idliketoliveinahousewith

myfriends:therewouldbe
woodenfloorboardsthatwewould
sitonandoccasionallyslideoninoursocks
wewouldhaveswingsinthegarden
andalittlefigurethatdigswhenitswindy
itwouldbeniceifalittleanimalcametovisit
useverysooftentooandwhenimolderid
liketowakeupnexttomywifeandkissher then
maybebuythenewspaperandreaditonthetable
p e r h a p s t a ke a w a l k t o t h e b a n d s t a n d i n t h e p a r k a n d
playchesswithanoldfriendwewouldsitatasaml
ltableonfoldoutstoolsandwatchtheducksinthepond
andgohomewhenitistimetogohomesogiveme
dancingballerinasfromglossymagazinesmar-
blesuperhighwaysandgrassbeneathmyfeet
i d o n t w a n t y o u r g l a s s h o u s e p a r a n o i a o r b l a m e & c l a i m d e l u z e i t s r e a l l y n o t-
onethousandandfifty m y c u p o f t e a a n y m o r e r e l a x r e l a x
2 NEWS
USSU ARTS & CULTURE
WEEK FOCUS
An in-depth look at what the Union
and UniS arts office have to offer us
during the month of February during
the annual
arts &
culture
week
page 11
THE NOT VERY
DEFINITIVE HISTORY OF BF
As part of the
continuing
Blast from the
Past series,
the Surrey
Alumni Society
goes undercover
to reveal some
barefacts history
professional page
| page 9
THE CASE FOR WAR?
Rich Watts defends, up to a point, the
actions of Blair and Bush over the past
few months Comment | page 5
IN THIS WEEK’S PAPER
The success of RAG week
The RAG raid on Guildford High Street last
Saturday raised a whopping £1500. Cathy
Marshall sums up the week opposite
Come out! Come out now!
Ben Supper returns with a theory that isn’t
without its corroborative evidence around
campus Comment | page 6
Letters to the editor
Strong reaction to last week’s letter lam-
basting barefacts for printing a spoof story
about Saddam Hussein Letters | page 7
Exactly what you would expect
A review of Adam Sandler’s new flick
Punch Drunk Love in the all-colour film
section barearts | page 12
A night to remember?
Dave Abbott gives a rave review of the
recent MadSoC production “FAME - the
musical” barearts | page 19
National trampolining success
UniSport hosted the regional champion-
ships last weekend. Find out what hap-
pened on the back page Sport | page 24
Who knew a whole yard could go down in 11 seconds?
WEDNESDAY NIGHT OF week 3 saw a RAG
citrus take place with a beer drinking
competition being held at the bottle
bank. Contestants could enter one of
four categories: Fastest pint, Fastest Pint
through a straw, Fastest Dizzy Lizzy Boat
Race and the Fastest Yard of Ale. The night
begun at 10.30 with all the lads from Mens’
Hockey queuing up for a chance to prove
themselves. Special got the ball rolling and
the ale flowing, (all over his t-shirt anyway!)
downing a yard, a gallant start to the games.
After many Pints and Yards of Ale had been
consumed the first 2 teams stepped up for
the rather inventive Dizzy Lizzy Boat Race.
For those of you who are unaware of how
this works: Two teams of four line-up and
the first member downs a pint of ale and
then runs about 10 metres to a pole where
they place their head on top, and make five
complete turns. On the home straight back
to their team, the effect of quickly downing
a pint and running, combined with spinning,
leaves you somewhat dizzily slaloming
back.
The final competition was the fastest
pint through a straw! It may sound easy,
but believe me it’s a mission with all that
sucking! I’m sure a woman would have
won, if she had have entered (if you catch
my drift). Once all the fun and games had
been completed it was time to work out the
winners of each event. Each winner
Cathy Marshall reviews the RAG raid on the High Street and the success of RAG
Saturday 8th Feb saw the return of the
RAG RAID as 13 Raggies descended
on Guildford High Street. We would be
collecting for Breakthrough Breast Cancer,
one of our five nominated charities for this
year. Breakthrough is one of the largest
breast cancer charities which was set up in
1991 by businessman Bill freedman whose
wife Toby Robbins had died of the disease.
Bill and his family wanted to set up a
research centre and now needs to raise over
£5 million a year to support a programme
of vital research which aims one day to
eradicate breast cancer.
The theme of the day was the Victorian
Era and we had hired our costumes which
fortunately looked almost warm enough to
face the February weather. Our fabulous
SU president, Paul drove us down into
town where we dissembled and spread out
along the high street in pairs ready to be let
loose on the Surrey public.
OK, so after months of planning we were
finally there, our empty tins ready to be
filled with the high street starting to fill
up with people. So how do we actually go
about collecting? After attending the RAG
conference at Strathclyde University in
Glasgow over the New Year I was ready to
put everything I had learnt into practice:
make eye contact, have some phrases ready
in my head, and of course the RAG motto:
Smile ‘til it hurts.
Soon enough people started donating
money and coming up for a chat, intrigued
by our costumes and we all started to
get into it. Despite the fact that we are
all collecting for the same charity, each
individual has their own tin and the
amount that they raise has to be counted
and the total given to the council (who issue
the permits). That’s where the competitive
BY CLAIRE ILES, KAY MERRITT AND PETE
NICHOLS
received a VIP ticket to the Union for the
Carl Cox event this Wednesday (week 4).
So huge congratulations go To: Rod (with
a double whammy), Miles and The Bar Med
team. Special mentions must also go To:
Charlotte Dawson, who as one of only 2 girls
to enter, fearlessly fought the girls corner,
the Bar Med teams stamina and the member
of union staff (who shall remain unnamed:
S****y!) who upheld his reputation, giving
an outstanding performance: “Who knew
a whole yard could go down in just 11
seconds!”
Last of all, thank you to the Union for
supporting the RAG event and to all the
competitors, without whom, we literally
couldn’t have done it!
nature in me took off and I was determined
to raise the most money! Of course you
do get ignored by some people but most
are polite enough to say ‘No thank you’ if
they’re not interested and you have to just
turn and ask someone else. Forcing people
to give you money is not the way of the
game so you can’t really get disheartened if
you’re not successful. For every five people
who turn you down there will always be
one person who has the time to talk to you
and praise you for coming out and dressing
up.
While we were out Alli had been
preparing a fabulous spread of sandwiches,
crisps, biscuits and juice which didn’t last
long once the morning group returned
starving and ready to warm up. After a
quick lunch and changing of costumes
the afternoon group were ready to see if
they could beat the records of the morning
group and raise even more money. Again,
Paul (who I must admit looked more like
Peter Davison from Doctor Who than a
Victorian …sorry Paul!) drove us back
into town where there seemed to be twice
as many shoppers who we were sure were
dying to donate from their bulging purses
and wallets.
One thing I did notice throughout the day
was the type of person who was donating
money and also how much. It did seem to
be the over 30’s who were the most willing
to part with their cash and men too but
then that could simply have been down
to my pretty pink frock and fluttering
eyelids! However, I personally received
very few donations from people under
30 and practically none from Teenagers/
students so does that mean that young
people today just aren’t charitable or care
about donating? Do they think that they
13 February 2003
will never be susceptible to diseases like
cancer? Drawing from an article from last
week’s edition of barefacts, it does seem
that students and young people don’t
really see the point of giving to charity.
“What difference will my 50p make?”
seems to be the general conclusion but
after my experience of last Saturday I have
personally seen what a difference even
small change can make. I would say that
the average donation was about £1 which
on it’s own seems very little but after 4 and
a half hours out in town I managed to raise
£377. If we had 20 people each collecting
£300 then that’s £6000 in one day!
From a first hand experience I can
say that giving to charity easily makes a
difference and that to not give money to
charity because you don’t think that you
can make a difference is just shameful!
In future years, I don’t see why RAG
shouldn’t continue to regain its popularity.
The round up of RAG Week so far shows
that we have already raised £2932.42 for
charity and that’s just in one week!!!!
Chops has raised £496.50 to have his side
burns waxed off (yeowch), The Human
Auction pulled in £680.05, the PGA Quiz
£26.76 and Chancellors Challenge raised
£98.45 but it’s still coming in: RAG Mags
and pens are available from the Union
reception for 50p each so please pop in and
buy one.
Thanks of course go out to the Raggies
and especially, Paul Wright (balloon
man), Charlotte, Alli and of course Ben
Mac for helping to count all the dosh
that we brought back. Thanks also go to
Surrey County Wardrobe and ‘Top That’
party shop in Bramley for providing our
costumes.
rag@ussu.co.uk
13 February 2003
Vice-Chancellors on receiving end of healthy pay increases
Above: police officers discussing the disposal of a car in the River Wey last Friday afternoon. It was originally
thought that there might be a driver and passenger still in the vehicle, but eye-witnesses later confirmed that
some school-children had pushed the car into the river. It was pulled out a few hours later.
Real suspension for spoof-news reporters
IN THE THES this week is reported the story of
a pair of students from the soon-to-be-closed
Seale-Hayne campus of the University
of Plymouth, who have been suspended
following a spoof article in their student
rag the Seale-Hayne Chronicle. In The Sun
was an article headlined “Kill Saddam, win
a Metro”, which the two James’ (James
Lewis and James Messenger) spoofed in
the offending article, running with “Kill
Levinsky and win a Robin Reliant” – aimed
at the VC of the university, in protest over
the campus’ closure. Accompanied by a
photo of a topless woman holding guns, the
article ran that ‘the Seale-Hayne gun club
“had been putting in some serious training
time… in preparation for their assassination
attempt”’ reports the THES. Apparently
the students were suspended after the VC
received ‘telephone death threats at his
home’, although the THES reports that
‘It was not clear whether there was a link
between the death threats and the article’. A
university spokesman told the THES that the
students had ‘acknowledged the seriousness
NEWS
BY PHILIP HOWARD
NEWS EDITOR
of the content of the student newspaper’ and
apologised to the VC. David Clark, welfare
officer at the students’ union, said that the
union would follow its own complaint
procedures as outlined in their constitution.
Above: the University of Plymouth, as depicted on the
front page if its website
Use your head, son
BY PHILIP HOWARD
NEWS EDITOR
LECTURERS WILL SOON be facing a sea of
adverts when they begin to teach, if Cunning
Stunts (the ad agency that projected Gail
Porter onto the Houses of Parliament) has
their way. The agency is planning to offer
students £88.20 a week to use their foreheads
as billboards. The corporate logos will need
to be sported for three hours to keep the
students in pay, with sponsors like FHM
and youth pay-TV channel CNX signed up,
reports the Guardian. “With student debt
becoming such a massive issue, we thought
we’d offer students maximum reward
for minimum input,” said Anna Carloss,
managing director of Cunning Stunts.
University principals average nearly 7% wage increase
BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH
EDITOR
A SURVEY BY the Times Higher Education
Supplement has shown that last year
university vice-chancellors accepted far
greater pay rises than those given to their
staff. The salaries of University heads rose
by an average of around 6 percent, and 33
vice-chancellors were given pay rises in
the region of 10 percent. President of the
Association of University Teachers, Sally
Hunt, said, “The fact that the average pay
rise for a vice-chancellor was 6.1% is
astonishing, particularly when they keep
saying that they don’t have enough money to
pay their staff a decent, competitive wage.”
In stark contrast to the 3.5% average pay
increase offered to staff across the country,
the maximum salary belongs to the dean of
the London Business School, Laura Tyson,
who earned £316,000 last year.
The vice-chancellor of the University of
Surrey, Patrick Dowling, was given a salary
increase of 7.8% last year, bringing his total
Lucky escape at Bellerby Court
A CANDLE SET fire to a remote control in a
student’s room last Saturday morning after
she fell asleep whilst it was still burning.
The incident occured at about 6am in the
Bellerby Court residences and was dealt
with promptly by the warden, Dr David
Carey, who was at the scene of the fire
within 90 seconds of the alarm sounding.
The student was fortunate enough to es-
cape any injury, though she was taken to the
Entrepreneurship for undergraduates
BY PHILIP HOWARD
NEWS EDITOR
AT THE SAME time as FUSE - the Federal
University of Surrey Entrepeneurs scheme
was launcehd last week, Oxford students
this week launched a similar organisation to
help undergraduates market their business
ideas. ‘Oxford Entrepreneurs’ consists of
a group of entrepreneurial students whose
individual exploits have so far covered:
a ‘pharmaceutical lifestyle company’,
a film production company, a company
which backs a community comparing
drugs and treatments, a refugee assistance
group, a medical engineering device and
even equipment for home yoga practise.
With the motto “Your idea. Bounce with
3
pay packet to £165,000 per year. This places
him 13th out of an astonishing 164 higher
education establishments in a league table
published in the THES this week. Additional
statistics show that Surrey has 93 members
of staff earning over £50,000 a year, though
it is also the highest placed University where
no one other than the vice chancellor is
earning over £100,000. Despite topping the
tables with the pay of their vice chancellor,
London Business School only awarded their
principal a 2.6% pay rise this year, though a
massive 78 members of teaching staff earn
more than £100,000 each year.
The reaction to the published figures has,
on the whole, been one of disbelief at the
relatively large salary increases, although
some believe that vice-chancellors are
underpaid as opposed to overpaid. However,
members of teaching staff at universities
across the country feel that if there is enough
money available to give their heads such
large pay rises, then there should be enough
to pay the rest of the staff an acceptable
wage.
Royal Surrey County Hospital for checks
and was shook up after the event.
Richard Paxton, the head of accommoda-
tion, said of the incident: “There have been
a number of incidents over the last few
weeks involving candles. We must remind
all students that candles are not permitted in
campus accommodation for the very reason
that they can be dangerous, as this incident
has demonstrated.”
it.”, the group will support entrepreneurs
with their various requirements, as listed
by the THES; ‘The group will provide
the education, direction, promotion and
networking that successful entrepreneurs
need’. Supported by the Science Enterprise
Centre of Said Business School and various
patent and trademark lawyers, the group has
an international flavour with Australian,
American and Chinese members as well
as those from the UK. Alex Hearn, who
founded the organisation told the THES: “We
have noticed that student entrepreneurship is
bursting with ideas and concepts, yet until
now has had no real outlet. It heralds a
significant change that students are taking
responsibility for generating wealth”.
4 OPINION 13 February 2003

No kids please - we’re British

DO YOU REMEMBER the BBC distinctly pruned appearance.
THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ UNION comedy series called 2 point Another interesting effect of
UNION HOUSE 4 children? Of course you this lower birth rate is that
UNIVERSITY OF SURREY do, the two parents called over the next 25 years, the
GUILDFORD GU2 7XH Bill and Ben, the father being UK population is expected
WWW.USSU.CO.UK
a plumber and the kids both to increase by around five
being horrors? Well, were million, with two thirds of
they to remake the series this rise being account for
today, it would have to re- by immigration into the
Why shouldn’t vice-chancellor’s be badged as 1.64 children, the
current record low for the
PAUL CANNING country.
Indeed, with average life

much better paid? average number of children

Once again, the released figures showing
how much university vice-chancellors are
being paid, and how this compares to their
previous wages are causing a bit of a stir in
education circles. That they have received a
wage increase of 6.8% on average has “as-
tonished” teaching representatives, “espe-
cially when they don’t have enough cash to
pay their staff a decent, competitive wage.”
Well, let us look at a couple of facts before
we jump to that conclusion.
First of all, a university is no longer “just”
a university - it is a vast and complex busi-
ness that requires leadership and very strong
management. In the business world, heads
of such organisations can readily earn over
£500,000 and many earn over £1m. A vice-
chancellor, however, only earns around
£150,000. Taking into account the differ-
ence in market, the salary seems reason-
able.
Second of all, the issue of staffing and how
much they are paid is virtually totally inde-
pendent of vc’s pay. You wouldn’t expect an
employee of Pizza Hut to demand a pay rise
if the bosses get big pay rise, so why should
that be the same in universities.
Thirdly, the job of a vice-chancellor is not
quite the easy ride everyone presumes it is.
Though they may once have been based in
academia, their jobs now entail part-time ac-
countancy, part-time fundraisiing, part-time
acadmia and part-time politics. In fact, is
probably more useful to have MBA after
your name than FRS.
Finally, bosses if the big North American
institutes are paid typically double what vc’s
are here.
Somewhere along the line, someone has to
give: if Britain wants top-class universities
then it needs to have top-class people. High-
flyers in departments are rewarded healthily
for their success so why not their bosses?
When the lure of big business comes along,
the pay within academia has to be able to
compete with that of the outside world.
in a British family. There are “A recent survey showed
expectancies in the UK
expected to touch 83 for
a number of reasons behind that many women today are women and 79 for men in
this statistic, one of which too busy to have sex.” that same 25 year period, the
indicated by a recent survey UK will increasingly have to
showing that many women look to skilled migrants to
today are too busy to have sex. I hear the bolster its shrinking workforce.
words ‘sounds about bloody right’ being Without these extra workers, Britain and
mumbled somewhere in the background, Europe will struggle to maintain economic
but according to the survey, with more growth, and support this increasingly elderly
women in employment, visiting the gym population. Perhaps the most frightening
and undertaking a variety of other pastimes, statistic is that by 2025, it is predicted that
the 21st century women has less free time, almost 23% of the EU population will be
and consequently less sex than her 1950’s aged over 65 : that’s a lot of pensions and
counterpart. Couple this with the fact that free bus passes. The fact that the stock
many more women are waiting until well market, the entity into which most pension
into their thirties before starting a family, fund managers sink their assets, has almost
and we are left with a TV series that has a halved in value over the last 3 years also
far less catchier title. makes the pension situation appear even
A lower birth rate and an increasing grimmer.
life expectancy is leading to a so called By no means is it all doom and gloom
‘beanpole effect’ within family trees. though, my suggestion for cashing in on this
Many more living grandparents and great- new demographic trend is to buy as many
grandparents, fewer aunts, uncles and shares as you can in firms that own and run
cousins means a far greater elongation of bingo halls. In just a few years they will be
your average family tree, leaving it with a worth an absolute fortune...

