Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Written by:
Rohit Jain
Photo:
Rohit Jain
rohitjain217@gmail.com
Concept:
Indira Pancholi
Text editing:
Enakshi Ganguly Thukral
Design:
aspire design
Published by:
HAQ: Centre for Child Rights
B-1/2, Ground Floor, Malviya Nagar
New Delhi 110017 INDIA
Phone: +91 (0)11 26673599/ +91 (0)11 26677412
E-mail: info@haqcrc.org, Web: www.haqcrc.org
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Ending Child Marriage : Learning Together and Moving Ahead
In collaboration with :
Mahila Jan Adhikar Samiti, Rajasthan
Mahila.janadhikar@gmail.com
Child Marriage No Never,
Without My Consent Never Ever Rohit Jain
Rajasthan
Note from the photographer
Thinking about child marriage has made me realise due to child marriage, Another girl becomes a victim
that it is the end of all their desires for many children. of sexual violence. We feel temporary shock and
It is like stealing away their dreams from them. I saw outrage. Meanwhile, despite such news reports, this
these children sitting in a corner like little pigeons social custom continues uninterrupted in the villages,
withdrawn and sad. Some believe child marriage is in the name of culture, tradition or poverty, as yet
a necessary ritual, and others that it is thoughtfully another child is married off.
planned fate. Either way, it is a given and a must.
After having visited around 20 villages in Ajmer
Those who do not adopt this ritual and fate for their
district, there was only one thought that ran through
children have to hide themselves from society bow
my mind. There seems to be a constant hurry about
their heads in embarrassment, avoiding everyone
who can get rid of the burden of their children first
else. They are forced to walk the village lanes in the
yes, burden! Hard to believe, but thats what their
darkness of early mornings or late nights when no one
children seem to be for them.
can see or ridicule them.
The elders say, Once you get them married quickly,
I found it shocking that both the young and the
you are free of your responsibility Otherwise be
old men did not understand the alarming health
prepared that they will create trouble once they grow
consequences of child marriage, both physical and
up and begin throwing tantrums and making their
mental, for their sisters and daughters, and the kind of
own choices!
lives these girls are forced to lead as result.
There are a number reasons that the villagers give
Many girls are forced to push aside their own desires
for justifying child marriage poverty, religion
and happiness, and live with the consequences of
and tradition, the possibility of girls getting into
premature marriages for the rest of their lives. In the
relationships of their choice or eloping these and
end their bodies and minds give up on them. Some
many more reasons abound in the short narratives in
girls get tired, and break; some just drop dead.
this book.
So often, while we in the cities sip a cup of morning
The way these matters are decided, it almost appears
tea and read the newspaper, a news item might
that marriages are a joke to be taken lightly. So
catch our attention One more girl takes her life
much so that marriages may be fixed over casual
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conversations during a social function. The marriage drinks, the singing and dancing. They are caught
of a 15-year-old girl was arranged at her grandfathers up in all the excitement of the moment the
retirement party. preparations and ceremonies. Not that they fully
understand all the implications of being married.
Three-and-a-half-year-old Anu was married off along
with her three older sisters just because some wise While some of those married off young are able to
village elders believed that 3 was an inauspicious make their peace with the situation and carry on with
number. They advised Anus father to marry her off their lives, there are others who are deeply disturbed
too, so that there would be four brides instead of and perplexed. Some marriages break up because
the inauspicious 3. And this is how the traditions the grooms, on growing up, are unemployed, or take
continue in our villages. The learned priests only to drinking, or the couple find they do not like each
strengthen these deep-rooted traditions by adding a other and cannot live together.
few more rituals.
Fifteen-year-old Narendras engagement had been
Some girls are married off early simply because there fixed only a few days before my visit. He was clearly
is no one to do the housework in some families. Bring excited. His younger sister, Varsha, whispered to me,
in a 14- or 15-year-old daughter-in-law who will do My brother asks me to bring money to recharge his
the household chores thats exactly why 14-year-old phone so he can talk to his fiance. While chatting
Babli was married. with Narendra, when I asked him if he was aware of
the many responsibilities that came with marriage,
Some children are married off as breast-feeding
he shook his head and said, No.
infants, while others, though a little older, are clueless
about what is happening. Some children might I have tried to weave many such stories together. In
understand what is happening but are helpless to doing so, I realised that marriage is both a romantic
speak up and protest. They just accept their situation notion as well as a fearful one for children. While
silently. the utter obduracy of adults pains me, it is these
children, and what they say, that gives me hope.
