Memo Iles

What if u upgraded Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.
0 : )
------------ --------- --------- --
Dear Tech Support Team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that
took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5,

and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I
can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall ' doesn't
work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
"A Troubled User "
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is
just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run
EVERYTHING !!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system

once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to
allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child
Support) .
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the

environment.
I suggest installing the background application " Yes Dear" to alleviate

software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because

ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the
system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife
1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook
1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these
programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag
9.5 .
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is
to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install

SecretaryWithShortS kirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife
1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support ...
Kuch Loog Baddal Gaye Hai
Is raat ki.. Tanhaeeyo ke

Sab rang badal Gaye hai
Chand nikla hai waise hi
Andhere badal Gaye hai
Jinke bharose thi khusiyan
Wo badal Gaye hain
Manzile to abb bhi WO hi hain
Kuch rastay badal Gaye hain
Jinpe kiya tha bharosa humne
Wo dost bicharr Gaye hain
Dakhe thay kabhi jo humne
Wo kahwab badal Gaye hain
Jo banay thay kabhi hamsafar
Aaj WO hi mukarr Gaye hain
Ais tutay huye dil kay saray..
Jazbaat badal Gaye hain
Na badle kabhi hum
Na badle hamaray khayalat
Bas rona hai yahi......
KUCHH LOG BADAL GAYE HAIN
~*~ Chooriyan Kharidi Hain ~*~
Khuwahisho k Jangal mai Raat Justuju kar k

Hum ne us ki Khatir ab Chooriyan Kharidi hain
Dil bala ka Wehshi tha, Dil se Guftugu kar k
Wo Ajeeb Larki thi us ko Raass aata tha

Barishon ke Mousam mai Khirkyan khuli rakhna
Us ajeeb Larki ke Dil mai Aaarzoo kar k
Be-Qarar Jazbon ko Aag jesey Shairon ko
Neend ke Jazeerey mai Udtey oye Parindo ko
Ek Safaid(white) Kagaz per phir se ro-buru kar k
Kuch Kitabein lena thi aur kuch naye Kaprey

Aur kuch Zururi cheezein b, per yuu hai k
apni her Khuwahish ka is baras Lahoo(Khoon) kar k
DRINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH
It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up

every morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have provena its value.
We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old
and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment
had been found successful by a Japanese medical society as a 100%
cure for the following diseases:
Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy,
excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningtitis, kidney and urine
disea ses, vomiting, gastritis, diarrhoea, piles, diabetes, constipation,
all eye diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorders, ear nose and
throat diseases.
METHOD OF TREATMENT
1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth, drink 4 x

160ml glasses of water
2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45
minutes
3. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.
4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink

anything for 2 hours
5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water
at the beginning may commence by
taking little water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day.
6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick and
others can enjoy a healthy life.
The following list gives the number of days of

treatment required to cure main deseases:
1. High Blood Pressure - 30 days
2. Gastric - 10 days
3. Diabetes - 30 days
4. Constipation - 10 days
5. Cancer - 180 days
6. TB - 90 days
Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment for only 3 days. In
the 1st week to be followed by daily treatment. This treatment method
has no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you
may have to urinate a few times.
Bas itna yaad hai

Dua to janay kon si thi
zahain mai nahin
bass itna yaad hai
k do hateliyein mili hui thi
jin mai ik meri thi
aur ik tumarii!!!!
MOKDAR.....
mai woh larki hon
jisay pehli raat
koi ghongat utha ke yeh
keh de
meray sab kuch tera hai
DIl ke siwaa LOz
hhaha
safar...
barish k ik katra Aakar
meri palk se uljha
aur ankhon mai doob gaya
Geet ki zaroorat mehfil mein hoti hai

Pyar ki zaroorat dil mein hoti hai
Bin dosti ke adhuri hai yeh zindagi
Kyunki dost ki zaroorat har pal mehsus hoti hai
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Har rishtonke mukaam nahin hote...

Dil ke rishtonke koi naam nahin hote......
Paaya hai Aapko dil ki roshni se..........
Aap jaise dost kisike liye Aam nahin hote........ .
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Yahi to khoobsurat dosti ka naata hai,

Jo bina kisi shart ke jiya jaata hai...
Rahe duriyan darmiyan to parwaah nahi,
Dost to harpal dil me basaya jaata hai...
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Aapki dosti ki ek nazar chahiye;

Dil hai beghar use ek Ghar chahiye
Bas yun hi saath chalte raho ae dost;
Yeh Dosti hume umar bhar chahiye.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Dost hai to Aansuo ki bhi shaan hoti hai, Dost na ho to

Mahfhil bhi Kabristaan hoti hai,
Sara khel to dosti ka hi hai,
Warna mayyat aur barat ek saman hoti hai.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Someone is loving you????????? ?

Caring for you????????? ?????????
Watching over you????????? ????
Protecting you????????? ????????
Guess!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!
Who????????? ????????? ?????????
Neighbour's Dog "Tommy"..... .
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Zindagi me Jab Maayus hue Hum.....

To Socha k kya paaya kya khoya.......
Khone ka to hisaab na laga paaye...
Yaad raha to bas itna...ke...
Zindagi se bhi pyara..Aap jaisa Ek dost Paaya...
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Safar lamba hai dost banate rahiye,
Dil mile na mile haath badate rahiye, Taj na
banaiye costly padega,
Har taraf Mumtaj banate rahiye.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Na khwabon me dekha, na nazaron me dekha,

Hazaron me ek humne tum hi ko dekha,
Gum dene wale to har pal hai yahan,
Har pal khushi dene walon me ek aap hi ko dekha.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Woh Zindagi hi kya jisme Mohabbat nahi,

Woh Mohabbat hi kya jisme Yaadein nahi,
Woh Yaadein kya jisme Tum nahi,
Aur woh Tum hi kya jiske saath Hum nahi.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Raatein gumnam hoti hai,

Din kisike naam hota hai,
Hum zindagi kuch is tarah jite hai,
Ki har lamha sirf doston ke hi naam hota hai.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Khushiyon par fizaon ka pehra hai,

Na jane kis umeed pe dil thehra hai,
Teri ankhon se jhalakte dard ki kasam,
Yeh dosti ka rishta pyar se gehra hai.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Yun to kisika peecha nahin karte,

Dard-e-dil diya aur liya nahin karte,
Ittefaq ki baat hai ye hamari dosti varna,
Itna kimti SMS kisi ko kiya nahin karte
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Har karz dosti ka ada kaun karega,

jab hum hi na rahenge to dosti kaun karega,
Aey khuda mere doston ko salamat rakhna,
varna mere jeene ki dua kaun karega.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
We cannot be together,
But we'll never be apart,
For no matter what life brings us,
You’re always in my heart.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
har kadam par tanha hoti hai zindagi,

har waqt gum deti hai zindagi,
par zindagi se kya shikwa kare,
aap jaisa dost bhi deti hai zindage***
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Aasman humse naraaz hai....,

taaron ka gussa behisab hai..
Log humse jalte hain Kyunki
chand se pyara DOST hamare paas hai
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Sitaron ke aage bhi koi jahan hoga,

Jo na dekha kabhi woh sama hoga,
Us jahan ke saare haseen nazaron ki kasam,
Aap jaisa dost doosra kahan hoga.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
*********
Masti aankhon mein hoti hai,sharaab mein nahi

Bhakti shraddha mein hoti hai,shabdon mein nahi,
Tu bhi jaan le mere yaar,
Dosti dil mein hoti hai dikhawe mein nahi
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Hamare to daman mein kaanto ke siva kuch nahin

Aap to phoolon ke kharid-daar nazar aate hain.
Jahan mein kitne dost mile hume
par sabse ache aap nazar aate hain..
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Tum banke dost aise aye zindagi me,

Ke hum ye zamana hi bhool gaye,
Tumhe yaad aye na aye hamari kabhi,
Par hum to tumhe bhulana hi bhool gaye.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Kal na phir ye samaa hoga,

hum mein se kaun najaane kahaan hoga..?
Murjhaaye phool to mil jaenge kitaabon mein,
par bicchde Doston ka shayad hi koi pataa hoga..
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Pyar Karnewalon ki kismat kharab hoti hai,

Har waqt inteha ki ghadi sath hoti hai,
Waqt mile to rishto ki kitab khol ke dekh lena,
Dosti har rishtey se lajawab hoti hai
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
*********
Chand lamhon ki zindagani hai,

nafraton se jiya nahi karte,
lagta hai dusamanon se guzarish karni padegi,
dost to aab yaad kiya nahi karte
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Kismat pur aitbar kisko hai,

Mil jaye khushi inkaar kisko hai,
Kuch mazboorian hain mere dost,
Warna judai se pyaar kisko hai.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Har karz dosti ka ada kaun karega,

jab hum hi na rahenge to dosti kaun karega,
Aey khuda mere doston ko salamat rakhna,
varna mere jeene ki dua kaun karega.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
kismat par etbar kisko he

miljaye khusi inkar kisko he
kuch majbooriya he mere dost warana
judai se pyar kisko he"
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Tanahai se naehi mehephil se darte hain

jamane se nehi hum khud se darte hain
youn to bahat kuch khoya he hum ne
najane kyon tumhe khone se darte hain"
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
"sawera kya hua sitaro ko bhul gaye.....
suraj kya aaya chan ko bhul gaye....
gujare kya kuch pal hamare bina.....
ap to hame hi bhool gayae....."
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Kasoor na unka na mera

hum dono hi ristoki rashme nibhate rahe
wo dosti ka ehesas jatate rahe aur
hum mohabat ko dil me chupate rahe"
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Sabhi dost mehephil me bulaye nehi jate

sabhi geet saj me gaye nehi jate
kuch pas rehe kar yaad nehi aate
kuch door rehe kar bhulaye nehi jate."
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Din to kat ta he lekin rate katti nehi

ye keisi tanahai he jo mujh se chut ti hi nehi
khwaboo se sajata tha kabhi sapano ka mehel
par ab alam ye he ki kabhi ankhoo me khawb aati hi nehi"
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Waade bhi dost ne kya khub nibhaye,

