The University of Surrey Students’ Union Newspaper

issue 1046 www.ussu.co.uk THURSDAY 28 NOVEMBER 2002 free

WORLD Government leaders can’t seem to make up their minds as national demo looms
AIDS DAY

We stand divided
A focus by
Toni Borneo
and Positive
Action on
the awareness BY RICHARD WATTS
day, which is
to take place this THE GOVERNMENT IS fac-
Sunday | page 3 ing an internal crisis concerning
the future of funding higer edu-
LORD ROBERT WINSTON cation. Tony Blair, the Prime
Daisy Clay Minister, and his Chancellor,
meets Robert Gordon Brown, are understood
to favour opposing options
Winston, the
- top-up fees and a graduate
man behind tax respectively - reflecting
many of the the split prominent throughout
BBC’s popu- the Labour party. Meanwhile,
lar science Charles Clarke, the new Educa-
programs | tion Secretary, is still “weighing
page 10 up the options,” but warned that
“the issue of fees is in danger of
attaining ‘iconic’ status.” His
IN THIS WEEK’S PAPER results will be published in the
government’s white paper due week with many VCs of the elite What are the funding options?
in January; some anlaysts are Russell group in order to galva-
Are you an extremist? predicting the issue will be the nise support for the policy amid
The government and the papers have spouted so much about fees
How do you decide what is an extrem- and grants and graduate taxes that barefacts thought it would
main point of the next election. growing opposition. Chiefs from enlighten you with an all-in-one-place guide to paying for higher
ists view and what is simply freedom of Last week, more than seventy Oxbridge, Warwick, Bristol and
speech? Opinion | page 5 education writes Philip Howard. The government needs to pay for
Labour MP’s signed a motion other institutes discussed vari- your university education somehow, so here are the choices:
opposing top-up fees, sentiments ous options and the problems TOP-UP FEES
A closer look at SeMS that were echoed by many Vice- facing HE. Professor Patrick Between £0 and £10,000
Toni Borneo and Alf Crossman extinguish Chancellors, particulalry in the Dowling, VC of UniS, has told Dependent on the institution
some of the myths about the European north of England and through- barefacts that UniS opposes Typically likely to be around £4,000 – an increase of £3,000
School of Management Focus | page 8 out Wales. Tony Blair held a top-up fees but will continue to Means tested
secret meeting earlier this monitor the situation. Preferred by Tony Blair and most Vice-Chancellors
barearts sees an Irish vicar Hated by the NUS and most parents.
Alex Read pops along to watch Sinead O’ GRADUATE TAX

g
Either limited term fee equivalent to that of top-up fees, or

n
Connor and, shock of all shocks, actually
enjoys himself barearts | page 17

The current state of art mi ss i Permanent (higher rate of tax for the rest of your life)
Possibly extra 1p in the pound on graduates’ income tax
Dependent (like income tax) on your salary

0
Further into the future

Dave Abbott goes to the Bodyworlds &
Earth from the Air exhibitions to see if they
are really any good barearts | page 14
-5 0 - 0
Life after the womb
“Why don’t they just hide the weapons so
that the inspectors can’t find them?” A sug-
gestion for the Iraqis Lifestyle | page 21
Interested in trampolining?
If you are interested in all things bouncy,
then turn to the back page to find out how
you can get involved Sport | page 24
0
Backed by Charles Clarke to an extent, and by parents.
Hated by the NUS, Tony Blair and many students.
In its White Paper in January, the government is expected to pick
one or the other, although it is likely to be top-up fees since the
mechanism is already in place, and it provides a more immediate
payment to the universities. There is potential for a life-long
graduate tax to act as a segregation between university people and
non-university people, as the tax would be insensitive to whether
Paying a tuition fee you used your degree to attain your high salary. On the other
of £10,500 a year
will hand, low-paid science graduates and nurses would have to pay
increase the cost of
your less over time under a taxation scheme than under a fees scheme.
degree to £50,000.

NUS national march

.protect.your.education.

e! This will plunge

You’re already brok it.
dship. Don’t accept
you deeper into har

The National Union of Students’ please sign up at the Students’

“funding the future” march is on
Wednesday, 4th December.
The Students’ Union is providing
Take action. React
and shout out at the
students with a coach to attend
DEMONSTRATION. the event and it will leave
December 4, 2002 from outside NatWest at 9am
Malet Street, London
Ensuring students have a future on the Wednesday morning.
For information:
If you would like to go, then
Union reception or e-mail
comms@ussu.co.uk. There are
only 50 places available and it
is on a strictly first-come-first-
served basis.
Tickets will cost £2 in order
to contribute to the cost of the
coach.
2 NEWS 28 November 2002

Graduates lack key skills Student dies in catapult stunt

A RECENT SURVEY has shown that
new graduates lack three of the skills they
consider most important in the workplace
– time management, task juggling and
verbal communication. Two thirds of those
questioned felt that their degree helped their
career prospects, but only half believed it
to be a prerequisite. Just under a third said
their degree was irrelevant to their current
area of work.
The top five skills that graduates said they
gained during their degree were: working
independently, written communication skills,
reading and understanding texts, working
under pressure and learning abilities.
However, the top five skills graduates
believed were of use in the workplace were:
time management, working under pressure,
accuracy, oral communication skills and
managing different tasks at the same time.
The head of institutional planning at
University College Northampton, Sheryl
Randall, said: “The results were a bit of
an eye-opener to us. Most employability
surveys in the UK and US have looked
BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH
EDITOR
at what skills employers say they need of
graduates. This is the first to look at what
skills graduates perceive they require.”
At the University of Surrey, the Individual
Development training programme aims to
furnish students with skills that will be of use
in a working environment, supplementing
those learnt during their degree. The
Union’s arm of ID, the DAVE project
(Development, Accreditation, Volunteering
and Employability) offers courses ranging
from working with others to becoming a
web wizard. Each course is worth 5 ID
points, and when students have gained 20,
40 or 60, they receive their bronze, silver
or gold award. Employers are increasingly
looking for graduates who possess qualities
beyond their degree, and the ID scheme
is designed to give students the tools to
succeed academically, professionally and
socially.
BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH
EDITOR
A STUDENT FROM Oxford University
died last Sunday after a stunt involving a
human catapult went tragically wrong. Dino
Yankov, a 19 year old Bulgarian student and
a member of a dangerous sports club, fell
short of a safety net after being fired 100ft
through the air from a copy of a medieval
siege engine known as a trebuchet. He
suffered serious leg and spinal injuries and
died five hours after the accident, after being
airlifted to hospital in Bristol. Police are
investigating the incident with the Health
and Safety Executive, and the operators of
the catapult may face prosecution.
20 members of the Oxford stunt Factory,
which is not an official university club
despite many of its members being
undergraduates, were experiencing being
thrown by the catapult in an arc into a safety
net at Middlemoor Water Park in Somerset.
Witnesses said that Mr Yankov was the sixth
person to be thrown by the machine, but fell
short of the net. He struck the side and fell
30ft to the ground.
David Aitkenhead, who built the trebuchet,
said that before the accident he had
informed those waiting their turn that it was
an “extreme activity” and not guaranteed
to be totally safe. He was unable to offer
any explanation as to what had gone wrong
with the equipment. A spokesman for the
Oxford Stunt Factory said that the club was
“devastated” by the accident. “The net is the
size of a tennis court, so why it didn’t catch
him I have no idea,” the spokesman said.
“Other people had been on it before, and it
was fine. It had been tested; all the safety
checks and test weights had been done to
judge distances, and then this happened.”
The trebuchet, which has fired a total of 50
people through the air this year, was closed
immediately after the accident and may not
be used again.

Epilepsy awareness - what to do

AFTER HAVING AN epileptic seizure in the
middle of Chancellors, I thought it would be
a good idea to write an article for barefacts
about epilepsy and what to do if someone
has a seizure in front of you. Toni Borneo
and Rich Watts agreed with me, especially
after I told them that one in 133 people
suffer from epilepsy, making it the second
most common neurological condition after
migraines. Epilepsy can develop at any age
in anyone and EVERYONE has one form
of seizure at one point in their lives, though
most people have it in their sleep, so most
are not aware that it has happened.
So how does a seizure occur? Well, the
body has its own mechanisms ensuring that
messages travel between nerve cells in the
brain. In epileptics, this sometimes goes
wrong and the messages get scrambled up,
causing the neurones to “fire off” faster than
usual and in bursts…..hence a seizure.
So what triggers off a seizure?
[1] Excess alcohol can, and is the most
common cause of seizures, even in those
without epilepsy. Regular heavy drinking
can also cause epilepsy.
[2] Stress, such as exam times are also a
common cause. This is probably because
your sleep patterns can be upset at times
such as these.
[3] Patterns of light can also trigger seizures.
These include activities such as watching
TV, playing on computer games and going
to the union!!!! However, this cause is far
less common than most think as it only
affects 5% of epileptics.
[4] Some women find that seizures are
linked to their menstrual cycle, however as
yet no-one quite knows why.
[5] Skipping meals and eating an unbalanced
diet can also cause seizures.
So, what should you do if someone has a
seizure in front of you?
DO:
[a] protect the person from injury by
removing any sharp or hard objects
cushion the persons head if they do fall
down
[b] when the convulsive part of the seizure
BY SUZIE JOUGHIN
is over, put them in the recovery position
be quietly assuring
[c] stay with the person until they are fully
conscious. You need to be careful at this
point because, when someone appears to ��������������������������������������������������������������
come out of a convulsive seizure, they
are not necessarily fully conscious. For
example, I cannot remember ‘walking’
�����������������
from Chancellors to the Health Centre as I
apparently did.
[d] go over any missed events with the
person
����������������
DON’T:
[a] try to restrain the person �������������
[b] put anything in their mouth
[c] try to move the person unless they are in
immediate danger
�������������������������
[d] give the person anything to drink until �������������������������
they have fully regained consciousness ����������������������������������������
Only call an ambulance if: ���������������������������
if it is the person’s first seizure and the cause �������������������������
is unknown | injuries which need medical ������������������������������������
attention have occurred during the seizure
| the convulsive part of the seizure shows
no sign of ceasing after 5 minutes | a second ���������������������������������
seizure occurs without the person regaining
consciousness | the person has been drinking ����������������
an excess of alcohol.
It is a fact, however, that epilepsy still carries
���������������������������������
a stigma and some still view it as a mental ���������������
illness or handicap. IT’S NOT! Hundreds �����������������������
of years ago, the young women they used to ������������������������������������������������
burn at the stake because they were witches
����������������������������
who were possessed by the devil, were not at
�������������������������������������������������
all…they were epileptics suffering seizures.
OK so that doesn’t happen today but some
do still discriminate against epileptics. The �����������������������������������������������������
fact is most people suffering from epilepsy ����������������������������������
can and do lead perfectly normal lives and
living with it doesn’t mean changing your
�����
life all that much. Although perhaps in my
case I should cut down on the drinking at ��������� ��������
the Union! ������
For support or information the number
of the UK Epilepsy Helpline Freephone
��������� ����������������������
����������������
number is 0808 800 5050 �������������������������������� ����������������
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
28 Novermber 2002 NEWS 3

World AIDS day

be everything that I thought I wanted.

TONI BORNEO
VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION
AND WELFARE
Hiya. This Sunday is World AIDS Day.
My only concern is that everyone will be
thinking “AIDS happens to other people.
Let’s raise money for them. Great”. AIDS/
HIV doesn’t just happen to other people,
it happens to people. It’s only through
having chats with reps from RaftSurrey
(remember?) and Positive Action, both HIV
support charities, that it really dawned on
me. Unprotected sex once. Once. That’s
all it takes. The source could be anyone,
anything. Who knows? It could be me. It
could me you. It sounds a bit like the lottery,
and actually it’s just like that but the prize is
less welcome. So I have one thing to say to
you all. You’ve heard it all before, and most
of the time you’re probably pretty sensible.
But most of the time just isn’t good enough.
It has to be all the time, or you might as well
not bother. It’s this: Just use a condom. Just
use one. (Free from Union, Health Centre
and Nightline).
Night night x | welfare@ussu.co.uk
“It was April 1990 and I was 23. I had
“It sounds a absorbed large amounts of information on
HIV and its transmission. I was no expert
little like on the finer points of the virus but in theory
I knew enough about how HIV could be
the lottery; passed on to prevent it happening to me and
until then I had not been f**cked without
actually, it’s a condom. It had been hard. Almost every
time I had sex and a f**k was a possibility,
just like that I’d felt pressured to leave the latex to
one side. That pressure didn’t come from
except the any discrete direction, and no amount of
further information could have prevented
prizes aren’t me having unsafe sex when I did. Informed
I may have been, but unfortunately I was
quite so in no position to apply that information
and respond to the encouragement. Nor
welcome.” was I particularly happy, and what’s more
my confidence was weakening and my
unhappiness deepening.
Then there was David. I fell in love with
him the way you can when you’re not
very happy or confident. Far from it being
Confidence streamed out of him. He
represented the life I wanted to lead. Eye
contact and then we both moved on. We
met by accident the next day at Brockwell
Park. We went to my flat for sex. Met again
by accident and had sex again, it seemed to
get better every time.
I guess I loved him. I have no doubt it
wasn’t reciprocated. I was a bit on the side.
Even being on the side was better than
not figuring at all. I stopped at the chemist
on the way home, telling myself that
buying condoms and KY didn’t entail any
embarrassment at all, when in fact I was
cringing. I had a vague sense of fatality that
AIDS was what the future held for me.
My earlier purchases weren’t used that
night. The object of my desire wanted to
have sex with me and for the first time
in my life it was good sex. Leaving the
condom box on the floor and the KY tube
unopened, we f**ked. It was good because
it affirmed he wanted me. But I couldn’t
forget the information I had absorbed.
What’s more I was alarmed because I didn’t
know when to say no. I couldn’t stop it. I
lacked the skills to protect my own health.
He was bigger than me, not physically but
emotionally.
I’d done it. The ultimate. Before that I’d
been a good gay, following the advice. But