That being said, a few do feel enticed by the prospect
of being married by all the new clothes and
jewellery, the wedding arrangements, the food and
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Wistfully recalling the courage she had shown, A campaign on child marriage and
16-year-old Haseena smiled, I even its ill effects was organised to spread
called the 1098 helpline and pleaded awareness through street plays, folk
with them to stop my wedding. But then songs and films, targeting children like
her face fell. Someone had told her that Haseena and Nazma, who are already
she could call that number for help, but married but still live in their natal homes.
all she got from the other end was a voice The aim is to convince parents and
that said, Wrong number. communities to delay the gauna (the
sending of young girls to their marital
The smile on her face faded. I had no
homes) so that these girls may enjoy their
option but to get married, as my older
childhood a little longer. Eventually, they
sister is married into the same house,
will have to be sent off. We can only hope
Looming
she said softly. If I had said no to the
that some people are listening, and will
marriage proposal, they would have sent
understand the plight of these girls that
my sister back, along with her three-year-
the smile on Nazmas face while watching
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Sharda stood surrounded by a group of either thats just the way it is when
giggling friends who seemed to be the boys quit school, their brides must
teasing her and bombarding her with do the same
questions that she was shyly trying to
Suddenly, tears welled up in her kohl-
evade. Perhaps they were curious and
lined eyes. They clung to her eyelashes
wanted to know about her experiences
as they rolled down her cheeks, washing
in her sasural (marital home) after her
away her dreams. With a very sad,
gauna (being sent to live in her sasural).
faraway look, she gulped back her
desires
I only eat if someone asks me to do
her. Suddenly, giggles filled the air, and
so or I keep waiting till someone takes
she joined in like the child that she is
notice and offers me food, or even tea.
except that she would not have her
Sharda wanted to continue studying, friends around for much longer, nor the
but her father-in-law had refused laughter. Instead, housework and babies
permission. On being asked why, she are what await her. She will have to push
anxiously wrapped the corner of her her own dreams and desires aside
dupatta around her fingers and said,
Perhaps in these changed circumstances,
My husband has quit his studies. Since
as she brings up her children, she will
he is no longer studying, I cant study
also learn to look after herself.
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10
12-year-old Punaram was annoyed. Punaram, who had joined us again
Chubby
He mumbled something under his by then, admitted, Child marriages
breath and ran away when some of his continue but in a very hushed manner.
unmarried friends began to tease him We continue to attend our friends
about being married. weddings even though we have been
told at school that marriages should only
His friends, exhausted after all their
be solemnized after we turn 21 We are
play and mischief, were seated on tree
well aware of the legal repercussions.
branches like monkeys.
Sitting in the group was Punarams friend
Getting married after growing up is a
Ram Niwas. He suddenly remarked,
lot of fun, they said. A DJ is invited, and
You tend to lose interest in your studies
boys, too
sometimes articulate the wisest of things.
married as a child, none of this happens.
Instead, you have to hide in a room On being asked if he has seen his wife,
or get married in some remote place, Punaram replied with a slight smile, No
because your parents are constantly I feel shy. Also, I dont feel like seeing her.
worried that they may be arrested
Just then, the school bell rang. The boys
if someone informs the police. The
noisily jumped off the tree and ran
grown-ups also ensure that none of the
towards their classroom.
children divulge anything to anyone so
its all hush-hush, and boring.
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12
I am only 14! Aarti had protested to But I had made up my mind. Two years
But
her mother, in despair. have passed since that incident
It hardly mattered whether anyone else Times are changing, and everyone now
heard her or not, because in her heart acknowledges and appreciates Aartis
she knew it was not right. With just a prudence, especially her female cousin
day to go for the big wedding day, Aarti who was married off instead. After
had decided to call it off. It was as if an the initial excitement of the wedding,
withering
her parents do.
It was when her grandfather died that
it was decided that she and her cousin Later that evening, sitting on the terrace
sister would be married off. Aarti with friends, Aarti jokingly admonished
explained, Mausar is a long-standing Nirmala, I will call 1098, the childline
tradition in our community, in which number! Nirmala quickly asked her to
someones death must be followed by a hush, and the girls broke into quiet and
wedding ceremony. Since I did not have nervous laughter as the evening sun
a father, my aunt thought it was wise sank below the horizon.
to get rid of me by marrying me off. My
mother, widowed and alone, felt helpless
and gave in to family pressure.
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We will never, ever get married in childhood, 10-year-
old Maya, studying in the 7th standard, could be heard
saying. She was part of a group of school children that
had gathered under the peepal tree, in the scorching
heat of May, to take an oath not only not to get married
themselves, but to also to work to stop child marriage by
trying to convince others.
us, never Someone in the group asked Maya if she was married.
