Effective
Communication


Skills
&
Group
Work
-

everything
you
ever
wanted

to
know
but
didn’t
know
to

ask


1

 Acknowledgments


This presentation is based largely

on the work of Jackie Wellen
and Prof. P Noller ( additions
made by K Cremer & J Rochester)

2

 Who
am
I?


•  Kathleen Cremer
• Registered Psychologist
• Personal Counsellor & Career
Coach
• Trainer
3

 Why
are
we
here?

•  Student project groups often experience
obstacles and conflicts ….
•  These can be managed ….
•  By improving communication skills ...
•  Group feedback……

4

 Communication
Skills


• I. Effective Listening

•  II. Disclosing

•  III. Anger Management and Assertion Skills

•  IV. Negotiation and Problem-Solving

5

 Your
perceived
difficulties

• 
with
group
work…...

inability / failure / decision not to communicate about problems
•  lack of planning (tasks, intermediate deadlines)
•  lack of task allocation
•  inability / failure / decision not to lead the group
•  difference in working styles
•  different speeds of working
•  difficult to fit meetings/work into other extra-curricular commitments
•  balancing time between expected commitments across all subjects
•  managing unexpected workload changes that arise
•  punctuality
•  prejudging members of group
•  perceptions of unequal task distribution/completion
•  assuming ‘my way is the best way’
6

 Difficulties
with
group
work

II

•  I ended up doing all the work
•  failure to meet agreed goals
•  failure to be present
•  lack of coherent direction
•  failure to complete assigned tasks
•  what we have here, is a failure... to communicate
•  same people always take leadership positions
•  working under pressure vs. getting it down well in time
•  lack of respect and trust for others work styles, points of view,
approaches
•  negativity
•  lack of agreement about what the group wants to achieve and how to
achieve it

7

 What’s
in
it
for
you???

•  Ever had that experience of someone
getting completely the wrong message?
•  or known someone really well but felt it
would have a negative effect on your
friendship to tell them about something
you are unhappy about in your working
relationship?
8

 What’s
in
it
for
you???

•  or found yourself fighting with someone
when all you wanted to do was work
things out
•  or, hypothetically, found yourself in a
group work situation and been unable to
effectively communicate your needs and
desires….
9

 So
what’s
all
the
fuss
with

teamwork
then?


• What do employers want from

Graduates?

•  Surveying advertisements consistently

identifies the following as the basic
professional skills being sought:

10

• Teamwork skills (always in the top 5)
• Leadership potential
• Good communication skills (verbal and
presentation skills)
• Analytical, critical thinking and research skills
• Computer literacy
• Cultural and cross-cultural awareness
• Balanced lifestyle – capacity to manage
competing demands
• Self awareness
11

 Why?


•  In the workplace TIME = $$

•  IT and Creative Industries are very
collaborative fields (nobody is an island)
•  Poor collaboration (teamwork) wastes
time:
•  Duplication of effort
•  Errors and misunderstandings
•  Time overruns and delays

12

 A
solution…...

•  There is no one solution to all these
problems
•  There is nothing we can tell you in the
next two hours that will make these
problems go away
•  What we can do, is give you some skills
so that you can effectively deal with
these problems yourselves as they arise
13

 A
solution
….

•  The next 2 weeks of classes are based
around group work and communication
skills
•  Some of the examples are specific to
group work situations and some are
broader, the idea is that you attain good
communication skills that you can use in
any situation
14

 Three
basic
skill
types


•  First person skills (Me)

•  Second person skills (You)

•  Third person skills (Us)

15

 First
Person
Skills

•  Skills for conveying information to others
without threat, blame or demand
•  Used where other people’s behaviour has a
consequence for you
•  A good idea if you want people to listen to
what you say, understand it, and act on it

16

 Second
person
skills

•  Used to gain information and
understand someone else
•  Often getting your own issues heard
requires listening to the other person’s
•  A good idea if you want to make any
progress when communicating with
someone
17

 Third
person
skills

•  Skills for managing the overall interaction so
that everyone’s needs are met
•  Important for identifying what information is
needed at any given moment
•  Includes deciding whether to bother applying
any first or second person skills

18

 Categories


•  The three categories give a broad

understanding of the sorts of skills you
will be using
•  The info we cover today fit these
categories but we will be approaching
things a little differently
19

 The
group-work
situation


•  There a lots of things to deal with if you

want to optimise the way you work with
others
•  You need to be able to communicate
and interact in a constructive way so
that everyone’s needs can be met
20

 How
is
Group
Work

Different
to
an
Individual

Project?

