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Don't talk to me now,

I'm scanning for danger


How your nervous system
sabotages your ability to relate
An interview with Stephen Porges about
his polyvagal theory

By Ravi Dykema

Wcould be explained by an auto-


hat if many of your troubles vagus nerves two different branches centered psychotherapy.) Here, various fibers in the nerve originat-
are related to the unique ways we Porges speaks about the polyvagal ed from different areas of the brain-
matic reaction in your body to react to situations we perceive as theory and its significance with stem. For example, the neural path-
whats happing around you? What safe or unsafe. It also outlines three Nexus publisher Ravi Dykema. ways that go through the vagus to
if the cure for mental and emotional evolutionary stages that took place the lower gut come from one area of
disorders ranging from autism to over millions of years in the devel- RD: Please tell me about the the brain, while the neural pathways
panic attacks lay in a new under- opment of our autonomic nervous theory you have developed, that go to the heart and to the lungs
standing and approach to the way system. polyvagal theory. Isnt it an come from another area.
the nervous system operates? The bulk of Porgess work is now innovation on the theory of the
Stephen Porges, Ph.D., thinks it two nervous systems? RD: Is that relatively new infor-
could be so. mation?
Porges, professor of psychiatry at SP: Let me clarify. Historically, the
the University of Illinois, Chicago, autonomic system has been broken SP: Yes. But the theory is that the
and director for that institutions into two branches, one called the system reacts to real world chal-
Brain-Body Center, has spent much sympathetic, and the other parasym- lenges in a hierarchical manner, and
of his life searching for clues to the pathetic. It is an organizational not in a balanced manner. In other
way the brain operates, and has model that came into place in the words, if we study the evolutionary
developed what he has termed poly- late 1800s and the early 1900s. Over path of how the autonomic nervous
vagal theory. It is a study of the evo- the years, this model has taken on a system unfolded in vertebrates
lution of the human nervous system life of its own, although we know from ancient, jawless fish to bony
and the origins of brain structures, more now. Essentially, it linked the fish to mammals to human beings
and it assumes that more of our sympathetic system with the fight we find that not only is there a com-
social behaviors and emotional dis- or flight response, and the plexity in the growth of the cortex,
orders are biologicalthat is, they parasympathetic system with ordi- (the outer layer of the cerebrum,
are hard wired into usthan we nary functioning, when one is calm which is the largest portion of the
usually think. Based on the theory, and collected. brain), theres also a change in how
Porges and his colleagues have conducted in the Brain-Body Center, This model of the autonomic
developed treatment techniques that a 24,000-square-foot, interdiscipli- nervous system has evolved into
can help people communicate better nary research center at the various balance theories, because
and relate better to others. University of Illinois. At the Center, most organs of the body, such as the
The term polyvagal combines professionals in the fields of heart, the lungs and the gut, have
poly, meaning many, and endocrinology, neuroanatomy, neu- both sympathetic and parasympa-
vagal, which refers to the impor- robiology, psychiatry and psycholo- thetic innervation.
tant nerve called the vagus. To gy work together. They study mod- Most of the parasympathetic
understand the theory, lets look at els of social behavior and develop innervation (nerve energy) comes
the vagus nerve, a primary compo- treatments for disorders such as from one nerve, called the vagus,
nent of the autonomic nervous sys- autism and anxiety. Porges polyva- which exits the brain and innervates
tem. This is the nervous system that gal theory is becoming art of thet the gastrointestinal tract, respiratory
you dont control, that causes you to raining of bodyworkers, therapists tract, heart and abdominal viscera.
do things automatically, like digest and educators. An example is last However, the easiest way to concep-
your food. The vagus nerve exits the summers national Hakomi confer- tualize the neural pathways that go
brain stem and has branches that ence held at Naropa University, through the vagus is to think of the
regulate structures in the head and where Dr. Porges was the keynote vagus as a tube or conduit.
in several organs, including the speaker. (Hakomi is both a system of Conceptualizing the vagus this way
heart. The theory proposes that the bodywork and a system of body- forced the scientist to notice that Stephen Porges, Ph.D.