Positive Action
Since Positive Action was established, we
have grown in size to now support over
200 clients and families affected by HIV
and AIDS living in Hampshire, Surrey
and Berkshire. We are a voluntary sector
organisation based locally. WE offer a
range of services from complimentary
therapies, counselling and condom supplies
to financial assistance, immigration
advice and legal referrals. We also have
a free phone number with 24 hour answer
service to offer confidential advice with
regards to any concerns or queries with
AIDS and HIV. We operate with stringent
confidentiality guidelines and is delivered
on an equal opportunity basis irrespective
of personal circumstances or however
HIV was acquired. We also run a drop
in centre where people can meet in a safe
and non-judgement environment, be it to
have a hot meal, watch a video and chill
out, do your washing or chat to one of our
three full-time staff members or one of our
volunteers.
We are committed to offer our full support
in any way we can, so if you do have any
concerns or queries with regards to HIV or
AIDS then please do not hesitate to contact
us on 0800 980 1990.
This testimony has been provided with the
permission of Health First, via Positive
Action. This story was used because the
sentiments apply to every kind of person,
not just gay. Straight people are as likely
to feel, for complex reasons, that they are
willing to risk having unprotected sex. It
probably applies to every sexually active
student reading this feature. Women are
rewarding or negative he did his best to
confirm every negative thought I’d ever
had about myself. We didn’t have unsafe
sex. We barely had sex. AIDS was, he said
the perfect excuse not to. This was my first
proper relationship. Twelve months without
one compliment. The price I paid for this
cumulative unhappiness was HIV.
Then I met Neil, the catalyst. I didn’t set
out to have unsafe sex or be infected, but
nor could I have prevented it. It was the
product of eighteen months of punishing
myself, physically and emotionally. I
know I shouldn’t have been doing it but I
carried out. Not once or twice but tens of
times. It wasn’t ignorance, just a terrible
consciousness that I shouldn’t have been
doing it and an equally awful sense of
pleasure.
He appeared, physically at least, to
likely to forget they’re at risk, as perhaps do
heterosexuals. Believe me, we’re all at risk.
This isn’t supposed to scare you, just remind
you that you’re nagged to use a condom for
a highly valid reason, and that’s that it could
save your life. So have a think about your sex
life up until this point. Have you ever once
had unprotected sex? Do you think that that
person has had other sexual partners other
now I’d failed. I had become a ‘bad gay’,
fulfilling, so it seemed, all the stereotypes;
no relationship, no career, lots of sex,
which had now become unsafe.
What’s more, like the first viewing of
porn, my failure had been exhilarating.
Despite the negative feelings, it was the
best sex I’d ever had. It had been so good
– no one had ever warned me about that.
I went back for more. Now it seems
stupid. But what was more stupid was
that the real reasons for me, and countless
others, was that the real reasons for safe
sex were barely then talked about. It was
all supposed to be about ignorance and
condoms. I knew about condoms, what I
didn’t know about was myself and how
seductive temporary pleasure can be when
you’re unhappy.”
MICHAEL, DIAGNOSED MAY 1991
than you? Get checked out. It’s anonymous
through the GUM clinic (Farnham Road
Hospital). And don’t forget, there are lots
of horrible bug lurking out there. HIV is as
bad as it gets, but there’s Hepatitis C (free
inoculations for gay men at the GUM clinic)
and Chlamydia and they can all creep up on
you with no symptoms. So shut them out
– before they get in!
4 COMMENT 28 Novermber 2002

When will the government learn?

IT’S THE ULTIMATE farce, decent go of it without a bit
basing student loan and grant of backup money available
THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ UNION money entirely on students’ from the parents when things
WWW.USSU.CO.UK parents’ bank balances, get tight. I’m not belittling
when the government is their achievements, but there
trying to remove any class is something fundamentally
This is a chance to let those who make differences. Why do they do
it? The government seems to
wrong here – why is it
necessary?
PHILIP HOWARD
the decisions know how you feel have got itself stuck in the
notion that we need to pay
“The government has gone
If you were packed off
to university with a much
for education before we get too far down a one way larger student loan (enough
The national demonstration, protesting final opportunity to influence what may or educated. Which of course street and been suddenly to comfortably live on),
against the current state of student funding, may not be in that document. costs money. I seriously surprised to see traffic completely independent of
is on Wednesday, 4th December and is the The government is divided over the issue doubt that there is a single coming the other way” the financial situation of
best opportunity for you to let the people of fees - Tony Blair for, Gordon Brown student who could survive at your parents, several things
that govern know, en masse, that the current against, Charles Clarke somewhere in the university entirely on overdrafts and student would happen. Firstly, parents would cease
level of funding in higher education is unac- middle. Together, with the help of the NUS. loans without any help from their parents to ‘top-up’ their children’s finances, through
ceptable. Though this newspaper has often this march may be the one that makes the or a job to help ease the burden. My own a combination of not wanting to – surprise
asked you to question why you think that difference. situation is probably not uncommon – I take surprise, parents don’t delight in giving
higher education should be free for students, A coach will leave from outside the NatWest the full loan available and my parents top me away money – and an attempt to teach
it still stands by the principle that if you are building at 9am on Wednesday; it cost £2 to up with enough to keep me off Extra Value their children some financial control. If my
not happy with something, then you take go, but the rest of the cost will be subsidised Beenz every night of the week. People have parents thought I could survive without their
action to make your voice heard. The ques- by the Students’ Union. If you would like to different arrangements, but our situations are help they would have gladly not carried the
tion of tuition fees, and more importantly in go and let your voice be heard, then e-mail all dictated by our parents – the government financial burden. Secondly, students would
the current climate, top-up fees, is one that comms@ussu.co.uk. Due to space restric- only considers their financial situation (with become financially independent much
needs to be answered. tions, the tickets will be served on a first- the exception of unearned income and a few sooner – since the government doesn’t pay
The infamous white paper on funding will come, first-served basis, so you will have to financial obligations of the student) when enough to keep students independent, those
be published in January, so this is one major be quick. calculating loans and grants. whose parents can afford to help least are
But what’s so wrong with that? The worst still at a disadvantage, despite the means
off (and statistically least likely to consider testing. The government is trying to get
Please note that this is the last printed edition of barefacts this semester. There will be an
Higher Education) need to be financed students from the traditional working class
online version available at www.ussu.co.uk from Thursday of week 14, so make sure you
differently to those whose parents can to break with tradition – often against their
keep a look out for it then. Otherwise, have yourselves a good holiday and we’ll see you in
afford it all. I get a fair loan, and without parents’ expectations – but still they base
the New Year. From all at barefacts.
my parents’ assistance I could probably the amounts on their parents’ incomes and
still manage it on rations and a part time still don’t give them enough for financial
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK job, so it’s not as though my parents still freedom. Once again, the government has
control my finances. And there are people gone too far down a one way street and been
“Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.” who manage to come to university from suddenly surprised to see traffic coming the
LANE OLLINGHOUSE (1923 -), AUTHOR ‘disadvantaged’ backgrounds and make a other way. When will they learn?
28 Novermber 2002 COMMENT 5

Extremism versus freedom of speech - who are we to decide?

In the aftermath of the lengthy debate in this week’s student council, Morgan Gooch gives his opinions on some of the issues that have arisen.

I AM AN extremist. I believe in the horrific more important question…

death of all intolerant people (they would how many people do you
MORGAN GOOCH for now. The simple fact
is that if a view has wide
Although human history is awash with
examples of arseholes and nutcases twisting
be happier outside a world where so much have to offend before you are enough support or confusion good ideas to do harm, the important thing
offends them). It’s not a view I shout about considered an extremist? This “human history is awash surrounding it then it is is that the majority remains enlightened
too often, any intolerant people nearby is an important issue and one with examples of arseholes controversial, as with animal and can meet views of bigotry with an
generally don’t like it and they tend to have that is entirely subjective. I and nutcases twisting good rights, but if it is a small appropriate response without needing to
had more practice in brutally beating people think we all agree that anti ideas” enough minority (or there is be shielded from the extremist view. I don’t
than I have. As much as I dislike neo-nazis Semitism and all forms of no apparent nobility in the think anything should be censored, it should
and all other extremists, I don’t actually racism count as extreme views, but what ideal) then it is extreme. The fact that both just be debated and if it isn’t a defendable
want to get in a fight with one because, quite about strong beliefs in animal rights or even views can cause equal harm when taken by view then it should be ridiculed.
simply, I’d lose. fruitarianism (the belief that you can and fanatics doesn’t seem to be relevant, and Their views may be extreme, and an
What is the relevance of any of this? For should survive eating only that which has really it isn’t because as we all know fanatics irresponsible use of their freedom of speech,
anyone who wasn’t at the student council naturally fallen from the trees and nothing can turn the quest of a hippy for peace and but that freedom is still theirs to use however
meeting on Tuesday, there was a proposal else)? Should we distinguish between understanding (the new testament) into a they see fit. University shouldn’t protect us
put forward about anti-extremism. During holding a minority view and taking extreme quest for blood (the crusades, the Spanish from the world, it should train us to react
the ensuing inquisition, the appropriately to it. The extremist may say
discussion, “How many people do you have to offend before you protestant/catholic “I believe you are genetically inferior and
there was divide in Northern should be eliminated for the evolution of
m u c h
are considered an extremist? What about strong Ireland etc. etc.). the species” but it is our job to respond,
debate as beliefs in animal rights or even fruitarianism We have all heard “I believe you are inferior and should be
to whether (the belief that you can and should survive eating about the actions eliminated for the evolution of the species,
the word of animal rights as your brain is clearly far too small”. As
“racist” only that which has naturally fallen from the activists (carving for the proposal, and which word to use, I
s h o u l d trees and nothing else)?” a message into believe that neither word should be used. If a
replace a documentary view is presented in an appropriate way then
the word maker’s back for nobody should be punished for holding that
action to back it? Should these views be
“extremist” in a clause defining what is one) and we all hear about racist attacks on a view, they should only be punished if it is
censored, or merely disagreed with, if they
unacceptable within the Union. The real frighteningly regular basis, but do we think anti-social or leads to a hostile environment,
are appropriately presented and because no
issue is one of freedom of speech. Should of these actions and the people that commit and the two can be exclusive. Well that’s my
action is taken in their name? Which is to
extremist views be censored because they them differently because of their reasons, view anyway… but I’m an extremist.
blame, the ideal or the activist?
offend people? Well, maybe. But I have a and should we?
I think that’s enough questions to raise

Are you HIV prejudiced? Some facts about AIDS revealed

Art Ramirez, Managing Director of RAFT Surrey dispells some of the myths surrounding AIDS and HIV

ARE YOU HIV prejudiced? - That hospitals. Clients have identified ART RAMIREZ figures showing the different ways and support to people infected
is theme for this year’s World problems with the new foreign in which AIDS is transmitted are and affected by HIV/AIDS. We
AIDS Day campaign for the 1st of nurses recruited from Asia. The shown in the chart opposite. have over 100 adult clients, 76
“Most university students
December 2002. Most university training and care procedures are Up until June 2002 there have family members and 28 children
would categorically state
students would categorically state different than those taught in that they are not prejudiced been just over 51,000 reported from the ages of one week to 15
that they are not prejudiced as they the UK. Having a nurse arrive as they are socially aware cases of HIV years of age.
are socially aware and informed to change your bed wearing a and informed about the infection in the UK. “Up until June As an agency
about the issues in multi-cultural facemask and surgical gloves is issues in multi-cultural There are currently 2002 there have we currently
Britain not amusing! Britain today” nearly 19,000 living have registered
today. This just shows with AIDS diseases
been just over with us three
The stark AIDS transmission statistics that there is and over 15,000 51,000 reported u n i v e r s i t y
evidence 70% - heterosexual contact still ignorance There are over 14 million orphaned people have died of cases of HIV students - two
s h o w s 10% - homosexual contact around HIV/ by AIDS. When one looks at the AIDS conditions.
that there AIDS and global statistics you can see that A s t o n i s h i n g l y,
infection in the undergraduates
and one
is still
10% - injected drug use ignorance this is indeed a over 31,000 of the UK.” postgraduate
prejudice 5% - blood products / tissue can lead to reported cases live student. We
a g a i n s t 5% - mother to baby infection prejudiced in the greater London area. In are very grateful for funds raised
people behaviour. the UK there has been an annual by the students at the Fetish Ball
with HIV/AIDS. Most young According to figures increase of HIV infections in in November and for the huge
people today still believe that HIV published by the World the heterosexual community contribution to our hardship fund
is a gay men’s disease and that has Health Organisation there over the last three years. from the Annual Colours Ball.
nothing to do to them unless they have been an estimated 64 During this period there has Our thanks go to Toni Borneo,
are gay or bisexual. Unfortunately million people around the been a steady drop in HIV Welfare officer, Denise Goodwin,
the greatest increase in HIV world infected with HIV. infections in gay men. Over Sports Officer and the Electrical
infections in the UK has been in 24 million people have 3000 children have been born Engineering Society (for the
the heterosexual community. already died and there are to HIV positive women in this proceeds from their Ann Summers
We have anecdotal evidence from 40 million people living with country with only 35% of the party) in the Student’s Union. We
our clients who have experienced AIDS disease. HIV infection children going on to show signs run a university accredited training
discrimination, social isolation, can lead to AIDS diseases for of HIV infection with the rest programme for volunteers and
negative labelling and prejudice those individuals without access to reverting back to negative status. training programmes for health &
during their care in hospital and effective treatment. It is estimated RAFT Surrey is a small HIV/ social care professionals. Details
in the community. Our clients there are 16,000 new infections AIDS support charity in Northwest about our work and training
have had these experiences in the every day. More than 10 million serious life threatening Surrey funded by three Primary are available on the web at
leading HIV/AIDS care centres children have been infected with condition affecting & infecting Care Trusts and Surrey Social www.raftsurrey.org
in London, not just in provincial HIV and over 8 million have died. heterosexuals in the majority. The Services to provide practical help
6 UNION 28 November 2002

It is starting to get to crunch point:

the constitution is almost through
For far too long now I
have been writing articles
regarding the constitution
and what changes the new
version contains. Last week
this paper contained a report
regarding how the university
were not satisfied by a few of
the points in the constitution.
Through discussion with
Peter Beardsley, the
University Registrar we
negotiated a series of minor
changes to the proposed
constitution. These changes
mean that the constitution
as a whole needed to be
re-voted upon by Student
Council to ensure the process
was completely legitimate.
M oney
atters
ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF
On Tuesday 26th November POSTGRADUATE STUDY?
Student Council voted to
adopt the new constitution.
If so, then you should not bank on receiving funding for postgraduate study. Competition
On the same day University
for postgraduate places is phenomenal and it is a good idea to start looking for funding as
Senate also agreed to pass on
early as possible. It is much easier to get a place on a course than it is to get the money to
the constitution to University
pay for it, to the point where many postgraduates have to fund themselves with loans. If
Council to approve. The
PAUL WRIGHT next step is to ratify the
you are offered funding, make sure that it covers both tuition and maintenance.
USSU PRESIDENT constitution at week 14,
Possible sources of funding are:
Tuesday 10th December
- 1pm Lecture Theatre L, • government funding
The proposed con- bring a friend! The new • Socrates-Erasmus
stitution was passed constitution will eventually • employers
almost unanimously. take effect once University • companies
Council approves it. • trusts and charities
• local authorities
• university postgraduate studentship awards
• university departments
These are the • research assistantships
tables for pass rate • loans from banks
figures for SeMS
course over the last Don’t forget – if you need further advice about financial or other welfare issues, the Student
two years. If you Advice & Information Service is here to help you:
would like a copy
of the SeMS article Student Advice& Information Service (SAIS): Wey Flat 2 | Surrey Court
featured on page t: [68]9261 | e: student-advice@surrey.ac.uk
8, along with the
table for academic
year 1999/2000
(which was omitted
because of space)
then please e-mail
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
and we will be
happy to pass it on
to you.
Thanks to Toni
and Alf for their
input into the SeMS
feature.