Zakham muft mein aur dard tohfe me bhijwaye,
Is se badhkar wafa ki misaal kya hogi,
Maut se pehle hi dost kafan le aaye
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Tanha ho kabhi to mujhe dhond lena,
Is duniya se nahi aapne dil se pooch lena,
Aapke aas paas hi kahin rehte hain hum,
Yaadon se nahi to saath
guzre lamhon se pooch lena
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Dard se dosti ho gayi yaaron,

Zindagi bedard ho gayi yaaron.
Kya hua jo jal gaya aashiyana hamara,
Door tak roshni to ho gayi yaaron
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Wada to nahi karte dosti nibhaynge,

Koshish yahi rahegi apko nahi satayenge,
Zarurat pade to dilse pukarna,
Marte bhi honge to mohlat lekar aayenge
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
har koi pyar k liye tadapta hai....

har koi pyar k liye rota hai....
ae dost ye dosti sada kayam rakhna...
kyunki sabse jyada pyar iss dosti mei he hota hai..
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
When it hurts to look back and

you’re scared to look ahead,
you can look beside you and
you’re best friend will be there for you.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Zikar hua jab Khuda ki rehmaton ka,
Hamne khud ko khushnaseeb paya,
Tamanna thi ek pyare se dost ki,
Khuda khud dost bankar chala aaya.
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
MUSKURANA hi to KHUSHI nahi hoti,

UMAR bitana hi to ZINDAGI nahi hoti.
Khud ko MITANA padta hai DOSTI mein,
Kyunki DOST kehna hi to DOSTI nahi hoti
************ ********* ********* ********* *********

*********
Some of the Inspiring Quotes which tell not to give up in

life so you can learn something from these Quotes
1) Never expext things to happen..struggle and make

them happen. never expect yourself to be given a good
value..creat a value of ur own
2) If a drop of water falls in lake there is no identity.But

if it falls on a leaf of lotus it shine like a pearl.so choose
the best place where you would shine..
3) Falling down is not defeat...defeat is when ur refuse to

get up...
4) Ship is always safe at shore... but is is not built for it
5) When ur successful your wellwishers know

who you are when you are unsuccessful you know who ur
welwishers are
6) It is great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults;

greater to tell him/her
7) "To the world you might be one person,

but to one person you just might be the world
8) "Even the word 'IMPOSSIBLE' says 'I M POSSIBLE' "
May ALLAH / God Bless You All,
Never take some one for granted,Hold every person Close

to your Heart because you might wake up one day and
realise that you have lost a diamond while you were too
busy collecting stones." Remember this always in life.
The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find
it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of
paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with
me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women
use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says........ .."HEBREWS"
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Want to save tax? Part-2 of Want to save

tax and get fixed returns
In the first part of this article, we explained the various options

available if you want to save tax and yet earn a fixed return on
your investment.
The question we answer now is how much of your tax-saving

investment must be allocated to fixed return and how much to
Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS).
These are mutual funds that invest in the stock market and give
you a tax benefit under Section 80C.
With a lock-in period of just three years (which means you

cannot withdraw this money for three years), they make for a
great investment.
Let say it is your first job and you want to invest for the long
term. Since you have age and time on your side, the best
investment would be ELSS. Of course, it is advisable to also have
a fixed income instrument in your portfolio.
If you are a salaried employee, your PF would give you that

option. If no provident fund is available, then do opt for PPF.
If you have already invested in mutual funds or in the stock

market and have no fixed-return investment, then bypass ELSS
as a tax-saving option. But, if you have only fixed return
investments, then you should allocate most of your tax saving to
ELSS.
Once you decide how much to allocate to fixed return

instruments, the next step would be deciding which fixed return
investment to opt for.
PPF vs NSC :
A debate always rages about the benefits of choosing Public

Provident Fund and National Savings Certificate as investment
options. Both are safe and backed by the government. Moreover,
both give a return of 8 per cent per annum.
Over here, the time frame will be the main consideration. NSC is
only a six-year investment as against 15 years for PPF. So if you
need the money much sooner, then NSC scores. However, if you
are looking at a long-term investment that you can stash away
for retirement, then PPF is the best. If you invest Rs 70,000
every year in PPF for 15 years, you will end up with more than Rs
22 lakh.
Or, if you have surplus funds inspite of having touched the Rs

70,000 limit of PPF and want a fixed-return investment, then
NSC would be the next logical choice.
If you are looking at the shortest tenure, then you also have
infrastructure bonds (three years onwards) and bank deposits
(five years onwards) to choose from. The interest rate from these
investments should hover around 8 per cent, the same as NSC.
Get cracking on your tax planning :

To be a smart investor, you must realise tax planning is a year-
round event and not something that has to be shelved till March.
However, the best time to plan your tax investments is at the
start of the financial year. This will help you take maximum
advantage of opportunities to reduce your taxes, especially, if
you are going to invest periodically.
Where investments like ELSS are concerned, it makes sense to

allocate a fixed amount to them at the start of the year.
Every month, with the help of a systematic investment plan,

allocate a small portion to your fund. Let us say, you decide on
Rs 1,000 every month. You can instruct your mutual fund to
directly debit this amount from your bank account. So every
month, on a fixed date, you would be buying units of a fund of
your choice.
You need not buy your NSCs at one go either. You can buy an
NSC certificate whenever you want.
With PPF, you have the option of 12 deposits in a year. So you
need not invest the limit of Rs 70,000 at one go.
Where bank fixed deposits are concerned, you can open them
during the year at different time frames. Let us say, you decide
to invest Rs 20,000 in a five-year bank deposit. If you have just
Rs 10,000 available to invest at the start of the financial year,
you can still go ahead and open a five-year bank deposit. Six
months later, when you do have surplus cash, you can invest the
balance Rs 10,000.
That is why it makes sense to do your tax planning at the start of

the year. And once you plan it, you don't have to invest all the
money at the start. Do it as the year progresses. But, for your
own sake, don't leave it all for March.
By the way, seven months of the financial year have already
passed you by.
"Even the word 'IMPOSSIBLE' says 'I M POSSIBLE' "



get up...

welwishers are


"In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility,an
English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to
stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster.
She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC.

In England,
a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for "Water
Closet".
She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the
WC.
The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if
he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible
meanings
of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there
was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house . . . a bathroom never

entered
their minds.
So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located

9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove
of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of
holding
229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays.
As there are many people expected in the summer months, I

suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing
room.
This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit
of going regularly.
It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married
in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a
wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was
wonderful to see the ex-pressions on their faces.
My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has

been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.
You
will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and
make
a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive
just in time!
I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as

there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and
even
the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.
We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since

many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there
myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.
With deepest regards,

The Schoolmaster
The woman never visited India!!!!
The Joy Of
Loving
You
Down in the myrtle grove

A girl is dancing to the moon.
A thousand dew-stars in her hair,
About her feet a thousand wings.
When in love
The dancer's feet are drunk with songs,
They set the air a-throbbing,
And like doves her hands fly upward.
In the spring of my heart

I sang in your gardens.
The girl has heard the song

And now she seeks the singer.
Like a fawn in glad surprise
She leaps over rocks and streams
And turns to every side.
The smile on lips that quiver

With foretaste of promised delight
What flower has fallen from heaven,
What flame has risen from hell,
That startled the heart of silence
To this breathless joy and fear?
What dream dreamt we

Upon the height,
What thought gave me to the wind
That woke the drowsing valley
And made watchful the night?
The girl has found the singer

She sees his raptured face.
Panther- like she slips
With subtle steps
Through rustling vine and fern.
And now amid his ardent cries
He gazes full on her.
She turned round and beheld

A horseman riding slowly towards her.
He dismounted from his horse
And greeted her gently,
In a manner no man had ever used
To her before.
She stood upright by the edge of the spring,

Straight like a young branch,
At the same time feeling a little afraid,
With a shyness and modesty
That heightened her tenderness
And beauty.
In silence they gaze

The one upon the other,
And yet his sunburnt throat
Throbs with the song;
And in her limb the happy dance.
Her soul was a polished mirror

Reflecting all the loveliness of the fields,
And her heart was like
The wide valleys.
Dreams and strange thoughts

Crowded upon her like a flock
That comes across a watercourse.
She became a woman,
And she likened herself in some vague manner
To fresh virgin soil that is yet to be planted
With seeds of knowledge.
She was about to go
When the man stopped her.
The red wine of his youth coursed strongly
Through his veins. His look toward her changed
As he said, "No, do not go."
She remained standing and wondering,

For she felt in his voice a force
That prevented her from
Movement.
She stole a glance at him,

He was looking at her carefully;
A look whose meaning she could not understand.
Then he smiled at her in so dewitching
A manner as to make her want to weep
At its very sweetness.
Soon she began to feel in her heart

The stirring of emotions she had never
Before known; it was like becoming
Aware of the perfume in the heart
Of a flower.
He let his eye rest with affection

On her bare feet, her pretty wrists,
Her smooth neck, her soft, thick hair,
He noted with a rising passion, her gleaming skin
Given her by the sun, and her arms,
Which nature had made strong. But she stayed silent
And ashamed. She did not want to go away,
Nor,for reasons she was unable to divine,
Could she find power to speak.
She listened with intentness as I spoke,

And her face was lighted up as the clouds are
Illuminated by the soft rays of the setting sun.
She motioned me to sit beside her. I did so,
Seeking to learn from her eloquent features,
Of the hidden things of her sad spirit.
He took me and drew me to his breast

and kissed me. Until then I knew not
that of taste of kiss.
Her voice grew low

and her lips began to tremble like the petals
of a flower before the dawn breeze.
her lover clasped her to him,
wetting her neck with
his tears.
He felt the light fluttering of winds

in his burning bones, and a strong and mighty love
taking possession of his heart and soul.
He began to feel the swift beating of his heart

and the renewed quaking of his spirit.
Like a sleeper whom the sun's rays have startled
into wakefulness, he moved and looked about him.
He beheld her coming out from among the trees
carrying a jar upon her shoulders.
Slowly she walked toward the water;
her bare feet were wet with dew, when she bent
to fill her jar she looked towards
the opposite bank and her eyes
met him.
He drew nigh to her, embraced her,

and kissed her lips and her neck and her eyes.
She made no movement in his arms,
as though the sweetness of the embrace
had robbed her of her will,
And the lightness of touch taken
from her all strength.
She yield as the fragrance of the jasmine

