves some words here.
In a word, ... While it is true that the argument, I disagree hold a
little bit of water, I think...
Choice/Preferences
Depending on personal experience, personality type and

emotional concern, we find that some people hold the idea of A
meanwhile others prefer to B, from my point of view, it is more
advisable to chose A rather than B. My arguments for this
point are listed as follows.
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The main reason for my propensity for A is that... For
instance,...
Another reason can be seen by every one is that... For
example,...
The argument I support in the first paragraph is also in a
position of advantage because...
Although I agree that there may be a couple of advantages of
B, I feel that the disadvantages are more obvious. Such as...
In a word, ...So, it is sagacious to support the statement that it
is better to A.
Choice/Preferences
...When faced with the decision of A of B, quite a few would

deem that..., but others, in contrast, believe A/B as the premier
choice and that is also my point. Among countless factors
which influence -A/-B, there are three conspicuous aspects as
follows.
The main reason for my propensity of ...is that...
The second reason can be seen by every person that...
In addition, these reason are also usable when we consider
that...
There are some disadvantages in...
In a word,...Taking into account of all these factors, we may
reach the conclusion that...
Choice/Preferences
Some people prefer to A. others believe B. When faced with the

decision of A or B, quite a few would claim that..., but others,
in contrast , deem A/B as the premier choice and that is also
my point. There are numerous reasons why..., and I would
explore only a few of the most important ones here.
The main reason why I agree with the above statement,
however, is that... Take...as example, ...
There is another factor that deserves some words here. Such
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as ...
Similarly, these reasons are also usable when we consider
that...(examples:...).
From the above you might got idea that I agree...(repeat the
above three reason...). So, it is sagacious to support the
statement that it is better to ...
Choice/Preferences
In my point of view, A is as important as, if not more important

than B. So it is sagacious to choose A. Among count less
factors which influence A. there are three conspicuous aspects
as follows.
The above point is certainly true if A is considered. For
example...
Another reason why I agree with the above statement is that I
believe that A is better than B. For instance...
It would probably not be too kindly disposed to the idea that B
is not important. B...
This is arbitrary to judge B according only to the excuse I
mentioned in the above paragraph.
Similarly, these reasons are also usable when we consider
that...
Admittedly, ...A...By he same token, however, ...B...Taking into
account of all these factors, we may reach the conclusion
that...
Choice/Preferences
When it comes to..., Nevertheless, in my part, I prefer A rather

than B as my inclination. My arguments for this point are listed
as follows.
I agree with the statement that ...without reservation since...
Naturally...It can be given a concrete example...
A more essential factor why I advocate the argument of ...is
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that. Obviously ...Take the case of a thing that...
Furthermore, what is worth noticing fact is that ... This
demonstrates the undeniable fact that...
Of course, choosing B also has advantages to some extent,...
But if all these factors are contemplated, the advantages of A
carry more weight than those of B. From what has been
discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that...
Explanation
... There may be by one or two disadvantages to ...; however, I

believe that there are far more advantages. My arguments for
this point are listed as follows.
First of all, perhaps one disadvantages to...is that...For
instance, ... Another drawback to ...involves the possibility
that... For example, ...
Even though there may be one or two disadvantages to..., the
advantages far outweigh them. The main reason for my
propensity for ...is that ... For example...
Another reason for my inclination for ... is that ... For
example, ...
In a word, in spite of the fact that there may be a couple of
disadvantages to ..., I feel that the advantages are more
obvious... Taking into account of all these factors, we may
reach the conclusion that ...
Explanation
The answer of this statement depends on your own experience

and life style. In my point view, buying computers is as
important as, if not more important than, buying books. So it is
sagacious to ...Among countless factors which influence the
choice, these are three conspicuous aspects as follows.
The main reason for my propensity for...is that...
Another reason can be seen by every person is that...
Furthermore,...
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In short,...
Choice/Preferences
In a modern society, people always face the dilemma to

choose whether AAA or BBB. This problem is the much
debated one in that it affects everybody in their daily lives.
People may prefer one to another although some may have no
opinions about it at all. Before rendering my opinion, I think it
is necessary to take a glance at the arguments of both sides.
It is quite easy for average people to CHOOSE BBB because of
the obvious reason that ....It can be given by a well known
example that ....
But at the mean time, although BBB has some advantages, it
also has many drawbacks such as .... Therefore we have no
complete evidence to suggest that BBB is always better than
AAA. What is more, if you notice the invisible benefits of
CHOOSING AAA, you can understand AAA more deeply.
Here I would explain a few of the most important reasons. The
main reason is that .... To illustrate this, there is an example
that is very persuasive: ...
... is only part of the important aspects, and another equally
significant role of CHOOSING AAA lies in the development
of ...
This demonstrates the undeniable fact that ...
Besides, the further reason why I advocate AAA is that ... This
may explain why ...
In addition...
Finally...
If all the factors above are considered, we will find out that the
advantages of AAA outweigh those of BBB. Therefore from
what we have discussed, we may safely come to the
conclusion that CHOOSING AAA is a rather wise decision. But
I have not denied the opinion that CHOOSING BBB. I must
admit that people can DO WELL without AAA, but no one can
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ignore the added convenience and satisfaction offered by
AAA. Such experience will definitely be helpful in one's later
life.
Choice/Preferences
It seems, in so many items, very difficult for us to prefer one to

another because all of them have their advantages and
disadvantages to the extent that it is hard to distinguish.
Yet that does not mean they are all the same to me. Which one
I prefer depends on my own experience, life style and
emotional concerns. To be frank, I prefer AAA most in my point
of view.
Choice/Preferences
To choose A or choose B is something of a dilemma to the

public because they sometimes are confused by the seemingly
good qualities of B, and neglect the genuinely good aspects of
A.
[For B, people are often driven to believe that / It is quite easy
for average people to CHOOSE B because of the obvious
reason that] ....... (As a proverb says, "Everything has two
sides".) Although B does have its seemingly profound
advantages, at the mean time[there lies intrinsic [harmful
characteristic/drawbacks] in it such as ...... / it can be achieved
only conditionally because......] . Some\people/experts]
[maintain/warn] that....... This significant point, however, is
often not noticed by [the public/most people] and accordingly,
is unconsciously overlooked. (Therefore we have no complete
evidence to suggest that B is always better than A.)
[Another [disastrous/unfortunate] fact is that / Unfortunately,]
the innate quality of A is often underestimated. Or: What is
more, if you notice the invisible benefits of CHOOSING A, you
can understand A more deeply.
Here I would explain a few of the most important reasons for
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choosing A. The main reason is that ....... To illustrate this,
there is an example that is very persuasive:....... Besides, the
further reason why I advocate is that....... Moreover,......
Therefore from what we have discussed, we may safely come
to the conclusion that CHOOSING AAA is a rather wise
decision.
Choice/Preferences
There is no denying the fact that ...(whether to choose A or B is

better) is a popular topic which is much talked about [not only
by ..., but also by .../by people across the world/ in a modern
society].
Or: There is no denying the fact that ...(whether to choose A or
B is better) is a popular topic which has caused heated debate
over a long period of time (because it affects everybody in his
or her daily lives).
Or: In a modern society, people always face the dilemma of
whether to choose A or B. This problem is a much-debated one
in that it affects everybody in his or her daily lives.
Although it seems that [ [normally/sometimes] we can not tell
which one outweigh the other between A and B / they normally
coexist peacefully], they deserve some close examination.
[If three criteria were taken into account, in comparing these
two, I would prefer A. / As far as I am concerned, I vote for the
latter]. There are no less than three advantages in A as
rendered below:
First, we can observe easily that in modern society, 1 .The
second/another reason for my propensity for A is that 2 .The
third reason, not the last/however, goes this way: 3 .
In conclusion, to mention there are more.
Choice/Preferences
While both the two [methods/choice] may have their

advantages and disadvantages, they can be applied under
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different circumstances. After wards, I will explain my opinion
about it.
[A has the obvious advantage that / One very strong argument
for A is that] ....... But there lies intrinsic harmful characteristic
in this method. Some [people/expert] [maintain/warn] that......
Furthermore, ....... Therefore we have no complete evidence to
suggest that A is always better than B.
On the other hand, choosing B also has advantages to some
extent, For example, ...... . However, it is also important to see
that under certain circumstances B will ......(disadvantage) Or:
Yet there are some people who cast serious doubts on B Or:
Although B does have its seemingly profound [advantages/
reason], at the mean time[there lies intrinsic [harmful
characteristic/drawbacks] in it such as ...... / it can be achieved
only conditionally cause......] .
But if all these factors are contemplated, [as far as I am
concerned / according to my personality and fondness], the
advantages of A carry more weight than those of B because A
fits [me/us students] better in two ways: In the first place, ......,
In the second place/secondly,......Therefore from what we have
discussed, we may safely come to the conclusion that
CHOOSING AAA is a rather wise decision.
It seems, very difficult for us to prefer one to another because
all of them have their advantages and disadvantages to the
extent that it is hard to distinguish. Yet that does not mean
they are all the same to me. Which one I prefer depends on my
own experience, life style and emotional concerns. [As far as I
am concerned / According to my personality and fondness/ To
be frank], I would like to choose A, because there are too many
benefits that outnumber its disadvantages not to choose it. B,
on the other hand, has advantages no more than its
disadvantages.
Agree/Disagree
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There is no denying the fact that ...(if one should ... /if ... is
correct) is a hot topic which is much talked about [not only
by ..., but also by... /by people across the world/ in a modern
society]. Or: There is no denying the fact that ...(if one
should ... /if ... is correct) is a popular topic which has caused
heated debate over a long period of time (because it affects
everybody in his or her daily lives).
Or: There is no denying the fact that ...(if one should ... /if ... is
correct) is the basic (moral/philosophical) problem that can not
be circumvented by anybody, ( because the opinion on this
problem will determine one's attitude toward the world and the
life).
Before rendering my opinion, I think it is important to take a
glance at the arguments on both sides.
Agree/Disagree
At first glance it seems very difficult for us to draw a

[definite/quick] conclusion that ... is right or wrong, because it
has both advantages and disadvantages. However, after
serious considerations we can see that under most
circumstances ...(this approach) will do more good than harm.
Or: As far as I am concerned, I agree with the opinion.
However, it is unfair to draw a quick conclusion without
serious considerations.
There are no less than [three advantages in A/three reasons to
agree with the opinion] as rendered below:
First, we can observe easily that in modern society, 1 .The
second/another reason for my (propensity for .../agreement
with ...) is that ...
The third reason, [not the last/however], goes this way: 3 .
In conclusion,
The first reason can be obliviously seen.
Most people would agree that...
Some people may neglect that in fact ...
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Others suggest that...
Part of the explanation is ...
The advantages for A for outweigh the disadvantages of...
Although A enjoys a distinct advantage ...
Indeed , A carries much weight than B when sth is concerned.
A maybe ... , but it suffers from the disadvantage that...
To understand the truth of ..., it is also important to see...
A study of ... will make this point clear
Certainly, B has its own advantages, such as...
I do not deny that A has its own merits.
From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw
the conclusion that ...
In summary, it is wiser ...
In short...
It can be given by a (well known/concrete) example that ....... /
In order to see this point clearly, let us to see an example:......
This may explain why ....... It goes without seeing that...... In
fact, we can observe easily that in modern society,......
As a proverb says, "Everything has two sides".
As a proverb says, "Where there is a will there is a way".
As is known to all, "No pains, no gains."
Let's bring our discussion here to a more present and practical
context. In today's world,......
I can say that if you have no experience like these, your life is
an inadequate one.
be of great benefit to sb./sth.
The reason of ... is not so much ... as ...
People differ greatly in their attitudes towards this problem.
Some people hold the opinion that ... Others, [ however/on the
contrary], maintain that ...
It is necessary/convenient/desirable/advisable] for sb. to do
sth. have [trouble/a difficult time] [in doing sth./with sth.]
Nevertheless I must admit that people can do well without
AAA, but no one can ignore the added convenience and
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satisfaction offered by AAA. Such experience will definitely be
helpful in one's later life.
In Integrated Writing Section,

the main important ability is the listening! If you cannot listen in
detail and miss out some crucial points of the lecture, then you
cannot even summarize at all.
Because this section is composed of reading, listening and writing,
you should be prepared well with all these three parts.
Therefore unlike Independent Writing, you do not need your
personal story and brainstorming.
What you have to do is

1) catch important key words in reading passage
2) take the note of main words in the listening lecture
3) compare those two opposite positions
4) write the summary of them in your own words
In the reading passage, it stands for one side of the provlem

and provide you 3 supporting ideas.
When you really take the test, you will be given a scratch paper
for the summary. On that sheet of paper, you should write and
arrange the statements and evidences in a simple, clear way.
If finished, you don't need to look the passage again later when
writing.
In contrast, listening lecture has an opposite position to reading

passage. Like the same way, don't miss out the important points
and do the note-taking while listening. You will need to also find
out the evidences of the opposite side as well. Be sure to
specifically explain how they cast doubt on the points made in the
reading passage.
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The last thing is finally writing down your own summary of the
two!
Here is a helpful template of Integrated Writing which will clarify
your work.
If you can apply your answeres to this template properly, you

don't really need to practice how to write. Instead, use that time
for Independent Writing.
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Keep in mind that in Integrated Writing, the work should be
focused on listening. Even when writing down the answer, you
should write no longer than one sentence which is about reading
passage. Try to write the most of your sentences mainly about
listening lecture.
If you think you are lost while listening to the lecture,

then try to catch signal words such as
First, First of all,Ok
Second, Next, Another reason
disadvantage
point is that~
In addition, Besides. Moreover
Finally, In addition
etc
Now, I will tell you some guidelines in detail that will help you use
variety of transitions.
Introduction
Just simply suggest the topic and opinions of each side (Reading
passage & Listening Lecture)
in 2~3 sentences
There is a controversy on whether~
Concerning the issue, the lecturer argues that ~
This contradicts the writer's claims.
1st Paragraph
State the first point of the lecture and define that it is contrary to
the first point of the passage.
First, the lecturer afgues that ~
The lecturer mentions that~
This counters the writer's claim that~
The writer contends that~
2nd Paragraph
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State the second point of the lecture and define that it is contrary
to the second point of the passage.
Second, the lecturer claims that~
The lecturer explains that~
This differs from the writer's argument that~
The writer insists that~
3rd Paragraph
State the third point of the lecture and define that it is contrary
to the third point of the passage.
Finally, the lecturer asserts that~
THe lecturer says that~
This refutes the writer's viewpoint that~
The writer maintains that~
To advise you lastly, be careful with the Grammar and Spelling!
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Independent Essay Template

(we've also got TOEFL speaking templates)
Paragraph 1 (introduction):
 Sentence one: A "hook." This is an interesting sentence that describes the
topic of the essay without stating your main point. Example: "There are
many good gifts to give to a child."
 Sentence two: Your main point. Example: "I feel that the best gift to give to
a child is..."
 Sentence three: A transitional sentence. Example: "I feel this way for two
reasons, which I will explore in the following essay."
 Sentence Four: "First....."
 Sentence Five: "Second...."
Paragraph 2 and 3 (body paragraphs):

 "First of all... FIRST REASON."
 One or two sentences that give general information about this reason
 "For example..."
 One or two sentences about this example
 "Another example is..."
 One or two sentences about this example
Note that body paragraphs are more "free style" and using a template is not
always easy (or necessary). Try to include some of the above phrases, but be
able and willing to improvise and expand when necessary.
22
Paragraph 4 (conclusion):
 In conclusion... MAIN POINT."
 "This is because REASON ONE and REASON TWO."

 "For the reasons explored above, I strongly feel that... MAIN POINT."
Note that I usually suggest that students write a rather short conclusion. It does
not need to be as long as the introduction. Your whole essay should be about 350
to 400 words.
Integrated Essay Template
Paragraph 1 (introduction):
 "Both the reading passage and the lecture discuss…. TOPIC."
 The author of the reading passage argues that….

 On the other hand, the lecturer believes that…
Paragraph 2, 3 and 4 (body):
 "First, the author of the reading passage states that…."
 "He observes that…"

 "The lecturer challenges these claims. He believes that..."
 "He points out that…."
For the next two body paragraphs use the same template but substitute "second"
and "third" at the beginning.
Paragraph 5 (conclusion):
Note that I generally do not recommend that students write a conclusion to the
integrated essay (there is little time to do so), but if you feel that you must write
one, you can use this short template:
 "Overall, the lecturer refutes the claims of the lecturer."

 "He does this by challenging each of the points raised by the author."
Your integrated essay should be about 250-300 words in length.
23
TOEFL Writing Grades:
Score Reasons for Score Reasons for Score

Integrated Task Independent Task
 Didn't write ANYTHING  Didn't write ANYTHING

 Wrote an answer that was  Wrote an answer that was
0
completely off topic completely off topic
 Copied entirely from the reading  Didn't write in English
passage
 Badly organized  Badly organized

 Very hard to understand  Very hard to understand
1  
Little meaningful or relevant content Little or no detail, very
from the talk underdeveloped
 Only includes information from the Frequent and serious grammar
reading passage errors
 
Some relevant content from the talk Organization is poor
but with errors  Connections between points are
 Poorly represents the connections unclear
2 between the reading and talk  Frequent grammar and structure
 Frequent grammatical errors which errors
makes it difficult to understand  Inappropriate or underdeveloped
 Limited use of grammar and explanations or details provided
vocabulary
 
Some relevant content from the talk Somewhat developed explanations
but is imprecise or vague and details
 Some key points from talk and/or  Limited range of structures and
3 reading are missing or wrong vocabulary
 Grammatical errors obscures the  Progression and coherence, but
meaning at times unclear connections between ideas
 Limited range of grammar and  Grammar and word choice errors
vocabulary obscure meaning at times
 Relatively successful at responding

 Contains important information from
to the topic
the talk and reading
 Generally well organized and well
 All important information from the
developed
talk is accurate
4  Some redundancy, unrelated points
 Minor omissions or errors in
or illogical connections
connections between talk and
 Variety of structure and good range
reading
of vocabulary
 Minor language use errors that don't
 Noticeable errors but doesn't
affect meaning
interfere with meaning
24
 Successfully communicates all the Well organized and coherent
key points from the talk  Clearly represents it's ideas with
 Accurately presents all the important detailed explanations
information  Logical progression throughout
5
 Connections between talk and essay
reading presented accuately  Only minor grammatical errors
 Well organized and easy to  Wide range of sentence structure
understand and vocabulary
 Only minor grammatical errors
Hi,
Today I don't post an independent writing as usual. I post a sample question
and answer of integrated task from Official Guide. The integrated writing task
is really difficult for me. I have some problems when I try to write an
integrated essay:
- I don't understand the reading passage fully
- I don't know many words in the reading passage
- I can't differentiate main point and supporting details of the passage
- I can't hear the listening passage
- I can't organize the listening passage
- I don't have enough time to write
Thus, I think it is better to take time to look at a sample question and a
response. The response got a score of 5. If you have the same problems with
integrated writing, please discuss how to solve them.
Reading passage:
In many organizations, perhaps the best way to approach certain new

projects is to assemble a group of people into a team. Having a team of
people attack a project offers several advantages. First of all, a group of
people has a wider range of knowledge, expertise, and skills than any single
individual is like to possess. Also, because of the numbers of people involved
and the greater resources they possess, a group can work more quickly in
response to the task assigned to it and can come up with highly creative
solutions to problems and issues. Sometimes these creative solutions come
about because a group is more likely make risky decisions that an individual
might not undertake. This is because the group spreads responsibility for a
decision to all the members and thus no single individual can be held
25
accountable if the decision turns out to be wrong.
Take part in a group process can be very rewarding for members of the team.
Team members who have a voice in making a decision will no doubt feel
better about carrying out the work that is entailed by that decision than they
might doing work that is imposed on them by others. Also, the individual
team member has much better chance to “shine”, to get his or her
contributions and ideas not only recognized but recognized as highly
significant, because a team’s overall results can be more far-reaching and
have greater impact than what might have otherwise been possible for the
person to accomplish or contribute working alone.
Listening passage:
Now I want to tell you about what one company found when it decided that it
would turn over some of its new projects to teams of people, and make the
them responsible for planning the projects and getting the work done. After
about six months, the company took a look at how well the teams preformed.
On virtually every team, some members got almost a "free ride"... they didn't
contribute much at all, but if their team did a good job, they nevertheless
benefited from the recognition the team got. And what about group members
who worked especially well and who provided a lot of insight on problems and
issues? Well... the recognition for a job well done went to the group as a
whole, no names were named. So it won't surprise you to learn that when the
real contributors were asked how they felt about the group process, their
attitude was just the opposite of what the reading predicts.
Another finding was that some projects just didn't move very quickly. Why?
Because it took so long to reach consensus; it took many, many meetings to
build the agreement among group members about how they would move the
project along. On the other hand, there were other instances where one or
two people managed to become very influential over what their group did.
Sometimes when those influences said "That will never work" about an idea
the group was developing, the idea was quickly dropped instead of being
further discussed. And then there was another occasion when a couple
influencers convinced the group that a plan of theirs was "highly creative".
And even though some members tried to warn the rest of the group that the
project was moving in directions that might not work, they were basically
ignored by other group members. Can you guess the ending to "this" story?
When the project failed, the blame was place on all the members of the
group.
26
Question:
Summarize the points made in the lecture you just read, explaining how they
cast doubt on points made in the reading.
Answer:
The lecturer talks about research conducted by a firm that used the group
system to handle their work. He says that the theory stated in the passage
was very different and somewhat inaccurate when compared to what
happened for real.
First, some members got free rides. That is, some didn't work hard but got
recognition for the success nonetheless. This also indicates that people who
worked hard was not given recognition they should have got. In other words,
they weren't given the opportunity to "shine". This directly contradicts what
the passage indicates.
Second, groups were slow in progress. The passage says that groups are
more responsive than individuals because of the number of people involved
and their aggregated resources. However, the speaker talks about how the
firm found out that groups were slower than individuals in decision making.
Groups needed more time for meetings, which are necessary procedures in
decision making. This was another part where experience contradicted
theory.
Third, influential people might emerge, and lead the group towards glory of
failure. If the influent people are going in the right direction there would be
no problem. But in cases where they go in the wrong direction, there is
nobody that has enough influence to counter the decision made. In other
words, the group might turn into a distractor, with the influential party as the
leader, and might be less flexible in thinking. They might become one-sided,
and thus fail to success.
(Source: Official Guide p250-255)
matchia Tiêu đề: Re: Integrated writing #1: Template 1 - Casting doubt
on a lecture Fri Oct 02, 2009 7:13 am
Hi, I have some problems like Phuong. Although I

Tổng số bài gửi: 11
Join
understand the reading passage, I don't listen fully the
date: 27/08/2009 listening. Besides, I don't know how to start an integrated
27
essay. I will post a sample integrated essay.
Reading passage
Correlation studies are used to determine if two variables
are related to each other. In this type of research, the
researcher does not manipulate either variable, but
instead measures the rates at which they occur naturally.
If, for example, variable X increases in frequency as
variable Y increases in frequency, X and Y are said to be
positively correlated. If, on the other hand, Y decreases
as X decreases, X and Y are said to be negatively
correlated.
For example, an investigation into the relationship
between study time and grades earned might find that as
the number of hours spent studying increases, exam
scores also increase. This is an example of a positive
correlation. An investigation into the relationship between
TV time and grades earned might show a negative
correlation; that is, as the number of hours spent
watching TV increases, grades decrease.
Correlation studies, then, compare two or more variables
and determine whether or not they have a relationship.
This information is used to infer if a casual relationship
exists between variables. A causal relationship cannot
always be inferred, however. For example, increased time
spent watching TV may have a negative correlation with
grades earned, but this does not necessarily indicate a
causal relationship. It is probably the case that the more
time a student spends watching TV, the less time that
student studying.
Listening Passage
W: I hope you have all read the introduction to
correlation studies in your textbooks. One component of
that reading that I want to stress the importance of is
that when assessing the validity of a correlation stud it is
vital to remember this rule: Correlation does not imply
causation. It’s easy, when you see a correlation, to
assume that the changing rate of one variable is causing
the changing rate of the other, but how do investigators
determine which variable would be the cause and which
the effect? Sometimes, it ‘s common sense, but when
investigation itself certainty that one variable is causing
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the other to occur.
Another danger to be wary of is the possibility of a third
variable. Consider this example. Ice cream consumption
is positively correlated with drowning. Surprised? What
might explain this correlation?
M: Well, maybe the ice-cream could give you a cramp
while you’re swimming.
W: Okay, maybe. But what if told you that ice cream
consumption is also positively correlated with boating
accidents.
M: Okay, well, it’s got something to do with the beach, or
the water… and when do people go to the beach or go
boating.
M: In the summer.
W: Exactly – when it’s hot. And when do people eat ice
cream? When it’s hot. The third variable here is the
weather. So, just because two events are correlated, it
doesn’t mean that one event is causing the other. It
might give us a hint that might be the case, but further
research has to e done to say conclusively that one event
causes the other.
For example, smoking is positively correlated with cancer.
This evidence alone does not indicate that smoking
causes cancer. However, it was the basis for further
research that has demonstrated a causal relationship
between smoking and cancer.
So, correlation studies are valuable tools that provide a

glimpse into how events are related, and they might
indicate causal relationship, but also they in no way
determine that one event causes another.
Question
Summarize the points made in the reading passage and
the lecture you just listen.
Essay:
Correlation studies are useful tools because they describe
relationship between different phenomena as they occur
in the natural world. It is important, though, that
researchers be careful not to make the common
erroneous assumption that a correlation implies
causation.
29
Correlation indicate when two variables are related
naturally. This implies that researchers do not manipulate
either variable; they simply observe events as they
occur. For this reason, it is impossible to determine if one
variable causes the other to change.
Furthermore, there is always the possibility of a third
variable causing both to change. To demonstrate, the
lectures states that there is a positive correlation
between ice cream consumption increases, the rate of
drowning increases as well. It is a fallacy, though, to
interpret these findings as indicating that ice cream
consumption causes drowning. In the case, there is a
third variable that is affecting both- the weather.
Sometimes,. It is acceptable to infer from a correlation
study that one variable affects the other, such as in the
example in the reading of increased study time being
correlated to higher grades. It is very important,
nonetheless, that one is careful to consider which variable
affects which, and that there is not a third variable
affecting changes in both variables.
(Mastering Skills for the toefl ibt - page 528)
nguyenducphuong Tiêu đề: Re: Integrated writing #1: Template 1 - Casting doubt
on a lecture Fri Oct 02, 2009 8:58 am
Hi,
Join
I think before we start practicing the integrated writing
date: 13/08/2009 task, we have to know exactly its types of questions. How
the task is phrased? The question doesn't look like this
Trích dẫn :
Summarize the points made in the reading passage
and the lecture you just listen
According to the Official Guide, the test maker will ask

you:
Trích dẫn :
If the lecture challenges the information in the
reading passage, the writing task will usually be
phrased in one of the following ways:
- Summarize the points made in the lecture, being
30
sure to explain how they cast doubt on specific points
made in the reading passage
sure to explain how they challenge specific
claims/arguments made in the reading passage
sure to specifically explain how they answer the
problems raised in the reading pasasge
If the lecture supports or strengthens the information

in the reading passage, the writing task will usually be
phrased in one of the following ways:
sure to specifically explain how they support the
explanations in the reading passage
sure to specifically explain how they strengthen
specific points made in the reading passage
From my point of view, the questions in Mastering are not

similar to the questions of the real test. For integrated
writing task, my friend, who has taken the real test,
recommended me to learn the Official Guide and Craking.
There are some very useful templates in Cracking which
can help you start your writing more easily.
For example, it gives you a tempate for "Cast doubt on a
lecture" question:
Trích dẫn :
Summarize the points made in the lecture, explain
how they cast doubt on the reading
Paragraph #1: Introduction

I. Topic sentence
In the lecture,
the (professor/teacher/instructor) made several
points about (topic)
II. State main idea of lecture
The (professor/teacher/instructor) argues that (the
main idea of the lecture)
III. Transition/main idea of reading
However, the reading contends that (the main
idea of the reading)
IV. Thesis statement
The professor's lecture casts doubt on the
31
reading by using a number of points that are
contrary to (the main idea of the reading).
Paragraph #2: Body paragraph

I. Transition/point #1 from lecture
The first point that
the (professor/teacher/instructor) uses to cast
doubt on the reading is (point #1 in the lecture)
II. Detail for point #1
According to the (professor/teacher/instructor),
(detail for point #1 from the lecture)
III. Counterpoint from reading
(Point #1) differs from the reading in that the
reading states (point #1 of the reading)
IV. Explanation of relationship between reading and
lecture
The point made by
the (professor/teacher/instructor) casts doubt on
the reading because (how lecture is different from
reading)
Paragraph #3: Body paragraph

I. Transition/point #2 from the lecture
Another point that
the (professor/teacher/instructor) uses to cast
doubt on the reading is (point #2 from lecture)
II. Detail for point #2
The (professor/teacher/instructor) claims
that (detail for point #2 from the lecture)
III. Counterpoint from reading
However, the reading states (point #2 from
reading)
IV. Explanation of relationship between reading and
lecture
This point is contradicted by (point #2 from
lecture)
Paragraph #4: Conclusion

I. Topic sentence
In conclusion, the points made in the lecture
contrast with the reading.
II. Summary
(Point #1 and point #2 from the
lecture) demonstrate that (main idea of the
reading) is in doubt.
32
As I mentioned earlier, the most difficult problem in the
integrated writing task is not how to organize your
writing. There are templates!!! The trouble that I feel
most difficult is summarizing both the reading and the
lecture in a different way, that is, use my own words to
express the same ideas as them. It’s really a big problem
if I don’t understand the reading and can’t hear the
lecture.
thuhientran88 Tiêu đề: Re: Integrated writing #1: Template 1 - Casting doubt
on a lecture Sun Oct 04, 2009 11:15 pm
Well, I also have troubles in common.

