Sigmund Freud described several compoents which have been very influential in

understanding personality.

Three levels of awareness

Freud identified three different parts of the mind, based on our level of awareness.

Conscious mind

The conscious mind is where we are paying attention at the moment. It includes only our
current thinking processes and objects of attention, and hence constitutes a very large part
of our current awareness.

Preconscious mind

The preconscious includes those things of which we are aware, but where we are not
paying attention. We can choose to pay attention to these and deliberately bring them into
the conscious mind.

We can control our awareness to a certain extent, from focusing in very closely on one
conscious act to a wider awareness that seeks to expand consciousness to include as much
of preconscious information as possible.

Subconscious mind

At the subconscious level, the process and content are out of direct reach of the conscious
mind. The subconscious thus thinks and acts independently.

One of Freud's key findings was that much behavior is driven directly from the
subconscious mind. This has the alarming consequence that we are largely unable to
control our behavior, and in particular that which we would sometimes prefer to avoid.

More recent research has shown that the subconscious mind is probably even more in
charge of our actions than even Freud had realized.

Three components of personality

Clinical psychologist Don Bannister has described Freud's position on the human
personality as being:

"...basically a battlefield. He is a dark-cellar in which a well-bred spinster lady (the

superego) and a sex-crazed monkey (the id) are forever engaged in mortal combat, the
struggle being refereed by a rather nervous bank clerk (the ego)."
Thus an individual’s feelings, thoughts, and behaviors are the result of the interaction of
the id, the superego, and the ego. This creates conflict, which creates anxiety, which leads
to Defense Mechanisms.

Id

The Id contains our primitive drives and operates largely according to the pleasure
principle, whereby its two main goals are the seeking of pleasure and the avoidance of
pain.

It has no real perception of reality and seeks to satisfy its needs through what Freud
called the primary processes that dominate the existence of infants, including hunger and
self-protection.

The energy for the Id's actions come from libido, which is the energy storehouse.

The id has 2 major instincts:

• Eros: the life instinct that motivates people to focus on pleasure-seeking

tendencies (e.g., sexual urges).
• Thanatos: the death instinct that motivates people to use aggressive urges to
destroy.

Ego

Unlike the Id, the Ego is aware of reality and hence operates via the reality principle,
whereby it recognizes what is real and understands that behaviors have consequences.
This includes the effects of social rules that are necessary in order to live and socialize
with other people. It uses secondary processes (perception, recognition, judgment and
memory) that are developed during childhood.

The dilemma of the Ego is that it has to somehow balance the demands of the Id and
Super ego with the constraints of reality.

The Ego controls higher mental processes such as reasoning and problem-solving, which
it uses to solve the Id-Super ego dilemma, creatively finding ways to safely satisfy the
Id's basic urges within the constraints of the Super ego.

Super ego

The Super ego contains our values and social morals, which often come from the rules of
right and wrong that we learned in childhood from our parents (this is Freud, remember)
and are contained in the conscience.

The Super ego has a model of an ego ideal and which it uses as a prototype against which
to compare the ego (and towards which it encourages the ego to move).
The Super ego is a counterbalance to the Id, and seeks to inhibit the Id's pleasure-seeking
demands, particularly those for sex and aggression.

Energy and Cathexis

Freud viewed the forces on us as a form of energy, with energy from the senses being
converted into psychic energy in the personality through a topographic model that takes
sensed energy, filters it through various associative metaphors, then passes it through the
unconscious and preconscious before it finally reaches the conscious mind.

Object-cathexis

This is the investment of energy in the image of an object, or the expenditure of energy in
discharge action upon such an object. It occurs in the Id.

Ego-cathexis

This is the investment of energy in mental representations of reality through associations

and metaphors, which is needed for the Ego's secondary processes. It occurs in the Ego.

Anti-cathexis

This is energy used to block object-cathexes of the Id. Repression occurs in the battle
between cathexis and anti-cathexis. It occurs in the Ego and Super Ego.

So what?
Although later theories have improved understanding, Freud's ideas still provide a useful
model for the more complex actions that are really going on.

To persuade, you can appeal either to the basic urges of the Id or the higher morals of the
Super ego. Then encourage the Ego to make the 'right choice'.

Values is a confusing word that often gets confused with 'value' as in the value you get
from buying a cheap, but well-built house. Values are, in fact powerful drivers of how we
think and behave.

About values
• Value categories: different spheres into which we place values.
• Values, Morals and Ethics: splits hairs between these three rule-sets.
• Value of values: what are they for?
• Values types: there are two types of values: instrumental and end-state.
• Stress values: we use different values when we are under stress.
Historical values
• American values: A list of traditional US cultural values.
• Aristotle's Ethics: Values from the classical world.
• Franklin's Thirteen Virtues: Ben Franklin's advice for good people.
• Nicomachean Ethics: Aristotle's masterwork.
• Prudentius' seven virtues: Source of Christian virtues.
• The Seven Deadly Sins: Pope Gregory's anti-list.
• The Seven Virtues: The counterpoint to the sins.
• The Ten Commandments: Basic Christian values.

Research on values
• Career Anchors: identified by Edgar Schein as shapers of what we do.
• Governing Values: common modern values identified by Chris Argyris at
Harvard.
• Five Common Human Concerns: Kohl's beliefs/concerns.
• Schwartz's Value Inventory: research-based set of common values.
• Values in Action (VIA): Values from Positive Psychology.

Values are also often a significant element of culture, where they form a part of the
shared ruleset of a group.

When I break my values, I will feel shame and guilt. If you break my values, I will feel
repulsed. If I maintain my values when tempted to break them, I will feel pride.

So what?
Know the the values to which the other person will subscribe (these are often common
sense) as well as the actual values they enact in practice (watch them for this). From this:

• Beware of the values in practice which can be harmful to you (will they betray
you?).
• Know the values that if you transgress will lead to betrayal responses from them.
• Find values that can act as persuasion levers.

If you act in a way which supports their values they will increase their trust in you.

Defense Mechanisms
 Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Defense Mechanisms

Anxiety and tension | Defense Mechanisms | So what?

Sigmund Freud describes how the Ego uses a range of mechanisms to handle the conflict
between the Id, the Ego and the Super ego, which is why these mechanisms are often
called 'Ego defense mechanisms'.

Anxiety and tension

Freud noted that a major drive for most people is the reduction in tension, and that a
major cause of tension was anxiety. He identified three different types of anxiety.