Give itself up to the currents of air.
She dropped her head upon his breast
Like one exhausted, who has found rest,
And sighed deeply.
It was a sigh telling of contentment
In a constricted heart, and the stirring of life
within that which had been sleeping and was now awakened.
She raised her head and looked into his eyes,

the look of one who despises the speech
customary among men- the look
of one who is not content that love
should be a soul in a
body of words.
He spoke kindly to me
and said that I was beautiful, that he loved me
and would not forsake me.
The lovers walked among the willow trees,

and speaking of the oneness of both;
and an ear listening in silence
to the inspiration of love;
and a seeing eye
seeing the glory
of happiness.
As they sat down by a rock

that protected the violets with its shadow,
she looked into his black eyes while the breeze played in her hair
as though it were invisible lips
that would kiss her.
She felt bewitched fingertips
caressing her tongue and lips,
and her will was
a prisoner.
He closed his eyes,

For her words were music to his soul,
He felt that unseen wings
were bearing him away.
Upon her lips was a smile of love
and in her glance the ray of life.
His face lighted up and his spirit
was refreshed.
He took her thin hand in his

And kissed her lips repeatedly as though
He would breathe new life into her body
she turned her face,
which had been hidden
among the silken pillows, towards him
and opened her eyes,
upon her lips
appeared the shadow
of a smile.
The lovers embraced

and drank of the wine of kisses
until they were satisfied. They slept each
enfolded in the arms of the other, until the shade
moved away, and the sun's heat
awakened them.
Soon they met and joined one another

until they were swift-flowing rivers,
their roaring announcing to all
that nature had awakened from
her sleep.
Upon her was showered
all that blessing of gracefulness and kindness,
and he gave her the cup of happiness
to drink from.
Is it not the hand of God

that brought our souls close together before birth,
and made us prisoners of each other
for all the days and nights
Her hand was still on my head as she spoke,

and I would not have preferred a royal crown
or a wreath of glory to that beautiful, smooth
hand whose fingers were twined
in my hair.
I perceived the feathery touch of delicate wings

rustling about my flaming heart,
and a great love possessing me.
A love whose power separates the mind from
the world of quantity and measurement.
A love that talks when the tongue of life is muted.
That love descended in that quiet hour
upon my heart and seared into my being
a bitter and sweet affection,
like thorns growing by the side of the
flourishing flower.
A minute passed, whose seconds
were glittering lamps, illuminating their hearts
and spirits; and silence brought vague
remembrance, revealing to them images
and scenes far away from that brook
and those trees. They heard each other in the
understanding silence, listening tearfully
to each other's sighs of heart and soul
until complete knowing prevailed
between the two.
Still compelled by a mysterious power,

he leaped across the brook and approached
the maiden, embraced her and printed
a long kiss upon her lips.
As if the sweetness of his caress
had usurped her will, she did not move.
She yielded to him as the fragrance of jasmine
concedes to the vibration of the breeze,
carrying it into the spacious
firmament.
She placed her head upon his chest

Like a tortured person who has found rest.
She sighed deeply… a sigh that announced
the rebirth of happiness in a torn heart
and proclaimed a revolution of wings
that has ascended after having been injured.
She raised her head and looked at him
with her sould- a look which offered myriads of
thoughts in the unspoken language
of the heart.
The maiden looked into his black eyes

while the breeze caressed her hair,
as if the shimmering wisps were fingertips
carving for sweet kisses. She felt as though some
magic and strong gentleness were touching
her lips in spite of her will.
Where are you leading me,

Oh enchanting One,
and how long shall I follow you
upon this road,
planted with thorns?
We were born together,

and together we shall be for evermore.
We shall be together
when the white wings of death
scatter our days.
We shall be together
even in the silent memory
of God.
But let there be spaces in

our togetherness.
And let the wind of the heavens
dance between us.
Let us love one another,

but let us not make a bond of love:
Let it rather be a morning sea between
the shores of our souls.
Let us sing and dance together

and be joyous,
but let each of us be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the
same music.
Let us give our hearts,

but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of life
can contain our hearts.
Let us stand together yet not too near together.

For the pillars of the temple
stand apart.
And the oak tree and the cyprus
grow not in each other's
shadow.
Among the hills when you sit

in the cool shade of the white poplars,
sharing the peace and serenity,
then let your heart say in silence—
he loves me with tenderness.
And when the storm comes,

and the mighty wind shakes the forest,
and thunder and lightning proclaim
the majesty of the sky, then let your heart
say in awe—he loves me with passion.
And you would accept the seasons of your heart,

even as you have always accepted the seasons
that pass over your fields.
And the cup he brings,

though it burn your lips, has been fashioned
of the clay which the potter
has moistened with his
own sacred tears.
O my beloved,
You are God's spirit everywhere,
you are stronger
than the ages.
Sit by me, my beloved,

and listen to my heart; smile,
for your happiness is a symbol of our future;
be merry for the sparkling days
rejoice with us.
I became intoxicated
with your sweet wine that has stolen my will,
and I now find my lips
kissing your hand constantly.
Will you accept a heart

that loves but never yields?
And burns, but never melts?
Will you be a at ease
With a soul that quivers before
the tempest, but never
surrenders to it?
Then here is my hand—

grasp it with your beautiful hand;
And here is my body—embrace it with your
loving arms; and here is my lips—
bestow upon them a deep and
dizzy kiss.
She stretches forth her silky hand

and lifts you high, and sings to you
the song of hope
and causes you to lose
your cares.
You are the woman whom
my heart has loved and at whose feet
I poured my affection.
Do you have memory of the day we met,

when the halo of your spirit surrounded us,
and the Angels of love
floated about…?
Remember you the trails and forest we walked,

with hands joined, and our heads
leaning against each other as if we were hiding
ourselves within ourselves?
Recall your hour I bade you farewell,

and the Miriamite kiss
you placed on my lips?
That kiss taught me that joining of lips in love
reveals heavenly secrets which the tongue cannot utter.
I remember when you kissed me and kissed me,

with tears coursing your cheeks and you said,
earthly bodies must be often separate
for earthly purpose.
O companion of my soul, where are you?

Are you praying in the temple?
Or calling nature in the field,
haven of your dreams?
Where are you, my beloved?

Are you in that little paradise,
watering the flowers that look upon you
as infants look upon the breast of their mothers?
Where are you now, my love?

Are you awake in the silence of the night?
Let the clean breeze convey to you
my heart's every beat
and affection.
Are you fondling my face in your memory?
That image is no longer my own,
for sorrow has dropped his shadow
on my happy countenance
of the past.
Sobs have withered my eyes
which reflected your beauty and dried my lips
which you sweetened with kisses.
Do you hear my weeping from
beyond the ocean?
Do you understand my need?
Where are you, my beautiful star?

The obscurity of life has cast me upon its bosom;
Sorrow has conquered me
Sail your smile into the air,
it will reach and enliven me.
Breathe your fragrance into the air,
it will sustain me.

Oh, how great is love!
And how little am I!
Soon you will be the owner of this vast land,

Lighted by this beautiful moon;
Soon you will be the mistress
of my palace.
She leaned her beautiful head upon her hands and

with a voice sweeter than the sound of the lyre,
she said, " I have never met you,
But I heard the echoes of your thoughts and dreams.
Allow me to reveal to you the full contents of my heart."
I have unbound my wings

And I am ready to ascend;
Will you accompany me?
The two lovers embraced

and drank the wine of sweet kisses together
until they became intoxicated.
They slumbered
wrapped in each other's arms.
Close your eyes and you will see me

with you forever.
Let me sleep,
for my soul is intoxicated
with your love.
That deepest thing, that recognition,
that knowledge, that sense of kinship
began the first time I saw you,
and it is the same now—only a thousand times
deeper and tenderer. I shall love you
to eternity.
Let us follow the column of light

that leads us from this desert into the green fields
where flowers and aromatic plants grow.
I loved you long before we met in this flesh.

I knew that when I first saw you.
It was destiny.
We are together like this
and nothing can shake
us apart.
Some simple ideas of how to get rid of

ants
Ant-proofing your home
It is important to note that ant-proofing your home will also decrease the number of
cockroaches, moths and beetles, and by extension predators like spiders.
Different species of ants eat different things: however, with over 15,000 species on
this planet it would be very difficult to list them all. Before you plan your attack,
there are important things to know in when considering how to get rid of ants:
1. What are they eating?
2. How are they getting in?
3. Where is the nest?
4. Do they bite?
You probably will have to clean up live ants during the ant-proofing process. When
you need to kill a quantity of ants, use either a sponge soaked with soapy water or a
spray bottle filled with soapy water. The soap helps to kill the ants while you clean
them up so you don’t have to squish them all. When you do locate a string of ants,
take a few moments to study them before you start sending them to their soapy
death. Try to find where they are going and where they are coming in; this way you
can eliminate the sources. Seal up any openings that they are coming in from with
silicone caulk.
Eliminate food sources

Ants are normally found in locations with a high food concentration - kitchens, so
this is where we will start. To continue our primer on how to get rid of ants, follow
these steps to ant-proof (and cockroach-proof) your food:
• Store food in rubbermaid type plastic containers, jars with lids that have sealing
gaskets, or jars with tight-fitting hinged lids.
• Refrain from storing anything in the open or in bags.
• Jars without sealing gaskets can permit ants to enter through the threads, so
replace any that you find with the above mentioned containers.
• Clean out your toaster or toaster oven after every use.
• Clean (with soap) all of the surfaces in your kitchen at least once a week to remove
crumbs and food residue.
• Sweep or vacuum the kitchen floor weekly.
• When throwing away food wrappers or containers, rinse out any remaining
organic material first.
• Save all of your organic waste in a sealed container and dispose of it separately.
Either compost it in your garden, or throw it in the trash bag as you take the
garbage out.
• Use trash liners (bags) and ensure your trash can has a tight-fitting lid.
• Rinse out the trash can if it ever gets grime or garbage on it.
Great "Bruce Lee's" Biodata (
Read & Comments this about Mr. Bruce LEE!
1) What is Bruce Lee's favorite vegetable?

Ans: Mu Lee
2) What does Bruce Lee like to have for lunch?

Ans: Tha Lee
3) What happens to the theatre once, a Bruce Lee's movie is over?

Ans: Kha Lee
4) What is Bruce Lee's sister-in-law' s name?