Federal sports day Testing times for new graduates

MORE AND MORE employers The key to doing well is to
Next Wednesday sees the 2nd annual fed- to Roehampton - possibly because he knows are using tests to help them take full advantage of the
eral sports day between the University of they don’t win much otherwise. to find the most suitable preparation time. When
Surrey (Guildford) and the University of The event is still trying to establish itself as graduates for the positions the instructions are read
Surrey (Roehampton). Last year saw a very part of the sporting calendar so if you would they hope to fill. They are out, make quite sure you
interesting encounter with the days events like to support, make your way over to the used because interviews understand what you are
finally ending in a draw and an enthusiastic Varsity Centre and shout for whichever tean don’t always provide all asked to do. Make the most
vice-chancellor therefore handing the trophy you’d like to win. the information they seek of this opportunity to ask
concerning a candidate. For DR RUSS CLARK questions while you can.
example, if an employer Once the test starts it is out
The first second edition wants a guide to your ability
to reason with numbers,
“Assessment centres are of the question! You’ll have
practice examples to try.
used because interviews
a test provides a more don’t always provide the Don’t worry about holding
This paper is the first barefacts to have a second edition proper, since the version that appered accurate measurement than a everyone up if you find these
online on Tuesday night is a bit different to the one that appears here. The main difference is information they need.”
question during an interview difficult. It is vital that you
the coverage of the Arts & Culture week, so if you get a chance to look, please do. - however persuasive your understand what is required
answer! before the real questions
There are basically two types of test. The start. Thereafter, try to work - quickly and
NOTICES first sort are designed to measure different accurately. Some tests start easily and lull
aspects of your personality such as your you into a false sense of security. Don’t be
Societies Standing Committee 24th February 6pm LTF sociability or your assertiveness. They fooled! They often get more difficult as the
are not usually timed and there are no test proceeds and you realise you don’t have
International Societies Standing Committee 24th February 7pm LTF right answers. It is best to answer these as as much time as you thought.
honestly as you can rather than by trying to Finally, try to stay calm even if you think
Student Council 25th February 1pm LTM give answers which you think the employer you’ve done badly. Tests only form part of
wants you to give. the selection process and you can improve
Islamic society EGM (voting new president) 26th February 6pm LTL The other kinds of test are timed. They your overall performance by doing well in
are known as aptitude tests and are used other exercises.
to measure your ability in some area. For PS Look out for our Practice Aptitude Test
example, how good are you at working with Workshops. Please sign up in Careers if you
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK figures, can you recognise patterns, are you wish to attend.
good at reasoning with words, and so on. www.surrey.ac.uk/careers
“Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity.”
ALBERT CAMUS (1913 - 1960), AUTHOR Dr Russ will be back in his usual home of the professional page next week
13 February 2003
The case for war with Iraq
Perhaps there are reasons for war. At the very least, says
Rich Watts, the Prime Minister is owed an apology
SATURDAY WILL SEE around half a million
people turn out in London to protest the
impending war with Iraq and denounce
the tactics and reasoning behind Bush
and Blair’s reasons for removing Saddam
Hussein. A massive case for a “No to War”
campaign has been made by the majority of
government, the national press and indeed
the nation and the protest this weekend will
be a manifestation of the general sentiment
throughout this country and various quarters
of Europe (and a fair portion of America, for
that matter).
But what of the case for war? Where
conflicts regarding ideologies, principles
and convictions lie - as are always present
when discussing war, there is always the
need for debate, for the rational and for
the tempered to think things through; to
balance; to compose; to assess. Now, not
for one second would I argue that Messers
Bush and Blair have always represented
the truthful, rational view on this war - far
from it. Indeed, it is clear from his weekly
addresses and his tone throughout these past
few months that George Bush, for reasons
that he is still to validate completely and
satisfactorily, has his heart set on military
action. In much the same way, but to a
lesser extent, Tony Blair has found himself
arguing an unpopular opinion and, mindful
of his many other issues at the moment
(particularly Europe) is struggling to find
“What do
people suppose
Tony Blair’s
ambition to be?
To start a war for
the sake of it?”
2002 - 2003
editor in chief | richard watts [comms@ussu.co.uk]
editor
sarah butterworth [mu91sb@surrey.ac.uk]
deputy editor
position vacant
news editor
philip howard [ph02ph@surrey.ac.uk]
music editors
alex read [cs01ar@surrey.ac.uk
simon robinson [ps91sr@surrey.ac.uk]
theatre editor
rachael bemrose [sc92rb@surrey.ac.uk]
If you would like to write for barefacts, then please get in touch: barefacts@ussu.co.uk
OPINION
support on this side of the Atlantic. What I
would argue, however, is that there is a clear
case for war and, if you are willing to look,
individuals whose arguments otherwise
are irrational and somewhat alarming
themselves.
Let us consider how Tony Blair has been
treated of late. Clergymen have accused
him of being “immoral” and “unchristian”
despite his well-known faith; he has been
labelled as President Bush’s “poodle”
and in a recent article in one particularly
fashionable tabloid (The Daily Mirror) he
was called a “liar and a coward.” This
followed a full front page picture of the
Prime Minister with the headline “Blood on
his hands.” (This same paper also wrote of
the Bush administration as “the Third Reich
of our times,” and so clearly losing out,
therefore, when it comes to Godwin’s law of
“whoever mentions the Nazis first, loses.”)
There is also the small matter of Tony Benn
who, whilst visiting Baghdad, said: “I will
see women and children who will die in the
next few weeks because the Prime Minister
has decided to kill them.” This same man
then interviewed Saddam Hussein - a man
who has oppressed and tortured his own
civilians as well as invaded two neighbours
and killed a million people - and said
nothing when the Iraqi leader commented:
“Every fair-minded person knows that
when Iraqi officials say something they are
trustworthy. Iraq has no weapons of mass
destruction whatsoever.”
What do such people suppose Tony Blair’s
ambitions to be? To start a war for the sake
of it? To set foot in Iraq in order to make
President Bush, and President Bush only,
happy? I think not.
Following the expulsion of Iraqis from
Kuwait in 1991, the Security Council
passed resolution 687 - a binding clause
- which said that international peace and
security could not be restored to the area
unless Iraq gave up its weapons of mass
destruction. Since that point, Saddam has
ignored this and many other resolutions,
resulting in twelve years of suffering for a
film editors
stewart fudge [cs81sf@surrey.ac.uk]
jolyon hunter [cs91jh@surrey.ac.uk]
photography editor
chris hunter [funkyberry@hotmail.com]
literature editor
chris ward [cs21cw@surrey.ac.uk]
sports editor
eddison ruswa [ce21er@surrey.ac.uk]
lifestyle editor
morgan gooch [ph02mg@surrey.ac.uk]
Right: George Bush
and Tony Blair. Is
the future of human-
ity in their hands?
people because international sanctions thus
remained.
Last year, resolution 1441 was passed
unanimously, offering a “final opportunity”
to disarm and warning of “serious
consequences” if nothing was done.
Currently, we have been informed by
the chief of weapons inspectors, despite
difficulties caused by Iraqi officials in
procuring the evidence, that Iraq has still
to give up its weapons. Thus Saddam is in
breach of resolutions 687 and 1441.
And so what is the choice now facing
us? Do we ignore this steadfast ignorance
of binding resolutions and take a path of
least resistance, as advocated by France
and Germany along with many others such
that we leave Iraq to declare its weapons
when it feels like it (bearing in mind this
is not happening in the face of “serious
consequences”) or should something
actually be done? Should the former occur
then Saddam has won a victory over the
United States and the UN. In fact, the latter,
if it chose to forget about these “serious
consequences”, might just as well pack its
bags and leave its stall marked “international
peace and security” for no-one would take it
seriously again.
Once that has happened, we have on
our hands another North Korea: Saddam
would continue to make weapons of mass
destruction; he would continue to murder
and terrorise his own people; he would use
the much vaunted oil-reserves to make a
move on the international front; he would
barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is
published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union
Communications Office.
The views expressed within the paper are those of individual
authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the
Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the
University of Surrey.
This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part,
stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express
permission of the publisher beforehand.
All submissions must include the author’s name and Union
or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication.
Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published.
barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions.
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
WWW.USSU.CO.UK
© USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2002
5
threaten Israel. What’s more, friends of the
United States would no longer hold trust in
their international friend.
Much focus has been placed on a second
resolution of the UN to advocate war.
Indeed, many believe that the Prime Minister
is pinning his hopes on such a blessing if he
is to remain as Premier for this country
in the forseeable future. Such measures
are admirable, but we must remember the
lessons of Slobodan Milosevic’s rule over
Bosnia during the last few years and the
effect of non-action had on the inhabitants
there.
If there is to be a war, then there is no
doubt that innocent civilians will die. That
thousands upon thousands of innocent
civilians have already died because of
Saddam’s lack of cooperation is already
plain to see. But if something considerable
is not done, then the potential fall-out from
not dealing with Saddam properly for
a second time is potentially much more
hazardous than it was the first time around;
surely there is a time when the use of force
in the name of peace is a reasonable action?
To mock the Prime Minister, however
opposed to war you are, and to pin blame
upon him is short-sighted and suggests to
me, at least, that the motivation for people
to oppose this inevitable war is neither
reasonable or rational.
Tell me - if war is avoided, will people
support Blair and Bush in their quest for the
Nobel Peace Prize? That will remain to be
seen.
Do you have a complaint against
this newspaper?
If you have a complaint about any item in this
newspaper which contains inaccuracy, harassment,
intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about
it.
If you remain dissatisfied please contact the
Press Complaints Commission - an independant
organisation established to uphold an editorial Code
of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will abide
by their decision.
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Telephone: 020 7353 1248
Facsimile: 020 7353 8351
Printed by South West Wales Publications
Adelaide Street, Swansea
Tel: 01792 510000
6 OPINION
You have three minutes to read this article, from the very
second I close the door
Ben Supper has seen through UniS’ plans
and knows exactly what this “Vision for
2020” is all about. Fortunately for us, he is
willing to share his insight
Below: the Ocean zone of the
Crystal Maze theme park at
UniS, more formally known
as the Duke of Kent building
LAST WEEK’S DISTURBING exposition
about the populace of the University
turning into poorly-scripted automota
from an Antipodean soap opera was
received by critical acclaim. At least,
this is how I interpret the heartfelt
advice from one correspondent that I
should seek counselling. Yet still, the
closer you look at things on campus,
the more life can be seen to imitate
art.
I’ve been on campus for far too long
-- long enough to remember when the
Duke of Kent building was nothing
but a big square patch of gravel
with a minibus parked on it. How
slow-witted people can be when the
changes around them are so gradual!
It’s taken me almost six years to put
two and two together, and to take
a different look at the architecture
of recent years. The Duke of Kent
building is uncompromisingly
‘industrial’ from behind, with its
metal panelling, plate glass, and
exposed ducting. From the front,
though, it’s a different story. It’s
sweeping three-dimensional curve,
and its narrow, striated windows.
It indicates ‘future’, whilst also
conveying a maritime theme. Now,
what’s one of those doing forty miles
inland?
Hold that thought. Now, think about
the twisty passages, awkward angles,
footbridges and narrow stairways
around this campus. Consider the lack
of any central meeting place or focal
point. Now, let your eyes drift across
the lake to that geodesic sphere. Have
you got it yet? Oh come on! Frenetic
shots of Richard O’Brien running
about in an aircraft hangar in tights
and leopard-skin jacket. Lurid nylon-
clad contestants in hot pursuit. The
Future. The Ocean. The Industrial
Zone. How blind can we be? The
Millennium House building isn’t
imitating a train at all! The sloping
facades are supposed to echo the
Aztec pyramids. The whole shape
“That construction work on the management build-
ing is a feasibility study: they have began turning
Stag Hill into a Crystal Maze theme park.”
is long and thin only because two
hundred and three people have to live
there. Guildford Cathedral will be
our Medieval zone. Even before the
television programme started, they
began turning Stag Hill into a Crystal
Maze theme park.
No, hear me out. This one’s brilliant.
The University could make a fortune.
Even more than they are making
already. That construction work on
the new Management building is
actually a feasibility survey. The
builders are actually contestants
in the midst of a two-year mystery
game. They have just a few months
left to finish the building and fitting
out before they get locked in.
Unfortunately for the theme park,
they were given the wrong plans, and
the lorry-loads of glass and bricks
which were supposed to make the
park’s centrepiece -- a giant glass
icosahedron revolving on a four
hundred foot pedestal -- ended up as
the School of Management building
instead. Still, it could have been
worse. It could have been allocated
to the School of Arts.
The University is excellently
placed to be a theme park, with good
transport links to the M25, Gatwick
airport, London, and Heathrow (when
SWT haven’t closed the station). The
Vice Chancellor has realised that the
University could make a fast buck if
we disappeared round the corner to
Manor Farm, and turned the existing
campus into a theme park: hence the
‘2020 Vision’ thing. We’re already
got an excellent Lego World on the
go thanks to the architectural
prowess of the Sixties and Seventies.
Now they’ve started building more
cuboids in the areas they missed at
the West end of campus. To cap it all,
they’re poncing up our bars.
Most students won’t remember
this, but when they initially proposed
the Oak House complex, the artist’s
impressions weren’t populated by
students. They were full of thin
people in shirts, sitting at airy tables
with laptops and glasses of water. You
could see them mouthing the words
‘Vision!’, ‘Future!’, and ‘Surrey!’.
Before the bulldozers moved in, we
had the Hall Bar: a dingy brown pub
with red upholstered stools and tacky
framed Tia Maria posters on the wall.
For less than two pounds, you could
grab something called a ‘curry,’
which, in today’s political climate,
would cause UN weapons inspectors
to storm in and raid the kitchen.
I was once informed that the
difference between a pub and a bar
is a carpet. The Hall Bar had a carpet.
Roots does not. In fact Roots, by
comparison, is anodyne, noisy, and
considerably more expensive. In
every other way, it’s an improvement,
but don’t be fooled. It’s only a matter
of time before the rich Americans
start arriving, the servings get even
bigger, and we’re not allowed
to eat there any more. Then they
could fit quite a nifty little indoor
roller coaster in AP1-4, and tourists
could queue right down the corridor
without being rained on. At last,
the University could make millions
without having to pretend that it’s
actually there for any other reason.
13 February 2003
Above: the centre
point of the Crys-
tal Maze - the
geodesic figure of
the finale
An advantage of this change is that
there’ll be a sudden huge demand for
stewards to check tickets, to run the
funfair rides, to sell hot dogs, and to
clean up piles of sick. Lose no more
sleep, Arts graduates! The University
has detailed plans for you after all!
In spite of the enormous influx
of tourism, it’s quite likely that the
local residents will continue their
reactionary wont, and will just say
‘No’ to everything. Do you ever
see stalls on the High Street asking
people to say ‘yes’ to something? Fox
hunting? Incinerators? Sabre-rattling
in the Middle East? Plans to knock
down The Drink and replace it with
something even more brutally vulgar?
All such plans are relentlessly sniffed
out and opposed, or have already
been exterminated.
The Guildfordian suspicion of
change, which has kept the town tidy,
peaceful, and pleasantly bourgeois,
can cut both ways. It is why we
don’t have a supermarket which is
open 24 hours a day, or more than
a bare minimum of green land left
on campus when there’s acres of
space just down the road. In spite
of having hundreds of thousands of
enthusiastic visitors to the Crystal
Maze / Lego theme park every year,
Guildford shall remain a town where
you won’t be able to buy a portion of
chips, a bland kebab from a van, or
anything for that matter, after 11pm.
So, before you get carried away by
the magic world of theme parks on
your doorstep, take some advice
from a cheery station announcer:
‘Guildford. This is Guildford.’
13 February 2003
Dear barefacts
I wasn’t sure what I found funnier the article
‘ridiculing’ the risk of war with Iraq or Mr
Chambers letter complaining about this
article. I felt that Mr Chambers completely
missed the point of this article on several
different levels.
First of all it was obviously a Rag week
article, something not to be taken too
seriously, something that was meant to be
taken in jest. Secondly the satirical nature of
this article I doubt very much that any of the
barefacts team take the matter of potential
war lightly.
The media spends a lot of its time ridiculing
world leaders such as Saddam Hussain and
George Bush and events such as wars. It’s
a way of looking at something, at pointing
out the flaws in someone or something
without just getting angry. The British are a
very sarcastic nation (perhaps Mr Chambers
hasn’t noticed) and often use this kind of
humour to deal with serious issues – take
a look at comedians such as Rory Bremner
and you only have to open a newspaper
such as The Guardian or The Telegraph to
see the daily ‘cartoon’ overtly ridiculing
the headline story, be it murder, corruption
or war!
Although the Rag week article’s main
intention was to make you laugh I feel
My view on the Zimbabwe situation
Dear barefacts,
In reply to the letter of the last edition entitled
“politics and cricket article in very bad
taste”. It is good to hear that someone has
strong feelings on the topic of Zimbabwe,
since it is fairly apparent that most of the
world is prepared to sit idly by and ignore
the suffering of Zimbabwe. At present the
ruling Zanu-PF party under Mugabe is
denying basic human rights to anyone who
opposes him, the MDC (opposition party)
says its members are left out of the food
relief programs, and many are tortured. The
government has not imported nearly enough
food to feed its population, and according
the BBC 7 million now face starvation.
Meanwhile the farms whose owners have
been forced out in the land grabs lie empty
and unused.
This is the state of a country whose
leader is acting as a dictator, in which
no opposition is allowed, and no one is
allowed to film the suffering. So to sit by
and do nothing, besides quibbling over
cricket matches, is criminal. Mugabe has
effectively performed an ethnic cleansing
of white Zimbabweans, removed hopes of
real democracy and forced his leadership
by restricting food rations. Mugabe is
showing no signs of changing his policies,
no signs of acting to improve the situation.
Zimbabwe should be importing more grain
that just to feed its people, replanting
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters
may be edited for length or clarity | E-mail: barefacts@ussu.co.uk
it still portrayed the Iraq situation in a
(scarily) accurate way. Saddam Hussain and
George Bush playing games represents them
‘playing’ war. The games are played in a tit
for tat manner, and so often this is how war
unfolds. You bomb us, so we bomb you, so
therefore you have to bomb us so we can
bomb you again. You cheated at cards, so
I’m gonna cheat at cards etc etc.
Perhaps by looking at situations as serious
as this in a humourous or satirical way we
can first laugh, something which we all
need to do in these insecure and potentially
dangerous times and secondly when we
reflect on what has made us laugh we can
perhaps open our eyes and see what a
ridiculous situation any war is, causing us
to readdress our values and attitudes to the
situation. (Please note I am not suggesting
that just seeing the funny side of an article
will create world peace.)
I feel that perhaps Mr Chambers should
reread the article and try and firstly see how
it can be seen as a reflection of the present
situation with Iraq and secondly to try and
take it in the spirit it was intended, ‘The
spirit of Rag Week’.
Your Sincerely,
ZOE KILB
RAG SUPPORTER
crops, and resurrecting democracy. Mugabe
will not change if no-one pushes him to.
And dictators can only be overturned by
internal uprising or international pressure,
or force if necessary. Since Mugabe controls
the food, he can prevent the people of
Zimbabwe being able to rise against him,
so the only solution is political pressure.
In implementing full sanctions against
Zimbabwe whilst distributing food packets
independently of Mugabe and his forces,
his control of the situation is removed and
he must either move toward democracy
and compliance or face being ousted. This
is the type of thing that the UN (sorry, I
didn’t mean NATO in the original article) is
there for, with military support to monitor
the situation, and prevent Mugabe moving
to using violence to maintain control. I can
see no way out of the situation without
international involvement. Of course it will
be more difficult to motivate other countries
to involve themselves in a country in which
they have no ‘national interests’, but that
should have no bearing on it. Mugabe must
be stopped.
I hope I have outlined my views more
clearly, and I invite replies if anyone can
see a realistic alternative solution to the
problems in Zimbabwe.
Regards,
PHILIP HOWARD
NEWS EDITOR
Dear barefacts,
Mike Chambers shares an interesting
opinion. Perhaps also we should aim
to ban “Political Theatre”, which often
mixes comedy with war in order to expose
reality. Perhaps also we should protest
against Rowan Atkinson’s Blackadder,
which clearly satirised life in the trenches in
order to emphasise the weaknesses of war.
According to Mr Chambers’ protest, these
are irreverent and a “mockery” of “millions
of lives” being lost. Surely we should sit
back and continually worry about the future
wars. Well, why don’t we?
I’ll tell you why. We have enough troubles
in our life rather than worrying about
another. We are all aware that the situation
seems dangerous with Iraq at the moment,
and we are all aware of a possible nuclear
Dear barefacts,
I am sorry that the story on the front page
of last week’s paper offended Mr Mike
Chambers in such a considerable way. If he
had managed to suppress his rising bile long
enough to read on to pages two and three he
may have noticed more odd, and possibly
“shameful” articles. Had he even made it
further to the editorial on page six he would
have noted the third piece entitled “Fear not:
it was all spoof news in aid of publicising
RAG week” which succinctly explained the
reasoning behind these articles.
In fact there were yet more clues present
on the very front page itself. The footer on
the front page with the repetitive “rag week
special” and the side bar that read: “It’s not
real news - it’s spoof” may have provided
more pointers, as may have the second lead
story relating how USSU were changing
USSU safety staff are “Neanderthals”
Dear barefacts,
I have been a student at this University for
three years and there has been one thing
that has persistently annoyed me during
this time: security at the union. Last FNO,
two people were forcibly removed from the
union without reason, allowed to pay to get
back in and then forcibly removed again
without given a refund, and then one was
thrown about outside the union even though
he was just standing around not causing any
problems. The most worrying thing about
accounts like this is their frequency; reports
of security at this union being unnecessarily
heavy-handed, unfair or just plain stupid
are far too common, it’s almost as though
behaviour like this is adopted as a matter of
policy. The student population, however, are
comparatively non-aggressive, incidents of
domestic violence are rare and most people
who go to the union on a night out have
only peaceful intentions. Unfortunately the
Neanderthals who work security don’t see it
this way and feel the need to exercise their
power liberally and unjustly. Those students
reading this will probably already be aware
7
war, but that does not mean that we hide
inside our wardrobes crying about it. Even
the soldiers on the front line jested about
war, despite the fact that the next bullet fired
could have their name on it.
Mr Chambers’ letter is the most ridiculous
excuse for a protest that I have seen in a
long time. I’m in the process of working
out whether he’s trying to be all “high and
mighty” by listing his titles or whether
he is directly representing his society (or
maybe perhaps both). He needs to think
about his opinions and how he voices them,
and perhaps, if the party he represented did
that, then maybe they would have a fighting
chance of ever going back to government.
Yours sincerely
CHRIS WARD
LITERATURE EDITOR
direction following the discovery of an
anagram.
barefacts has a bit of a tradition when it
comes to RAG week: previous RAG week
specials have seen stories relating how the
Vice-Chancellor had completed the alphabet
with letters after his name, plans for a plane-
shaped building to match other transport-
related accommodation on campus and
even the sighting of aliens crashing into the
Surrey Space Centre.
The problem with humour is that all effort
is lost the moment you have to explain a
joke, though I do take amusement from the
fact that Mr Chambers failed to realise the
purpose of the story.
Yours,
PAUL WRIGHT
writing in a personal capacity
of this, but if you’re not, be warned: security
is comprised of brainless incompetent
meatheads who are more concerned with
applying unnecessary force than safety,
consistently refusing to listen to reason.
Not all security staff are like this but sadly
they are in the minority. Mostly they are
oafs who need to realise that they cannot get
away with throwing their weight around like
bullies in a playground. The fundamental
distinction that their tiny minds cannot make
is that having the right to do something does
not necessitate doing it; security do have
the right refuse entrance, and they do have
the right to remove people from the union,
however this does not automatically justify
doing it.
I ask all students to report all incidents of
security being out of line, no matter how
minor. Let USSU know that unwarranted
acts of physical intimidation on the part of
security occur too often and that this kind of
behaviour is not acceptable.
Yours,
TWYFORD RESIDENT
8 GU2 ON 107.3FM 13 February 2003