•  You need mechanisms for ensuring
your needs are expressed
•  You need more flexibility
•  You may need to work on relinquishing
some control, letting things go
•  You may have to work on tasks that are
not your first choice

21

 And
the
Rewards
can
be

Wonderful!

•  Better outcome than if the job was
attempted individually
•  An experience outside your comfort
zone can help you develop new skills &
confidence
•  Social links & new partnerships
•  And what’s the worst that can happen –
if you don’t enjoy it you learn how to
cope with the experience! 22

Rating Team Development

It’s good to understand where any

communication breakdowns occur.
Please complete the questionnaire on
Rating Team Development.

Having done the questionnaire –

consider what might you have done
23

differently?
 Talk
at
the
start

•  A good idea might be to have a chat
with your group members at the start of
a new project
•  A chat at the start of your project will
hopefully minimise the number of issues
that arise thereafter (although it is highly
likely that other stuff will arise)
24

 Set
Ground
Rules

When starting out in any group it’s a good
idea to set some basic ground rules for
success:
•  Workshop – not a forum
•  Discuss behaviours – not people
•  Keep what other people say confidential
•  Relax and have fun!!

25

 Talk
during
the
project


•  Whenever issues arise during the

course of your project you need to be
able to deal with them constructively
…you need to talk to each other
and be able to address
everyone’s issues
26

 
Talking
and
Listening


•  This entails more than just being able to

express your own needs (although this
is an essential skill)
•  You also need to be able to listen to the
other group members

27

 Effective
communication
is

a
2
way
thing

It helps to:

•  build good listening skills

•  learn to express your ideas in a way
that is not threatening to other group
members

28

Differences
in
Communication

•  Are there
differences between
cultures?
•  between males and
females
•  Who speaks more?
•  Why?
•  How do differences
play out
 True
or
False

•  Males speak more often than females
•  Females think aloud males think silently
•  Males hear better than females
•  Females are the best multi-taskers
•  Females are better at finding things
•  Females are more competitive Males
are more cooperative
30

 True
or
False

•  Males speak more often than females
False females avg 6-8000 wds/day males 2-4000/day

•  Females think aloud males think silently

True women speak to process information; men think silently
“can you leave it with me” or “Id’ like to think it over”

•  Males hear better than females

False females greater sensitivity to soft and high pitched sounds
31

 Gender
differences

•  Females are better at finding things
True -females have greater peripheral vision so males have to
move head to cover same range

•  Females are the best multi-taskers

True females have more connections between L and R hemisphere
•  Females are more competitive Males
are more cooperative
False Males groups focus more on hierarchy & hustling for status
Source Pease A, & B (1998) Why men don’t listen & women can’t read maps Pease Training International
32

33

 Tips
for
Males
and
Females


Allow him to have quiet Ask her do you want me

moments without to listen as a female or
assuming there’s male (ie just to listen and
something wrong encourage or to suggest
solutions)
 And
in
Groups

•  This means everyone has much to
contribute in different ways.
•  Harnessing a variety of problem solving
approaches can be fruitful!

35

 Communication
Skills


• I. Effective Listening

•  II. Disclosing

•  III. Anger Management and Assertion Skills

•  IV. Negotiation and Problem-Solving

36

Listening
Skills


37

 
Why
bother
listening?

•  Listening helps you learn what the problem is
and maybe how to solve it
•  If you listen to and address someone else’s
needs and desires there is a much higher
chance that they will listen to yours

38

 INeffective
listening

•  You are in a conversation with someone
about something important to you
•  You notice at some point your friend’s
eyes are no longer focused on you …
that they are looking at something or
someONE else in the room …..
•  How do you feel?

39

 
Maybe
you
feel...

•  Chances are you will assume your
friend is completely disinterested in
what you are saying and caught up in
his or her own world
•  How are you likely to react in this
situation?

40

 
Maybe
you’d
react
like...