The two biggest problems are: paraphrasing and getting
Join
date: 27/09/2009 the main ideas of the reading passage and the lecturer.
1. About paraphrasing: As I gained from my class: there

are 3 steps to paraphrase: choose
synonyms/antonyms --> Use alternative structures
--> cite expressions and ideas.
+ Use related words and phrases including synonyms and

antonyms of words and concepts in the original passage.
Ex: The average daytime temperature in the Gobi desert
does not often go below 38
--> The average daytime temperature in the Gobi desert
is usually at or above 38
+ Change words forms and rephrase to make things
simpler.
Ex: for organization --> in order to organize
people at the age of thirty --> thirty-year-old-people.
+ Use different sentence structure.
Ex: Many Asian countries export rice to North America
--> rice is exported to North America by many Asian
countries.
+ Cite information from the original source by using
signal words.
Ex: According to the professor/passage, -> The professor
says/mentions/states/argues/believes/found that...
To my point of view, learning synonyms and antonyms is
very important and useful for paraphrasing, and there is
no way but reading and learning them by hearts. I highly
33
recommend “Oxford learner’s thesaurus dictionary”. In
fact, the best way is practicing.
2. The biggest problem is that we cannot identify the
main ideas of the lecturer or understand the reading
passage:
Firstly, we have to identify the types of questions in the
intergraded writing:
- Summarize the main points in the lecture, contrasting
them with the ideas in the reading passage.
- Summarize the points made in the lecture you just
heard, explaining how they challenge specific claims
made in the reading.
heard, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on
specific points made in the reading passage.
heard, being sure to explain how they challenge specific
claims/arguments made in the reading passage.
Normally, the lecturer often supports the ideas in the
reading passage or gives opposite ideas to the reading
passage, so we can guess the main ideas of the speaker
through the main ideas of the reading passage. For
instance, the reading passage mentions the advantages
of using the internet, so the lecturer might mention the
disadvantages of using internet. I mean, we should get
the information initiatively.
One more problem is that we do not know how to take
note while listening. I find some useful tips in Barron’s
12th edition.
And when we cannot understand the reading passage,
just try to carry out its main point without caring if you
can understand them or not. Because there are often
some key word in the reading passage as well as in the
lecturer that help us guess the main ideas: first of all,
secondly, the most important….. The topics is vast so we
cannot be expert in every aspects.
:-D, that’s all I can think tonight. I will post more ideas
as long as possible.
http://toeflibt100.forumotion.net/t23-topic
34
TOEFL Writing
Besides speaking, the other main way we communicate is through writing. If you attend a
native English speaking university you will be writing many reports, essays and term
papers. You won't get far if you can't get your assignments done. And using the Internet to
borrow other people's work will only get you expelled. The TOEFL test Writing section isn't
as challenging as writing a term paper, but you definitely have to prove you know how to
write a few paragraphs using proper grammar, and how to get your point across clearly and
convincingly.
The IBT test Writing section has 2 tasks. 50 minutes is the total time allowed to complete
the Writing section. Each of the questionsis given a mark of 0-5. Your total score is then
scaled to a value out of 30. For a decent score you must get at least 4 out of 5 for both
writing tasks.
The only way you'll get scores of 4 or 5 is to practice your writing skills. However, you aren't
expected to write a perfect essay for these 2 tasks as the amount of time given just doesn't
allow it. Don't think that writing lots will get you a better grade than a shorter essay. If it has
many spelling errors, has bad sentence structure, has poor grammar, goes off topic,
doesn't express your thoughts clearly or doesn't give examples that support your reasons,
you'll still bomb.
What score you get from 0-5 for your writing responses is based on a variety of factors:
language use, organization, clarity, and development. Language use means how well you
can use grammar and vocabulary. Do you use the same words over and over or have
variety? Did you use the right word? How many spelling mistakes did you make? And don't
use any slang or swearing. Do you use more than one kind of sentence strucure? Or are
your sentences all basic like, "The banana in the basket is green." Development refers to
how well you answered the question. Is your essay coherent? It should go from one idea to
the next logically. It should be easy to understand, not confuse the grader to death. Your
essay should provide reasons – more than one – with details or examples to support the
reasons you give. Below is a guideline of what grade to expect for an essay for each of the
35
2 writing questions.
TOEFL Writing Grades:
Score Reasons for Score Reasons for Score

Integrated Task Independent Task
 Didn't write ANYTHING  Didn't write ANYTHING

 Wrote an answer that was  Wrote an answer that was
0
completely off topic completely off topic
 Copied entirely from the reading  Didn't write in English
passage
 Badly organized  Badly organized

 Very hard to understand  Very hard to understand
1  
Little meaningful or relevant content Little or no detail, very
from the talk underdeveloped
 Only includes information from the Frequent and serious grammar
reading passage errors
 
Some relevant content from the talk Organization is poor
but with errors  Connections between points are
 Poorly represents the connections unclear
2 between the reading and talk  Frequent grammar and structure
 Frequent grammatical errors which errors
makes it difficult to understand  Inappropriate or underdeveloped
 Limited use of grammar and explanations or details provided
vocabulary
 
Some relevant content from the talk Somewhat developed explanations
but is imprecise or vague and details
 Some key points from talk and/or  Limited range of structures and
3 reading are missing or wrong vocabulary
 Grammatical errors obscures the  Progression and coherence, but
meaning at times unclear connections between ideas
 Limited range of grammar and  Grammar and word choice errors
vocabulary obscure meaning at times
 Relatively successful at responding

 Contains important information from
to the topic
the talk and reading
 Generally well organized and well
 All important information from the
4 developed
talk is accurate
 Some redundancy, unrelated points
 Minor omissions or errors in
or illogical connections
connections between talk and
 Variety of structure and good range
reading
of vocabulary
36
  Noticeable errors but doesn't
Minor language use errors that don't
affect meaning interfere with meaning
 Successfully communicates all the Well organized and coherent

key points from the talk  Clearly represents it's ideas with
 Accurately presents all the important detailed explanations
information  Logical progression throughout
5
 Connections between talk and essay
reading presented accuately  Only minor grammatical errors
 Well organized and easy to  Wide range of sentence structure
understand and vocabulary
 Only minor grammatical errors
TOEFL Writing Question 1: Integrated Task

Writing question 1 is similar to the second question of the second format in
the Speaking section. The reading passage is longer and obviously you'll write, not speak,
your response. To start, you will have 3 minutes to read a short text. The reading passage
will become available again once you get to the question. You will then hear an academic
talk on the same topic. You should take notes while listening since the talk will only be
heard once.
Keep your headphones on as you will hear and see the question. The question asks about
a relationship between the text and the talk. Using information from the reading passage
and talk, answer the question as completely as you can. You will not be asked to give your
opinion. You will have 20 minutes to write your essay, and you should write at least 150
words.
You are being tested on your ability to summarize and compare information from more than
one source (the reading passage and the academic talk). You will need to summarize ideas
from the academic talk and be able to explain how they relate in some way to points in the
reading passage. Sometimes what you hear in the talk will go against what you have read
rather than expanding and strengthening upon the topic.
Do NOT rely heavily on the reading passage to form your response. The whole point of this
task is to be able to use information from both the listening and reading passages. You
should also not copy chunks from the text to be part of your essay!
Sample prompts:
How does the information in the listening passage cast doubt on the information in the
reading passage?
Compare and contrast the information in the passage you read with the information in the
37
lecture that you heard.
Summarize the points made in the talk you just heard, explaining how they differ from the
points made in the reading.
TOEFL Writing Question 2: Independent Task
38
For the second writing question, you are expected to write an essay based on your own
personal experience and ideas. It's called an independent task because you alone are the
source of the information you will use to write your response. There is no reading passage
or talk to listen to, there's only the question prompt. You will be asked to express and
support your opinion about a familiar topic or issue. Think of the wide range of topics you'd
read in the daily news – politics, health, economy, business, education, the environment,
social issues – any of these you might see as the topic for this question.
You will have 30 minutes to write your essay. Your essay should be at least 300 words
long. Your introduction, the first paragraph, should clearly state your view and briefly
mention the reasons you have to support it. The main part of the essay should give your
reasons with details that support your opinion. The last paragraph should restate your view
and summarize the reasons you gave to support it.
The three main factors that are used to grade this essay are development, organization and
language use. Development is how much support do you give to your opinion. Did you give
details, examples and reasons? Or did you write lots but fail to actually develop your ideas?
For organization, does your essay make sense? Would a person understand what you are
trying to convey or would they be confused? Language use covers grammar, spelling,
vocabulary, word choice and sentence structure. How many errors did you make? Are the
errors bad enough that the grader would have a hard time understanding what you mean?
You also want to show a range of vocabulary and sentence types.
Sample prompts:
For business or personal communication, some people prefer e-mail, whereas others prefer
the telephone. Compare these two choices. Which do you prefer? Support your answer
with specific details.
Nowadays, food has become easier to cook or otherwise prepare for eating. Has this
change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your
answer.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? North Americans have become too
dependent on the automobile for transportation.
When exercising, some people prefer to exercise indoors at a gym or sports center, and
others prefer to exercise outdoors. Compare these two choices. Which do you prefer?
Support your answer with specific details.
To do an actual question of this type, go to the writing sample in our IBT demo. Another
one you can try is here, in our TOEFL Speaking and Writing Trainer demo.
To show Writing questions examples is a bit difficult. You can get a good feel for what the
39
different types are like if you do all of our free mini-TOEFL tests. So be sure to check them
out. You might even win yourself an iPod.
Kinds of Essays
Definition Essay
When you are writing a definition essay, you take a term or an idea and write about what it
is. Often, definitions are combined with classification or other forms of organization in
the essay. You need to give a careful definition of the key term before going on to discuss
different types or examples.
Write an essay defining energy resources and discuss the

Example question:
different types.
Introduction: Define the key term energy resources.
Supporting 1. Define one type of energy resources: renewable resources.
paragraphs: 2. Define another type of energy resources: non-renewable
resources.
Summary paragraph: Summarize energy resources.
Classification Essay
In a classification essay, you separate things or ideas into specific categories and discuss
each of them. You organize the essay by defining each classification and by giving
examples of each type.
Write an essay discussing the three types of government in

Example question:
Canada.
Introduction: Give background information about government in Canada.
Supporting 1. Define and describe federal government.
paragraphs: 2. Define and describe provincial governments.
3. Define and describe municipal governments.
Summary paragraph: Summarize government in Canada.
40
Description Essay
In a description essay, you write about what a person, place, or thing is like. You organize
the essay by describing different parts or aspects of the main subject.
Example question: Write an essay describing the polar bear.

Introduction: Introduce what a polar bear is.
Supporting 1. Describe where the polar bear lives.
paragraphs: 2. Describe the body of the polar bear.
3. Describe what the polar eats.
Summary paragraph: Summarize what a polar bear is.
Compare and Contrast Essay

In a compare and contrast essay, you write about the similarities and differences between
two or more people, places, or things. You can organize the essay by writing about one
subject first and then comparing it with the second subject. A more effective way is to
organize the essay by comparing each subject by category.
Example question: Write an essay comparing the weather in Vancouver and Halifax.
Introduction: Introduce weather in the cities of Vancouver and Halifax.
Supporting 1. Compare weather in spring and summer for both cities. State
paragraphs: how they are similar or different.
2. Compare weather in fall and winter for both cities. State how
they are similar or different.
Summary paragraph: Summarize the similarities and differences.
Sequence Essay
In a sequence essay, you are writing to describe a series of events or a process in some
sort of order. Usually, this order is based on time. You organize the essay by writing about
each step of the process in the order it occurred.
Example question: Write an essay outlining the stages of the salmon life cycle.
Introduction: Describe what a salmon is like.
Supporting 1. Describe young salmon.
paragraphs: 2. Describe adult salmon.
3. Describe what salmon do before they die.
Summary paragraph: Summarize the main steps of the salmon life cycle.
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Choice Essay
In a choice essay, you need to choose which object, idea, or action that you prefer. You
organize the essay by describing each option and then giving your opinion.
Write an essay choosing between hockey in the 1890s and

Example question:
hockey today.
Introduction: Introduce the game of hockey.
Supporting 1. Describe hockey in the 1890s.
paragraphs: 2. Describe hockey today.
3. State which form of hockey you prefer and why.
Summary paragraph: Summarize the game of hockey.
Explanation Essay
In an explanation essay, you explain how or why something happens or has happened.
You need to explain different causes and effects. You should organize the essay by
explaining each individual cause or effect.
Example question: Write an essay explaining why so many Europeans moved to

Canada during the early nineteenth century.
Give background information on European immigration during
Introduction:
this time.
Supporting 1. Explain first reason: poor economy in Europe.
paragraphs: 2. Explain second reason: better living conditions in Canada.
Summary paragraph: Summarize main reasons.
Evaluation Essay
In an evaluation essay, you make judgments about people, ideas, and possible actions.
You make your evaluation based on certain criteria that you develop. Organize the essay
by discussing the criteria you used to make your judgment.
Write an essay evaluating the importance of the House of

Example question:
Commons.
42
Give your judgment on whether the House of Commons is
Introduction:
important.
Supporting 1. Explain first criteria: meeting place for government.
paragraphs: 2. Explain second criteria: represent Canadians.
3. Explain third criteria: make laws for Canada.
Conclude with an overall judgment about the House of
Summary paragraph:
Commons.
TOEFL Writing Question 1
Integrated Writing – (Read, Listen, Explain):

The reading and the lecture will be on an academic subject in one of the following areas.
Life science – Any of several branches of science, such as biology, medicine,

anthropology, or ecology, that deal with living organisms and their organization, life
processes, and relationships to each other and their environment.
Social science – The study of human society and of individual relationships in and to
society, including sociology, psychology, anthropology, economics, political science, and
history.
Physical science – Any of the sciences, such as physics, chemistry, astronomy, and
geology, that analyze the nature and properties of energy and nonliving matter.
Humanities – Branches of knowledge that investigate human beings, their culture, and
their self-expression, including the study of languages and literatures, the arts, history, and
philosophy.
If any of these subjects is unfamiliar to you, there are several things you can do to prepare.
Read articles in academic journals at the library, download podcasts of lectures, subscribe
to a blog on the subject, or buy lecture series such as the Great Courses.
To begin with, your focus should be on summarizing the main points of the lecture.
 Do not take notes in full sentence form. Use points.
43
 Expect structure. The main point will come first followed by explanations, examples,
and reasons.
 Put things in your own words. Avoid the trap of copying down exact phrases.
 Make sure you've covered the 5W's and How. Do you
know who, what, when, where, why, and how? You must mention specific details in
your answer.
Your next task is to show how the lecture challenges or supports the reading. Begin by
typing out an outline so your essay has a clear, coherent structure. You can fill it in and
delete as you write.
Choose your words carefully so that you are answering the exact question that is asked.
Just writing generally about the subject will not get you high marks.
Here are some key phrases you can use in your essay.
Challenges the reading
contest, dispute, query, question

doubt, mistrust
object (to), protest
oppose, resist, defy, face
Supports the reading
advocate, back, champion

confirm, bear out, corroborate, substantiate
validate, verify, vindicate
help, boost, support
Use verbs to indicate that you are summarizing:
suggest, say
report, tell
argue, question, ask
conclude
Independent Writing – (Opinion):
This essay should express your opinion. You must show that you agree or disagree with a
statement. Some phrases you can use are:
Agreement
44
I have come to the conclusion that A is true because...
In my experience, B is usually true.
If you consider the evidence, it is clear that A is the best choice.
Disagreement
The way I see it, A would be a poor course of action.

A rivals B because...
While I admit that A would be the better choice in some limited situations, B is a better
choice overall.
Additional Writing Tips
Becoming a Good Writer

Creativity and Brainstorming
Perhaps the greatest source of nervousness in the opinion portions of the test is not being
able to think of something to say. Improve your brainstorming skills with practice. Explore
the different methods until you find the one that works for you.
Are you a linear thinker?
 Create a simple list of the 5Ws and How.

 Word association – write down the main word and then whatever other words come to
mind in association with it.
Are you an intuitive thinker? A non-traditional method of generating ideas may work better.
 Sketch pictures that come to mind as you consider the question. Relax and allow your
mind to associate new words with those pictures. Write down the first word that comes
to mind for each image, symbol, scribble, line or structure. Organize the words into
clusters of similar or related ideas.
Be well read
45
One of the roads to good writing is reading. Read the kind of writing that you would like to
produce. Some ideas include:
 Subscribe to a well-written blog.

 Go to the library and read articles about science, economics, psychology or political
science.
 Switch between reading different genres. You'll learn new words and new ways of
perceiving the world. Try historical novels, mysteries, biographies or science fiction.
Practice writing
Practice makes perfect! You wouldn't go into a sports competition without training, would
you? Write often to get used to the process.
 Summarize articles from your favorite magazine.

 Keep a journal or publish a blog about your hobby.
 Write down your opinions about the headlines in the news.
Learn how to edit your own writing.
Develop a strategy for quickly editing your work. You may even memorize this list.
 Have I answered the question?

 Is there a thesis statement?
 Do the topic sentences of each paragraph develop the thesis logically?
 Are the transition words appropriate?
 Does the conclusion summarize my message?
Organization
Every essay should have the following organizational structure:
Introduction
Body (paragraphs or sentences to explain, prove, illustrate, etc.)
Conclusion
Transition words should be chosen carefully so that they are true guideposts for the reader.
Do not use "first, second, third" unless you are describing steps in a process or explaining
events chronologically!
46
To indicate that an example or an illustration follows:
chiefly, especially, for instance, in particular, namely, particularly, including, specifically,

such as, as an example, in this case
To show how one action is similar to another action:
comparatively, likewise, similar to, moreover, together with
To contrast ideas:
although, however, instead, on the other hand, in contrast, but
To emphasize one point:
above all, chiefly, with attention to, especially, particularly, singularly
To show the structure or organization of the essay:
first, let's begin with, next, now, furthermore, in addition
To summarize or conclude:
all in all, all things considered, briefly, in brief, in conclusion, on the whole, in short, in
summary, in the final analysis, in the long run, to sum up, to summarize, finally
Strengthen your writing.
Connect it to a larger issue such as a cultural belief, a current headline catching the
nation's attention, or a theoretical question many people face.
Appeal to authority by quoting an expert in the field or relating an anecdote which illustrates
how that authority handled the situation.
Avoid redundancy.
Stay on track. Digression is distracting.
Vary basic and complex sentence structures.
47
Parts of a Paragraph
Topic Sentence
What is the topic sentence?
The topic sentence is the first sentence in a paragraph.
What does it do?

It introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
How do I write one?

Summarize the main idea of your paragraph. Indicate to the reader what your paragraph
will be about.
Example:
There are three reasons why Canada is one of the best countries in the world. First,
Canada has an excellent health care system. All Canadians have access to medical
services at a reasonable price. Second, Canada has a high standard of education.
Students are taught by well-trained teachers and are encouraged to continue studying at
university. Finally, Canada's cities are clean and efficiently managed. Canadian cities have
many parks and lots of space for people to live. As a result, Canada is a desirable place to
live.
Supporting Details
What are supporting sentences?
They come after the topic sentence, making up the body of a paragraph.
What do they do?

They give details to develop and support the main idea of the paragraph.
How do I write them?

You should give supporting facts, details, and examples.
Example:
48
live.
Closing Sentence
What is the closing sentence?
The closing sentence is the last sentence in a paragraph.
What does it do?

It restates the main idea of your paragraph.
How do I write one?

Restate the main idea of the paragraph using different words.
Example:
live.
Prewriting Paragraphs
What is the prewriting stage?

49
The prewriting stage is when you think carefully and organize your ideas for your paragraph
before you begin writing.
Six Prewriting Steps:

1. Think carefully about what you are going to write. Ask yourself: What question am I
going to answer in this paragraph oressay? How can I best answer this question? What is
the most important part of my answer? How can I make an introductory sentence (or thesis
statement) from the most important part of my answer? What facts or ideas can I use to
support my introductory sentence? How can I make this paragraph or essay interesting?
Do I need more facts on this topic? Where can I find more facts on this topic?
2. Open your notebook (or word processing program on your computer). Write out
your answers to the above questions. You do not need to spend a lot of time doing this; just
write enough to help you remember why and how you are going to write your paragraph or
essay.
3. Collect facts related to your paragraph or essay topic. Look for and write down facts
that will help you to answer your question. Timesaving hint: make sure the facts you are
writing are related to the exact question you are going to answer in your paragraph or
essay.
4. Write down your own ideas. Ask yourself: What else do I want to say about this topic?
Why should people be interested in this topic? Why is this topic important?
5. Find the main idea of your paragraph or essay. Choose the most important point you
are going to present. If you cannot decide which point is the most important, just choose
one point and stick to it throughout your paragraph or essay.
6. Organize your facts and ideas in a way that develops your main idea. Once you
have chosen the most important point of your paragraph or essay, you must find the best
way to tell your reader about it. Look at the facts you have written. Look at your own ideas
on the topic. Decide which facts and ideas will best support the main idea of your
paragraph. Once you have chosen the facts and ideas you plan to use, ask yourself which
order to put them in the paragraph. Write down your own note set that you can use to guide
yourself as you write your paragraph or essay.
Writing Paragraphs
50
What is the writing stage?
The writing stage is when you turn your ideas into sentences.
Five Writing Steps:
1. Open your notebook and word processor.

2. Write the topic sentence, supporting sentences, and closing sentence.
3. Write clear and simple sentences to express your meaning.
4. Focus on the main idea of your paragraph.
5. Use the dictionary to help you find additional words to express your ideas.
Editing Paragraphs
What is the editing stage?

The editing stage is when you check your paragraph for mistakes and correct them.
Grammar and Spelling
1. Check your spelling.

2. Check your grammar.
3. Read your paragraph again.
4. Make sure each sentence has a subject.
5. See if your subjects and verbs agree with each other.
6. Check the verb tenses of each sentence.
7. Make sure that each sentence makes sense.
51
Style and Organization
1. Make sure your paragraph has a topic sentence.

2. Make sure your supporting sentences focus on the main idea.
3. Make sure you have a closing sentence.
4. Check that all your sentences focus on the main idea.
5. See if your paragraph is interesting.
Definition Paragraphs
When writing a definition paragraph, you take a thing or an idea and explain what it is.
Example: Write a paragraph giving the definition of a pest.
The following words can help you to write a good definition paragraph:
1. "is defined as"
Example: A pest is defined as any animal or plant that damages crops, forests, or property.
2. "is a kind of"
Example: A pest is a kind of animal or plant that damages crops, forests, or property.
Classification Paragraphs
When writing a classification paragraph, you group things or ideas into specific categories.
Example: Write a paragraph discussing two types of energy resources.
52
The following words can help you to write a good
classification paragraph:
Helper Phrases Example
is a kind of Coal is a kind of non-renewable resource.

can be divided
Energy resources can be divided into two types.
into
is a type of Coal is a type of non-renewable resource.
falls under Coal falls under the category of non-renewable resources.
belongs to Coal belongs to the category of non-renewable resources.
is a part of Coal is a part of the category of non-renewable resources.
fits into Coal fits into the category of non-renewable resources.
is grouped with Coal is grouped with non-renewable resources.
is related to Coal is related to other non-renewable resources.
is associated
Coal is associated with other non-renewable resources.
with
Description Paragraphs
In a description paragraph, you are writing about what a person, place, or thing is like.
Sometimes, you may describe where a place is located.
Examples:
Write a paragraph describing what a polar bear looks like.
Describe where Canada's industry is located.

description paragraph:
Properties Example
size Polar bears are big in size.

53
color Polar bears are usually white in color.
shape Polar bears have a special shape.
purpose The purpose of the polar bear's fur is to keep it warm.
Measurement Example
length The length of a polar bear's claws is 20 cm.

width The width of a polar bear's head is about 50 cm.
mass/weight Polar bears weigh up to 650 kg.
speed Polar bears can swim at a speed of 40 km per hour.
Analogy Example
is like A polar bear is like other bears in shape.

resembles A polar bear resembles other bears in shape.
Location Example
Most of Canada's manufacturing is located in Ontario and

in
Quebec.
above The ceiling is above us.
below Most of Ontario is below Hudson Bay.
beside Quebec is located beside Ontario.
near Many companies are located near Toronto.
north/south/east/westOntario is west of Quebec.
Compare and Contrast Paragraphs
In a compare and contrast paragraph, you write about the similarities and differences
between two or more people, places, things, or ideas.
Example:
Write a paragraph comparing the weather in Vancouver and Halifax.
54
compare and contrast paragraph:
Similarities Example
is similar to Spring weather in Vancouver is similar to spring weather in Halifax.

both Both Vancouver and Halifax have rain in the spring.
also Halifax also has a rainy spring season.
too Halifax has a rainy spring season, too.
as well As well, Halifax has rainy spring season.
Differences Example
on the other
On the other hand, winter is much colder in Halifax.
hand
however However, winter is much colder in Halifax.
but Vancouver has a mild winter, but Halifax has a cold one.
in contrast to In contrast to Vancouver, Halifax has a cold winter.
differs from Halifax differs from Vancouver by having a cold winter.
while While Vancouver has a mild winter, Halifax has a cold winter.
unlike Unlike Halifax, Vancouver doesn't get much snow.
Sequence Paragraphs
In a sequencing paragraph, you are writing to describe a series of events or a process in

some sort of order. Usually, this order is based on time.
Example:
Write a paragraph outlining how a person becomes the Prime Minister.

sequence paragraph:
Order Example
55
first, second, First, you need to become a leader of a political party.
third, etc. Second, you need to win a seat in the House of Commons.
Third, your party must have a majority of seats.
both Both Vancouver and Halifax have rain in the spring.
in the beginning In the beginning, you need to become a leader of a political party.
Before becoming the prime minister, you need to become the leader
before
of a political party.
then Then, you must win a seat in the House of Commons.
After winning a seat in the House of Commons, you must make sure
after
you have a majority of seats.
finally Finally, after all these steps, you can call yourself the Prime Minister.
at last At last, you can call yourself the Prime Minister.
Subsequently, you must make sure you have a majority of seats in
subsequently
the House of Commons.
Time Example
recently She was recently elected Prime Minister.

She is the new Prime Minister. Previously, she worked as a lawyer in
previously
Toronto.
She won the party leadership last year. Afterwards, she won the
afterwards
election.
When she won the party leadership, she was still working as a
when
lawyer.
After winning a seat in the House of Commons, you must make sure
after
you have a majority of seats.
Choice Paragraphs
In a paragraph where you have to make a choice, you need to choose which object, idea,
or action that you prefer. Often, you will need to give your opinion on a choice of actions or
events.
Example:
Write a paragraph stating whether you would prefer to play hockey or lacrosse.
56
choice paragraph:
Point of View Example
in my opinion In my opinion, hockey is more fun than lacrosse.

belief My belief is that hockey is more fun than lacrosse.
idea My idea is that hockey is more fun than lacrosse.
understanding My understanding is that hockey is more fun than lacrosse.
I think that I think that I would prefer to play hockey and not lacrosse.
I consider I consider hockey to be more exciting than lacrosse.
I believe I believe hockey is more exciting than lacrosse.
it seems to me It seems to me that hockey is more exciting than lacrosse.
I prefer I prefer hockey over lacrosse.
Personal
Example
Opinion
like/dislike I like the sport of hockey because it is fast and exciting.

hope I hope that I can play hockey in the future.
feel I feel that hockey is my favorite sport.
Explanation Paragraphs
In an explanation paragraph, you need to explain how or why something happens. Very
often in social studies class, you will be asked to explore causes and effects of certain
events.
Example:
Write a paragraph explaining why so many Europeans moved to Canada during the
nineteenth century.
57
explanation paragraph:
Cause Example
because People moved to Canada from Europe during the nineteenth

century because they had poor living conditions in Europe.
Since living conditions in Europe were terrible, many people moved
since
to Canada.
People moved to Canada from Europe as a result of poor living
as a result of
conditions in Europe.
The large influx of people to Canada was due to economic pressures
is/was due to
in Europe.
Effect Example
Living conditions in Europe were terrible. Therefore, many people

therefore
moved to Canada for a better life.
Living conditions in Europe were terrible. Thus, many people moved
thus
to Canada for a better life.
Living conditions were terrible in Europe. Consequently, many people
consequently
moved to Canada.
Living conditions were terrible in Europe. Hence, many people moved
hence
to Canada.
Living conditions were terrible in Europe. It follows that many people
it follows that
moved to Canada.
If living conditions were better in Europe, then fewer people would
if... then
have moved to Canada.
Evaluation Paragraphs
In an evaluation paragraph, you make judgments about people, ideas, and possible
actions. You need to make your evaluation based on certain criteria that you develop. In
58
the paragraph, you will state your evaluation or recommendation and then support it by
referring to your criteria.
Example:
Write a paragraph evaluating whether pesticides should be used on farms.

evaluation paragraph:
Criteria for
Example
Evaluation
good/bad The use of pesticides such as DDT is bad for the environment.
correct /
The belief that pesticides must be used is incorrect.
incorrect
The use of pesticides to control pests is immoral because it harms
moral / immoral
the environment.
right / wrong It is wrong to use pesticides because they harm the environment.
The issue of pesticides is an important one because it affects the
important / trivial
environment.
RecommendationExample
suggest I suggest that pesticides should not be used to control pests.

I recommend that pesticides should not be used because they are
recommend
harmful to the environment.
advise I would advise farmers not to use pesticides if possible.
I would argue that pesticides should not be used because they
argue
harm the environment.
Parts of an Essay
Introduction Paragraph
What is an introduction paragraph?
59
The introduction paragraph is the first paragraph of your essay.
What does it do?

It introduces the main idea of your essay. A good opening paragraph captures the interest
of your reader and tells why your topic is important.
How do I write one?
1. Write the thesis statement. The main idea of the essay is stated in a single sentence
called the thesis statement. You must limit your entire essay to the topic you have
introduced in your thesis statement.
2. Provide some background information about your topic. You can use interesting facts,
quotations, or definitions of important terms you will use later in the essay.
Example:
Hockey has been a part of life in Canada for over 120 years. It has evolved into an
extremely popular sport watched and played by millions of Canadians. The game has gone
through several changes since hockey was first played in Canada.
Supporting Paragraphs
What are supporting paragraphs?
Supporting paragraphs make up the main body of your essay.
What do they do?

They develop the main idea of your essay.
How do I write them?
1. List the points that develop the main idea of your essay.
2. Place each supporting point in its own paragraph.
3. Develop each supporting point with facts, details, and examples.
To connect your supporting paragraphs, you should use special transition words. Transition
words link your paragraphs together and make your essay easier to read. Use them at the
beginning and end of your paragraphs.
60
Examples of transition words that can help you to link your
paragraphs together:
For listing different points
 First
 Second
 Third
For counter examples
 However
 Even though
 On the other hand
 Nevertheless
For additional ideas
 Another
 In addition to
 Related to
 Furthermore
 Also
To show cause and effect
 Therefore
 Thus
 As a result of
 Consequently
Like all good paragraphs, each supporting paragraph should have a topic sentence,
supporting sentences, and a summary sentence.
Summary Paragraph
What is a summary paragraph?
The summary paragraph comes at the end of your essay after you have finished
developing your ideas. The summary paragraph is often called a "conclusion."
What does it do?

It summarizes or restates the main idea of the essay. You want to leave the reader with a
61
sense that your essay is complete.
How do I write one?
1. Restate the strongest points of your essay that support your main idea.
2. Conclude your essay by restating the main idea in different words.
3. Give your personal opinion or suggest a plan for action.
Example:
Overall, the changes that occurred in hockey have helped to improve the game. Hockey is
faster and more exciting as a result of changes in the past 120 years. For these reasons,
modern hockey is a better game than hockey in the 1890s.
Prewriting an Essay
What is the prewriting stage?

The prewriting stage is when you prepare your ideas for your essay before you
begin writing. You will find it easier to write your essay if you build an outline first, especially
when you are writing longer assignments.
Six Prewriting Steps:

1. Think carefully about what you are going to write. Ask yourself: What question am I
going to answer in this paragraph or essay? How can I best answer this question? What is
the most important part of my answer? How can I make an introductory sentence (or thesis
statement) from the most important part of my answer? What facts or ideas can I use to
support my introductory sentence? How can I make this paragraph or essay interesting?
Do I need more facts on this topic? Where can I find more facts on this topic?
2. Open your notebook (or word processing program on your computer). Write out
your answers to the above questions. You do not need to spend a lot of time doing this; just
62
write enough to help you remember why and how you are going to write your paragraph or
essay.
3. Collect facts related to your paragraph or essay topic. Look for and write down facts
that will help you to answer your question. Timesaving hint: make sure the facts you are
writing are related to the exact question you are going to answer in your paragraph or
essay.
4. Write down your own ideas. Ask yourself: What else do I want to say about this topic?
Why should people be interested in this topic? Why is this topic important?
5. Find the main idea of your paragraph or essay. Choose the most important point you
are going to present. If you cannot decide which point is the most important, just choose
one point and stick to it throughout your paragraph or essay.
6. Organize your facts and ideas in a way that develops your main idea. Once you
have chosen the most important point of your paragraph or essay, you must find the best
way to tell your reader about it. Look at the facts you have written. Look at your own ideas
on the topic. Decide which facts and ideas will best support the main idea of your essay.
Once you have chosen the facts and ideas you plan to use, ask yourself which order to put
them in the essay. Write down your own note set that you can use to guide yourself as you
write your essay.
Writing an Essay
What is the writing stage?

The writing stage is when you turn your ideas into sentences.
Five Writing Steps:
1. For the introduction, write the thesis statement and give some background information.
2. Develop each supporting paragraph and make sure to follow the correct paragraph
format.
3. Write clear and simple sentences to express your meaning.
63
4. Focus on the main idea of your essay.
5. Use a dictionary to help you find additional words to express your meaning.
Editing an Essay
What is the editing stage?

The editing stage is when you check your essay for mistakes and correct them.
Grammar and Spelling
1. Check your spelling.