Reality Anxiety

This is the most basic form of anxiety and is typically based on fears of real and possible
events, such as being bitten by a dog or falling from a ladder.

The most common way of reducing tension from Reality Anxiety is taking oneself away
from the situation, running away from the dog or simply refusing to go up the ladder.

Neurotic Anxiety

This is a form of anxiety which comes from an unconscious fear that the basic impulses
of the ID (the primitive part of our personality) will take control of the person, leading to
eventual punishment (this is thus a form of Moral Anxiety).

Moral Anxiety

This form of anxiety comes from a fear of violating values and moral codes, and appears
as feelings of guilt or shame.

Defense Mechanisms
When anxiety occurs, the mind first responds by an increase in problem-solving thinking,
seeking rational ways of escaping the situation. If this is not fruitful (and maybe anyway),
a range of defense mechanisms may be triggered. In Freud's language, these are tactics
which the Ego develops to help deal with the Id and the Super Ego.

All Defense Mechanisms share two common properties :

• They often appear unconsciously.

• They tend to distort, transform, or otherwise falsify reality.
In distorting reality, there is a change in perception which allows for a lessening of
anxiety, with a corresponding reduction in felt tension.

Freud's Defense Mechanisms include:

• Denial: claiming/believing that what is true to be actually false.

• Displacement: redirecting emotions to a substitute target.
• Intellectualization: taking an objective viewpoint.
• Projection: attributing uncomfortable feelings to others.
• Rationalization: creating false but credible justifications.
• Reaction Formation: overacting in the opposite way to the fear.
• Regression: going back to acting as a child.
• Repression: pushing uncomfortable thoughts into the subconscious.
• Sublimation: redirecting 'wrong' urges into socially acceptable actions.

So what?
Psychoanalysis often involves a long series of sessions with the client in which original
causes are sought out (often searching through childhood relationships) and cathartic
experiences of realization are used to teach the client how these mechanisms are no
longer appropriate.

For Freud, the purpose of psychoanalysis was to bring repressed memories, fears and
thoughts back to the conscious level of awareness. Two techniques he used are free
association and dream analysis. He considered dreams as the "royal road" to the
unconscious. He also analyzed and interpreted the various defense mechanisms.

In persuasion, you can watch for these dysfunctional mechanisms in people and either
work around them or with them as appropriate.

You should also watch for these mechanisms in yourself, and either learn to handle them
or get professional help in doing so.

Denial

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping mechanisms > Denial

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

Description
Denial is simply refusing to acknowledge that an event has occurred. The person affected
simply acts as if nothing has happened, behaving in ways that others may see as bizarre.

In its full form, it is totally subconscious, and sufferers may be as mystified by the
behavior of people around them as those people are by the behavior of the sufferers. It
may also have a significant conscious element, where the sufferer is simply 'turning a
blind eye' to an uncomfortable situation.

Example
A man hears that his wife has been killed, and yet refuses to believe it, still setting the
table for her and keeping her clothes and other accoutrements in the bedroom.

A person having an affair does not think about pregnancy or sexually transmitted
diseases.

People take credit for their successes and find 'good reason' for their failures, blaming the
situation, other people, etc.

Alcoholics vigorously deny that they have a problem.

Optimists deny that things may go wrong. Pessimists deny they may succeed.

Discussion
Denial is a form of repression, where stressful thoughts are banned from memory. If I do
not think about it, then I do not suffer the associated stress have to deal with it. However,
people engaging in Denial can pay a high cost in terms of the psychic energy needed to
maintain the denial state.

Repression and Denial are two primary defense mechanisms which everybody uses.

Children find denial easier, as with age, the ego matures and understands more about the
"objective reality" it must operate within.

Denial is one of Freud's original defense mechanisms.

So what?
When you appear to deny a situation, then the other person may join you in the denial or
may have to handle it in a way that is not as direct as they otherwise might.
Displacement

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Displacement

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

Description
Displacement is the shifting of actions from a desired target to a substitute target when
there is some reason why the first target is not permitted or not available.

Displacement may involve retaining the action and simply shifting the target of that
action. Where this is not feasible, the action itself may also change. Where possible the
second target will resemble the original target in some way.

Phobias may also use displacement as a mechanism for releasing energy that is caused in
other ways.

Example
The boss gets angry and shouts at me. I go home and shout at my wife. She then shouts at
our son. With nobody left to displace anger onto, he goes and kicks the dog.

A man wins the lottery. He turns to the person next to him and gives the person a big
kiss.

A boy is afraid of horses. It turns out to be a displaced fear of his father.

I want to speak at a meeting but cannot get a word in edgeways. Instead, I start scribbling
furiously.

A religious person who is sexually frustrated focuses their attention on food, becoming a
gourmet.

A woman, rejected by her boyfriend, goes out with another man 'on the rebound'.

Discussion
Displacement occurs when the Id wants to do something of which the Super ego does not
permit. The Ego thus finds some other way of releasing the psychic energy of the Id.
Thus there is a transfer of energy from a repressed object-cathexis to a more acceptable
object.

Displaced actions tend to be to into related areas or subjects. If I want to shout at a person
but feel that I cannot, then shouting at somebody else is preferred to going to play the
piano, although this may still be used if there is no other way I can release my anger.

Displacements are often quite satisfactory and workable mechanisms for releasing energy
more safely.

Dreams can be interpreted as the displacement of stored tensions into other forms
(dreams are often highly metaphoric).

Displacement is one of Freud's original defense mechanisms.

So what?
When people do strange things, work with them to find if there are other places from
which they are displacing their energy - then deal with the real reason, not the displaced
reason.

Attend to your own displacements. You probably have quite a few, as do most of us.

Intellectualization

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Intellectualization

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

Description
Intellectualization is a 'flight into reason', where the person avoids uncomfortable
emotions by focusing on facts and logic. The situation is treated as an interesting problem
that engages the person on a rational basis, whilst the emotional aspects are completely
ignored as being irrelevant.

Jargon is often used as a device of intellectualization. By using complex terminology, the

focus becomes on the words and finer definitions rather than the human effects.
Example
A person told they have cancer asks for details on the probability of survival and the
success rates of various drugs. The doctor may join in, using 'carcinoma' instead of
'cancer' and 'terminal' instead of 'fatal'.

A woman who has been raped seeks out information on other cases and the psychology
of rapists and victims. She takes self-defense classes in order to feel better (rather than
more directly addressing the psychological and emotional issues).

