THE BEST OF

HUMOR
LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE. ENJOY!

A property of www.sakohii.com
 INTRODUCTION

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 CHAPTER ONE

LAUGHT OUT HARD

 FUNNIEST WIFE REPLY
A Husband working in UK wrote to his wife in India.

Dear Sunita Darling,

I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected
my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.

You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.

Your loving husband,

His wife replied

Hey hubby

Thanks for the 100 kisses.

Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.

3. Your landlord comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of

the monthly rent.

4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only,so I gave him other items, I hope
you understand.

5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.

Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can
survive the month using this balance.

Shall I plan the same for the next month?

Your Sweet Heart

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so
we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which
number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing
will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or
after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss,
press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk
with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and
cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up
 THAT’S MEDIA
A King enrolled his donkey in a race & won.

Local paper read: King's ASS WON'

The king was so upset with this kind of publicity that he gave the donkey to the
queen.

The local paper then read: "QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN"

The king fainted....

Queen sold the donkey to a farmer for 10$.

Next day paper read: "QUEEN SELLS HER ASS FOR $10"

The queen fainted...

The next day king ordered the queen to buy back the donkey and leave it in
jungle.

The Next Headlines: "QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS FREE & WILD"

The king died...

That's Media !
 WHY WOMEN ARE SPECIAL
Husband & Wife were watching TV when Wife said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late.
I think I'll go to bed."

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches.

Rinsed out the bowls, took vegetable out of the freezer for morning, checked the
cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table
and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.

She then ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces
left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book
into the drawer. She emptied a waste basket and hung up a towel to dry.

She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk
and wrote a note to the teacher and pulled a text book out from hiding under the
chair.

She signed a birthday card for a friend, Addressed and stamped the envelope and
wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her bag. Then she
washed her face, put on her moisturizer, brushed her teeth.....

Husband called out,

"I thought you were going to bed."
"I'm on my way," she said.
She put some water into the dog's dish, then made sure the doors were locked.

She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and radios,
and had a brief conversation with one kid who is still up doing homework.

In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day. Said her
prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals. about that time,
Husband turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular.

"I'm going to bed." And he did... without another thought.

Anything Extraordinary Here?

 THE BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of you who are married, were married, wish you were married or wish you
were not married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle
of wine.

Fred was driving home from one of his business trips, in Northern Arizona , when
he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a
long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like
a ride ..

With a silent nod of thanks, the Indian got into the car. Resuming the journey,
Fred tried - in vain - to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man
just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail,
until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Fred.

"What in bag?" asked the old man.

Fred looked down at the brown bag and said: "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my
wife."

The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two. Then, speaking with the
quiet wisdom of an elder, he said:

"Good trade . . ..."

 IN THE TRAIN
A HR Manager, His Assistant, An Old Woman And Her Young Daughter Are
Traveling In A Train And During The Course Of Time Get Themselves Introduced To
Each Other And Become Temporary Friends...

The Train Goes Through A Tunnel And It Gets Completely Dark...

Suddenly There Is A Kissing Sound And Then A Slap !!!

The Train Comes Out Of The Tunnel...

The Women And The Assistant Are Sitting There Looking Perplexed...

The Manager Is Bending Over Holding His Face, Which Is Red From An Apparent
Slap.
All Of Them Remain Diplomatic And Nobody Says Anything...

The Old Woman Is Thinking :

These Managers Are All Crazy After Girls. He Must Have Kissed My Daughter In
The Tunnel. Very Proper That She Slapped Him...

The Young Girl Is Thinking :

The Manager Must Have Tried To Kiss Me But Kissed My Mother Instead And Got
Slapped...

The Manager Is Thinking :

Damn It... My Assistant Must Have Kissed The Young Girl. She Might Have Thought
It Was Me And Slapped Me...

Now Guess What The Assistant Is Thinking...

Now Hold Your Breath And Read What The Assistant Is Thinking...

If This Train Goes Through Another Tunnel I Will Make Another Kissing Sound And
Slap My Manager Again...

The Bastard Keeps Harassing Me In The Office...!!

 DAD VS TEACHER
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he doesn't recognize her. So he
says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of
my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife
and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love
to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my
butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
- unknown

ALMOST JAILED…
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she
noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of
her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved
again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

The case came before the court, and when asked why he acted in such a manner,
the man replied, "When the lady boarded the bus I could not help noticing she
was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read, coming soon: The Gold
Dust Twins.‘

Then she moved under one that read, Sloan's Liniments Remove Swelling.' I was
even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read,
William's Stick Did The Trick.' Then I could not control myself any longer when on
the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read, Dunlap Rubber
would have prevented this accident." He won the case.
 BIRTHDAY GIFT
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.
He wanted a new truck.