Christmas opening times at USSU

Monday 23rd December 2002
Chancellor’s Bar will be open all day
Food service will cease at 2.30pm

Tuesday 24th December 2002

Chancellors’ will be open for morning coffee only and will close at 12noon
Union house will close at 12noon

Tuesday 31st December 2002

The HRB will be open for New Year’s Eve

Union house will open for business as usual on Thursday 2nd January 2002.

NOTICES
Taiwanese Society AGM | 28th November 6.30pm | LTK

Tamil Society AGM | 29th November 6pm | Union Committee Room

Music Society AGM | 29th November 7pm | Helyn Rose Bar

Malaysian Student Society | 29th November | 8pm LTJ

Ultimate Frisbee EGM | 4th December |2pm Hari’s Bar

28 November 2002 PROFESSIONAL PAGE 7

The deadlines are approaching

I just wanted to remind you, demanding questions before
should you need it, that the transferring them to the form.
closing dates which many of You’ll produce a much better
the larger employers set for final version that way.
receiving application forms [5] Don’t rush. Too many
What is the Alumni Society? tend to be around this time mistakes and illegible hand-
of year. I thought it would writing may mean instant
Over the last few months, you have been magazines, newsletters, organise reunions,
be timely to provide a few rejection.
reading articles written by graduates of assist in networking opportunities and a
quick tips on application [6] If it is an on-line
UniS – headed with the logo of the Surrey whole lot more! form completion in case DR RUSS CLARK application, write your
Alumni Society – but do you know anything So I guess the next question is: why are you’re planning to meet their answers in Word first before
about us? we bothering with you when you are still deadlines. the closing dates for cutting and pasting onto the
I guess I could turn this into a quiz, offer students – and therefore not yet in our application forms for larger form. That way you can
a prize and hope that some of you may domain? To be truthful, we are desperately [1] Consider the job you’re employers are drawing grammar and spell-check
actually enter. We stand a chance of raising trying to bribe you with anything and applying for - what type of near... your answers.
our profile – however, we’ve been there, everything – just so that once you do person do they want? [7] Avoid blank or very short
done that – and concluded that it doesn’t graduate – you actually do want to keep in [2] What have you done in answers to questions but don’t
work! Consequently I shall explain to you touch with UniS via us! the past to prove your suitability? The more go to the other extreme and write a thesis in
who we are and what we do. What can we do for current students? demanding questions on application forms answer to every question.
Who are we? Currently there are two of Quite a lot actually! Just think, we have are designed to find this out. Anything [8] Keep a copy, at least of your answers to
us in the Alumni Office, Jane Cohen, the a database of over 26,000 graduates you’ve done could be relevant whether it is the more open-ended questions. A quick
Alumni Officer who has been here for the – yes, people who have one major thing in work, study or spare-time activities. re-read before the interview will help you to
[3] Read as much as you can about the ‘tune in’ to the job much more effectively.
many years and set up the Society; and common with you – your place of study
employer before you start writing.

myself, Amintha Buckland, the Alumni
Events Co-ordinator, who joined UniS
in July 2001 after graduating from the
University of Leicester.
What do we do? We run the only society
that you can’t join until you leave the
university! The Surrey Alumni Society is
your graduate society – a bit cheesy, I know,
but it does explain us pretty accurately!
Basically once you leave Surrey, we become
your main point of contact – we send you
There will be no careers and skills talks this week.
If you would like to register with Careers, please email c.arrowsmith@surrey.ac.uk, or visit in person.
Please keep an eye on your University email and www.surrey.ac.uk/careers for the most up to date information
P
– UniS. You may already have met us at the
[4] Draft your answers to the more www.surrey.ac.uk/careers
Fresher’s Fayre, Careers Fair (we were the
ones giving our free mugs – if you missed
out – come along on the 12th December to
Lakeside between 2-4pm) and countless
other places.
A question for you? What else could we
do for you? A dangerous question I fear! lacement
Reasonable suggestions would be gratefully
received – email: alumni@surrey.ac.uk.
S EAK
As part of my course I was required to
spend at least 6 months in a French speaking
country, in practice this means spending a
year in France. Luckily, my department
knew two companies in France with whom
they had good relations, so I was given
the choice of the two. On the one hand
was Recif, a Toulouse based company that
manufactured equipment to handle silicon
wafers (the material computer processors
are made out of); on the other, the «Institut
Laue Langevin» (ILL), a scientific research
laboratory in Grenoble, funded by the
French, English and German governments.
My decision was made on the differing
proposed areas of work: at Recif I would be
doing more hardware based work, whereas
ILL would be software based, hence I chose
ILL.
The ILL is a world leader in neutron-based
research and is situated right in the heart of
the French Alps. Before leaving home soil I
had several hopes and expectations of what
was to come. Over the year I hoped to gain
an insight into the professional world, to put
into real world practice some of the things
learnt in lectures and finally to become
fluent in French.
I started work at the ILL in August 2001
and it was all very relaxed, the dress code
was non-existent and jeans and t-shirts were
commonplace. You could always tell when
someone first came to visit the place, their
shirt and tie stood out a mile! My supervisor
was English, as was his boss… my circle
of friends soon turned into exclusively
By Adam Collard
English-speaking. This was extremely
detrimental to my goal of becoming fluent.
For the first three weeks my supervisor was
on holiday in England visiting his family.
I’d been left with tasks to complete, which I
soon finished. When he returned I presented
my achievements and it was then that
his management style began to adversely
affect the amount of work I was doing. I
prefer being set tasks with specific goals
with a deadline. My supervisor preferred
to point me in a particular direction and let
me wander my way through to define and
eventually reach a goal. We didn’t mix well.
I began to get more and more distracted
from my work, finding it hard to knuckle
down and get on with what I was supposed
to be doing. This was maybe a fault of
mine, but having no supervision whatsoever
allowed me to continue this way for a good
part of the year. My work was individual, I
did not collaborate with anyone else in my
department or otherwise throughout my
entire year. I judged it to be of little value to
the company and could not see any effects
- positive or negative - of me succeeding.
The only meetings between my supervisor
and myself occurred immediately before any
visits from my University tutors to put on a
show and make the most of what I had done.
In the end having no motivation whatsoever
to do the work, I failed my placement year
by not having logs of what I’d done and not
sending in progress reports. Outside of work,
I enjoyed the year immensely and view it as
a success. I spent every Saturday (during the
season) learning how to snowboard, and had
a great time visiting places in the area.
I offer these gems of advice for all of you
heading off on placement next year: if
things start going wrong - shout! Approach
your supervisor first, then if that doesn’t
work contact your placement tutor. If you’re
going to a foreign country, then make the
effort and immerse yourself in the language
and culture.
8 FOCUS: SEMS
surrey european school of management
SeMS: the truth
Toni Borneo, who has been heavily involved in the
reforms of SeMS, sheds some light on common myths
The School of European Management is
a division of the School of Management,
and has the largest intake of International
students of all UniS departments. Of course
the multicultural learning environment is
welcome, but what implications does it have
upon the department with regards to student
support? For some time now, there has been
a sense of unrest at SEMS, and students have
been asking questions about teaching methods
and pass rates. Unfortunately, the stress levels,
which have risen amongst SEMS students due
to confusion about their chances of success,
have created an atmosphere of distrust and
frustration. I have only been approached by
Chinese students studying at SEMS, mainly
because they have traveled a long way, and
paid high fees to be here and want to make
sure that they have chosen the right University.
They assure me that they are not the only
student group seeking answers.
SEMS are just as aware of the rumours and the
lack of trust as the Students’ Union. Following
a spate of Academic Appeals from SEMS,
almost without exception from Chinese
students, the department realised that there
are also issues of learning support that needed
to be addressed and Alf Crossman (formerly
Programme Director at SEMS) set up a task
group to face all of these difficulties head on.
I was invited as your representative in areas
concerning Education and Welfare to ask the
relevant questions and make student-friendly
suggestions. Colin Howard, the Dean of
Students also had students’ welfare in mind, as
indeed did the remaining two members of the
group, Professor Kangis (Head of School) and
Mr Alf Crossman.
A conclusion drawn very early on in
discussions was that the department quite
clearly has nothing to hide, and that by making
procedures as transparent as possible, student
trust could be rebuilt. I am hoping that any
concerned students reading this will trust
that everything reported here is the truth and
has been discussed openly with the Dean
of Students and myself. The only object of
this feature is to say that your Union wants
to support SEMS students and SEMS staff
to make studying at SEMS as stress-free as
possible. We hope that you will trust this
interview and take on board that SEMS really
will welcome any suggestions or problems you
have.
Toni Borneo: Students have been concerned
about aspects of the learning experience at
SEMS for some time now. What steps has
the department taken to identify areas for
improvement?
Alf Crossman: From time to time students
do raise issues about the way in which
SEMS delivers it programmes; with such
an ethnically diverse student population it
is impossible to teach every student in the
manner with which they are accustomed.
This year we have enrolled a relatively large
number of Chinese students who were/are
concerned that we do not teach in the way they
expected, they are also accustomed to the US
marking system with the pass mark at 60%,
whereas we do not operate this system and
lower marks are considered very acceptable.
In order to ascertain the extent of the problem
SEMS set up an investigation, conducted
by two SEMS academics. This resulted in a
detailed report setting out the expectations
of the Chinese students and the perceived
shortcomings. Issues highlighted in the report
were: teaching and assessment style; concern
about rumours of low pass rates; and English
language teaching. I think it is fair to say that,
with the exception of the rumours, many of the
concerns voiced by SEMS students apply to
other schools in the university.
TB: Can you outline the plans that have been
“How can students help SeMS become a
more supportive academic department?”
made to put this improvement into practice?
AC: As you are aware, when the report was
submitted, a task group chaired by me was
established to consider the findings and
investigate ways of improving the student
experience. The task group is not restricted
to SEMS and draws on university- wide
experience. The principle group is comprised
of me (Chair) Prof. Peter Kangis (Head
of SEMS), yourself and Colin Howard. In
addition advice has been taken from Mike
Thacker and Sarah Michelotti of ELTC
(European Language Teaching Centre). A
number of initiatives are currently being
considered; these include: a restructuring of
the English language teaching to front-load the
courses to provide intensive teaching early in
Semester 1; increasing the scheduled revision
for examination modules; the recruitment of a
School-student liaison officer.
TB: There seems to be some confusion
amongst students regarding the pass rates at
SEMS. How do you think this has come about
and how can it be resolved?
AC: Yes there is confusion about pass rates
and rumours abound about the “low” pass rates
of 30 - 50%; that the School “buys” its degrees
from the university and there is a maximum or
quota that can be purchased. These rumours
are wholly inaccurate and come from a variety
of sources - word-of-mouth, web sites.
As far as I can gather there are two causes of
the rumours - misunderstanding (e.g. students
see pass lists from a Board of Examiners which
contain information that applies to what was
discussed at the Board and does not include
subsequent information. They assume that if a
student has not passed to have failed, whereas
the reality is they have not yet completed)
and a degree of maliciousness (from previous
students who, perhaps, have not done as
well as expected). The statistics speak for
themselves and demonstrate a much higher
pass rate. I think any student concerned about
these rumours should ask themselves a number
of questions. First, if the pass rates were really
so low would the university allow us to
continue to operate? Second, if we are really
this poor, why do we still get around 60% of
our students from personal recommendations?
To overcome this we need to be more open
with students (whilst protecting information
as required under the DPA) and publish
information on pass rates in a more user-
friendly manner. Third, would students trust a
university or school that published pass rates
that are identical every year? The SEMS pass
rates change yearly in total and by programme
as the figures indicate.
TB: Students are concerned that next year,
the pass mark for each module will be 50%,
compared with this year’s 40% per module.
Can you tell us why this has changed?
AC: The reason for the increase in the module
pass mark to 50% is being introduced across
the federal university in order to standardise
every school and programme. I have
encountered this twice in previous universities
and I have to say the impact on overall pass
rates was non-existent.
TB: The plans for improved learning support
will certainly benefit next year’s intake of
students. This year, the low attendance rates
suggest that students are struggling with the
workload. How will existing students be better
supported this year?
AC: This is a difficult one to deal with as
it is one thing to provide additional support,
but whether students take it is a different
matter altogether. Attendance at lectures is
generally good, but it does tend to drop when
assignments are due in. Students complain that
they have five assignments to submit in five
weeks. The assessment has not been imposed
by SEMS staff; it has been introduced with
the involvement of previous year’s student
representatives on the Postgraduate Board
of Studies. This year the assignment was
reduced in size from 4,000 to 2,000 words
so, to some extent, we have already stated to
address the workload. In addition, students
do not have to write one a week from week %
onwards, they can actually start their research
before this and they should write assignment
concurrently rather than consecutively as there
are often economies of scale to be achieved by
the application of certain theories across the
different modules. I do find it disappointing
that students who need the benefit of English
language teaching tend to drop this provision
when the going gets tough.
28 November 2002
TB: Can you confirm that the pass rates
published in this edition of barefacts are
correct and up to date? How do they differ
from the pass rates that SEMS students may
have seen and why?
AC: The pass rates provided by the school
to barefacts are accurate and were up-to-date
at the time provided - they will be slightly
different to those provided to students already.
They are subject to change as students who
have taken time out may come back and
complete successfully. The statistics provided
here refer to numbers on intake and pass rate at
MSc, PG Dip and PG Cert. The figures do not
include students with extensions, suspensions
or who have been terminated or have
withdrawn, simply those who have passed to
date. This means the results can only get better
as we add in successful students. These rates
represent absolute minima. However, these
statistics only apply to full-time students, as
these appear to be relevant for comparison.
TB: How can students help SEMS become a
more supportive academic department?
AC: The best way is to tell us about any
concerns they have before they turn into
problems and be prepared to believe our
answers. If they come with concerns but are
not willing to accept the answers we provide,
then there is no point. Think about our beliefs
as academics; none of us want to, or would,
work in a school or university that we do not
believe in. To do so would create a negative
impact on our reputations as well.
The current pass rates for SEMS are
shown in the table on page 6. I encouraged
Alf Crossman’s suggestion to publish the
figures as raw data, without being converted
to percentages. There have been situations
when students aren’t sure how to interpret
the percentages. For example a very small
group of students will have a low pass rate if
a couple of students fail to achieve a Masters.
But this does not mean that other students
have a reduced chance. For example, in MSc
Technology Management, one person passed
and one person failed. At 50%, this pass rate is
misleading and worrying to students.
And – it must be remembered that many
students take an extra few months, or even a
year, to finish a course so that many have not
completed yet. They will later be added to
these figures, so they will be added to these
results when they finish. Bear in mind that
some of the figures show that a Postgraduate
Diploma has been achieved, rather than a
Masters. This does not constitute a Fail.
We really hope that this feature has gone some
way to answering your questions about SEMS.
Times are changing and SEMS want to put
their tough image behind them and look to a
more supportive future. If you still have any
concerns, now is the perfect time to have them
heard and dealt with. If you want to say your
piece anonymously, the Student Union can
speak on your behalf so please do take this
opportunity to be part of the action plan.