This is the sound of Guildford:

It is now the final week of FM, but GU2 shows no sign of abating as it se-
cures an outside broadcast from the Friary Centre and an army of support-
ers reach for the [1350]am dial. Rich Watts reports

You’d be forgiven that the folks over at GU2 had
done enough these last few weeks: exclusive air-
play of new albums, balloon launches, outside
broadcasts from Roots, making Barry Norman
do the calling for an interview, more competitions
than you can shake a stick at and a presence on
campus that leaves few unaware of the frequency.
But no - there was plenty more up their sleeve.
This week sees them, therefore, broadcasting
live from the Friary Centre between 12 - 4pm on
Valentine’s Day. Setting their stall on the first floor
- right by the Nike shop - the GU2 crew will be
giving away loads of Valentine’s goodies, catching
up with all the latest offers with the help of some
store-managers (Topshop and HMV included) and
entertaining the unsuspecting public of Guildford.
Of course, if you would like to come along and
support the GU2’ers, you are more than welcome
to pop down - who knows - you might even win a
signed copy of Kelly Osbourne’s latest single.
Other than that, the FM period is finally drawing
to a close and the station will continue to broadcast
on 1350AM. Though we would never claim that
this is the best reception in the world, it really
is worth persevering on your hands and knees
for those crucial few minutes in order to take
SHOW PROFILE: PHIL & SABEENA
What’s up? It’s Phil and Sabeena here, some of the
latest recruits to GU2. We were asked to present
the Late Breakfast Show, hopefully, for our
zany ideas, but most likely for our ability to talk
continuously about Justin Timberlake (actually,
that’s just Sabeena)!
Regulars on the show include ‘We Love The 90s’,
a retrospective look at some of the best songs from
back in the day. We’ve already had such gems as
Shaggy’s ‘Oh Carolina’ and Bryan Adams’ six-
and-a-half minute rendition of ‘Everything I Do (I
Do It For You)’. We had GU2 presenters dancing
and singing around the studio to that one, even
Judge Mental was playing the air guitar!
We breathe new life into the TV schedule and
give you our recommendations, which always
include regulars: ‘The Salon’, ‘Hollyoaks’ and
‘Eastie-Beasties’ aka ‘Eastenders’! We’ve had
numerous competitions, including ‘Name that
Tone?’ (possibly the most annoying thing to grace
the airwaves at nine o’clock in the morning), and GU2 live from the Friary Centre
we had a whole week of competitions dedicated
to the Cheeky Girls! One lucky winner managed 12-4pm
to win their autographs and their CD! To be
in with a chance to win some prizes be sure to St. Valentine’s Day

advantage of that one point of reception in your
room and thus remove your withdrawal symptoms
you will more-than-likely be experiencing next
Wednesday.
All that is left to say is that the 2nd birthday party
wwwdot
listen to Late Breakfast this week as we start up
the soon-to-be-all-time-favourite ‘Sounds of the
Campus Ground’. Make sure you pay attention to
all of those strange noises you hear on your travels
around campus!

gu2dot
of GU2 will be on Tuesday of wk.5 and you are So, keep listening to GU2, it’s the smartest thing
more than welcome to come to the party. you’ll ever do, apart from graduating, obviously!

Who’s on at what time: the full schedule

codot
uk
Below is the full weekly schedule, colour coded to the best of our ability in order to give you an idea of
what sort of music each DJ will be playing. If you don’t happen to have a copy of barefacts available to
check the schedule then log on to www.gu2.co.uk and have a look: all the details will be right there.