30 NEXUS March/April 2006


the autonomic nervous system state. These are common features of
works. It is no longer just a sympa- several psychiatric disorders, includ- Matrixworks
thetic/parasympathetic system in ing anxiety disorders, borderline per- Working with Groups As Living Systems
balance. Its actually a hierarchical sonality, bipolar, autism and hyper-
system. activity. The neural system that regu-
lates both bodily state and the mus- Discover your natural leadership qualities and become more
RD: So one thing happens then cles of the face goes off-line. Thus, confident, effective and creative contributor in groups,
another thing happens then people with these disorders often whether you are a member or leader.
another thing? lack affect in their faces and are jit-
tery, because their nervous system is THE 4-PART SERIES
SP: Right. This influences how we not providing information to calm July 20 - 23, 2006 Optional Introductory Weekend
react to the world. The hierarchy is them down.
October 26 - 29, 2006 Inclusion
composed of three neural circuits.
November 30 - December 3, 2006 Chaos / Conflict
One circuit may override another. RD: How will polyvagal theory
February 8 - 11, 2007 Mutual Connection
We usually react with our newest change treatment options for
March 15 - 18, 2007 Integration & Completion
system, and if that doesnt work, we people with these disorders?
try an older one, then the oldest. We April 19 - 22, 2007 Optional Advance Practice
start with our most modern systems, SP: Once we understand the mecha-
and work our way backward. nisms mediating the disorder, there
For More Information Call:
So polyvagal theory considers the will be ways to treat it. For example,
Mukara Meredith, MSW, CHT
evolution of the autonomic nervous you would no longer say sit still or 303-440-0148
system and its organization; but it punish a person because they can't www.martrixworks.org
also emphasizes that the vagal sys- sit still. You would never say, Why
tem is not a single unit, as we have arent you smiling?" or Try to listen
long thought. There are actually two better or Look in my eyes, when
vagal systems, an old one and a new these behaviors are absent. Often
one. That's where the name polyva-
gal comes from.
The final, or newest stage, which
is unique to mammals, is character-
ized by a vagus having myelinated
pathways. The vagus is the major
nerve of the parasympathetic nerv-
ous system. There are two major
branches. The most recent is myeli-
nated and is linked to the cranial
nerves that control facial expression
and vocalization.

RD:Which are virtually all for


the benefit of someone looking
at us, right?
treatment programs attempt to teach
SP: Right, or for us looking at them clients to make eye contact. But
or communicating or signaling--or teaching someone to make eye con-
even listening. We forget that listen- tact is often virtually impossible
ing is actually a motor act and when the individual has a disorder,
involves tensing muscles in the mid- such as autism or bipolar disorder,
dle ear. The middle ear muscles are because the neural system control-
regulated by the facial nerve, a nerve ling spontaneous eye gaze is turned
that also regulates eyelid lifting. off. This newer, social engagement
When you are interested in what system can only be expressed when
someone is saying, you lift your eye- the nervous system detects the envi-
lids and simultaneously your middle ronment as safe.
ear muscles tense. Now you are pre- The concept of safety is relative.
pared to hear their voice, even in You and I are sitting in this room
noisy environments. together and nothing appears to See our ad on
threaten us. We feel safe here, but it
RD:Very interesting. How would may not feel safe to a young woman page 4 for
you apply these principals or with panic disorder. Something in information on
findings in a treatment setting? this environment, which is safe for
how to advertise in
us, might trigger in her a physiologi-
SP: Let's say you're a therapist or a

NEXUS
cal response to mobilize and defend.
parent or a teacher, and one of your
clients, students or children's faces is RD: So if she gets a flat affect or
flat, with no facial expression. The is fidgety and nervous in this sit-
face has no muscle tone, the eyelids uation, she may not have a
droop and gaze averts. It is highly choice. It's a neurological phe- Colorado's Holistic Journal
likely that individual will also have nomenon, right?
auditory hypersensitivities and diffi-
culty regulating his or her bodily Please see POLYVAGAL on page 32