•  Chance are you will not want to talk to
them any more about the issue at hand,
and moreover, you will most likely be
uninterested in listening to anything
they have to say

41

 People
who
don’t
listen
to

others


•  Appear like w@#*ers

•  Miss important information
•  Don’t anticipate problems

42

 What
is
effective
listening?

•  Not just hearing what the other person
says, also
– understanding another person’s
communications
– showing your understanding verbally and
non-verbally
– and (where necessary) clarifying your
understanding

43

Blocks
to
Effective
Listening

•  In order to be able to tune in to others more,
it’s necessary to be able to identify factors
that make you tune out when listening
•  Everyone uses listening blocks sometime,
•  Identify some blocks you have used in the
past and the circumstances in which you
used them

44

 Rehearsing

•  The listener fails to actively attend to the
speaker because he/she is planning
what to say next.
•  The behaviour will most likely occur
when the listener is more focussed on
sparring or debating

45

 Mind-reading

•  The listener discounts what the other
person says and fails to pay to attention
to the speaker because:
– he/she is trying to figure out what the
speaker is really thinking or
– he/she presumes to know what the
speaker really means

46

 Judging

•  This behaviour occurs when you
negatively label someone based on a
previously held stereotype
•  It may also occur when you evaluate
what someone is saying before they
have a chance to finish

47

 Advising


•  The listener jumps in to problem-solve

and inadequately attends to the speaker
because he/she is too busy thinking of
(and voicing solutions)

48

 Being
Right


•  The listener only attends to information

that confirms their view of themselves or
others
•  Other information is discounted or
reworked to fit with their view

49

 Interrupting


•  The listener fails to let the other person

finish what they were saying
•  Often occurs when the listener has a
point he/she wants to make

50

 Monopolising


•  One person in the interaction is so

interested in what they are saying that
they don’t let the other person speak
•  The person monopolising the
conversation doesn’t have any
opportunity to listen
51

 Placating


•  The listener is trying to be pleasant and

supportive but ends up agreeing too
easily rather than tuning in to what is
really being said

52

 Interrogating


•  The listener asks a series of questions

which stops the speaker from thinking
about what they wanted to say, and
focuses the attention on the listener

53

•  Exercise 1.1

54

 Essential
skills
for
Effective

Listening


•  1. Preparation Skills
•  2. Attending Skills
•  3. Maintenance Skills
•  4. Reflecting Skills

55

 1.
Preparation
Skills

•  Before engaging in interactions with
others, you must prepare yourself to be
a good listener
– a. understanding blocks
– b. attitude of respect and acceptance
– c. availability as a listener

56

 a.
understanding
blocks

•  Understanding the blocks you use enables
you to exert conscious control over how and
when you use these blocks in future
•  It’s important to identify
–  the blocks you use the most
–  the people you use them with
–  the situations in which you use them

57

 b.
attitude
of
respect
and

acceptance

•  Listening is ineffective when you are
judging or finding fault
•  The listener must be able to respect
other people’s viewpoints so he/she can
listen with openness

58

 c.
availability
as
a
listener

•  In order to enable effective
communication to occur, you must make
yourself available as a listener
•  in a group work situation this might
involve checking with your co-workers
from time to time if they are happy with
the way things are progressing

59

60

 2.
Attending
Skills

•  Attending skills are the non-verbal cues
that demonstrate interest and attention
•  Effective listening involves using non-
verbal cues as rewards for the speaker
to initiate or continue talking

61

Exercise 1.2

(explore your existing knowledge of non-

verbal communication)

62

 Attending
skills
-
facial

expression

•  Facial expression sub conscious awareness

•  gesture (head nod)

•  Posture
•  Eye contact: cultural differences
= 60-75% of the message
•  Voice tone = 5-10% of the message
•  Remainder from our actual words
63

 attending
skills
-
gesture

•  The head nod is one of the most
important gestures in listening and is
used to indicate attention and interest
– small head nods - show continued
agreement
– larger nods - indicate agreement

64

 attending
skills
-
posture

•  A posture of involvement is a very important
component of effective listening
•  the listener should maintain an open position
(arms and legs uncrossed)
•  they should lean forward slightly (to
communicate energy and attention)
•  and face the other person squarely (allows
listener to be a eye level with speaker)

65

 attending
skills
-
proximity

•  Use what feels natural and appropriate

•  What impact might cultural differences

have?