JAMES BOND - DIE ANOTHER DAY
“Bond” James Bond is one of the most
popular names in entertainment from the
past 40 years. Many great actors have
made their mark on the lead role - Sean
Connery, Roger Moore and for the past 4
films, Pierce Brosnan. The 20th film in the
franchise, Die Another Day was released
last week.
DIRECTOR’S CUT MARTIN SCORCESE
Born November 17th, 1942 in Flushing,
New York, the young Martin Scorsese
started out wanting to become a priest (so
much so that he even entered a seminary in
1956). However, he dropped out after a year
and went on to study English (Bachelors)
and then Film (Masters) at NYU (where
he also taught the young Spike Lee and
Oliver Stone). His upbringing in the tough
surroundings of New York’s “Little Italy”,
and the obvious Italian-American Catholic
influences are often reflected in his films.
His student films, including “Who’s That
Knocking at My Door” starring a young
Harvey Keitel, are what caught the eye of
producer Roger Corman, who gave him a
start in Hollywood.
Scorsese directed the gritty “Boxcar
Bertha” (1972) and followed it up with
“Mean Streets” (1973) – both of which
set the benchmark for his style; New York
settings, psychologically troubled main
characters, rock-to-opera soundtracks and
copious amounts of violence. Mean Streets
also featured film-school buddy Harvey
Keitel, and fellow “Little Italian” Robert
De Niro – both of whom helped shape
that style over the years. Scorsese’s next
“I only wanted to be an ordinary parish priest.”
There are always similar expectations
with Bond films - there will be exotic
cars and exotic car chases, stunts defying
the laws of gravity, someone trying to
take over the world, and of course many
beautiful women. And last but not least
Bond will always get the girls. Spectacular,
funny and sexy, Bond’s first mission of the
new millennium is one of the best - not
just a great Bond movie, but a great
action movie too.
In quick succession Bond is captured,
tortured and sets out for revenge
against North Korean traitor Zao
(Rick Yune). But in typical Bond style
he is soon foiling plans for world
domination and getting jiggy with the
mysterious Jinx (Berry) and Miranda
Frost (Pike).
The script stylishly uses ideas
from previous Bond escapades,
mastering all the elements that have
made previous Bond films such an
institution: the in-jokes, outrageous
action, clumsy innuendo and very
funny or outrageously cheesy one-
if you are interested in writing for the film section of barefacts, then please get
in touch with either one of the film editors: stew fudge [ce81sf@surrey.ac.uk] or
jolyon hunter [cs91jh@surey.ac.uk] or contact barefacts@ussu.co.uk.
:
notable film was “Alice Doesn’t Live Here
Anymore” (1975) for which lead actress
Ellen Burstyn won an Academy Award,
and he followed this up with the film which
reunited Scorsese, Keitel and De Niro: The
classic “Taxi Driver” (1976): A disturbing
masterpiece which supposedly inspire
John Hinckley’s attempted assassination
of President Ronald Reagan in 1980. The
film was nominated for a few Oscars, but
ended up with no wins; it did however win
3 BAFTAs.
After “New York, New York” (1977
– which one critic described as a “wife-
beating musical”) and “The Last Waltz”
(1978), Scorsese increased his stock even
further in Hollywood, by directing “Raging
Bull” (1980). This film, shot entirely in
starkly-contrasting black and white, charted
the career of boxer Jake LaMotta and won
two Oscars (for Robert De Niro in the title
role and for editing) – it was later named
best film of the decade by US critics Siskel
and Ebert. The character-study “The King
of Comedy” followed in 1983 with the
darkly comic “After Hours” after that in
1985. Shortly afterwards, he directed Tom
Cruise and Paul Newman in pool-shark
LORD WINSTON
barearts does ‘intel- the winner of the final
lectal’ as Lord Win- mobile phone of the
ston, the scientist who academic year is re-
is also a bloody nice vealed. txter’s thumb,
chap, comes to town
“Spectacular, funny and sexy, Bondʼs
first mission of the new millennium
is one of the best - not just a great
Bond movie, but a great action movie
too.”
liners. It seems to recall the successes that
were Goldfinger and Live and Let Die,
combining the cool of Sean Connery with
the frivolity of Roger Moore, without
descending into parody.
The stunts in Die Another Day involve
a lot of car chases, surfing, gun fights and
drama “The Color of Money” (1986).
In 1988, Scorsese courted controversy by
attempting to portray a human Son of God
in “The Last Temptation of Christ” (but
was nominated for the Academy Award
that year) before returning to more familiar
territory with gangster thriller “Goodfellas”
in 1990. His next two films were remakes:
“Cape Fear” (1991 – starring Robert De
Niro again) and “The Age of Innocence”
(1993 – portraying a more civilised side of
New York than some of his other films).
MORE PHONES
here you come!
racing down mountains and the outrageous
gadgets (including an invisible car) and
terrific stunts (even a sword fight), succeed
in blasting the veteran franchise into the
21st century.
The year 1995 saw him return to the
gangster theme with “Casino” starring
Sharon Stone, Joe Pesci, James Woods and,
of course, Robert De Niro.
“Kundun” in 1997 proved to be a slightly
different tack for the director, being about
the life of the 13th Dalai Lama, but was
ultimately an interesting film to watch.
His last major film was “Bringing out the
Dead” in 1999, starring Nicholas Cage as
an insomniac ambulance driver who can’t
get the images of the people he was unable
to save out of his mind.
The next Scorsese picture on the horizon
is the heavily delayed “Gangs of New York”
starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz
and Daniel Day-Lewis (for which you can
see trailers at the Odeon right now). The
film focuses on the battle for the streets
(between white Anglo-Saxon “natives”
and Irish immigrants) in New York in
the 1840s-60s. The film has been eagerly
awaited, and is set to go on general release
sometime in January.
Scorsese’s trademarks include the use of
slow motion techniques (as in Mean Streets,
Taxi Driver and Raging Bull), extensive
white lighting in scenes, and having his
leading ladies appear in angelic white
dresses (through the eyes of the film’s main
protagonist). His lead characters are often
sociopathic and/or want to be accepted
in society – speaking of which, he also
directed the video for Michael Jackson’s
“Bad”. words: jolyon hunter
10
an audience with
Robert Winston
He was part of the team that made the first test-tube
baby and has since gone on to become the most popu-
lar scientist in Britain. Daisy Clay spends an evening with
the man behind science and human behaviour.
Professor Lord Robert Winston is probably
one of this country’s best known scientists
and, in combining pioneering research
with his numerous television programmes
(shown by the BBC), he has become a
household name. In just one evening he
proved his recognition and prominent
status as both a scientist and remarkable
individual to be completely deserved.
Besides being both a Professor and a Lord
(since 1995) he has more job titles than
you could pack onto a business card (well,
maybe a large one); Professor of Fertility
Studies at Imperial College, University of
London, Director of NHS Research and
Development, Chairman of the House
of Lords Select Commitee on Science &
Technology, and Consultant Obstetrician
and Gynaecologist at Hammersmith
Hospital. He has contributed to many
advances in fertility medicine, including
his involvement in producing the first
successful test-tube baby. As a leading
voice in the debate on genetic engineering
he has written numerous books such
as Infertility, Making Babies, Genetic
Manipulation, and The IVF Revolution
as well as making television programmes
including Your Life in Their Hands, Making
Babies, The Human Body, Child of our
Time, Superhuman, and most recently
Human Instinct.
The evening, hosted entirely by Robert
Winston (RW) was structured into an
hour-long talk followed by a question and
answer session. From the moment RW
walked on stage to receive an especially
warm welcome until the moment he left,
the audience seemed thoroughly captivated
by his knowledge. I personally found his
every sentence truly fascinating. Whilst
the talk was mainly centred around the
controversial issue of genetic modification
and ideas of science and religion (theories
of creation versus theories of evolution) he
also discussed numerous other issues
In looking at the history of genetic
research, RW explained how the invention
of the microscope led to investigation
of seminal fluid (apparently occurring
amongst men at dinner parties across
Europe!). This also led to one artist’s
perception of sperm as consisting of a
‘perfect little man’ already inside the sperm,
LORD ROBERT WINSTON
with ‘perfect little testicles’ containing
‘perfect little sperms’, with ‘perfect little
men’ inside…etc. This idea has obviously
been abandoned now, although it is
interesting to see how far our knowledge in
this area has come.
As well as the fascinating deliberation
of contentious issues, the talk was full of
countless anecdotes and much humour.
In contemplating the question as to why
women have much shorter reproductive
life-spans as compared with many other
animals RW commented that in the duration
of the evening the women in the audience
would have lost 2 or 3 eggs (through
natural cell death in the embryo) whereas
he would have produced 150,000 sperm!
He then jokingly commented that he
assumes he is still capable of reproduction
(whilst women his age are generally not)
although hadn’t tested his ability in one
or two weeks (!) and had not actually
proven this ability in 21 years (since the
birth of his youngest son). Other anecdotes
included stories of his middle son (of three
children) sitting at the breakfast table aged
6 commenting how lucky they were for his
mum and dad to have ‘done it three times’
and for there to be three of them! His son
then went on to ask if more babies were
made the test-tube way or the ‘other way’.
Besides anecdotes, RW seemed to
have a statistic for ever occasion, even
spontaneously in the questions and answers
session. Through the use of statistics he
showed that we have more sex in the UK
than the French do, although those lucky
Australians have more sex than both
countries!
During his television series The Human
Body RW examined the debate over the
influence of nature versus nurture; that is
how much influence does the environment
have versus the influence of our genes.
Some thinkers, such as Richard Dawkins
“Playing God is a
thoroughly good
thing.”
(author of The Selfish Gene) believe that
humans are purely influenced by genetics.
RW stated that, although we cannot be sure,
he believes that nature and nurture have an
equally balanced influence.
RW introduced the issue of genetic
modification to the audience through the
use of slides showing pictures of Prince
Charles…he went on to say that, with no
disrespect to HRH, who has led a campaign
against the use of genetically modified
foods, his campaign is based mainly on
belief and not evidence. The slides showed
Prince Charles happily drinking tea; a
product which has been highly genetically
modified over the years, and receiving a
carnation from a young girl; one of the
most genetically modified flowers. R.W.
argued that arguments against genetic
modification are often only really based on
beliefs or assumptions. The media has also
played an enormous role in condemning
genetic modification, despite possible
benefits to the entire world. R.W. explained
how 40% of edible crops produced (often
in poorer countries) are destroyed through
disease and pests. If crops could be
modified to become tougher to be more
disease, pest and drought resistant then we
may be able to feed more of the world. As
many as 80% of the population of some
countries are suffering from malnutrition
and starving. R.W. asks how much it is
our responsibility to help, and says that
if genetic modification could reduce
starvation and death then doesn’t this prove
28 November 2002
the benefit of genetic modification?
R.W. stated that he supports the process
of genetically modifying babies, but not
to create ‘perfect’ or ‘designer’ babies, but
to rid disease. He showed a slide of two
‘angel-faced’ twin baby girls explaining
that their genes had been modified and
that without this process they would have
both died at a very young age. How can
there be harm in helping them to live
longer and happier lives, when their older
brother had already died aged 4 of the
same disease? The two little girls were
not perfect nor designer – just healthy and
happy. However, the risks of cloning are
a different matter; problems in cloning
have been found to include embryonic
death, deformities, illness, and sudden
deaths, meaning that Dolly the sheep was
extremely lucky to survive and to actually
be fertile. An Italian scientist, Severino
Antinori, controversially announced 11
months ago that he had produced the first
cloned baby which had been implanted into
a womb successfully. He has since claimed,
in the last few days, that a woman pregnant
with a cloned embryo is due to give birth
in January. This remains to be seen. RW,
with his scientific influence, has been able
to call for stricter guidelines to be set by
the General Medical Council in relation to
cloning.
On attending a discussion with such a
scientific base I was surprised by the high
content of religious issues in the discussion.
It is a often assumed that religion cannot
be strongly or easily linked with science
but really this is illogical. In response to an
audience question asking whether scientists
would become less religious as they
continued on facing page
28 November 2002 LITERATURE 11

LITERATURE
Before you all go on your
Christmas hols, thinking that it
will be a relaxing month of
dossing and doing nothing; take a
look at the graphic on this page:
Bookstars – The Competitors.
Yes! It had to happen! Well… it
didn’t really, but I ran out of
original ideas. Over the next
semester our panel of judges will
read, analyse, and scrutinise
the short stories that you send
in. If you think you’re the
next Edgar Allen Poe or Ian
McEwan, then send in your
masterpiece, between 2500-3000
words There are lots of great prizes to
be won (we haven’t decided yet, but we’re sure many of them
will be alcohol-based). So what are you waiting for?? Get
writing! Oh… and have a great Christmas and prosperous New
Year. Chris Ward | Literature Editor
“Where true Love burns Desire is Love’s pure flame
It is the reflex of our earthly frame
That takes its meaning from the nobler part
And but translates the language of the heart”
- “Desire” by Samuel Taylor Coleridge
modern classic | lord of the flies | william golding
As you may expect from the Nobel Prize winner for Literature, William
Golding packs plenty of punches in his exploration of the dark primitive
side of humanity. He sticks a group of young “upper-class” boys on
an island, and tracks their descent into savagery as they brutally start
ripping each other apart. Even the prestigious choir trade their “proper
English manners” for the satisfaction of their predatorial desire for flesh.
The shipwrecked boys begin by basking in the freedom that has been
thrown upon them, gradually realising how lax the rules are when
“grown-ups” aren’t there to punish them. Nobody is there to tell
Ralph off when he calls the fat boy “Piggy” (which becomes his name
throughout the rest of the novel). Nobody is there to tell Jack off when
he breaks away from the group and starts a rival gang. And tragically,
nobody is there to tell the breakaway gang off when they decide to hunt
and kill those who oppose them.
Golding’s fluctuating language style is very effective as the novel
progresses. He begins by creating an exotic and blissful atmosphere
when the island and the boys are introduced; but purposefully shatters
this illusion with a fusion of fear, darkness, isolation, and the always-
present realisation of inevitable tragedy. His imagery cooperates with
the language: as the small flame grows into the deadly fire, the agile
squirrel becomes the deadly predator.
Lord Of The Flies creates awareness of the savagery embedded in
each and every one of us. Golding shatters the conditioning of society
by expelling it from the events of the novel, and in turn exposing our
primitive animal instincts – survival of the fittest. The novel disturbs
the reader not merely because of the storyline, but because of the cold
fact that the events of the novel could happen and are not entirely
fiction. The bitter irony of the navy warship turning up at the end
(saving Ralph) highlights this. How can we punish our children for
throwing stones at each other when we are using weapons to hurt people
on a much more epic scale? Is there really any difference between the
two concepts?

of the population belong to an organised

religion.