A person who is in heavily debt builds a complex spreadsheet of how long it would take
to repay using different payment options and interest rates.

Discussion
Intellectualization protects against anxiety by repressing the emotions connected with an
event. It is also known as 'Isolation of affect' as the affective elements are removed from
the situation.

Freud believed that memories have both conscious and unconscious aspects, and that
intellectualization allows for the conscious analysis of an event in a way that does not
provoke anxiety.

Intellectualization is one of Freud's original defense mechanisms.

So what?
When people treat emotionally difficult situations in cold and logical ways, it often does
not mean that they are emotionally stunted, only that they are unable to handle the
emotion at this time. You can decide to give them space now so they can maintain their
dignity, although you may also decide to challenge them in a more appropriate time and
setting.

When you challenge a person who is intellectualizing, they may fight back (which is
attack, another form of defense) or switch to other forms of defense.

Projection

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Projection

 Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

Description
When a person has uncomfortable thoughts or feelings, they may project these onto other
people, assigning the thoughts or feelings that they need to repress to a convenient
alternative target.

Projection may also happen to obliterate attributes of other people with which we are
uncomfortable. We assume that they are like us, and in doing so we allow ourselves to
ignore those attributes they have with which we are uncomfortable.

• Neurotic projection is perceiving others as operating in ways one unconsciously

finds objectionable in yourself.
• Complementary projection is assuming that others do, think and feel in the same
way as you.
• Complimentary projection is assuming that others can do things as well as you.

Projection also appears where we see our own traits in other people, as in the false
consensus effect. Thus we see our friends as being more like us than they really are.

Example
I do not like another person. But I have a value that says I should like everyone. So I
project onto them that they do not like me. This allows me to avoid them and also to
handle my own feelings of dislike.

An unfaithful husband suspects his wife of infidelity.

A woman who is attracted to a fellow worker accuses the person of sexual advances.

Discussion
Projecting thoughts or emotions onto others allows the person to consider them and how
dysfunctional they are, but without feeling the attendant discomfort of knowing that these
thoughts and emotions are their own. We can thus criticize the other person, distancing
ourselves from our own dysfunction.

One explanation is that the ego perceives dysfunction from 'somewhere' and then seeks to
locate that somewhere. The super ego warns of punishment if that somewhere is internal,
so the ego places it in a more acceptable external place - often in convenient other people.
Projection turns neurotic or moral anxiety into reality anxiety, which is easier to deal
with.

Projection is a common attribute of paranoia, where people project dislike of themselves

onto others such that they believe that most other people dislike them.

Projection helps justify unacceptable behavior, for example where a person claims that
they are sticking up for themselves amongst a group of aggressive other people.

Empathy, where a person experiences the perceived emotions of others, may be

considered as a 'reverse' form of projection, where a person projects other people onto
themselves. Identification may also be a form of reverse projection.

Projection is one of Freud's original defense mechanisms.

So what?
To work authentically with other people, avoid projecting your woes onto them. When
you see others in a negative light, think: are you projecting? Also understand that when
others criticizing you, they may well be criticizing a projection of themselves.

When others are using projection, you can hold up a mirror to show them what they are
doing. As usual, this may well be met with other forms of resistance.

False Consensus Effect

Explanations > Theories > False Consensus Effect

Description | Research | Example | So What? | See also | References

Description
We tend to overestimate how the degree to which our own behavior, attitudes, beliefs,
and so on are shared by other people.

This may be because our friends and people we spend time with are indeed like us, and
we use the Availability Heuristic to deduce that many other people are similar (our own
beliefs, etc. are also very available). When there is limited information on which to base a
good estimate, then what we believe is a fair alternative to a wild guess. We will use false
consensus more when we attribute our own behavior to external factors as these are the
same factors which presumed to affect others. False consensus also helps reinforce my
own motivations.

False consensus is stronger when:

• The behavior is seen to come from strong situational factors.

• The matter at hand is seen as being important to the person.
• When we are largely sure we are correct.

Research
Ross and colleagues asked students to walk around campus with a sign saying ‘Eat at
Joe’s’. Those who agreed said that 62% of other people would agree to carry the sign.
Those who disagreed said that 67% would not carry the sign.

Example
Romantic relationships between people often start off with a glow as hormones and False
Consensus overshadow real differences. However, the cloud-9 effect eventually wears off
as the loving couple eventually discover that they are not, after all, that similar (and in
fact often are amazingly incompatible!).

So what?
Using it

Build rapport by assuming their behavior, attitudes and beliefs. Other people are very
often taken in by such false empathy as they see it as normal that you are like them.

Availability Heuristic

Explanations > Theories > Availability Heuristic

Description | Research | So What? | See also | References

Description
We make a judgment based on what we can remember, rather than complete data. In
particular, we use this for judging frequency or likelihood of events.
Because we remember recent experiences or reports, then the news has a significant
effect on our decisions. After a news feature about a rape case, many women will be
more nervous about going out alone at night. We have thus been primed by the news,
increasing the accessibility of this information.

Various factors can affect availability. Things which are easier to imagine, for example if
they are very vivid makes themselves more available. Things which are uncomfortable to
think about can push people into denial, making these thoughts unavailable. This may
also be why we can seem egocentric: because our own experiences are more available to
us.

Research
Schwartz (1991) asked some people for six examples when they had been assertive (most
could think of six). He then asked other people for twelve examples, which few people
could think of. He then asked both how assertive they were. The ‘six’ people scored
themselves higher because their available data had a greater proportion of being
assertive.

So What?
Using it

Make those things which you want the person to use for decision-making (perhaps at a
later date) vivid and very easy to bring to mind, for example with repetition and visual
language. Make those things that you do not want them to use vague, abstract, complex
or uncomfortable.

Defending

When making important decisions, pause and think why you are deciding as you are. Is it
because of information you have recently received? Who from? Why did they give it to
you?

Rationalization

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Rationalization

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

Description
When something happens that we find difficult to accept, then we will make up a logical
reason why it has happened.

The target of rationalization is usually something that we have done, such as being
unkind to another person. It may also be used when something happens independent of us
which causes us discomfort, such as when a friend is unkind to us.

We rationalize to ourselves. We also find it very important to rationalize to other people,

even those we do not know.

Example
A person evades paying taxes and then rationalizes it by talking about how the
government wastes money (and how it is better for people to keep what they can).

A man buys a expensive car and then tells people his old car was very unreliable, very
unsafe, etc.