66

 attending
skills
-
gaze
and
eye

contact


•  Maintaining eye contact with the

speaker serves the dual purpose of
demonstrating interest and allowing the
listener to collect facial information
•  the listener should gaze at the speaker
for most of the interactions, but may
break eye contact and look away when
thinking
67

 Attending
skills
-
avoid

distractions

•  Actively move away from distractions so
that the other person has your full
attention
•  For example,

MOVE AWAY FROM YOUR

COMPUTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
68

•  Exercise 1.3

70

 3.
Maintenance
skills

•  The listener may begin to lead and
direct the conversation by asking too
many questions
•  Maintenance skills are important for
effective listening because they allow
the listener to adopt a less directive role
in the interaction

71

 
Maintenance
skills
(cont.)

•  Maintenance skills are used to
encourage the speaker to continue and
to assume control over the direction of
the interaction
•  Two specific maintenance skills that
foster effective listening are
– Door Openers
– Minimal Encouragers

72

 door
openers

•  These are an invitation to talk, there are four
main categories:
–  an interpretation of the other person’s body
language (“you look as though something is
bothering you”)
–  an invitation to talk or continue talking (“….go on”)
–  silence (to give the other person time to collect
their thoughts and decide whether to talk)
–  attending (the use of eye contact and posture to
demonstrate interest and concern for the other
person)
73

 minimal
encouragers
i

•  Minimal encouragers are brief indicators to
the other person that you are attending
•  They can be used throughout an interaction
but may occur more frequently in the early
stages to give the conversation momentum

74

 minimal
encouragers
ii

•  Like door-openers they should be non-
directional and not imply disagreement or
agreement … they should just show the
listener that they are being heard and that the
listener is willing to continue listening

75

 
minimal
encouragers
iii

•  The most commonly used minimal
encourager is ‘mmm-hmmm’
•  others include
– right, I see, oh?, okay, really?, and?, for
instance?, and then?, so?, sure, yes, go on

76

 
minimal
encouragers
iv

•  These examples may seem a simple
•  It is important to make yourself
consciously aware of them and thereby
manage your use of them

77

•  Exercise 1.4
•  Worksheet 1
•  Feedback / discussion

78

 Recap

•  What are 3 types of communication
skills?
•  What sort of impact might different
personal styles have on a team?
•  How can we tell when someone is
attending to us?
•  What are some different types of
communication blockers? 79

 Essential
skills
for
Effective

Listening


•  1. Preparation Skills
•  2. Attending Skills
•  3. Maintenance Skills
•  4. Reflecting Skills

80

 4.
Reflecting
Skills

•  Used to communicate your understanding of
the person’s situation from their viewpoint
•  The three important skills for reflecting are:
–  a. reflecting on the content of the other person’s
message (paraphrasing)
–  b. reflecting on the feelings they express
–  c. asking questions

81

 a.
Paraphrasing

•  The listener makes a statement about
the content of what the speaker has
said, but framed in his/her own words
•  There are four main features of effective
paraphrasing...

82

 main
features
of
effective

paraphrasing

Be concise try to be as succinct as possible so the
speaker can maintain their train of thought

Only essential details focus on the main thrust of

what the speaker has said when paraphrasing

Be concrete comment on content rather than on emotions

Use your own words try to look at the situation from
the speaker’s situation

83

 effects
of
paraphrasing

•  Paraphrasing can
– make the speaker feel more comfortable
about speaking to you,
– allow you to clarify your understanding of
exactly what they are saying

84

•  Exercise 2.1

85

 b.
Reflecting
feelings

•  This involves responding to the
speaker’s emotion and subjective
experience, not just his or her words
•  When doing this try to reflect on feelings
rather than thoughts

86

b.
Reflecting
feelings
(cont.)

•  This can be useful if you notice that the
speakers voice and body messages are
inconsistent with the verbal message

“You’re telling me you are excited that your

mother is coming to stay but you look kinda
down about it”

87

•  Exercise 2.2

88

 c.
Asking
questions

When listening, your questions can either help
or hinder the effectiveness of the interaction
–  Resist the urge to use questions to get your own needs met
if someone is expressing a concern to you
–  Use questions in order to help the person speaking deal with
the issues they are discussing

89

 Types
of
Questions

•  Open – to gain expansive information
•  Closed – to check facts & details
•  Elaborating – again to expand at a
deeper level
•  Solution Focused – to elicit what the
person may do
•  Beware the “Why” question (can make
person feel defensive
90

 Examples

•  Open – how, what, when, where
•  Closed – is are do
•  Elaborating – “in what way....” “Which
aspects....”
•  Solution Oriented – “what occurs to
you....”; “how are you planning to address
it.."