Ans: Saa Lee
5) Bruce Lee's favorite breakfast?

Ans: Id Lee
6) Bruce Lee's favourite festival?

Ans: Diwa Lee
7) Bruce Lee's favorite Actress?

Ans: Sona lee
8) Bruce Lee's favorite Music?

Ans: Qawwa lee
9) What is Bruce Lee's most interesting job?

Ans: Coo Lee
10) What is Bruce Lee's favorite Hindi movie?

Ans: Gharwa LEE Baharwa LEE
12) What is Bruce Lee's favorite hill station?

Ans: Kulu Mana Lee
13) When did Bruce Lee die?

Ans: Final Lee
14) How did Bruce Lee die?
Ans: With a Go Lee!
15) Who is Bruce Lee's favourite cricketer?

Ans: Saurav Gangu Lee.
Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in

and asks the
barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?" .
The barman says "Yes, thats them."
So the guy walks over and says,"Hello, what are u guys

doing?"
Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"
Guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million

Pakistanis and one
bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!! !"
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, " See, I told you no-
one would worry
about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
IF TITANIC WAS MADE IN INDIA....
1) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship
2) There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a white saree and of course singing in the rain!
3) The movie would be called "Pyar Kiya To Marna Kya"

4) Hero and Heroine would float in cold water for days and still survive, but the villian would die in the
first dip.
5) The iceberg would be sent by the heroine's father to teach the hero a lesson.
6) None of the women would float due to heavy designer sarees.
IF YOU yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would

have
produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is

produced
to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body
to
squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
******A pig's orgasm

lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves
to
death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour

(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached
to
its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human
jumping
the
length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm.... ..)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than

left-handed
people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only

animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains

(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Celebration means......
A winter evening.
Four friends.
One barsaat.
Four glasses of chai.
Hundred bucks of petrol.
A rusty old bike.
And an open road.
Maggi noodles.
A hostel room.
4.25 a.m.
3 old friends.
3 separate cities.
3 coffee mugs.
1 internet messenger.
Rain on a hot tin roof.
Pakoras deep-frying.
Neighbours dropping in.
A party.
You and mom.
A summer night.
A bottle of coconut oil.
A head massage.
Gossiping about absent family members.
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The
older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls
so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.
At the first house they visited, the

younger doctor listened intently as the
older doctor and an older lady discussed
the weather, their grandchildren and the
latest church bulletin.
After some time, the older doctor asked
his patient how she had been feeling.
"I`ve been a little sick to my stomach,"

she replied.
"Well," said the older physician, "you`ve

probably been over doing it a bit with the
fresh fruit. Why don`t you cut back on
the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see
if that helps."
As they left the house, the younger doctor

asked how the older doctor had reached
his diagnosis so quickly.
"You didn't even examine that woman,"

the younger doctor stated.
"I didn't have to," the elder physician

explain. "You noticed I dropped my
stethoscope on the floor in there. Well
when I bent over to pick it up, I looked
around and noticed a half dozen banana
peels in the trash can. That is probably
what has been making her ill."
"That's pretty sneaky," commented the

younger doctor. "Do you mind if I try it
at the next house?"
"I don't suppose it could hurt anything,"

the elder physician replied.
At the next house, the two doctors visited

with an elderly widow. They spent several
minutes discussing the weather and
grandchildren and the latest church
bulletin. After several minutes, the
younger doctor asked the widow how she
had been feeling lately.
"I've felt terribly run down lately," the

widow replied. "I just don`t have as much
energy as I used to."
"You've probably been doing too much
work for the church," the younger doctor
suggested without even examining his
patient. "Perhaps you should ease up a
bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder physician said,

"Your diagnosis is probably right, but do
you mind telling me how you came to that
conclusion?"
"Sure," replied the younger doctor. "Just

like you, I dropped my stethoscope on the
floor. When I bent down to pick it up, I
looked around and there was the
preacher hiding under the bed!"
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The
older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls
so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.
At the first house they visited, the

younger doctor listened intently as the
older doctor and an older lady discussed
the weather, their grandchildren and the
latest church bulletin.
After some time, the older doctor asked

his patient how she had been feeling.
"I`ve been a little sick to my stomach,"

she replied.
"Well," said the older physician, "you`ve

probably been over doing it a bit with the
fresh fruit. Why don`t you cut back on
the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see
if that helps."
As they left the house, the younger doctor

asked how the older doctor had reached
his diagnosis so quickly.
"You didn't even examine that woman,"

the younger doctor stated.
"I didn't have to," the elder physician
explain. "You noticed I dropped my
stethoscope on the floor in there. Well
when I bent over to pick it up, I looked
around and noticed a half dozen banana
peels in the trash can. That is probably
what has been making her ill."
"That's pretty sneaky," commented the

younger doctor. "Do you mind if I try it
at the next house?"
"I don't suppose it could hurt anything,"

the elder physician replied.
At the next house, the two doctors visited

with an elderly widow. They spent several
minutes discussing the weather and
grandchildren and the latest church
bulletin. After several minutes, the
younger doctor asked the widow how she
had been feeling lately.
"I've felt terribly run down lately," the
widow replied. "I just don`t have as much
energy as I used to."
"You've probably been doing too much

work for the church," the younger doctor
suggested without even examining his
patient. "Perhaps you should ease up a
bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder physician said,

"Your diagnosis is probably right, but do
you mind telling me how you came to that
conclusion?"
"Sure," replied the younger doctor. "Just

like you, I dropped my stethoscope on the
floor. When I bent down to pick it up, I
looked around and there was the
preacher hiding under the bed!"
PL START READING THIS ONLY WHEN YOU HAVE 10 MIN. FREE TIME FOR YOURSELF.
SPARE 10 MINUTES JUST FOR THIS ARTICLE
*A gem of an article - Must read!!!*

It was probably the April of 1974. Bangalore was getting warm and gulmohars were blooming at
the IISc campus. I was the only girl in my postgraduate department and was staying at the ladies'
hostel. Other girls were pursuing research in different departments of Science.
I was looking forward to going abroad to complete a doctorate in computer science. I had been
offered scholarships from Universities in the US. I had not thought of taking up a job in India.
One day, while on the way to my hostel from our lecture-hall complex, I saw an advertisement on
the notice board. It was a standard job-requirement notice from the famous automobile company
Telco (now Tata Motors). It stated that the company required young, bright engineers,
hardworking and with an excellent academic background, etc. At the bottom was a small line:
"Lady candidates need not apply."
I read it and was very upset. For the first time in my life I was up against gender discrimination.
Though I was not keen on taking up the job, I saw it as a challenge. I had done extremely well in
academics, better than most of my male peers. Little did I know then that in real life academic
excellence is not enough to be successful. After reading the notice I went fuming to my room. I
decided to inform the topmost person in Telco's management about the injustice the company
was perpetrating. I got a postcard and started to write, but there was a problem: I did not know
who headed Telco I thought it must be one of the Tatas. I knew JRD Tata was the head of the
Tata Group; I had seen his pictures in newspapers (actually, Sumant Moolgaokar was the
company's chairman then) I took the card, addressed it to JRD and started writing. To this day I
remember clearly what I wrote.
"The great Tatas have always been pioneers. They are the people who started the basic
infrastructure industries in India, such as iron and steel, chemicals, textiles and locomotives They
have cared for higher education in India since 1900 and they were responsible for the
establishment of the Indian Institute of Science. Fortunately, I study there. But I am surprised how
a company such as Telco is discriminating on the basis of gender."
I posted the letter and forgot about it. Less than 10 days later, I received a telegram stating that I
had to appear for an interview at Telco's Pune facility at the company's expense. I was taken
aback by the telegram. My hostel mate told me I should use the opportunity to go to Pune free of
cost and buy them the famous Pune saris for cheap! I collected Rs 30 each from everyone who
wanted a sari When I look back, I feel like laughing at the reasons for my going, but back then
they seemed good enough to make the trip.
It was my first visit to Pune and I immediately fell in love with the city.
To this day it remains dear to me. I feel as much at home in Pune as I do in Hubli, my hometown.
The place changed my life in so many ways. As directed, I went to Telco's Pimpri office for the
interview.
There were six people on the panel and I realised then that this was serious business.
"This is the girl who wrote to JRD," I heard somebody whisper as soon as I entered the room. By
then I knew for sure that I would not get the job. The realisation abolished all fear from my mind,
so I was rather cool while the interview was being conducted.
Even before the interview started, I reckoned the panel was biased, so I told them, rather
impolitely, "I hope this is only a technical interview."
They were taken aback by my rudeness, and even today I am ashamed about my attitude. The
panel asked me technical questions and I answered all of them.
Then an elderly gentleman with an affectionate voice told me, "Do you know why we said lady
candidates need not apply? The reason is that we have never employed any ladies on the shop
floor. This is not a co-ed college; this is a factory. When it comes to academics, you are a first
ranker throughout. We appreciate that, but people like you should work in research laboratories. "
I was a young girl from small-town Hubli. My world had been a limited place.
I did not know the ways of large corporate houses and their difficulties, so I answered, "But you
must start somewhere, otherwise no woman will ever be able to work in your factories."
Finally, after a long interview, I was told I had been successful. So this was what the future had in
store for me. Never had I thought I would take up a job in Pune. I met a shy young man from
Karnataka there, we became good friends and we got married.
It was only after joining Telco that I realized who JRD was: the uncrowned king of Indian industry.
Now I was scared, but I did not get to meet him till I was transferred to Bombay. One day I had to
show some reports to Mr Moolgaokar, our chairman, who we all knew as SM. I was in his office
on the first floor of Bombay House (the Tata headquarters) when, suddenly JRD walked in. That
was the first time I saw "appro JRD". Appro means "our" in Gujarati. This was the affectionate
term by which people at Bombay House called him.
I was feeling very nervous, remembering my postcard episode. SM introduced me nicely, "Jeh
(that's what his close associates called him), this young woman is an engineer and that too a
postgraduate.
She is the first woman to work on the Telco shop floor." JRD looked at me. I was praying he
would not ask me any questions about my interview (or the postcard that preceded it). Thankfully,
he didn't. Instead, he remarked. "It is nice that girls are getting into engineering in our country. By
the way, what is your name?"
"When I joined Telco I was Sudha Kulkarni, Sir," I replied. "Now I am Sudha Murthy." He smiled
and kindly smile and started a discussion with SM. As for me, I almost ran out of the room.
After that I used to see JRD on and off. He was the Tata Group chairman and I was merely an
engineer. There was nothing that we had in common. I was in awe of him.
One day I was waiting for Murthy, my husband, to pick me up after office hours. To my surprise I
saw JRD standing next to me. I did not know how to react. Yet again I started worrying about that
postcard. Looking back, I realise JRD had forgotten about it. It must have been a small incident
for him, but not so for me.
"Young lady, why are you here?" he asked. "Office time is over." I said, "Sir, I'm waiting for my
husband to come and pick me up." JRD said, "It is getting dark and there's no one in the corridor.
I'll wait with you till your husband comes."
I was quite used to waiting for Murthy, but having JRD waiting alongside made me extremely
uncomfortable.
I was nervous. Out of the corner of my eye I looked at him. He wore a simple white pant and shirt.
He was old, yet his face was glowing. There wasn't any air of superiority about him. I was
thinking, "Look at this person. He is a chairman, a well-respected man in our country and he is
waiting for the sake of an ordinary employee."
Then I saw Murthy and I rushed out. JRD called and said, "Young lady, tell your husband never to
make his wife wait again."
In 1982 I had to resign from my job at Telco. I was reluctant to go, but I really did not have a
choice. I was coming down the steps of Bombay House after wrapping up my final settlement
when I saw JRD coming up. He was absorbed in thought. I wanted to say goodbye to him, so I
stopped. He saw me and paused.
Gently, he said, "So what are you doing, Mrs Kulkarni?" (That was the way he always addressed
me.) "Sir, I am leaving Telco."
"Where are you going?" he asked. "Pune, Sir. My husband is starting a company called Infosys
and I'm shifting to Pune."
"Oh! And what will you do when you are successful."
"Sir, I don't know whether we will be successful." "Never start with diffidence," he advised me
"Always start with confidence. When you are successful you must give back to society. Society
gives us so much; we must reciprocate. I wish you all the best."
Then JRD continued walking up the stairs. I stood there for what seemed like a millennium. That
was the last time I saw him alive.
Many years later I met Ratan Tata in the same Bombay House, occupying the chair JRD once
did. I told him of my many sweet memories of working with Telco. Later, he wrote to me, "It was
nice hearing about Jeh from you. The sad part is that he's not alive to see you today."
I consider JRD a great man because, despite being an extremely busy person, he valued one
postcard written by a young girl seeking justice. He must have received thousands of letters
everyday. He could have thrown mine away, but he didn't do that. He respected the intentions of
that unknown girl, who had neither influence nor money, and gave her an opportunity in his
company. He did not merely give her a job; he changed her life and mindset forever.
Close to 50 per cent of the students in today's engineering colleges are girls. And there are
women on the shop floor in many industry segments. I see these changes and I think of JRD. If at
all time stops and asks me what I want from life, I would say I wish JRD were alive today to see
how the company we started has grown. He would have enjoyed it wholeheartedly.
My love and respect for the House of Tata remains undiminished by the passage of time. I always
looked up to JRD. I saw him as a role model for his simplicity, his generosity, his kindness and
the care he took of his employees. Those blue eyes always reminded me of the sky; they had the
same vastness and magnificence.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------(Sudha Murthy is a widely
published writer and chairperson of the Infosys Foundation involved in a number of social
development initiatives. Infosys chairman Narayana Murthy is her husband.)
*Article sourced from: Lasting Legacies (Tata Review- Special Commemorative Issue 2004),
brought out by the house of Tatas to commemorate the 100th birth anniversary of JRD Tata on
July 29, 2004.*
.
This Kid will go far…