107.3FM monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday

06:00
Judge Mental’s FM Breakfast Show
07:00
08:00 THE STUDENT BROADCAST NETWORK SHOW WITH NEIL GRAYSON
THE GU2 WEEKEND RECOVERY
09:00 Philip Brown and Sabeena Sabir
WITH CHRIS
10:00
NEWS WITH XAN PHILLIPS
11:00 Paul Wright
Anthony Deluola
12:00 Society Lunch
Christine
13:00
THE LUNCH WITH BIG AL & THE SEX MACHINE SUNDAY ROAST
14:00
Naomi Facey
15:00 Chris, Jay & Amelia Lefroy Chris, Jay & Jay & Amelia Chris & Amelia The Christian
Amelia Amelia Show
S
16:00
Jay Butcher pecialist
17:00 THE EG EARLY EVENING SHOW
THE UK STUDENT
18:00 The Weekday Vibe with P mix@six
19:00 Just a rock show Kaz V & Kwab The J-Team Cyclone dance Xin Xin Chris
Beats & Pieces
P laylist
The full sched- 20:00 Beats & Pieces Arun Classic Jay & Woody Hall Take 2
ule for the FM
period, complete
21:00 Cyclone dance Sex Mickcheese Oli Horton FRIDAY NIGHT CHILLOUT WITH The essence of D ance
with weekend 22:00 Kerrang radio Sex MickCheese Barfly in session Barfly in session
A. Bibiskas KISS WITH BAM BAM STEVE JOHNSTONE Jazz
listings. To see
C
23:00 The Presence CMJ
who is currently The Dark Side Chris Chang MALCOLM TAYLOR heese
on air at any 00:00
time, check out 01:00 THE STUDENT BROADCAST NETWORK LATE SHOW WITH CRAIG PILLING CAGL
the website:
www.gu2.co.uk 02:00 ACM S BN
13 February 2003
A not very definitive history of barefacts [issues 1-100]
IT IS 1968 and the recently chartered
University of Surrey, formed from Battersea
College of Advanced Technology is about
to relocate to the virgin site of Stag Hill at
Guildford. The migration would take some
three years to complete.
Early in the summer term of ‘68, a
lunchtime Students’ Union meeting in the
Battersea Great Hall raised concerns on the
split and its affect on the students. At the post
meeting SU Exec. the outgoing President
for 67/68, Bob Matthews suggested a single
page news-sheet, and set about producing
the first issue. Intended to bridge the 25-
mile gap between the two halves of the
University, it would contain information
about Club and Society activities and
general Student Union notices. This was
to help compensate for the difficulties in
attending Student Union General Meetings,
and also to fill the vacuum left by the usual
summer demise of the Surrey Guardian. (An
organ that had a high opinion of itself, but
appeared erratically and usually well after
the reported events.)
In summer term ‘68, Rob Thomasson
[Maths 70] had been elected Students’ Union
Vice President (Guildford) and Janice Prior
VP (Battersea), and the University was still
in Battersea Park Road. Rob agreed at the
launch to do the second edition and I, being
the Ents. Chairman, foolishly agreed to help.
It was Rob who named it Bare Facts; and it
appeared each week from its faithful band
of helpers including myself, Phil Verity
[Elec. Eng. 71], Robin Bradbeer [Elec. Eng.
perpetually] with illustrations by Whistling
Walsall Fred (AR Pipes). The technology
was crude, slow and unforgiving. All text
had to be cut into ‘onion skin’ stencils
using a ribbon-less typewriter; and the hand
drawings scratched onto the same medium.
Skins were then stretched over the drum of
a Roneo ink-duplicating machine before
hand cranking to produce each sheet. No
one knew in which colour(s) the final
copy would appear owing to our technique
of begging, borrowing, or “reallocating”
underused resources for the common good.
We soon acquired a folding machine and BF
went from stapled foolscap to folded double
foolscap with inserts.
Over the summer of 1968 about half the
University, mainly Engineering, Physical
Sciences and Mathematics (the statistic of
1200 men to 40 women students stays in
my mind) moved to Stag Hill. With Wayne
Barnacle [Chem Eng?] as the President,
Janice was to produce the Battersea BF
and Rob the same in Guildford. Five weeks
into the autumn term our machinery was
found and reassembled with the assistance
of Steve Spill [Elec. Eng. 71] (they would
not work for anyone else.) Production could
now begin in earnest, in the Students’ Union
on floor 3 [?] of Senate House. A special
mention for the great support we received
from Maureen Stevens as Clerk to the
SURREY ALUMNI SOCIETY
Continuing our ‘Blast from the Past’ series, Phil Verity [elec. eng. ‘71] covers
the somewhat colourful history of the very publication you hold in your hands:
barefacts [issue 1050]
Students’ Union (legal advice and common
sense), the mysterious and lovely Djinn
(who would sometimes do electric typing
if we were good), and Mr Paynter (for
tolerance and good humour.)
The original team was joined by Brian
‘Brain’ Ellesmore [Elec. Eng. 69] for
graphics, humour, and moods; Rupert Glover
[Physics 71]; Murray Butcher [Maths 70]
and a disproportionate number of women for
moral support. BF began its rise to fame with
the “Running Man” edition, and included
Rupe’s Poet’s Corner, Jim Smith’s Inside
Page and ace reporter (a gross distortion)
Fil Verity’s “articles”. Unfortunately the
Battersea end ‘collapsed’ and BF became a
wholly Guildford production.
Murray took over as Editor from Rob,
and developed and refined the style - which
including more frequent clashes with
“authority”. Rupe’s poems caused more than
one upset in the higher reaches of Senate
House; though Dr. D.M.A. Leggett, the Vice
Chancellor, was generally supportive of our
objectives, even if the means exasperated
him.
A major effort, for the first Guildford
Festival [director Rick Welton], saw a
bumper edition, stuffed with a full festival
programme and a wad of booking forms
(known forever as a Packet of Weltons).
With the University split between Battersea
and Guilford , BF was the only medium to
give a complete rundown on the Students’
Union Presidential elections. Our arch rival
the Surrey Grauniad reappeared, edited by
9
Show [May 69] and caused uproar as this
coincided with the Arts School sit-in (this
was the sixties) and we were less than
sympathetic to the County Council. (From
here, my personal involvement reduced
following my Part I’s and Prof. Lovering
suggesting a degree was not an optional
extra.)
Robin took over from Brian, and Tony
Allan joined the crew. This team welcomed
the first edition of Grapevine [GV] (scandal,
smut, innuendo, rumour) and BF’s first brush
with solicitors following an infamous letter
from Fred Stride [Mech. Eng 70] and BF’s
racing correspondent. Two editions later
some innocuous Playboy cartoons nearly
got us reported for pornography. Tony Allan
took over in Autumn 69 and his first edition
caused the catering staff walk-out with his
“sloppin’ in” editorial to commemorate
the opening of the Library restaurant. GV
got larger and more puerile; photomontage
became popular, and the Basil Brush,
Almost Animal and Angel cartoon series
appeared. [BB referred to the bursar Brig.
Rush and should not be confused with any
foxy TV character]. With Stuart Wilson as
President, criticism of SU Exec. were less
tolerated, with comment in BF infrequent
and censorship common. Martyn Denney
took over from Tony, followed by Roger
King, where three editions were produced for
Chris Greenwood [Humanities 70] and we the County Show; and now offset litho was
achieved a working relationship, before the tried. As Surrey Grauniad and later Polemic
SG’s usual summer relapse. reappeared, BF reverted to its original role
During this time BF was invaluable (well as a newsheet; a policy continued by Barbie,
we gave it away free) in helping maintain Chris and Ian.
the sense of community as the building Why did we do it? Just for the fun
continued and the University rules and of producing something that informed,
arrangements were under constant change inflamed, entertained and irritated; when
- causing more than a little friction between news existed we reported, where it didn’t
managers, academic staff, and students. we made it up. [We worked on BF unaware
Throughout BF tried to help overcome these of the dangers of turning out like Maxwell
difficulties; occasionally with success. or Murdoch.] By a Thursday midnight,
On Murray’s resignation Brian became tired and ink-stained, with 100’s of copies
Editor. Within 24 hours of the academically of drivel it seemed pointless. On a Friday
justified purchase of a scanner by the morning with all copies gone, the sight of
Physics department, we put it to proper use a laughing reader, and no invite from the
by scanning graphics onto the skins, and VC to the top floor of Senate House, the
even better, photographs. BF produced two world was .... only six days from the next
live editions at the Guildford County deadline.
Chronology of editors [Edition numbers in brackets]
Bob Mathews [1], Rob Thomasson [2-16], Murray Butcher [17-28], Brian Ellsmore
[29-31], Pete Bramwell [32], Robin Bradbeer [33-35 + 7 specials], Tony Allan [36-44],
Martyn Denney [45-57], Roger King [58-68 +1 special], Barbie Cockburn [69-80],
Chris Peat [81-91], Ian Kaye [92-100+].
The above was based on the history by Murray Butcher and Robin Bradbeer in edition
100 (30 June 1971); a valedictory time for many of us. It is supplemented by my own rosy
recollections up to issue 35 and conversations with some of us who are still alive, including
Murray, Chris Chelu, Rupert Glover, and Brian Ellsmore. I have tried where possible to
identify the school and year of graduation. Apologies for errors.
© Phil Verity January 2003.
Since graduating Phil Verity has worked in engineering and management in commercial,
aerospace and defence companies, hoping but without success that some biologist (he
married Ruth Warn [Human Biol. 71]) would perfect an anti-ageing potion.
10
THERE ARE MANY mad and crazy things that
you are expected to do in the name of RAG,
such as shaving off all your hair or selling
yourself as a slave to the highest bidder,
but perhaps the most insane has got to be
visiting Glasgow in January! Glasgow is a
very very cold place in January…believe me
I know...let me explain…
On an extremely cold January evening I
and our intrepid RAG leader – Catherine
Marshall arrived at the Scream Pub in
Glasgow for the start of the 2003 RAG
conference! We were greeted by shivering
volunteers in purple Strathclyde RAG tee
shirts (Strathclyde Students’ Union being
our hosts for the conference) and given our
timetables for the weekend, which contained
the vital ingredients for any rag conference:
two days worth of seminars, one AGM,
10 Glaswegian pubs and to add a Scottish
flavour one fancy dress party seasoned
with Braveheart! After having our names
ticked we made our way across the frozen
wastelands of Glasgow to the ‘Eurohostel’,
which would be our home for the next three
nights! The Eurohostel was surprisingly
warm; in fact it was more than warm it was
boiling! With the windows open (several
below outside) it was still stuffy, but even
the heat couldn’t quell our excitement at the
sleeping arrangements! Bunk beds!! This
was going to be a good conference.
Day one: Saturday
After a brief introduction from our hosts
we settled down to our first day of seminars.
Saturday was fairly disappointing as far as
seminars were concerned; we both felt that
we didn’t learn anything new and none of
the speakers were especially inspiring.
However it was not a complete letdown.
Running for most of the day there was a
‘Charity Fayre’ –a bit like Freshers Fayre,
only just with charities.
This fayre was a bit of an eye-opener for us.
It was an opportunity to meet representatives
from charities, pick up information, to see if
any of the charities are for your Rag and
what ways the charity could support you
if you chose to help them. We discovered
that many charities have a RAG officer;
someone whose job it is to liaise with
RAGs. That’s all they do! Fantastic! The
support these charities will give you return
for fundraising for them is amazing! They
will provide you with tee shirts, collection
buckets, stickers and anything else to help
you raise money, as well as giving you ideas
and just godamnit a friendly face! Many
organise events including skydiving, river
rafting and treks to foreign lands, all the
RAG has to do is get together the volunteers
and fundraise!
Suddenly all these possibilities and ideas
for RAG were coming into our heads, we
could think big, we could do it and there
were people paid to help us! Our heads
swimming and our mouth babbling with
ideas we grabbed all the information and
freebies that we could (including a tee-
shirt, sweets, and of course condoms!). The
first day despite the uninspiring seminars
was a success! The evening was a meal at
Wetherspoons (one of the staple food
RAG CONFERENCE
Freebies, alcohol and all
that RAG!
Following the success of last week’s RAG activities,
Zoe Kilb reports from the annual RAG confer-
ence and shows how these events come about
groups of students the others being beer,
spiral fries and vending machines) and
then the Braveheart themed party began
complete with kilts, lots of blue face paint,
a man dressed in a bin liner and two orange
balloons and lots of drunken revelry.
Day Two: Sunday
Day two began rather sluggishly as Raggies
prised themselves out of their toasty (and
we mean toasty) beds, stumbled out into the
freezing cold and across town to level 6 of
Strathclyde Students Union (its an 8 level
Student Union! It was almost worth the cold
just to see an 8 level SU!) for Day Two of
the Conference.
Day Two was an even more successful day.
The speakers and seminars were much better
and much more interesting. Whilst I learnt
how to blag stuff for free, Cathy learnt how
to run a street collection
– learning techniques that she no doubt put
to very good use last Saturday! (The first
Surrey RAG collection in Guildford for two
years!). In the afternoon I attended a session
on managing RAG finances whilst Cathy
went off to join a discussion group on ‘From
Raggie to Worker’ – for people who are not
just content with sacrificing most of their
student life to raising money but now also
want to go and do it as a career!
The last seminar of the day was given
by the UK Director of Marketing &
Communications from Barnardos. This was
a tres interesting talk – there was lots of
information on how a large Charity such as
Barnardos operates – pretty inspiring, when
you realize it all started off with just one
lone bearded man and his dream………….
At the end of the talk their was a comic
interlude as we were all evacuated from
13 February 2003
the building as the fire alarms went off, we
stood outside for 10 minutes shivering and
watching seemingly every fire engine and
firemen in the whole of Glasgow turn up
for our false alarm – I was surprised that
Glasgow actually needed any firemen I’m
sure fire freezes in Scotland. After watching
the fire engines reversing back down the
steep hill the Union is on we went back into
the warm for the AGM.
Now I’ve attended a few AGMs in my
time and this has got to be the shortest one
ever. No on had put forward any motions
– and so the only thing to discuss was who
was going to host the conference next year
– Manchester put their hands up we all said
yes and that was the end of that. This caused
much rejoicing amongst the raggies who had
been attending conference for many years
– as apparently every year someone brings
up the question of whether there should be a
National RAG organisation and then an hour
or so of heated debate ensues and nothing is
resolved. I myself rejoiced quietly about the
closeness of Manchester to Surrey and its
relative warmth in comparison to Glasgow!
Next was dinner…. so we made for the
Scream Pub for our “hot” buffet dinner. I
say “hot” because the only thing vaguely hot
about it were some heated up sausage rolls.
Cathy and me had to make an emergency
stop at McDonalds before joining the pub
crawl.
The pub crawl consisted of 10 pubs – we
all had maps, we all had RAG conference
tee-shirts with the names of the pubs printed
on the back – but did anyone actually make
it further than pub number 5? Was there
anyone who actually made it past number
5 who can remember that they made it past
number 5? Pub crawls leave many things
uncertain and many things better left unsaid.
Suffice to say that raggies are very friendly
people and they really like their beer, and
their wine, and their spirits! Having a 11am
checkout the next day proved to be most
useful, and I doubt that many got up for their
free continental breakfast served 7 –9.30am.
Clutching our heads we weakly smiled our
goodbyes and the Rag conference was over
for another year.
The RAG conference is of course an annual
event – so if you join RAG and if you’re very
good we might just let you go on next years
one. So contact us! Get involved! If you
want to become our Star Collector, raising
thousands a year, jumping off cliffs every
weekend in a fundraising stylee, donating
your body to slavery just to raise some
money day in day out, week after week,
month after month then we WANT to hear
from you! However if you just want to put
up a few posters, or look after the website,
or just give us a couple of your ideas then
we NEED to hear from you! All volunteers
are valued and appreciated! So come on,
become a raggie! To find out more, drop a
note in our pigeon hole, or contact Charlotte
Dawson in the Students’ Union who’ll put
you in touch with us or come and speak to
us at one of our events!
rag@ussu.co.uk
 11