91

•  Exercise 2.3
•  Worksheet 2

92

 Communication
Skills


•  I. Effective Listening

• II. Disclosing
•  III. Anger Management and Assertion Skills

•  IV. Negotiation and Problem-Solving

93

 Communication
Skills


•  I. Effective Listening

• II. Disclosing
•  III. Anger Management and Assertion Skills

•  IV. Negotiation and Problem-Solving

94

 II.
Disclosing

•  Disclosing is about effectively sending
messages
•  Communication is inhibited when you
send messages you did not intend to
send
•  Being able to disclose appropriately
requires some personal insight and
awareness
95

•  Exercise 3.1

96

 Personal
insight
and

awareness

•  Acknowledge that your feelings are
legitimate and important
•  Be responsive to what you feel without
trying to justify or make excuses for
your emotional reactions
•  Be confident that you have the right to
express how you feel

97

 Making
disclosure

statements

•  Effective self-disclosure
– involves expressing a verbal “I” message
(containing information about your feelings)
– should always be accompanied by
appropriate non-verbals
•  For example…...

98

 ‘I’
statements
work

•  ‘I’ statements are effective because they
allow you to speak for yourself and take
responsibility for your feelings and
attitudes
•  There are five key components to a
good ‘I’ statement...

99

 Example

What might the different response be to
the statements below:

•  You gave me the wrong change.

•  I have been given the wrong change.

100

 Activity

•  Let’s take the example where person A
believes person B is not pulling their
weight
•  A could go to B and say “you’re not
pulling your weight and doing your
share - you’re being lazy”
•  what is likely to happen? What might
person B say?
101

Five
‘I’
statement
Components

•  1. Data. The objective facts, an
expression of information.

“I think I might be doing a disproportionate

amount of work on our project at the
moment”

102

Five
‘I’
statement
Components

•  2. Feeling. An expression of your
emotional reaction to the issue.

“I feel concerned that I am doing more than

my share on this project at the moment”

103

Five
‘I’
statement
Components

•  3. Interpretation. Expressing your
thoughts and the reasons you feel the
way you do

“I feel concerned that I am doing more than

my share on this project because I think it
would be good if we all contribute the same
amount”

104

Five
‘I’
statement
Components

•  4. Intention. This refers to how you
would like to behave in relation to the
issue

“I feel concerned that I am doing more than

my share on this project because I think it
would be good if we all contribute the same
amount. I want to make sure that we agree
on what we each should be doing.”

105

 Five
‘I’
statement
Components

•  5. Action. This can involve acknowledging
how you usually respond to such
situations, but can also be used to suggest
a plan of action.
“I feel concerned that I am doing more than my share on
this project because I think it would be good if we all
contribute the same amount. I want to make sure that
we agree on what we each should be doing. I would
really like it if we could talk a bit about what we are
each contributing”

106

What might the various outcomes from
these different scenarios be? As
opposed to the first one?

•  Defuse hostility
•  Encourage ownership
•  Discourage blaming

107

 Mind
Your
Language

Fire Starters Communication Helpers
•  “You never..” “You always..” •  “This is often not done
correctly

•  “You have to...” •  “Are you willing to...?”

•  “That’s definitely wrong” •  “Let me see if I understand

your idea..”
•  “I don’t know why you’re so
upset” •  “I’m sorry for your
inconvenience..”
•  “You’re crazy”
•  “I can appreciate your point”
108

•  Exercise 3.2

109

 Provisos,
Caveats
and

Hints

•  An ‘I’ statement doesn’t have to have all
these components. They are a guide.
•  It is important to consciously decide
what is required in a give situation.
•  You don’t need to present all the
components of the ‘I’ statement in one
hit. It can be good to space them out.