This is an actual job application that a 17-year-
old boy submitted at a McDonald's restaurant in Florida ; and
they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME
: Greg Bulmash.
SEX:
Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION:
Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was
in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY:
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If
that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY:
Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and 'post- it' notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It sucked.
AVAILABLE FOR WORK:
Of course. That's why I'm applying.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30 – 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU
FROM LIFTING UPTO
50lbs?:
50lbs. of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? :
I may already be the winner of
the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously
wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be
doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF
YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?:
Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE:
Virgo.
How to Spot an Indian...... .

* Everything you eat is savoured with garlic, onions and chillies.
* You try and re-use gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of

course aluminium foil.
* You are standing next to the two largest size

suitcases at the airport.
* You arrive one or two hours late to a party, and think it's normal.
* You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal

Service missed to stamp.
* Your toilet has a plastic bowl next to the commode.
* All your children have pet names, which sound

nowhere close to their real names.
* You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving

someone's house.
* You load up the family car with as many people as

possible.
* You use plastic to cover anything new in your house

whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new
couch .
* You live with your parents even if you are 40 years

old. (And they like it that way).
* If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in

knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel
it's your duty to spread the word.
* You only make long distance calls after 11pm.
* If you don't live at home, when your parents call,

they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
* When your parents meet Indian for the first time and
talk for a few minutes, you soon discover they are
your relatives.
* Your parents don't realize phone connections to

foreign
countries have improved in the last two decades, and
still scream at the top of their lungs while talking.
* You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them

from getting dirty.
* It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600

people.
* You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the

matrimonial no matter what she looks like.
* You're alw ays interested to know/interfere in others'
personal matters, what they are doing, where they are
going, etc.
* You have really enjoyed reading this mail because

you know some, or most of them, applies to you!
jai indians
Hi friends
To See Magic
Plz do the following steps...
Open Internet Explorer(IE) .

Open any page with full of images:
1. Go to Google
2. Click images
3. Type "jamnagar" or any other word.
4. You will get a page which is having full of images
5. Then delete the item from the address bar and paste the below
script and then hit enter.
No-support with mozilla firefox Use Internet Explorer
java-script: R=0;x1=.1; y1=.05;x2=.25; y2=.24;x3= 1.6; y3=.24;x4=300; y4=200;x5=

300;y5=200; DI=document. images;DIL= DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i<DIL; i++)
{DIS=DI[ i ].style;DIS. position= 'absolute' ;DIS.left= Math.sin (R*x1+i*x2+x3)
*x4+x5;DIS. top=Math. cos(R*y1+ i*y2+y3)* y4+y5}R++ }setInterval( 'A()',5); void(0)
kabhi tumne ye dekha hay

k lafzon main
k lafzon se tasaadum kaise hota hay
tabaahi kaise aati hay
wohi alfaaz jo do piyaar karne waalon main ta'aluq jorrtay hain
dilon main rabt rakhtay hain
or aisa rabt, ik doojay ki khaatir jaan bhi de den
wohi alfaaz kaise sholay ban kar dehshaton ka raqs karte hain
wohi alfaaz kaise zeher ban k aik ik rag main utartay hain
bharay shehron ko sannaatta nigal leta hay
behnen bayn karti hain
pahaarron se jawaan bhai
unhi lafzon ki talwaaron se gardan kaatt lete hain
to maayn aasmaan sar pe utthaati hain
yahi alfaaz maaon k labon se jab duaa ban k ubharte hain
farishte kaanp jaatay hain
yahi alfaaz phir ALLAH ki rehmat main ddhalte hain
hamaaray din badalte hain
to phir ye sochna hoga
to phir ye dekhna hoga
k ye alfaaz khud qaatil nahi hotay
k ye alfaaz khud andhay nahi hotay
ye alfaaz khud zaalim nahi hotay
magar hum bolnay waalay hi rasta bhool jaatay hain
magar hum bolnay waalay hi aankhen phorr lete hain
baseerat se
diyaanat se
sadaaqat se
muhabbat se
ta'alluq torr lete hain
TU KAHAN THA
JAB GHAM MERI DHARKAN MERI BATON SE AYYAN THA,
TU KAHAN THA...
JAB CHAARON TARAF DARD KE DARYA KA SAMAAN THA,
TU KAHAN THA...
AB AYA HAI JAB DHAL GAYE HIEN SABHI MOSAM,MERE
HUMDUM...
JAB TERE LIYE MERA HER EHSAAS JAWAN THA,
TU KAHAN THA...
AB SIRF KHAMOSHI HAI MUQADDAR KA SITARA,MERE YAARA...
JAB LUB PE FAQAT TERA FAQAT TERA BAYAAN THA,

TU KAHAN THA
AB AYA HAI TU JAB KAAM DIKHAYA GAYA SAWAM, MERAY
SAJAN...
JAB CHAAR SO MERAY LIYE KHUSHIYON KA SAMAAN THA..
TU KAHAN THA...
YAAD
Jinki Yaad mein hum deewane ho gaye,

Wo hum hi se begaane ho gaye.
Shayad unhe talash hai ab naye pyaar ki,
Kyunki unki nazar mein hum purane ho gaye.
Baaki kuch na raha zamaane mein,
Jawani guzar rahi mehkhaane mein.
Ab to karle mere pyaar pe yakeen,
Warna zindagi beet jaayegi aazmane mein.
Tumhari har adaa ka kya jawab doon,
Apne pyaar ko kya upahaar doon.
Koi acha sa phool hota to maali se mangwata,
Jo khud gulaab hai usko kya gulaab doon.
Waqt hume bhula chuka hai,
Mukaddar bhi na bhula de.
Hum pyaar isliye nahi karte,
Ki kahin hume phir se koi na rula de.
Aankhon mein aansu aa jaate hain,
Phir bhi labo pe hansi rakhni padti hai.
Yeh mohabbat bhi kya cheez hai yaaron,
Jisse karte hai usi se chupani parti hai.
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend

to thaw out during one particularly icy winter.
Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel
schedules.
It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday,

and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned,
the husband checked into the hotel.
There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in
Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her
address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory'
following a heart attack.
The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and
friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the
floor.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor,
and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife

From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you
then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
zauq-e-sitam junuuN kee hadoN se guzar gayaa

kam-zarf zindaa rah gaye, insaan mar gayaa
Gham Khaanaa-e-jahaaN meN kise jurrat-e-qayaam

meraa hi hausla thaa, do din TheHar gayaa
hai shiddat-e-Khuloos ek zurm-e-aashiquii

parwaana jal ke shamma ko badnaam kar gayaa
baiThe haiN aaj aaiinaa-e-?? le ke wo

ab jaaniye ke nazm-e-do aalam saNwar gayaa
lillah ! aap mujhse muHabbat na keejiye

do roz hi meN aapkaa chehraa utar gaya
Braaaaeeeen Teasers
Recently Procter & Gamble India had participated in IIM-Bangalore' s

Placement Sessions. They asked some interesting questions to
students during
recruitment.
Here are some of them:-

************ ********* ********* ***
1. There is one word in the English language that is alway pronounced
incorrectly. What is it?
2. A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents.
What time
is it?
3. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart.
The
bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches
every 15
minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it's highest,
how
many rungs are under water?
4. There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south. There is a
window in each wall. A bear walks by one of the windows. What color is
the
bear?
5. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?
6. There is a room. The shutters are blowing in. There is broken glass
on
the floor. There is water on the floor. You find Sloppy dead on the
floor.
Who is Sloppy? How did Sloppy die?
7. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that
has
been dug with a square edged shovel?
8. If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water

which
is 45 degrees F, and dropped another ball of the same weight, mass,
and size
in a bucket at 30 degrees F, both of them at the same time, which ball
would
hit the bottom of the bucket first? Same question, but the location is
in
Canada?
9. What is th e significance of the following: The year is 1978, thirty-

four
minutes past noon on May 6th.
10. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the

other
field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in the
center field?
11. What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?
Scroll down for answers..... .......