NEXUS March/April 2006 31


POLYVAGAL THEORY For them, the background noise dis- in which we no longer need to be
torts the human voice. hypervigilant, and to allow us to SP: I'll address that by describing to
continued from page 31
participate in the life processes that you a part of our nervous system
SP: Right. It is actually an uncon- RD:What about the normal require safe environments. Social that is entirely focused on respond-
scious or subconscious neurobiologi- neurotic, those of us who dont engagement behaviorsmaking eye ing to other people, even other
cal motivational system. Shes not have an identifiable or diagnos- contact, listening to peoplerequire mammals like dogs and cats. This is
doing it on purpose. Its an adapta- able disorder, but have periods that we give up our hypervigilance. not the same part of the nervous sys-
tion to a situation that her nervous where were stressed or anx- Back to the issue of clinical appli- tem that can put us into states of
system has evaluated as dangerous. ious? How would polyvagal the- cations: when we see people with flat enlightenment or ecstasy. In a sense,
The question is, how do we get her ory suggest that we be treated? affect, flat muscle tone, drooping this is a very grounded component
out of feeling threatened? eyelids, people who are talking with- of our nervous system. It engages
Traditional strategies would be to SP: In much the same way that wed out intonation in their voice or hav- contact with certain levels of senses
reason with her, to tell her shes not treat someone with a more severe ing difficulty hearing what people that are not the ones that you're
in a dangerous situation, to negotiate disorder. For example, when were are saying, people who are in states describing. It's where we are feeling
with her, to reinforce her, to punish stressed, we may engage in high- that are kind of jittery and non- our bodily information from inside
her if she doesnt respond as direct- intensity exercise. But this actually relaxed, we can see how these physi- our organs. This information from
ed. In other words, we try to get the creates a greater retraction of the ological states might have adaptive the body actually travels through
behavior under control. But this social engagement system; it puts us functions related to protection. But nerves up through the brain stem
approach doesnt work very well in a state of analgesia, so we no these adaptive functions will not and radiates upward to our cortex.
with social engagement behaviors, longer feel the stress, as opposed to mesh well with the social context in This part of the nervous system pro-
because they appear to be driven by stimulating a sense of safety and which an individual is living. vides a contact with reality; it regu-
the bodys visceral state. Our current security. Polyvagal theory would lates our bodily state, so we become
knowledge based on the polyvagal suggest strategies to create that sense RD:You mean they think it's an alert and engaged. That does not
theory leads us to a better approach. of safety, like retreating to a quiet unsafe world? include all of human experience, but
Thus, to make people calmer, we talk environment, playing musical instru- it does include most of what we call
to them softly, modulate our voices ments, singing, talking softly, or even SP: It's not related to a cognitive social interactions. We can say that
and tones to trigger listening behav- listening to music. process. It's a physiological reaction the social interactions are a very
iors, and ensure that the individual Think about what we do when that involves the nervous system. It's important component of our psycho-
is in a quieter environment in which were stressed; we take ourselves out not a conscious reaction; most people logical experience as human beings.
there are no loud background noises. of interpersonal relationships, as who feel that way would rather not And this system, the social engage-