A person fails to get good enough results to get into a chosen university and then says
that they didn't want to go there anyway.

A parent punishes a child and says that it is for the child's 'own good'.

I trip and fall over in the street. I tell a passer-by that I have recently been ill.

Discussion
When a person does something of which the moral super ego disapproves, then the ego
seeks to defend itself by adding reasons that make the action acceptable to the super ego.
Thus we are able to do something that is outside our values and get away with it without
feeling too guilty.

This is related to our need to explain what happens. Our need for esteem also leads us to
rationalize to others.

Rationalization happens with bullies and victims. The bully rationalizes what they have
done by saying that their victim 'deserved it'.

Self-Serving Bias uses rationalization when it leads to taking more credit for success than
we deserve and blame others for our failures.
Rationalization is one of Freud's original defense mechanisms.

So what?
Watch for your own rationalizations. If you can be honest with yourself and with other
people, you can gain esteem for your courage and integrity.

In persuasion, offer people logical reasons that people can use to rationalize their
compliance with your arguments. Sometimes people disagree simply because they do not
want to agree with you, such as with teenagers and parents, or perhaps do not like to feel
persuaded, so give them reasons to focus on the substance rather than the persuader.

Reaction Formation

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Reaction Formation

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

Description
Reaction Formation occurs when a person feels an urge to do or say something and then
actually does or says something that is effectively the opposite of what they really want.
It also appears as a defense against a feared social punishment. If I fear that I will be
criticized for something, I very visibly act in a way that shows I am personally a long
way from the feared position.

A common pattern in Reaction Formation is where the person uses ‘excessive behavior’,
for example using exaggerated friendliness when the person is actually feeling
unfriendly.

Example
A person who is angry with a colleague actually ends up being particularly courteous and
friendly towards them.

A man who is gay has a number of conspicuous heterosexual affairs and openly criticizes
gays.

A mother who has a child she does not want becomes very protective of the child.
An alcoholic extols the virtues of abstinence.

Discussion
A cause of Reaction Formation is when a person seeks to cover up something
unacceptable by adopting an opposite stance. For example the gay person who has
heterosexually promiscuous may be concealing their homosexual reality. This may be a
conscious concealment but also may well occur at the subconscious level such that they
do not realize the real cause of their behavior. Reaction Formation thus can turn
homosexual tendencies (love men) to homophobic ones (hate men).

Freud called the exaggerated compensation that can appear in Reaction Formation
‘overboarding’ as the person is going overboard in one direction to distract from and
cover up something unwanted in the other direction, such as a person who fears war
becoming a pacifist, convincing themselves that war is wrong (rather than the ‘cowardly’
position that war is scary).

Reaction Formation goes further than projection such that unwanted impulses and
thoughts are not acknowledged.

Extreme patterns of Reaction Formation are found in paranoia and obsessive-compulsive

disorder (OCD), where the person becomes trapped in a cycle of repeating a behavior that
they know (at least at a deep level) is somehow wrong.

Reaction formation is one of Freud's original defense mechanisms.

So what?
When a person takes a position or stance on something, and particularly if that position is
extreme, consider the possibility that their real views are opposite to this. This offers you
two options in persuasion. You can either support their current position or carefully
expose how their underlying tendencies are opposite (and how it is ok to admit this).

To cause a Reaction Formation pattern, show the other person that a particular behavior
is socially unacceptable. Then give them the space and ideas to react against this
undesirable pattern and create their own way of showing how they are actually very far
away from the undesirable behavior.

In a therapeutic situation, help a person who is dysfunctionally forming contrary

reactions by first create a supportive environment where they can admit and accept what
is happening to themselves. Then support their changing of position to somewhere that is
more acceptable and appropriate for them.

Remember that defense mechanisms are usually symptoms of deeper problems and
addressing them directly can be ineffective or even counter-productive. Simply showing
the person that their position is opposed to their real feelings can just cause deeper
entrenchment. Before this, you should first work on their primary conflict.

Regression

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Regression

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

Description
Regression involves taking the position of a child in some problematic situation, rather
than acting in a more adult way. This is usually in response to stressful situations, with
greater levels of stress potentially leading to more overt regressive acts.

Regressive behavior can be simple and harmless, such as a person who is sucking a pen
(as a Freudian regression to oral fixation), or may be more dysfunctional, such as crying
or using petulant arguments..

Example
A wife refuses to drive a car even though it causes the family much disorganization. A
result of her refusal is that her husband has to take her everywhere.

A person who suffers a mental breakdown assumes a fetal position, rocking and crying.

A child suddenly starts to wet the bed after years of not doing so (this is a typical
response to the arrival of a new sibling).

A college student carefully takes their teddy-bear with them (and goes to sleep cuddling
it).

Discussion
Regression is a form of retreat, going back to a time when the person felt safer and where
the stresses in question were not known, or where an all-powerful parent would take them
away.
In a Freudian view, the stress of fixations caused by frustrations of the person’s past
psychosexual development may be used to explain a range of regressive behaviors,
including:

• Oral fixation can lead to increase smoking or eating, or vocal actions including
verbal abuse.
• Anal fixation can lead to anal retentive behaviors such as tidying and
fastidiousness. Obsessive-compulsive disorders can occur including those that
lead to cruelty, extreme orderliness, or miserliness
• Phallic fixation can lead to conversion hysteria (the transformation of psychic
energy into physical symptoms) which is disguised sexual impulses.

Regression is one of Freud's original defense mechanisms.

So what?
If the person with whom you are working is showing regressive symptoms, you can
respond to their child state in several ways, including taking a parent position of authority
(nurturing or controlling) or join them in their child place (thus building alignment).

Repression

Explanations > Behaviours > Coping > Repression

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

Description
Repression involves placing uncomfortable thoughts in relatively inaccessible areas of
the subconscious mind. Thus when things occur that we are unable to cope with now, we
push them away, either planning to deal with them at another time or hoping that they
will fade away on their own accord.

The level of 'forgetting' in repression can vary from a temporary abolition of

uncomfortable thoughts to a high level of amnesia, where events that caused the anxiety
are buried very deep.

Repressed memories do not disappear. They can have an accumulative effect and
reappear as unattributable anxiety or dysfunctional behavior. A high level of repression
can cause a high level of anxiety or dysfunction, although this may also be caused by the
repression of one particularly traumatic incident.

Repressed memories may appear through subconscious means and in altered forms, such
as dreams or slips of the tongue ('Freudian slips').