Chancellors Cultural Challenge MaD Review

Thursday 20th February | 8.30pm Tuesday 18th February | 7pm
Chancellor’s Bar & Restaurant Main Union
£1 entry per person Admission Free
The festival is a time where we, the Students’ Union, can show the In a twist to the norm, Chancellor’s Challenge will After a successful debut at the festival last year,
test you on your knowledge of the arts scene, the review returns. The USSU Music and Drama
work already undertaken in arts and cultural activities. The Union has on and off the campus. With its regular picture Society present a show of sketches, songs,
around 70 societies, many of which provide entertainment regularly round, jackpot question and 6 other rounds, it improvisations and monologues. Performers
on campus and give students the chance to gain skills outside of an will provide a whole evening of entertainment are from the Wednesday afternoon drama
academic structure. We thank the University for their continued support and prizes. workshops, run by the society, who also produces
one musical a year. They shall also be presenting
and hope that this year’s festival is even more successful than the last. Student Pop Idol @ Sparkle a summer performance of the Shakespeare play,
Charlotte Dawson | students’ union Monday 17th February | 9pm ‘Twelfth night’. The night promises fun, laughter
Main Union and an insight into MaD students! Watch out
University Arts and Culture week this year runs from Sunday 16th to Sunday 23rd February. NUS or ACM cardholders only throughout the week on
Have you got what it takes? Can you face campus for MaD
This brochure marks the second annual collaboration between the Arts Office and the a panel of judges and a live audience? attacks. If you
Students’ Union. We have compiled an exciting and varied programme of arts events, Take part in the popular culture are interested
most of which are available to all members of the University the entire year round. event of the year. Sign up on the in getting
Ollie Parker | arts office night, or in advance at the Union involved,
reception. Prizes for the best… the drama
and the worst! workshops
meet every
This year, the lm festival ensures there will be more lms than ever before found Wednesday,

on campus in one week. All the lms shown are independent lms, which you will
not nd at the local cinema. Check out the student newspaper barefacts for more
details as they are conrmed.
Delbaran (2001) | dir: Abolfazl Jallili
Monday 17th February | Union Lower Bar | 7.30pm*
14 year old Kaim works as the dogsbody at Khan’s, a run-down garage in the tiny Iranian town of
Delbaran close to the Afghan border. Having escaped the war on the other side of the border, hard
work is nothing to Kaim, who happily mixes with the colourful assortment of truckers, merchants and
opium smokers who frequent the garage. But he has to be on his guard when Mahadavi, the local
patrol ofcer shows up, on the lookout for illegal Afghans who have crossed the border.
Christie Malry’s own Double Entry
dir: Paul Tickell
Thursday 20th February | Union Lower Bar
11.30pm
NUS and ACM cardholders only
In a special late night performance (with late
bar), this independent has been seen as a
prophetic, with its scenes of terrorism and
governmental panic, to the world’s situation
in the last two years. Nick Moran stars as the
ultimate geek with a grudge, employing double-
entry bookkeeping methods to wreak vengeance
on society. The lm is preceded by a short
production from the Oscar Film Unit, a student
society that makes and shows its own lms. They
have been challenged to make their rst lm of
2003 – can they do it in time?
Dr. Strangelove (1964) | dir: Stanley Kubrick
Friday 21st February | Grifths Theatre | 7.30pm*
Producer/director Stanley Kubrick, brings us his
brilliant black comedy. In the setting of Cold War
politics, an accidental, inadvertent nuclear attack
is set in action. This lm received a total of four
Academy Award nominations and is distinctive
due to Peter Sellers’ Oscar-nominated, masterful
performances in three distinct roles. The lm is
preceded by a short talk about aspects of the
lm.
Y Tu Mamma Tambien (2001) | dir: Alfonso Cuarón
Sunday 23rd February | Main Union | 8pm*
Top quality road movie from Mexico. Featuring two dumb-cool adolescents and an intelligent, well
crafted journey of self discovery. Directed by Alfonso Cuarón, the lm is full of the joys of youth while
never losing site of the tragedy of mortality. It adds further to the renaissance of Latin American
cinema and is thoughtful and affecting - and nearly always hugely entertaining.
art&dance
Screen Prints and Etchings | Lin Jammet
Tuesday 11th February - Thursday 27th February
Lewis Elton Art Gallery
Opening hours: 10am-5pm Mon-Fri | 2-5pm
weekends
Lin Jammet was born in London in 1958, the son
of Dame Elizabeth Frink, to whom the University
gave an honorary doctorate in 1977. He was
educated in England and France and studied at
Chelsea School of Art from 1975-77. He has been
showing at various galleries in England for the
last twelve years. The etchings are all printed on
Moulin du Gré, a soft French paper made from
cotton and linen (Lin in French) Lin lives and
works in Dorset and has just acquired his own
etching press.
The Bridge Project: Made in Surrey
By the South East Contemporary Dance Showcase
Wednesday 26th February | 7.30 pm
PATS Dance Studio
This annual regional Showcase has a new
direction, this time presenting new works from
teams of young choreographers and composers
working in the region. The successful teams
participated in The Bridge Project, for which
rehearsal space and mentoring was provided by
the University of Surrey Department of Dance
Studies. The Showcase gives these emergent
artists an opportunity to develop their creative
ideas and explorations and to present their
nished works to a wider audience. Talk to the
diary
Tuesday 11th - Thursday 27th
screen prints and etchings by lin jammet | lewis elton
gallery
Monday 17th
delbaran | union lower bar (helyn rose) | 7.30pm
student pop idol | main union | 9pm
Tuesday 18th
photosoc exhibition | PATS foyer (until sunday) | 10-
5pm
madsoc review | main union | 7pm
Wednesday 19th
lunchtime concert | studio one PATS | 1.10pm
UniS big band | roots café bar | 8pm
Thursday 20th
culture extravaganza | main union | all day
chancellor’s challenge | chancellor’s bar | 8.30pm
christie malry’s own double entry | union lower bar |
11.30pm
Friday 21st
dr strangelove | griffiths theatre | 7.30pm
2-5pm in the
teaching block.
choreographers, composers and performers at the
informal post-performance reception and let them
know what you think.
USSU Photosoc 1st Annual Exhibition
Tuesday 18th – Sunday 23rd (advanced previews
Monday 16th)
PATS foyer
Opening hours: 10am-5pm Mon-Fri, 2-5pm
weekends
Photosoc is one of the most active and longest
running societies of the Union. With their own
darkroom, they develop all their own prints and
provide training workshops for anyone interested
in amateur photography. The exhibition will
feature works from many members of th
Ballroom Dancing Society | Taster session
Wednesday 19th February | 7.45pm
University Hall
Every fancied trying Ballroom dancing, but don’t
want to sign up for a course? Join the society
regular practice and learn a couple of moves. The
society has a large regular attendance at lessons
on Wednesday and also has a competitive team.
Partners will be provided if needed!
Saturday 22nd
UniS choir & symphony orchestra | cathedral |
7.30pm
Sunday 23rd
y tu mamma tambien | main union | 8pm
Other events in February:
Monday 24th
book circle (bel canto | ann patchett) | wates house
| 5.30pm
Wednesday 26th
the bridge project | PATS dance studio | 7.30 pm
Forthcoming arts events in March:
Sunday 2nd
live featuring big daddy moochin | main union |
7.30pm
Sunday 9th
alfredo perl in recital | studio one pats | 7.30pm
For more information, please contact either Charlotte
(societies@ussu.co.uk) or O.Parker@surrey.ac.uk.

Punch drunk stupid
You don’t expect much when you see
Adam Sandler (left) in the lead role of
a movie, but when teamed up with the
director of Magnolia and Boogie Nights,
you never can tell. Or so Rich Watts
originally thought
ADAM SANDLER IS not exactly known for
his presence in films rated as excellent.
Indeed, for the most part, his work generates
nothing more than the occasional laugh,
a bit of slapstick, a fair take at the box-
office and a feeling of “well – that’s what
I expected” as you leave the cinema. His
last film, Mr Deeds, is a prime example of
this and, following on from Happy Gilmore,
Big Daddy, Little Nicky and The Water Boy,
Punch Drunk Love originally sets out his
stall for artistic credibility. At least, that’s
what to expect from the rest of the team
around him.
For Punch Drunk Love is directed by none
other than one Paul Thomas Anderson,
creator of the wondrous Boogie Nights and
Magnolia (the latter arguably the vehicle
that drove Tom Cruise back to the big time).
In these films, Anderson holds together
large casts and certainly didn’t trouble
the 90-minute, predictable yarns normally
associated with his male lead. There were
also the occasional, if not somewhat surreal
moments on which the plot turned and
signified the convergence of the seemingly
unrelated plots (the toads in Magnolia, for
example), and such films deserved much
FAME
a standing ovation
from dave abbott
praising the lads and
lasses of the MadSoc
Fame production
Above: Adam Sandler as Barry Eagen, pondering the fateful harmonium
consideration upon leaving the film behind.
Not so, with Punch Drunk Love.
The synopsis is fairly easy to pin down: a
simple man falls meets a simple woman and
they go through the usual rituals of dating in
order to secure their affection for each other.
This being Adam Sandler, though, means
that the male lead - one Barry Eagen - has
certain deficiencies of character that often
mean he acts a little irrationally sometimes.
This may be due in part to his oppressive
seven sisters, of whom there isn’t enough
in the film to warrant the pre-release focus,
or it might just be because of Sandler’s
requirement to always have to play the
goof-ball. Whichever way, it does lead to
the highlights of the film, such as Sandler’s
deconstruction work in a restaurant
bathroom and the pleasing line: “Sometimes
I just don’t like myself;” pleasing, that is, for
the fact that Sandler is the one who says it.
Aside from this story, though, there is not
much else to it, something you wouldn’t
really expect from Anderson and perhaps
a consequence of the fact Sandler is on
screen for virtually the entirety of the film.
A subplot develops as a result of Sandler
having called a phone-sex line nearer
the start of the film, as well as his taking
advantage of a marketing mistake entitling
opportunist consumers to thousands of free
air-miles should they buy lots of puddings,
but instead of contributing to the picture,
these plots seem only to distract from, what
is in essence, a simple romantic-comedy
affair.
This is perhaps the heart of the matter:
that what is supposed to be a rom-com
is ultimately a film that makes only for
uncomfortable viewing. Aside from the
obvious vital ingredients (a boy and a girl) it
is the focus in the unlikeliness of their ever
COMPETITION
the £50 vouchers are
up for grabs for an-
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Picture: www.imdb.com
getting together that causes you to question
instead of hope for their eventual union.
When the object of Sandler’s attention - a
fairly straight colleague of one of his sisters
- in a moment of lust says “I want to chew
your face and suck out your eyes,” you are
not exactly endeared the possibilities of their
relationship.
The fact that it is all a rather disjointed
affair doesn’t help. Gone are the flowing
plot-lines and crossing paths of a Magnolia,
say; in its place lies a chaotic, illogical jaunt
where, instead of reflecting the confusion
apparent in the lead character, the viewer
is left feeling somewhat stranded from the
action. That the subplots of the air-miles and
the phone-sex line are never really followed
through to a satisfactory conclusion doesn’t
really help much, though on reflection they
do help with the ultimate goal of getting the
girl.
The cast, it would have to be said, do their
best with what they are given; both Philip
Seymour Hoffman and Luis Guzman,
regular faces in Anderson movies, deliver
good supporting roles as extortionist and co-
worker respectively and Emily Watson as
the love interest is both accommodating and
supportive of her admirers behaviour, whilst
at the same time not so straight as to make
the scenario ridiculous.
Paul Thomas Anderson, on the other hand,
as writer and director of Punch Drunk Love,
will have to prepare himself for something a
little more substantial and complex if he is
to court the sort of success he enjoyed with
his two previous features. Either that or find
himself something a little more substantial,
both in terms of actor and plot, to fill
under two hours if he insists on making
another slighter film with a less rambling,
convergent story.
13 February 2003 FILM 13

Jolyon Hunter takes a look at the understated director who

gave us “The Last of the Mohicans” and, more recently “Ali.”
MICHAEL MANN WAS born in Chicago,
Illinois on February 5th 1943. Born
into a family of grocers, he did his
undergraduate degree in English
Literature at the University of
Wisconsin, and became interested in
film after taking a film history course.
This inspired him to attend the London
international Film School for his MA,
whilst also directing commercials and
documentaries.
After seven years in England, he
returned to the USA and began writing
for 70s TV shows such as “Starsky and
Hutch” and “Vega$”. He directed his
first feature, a TV movie called “The
Jericho Mile” in 1979. For this movie,
Mann won an Outstanding Directorial
Achievement award from the Directors
Guild of America. The film also won
an Emmy and received a theatrical
release outside of the US. Mann also
co-scripted the story and this gritty yet
inspirational story starred Peter Strauss
as a convicted killer under life sentence,
who is determined to become the world’s
fastest runner and aims for a place on the
US Olympic team.
This was followed by his big-screen
debut, “Thief” in 1981. Starring James
Caan, the film centres on a professional
thief who believes he can control his
own destiny, and features a cracking
supporting cast with a classic electronic
score from Tangerine Dream. Mann’s
next feature, “The Keep” (1983), was
an adaptation of F. Paul Wilson’s novel
about a mysterious force within a
Nazi fortress, but it was a critical and
commercial flop.
Mann’s next move was back into TV,
and he ended up overseeing hit 80s
show “Miami Vice”, the show which
made Don Johnson a household name…
but we shouldn’t hold that against him.
Mann also followed this up with another
TV series, “Crime Story” starring Dennis
Farina (Cousin Avi from “Snatch”).
.In that same year, 1986, Mann would
also release his next theatrical feature
– the superb “Manhunter” based on the
Thomas Harris novel, and the precursor
to “Silence of the Lambs”. This menacing
psychological thriller starred Brian Cox
as Hannibal Lecter. The following few
years were spent in television directing
“LA Takedown” (1989) and producing
the Emmy-winning mini-series “Drug
Wars: The Camarena Story” (1990).
In 1992, Mann returned to the big
screen once more with “The Last of the
Mohicans” starring Daniel Day-Lewis,
Madeline Stowe and an appearance from
Shropshire’s finest, Pete Postlethwaite.
Day-Lewis’ performance was a typically
charismatic one, and Mann co-wrote the
adaptation of James Fenimore Cooper’s
novel, successfully managing to swing
between epic battle scenes and the
romance at the centre of this story.
Mann returned to more familiar subject
matter with his next movie, the 3-hour
long crime drama “Heat” in
1995. This film teamed up Hollywood
heavyweights Robert De Niro and Al
Pacino. This film boasts one of the
longest and most spectacular shootout
scenes in movie history, but that’s just
one of the picture’s good points – the
screenplay, acting and action are all top
notch, and it received praise from critics
(even if some called it overly long and a
triumph of style over substance).
In 1999, Mann’s greatest success so
far came to the public’s attention in the
form of “the Insider” starring Russell
Crowe, and based on the true story of
cigarette industry whistleblower Jeffrey
Wigand. The film told the emotional
truth of how this man’s damning
information presented skilfully exposed
the tobacco industry’s web of lies. The
film garnered much critical acclaim for
the Director and its main star, and picked
up three Academy Award nominations
for Best Picture, Best Screenplay and
Best Director (it lost out to “American
Beauty” on all three counts that year).
Mann’s most recent film was the Will
Smith vehicle “Ali” (2001); a biopic
charting the life of heavyweight boxing
champion Cassius Clay (aka Mohammed
Ali). The film was a moderate critical and
commercial success. Mann is currently
working in TV again and has contributed
Above: Daniel Day Lewis in Last of the Mohi-
to “Robbery Homicide Division”. cans and Will Smith in Ali.
Michael Mann’s use of ambient music Pictures: www.imdb.com
is often a feature of his films – from
orchestral scores to electronic music. out as a contemporary great – of course
This only adds to the effect of creating it is always important to find the correct
“likeable” criminals which he seems balance between style and substance,
to do also. Of all characteristics it is but for the most part, Mann manages it
probably the visual flair that he brings to (there’s a bad joke in there somewhere, I
the screen which marks Michael Mann just can’t bring myself to think of it).