She shut her eyes, took a deep breath, dropped her head
down and said in a soft and sad voice, Yes, I was married
off when I was five years old.
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16
Bold and outspoken, Shanti was not a woman get them married early thats why we marry
to be put down and subjugated. She off our children young.
was the informal leader of the women
Shanti could not let this pass. What? Get the
labourers. Be it an old woman or a man if
children married when they are five years
they did or said something wrong, Shanti
old? And look after the girls until they are
would protest against injustice and wrong
considered old enough to go stay with their
practices. No one could stand up to her
in-laws? While spending all that money to
arguments or contradict her.
send gifts to the childs in-laws for festivals
Sitting and chatting with Shanti and some and celebrations, deaths, and other rituals?
other women labourers who were resting in Doesnt that mean your expenses actually
the shade of a mango tree, Padma didi asked, increase? What have you saved? And what if
Why do you all get your daughters married at the girl is unhappy with her marriage when
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18
The veil over her head reaching down to was out herding the buffalo and she
her chest, 18-year-old Lakshmi was started playing. She lost the buffalo She
speaking non-stop. It was as if she now lives in a childrens home. But what
wanted to lighten the weight of her veil, will happen to her when she turns 18?
and of the memories it carried. Her sister My mother-in-law does not allow me to
Aarti and she had paid a heavy price bring her here. Shes afraid to have such
indeed for their fathers alcoholism and a young woman in the house thinks its
their mothers indifference. They might a burden I dont even remember when
as well have been orphaned as soon as I got married. I think it was four or five
they were born. years ago anyway dates dont matter.
Hide
He is mentally retarded but at least I
The house was sold and our bua
got a house to live in. At these words,
(fathers sister) took the money,
she lifted her veil, and a smiling face
&
promising to look after us girls Lakshmi
peeped out, as if a huge weight had been
suddenly paused, then softly went on,
lifted from her. But just then, she saw
Little did we know that our aunt would
some people looking out of a window,
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He doesnt like it, said Anita, who loves peeped out from under her veil, and her
dancing, glancing away and growing face seemed just as it must have been
quiet. Then almost as an afterthought, six years earlier innocent beautiful.
she said, But he loves me a lot! It was
I was married at 16. And yes, I have
past dusk, and she was on her way to
not changed a bit since I always stay
fetch water from the well. On being
happy. Having filled three pots of water,
asked why she was headed out in
she tightened her saree end around her
the dark of night, she said, There is a
waist, balanced two pots on her head
honeycomb near the well. I am scared.
Caught
and one against her side. As she started
But the bees go to sleep as night sets in.
her journey back home, her friend Nirma
And throwing her head back, she closed
took one pot from her as they walked.
her eyes and began to laugh.
well
with them and cleaning that Anita is finally able to
relax.
Even in the dark, as she walked through
uneven terrain to collect water from It is hard to tell that Anitas schooling
the well, her face remained covered. was only till the 8th standard. Its as if she
You have to hide your face all the time. knows the whole world. And tomorrow
Otherwise, all hell breaks loose in this she will be going to teach at the village
village. People hurl abuses. No one nursery school, accompanied by her
appreciates married women who expose five-year-old daughter and carrying her
their faces. Blushing, Anita suddenly one-year-old son!
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When the wind blows, it blows on everyone yourselves? Laughing and giggling in
in its path, said the worried public like this? The girls turned their
grandfather of Kismat and Priyanka. We faces away and, smiling to themselves,
are all farmers and have go out to work began watching the squirrels playing
how do we keep an eye on these girls? around them.
Railing at the law against child marriage,
Looking up with that special smile,
he said, Now Im stuck! Kismat is of
Kismat said, I had quit my studies after
marriageable age, but Priyanka is only
the 5th standard, and Priyanka is now in
16. If I attempt to get them married at
the 10th. Sitting behind them was their
the same time, I will get into trouble with
bhabhi, their sister-in-law, who added,
the law. But everything is so expensive
This is typical of what happens in our
Gone with
we do not have the resources to do
villages. The older girls take care of
two separate weddings. One wedding
domestic chores, while the younger ones
for both girls would mean just one
continue studying.
the wind
mandap (canopy). The members of our
community taunt us Are you blind? When asked about her marriage, Kismet
Can you not see that the girls are grown blushed and said, looking away shyly,
up? Why are you not marrying them Thats for the family to decide. But her
off? He has been waiting impatiently for forehead glistened with beads of sweat
Priyanka to turn 18. as she went on to say, I dont want to get
married, I like it here in my house. I can
Sitting at a little distance, the two
laugh and roam about freely, talk about
sisters more like best friends were
anything, and enjoy the company of
communicating through signs, till they
everyone here. What will I do there?
suddenly burst into soundless laughter,
their hands covering their mouths, their And Priyanka looked with hope at her
eyes filled with mischief and mirth. older sister maybe Kismat had the
answers she didnt!