opposed to moving into them. But feel that way. They just can't turn it ment system, is what determines the
RD: Because it's hard for them its natural for human beings to use off. We have to understand that these quality of those interactionsthe
to hear a human voice with other people to help regulate our feelings are physiological events, features that we show other people,
background noises? own mental and emotional states. So triggered by specific neural circuits,
when you ask, How can we use this and we need to figure out how to
SP: Thats right, because those sys- knowledge, the answer is that we recruit the neural circuits that pro-
tems arent working and because have to re-understand what it is to mote social behavior. That's the
loud background noises will trigger be a human being. important part of the research--we
physiological states and defensive Part of being a human is to be can actually recruit these neural cir-
behaviors. dependent upon another human. cuits through a variety of techniques:
Not all the time, of course. Similar to intonation, reducing the amount of
RD: So if someones in a severe most mammals, we come into the stimulation in the environment, lis-
reactive state, he or she may world with great dependence on our tening, and presenting familiar faces
not able to pick up a human caregivers, and that need to connect and familiar people.
voice against background noise? and be connected to others remains What we often do when we're
stressed or anxious is to distract our-
SP: Exactly. People in these states selves or create novelty. We'll say,
are often brought in for hearing tests, Let's go to the park! Let's do some-
and they test perfectly in a sound- thing different! But what we need
proof room. People whose nervous to understand is that the nervous
systems function properly have cer- system is really requesting familiari- the facial expression, the intonation
tain neural mechanisms for hearing ty and predictability, which is a of our voice, the head nods, even the
beyond background noise. Those metaphor for safety. hand movements, are part of this.
mechanisms attenuate low-frequency And if I turn my head away while
background sounds, which enables RD. It might explain why some I'm talking to you, if I talk in a mon-
them to hear human voices more New Yorkers wouldn't leave otone without any intonation, or if I
clearly even in environments with Manhattan after 9/11. drop my eyes, will you have a vis-
noisy background sounds. ceral response? How do you feel
These mechanisms arent avail- SP: Right. It's familiar. It's home. when I do that?
able to people with certain disorders. And "home" is a powerful metaphor
For example, a young boy with for safety. RD: It feels like you're not very
autism will have difficulty differenti- present, like you're withdrawing
ating voices from background noise; throughout our lives. As we mature, RD: I've heard the human mind or you're disconnected.
human voices will wax and wane we need to find safe environments so described as a paranoid instru-
based upon the background sound. that we can sleep, eat, defecate and ment.The premise is that when SP: Disconnected, which may be
The voice will start disappearing. reproduce. We create the safe envi- we are living in our senses, in interpreted by the other person as
Thats why people with autism and ronments by building walls to create the here and now, we usually evaluative, not liking, not being
several psychiatric disorders general- boundaries and privacy. Or, we may feel safe, but our thinking mind motivated to engage, condescending
ly dont want to go to shopping get a dog, which will guard us, so often throws scary impressions or suspicious. So these facial ges-
malls, or dont want to be where we can sleep. The point of these in front of us, as if it's anticipat- tures, which for some people are
there are loud ventilation systems. strategies is to create an environment ing some threat. purely physiological responses, are