NO ACTORS, NO dialogue, and no plot
whatsoever have earned the feature-
length Koyaanisqatsi a formidable
reputation on the art-house scene,
where being obtuse and impenetrable is
practically a survival mechanism. It’s the
first instalment of a trilogy, along with
1986’s Powaqqatsi and the recently-
released final instalment, Naqoyqatsi.
As such, being nothing – and I mean
nothing – more than an hour and a half
of dramatic and frequently beautiful
time-lapse photography set to the
hypnotic music of New York minimalist
composer Philip Glass, it tends to divide
opinions somewhat.
A certain esteemed friend of mine, for
example, derides it at every opportunity
as "the most relentlessly tedious,
pretentious film I have ever endured in
my life"; another, a good friend of the
first, thinks it utterly magnificent. For
my part, the first time I saw it, I hated
it: then again, I was freshly dumped and
sitting awake at 3am on a Sunday in
Chelsea, too drunk to locate the remote
control. Viewing it again under slightly
less pathetic circumstances, I enjoyed it
rather more.
The picture’s freakish name is
minded. In its sequels, the filmmakers’
stance becomes increasingly evident:
however, it’s not entirely necessary to
buy into their philosophy in order to
appreciate the films.
Philip Glass’ contribution cannot be
overlooked: the whole composition of
the film is cemented and given cohesion
by his insistent, hypnotic score. The film
is edited around the music: with so much
of the film composed of long, lingering
shots in altered time (either slow-motion
or time-lapse), its unmistakable rhythm
and drama is largely imparted by the over an unnamed city is one of my
cycling, pulsing score. When combined favourite pieces of film by anyone, full

classic: Koyaanisqatsi apparently derived from the language

of the Hopi American Indian tribe,
words: james dibley and is translated loosely as "Life out
of balance". Since the film gradually
shifts from its initial focus on splendid,
sweeping aerial photography of areas of
outstanding natural beauty (nameless
American canyons, the Pacific Ocean,
the Sahara, etc) to chaotic, troubled
scenes of urban and industrial life, the
underlying political agenda is fairly
evident. A significant part of the film’s
cult following lies among those who
subscribe to this agenda, and it’s a fairly
regular presence at conventions and
functions of the environmentally-
with the visual editing and effects,
this can prove to be potent brain-food,
and it’s no coincidence that a great
deal of the language of this film has
been subsequently co-opted by other
designers. (As a footnote, Mr Glass has
also written the music for The Hours, the
hotly tipped Oscar favourite).
It’s true that plenty of people find
Koyaanisqatsi unrewarding, but as a
properly provocative piece of art, the
film’s purpose is more to challenge us
and make us think than to entertain,
although it’s got many moments of sheer,
unaffected beauty: the scene where a
massive, ghostly full moon rises
stop.
Probably no definitive evaluation of the
film can be made, since it effectively
abandons at a stroke all the traditional
means by which we can judge a film’s
"effectiveness". However, the film
itself is truly unique, and offers what
is nowadays an appropriately unusual
opportunity: to simply sit and consider
the spectacle of modern life, and the
natural world we find so easy to forget.
As a curio alone, it merits investigation:
as a work of art – one best viewed on
equipment with a really good set of
speakers – it has the potential to repay
your curiosity many times over.
16 MUSIC 13 February 2003

THE FINAL ARREARS

GIG GUIDE MULL HISTORICAL SOCIETY | BLANCO Y NEGRO
Perhaps taking the DIY ethic slightly too far, lone Scot
After recovering from the whole Colin McIntyre single-handedly wrote, performed,
Christmas/new year “thing” and having produced and designed the sleeve for this
fully settled back to life at university unapologetically optimistic-sounding preview of the
it is always nice to fulfil ones hunger forthcoming Us album. Repeated listening reveals
for the raw passion at live gigs. For a McIntyre’s keen songwriting flair, which has an
cool night out on Saturday, you might instrumentally rich arrangement to produce a
like to pop up to the Union Chapel in genuinely enjoyable single. eight | j.d.
London and catch Low performing. BORN TO TRY
You even have a choice of two the DELTA GOODREM
following Friday when Asian Dub Huh?..... What’s this!?!?...... ANOTHER
Foundation will thump out at the Neighbours-actress-turned-popstar?!?
Shepherds Bush Empire and over at BRILLIANT! And just when I thought the
the Brixton Academy you could catch charts were going down the toilet, here comes
some funky Lamb. If you can wait stupidly-named ‘Delta Goodrem’ to save the
until March there are some more great day (and music in general)! What can I say?
bands to spend hard earned cash to see. Best song EVERRRR! Really imaginative and
In the first week alone, Portishead’s ground-breaking, she really speaks to my heart
Beth Gibbons will be playing her new about all those years of tormented teenage love etc.
solo material at the Shepherds Bush But seriously, all you lazy students must have seen
Empire, Lemon Jelly will be playing her wailing away on Neighbours by now, so you don’t
the London Forum and Feeder will need me to tell you what this is like, personally it just
be playing at the Brixton Academy. makes me want to...zzz eleven! | d.h.
From the 8th, Red Hot Chilli Peppers THE RIGHT TIME | ALICE MARTINEAU | EPIC
have two dates at London Arena and To be totally honest this release from Alice
although this will officially be sold out, Martineau is simply sub-standard pop. A record
it will definitely be worth buying some couldn’t sound more desperate to get to number one even if it
tickets that might happen to be sold tried. Martineau grew up in a musical family with her uncle producing the
likes of Def Lappard, it’s a shame she didn’t learn anything. Don’t buy this,
outside the venue (Note – Barefacts
save your money and spend it on something worthwhile, like a pitcher down Roots or
and Jonathan Swarbrick in no way
anything! It’s gotta be better than this. one if you’re lucky. | s.b
approve of illegally purchasing tickets
DON’T THINK YOU’RE THE FIRST
for musical concerts). Jumping forward
THE CORAL
to the 21st, Nelly will be performing at
Scouse pirates The Coral are waiting anxiously in the wings ready to jangle
the same venue which is very likely
eclectically once more. Currently out of action cos guitarist Lee Southall has
to be a very popular one. On the 13th
tendonitis The Coral probably won’t be about to plug this one until April time.
it may well be worth while to catch
The emphasis here has shifted to clever lyrics unfortunately the music seems to
Dirty Vegas who are performing at
plod and the result is a little disappointing lets hope it’s just a blip and not the
the Mean Fiddler in London. In the last
sound of sinking scouse pirates. six | a.r.
part of March you could find yourself TURN ON THE BRIGHT LIGHTS | INTERPOL
popping up to Brixton Academy three A bit old this one but most definitely worth a review. Interpol are two-parts
times with exciting visits from Turin British two-parts American and very popular proponents of New York cool.
Brakes, funky Jurassic 5 and pop- They combine early 80’s melancholy with infectious guitar strums and
rock Avril Lavigne. Happy gig-going. pent up vocals. Singer Paul Banks threatens to spontaneously combust
jonathan swarbrick on new single Obstacle 1 his delivery is 21st century Joy Division. The
best outro I’ve heard period, surfaces on the unique sounds of Say
Hello To The Angels – pigeonholing is futile, here’s the proof. There
are similarities to Joy Division but Turn on the Bright Lights offers
words by: al read | andrew malek intelligent, melodic, master of all trades rock ‘n’ roll for those in search
| simon robinson
of catharsis. Obstacle 2 is my favourite; the subtle guitar strokes and
anna wheeler | jonathan derzi
matty b | anthos chrysanthou deep, deep bass are a perfect foil for the demonic vocal. I’m off now
jonathan howell | terje tjervaag to scour the Internet for Interpol rarities - should be worth a mint. nine
| a.r.
ANALYZE THAT
if you are interested in writing for the music DAVID HOLMES | ISLAND
team, then come along to the cd hand-out in Having very recently had some quality releases, David Holmes has
the media centre on mondays at 5pm disappointed with his latest album. The soundtrack to Analyze That
is truly a soundtrack. Where they are normally a compilation of songs
UNREST featured on the film, this is different and features purely background
ERLEND OYE | SOURCE music made for the film. It certainly is not good personal CD player
Most people’s music taste grows older as they do, my music but the laid back electro-jazz sound will do well for classy dinner
Dad doesn’t understand the music I listen to and I don’t parties four | j.s.
his. Erlend Oye is in a difficult position. One part of ANOTHER LATE NIGHT
Kings of Convenience (a Norwegian folk duo) there KID LOCO | TREACLE MUSIC& AZULI RECORDS
music is a cross between Simon and Garfunkel Another Late Night formula is simple, take a musician who loves music and let
and Nick Drake, it doesn’t come more folky and them record a mix of their favourite stuff with past artists including, Zero 7 and
sixties than this. However, now on his own and Rae & Christian in the series. This album sees Kid Loco bring together his love of
a little bit older (although still very young) his deep down beat that’s atmospheric and experimental. The track Religion by Public Image
music has got younger and fresher. ‘Unrest’ Ltd is a story of beliefs spoken over moving beats makes this intriguing and effective.
is an electronic gem founded on keyboards Kid Loco himself gets in the act with the traditional cover of his all-time fav,
and the wishful melodies he used in kings of Paralysed originally recorded by Gang Of Four. The likes of The Herbaliser,
convenience. It is ten tracks recorded in ten The Underwolves and Aim are thrown in for good effect in an album of
different cities with ten different collaborators quality alternative chilled music. seven | m.b.
that takes the listener through cute beeps
and heartfelt sentiments. Subtle electro that
defies generations and I hate to say it, even
my Dad might like it. eight | s.r.
13 February 2003
WHIP IT ON
THE RAVONETTES | COLUMBIA
They must put something in the water
in Scandinavia as once again they have
produced another great garage rock outfit.
First the Hives and the International
Noise Conspiracy (the Sahara Hotnights
are debatable) and now the Ravonettes.
Comparison to the White Stripes are
inevitable as they are a rock n roll male and
female duo. However, I don’t think their
relationship is as complex as Jack n Meg’s.
One plays guitar the other drums, its that
simple. This is dirty, pants down, low
slung rock n roll at its best. Its like having
sex with a dirty women, you feel violated
but somehow its strangely compelling!!
seven | s.r.
DANSE MACABRE
THE FAINT | EMI
The eighties were odd time, better to have
missed it and look back and pick out the
best bits yourself I feel. Some of the music
at its best was appalling but some true
magic, same to with some of the fashion
statements. So when making an album that
draws inspiration from this era its important
that you select from the good bits and that
you can copy well. Problem is no one told
the Faint this last point. They have the
right idea, Gary Numan wrote some great
synth classics, but they have done it all
wrong. There is too much synth and the
voice sounds like a drunk gran at karaoke
singing Gary Numan whilst drowning. Soft
Cells new single is better than this album,
and their single is awful. More electro shit
than electro clash. two | s.r.
THE STRANGEST THINGS
LONGWAVE | HUMMER RECORDINGS
‘The Strangest Things’ is Longwave’s
first album release in the UK, released
through the small American label Hummer
Recordings. Longwave are New York’s
freshest export, many people may argue
that they are a welcomed break from the
garage rocks scene that seems to have
dominated the world of music over the
past year. Longwave are a band heavily
influenced by the 1990’s indie scene,
trying as hard as they can to put a cog in
the works of all things new. This album
has similarities in style to Radiohead and
even an early-U2 which can’t be a bad
thing at all. ‘The Strangest Thing’ would
have sold millions if released back in
1995, but still fits in with all things
2003. Stand out tracks include
‘Pool Song’ and ‘Day Sleeper’
both having a Sparklehorse
quality to them. With the
right backing this band
could go places, lets
hope so! seven point
three two | s.b.
ENEMY OF THE ENEMY
ASIAN DUB FOUNDATION | VIRGIN
Hailed as one of the most innovative and
refreshing acts to emerge from “multi-
cultural” Britain over the past decade with
records such as the critically acclaimed
“Community Music” and “Rafi’s Revenge”,
Asian Dub Foundation, including two new
MC’s, a new drummer and a new
MUSIC
percussionist, return with their fifth studio.
However, as lauded as they may have been
in the past, ADF seem to have reached a
point where they just seem to be repeating
them selves. There’s only so much they can
do with their bunch of shouty, politically
agitated MC’s and their heavy, bhangra-
breakbeat-rock sound. If you are already
a fan, you are sure to disagree and will
undoubtedly love the album but for me
it all just got a bit samey. Even a cameo
from everyone’s favourite baldy oddball,
Sinead O’Conner, fails to change the mood
for long. ADF still seem to have plenty to
say about the failings of society but I cant
help feeling, at the moment, is anyone still
listening? five | d.h.
MAN MUSIC TECHNOLOGY
STYLOPHONIC | PROLIFICA
Prolifica present their first album release
with a debut from Sefano ‘Stylophonic’
Fontana. Mixmag have already dubbed him
the ‘Italian Fatboy Slim’ and they’re
he’s watching you
defiantly onto something. From smooth
Mediterranean beats to retro breaks, the
album takes you across house genres,
bounding smoothly over perceived fences
with a feeling of “hmm this is nice”.
French house producers should watch out
as Fontana even throws in a Daft Punk esk
‘Da Funk’ in the form of ‘All Nite Long’.
An album for the future? Well possibly, but
it’ll do for February. seven | j.h.
RADIO
PSYCHID | WILD
Psychid’s single Radio can best be
described by comparing it to other English
music, Eels perhaps being the first band
that springs to mind. The title track of this
three-track single is a decent radio-friendly
pop number, with interesting elements
of relatively adventurous electric guitar
sounds and synths. From there on it goes
downhill though. The guitar on the second
track is reminiscent of Ralph Towner but
rapidly deteriorates as the unimaginative
*
17
and droning vocals kicks in. The following
final track is simply downright annoying.
Good single, shame about the b-sides. six
| t.t.
HOPE, PRAYERS AND BUBBLEGUM
BERKELEY | SUPREMO RECORDINGS
Echoes of Seattle’s finest are to be found all
over on this 10-song debut. Still, the three
members of Berkeley, barely out of their
teens, have managed to breed their own
impressively original variant of the grunge
thing. Hope, Prayers and Bubblegum is
a fine blend of raw live-feel sound and
maturity coupled with strong compositions
and at times technical prowess; band leader
and guitarist Tommy McLaughlin, together
with Eugene McGinty and Hugh Law,
are not afraid of using whatever means
necessary to achieve their goal where
other bands have been too locked up in the
confinement of their genre to really shine.
Hereby recommended, keep an eye on the
concert listings for these guys, they would
definitely make for an incredible live act.
nine | t.t.
REACHIN’
ALABAMA 3 | ONE LITTLE INDIAN
Oh god, not again! Alabama 3. I knew it, I
bloody knew it! As soon as I walked into
the Barefacts office for the CD handout,
I just KNEW I’d be the last one picked
and I’d end up with this! I’ve already had
a good whinge about Larry Love and his
dodgy mix of country and dance music
once this year. Look Mr Love, it doesn’t
matter how hard you try, YOU ARE NOT
AMERICAN!! So why do you put on that
stupid, deep south, in-breeder’s accent?!?!
You’re frikkin Glaswegian for goodness
sake!!! Admittedly this is a bit less irritating
than the 70-minute torture of the album
but at the end of the day it’s just a bit crap.
What more can I say? three | d.h.
EACH FINGER HAS AN ATTITUDE
GRAND POPO FOOTBALL CLUB | BMG
Just to clarify, the grand popo football
club are not actually a football club (put it
down to Gallic humour). What they are is
a French duo that makes Daft Punk style
house music (yes another one). Each Finger
Has An Attitude is a perfectly danceable
slice of whimsical electro cheese from the
forthcoming album ‘Shampoo Victims’,
and it’s worth checking out if you think
you’d enjoy the beat-locked sound of
Gerard Houllier shrugging his shoulders on
a Sunday afternoon. six| a.c.
THIS JOKE’S ON ME
STABB | MUSIC FOR NATIONS
Stabb are indie-punks from Sweden (is the
entire population of the country in a band?)
and their new single This Jokes on Me is
fairly accurately summed up by the title.
We’ve enjoyed a succession of talented
Swedish bands recently but this is not one
of them. Containing the kind of tune that
Kurt Cobain might have effortlessly shat
out when he was in fifth grade, this song
is pop-punk by numbers. “I’m butt-ugly,
so are you” the female Cobain wannabe
screams. Why don’t they just cover
‘Lithium’? three | a.c.
13 February 2003
The cast did famously well
Dave Abbott went to go and see the MadSoc
production of “Fame - the musical” and loved
every second of it
ANYONE WHO HAD the great pleasure of
catching the Music and Drama Society’s
recent production may well have been left
scratching their heads and wondering just
how they pulled it off, but can have been
left in little doubt as to why they did it.
The hummable songs. The breathtaking
choreography. The naff costumes (including
those infamous leg-warmers). The oh-so-
ironic post-modernism of having a bunch
of Guildford’s finest aspiring musicians,
actors and dancers stage a musical about
a bunch of New York’s finest aspiring
musicians, actors and dancers. This week,
our very own MaDSoc stands proud like
a great beacon of achievement in the
muddied waters of amateur dramatics,
having pulled off something of a production
coup. Indeed, it is vastly unfair to think
of the talented individuals showcased by
Fame: The Musical as amateurs at all, but
rather, as the best possible advertisement
for the performing arts departments at this
university.
In the beginning, it must have seemed like
a faintly ludicrous and certainly ambitious
project - to stage a musical that is not only
very well known already, but one that is still
running in the West End and on professional
UK tour. It is impossible not to admire the
sheer, breathtaking audacity of the Society
This is the word-crossing crossword
you’ll be pleased to hear it should be easier than last semeser
Apologies once again for the strange positioning of the crossword this week and the pos-
sible impossibility of being able to read the clues. If it really is that bad, don’t strain your
eyes and just put words in that will fit.
THEATRE
in their choice of material. It would be like
the Union booking Britney Spears (and then
charging only normal FNO prices) or like
Oscar Film Unit re-making The Godfather,
or maybe like barefacts bidding to serialise
the next Harry Potter book before its
release.
In the light of MaDSoc’s previous
productions, however, there was never any
doubt of their success. The auditorium was
filled to capacity (although not, sadly, with as
many students as might have been expected
or hoped) and the audience left on a palpable
high - buoyed by the infectious energy of the
show, yet, at the same time, exhausted on
the actors’ behalves at the sheer extravagant
ebullience of the performance.
It could have all been so different - anyone
who has ever sat through an average
amateur musical will know what I mean -
and, in fact, the evening’s entertainment did
not start all that promisingly, with a lengthy
delay before curtain-up and an ominous
announcement to the effect that one of the
parts would be played by an understudy.
Yet such was the professionalism of this
brave actress and the cast as a whole that,
in a straw poll during the interval, 90% of
the audience had incorrectly assumed that
she had not yet appeared. Wherever the
production wobbled slightly (the tuning
of some of the solo instrumentalists was,
initially, rather suspect), the whole show
bounced back tenfold to dazzle and delight
once more.
Fame is essentially an ensemble piece
- there is no out-and-out starring role - but
several of the actors merit special mention.
Danielle Barnes, as teacher Miss Sherman,
richly deserved the most enthusiastic round
of applause of the entire evening for her
elegant solo “These Are My Children”.
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
“It is impossible not to
admire the sheer audac-
ity of MadSoc in their
choice of material.”
Eddie Elliott, playing the anti-authoritarian
Tyrone, demonstrated a staggering
versatility as he rapped and writhed his way
into the audience’s affections. Meanwhile,
as lovelorn Serena, Heather Andrews
delivered a truly astonishing performance,
her powerful, true voice and genuine
personality enough to melt the stoniest of
hearts, on-stage and off.
Highest praise of all, however, must be
reserved for Dan de Cruz, the director, who
has been a stalwart of MaDSoc productions
for several years now. Not only did he
create a magnificent show but also bagged
for himself the fantastic part of funny-
guy Jose Vegas, which he clearly enjoyed
immensely.
Space prohibits me from including all of
theatre preview:
office suite
words: rachael bemrose
theatre editor
Life in the office pre-internet, computers and
David Brent is illustrated to wonderful comic
effect in Alan Bennett’s hilarious Office
Suite, which is showing at Guildford’s
Yvonne Arnaud theatre from Monday 17th
to Saturday 22nd February.
Alan Bennett is one of Britain’s greatest
contemporary writers with hit including
‘Talking Heads’, ‘The madness of King
George III’ and ‘Single Spies’. This
production features a double bill of one act
plays, both of which were originally shown
on television featuring Patricia Routledge,
Prunella Scales and Pete Postlethwaite.
In the first, A Visit from Miss Prothero,
Arthur Dodsworth has retired and moved on
to a new world of pottery classes, bowling
and looking after the budgie. His peace
is disturbed when Miss Prothero calls by
unexpectedly to fill him in on what has
happened to the old firm in his absence. But
19
Above: the cast and crew of FAME rehearsing be-
fore the week of performances. photo: chris hunter
the actors, musicians and crew that deserve
praise for their contributions; but in any
event, the times when Fame worked most
effectively were in the exuberance of the big
dance numbers and in the set-pieces (such
as the beautiful “magic trick” in which red,
glowing balls were seemingly tossed from
person to person, balanced, juggled and
multiplied, ultimately disappearing into thin
air). It was here that the attention to detail
and the overwhelming talent of the whole
cast and the live band shone through as the
production’s greatest assets, inspiring in the
audience the kind of blissful awe normally
reserved by Hollywood.
then her conversation moves onto stranger,
darker topics…
In Green Forms Doris and Doreen face
a dilemma. In the pre-computer days,
systems, numbers and coloured forms were
everything. But surely the green form is not
intended for Precepts and Invoices? Panic
rises as they realise they may have to contact
head office at Newport Pagnell! A hilarious
satire on the tedium of office life evolves
into a poignant study of the life of a woman
for whom work has become a dangerous
obsession.
Office Suite features a cast of six, headed
by two popular and respected actors - Lesley
Joseph and Edward Hardwicke.
Tickets are priced from £11 to £23.50,
with student standbys available for £7, an
hour before the performance. Box Office
open Mon to Sat 10am to 8pm – call 01483
44 0000; www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk.
Performance times: Mon-Thurs 7.45pm;
Fri & Sat 8pm, with matinees at 2.30pm on
Thurs and Sat.
20 INTERACTIVE 13 February 2003