2. Check your grammar.
3. Read your essay again.
4. Make sure each sentence has a subject.
5. Make sure your subjects and verbs agree with each other.
6. Check the verb tenses of each sentence.
7. Make sure that each sentence makes sense.
Style and Organization
1. Make sure your essay has an introduction, supporting paragraphs, and a summary
paragraph.
2. Check that you have a thesis statement that identifies the main idea of the essay.
3. Check that all your paragraphs follow the proper paragraph format.
4. See if your essay is interesting.
TOEFL Essay #001: Why do people attend

college?
64
Remember: Most essays will contain some mistakes. In some cases, TestMagic
has modified the essays so that they would be more suitable for the purposes of
the TestMagic web site.
TestMagic estimated score: 6.0/6.0
College is a place that the students can learn more and new knowledge and
experience in it. Of course, different people have different reason to study in
college. For example, some people want to be to go on a further study after they
graduate from the college; some people hope to find a good job after their
studying in the college and also some people wish to exchange their present
situation through studying in the college. In my opinion, no matter what reason
people study in the college for, studying in the college is just a preparation for
their future’ life.
First of all, students can learn new knowledge and experiences from the studying
in the college. There are many teachers, professors with abundant teaching
experience who teach students lots of new knowledge and help them to solve the
problems in their study. With their help, student can learn a lot of useful basic and
professional knowledge which is very helpful for their future’ work. and study.
After they finish their study in the college, students go to work in the society and
contribute to the different fields.
Secondly, students can learn how to arrange their own time reasonably. Before
their studying in college, their life often arranged by their parents and their study
often arranged by their teachers. It is very different for them to live and study in
college, because students studying in college have to arrange their life and study
by themselves. They have right to arrange their part time, such as when to get up,
when is the sport-time, when to finish the assignment etc. This is very important
experience for students’ work and life in the future.
Secondly, studying in the college make students having opportunity to live with
other student and learn how to cooperate with other people. Usually, people often
have uncomfortable feeling to live with a stranger, because they do not know
each other and perhaps their habit and personality are different. But for the long
run, it is good for them. They have to cooperate with each other and solve a lot of
problems they will face together. Gradually, they can learn how to care and
understand other people. It is a preparation for students to go to cooperate with
other people in the society.
All in all, students not only can learn lots of new knowledge from the books but
also can learn much more necessary experience such as how to arrange time and
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how to cooperate with other people. It is ver important for their future’ wok and
life.
Some ideas of what to write about for a good

score:
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Most people wrote about similar things. Here are some of the easiest and best
things to write about:
o People go to college to prepare themselves for their careers.

o People go to college because they like to learn.
o People go to college because they can meet other people who like to learn.
o People go to college for personal fulfillment.
o People go to college because going to college is an interesting social experience.
Most common errors with this essay topic:

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o Failure to restate the topic is one of the most common errors that TestMagic sees
in most essays. For example, many essays start like this: "I agree with this point..."
If we say only this, and do not restate the topic, then the essay scorer will lower
your score. We need to say something like this: "I agree that having food that is
easy to prepare has improved our lives." Adding this information makes our
TOEFL essay stronger!
o Many people did not understand the topic. Some people wrote about the difference
between college and university and wrote about why people choose to study at a
college instead of studying at a university. This interpretation is WRONG. In
American English, when we talk about "college," we are generally referring to any
four-year program. We often use the words "college" and "university"
interchangeably. We need to write about why people want to study at either a
college or university.
TOEFL Essay #002: Are parents the

best teachers?
66
Some ideas of what to write about for
a good score:
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 Parents generally have a greater commitment to
their children than their teachers do.
 Parents might not be impartial (fair) with their
children.
 Parents are not professional teachers.
 Teachers are professionals.
 Teachers usually do not have enough time to spend
with their students.
Most common errors with this essay

topic:
Back to top
 Failure to restate the topic is one of the most
common errors that TestMagic sees in most essays.
For example, many essays start like this: "I agree
with this point..." We need to say something like
this: "I agree that having food that is easy to
prepare has improved our lives."
 Very few people stated that parents are very
important because children have so much contact
with them in the first years of their lives. Most
psychologists agree that these years are
fundamental to the emotional and mental growth of
the child.
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This essay has nice organization and good development. The author has some fairly
deep ideas about this topic and conveys them well.
Obviously, the first teachers we have in our lives in most cases are our parents. They
teach us to walk, to speak, and to have good manners before we reach "the real
world." More than even the professional teachers that we have in school, parents are
generally the most involved in the development and education of children.
Almost for sure our parents are the best teachers at the beginning of our lives, which
actually corresponds to the parents' role in nature. Parents are most committed and
involved in teaching their children; they have a kind of instinct to sacrifice a part of
themselves for the betterment of their children. They love us and have great patience
while passing down their knowledge to us. They wish us a success and thus will not
teach us bad things. And of course, implicit learning occurs when children
unconsciously copy some of their parents' habits and styles of behavior.
During the second stage of child development, adolescence, parents can still be in the
best position to offer advice even though the children might not accept it. In this case,
perhaps the child's friends would be the best teachers. Adolescents are notoriously
rebellious in many cultures and may automatically reject any advice from their
parents. My first marriage for instance, was solely a matter of doing the opposite
when my parents tried to intrude in offering their advice. So in such matters, parents
should be much more flexible and be rather the partners with their children. So we
can see that being a teacher of growing child become more and more complicated
case as the time passes and many parents are simply not able to meet the increased
demands.
On the other hand, I would say that parents are not professional teachers and they
tend to be very biased by their love of their children. So wishing good things and an
easy life may prevent children from maturation. In any case, parents usually can
present only one viewpoint of the world, while good teaching should be based on
different attitudes. Thus, when children go to school and have a great diversity of
teachers, they learn much more than their parents could probably give them.
Furthermore, once our parents get older, they become more conservative and cannot
always be objective in regard to modern trends and fashions. Thus we need to take
their advice with caution during that period. However, some kind of intuition which I
believe shared between relatives about what everybody needs and great love which
68
exists in a families still makes our parents very good teachers and advisers at any
time.
In conclusion, while parents are not the ideal teachers, and well-rounded children will
generally need a great diversity of teachers in their lives in order to have a more
accurate view of the world, parents are generally the most committed of all teachers
and have the greatest emotional investment in their children and their future.
TOEFL Essay #003: Food is now easier to

prepare. Is this a good thing?
Some ideas of what to write about for a good score:
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This type of food is usually not as nutritious as fresh food.
This type of food is usually more expensive than fresh food.
Preparing this type of food is usually much faster than preparing food "from scratch."
Cooking is a time when we can spend time with our families. If we spend less time
cooking, we will spend less time with our families.
Cooking can also be a form of relaxation that we will lose if we spend less time
cooking.
This type of food is a reflection of the pressures and stress of life in modern cities.
Having the option to prepare food more quickly can actually contribute to stress in
our lives since we will feel the pressure to do more in less time by using these foods.
Most common errors with this essay topic:

Back to top
 Failure to restate the topic is one of the most common errors that TestMagic
sees in most essays. For example, many essays start like this: "I agree with this
69
point..." We need to say something like this: "I agree that having food that is
easy to prepare has improved our lives."
 Many essays talked about the importance of good nutrition. This point is related
to the topic, but it is only a point, not the topic. In other words, we should not
write an entire essay about the importance of good nutrition, just one
paragraph.
 Some essays talked about the dangers of the technology associated preparing
food, like radiation from a microwave oven. This is a minor point and should not
be developed in the essay.
Remember: Most essays will contain some mistakes. In some cases, TestMagic has
modified the essays so that they would be more suitable for the purposes of the
TestMagic web site.
TestMagic estimated score: 6.0/6.0:
This essay has very good organization and good ideas. TestMagic has edited the essay
that was submitted so that it would receive a higher score.
One important note: people in the United States are using words like man, mankind
because they are starting to sound sexist. Instead, we are using words like humankind
because they do not sound as sexist.
BEFORE
Man, through the ages, has undergone lots of changes. From a period when he
hunted for his food to the present era where man is dependent on preprocessed
foods. During this period not only has man changed his mode of eating but his whole
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lifestyle. In pursuit of more in this competitive world man no longer has time. He is
caught in a race against the clock. A person who finishes more in lesser time is
considered more efficient. This has affected his eating habits as well. Man no longer
has time to cook food. Early mans only objective was to seek food to sustain them.
Now days it has taken a back seat.
Food no longer is of that importance. This is not an encouraging trend. People are
dependent on preprocessed or precooked food. It no longer has the freshness it had.
Such foods loose their mineral and vitamin content and are not as healthy as fresh
food. That’s why the number of diseases are also rising. People have also shifted to
high calorie content food like French fries, pizzas, and ice creams etc. that is causing
obesity, weariness etc. Cooking is an art which his dying out. People enjoyed cooking .
It was a means of elevating all the stress and tension. They could relax during this
time and take control of their life. As man is becoming busy and too involved in his
busy schedule he has no time even to take care of his own personal needs.
People may tend to argue that by using precooked and preprocessed food they are
efficiently using time and can use this precious time saved for other purpose. But is it
really worth it? This is a question whose answer can invite lots of speculation as by
saving this little time we are inviting lots of other problems, which could easily be
avoided. It is not actually making our life simpler but more complicated. More the
sophistication in ones lifestyle more is the complication. Moreover precooked food
lacks the taste of freshly prepared food. Any day food prepared freshly tastes better
that precooked food.Now days almost every thing is available in packets. Cooking has
become a ritual. It is something, which almost every one avoids. If this trend
continues then slowly the art of cooking will disappear and man will become totally
dependent on packeted and precooked food, which is not only bad for health but also
tasteless.
AFTER
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Man, through the ages, has undergone many changes, from a period when he hunted
for his food to the present era when man is dependent on preprocessed foods. During
this period not only has man changed his mode of eating but his whole lifestyle as
well. In pursuit of more in this competitive world, man no longer has time as he once
had. He is caught in a race against the clock. A person who finishes more in lesser time
is considered more efficient. This pressure to do more in less time has affected his
eating habits as well and, as a result, man no longer has time to cook food. Early
man's only objective was to seek food to sustain him and his family. Nowadays finding
food has taken a back seat to other priorities, such as career and education.
Food is no longer of that importance. This is not an encouraging trend. People are too
dependent on preprocessed or precooked food, which no longer has the freshness it
once had. Such foods loose their mineral and vitamin content and are not as healthy
as fresh food. That is why the number of diseases is also rising. People have also
shifted to high calorie content food like French fries, pizzas, and ice cream, etc., which
is causing obesity, fatigue, etc. As man is becoming busy and too involved in his busy
schedule, he has no time even to take care of his own personal needs.
Furthermore, cooking is an art which is dying out. People once enjoyed cooking . It
was a means of eliminating stress and tension. People were once able to relax during
this time and reflect on their lives.
People may tend to argue that by using precooked and preprocessed food they are
efficiently using time and can use this precious time saved for other purposes. But is it
really worth it? This is a question whose answer can invite much speculation about
whether by saving this little time we are inviting lots of other problems, which could
easily be avoided. It is actually making our lives not simpler but more complicated. We
have lost many of the simpler things in our lives, like the simple acts of selecting our
evening meal, preparing it, and enjoying it with our loved ones, and we are worse off
for it.
72
Remember: Most essays will contain some
mistakes. In some cases, TestMagic has modified
the essays so that they would be more suitable for
the purposes of the TestMagic web site.
This essay has good organization and

good use of language. To raise her
score, the author should develop the
third paragraph and the conclusion.
It can not be doubted that our eating style has

encountered a revolutionary change in the last few
decades. It is the change in the type of food that has
had the greatest influence. Not only have the recipes
of certain food types have been altered, but also
absolutely new ones have been created. Examples
include yet are not restricted to beef hamburgers,
potato chips, and cola drinks. All of these changes
contribute to making food preparation as fast and
easy as possible. It cannot be neglected that modern
cooking facilities play a dramatic role in this trend.
Some people regard this trend as a

spoiler of our lives. Their argument
focuses on two main points. First, many
newly emerged types of food have not
the essence of a "complete meal" as
defined by nutritionists. To add to the
problem, these food types are often
served alone. In fact, there are many
medical reports warning people from
depending upon such fast meals in their
food. Other reports indicate a high
potential of malnutrition among those
who are "addicted" to the common duet
of burgers and cola.
73
Second, the advantage of gathering
family members around a meal at home
is lost. Fast prepared food types are
usually eaten outside home. With the
absence of regular family meetings,
relationships are likely to be weaker.
Others think that fast prepared food

types do improve our style of life. This
opinion comes especially from busy
people, working wives, and younger
people. They believe that we have many
things in life more important than eating.
Time spent on food preparation is
considered wasted by them. Wives will
have more time to take care of their
families' souls not just stomachs. Family
relationships will get stronger. Business
men and women will have more time to
concentrate on their business without
worrying about food arrangements. In
general, people will have a greater
opportunity to take care of their minds
and hearts. Reports estimate the time
spent on food arrangements as a large
percentage of our lives.
I agree with that food preparation should

take its necessary time and care.
Otherwise, the time saved in food
preparation can lead to longer times of
headache or even of staying in hospitals
suffering from malnutrition.
TestMagic web site.
74
This essay has good organization and fairly good use of language. To raise the score,
the author would first need to explain why people choose food that is easy to prepare
rather than buy food that is fresh. Second, some of the language is awkward; for
example, "Cooking in the yesteryears was much better than today's." is a somewhat
awkward construction.
Nowadays, wherever we turn our gaze, we can see different types of food that are
easier to prepare. For instance, we can buy frozen foods in a supermarket and just
prepare it in a couple of minutes, whereas before it could have taken us maybe hours
to prepare this kind of meals. I would accept that this so-called improvement has
changed our lives, but I believe that there are some drawbacks as well.
It is true that these kinds of food do not involve hard work to prepare, but food that is
easy to prepare generally has some artificial ingredients mixed in it that makes it
"easy-to-cook". If we take time to read the ingredients, we would definitely come
across words like preservatives or artificial flavorings. It was just a couple of days ago
that I came across a newspaper article which stated that someone was poisoned
because he ate this type of food. He was hospitalized for almost a month.
Not having to cook has also taken the fun out of cooking. Cooking is an art, but in
today's world, this is no more true. People are so busy with their work that they just
rely on this simple foods. The invention and production of this foods have made
people lazy not only for cooking but also for a well family get-together. It was not like
former times when families would sit together and eat freshly baked food. Instead,
they are getting these artificial things with minimal nutrients in them.
Cooking in the yesteryears was much better than today's. People would spend more
time in the kitchen, preparing the food in the way that they liked it. This brought
families closer together and also contributed to the high quality and nutrition of the
food. Granted, people are busier nowadays and do not have as much time as they did
75
in the past, but I believe that people have forgotten the importance of healthy, fresh
food and of the time a family spends together preparing the food. So, I would say that
having food that is easy to prepare has had many disadvantages.
TestMagic web site.
This essay has a very good introduction (by itself, the intro would score about 6.0),
but the rest of the essay is not as developed as the introduction is. To raise her score,
the author would need to develop the rest of the essay more so that it "matches" the
introduction.
Nowadays, many types of food are easier to prepare than they were in the past and
this, according to my opinion, has remarkably improved our lives. Let me justify my
opinion.
In the past, people did not have modern appliances like microwave ovens, food
processors, automatic cookers, etc. and food preparing was largely a manual work.
Mostly, people used to take a lot of time to make fire from wood and cooking also
took a long time. Apart from that the cleaning of the cooking utensils was also a
though job. So a good amount of daily time was lost on cooking rather than on other
productive aspects. I do not mean to say that food is not important, but if we could
spend less time in cooking and more time in doing other works then we could make
more progress in our lives. Today, due to the ease of food preparation we are able to
devote more time to productive work and hence our lives have improved.
The new methods are not only easy they are more healthy as well. For instance, the
food cooked in microwave ovens are much more healthy than the food cooked in
76
conventional ovens or by other means, because microwaves use minimal amount of
fats.
Apart from this, a lot of readymade food is also available in the market, which is ideal
for people who are too busy to prepare their meals. Not only that, but meals can be
easily ordered from restaurants for the people who are busy. This not only saves them
time but also provides employment to many people who prepare food for them in the
restaurants. So the people who are skilled in prparing food can also earn their living
by doing what they want or enjoy to do.
So with easy access to food as well as convenient modes of food preparation, we have
been able to improve our lifestyles and keep up with the development of the human
race.
TOEFL Essay #004: Compare knowledge gained

from books with knowledge gained from
experience.
6.0 Sample
People always are learning and practicing through their whole lives. From
reading words in text book such as toy, car, train etc., people have the
concept and ideas. They further understand the actual meaning of these
words by playing toys and riding or driving cars, trains etc.
Education (books) and experience are the main two channels for People to
gain their knowledge. Each play different roles for people. In my opinion,
knowledge from experience is more important than that from books.
Experience first can prove if the knowledge form books are true or false.
Textbooks are very wonderful in teaching people essential principles, how
is the world looks like? what is the basic law of change of people and
things? We can learn a lot through primary school, secondary school
until university. However, people can only understand the really meaning
77
of those form books and justify them if they are right through practices. A
few hundred years ago, people learnt from text book that the earth was
flat. However scientists found that was wrong through observations and
measurement.
The knowledge from experience can improve and advance

the world and our society. As books have limitation, they only teach us
the what people found in the past. The knowledge from the books are
constrained to the certain conditions and environment. For example,
mould and tools design for plastics industry, the university course only
taught me very simple cases, most knowledge are obtained from various
different and complicated cases in my career.
There are a lot new inventions and new products which could not be
found from textbooks. Our society and world are developed through
continuous practices, those knowledge, never found in books, such as
internet, e-business etc. are all developed through new practices.
"The truth comes from practices and experience", people are continually
discovering new things and assessing the creditability of the knowledge
written in books. The knowledge from experience help us much more than
those from books.
TOEFL Essay #006: Do you support building a

factory in your hometown?
Remember: Most essays will contain some mistakes. In

some cases, TestMagic has modified the essays so that they
would be more suitable for the purposes of the TestMagic
web site.
This essay follows the standard pattern of a good

TOEFL essay--it has simple, clear points that are
supported with examples. I particularly like the way
the writer was very specific about how water pipes
would have to be replaced; this detail makes the essay
78
seem well planned and makes its writer seem
insightful.
TestMagic has edited this essay to make it score 6.0.

The original essay did not mention the name of the
town, leading to a decrease in vividness.
I am from Arroz e Feijao, a small town in the northeast of Brazil.

Building a factory in there will bring a lot of advantages and
disadvantages, but I believe that Arroz e Feijao will mostly benefit
from the building of a new factory because it is largely populated
by poor people and the factory would bring many benefits to this
small town. However, of course, a factory has disadvantages as
well.
As you know, factories usually bring pollution. If this factory
is not managed very effectively and efficiently according to
specific rules, it's prone to polluting the local air and water.
What's more, factories usually make noise. Beside clean
drinkable water and fresh air, an ideal community should be
quiet. If the factory cannot maintain this situation to the
community, it will not last long. A factory that is too noisy or
pollutes too much will eventually be relocated to a new area.
On the other hand, a factory could bring a lot of benefits to

the community. So I would support the plan to build a factory
to my community for all the reasons I will describe below.
First of all, the factory's construction will surely improve the

local infrastructure. To run smoothly, the factory will have to
have a steady, reliable supply of water and electricity. Some
old pipes will be changed, and some facilities will be
renovated. The residents' living standard get improved as a
result of these widespread changes, an important benefit in
Arroz e Feijao, where many people do not have access to
clean water.
Secondly, to make the employee commute more convenient,

the local roads will have to be rebuilt and broadened,
79
resulting in improved public transportation. The town's
residents can take a public bus to go shopping or go to work.
As a result, air pollution and fuel consumption might be
reduced.
Most important, a factory's establishment will bring up a lot

of employment opportunities for the community. A factory
need experts from various fields. The residents can take just
a few minutes to go to the factory to work. So, the local
residents can get great benefits from this factory.
Generally speaking, I agree with the plan to build a factory

near my community. If the factory can be managed
successfully, the factory and local residents can have mutual
benefit.
TOEFL Essay #007: How do movies or

TV influence our behavior?
TestMagic web site.
Click here to read more about this essay topic.
This is a unique essay; it is written in a more literary style than the traditional "cut and
dried" approach of most essays. It is refreshing to read such essays!
Hesitating I enter my house, the light outside is dimming and the shadows make
everything appear unfamiliar. I know that my husband has not returned from work
yet, simply because his car is not in the garage. I am alone. I carefully check all the
rooms, almost expecting something to happen suddenly. I hold my bag in my hand as
if it were a weapon. After the whole house has been declared “clear,” I start to
breathe normally again and a smile appears on my face as I realize, once again, how a
simple movie seen at the cinema a week earlier can modify my actions.
80
Sometimes I wonder if I should watch TV, with all its shows that make me wonder
whether I exercise enough, whether I am slim enough, or whether I treat my pets with
the care they deserve: am I really concerned about their mental health??? Not to
mention the hundreds of commercials that try to make me believe I need a water
purifier to remain alive since the water I am currently drinking is heavily polluted! And
countless are the times when I have heard people talking by quotations learned from
movies… We need to watch shows and films to know what to say, how to be, how to
act. We are so addicted to all this that it almost seems like we cannot think on our
own.
I cannot help thinking about what happened to me some days ago, an example that
clearly shows what kind of power TV has over people. My husband and I were in a
restaurant when I heard my young neighbor pronouncing violent words in a low angry
voice. Surprised, I turned to better understand the situation and I saw that he was
holding a fake military device and was acting as if he were filming a war movie. I am
sure that if I had been a little be more updated about this type of movie, I would have
recognized what he was saying as a quotation. Now, I wonder if he uses such a
language also with his friends and with his parents, if he is aggressive, and if so,
whether his attitude has really nothing to do with what he watches on TV.
That same evening on the way home I saw two cars stopped one next to the other at
a traffic light and as soon as the light turned green they started racing, in the middle
of town. In this case not even a major knowledge of movies and TV programs would
have helped me: there are just to many of them on the market showing the exact
same thing: people racing with cars.
I am sure that everybody, if asked, could easily list many other examples of how TV
and movies can modify our behavior and therefore our life but, I wonder, if we will
always be able to draw the line between a TV show and real life, between what they
make us think we want and what instead we really need and are and believe.
TOEFL Essay #008: Has television

destroyed communication among
friends and family?
81
This essay was written by me (Erin Billy) and has 653 words. Even though this essay is
relatively long, I wrote it in under 20 minutes. Your essay should have 250-500 words.
Back to top
Estimated TOEFL Essay score: 6.0/6.0
Television is undoubtedly one of the most powerful means of communication in the
history of humankind, rivaled only by such other forms of communication as the
Internet, the telephone, movies, and, of course, simple, low-tech speech. Television,
with its wide availability and rich media with image and sound, is difficult to ignore
and even seductive in its appeal. Television is as much a part of our lives as are our
meals, work, or school; studies consistently show that the average American child
spends almost as much time watching television as she does in school. Furthermore,
because television is so rich in its media, it often requires our full attention or is more
attraction to us than are our daily lives. Naturally, the more time one spends watching
television, the less time she has with her family and friends. Thus, we can clearly see
why some have claimed that television has been harmful for communication among
family and friends. However, I believe that, while television has been somewhat
harmful in its effects, it has hardly "destroyed" communication among family and
friends for most people, although for some, this may be true.
Most people much prefer spending time with their families and friends to spending
time watching television. Television is of course an important part of many people's
lives, but most people would gladly choose family and friends over television were
they given the choice. Furthermore, most educated people are aware of the
deleterious effects of too much television and either avoid excessive time watching
television, or actually do not enjoy it. I, for example, after a long day at work, would
much rather spend time talking with my wife and playing with my children than I
would watching some unrealistic portrayal of life on television. For me and my family,
our time together is precious and beautiful, and could never be replaced or hurt by
television.
Furthermore, the effect of television is simply not so great that it could be said to
have "destroyed" communication among family and friends. Granting that
communication among family and friends in industrialized countries has decreased in
recent years, it might be tempting to blame this problem on television since its rise
roughly coincided with the decrease in time we spend with our families. However, I
82
believe this situation is more likely due to increased pressures relating from work,
school, and the economy. In my case, for example, I find that my pressures from work
are so great that I must often sacrifice time at home so that I can meet the challenges
of running my own business. Many of my friends are in similar situations--my best
friend, for example, has just finished law school, which took about sixty hours a week
of his time. In a word, people nowadays have very little time for anything, but
television is not the cause--it is increased desire to succeed.
In some situations, however, television has surely contributed to a decrease in
communication among family members. In my childhood in the countryside, I often
saw parents and children watching television for hours on end, rarely speaking with
one another. It seemed for them that television was a way to escape from their sad,
miserable existence. However, even in this case, I would say that television merely
contributed to the bad situation, but did not cause it; were television not existent,
surely these people would have found other escapes, alcohol or gambling, for
example. In other words, people always find a way to do what they want to do.
In short, I do not believe that television has destroyed or even harmed interpersonal
communication among most people. Most people realize that television is merely a
temporary diversion and do not use it to replace interpersonal communication. I
believe that the damage attributed to television is greatly exaggerated and that such
damage is most likely attributable to other more powerful social factors.
TOEFL Essay #010: How is luck related to

success?
"When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do
with success." Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use
specific reasons and examples to explain your position.
Essay
I fully agree with the claim that there is no correlation between

success and luck. Moreover, I understand success to refer to one’s
83
ability to achieve the predominant part of his goals in his lifetime,
which in turn leads to a correlation between success and income
since the accomplishment of such a natural goal as to provide a
good future for your loved ones demands the means. What is the
simplest and most lawful way to earn enough to consider yourself a
successful person? To receive a good education and to find a good
job. Both receiving an education and making a career presuppose
one’s readiness to work hard, and success without hard work is
simply not possible for the vast majority of the world's population.
The reasons and examples listed below will strengthen my point of
view.
First of all, considering an education and a career as key

factors of success, one will choose to pursue a degree from a
college or a university. One wishing to be admitted to the
university will have to take several tests. It is doubtful that
someone will be so lucky that knowing nothing, he could pass
the test with a high score. A low score means failure, and
that test taker will not likely be admitted. Therefore, in order
to be successful, one should prepare for the tests and work
hard, because a good education will provide him with a good
job and an opportunity to accomplish some of his goals and
dreams. In my lifetime, I have never met a person who
could graduate from a college without working hard.
Secondly, it is impossible to make a career if one is indolent

and lacking knowledge, at least in developed countries. Luck
plays no role in achieving this success. Even if someone was
unbelievably lucky enough to become a manager not being
qualified enough, he will be asked to resign in the near future
because of his inability due to lack of knowledge and
experience to make right decisions. For instance, I used to
work for a very small company owned by a friend. This
company was later closed because of bankruptcy. The cause
of bankruptcy was wrong strategies and decisions made by
the owner. After the failure, he went to a university and
worked for another company so that he could obtain
experience and become a successful businessman.
Nowadays, he considers himself a successful person because
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he had turned into reality his two biggest dreams of
producing consumer goods of high quality and making
charitable donations to needy people.
In sum, as long as someone understands success as an

ability to turn into reality some of his dreams and goals, he
will have to work hard because he will need money. And his
chances to earn that money will remarkably increase if he
could graduate from a college and make a career. All of these
things are simply not possible without hard work. Luck has
no place in such a scheme of events.
TOEFL Essay #032: Is it better to stay

in one place or move around?
This essay was written by me (Erin Billy) and has 444 words. Even though this
essay is relatively long, I wrote it in under 20 minutes. Your essay should have
300 - 500 words.
Estimated TOEFL Essay score: 6.0/6.0
Back to top
It seems like the world is becoming smaller and smaller, almost by the minute. When I
was a child, I had never met anybody from outside my hometown, much less
somebody from another country. However, nowadays I routinely interact with people
from all over the world. I might discuss a topic with my classmates from Iran, Korea,
Brazil, or Palestine; buy computer parts from the shop run by Chinese; have lunch at a
Mexican restaurant; or buy Russian pastries at the café near my house. In these
experiences I can see the product of a world in which borders are falling and people
are free to move about as they wish. There is nothing more invigorating for me than
being a part of this emerging “global village.”
I have now lived in three different countries, Argentina, France, and the United States
and am convinced that I am a better person for it. In each country I found something
different. I remember the warmth of the human interaction of my hometown in
Argentina; I enjoyed the great sense of culture and wit in France; in the United States,
I am impressed by the feeling of liberty and acceptance. In each country I have
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learned a different language, experienced a different climate, conversed with people
in different ways. I have learned that each place has something special about it and
that no place on Earth is a perfect place. We may lose one thing when we leave a
country, but we always gain something else in its place.
So, the greatest benefit of having met so many people from all over the world has
been learning that each person and each culture has a different yet valid way of
seeing the world. I cannot say that Argentines have a monopoly on how to view the
world; nor can I say that the American system of doing things is best. I can only say
that from my experience each system works for each culture and that each one is a
valid way of seeing the world.
Perhaps this point is the most important one for the coming age of information and
technology and falling political and trade barriers. As people from all over the world
migrate more freely in search of better lives, they will necessarily have to learn to be
tolerant of different worldviews. People who do x will learn to accept people who do
y and perhaps even experiment with the new way. By accepting cultures different
from our own, we learn more of the broad range of the human experience and we are
richer people for seeing beauty and truth in its many forms.
TOEFL Essay #036: Should employers

offer "jobs for life"?
This essay was written by me (Erin Billy) and has 531 words. Even though this
essay is relatively long, I wrote it in under 20 minutes. Your essay should have
300 - 500 words.
There are many advantages and disadvantages to offering employees job security for
life. In Japan, for example, prospective employees know that their employers will
provide them with job security for their entire working days and they are better able
to plan for their future and family. However, many businesses are now realizing that
their employees have less motivation to work and this leads to less profits for the
company. I will describe the advantages and disadvantages of this system in this essay
and I will show that ultimately “jobs for life” is not good for a society.
Job security is very important for both the employee and the employer. For the
employee, job security is important because she can depend on her source of income
and better plan her future accordingly. For the employer, the employee represents an
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investment because of the number of hours of training required and the company will
continue to have a return on this investment. As we all know, feeling secure about
where our future income will come from is very important for our well-being—
anybody who has lost a job and has had trouble finding a new one knows that this
transition period can cause a lot of anxiety.
However, job security tends to lead to decreased productivity. In general, employees
who are certain that they can never lose their jobs tend to work less efficiently,
thereby contributing to an overall reduction of productivity in the company. A
common example all over the world is that of civil servants. In Thailand, for example,
many government workers are so indolent that it can take days or months for
something to be finished that should only take a few days. It is not uncommon to walk
into a government office and see employees filing their nails, making personal calls on
the telephone, taking three-hour lunches, or surfing the Internet for fun.
Finally, the model of capitalism is proving to be the most efficient model that we have
right now. This model of job security completely contradicts the foundations of
capitalism. We can see in the United States now that people are starting to change
jobs, even careers more and more often. Some career consultants even recommend
that employees find new jobs every three to five years. Even in countries that still
offer job security for life, this model is showing signs of dying out. For example, in
Japan, once famous for its lifelong jobs, both employees and employers are starting to
expect that these jobs will not last a lifetime. Many of my Japanese friends travel back
and forth between the United States and Japan are have been able to find temporary
professional jobs while they are in Japan.
In short, I disagree that companies should offer their employees jobs for life. We can
see this example in some parts of the world and in other areas in the United States,
but these examples are generally regarded as outmoded ways of conducting business.
Finally, the models of capitalism, even though it may seem cruel, the so-called “law of
the jungle,” are proving to be the most effective way to raise the standard of living of
a country.
TOEFL Essay #039: Is progress always a good

thing?
What to write about for a good score:
87
Back to top
Like most things, progress is neither all good nor all bad. Progress has
brought great advancements in standards of living, but it has also caused
great damage to the Earth and its people in the form of environmental
damage and more effective weaponry.
Most common error with this essay topic:

Back to top
"Missing the point."
Some essays claim that progress is always a good thing, for example, in
school or in one's career, but fail to talk about the sacrifices or
disadvantages involved in making that progress.
Other essays missed the point in another way--they discussed how

advancing in one field might coincidentally lead to misfortune, for
example, moving to a new city because of a promotion at work and dying
in a car accident in the new city. Such an event is not truly related to the
progress; rather, it is simply an unfortunate coincidence.
Still other essays did not discuss "progress;" rather, they discussed
"success" and the advantages and disadvantages of success rather than
the advantages and disadvantages of progress.
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89
Remember: All essays are reproduced here as they were submitted.
Good ideas and organization, but too many spelling mistakes and not enough support
or development for the ideas.
Alll over the world people are welcoming progress into their home, their business and
their education. Larg corporations use progress in technology, industries use progress
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in their manufacture process. How ever, when we think about in larger picture, it is
clear that progress can be damaging in some cases. We as asociety have to check
ourselfs once and a while to make sure, that the progress is not making to much
damage to certain communities around the world.
Speaking as a member of avery spacial community called a Kibbutz, which used to
provid to our poeple from the agriculture products we grow in our own feilds, and sell
in markets. When progress came to our country, many industries got stronger, and
farmers like ourselfs found their selfs without a future for their agriculture
investment, that they worked and built for years. In this case progress has damaged a
larg community, and made them face a hard finencial fueture.
Another unfourtunate veiw on progress, is the use of computures to entertain

children. In the year 2000, when every home has adopted the progress in
computures, children find themselfs sitting long hours infront of the compure instead
of playing outside or inviting friends over. This way of spending to much time on the
computure is very damaging to thier social skills, and even a reason for weight gain
amoung young children.
After looking at a differnt aspects of progress, i can say clearly, that progress has to be
supervised. That in some cases progress is making a big damage for our society.
People sould welcome progress in many feilds of life, but always have your eyes open
for littel "land mines" that could make an unreversable situation and future.