Example
A child who is abused by a parent later has no recollection of the events, but has trouble
forming relationships.

A woman who found childbirth particularly painful continues to have children (and each
time the level of pain is surprising).

An optimist remembers the past with a rosy glow and constantly repeats mistakes.

A man has a phobia of spiders but cannot remember the first time he was afraid of them.

A person greets another with 'pleased to beat you' (the repressed idea of violence toward
the other person creeping through).

Discussion
Repression (sometimes called motivated forgetting) is a primary ego defense mechanism
since the other ego mechanisms use it in tandem with other methods. Thus defense is
often 'repression + ....'.

Repression is unconscious. When we deliberately and consciously try to push away

thoughts, this is suppression.

In Freudian terminology, repression is the restraining of a cathexis by an anti-cathexis.

It is not all bad. If all uncomfortable memories were easily brought to mind we would be
faced with a non-stop pain of reliving them.

Repression is one of Freud's original defense mechanisms and, to him, the goal of
treatment, i.e., of psychoanalysis, was to bring repressed memories, fears and thoughts
back to the conscious level of awareness.

So what?
When a person is being defensive in some way, think about the repressions that may be at
the root of their problem. Also listen for speech errors and other signals from the
subconscious. You can even start a conversation about recent weird dreams and then
listen for further symbols, though be careful with this, as dreams can be very symbolic.

Help a person recover from the discomfort and dysfunction that repression brings by
digging out the original memory. Be very careful with this, of course - done wrong, it
may only cause more pain.

If you have caused a person stress and they feel unable to respond, you may find that they
act as if nothing had happened. This is a surprisingly common attribute of persuasive
situations. It can gain compliance in the shorter term, but can build up problems for later.

Sublimation

Explanations > Behaviours > Coping > Sublimation

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

Description
Sublimation is the transformation of unwanted impulses into something less harmful.
This can simply be a distracting release or may be a constructive and valuable piece of
work.

When we are faced with the dissonance of uncomfortable thoughts, we create psychic
energy. This has to go somewhere. Sublimation channels this energy away from
destructive acts and into something that is socially acceptable and/or creatively effective.

Many sports and games are sublimations of aggressive urges, as we sublimate the desire
to fight into the ritualistic activities of formal competition.

Example
I am angry. I go out and chop wood. I end up with a useful pile of firewood. I am also
fitter and nobody is harmed.

A person who has an obsessive need for control and order becomes a successful business
entrepreneur.

A person with strong sexual urges becomes an artist.

A man who has extra-marital desires takes up household repairs when his wife is out of
town.

A surgeon turns aggressive energies and deep desires to cut people into life-saving acts.

Discussion
Sublimation is probably the most useful and constructive of the defense mechanisms as it
takes the energy of something that is potentially harmful and turns it to doing something
good and useful.

Freud believed that the greatest achievements in civilization were due to the effective
sublimation of our sexual and aggressive urges that are sourced in the Id and then
channeled by the Ego as directed by the Super ego. In his more basic musings, he
considered such as painting as a potentially sublimated desire to smear one's own faeces.

Sublimation is one of Freud's original defense mechanisms.

So what?
Help others who are causing themselves and others problems, for example by their sexual
advances or aggressive outbursts, to re-channel their energies into more constructive
activities.

Beware of 'on the boundary' activities (including your own) where sublimated energy
may switch back into unwanted or anti-social activities or other, less constructive, coping
mechanisms.

Transference

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Transference

Transference is... | Three types of transference | So what?

Transference was identified by Sigmund Freud when he noticed that his patients often
seemed to fall in love with him - including the men. Fortunately, he realized that this was
caused by something other than his magnetic personality...

Transference is...
Transference occurs when a person takes the perceptions and expectations of one person
and projects them onto another person. They then interact with the other person as if the
other person is that transferred pattern.

In the way we tend to become the person that others assume we are, the person who has
patterns transferred onto them may collaborate play the game, especially if the
transference gives them power or makes them feel good in some way.

Typically, the pattern projected onto the other person comes from a childhood
relationship. This may be from an actual person, such a parent, or an idealized figure or
prototype. This transfers both power and also expectation. If you treat me as a parent, I
can tell you what to do, but you will also expect me to love and care for you. This can
have both positive and negative outcomes.

Types of transference
Paternal transference

When we create paternal transference, we turn the other person into either our father or
an idealized father-figure. Fathers are powerful, authoritative and wise. They protect us
and tell us what to do. They know many things. They provide a sense of control in our
lives. They make us feel safe.

We often transfer as a four- or five-year old child, where 'father knows best' and the
pattern is one of trust and compliance. When we regard higher-level leaders (e.g. a
company CEO, the transference may be as a baby, where the father is distant, powerful
and protective.

Male managers in companies often encourage paternal transference by taking on the

mantle and behaviors of classic fathers. They assume wisdom. They speak with authority.
They reassure us that all will be well if we do as they tell us.

Maternal transference

We develop relationships with our mothers at much earlier dates, and so take on roles of
babies more than children.

In our early years in particular, mothers are the source of unconditional love. After the
separation of birth, they recreate unity by holding us and making us feel as one. Mothers
also are the source of ultimate authority, and the threat of separation is very powerful.

Mothers appear in myth as both the fairy godmother and also the wicked witch, and we
often have ambiguous relationships with them. We can also become Oedipal in our desire
to be the sole focus of attention of our mothers.
Maternal transference is thus often deeper, with more primitive and emotional elements
than paternal transference. Women managers often have excessive expectation put on
them that they will nurture their staff, who then become disillusioned when this does not
happen (hence the manager becomes cast as a witch).

Sibling transference

When parents are absent in our childhood, we may substitute these with sibling
relationships, either with brothers/sisters or with friends. This is an increasingly
significant pattern as families fracture and mothers spend long hours at work and are
often away from the child during the critical early years.

People with preferences for sibling transference work well in horizontal, team-based
organizations, as they do not fall into the leader-seeking behaviors of parental
transference. This can also lead to greater anarchy as we ignore leaders and work through
networks rather than needing a controlling authoritarian hierarchy.

A note: Bill Clinton was the subject of sibling transference more than other US
Presidents. He could thus get away with being the 'naughty older brother' that is secretly
admired for his boldness.