Last Weeks Answer: I took this walking across the

train bridge leaving campus for Guildford town

This Weeks Clue: If I said that after taking this

Quiz
This, dear reader, is a very special lyrics quiz for it has restored barefacts’ faith in its
photo, then turning it black and white there didn’t nearest, and indeed dearest, campanion - you, the reader. For you will remember many
seem to be much change… then I think you’ll get a plea asking people to write a lyrics quiz and, lo and behold, two people decided to
it! take us up on the offer. What’s more, this week’s contributor - Mr Oli Woodfield - is
currently away studying at the University of North Texas in the United States of America.
- funkyberry - So first of all a big hello to Oli over the other side of the pond and second of all a quick
kick up the backside to everyone else who thinks they could put something together:
2 2 type barefacts@ussu.co.uk into the right place on a computer and all sorts of things are
possible, you know.

[1] Take time with a wounded hand, ‘cause it likes to heal

[2] I wanna be Bob Dylan
[3] Once upon a time you dressed so fine
[4] I was born in a cross-fire hurricane
[5] And I get so high I just can’t feel it
[6] I’m standing naked, smiling, I feel no disgrace
[7] I don’t have to sell my soul, he’s already in me
[8] Thats the sound of my tool, you say it ain’t cool, my mamma didn’t raise no
fool
[9] Cut yourself on angel’s hair and baby’s breath
Who wants to be a millionaire? [10] Watching every motion, in my foolish lover’s game

well - surely not many of us would turn a million quid down

£100: what is the official unit of currency in Japan?
a: ben | b: hen | c: yen | d: zen
I can’t seem to find the words
that’s because this is a word search
“
£200: which country was once ruled by tsars?

“
depending upon your definition of cool, watching
a: ireland | b: japan | c: russia | d: china
paint dry redefines the phrase “exciting pastime”
£300: which first name goes before Bull, Dory and o’Groats?
a: jim | b: jack | c: john | d: jane

£500: who co-wrote the song ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ with Bob Geldof?
a: david bowie| b: midge ure | c: phil collins | d: paul mccartney

£1k: of what is orange pekoe a variety?

a: dog | b: tea | c: apple | d: duck

£2k: which of these is a crisp salted biscuit?

a: garibaldi | b: ratafia | c: florentine | d: pretzel

£4k: Hans Holbein was the court painter to which monarch?

a: william iii | b: henry viii | c: elizabeth i | d: george iv

£8k: what nationality is the ballerina Alicia Markova?

a: french | b: russian | c: american | d: british

£16k: in which religion is the Aga Khan a leader?

a: buddhism | b: islam | c: hinduism | d: christianity

£32k: what does ‘pot pourri’ literally mean?

a: flower power | b: pleasant smell | c: rotten pot | d: clean air

£64k: ‘Zucchero’ is the Italian word for which food? Chris Tarrant vs. Anne Robinson in
a: courgettes | b: broccoli | c: flour | d: sugar a bout to decide the world quiz-host
heavyweight championship of the
£125k: what was ‘Che’ Guevara’s real first name? world. Who would win? Your thoughts,
please: barefacts@ussu.co.uk
a: ernesto | b: alfredo | c: edmundo | d: ricardo

£250k: which of these paper sizes is the smallest? Well - you all certainly get on very well with the crossword, don’t you?
a: atlas | b: foolscap | c: demy | d: medium The relationship you are exhibiting with the grids that appear above
every week are not too disimilar to that of a cat owner who gives their
£500k: on what would you see a ‘gnomon’? little furry feline pet the very best Sheba that money can buy, and none of
a: sundial | b: cliff face | c: yacht | d: tree this Whiskers nonsense. Anyway, congratulations to Roxanne who was
the winner of last week’s 8mile hoody. Also, a special mention to Mor-
£1m: what is the English name for the Jewish festival of Pesach? gan who I know is always very dilignet when it somes to the crossword.
a: new year | b: day of atonement | c: feast of tabernacles | d: passover Here’s hoping all the words are in this week.
If not, you know who to call: barefacts@ussu.co.uk.
13 February 2003
Final years Funkyberry (CIT) and Ickle Sarah (Music) give
a random slice of campus life from their humble dwellings
within Battersea Court Rawson…
WITH the imminent threat of biological war,
we in Rawson are doing our best to prepare.
A quick survey of our kitchen has found an
arsenal of biological weapons that not even
Saddam can match. These weapons haven’t
been created through highly secret research,
or by major funding through Swiss bank
accounts. These weapons are the product
of nothing more than neglect. Here’s what I
found today:
• Bottle of wine, 1⁄4 full, cork left off since
last day of autumn term
• Bag of oranges, 2 left, one shrivelled and
orange, the other fluffy green, display until
08oct2002
• Bag of Hovis bread, end tied in knot, feels
like 2 slices left, rock hard, no display until
date
• 1 tomato left on windowsill, slightly puffy
• 1 large gherkin left on windowsill,
starting to shrivel
• Small lump of Double Gloucester,
covered in blue/green patches
• And finally 3 bags of potatoes distributed
around the kitchen. Display dates of
26nov02, 12oct02 and 08oct02
I have catalogued each of these glorious
discoveries just in case!
SOMETHING I’ve often wondered, and
as I don’t drink I doubt I’ll ever really
understand it, is what’s so exciting about
trolleys when people are drunk? During
the day people just look at trolleys, put
kids in them, wheel around supermarkets,
and dump them in rivers. But come the
night and the humble trolley turns into
the most magical object of transportation.
People climb in these fragile metallic
structures and then demand to be pushed,
when quite obviously to anyone that isn’t
drunk – It’ll all end in tears! Sadly most of
the time it doesn’t, and even if the trolley
hits something and throws the person out,
they are usually so drunk that they think
that is really funny… so they do it again!!
In fact its probably a good thing I don’t
drink, as I’d have to try this trolley riding to
experience for myself
chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter
LIFESTYLE
OVER the Christmas period the residents
of Rawson 2 decided to cut letters out
of coloured A4 paper to form the phrase
Happy Xmas Rawson 2 above our sink.
Now, this looked pretty good, until the end
of the festivities when the more imaginative
amongst us decided it would be a bit of a
waste to throw away the letters after all that
effort. So, inevitably for student minds, we
set to work trying to find rude words within
the jumble of letters. The lack of vowels
other than a and one o somewhat hampered
the attempts, and about the worst word we
initially came up with was poxy (MS Word
doesn’t seem to like that word – does it
really exist?). Luckily, other housemates
were more successful, and we’ve spent
the past month washing up underneath the
slogan Sam has Porn!
THIS past weekend I seem to have lost a
significant amount of my enthusiasm for
life after spending about 48 hours in bed
(or the toilet) with a very dodgy stomach
after the Music Department Ball on Friday
night. After slight worries that it could have
been alcohol induced (though I really didn’t
drink that much) I was comforted, in some
weird way, when I found out that around 15
others from my course had also been struck
down by an identical affliction on the very
same day. One person commented that
going by the incestuous nature of the music
department it could be just a stomach bug,
and all those who were ill could probably be
linked in some way – but even musos don’t
get around that much… do they?
FINALLY... a tip on spending next to nothing
in the Union – buy lollypops! Recently my
friend and I have discovered the cheapest
nights out in the Union ever: don’t buy
rounds of drinks, buy rounds of lollies.
Never before have I spent under £1 on
a Union night out. We’ve been having
competitions as to who can make theirs last
the longest – I currently hold the record of
an hour and half – anyone fancy challenging
me to a contest?!
‘ickle sarah butterworth
Upside-down answers
With WWTBAM this week, or, to be more
precise, with the questions in WWTBAM,
I actually typed out the wrong question
for the amount, so there should be one
harder question when you wouldn’t really
expect it and one easier one when you
also don’t expect it. In much a similar
fashion, two of the answers might be the
wrong way around. Sorry about that. If
only I could remember which was which...
WWTBAM:[£100: c]; [£200: c]; [£300:
c]; [£500: b]; [£1k: b]; [£2k: d]; [£4k: b];
[£8k: d]; [£16k: b];
[£32k: c]; [£64k: d]; [£125k: a]; [£250k:
b]; [£500k: a]; [£1m: d].
Lyrics quiz: [1] Stone Temple Pilots
– Creep [2] Counting Crows - Mr Jones
[3] Bob Dylan - Like a Rolling Stone [4]
Rolling Stones - Jumping Jack Flash [5]
Oasis - The Hindu Times [6] The Verve
- Lucky Man [7] The Stone Roses - I
Wanna Be Adored [8] 2 Pac – Changes [9]
Nirvana - Heart-Shaped Box [10] Berlin
- Take My Breath Away
21
L ife After The Womb
words: rich w
Having just become the proud owner of a dvd player, I am currently on a bit of a film kick.
The whole idea of suspending my disbelief and letting the filmmaker get away with some
of the most ridiculous things the human mind could ever conjure up appeals to me in a
sort of I’m-eight-years-old-and-can-pretend-this-saucepan-is-an-extra-terrestrial-spaceship
sort of way. I’m there every step of the way as Arnie manages to create havoc in an
enterprising, A-team sort of way in, well, all of his films; I’m cowering behind my pillow
as Brad Pitt holds a gun to John Doe’s head at the end of Se7en just before he shoots him;
my palms are sweating as I wait to find out if Kevin Spacey really is the bad guy in The
Usual Suspects (he is); I jump with joy as Harry finally gets his act together and kisses the
lovely Sally in, well, When Harry Met Sally; I am in shock when I find out Bruce Willis is
dead pretty much all the way through The Sixth Sense and that Edward Norton and Brad
Pitt are the same person in Fight Club. The only thing that doesn’t make me sweat with
excitement is when I find out The Great Escape is nothing like an escape - more like The
Good Try Chaps - Better Luck Next Time. Yep - I am well and truly a fan of film.
What I am not a fan of, however, is the write-ups and adjectives you often see on
posters advertising new film releases. Call me picky, but I find it difficult to accept
words screaming out at me, often with sixty-seven stars or something under them, telling
me a film is “fantastic,” “marvellous,” “exhilarating,” “breathtaking,” “incredible” etc.
More often than not, these words aren’t even an accurate description of the film they
are supposed to be describing, but that, dear reader, is what I am about to bring to your
attention. You see, the important word here is context. It’s all very well using just one
word to sum up a film; indeed, it’s all very well using a well-known phrase (“the best film
of the year so far”) to sum up a film, but that one word or quote is nothing unless you put it
in context. As I am about to demonstrate.
Below are a few examples of reviews of recent films; the word in italics is the one that
was used on the poster and the sentence that follows it is that word in the context of the
film critics opinion. I think you will agree it sheds some light on the link between the
marketing of a film and its actual quality, whilst at the same time giving a nod in the
direction of those whose work it is to shield us from the dire the world of Hollywood can
produce.
“inaccurate”
marvellous: “Having had to sit through three and a half hours of this unengaging, self-
righteous drivel, it was a marvellous feeling when the final credits started to roll and I
could finally make my way from the cinema to the nearest bare where I hoped to be able to
drink away all memories of the film I had just endured.”
incredible: “What amazes me is that production companies still insist on pumping out this
mushy, bland, tokenistic nonsense at this time of year in order to cash in on the obligation
felt by a man to appease his woman on what is supposed to be the most romantic,
spontaneous day of the year when it is, in fact, the greatest fear known to plague the male
specimen. Incredible.”
wonderful: “The look on the lady sitting next to me as the male lead removed his prosthetic
limb in order get a better purchase on his scratching requirements - the highlight of this
otherwise rubbish film - was wonderful: she looked like she’d just met her husband whilst
he was entertaining another woman.”
the best film so far this year: “Given that it is only January and there hasn’t been any other
notable release worthy of reference, I can call this the best film of the year so far, safe in
the knowledge that it hasn’t a hope in hells chance of surpassing anything released from
this day forth”
a modern classic: “Taking into account what modernism has brought us these past few
years - dotcom crashes, technology that progresses so quickly it soon makes itself obsolete
and viagra - it would be no great crime to call this film a modern classic. The only
difference is that its impotence cannot be treated with one swift swallow of a handy little
pill.”
You see my point. Keep that word ‘context’ in mind and you’ll be fine whenever you visit
the cinema henceforth. Happy viewing, dear reader.
22 LIFESTYLE 13 February 2003

personals
because everyone has something they want to say to each other | submit online: www.ussu.co.uk
What’s this obsession with screwing and Have own harness and GSOH.........also Hey Sexy, Kinky here, keep the spirit of Button Moon, interesting use of a colander
shaving the table, Paul? monkey-ing experience and no fear or the hole alive, for it provides pleasure and the other night!!
heights : ) excitement to those in need.
Hot pickled onions.... Does that mean you 2lbs of bananas please! ...and a cheese
can cook them? Emma, could you fix the fridge please? pete, stop wanking on sandwiches sandwich!