110

•  Worksheet 3
•  Feedback / Discussion
•  For homework try using ‘I’ statements
where appropriate

111

 Recap


Describe 3 reflecting skills

What are some of the benefits of “I”

statements?

112

 Next


•  I. Effective Listening

•  II. Disclosing
•  III. AngerManagement and
Assertion Skills
•  IV. Negotiation and Problem-
Solving
113

Group
Work
-
everything

you
ever
wanted
to
know

but
didn’t
know
to
ask

~Parte
le
Seconde~


114

 Team
Roles
Audit

•  Personalities also play a large part in
how we behave in groups.
•  Different temperaments and
communication styles have an impact
on the group as a whole.
•  They are all necessary – but they don’t
always get along smoothly.
•  Think about how you feel and think
when working in teams. 115

Please complete the Team Roles Audit.

116

 Communication
Skills


•  I. Effective Listening

•  II. Disclosing

• III. Anger Management and

Assertion Skills
•  IV. Negotiation and Problem-Solving 117

Anger
Management
&

Assertiveness


118

 Overview

•  Anger Management and Assertion Skills
– Distinguishing non-assertive, aggressive
and assertive behaviour
– Components of Assertive Behaviour
– Constructive Anger Management
•  Negotiation and Problem Solving

119

 Assertiveness

•  the set of skills aimed at enabling all parties
to express what they want in a manner that
maintains equality and respects the basic
rights of other individuals
•  assertive behaviour requires that a balance
be struck between positive self-affirmation
and respect for the rights of others

120

 Assertiveness
vs.
Aggressiveness


•  failure to understand the concept of assertion

can lead to confusion between the concepts
of assertiveness and aggression
•  although the emotional basis for both
assertive and aggressive behaviour may
reside in the (natural and healthy) emotion
that is anger – the use of these behaviours
can lead to markedly different outcomes

121

 Non-Assertive,
Aggressive,
and

Assertive
Behaviour


•  these categories of behaviour are not

exclusive and behaviour can represent
a mix of the three types
•  However, examining what constitutes
non-assertive and aggressive behaviour
can help define what behaving
assertively involves

122

 Non-Assertive
behaviour

•  occurs when a person behaves in a passive
or submissive manner, denying his or her
rights to please others
•  often, when people behave in a non-assertive
manner, they do not like what is happening to
them but fail to do anything about it for the
sake of maintaining harmony

123

 Aggressive
Behaviour

•  occurs when individuals attempt to enhance
their own well-being, at the expense of others
•  aggressive people attempt to get their own
way through dominating and overpowering
•  why might this be a problem for the
aggressive person?
•  an example?

124

 Assertive
Behaviour

•  characterised by confidence, honesty
and respect for the rights of others
•  assertiveness should result in enhanced
well-being for yourself and for others

125

•  Exercise 4.1

126

 So
what
are
the
components

of
assertive
behaviour?


• Send ‘I’ messages

• Be honest
• Be specific

127

 Components
of
Assertive
Behaviour


•  Send ‘I’ messages. That is, speak for yourself and

take responsibility for your feelings and attitudes.
What are the five key components of an ‘I’ message?
•  data, feeling, interpretation, intention, action
•  Be honest. Being assertive involves saying what you
really mean, not what you think will be easier for you
to say or the other person to hear
•  Be specific. Give specific feedback and use concrete
examples. Refer to specific instances of behaviour
and specific consequences the behaviour had for you

128

 Categories
of
Assertive
Statements


• saying ‘no’ or making a stand

• asking favours or asserting
yourself
• expressing feelings
• generally, resist the temptation
to justify
129

 Saying
‘no’
or
making
a
stand

•  state your opinion in a clear non-
defensive manner
•  explain your reasons being as honest
as possible
•  use listening skills to express
understanding when the other person
responds
•  an example?
130

 Asking
favours
or
asserting
yourself


•  applies when making an assertion about what

you want
•  state the problem in a manner that makes
your experience of the situation clear
•  make a simple, straightforward request
•  when the person responds, seek clarification
of their understanding of the situation
•  an example?