She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around
town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she
seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less.
And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.“

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

ALMOST JAILED…
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
He said: “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t
my wife!”

The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: “And that woman was
my mother!”

There was laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this
very effective joke at home.

He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing
dinner, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was
not my wife.”

The wife went: “Aahhhh!” with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the
manager finally blurted out “…and I can’t remember who she was.”

By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed
nursing burns from boiling water

MORAL : The moral of the story is don’t copy if you can’t paste! LOL … just share it
with your loved ones…
 CHAPTER TWO

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

 JUST TOO SHY
10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called
"best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she
didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and
asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her.
She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her
to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I
don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and
on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because
she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her
soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and
three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks"
and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't
want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not
going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if
neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did.
Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I
stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want
her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I
had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I
want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too
shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation
day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her
diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I
hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best
friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to
know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't
know why.
 CONT: JUST TOO SHY
A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her
say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to
be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away,
she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the
cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I
love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend".
At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This
is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like
that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be
just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would
tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.

ATHEIST AND A LIL GIRL

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and
said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with
your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book,
replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't
know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or
no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "Okay," she said. "Those could be
interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all
eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a
flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist,
visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I
have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to
discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't even know
shit?" And then she went back to reading her book.
 MOUSE STORY
House Mouse by George ShuklinA mouse looked through the crack in the wall
To see the farmer and his wife open a package.
"What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered.
He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed this warning :

"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse,
I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me.
I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him,

"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing
I can do about it. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said,

"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the
farmer's mousetrap... Alone...

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- the sound of a
mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see
it. It was a venomous snake whose tail was caught in the trap. The snake bit the
farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital. When she returned home
she still had a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup.
So, the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient:

But his wife's sickness continued. Friends and neighbors came to sit with her
Around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.
 MOUSE STORY
But, alas, the farmer's wife did not get well...She died.

So many people came for her funeral that the farmer had the cow slaughtered
to provide enough meat for all of them for the funeral luncheon.

And the mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and you think it doesn't
concern you, remember ---

When one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey
called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to
encourage one another.

YOU MAY WANT TO SEND THIS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER HELPED YOU OUT.

AND LET THEM KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE..

- REMEMBER -

EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY.

OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER FOR A REASON.

One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a FRIEND.

FRIENDS FOREVER
"A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs
you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws."
 STOP WORRYING
*Worries at the start of the day means u r still alive!!

*Clothes that don’t fit means u have a good appetite.

*Tears in ur eyes means there is somebody u care for.

*The mess to clean after party means u have friends around u.

*Roof that needs fixing means u have got a house.

*Taxes to pay means u r not unemployed.

Let’s be optimistic in life because everything around u happens for a reason……

ESSAY ON HAPPINESS
One essential standard for living is being able to be happy. Happiness can be

found in many different forms. It can be found with the purchasing of inanimate

objects that better our living styles or it can be found with someone else that you

associate with. The latter is the more imperative of the designs of happiness.

In order to be truly happy you need to be able to understand that everything is

good within your own life and that you are able to be happy with the people that

are in your life and the people that influence how you live your daily life.
 ESSAY ON HAPPINESS
Happiness is all of the good that someone experiences combined into one
emotion. This emotion can, and usually does, bring out the best in people.

For someone to be happy they need to know that everything that has happened
in their past has happened for a reason and that it has happened in order for
them to become a better person. Not only does it make them a better person but
it also makes them realize how good they have it or can possibly have it.

Although things might be hard to deal with at the moment, people need to realize
that they will be able to learn from their experiences and that they will learn to
take the good from them all.

In the end, the hard times will help people strive for happiness. Happiness isn't
free. You have to earn it and work to keep it. The price for happiness is having to
suffer and having to question events that occur during one's life. People need to
be able to adapt to their surroundings so that they can get the best out of them.

You can't live your life in fear of what can go wrong. You just need to go out and
live your life to the fullest and know that you'll be happy, even if something
doesn't go the way that you had planned it to.

The best kind of happiness is when you know that you are able to care for
someone and that they may care about you. They may just be your friends but
you care about them enough that you want what is best for them and in return
they want the same for you.

This kind of happiness is of the purest form. It is an unspoken agreement between

people that says that each of you will do whatever they can to make the other
person happy and that in this process you, yourself, will be able to be happy and
enjoy the moment.

Happiness may come and go like the seasons but in the end, every moment that
you have that is filled with happiness will be well worth the sad or unnerving ones
that you have had to endure.

Taylor-James Gilard
 ESSAY ON HAPPINESS
Happiness is all of the good that someone experiences combined into one
emotion. This emotion can, and usually does, bring out the best in people.

