COLE PANORAMA RIDGE

SECONDARY SCHOOL
Learn to live; live to learn

December 8, 2017

Dear Parents/Guardians,

On Thursday evening we were extremely saddened to learn that Ecole Panorama Ridge Secondary student,
Raphael Alcoreza, passed away. This tragic news of such a premature death is always difficult to accept.
Our total support and sympathy are extended to the Alcoreza family and school community.

Raphaels connection to our school community and many other communities is enormous. This was
witnessed by the many individuals who were at the hospital at the time of his passing. He was surrounded
by family and dozens of friends who loved him.

In response, we implemented a plan that through-out the day, students and staff were able to talk about
their feelings with a counselor or other staff member as appropriate over the course of the day.

We know that you will be sensitive to the feelings that your son or daughter may have during this time.
Students may feel sad, angry, confused, numb or depressed. These feelings are normal and will take time
to work through. Your son or daughter may need your patience and support.

If you believe that your son or daughter needs further support, please feel free to contact our Counseling or
Administration teams.

We will provide information regarding commemorative arrangements when available as appropriate. The
attached is a guide for parents that can help teenagers with loss.

Sincerely,

Kevin DeBoice
Principal
Ecole Panorama Ridge Secondary

13220 - 64th Avenue Surrey, B.C., V3W 1X9 Phone: 604-595-8890 Fax: 604-595-8891
www.surreyschools.ca/schools/panoramaridge

Grief: Assisting teenagers through loss
Understanding the grief process
Whilethefollowingstagescommonlyoccurinthegrief
experience,itisimportanttorememberthatgriefdoesnot
followadefinedpattern.Thesestagesmaybeexperienced
repeatedly,indifferingsequenceandwithdiffering
intensity.
Denialisashockabsorberwhichtemporarilyreducesthefull
impactofthecrisis,suchasapersonsunwillingnesstotalk
abouttheloss.Intheearlystagesdenialisntsomethingthatis
wrong;however,problemscanoccurifitcontinues.Give
permissiontofeelthefeeling.
Anger/guilt oftenoccursduetoapersonsfeelingof
powerlessnessovertheirloss.Questionsinclude:Howcould
he/shedothistome?WhywouldGodallowit?Howcouldthis
happentosomeoneatourschool?Blamingotherscanalsobea
commonresponse.Itisimportanttoadmittheanger,identify
therealsourceoftheanger,andunderstandthatitisokaytobe
angry.Seekhealthywaystoexpressitsuchasstrenuous
physicalactivity,keepingajournal,sketchingortalkingwith
peopleyoutrust.
Sorrow/depressionareevidencedbysomeorallof:crying,
isolation,silence,alossofenergy,andaninabilitytosleep.
Allowandencourageexpressionsofgrief.Emphasizethat
cryingisnotasignofweakness,ratheritisfacingand
acknowledgingloss.Recordingthoughtsinajournalcanalsobe
veryhealing.Activityishelpfulfordepression,although
sometimesdepressionissodeepthatevenactivityseemstoo
difficult.Referraltothefamilyphysicianisencouragedfor
depressionthatpersists.
Bargainingisameansoftryingtoregaincontrolortomake
senseofwhathasoccurred.Thisoftentakestheformofa
promisetoGodthatthingswillchangeifonlyHedoes
something.ThequestionWhy?isverynaturallyaskedthrough
allstagesbutisperhapsmostprevalentintheangerandthe
bargainingphase.Therealproblemcannotbefaceduntilthe
whyisabandonedandthepersonlooksatwho,when,where
andhowthingshappened.Therealityofwhathashappened
cannotbechanged.
Acceptanceandadmissionofourpowerlessnessinthe
situationisnotquicklyoreasilyreached.Havinggrievedwe
District Info Sheet
Tel: 604.596.7733
www.sd36.bc.ca
(Page 1 of 2)
canmoveonwithlife.Emphasizethatacceptanceisnotamatter
offorgettingthepersonorminimizingthepain.Infact,itisa
fullacceptancethatthelosswasreal,significantandpainful.
Suicidal thoughts
Threatsorattemptstoharmoneselfarenotuncommonamong
teenagers.Feelingsofhelplessnessandworthlessnessarestrong
indicatorsofpotentialsuicide.Itisimperativetotakethese
feelingsseriously.
Suicidalthoughtsmaybeexpressedbywithdrawal,antisocial
behaviour,lossofinterest,apathy,agitation,sleepandappetite
disturbances,perceivedlossofalternatives,poorjudgementand
reasoningability.Givingawaypossessionscanalsobeasignof
suicidalthoughts.
Ifsomeoneisthinkingaboutsuicideorshowsothersignsof
beingsuicidal,discussitopenlyandfrankly.Phrasessuchas,
everythingwillbeokayorthingswillbebetterintimetendto
communicatethatthelistenerdoesntfullyunderstandwhatthe
personisdealingwith.Thegreatesthelpisgivenbytakingthe
personseriouslyandbeingaconcernedlistener.Mostgrief
reactionsarenormalresponsestodisasterorloss,however,itis
imperativethatsuicidalthinkingbetreatedseriouslyandhelpis
sought.
Ingeneral,anypersonwithsuicidalthoughtsshouldbereferred
forprofessionalhelp.TheCrisisLinehastrainedcounsellorsand
isahelpfulresource.(6049518855)
How you can help?
Whilemosthelpingresponseoccursinthefirstfewweeksaftera
traumaticevent,grief
oftenlastslongerthan
Bealistener.Mosthelpcomes
anticipated.Theeffects
fromgenuineconcernthat
ofgriefareoften
listensratherthanseekstogive
revisitedlongafterthe
therightpieceofadvice.
event.Thesedelayed,
seeminglyunrelated
responsestogriefcanbebaffling.Itisimportanttokeepthisin
mindwhendealingwithbehaviourthatisuncharacteristic.
Bealistener.Mosthelpcomesfromgenuineconcernthat
listensratherthanseekstogivetherightpieceofadvice.
Communicatethatgrievinglastsfarlongerthananyone
expectsalthoughtheintensityusuallysubsides.Certainevents
suchasbirthdaysandholidaysmayresultinarevisitationof
grief.
Cr.Jan/00.Rev.Sep/07.page 1 of 2 8040-03 (RCSS)