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1. The word "incorrectly. "
2. 1:45. The man gave away a total of 25 cents. He divided it between

two
people. Therefore, he
gave a quarter to two.
3. None, the boat rises with the tide. Googly ;-)
4. White. If all the walls face south, the house is at the North pole,
and
the bear, therefore, is a polar bear.
5. Three. Well, it seems that it could almost be either, but if you

follow
the mathematical orders of operation, division is performed before
addition.
So... half of two is one. Then add two, and the answer is three.
6. Sloppy is a (gold)fish. The wind blew the shutters in, which knocked
his
goldfish-bowl off the table, and it broke, killing him.
7. None. No matter how big a hole is, it's still a hole: the absence of
dirt.
8. Both questions, same answer: the ball in the bucket of 45 degree F

water
hits the bottom of the bucket last. Did you think that the water in the
30
degree F bucket is frozen? Think again. The question said nothing
about that
bucket having anything in it. Therefore, there is no water (or ice) to
slow
the ball down...
9. The time and month/date/year American style calendar are 12:34,

5/6/78.
10. One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big
stack.
11. The temperature.

§
Taurian man
A quiet simple man who can do something unexpected to shock you. Taurus man mostly
medium tall, strong with good health, good strong body. When he talks, he likes to turn
his head to one side on one direction. His body will be quite straight, facial structure tend
to be square shape more than other shape. His eyes sparkle with liveliness. Even when he
is in love, he is still a free wild bird. He is a sand in your palm, the more you want to hold
it, it will slip out. If you stand and hold it still, it will stay that way. Don't set the rules and
draw a line for him, he will not stay. When you are with him, he will think only of you.
But an hour later he could change his mind. He is very patient with other people, but very
impatient with himself. His world always turning and it will not stop just because he
loves you. If he up sets, he will show it right away. If something has gone wrong, he will
blame his own carelessness instead of blaming other people. He sincere to his friends
even to some friends he does not like. He likes to do odd things and surprise other people.
He could be fully dress in a nice suit and jump in the pool. He could slap your back so
hard just to make you turn around to see he has flowers in his hand. He never want to get
too close with anyone for he thinks living in reality is living by yourself. He does not care
what people think when he behave weird. He could be walking bare feet and laughing at
people who laugh at him and think they are so narrow minded. He does not likes to
follow conformity, but always want to search for new ventures, new mystery. He will
interest in a life of a millionaire as much as a life of an old man selling newspaper on a
sidewalk vendor. He like to search and analyze people and things. He will analyze his
friends or his girl friend, and once the mystery is gone, he will search for new puzzle to
solve. He can not easily understand thing, so he will gradually learning about you till he
fills up all his questions. He knows so many people, but he has a few friends. He looks
for quality friends than quantity friends. He will be close with some friends shortly and
move on. He always feel lonely even surround by many people. He could create his own
little world, and sometimes no one would understand him. He looks only for future and
he thinks he lives for the future. He may wonder how many people think like he does, but
he does not want to be like the others. A man with a conflict personality. He is a cool,
understanding, able to work well, and very artistic. Taurus man could be an artist. He
could shock you as much as he is able to clam you down when you up set. He is a free
spirit who likes venture, but when he wants to be alone, do not touch him but to let him
be. He won't disappear from the crowds too long, he will be back. He will give you
straight forward opinion or comments, but will never advice what he thinks you should
do. He does not like people to tell him what he should do too. He thinks each individual
dreams and thoughts should be very private. He will use his brain not his body strength,
so he will let other guys compete. He has a certain satisfactory in life and hate to force
himself in competition. He may seems careless, but actually he is a thinker and a
stubborn one. He sees anything in details and not easily trusted people till he thinks he
knows them well. You can just smile and he will think why and what are you smiling
about, and if you are pretending. Once he trust you and accept you as a friend, no one can
says other wise to change that for he will not listen to gossip. He will be honest and
sincere to his friends. He hates lies, so he will not tell you lies. If he finds it is necessary
to lie, he will find other ways not to tell you or avoid telling you anything. If he really has
to lie, you will never be able to tell that he is lying. He can really keep secrets, so you
will hardly know that he is a lonely soul. If you want this kind of guy, you have to be an
interesting person. He has to be curious about you. Hell for him is "No Freedom", so if he
marry you then you should know it is the biggest decision in his life. Always be
interesting, then you could have him beside you.
DONT MESS WITH KIDS
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts
yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my
dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little
elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells
at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!
''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

------------ --------- --
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home
and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill
the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the
fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We
checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in
keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you
to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto
Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I
own a scooter at my home.
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we
tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u
to provide one DOG to kill that cat.
8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing
cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.
9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u
will provide that?
Help For a Slow PC:

• Clean up the disk. Uninstall unneeded programs (especially those that run at startup and/or put
something in the system tray), run Disk Cleanup, and defragment the drive. This is a good first
step that will almost always take a few seconds off boot time and application loads for any
computer.
• Run a full anti-virus and anti-spyware scan. You never know what's lurking on your machine,
and these anti-malware tools can help you get rid of other PC-clogging detritus on your PC, even
if it's not harmful.
• Clean up the registry. This is controversial, as some experts claim registry cleaners don't really
help. I've seen evidence to the contrary, so I recommend doing it if you've got a major slowdown.
CCleaner is free and worth running.
• Delete old network connections. Your computer may be trying to connect to shared hard drives
that no longer exist. In Windows Explorer right-click on any network shares you don't actively use
and click Delete. Under Tools, also click "Disconnect Network Drive" to see if there are any
others lurking about.
• Stomp auto-starting programs. Click Start > Run and type "msconfig" at the prompt. Click the
Startup tab and look at all that junk that loads when you launch your PC. Do you really need
"Adobe Reader Speed Launch"? Probably not. Turn off anything else that looks useless, but be
careful not to disable Windows system components.
Those are the easy and free things you can do. If your computer is still slow you need to move on to
the bigger guns.
• Upgrade RAM. This is the one killer trick that will make almost any computer run faster. With an
older PC, you will rarely have enough RAM to run today's memory-hogging operating systems
and applications, and adding a high-capacity stick or two of quality RAM will give you a quick
speed boost. Adding RAM is fairly simple, even for a novice, and you should be able to do the job
in 5 or 10 minutes.
• Reinstall Windows. If the above tricks haven't helped, it may be time to wipe the slate clean and
start again, reformatting your hard drive, reinstalling your applications, and restoring your data
files from a backup. You'd be surprised how much more responsive a freshly reinstalled Windows
system can be, as you've wiped out years of temp files, garbled registry entries, old versions of
software programs that have been upgraded repeatedly, and all sorts of other electronic junk.
Reinstalling is easy if you have the "recovery disk" that came with your PC, and only a bit more
involved if you're using a retail copy of Windows XP. Just be sure you back up everything you
want to take with you before you pull the trigger!
• Upgrade your hard drive. This is a more complicated solution, but if you're reinstalling
Windows (per the prior tip) you might consider upgrading to a bigger and possibly faster hard
drive, too. Hard disk storage is a performance bottleneck on every machine, and magnetic disks
degrade over time. Some performance issues could be caused by a failing hard drive, even, and
upgrading to a new model could really put some zip back in your system. As a bonus, you can use
the original hard drive for backups or occasional storage, if you put it in an enclosure.
Sardarji proposes to a woman.
She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears.
Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a
huge one.
He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *AGAIN*
barefeet!"
Santa : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
Banta : 'Yes, I have'
Santa : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?'
Santa : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta : 'Well, my father killed it.'

A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the
guys doing what they are doing The
bystander : A Marathon race is going on.
Sardar : What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

A Sardarji was in a nightclub in New York, dancing with a beautiful woman.
He whispered into her ear, "I love you."
She smiled and whispered back,"I love you too". then he whispered, "I love you three."
Three Sardarjis went for a tour to singapore . They searched for rooms everywhere and
finally got one which is in the topmost floor of a 100 floor hotel. After taking rest they
started for a local visit.
While leaving the hotel, the manager informed them that they should reach the hotel
before 10.00pm or else lift will not be available and they have to take the steps for
which they agreed and went out.
After all the entertainment in the city, they reached back late at 10.30.
Since lift was not available, they decided to take the stairways under the condition that
each sardarji has to tell a story that lasts for 33 floors so that they can reach the 100th
floor without much trouble.
After first sardarji finished his story in 33rd floor, the third sardarji said," I have a sad
story to say, but i will tell at the end only". Then second sardarji finished his story and the
third finished his story and finally they reached the 100th floor.
Then first sardarji asked what was the sad story.