For someone to be happy they need to know that everything that has happened
in their past has happened for a reason and that it has happened in order for
them to become a better person. Not only does it make them a better person but
it also makes them realize how good they have it or can possibly have it.

Although things might be hard to deal with at the moment, people need to realize
that they will be able to learn from their experiences and that they will learn to
take the good from them all.

In the end, the hard times will help people strive for happiness. Happiness isn't
free. You have to earn it and work to keep it. The price for happiness is having to
suffer and having to question events that occur during one's life. People need to
be able to adapt to their surroundings so that they can get the best out of them.

You can't live your life in fear of what can go wrong. You just need to go out and
live your life to the fullest and know that you'll be happy, even if something
doesn't go the way that you had planned it to.

The best kind of happiness is when you know that you are able to care for
someone and that they may care about you. They may just be your friends but
you care about them enough that you want what is best for them and in return
they want the same for you.

This kind of happiness is of the purest form. It is an unspoken agreement between

people that says that each of you will do whatever they can to make the other
person happy and that in this process you, yourself, will be able to be happy and
enjoy the moment.

Happiness may come and go like the seasons but in the end, every moment that
you have that is filled with happiness will be well worth the sad or unnerving ones
that you have had to endure.

Taylor-James Gilard
 LIFE
"When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to
life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I
wrote down 'happy.' They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told
them they didn't understand life."

"Once you've made the decision to move on, don't look back. You will never find
your future in the rear view mirror."

ASS AND MULE

A Muleteer set forth on a journey, driving before him an Ass and a Mule, both well

laden. The Ass, as long as he traveled along the plain, carried his load with ease,

but when he began to ascend the steep path of the mountain, felt his load to be

more than he could bear. He entreated his companion to relieve him of a small

portion, that he might carry home the rest; but the Mule paid no attention to the

request. The Ass shortly afterwards fell down dead under his burden. Not knowing

what else to do in so wild a region, the Muleteer placed upon the Mule the load

carried by the Ass in addition to his own, and at the top of all placed the hide of

the Ass, after he had skinned him. The Mule, groaning beneath his heavy burden,

said to himself: "I am treated according to my deserts. If I had only been willing to

assist the Ass a little in his need, I should not now be bearing, together with his

burden, himself as well."

 MESSAGE FROM WIFE
Once I had to walk on a bridge. It was very high and I got scared. I saw my better
half on the other side, and called him for help, but he didn't come. He said he was
busy with something more important and I should learn to manage my way.

I felt bad but with tears somehow I managed and crossed the bridge.

There...I saw him holding the end of the broken bridge..!

Sometimes you think why your husband is keeping quiet. He may not help you to
cross the bridge... But he might be holding the broken bridge for you when you
lost trust on ur strength ..!!

THE PENCIL MAKER

A pencil maker told the pencil 5 important lessons just before putting it in the box

1. everything you do will always leave a mark.

2. you can always correct the mistakes you make.

3. what is important is what is inside of you.

4. in life, you will undergo painful sharpenings which will only make you better.

5. to be the best pencil, you must allow yourself to be held and guided by the

hand that holds you.

 THE ELEPHANT ROPE
As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact
that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front
leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime,
break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and
made no attempt to get away. "Well," trainer said, "when they are very young and
much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough
to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break
away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free."

The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their
bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they
were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we
cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?

Failure is part of learning; we should never give up the struggle in life

DEALING WITH DIFFICULTY

"When you run into someone who discredits you, disrespects you and treats you
poorly for no apparent reason at all, don’t consume yourself with trying to change
them or win their approval. And be sure not to leave any space in your heart to
hate them. Simply walk away and let karma deal with the things they say and do,
because any bit of time you spend on these people will be wasted, and any bit of
hate and aggravation in your heart will only hurt you in the end.

“There are two ways of meeting difficulties. You alter the difficulties or you alter
yourself to meet them.”
 BURNED BISCUITS
When I was a kid, my Mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and
then. I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a
long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my Mom placed a plate of
eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember
waiting to see if anyone noticed!

All my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my Mom and ask me how my day
was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember
watching him smear butter and jelly on that ugly burned biscuit. He ate every bite
of that thing...never made a face nor uttered a word about it!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my Mom
apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said,
"Honey, I love burned biscuits every now and then."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked
his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Mom put in a hard
day at work today and she's real tired. And besides--a little burned biscuit never
hurt anyone!"

As I've grown older, I've thought about that many times. Life is full of imperfect
things and imperfect people.

I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just
like everyone else. But what I've learned over the years is that learning to accept
each other's faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences is one of the
most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today...that you will learn to take the good, the bad,
and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end,
He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit
isn't a deal-breaker!