Does having a sprained wrist mean that you
can’t drink? Yes, Ian, it does!
Adam: “Mine gets small when it goes in and
then you can’t see it at all!”
Red bull gives Jay wiiiings!
come on you yellows! Norwich for the cup.
We only bloody won...again! Well done to the
footy girls!
House # 369 secter c2 block # 6 township
lahore pakistan punjab
hello from malaysia! dont panick its raining
here too. buuurrdxxx
Hazell, Miss Lithuania and Ben Sherman
send their love-TOLWORTH STYLE!!!
A day in bed? I should be composing... just
have writers block, and thinkers block... sod
it.... I have workers Block... ps love you C...
you know who you are...Dusty
Miss KK...................Give us a smile darling!
Hey rude boy! Give me a year in this place
and il have way more status than you’ll ever
have!
Bloke from hockey - leave our darling little
munckin alone...you know who you are!
From House 58 xxx
so u like dominatrix then evan?
BITCHIN! www.bitchinuk.co.uk
Now Will, you do know the difference
between a monkey wrench and a woman
right?
Nice ass bombay !!!!
Danger! Danger! Someone\’s been TP\’ing
from AP!
Colin Rose - I do belive you are not funny!!!
Its never a good idea to match Mr Salty
drink for drink, I\’m gonna get mullered. S
and E, finally you\’ve got together.
please call off the search for my trainers,
they\’ve now been found.
hungover radio interviews are the way
foward. at least there\’s an excuse available
then.
In the land of the blind the one eyed man is
king - even if he needs glasses.
seeing as girls weren\’t fighting over me at
the human auction would anyone like to
send me a pity valentines card to the usual
address?
Tina. Sad very sad. Get a life. U can borrow
mine if u like, since u seem 2 b obsessed with
it anyway. Now go away, please. :-) love ya
really :-/
whos the guy from civil engineering who
snogged a nun last neek?
i just wanted to say to ALL of u...THANK
U for making these 4 months the best of my
life! love, miss u n hope u read this!1 beso
to all of u form madrid... i promise to come
back soon! ;) ELE
Rowland i\’ve noticed you around i find you
very attractive would you ... take me out in
your Ferrari.
Wanted: a good time with one, possibly
more, female first years. Looks not entirely
important: experience essential.
your just so tesco value!
when someone says DON\’T COME IN, that
doesn\’t mean open the door
will is a geek
Stuart Adam and Mark could NOT be more
trivial
will is a rich geek
oi webbie! keep shakin that ass & make ur
momma proud!
hazel pulled a minger, hazel pulled a minger,
la la la la, la la la la
any veins caught between the train tracks
rhys??
Attention!: The next No-Wave Conger
practice will take place after next weeks No-
Wave meeting in Waites House. Anyone who
can bring a copy of Avril Lavigne please do
so. All Welcome - no previous experiance
required.
HAPPY 21st.....Terry!
hazels bird la la la, hazels bird la la la
Big bird! Mi amigo como estas? Estoy muy
schliefened!!!
To the girl i met in the parking lot that day:
are you up for a latenight drinking sesh in a
foreign time sometime???
Biochemist, Engineer and Nurse lick their
lips over potential fox hunting!
That V.B.\’s dangerous shit!- especially when
it\’s out of date
pete b wets the bed
Use me, abuse me, oh hell just confuse me!
Warning if you go out in London-there are
many traps.....do not end up in Gatwick!
I\’m dead sexy.....
My breasts are sooooo much bigger than
yours!
Dumping people by text may not be the way
forward but it makes for a damn good story
I\’m a pyscho...Gimme your number!
saved from the chebychev by the stella. hazel
and tori!!!!
{As in Chebychev polynomials? Are you the
fit mathematician girl that goes to the Union?
Please reply!}
If you\’re going to do something wrong, do it
wrong properly!!
Knickerless nicholas....uve got balls like
raisins!!! ;@)
ur a cheeky lil shit AD
well done all on the rag raid at the weekend.
£1500 in total! (and who said the people of
guildford were tight-arsed miseries?)
Punch-Drunk Love - intriguing experimental
film and proof of Adam Sandler\’s acting
ability or a directorial visual wank-fest?
the latter
Miss KK, give us a smile darling!
Benjamin Mack - nice hat u Muppet!
personals do not have character limits -
please refrain from txt speak. thanks.

14th february: just another day? words: victoria venning

Please let me assure you before you even begin to read on that you are not required to get out your violins and
play melancholic music; nor I hope will you be left feeling bitter, or on the other hand smug and self-satisfied.
Although I’d like to consider myself as a strong,
level-headed woman (who of course would
never be influenced by the media’s ramblings,
let alone believe that a shampoo will actually
leave my hair “kissable”, thereby making me
more attractive to the opposite sex....), I think
the facts of life that up until recently I had (rather tragically,
admittedly) started to fall under the spell of
those powerful people who control the images
and dialogue in adverts, TV programs, films
and magazines. I had begun to believe that
maybe being unattached was somehow slightly
inadequate Relationships of the cosy, romantic
kind are everywhere, advertising on our TV screens everything from a water filter to under-arm deodorant;
women’s magazines (I’ve been known to browse through the occasional stack of glossies..) advise us ‘How to get
a man in 3 months!’ and newly iconic stars such as SJP’s alter-ego Carrie Bradshaw have recently been quoted
as saying something along the lines of “you ain’t nobody until you’ve got somebody”. Even the amazing Bridget
Jones who in my opinion is otherwise almost faultless (yep I know she’s fictional, but still!) is constantly striving
to find herself a man and meet ‘Mr Right’. So - is it surprising that this concept it’s somehow ‘better,’ if you’re not
single, trickles down and enters our sub-conscious thoughts? I think not. If you don’t have a significant other this
year on the 14th of February, then you’re entitled to think of it as just another day, and remember it really is OK
to be single, there more than likely will be a ‘special’ someone out there for you again someday soon, so fear not!
And if you are one of those fortunate folks who have found that ‘spark’ with the right person, at the right time, in
the right place, then have a good one - I believe ‘you lot’ call it Valentine’s day.
13 February 2003
This week at
Lee-on-Solent 2 LAST WEEK SAW the resumption of the
UniSPORT Guildford 3 Squash teams challenge for the BUSA
IN A BOTTOM of the table clash UniSPORT
Guildford got back to winning ways at the
Varsity Centre and lifted themselves into 4th
place. In a must win match and still without
team no. 1 Paul Johnson who was just a
spectator, UniSPORT showed great team
spirit and win 3 – 2. Fiona Geaves was first
on court and showed her superiority over
Tina Rix winning 3 – 0. On the adjacent
court was local hero Mick Biggs, former
Surrey student and unbeaten so far this
season in the National League. Unfortunately
Mick’s run came to an end as he lost 3 – 1
to Scott Fitzgerald. At 1 – 1 Steve Meads
played Bradley Ball on court no. 1 and Neil
Frankland played Ben Howell. Frankland
eventually won his match 3 – 2 after Howell
had twice come back from a game down.
Meads’ match against Ball was a physical
battle between two players desperate to
win and one in which I’m sure the referee
did not enjoy as both players consistently
challenged decisions and each others game.
Eventually Meads got the upper hand a win
3 – 2 which confirmed the win on the night
for UniSPORT. The only match left was
Stacey Ross against Mark Heather. For
anyone interested in squash this was a great
SPORT
exhibition of technical ability from both
players who refused to give up any points
and delighted the Varsity crowd. At 2 games
all Heather eventually got ahead and won
the last game 13 – 11 and the tie 3 – 2. The
end result though was good for UniSPORT
as they now leapfrogged both Lee-on-Solent
and UK Packaging in the league standings
with only two games left of the season. The
last home match is next Tuesday 18th Feb at
the Varsity. For ticket information tel. Ext.
9242.
On Sunday Mick Biggs played in the British
Nationals in Manchester but unfortunately
lost 3 – 2 to Joel Hinds. Congratulations
to Mick though on his progress from Elite
Sports Squad member to playing in the
arena of some of the worlds best players.
UNISPORT EVENTS
Valentines Dinner
Friday 14th February | Varsity Bar
National League Squash
Tuesday 18th February | Varsity Centre
Latino Evening
Friday 21st February | Varsity Bar
6 Nations Rugby
Throughout 02 & 03 | Varsity Bar
Quiz Night
Monday 3rd March | Varsity Bar
Red Nose Fun
Friday 14th | March Varsity Bar
UniS squash off to a flying start
BY CHRISTOPHER PETCH
Championship. With the team decimated
by courses finishing, the commencement
of placements and injury, we were always
going to be up against it. Our opponents
were considerably under-strength last time
we played, so we were all ready for a big
game at the Varsity. First team call-ups were
put out to the club, with the second team
supplying two excellent players in Nabiel
Hamid and Tom Wood. Nabiel played a
very steady controlled game, pushing his
opponent, Norway, around the court with
great length and then pulling him forward
with precise drops. Not having it all his
way, however, and closing the match out
in a hard fought four games. This led to
Surrey being two matches up with three to
play with as Adam Redmayne had already
decimated his opponent at first string, using
his usual combination of power, light touch
and sheer speed. It should be pointed out
that Adam won his match for the loss of two
points only, very impressive at first-string
level. Tom Wood was up next for Surrey in
Slurrey Slingers win Brunel mini-beast
YES IT’S TRUE, the university’s very own
frisbee team has rustled up its very first
tournament victory. The weekend was split
into two halves, the first a warm-up to the
nationals, the second day a mixed affair for
second teams. Not making it to the nationals
the first day was always going to be tough,
and playing against some of the best teams
in the country was good for the soul. The
expected annihilation ensued, but running
UCL and Disc Doctors (Imperial) close kept
spirits high.
Fielding two equal second teams, with a
scattering of the more experienced players,
23
his first team début. Woody is a determined
played, with speed around the court to match
even Adam and a determined attitude. This
is a bit much to play against at fifth string
and Tom showed no mercy to his opponent,
cleaning him up in straight games inside
15mins with a clinical display of precision
squash. Paul Chance was on next for UniS
at second string. Paul took approx 8mins to
destroy his opposition 27-0, (that’s 9/0, 9/0,
9/0) with a display of shear aggression and
hard hitting. He came off court just in time
to point to the UniS captain Chris Petch to
tell him that now it was ‘his turn’. Chris
promptly went on and won 27-0 as well,
there were even rumours that he ran and put
some effort in, surely not? There was even
talk that he actually broke a sweat! So after
all that worry of a close match, UniS Squash
won the top three strings for the loss of three
points! And won the other two as well! UniS
5 Reading 0 – our next match is a top of the
table clash away to LSE this week!
the second day was looking more promising.
So the scene was set for a Slurrey Blue vs
Slurrey Red match. Surrey Blue having
some of the stars of the first day showed and
tired legs meant that Surrey Red were the
victors. This meant that Surrey Blue went
into the plate final against STD 3 (Brunel),
whereas the Reds were in the final against
STD 2. Two exceptionally close games
followed with Slurrey Blue winning the
plate final in sudden death. In the final
Slurrey Red went behind three times before
eventually coming out victorious 9-7.
24
Surrey bouncing for joy after regional success
SURREY UNIVERSITY AND UniSport hosted the
BUSA 2003 South Regional Trampoline
Championships last Sunday, 2nd February
for the second year running. Hundreds of
students from universities across the south
of England congregated at the sports centre
to compete for a place in the BUSA finals
which will be held at Brunel university in
March.
Surrey enjoyed success with 4 competitors
qualifying easily for the finals: Myself
(Lara Wootton) and Emma James, who
came 1st and 7th respectively in the
Novice competition, Emily Theobald who
came 12th in the Intermediate Ladies and
Jo Harmer who was 3rd in the Advanced
Ladies. We join Ben Brennan and John
Horsman (Advanced Men) and Kirsten
Lawton (Elite), who automatically qualified
for the finals. Well done also to Emily
Griffith who came =34th and Kate Park who
came =40th in the Novice competition.
Tignes action: on the slopes with
the ski and snowboard club
THE SUN IS shining, the snow is perfect and
pen in one hand, ice cold beer in the other,
I begin to reflect on the previous few days
events.
Arrival into the resort was smooth, despite
running a flight option as well as three
coaches this year, everything went according
to plan, and we were met by a very “Bepe
from Eastenders” sounding rep.
After a quiet first night we were all eager
to get on the slopes. The snow was brilliant,
after poor conditions in a majority of resorts
last year it was a relief! After a hard days
skiing and boarding we felt it would be
only fair to reward ourselves with some
liquid refreshment and decided to take a
tour of the local bars…it would be nice
to give you more details on the evening’s
events however a shocking loss of memory
prevents me from doing so…however,
an abundance of video footage, yet to be
edited, will hopefully shed some light on the
subject. Be afraid…be very afraid…
After a not so early rise we hit the slopes
again this time with accompanying
headaches. What proceeded was a repetition
of the cycle: ski/board followed by extensive
social activity.
13 February 2003
SURREY PRIDE
BY LARA WOOTTON
The day ran without a hitch (except for a
small incident in the morning when the
keys were misplaced and nobody could
get into the centre) and was enjoyed by all
participants and spectators. The trampoline
club would like to thank all those involved in
the organisation and the smooth running of
the Championships, particularly Sally Edie
from UniSport, John Davis for his patience
with the computers, the stage crew, St John’s
Ambulance, Ian Wootton for the pictures
and all the trampoline squad members who
came to support the competitors and act as
officials. I would personally like to thank
John H for making such an informative film
of the event and congratulate him on his
camera skills- class!
Well done to all who competed, especially
those who qualified and good luck at
Brunel!!!
Sports writers and match reports
If you are interested in writing sports articles for barefacts or if you have a
sports story/match report, then please email our new sports editor, Ed-
dison Ruswa on ce21er@surrey.ac.uk
BY ZIAD SHUKRI
The week was extremely successful with
regards to the skiing and boarding and
despite an ability span from “arse, I am
going too fast how do I stop?!” to those that
wanted to get some “big air” in the snowpark
everyone managed to make the most of the
good conditions.
The nightlife on tour was to play host
to many humorous moments on the trip,
helped by the ever-flowing flavoured vodka
and extremely popular Galliano hot shots.
The theme nights proved to be as popular as
ever and we had the pleasure of seeing Andy
as a Caribbean Bon Jovi meets Tina Turner
lovechild. (Check out www.surrey.ac.uk/
union/sports/ski for all the pics, including
the one of Scouse with the seashell bikini!).