Good writing, but misses the point--the essay represents the disadvantage of progress
as something that might cause jealousy or envy in others.
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------
Progress is, by definition, an improvement or a gradual development in a status of
something. I believe that progress is a good thing as far as it does not create enemies
amongst people. In this essay, I am going to clarify this.
When someone takes a step forward in particular field, people say "He is doing a great
progress!" For example, when somebody gets cured from certain illness and shows
good signs of improvement in health, it is the progress in his health. Students make
progress after working hard on the subject. Workers achieve a good position in the
company. It is their progress which gives them satisfaction and a good pay scale. This
way progress is a thing which gives man satisfaction, happiness, wealth, power or
honor.
However, sometimes this progress may be an unpleasant thing. It can be a reason of

antipathy towards somebody who is getting ahead of us. It has been observed in the
organizations that some employees have intense dislike for their successful fellow
employees. This feeling creates anger and in some cases eventually a crime. Here
starts the race and worries to stay ahead in this race. Sometimes the situation is
opposite. This means, when one of us reaches to a high position, he could get a
feeling of too much self importance and show disregard towards others.
Well, as described above, in my opinion, progress is a pleasant thing until it does not
create evils amongst us. We should admire others for their progress, then it is not too
far from us also.

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Good ideas, but the grammar mistakes and "non-English use of language" lower the
score.
Some people say that progress is always a good thing. I think that it is not really true. I
n this essay, I will argue against this view. I agree to that progress make our life good,
but not ' always'.
The progress in technology sometimes give us negative impact on our life. Since
industry revolution happened in Europe, Technological development has ever made
our life more and more convenient, at same time, it also impact negatively on the
world. Let us take automobile as an example. After automobiles were invented. the
transportation has been improved very much, but simultaneously, our environment
has been polluted badly with discharging waste gas, and situation becomes worse and
worse. Second example is progress in chemical industry and medicine manufacture.
These kinds of products provide us plastic products that have improved our routine
life, such as plastic kitchen utensils and plastic bag used in supermarket. On the other
hand, when these products were produced , a lot of waste material spewed out to
atmosphere and into the river. this negative effect is great influence on our earth.
some technological progress will be subject to a disaster to human being. Everybody

in the world has known that nuclear weapon that some country has kept can destroy
our world many times. Majority of scientist just wanted to provided a new power
resource for people's life, it will be a clean, free of pollution and high efficient power
source in fact, it indeed is our current useful power power resource. However, huge
threat is in front of us, a single disagreement between the super power countries can
trigger the disaster. In this case, the negative impact of the progress in nuclear
technology will outweigh the advantage of that.
Based on abovementioned, I will be in favor of that progress is not always a good

thing, sometimes it will give us negative impact.
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Starts off strong, but does not show that progress is bad; shows only that progress is
good.
Some people think that progress is always a good thing. I don't agree with this point
of view. In my opinion progress is only a good thing under certain circumstances, not
always. A progress may encourage people and may make people become more
confident. In this case, it's a good thing. A progress may also give some guy a feeling
that he's so good, then he just becomes arrogant and stops making efforts. If this
happens, a progress may not be a good thing.
Almost all of us went to schools. I'll take a student as an example. If a student has
been working very hard but he keeps receiving not so good scores, he may become
diffident and lose his courage. It'll be a disaster for someone if he doesn't have his
confidence and courage, which everybody will need to face some challenges sooner
or later. He is bound to lose at school or later at career without confidence and
courage. A better score is a progress for him, which will encourage him and help him
to win his self-confidence back, with which he'll succeed.
If the student gets an excellent, better than ever score, he's made a progress. What
does the progress reflect? His past efforts, helps from other teachers and classmates,
etc. The progress only reflects the past, not the future. Some people just don't realize
this and assume they'll be good for ever. If one stops making efforts, he's not going
make any future
progresses. In another word, he'll lose his future successes.
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In conclusion, it is my opinion that progress is sometimes a good thing, but it may also
turn out to be a loss if it's not treated properly. Therefore, I disagree with the
assertion that progress is always a good thing.
On-topic and well-written, but needs development. This essay is essentially a good
introduction.
Certainly, fifty years ago life was not as easy at it seems to be now. Communication,
technology, medicine, living standards are incredibly different from the ones our
parents and great parents got to know. Progress is a phenomenon that amazes us day
after day and it is without hesitation a daily concern.
Our lives have turn to be easy going, not really demanding and comfort has just
become a daily duty. Computers, cellular phones, and the most advanced technology
is invading our privacy, and seem to be more than necessary to keep us going. Years,
ago their needs were not as much as ours now, they could live, with
less comfort but with more peace, and the stress to obtain materials goods was not a
priority in lives.
It is true the fact that progress changed our parents passive world into our daily active
one, based in incomes and in competitions. It is good to feel we are part of this new
world, capable to offer a great variety of options, capable to let us choose our best.
Live without progress, in all senses would not be a life, and the challenging spirit of
men would not be meaningful with not progress at all.
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On-topic, but but would be stronger with more development in the third and fourth
paragraphs.
I disagree of that statement because progress brings whit it a lot of good things but it
also brings wrong ideas about our world and ourselves.
Throughout the years the human beings have got a lot of progress both in science and
technology, which it has increased the understanding of our world and it has made
our lives easier and comfortable. Only if you think in your home and all of the things
you have in there, like microwave ovens, blenders, washing and drying machines, etc,
you can find many examples of what man has got with new inventions and
technologies. So it is medical researches that have found the cure for so many
diseases that were before a sure death .
However, progress has led to develop many devices not good for humanity, like the
massive destruction weapons, that are opposite to the principal right of the human
beings: the right to live.
Hence, that it is important to think about progress in both sides good and not so good
things when you evaluate its role for the people.
96
Very well written, but misses the point somewhat. The second paragraph talks about
the value of hard work and the third paragraph shows how success can lead to
complacence.
No, I do not agree with the notion that progress is always a good thing. There is no
doubt that progress is something everyone wants but this doesn't necessarily mean
that it is always good. In my opinion progress can do as much harm as it can do good.
It all depends on the way someone takes his progress.
For instance, if a hard working person, who has been no stranger to struggle and
failure, achieves progress, he understands that the progress he got is due to his
perseverance. He realized the fact that progress can be made by working hard. So he
will be encouraged to work even harder and make even more progress. In this case,
progress has made a good impact on the person's life.
Now let's visualize another case. Suppose another man, who is not hard working and
has had everything easy in his life also achieves progress. This is rather unlikely but we
cannot rule out the possibility. Now this progress can have adverse effect on his
mentality. Because he hasn't worked hard for it he might take his success for granted.
This might lead to negligence in his work and this will eventually lead to his failure in
more demanding work. When the failure does come the man may realize his mistake,
but by then it might have become too late. So, this man has been spoilt by his initial
progress.
Now these are only two examples and there are many more people with different
attitudes towards life and hence will be affected differently by progress. So, owning to
the number of people on this planet it is not hard to realize that progress is not
always a good thing.
97
Some good ideas and writing, but "misses the point."
I don't think progress is always a good thing. Instead, it can be obstacles if we cannot
deal well with it.
Sometimes, progress may keep people from learning from others. If we take too much
pride in our progress, being too satisfied with it, we may stop improving. The thought
of self-important may evokes, and thus keep us from being modest. People may begin
to contempt the other people, not willing to listen to the ideas of others, and result in
stay in the same position until they realize the problem. As we all know, China was
once the leading country in the world in history, many nations admired the advanced
technique in China at those days. So the kings took great pride in it, and became to be
so self important that they decided to close the door to communicate with other
countries during Qing Dynasty. Then we lost the opportunity to learn from others and
we are left behind now.
The second, progress may cause jealousy from others and the progress-maker may be
isolated. This happens most in the working environment. Progress will bring
advantages such as position-promoted or salary-raised, this may caused trouble if the
workmates envy you. That will be too bad.
So, if we make some progress, we must be aware of either ourselves or the people
around us, to be modest, and to be alert with the potential plot lying ahead.

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TestMagic estimated score: ???/6.0: Off-topic
Does not address any topic in particular, some awkward language.
As there's an old saying "Practice makes perfect",I totally agree with the statement.
Quiet a few peole may disagree with it because of its long period to make things
right,and other petty things though.
I've experienced lots of events or some meeting situations,since I've been a captain in
my class,and it was a really tough thing to make my friends harmonious. That means
that whenever I had to extract only one opinion out of fifty friends' of mine, I felt the
limitness of my ability to control my class. Because I wanted my friends to follow my
opinion to make progress simple and easy, I usually quarrel with them,and make
things scattered and more confused.
Therefore I realized that the progress is inevitable in social life and I changed my
thought. After that, I could control my class much more easier than before actually.
Through several discussions and debates,my friends and I could learn to repect other
people's opinions and that make things much better and easier after all ,which means
we managed to sustain generosity in our minds that made the whole situation
smoothe and cheerful.
Therefore I think progress is always a good thing in retrospect of my past experiences

that I refered above.
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TOEFL Essay Sample: #040: Should
we ignore the past?
This essay was written by me (Erin Billy) and has 593
words. Even though this essay is relatively long, I wrote
it in under 20 minutes. Your essay should have 300 -
500 words.
I disagree wholeheartedly that learning about the past has no value for those of us
living in the present. In fact, the definition of learning includes the idea of an
accumulation of experiences from the past. Learning can only take place if we make
an association between things that have happened in the past or between something
in the past and something that we predict will happen in the future. All knowledge
that we acquire as we grow is from the past—language, customs, academic subjects,
and so on. While it may be helpful sometimes to be able to overlook previous
knowledge in order to avoid the constraint conformity, the vast majority of
knowledge that we learn is a huge boost—imagine if each of us had to discover by
ourselves that 2 + 2 = 4! So, in a very real sense, all learning depends on past events.
We are only able to live in this world with our current standard of living because we
have learned from the past. We receive knowledge from the past and we are able to
use it and improve it. We examine our actions in the past and we make judgments
about what was right and what was wrong. Then, it is hoped, we will attempt to avoid
those same mistakes again. For example, one of the great mistakes all over the world
has been depriving women and the disempowered classes status in society and many
industrialized and developing countries all over the world are attempting to avoid
such mistakes both in the present and in the future.
Furthermore, all of the knowledge that we have today is a result of all the work of our
predecessors. The ancient Greeks developed geometry, which helped other European
scientists analyze the solar system, which in turn gave us a new understanding of our
place in the universe. The great majority of technology today depends directly on
100
several thousands of years of work of past thinkers. To ignore the knowledge of the
past would be to throw away five thousand years of history and experience.
There is, however, some seemingly small, but important value to ignoring the past. It
is often the case that history or tradition has the effect of constraining our thought in
the present and many important philosophical and scientific breakthroughs have only
been possible as a direct result of ignoring the past. The past, in a sense, can blind us
to the truth, we can become bound by tradition. For example, at one time, leading
thinkers in Europe thought that the Earth was at the center of the universe and those
who disagreed were persecuted as heretics, even Copernicus, who we now know was
correct about his heliocentric model of the Solar System. However, scientists were
eventually able to break from the past and accept the new model of the universe.
In short, learning from and analyzing the past has enormous value for us and life as
we know it on Earth today would not be possible without the benefit of thousands of
years of history and accumulated knowledge. It is important, however, to ignore the
past so that we can make a step forward, and such free thinking should be
encouraged, although not at the expense of past knowledge. Learning from the past is
something like learning from our parents—in most cases, their past helps us have a
better future, but there are times when we need to make a break from the past and
make a bold step into an unknown future.
TOEFL Essay Sample: #040: Should

we ignore the past?
This essay was written by me (Erin Billy) and has 593
words. Even though this essay is relatively long, I wrote
it in under 20 minutes. Your essay should have 300 -
500 words.
I disagree wholeheartedly that learning about the past has no value for those of us
living in the present. In fact, the definition of learning includes the idea of an
accumulation of experiences from the past. Learning can only take place if we make
an association between things that have happened in the past or between something
101
in the past and something that we predict will happen in the future. All knowledge
that we acquire as we grow is from the past—language, customs, academic subjects,
and so on. While it may be helpful sometimes to be able to overlook previous
knowledge in order to avoid the constraint conformity, the vast majority of
knowledge that we learn is a huge boost—imagine if each of us had to discover by
ourselves that 2 + 2 = 4! So, in a very real sense, all learning depends on past events.
We are only able to live in this world with our current standard of living because we
have learned from the past. We receive knowledge from the past and we are able to
use it and improve it. We examine our actions in the past and we make judgments
about what was right and what was wrong. Then, it is hoped, we will attempt to avoid
those same mistakes again. For example, one of the great mistakes all over the world
has been depriving women and the disempowered classes status in society and many
industrialized and developing countries all over the world are attempting to avoid
such mistakes both in the present and in the future.
Furthermore, all of the knowledge that we have today is a result of all the work of our
predecessors. The ancient Greeks developed geometry, which helped other European
scientists analyze the solar system, which in turn gave us a new understanding of our
place in the universe. The great majority of technology today depends directly on
several thousands of years of work of past thinkers. To ignore the knowledge of the
past would be to throw away five thousand years of history and experience.
There is, however, some seemingly small, but important value to ignoring the past. It
is often the case that history or tradition has the effect of constraining our thought in
the present and many important philosophical and scientific breakthroughs have only
been possible as a direct result of ignoring the past. The past, in a sense, can blind us
to the truth, we can become bound by tradition. For example, at one time, leading
thinkers in Europe thought that the Earth was at the center of the universe and those
who disagreed were persecuted as heretics, even Copernicus, who we now know was
correct about his heliocentric model of the Solar System. However, scientists were
eventually able to break from the past and accept the new model of the universe.
In short, learning from and analyzing the past has enormous value for us and life as
we know it on Earth today would not be possible without the benefit of thousands of
years of history and accumulated knowledge. It is important, however, to ignore the
past so that we can make a step forward, and such free thinking should be
102
encouraged, although not at the expense of past knowledge. Learning from the past is
something like learning from our parents—in most cases, their past helps us have a
better future, but there are times when we need to make a break from the past and
make a bold step into an unknown future.
o 43. Is playing games important for adults?

Best one so far!!
Playing games has always been thought to be important to the development of well-
balanced and creative children; however, what part, if any, they should play in the
lives of adults has never been researched that deeply. I believe that playing games is
every bit as important for adults as for children. Not only is taking time out to play
games with our children and other adults valuable to building interpersonal
relationships but is also a wonderful way to release built up tension.
There's nothing my husband enjoys more after a hard day of work than to come home
and play a game of Chess with someone. This enables him to unwind from the day's
activities and to discuss the highs and lows of the day in a non-threatening, kick back
environment. One of my most memorable wedding gifts, a Backgammon set, was
received by a close friend. I asked him why in the world he had given us such a gift. He
replied that he felt that an important aspect of marriage was for a couple to never
quit playing games together. Over the years, as I have come to purchase and play,
with other couples & coworkers, many games like: Monopoly, Chutes & Ladders,
Mastermind, Dweebs, Geeks, & Weirdos, etc. I can reflect on the integral part they
have played in our weekends and our "shut-off the T.V. and do something more
stimulating" weeks. They have enriched my life and made it more interesting. Sadly,
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many adults forget that games even exist and have put them away in the cupboards,
forgotten until the grandchildren come over.
All too often, adults get so caught up in working to pay the bills and keeping up with
the "Joneses'" that they neglect to harness the fun in life; the fun that can be the
reward of enjoying a relaxing game with another person. It has been said that "man is
that he might have joy" but all too often we skate through life without much of it.
Playing games allows us to: relax, learn something new and stimulating, interact with
people on a different more comfortable level, and to enjoy non-threatening
competition. For these reasons, adults should place a higher priority on playing games
in their lives.
I agree with the statement "Playing games is important for adults". In this challenging
world, adults work very hard to earn a better living and thus don't get time to keep
their body and mind fit. By playing games, adults can not only remain fit but can enjoy
life too.
Games can be of two types: physical and mental. The former keeps the body fit
whereas, the latter keeps the mind fit. The following are the reasons to support my
answer.
Physical games include indoor games like table tennis and outdoor games like football
and basketball. These games not only increases blood circulation but also burns the
excess fat present in our body that keeps us fresh and thus improves our working
habits. These games also teaches discipline, co-operation, respect for others, builds
104
self-confidence and teaches us to face defeat bravely, which in turn helps us face
failures in life too.
Mental games include chess, puzzle, quiz and IQ. These games increases our mental
ability and thinking power. These games teaches to make decisions, increases our
knowledge, improves our way of thinking and the ability to remember things, and
thus keeps us mentally alert and allows to take the right decision in life.
By looking at the above reasons, I conclude that games whether they are physical or
mental, indoor or outdoor not only improves our lifestyle but also helps us achieve
our goals in life.
Therefore, playing games is important for adults.
Some people assert that playing games is important for adults. In my opinion the
importance of playing games depends on the types of games considered. While some
games may benefit to health, mental abilities, working capacity, or help to relax,
others may harm the person playing in different ways.
I think the games that are important for adults to play include those requiring action,
intensive thinking and team work. It has been medically proven that physical training
is extremely important for adults. It helps not only to maintain fitness, but also
enhances the capacity of thinking and working. Therefore participating in sports
games, such as basketball, football, tennis and other action games is essential. Games
that require intensive thinking develop logic, attention and unconventional approach..
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Among this type of games are puzzles, crosswords, and strategy games. And last, but
not least, games that involve team work are important to develop further
communicability, ability to make correct decisions with consideration of opinions of
different people and other skills, because these skills are often used in everyday
situations.
Still there are other types of games that may be harmful. These are majorly computer
games, which cause severe eyeain and exposure to radiation. Moreover, computer
games not only harm health, but also have a negative impact on the working capacity.
Many companies have stringent rules against their employees playing games during
work-hours.
There is also one category of games which I believe can be both harmful and
beneficial. These are games played for money. On one hand, winning such a game the
player feels positive emotions, which have an overall positive influence on the players
health and financial situation. On the other hand, loosing the game can drive the
person playing into disappointment and even into depression, thus harming his
health, not to mention the loss of money.
Thus, in my opinion, the importance of adults playing games can be evaluated

depending on the level of positive or negative influences that those game may have
on the person involved.
Some people assert that playing games is important for adults. In my opinion the
importance of playing games depends on the types of games considered. While some
106
games may benefit to health, mental abilities, working capacity, or help to relax,
others may harm the person playing in different ways.
I think the games that are important for adults to play include those requiring action,
intensive thinking and team work. It has been medically proven that physical training
is extremely important for adults. It helps not only to maintain fitness, but also
enhances the capacity of thinking and working. Therefore participating in sports
games, such as basketball, football, tennis and other action games is essential. Games
that require intensive thinking develop logic, attention and unconventional approach..
Among this type of games are puzzles, crosswords, and strategy games. And last, but
not least, games that involve team work are important to develop further
communicability, ability to make correct decisions with consideration of opinions of
different people and other skills, because these skills are often used in everyday
situations.
Still there are other types of games that may be harmful. These are majorly computer
games, which cause severe eyeain and exposure to radiation. Moreover, computer
games not only harm health, but also have a negative impact on the working capacity.
Many companies have stringent rules against their employees playing games during
work-hours.
There is also one category of games which I believe can be both harmful and
beneficial. These are games played for money. On one hand, winning such a game the
player feels positive emotions, which have an overall positive influence on the players
health and financial situation. On the other hand, loosing the game can drive the
person playing into disappointment and even into depression, thus harming his
health, not to mention the loss of money.
Thus, in my opinion, the importance of adults playing games can be evaluated

depending on the level of positive or negative influences that those game may have
on the person involved.
107
I do strongly support the idea that playing games is important for adults.It is useful
and fun,too.It is one of the most important ways to cope with the problems of
business and daily life.There are several benefits of playing games for
adults.First,playing games creates leisure time that every adult must have to lessen
the stress of business life.Its another benefit is that It can improve reflex,intelligence
or health depending on the kind of the game ,and it also gives pleasure to the adults
as well as children.
As we know today business life is a place full of stress.People generally come to their
homes being tired and irritated.Therefore,every individual adult must create leisure
times to forget the daily life's problems and to feel relieved.So,playing some kinds of
games can help them to have free,without stress,times and to relax.Parents also,by
this way,can make a better communication with their children by playing some games
such as backgammon,chess, puzzles or computer games.Children gain self confidence
due to this relationship with their parents,too.It certainly is a notable point of playing
games referring to a family life.Consequently,playing games alone or with their
families gives support adults to preserve their healths,to lessen their stresses and to
deal with business problems.
With the development of technology,people,both adults and children,began to give
more and more importance to computer based games.The computer based
technology actually made games more interesting and more complicated than were
they before.Because of their visual and sophisticated subjects,the computer based
games can easily contribute to maintain an adult's reflex and intelligence thanks to
their interactive skills.Moreover,brain gymnastics with these games are beneficial for
adults to solve their personal problems.For example,some business men or
108
consultants achieve much success or make better decisions after playing some
computer games when tried of working.This means that computers seem to remove
the idea that games are merely for kids.
Enjoyment is another factor that should be considerated while thinking of the relation
between adults and games.It is certain to believe that many adults get very much
pleasure from games.They gain the amusement of their previous childhood again and
again while playing games with the child living in their spirits.So,if a director of a
company or a president of a country is seen while he or she is playing a computer
game or playing football with some kids,it should not be peculiar. Obviously,they will
spend more happier time than any child will and forget every types of problems that
they have during the game.
Last but not least i wish to say that playing games is important for adults as well as all
human beings.It is useful,necesary,enjoyable and educational.Since life,itself,is a
game in which the players are we,it is unavoidable to spend time without playing
games at any age.
Many people have indulged in games and have had fun in a good game at some point
in their lives. Games primarily exist to provide pleasure as a leisure activity for people
of all ages. Today, it is believed that the hectic work schedule of an adult's life has
prevented him from indulging in games whether indoor or outdoor. Some of the
better known indoor games are board games like chess, while the more popular
outdoor games include many sports like soccer, badminton, and tennis.
I feel that games play an essential role in the development of a healthy human being.
An example of an indoor game which I think is excellent is chess. Chess is a game
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enjoyed by many adults today because of the challenge it presents one's mind in his
"intelligence' to defeat his opponent. To many people, they feel that "exercising" the
mind with the indulgence of the game promotes intelligence in an individual because
the game triggers the mind to think and constantly questions his every risky move.
Outdoor games are at least as important in the development of a healthy body as

physical activities trigger the body's metabolism to burn excess fat and calories.
Studies have shown that people are not susceptible to diseases and subsequently live
longer in a regular routine of daily exercise which is very often in the form of games.
Popular games like tennis soccer have become many adults' favorites after a long,
hard day at work.
In conclusion, there are many advantages in playing games for working adults. While
many adults today are finding it difficult to include games in their leisure, it is
important to realize the benefits that are accompanied by activities such as playing
games. Playing games not only helps relieves stress accumulated from an individual's
demanding work life but are also fun to indulge in. It fosters good social relations
amongst friends and family members and thus a reason why games are indispensable
and should be included in one's lifestyle.
Many people have indulged in games and have had fun in a good game at some point
in their lives. Games primarily exist to provide pleasure as a leisure activity for people
of all ages. Today, it is believed that the hectic work schedule of an adult's life has
prevented him from indulging in games whether indoor or outdoor. Some of the
110
better known indoor games are board games like chess, while the more popular
outdoor games include many sports like soccer, badminton, and tennis.
I feel that games play an essential role in the development of a healthy human being.
An example of an indoor game which I think is excellent is chess. Chess is a game
enjoyed by many adults today because of the challenge it presents one's mind in his
"intelligence' to defeat his opponent. To many people, they feel that "exercising" the
mind with the indulgence of the game promotes intelligence in an individual because
the game triggers the mind to think and constantly questions his every risky move.
Outdoor games are at least as important in the development of a healthy body as

physical activities trigger the body's metabolism to burn excess fat and calories.
Studies have shown that people are not susceptible to diseases and subsequently live
longer in a regular routine of daily exercise which is very often in the form of games.
Popular games like tennis soccer have become many adults' favorites after a long,
hard day at work.
In conclusion, there are many advantages in playing games for working adults. While
many adults today are finding it difficult to include games in their leisure, it is
important to realize the benefits that are accompanied by activities such as playing
games. Playing games not only helps relieves stress accumulated from an individual's
demanding work life but are also fun to indulge in. It fosters good social relations
amongst friends and family members and thus a reason why games are indispensable
and should be included in one's lifestyle.
111
Nowadays, there are more and more games for us to play. and people are playing
game more than before. We can play alone or with others. The question is wether
playing game is important for adults. Some think that it is a waste of time, while
others regard it as important part of our life.
I think that playing game is one important part of our life because it relexes me from
long time work and adds more knowledge, even play group game can enchence the
personal relationship.
After long time work, people will get tired and need some relex. game is one of the
pleasant way to do so. For example, playing table tennis after work will not only relex
you but also good for health.
secondly, people can learn some knowledge while play games. word game can build
up vocabulary, play chess can train people to think more clever.
Another reason that game is important is that it can build up a good relationship
between people. Persons with the same interest in certain game will get tother more
often.The friendship will be strenghtened and the they can learn from each other
more things.
Even though I think the game is important, I do mot mean that it can be play without
limits. Excessive indulge in the game will waste time and do no good to the health. But
this can not be regarded as the reason to prevent game playing.

Note: This essay looks like it was written by a native speaker. Even so, it still lacks the
development that is necessary for it to receive a score of 6.0/6.0.
The importance of playing games for adults has always been underestimated over the
past years. However as newer studies are being undertaken in the field of human
112
behavior, the value and significance of play in an adult human being's life is gaining
vast importance.
From time immemorial, play has been a significant means of communication among
children as a role model to the complex inter-personal communications among adults.
The effectiveness of play to bring about bonding among other children/adults has
been highlighted by scientists and sociologists all over the world.
In addition to the benefits of play on the physical systems of humans such as toning of
the various organ systems to their optimum levels of functioning, the effects on the
mental health of the individual are seen to have a greater bearing.
Furthermore, since man is more of a social animal, play tactics are often found to
further enhance the individual's sense of self-esteem among the society he lives in.
His functioning as a productive member of the community is further enhanced, and
this also is seen to have an inhibitory effect on the negative aspects of one's
personality. This holds good even in the face of the highly stressful lifestyles of today's
people.
Truly, one cannot but agree whole heartedly with the old grandmother's saying " All
work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Indeed, play for children and adults alike
ensures a healthier, happier society.
Adults may think they are not children any more, and have to face all kinds of
qroblems which can be
113
soluted by adults only everyday. They may think they have been old enough to deal
with big things such
as finding a good job, doing a good business or making a plan to save money for a
ideal house... Also
they think these things are the most important things in their lives and may spend all
of their time to deal
with them. As to games, they will tell you, they are too old to play games, and it's
ridiculous that adults still play
games like children.
But I think the adults still need games. When people have grown up, they get a
mature body with a mature
mind. Obviously they can understand and handle many things which children cannot
understand and handle.
It means that when a person grows up, he will get more abilities than a child.
However, it doesn't mean that
he will lose the ability in playing games at the same time. In fact, this ability is getting
better with his increasing
age. If he is interested in it, he almost can play any game.
A game can't bring you profit like other work. But when you engross with a game, you
may get the fun
from it. This is salutary, because when you feel interesting and happy, your spirit is
released, the pressure coming
from job, work, or any other things will get lightened. Thus will affect the efficiency of
your work directly.
Because the game makes you brim with vigour again. A happy mood will make you
treat everything in an
optimistic view, you may think, oh, that's no big deal.
114
Yes, that's no big deal. Actually, you may dicover everything in this world is a game,
those big things which
can only be done by adults, are the big games only. And so-called adults, are the big
children.
Adults may think they are not children any more, and have to face all kinds of
qroblems which can be
soluted by adults only everyday. They may think they have been old enough to deal
with big things such
as finding a good job, doing a good business or making a plan to save money for a
ideal house... Also
they think these things are the most important things in their lives and may spend all
of their time to deal
with them. As to games, they will tell you, they are too old to play games, and it's
ridiculous that adults still play
games like children.
But I think the adults still need games. When people have grown up, they get a
mature body with a mature
mind. Obviously they can understand and handle many things which children cannot
understand and handle.
It means that when a person grows up, he will get more abilities than a child.
However, it doesn't mean that
115
he will lose the ability in playing games at the same time. In fact, this ability is getting
better with his increasing
age. If he is interested in it, he almost can play any game.
A game can't bring you profit like other work. But when you engross with a game, you
may get the fun
from it. This is salutary, because when you feel interesting and happy, your spirit is
released, the pressure coming
from job, work, or any other things will get lightened. Thus will affect the efficiency of
your work directly.
Because the game makes you brim with vigour again. A happy mood will make you
treat everything in an
optimistic view, you may think, oh, that's no big deal.
Yes, that's no big deal. Actually, you may dicover everything in this world is a game,
those big things which
can only be done by adults, are the big games only. And so-called adults, are the big
children.
Note: This is a great essay, but it does

not address the topic directly--it talks
about why games are important, not
116
about why games are important for
adults
Playing games is important not only for adult but also for all ages of people for some
specific reasons. We enjoy at the time of playing games as well as it teaches us about
life. People enjoy playing various games. Most of us view it as a nice way to spend our
leisure time. Some people participate in sports and games to relieve from their work
related and other stress. Playing games helps to keep our body fit and keep our mind
fresh. Games are of various types like indoor and outdoor games; individual or team
oriented games. But all games have a common thread; they teach us various
important aspects of our life.
Game is played between two or more teams (depending on the nature of the game)
and one team emerges as a winner at the end of the game. The team with best skill
set wins the game. The team members have to put a lot of efforts to hone in the
required skills for winning the game. This is an important lesson of our life. To succeed
in activity or career, one has to persistently put a lot of efforts. We need to word hard
to attain our goals in life.
When we play games, we might end up on a winning or losing side. We should stay
calm and poised, no matter what the result of the game be. The fun of game should
not associated with winning or losing a game. Similarly, we go through ups and downs
in our daily life. We should neither feel disturbed when our life shows the darken side,
nor feel overjoyed in success, but should stay focused on duties and responsibilities.
We should follow certain rules when we play games. It is illegal to break the rules and
we get penalised when we do so. We need to be a disciplined follower of rules in
order to win a game. Similarly, in our life, we need to follow the legal, social and
ethical rules and any distraction or deviation from them may cost us dear. Thus,
playing games makes us a better disciplined personality in our life.
From the above discussions, it is cleared that playing game teaches us about life and it
is essential for all ages of people not only for adult people.
What would you do if you had some free land?