32 NEXUS March/April 2006


now interpreted with a moral or, at ing. When they were born, they
least, a motivational overlay. This were not able to take care of them-
may or may not be true. Social selves. Unlike reptiles that hatch and
engagement is a unique and very
powerful component of our interac-
tions.
Now, how valuable is this knowl-
POLYVAGAL THEORY scamper off to the water, mammals
need to be suckled. So with this
physiological evolution, there also
evolved social cueingfacial expres-
edge? Let's take three different types By Ravi Dykema sivity, crying, vocalizations, sucking
of clinical populations. One, fussy or movements; all these types of
colicky babies who cry excessively. behaviors of the neural regulation of
Two, kids with attention deficit dis- Events trigger you to react. If your first reaction doesnt the face provide poignant cues and
order. Three, individuals along the make you feel safe, you revert to the second, then the third: are part of the mammal's repertoire
spectrum of autism. How do the for behavioral and state regulation.
parents of these three types of chil- We still use the same cueing
dren feel? Do they feel that their The part of your communication system to test social
children love them? Is it easy for Evolved nervous system used interactions. The neural regulation
in and what it helps
them to love their children? Or, do Feels like: of the facial muscles provides a way
humans: you accomplish:
they feel duped and disliked by to reduce psychological distance
their kids? How do they feel? before we deal with the inherent risk
With the fussy baby, parents often Myelinated vagus nerve of moving physically closer. This
First Recently Safety
feel that their overtures of love and social engagement system enables
reaction Social engagement
caring are being rejected. With the people to touch each other. We don't
hyperactive kid, they feel their over- just walk up and touch someone;
tures of engagement are being reject- there's a whole interaction between
ed. They feel the same way with the Long the face, vocalizations, other bodily
Ago
autistic kids. So they are responding Second Moderate to Sympathetic cues, to see if we feel safe with each
extreme danger nervous system
to a common feature expressed in reaction other. Then we can touch. Thus,
these three types of children, and Mobilization: fighting social engagement behaviors pre-
or fleeing
their nervous system interprets their cede the development of social
child's features as if the child is bonds. Social engagement behaviors
motivated not to like them. provide an option to test interac-
Where's the power of knowledge tions in psychological space with
and science in helping these fami- Third very low risk, prior to the test in
lies? Where and how can this reaction physical proximity. Polyvagal
Very Long Life Threatening Nonmyelinated
knowledge be used? We can teach vagus nerve
theory shows that as reptiles
these parents to understand that the Ago evolved into mammals, the neural
Freeze, feign death
child's behaviors are not motivated regulation of the heart and lungs
by or directed at them. We can teach changed. It came to be regulated by
the parents that they need to help an area of the brain that also con-
soothe and calm their children. trolled the facial muscles. After that,
What generally happens in all emotional expressivity, ingestion of
three conditions? The parents are food, listening and social interac-
feeling very upset and these feelings Note: The polyvagal theory places great tions were all related to how we reg-
increase the intensity of their inter- importance on social engagement as a ulated our bodies. Those compo-
component of staying healthy, physically
actions with the child and makes the and psychologically. nents calmed us down. Thus, social
child's behavior worse. behavior could be used to calm peo-
ple down and to support health,
RD:They can't help but reveal growth and restoration.
their anxiety about the child's Everyone knows that social sup-
behavior? to modulated sounds. you're back on target and you forget port is good. But what are the fea-
This system of intervention about the fact that I turned away. tures of social support and why
SP: Yes, and that anxiety gives more works very well, and very rapid- The same thing happens with par- does it work? Generally, it operates
cues to the child, and often is trans- lywithin a few hours. As many as ents of autistic kids. Once the child through the mechanisms that we're
lated to the child as anger. The par- 60 to 80 percent of the children is engaged, they forget the child talking about; it triggers the social
ent may feel justified, because they treated demonstrate changes in eye ever had a problem on those levels. engagement system, which is linked
think that the child does not love gaze, heart rate activity, visceral Our nervous system expects this to the myelinated vagus that calms
him or her. It's tragic. state and ability to process lan- facial expressivity and dialogue. us and turns off our stress respons-
guage. The changing of eye gaze When that expectation isn't met, we es. Its self-soothing and calming,
RD: Have you used these princi- and facial expressivity of a child feel bad. When it comes back into and makes us much more metaboli-
ples to treat autism? who is autistic changes the whole play, it's natural. cally efficient. The theory involves
interaction with the parent. It's the complex linking of systems: how
SP: Yes, but I have approached it at quite amazing. What's perhaps the RD: Can you talk about polyva- the nerves that regulate the heart
a very different level. I've actually most interesting is that many par- gal theory as it relates to our and lungs are linked to the nerves
tried to trigger the neural mecha- ents don't even know it's happen- need for safety and our reac- that regulate the striate muscles of
nisms in the autistic child that ing, because it's such a natural tion when we don't think it's the face and head and how the corti-
enable him or her to make better eye process. there? cal regulation of brain stem areas
contact and facial cues. I went If I am looking at you, and our that do this regulation enable us to
through the portal of how they lis- contact feels safe and appropriate, SP: If we start thinking in terms of turn off defensive strategies.
ten to acoustic information, and and your nervous system is in tune, what happened through the stages
actually created an intervention pro- you'll feel uncomfortable if I turn of evolution, when mammals Please see POLYVAGAL on page 34
gram that stimulates active listening away. But then, if I turn back, evolved they required lots of nurtur-