an audience with Robert Winston In my own personal audience with RW

continued from previous page
‘played God’ more often, RW replied that
“playing God is a thoroughly good thing”.
He went on to argue that if human life is
created ‘in God’s image’ (as he believes
it is) then having the capability of playing
God should serve a purpose. He said that
if we have the opportunity to save lives,
through intervening in genetics, then we
should because human life is sacred. This
may sound like a highly questionable view
discussing issues such as the creation
vs. evolution debate and the issue of
genetic modification he was careful
to emphasise his awareness that some
audience members would not agree
with him nor share his beliefs. He also
disagrees with enforcing the learning
of evolutionary theory instead of the
religious creation theory. Author of The
Selfish Gene, Richard Dawkins asked RW
to sign a letter asking schools not to teach
can never be entirely sure of one theory,
and science and religion are, at the end
of the day, simply one person’s beliefs
after the talk (when I met him in the book
signing session) he emphasised his view
that science and religion can be combined,
which seems to be fundamental to his entire
framework and plays a significant part in
his newly released book Human Instinct.
In my opinion, he seemed to personify the
concept of being able to combine science
with religion.
The audience truly made the most of RW’s
time during the questions and answers
session, with many complex, adept and

“Physicists know they canʼt ex-

against another’s so, morally, we should profound questions asked, so much so that
never try to impose our beliefs on one the evening significantly ran over time.
another. He also jested that the difference Soon into the evening it became noticeable

plain everything, but biologists between physicists and biologists is that

physics involves some divinity, seeming
that RW had a tendency to digress from the
point he was originally making, although in

tend to think they know it all.”

if you are not religious, but I believe that
this view should make sense to anyone who
simply sees life as valuable.
Despite having an obviously powerful
viewpoint he displayed a rather sensitive
and caring characteristic in the wayhe
handled controversial issues. In
theories of creation instead of evolution
but RW explained that he would not sign
the letter, believing that evolutionary
theory would become known to them as
it was rather unavoidably self-evident.
RW also said that despite any evidence
there may be for evolutionary theories we
to accept that it cannot explain certain
things, whereas biologists just think they
know it all! Another statistic; in a recent
UK poll it was found that only around
17% of the population belong to some
form of organised religion (e.g. regularly
attending church or worship) despite the
fact that around 72% of us have spiritual
beliefs or a belief in a superior force.
This compares with the USA where 90%
discussing topics with such depth it is easy
to see why. In realising we had overrun,
RW commented that he was overstaying
his welcome which was received with
unanimous disagreement. I believe that
the audience would have stayed for much
longer given the chance! Listening to RW
and actually meeting him was remarkable,
and, if given the chance, I recommend the
experience to anyone.
14
the current state of
With an
effort of
concentration,
I ripped my
stare away
from the naked
breast in front
of me and gazed
instead at the face
of the bosom’s
owner. She
continued grinning
at me and said
nothing at all. I got
the distinct impression that, had I plucked
up the courage to caress her, not that I had
the slightest urge to do so, she would not
have objected - although one of her minders
may have intervened. In any case, this
was definitely the closest view of a female
nipple that I’d had since my holiday on the
Med.
On closer inspection, however, she really
didn’t look very well. I also noticed that,
to my surprise, those naked mammaries
were an unusual distance apart - about three
metres, in fact. This I attributed to the fact
that she had been cleaved neatly in two
from head to coccyx. Her skin had also
been removed in its entirety. In short, she
was dead, and had been for some years.
I was not, in fact, at the scene of a
gruesome murder and nor was I a medical
student witnessing a dissection. This was
an art exhibition. Bodyworlds is a museum
of “plastinates”, an arid euphemism for
corpses in various stages of destruction,
which have been freeze-dried and then
specially preserved by pumping them full
of polymers.
Some plastinates have merely been
skinned, leaving all the internal organs,
muscles and bones in place. Others have
been sliced, giving a series of cross-
sections through the body. Still others
have been “exploded” outwards, so that it
is possible to identify how all the pieces
fit together. Many are posed as though
engaging in sports, allowing inspection of
the muscles and bones.
Bodyworlds is the creation of Gunther
von Hagens, who invented the process of
plastination and who brings fresh meaning
to the term “Mad Professor”. A measure
of his eccentricity, quite apart from his
penchant for shrink-wrapping human
organs from the inside out, is his insistence
on constantly wearing the same wide-
brimmed black hat, no matter what he is
doing.
The exhibition is mildly educational,
inasmuch as you have certainly never
seen anything like it before. Some of the
diseases on display (cancers, brain
ARTS
art
haemorrhages, warped smokers’ lungs) are
fairly instructive, if distinctly macabre. But
the Mad Professor does not particularly
wish to instruct. If he did, he would
have staged the exhibition at the Science
Museum and not in a warehouse off trendy
Brick Lane in London’s East End. No, his
real aim, as with all art, is to provoke an
emotional response. Sheep’s’ carcasses
suspended in formaldehyde are for wimps.
This is real extreme art.
The most obvious emotion to feel is,
perhaps, one of disgust and, unsurprisingly,
there has been a ferocious debate on the
morality of this ultimate freak show.
Interestingly, though, there really are not
that many actual freaks on display and the
plastinates are far removed from the actual
messy reality of death. They are just normal
bodies, having suffered natural deaths,
rendered anonymous by being stripped of
their epidermis.
Some works of art are defined purely by
people’s responses to them and, certainly
in this case, a fascinating array of viewers
have a broad mixture of reactions. Courting
couples? Young families? It seems as
appropriate as a first date to a horror movie.
Certainly some visitors feel distinctly
queasy – the hot, stifling atmosphere in the
gallery probably does not help – but most
are just curious and clinically detached.
Some works do generate more discomfort
than others, such as the dissected, heavily-
pregnant plastinate, baby and all, reclining
in a cruel parody of a nude model; but for
the most part, the exhibition is no more
than a three-dimensional biology textbook.
Whatever your moral viewpoint on using
cadavers as artwork, there is a certain grim
fascination in finding out how big your
kidneys are and where your spleen lives.
Every exhibit lays bare what it is to be a
human, whilst at the same time stripping
each individual of every shred of humanity.
Not for the squeamish, perhaps, but
definitely unique enough for nearly nine
28 November 2002
earth from the
air: a celebration,
and reminder,
of teh beautiful
world in whcih
we live
words: dave abbott glaciers, mountain ranges, forests and
lakes. There are carpet markets in Turkey
million people to shell out a tenner to see and paddy fields in China. There are also
at one of a number of venues around the shantytowns and vast landfill sites, fleets
world. In London, Bodyworlds runs until of abandoned aircraft and rows of rusting
December. tanks.
Across the other side of central London, Unlike Bodyworlds, there is nothing
the Natural History Museum is hosting controversial about the exhibits themselves,
an exhibition of photographs by Yann yet they have a raw emotional power that is
Arthus-Bertrand that appeals directly to our tantamount to a religious experience. Their
humanity and, rather than examining our creator has a quiet political motive behind
own feeble bodies, draws our attention to the collection that, above all, asks, “What
the magnificence of the planet we inhabit. are we doing to the world we share?”
Earth From The Air celebrates the natural Many of the photographs are captioned
world that we live in, as well as mankind’s with devastating information that goes
devastating influence upon it, in a series of some way to answering that question, but
stunningly beautiful aerial images. such a breathtaking collection requires no
Between them, the photographs inspire preaching and the photographic evidence
awe, heartbreak and a great deal of thought shouts plainly for itself: Why, in truth, are
in even the stoniest of viewers. There are we raping our home planet?
Earth From The Air is free and has
“Young been extended, due to demand, until next
autumn. You are recommended to see it at
your earliest opportunity.
families? www.earthfromtheair.com |
www.bodyworlds.com
It seems as
appropriate as a first
date to a horror movie.”
Bodyworlds:
is it posing as
‘educational’ but
in fact executing
‘shokcing’, or is
it a wrothwhile
exhibition? All
the recent furore
over the public
autopsy can but
contribute to the
argument...
28 November 2002 MUSIC 15
SINGLES

*
FEEL
ROBBIE WILLIAMS | EMI
At the risk of offending nine tenths of the world’s population, LOSE YOURSELF
this simply must be exposed as the steaming elephant turd EMINEM | INTERSCOPE RECORDS
of a single that it is. Over a softened 80’s style piano motif This Soundtrack single from one of raps
with a dodgy Manics-like chorus, Williams tells us how he stars sees him in the eagerly awaited
‘doesn’t want to die but isn’t keen on living either’ – most of us performance in ‘8 Mile’. This superb
can only imagine the ordeal of being a pop megastar who’s single from the lyrical genius highlights
virtually just bagged 80 million quid, whose even more in an already prolific year of hits
job description includes groping Kylie’s from Eminem. Lose Yourself shows off his
backside. Hang in there man. Still, musical talent with Eminems acting talent
you should enjoy this while it lasts; as reputed to be as good as the soundtrack.
Robbie’s ‘co-writer’ Guy Chambers From the winner of three MTV European
has recently departed, the next album awards and ‘Moby’ hater can do no wrong.
will probably sound like three penguins Powerful lyrics combined with inspiring
bashing one out in a lift shaft. If we’re choruses make Eminem a global star and
lucky. two | a.c legend. Even if you don’t agree with
his values their no denying he produces
original records that get better and better.
eight | m.b.

RHINESTONE COWBOY
RIKKI & DAZ FT. GLEN CAMPBELL | SERIOUS
To do you a favour here, maybe a quick
comparison would help. At least that way
you won’t have to bother reading the rest
of this review! Just be glad you’re not the
one having to do the reviewing! Anyway,
lets start with hmmmmm………. DJ
OTZI! And how about “Cotton Eye Joe”?!
Remember those? Right well if you do, I’ve
got to ask, why are you still reading?!?!!
Surely that is enough to put you off unless
you happen to be about 5 years old, in
which case you will undoubtedly have
already hassled your parents into buying
this ‘gem’ for you! Well anyway, if you IT’S A RAINBOW
are still reading and you REALLY want to MC ZIPPY AND DJ GEORGE | ZIPPED RECORDS
know, this “song” is a bastardised version Now this is something else. Starts off with the rainbow theme tune
of Glen Campbell’s 1975 hit, ‘Rhinestone then drops into what is possibly the worst piece of dance music in the
Cowboy’ it even features re-worked vocals history of Bungle’s hairy arse. Then Zippy shouts something like
from the old crooner himself. Oh great! “go on, put your hand on my staff, George!”, and there’s a
The “creators” call this “scumpop” which few odd squelching noises, like thousands of small animals
SEE AMERICA RIGHT being liquidized and sold to fund Geoffrey’s crack habit.
apparently is made “by Northern scum, for MOUNTAIN GOATS | 4AD
Northern scum” do I really need to go on? Honestly. This is apparently 10/1 with William Hill to be the
The abnormal Mountain Goats use Xmas No.1, but with a horde of pop idols/rejects/tarts, the
Even the people who made it think its crap! American soft rock similar to likes of
Who am I to disagree?!? Absolute arse. one Tweenies, Wombles, various pokemon and Cradle of Filth
‘Cake’. Formed ten years ago few will all trying to ride the Xmas cash wave, it’s unlikely. Still, if
| d.h. have heard of these guys whose spoken you don’t buy, Zippy remains on the street. two | a.c
vocals and relaxing instrumentals scream SCORPIO RISING
warm up band. Looking further, more DEATH IN VEGAS FT. LIAM GALAGHER | BMG
complete New Chevrolet In Flames shows This is the record that has been permanently on the radio lately. Featuring Liam Gallagher
MORE HEAT THAN LIGHT promise of a forthcoming album out early on vocals, this could easily be ‘Whatever’-era Oasis, before the band started their massive
THE VEILS | BLANCO Y NEGRO/WEA next year. The laid back rock is calm and downward projectory. Even the lyrics (“If I don’t go crazy, I’ll lose my mind”) and the
This limited edition EP is the first ever atmospheric that shows a band that been drug references sound like vintage Oasis. Swirling guitars and 60s mystical influences
release from much-touted London four- well formed with more to offer. six | m.b. add to the illusion and for the 4 minutes of the single, it could be 1995 again. Not as
piece The Veils. The single starts off progressive or original as you might expect from Death In Vegas, but this is still going
slowly and quietly and soon builds up to be huge. The band play a special one-off pre-Christmas show at
to choruses of fabulous, dark, snarling the London Forum on December 21st.
vocals over heavy minor guitar chords and seven | a.w.
crashing drums. The vocal style of New
Zealander Finn Andrews complements
the dark, atmospheric, yet urgent music
perfectly. The other tracks on the EP don’t
stand out as much as the title track, but still
the debut album out in the spring should be
worth checking out. seven | a.w.
16
MUSIC NEWS
Robbie William’s has beaten Oasis
record of selling out two dates at the
infamous Knebworth. The infamous
mancunians sold out the two dates in
9 hours in 1996 but Robbie managed
to sell out in 7 hours. Due to the huge
demand he has now added a third date.
He is due to play the three shows on
1st, 2nd and 3rd of August at the end of a
16 date European tour.
Pop idol winner Will Young, failed
to reach the top spot this week when
his charity single was held off by the
‘Dirrty’ Christina Aguilera, which
stayed at number one for the second
week running. Will’s single sales have
been dropping slowly since his first
record breaking single ‘Evergreen’
went into the top spot. Could it be that
Will is heading for Hearsay anonymity
as well?
Is this the end of S Club? First of all
Paul Cattermole left the band because
of his love for pies and now it looks
that Jo O’Meara is set to leave.
Plagued by a chronic back problem
for several years the blonde songster
has been told by doctor’s that she must
take a year off to rest it. She is need
of an operation that could lead to her
being wheelchair bound. However,
if she leaves it she could also end up
in a wheelchair. It looks like S Club
Junior’s came about at the right time.
If you would like to be featured in “what’s
on your campus stereo, then drop us a line
at barefacts@ussu.co.uk, and we may very
well come and search you out. Or we may
not. Who knows what crazy things we
might do...
What’s on your campus stereo?
This week WOYCS continues in the music section. Five people have been asked a few questions on what they
have been listening to recently and below are what they said. It’s not a chrstmas special this week, so here are the
questions: [1] What was the last record that you bought? [2] What was on your stereo when you left the house
today? [3] What one song would make you get up and dance at the union? [4] What do you have on to put you in
the mood to party? [5] What is your favourite band/artist at the moment?
Mr Simon Robinson posed the questions and even took the photographs. Clever chap, isn’t he?
Stephanie, Maths
[1] Moulin Rouge soundtrack
[2] System of a down
[3] Love Shack – B52’s
[4] An upbeat compilation
[5] System of a down
Nicola Eden, Computing & IT
[1] Queens of the Stone Age
[2] Slint – Tweez
[3] Camisra – Lets show you
[4] Metal – Various
[5] Queens of the Stone Age
MUSIC 28 November 2002
LIGHT & MAGIC ~ LADYTRON | TELSTAR RETRO
The follow up to their debut ‘604’, ‘Light & Magic’ is electro- NEW ORDER | LONDON
clash meets pop. Synths dominate the whole album, drenched in electro Christmas time approaches and so its time for
beats and kitsch beeps. But it is the pop sensibility of Ladytron that makes bands to retrospect, think of the money and release
this such a good record. Whilst the electro-clash movements implodes up a greatest hits album. ‘Retro’ isn’t one of these. Yes
its own ass due to its self indulgent, egocentric, pompous look at me “I’m it’s a kind of greatest hits (and yes it is coming up to
so cool” attitude, Ladytron reach out and let you come into their Christmas) but this isn’t just a best of, four cd’s are
weird world where kylie and Miss Kittin featured in this box set. CD 1 features the hits and there
mingle to the sounds of are plenty of those. Blue Monday through to the present
Kraftwerk. Crystal, show how much they have grown but are still
Electro relevant. CD 2 is a selection of early tracks that show
pop at its them closer to their Joy Divison days and the beginning’s of
best. their electro days. CD 3 is a waste of time, remixes done by
nine | s.r. bit producers and unknown DJ’s. CD 4 is a selection if live
tracks from as early AS 1984 to 2002. For the die hard fans
this is a great collection but maybe a little to indulgent for the
not so keen and is probably a waste of three cd’s. ten (for the
die hards) five (for
ALBUMS
everyone else) | s.r.
*
OUT OF SEASON
BETH GIBBONS & RUSTIN MAN | GO BEAT
Those of you who had the sense to get
into Portishead a few years ago will
undoubtedly remember the gorgeous,
heartrending vocals of Beth Gibbons. ‘Out
MORE FRIENDS Of Season’ is her debut solo album but
JOOLS HOLLAND | WARNER don’t come here looking for the moody
Follow up to last years phenomenal selling Small World, big band proved a successful trip-hop beats that once accompanied
formula of Jool’s Rhythm and Blues with special vocalist proving a winner. Volume two this exceptional voice so well. Made in
carries on where the last left off with rhythmic melodies and lively tempos. The album collaboration with former Talk Talk bassist
contains Fly Me To The Moon by ‘Fun Lovin Criminals’, Huey on this classic hit. Jool’s Paul Webb (under the bizarre pseudonym
calls upon the likes of Bono to violent hip shaker, Tom Jones being just a few of the star of Rustin Man), the awkward beats and
studded line-up. These household names are drawn together by the charismatic ‘Jools haunting soundscapes of Portishead are
Holland’ promoting rhythm and blues to people who would never consider this style. replaced with sparse folky, acoustics adding
Offering something for all ‘More Friends’ is guaranteed success with good reason due to its to the image of desolation that Beth so
blend of a quality orchestra and varied vocals. seven | m.b. vividly sculpts. While the album is a clear
departure (from Portishead) for Beth,
it retains that distinctive, unforgettable
Portishead mood. With lines such as
“Autumn leaves / pretty as can be/everyone
can see/everyone except me” Beth’s
laments sweep majestically over eerily
atmospheric backdrops. Full of melancholy
and memories of better days, if given time
‘Out Of Season’ will suck you in to its
autumnal mix of folk, soul and midnight
Jon – Economics Nina – Nutrition jazz. It won’t sell millions (though it
[1] Lemon Jelly – New Album [1] Nora Jones should) and it may not get the attention so
[2] Eric Morrelo – Subliminal.. [2] Greenday – International... deserving of it from the music press but
[3] Donna Summer – I Feel Love [3] S Club 7 – Reach if you can appreciate wonderfully crafted,
[4] Dimitri – A night at the... [4] Bridget Jones Diary gorgeous music made with a passion rarely
[5] Andy Farley [5] Ella Fitzgerald seen nowadays, then don’t let this one slip
you by. Record of the year? It’s close.
nine | d.h.
words by: alex read
simon robinson
jon swarbrick | duncan hills
matty b | anthos chrysanthou
anna wheeler | mark iyer
Jenny – Biology stuart bryce | timothy dungey
[1] Sophie Ellis Bextor
[2] Radio 1 if you are interested in writing for the music
[3] Kylie – Can’t get you out... team, then come along to the cd hand-out in
[4] Radio the media centre on mondays at 5pm
[5] “Not bothered”
28 November 2002 MUSIC 17