117
This essay has 637 words.
The world is becoming increasingly smaller and smaller. The world’s population is now
at six billion. The world’s cities are getting larger and larger. At least two cities, Mexico
City and Sao Paulo have almost 30 million inhabitants. In this context, one could say
that a gift of land is the greatest gift of all. Land is perhaps the most permanent thing
in the world. Unlike diamonds, which really have little value in and of themselves, land
actually has great value. Unlike televisions and cars, land cannot be destroyed—if you
remove land, there is still more land under it. In this context, I will discuss what I
would do were I given some land as a gift. It will be necessary, however, to discuss
four things first: First, it is necessary to establish the size of the land. Second, we need
to know where the land is. Third, the topography of the land is important. Finally, the
weather in the location is fundamental.
For the purposes of this essay, I will assume that I have received a rather large parcel
of land (it is a gift, right?!) in a temperate climate with four seasons. I will assume that
the land is fairly flat. Most importantly, I will assume that this land is mine and that I
have control over the land, i.e., that no other government controls the land.
Having grown up in a rather poor family, I think I would be quite excited about
receiving some land. I have never owned anything of any great value and to own
some land would be a wonderful thing for me. For a long time, it has been a dream of
mine to be able to build a beautiful house for my mother. My mother is still living in
poverty and it saddens me to think of her living in that situation. She often does not
have enough money to use the heat in the wintertime and cannot afford to buy new
clothes. I would love to be able to give her the gift of a house and a happy place to
live for the rest of her life. Since we lived in a country with very cold winters, my
family often felt very cold. I would love to bring my mother to a warm place to spend
the rest of her days.
118
However, I would not devote all of the land to houses for my family. I would use most
of the land to develop a business. In my case, doing this would be very important
since I grew up poor. I would need to ensure that I would have a source of income and
a way to sustain the activities on the land. An efficient way to do this would be to
develop the land in some way suitable to the land. In this case, I would use the land to
develop a language and confidence training camp. It has long been my dream to build
a perfect language learning center—a place where people could go to learn a
language, to immerse themselves in the language, to meet other people and to have
fun while doing so. In conclusion, I would like to make one more point. I must admit
that I feel somewhat guilty about the idea of accepting such a gift of land. There is a
part of me that is somewhat idealistic and would like to think that the world is a
beautiful place and that all humans should live together peacefully. From this
viewpoint, I would say that no one can own land. As an American Indian once said,
“Own the land? You might as well own the air or the sky!” However, this idea is
inconsistent with the world today. Being more realistic, I would do what I detailed
above.
What would you do if you had some free land?

Having some free land has always been a deep wish of mine. When I was a child my
family and I often went to the country on weekends, because one of Dad's brothers
owned a piece of land non too far from the city where we lived.
I enjoyed myself riding horses, playing with cats and dogs, picking up eggs from hens,
looking at rabbits, watching birds, "driving" tractors and so on.
119
Since then, I have been dreaming to have some free land of my own property, in
order to do what I most like without annoying any neighbours.
First of all I would fill it with trees, flowers and grass, because I love to stay outside
and have walks under the trees' shadow.
Secondly, I would buy some German Sheepdogs. Actually I'm very fond of this race of
dogs and I wish to grow up some exemplars and win premiums at dog competitions.
Dogs are the real passion of my life. I love to stay with dogs and speak to them and
teach them some basic things.
Finally, in order to stay there always, I would build a small country house, made of
stone and wood but with all comforts and a swimming pool to bathe in when it's very
hot.
Probably it's a dream, but don't say it's impossible to accomplish. In fact, I would only
need to work in some place neither too near, not too far from the country. There I
could find some free land and do what I've just said.
So I would realize the child's atmosphere that I can only remember now and that is so
distensive when just thinking of it.
What is the most important plant in

your country?
This essay was written by Erin Billy, your TOEFL coach in the USA.
I have written this essay as if I were from Korea so that my students
would be able to imitate the essay better. I'm not really from Korea,
though--I was born in Washington, D.C., the capital of the US!!
Plants are vital to the survival of all life on Earth--plants transform the light of the sun
into energy that is usable to other life on Earth. Without plants, animals would not be
able to use the energy of the Sun that reaches the Earth. The removal of one plant
from the ecosystem can cause many unforeseen changes, sometimes irreversibly
damaging an ecosystem. However, some plants are more important than others,
120
either for biological or cultural reasons. In my country, Korea, I would say that the
grass that produces rice has come to be the most important plant, not just because
rice is a staple food, but also for other cultural reasons.
Virtually every Korean eats rice at least twice a day. I, for example, had rice at
breakfast, lunch, and dinner yesterday. For most Koreans, rice is an integral part of a
meal, as expected in a meal as ink is to a pen or wheels are to a car--a meal without
rice is not a meal. In fact, if I have dinner with my American friends and do not eat
rice, I actually feel hungry even if I have filled myself with potatoes or other food
while eating with them. Many of my friends have made similar comments to me. So, I
believe that rice is as much a part of our daily lives as work or talking on the
telephone is.
However, rice is much more than just a staple food to most Koreans--it represents the
very sustenance of much of our culture. Our history teachers tell us that the
development of rice as an agricultural product was largely responsible for the
advancement of Korean culture--since rice was portable and had a long storage time,
people had more freedom to move and were less susceptible to changes in the
weather. In many ways, rice has come to be considered the perfect food, so ingrained
is it in the minds of many Koreans, and many Asians for that matter, as food that we
often say "have you had your rice" instead of saying " have you had your meal." In
fact, I have made this translation error many times while I have been in the United
States. I have wanted to ask my American friends whether they have eaten, and I ask,
"Have you eaten your rice?" Naturally, they often respond "no," leading to much
miscommunication. For me, then, rice is more than just food--it is the very sustenance
of most Koreans.
In short, rice is by far the most important plant in Korea. Were it removed from
Korean society, Korea would change drastically, perhaps even have a famine much
like the Irish Potato Famine of the 1800's. Rice is the very lifeblood of Korea.
Is it better to have few friends or many friends?

TestMagic Essay Score: 5.0/6.0
121
I think I prefer to have many different friends because we can learn more
from having many different types of friends. If we have just a few close
friends, then we cannot learn as much as we can if we have many friends.
Therefore, I think it is better to have many different friends.
First, having many different friends can teach us about life and the world.
I think you can learn many things about many different countries if you
know people from all over the world. For example, if you have a friend
from China and one from Iran, you can learn more about those two
countries. If you just have friends from your country, then you do not
learn very much about the world.
We can also have many different kinds of experiences if we have many
different kinds of friends. For example, some people like sports, others
like music, still others like to study. If we have many different friends with
many different interests, then we can never feel bored and we can have a
happy life.
Finally, if we have many different friends, then maybe we can have more
help from people when we need it. For example, if we need some kind of
help with something, but we don’t know too many people, then it might
be difficult for us to get help. However, if we know many people, then it
will be easy for us to find help when we need it.
Therefore, I believe that it is better to have many different friends in our
lives. Having many friends can teach us about the world, we can have
more fun with different friends, and we can get help more easily if we
have many different friends.
Most Common Student Mistakes in Essays
This is a list of the most common essay mistakes. Each type of mistake has an
abbreviation that you will see on the essays TestMagic returns to you.
Jump to:
o //
o ??
o ¶
o agr
122
o awk
o contr
o dm
o frag
o get
o ill
o inc
o naw
o np
o off-topic
o platitude
o punc
o rep
o s/p
o scn
o sp
o svo
o tone
o upr
o vague
o vt
o wc
o wf
o ww
o
123
Abbrevia Meani
Example of Mistake Explanation
tion ng
// not You need to use
parallel the same part of
Back to top I like to eatJapanese food speech or type of
andeating Thai food. phrase when you
have a series of
I was able to raise my test score words that are
bystudying hard and I read lots of joined with
books. conjunctions.
?? I can’t I have tried to

understa figure out what
Back to top nd what Many companies began using you are trying to
this computers mouth. say, but I can’t.
means.
¶ new no example You should break

paragrap up this long
Back to top h paragraph into
two paragraphs.
agr subject/v She are a good friend of mine thatI The subject and
erb has known for a long time. the verb do not
Back to top agreeme agree in number.
nt
awk awkward We heated the soup in the microwave The wording is

for too long and the shape of the either too long or
Back to top container changed. unclear. In other
words, it sounds
According to my experience, I grew funny!
up in the country and went to a small
school.
124
Abbrevia Meani
tion ng
Due to the fact of his being late, he
missed the beginning of the movie.
contr do not I’m tired. Do not use
use contractions
Back to top contracti I can’t help you. (can’t, don't, it's,
ons we'll, they've,
I’ll’ve read thirty books by the end of etc.) in formal
the year. writing. Instead,
use the full word
form (cannot, do
not, it is, we will,
they have, etc.).
dm double Even though I need to study, butI This sentence

marking don’t want to go to the library today. cannot have a
Back to conjunction
top Since I want to go to a good before the the
school,therefore I am trying to raise main subject and
my test scores. the main verb.
frag sentenc Micronesia’s economy is This sentence
e growing. Because their economists has no main
Back to top fragment are working hard to improve the subject or main
economy. verb—often this is
because the
Many students have a hard time sentence is
passing all the tests to get into actually a
college. For example, my friend in subordinate
high school. sentence. This
particular
example is a very
common mistake.
You can correct it
by joining the two
clauses.
125
Abbrevia Meani
tion ng
This particular
mistake,Because
their economists
are working
hard is very
common.
get do not When I got home, Igot tired, so I got a get is considered
useget book and got into bed. too informal and
Back to top too vague to use
in formal writing.
Change get to a
more specific
word likebecome,
receive, find,
achieve, etc.
ill illegible I can’t figure out

writing We were very surprised by thelittle the handwriting.
Back to top Be careful.
@$HG@$*%
inc incorrect I am going to see a movie with my The information

informati friend. (This sentence means you you have
Back to top on have only onefriend in the whole presented is
world; you need to say one of my either incorrect or
friends.) sounds like it
might be incorrect
I was very good at soccer when I was (if it is indeed
high school. (This sentence means correct, you
that in the past you were not should explain
human—you were a high school. You why it is correct
need to use a preposition here,When since the reader
I was in high school.) is not expecting it
to be correct)
126
Abbrevia Meani
tion ng
The more people exercise, the
younger they will be. (Of course,
exercise cannot make you younger. It
can make youfeel younger, but
actually making someone younger is
impossible.)
I am fortunate to be able to spend a

lot of time with my children. I can
teach themeverything about Korea.
(Of course, it is impossible to teach or
even know everythingabout Korea or
any country. We should change it
to many things.)
I would like to study in America

because allmodern technology
originated there. (all means 100%; we
cannot say that absolutely every new
thing started in America; just to be
safe, you should use manyor most.
naw not a Although it looks
word in like it could be a
Back to top English word, it isn’t, at
Computers are very helpful least not in
andadvantageable. English. Try to
use a different
form of the word.
np no I would like to A preposition

prepositi discuss aboutsomething important cannot be used
Back to top on that you mentioned aboutto with this word for
me duringyesterday. this meaning.
Often, this is with
We went todowntown yesterday to the
buy a watch. wordsdowntown,
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Abbrevia Meani
tion ng
When I first came to the US, I did not home, there,
have a lot of friends in here. here; these words
are adverbs in
In class, my classmate never English, not
mentioned abouther husband. nouns. Therefore,
you cannot use a
preposition before
them.
off-topic off-topic There are many reasons to buy a This idea is not
or car, preferably a nice car. related to the
Back to top irrelevan general topic of
t your essay.
platitude platitude It is okay for children to fail The idea

sometimes. expressed is a
Back to top common one—
It is important to have friends. most people are
already aware of
Life is beautiful. it, so it is not
necessary to
state it.
punc punctuat I love animals. and I like to help This is
ion them.because they are helpless. so I a verycommon
Back to top want to become a vet. problem! Many
students put too
many periods in
their sentences,
especially when
they handwrite
their essays.
rep repetitiv The low-priced car was inexpensive. An idea is stated

e or more than once
Back to top
128
Abbrevia Meani
tion ng
redunda Personally, I believe what the or some word is
nt newspaper prints. unnecessary.
I like to travel with friends who know

me.
s/p singular/ Many year ago,dinosaur roamed This word needs
plural the Earths. to change either
Back to top from singular to
plural or from
plural to singular.
scn singular I like apple, but notbanana. A Singular Count

count Noun Cannot
Back to top noun Most people want to live near readily Stand Alone: you
available source of gasoline. need either to
change it to plural
form or add a
determiner (a,
the, my, his, her,
Gary's, no, any, 1,
3, 50, most, etc.)
sp spelling Firstable, I want This word is

error totank yu four yorhelp. Secondlee,eye misspelled.
Back to top want two give you sum monnie.
svo proble My sister shelikes to study all day There is a
m with and all night. problem with the
Back to subject basic sentence
top or verb I want to buy something for my structure—either
or mother that she will like it. the subject, verb
object or object is
There was a terrible missing or is
accidenthappenyesterday. repeated.
129
Abbrevia Meani
tion ng
tone the tone The advent of the Internet greatly The tone doesn’t
does not changed the world.I mean, so many match the rest of
Back to top match people use e-mail nowadays. the essay—it is
that of probably either
the I was kind of mad at the guy too formal or too
essay whovociferated angry words at me. informal.
I have heard many wonderful things
about such cosmopolitan cities as
Paris, London, Tokyo, and Hong
Kong and I would love to visit these
cities to check them out.
Accuracy and neatness are important

when writing letters to college
admissions offices orwhatever.
upr unclear If people do not speak the same The referent (the
pronoun language, it has a greater chance of noun that the
Back to top referent miscommunication. pronoun replaces)
for this pronoun is
Gary saw his brother yesterday even unclear.
though hehad to work most of the
day.
I intend to complete my studies in the

United States because they have
good programs there.
Having a good friend is important in

your childhood.It can help you in
many different situations.
vague the If you want to live in America, you will This sentence or
writing is need to have a lot of experience. idea is too
Back to top vague general and does
130
Abbrevia Meani
tion ng
We should use our resources on not give us much
Earth because the Earth is getting information.
worse.
vt verb Yesterday I will goto the store The verb tense is

tense because tomorrow I needed some incorrect—check
Back to top food. present, past,
future, perfect
tenses, etc.
wc word If you really care about the child, you

This is not the
choice would teach the kid how to read. right word to use
Back to top in this case—
I was late getting home because Ilost either there is a
my way. better word to use
or the word you
have used does
not match the
overall tone of the
rest of the writing.
wf word People have a lot of freedom This is not the

form inAmerican. correct form of
Back to top the word—check
I want to creation a great web site so the noun,
that I canbecoming wealth. adjective, adverb,
verb forms of this
word.
This particular
mistake,American
instead
131
Abbrevia Meani
tion ng
ofAmerica is very
common.
ww wrong Most basketball players are This is either the

word veryhigh and make lots of dollars. wrong word or not
Back to top the best word to
Even I don’t speak Spanish, I was use in this
able to find a bathroom in the situation.
department store.
I gained a lot ofpounds during

vacation.
Most Common Mistakes in Student Essays

Fret not, for we've all been there. We've all gotten back essays
with red marks strewn across them. Everyone makes mistakes.
Even professors. Students, writers, and teachers all need a little
reminder of what not to do. So, we've compiled a list of the top
ten mistakes made in student essays. You may relate to some,
and not to others. Regardless, these are the most "popular" errors
and little ways to avoid them in your next paper.
1. No thesis
1. Explanation: As simple as it seems, most people often
neglect the single most important sentence in the entire
essay. A thesis is your basic argument — your "tag line."
If you could sum up the debate in your essay in one
sentence, this would be it: the thesis.
2. Fix: While there are always exceptions to the rule, it is
advisable to place your thesis statement at the end of
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your introductory paragraph. It should consist of the
general argument and the ways (evidence you plan to
use) to prove it.
2. No conclusion
0. Explanation: People sometimes stop writing an essay
before it ends. A summary (or denouement) is always
required in essay writing.
1. Fix: Very simple. You do not need to add anything new
(although you can) to this paragraph. Just add an extra
small paragraph to the end of your paper summarizing
what you have just said. Essentially your introductory
paragraph more complex.
3. No evidence
0. Explanation: The evidence in essays is with
documentation, research, quotations. An essay without
evidence proves absolutely nothing and will become pure
opinion. Evidence makes fact. Think of yourself as a
lawyer and bringing in specific items to prove your point
in a court of law.
1. Fix: Go to the library. Look on the internet. You must
have at least one piece of evidence (quotation,
paraphrased idea) from a book, article, documented
source, for each idea you try to prove.
4. Misuse of commas
0. Explanation: People use commas in different ways. They
are generally used in series of nouns and to separate to
clauses in a sentence. If this confuses you, then seek out
a grammar book or ask your professor/teacher for help.
1. Fix: Find a grammar book (we recommend STRUNK AND
WHITE). Look through your essay purely for commas. If
you are looking at your text for nothing more than
commas, then you are sure to take out unnecessary
commas and put in necessary ones.
5. Plagiarism
0. Explanation: Plagiarism is when you take another
person's writing, fact, text, and use it as your own.
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Unfortunately, some students do this purposely, while
others accidentally fall into the trap.
1. Fix: Always, always, always cite your facts! Document
any quotation and all facts you use in your essays with
either footnotes or internal documentation. Do not make
the mistake of forgetting to cite information that you
have paraphrased. Sometimes (with picky professors)
this can be considered plagiarism, too.
6. Spelling errors/Typos
0. Explanation: This is pretty self-explanatory. Often, people
leave spelling mistakes in their essays (which can be
typos, but not necessarily), and lose easy points.
1. Fix: Do not simply use your computer's spell-check
feature, as it often overlooks words. Do a read-through of
your essay just for spelling.
7. Punctuation problems
0. Explanation: People also encounter punctuation problems
often in essays, which includes semi-colon, colon, period,
misplaced participles, etc.
1. Fix: Read through your essay solely for punctuation.
Make sure you end every sentence with a period,
exclamation mark, or question mark in the correct place.
8. Lack of transitional phrases
0. Explanation: When new paragraphs begin, they always
need a transition, or a sentence ending the previous idea
and leading into the next.
1. Fix: Go through your essay and look at beginning of each
paragraph. Read the paragraphs as independent mini-
essays. If they make sense alone, they probably have a
transition. If not, add just a simple sentence introducing
the idea.
9. Lack of structure
0. Explanation: Essays, like buildings, need structure. They
need a beginning, middle, and an end. In the middle,
they need substance.
1. Fix: Create an outline for your essay. Follow it!
10. Repetition
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0. Explanation: When an essay discusses the same idea in
every single paragraph, it borders on boredom and
repetition. The writer obviously has little to say (and
probably has done little work).
1. Fix: Make sure each paragraph has a different focus. Use
your outline to guide you.
How to Write a Five Paragraph Essay

Essays come in various forms, as do subjects, professors, writing
styles, and graders. In order to make the best of a writing
assignment, there are a few rules that can always be followed in
order to find success. While you can never know exactly what a
teacher will like, as long as you have proven a point, you will write
a successful essay. The beauty of writing is that the power is in
your hands. There is not always a "right" or "wrong" answer. You
simply have to select an argument and back it up. If you do that,
then your essay should be successful, regardless of whether or not
it is liked.
The basic high school essay should be organized in the following
five paragraph structure:
1. Introduction
2. Body Paragraph One
3. Body Paragraph Two
4. Body Paragraph Three
5. Conclusion
This list is a basic guideline by which to structure all your essays.

Obviously, they can vary in length and in paragraph number.
However, within the confines of this skeletal structure, is
everything you will in order to write a successful essay.
Let us go piece by piece through this basic structure to examine
the elements of this style.
1. Introduction
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The Introduction consists of an opening line. This opening line
can be a generalization about life that pertains to your topic.
It can also be a quotation. Another segway into the
introduction is to start it with a little anecdote (or story). By
"breaking the ice" so to speak with the reader, you are luring
him or her into the rest of your essay, making it accessible
and intriguing. Once you have "introduced" the Introductory
paragraph with a generalization, quotation, or anecdote, you
can write vaguely for a few sentences or simply jump into the
crust of the argument. When you feel you are ready to
introduce the specific focus of the essay, then you write the
thesis statement. The thesis statement should generally come
at the end of the Introductory Paragraph. If you are writing
about a particular book, author, or event, you should name it
(in entirety) in the thesis statement. You should also list your
argument with its supporting evidence in this sentence.
Essentially, the thesis statement is your tagline for the essay
and the final sentence of the Introduction.
2. Body Paragraph One
The Body Paragraph One should open with a transitional

sentence. It should lead the reader into the first piece of
evidence you use to support your thesis statement, your
argument. It is essentially a mini-thesis for the paragraph.
From the transitional/opening sentence, you can go on to cite
evidence to support your argument. This evidence must all
revolve around a single theme and should come in the form of
a quotation (or factual information from a primary source). If
you put too many different themes into one body paragraph,
then the essay becomes confusing. Body Paragraph One will
deal with one theme for your argument. You may have
several pieces of evidence to support this one them, which is
absolutely fine. Once you use a piece of evidence, be sure and
write at least one or two sentences explaining why you use it.
Then, wrap up the Body Paragraph with a mini-concluding
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sentence summing up only what you have discussed in that
paragraph.
3. Body Paragraph Two
Body Paragraph Two should follow the exact same rules as

Body Paragraph One. This time, pick the second theme in
support of your thesis argument and cite evidence for it.
Again, you must open this paragraph with a transitional
sentence; one leading from the previous theme to the current
theme.
4. Body Paragraph Three
Body Paragraph Three should follow the exact same rules as

Body Paragraph One and Two. Again, you must open this
paragraph with a transitional sentence; one leading from the
previous theme to the current theme.
5. Conclusion
Your conclusion is a wrap-up of the entire essay. It takes your

introduction and essentially says to the reader, "See, I told
you so." You should be writing your conclusion with the belief
that you have proven everything you have set out to prove in
your essay. You are allowed to be confident here, and you are
even allowed to drop little extra pieces of information that
make the reader think more than you previewed in the entire
paper. It is also important to have a concluding mini-thesis in
this paragraph. This statement is the closing tag-line, the "see
what I just did" idea in every paper. An essay can be
immaculately written, organized, and researched; however,
without a conclusion, the reader is left dumbfounded,
frustrated, confused.
It is important to remember that this is a rough sketch by which to
write your essays. If your topic is quite complicated, then you may
have infinitely more evidentiary paragraphs than three.
Furthermore, you can expand your individual themes, as well. You
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can write two or three paragraphs in support of "theme 1" (or
Body Paragraph One). The most important thing to remember here
is consistency. If you have two or three paragraphs in support of
one piece of evidence, then you should have the same amount of
paragraphs in support of all sequential facts.
Here is a diagram of the basic essay guidelines. Remember, "Body
Paragraphs" simply stand for Specific Ideas for your thesis. There
can be many more than simply three.
 I. Introduction
1. Opening
 Sentence
 Anecdote
 Quotation
 Generalization
2. Explanation of opening, leading into Thesis Statement
3. Thesis Statement
 Name, Title, Event
 General argument
 3+ reasons why your argument is true (3+ pieces of
evidence)
 II. Body Paragraph
1. Opening Sentence (pertaining to Reason/Theme #1)
2. Explanation
3. Evidence A
4. Explanation of evidence A
5. Possible evidence B
6. Explanation of possible evidence B
7. Mini-conclusion only about Reason/Theme #1
 III. Body Paragraph 2
1. Transitional/ Opening Sentence (pertaining to
Reason/Theme #2)
2. Explanation
3. Evidence C
4. Explanation of evidence D
5. Possible evidence E
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6. Explanation of possible evidence #F
 IV. Body Paragraph 3
1. Transitional/Opening Sentence (pertaining to
Reason/Theme #3)
2. Explanation
3. Evidence G
4. Explanation of evidence H
5. Possible evidence I
6. Explanation of possible evidence I
 V. Conclusion
1. Transitional sentence wrapping up paper
 Return to original anecdote/quotation/generalization
2. Reconfirm your argument, recounting how you have
proven it
 Write a mini-thesis, this time with more assertion
3. Possibly throw out a new idea (related to your thesis)
 Optional
How to Write an Essay

Essays are sometimes the most daunting assignments in school
(and later on in the professional world). To students, the phrase
runs, "You either have it or you don't." Writing skills. Some people
can take an hour to write a masterpiece, while others slave over a
page assignment for weeks.
While they may be terrifying, they are manageable, controllable
tasks that anyone can accomplish. There are just a few steps to
take and you will find yourself complete with essay in hand and
time in the future.
Essays come in many forms: standard Five-Paragraph essay,
Compare-Contrast essay, Application essay, Research/Term paper,
Essay Exam, and so on. Many teachers and professors will design
a specific essay questions for you, that you will then have to
answer in their designated fashion.
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Regardless of the style, follow the following general steps and you
will be able to write an essay of any sort. Writing is not a simple
deed. However, as opposed to tests, you will not be forced to
memorize data for a single hour. Rather, you can research and
formulate your own thoughts, expressing your knowledge in a
personal way. This latter example is a major reason many people
prefer essays to other forms of factual testing.
1. Read and comprehend the essay topic/question
Reread the question several times to make sure you truly

understand what it is asking. People often write an essay that
has nothing to do with the topic. Discuss it with your teacher
or other students.
2. Research the topic
Go to the library, internet, read some books, look over your

notes. Hone in on the specific question at hand and read
information pertaining to it.
3. Write an outline
As elementary as it seems sometimes, outlines are the

scaffolding for all successful writing. It does not have to be a
formal outline, but just sketch out the order of your essay in
some method that you understand.
4. Write a thesis statement
The thesis statement is the foundation of your essay. Write

that one sentence that argues the point, the debate, the crux
of your essay. It will be the final sentence of your introduction
and the starting point for the rest of the writing.
5. Write the paper
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Just write. It does not have to be a masterpiece as you write
that first draft. Just get something on paper that you can
eventually mold into a final product.
6. Edit the paper for content
Edit the paper to make sure you are staying on target,

following your thesis, and have enough supporting evidence to
prove your thesis.
7. Edit the paper for grammar
Give your essay a quick look solely for grammatical problems

(spelling, punctuation, transitions, and so on).
8. Have someone else read over the essay
Even the most accomplished writers have editors. Sometimes

you can become "immune" to your own writing and are unable
to see what makes sense and what does not make sense. Let
someone else read over it to make sure that your argument is
cohesive.
9. Print the paper
Printers can sometimes distort your paper, no matter how well

written. Print it out a day or so in advance in order to take
care of any last minute errors.
10. Turn it in!
How to Write a Compare/Contrast Essay

Compare and contrast essays are the other big essay types in
academic writing. These essays will follow a specific question and
are fairly easy to complete. There are several ways to write this
type of essay. The most important thing to remember is structure.
Many wonderful essays fall victim to the woes of bad structure,
making any ingenuity to fall by the wayside. Go over the rules on
141
how to write a general essay, and then structure your
compare/contrast essay in one of the following two formats:
1. Introduction
Your introduction — like the five-paragraph-essay, should

open generally (with a quotation, anecdote, generalization),
and lead into the thesis statement.
2. Topic 1
This next portion of your essay (which may consist of one

paragraph or several) should cover only the first topic of the
comparison and contrast. Compare/Contrast essays take two
topics and illustrate how they are similar and dissimilar. Do
not mention topic 2 in this first portion.
3. Topic 2
This next portion of your essay (which may also consist of one
or more paragraphs) should cover the second of the two
topics. Do not discuss Topic 1 in this section. Since you have
already gone into great detail about it, you may allude to
Topic 1 briefly; however, do not analyze Topic 1 in this
section. This portion of the paper is to discuss Topic 2 in great
detail.
4. Topics 1 and 2 Together
Now that you have analyzed both Topic 1 and Topic 2

independently, now it is time to analyze them together. This
section may also be one or several paragraphs.
5. Conclusion
The conclusion — like the introduction — should be a

generalization of the thesis. This paragraph should express
your certainty and absolute knowledge on the subject matter.
142
You should reaffirm your thesis (essentially restate it in new
words) and show how you've proven it.
OR
1. Introduction
Your introduction — like the five-paragraph-essay, should

open generally (with a quotation, anecdote, generalization),
and lead into the thesis statement.
2. All Comparisons (Topics 1 and 2)
This section — which should consists of several paragraphs —

should go through all similarities you find in the two topics on
which you are writing. There should be at least three
comparisons (essentially three short body paragraphs) in
which you give an example from both topics of comparisons in
each.
3. All Contrasts (Topics 1 and 2)
This section — which should consist of several paragraphs —

should go through all differences you find in the two topics on
which you are writing. There should be at least three
contrasts (essentially three short body paragraphs) in which
you give an example from both topics of comparisons in each.
4. Conclusion
This conclusion is wrapping up everything you have just

proven in your paper. It should restate the thesis in a new,
more official way, and you should feel quite confident in your
writing.
Here is a quick breakdown on how the Compare-Contrast Essay
should appear:
 Type A:
1. Paragraph 1: Introduction (with Thesis)
143
2. Paragraph 2: Topic 1 (Comparison a)
3. Paragraph 3: Topic 1 (Comparison b)
4. Paragraph 4: Topic 1 (Comparison c)
5. Paragraph 5: Topic 2 (Contrast a)
6. Paragraph 6: Topic 2 (Contrast b)
7. Paragraph 7: Topic 2 (Contrast c)
8. Paragraph 8: (Optional) — Comparisons/Contrasts
together (any topic)
9. Paragraph 8: Conclusion
 Type B:
0. Paragraph 1: Introduction (with Thesis)
1. Paragraph 2: Comparison a (Topic 1&2)
2. Paragraph 3: Comparison b (Topic 1&2)
3. Paragraph 4: Comparison c (Topic 1&2)
4. Paragraph 5: Contrast a (Topic 1&2)
5. Paragraph 6: Contrast b (Topic 1&2)
6. Paragraph 7: Contrast c (Topic 1&2)
7. Paragraph 8: Conclusion
How to Write a Descriptive Essay

Descriptive essays are often subjective tasks. The first issue at
hand is to make sure you know what type of paper you are
writing. The descriptive essay is often creative, personal, or simply
artistic. Discuss the assignment with your professor or teacher
before you begin.
Even though your descriptive essay is more personal than a
standard five-paragraph or compare-contrast essay, there is still
quite a bit of homework to be done. Here is a list of important
rules to follow as your write this essay.
1. Understand the concept

2. Do your research
3. Outline the paper
4. Write the paper
5. Re-write the paper
6. Edit (outside editors)
144
Descriptive essays rely on their nominal stature. It is more
important to use imagery and metaphorical language than
scientific data. Descriptive essays are not mathematic entries, nor
are they always factual. They are opinions. Consequently, you can
try to write and describe anything you desire. You simply have to
do it well. As horrible as that sounds, your professors and teachers
will tell you the same thing.
Here are some tips to remember when writing your descriptive
essay:
1. Actually describe something

2. Use concrete and abstract images
3. Use concrete and abstract ideas
4. Do not go overboard with adjectives and adverbs
5. Do not go overboard with similes and metaphors
6. Give it to someone else to see if your essay actually
describes something
While it may seem rather vague initially, sometimes a descriptive

essay can be the most liberating and pleasurable essay to write.
You are just writing something as you see it. If you can prove and
describe an idea or image in language, then you have
accomplished your task. Documentation and hard research are not
always necessary components (although they may be).
How to Write a Narrative Essay
Narratives are stories. Narratives are plots. They are essays that
tell a story — hopefully in an interesting way — that also convey
themes. Often, if you are asked to write a narrative essay, you will
not be asked to research a theory or topic. Rather, you will be
asked to use your imagination instead of a bibliography. You may
need to research for this narrative essay; nonetheless, the writing
of it may come more easily to you for you do not need to quote
specific words from primary sources.
Here is a short reference guide on how to write the narrative
essay.
145
1. Decide on a topic
2. Discuss the topic with your teacher/professor and
peers either in class or in a group discussion or private
tutorial
3. Brainstorm several different ways the narrative can go
(see spider diagram below)
4. Start writing
5. Do not stop writing. Let your writing flow onward in a
stream of consciousness type of way.
6. Reread the essay.
7. Edit for grammar and the technical rules of writing.
8. Let someone else edit/read over your essay for content
and grammar.
Before you begin writing your narrative essay, it helps to

brainstorm ideas for where you want your narrative to go. Because
you are able to invent plot, you can write anything your
imagination invents. As a result, you will want it to appear
coherent and plausible. Many narrative writers use diagrams to
begin. Start with the main idea (person, subject, object), and
circle it. Then, write lines from the circle for descriptive words for
that one main idea. Let each spoke continue outward farther and
farther, until you have a spider-looking diagram with many
thoughts. You can pick any of those for your narrative and follow
it.
Ultimately, you will have written a narrative (story) that reads
more pleasurably than academically. Because of the nature of the
narrative essay, you will usually be assigned to write one only in
creative writing or literature seminars. Often in composition and
freshman writing courses, people also are assigned narrative
essays to write. If you are given this assignment, it is important to
remember that a narrative essay is still an essay. It is not a novel
excerpt or a novella. It is a self-contained essay with a theme (or
thesis) still at the focus of the writing. And even though it is more
creative than academic, grammar and syntax are still vital to the
success of the essay.
146
How to Write a Research Paper
Research papers are the pinnacles of academic writing. They
encompass writing creatively, academically, seeking quotations,
facts, and information from books, magazines, internet sites,
personal interviews, and so on. The beauty in writing a research
paper is that there is a clear and uniform formula that, if you
follow, you are certain to find success. The problem with writing
research papers is that they require a lot of work and time. But,
once you finish with them, you might have learned some
interesting facts and thought of a few on your own.
Here are some quick guidelines to writing a research paper:
1. Decide on a topic and discuss it with your teacher.