NEXUS March/April 2006 33


POLYVAGAL THEORY mammals have this mechanism. In a So the theory states that our voluntary behaviors. What does that
sense, it's a beautiful strategy; if physiological responses are hierar- mean? It means that if I'm in this
continued from page 33
you're going to die, raise your pain chically organized in the way we state of activation and arousal, when
Here's one thing I didnt discuss: thresholds and just say goodbye. react to challenge, and the hierarchy my nervous system detects that I am
how do we distinguish between There's another kind of immobiliza- of reactions follows the sequence in in danger, I can use voluntary
friend or foe? Theres an area in the tion, an immobilization without fear which the systems evolved. behaviorI'll move myself into a
brain that picks up biological move- that is positive and enjoyable. Often Additionally, the linkage between quiet room or go to what I perceive
ment and intentions. That area immobilization without fear is the nerves that regulate the face and as a safe environment.
detects familiar faces, familiar voices required to enjoy sex. This state of the nerves that regulate the heart Some people believe that you
and familiar movements. So hand immobilization without fear is com- and lungs implies that we can use don't have that option; if you have a
gestures, facial expressions and mon for female mammals. Actually, the facial muscles to calm us down. job, you have to perform even at
vocalizations that appear safe turn men may immobilize after sexual Think about it: when we're stressed times when your nervous system
off the brain stem and the limbic activity as well. There is an impor- or anxious, we use our facial mus- wants out. For example, you have to
areas that include fight, flight and tant link between immobilization cles, which include the ears. We eat
freeze responses. without fear and being in a safe or drink, we listen to music, and we
environment. What's the saying? If talk to people to calm down.
RD:The sympathetic nervous you want to steal something from a
system? RD: So we could use dramatic
facial expressions to calm
SP: It's actually even more than down?
that. The limbic system "grabs" the
sympathetic nervous system (as well SP: Absolutely. Think about how
as what's called the hypothalamic- pranayama (a yogic breathing tech-
pituitary-adrenal-axis) to turn on nique) works. When you do these
defense systems including the fight- breathing exercises, you're actually
or-flight mobilization system and exercising both the sensory and
the freeze immobilize system. motor nerves regulating the facial
muscles; you are controlling breath
RD:Where's the "freeze" and maneuvering the oral motor
response in all this? cavity. It's a very efficient way of
working on the system. A lot of peo-
SP: Fight and flight are actually pro- ple don't like to teach pranayama
grammed in different areas in the because they think it's too powerful. lecture, teach or see clients. You can't
brain. Even though they generate Polyvagal theory explains how remove yourself from the situation,
the same autonomic responses, like pranayama might work and how because you have responsibilities
sweaty hands and increased heart other methods of stimulating the that define you as a professional.
rate, they are actually different pro- same system, including social inter- What are your alternatives?
grams of movement, and they're actions, can result in similar benefits First, listen to your body. Your
programmed in different areas of man, do it right after sex. They're to our health and mental state. The body is telling you that it's in an
the brain. But the freeze response is just totally helpless. And to really social engagement system includes unhealthy state. Your body is not