Other transference

We also transfer non-familial patterns onto other people. In fact we invariably treat others
not as they are but as we think they are, and often as we think they should be. Thus we
form stereotypes, and transfer these patterns onto others. We also form idealized
prototypes, for example of policemen, priests, doctors and teachers, and project these
onto people when we need the appropriate roles. Thus when a person is hurt in the street
and another stops to help, they may have a doctor pattern transferred onto them.

So what?
First, of course, notice the patterns of transference in yourself. Who do you want others to
be? How are you thus interacting with people?

Then decide what transference you want others to put on you. Do you want to be a father,
mother or sibling? Start behaving in the pattern and you are likely to create the relevant
transference. Remember the reciprocal nature of this: if you want to appear as a father
who is unquestioningly obeyed, you also need to show that you are wise and protective.

You can promote sibling transference by creating a common enemy. When they see that
you are threatened by the same things that they are, they will identify with you more as a
peer than as a leader. Don't, however, make the enemy too scary, or they will seek the
protection of a parent (unless, of course, that is what you are seeking).
The need for: Control

Explanations > Needs > Control

Control is a deep, deep need | The control trap | So what?

No, this is not so much about how to control people as about their needs for control. The
real secret is the deep, deep need that people have for a sense of control. By managing
their sense of control, you can achieve far greater actual control. If you ignore this, you
will soon fall into a power battle for control of the conversation and the agenda.

Control is a deep, deep need

Perhaps the deepest need people have is for control. When we feel out of control, we
experience a powerful and uncomfortable tension between the need for control and the
evidence of inadequate control.

One of the most disturbing things about having a terminal illness, as those who
unfortunately suffer from such afflictions will tell you, is the feeling of powerlessness, of
being unable to do anything about it. Being unable to control the illness can be even more
painful than impending death.

From an evolutionary standpoint, if we are in control of our environment, then we have a

far better chance of survival. Our deep subconscious mind thus gives us strong
biochemical prods when we face some kind of danger (see Fight-or-Flight reaction).

Other needs that lead to a sense of control include:

• A sense of certainty.
• Completion of outstanding things, so we don't have to worry about them..
• Understanding of how things work.
• Being able to predict what will happen.
• That people (including ourselves) and things are consistent.

Maslow revisited

Psychologist Abraham Maslow defined a hierarchy of needs, with the particular

revelation that when lower level needs are not met, then higher-level needs will be
abandoned in favor of shoring up the deeper needs.
Take a look at the needs:

Notice how control is important within this, and especially how, the lower you go, the
more important control is. We work hard to control disease and our susceptibility to it.
Being ill gives a terrible sense of being out of control. Likewise for having a roof over
our head (or not), and even in our social environments.

Not control, just the sense

In fact, we don't actually need to be in control all of the time. What we really seek is a
sense of control.

When our parents or our managers are controlling us, we can still be happy because we
trust them to provide the control we seek in our lives. In fact many people actively seek
parent-figures in all walks of their life who will provide this control. When seek the
advice of experts and obey those in authority, we are depending on them for our sense of
control.

Control is embedded in much of what we do

Look around and watch what people do. A significant portion of our everyday activity is
related to achieving our much-needed sense of control.

Rituals, for example, are everywhere. Why do we have them? They exist to reassure
people everything is as it was and to provide a familiar framework for our daily lives.
Social norms and values tell us what to do, what is right and wrong, what is good and
bad. When everyone in the group follows the rules, we feel a sense of control.

The control trap

There is a trap into which many sales people and other would-be persuaders fall. This
pitfall is to try to hold tightly to the reins of control throughout the whole process.

Grabbing control causes resistance

When I grab control of the conversation, talking past the point when you want to reply,
you will get increasingly frustrated as you wait for a pause in which you can respond.

Sales people do this when they insist on going through the whole sales pitch even when
the customer just wants to pay, take the product and leave.

Parents do it when they over-do the lectures to their children. A point which is initially
accepted is later rejected at what gets seen as unfair punishment.

Taking direct control of a conversation or situation does not persuade. It is possible that
you get temporary compliance, but you will not get true persuasion.

Fishing is a delicate game

The control game is much like fly fishing. Pull to hard and the fish will slip the hook. Let
it out too far and the line will snag or the fish will swim away.

It is only through a sometimes-long process of give and take, you steadily reel in your
fish.

So what?
So manage the other person's sense of control by changing those things that make them
certain, able to understand and predict the things around them. This can be done by
making things uncertain and inconsistent.

Giving control to get control

Giving up control gets control in two ways. First, by choosing when, where and how you
give control, you still have hold of the reins. You have defined the cage in which the
other person can play. Secondly, having allowed them to exercise control, you can evoke
the reciprocity principle, such that the other person will willingly give up control of the
conversation to redress the social balance.
As someone said long ago, 'Give, in order that ye shall receive'.

Give them choice

When people exercise choice, they are controlling their environment. So give them a
choice, ensuring that whatever they choose gives you an advantage.

One of the most common sales closes is the alternative close, where you assume the other
person is ready to buy, and give them a simple choice ('Do you want the red one or the
yellow one.').

Don't give them too much choice, because this makes the decision harder and can thus
lead to a reduced sense of control. Because we make our easiest decisions by contrasting
two things at one time, the best number of options to give is two.

Open questions

Closed questions do not give control. In fact they can seem very controlling. Open
questions give people the floor, letting them talk. This can be a scary step and can indeed
lose all control.

But you are the person who asked the question, so choose the question well to contain
their response and possibly even give you information.

Just having them talk is itself a great persuader. When people talk about something
themselves, they are far more likely to believe in it than if they just sit back and listen to
you.

Give them something to do

The corollary of questioning is to give them something active to do. Just like when they
are talking, actively doing something, especially when they have choice, gives a sense of
control.

As with questioning, when you are directing the action, you are still in overall control.

Reflecting

People often keep talking because they are not sure that you have really understood what
they have said.

When you reflect back to people what they have told you, you show them that you have
heard, that they have been successful, that they have controlled their environment. This
will speed the point at which they will give you back the talking stick.
Tension principle
Principles > Tension principle

Principle | How it works | So what

Principle
I will act to reduce the tension gaps I feel.

How it works
Tension is probably the fundamental driving force that moves us to change and is at the
heart of virtually all persuasion techniques. Think of the 'good cop-bad cop' routine. What
about all those retail displays that show you the things you don't have? How about babies
crying in a pitch that nature has tuned to crawl up your spine?