2. Do back research:
1. Go to the library
2. Use the Internet Catalog to search for books about your
subject
3. Use the Guide to Periodicals to search for magazine
articles about your subject
4. Photocopy and/or check out the sources you need
3. Read over the material
4. Make notes (on note cards preferably) (see our guide,
"How to Use Note Cards")
5. Write an outline (see our guide, "How to Write an
Outline")
6. Write your introductory paragraph
7. Complete your paper, as if just writing an essay
8. Have someone else look over the essay, edit it for
content and grammar.
9. Rewrite/edit the paper.
10. Double-check your quotations/facts
11. Write a Works Cited page or Bibliography (see our
guide, "How to Write a Bibliography")
While it may seem like there are so many steps in writing a

research paper, do not let that bog you down. Yes, a research
147
paper is quite a large task and it is important that you do it
completely. If you skip one of the steps, you may find problematic
areas later on.
Writing is not an easy task. When you add research to writing a
paper, then fear may take over. It is important to realize that
organization is the key to writing a research paper. In fact, the
writing is the least of your worries. The writing is the easiest part
of it. The research, note taking, and outline is the bulk of the
creation of the research project. Once you have accomplished all
those steps, then writing the paper is simply like filling in the
blanks. Your outline will dictate what to say and when to say it.
Here are some quick tips as you're turning those late hours at the
library into long lines on your Word documents:
1. Do not forget to cite quotations

2. Do not forget to use documentation
3. Always write an outline first
4. Always write down the bibliographical information for
every source you use
5. Always remember to write down the page number on
which you found information
6. Always let someone else read over your paper
7. Never use "first person" (the personal "I think...") in
your research paper
8. Always double check your sources
Good luck with your research paper. Remember, writing a research

paper is just like writing a regular essay. The only difference is the
extra sources that go into your work. There is a lot more to do
prior to writing a research paper than writing most other types of
essays. While that may seem tedious, it is always liberating. It
makes the actual writing component of the research paper much
easier in the long run.
How to Write a Biography
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Biographies are delightful fun essays that most students enjoy
writing. According to Webster's Dictionary, a biography is—1: a
written history of a person's life; 2: biographical writings as a
whole; 3: an account of the life of something (as an animal, a
coin, or a building).
In your class work, Biographies will be simple (and usually quite
short) essays about someone else's life. An autobiography on the
other hand, is a story (or essay) about your own personal life. As
this section is about Biographies, you must keep yourself out of
the essay altogether.
In order to write a Biography, follow the following simple steps:
1. Research the person

1. Read books
2. Read magazines
3. Internet research
4. Interviews (if possible)
5. Exploration of that person's inner world (cafes, homes,
favorite things)
2. Select an angle
0. Learn all about a person's life (personal, professional,
private)
1. Select one aspect of that person's life (or one time
period)
2. Focus all your research on that component
3. Try to select an aspect of that person's life that has not
yet been told
3. Write an outline
0. Organizing your thoughts it vital in writing a biography
1. Select the main events in the person's life on which to
focus
2. Write them in a certain order (chronological, professional
development, etc.)
3. Even though this is a Biography, you will still need a
thesis statement. The thesis will essentially tell the
reader what you are trying to express about your subject
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in one sentence. The person's tagline or motto, if you
will.
4. Write the paper
0. Simple, pick up your pen (or turn on your computer) and
write away
1. Write more than less. In Biographies, there is always
more to cover than is necessary. It is much easier to cut
out than try to add in later on.
5. Edit the paper
0. As mentioned before, every writer needs an editor.
1. Edit purely for grammar, punctuation
2. Edit purely for content (logical flow)
3. Give the paper to someone else to read
How to Use Quotes in an Essay

"Quotations" are funny little things. People like to use them to
start essays, in the body of essays, and at the end of essays. They
are an integral part to research papers and add merit and
credibility to general essays. However, there is a specific way to
use them. If quotations are used incorrectly, they can cause much
more harm than they are worth. Here are some tips so that you
will know always how to use a quotation in an essay.
 Definition: Quotations are never officially called "quotes."

"Quotes" are the easy, colloquial way of saying "quotation."
You can say "quote" if you want in speech. However, in an
essay, you will always want to write out the word,
"quotation."
 Open/End: In full quotations, the first quotation mark is
called, 'the open quote," and the second quotation mark is
called the "close quote."
 Punctuation: Punctuation marks always fall inside the
quotation mark. For examples, "If your sentence ends after
the second mention of the word 'here,' then you should place
your period here." The period, comma, exclamation, or
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question mark should always fall before the end quotation
mark.
 Citations: Quotations are vital when citing specific
documentation. If you are quoting an author, book, article, or
person, then you must always use a quotation. You can
introduce the quote by saying that John Doe says in The
Times Daily News that, "People like to use quotations marks."
Or, you can simply write the quotation (using the quotation
marks) and end the sentence with the internal documentation.
See the next bullet for internal documentation.
 Internal Documentation: In essays, you will inevitably use
quotations from original and primary sources. Consequently,
you will need to cite them internally (or via footnotes, an
antiquated style). When documenting a specific quotation, you
will omit the end punctuation (period, exclamation mark,
question mark), put the close quote mark, and then add a
parenthesis with the citation. After the citation, you will close
the sentence with a period. See this example: "I will not eat
green eggs and ham" (Seuss, 5). The sentence concludes
after the internal documentation.
 Indented Quotes: Sometimes in an essay, you will use a
long quotation. This means, absolutely no quotation longer
than five lines should be within the body of the text of your
essay. If you choose to use a long quotation (longer than five
lines of text), then you should indent the quotation one inch
on either side and sometimes italicize it. The quotation should
end with a punctuation mark and quotation mark. The internal
documentation comes afterwards without any end
punctuation.
Quotations are fantastic tools in writing essays. We recommend

that you use them as often as possible. However, follow these
rules so that you use them correctly. If you use a quotation
without citing it in internal documentation, you could be accused of
plagiarism (or copying someone else's words as your own). This
accusation can be the ruin of many great students and writers. So,
be careful and frugal with your quotation usage.
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How to Proofread Your Essay
Proofreading your essay is the final straw of success. Many people
write pseudo-excellent essays and wonder why they get the "B" in
red ink when essays are graded. The reason with less-than-perfect
scores is usually in the proofreading...or lack thereof.
No matter who you are or how well you write and research, you
must always proofread your own essays, and preferably have
someone else proofread it, as well. People write often and can
become immune to their own work. Consequently, they do not see
simple typos and grammatical errors that can easily be found and
fixed. You don't want a perfectly fantastic essay — especially one
over which you have slaved — ruined by a few spelling errors.
Here are a few tips on how to proofread your essay:
 Take three different colored pens (red, blue, green).

 Read through your essay with the red pen in hand solely for
spelling errors.
 Read through the essay with the blue pen in hand solely for
grammatical (punctuation) errors.
 Read through the essay with the green pen in hand for
content errors. The content errors can be lack of
documentation, awkward sentences, lack of transition, and so
on.
 When you have painstakingly read over your essay numerous
times — each with a different viewpoint — you will probably
have a rainbow colored stack of papers. Now, go through your
computer screen and fix the errors.
 Give the newly printed copy to another person to read.
If you go through all of these steps for each essay you write, you
will inevitably find all erroneous and extraneous errors in the
writing. Your own eyes will find most errors, especially if you use
color-coded systems and re-read the writing numerous times.
However, we cannot stress enough the importance of having
someone else proofread your essay for these errors. Other people
will be able to pick up on problems that you cannot see in your
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own work. BookRags offers an essay editing service that you may
use for this purpose.
How to Memorize Using Mnemonic Devices
A mnemonic device is a tool used by students and teachers to aid
in the memorization of facts.
Webster's Dictionary: mnemonic: assisting or intended to assist
memory.
So, a mnemonic device is a method for enhancing memory. When
using the term mnemonic device, most people are referring to a
trick that one uses to help memorize something. Such tricks are
typically alliterative or have some sort of rhyme that helps a
person memorize easily.
Here are the most popular types of mnemonic devices:
 Alliteration
 Acronym
 Rhymes
 Groups
 Numbers
 Pictures
 Poem/jingle (tune)
When people think of mnemonic devices, they typically think of

little rhymes popular among youth. However, they can stretch to
all types of the above tools for memorization. Some popular
mnemonic devices from youth are those which help people
remember the order of the planets in our solar system as well as
the colors of the rainbow.
A mnemonic device used as a jingle and phrase.
Milky Way Galaxy order of planets (from first to last):
1. My (Mercury)
2. Very (Venus)
3. Educated (Earth)
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4. Mother (Mars)
5. Just (Jupiter)
6. Served (Saturn)
7. Us (Uranus)
8. Nine (Neptune)
9. Pizza pies (Pluto)
A mnemonic device used as an acronym.

Order of the Colors of the Spectrum (from first to last):
The name Roy G. Biv, a constant comparison to colors.
 R (Red)
 O (Orange)
 Y (Yellow)
 G. (Green)
 B (Blue)
 I (Indigo)
 V (Violet)
Mnemonic devices are used not only to memorize facts for

education. They also help when people are learning their
surroundings. It helps putting faces with names or names with
voices. It also helps when traveling in a foreign country with
location and language. People with especially strong language
skills will use these devices constantly, as they are extreme aid in
the process of information acquisition to the brain. However, it is
important not to become too dependent on these devices. You
don't want to have to sing a jingle every time you say hello to your
boss's spouse or have to present information in a meeting.
TOP TEN MISTAKES STUDENTS MAKE WHEN WRITING

ESSAYS
1. Inconsistent tense
When writing about events in a novel, you must first make the
decision whether to use the present or past tense. Generally speaking,
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either is acceptable, but once you make the choice, you need to be
consistent.
Incorrect Correct
John decides to go to bed, but then he John decided to go to bed, but then he
drank too much coffee and could not drank too much coffee and could not
fall asleep. He watches television for fall asleep. He watched television for
half an hour, then he finally felt half an hour, then he finally felt sleepy.
sleepy.
2. Plot summaries instead of analysis
Although it is often necessary to recount some of the plot to make

your point, your paper should not be solely a plot summary. I know
what happens in the book, and I assume you do, too. After recounting
the relevant part of the plot, make an analytical statement about that
passage; show me you have thought about the book.
Incorrect Correct
Michiko placed the money she earned Michiko's act of placing the money she
prostituting herself into the empty earned prostituting herself in her late
box which was meant for her husband's ash-box demonstrates how
husband's ashes. She held the box her recent corruption had replaced a
tightly as a tear ran down her cheek. previous life of happiness.
3. Quoting instead of paraphrasing
As a rule, you should only quote when either the original author said
what he/she said so well that you could simply not say it better OR
you are quoting a passage from fiction to convey the tone of the
story. Quotations should be introduced by you; do not insert someone
else's words in your essay as if they are merely a continuation of your
own words. See the handout on Plagiarism for examples of correct
paraphrasing.
4. Incomplete sentences
Every complete thought needs a subject and a verb. This may seem
straight forward, but you might be surprised at the number of
incomplete sentences I read every semester; usually the writer begins
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constructing a complex sentence, and then forgets to finish it. Here
are some real examples, with names removed to protect the guilty:
 The modernization could not have happened if first of all the social changes
and then the political consolidation from an imperial state to a democracy.
[where's the verb in the conditional clause?]
 While the soldiers who actually assaulted the woman, never acknowledges [sic]
their guilt. [The "while" means "although," but there is no clause to finish the
thought]
 And the "shame society" always putting the blame on someone else or making
excuses for themselves.
5. Single spacing and indenting

When you quote something which is more than one sentence long,
the quote should be single- spaced and indented from the rest of the
text. Also, in this form, there is no need for quotation marks around
the quote. A footnote or similar citation, however, IS necessary (see
handout on plagiarism for examples of format).
6. Contractions
Unless you are directly quoting another text, avoid using contractions
such as don't, won't can't, isn't, and its. Instead, use do not, will not,
cannot, is not, etc.
7. Second Person
Avoid using the second person pronoun you. In its place, use the
pronoun one. (Examples below cover both contractions and the
second person pronoun.)
Incorrect Correct
If you don't understand the meaning If one does not understand the meaning
of the book, you shouldn't feel stupid. of the book, one should not feel stupid.
You won't always see everything the One will not always see everything the
author wants you to see. author wants one to see.
8. Dangling Participles
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You may have heard of them, but do you know what they are? A
"dangling participle" is a participle [a nominal form of a verb, often
in -ing form] that lacks clear connection with the word it modifies. In
other words, your sentence seems to change subject midstream. Here
are some examples of dangling participles:
Incorrect Correct
Working at my desk, the sudden noise Working at my desk, I was
startled me. [working lacks connection startled by the sudden noise.
with noise]
Turning the corner, the view was much Turning the corner, he
changed. [turning lacks connection discovered that the view was
with view] much changed.
9. Spelling
Do yourself and me a favor. Use a spell-checker if you are writing on
a computer. Technology has made poor spelling inexcusable. "I didn't
know how to use the spell checker" or "I didn't have time" are not
valid excuses; it takes two or three key strokes and about 30 seconds.
10. Title
Your title should reflect the content of your paper. It does not need to
be fancy. However, do not title your paper with the title of the work
on which you are writing. For example, if your name is John Smith
and you are writing on War and Peace, do not title your paper "War
and Peace" by John Smith. War and Peace was written by Tolstoy,
not you. If you are feeling particularly unimaginative, title the paper
"On War and Peace," or something like that, but avoid stealing other
authors' titles.
AND FINALLY, REMEMBER: DO NOT USE BIG WORDS, DO NOT
USE SMALL WORDS, USE THE RIGHT WORDS.
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Common mistakes to avoid in
essay writing
DON’T lose unnecessary marks on your essays. Here’s a rundown of
some of the most common students make when it comes to essay
writing.
Failing to address the question

Failing to adequately address the essay question is the number one
mistake students make. Always read the question a couple of times to
make sure you’re addressing all the components. For example, if a
question asks you to outline a theory…and apply to an event and give
critical analysis, be sure you answer all three parts.
No clear argument
Another common mistake is the absence of a clear argument. Some
students might have an idea of what they want to argue but they don’t
express it clearly. Try to have a clear one-sentence argument in the
introduction and not leave it to the end of the essay. Additionally it’s a bad
idea to write hoping to find some sort of argument along the way ather
than having your argument organised prior to writing the essay. Always
have your argument clear in your head before you start writing.
Describing rather than analysing
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It’s one thing to describe, and another to analyse. It’s easy to get caught
up in talking about a subject matter without analysing the information
you’ve got on hand. Most essays will ask you to engage in the question in
some way, so being descriptive is never enough, you have to agree,
disagree and offer an educated perspective.
Not using reliable references
Wikipedia is good to get an overview of a topic, but it’s just a starting
point. Also be careful when using internet sources as academic articles
carry a lot more weight than an article you randomly found on the
internet. So do your own research outside of Wikipedia. Academic
references are core. While reading academic articles, you should look at
the citations and find the articles being cited.
Related story: Top tips for essay writing success
Quoting without understanding
You don’t show you’ve done thorough research and engaged with a topic
by lifting whole chunks of text from an academic article to quote in your
essay. Demonstrate understanding by paraphrasing and using your own
words to explain the concepts as well. Use a mix of both direct quotes and
your own reworded indirect quotes when writing your essay.
Inflated and overly-elaborate style
Most students tend to overwrite and inflate their essays with big
complicated words. You’re much better off keeping your language plain
and using short sentences. After all, it’s the ideas that are important, not
the number of complicated words you use.
No clear introduction
A good essay has a clear introduction that indicates you know what your
argument is and how you are going to argue it. The reader should be able
to get a clear framework for the points you intend to elaborate on in the
rest of your essay.
Not supporting statements with evidence
It’s not enough to have a point of view if you don’t have evidence to back
it up with. You have to substantiate your arguments by drawing on your
research.
Incorrect referencing
Forgetting to include page numbers or submitting an incomplete
bibliography is the easiest and silliest way to lose marks. Writing up a
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complete bibliography doesn’t take long. You should reference all the
statements in your essay that have been drawn from other sources to
avoid plagiarism. Try to update your bibliography as you write, that way
you don’t have to go back at the end and try to figure out where you got all
those references from.
Recommendations not drawn from analysis
If you give recommendations that don’t relate to your analysis you could
get yourself in a lot trouble. While it’s good to form your own thoughts and
opinions, you should always base your recommendations on the research
you’ve done and make sure you explain where your recommendations
come from.
Conclusions are not forward looking
A good conclusion is more than just a summary – it looks backward and
forward. For example, a good conclusion in a business essay explains not
only the history, but the future of the organisation you’re discussing.
Making assumptions
If you’re making assumptions, back them up with academic references
and if possible direct quotes from notable academics.
Poor data collection
Business, science and math essays need to be supported by data.
Business disciplines in particular require data, i.e. the link between
strategy and organisation and how it affects the bottom line.
Common Mistakes Students Make

When Writing College Term Papers
The following are common errors frequently made by students who are
writing college term papers:
 Not following instructions. Thoroughly read essay instructions. Ask the
instructor for clarification if you’re confused about instructions.
 Forgetting to proofread. Carefully read the essay for grammar, spelling, and
other errors.
 Poorly developed introduction and conclusion. Without a catchy introduction,

your audience can quickly lose interest. Likewise, the conclusion provides you
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with an opportunity to re-summarize and emphasis main points.
 Incorrect capitalization of proper nouns. Capitalize proper nouns, but don’t

capitalize common ones. Proper nouns reference specific people, places, and
organizations, and common nouns reference general places and things, such as
mountain, computer, or man.
 Incorrect use of IT’S and ITS. This is a very common mistake. Its is a pronoun
for singular, non-gender specific nouns, while it’s is a shortened form of it is.
 Poor use of paragraph breaks. Every paragraph must relate to the thesis. Begin
a new paragraph when presenting new ideas. Students frequently submit essays
with long paragraphs. You should have at least one paragraph per page.
 Failure to meet the page limit. Always meet the minimum page requirements.
Do not use excessively large font sizes to fill space.
 Incorrect use of commas. Commas are used for various reasons, but they’re
most often used to signify pauses. During the editing phase of your writing, read
the essay aloud. If it doesn’t flow naturally, check for comma problems.
 Run-on sentences. Two independent clauses without any punctuation is known

as a run-on sentence.
 Comma splices. Two independent clauses separated with a comma is known as

a comma splice.
 Papers that are not properly attached. Instructors are usually responsible for
grading numerous essays. If you do not properly attach essay pages, some of
your work could get misplaced. Use a staple, binder, or clip to attach all the
pages in your essay together. Use your last name as a header on every page to
ensure your essay can be reassembled if pages get misplaced. Do not hand in
essays with bent or torn page
The 15 Most Common Mistakes

1. Diving right into writing without first thinking or planning. This is
definitely the most common mistake.
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2. Thinking that the longer your essay is, the higher your score will be, regardless of
organization or use of language.
3. Not thoroughly understanding the scoring rubric and how readers will use it to
score your essay. It all starts with the scoring rubric. The rubric determined the
Essential Concepts we presented to you and formed the Essential Strategies and
step method you’ve just learned.
4. Not practicing the step method—reading this book is not enough!
5. Not mastering the essential concepts, both of building a strong argument and of
language.
6. Worrying about constructing the perfect argument expressed in perfect language.
You’re writing a first draft!
7. Not taking a particular position on the issue.
8. Not thoroughly supporting your position with an argument made up of well-
chosen reasons and examples.
9. Not varying your sentence structure accurately and appropriately.
10. Using fancy-schmancy words inappropriately without knowing their precise
meaning.
11. Deviating from your outline in the middle of writing your essay. Take the
time to get your thoughts straight before writing.
12. “Overwriting”—using highfalutin sentences incorrectly. You won’t impress
anyone. Vary your sentences, but vary them appropriately and correctly.
13. Being “cute.” Don’t aim to be boring, but don’t take any chances with
structure or language on the essay. Structured does not equal boring.
14. Writing on another topic. That will get you a score of zero.
15. Writing illegibly. That will also get you a score of zero.
19 Common Application Essay Mistakes and

How to Avoid Them
Many students trip over common obstacles in their college application

essays. For example, many students can’t see beyond the superficial
prompt to construct an essay that positively communicates their
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personality and passion. Some students rehash their activities and
achievements without adding the personal flavor, perspective and
substance that admissions officers look for. Learn how to avoid these and
other damaging traps.
As an independent college admissions consultant, I read many application

essays and see many common application essay mistakes. Here’s some
helpful advice:
1. Select the Best Topic and Subject. The Common Application, as well as
many individual college applications and supplements, give students a
choice of essay topics. Resist the temptation to quickly make a selection.
Instead make an inventory of your key experiences and achievements,
adjectives that describe you, anything significant in your background, as
well as what you can potentially “offer” (e.g. athletics, music, dance) a
college. Then read the options carefully and decide which topic(s)
provides the best opportunity to portray your self in a desirable manner. If
the application requires more than one essay, select distinct topics and
subject areas so the admissions people get a broader, and more
complete, picture of you. If you are an athlete, for example, try not to write
more than one essay about sports.
2. Answer the Question. Read the prompt carefully and pay particular
attention to two part questions. For example, if you choose to “evaluate a
significant experience, achievement or risk you have taken and its impact
on you”, make sure you thoughtfully and critically analyze both the
situation and its impact. If you choose to “discuss an issue and its
importance to you” make sure you focus on its importance to you. The
admissions people are looking for a window into your character, passion
and reasoning.
3. Be Personable and Specific. Colleges don’t learn much from a generic
essay. If you are asked to describe your reasons for your interest in a
particular school that you are applying to, make sure your essay
addresses the particular features of that school that appeal to you and
explain why. Brainstorm with others. Don’t be afraid to think creatively.
Don’t be afraid to reject ideas! Most strong essays have more “show” than
“tell”.
4. Make Your Essay The Right Length. Many prompts specify a desired
number of words or a range. If it’s 200 to 250 words, don’t insert your 500
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word essay. In fact, many on-line applications will not even accept more
than the stated limit. If there is only an upper limit, don’t stress if your
essay appears too short. Lincoln got his points across succinctly in the
Gettysburg address — in less than 275 words. Be concise. Omit irrelevant
details, clichés, and poorly developed ideas. Do not distract the reader
with unnecessary words and repetition.
5. Watch Your Tone. If you come across as a spoiled child, a stuck-up rich
kid, lazy, sarcastic or a cynic, the admissions team might decide that you
are not the right fit for their school. A bit of well placed humor is fine, but
don’t try to be a comedian.
6. Don’t Appear Self-Interested or Materialistic. While few applicants are
genuinely altruistic, most colleges are turned off by students who appear
more focused on what the school can do for them, rather than how they
can benefit from the education and at the same time be a contributing
member of the campus community. If you are applying to a business
program, the average starting salary of recent graduates should not be
your stated motivation for seeking admission!
7. Don’t Rely on Your Computer’s Spell Checker. Applicants who rely
solely on their computer’s spell check program may find themselves
submitting applications with poor grammar and word choice. Just because
everything is spelled properly doesn’t mean it is correct. A good way to
catch mistakes is to read your essay very slowly and out loud.
8. Don’t Overlook the Mundane. Some of the best and most memorable
essays are based on a simple conversation between people. The
impressions and takeaways from such a conversation can be extremely
engaging and provide a valuable window into the personality and values
of the writer. Some essays of this type center on a moment of
enlightenment or illumination when the writer views life from a new
perspective and/or gains new confidence.
9. Skip the Volunteer Trip. Dedicated community service over a period of
time can be a strong topic for an application essay. Volunteer day at the
local park, or two weeks of school building in Africa, will probably not
impress the admissions committee. They see many essays of this type.
Not only is it difficult to stand out from the pack, but these experiences are
often more about the experience than about you, or convey that money
buys opportunity.
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10. Don’t Rehash the Resume. The admissions committee relies on
essays to learn additional things about you such as your initiative,
curiosity about the world, personal growth, willingness to take risks, ability
to be self directed, motivation and ability to make the most of a situation.
They are interested in your personal qualities such as leadership,
confidence, ability to work in a team, strength of character, resilience,
sense of humor, ability to get along with others and what you might add to
the campus community. In short, use your essays to showcase a side of
you not visible from other parts of the application.
11. Peruse the Entire Application. Many applications, especially for
some of the more competitive schools, are complex and require multiple
essays and short answers. Don’t look at each question in a vacuum, but
rather view the application holistically when deciding how to best portray
yourself through responding to the various prompts. For example, if you
have five key areas you wish to cover, and there are five essays, try to
strategically focus on one area in each essay.
12. Don’t Fall in Love with the Thesaurus. Resist the temptation to be
a sesquipedalian or come across as a pedantic fop! There’s no need to
use a big word in every sentence. Use caution when showing off your
extensive vocabulary. You risk using language improperly and may
appear insecure or overly eager to impress. Admissions people aren’t
keen about picking up a dictionary to understand your essay. Worse yet, if
your essay vocabulary is at a much higher level than what would be
expected from your English grades and SAT/ACT scores, it may appear
that your essay is not your own work. Most teenagers don’t use myriad
and plethora in their daily vernacular.
13. Check Your Ego at the Door. Even if you are impressed with
yourself, most admissions officers don’t respond favorably to students
who brag, put down classmates, or wax eloquent about their amazing
achievements. While self doubt is generally undesirable, a bit of humility
can be well received, especially in an essay about overcoming adversity.
14. Accentuate the Positive. Few students have a perfect resume,
which is apparent in the application. Drawing attention to weakness in an
essay is generally not a good idea, unless you were able to overcome a
weakness, and make it a strong suit.
15. Proofread Carefully. Don’t let your eagerness to submit an
application cause you to overlook careless mistakes. Errors can doom
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your otherwise excellent application. Make sure you schedule sufficient
time for a thorough review. When possible, have at least one other person
proofread your essay. They may catch something important that you
missed. For example, you don’t want to tell Ohio State that you really want
to be a Wolverine! Again, read your essay out loud.
16. Organize Your Essay. An impressive essay generally contains a
strong opening, well organized content, and a powerful closing. If your
essay lacks structure and seems to ramble, chances are it won’t impress
the reader. Start with an outline and design your essay paragraph by
paragraph. Make sure you include enough background information about
whatever topic you are writing about so that the reader can put it into
context. For example, one student wrote an excellent essay about a
horrible first day of school, but forgot to include that he had just moved to
town, from halfway around the world, and was struggling with English.
Resist the temptation to run off and start writing. Experts will tell you that
up-front planning of your essays is well worth the time invested. Not only
will the quality of your essays be much higher, you’ll probably end up
saving time in the long run!
17. Research the College Before Writing the Essay. Almost every
school has its own identity and mission. Some universities even have a
slogan. Others have niche areas of study that they like to promote. Pay
attention to what is important to the particular school and, when
appropriate, consider including it in some manner in your essay.
18. Invest in a Strong Introduction. Admissions people read a lot of
essays and may not be energetic and fresh when yours reaches the top of
their pile. That’s why it’s essential to attract their attention up front. It is
critical that the first few sentences capture their interest. A boring opening
may cause the reader to not pay close attention to the remainder of the
essay. Design the introduction to draw them into your essay. A well-
planned essay may omit some key details in the opening forcing the
reader to pay close attention to the rest of the story.
19. Start Early and Take Your Time. Don’t wait until the last minute.
Application essays almost always take longer than you anticipate. Invest
the time necessary to do it right. It should be your best work. Ask others to
review your drafts and offer comments and suggestions. Take comments
and suggestions seriously – behind every good writer is usually at least
one good editor!
166
Author: Lynn Radlauer Lubell is the Publisher of InLikeMe.com, and the
Founder ofAdmission By Design, a College Consultancy, based in Boca
Raton, Florida.
 Incorrect Noun-verb agreement- In every sentence the noun and verb must agree in
number-singular noun and singular verb/plural noun with plural verb- sounds easy but this
is a very common mistake.
 Endings on past tense verbs- one of the most common errors that occurs without thinking-
always use the ed ending when talking in the past tense.
 Apostrophe error- apostrophes are used in two instances- contractions and possession-
misuse of apostrophes has become a common place in today's writing.
 Misuse of commas-commas are used as a pause before the rest of a sentence or when
listing items. A very common error is forgetting the comma with lists-for instance: the
apple, orange, and pear. Commas are typically forgotten after the second item before the
and. They are also occasionally misused as a period and instead of a semi colon-where
the second half of a sentence can stand on its own.
 Spelling errors- some of the common ones are there/their, two, too and to, then/than,
it's/its, lose/loose, your/you're, affect/effect.
 Run on sentences- sentences that have too many main clauses that go on and on without
any punctuation-this error tends to occur when writing quickly and the writer is not clear
about what they are trying to convey.
Certainly everyone could benefit from a 'fresh pair of eyes' to proofreader their paper, but
when that isn't possible you still can hand in a grammatically correct paper. Simply review
the rules above prior to writing your paper and to ensure your success, you just might want
to keep the list handy while you are writing.
English Composition 1
Transitional Words and Phrases
The prefix "trans" indicates movement from one place to another.
When we translate, for instance, we take words from one language
to another. When we apply the word "transition" to our lives, such
as the transition from being a high school student to being a college
student, we are referring to our movement from one situation to
167
another. Transitions in writing do the same thing: they take the
writer and the reader from one place to another. They also indicate
the logical relationship between where we have been and where we
are going. Transitional words and phrases are like sign posts that
help lead readers through an essay.
The simplest transitions are coordinating conjunctions, also known
as the "FAN BOYS" words: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so. These
common words help us connect not only our words but our ideas.
For example, when you use the word "so," you are saying, "here's
something that we can conclude from what I just said." When you
use "or," you are saying, "here's another possibility." The most
commonly used coordinating conjunction, "and," is also the weakest
in terms of the meaning it conveys, indicating only that "here's
something else." Coordinating conjunction do act as transitions, but
they are not enough to give an essay a strong sense of cohesion.
Because transitional words and phrases show logical relationships
between sentences and ideas, they are often organized according
to the kinds of relationships that they convey, as they are below.
Below are some common transitional words and phrases that can
help you demonstrate logical relationships between sentences and
ideas in your writing.
Common Transitional Words and Phrases

1. To give examples: for example, for instance, such as, specifically
2. To show cause and effect: therefore, hence, thus, as a result,

resulting in, so, consequently
168
3. To contrast: nevertheless, however, but, on the other hand, in
contrast, on the contrary, conversely, at the same time, still,
although, even though,
despite, in spite of
4. To show similarity: likewise, similarly, just as, equally
5. To concede: although, even though, of course, granted, while
6. To elaborate: in addition, additionally, moreover, also, furthermore
7. To emphasize: more importantly, most importantly, chiefly,

indeed, in fact, primarily, no doubt
8. To restate: again, in other words, in effect, that is, in short
9. To indicate time: last, at last, eventually, before, after, afterwards,

finally, during, then, when, as
10. To indicate place: to the right, to the left, in the background, in

the foreground, in the distance
11. To conclude: thus, finally, in the end
The Difference Transitions Can Make

169
You might be surprised by how much the effective use of
transitional words and phrases can strengthen your writing.
Transitions can act as "glue" that helps holds your ideas and your
sentences together, and they can help take you and your readers
smoothly and logically from one part of your essay to the next.
Example
 Original Sentence: Succeeding in college often is a challenge for
students. Most colleges provide services designed to help
students. They include peer tutoring and personal counseling.
Colleges need to provide more services to help students succeed.
 Revised with transitions: Succeeding in college often is a

challenge for students. Therefore, most colleges provide services
designed to help students, such as peer tutoring and personal
counseling. However, colleges need to do more to help students
succeed.
The addition of just a few transitional words in the passage above
helps the writer indicate how the different parts of the passage are
logically related and strengthens the "flow" of the sentences.
Three Problems to Avoid