131

 Expressing
feelings

•  used when making an assertive
statement about your feelings
•  clearly identify your emotions and
express them in a non-threatening
manner that does not imply blame

132

•  Exercise 4.2

133

 Constructive
Anger
Management


•  people often express anger, frustration or

disappointment with another person by
indirect, hurtful methods
•  these methods are rarely successful in
achieving the person’s desired goal
•  the approach to anger management we will
be looking at comes from Alberti and
Emmons (1990) and is based on three stages

134

How
Thoughts
Influence
Mood

•  Anger rarely
presents without a
preceding hot
thought.
•  The thought creates
a response which
can change
physiology and
impact on behaviour
 Managing
Anger

•  Anger a normal
emotion
•  Can be productive
or maladaptive – it
depends on how it's
expressed
 Three
Options

•  Repress it

•  Express it

•  Stop creating it
 Which
response
is
most

adaptive?

•  When do I let things It depends on the
go? context & the issue
•  When do I express •  Helpful Questions...
my dissatisfaction  Is the other person’s
•  When do I stop it behaviour
before it develops intentional?
 Even if it is, is it
productive for me to
respond this way?
138

Arousal
from
stress,
anger

 Stages
of
Anger
Management

•  strategies that should be enacted
before you get angry
•  skills to use while you are angry
•  strategies that apply if you decide to
take action

140

 Before
you
get
angry

•  take responsibility for your feelings
–  get out of the habit of thinking of others as having ‘made’ you
angry, you choose to get angry in response to the thoughts
feelings and actions you instigate and experience
•  Develop coping strategies for handling anger. These
might include:
–  Coping self-talk: learn to calm-down in anger-evoking
situations so that you have time to think about effective ways
of responding (‘calm down’, ‘count to ten’). Also you can use
coaching self-statements about how to best perform the task
at hand (e.g., ‘I’m not going to let him get to me’.)
–  Relaxation: employ a relaxation response when you feel
yourself getting angry e.g., deep breathing
–  consider ‘time out’, but be careful
141

 Before
you
get
angry

•  use preventative assertion
–  in some situations, your failure to assert yourself
may contribute to your anger. There may be
situations where you disapprove of another
person’s behaviour and fail to let them know. Your
anger and resentment towards that person may
escalate and also you may become annoyed at
yourself for letting it happen
•  learn to express your anger assertively
using the skills we have discussed
142

 While
you
are
angry

•  Apply the coping strategies you have
learned
•  Assess the situation
– assess whether the situation is worth your
time and energy, and consider the possible
consequences for yourself before you
decide how to take action

143

Relaxation
&
Calming


•  Breathing
•  Physical and muscle
relaxation
•  Visualisation
•  Meditation

144

 Communication
Skills


•  I. Effective Listening

•  II. Disclosing
•  III. Anger Management and Assertion
Skills
• IV. Negotiation and Problem-
Solving
145

 Taking
Action

•  express your concern assertively
•  be specific
–  stick to specifics and the present situation, making
generalisations about the history of the
relationship can shift the focus and escalate angry
feelings
•  work out a time to deal with the problem
–  if the problem has not been resolved and you think
the situation is one you need to work on, schedule
a time to talk about the issue

146

•  Exercise 4.3

147

 Communication
Skills


•  I. Effective Listening

•  II. Disclosing

•  III. Anger Management and Assertion Skills

• IV. Negotiation and Problem-

Solving 148

Negotiation & Problem-Solving


149

 Covey’s
7
Habits

•  Habit 4: Think Win-Win

•  Lose-Win: “I’ll give you what you want

for peace sake”
•  Win-Lose: “How can I get what I want”
•  Win-win: “Find another way – not
necessarily just a compromise”
•  Anything else is: Lose-Lose
150

 Overview

•  Anger Management and Assertion Skills
•  Negotiation and Problem Solving
– collusive, competitive and cooperative
problem solving
– barriers to effective problem solving
– steps involved in cooperative problem
solving

151

 collusive,
competitive
and

cooperative
problem
solving

•  parallels the non-assertive, aggressive
and assertive behaviour styles
•  Collusive problem solving
– used largely by non-assertive people who
try to avoid confronting problems
– these people generally give way to keep
the peace

152

•  Competitive problem solving
– characterised by a win-lose mentality in
which the competitive problem solver is not
prepared to be the loser
– these people tend to do anything to get
their own way, including; being aggressive,
manipulating others, and not admitting to
mistakes

153

•  Cooperative problem solving
–  based on mutual self-respect
–  requires that people acknowledge their own
contribution to the problem
–  must seek solutions that maximise the gains and
minimise the costs for all concerned
–  must not attempt to impose you own desires on
the other person
–  must try to maintain a balanced perception of the
other people throughout the conflict resolution
process

154

•  Worksheet 4
•  Feedback / Discussion

155

•  Describe 3 types of problem solving? Recap

•  What is the base cause of most angry feelings?
•  What are the common effects of:
•  Non assertive behaviour
– (Lose-Win)
•  Aggressive behaviour
– (Win-Lose)
•  Assertive behaviour
– (Win-Win)
•  Under Covey’s theory – what does Win-Win
achieve?