totally different; where fight and enjoy sex, women, in a sense, have the nerves regulating the face and well adapted for prolonged periods
flight are mobilization, freeze is to feel safe with the man and to the myelinated vagus regulating the of stress and anxiety. And while you
immobilization, and immobilization immobilize without fear. heart and bronchi. The power of the can't control all of your surround-
is potentially lethal for mammals. social engagement system is amaz- ings, you can control some of them.
RD: How does polyvagal theory ing both in terms of its effects on We also need to recognize and
RD: It's like being scared to relate to all this? behavior and mental state, but also honor our individual differences.
death? in terms of the speed with which it Just because our significant other
SP: The theory has two important works. enjoys a noisy party, doesn't mean
SP: Exactly. The metaphor would be parts. The first is the link between that our nervous system can handle
the cat-and-mouse game. When a the nerves of the face and the nerves RD: So do humans have the it. So with this understanding, we
mouse is confronted by a cat, it may that regulate the heart and the ability to consciously access our can arrange our lives so that our
freeze into a death-like faint, where lungs. The second is the phylogenet- more recently developed neu- surroundings are more harmonious
it will be floppy and unresponsive. ic hierarchy that describes the evolu- rological systems, instead of and peaceful, so that our neural cir-
Actually, about 20 percent of the tionary sequence from a primitive, reverting automatically to our cuits aren't being triggered.
small mammals who use this death- unmyelinated vagus related to con- reactive systems? If so, can we
feigning strategy will die, just by servation of metabolic resources, to use them to override the vague RD: So let's say I've just arrived
going into that state. It is not a vol- a sympathetic-adrenal system anxiety with which many of us at a party where I don't know
untary behavior, in which they are involved in mobilization strategies, live? anybody, and I realize I'm
pretending to die. It is a reflexive, to a myelinated vagus related to underdressed for the occasion.
adaptive response. They're literally modulating calm bodily states and SP: Let's take a very optimistic I'm embarrassed, but it's an
in a dissociative state. Their pain social engagement behaviors. The viewpoint. Let's say that some of important business function
thresholds are raised. hierarchy emphasizes that the newer these behaviorsat least the shut- and I can't leave. How would I
circuits inhibit the older ones. We ting down of social engagement to use the listening-to-my-body
RD: Does this happen in use the newest circuit to promote facilitate defensive behaviorsare approach to calm myself and
humans? calm states, to self-soothe and to not voluntary choices. However, feel safe?
engage. When this doesn't work, we often when this occurs, it is as if the
SP: Well, this may be part of the use the sympathetic-adrenal system nervous system has betrayed us. SP: I think the essence of what
post-traumatic stress disorder to mobilize for fight and flight To cope with these apparent you're describing is the feeling of
(PTSD) syndrome. PTSD may be behaviors. And when that doesn't betrayals, we need to recognize being trapped. You can't leave. It's
about raising pain thresholds; it may work, we use a very old vagal sys- when our nervous system is failing like being in a situation where
be a preparation to be killed. Many tem, the freeze or shutdown system. us and to learn to compensate with there's too much noise, it's too hot,