From somewhere a loud voice burst
upon them: Arent you ashamed of
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The The blessings of kanyadaan (the Sita went on: When a girl gets married,
custom in which a girl is given away she receives gifts from her parents,
by her father to her husband) are relatives and community members.
bestowed not just on the girls parents, When a girls nose and ears are pierced,
but on the entire community, said Sita, it is the responsibility of the parents to
the village up-sarpanch (Deputy Head). put a stick through the freshly pierced
And she continued, Our culture has a holes. This is how the girls purity can be
tradition of marrying off girls early. When ensured.
Flowing
she is a girl, she is pure. Once she starts
She thought for a moment, then
bathing (menstruating) she becomes a
added, Along with parents, the entire
woman. It is our religious obligation to
like a
community creates the pressure for
get the girl engaged before her periods
child marriage. As Sita stopped speaking,
begin. After that, the parents only
another woman seated nearby said,
responsibility is to get her married. It is
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Here I am worshipping the tulsi plant, but what if standing in their doorways and listening to what the
someone lets loose his goat to graze here? men had to say, retreated indoors at these words.
Everything will be over. With these words, plump
Burying his still-burning cigarette in the sand, an
Guniram in his red turban started off a discussion.
elderly man emphasised, Until the girl reaches
Joining in, Gheesaram said, The whole universe puberty, it is not even necessary to match her
is balanced around the bull and the girl. The horoscope with her groom, because children are
entire universe is doomed if you leave these two innocent in the eyes of God. The horoscopes need
untethered. Bulls symbolize hard work, but if you let to be matched only once the girl attains sexual
them loose in the open, who will do the hard work? maturity, because the girls stars should not be
Similarly, if you leave a girl unprotected, you fail in better than the boys. If that were to happen, then
your religious obligations and lose your honour. when a man asks his wife for food, she will shut him
up.
Everyone was gathered under the neem tree.
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Jagdish and his wife Ratni were very happy as in our village are like a tree that is very
they showed their daughters framed old, but has also become powerful and
photograph. A sharp ray of sunlight fell dangerous a tree whose roots have got
on the photo, and Jagdish quickly covered buried in the earth and whose branches
it with the edge of his wifes saree, are lost in the clouds. We have not only
her pallu. Looking into her husbands challenged, but also broken such a
eyes with a smile, Ratni pressed the deeply entrenched custom.
photograph to her chest, and went inside
They still vividly remember the way the
to put it away.
members of the village panchayat had
The village folk often acknowledged that humiliated them. Today, those very
there was something different about people come to Jagdish and Ratni to seek
powerful
cold drinks into them. While sipping on
mobile phone and for sending her to a
his tea, Jagdish said, All this talk about
faraway village to study. In their Bhil tribal
not educating girls or allowing them to
community, girls are not encouraged to
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Sita looked beautiful in her red outfit, just they would only go ahead with the wedding
like in her colourful dreams. Sita loves only if the grooms parents were able to find a
to dress up and see new places. Without bride for their son. My neighbour obtained my
a moments hesitation, she said, I have even mothers consent and fixed my marriage into
been to Delhi once. She loves meeting new that family.
people and listening to what they have to say.
Sita, however, being her resilient self, did not
Sita wants to study. Every day, with a bag on passively accept the arrangement. Instead,
her back, Sita rides a bicycle to school, across she asked her mother to find out whether
the seven kilometres of unpaved roads that her future parents-in-law would allow her
connect her village to the town. She worked as to continue her studies. When they refused
a labourer during her summer break to earn permission, Sita insisted her mother call off the
enough to pay for her school expenses. Her engagement. Her mother was supportive, and
efforts have paid off, and she is recognised as the wedding was cancelled. Sita is very grateful
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He had just finished talking to his wife after completing an assignment, he said.
on the phone when there was a Playing with the keys of his motorbike, he
sudden thunderstorm followed by a murmured, It had been three years since
heavy downpour. my engagement... I had grown up since...