deep breaths
SINEAD O’CONNOR
GUILDFORD CIVIC HALL | 23 NOVEMBER
A deep breath was required both
before writing this review and going
to the gig itself. Sinead O’Connor
famous for the most emotive music
video ever made - see ‘Nothing
Compares To You’ stopped off
rather unusually at the Civic hall in
sinead o’
connor:
planning her
next sermon,
no doubt.
inspired but slightly devalued due to
a poorly engineered bass level (too
much bass!) and ‘Thank You For
Hearing Me’ which thankfully didn’t
suffer the same fate. The gig was
close to flawless, the highly talented
backing band were exceptional. We
this is the last printed barefacts of the year, although there will a barely-there available at
www.ussu.co.uk on thursday of wk.14. the first barefacts of the spring semester will be
on the 23rd january and will be better than anything you have seen so far this semester.
[we’ve found, by the way, that if we write things in the paper, then we kinda have to do
them, so when we say it will be better, then you’ll have to suppose that it will be].
anyway, if you have any comments or suggestions, then please e-mail your thoughts to us
here at barefacts@ussu.co.uk. we are willing to listen to any constructive comments that
you may have, though we should probably warn you we respond to most comments with
“well, of course, you could always write for barefacts youself...” so the challenge is to wile
away those bored christmas hours by putting pen to paper or nail to key and letting us, and
everyone else that reads barefacts, what it is you are thinking.
don’t forget: barefacts | wk.14 | on www.ussu.co.uk

Guildford for the last date on a short
UK tour. The gig comprised of two
distinct halves, the first consisting
of songs from her new album ‘Sean
Nos Nua’. The literal translation of
this title is ‘Old Songs Made New’
it’s perfectly descriptive. The album
consists of Sinead’s take on traditional
Irish songs like ‘Molly Malone’ and
‘Oro se do bheatha 'bhaile’. Although
no expert on Irish music, it’s clear
that they’ve have been wonderfully
reworked to breathe fresh life into
a previously dusty and inaccessible
collection of songs. The first half
works well because not a minute goes
by where the audience feel that they’re
watching a set of covers. The tales
of love and war synonymous with
traditional Irish music fit beautifully
with everything Sinead O’Connor
stands for both past and present.
The second slightly disjointed half
consisted of older songs such as
‘Nothing Compares To You’ - still
COMPETITION[S]
were treated to piano, guitar, drums,
violin, cello, whistle and bass guitar!
The beauty of this arrangement was
the complex orchestration and level of
musicianship, not once did the tricky The last winner of the semester and I think we can all agree that it has been a bit of a stonk-
whistle, violin and cello annoy in the er for prizes: two mobile phones, £200 of clothing vouchers, a Dangermouse dvd (crumbs!)
same way anything by the Levellers and tickets to the charity dinner dance (which, incidentally, have arrived if you were the
does. The only disappointment was winner - louise, maybe? Get in touch...). The final winner of the semester is adrian gaskell
Sinead’s decision to invite a singer who gets himself the nice mobile phone we were offering last week, meaning he can text
by the name of Natasha Atlas onto until his thumb is no longer capable of moving. And who says technology means we don’t
the stage for a couple of songs in the exercise?
second half. The flow of the gig was Anyway, we will be back with more competitions next semester, including pizza and prob-
ruined. Irish and Indian music does ably more mobile phones. As that bloke on Central News used to say: keep ‘em peeled.
not gel and this was painfully obvious.
It was so blatantly a personal favour
that I felt embarrassed for the girl
who was clearly out of her depth. This
slight disappointment aside (in no way
did it detract from the gig as a whole)
the evening was an unquestionable
success. The seated mainly middle-
aged crowd were over the moon with
what they’d seen and so was I. alex
read

FABRIC LIVE sadly limited at the mo - too much

FRIDAY 8TH NOVEMBER
Considering the current ‘crisis’
haemorrhaging a load of the large
super clubs like Cream, Ministry
of Sound etc. Fabric isn’t doing too
bad. Massively popular with most
discerning dance aficionados with a
passion for cutting edge music. The
young generation flock in groups
reminiscent to the antithesis of
cool best-mate-buddy groups in the
appalling (simply MUST be tongue
in cheek) Human Traffic. The music
last Friday was even by Fabrics high
standards exceptional, no James
Lavelle or his Unkle cohorts to keep
the indie dance nuts buzzing rather
a strong two pronged drum ‘n’ bass
and hip-hop sonic assault. The circle
room played host to a cacophony of
drum ‘n’ bass peaking with a one
hour set from Roni Size; the critics
are right, the man who had it and
lost it has definitely regained his
touch. This was the main draw for
me as my knowledge of the more
dance orientated music genres is
Ocean Colour oh my god what was
I thinking!! The labyrinth like inner
workings of the Farringdon club play
havoc with the inebriated but in the
end just add the experience as you
genuinely never know where you
might end up. Rammed to the hilt
it was difficult to infiltrate the main
dance areas without some rudimentary
quick feet but the effort was repaid
with one of the best clubbing
experiences going. I spent a lot of
the evening in one of the outer rooms
where a solid list of hip-hop DJs were
plying their trade with good all round
results. The names of the DJs have
somewhat embarrassingly escaped me;
something about drinking too much
tax-drugs read vodka. I’d recommend
the club to any Surrey student wanting
a bit more from their weekend. A word
of warning though you’ll have to wait
until after six in the morning to get a
train back to Guildford - a problem
not faced by my mates with jobs from
back home, who had a limo waiting to
escort them back to the nine till five
world. Jealous? well yeah. alex read
18 COMMUNICATION 28 November 2002

the.net
HOW TO STOP A RUNAWAY We can’t deny that christmas is around the
corner, and we can’t deny that this is the
ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH last published barefacts of the term (though
[1] Stay in the sleigh – Grip the seat or there will be one on ussu.co.uk in wk.14),
railings with one hand and the reigns with so daisy clay thought she would give you a
the other if possible. little bit of advice should things get a little
[2] Tug and release the reigns with a sticky during the festive season...
medium pressure – Repeat this until the
bringing you the randomness from cyberspace horse begins to slow down.
words: chris “funkyberry” hunter [3] Do not jerk the reigns of a horse that is HOW TO SILENCE A GROUP
Hi there. I’ve been feeling in a really weird mood this week, and
running at full speed – Never pull a running OF CAROL SINGERS
horse off balance, which might cause it to
this is reflected in the websites that I’ve been looking at over the
stumble or fall. Horses can run at a speed of
week. Without sounding too much like a music critic, I find the
25 to 30 m.p.h. while pulling a sleigh.
words cynical, sarcastic, and satirical describe these sites well. I
[4] When the horse slows to a trot, pull one
have selected 3 which I liked more than the others.
reign to the side – With steady pressure,
The first, www.teamfishcake.co.uk , is written by a guy that
move the horse’s head all the way around
must have been dropped on his elbow as a child. Take for
toward you. This will cause the horse to
instance “Fireman Dan”. I don’t see many people getting this kinda
begin going in a circle. The horse will
inspiration from the Fireman’s strike. On the other hand, there is some
quickly tyre of circling, and slow to a walk.
really inspirational reading on there – check out “Alpha Male”. [ 1 ] Turn out the lights
[5] Pull back with slow, steady pressure on
[Disclaimer: Please don’t go to this website if you don’t like – Doing this before they arrive will
both reigns until the horse stops – Once the
frequent use of naughty words] deter them from stopping. Doing this as
horse is at a walk it is safe to bring it to a
Cloud adoption is very popular these days, and almost they arrive will send a strong message but
complete stop.
anyone that is anyone has adopted a cloud. For those that still they can be very persistent.
[6] Dismount.
haven’t adopted a cloud yet, then help is at hand on the Internet. There are many Adopt-A- [2] Turn up your music – Metal or rock will
Cloud websites on the Internet, but choosing the right adoption company is like finding a be most effective. If you are listening to
building firm that don’t charge you for their tea breaks. I have done the research and found Christmas music shut it off immediately.
www.cloudkissing.com . After their first business plan (Protect-a-Dino) failed back in the [3] Answer the door in a dressing gown or
prehistoric era, as a company they have gone from strength to strength. They are now able towel – Embarrassed, the carol singers may
to offer a full range of cloud services in addition to adoption, including: Surveillance Cloud simply leave. Nudity may offend the and
(a cloud which will hover over a certain target for an amount of time), Haute Couture make them unable to sing. Even better, call
Cloud (designer clouds to appear in the back of wedding photos), and Rent A Cloud (a inside the house “I’ll be right back”.
special deal with St Peter to have a nice fluffy white cloud ready for you when you die). [4] Request songs they will not know.
Finally, the US Government may make people laugh, but their new website
www.whitehouse.org will even cause cats, dogs, and even the occasional milk bottle to Adapted from The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Christmas by J. Piven and D.
giggle. Worried that their last website would put the general American public off politics, Borgenicht. Available from all good book shops! This will also tell you useful information
they decided to widen the appeal. The new site includes smoking tips for children, top such as how to fend off a charging reindeer, extinguish a Christmas tree fire, win a
secret intelligence justifying Saddam Hussein’s immediate toppling, and a new line of snowball fight and even how to survive if you have no one to kiss on New Year’s Eve!