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any
relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket--keep it in your
own."

So, please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burned one will do just fine.
 PROOF THAT GOD EXISTS
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the
barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about
so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the
subject of God, the barber said: 'I don't believe that God exists.'

'Why do you say that?' asked the customer. 'Well, you just have to go out in the
street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so
many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there
would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow
all of these things.'

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want
to start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy,
dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.

He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber
shop again and he said to the barber:

'You know what? Barbers do not exist.'

'How can you say that?' asked the surprised barber. 'I am here, and I am a barber.
And I just worked on you!'

'No!' the customer exclaimed. 'Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would
be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.'

'Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me.'

'Exactly!' affirmed the customer. 'That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's
what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.'
 FAILURE ISN’T AT FAULT
"Failure separates those who think they want success from those who are
determined to win. Failure narrows the playing field. The first people out are
those that blame others, next out are those who lost interest. The weak go first.
The strong learn to hang in there and keep bouncing back until they win."

The thin-skinned rarely win due to brittle egos and apprehensive attitudes. Thick
skin comes from falling and failing. The falls produce wounds that heal and reveal
a connection between resiliency and a peculiar resolve which accepts failure as a
temporary condition. They accept both good and bad so not to forfeit the blessing
of learning from both.

The thick-skinned prepare to win by increasingly expanding their willingness to

endure pain in affirming the degree of true desire. They allow every challenge as
opportunity in changes for better. They continue to learn that bitterness is poison
and quickly purge its deadly influence on both their endurance and desire. They
see a prize in every problem and potential in every person. They see their faults
but never focus on them. They know that whatever is on the mind will eventually
get in the mind. The power of positive word choice determines each choice of the
next deed. Wasting time talking about everything that cannot change and about
nothing that can is pointless. They don't get mad; they get glad.

They don't deny their feelings nor recklessly rely on their feelings. They
acknowledge their fears yet have learned to take action in spite of them. They
don't deny an awful diagnosis but do reject the verdict of a bad prognosis.
Quitting isn't part of their vocabulary and thus they find winning a natural
offspring of the power they choose to give words. They know they must master
their emotions rather than allow rude and raw emotions to master them.

Failure has yet to kill them and success has never defined them. They've been
given the gift of get up, get over, and get on with whatever or whoever even hints
at hindering them. There can be no real loss for them as they love to learn from
each loss experienced. Isn't this a win-win way of referencing a world they've
already begun to better? Whether a race is won or lost, they understand that their
response to either outcome reveals their character, which is the best way to
continue to build it. They don't let what will one day rot rule the winning Spirit in
them that cannot.
CONT: FAILURE ISN’T AT FAULT
They don't allow pride to drive them away nor shame to keep them away from the
next opportunity or opposition. Failure drives the fear out and frees the winner
inside to fully reside. They move forward by faith and don't need to see goodness
to believe it's already come to pass.

Which one will you become?

It's a choice and no one can make it for you. You are a winner whether you accept
it as truth or not. Gnawing on your not all that bad past is a sorrowful manner in
which to pass your time. Time will deaden the measure of your regret. Yet, only
the proper view of what God's victorious vision has always been for your future
may be belated. We don't fear failure but we do use it as the excuse as to why we
may never win. Such silly thinking helps the thin-skinned justify their active
involvement in doing nothing. Criticism isn't the culprit and yesteryear isn't the
enemy. Waiting around for something good to happen could happen but it won't
and that's what's worrying you.

What's happening to you while you wait for nothing to beget nothing? I'll tell you:
The enemy within you dims the light you'd like to lose. But, you're scared to death
you actually might be forced to become part of this living. And with living, there
will be your own higher expectations you will want to meet but maybe you're still
stuck in "Have To" land. Allow me to forewarn you, it's a desert full of
discouragement not brought about by circumstances gone awry, but a lie that
your expectations will probably be at the level of your limitations. Acknowledge
your real fear and you will take action in spite of it.

Guess what? You are "It"... or are you?

 LIVE LIFE WHILST YOU CAN
And then it is Winter...

You know... time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the
passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and
embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I
wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of
how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.

But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get
here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go? I remember
well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people
were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it
or imagine fully what it would be like.

But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey...they move slower and I
see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than
me...but, I see the great change...Not like the ones that I remember who were
young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now
those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day now, I
find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a
treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall
asleep where I sit!

And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches
and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had
done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and
I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over on this earth...its
over. A new adventure will begin!

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have
done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a
lifetime.

So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster
than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it
quickly! Don't put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can
today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no
promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all
the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they
appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the
years past!!
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