Transitional words and phrases help strengthen writing, but they
can be misused. Below are three things to be wary of as you bring
transitional words and phrases into your essays.
 Make sure the logical connections are clear as you use
transitions.
Because transitions indicate relationships between words and
ideas, they can be misused if the relationship indicated by the
transitional words is unclear or does not exist.
Example: George's wife stands at the window and looks out
at the rain falling on the empty streets. For example, she
170
sees a cat huddled under a table in the rain. ("For example"
does not make sense here because the woman seeing the
cat is not a clear "example" of anything in the first
sentence.)
Example: George's wife decides to go out into the rain to get
the cat. Consequently, George sits in bed reading his book.
("Consequently" does not make sense here because it is
unclear how George sitting in bed reading is a consequence
of the woman deciding to get the cat.)
 Avoid the overuse of transitions.
Transitions are supposed to guide readers through your writing,
but overuse of transitional words and phrases can have the
opposite effect and can make your writing confusing.
Example: Writing an essay can be challenging. However,
there are techniques that can make the process a little
easier. For example, taking plenty of notes on the subject
can help the writer generate ideas. Therefore, note-taking is
an important "pre-writing" strategy. In addition, some people
"free-write," writing quickly for ten or twenty minutes to see
what ideas arise. However, taking notes and free-writing are
only the beginning. Ideas must eventually be organized in a
logical way. Consequently, an outline can help the writer
make sense of the rough material generated through the
note-taking and free-writing process.Therefore, writing an
outline is another important step in the writing
process. However, some writers are able to conceptualize a
sense of logical order for their ideas without actually writing
an outline. Nevertheless, these writers seem to have some
kind of outline in their minds. In addition, an outline should
help the writer formulate a thesis for the
essay. Consequently, an outline can help give focus to the
essay. (This passage could be stronger with fewer
transitional words and phrases. Especially when the
171
transitions are used at the beginnings of sentences, they can
become annoying or even confusing to readers if they are
overused.)
 Avoid errors that can occur with the use of transitions.
Just like any other words, transitional words and phrases must be
used carefully so that they do not cause errors. Both sentence
fragments and comma splices sometimes occur when transitional
words are added to an essay. These two errors are illustrated
below.
Sentence Fragment: Resulting in the woman's search for
companionship elsewhere.
Corrected Sentence: George seems to ignore his wife,
resulting in the woman's search for companionship
elsewhere.
Comma splice: The woman sees the cat out in the rain,
however the cat is gone by the time the woman goes
outside.
Corrected Sentence: The woman sees the cat out in the rain;
however, the cat is gone by the time the woman goes
outside.
Corrected Sentence: The woman sees the cat out in the rain.
However, the cat is gone by the time the woman goes
outside.
You can avoid these problems if you are particularly aware of the
possibility of sentence fragments and comma splices occurring
with the use of transitions.
This page was last updated on Thursday, June 06, 2013.
Copyright Randy Rambo, 2006.
Transitions
WHAT THIS HANDOUT IS ABOUT
172
In this crazy, mixed-up world of ours, transitions glue our ideas and our
essays together. This handout will introduce you to some useful
transitional expressions and help you employ them effectively.
THE FUNCTION AND IMPORTANCE OF TRANSITIONS

In both academic writing and professional writing, your goal is to convey
information clearly and concisely, if not to convert the reader to your way
of thinking. Transitions help you to achieve these goals by establishing
logical connections between sentences, paragraphs, and sections of your
papers. In other words, transitions tell readers what to do with the
information you present to them. Whether single words, quick phrases or
full sentences, they function as signs for readers that tell them how to
think about, organize, and react to old and new ideas as they read
through what you have written.
Transitions signal relationships between ideas such as: “Another example
coming up—stay alert!” or “Here’s an exception to my previous
statement” or “Although this idea appears to be true, here’s the real
story.” Basically, transitions provide the reader with directions for how to
piece together your ideas into a logically coherent argument. Transitions
are not just verbal decorations that embellish your paper by making it
sound or read better. They are words with particular meanings that tell
the reader to think and react in a particular way to your ideas. In
providing the reader with these important cues, transitions help readers
understand the logic of how your ideas fit together.
SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT NEED TO WORK ON YOUR TRANSITIONS

How can you tell whether you need to work on your transitions? Here are
some possible clues:
 Your instructor has written comments like “choppy,” “jumpy,” “abrupt,”
“flow,” “need signposts,” or “how is this related?” on your papers.
 Your readers (instructors, friends, or classmates) tell you that they had
trouble following your organization or train of thought.
 You tend to write the way you think—and your brain often jumps from
one idea to another pretty quickly.
 You wrote your paper in several discrete “chunks” and then pasted
them together.
 You are working on a group paper; the draft you are working on was
created by pasting pieces of several people’s writing together.
173
ORGANIZATION
Since the clarity and effectiveness of your transitions will depend greatly
on how well you have organized your paper, you may want to evaluate
your paper’s organization before you work on transitions. In the margins
of your draft, summarize in a word or short phrase what each paragraph
is about or how it fits into your analysis as a whole. This exercise should
help you to see the order of and connection between your ideas more
clearly.
If after doing this exercise you find that you still have difficulty linking
your ideas together in a coherent fashion, your problem may not be with
transitions but with organization. For help in this area (and a more
thorough explanation of the “reverse outlining” technique described in the
previous paragraph), please see the Writing Center’s handout
on organization.
HOW TRANSITIONS WORK

The organization of your written work includes two elements: (1)the order
in which you have chosen to present the different parts of your discussion
or argument, and (2) the relationships you construct between these parts.
Transitions cannot substitute for good organization, but they can make
your organization clearer and easier to follow. Take a look at the following
example:
El Pais, a Latin American country, has a new democratic government after
having been a dictatorship for many years. Assume that you want to
argue that El Pais is not as democratic as the conventional view would
have us believe. One way to effectively organize your argument would be
to present the conventional view and then to provide the reader with your
critical response to this view. So, in Paragraph A you would enumerate all
the reasons that someone might consider El Pais highly democratic, while
in Paragraph B you would refute these points. The transition that would
establish the logical connection between these two key elements of your
argument would indicate to the reader that the information in paragraph
B contradicts the information in paragraph A. As a result, you might
organize your argument, including the transition that links paragraph A
with paragraph B, in the following manner:
Paragraph A: points that support the view that El Pais’s new government
is very democratic.
174
Transition: Despite the previous arguments, there are many reasons to
think that El Pais’s new government is not as democratic as typically
believed.
Paragraph B: points that contradict the view that El Pais’s new
government is very democratic.
In this case, the transition words “Despite the previous arguments,”
suggest that the reader should not believe paragraph A and instead
should consider the writer’s reasons for viewing El Pais’s democracy as
suspect.
As the example suggests, transitions can help reinforce the underlying
logic of your paper’s organization by providing the reader with essential
information regarding the relationship between your ideas. In this way,
transitions act as the glue that binds the components of your argument or
discussion into a unified, coherent, and persuasive whole.
TYPES OF TRANSITIONS
Now that you have a general idea of how to go about developing effective
transitions in your writing, let us briefly discuss the types of transitions
your writing will use.
The types of transitions available to you are as diverse as the
circumstances in which you need to use them. A transition can be a single
word, a phrase, a sentence, or an entire paragraph. In each case, it
functions the same way: first, the transition either directly summarizes
the content of a preceding sentence, paragraph, or section or implies such
a summary (by reminding the reader of what has come before). Then it
helps the reader anticipate or comprehend the new information that you
wish to present.
1. Transitions between sections—Particularly in longer works, it may
be necessary to include transitional paragraphs that summarize for the
reader the information just covered and specify the relevance of this
information to the discussion in the following section.
2. Transitions between paragraphs—If you have done a good job of
arranging paragraphs so that the content of one leads logically to the
next, the transition will highlight a relationship that already exists by
summarizing the previous paragraph and suggesting something of the
content of the paragraph that follows. A transition between paragraphs
can be a word or two (however, for example, similarly), a phrase, or a
sentence. Transitions can be at the end of the first paragraph, at the
beginning of the second paragraph, or in both places.
175
3. Transitions within paragraphs—As with transitions between sections
and paragraphs, transitions within paragraphs act as cues by helping
readers to anticipate what is coming before they read it. Within
paragraphs, transitions tend to be single words or short phrases.
TRANSITIONAL EXPRESSIONS
Effectively constructing each transition often depends upon your ability to
identify words or phrases that will indicate for the reader thekind of
logical relationships you want to convey. The table below should make it
easier for you to find these words or phrases. Whenever you have trouble
finding a word, phrase, or sentence to serve as an effective transition,
refer to the information in the table for assistance. Look in the left column
of the table for the kind of logical relationship you are trying to express.
Then look in the right column of the table for examples of words or
phrases that express this logical relationship.
Keep in mind that each of these words or phrases may have a slightly
different meaning. Consult a dictionary or writer’s handbook if you are
unsure of the exact meaning of a word or phrase.
OGICAL TRANSITIONAL EXPRESSION

ELATIONSHIP
milarity also, in the same way, just as … so too, likewise, similarly
xception/Contrast but, however, in spite of, on the one hand … on the other h
nevertheless, nonetheless, notwithstanding, in contrast, on
contrary, still, yet
equence/Order first, second, third, … next, then, finally
me after, afterward, at last, before, currently, during, earlier,

immediately, later, meanwhile, now, recently, simultaneous
subsequently, then
xample for example, for instance, namely, specifically, to illustrate
mphasis even, indeed, in fact, of course, truly
ace/Position above, adjacent, below, beyond, here, in front, in back, nea

there
ause and Effect accordingly, consequently, hence, so, therefore, thus

176
dditional Support or additionally, again, also, and, as well, besides, equally
idence important, further, furthermore, in addition, moreover, then
onclusion/Summary finally, in a word, in brief, briefly, in conclusion, in the end,

the final analysis, on the whole, thus, to conclude, to summ
in sum, to sum up, in summary
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-

NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.
You may reproduce it for non-commercial use if you use the entire
handout (just click print) and attribute the source: The Writing Center,
University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
Download as PDF
If you enjoy using our handouts, we appreciate contributions of
acknowledgement.
How Do I Include Transition

Words in My Essay?
English teachers often ask students to put transition words in
their essays. Transition words show relationships between ideas
in sentences and paragraphs; therefore, they are an important part
of writing. The best part about transition words is that they can
be easily inserted in many different places throughout an essay.
Placing Transition Words in an Essay
The versatility of transition words makes them easy to place
throughout an essay. Knowing where to place these words or
phrases allows writers to easily insert them where needed.
For sentences, transitions can be placed:
 At the beginning of the sentence
 In the middle of a sentence
177
For paragraphs, transitions can be found:
 At the beginning the paragraph
 At the end of the paragraph
Types of Transitions
Since transitions show relationships among sentences and
paragraphs, recognizing types of transitions will aid a student
writer when trying to place them.
 Additive transitions - add or introduce information. They can
also be used to show similarities or to further clarify ideas.
Some examples of additive transitions include:
 Also, indeed, alternatively, further, furthermore, on the other
hand, in addition
 For example, for instance, in particular, to illustrate
 Similarly, likewise, in the same manner/way
 Specifically, namely
 In other words
 Adversative transitions - show readers' conflicts,
contradictions, dismissals, or emphasis. Some examples of
adversative transitions include:
 But, in contrast, however, conversely, on the other hand
 Indeed, more importantly, in either case, in any case, in any
event, at any rate
 Nonetheless, nevertheless, regardless
 Causal transitions - show the relationship of cause and effect
or consequence. Some example of causal transitions include:
 Due to or due to the fact, for, as, since
 Granting, granted, on the condition, unless
 As a result, consequently, therefore, thus, otherwise
178
 Sequential transitions - show the reader that chronological
sequences in time or provide a sequence to a logical argument.
Some examples of sequential transitions include:
 Initially, first, to begin with, to start with
 Afterwards, subsequently, previously, finally
 To summarize, therefore, briefly, in short
Using Transitions in Writing
Clearly, transition words can be used in so many places that they
can be overused. The key to using them efficiently is to add
enough to make the reader understand the points being made
without using so many that the phrases become cumbersome. A
balance should be maintained; however, there are no rules as to
how many or how few transitions should be in any particular
essay.
Writing Process
The only way to get better at writing is to do more writing. The
way to get better at using transitions is to consciously try to use
them. Many students already know the steps in the writing
process:
 Brainstorming
 Outlining
 Drafting
 Revising
 Editing
For some writers, this is not a linear progression. Often writers

move back and forth among the different steps. There is no one
correct way to write, and many writers stick to what works best
179
for them. Often, individual writing processes are learned over
time and with much practice.
Adding Transitions During Editing
To include transition words, first the essay must be written and
edited. There is no sense spending lots of time on transition
words if the writing lacks content, organization, or contains many
grammatical and mechanical errors.
Once a draft of the essay is complete, then transition words can
be added in the revision and editing stage. Having a list of
transition words available during writing may help with the
placement of the words.
Keep in mind that some transition words are more informal than
others. Academic writing should be written in a formal,
authoritative tone unless an instructor or the assignment indicates
otherwise.
After writing the essay, one way to help the reader stay focused
and follow your thought pattern is to include a variety of
transition words throughout the essay. These signal words are
important for a smooth transition from one idea to another.
However, try not to overuse transition words or use them as filler
to bump word counts.
Writing Research Papers

Transition Words and Phrases
180
Transition words and phrases help establish clear connections between ideas and
ensure that sentences and paragraphs flow together smoothly, making them easier
to read. Use the following words and phrases in the following circumstances.
To indicate more information: To indicate an example:

Besides For example
Furthermore For instance
In addition In particular
Indeed Particularly
In fact Specifically
Moreover To demonstrate
Second...Third..., etc. To illustrate
To indicate a cause or reason: To indicate a result or an effect:

As Accordingly
Because Finally
Because of Consequently
Due to Hence
For So
For the reason that Therefore
Since Thus
To indicate a purpose or reason To compare or contrast:

why: Although
For fear that However
In the hope that In comparison
In order to In contrast
So Likewise
So that Nevertheless
With this in mind On the other hand
Similarly
Whereas
Yet
To indicate a particular time frame or a shift from one time period to another:
After Initially
Before Lastly
Currently Later
181
During Meanwhile
Eventually Next
Finally Previously
First, . . . Second, . . ., etc. Simultaneously
Formerly Soon
Immediately Subsequently
To summarize: To conclude:
Briefly Given these facts
In brief Hence
Overall In conclusion
Summing up So
To put it briefly Therefore
To sum up Thus
To summarize To conclude
Homework Center Home »
Read more: Homework Center: Writing Research Papers |

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8
(Ryan’s advice) 5 common mistakes

IELTS students make on the writing
portion of their exam
Posted on October 29, 2011 by Ryan
In this brief article, I would like to share the 5 most common mistakes I see in the
IELTS essays I correct for students online:
Common mistake 1 – Misunderstanding the instruction portion
of the essay question
182
All IELTS essay questions include a sentence that tells the student precisely what
they are expected to do in their written response. Typically, this sentence will
include words like discuss, analyze, argue, supportor refute and the student is
expected to respond accordingly.
Let’s look at an example IELTS essay question to illustrate. I will highlight the
instruction sentence in blue:
The Internet is replacing many traditional forms of communication. This brings
with it more negative than positive ramifications for humanity. Discuss this and
state your opinion.
Here, you can see the instruction sentence is directly telling the student how they
are expected to formulate a response. The problem many students run into is
that they misinterpret what this instruction sentence is really asking them, and this
in turn causes the overall relevance of their essay response to suffer.
If you have found this is a problem for you, let’s go over a few sample instruction
sentences and state clearly what they are asking:
Discuss both sides of this argument. (Phrases like this ask students to analyze
the opinions of others. Thus, students would be best to follow a discussion essay
format and analyze the merits, or lack thereof, of the topic or position presented in
their essay question.)
What is your opinion on the subject? (Here, the essay question is asking you to
respond directly with your opinion. The most effective way to do this is by
responding in an argument essay format.)
What is your opinion on the subject? Analyze both sides in your essay. (Now we
are being faced with 2 instruction sentences. Here, we would respond in a
discussion essay format, sharing our personal opinion at the end.)
Do you agree or disagree? Share personal examples to support your
response. (This question instructs the student to include examples from their life
while arguing one side of a particular position. Thus, responding in an argument
styled essay would be best.)
(If you are unfamiliar with how to properly write an argument or discussion essay,
please refer to the videos available here.)
Common mistake 2 – Writing a thesis that does not respond
directly to the essay question
183
In the event you are given an IELTS question that requires a response written in
an argument essay style, it is imperative you compose a clear and relevant
thesis. Nothing ruins an argument essay faster than a problematic thesis.
Don’t be afraid to repeat words that appear in your essay question in your
thesis. All too often, students try to paraphrase important keywords and phrases
from their question in their thesis and this typically alters the original meaning to a
certain degree. Repeating words from your question will help ensure your
examiner sees a direct link between it and your essay.
Thus, an essay question that reads:
Do you agree or disagree that students should be required to study a language in
high school?
…could be responded to with the thesis:
It is agreed that students should be required to study a language in high school.
Common mistake 3 – The use of personal pronouns in essays
Using personal pronouns in your essay (for example: I, you, we, us, our) will not
cause a student to lose marks on their exam. However, overusing them causes
an essay to sound informal in nature and not very academic.
The solution to this is to write passively. So, instead of writing something like:
I believe worldwide poverty will one day be eradicated.
…try:
It is believed poverty will one day be eradicated.
Common mistake 4 – Using ambiguous examples in your
IELTS essay
It is important to remember that when including an example in your IELTS essay,

you want to use something that can show your argument in action. This is best
done by referring to a real-life event, person, company or place. Thus, a student
who writes:
For example, GDP growth in China has led to the improving of living standards
throughout the country.
…is setting the stage for a much stronger argument than a student who writes:
184
For example, income growth among developing countries has the led to the
improving of living standards in many areas.
As you can see, the second example’s broadness makes the example seem less
tangible and thus lowers its overall quality.
Common mistake 5 – Writing with grammatical accuracy
The last mistake in our list is basic grammatical accuracy. The most common
errors I see in the essays I correct are sentence fragments, run-on sentences,
improper preposition usage, verb tense issues and mistakes in a student’s lexical
selection. The best tip I can offer those students struggling with nagging grammar
issues is to compose your essay entirely of short, concise sentences and to link
these sentences with cohesive phrases. Having a writing coach can also be
immensely helpful.
Top 20 Mistakes Students Commit When

Attempting A Test Or Exam Paper, And How To
Overcome Them
How many times have you walked away from a test or exam paper
thinking or saying aloud:
 I wish I had more time!
 Oh, now I know the correct answer! Why didn’t I think of it just
now?
 I shouldn’t have spent so much time on that question!
 How could I have missed the last page of the paper?
 Why didn’t the questions that I prepared so hard for appear in
the paper?
185
If the above sounds familiar to you, then you are not alone.
Top 20 Mistakes
Here, we describe the top 20 mistakes that most students make
when attempting a test or exam paper, and how to overcome them.
1. Spotting Questions
2. Cramming Too Much Information Into Memory
3. Panicking Before Or During A Paper
4. Arriving Late For A Paper
5. Failing To Scan Through The Questions Once
6. Failing To Allocate Time For Each Question
7. Starting With The Most Difficult Question
8. Jumping Straight Into Answering A Question Without Proper
Planning
9. Misinterpreting A Question
10. Producing An Incoherent Answer
11. Poor Writing Style
12. Not Sure How To Start Or End An Essay
13. Writing Too Much Or Too Little
14. Failing To Answer All The Unanswered Questions In The
Last Few Minutes
15. Writing Illegibly
16. Reading And Writing Too Slowly
186
17. Forgetting To Answer Unanswered Questions
18. Failing To Check Your Answers
19. Failing To Bring Along Required Stationery Or Items
20. Forgetting To Write Down Your Names And Other
Personal Particulars
1. Spotting Questions
Spotting questions is by far one of the most common mistakes
many students make when preparing for a test or exam paper. It is
also the worst mistake you can commit before sitting for a paper.
For subjects that require much memory work, such as History,
Geography, Biology and Economics, many students try to take the
easy way out by trying to spot what questions would appear in the
paper. Such students believe that they can read their teachers’ or
examiners’ minds. Are you trained in telepathy or fortune-telling?
We don’t think so.
Spotting questions is a problem that is at times made worse when
the teachers themselves actively encourage their students to spot
questions. As students who had sat through GCE "O" Level and
GCE "A" Level papers ourselves, we can attest to that.
Some teachers are also known to deliberately drop hints to their
students before a test or exam paper about what types of questions
to expect. That happens quite often in the local polytechnics and
universities too. We know because we, our friends and our siblings
have studied at the local universities and polytechnics. Sometimes,
the questions actually came out in the test or exam papers.
Sometimes, they never did!
Instead of spotting questions, you should spot topics if you must.
For example, instead of trying to prepare for a History question that
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reads, "Why did Singapore break away from Malaya?", you should
prepare for the History topic "The breaking away of Singapore from
Malaya".
That means you should know the why, when, how, who and
consequences of the breaking away of Singapore from Malaya.
This would ensure that, should you be asked about "What were the
consequences for Malaya after Singapore broke away?", you would
still be able to answer it.
2. Cramming Too Much Information Into Memory
You have memorised every word in all the chapters from your
textbook that you would be tested upon. You see a question in the
paper that begs an answer you know is found on page … Oh, no!
You can’t recall the page! And so, the answer escapes you!
As you try fervently to recollect that page, you realise it becomes
harder! Meanwhile, the minutes pass away and you lose valuable
time!
If you are one of those students who try very hard to memorise
everything in your textbooks, stop! Unfortunately for most of us, our
brains can often only retain 10% to 20% of the information that we
read. More unfortunately, we cannot control what will be that 10%
or 20% of information that we will remember!
So, instead of trying to recite every word from page 1 of your
textbook to its last page, you should concentrate on understanding
what is written in those pages. If you can understand what each
topic in your textbook is about, why would you even need to
memorise all those pages? You should be able to explain them in
your own words!
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You can improve your understanding of any topic, reinforce what
you have previously read and increase the amount of information
that you can remember by:
1. Taking part actively in classroom discussions and activities
about the topic.
2. Discussing the topic with your friends.
3. Reading alternative books or chapters about the topic.
4. Watching video tapes and video compact discs about the topic.
5. Listening to audio tapes about the topic.
This is because our brains can remember what we have said and
seen more vividly than what we have read.
3. Panicking Before Or During A Paper
Do you worry that you would not have enough time to complete a
paper, even before it starts? Are you very afraid that you would not
be able to answer most of the questions in the paper, even before it
starts? Does your heartbeat increase when you enter the exam hall
and your hands sweat when you receive the exam paper? Are you
at a loss of what to do for the rest of the paper, when you realise
that there is one question that you cannot answer?
If you experience any of the above, or other symptoms of anxiety
and panic, you need to check yourself. One of the worst things that
you can do before and during a test or exam paper is to panic.
Once you panic, your mind is in a frenzy and you cannot think
properly. How can you attempt the paper calmly when you cannot
even think properly?
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Always tell yourself not to worry too much before a test or exam.
Below are some good ways to reduce or eliminate your anxiety and
worry:
1. Clarify all your doubts at the end of each lesson, so that they
will not snowball into a big bag of questions before your test or
exam.
2. Always prepare for a test or exam well in advance.
3. Don’t study every minute while you are awake. Busy yourself
with some mundane household chores to take your mind off
the upcoming test or exam.
4. Have a good night’s sleep before the date of the test or exam.
5. Keep reassuring yourself that you can do it. Once you stop
doubting yourself, you will stop panicking.
If all else fails, comfort yourself that it is only a paper. It’s not the
end of the world even if you don’t do well for just one paper.
4. Arriving Late For A Paper
Most of us are punctual, especially for important occasions.
However, some of us may have a habit of being late. Even if you
are a punctual person, there may be times when things just
suddenly crop up and you end up late for an appointment.
Late comers are the norm rather than the exception for many major
examinations. Just ask any examiner. If you are the unfortunate
latecomer, you may sometimes be barred from sitting for that
particular paper. Even if you do get to sit for the paper, much
precious time would have been lost. On top of that, your mind would
still be reeling from the rush. You would not be calm enough to
attempt the paper before you.
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What can you do to avoid being late for a paper? Be there early!
Give yourself enough time to travel to the venue of the test or exam.
Spare yourself at least half an hour at the venue. Use this time to
familiarise yourself with the place and setting, so that you know
what to expect when the paper starts.
For example, if you could know in advance that the air-conditioning
is very strong, then you would be mentally prepared for the cold. If
you have brought along a sweater, you could then wear it and be
able to sit through the paper comfortably.
5. Failing To Scan Through The Questions Once
You receive the paper. The teacher says, "You may begin now!" Do
you immediately turn to the first page and answer the first question
straight away? If yes, stop! You are making another common
mistake most students make!
Always scan through a paper before you begin writing. Give
yourself about 2 to 5 minutes to read through all the questions. Put
a tick against the easy questions and a cross against the difficult
ones. Check every page of the paper to make sure that you do not
miss any question.
Then, proceed to answer the easy questions first! Always leave the
difficult questions to the last. This ensures that you would have
answered most of the questions in the paper should you run out of
time. It also gives you more time for the difficult questions, as you
would need relatively less time for the easy ones.
6. Failing To Allocate Time For Each Question
"All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than
others." So wrote George Orwell in "Animal Farm". The same holds
true for test and exam questions. Some questions deserve more
time than others. Some questions require less time than others.
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And some questions don’t even need to be considered if you have a
choice! This happens when you can choose your questions, say 3
out of 5.
Always allocate your time to each question based on the number of
marks it is worth. For example, if a question is worth 2 marks out of
100, while another question is worth 10 marks, you should allocate
more time to the latter question.
In addition, if a question requires much drawing or graph plotting,
and if you are slow at it, then you should leave it to one of the last
questions that you would attempt.
And remember to bring along a watch or clock to time yourself. But
make sure your clock does not tick loudly or ring its alarm suddenly!
7. Starting With The Most Difficult Question
Some students attempt their test and exam papers in a less efficient
way. They start with the most difficult questions.
"What is wrong with that?" you may ask.
For one thing, attempting a tough question is a bad start to a paper.
Your mind gets stumbled at the very beginning of the paper. You
rack your brains trying to come out with the answers for that
agonising question. You begin to feel exasperated. You mind loses
its calm. You cannot think properly. And you lose precious time
while you are stuck with the tough question.
Before you know it, you only have half of the time left. Now, you
rush to answer the other questions. But your mind has got so
entangled with that tough question that it cannot think properly. You
have forgotten the answers to the easy questions! You can’t believe
it! And we can’t believe why you even began with that tough
question!
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Always start with the easy questions. First, it makes you feel good
about the paper and boosts your confidence. Second, you are
assured that you will get the marks allotted to these questions.
Third, if you manage the easy questions properly, you will be able
to answer them quickly and allow yourself more time for the difficult
questions. Last but not least, you may be able to attain the answers
to the difficult questions after you have solved the easy ones. It has
happened to many people many times!
8. Jumping Straight Into Answering A Question Without Proper
Planning
You read a question and you know the answer. Do you immediately
raise your pen or pencil and start writing away? If yes, how many
times have you encountered the following scenarios?
 You are halfway through your answer and then you realise that
your answer is wrong!
 You are penning a new paragraph when you realise that it
should have come before a previous paragraph!
 You are halfway through a point you are trying to make before
you realise that you have already written it in a previous
paragraph!
 You are writing about a new idea and then you realise that it
should have been discussed together with another idea that
you have already written!
 You realise you have left out an important point in a previous
paragraph but there is no space for you to insert it! Therefore,
you are forced to write this point in the margin of the paper or
somewhere away from the paragraph. Then you draw a long
line to connect this sentence to the paragraph.
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 You have finished the answer but realise that the paragraphs
need to be rearranged! Therefore, you resort to numbering the
first paragraph as (1), the second paragraph as (5), the third
paragraph as (2), and so on so forth.
If you have encountered any of the above scenarios, and are still
running into such situations, would you want to avoid them in
future?
The solution to the above problems is proper planning. Proper
planning ensures that you have considered all the major aspects of
the question before you start to write your answer. It would save
you much time later when you write the answer. A carefully planned
answer would also get more marks than an unplanned or poorly
planned answer.
Below are the suggested steps in planning an answer to a question:
1. Always spend a minute or two thinking through a question.
2. Underline the key words in the question and ask yourself what
kind of answer the question demands.
3. Make quick notes in point form as you brainstorm for all the
relevant points and ideas that come to your mind.
4. Group all the related points and ideas together into main ideas.
5. Ask yourself whether you have enough main ideas. A long
question typically requires at least three main ideas in its
answer.
6. Ask yourself whether you have too many or too few points for a
particular main idea.
7. If more than half of your answer is about one main idea only,
while the other main ideas make up the rest of your answer,
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you are most likely paying unequal attention to each main idea
and your answer will be lopsided.
8. Finally, plan how you wish to approach the question and
structure your answer accordingly.
9. Misinterpreting A Question
"What are the consequences of a poor diet?"
Imagine you are answering the above question. A quick definition of
what make a good diet and a poor diet in your first paragraph would
make a good start in your answer. You should then dive into the
specific results of a poor diet.
Had you written more about the examples of what make a good diet
and a poor diet, including the calories count and nutritional values
of various foods, you would be writing something that is uncalled
for.
Had you proceeded to talk about the importance of having a good
diet, the disadvantages of a poor diet, the reasons why widespread
poor diets exist in some countries, or the circumstances leading to a
poor diet, you would be writing out of point.
All that could happen because you have not understood the
question, or you have misinterpreted it. Misinterpreting a question
can cost you dearly in a test or exam. This is especially if the
question is worth 10 or 20 marks out of 100. You would be
spending precious time producing an incorrect answer at the
possible expense of other questions.
The only way to avoid misinterpreting a question is to read through
the question at least twice. Underline the key words in the question.
Make sure you understand what those keywords mean. Some
examples of keywords which some students have problems with
are:
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 Describe
 Outline
 State
 List
 Explain
 Evaluate
 Discuss
Where a question contains a few parts, and your answer to two of
the parts are similar, you must immediately realise that you have
misinterpreted at least one of the partial questions. Proceed to
correct your answers.
In case of doubts, you may try to ask the teacher or examiner what
the question is asking for. Although teachers and examiners are
often not allowed to explain the questions in a test or exam to
students, some teachers and examiners are very kind and may help
you.
10. Producing An Incoherent Answer
One of the worst things you can do to put off the teacher or
examiner marking your paper is to write incoherently. That is, your
thoughts and ideas are badly expressed and very difficult for the
marker to understand. In short, your writing does not make sense.
Imagine that you are the person who has to mark hundreds of test
or exam papers. You could be very tired by the time you reach for
another paper to mark. Then to your horror, you realise that this
particular student’s answers are incoherent. You have to read and
re-read each of his or her answers before you understand what he
or she is trying to say. Worst of all, you may not even understand
what he or she is trying to say!
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In situations like this, how would you grade the student’s answers?
Would you want to spend more time on his or her other similarly
incoherent answers? Probably not.
The thing about incoherent writing is that students who write like
that do not realise that only they themselves understand what they
are writing about!
The only way to make sure that you do not write incoherently in a
test or exam paper is to write more often. Below are the suggested
measures:
1. Write an essay on any topic you want.
2. Check through your essay at least twice to make sure that you
yourself understand what you are writing.
3. Ask somebody who has a better command of English than you
(e.g., your friends, classmates, teachers or family members) to
proofread your essays for you. The more persons you can get
to proofread your essays, the better.
4. Find out which parts of your essay they have understood and
which parts they have difficulty understanding.
5. Ask them how you could have rewritten those parts that they
do not understand.
6. Ask yourself whether their suggested rewriting of those parts is
easier to understand than what you have written.
7. Discover where you have gone wrong in your initial write-up
and try not to repeat such mistakes again in future.
8. Proceed to step 1 above and repeat the process.
11. Poor Writing Style
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What is your writing style in a typical test or exam paper?
"What writing style? I don’t even have enough time writing!" you
may say.
Well, think again. The reason why you may experience insufficient
time for your test and exam papers could be because you have a
poor writing style. Or because you have no writing style at all.
That could also explain why a classmate got a higher score than
you did for the same question when both of you had similar
answers. It’s a matter of style.
An easy-to-read writing style makes good reading.
A complicated manner of writing, made up of many long paragraphs
each containing long convoluted sentences such as this sentence
you are reading, with each sentence consisting of more than one
idea and replete with unnecessary bombastic words (and
sometimes with long sentences in brackets as well), full of commas,
semicolons while the full-stop is far away, often also containing at
least two conjunction words such as "and", "but" and "so", makes
reading very tough for the reader.
A simple writing style suitable for use in a test or exam paper may
consist of:
1. A short introduction of not more than 50 words in one
paragraph. You could use this paragraph to
o define the keywords in the question,
o grab the marker’s attention,
o state your stand on the topic in question, or
o briefly summarise what you will be writing about in the rest
of your essay.
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2. A main body consisting of two or more paragraphs. Each of
these paragraphs should be about a main idea that you are
trying to convey.
3. A conclusion of not more than 50 words in one paragraph. You
could use this to
o summarise your essay,
o affirm your stand on the topic in question, or
o pose related questions to the reader as food for thought.
12. Not Sure How To Start Or End An Essay
This sounds good, "What is a poor diet?"
No, that’s too common. How about, "How many people really bother
about their diets?"
Nah, I’m sure I can come up with a better introduction than these!
How much more time are you going to waste trying to figure out a
superb start to your answer? Just get to the point! Remember this is
a test (or exam) paper! You are not taking part in a story writing
competition. Time is precious!
While having a good writing style is important, the emphasis here is
about the flow of your ideas. As long as your paragraphs are
coherent, they connect to one another smoothly, and they are easy
to read and absorb, it would suffice.
"But in the end, how am I going to end the essay?" you may
wonder.
Again, the marker is not going to judge your essay squarely on how
well you have written your last paragraph. As long as your last
paragraph ends your essay nicely, it would not be a problem.
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Simply put, if your entire essay is out of point, incoherent or lacking,
how much difference could your essay ending make?
13. Writing Too Much Or Too Little
A certain question was worth 1 mark out of 100, and a student
wrote about 80 words in his answer. Was that too much?
Another question was worth 25 marks out of 100, and a student
wrote about 80 words in his answer. Was that too little?
Depending on the subject and the nature of the test or exam paper,
 a question worth 1 mark out of 100 may require only a 10-word
answer.
 a question worth 25 marks out of 100 may require at least a 1-
page answer.
Some students write too much for questions that do not require long
answers. As a result, they do not have enough time left for the other
questions. Some students write too little for questions that require
long answers. Consequently, they may have missed important
points or not devoted more effort to expound on an idea. Invariably,
these students lose valuable marks.
Unfortunately, nobody can give a definitive guide to how many
words is enough for a question worth 1 mark or 25 marks. Instead
of looking at the number of words, you should look at the number of
main points included in your answers.
A short answer encompassing all the important main points would
be worth much more than a long answer deliberating on just one
main point only. This is because examiners who set the questions
for any test or exam paper, usually set aside a certain number of
marks for the list of main points that they are looking for in students’
answers. Beyond the predetermined number of marks for any given
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main point, you would not be awarded extra marks even you write
non-stop about that point. So, be concise in your answers as far as
possible.
14. Failing To Answer All The Unanswered Questions In The
Last Few Minutes
"You have 5 minutes left. Please check through your answers and
…"
"What!" you exclaim in sheer horror. "5 minutes left! Oh my, how am
I going to answer all the remaining questions?"
This is quite a common situation many students have come across
at least once in their schooling experience. If you have 5 minutes
left, and another 10 non-multiple-choice questions worth 30 marks
altogether to go, what would you do? Should you pick the question
that is worth the most number of marks, and start penning the first
paragraph? Or should you attempt the other short questions, even
though you do not know their correct answers?
In such an event, this is what you should do:
 Pick the easiest questions that require the shortest answers,
and answer them quickly.
 Then, proceed to the remaining questions that require longer
answers and answer quickly.
 Forget about writing style and proper paragraphing. You have
no time for that.
 Write your answers in point form if possible.
 If you have previously jotted down some notes to a question on
a separate piece of paper, submit it together with your main
paper.
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Although the above is not the ideal way to answering questions in a
test or exam paper, it would at least gain you some precious marks
should you run out of time.
15. Writing Illegibly
Illegible handwriting is a common cause of low test and exam
scores for many students. Terrible handwriting makes reading more
difficult and sometimes causes misunderstanding.
In the broader sense, illegible handwriting comprises:
 Very small handwriting that typically resembles an army of
ants.
 Too little spacing between words.
 Very big handwriting such that the height of each word spans
two lines or more.
 Single line spacing, which makes reading tougher when the
student tries to insert additional lines of text in between the
already congested lines.
 Too many words being inserted in between and above other
words on the same line.
 Too many arrows and lines pointing to other sentences that
should belong to the current paragraph, but that are written far
away on the page or on another page.
 Writing in light-coloured ink, such as light blue, light black, light
green, pink or yellow.
 Writing in red, which confuses the marker since the marker is
also using red ink to mark the paper.
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In the narrower sense, illegible handwriting comprises examples
such as:
 An "a" looks like a "u", so that "tack" becomes "tuck"
(vocabulary error).
 A "v" looks like a "u", so that "van" becomes "uan" (spelling
error).
 A small letter "c" looks like a capital letter "C" (punctuation
error).
All of the above make reading extremely tough and slow for the
marker. It can even put off the marker. Some markers give up
beyond a certain point and skip parts of the writing. This means that
your answers may not be completely read and graded accordingly.
You lose precious marks.
Good handwriting should avoid all the above-mentioned instances
of bad handwriting. In particular, you should:
 Plan your answers, so that you do not have to resort to
inserting lines of text and arrows.
 Leave a blank line after each line of text, so that you may insert
additional words where necessary.
 Write in black ink or dark blue ink.
16. Reading And Writing Too Slowly
Suppose you are given a 1-page comprehension passage to read.
Can you read it faster than most other students? If not, then you
may have to increase your reading speed.
Do you know that being able to read fast can save you valuable
time in a test or exam? If the average student takes 3 minutes to
read a 1-page passage, while you take 10 minutes, you are already
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spending 7 more minutes than other students. Imagine how many
questions you could have answered within those 7 minutes!
So how can you improve your reading speed? Well, you can try to
read more often and time yourself each time you read. With
constant practice, you should be able to read faster.
Now, suppose that you are given a 1-page passage to copy. Can
you copy it faster than most other students? If not, then you may
have to work hard on writing faster.
The ability to write fast, just like the ability to read fast, can save you
precious time in a test or exam. If the average student takes 5
minutes to write a 200-word essay, while you take 15 minutes, then
the average student would have written 600 words’ worth of essay
in those 15 minutes while you struggle with your 200 words!
One way to improve your writing speed is to write more often and
time yourself each time you write. Another way is to experiment with
your writing technique. Try using big handwriting and small
handwriting. Which way works faster for you?
A third way is to experiment with different types of pens or pencils.
Some pens are smoother to write with, and therefore, would help to
increase your writing speed.
17. Forgetting To Answer Unanswered Questions
"Forget to answer unanswered questions? This problem won’t
happen to me!" you may think. Yet, this is a recurring problem in
tests and exams. If everybody thinks it is a problem that won’t
happen to him, then why does the problem still persist? It all boils
down to carelessness.
Some students leave the difficult questions to the last, but they
forget to return to a few of them later. Some students get stuck at a
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tough question and decide to skip it for the moment. Then they
forget to skip back to the question.
Some students flip through a paper and one way or another, miss
an entire page of questions. And, of course, there are rare cases of
missing printed pages in a copy of a test or exam paper. And it so
happens that the students who receive such papers never realise
that, and so they never get the chance to answer the questions on
the missing printed pages.
To avoid getting caught with the problem of forgetting to answer
unanswered questions:
1. Always check the number of questions in a test or exam paper
the moment you receive it. Make sure their total marks add up
to the maximum for that paper, e.g. 100 marks.
2. Circle or highlight those questions that you cannot answer or
choose to answer later. Remember to return to these circled or
highlighted questions later.
3. Always check the total marks of all the questions that you have
answered add up to the maximum for that paper, e.g. 100
marks.
18. Failing To Check Your Answers
So you have finished a paper 30 minutes ahead of time. Do you
1. look around you and sneer at those students who are still
struggling with their papers,
2. sit back and relax,
3. ask the teacher or examiner whether you can leave early,
4. wish fervently that time will pass quickly so that you can leave
soon, or
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5. check your answers?
If you always check your answers once you have finished a paper
ahead of time, good for you! Otherwise, you should start doing so!
What some students never realise is that, in their rush to finish a
paper ahead of time, they may have inadvertently
1. answered a question incorrectly or incompletely,
2. left a question unanswered, or
3. forgotten to fill in the blanks that resulted from their use of
correcting fluids.
Always strive to complete a paper at least 10 to 15 minutes ahead
of time. Then make use of this spare time to check through your
paper at least twice. You may be pleasantly surprised that you can
spot an error or two in your answers, and that you have the time
needed to make the corrections.
19. Failing To Bring Along Required Stationery Or Items
You are sitting for a paper that requires the use of a calculator,
compass and protractor, but you have forgotten to bring all of them!
If you realise it in the midst of a paper, you will be stuck because
you are not allowed to talk to the other candidates, and hence, you
cannot borrow these items from them. If you realise it before a
paper, you may not have better luck because your classmates will
also need these items, and they are very unlikely to have spare
ones. So what should you do?
First of all, list down the stationery and items that you will need for
all your papers. On the day of a paper, look through this list and get
the required stationery and items ready before you leave your
house. Where possible, bring along at least two of each item and
stationery you need, in case the first one malfunctions suddenly.
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This could mean bringing along two pens, two pencils, two erasers,
two rulers, two protractors, two calculators and so on so forth.
In the event that you still forget to bring along a required item or
stationery, seek help from your classmates, any teacher in your
school’s Teachers’ Room or any staff in your school’s Principal’s
Office if the paper is not due to commence yet.
If the paper has already commenced, don't just sit there and sigh,
or try to get by without the use of the required stationery. Raise your
hands and seek help from your teacher or the examiner
immediately. They will try their best to help you.
20. Forgetting To Write Down Your Names And Other Personal
Particulars
You have submitted your paper and your teacher has packed all the
papers neatly. Suddenly, you realise that you haven’t written down
your name, class and index number on your paper!
Fortunately, your teacher is the examiner in this case, and he or
she can identify you and your handwriting. If you immediately inform
him or her, he or she would be able to retrieve your paper for you,
and you can quickly add in your name and other details on the spot.
But what if the examiner is not your teacher but a teacher from
another school, and you inform him or her only after all the
candidates have dispersed? In major examinations, such as PSLE,
GCE "O" and "A" levels, and university exams, the examiners are
usually not from your school. How would the examiner be able to
verify if you are indeed one of the candidates who has sat for the
paper?
Worst of all, what if the examiners have already left the school? The
prospect of you getting zero mark for the paper is not unreal.
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The only way you can prevent this problem from happening to you
is to make sure that you write down your name and other personal
particulars on every piece of your test or exam paper, and check
that everything is in order before you submit your paper.
You should write down your name and other personal particulars on
the inside pages of a paper as well, because sometimes a whole
stack of papers may fall apart during transit.
With your name and other personal particulars on each piece of the
test or exam paper, including the inside pages, you can feel safer
and more secure.
Top 20 Grammar Errors