34 NEXUS March/April 2006


there's an abusive conversation that and my well-being
going and, for whatever reason, you
can't leave. That's very difficult. But,
in general, we have to learn to navi-
gate situations and find ways to
make ourselves feel safe.
Dos and Donts depends on my making a good
impression, I could blow it.

SP: No, because you're too smart to


go that direction. You've been in
In this case, you have to do some-
thing; your visceral state has shifted
Derived from the polyvagal theory similar situations and know what
to expect and how to regulate
because of something that cognitive- through appropriate behaviors.
ly is not very important--your cloth- By Ravi Dykema What we're really talking is how
ing--but your body may have react- the mammalian system evolved to
ed in the way that destabilizes your maximize survival. We really only
DO DONT
ability to be social. What I'm saying want to be in groups with people
is we have to respect that. We can't we know. But you're not consider-
Do make eye contact when you Dont combine intimate conversation
minimize that because to us it feel safe. with hard exercise; you'll misread all ing your behavior from a motiva-
appears to be inconsequential. the other person's cues. tional model in which your success
and professional survival is
RD: So staying at the party Do express with your face. Dont always isolate yourself in order dependent on you making connec-
pushing through the situation to feel safer; try connecting with oth- tions. This motivational model
is not the solution. ers too. involves much higher brain struc-
tures that can modulate the more
SP: Absolutely not. The solution is Do modulate your voice Dont push yourself harder to be primitive defense strategies.
in respecting and honoring the (use expression). social when you feel unsafe; seek
body's responses. When this feeling safety first. RD: Maybe, but it's the people
of being trapped comes up, we have who are willing and able to go
Do listen to voices, separate them Dont ignore your gut reactions;
to deal with it by saying, How can
from background sounds. adapt to them and learn from them.
into those threatening environ-
I modulate that? Children like ments over and over again
autistic kids are feeling trapped all Dont use fighting or fleeing with who are leading corporations
the time, because their physiology is Do adjust your circumstances to feel loved ones; instead, find a way to and governments.
saying, Get the hell out of here. safer, e.g. move to a quieter place. get to safety.
And they're being forced to sit, to SP: Maybe, but those people may
make eye contact, to do things that Do adjust your focus to things that Dont adopt a flat, expressionless also have some features that would
are terrifying to them. To treat them, will make you feel safe, e.g. feel affect with people who you want to not result in strong interpersonal
we must first respect what their your sensations or focus on some- feel safe with you. relations. They may start veering
bodies are saying. thing familiar. toward what we might call sociopa-
The bottom line is that our nerv- Dont substitute internet relating for thy. They may not discriminate
Do play a musical instrument. face-to-face or phone contact.
ous system is evaluating risk and among whom they like or interact
safety in the environment. It's auto- with, since they are always socially
Do try moving into social relation- Dont assume other's outbursts
matically doing that all the time. It's ships instead of away, as a way to reveal their true attitudes or moti- engaging. It is possible that these
like a radar system, constantly sens- reduce slight anxiety. vations. Their calmer social capaci- people don't develop very good
ing whether we're safe or not. We ties (like empathy) are true too. close relationships.
can use many metaphors. For exam-
ple, someone may say, "I don't like RD: Any closing words?
the energy in this room. Let's
investigate what that means. It may SP: Yes, I think it is important to
be that people are not making eye and makes eye contact with you RD: ...everyone seems to be remember that we can use our
contact, they're not inviting, and and says, Oh, I've heard so much judging me. higher cognitive processes to help
there may be a lot of background about you. I get your magazine. maintain important and positive
noise. There are many features that And he says, Can we sit down and SP: Oh, but not necessarily. You are connections with people, even dur-
we can now decode. talk, because I have some ideas. misreading their cues. ing stressing situations. When we
And then you go into a quieter are in a mobilized anxious state and
RD: But in the sequential place, you have a drink, and sud- RD: But that's what I'm feel- want to communicate or relate on a
order, if we're feeling that the denly you feel fine. Now if someone ing. calmer personal level, we need to
environment is unsafe, then doesn't engage you, and you stand put the brake on our sympathetic-
social interaction could either there in the periphery, the way you SP: Absolutely, because what hap- adrenal system and recruit the neu-
make us feel safe, or make us were feeling continues to radiate pens is when you're in that physio- ral circuit that promotes social
feel threatened, right? and you formulate a strategy to get logical state, neutral faces appear to behaviors. We can do this by using
the hell out of there as soon as you be angry, so you misread every- our facial muscles, making eye con-
SP: Right. But we don't make the can. thing on a conservative level relat- tact, modulating our voice, and lis-
determination. The person engaging ed to survival. In this conservative tening to others. The process of
us is actually triggering our system, RD:That's exactly how I feel state, your nervous system evalu- using the muscles in our face and
one way or another. So let's say you when I go into a business set- ates anything that may be neutral head to modulate our social
go into this strange room. You don't ting, and I don't know anybody. as dangerous, rather than pleasant. engagement will actively change
know anyone. You're hypervigilant. And then as soon as someone I But once you become calm and our physiological state by increas-
Your body is saying to you, I'm not do know arrives, everybody engaged, you see neutral as being ing vagal influences on the heart
comfortable here, because I don't else seems to be friendlier. neutral, and then you engage peo- and actively blunt the sympathetic-
know anyone. There's no familiar ple and they start reacting back to adrenal system. Then we can be
face, there's no familiar voice, so SP: Ah. Now you've brought up a you. more in contact with reality, more
you're unable to turn off the brain very interesting feature, because alert and engaged. The social neural
structures that regulate defense when you're in a state of this arous- RD: It seems counter-adaptive. circuit also supports our health.
strategies. Then someone comes up al or this danger evaluation... If I go into an environment like

NEXUS March/April 2006 35

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