J
merchandise - you can now buy your lover what she always wanted for Christmas, a thong

team
with the photo and caption “that’s my Bush!”
- j-team.biz

I don’t know about you guys but I find it impossible to revise in
my room at home.
This leaves few options open to you; crash
someone else’s revision session, sit in a
café or pub in town, try and get the world
record for hours spent revising on a roller
coaster, or go to the library.
Now I’ve had the misfortune of having
to visit a morgue relatively recently and I
don’t think that it had any less charisma
than the library. This means that to
get through this stressful period in the
library there are some important things to
remember.
Firstly, you have to set up camp and make
yourselves comfortable. It is important to
be in a location that has hidden bonuses
to it. These could be anything from the
good-looking breed that are library goers,
to comedy books on the shelves. Now, not
to give away the best spots in the library,
but the fourth floor is particularly useful
for such books. Titles such as ‘Who Dies?’,
‘Pornography’ and ‘Smart Jews’ to name
but a few of the delights.
What is inevitable when in the library is
the boredom factor. However studious one
is, concentration spans do not last forever.
There are many ways to counter your brief
boredom. Bookshelves are an untapped
source of comedy. Finding a way
to climb up and then squeeze over the top
of a bookcase can produce endless hours of
fun. I have personally found the horizontal
ascent between cases and feet first method
particularly useful. Of course if you are
slightly less daring, the dive through the
middle shelf might be more your cuppa
tea! When in the library there will be other
students revising around you. Without
even speaking to such people, they could
be a great boredom reliever. Just wait for
the point where they get up for a wander,
possibly to get a book. Scribble your mate’s
name and phone number down on a piece
of paper and slip it into the other students
bag. Easy as that. Now this is quite amusing
but you have to sit back for the possibility
of the real results. I can honestly say that
we slipped one of my housemates’ numbers
in a young ladies bag and she rang up and
asked for him! I promise you that is gospel!
These are all moderately funny but not if
you’re on your own. For enjoyment on your
own one must relearn the art of creative
thinking. Ridiculous thoughts have been the
only thing to save me from insanity during
hectic solo revision sessions. I would love
to share my favourite daydream with you.
To give you a tiny bit of background, it was
words: Mr Tea
actually during a summer revision session.
I must also say that it was during one of
the brief moments that I was actually in
the library, rather than rolling down the hill
outside! It was also one of those days that
you feel really hot and sticky. For some
strange reason I was dreaming of a nice
dip in a swimming pool. One deranged
thought led to another and the next thing
I knew I was dreaming of a water slide
out of a fourth floor library window into a
very inviting pool below. This is somewhat
ridiculous in its own right but this wasn’t
the end of the madness. The trouble is if
you fancied a quick swim where would
you put your clothes and other belongings?
Obviously you would put them in a chute
that would take it down to a ground level!
Lastly the most important thing to
j-team.biz j-team.biz
remember about the library is the strange
phenomenon of ‘Library Minutes’. All
the shenanigans mentioned above are all
good and fun, but if you are in a pressure
situation and needing to revise, you may
find it incredibly unhelpful. It all boils
down to this afore mentioned phenomenon.
Time does seem to fly in the library. Due to
careful research and investigation, I have
come to the conclusion that one library
minute is four normal minutes. Therefore
if you are in the library for what you think
is an hour, when you leave it is actually
four hours later! I have wasted many days
dreaming my life away in the library and
just wanted to pass on my knowledge
and experience to you all. So enjoy your
revision time because you will, believe it or
not, miss revising!
20 INTERACTIVE 28 November 2002

Quiz
Last week’s answer was a twisted-on-its-
side-photo of the lights outside the Roots/
Seasons entrance lobby bit. This week you
have to work out where I trapped my friend
Lyrics from songs you might now know: if that
Vicky in the name of Art. I’m not giving
was to happen you would all go bonkers, so we
any clues this time, but I’ll let this fester
don’t do that. Then we get accused of being too
over the Christmas period, and when you
easy and we end up sitting here thinking you simply cannot win. The question we must
are drunk over new years, you may look at
ask, then, is what to do? Hey - how about a reader writes the lyrics quiz each week. If you
this photo again and think – “I know where
want to write it, therefore, e-mail us: barefacts@ussu.co.uk
that is”….. D’OH!- funkyberry -
[1] I was working in the lab late one night
[2] I’m just a urchin livin’ under the street
[3] When she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
[4] I was raised by a toothless bearded hag
[5] We can be like bonnie and clyde, be by your side
[6] I’m six feet one and I’m tons of fun and I dress to a T
[7] I swear I saw a young boy down in the gutter
[8] Some people call me Maurice
[9] It’s a crazy world but tonight’s the right situation
[10] Gopala Jaya Jaya Radha-ramanahari

Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?

£100: what is the chief food of most termites?
a: cheese | b: concrete| c: wood | d: curry

X
£200: what might be divided into stanzas?
a: land | b: time | c: poetry | d: food
WORD
£300: which of these bears is native to South America? Not actually a cross word this week, but a wordsearch - it’s a bit primary
a: speckled | b: gloved | c: wigged | d: rain-coated school, but we can’t all going around being intelligent all the time.

£500: which football manager lifted the FA cup in May 1997?

a: arsene wnger | b: alex ferguson | c: kevin keegan | d: ruud hullit

£1k: which of these parts of the body is most important for the sense of balance?
a: mouth | b: nose | c: chin | d: ear

£2k: who played Scarlett O’ Hara in the 1939 film “Gone With the Wind”?
a: vivien leigh | b: olivia de havaland | c: ingrid bergman | d: kathryn hepburn

£4k: what nationality was the composer Mussorgsky?

a: french | b: russian | c: polish | d: german

£8k: used in dentistry, an ‘amalgam’ is an alloy of which metal and other metals?
a: gold | b: mercury | c:iron | d: copper

£16k: who directed the 1992 film ‘The Crying Game’?

a: alan parker | b: neil jordan | c: mike figgis | d: stephen jordan

£32k: how many tricks must a bridge player to take to make a contract of four spades?
a: 4 | b: 7 | c: 10 | d: 13

£64k: under what name did eric weiss achieve fame?

a: harry houdini | b: blondin | c: lord hawhaw
d: edward g. robinson

£125k: which term can be used to describe one tenth

of a nautical mile?
a: ferlong | b: cable | c: fathom | d: chain

£250k: in which of these years was a total eclipse

of the sun visible in Britain?
a: 1927 | b: 1933 | c: 1939 | d: 1946
So find all the words in this sentance:
£500k: what sort of creature is a swartback? “barefacts delights my soul and is more scrummy
a: pig | b: duck | c: gull | d: goose than coco pops with warm milk”
because we know that is what you really think.
£1m: which decimal number is equal to the binary number ‘10’?
a: 10 | b: 2 | c: 1 | d: 3
28 November 2002
Final years Funkyberry (CIT) and Ickle Sarah (Music) give
a random slice of campus life from their humble dwellings
within Battersea Court Rawson…
FINALLY, the last paper based Rawson’s
Creek before Christmas. Oh but what to
write that will interest you enough to be
sitting round your crackling Yuletide log,
“I’m sure the word ‘goto’ was
a word when I was in class 2.
In fact, it was in the ‘Ben
the Dog’ book.”
peeling your Christmas present, and reading
this column out loud to all your gathered
relatives?…….nothing I can think of really,
but its never stopped me before!
AS WITH the inevitability of another James
Bond sequel, exams are upon us again. I
mentioned last week about the pleasures of
running into the exam hall to excitedly read
what the wretched urchin had scratched on
your table in the previous exam. Well this
week, I’m not going to mention them any
more.
Instead I will try and talk about something
more relevant to us all. . (full stops). These
are cool linguistic devices, that let me keep
writing a sentence, as long as I want, about
whatever I want, however I want, lasting as
long as I want, until I type the.
Just a random observation here. Why,
whenever I go to the issues desk to take out
like one book, is there always 2 people in
front of me that have problems which seem
to demand a good 7 minutes-ish to sort out!
I usually only go when the queue is really
short, but the people that get in before me
ALWAYS seem to have issues.
ALSO, I’m SURE “goto” was a word when
I was in Class 2. It’s really annoying. Like
in the last paragraph (that I had to delete
due to word limits), when I wanted to say
“…cheaper to goto the…”, MS Word just
won’t let me, and its now “…cheaper to
go to the…” – which just looks silly. I can
think back, and see it as clearly as if it
was the day before yesterday – the word
“goto” was in the Ben The Dog book! I
think the problem was that we used Acorn
computers, which didn’t have
Word. All we had was POB,
which after we worked out
how fun it was to type “POB
CAN POP”, no one cared
anyway!
chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter
Stop Moving 10. Kula Shaker - Govinda
– Rapper’s Delight 7. Meat Loaf – Bat out of hell 8. Steve Miller – The Joker 9. S Club 7 – Don’t
4. The Rolling Stones – Jumping Jack Flash 5. Aaliyah – More than a woman 6. The Sugarhill gang
and The Crypt Kickers – The Monster Mash 2. Guns’n’Roses – Paradise City 3. The Kinks – Lola
to the word search are in the word search. That’s because they are. lyrics quiz: 1. Bobby Pickett
Xword: There being no Xword, there are no answers. In fact, you could argue that all of the answers
answer, because I think it should be 2, but there we go - don’t blame me.
[£32k: c]; [£64k: a]; [£125k: b]; [£250k: a]; [£500k: c]; [£1m: b]. I actually disagree with that last
WWTBAM[£100: c]; [£200: c]; [£300: a]; [£500: d]; [£1k: d]; [£2k: a]; [£4k: b]; [£8k: b]; [£16k: b];
LIFESTYLE
THE end of the autumn semester is drawing
nigh. In two weeks time I will have finished
my first and last exam, 5/6 of my degree,
and most terrifyingly of all, 7/8 of my time
as a university student. The past 3 1⁄2 years
have been the best of my life, and the fact
that they’re drawing to a close scares me no
end. Boy, am I jealous of all you first years
out there!
DESPITE the ever present four letter words,
beginning in ‘w’ and ‘e’ (work and exam, in
case you didn’t guess) I’ve still managed to
get out and about a few times over the last
week. Thursday evening saw Chancellors’
Challenge, a night which is now firmly
etched in my diary – I’ve only missed one
since the beginning of term! My team of
only four people didn’t do particularly well
(c’mon, we had to give everyone else a
chance!) but it’s the taking part that counts,
not the £60 or so you can win – honest!
EACH week a jackpot question is posed,
and the winning team walk away with a
pot of money that has accumulated in the
weeks since the last correct answer. Last
week the teams, were asked to guess the
weight of Tug, our friendly barman, but
(unfortunately for me) two guessed exactly
right. So there I was, adding up the scores,
sorting the money, and generally minding
my own business, when I heard my name
go out over the speakers. “You want me
to weigh Tug again?” I asked Charlotte,
snapping back to reality. “No”, she replied,
the two teams were going to guess my
weight. So the teams wrote down their
guesses, I stood on the scales, and before
I could stop her, Charlotte proceeded to
announce my exact weight (in kilograms
and pounds) to a packed Chancellors. Ah
well, I suppose I can still be glad of the fact
that I did weigh less than
Tug…. just…!
‘ickle sarah
butterworth
Upside-Down Answers
21
L ife After The Womb
words: rich w
The last edition before christmas - it seems a little strange to
be saying that whilst we are still in November, but considering
Woolworths and most other shops have thought it was Christmas since about the middle of
September, I think we can be forgiven for thinking it is always Christmas (or, as my mother
used to say: “do you think all of your christmasses are going to come at once?” Still not
entirely sure what she meant by that, actually.)
The truth is there are still five weeks to go, I haven’t bought one present (apart from a few
across the internet, but that doesn’t really count because you don’t get the pleasure of
handing over money) and I’m trying to figure out whether to go by train or car to
get home. All that topped off by the crescendo towards christmas day
when the lowest point of the year - the obliga- tory Brussel
sprout - finally releases its torments on me.
Speaking of releasing torments - what is it with all
this weapons inspectors business? They do seem to
be making an awful lot of fuss about it - I
meanh, it’s not as if there will be a war
or anything if they don’t go.
Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but
those chaps over in Iraq have known
for some time that some weapons
inspectors would be coming over
to see if they have any weapons of
mass destruction. They also know
that if any are found, then they
could be in quite a lot of trouble. So
it occured to me that, given they
know they are coming, why
don’t they just hide them
somewhere until the inspectors have gone
home? It’s the same sort of logic that school-chil- dren have been employing for
ages, and I find it a bit baffling that world leaders haven’t thought of it. Surely they used to
hide their sandwiches their mothers made them for school under their beds? Surely if their
room was going to get tidied they would bung every offending article into the nearest cup-
board in the hope that mother wouldn’t look in there? So just apply the same logic here.
Of course, there is a much cleverer way to avert any confiscation of siad weapons: picture
the scenario - three inspectors walk across a hot tarmac runway towrds five Iraqis in full
military regalia. They pull out their clipboards and have their pens poised at the ready,
itching to write down the responses of the moustachioed, beretd men standing in front of
them.
“So then, chaps, those big missiles you have standing behind you with those nuclear skull-
signs on them - are those weapons of mass destruction, the likes of which we have been
asked to come and inspect?”
The Iraqis reply: “No guv’nor - those are just our weapons of medium destruction, capable
only of wiping out small villages and similar, therefore, to anti-aircraft missiles, which,
though devilishly manouverable and deinty, are a bit of a let-down when it comes to all out
nuclear war and cataclysmic, apocalyptic scenes.”
“Fair enough,” the inspectors reply, “we’ll be on our way then - sorry to bother you.”
You see - all this war business could so easily be avoided if people just told the odd white
lie here and ther, and the same can be said for many other things.
Like this firefighters business, for example. Why not agree to the firefighter demands of
40% and then just not bother adding it on? I know I’ve never checked a pay-slip in
my life (or a bank state- ment for that matter) and so am willing to as-
sume firefighters wouldn’t even notice.
London-weighting for teachers that matches everyone
else? Sure - why not? In fact, whil we are there,
we’ll throw in a free weapon of low destruction.
This all amounts to what I would like to call the
“French government’s approach to Europe”
approach, in which you basically agree to everything
and then go and do whatever you like afterwards.
Merry christmas.
22 STARS & PERSONALS 28 November 2002

Scorpio
You didn’t do it, did you. It was ALMOST ACCURATE ASTROLOGY onup,hold for a couple of days and put your feet
here last week in plain black and
white “tell them how you really
feel” but you still didn’t do it. I bet you feel
very alone right now, as well as an utter wally. The only
thing I can really suggest is to drink away the week (Tesco
sells very cheap vodka) and rest easy in the fact that the
other person who got there before you only has a few
months to live (though they don’t know that yet).
Sagittarius
Hahahahaha…. I know it’s wrong to laugh at
the misfortune of others… hehehe… but it’s
just so funny! Haha haha I can’t breathe….
HAHAHAHA! Oooh dear. Ahem. OK, advice, sorry. Stay
in. For the love of god, stay in, unless you want everyone
else laughing at you as hard as I am.
Capricorn
This week you should be nice to everyone.
It’s not as hard as it sounds, and remember
(this is important) that waiters are people too.
Following this very simple piece of advice will make an
embarrassing moment pass by quickly and with as little
fuss as possible. And don’t wear the blue on Saturday,
there’ll be someone else there wearing exactly the same.
Aquarius
Write this on your hand on Monday morning;
“DON’T FORGET YOUR UMBRELLA”. Even
if you don’t own an umbrella, your friends may
still thank you for it.
Pisces
This week I strongly suggest you don’t eat
anything orange. Oranges, satsumas, carrots,
none of the above. This may seem like a strange
thing to ask of you, but believe me, it’s for your own safety.
and you really do need the rest. Other
words and predicting: morgan gooch
Your lucky number for the week is five. You should involve
yourself with anything related to this number, no matter
how difficult it may seem at the time.
Aries
Uh-oh. I’ll be staying out of your way for a
while. Mars is quite firmly in your sign now
and that means you’ll be on the warpath. You’ll
blitz your work, housework and house generally. Just try to
remember that although you have to use that kitchen, other
people do too and once it’s out of your way, their mess is
their own problem.
Taurus
Watch out for rampaging Aries, horny Gemini
and sullen Scorpio. You haven’t got anything
unusual to look forward to but it’s going to be
eventful for them and you won’t want to get caught in the
blast, so just keep your head down and stick close to the
Sagittarius in your life, because you’ll really want to see
what happens to them!
Gemini
This week you’re not going to have much fun
until Tuesday, when Venus enters your sign.
Watch out world, Gemini is on the pull, and
with your luck overdue to change things are definitely
looking up, up and away!
Cancer
OK, cancer, this is your mission brief for the
week. Things have been backing up for a while
now and you feel you’ve been continually
rushed off your feet without achieving anything, so here it
is; relax. No harm will come to you if you put everything
than that, remember to collect your toe-nails
after you cut them.
Leo
This week is the week in which all Leos should
do their washing up. We all know you love the
attention of having your dirty dishes in the full
limelight of the sink as your housemates struggle to clean
their dishes around the gargantuan heap that you have
amassed, but all is not well and unless they’re done by
Wednesday, there’ll be hell to pay.
Virgo
Well, like the other earth signs, you don’t have
much to look forward to. Nothing exciting,
but then nothing terrible either, so just take
advantage of this dead time to catch up and do all the
mundane little things you’ve been putting off for when
you get really bored. That time is now, cherish it because
although it’s dull, it really could be a lot worse.
Libra
My heart goes out to you really, but you got
what you deserved. Just know that this week
could have bad effects on your sanity. For a
while now, every time things got good something bad
happened and that trend is going to continue. Call niteline
or get some therapy, just get someone besides me to tell
you that it’s just luck and nothing to do with you, or by next
week you could be on prozac.
Remember to look out for a special edition of barefacts
on the web (www.ussu.co.uk) in around wk.14 - the stars
will have a special christmas theme, though they will still
be written by consumate amatuers who take pride in their
inaccuracy and ability to disinform the unsuspecting public
of the University of Surrey. And yes: daisy clay is real.