The third one said, "I forgot the room key which is on the manager's table".
They once again started back to the first floor and this time the second sardarji after
crossing 33 floors from top said," I got a sad story, but I will also say that at the end".
They finally reached the first floor and when asked about the sad story, the second
sardarji said, " The keys were in my pocket only".
With anger and full tired, they once again start from the first floor.
After reaching the 33rd floor, the third sardarji said, " I too have a sad story, but I will say
at the end only". Then they reached the 100th floor and the second one asked the third
sardarji about the sad story, he replied:
....
....
....
....
" This is not our hotel, It is on the other side of road, opposite to this".
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....
On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialled
the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"
trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you
IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone .....
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an
E-MAIL to his wife.
However he accidently typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he
sent the message. Meanwhile,
somewhere in mumbai a widow had just returned home from her husband's funrel. The
widow decided to check her mail,
expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she
fainted. The widow's son rushed into
the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife

Subject: I've just reached
Date: 13th oct 2006
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now,
and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for
your arrival tommorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was;
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position,
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws"
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load
Of seniors down a highway

When he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts,
Which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder
Again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again
He asks the little old lady,
" why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks,
"Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied,
"We just love the chocolate around them ."

To my darling husband,
Before you return from your trip, I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the truck
when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not to bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry
too much about me.
I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the
accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt
when it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry but I know with your kind hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I
love you and care for you my sweet heart.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife.
(Scroll down)
.
(Scroll down)
A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was

transferred to a new School in Mumbai.
He reported for duty two days after the actual

date of joining.
Consequently he was asked for an explanation in

writing...
____________ _________ _________
Deer sur,
If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I

big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.
This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I

wanted to joint your school more fastly,
but for the following region, too much time

lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre
compartment.
I tolded
I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the

clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.
I putted a complain on station masterji.
He said I to go to the lady clerk.
At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long

time and finally with great difficulty
she gave a birth to my sun.
Anyway I thanked the station master also
because he was phully responsible for getting birth

of my sun.
Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my
hole life.
I hope u will look into explain my hole story after,

and late me joint first.
I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for

your responsement.
May God blast you!"
Yours awfully,
RAMKHILAWAN YADAV
BEST INTERVIEW : OFFICE HUMOR :

JUST GO THROUGH IT , YOU WILL ENJOY
------------ --------- -------
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am SAMEER GUPTA. I did my Tele Communication

engineering from
BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never

heard
of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an

admission
into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in
12th.I
was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer
to
call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap
actually said
- "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this
college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the
most be
related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your
engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you

know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis
tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and
3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try
to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches
really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought

I
would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking
for a job
for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education

itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have

you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current
platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then.

As you can
see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are
the
places in Mumbai)
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in

German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher

version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new
language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times

they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since

joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that
Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and

Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call
and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncontrol ','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have
deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I

would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as

to
avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term

preferably 2-4 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia
and
Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West
Indies in
2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am
modest and
don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our

organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome
to
INFOSYS .. :-))
No intention to offend anybody.
An American, a Britisher and an Indian went for a hike

one day. It was very
hot. They were sweating and exhausted. When they came
upon a small lake,
they took off all their clothes and jumped into the
water, since it was
fairly secluded. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided
to pick a few berries
while enjoying their " freedom. " As they were
crossing an open area,
suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared.
Unable to get to their
clothes in time, the American and the Britisher
quickly used their hands to
cover their privates. But the Indian covered his face
while they ran for
cover. After the ladies had left and the men got
their clothes back on, the
American and the Britisher asked the Indian why he
covered his face
rather than his private parts.
The Indian replied, " I don't know about

you, but in my country, it's the face that people recognize".
Dil ka connection miladein,
Daddy internet laga dein,
Mujhe aaya mail dostoun ka,
Kab lagay ga itna bata dein
Homework pura hota nahi,

Raat ko mein sota nahi,
Jab mood ho parhai ka,
Homework koi hota nahi.
Net bhi hai kamaal cheez,

Bas aati ho agar chalani keys,
Waisay to bohot hai kaam is kay,
Par chatting pe lagti nahi fees.
Aap kehte hain mein shor machaon ga,

Try karo mein naraz na kar paon ga,
Mein god promise karta hun,
Net aap ke saunay ke baad lagaun ga.
Saheli nahi meri,haan dost hi hotay hain,

Woh saray ke saray school mein hi sotay hain,
Raat to guzarti hai net par typing kartay,
Subha bhi chat room mein hi hotay hain.
Ladkian bhi kamaal hoti hain,

Ghar pe apni misaal hoti hain ,
Saara kaam khatam karkay,
Das bajay saday naal hoti hain.
Ab to mujhe internet lagadein,

Meri bhi mauj karadein,
Mein bhi dhondta hun cyber bahoo,
Aap bas nikah dot com karadein
Want to save tax and get fixed

returns????? ?????????
With the stock market touching an all-time high, investors are
looking at fixed return alternatives.
Read on to understand fixed return investments that also give a

tax benefit.
Five year bank deposits:
Lock-in period Minimum five years

Safety High
Type of Fixed return
instrument
Annual return Varies. Depends on current market
interest rates
Limit per annum None
Five year bank deposits are the latest addition to Section 80C.
For those of you who prefer depositing money in the local bank,
this one is a real boon. Do remember, however, that any deposit
with a tenure of less than five years will not be valid for the tax
benefit.
The five-year deposit works like any other bank deposit. Which
means that, if you need some cash urgently, you can take an
overdraft (loan) against it. Generally, the banks will give you
around 75 to 85 per cent of the amount deposited as an
overdraft. Of course, this will not come free.
The interest you pay on this overdraft will be around 1.5 to 2 per
cent higher than what you are earning on that five-year deposit.
So if you are earning 8 per cent on the deposit, the interest
charged on an overdraft will be 9.5 to 10 per cent.
What banks generally do is open a current account with that

overdraft amount. You will have to pay interest only on the
amount that you utilise.
As of now, you can expect around 8 per cent interest on a five
year fixed deposit. Senior citizens will get 0.5 or 1 per cent more.
So, while this option scores high on convenience and safety, the
hitch is that the interest earned on bank deposits is taxed.
Public Provident Fund:
Lock-in period 15 years

Safety Highest
Type of instrument Fixed return
Annual return 8%
Limit per financial Rs 500 (min) to Rs 70,000 (max)
year
This one has been the darling of the tax-saving instruments for
decades. And not without reason. With an interest rate of 12 per
cent, those who invested in it in the past would have reaped
great returns. It dropped to 11 per cent, then 9.5 per cent and is
now 8 per cent per annum.
To add to its sheen, it also boasts of the Exempt-Exempt-

Exempt criteria, popularly referred to as EEE. What this means is
that there is a tax exemption on contributions, interest earned
and also on withdrawals -- a hat trick of sorts.
You get the tax benefit under Section 80C when you invest in
PPF, you pay no tax on the interest earned and no tax on
withdrawal.
It can't get better than this, though it can certainly get worse. In
the future, the taxation
methodology would shift to EET -- Exempt-Exempt- Taxed --

which means that the withdrawals would be taxed.
National Savings Certificate :
Lock-in period 6 years

Safety Highest
Annual return 8%
Limit per FY Rs 100 onwards. No upper
limit
On the face of it, this one is identical to PPF, but with a lower
tenure. While NSC offers the same interest rate of 8 per cent per
annum, it is computed on a half-yearly basis, while PPF is
calculated on an annual basis. On this point, NSC scores.
Let us say, on April 1, 2006, you invest Rs 30,000 in both, PPF

and NSC. A year down the road, you would have Rs 32,400 in
your PPF account but Rs 32,448 in your NSC. As the years go by,
the difference is all the more pronounced.
However, this benefit is nullified when you take the tax benefit of
PPF into account. The interest you earn on NSC is taxed.
Under the current tax regime, the various heads of income are:
i. Salary
ii. Income from house property
iii. Capital gains
iv. Profits and gains from business or profession
v. Income from other sources
The interest you earn from NSC is included under the head
'Income from other sources'.
This interest, though taxed, is eligible for deduction under

Section 80C. Generally, it is advisable to declare accrued interest
on NSC on a yearly basis. So, over the period of six years, you
could declare the interest income for each year. In such a case, it
does not amount to a huge sum.
If this does not appeal to you, then you can claim the entire
amount in the year of maturity under Section 80C.
While PPF is an ongoing account, NSC is a one-time investment
available in denominations of Rs 100, Rs 500, Rs 1,000, Rs 5,000
and Rs 10,000.
Employee Provident Fund :
Lock-in period Dependent on the employment

Safety Highest
Annual return 8.5%
Limit per month 12% of salary, with employee
given
the option to increase contribution
The EPF is a retirement benefit scheme available to salaried

employees. Under this scheme, a stipulated amount decided by
the government (currently 12 per cent) is deducted from the
employee's salary and contributed towards the fund.
The employer makes an equal contribution.

The flexibility exists for an employee to contribute more than the
stipulated amount if the scheme allows for it. However, the
employer is under no obligation to increase his contribution. Let's
say the employee decides
15% of his salary must be deducted towards the EPF. In this

case, the employer is not obligated to pay any contribution over
and above the stipulated amount of 12%.
The amount accumulated in the PF is paid at the time of

retirement or resignation. If you have worked continuously for a
period of five years, the withdrawal of PF is not taxed.
PF can be transferred from one company to the other if one

changes jobs. Even if you have not worked for at least five years
but are transferring the PF to the new employer, it is not taxed.
What's more, the tenure of employment with the new employer
is included in computing the total of five years.
The message: If you withdraw it before completion of five years,
you pay your tax, unless your employment is terminated due to
ill-health.
Infrastructure bonds:
Lock-in period Dependent on the bond, three years

minimum
Safety High
Annual return Varies. Depends on current market interest
rates
Limit per annum None
The party is over for this one.