I also had a girlfriend. My life was going
Firoze had had no idea he was to be
on in full swing, when suddenly I learned
married. It was his elder brother whose
that I was to be married. I got very scared
engagement had been fixed. Suddenly
and did not know what to do. My refusal
his brothers in-laws insisted on getting
to go ahead with the wedding would
their younger daughter married to
have jeopardized my older brothers
Firoze, who was only 14 at the time.
wedding plans.
Difficult
He recalls a very odd fluttering in his
stomach. He was quite excited. Quietly, Resting against the bed-frame, he said,
in his heart, Firoze was looking forward I had no choice but to marry her. I was
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Suresh and his new bride had been brought little bridegroom, Golu, who walked in
to seek blessings at the temple. holding his fathers hand. They had been
Accompanying them were his mother, married the night before.
father, brother, sister, and relatives all
As with Suresh, a bunch of relatives had
tightly packed in one tractor- trolley. All
come along. Two young girls in this group
of a sudden, Sureshs father noticed that
could be heard discussing how Radha
they were being photographed. Thinking
had fallen off to sleep in her mamas
that it must be a government official or a
(maternal uncles) lap while the wedding
representative of some non-government
ceremony was on and slept right through
organisation, he began to quickly herd
it all and how she didnt even know
the group out of the temple. Afraid that
when the pheras (the ritual walk around
they could be reported to the police, he
the fire in the Hindu wedding ceremony)
pulled off the sehra, the wedding turban,
happened. Just then, another relative
from Sureshs head.
spoke up. The kanyadaan (giving away
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explained patiently. Its always the men Sitting on the steps of the temple and The conversation and stories kept
who help such small children with the lost in the memories of her own wedding flowing, as a stream of newly married
pheras mama (maternal uncle) or was 75-year-old Kanti Bai. I was three child couples arrived at the temple to
phupha (paternal aunts husband) after or four years old when I was married. I be blessed. As they came and went,
all, a child that small cannot be walking was piling up neem leaves on a mound one could not but wonder how such
around the fire on her own, can she? of sand, and he kept spreading them disparate worlds co-exist the world of
around and spoiling it all. I was very the children in this village, where they are
Their mouths filled with the prasad they
angry and complained to my mother caught in the shackles of these deep-
had received at the temple, two young
that a boy was teasing me. Instead of rooted practices, and that of all those
girls spoke up. The only reason her
reprimanding him, everyone burst into children in a completely different world,
mother is accompanying her today is
laughter. It was only after several years far away from this.
because she cannot come without her.
that I found out that the mischievous boy
Radha will stay at her in-laws house for
was my husband.
a day or two, so that all the necessary
rituals can be completed. She will go
back with her mother after that It all
seemed so normal and simple for them.
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Child Marriage - No, Never Without My Consent, Never Ever
Keeping this slogan in mind, Mahila Jan Adhikar Samiti (MJAS) over the course of the discussions one that perceives child
organized an awareness campaign in two blocks of Ajmer District marriage in the broader context of an individuals entire lifespan.
in Rajasthan. The campaign initiated an inter-generational A debate broke out over this new approach: some key issues
dialogue on child marriage; present there were several children, have been highlighted in these short stories.
adolescent boys and girls, parents, and other elderly village
Through my interactions, I learned, that everyone carried hopes
members. While some attendees were not in favour of this
and dreams regardless of their age, caste, religious association,
discussion because they felt it would have a negative impact on
or gender. I could tell that everyone across generations was
their young boys and girls, others were of the opinion that this
looking forward to change, but a hesitation to take on the
sort of a conscious awakening was imperative. However, because
responsibility of becoming change-makers was also evident.
cultural norms and practices are so firmly rooted, it is difficult to
Some wanted to continue oppressing their children and the
bring about a socio-cultural transformation and displace deeply
community with their deep-seated conservatism, while some
entrenched traditional beliefs in a short time.
others wanted to liberate themselves from this backward
Many community members actively participated in the attitude.
discussions and raised some pertinent issues, but there were
Keeping this theme in focus, and encouraging a more inclusive
also several others who prevented their children, adolescent
audience of children, adolescents and women, let us take these
boys and girls, and women from attending the campaign events.
conversations forward, and initiate further discussion on key
They feared that the MJAS team members might be working
issues.
as informants, and that such bold discussions could only ruin
marriages. Then someone explained, These people dont call
the police they only provide a platform for open discussion
because they want to improve the situation. Child Marriage: A game for adults.
Lost in this circus of tradition
Conversations continued around this theme, and the campaign
Are my youth and childhood.
carried on with music and play performances, slogan-chanting,
poster displays, and propaganda. A new perspective evolved Who cares how I feel...?
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