FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2017 ENTERPRISE-RECORD+MERCURY-REGISTER | REALESTATE D

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“I hate squirrels!” screamed the
Pest Inspector, Roy Bartlett.
His voice came muffled from
somewhere in the attic space of
this old two-story farmhouse.
My buyer, Gloria Smith, who
had the place in escrow, and I
stood in the side yard and stared
up at the source of the muffled
scream, the attic access hole just
above Roy’s extension ladder
leaning against the sidewall, a
good twenty-five feet high, just
below the roof peak.
Within the next sixty-second
time period, the following
occurred.
Second #1: A Grey Squirrel
shot out of the attic access hole,
skittered up a 45-degree rafter
brace, swung its body up and
over the roof eave like a Marine
in an obstacle course, and
leaped, or rather flew from the
edge of the roof to the branch of
a giant Sycamore tree.
Second #2: Roy’s head popped
out of the attic access hole,
immediately followed by
two smaller Grey Squirrels,
who used Roy’s bald spot as
Squirrely
a launching pad to follow the
first squirrel’s route to the
Sycamore tree. Once on the
branch, the three squirrels lined
up and barked and
chittered back at
Roy.
Second #3:
Roy held up his
bloody forefinger,
examining it
in the sunlight,
and screamed
again, “Dang
bitin’ squirrels!”
He flung the
screwdriver he
used as a dry-rot
poker fast and hard
toward the squirrels like Jim
Bowie threw his throwing knife.
But Roy was no Jim Bowie,
and the screwdriver sailed
harmlessly into the depths of
the Sycamore tree. He cocked
his arm again in the throwing
position, this time grasping
his long metal flashlight. But
perhaps considering the accuracy
of his most recent throwing
attempt, he lowered his arm.
Second #4: Mrs. Perry, the seller
of the place, apparently having
heard Roy’s admonitions of the
squirrels, came running around
the covered porch from the
front of the house,
screaming, “Where
are my squirrels,
my babies!?”
Second #5: Mrs.
Perry looks
anxiously up at the
squirrels, and gives
Roy the stink-eye.
“Thank God they’re
okay” she says.
“It’s a mother and
her babies. I’ve
been nurturing
them in a box on
the porch, but they disappeared.”
Mrs. Perry holds her hand aloft,
offering a treat of some sort to
the squirrels, making a kissing
sound. The squirrels file down
the trunk of the tree and follow
her like a line of ducklings
toward the front of the house.
Mrs. Perry stops and turns
around. “No harm is to be done
to any squirrels on this property,
in perpetuity. I’m putting it in
the Deed!”
Second #6 through second #60:
Roy scampers down the ladder.
Gloria says, “’In perpetuity’?
Does that mean forever? Can she
do that?”
“I think so,” I said, “and I think
so.”
Roy interrupted. “Those
squirrels are making a mess in
that attic. Bitin’ rats is what they
are!” He examined his forefinger
again. “Another dang tetanus
shot.”
“Oh well,” said Gloria, “I
really want this place. And the
squirrels are really cute. She can
put it in the Deed and I’ll take
care of them.”
“Cute?” said Roy. He looked at
Gloria like she was crazy. He
shook his head and said, “I hate
squirrels!”
_______________________________
Got a question or comment?
I’d like to hear from you.
Email escrowgo@aol.com
or call 530-680-0817.
Doug Love is Sales Manager at
Century 21 Jeffries Lydon.

Let m o! Teresa Larson

e s h o w
y o u C h i c 899-5925
chiconativ@aol.com
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