At one time, it was mandatory to invest in them. And financial
institutions like ICICI and IDBI garnered phenomenal amounts of
money due to this stipulation. Now that the investor has the
flexibility to bypass this investment, this is exactly what is being
done. The financial institutions, too, have not been coming out
with issues.
Of course, if you are very risk averse and want your money back
as quickly as possible, this one seems to be the only tax saving
option suited to both those requirements. Provided, of course,
the financial institutions come out with an issue.
Part II want to save tax coming soon



get up...

welwishers are


Syed Hassan Ali
MBA Finance
Mobile No : 9885290563
hassanrazvi786@ yahoo.co. in
Hyderabad India
Note: if you want to SMS me on my mobile please tell me

your name and City and state from where you are sending
SMS so i can reply u
If you like my mails Please Mail me or send me sms on
9885290563 i can send u more good mails like these
Letter to Girl Friend

Ever wondered how an HR Manager could write a love letter to his girlfriend? Hope you
would enjoy it.
To, My Dear Darling

Sub: Offer of love!
Dearest Ms Maya,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of
October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at
1500hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be
on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be
made permanent.
Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the jobtraining and
performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The
expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment woul d initially be shared equally
between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the
expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense
account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this
offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take
up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
HR Manager
Hai,
What If you find it very boring in the office? here are some tips.......Try it!
I am not responsible if ur FIRED!!..... .....
Here you go.......... ......... ..
1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2. Make blank calls to your Boss.
3. Count your fingers (and toes if you still get bored).
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else's chair just to irritate him/her.
5. Send mails from ms-mail to your internet mail (and immediately Get to the internet
and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them there, and note down the
time they take to reach there. Then do vice versa....... ...... !!
6. Watch other people changing their facial expressions while Working and try
changing your expressions also.
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by Asking silly doubts.
8. Have work breaks in between tea.
9. Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.
10. Read jokes and send jokes.
11. Revise last week's newspaper.
12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
14. Compile "How to waste your day"
15. Pick up phone and dial non existing nos.
16. Make faces at strangers in office.
17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at time.
18. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..Then repeat
this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s) he was 5
years old.
20. Learn to whistle.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and Take a nap.
And if you are still bored-...... ...... ............ . then........ ...... Fwd this mail to everyone u
know !!
MAN FIRED FOR SLEEPING DURING SLEEP STUDY Daniel Ayers of Sioux City
was fired recently from Somnitech, where he worked as a
full-time sleep technician, preparing clients for a sleep study and then monitoring them as
they slept.
He was fired for sleeping on the job on three occasions.
During one incident, a co-worker allegedly used her cell phone to photograph
Ayers sleeping at work.
CAR CRASHES INTO HOUSE: DRIVER LANDS IN BED (Minnesota) - Police say a drunk driver cr
hed into a Duluth hom
, then made himself at home, falling asleep in the homeowners bed. The crash cause
serious damage when
the car ended up in the middle of the home. One person was asleep upstai
s at the time of the crash, but was unhurt. After checking to see what had happened, Ju
Park told police he found th
driver of the car sound asleep in his bed.
"He's crazy," said Park. Police took the driver into custody.
MAN ARRESTED FOR SHOVING ICE CREAM INTO MAILBOX (Japan) - A man who shoved ice crea
into a mailbox has bee
arrested for violating the Mail Law, police said. Yoshiaki Kobayashi, 42, admitted
o the allegations. "
was frustrated because my job was not going well. I wanted to vent my anger," he wa
quoted as telling investigators. In
estigators are grilling Kobayashi over his alleged involvement in four other cases
in which ice cream and liquid soap
were poured into mailboxes near the scene and mail items were damaged. In the speci
ic case for which he was arrested,
obayashi shoved chocolate ice cream into a mailbox in front of Shin-Sayama Station on
the Seibu Shinjuku ine and dirtied mail inside it, local polic
said .
MAN STOPPED FOR HAIRCUT IN MIDDLE OF POLICE CHASE (Canada) - A Thunder Bay man who
topped for a haircut while police were chasing him was handed a three-year penit
ntiary term for numerous charges in Ontario Court. Judge F.A. Sargent gave Nathan Cli
ford Myles, 25, one y
ar for dangerous driving, one year consecutive for failing to stop for police a
d six months consecutive for
ach of two charges of obstructing a peace officer. The incident involving Myl
s began wh
n a uniformed officer in an unmarked car attempted to pull over a driver behind the wh
el of a Chevro
et Cavalier. The officer noticed the vehicle being driven in an erratic manner. Myles ref
sed to stop an
continued into the parking lot of a grocery store where he slammed into several s
oppin
carts. He then abandoned the car and fled on foot along James Street. He couldn't hav
been in too much of a rush, as he
took the time to have a haircut in a nearby salon. His hair shorn, he tried to get into a
taxi when he was arre
ted near the corner of Arthur and Madison streets. A search of the Cavalier turned u
a handgun and a rifle. While Myle
was getting his haircut, more than 1,500 students and staff were locked down in thei
schools over the lunch hour be
ause a gun magazine found in the car led police to
believe a firearm could be involved.
DAUGHTER SHUT AWAY FOR THREE DECADES IN BATHROOM (Italy) - A 73-year-old woman
being investi
ated for "kidnapping and maltreating a family member" after allegedly keeping her men
ally disturbed daughter locked
n a darkened bathroom for 30 years. Police said that Annina Gentilezza kept her daughter,
Giuseppina, now 52, a prison
r in the top-floor council flat at Pescara, on the Adriatic coast. They raided the flat aft
r being tipped off by
ignora Gentilezza's daughter-in- law. They found Giuseppina curled in a ball in a tiled
oom measuring seven foot by nine
oot containing a lavatory, bidet, sink and washing machine. Police said that instea
of being washed Giuseppina was "h
sed down" on the balcony. Psychiatrists at a local hospital where Giuseppina has been
taken said that she was begin
ing to talk. "Sh doesn't want to go back home," a hospital s p
kesman said. BLIND WOMAN RECOVERS SIGHT AFTER HEART ATTACK (England, AFP) - A
74-year-old woman who had been blin
for 25 years awoke in a British hospital after suffering a heart attack and could s
e again. The Daily Telegraph newspaper reports she told her husband, "You've got
lder." Doctors were at a loss to
explain how Joyce Urch, who lived in a world of shadows and near darkness since 1979,
ad recovered her sight af
er the heart attack 16 months ago. Urch, who was treated at
Walgrave Hospital in Coventry, where doctors spent three days battling to save her life,
called it a "miracle."
TEACHER MISTAKES BOY'S INSULIN PUMP FOR PHONE, RIPS IT OUT (Florida) - A substitut
her in Lake County, Flo
ida, was terminated and banned from teaching in the county after he ripped out a stud
nt's insulin pump du
ing class apparently thinking it was a ringing cell phone. Officials said a ninth-grade
tudent at East Ridge High Sc
ool, a Type I diabetic, was in class when his insulin pump began to beep, indicatin
he was low on insulin. Witness
s said the teacher, Richard Maline, asked the student what the beeping was. School offi
ials said Maline then grabbed th
device, thinking it was a cell phone beeping and detached the tube that connects th
insulin pump to the student's le
. The student went to the school's clinic and had the tube reinserted. Lake Count
Jokes
Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a
conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the
second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful,
how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first. "It's very
uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains
in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's very calm
way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if
you're sleeping.
How did you die?" says the second. "I had a heart attack",
says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on
me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up
to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to
the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the
second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as
fast as I could to the attic, and as soon as I got there, I had a
massive heart attack and died."
The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic" he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man "If you had only
stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to

overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher
was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in
long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the
church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the
church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew big
guns!
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take
a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats! "Naturally, the pews
emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the
door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left
sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in
the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the
preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now.
You may begin the service."
George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a

long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and
flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and
some stone tablets under the other arm.
George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you
Moses?"
The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.
George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's
view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man continued to peruse the ceiling.
George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again,
"Aren't you Moses?"
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am."
George W. asked him why he was so uppity.
Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to
spend forty years in the desert!"
A young couple who were engaged to be married were killed

in a car accident. Upon arriving together at the Pearly
Gates, the young woman asked St. Peter if they could get
married in heaven. St. Peter mulled it over for a little bit,
then told them he would get back to them.
Six weeks later, St. Peter tells the couple the good news. "I
finally found a preacher up here and he says he'd be happy
to marry you!" he tells the couple.
They are overjoyed and start thanking St. Peter. Then the
young man asks St. Peter: "Look, if it doesn't work out,
would we be able to get a divorce?"
St. Peter turns beet red. "A divorce? It took me six weeks
just to find a preacher up here!! What makes you think I'll
EVER be able to find a lawyer?!?!?"
A cab driver reaches the pearly gates and announces his
presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book.
Upon reading the entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him
to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into
Heaven.
A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been
watching these proceedings with great interest. He
announces himself to St. Peter.
Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St.
Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay,we'll let you in, but
take that cloth robe and wooden staff."
The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of
the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk
robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!"
St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "This is heaven, and
up here, we're interested in results. When you preached,
people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people
prayed!"
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday

afternoon down by the river.
He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to
the preacher. The minister turns, notices the old drunk and
says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow's head under the water
and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the
preacher asked.
"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer,
brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found
Jesus?"
"Noooo, I have not, Reverend."
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30
seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a
harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are
you sure this is where he fell in?"

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What if u upgraded Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.

------------ --------- --------- --

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5,

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the

I suggest installing the background application " Yes Dear" to alleviate

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install

Kuch Loog Baddal Gaye Hai

Is raat ki.. Tanhaeeyo ke

~*~ Chooriyan Kharidi Hain ~*~

Khuwahisho k Jangal mai Raat Justuju kar k

Wo Ajeeb Larki thi us ko Raass aata tha

Kuch Kitabein lena thi aur kuch naye Kaprey

DRINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH

It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up

1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth, drink 4 x

3. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.

4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink

The following list gives the number of days of

1. High Blood Pressure - 30 days

5. Cancer - 180 days

Bas itna yaad hai

Geet ki zaroorat mehfil mein hoti hai

************ ********* ********* ********* *********

Har rishtonke mukaam nahin hote...

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Yahi to khoobsurat dosti ka naata hai,

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Aapki dosti ki ek nazar chahiye;

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Dost hai to Aansuo ki bhi shaan hoti hai, Dost na ho to

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Someone is loving you????????? ?

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Zindagi me Jab Maayus hue Hum.....

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Na khwabon me dekha, na nazaron me dekha,

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Woh Zindagi hi kya jisme Mohabbat nahi,

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Raatein gumnam hoti hai,

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Khushiyon par fizaon ka pehra hai,

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Yun to kisika peecha nahin karte,

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Har karz dosti ka ada kaun karega,

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har kadam par tanha hoti hai zindagi,

************ ********* ********* ********* *********

Aasman humse naraaz hai....,

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Sitaron ke aage bhi koi jahan hoga,

Masti aankhon mein hoti hai,sharaab mein nahi

************ ********* ********* ********* *********

~~ Chooriyan Kharidi Hain ~~

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