156

 Barriers
to
Effective
problem
solving


•  Denial. Failure to acknowledge the existence

of problems.
•  Avoidance. Although aware the problem
exists, avoid dealing with the issue.
•  Premature forgiveness. Try to patch things
up before feelings of anger or hurt are
sufficiently dealt with.
•  Domination. People try to impose their own
solutions on others. Other people’s needs
are thus neglected.
157

Exercise 5.1

158

 Steps
involved
in
cooperative

problem
solving

1.  Define the problem in terms of needs, not
solutions
2.  Brainstorm possible solutions
3.  Select the solutions that will best meet the
needs of both parties
4.  Plan who will do what, where and by when
5.  Implement the plan
6.  Evaluate the problem solving process and,
at a later date, how well the solution turned
out
159

 1.
Define
the
problem

•  Focus on NEEDS rather than SOLUTIONS
–  rather than saying ‘you should do the report write
up’, you might say something like ‘I am really busy
at the moment and need to devote some time to
my other subjects and so I don’t feel I have time to
do the write up’
–  when you focus on needs rather than solutions,
other options can be found that satisfy both parties

160

1.
Define
the
problem
(continued)


•  Perceive the situation positively.

– think win/win and not win/lose
•  Make ‘I need’ statements
•  Listen to the other person
•  Summarise both sets of needs.
– just verbally make sure you both
understand each others needs

161

•  Exercise 5.2

162

 2.
Brainstorm
possible
solutions


•  rapidly generate and list solutions

•  strive for quantity not quality
– don’t evaluate
– don’t clarify or seek clarification
– go for far out ideas
– list every idea in an anonymous way

163

 3.
Select
a
solution
that
meets

everyone’s
needs


•  elaborate and clarify any brainstormed

solutions that are unclear
•  select a viable solution based on the following
process:
–  solutions you prefer
–  solutions other’s prefer
–  coinciding solutions
–  choose (one or more) solutions
•  ensure everyone is satisfied
•  try to identify forseeable consequences of the solution/s

164

 4.
Develop
a
plan
of
action

•  Having selected your solution, formulate
a plan to carry it out
•  specify who will do what, where, and by
when
•  make a hard copy of the plan
•  specify a time when everyone involved
can get together to evaluate the
effectiveness of the solution
165

•  Exercise 5.3

166

 5.
Implement
the
Plan

•  …well?
•  thinking and talking translates into action
•  everyone should complete their agreed upon
tasks
•  if someone fails to take agreed action
approach them and make an assertive
statement followed by reflective listening!!!!!

167

 6.
Evaluate
the
problem
solving
process


•  hardly any of you will actually do this 

•  but it is good to do
– find out what people felt about the process
– what they liked most and least about it
– something that may have bothered each
person
– what each person thinks could be done
better next time
168

Personality
&
Group
Problem
Solving

•  Remember the Team Roles Audit?

•  What was your key role?

169

•  Please complete the Team Roles &
Problem Solving exercise.

170

Problem Solving Stage Personality/Role Most Effective fro this
stage?
1.  Define the problem (in terms of needs Concept Developer
not solutions) Radical
Politician

2. Brainstorm possible solutions All

3. Choose/selection solutions Technical Expert, Harmoniser, Critic,

Radical

4. Plan who will do what (+ how & when) Process Manager, Output Driver,
Harmoniser,

5. Implement the plan Process Manager, Output Driver, Co-

operator, Promoter

6. Evaluating process and outcomes All

171

•  Feedback / Discussion
•  Recap: What has been an important
point for you in this workshop?

•  Where are we at with the skits for next

week?

172

Worksheet 5

See you next week!!

173