Come on Chris, I’m only human! ‘Sarah NO!!!!...............leave the

“Rhys - did you shoot a Sabb between
the eyes too??!!”
“With aim like that Rhys, you should be
in the Archery team, not the one you are
in!!”
Bashful - long time, no personal! Bloody
nice arse!!!
Buy some bloody bog roll - you know
who you are!!!
Nick- great performance on wednesday
night!
Yes Stack i promise im drinking in
moderation!!!
Vix hope you had a great birthday
but were did you disapear too!!!
hmmmmmm we wonder!
Were is the nearest AA meeting! HELP!
What time is the library open till- what
a dirty question!
1. Pascoe, get in wiv da red my son...la
la la
who fancies a midnight rendez-vu down
to the lake to see some swans???
Hazell, she’s filth...but wahey, SO ARE
U BOY!!!
These are the freshers alone!’ in barefacts next semester: a brand new
personals. lifestyle section with the week’s offers
at tescos, a new column in the vain of
You gossip- Those darn rawson(1)river kids are LATW, daisy delves and various e-tales to
at it again...ripping pants,shaving
meisters,you. arses,nude athletics en masse(just
ensure you are always entertained. we’re
not just animals, you know...
Why can’t you check the union security tapes),bikes
in trees,irish alcoholic whores(and
just be nice the english kind too),chancellors
to each chalk board never looked so good as
it did outside our window,’stunning’
other, eh? transvestite brawling,a devil
worshipping-virgin sacrificing-bastard
BIG UP TO THE FLAILERS!!!!!!!!!! son of satan-cleaner,”who dat ringin
on ma doorbell?!” and above all else
why does it incline to the left??? lots of Micheal Jackson...when will
the crazy maddness end?Will our
Dirty Hayes slapper seeks submissive hamsters ever make sweet love with
Garage-boy aryan lookalike with a the ants? will the pond in the bathroom
distinctly irish surname to xchange very ever become a lake so that USBC can
dirty text messages............... finally get a proper outing?Will the
impromtu pile of rotting vegetables on
is it collum o’flaherty? the kitchen table ever win us an award
from the environmental society rather
seamus murphy? than just a hefty fine from the health
inspector?Who thinks that Rawson 1’s
Defeated by a scrambled egg! antics beat ‘rawsons-we-have-lame-ass-
ants-creek’ hands down? answers on a
You still got the vibe? postcard (to barefacts)
IT SHOULD AV SED.... DO IT.... DO I have no time for your incoherent
IT NOW ( NOT, DO IT KNOW ) silly waffle. Be gone with you Brad.
woman
what shall i do with my tuesday
Canaries in the Personals? Whatever evenings? methinks i shall relax and go
next?! OTBC! see my favouritist girl in the whole wide
world. wembley - here i come...
28 November 2002 SPORT
This week at UniSport
BREAKDANCE
It was late 60s, early 70s when people started a sort of b-boying. Their dancing was called
“Good Foot” from James Brown’s record of the same name. The Good Foot was the first
freestyle dance that incorporated moves involving drops and spins, and resembled the
beginnings of breaking. This course requires a reasonable level of strength and fitness as
there is much floorwork and physical activity involved. We offer a beginners course to
learn this hip-hop based style.
When: Mondays
Time: 7.30 - 8.30pm
Where: University Hall
With: Jools Duncan
This is a 10 week course so please sign up at the Sport Centre.
UNISPORT EVENTS
29 November | Curry Night | Varsity Centre
th
2nd December | Quiz Night | Varsity Centre
3 December | NSL Squash vs Broxbourne | Varsity Centre
rd
14th December | Winter Happenings | PATS
OPTIMUM: De-stress
Beat EXAM stress. ‘OPTIMUM’ offer various DE-STRESS treatments:
ACUPUNCTURE
HOLISTIC FACIAL MASSAGE
REFLEXOLOGY
INDIAN HEAD MASSAGE
AROMATHERAPY
Go on treat yourself! All the above treatments will help improve your mental attitude,
concentration, stimulate and relax… What are you waiting for?
We offer reduced rates to all students and staff at Surrey University
Other treatments available
Sports Injury Clinic
Sports Massage
For all bookings and enquiries please contact the clinic on tel; 01483 452028
Or email optimum@unisport.co.uk
UniSport suffer 3rd consecutive defeat
Missing your number one player is definitely close games in the middle of the match.
proving to be a disadvantage in UniSPORT’s Stacey Ross who has not lost this season for
national league season. With Paul Johnson UniSPORT found the going tough against an
out injured everyone else is pushed up the opponent ranked 53 places above him and
order and playing tougher opponents. Round also lost 3 – 1.
4 saw Guildford visit local rivals Chichester
who are having a great season and it showed.
The no. 1 rubber was between Steve Meads
who won the Porto Cup in Portugal last
With Fiona Geaves away on international week and Chichester no. 1 Peter Genever.
competition and our junior Sarah Kippax With only nine places between them in the
out through illness, Varsity Club no. 1 Ann World rankings this was going to be a close
Connell stepped in against our former junior match and it went all the way with Steve
Suzie Pierrepont who joined Chichester finally losing 3 – 2.
during the summer. Suzie showed why she
is one of the up and coming stars and didn’t Chichester 5 – 0 UniSPORT Guildford
give Anne much chance winning 3 – 0.
Chichester fielded Malaysian no. 2 UniSPORT Guildford are at home at the
Mohamed Azlan Iskander at rubber no. 2 Varsity on the 3rd December against league
which meant 2, 3 and 4 were all pushed leaders and last seasons beaten finalists
down the order. This meant former world Broxbourne.
champion Ross Norman played Ben Garner If you are interested in seeing world class
and lost 3 – 1 with the last two games being squash played at the University then contact
very close. Ian Woodley tel. 01483 68(3915) or email.
Neil Frankland who has been playing well i.woodley@surrey.ac.uk for more details.
for UniSPORT this season lost 3 –1 with two
23
UniS squash team triumph again
With the absence of their number one player By Al
Paul Clough the depleted team made their
way to the heart of London to play Kings two games behind it was imperative that the
College. The lack of the number one player rest of the team won their matches, Chris and
meant that everyone had to play up the order Paul were next on court. Chris hardly broke
and that Al was invited to come and play into a sweat and marched to victory in three
in the number 5 slot. The first hitch came straight games. Paul had tougher opposition
when we made it to Kings after a couple of but despite loosing the third game he won
connections and were unable to follow the 3-1. Adam was playing number one and
map and get to the squash courts. James the victory was resting on his shoulders, he
managed to expertly direct us to the courts tried to gain advantage over his opponent by
using the ‘long way’. wearing a shirt with some very suspicious
Having warmed up it was the turn of brown stains on the back. He needed have
James and Al at numbers 4 & 5 to defend worried as his opponent was not playing
the unbeaten UNIS record. James was to form and had difficulty moving quickly
soon down 2-0 and having saved a couple around the court, Adam had no problem in
of match balls it was all over 3-0. Al faired gaining an easy 3-0 victory. The afternoon
little better as soon he was 2-0 down but in London was complete with another
managed to sustain enough of a comeback victory for the yet unbeaten university team
to take the third game, that was all there was and just the nightmare of rush hour on the
in him and he soon crashed out 3-1. Being trains between the team and the union.
Rugby win at last!
By Danielle Malan
Surrey Women’s Rugby team are, as usual,
triumphant in their most impressive game
of the season. With only 13 players, and
Roehampton with a full 15 players plus extra
subs, the final score was an amazing 12-5 to
Surrey! The pride of Surrey was booming
all night with the celebratory drinking,
whilst Roehampton drove home miserable
after getting whipped by a far superior team.
Come on Surrey! Man of the Match had to be
Blue – her dump-tackles even had the men’s
rugby spectators cringing on the touchlines!
Our top scorer was Nibbler for boshing
through the opposition defence and not only
scoring a try but a blinding conversion as
well. Our other worthy try was thanks to the
lightning running of Quaff, who disproves
the myth that wingers can’t tackle. Special
mention should also be made of the tackle
that Smutty made that resulted in a girl
having to be carried off. Oh dear! Tit of the
match was unanimously decided to be Bok,
who did a spectacular ‘rabbit in headlights’
routine and managed to not just pass but
throw the ball forwards. Imagine what we
could have done with a full team? So come
on girls, it’s a right laugh, we’re not grizzly,
give it a go!
UniSport sports leagues update
Management make return, but Wolfgang’s shooting lacks authority.
Wednesday afternoons are more commonly known for the drama of BUSA but Sally Edie’s
Netball is now the main event. Having missed all the posters, leaflets and start dates, Laura
Cook managed to get a team together for this years University Sports Leagues Netball
tournament. With Flange North End (chiropractors) dropping out early, the management
party hit the court with drive and determination, fully loaded with a deadly strike force
of Marcus (Wolfgang) Gutwenger and Unisports own Netballing wizard, Chris Tredwell.
Unfortunately, put together, the pairing was as deadly as Sunderland’s forward line.
However, the whole tournament has shaped up to be very exciting and great to watch for
entertainment, so make sure you get down to the sports centre this Wednesday to support
your department or just to watch some fantastic action.
Elsewhere, Bill Gates (computing services) are dominating the Volleyball with 4 wins out
of 4. It’s quarterfinal time in the Mixed Soccer and the Tuesday Men’s soccer is wide open
but Wasters B looking like a good bet.
Well done to everyone involved so far and keep turning up and remember it’s free to
watch but you’re guaranteed action!
24 28 November 2002

Footballers win... almost...
This week’s match was against our arch
rivals - Roehampton. After losing to them
8-0 in our first match of the season, we
were pretty much guaranteed that the result
couldn’t get any worse. However, feeling
that we had something to prove we went
out as a more much improved and more
confident side. We were out for revenge!
We started brightly, putting into practice
everything that we have learnt from our
coach Amy during training sessions.
Roehampton were well and truly riled as
we stifled all of their offensive play and
pressurised them in defence. In particular
our two wingers Carly and Trina, (player of
the match) put in outstanding performances,
beating their defenders time and time
again. This was even better as it was all
caught on camera by our substitute Beth,
whose photographic skills are unmatched,
(sorry to those of you who felt a bit sick
whilst watching the footage in the HRB on
Wednesday night).
Just as everything was going so well, we
conceded a sloppy goal from a scramble
SURREY PRIDE
By Ally Clifford
University of Surrey 1st 1
Roehampton 1
in our area, but we didn’t let our heads go
down and continued to fight. Just before
half time our efforts were to be rewarded
with a justly deserved goal. This came from
Collette whose work rate in the centre of
midfield is always astonishing. It was her
first goal of the season but definitely won’t
be her last.
The second half saw us continue to match
Roehampton, with our back four putting in a
solid performance and goalie Rach making
a tremendous save when Roehampton
finally broke through. We were playing
great football, but we just couldn’t score!
As the whistle blew, we were well and truly
frustrated by the draw, but felt proud of our
very much improved performance. We only
bloody won again! (Well, okay, we drew, but
it was definitely a moral victory).

Do you trampoline?
On the 2nd of February 2003, Surrey University will be hosting the BUSA regional trampoline
championships. The university trampoline squad are looking for anybody with trampolining
experience but who is currently unknown to us, to compete for their university and are also
searching for volunteers to help on the day with the smooth running of this major event, (no
previous experience is necessary but we are particularly looking for people with computer
skills or those interesting in martially, scoring or being part of the welcoming committee).

Are you interested in gaining an extra qualification?

UniSPORT is also holding the annual coaching course between the 15th and 18th of January
2003. This is a fantastic opportunity for anyone with some trampolining experience to
become a qualified British Gymnastics Trampoline coach. This course is heavily subsidised
and the qualification allows you to coach at the university, schools, centres, Camp America
and so on, coaching jobs are well paid and it also looks great on a student CV!!
If you are interested in either helping out on the day of the competition, competing or

Surf and totty in Lanzarote becoming a coach, please contact Ben Brennan, (club chairman) bjb.x@yahoo.com or Sally
Edie, s.edie@surrey.ac.uk or x3917 for more information.

Another fantastic opportunity with the surf club

The Canary Islands in January have by far the best
combination of good surf and warm waters Europe
has to offer. Lanzarote has the best beach break in
the Canaries and our accommodation is just a short
walk away. If the swell is in the wrong direction, the
other side of the island is only a couple of hours away
by car. It could hardly be better. The whole week,
including flights, self-catering accommodation,
equipment, transfers, and insurance, costs only £299.
It could not be better.
Last year was our first ever oversees trip and it
was a great success. Everyone had a great time,
the surf was consistently good throughout the week,
the water was warm enough to surf in just boardies
and the barren “moon like” landscape of the island
provided a great back drop to our various activities.
Towards the end of the week we had a friendly
competition against the Scandinavian tutees of Surf
School Lanzarote. The coaching of Tim Jones “one
of the British Surfing Associations most experienced
and respected surfing coaches” showed its merit and
we were outclassed. Everyone had a laugh and in
the true tradition of such competitions, the awards
ceremony was held on the beach, with prizes going
to both sides. This year will follow much the same
format. Everyone is welcome, you don’t need any
surfing experience to come and give it a go and with a
week to practice you will be getting some good rides
before the end. Like last year, we expect a good mix
of guys and gals, beginners and more experienced
surfers, so don’t worry about being the odd one out.
Coaching is available and if you fancy surfing with
a twist, kite surfing courses can also be arranged. A
great week of sun, sea, sand, surf and any other s’s
you want to fit in, all for just £299. For more details
e-mail surf@surrey.ac.uk or leave your details in
the Surf Club pigeon hole in the Students Union and
we will get back to you. The photos above and to the
right are from last years trip.
Sports writer? Catching
the waves: a
‘dude’ pad-
If you are interested in writing sports dles in after
articles for barefacts, please email our doing a bit of
new sports editor, Eddison Ruswa on what we like
to call ‘surf-
ce21er@surrey.ac.uk ing’.