Grief: Assisting teenagers through loss
Donotavoidtalkingaboutthepersonoreventbecauseyou
feelitmightreawakenthepain.Avoidanceofthetopic
conveysalackofcaringratherthanthemorelikelyfactthat
youdonotknowwhattosay.Usuallyyourteenagerwillwant
totalk,althoughitmaynotcomeinthefashionorthetimeyou
hadplanned.Followtheirleadandbealistener.
Trynottomakeanyunnecessarychangesduringthistime.
Timesofgriefandlossarenotthetimestobemaking
importantdecisions.Attempttokeepthesituationas
normalizedaspossible.
Perhapsthegreatestchallengeyou,asaparenthave,isto
encourageandallowtheadmittanceandhealthyexpressionof
grief.
Assisting teenagers through loss
Thelossofpeoplewecareforisverypainfulandconfusing.
Werecognizepainexpressedbytears,butpainevidencedby
withdrawal,hopelessnessandangercanbehardertodetect.
Sometimesweseepainandgriefasshorttermsowhencertain
behavioursappear,wewonderwhatisbehindthem.
Griefcanlastfarlongerthananyoneexpects.Theexperience
ofalossorasuddenviolenteventcanproduceintenseanxiety
andfear.Thesefeelingsareverynormal.Suffering,lossand
deathcanshatterthe
teenagerssenseof
invincibilityand Suffering,lossanddeathcan
immortality. shattertheteenagerssenseof
Teenagersoften invincibilityandimmortality.
presentanimageof
strengthandother
formsofbestfaceforward.Unfortunately,thisresultsina
tendencyforemotionstobeburied,onlytosurfacelater,
sometimesinlesshealthyways.
Theneednottorevealweaknessoftencausespainandgriefto
gounnoticed.Thesecopingstrategiescanoftenberewarded
unwittinglywithcommentssuchas,Youarehandlingthings
verywell.Whilethismayappeartobethecase,itisoftennot.
What to watch for
Troublesignstowatchforinadolescentsfollowingalossmay
include:
withdrawalandisolation
physicalcomplaints(headache,stomachpain,lossofsleep,
agitation)
District Info Sheet
Tel: 604.596.7733
www.sd36.bc.ca
(Page 2 of 2)
emotionalconcerns(depression,sadness,tension,suicidal
thoughts,confusion)
antisocialbehaviour(stealing,actingout,aggression,
substanceabuse)
schoolproblems(avoidance,disruptivebehaviour,
academicfailures)
Mostofthesearetemporary.Teenagerswhoappeartobe
withdrawnandwhoisolatethemselvesfromfamilyand
friendsmaybeexperiencingemotionaldifficulties.Theneed
toappearcompetentmayworkagainsttheirreachingoutto
othersforassistance.
Lossanddisastercanthrustteenagersintoanadultrole.
Regardlesswhethertheseresultsoccur,itisimportantthey
givethemselvespermissiontogrieve.
Caring for the caregiver
Disasterandlosscanhaveaprofoundeffectfarbeyond
anythingthisbrochurecanaddress.Thoseinthemidstof
crisisunderstandthatitisonethingtoknowhelpfulideas;itis
quiteanotherissuetopracticethem.Thewhirlwindwhich
resultsfrompainandlosscanonlyfullybeunderstoodby
thoseinthesituation.
WaltWhitmansaid,Idonotaskthewoundedpersonhowhe
feels,Imyselfbecomethewoundedperson.Atonelevel
Whitmanisdescribingtheattitudeneededtohelppeoplein
painbuthiswordsalsopointoutthatthewoundsfeltbythose
welove,arefeltbyusaswell.Inordertotakecareofyourself,
becertainnottoputunreasonabledemandsonyourselfby
tryingtobeallthingstoallpeople.Expectationsandnormal
dailyactivitiesmayneedtobescaleddown.Sleepneedstobe
taken.
Other sources of help
Lossanddisasterwoundmany,eventhosewhoseemnottobe
touchedbywhatoccurred.Encourageopennesstohelpfrom
others;schoolcounsellors,counsellingclinics,hospicestaff,
HealthDepartmentpersonnel,andtheclergyarejustsomeof
theresourcesavailabletoassistyouandyourfamily.Ifyou
needhelpanddontknowwheretofinditpleasecontactyour
schoolstafforStudentSupportServices(6045955325).
Adapted from a brochure by
School District #38 (Richmond)
Cr.Jan/00.Rev.Sep/07.page 2 of 2 8040-03 (RCSS)