How it feels

Tension is a feeling. Although usually internally sensed as an emotion, it actually is

physical tension, where your muscles tense up involuntarily. It is uncomfortable and
makes you want to do something to reduce the tension.

Emotions that are felt as tension include: irritation, anger, fear, emptiness, hunger,
longing, wishing, discomfort, anticipation.

Between two things

Tension happens between two things, like the hooks at either end of a stretched rubber
band, such as:

• What I have not got and what I want.

• What I like and what I do not like.
• What is good and what is bad.
• What I think of myself and what others think of me.
• What I do and what I believe I am.

The creation of tension is thus the identification of two contrasting items and the
communication of this difference to the person being persuaded. It may seem very
simple, but this is the bare core of most persuasion methods.

Present and future

The most common things that cause tension in persuasive situations are based in the
present and in the future, whereby a given future is considered more desirable than the
present, and where the desirable future requires us to act to change the continuation of the
present. For example the action to change the undesirable present of not having a car is to
go out and buy one.

Needs gap

If I threaten you physically, I have created a gap for you between your deep need for
safety and the near-term future. Likewise if you tell me that you are no longer going to be
my friend, you have created an identity needs gap for me.

As needs are deep-programmed things, they will often be the most powerful gaps and
hence most motivating. When there are many tension-creating gaps, needs gaps will take
precedence. Likewise when there are many needs gaps, then the deeper needs, such as
those lower in Maslow's Hierarchy will come first.

Values gap

Values provide us rules for living that maintain our sense of personal integrity and allow
us to live within the shared rules of a group of other people. Values tell us what we
should and should not do, what is right and wrong, and what is more or less important.

When values are transgressed, we feel a sense of wrongness. If it is others who have
violated the values, then we feel righteous, superior and indignant. When it is we who
have wronged, then we feel shamed, guilty and fear the retribution of others in the group.

As we are very socially driven, values gaps are very powerful and the tension we feel
may only be exceeded by that for needs gaps.

Goals gap

We build our goals as ways to achieve our needs. When we do not achieve goals as
expected or seem to be off-track on our way there, we feel frustrated and annoyed.

The typical response to a goals gap is to redouble efforts, repeating what we have done.
For example most people, when confronted with a foreigner who does not understand
them, will repeat the same words, perhaps louder or slower. Only when the 'do it again'
approach does not work do we change the strategy or tactics to achieve our goals. The
frustration of the confused foreigner will either drive us to blame him or her for stupidity
and walk away or resort to such as written diagrams or miming.

We will only revise our goals when we realize that there is very little chance of us
achieving them. Revising goals creates tension itself as it is an admission of failure (and
hence not meeting the need to win).
Positive and negative

Tension can be both positive and negative for us. There are many ways we can be made
to feel unpleasantly uncomfortable, but there are also ways in which scariness can be
pleasant, such as riding on roller-coasters.

The anticipation when queuing up to see a new movie or the excitement of the story once
we are inside are pleasant feelings. On the other hand, there are many ways we can be
made to feel

It is also possible to get positive and negative tension mixed up. Many people hate roller-
coasters, even though they know they are perfectly safe. More hazardously, people can
get stuck in damaging cycles, such as battered wives who become addicted to the abuse
of their husbands (who are often also psychologically locked into the damaging
behavioral pattern).

Achieving or avoiding

We respond in two ways to tension, depending on how we view the two factors that are
creating the tension. If we focus more strongly on a desirable future then this will pull us
towards it as we seek to achieve that future. On the other hand, if we focus first on the
undesirable present, they this has the effect to push us away from it as we seek to avoid a
future where the discomfort remains.

Satisficing

If the tension is strong enough, we will not search for the best solution, we will simply
grab at the first one that comes along that will do the job, even if there may be better
solutions out there. This is called satisficing.

Positive attraction

Anticipation can be a powerful and exciting force and we look forward to expected
moments of pleasure. In fact the anticipation can be more enjoyable than the actual
experience--'It is better to travel hopefully than to arrive', as author Robert Louis
Stephenson said.

So what?
So once you have create sufficient trust, build the tension that will create movement. Find
the two things that will create tension, often around an uncomfortable present and a more
desirable future. Understand how, when and where the person will move and design your
tensions system to move them in the right direction.
The need for: Certainty

Explanations > Needs > Certainty

What is certainty? | The effects of uncertainty | So what?

A need we have that contributes to other needs is to be certain about what we know, do
and say. Without certainty, we become anxious and uncomfortable.

What is certainty?
When we are certain about the world around us, we feel that we understand things, can
predict what will happen, and are in control such that we can sustain our safety. We will
thus seek to understand and control in order to achieve certainty. Predictions which come
true provide proof that we can continue to be certain about what we know.

The feeling of certainty

Certainty is felt as a comfortable feeling, can be sensed as smugness or even arrogance.

Pride goes before a fall and over-certainty can make people so blind they do not see
problems until they hit them in the face.

The effects of uncertainty

Uncertainty is uncomfortable and creates tensions that motivate us, although not always
in the right direction.

Uncertainty causes anxiety

Certainty is often only noticed when it is below a certain(!) level. The feeling of
uncertainty is uncomfortable and leads to anxiety. Unfortunately, as John F. Kennedy
said, ‘There is nothing as certain and unchanging as uncertainty and change.’

Many people spend their lives in search of certainty. Many psychiatric illnesses, from
anorexia to compulsive-obsessive disorder, stem from the deep need for control and
certainty that can never be found.

Uncertainty is confusing
Removing certainty often leads to confusion, which is a fundamental technique that
underpins many other approaches to persuasion. A confused person will clutch at straws
to regain their certainty.

So what?
So create uncertainty to motivate people. Confuse them or otherwise make them anxious.
Show how the future is not are predictable as they thought. Then show them how they
can be more certain. Lead them along the path to a predictable future.

The opposite of certainty is confusion, which can be created by unexpected actions and
words, complexity, etc. Keep them on their toes and stay one step ahead by being
difficult to predict.

The need for: Completion of

Explanations > Needs > Completion

What is it? | Completion in stories | So what?

Does the above title bother you? Did you ask 'Completion of what?' Things which are
incomplete bother us, whether they are sentences or things we are doing.

What is it?
When things are complete, they are done and in the past and we do not need to think
about them again. When they incomplete,

Something which is incomplete is not certain and leaves us unsatisfied and seeking to
resolve the incompletion by completing what has been left undone.

Completion leads to a sense of closure, where we feel the comfort of such as a job well
done or an argument satisfactorily finished.