Below is a list of the top Twenty GSU grammar errors. Click on each item to view a
description of the error, as well as examples of incorrect and correct usage.
1. Missing commas to set off nonessential information

Commas are used to call attention to information that interrupts and does not alter
the meaning of a sentence. If the sentence could provide a similar meaning without
the extra information, then the commas help to illustrate that the extra information is
there to provide nonessential rather than essential information.
CORRECT: John Smith, who won the writing contest, is in my class.
(The commas are necessary because "who won the writing contest" is only
adding extra information about John Smith.)
INCORRECT: John Smith who won the writing contest is in my class.
(Commas around "who won the writing contest" are necessary because
this phrase is intended to add only nonessential information about John
Smith. Only if the information is essential are commas not needed. If
more than one John Smith could be indicated, then the words "who won
the writing contest" convey information essential to identify which John
Smith is being referred to.)
2. Unnecessary commas to set off essential information
Commas are used to call attention to information that interrupts and does not alter
the meaning of a sentence. If information is necessary to the meaning of a sentence,
you should not set off this information in commas.
CORRECT: The student who won the writing contest is in my class.
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(No commas are needed because "who won the writing contest" is necessary
to understand the meaning of the sentence.)
INCORRECT: The student, who won the writing contest, is in my class.
(The commas setting off "who won the writing contest" are incorrect because
the information is necessary to understand the meaning of the sentence.)
3. Missing comma before coordinating conjunction combining two independent
clauses
Commas are used before coordinating conjunctions (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) if
the coordinating conjunction is used to connect two independent sentences.
CORRECT: I wanted to go to the beach, but I couldn't afford to pay for a hotel
room.
("I wanted to go to the beach" is a complete sentence as is "I couldn't afford to
pay for a hotel room," so when they are joined with a coordinating conjunction,
a comma should be placed before the conjunction.)
INCORRECT: I wanted to go to the beach but I couldn't afford to pay for a
hotel room.
("I wanted to go to the beach" and "I couldn't afford to pay for a hotel room,"
are complete sentences joined with a coordinating conjunction, so a comma
should be placed before the conjunction.)
CORRECT: I wanted to go to the beach but couldn't afford to pay for a hotel
room.
("I wanted to go to the beach" is a complete sentence, but "couldn't afford to
pay for the hotel room" is not a complete sentence, so it cannot stand alone
and a comma should not be placed before the coordinating conjunction.)
4. Missing comma after introductory element
Commas help to call attention to opening ideas. A comma follows an introductory
word, phrase, or clause.
CORRECT: Furthermore, everyone must wait thirty minutes after eating before
they go swimming.
("Furthermore" is an introductory word and should be followed by a comma.)
INCORRECT: Furthermore everyone must wait thirty minutes after eating
before they go swimming.
("Furthermore" is an introductory word and must be followed by a comma.)
CORRECT: From his perch in the top of the tree, John could see the
neighbor's dog chewing on the children's missing Frisbee.
("From his perch in the top of the tree" is an introductory phrase and should be
followed by a comma.)
CORRECT: Even though he knew that his brother would be angry over the lost
Frisbee, John wasn't brave enough to go get it.
("Even though he knew that his brother would be angry over the lost Frisbee"
is an introductory clause and should be followed by a comma.)
INCORRECT: Risking his life over a Frisbee, just didn't seem worth it.
("Risking his life over a Frisbee" is the subject of the sentence and should not
be followed by a comma.)
5. Comma splice
209
A comma splice results when two independent clauses (two separate sentences) are
joined with a comma rather than a period or semicolon. Writers often create comma
splices when using transitional words, such as however, therefore, moreover,
nevertheless, furthermore etc. These conjunctive adverbs seem like coordinating
conjunctions (for, and, nor, or, but, yet, so), but they cannot be used in the same
way. Therefore, these transitional words must either be used with a coordinating
conjunction or set off by a period or a semicolon.
CORRECT: I had planned to enroll over the summer; however, I couldn't find
any classes to fulfill my major requirements.
("However" is not a coordinating conjunction and must be preceded by a
semicolon.)
INCORRECT: I had planned to enroll over the summer, however, I couldn't
find any classes to fulfill my major requirements.
("However" is not a coordinating conjunction. A comma is not enough to join
the two sentences)
CORRECT: I had planned to enroll over the summer, but I couldn't find any
classes to fulfill my major requirements.
("But" is a coordinating conjunction, so the comma is enough to join the two
sentences.)
INCORRECT: I; however, couldn't find any classes to fulfill my major
requirements.
("However" in this sentence is not joining two sentences, so the semicolon is
not needed here.)
6. Semicolon mistakes
A semicolon is used to separate two independent clauses (two separate sentences)
that are closely related. Often, semicolons appear before transitional words, such as
however, therefore, moreover, furthermore, nevertheless, etc. Semicolons can also
be used to separate detailed items in a series. Experienced writers use semicolons
infrequently.
CORRECT: John should enroll in an upper-level sociology class; he has
fulfilled all of the prerequisites, and he is interested in the topic.
(The semicolon joins to two closely related sentences.)
INCORRECT: John should enroll in an upper-level sociology class; he has
always wanted to join the swim club.
(The semicolon should not be used to join these two complete sentences
because the sentences are not closely related.)
CORRECT: Many important members of the university attended the talk: Dr.
Becker, the university president; Dr. Palms, the provost; and Dr. Stout, the
dean of students.
(The semicolons are necessary to clearly divide the complex items in the list.)
INCORRECT: Many important members of the university attended the talk: Dr.
Becker, the university president, Dr. Palms, the provost, and Dr. Stout, the
dean of students.
(The items in this list contain commas, so semicolons are needed here to
distinguish between the items.)
7. Possessives mistakes
210
Possessives illustrate ownership. Most of us know the rules of possession, but in the
heat of the moment, while we're trying to get our ideas across, we either forget to add
the possessive or we accidentally add the possessive to a word that should simply
be plural.
CORRECT: Simon decided to join the men's group.
("Men" is already plural and only needs the "'s" to make it possessive.)
INCORRECT: Simon decided to join the mens' group.
(The "s" is not needed to make "men" plural. It is necessary to show
possession and should come after the apostrophe)
CORRECT: The professor was concerned about the students' lack of interest.
(A plural noun ending in "s" only needs an apostrophe. Assuming "students" is
plural in this sentence, no "s" is needed after the apostrophe.)
INCORRECT: The professor was concerned about the students's lack of
interest.
("Students" is plural, so the "s" is not necessary after the apostrophe.)
8. Colon mistakes
A colon is used after a complete sentence to introduce a word, phrase, clause, list, or
quotation. The colon indicates that what follows proves or explains the sentence
before the colon.
CORRECT: Students choose GSU for three main reasons: its urban
environment, its diverse student body, and its rigorous academic reputation.
(The list that follows the colon explains the complete sentence that precedes
the colon.)
INCORRECT: Students choose GSU for: its urban environment, its diverse
student body, and its rigorous academic reputation.
("Students choose GSU for" is not a complete sentence.)
9. Wrong word
Always choose the right word for the meaning you are trying to communicate. In
writing, choosing a wrong word often occurs because one word sounds like another.
"Their," "there," and " they're" sound the same, but have very different meanings.
Contractions can also cause problems. "Should've" sounds like "should of," but the
contraction is actually of the words "should have."
INCORRECT: You're semester is difficult because your taking too many
classes.
("You're" means "you are" and "your" is possessive. Both are used incorrectly
in this sentence. )
CORRECT: Your semester is difficult because you're taking too many classes.
("You're" and "your" are used correctly in this sentence.)
10. Lack of parallel structure
A list or comparison of equally significant ideas should use the same grammatical
pattern. Unparallel structure can confuse a reader because different grammatical
patterns within a list suggest that the items in a list don't belong together.
INCORRECT: Biology is my major because the subject is challenging,
interesting, and excites me.
("excites me" does not have the same grammatical construction as the other
items of the list, so it reads awkwardly. )
211
CORRECT: Biology is my major because the subject is challenging,
interesting, and exciting.
(The three items in the list are equal and parallel in structure.)
INCORRECT: Biology is my major because the subject is challenging,
interesting, and I plan on being a veterinarian.
("I plan on being a veterinarian" does not have the same grammatical
construction as the other items of the list, so it reads awkwardly.)
CORRECT: I plan on being a veterinarian, so biology is my major. I also chose
biology because I find it challenging and interesting.
("I plan on being a veterinarian" seems more significant than the other two
items on the list, so it is appropriate to break the discussion into two
sentences.)
11. Misplaced modifier
A modifier (a word, phrase, or clause that describes something else) goes next to the
thing it modifies. A misplaced modifier can confuse a reader because the modifier
appears to describe the wrong element in the sentence.
INCORRECT: Jamie ate a sandwich wearing a GSU sweatshirt.
("Wearing a GSU sweatshirt" modifies Jamie, so the phrase should be next to
Jamie in the sentence. This sentence seems to suggest that the sandwich is
wearing the sweatshirt.)
CORRECT: Wearing a GSU sweatshirt, Jamie ate a sandwich.
("Wearing a GSU sweatshirt" clearly modifies Jamie in this sentence.)
12. Dangling modifier
A modifier (a word, phrase, or clause that describes something else) must modify
something in the sentence. A dangling modifier occurs when the element being
modified is implied rather than stated.
INCORRECT: Turning the corner onto Peachtree Street, the park looked
scenic.
(In this sentence, it is unclear who or what turned the corner. Grammatically, it
seems that the park turned the corner.)
CORRECT: Turning the corner onto Peachtree Street, we noticed the park
looked scenic.
("We" turned the corner, so "we" needs to be in the sentence.)
13. Split infinitives

An infinitive is "to" with a verb. A split infinitive is an infinitive with a word or words in
between the "to" and the verb. Split infinitives do not necessarily cause confusion,
but many readers disapprove.
INCORRECT: The professor asked the students to quickly take the quiz.
("To take" is an infinitive and should not be split by an adverb.)
CORRECT: The professor asked the students to take the quiz quickly.
("Quickly" can be moved after "to take the quiz." It is important not to create
misplaced modifier by placing "quickly" at the beginning of the sentence.)
212
14. Run-on sentences
A run-on sentence is two or more independent clauses joined without the necessary
punctuation separating them or the appropriate conjunction. Complex or long
sentences are sometimes necessary, but you must join your ideas in a way that will
not confuse the reader.
INCORRECT: It was snowing last Wednesday school was shut down.
("It was snowing last Wednesday" and "school was shut down" are both
complete sentences and need the appropriate punctuation and/or conjunction
to connect them.)
CORRECT: It was snowing last Wednesday, so school was shut down.
(The two complete sentences can be combined with a comma and the
appropriate coordinating conjunction. A period or semicolon without the
coordinating conjunction could have also fixed the run-on sentence.)
15. Fragments
A fragment is an incomplete sentence. A sentence is incomplete because it is a part
of a sentence separated from an independent clause or because it is lacking a
subject or predicate.
INCORRECT: GSU will have to raise tuition next year. Because the state
government will not raise taxes to support education.
("Because the state government will not raise taxes to support education" does
have a subject and predicate, but "because" makes this a dependent clause. It
must connect to the main clause to be a complete sentence. )
CORRECT: GSU will have to raise tuition next year because the state
government will not raise taxes to support education.
(The dependent clause is now a part of the main clause.)
INCORRECT: The inevitable laying off of faculty and staff.
(This sentence has no predicate. )
CORRECT: The laying off of faculty and staff is inevitable.
(The sentence is no longer a fragment because there is now a subject, "the
laying off of faculty and staff," and a predicate, "is inevitable.")
16. Lack of subject/verb agreement

The verb in a sentence must agree with the subject in number and person. If the
subject is plural, the verb form must also be plural. If singular, then singular.
Additionally, if the subject is first person, the verb must be also.
INCORRECT: One of my professors always spill coffee on my papers.
(Although "professors" is plural, the subject of this sentence, "one of my
professors," is singular. The plural form of the verb is wrong.)
CORRECT: One of my professors always spills coffee on my papers.
(Both the subject and verb are now singular.)
17. Vague pronoun reference
213
A pronoun must clearly refer to a subject. A vague pronoun reference occurs when a
pronoun could refer to more than one subject or the subject that the pronoun refers
to is only implied. Either way, the reader can be confused as to what subject the
pronoun refers to.
INCORRECT: If your students don't do well on their quizzes, they must not be
very good.
("They" is a vague pronoun in this sentence because it could refer to the
students or the quizzes.)
CORRECT: Your quizzes must not be very good if your students don't do well
on them.
(In this sentence, it is clear that "they" refers to the quizzes and not the
students.)
18. Lack of pronoun agreement
Use pronouns exactly and consistently. The pronoun must agree with the number,
gender, and type of subject.
INCORRECT: Each member of the rowing team had to set their alarm for three
in the morning.
("Each member" is singular, so the pronoun must also be singular.)
CORRECT: Each member of the rowing team had to set her alarm for three in
the morning.
(The noun and pronoun are both singular.)
19. Unnecessary tense shift
Use verb tenses consistently. If you start out in the present, don't shift for no reason
into the past. Sometimes you need to shift tenses to reflect a change in time, but an
unnecessary shift can confuse the reader as to relationship between time in what you
are writing.
INCORRECT: Someone pulled the fire alarm yesterday, so we get out of class
without taking the quiz.
(In this sentence there is not a clear reason to switch from the past tense,
"pulled," to the present tense, "get.")
CORRECT: Someone pulled the fire alarm yesterday, so we got out of class
without taking the quiz.
(Both verbs are in the past tense because there is not a clear reason to shift in
time.)
20. Inappropriate passive or active voice
The active and passive voice are not grammatically correct or incorrect; however,
writers often choose inappropriately which voice to use. The passive voice has the
effect of removing the actor from the subject position or from the sentence entirely.
This removal is appropriate in certain situations, particularly in science and business.
Otherwise, you should typically use the active voice.
INCORRECT: I poured the solution into the beaker.
(The active voice would be inappropriate here if this is part of a lab report. In
science writing, the person performing an experiment should be irrelevant to
the process.)
CORRECT: The solution was poured into the beaker.
(Using the passive voice, the "I" can be removed from the sentence.)
214
INCORRECT: Native Americans were repeatedly pushed further west.
(Removing the actor from this sentence is inappropriate because it is important
here to know who caused this action to occur. )
CORRECT: European settlers repeatedly pushed Native Americans further
west.
(Using the active voice makes it clear who caused the action.)
1.33 Cohesion: linking words and phrases

You can use words or short phrases which help to guide your reader through your
writing, and to link sentences, paragraphs and sections both forwards and
backwards. Good use will make what you have written easy to follow; bad use
might mean your style is disjointed, probably with too many short sentences, and
consequently difficult to follow. Your mark could be affected either way.
The best way to "get a feel" for these words is through your reading. Most
textbooks and articles are well-written and will probably include a lot of these
cohesive devices. Note how they are used and try to emulate what you have read.
Do make sure though that you fully understand their meaning: incorrect use could
change completely what you're trying to say. Try to use a variety of expressions,
particularly in longer pieces of writing.
Don't forget "AND"! Two short sentences are often best connected together with
this little word.
There follows a list of words and phrases that can be used. The list is not
exhaustive, and BE CAREFUL: although grouped together, none is totally
synonymous. Their position in the sentence can also vary; this is where your
reading and dictionary come in.
Listing Giving examples Generalising

first, second, third for example in general
first, furthermore, finally for instance generally
to begin, to conclude as follows: on the whole
next that is as a rule
215
Reinforcement in this case for the most part
also namely in most cases
furthermore in other words usually
moreover Result/consequence Highlighting
what is more so in particular
in addition therefore particularly
besides as a result/consequence especially
above all accordingly mainly
as well (as) consequently Reformulation
in the same way because of this/that in other words
not only ... but also thus rather
Similarity hence to put it more simply
equally for this/that reason Expressing an alternative
likewise so that alternatively
similarly in that case rather
under these
correspondingly on the other hand
circumstances
in the same way Deduction the alternative is
another possibility would
Transition to new point then
be
now, in other words Contrast
as far as x is concerned in that case instead
with regard/reference to otherwise conversely
as for ... this implies that ... on the contrary
it follows that if so/not in contrast
turning to Stating the obvious in comparison
Concession (sth
Summary obviously
unexpected)
in conclusion clearly however
to conclude naturally even though
216
in brief of course however much
to summarise as can be expected nevertheless
overall surely still
therefore after all yet
Here are just a few examples of some of the words in action:
REINFORCEMENT
Desktop computers are cheaper and more reliable than laptops; furthermore,
they are more flexible.
RESULT/CONSEQUENCE
Prices fell by more than 20% last year. As a result, sales increased by 15%.
GENERALISING
On the whole, his speech was well received, despite some complaints from new
members.
CONTRAST
The South East of the UK often has the coldest weather in the
winter. Conversely, the North West of Scotland frequently has the mildest
temperatures.
CONCESSION
It was a very expensive holiday, the weather was bad and the people weren’t very
friendly. Nevertheless, we would probably go back to the same place.
Top of page
Transition word exercise
Always ask yourself what the exact relationship is between the sentences or parts
of sentences. Are you leading to the result of something? Are you making a
deduction? Are you introducing some contradictory evidence or ideas? Your choice
of word or phrase obviously depends on this. And always check in a good dictionary
if you're not quite sure about a word's use or its position in a sentence. Remember
217
that punctuation will affect what you use.
Insert the best alternative
1 Polls show that Tony Blair is the most popular Prime Minister this century.
______________ , there are even members of his own party who are uneasy with
his approach.
In particular However For instance
2 There are some slight variations in temperature, but ________________ 26 to

27ºC should be expected.
consequently otherwise as a rule
3 The two main Channel Islands, ________________ Jersey and Guernsey, are
much closer to France than to England.
for example namely in particular
4 It was announced that nurses' working hours would be increased by 25%.

______________ , even fewer trainee nurses are expected to join the
profession.
As a result So that Likewise
5 Sales of CDs have experienced a small but steady fall over the past 12 months.
_____________ , vinyl records have seen an increase in their share of the
market, up to 1.7%.
Above all Correspondingly In contrast
6 The Vice Chancellor explained that in light of the current financial climate and
because of unexpected bad debts, it would be necessary to peg salary levels at
their current level for all grades of staff. ______________ , no-one was getting a
pay rise.
Nevertheless In other words Similarly
218
7 It is clear, therefore, that the situation in Brazil will improve only slowly.
______________ the economic problems being experienced in Japan, the outlook is
slightly more optimistic.
Furthermore In comparison With reference to
8 In order to try to reduce car use in the inner cities, the government has
announced new restrictions on company parking spaces and ______________ , a
new tax on individual car use.
as well as in addition in the same way
9 Essays must be handed in by the deadline, ______________ they will not be

marked.
obviously otherwise as a result
10 ______________ it has been shown that fractures can occur at even relatively
low pressures, the use of the material should not be completely discounted.
Nevertheless Because Even though
Answers
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Common TOEFL Essay Mistakes

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Common TOEFL Essay Mistakes

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10 Common TOEFL Essay Mistakes

Improve your TOEFL essay writing score by avoiding these 10 mistakes.

6. Never memorize a text

Using Transitional Phrases in the TOEFL Essay

For one thing

Grammar note: don't forget the comma!

10 Tips to Improve Your TOEFL Essays

writing toefl ibt templates

Some people argue as if it is a general truth that a ...But to be

The main problem with this argument is that it is ignorant o the

Some people prefer to A, others believe B, Nowadays some

Depending on personal experience, personality type and

...When faced with the decision of A of B, quite a few would

Some people prefer to A. others believe B. When faced with the

In my point of view, A is as important as, if not more important

When it comes to..., Nevertheless, in my part, I prefer A rather

... There may be by one or two disadvantages to ...; however, I

The answer of this statement depends on your own experience

In a modern society, people always face the dilemma to

It seems, in so many items, very difficult for us to prefer one to

To choose A or choose B is something of a dilemma to the

There is no denying the fact that ...(whether to choose A or B is

While both the two [methods/choice] may have their

At first glance it seems very difficult for us to draw a

In Integrated Writing Section,

What you have to do is

In the reading passage, it stands for one side of the provlem

In contrast, listening lecture has an opposite position to reading

If you can apply your answeres to this template properly, you

If you think you are lost while listening to the lecture,

To advise you lastly, be careful with the Grammar and Spelling!

Independent Essay Template

Paragraph 2 and 3 (body paragraphs):

 "This is because REASON ONE and REASON TWO."

Integrated Essay Template

 The author of the reading passage argues that….

 "He observes that…"

 "Overall, the lecturer refutes the claims of the lecturer."

Score Reasons for Score Reasons for Score

 Didn't write ANYTHING  Didn't write ANYTHING

 Badly organized  Badly organized

 Relatively successful at responding

In many organizations, perhaps the best way to approach certain new

(Source: Official Guide p250-255)

Hi, I have some problems like Phuong. Although I

So, correlation studies are valuable tools that provide a

(Mastering Skills for the toefl ibt - page 528)

According to the Official Guide, the test maker will ask

If the lecture supports or strengthens the information

From my point of view, the questions in Mastering are not

Paragraph #1: Introduction

Paragraph #2: Body paragraph

Paragraph #3: Body paragraph

Paragraph #4: Conclusion

Well, I also have troubles in common.

1. About paraphrasing: As I gained from my class: there

+ Use related words and phrases including synonyms and

TOEFL Writing Grades:

Score Reasons for Score Reasons for Score

 Didn't write ANYTHING  Didn't write ANYTHING

 Badly organized  Badly organized

 Relatively successful at responding

 Successfully communicates all the Well organized and coherent