Rehearsal exhaustion

One of the effects of incompletion is that we constantly have to go back and think about
all the incomplete things we know about, to make sure we do not forget it and to predict
possible outcomes. As more and more things are left incomplete, we get more and more
distracted and exhausted by the ever-increasing rehearsal.

The rule of three

If someone starts something then leaves it incomplete and then starts something else, and
then repeats this again and again, how many such nested incompletions can we stand? In
practice, problems seem to set in around about three incomplete things.

This appears in a wide range of places. For example, section numbering in manuals may
go to 1, 1.2 and 1.2.3, but seldom goes down to a fourth or lower level with section
numbers such as 3.5.8.2.7.2. Technical writers know that such detail is too much for most
people to handle. (Government specification, however are a different matter).

Completion in stories
Writer of soap-operas and other installment-based entertainment know much about
completion. All stories can be viewed as nothing but a series of tension-creating
incomplete scenarios, followed by satisfying completion, tying up the loose ends and
giving a sense of control and that all is now well in the world.

Consider what an incomplete story forces us to do:

• In order to be able to make sense of the rest of the story, when it appears, we have
to keep going back and mentally rehearsing the story, to keep in in mind.
• In wondering what will happen, we start predicting possible conclusions. And the
more possible endings, the greater the confusion and mental effort again to
rehearse these.
• It sends us mentally inside, paying attention to our inner world. This is the
beginnings of trance (as is the repetition of rehearsal).

So what?
Incomplete stories and situations leave people wanting more. If you leave them open,
then they will also be more open to your persuasive arguments.

So start telling them something, then break off and tell them something else. Do this
several times. Then slip in the real request or suggestion that you want to make. They will
be so confused they will accept it often without question.

The need to: Explain

 Explanations > Needs > Explain

Expertise | Appearing rational | So what?

Expertise
If we can explain something, we can claim expertise. This gives us two very useful
benefits:

• Control : If I am expert in something, then I understand it and can use that

knowledge to control it.
• Social position :Expertise is a form of power, that leads to other people looking
up to me, either in admiration (or fear) of my power or in gratitude from the use
(or not) I have made of it on their behalf.

Appearing rational
When we goof off or do something of which others might disapprove, we will
desperately try to explain ourselves. Why is this? It is because we fear appearing
irrational and hence being rejected by others.

Explaining demonstrates our rationality and enables others to predict what we are likely
to do and hence not consider us a threat. There are often unwritten group norms about
appearing rational and we will help our friends save face when they appear irrational for
example by explaining how they are having a 'bad day'.

So what?
Gain credibility by demonstrating your own expertise in a topic of interest, but beware in
doing this that you do not belittle or embarrass the other person too much.

Build friendship by helping the other person save face through your rational explanation
of their failures and strange misdeeds (that you may have engineered).

The need to: Predict

Explanations > Needs > Prediction

To feel in control | To decide | Cause and effect | So what?

One of the things we are constantly doing is predicting the future, whether it is the
micropredictions of movement or forecasts of what might happen next year.

To feel in control
A basic need we have is for a sense of control. If we can predict what will happen, this
gives us a lot better chance to control things.

If we do not know what will happen next then we cannot relax and must constantly be on
the lookout for danger.

To decide
In our ruminating and decision-making we are constantly looking forward, trying to
decide the best course of action to achieve our goals and avoid potential discomforts.

If we can predict accurately, then we will make good decisions and be successful in
meeting our goals and objectives.

Cause and effect

Being able to predict is about connecting cause and effect. If we can connect the cause of
today to the effect of tomorrow, we can predict. And if we can create a chain of these, we
can predict what will happen next week.

Being able to explain cause and effect meets yet another need and allows us to appear
rational to other people, thus appearing predictable (and hence meeting their needs for
prediction and control).

So What?
Be predictable with other people and they will trust you and like you more easily.

You can also be deliberately unpredictable to put them off balance, causing confusion
that you can then utilize.

When people cannot predict and do not know what to do, they will look to other people.
So create a new situation for them, then show them what to do.

The need for: Consistency

 Explanations > Needs > Consistency

What is it? | Cognitive dissonance | So what?

Have you ever been to the supermarket and found that they have moved the aisle where
the milk is kept? Or have you a colleague who is so inconsistent you do not know what
they are going to do next? Annoying and uncomfortable, isn't it?

What is it?
When things are inconsistent, we find it difficult to predict and hence control the future.
This makes us feel uncomfortable so we will hence act to make things more consistent. If
we cannot do this directly, we may achieve consistency in what we perceive by
distancing ourselves from the inconsistent items or people.

Internal consistency

We also have a need for internal consistency. That is, we need for our beliefs, values,
morals, attitudes, mental models and so on, all to align with one another. If we belief the
world is flat, yet we value science which tells us the world is round, then we will feel
uncomfortable about this difference.

We need consistency between our inner beliefs, etc. and our outer actions. This can cause
a lot of problems, as we tend to idealize ourselves internally, yet externally we have to
face difficult choices. Thus if I believe I am a caring individual, yet do not give money to
a beggar, I will feel guilty and uncomfortable.

Cognitive dissonance
In 1957 psychologist Leon Festinger described a very powerful motivator, which he
called cognitive dissonance, where inconsistent attitudes, concepts or ideas makes us feel
uncomfortable. This drives us to such actions as seeking confirmation of any decisions
we make and avoiding anything that might prove those decisions to be anything less than
perfect and wise. For example, when we buy a new car, we will happily read articles that
praise it, but we will feel bad and discard magazines that show our decision to be unwise.

So what?
Be consistent yourself in your behavior with other people, in order to create trust. You
can also, on occasion, be deliberately inconsistent in order to cause confusion and hence
tension, destabilizing the other person so you can guide them towards closure on the
points you wish to persuade them.

Show other people to be inconsistent, for example highlighting the differences between
their values and their actions. Be careful with this, as they can jump in two directions as
they seek to reduce one of the inconsistencies.

Open and Closed Questions

Techniques > Questioning > Open and Closed Questions

Closed questions | Open questions

These are two types of questions you can use that are very different in character and
usage.

Closed questions
Definition

There are two definitions that are used to describe closed questions. A common definition
is:

A closed question can be answered with either a single word or a short phrase.

Thus 'How old are you?' and 'Where do you live?' are closed questions. A more limiting
definition is:

A closed question can be answered with either 'yes' or 'no'.

Thus 'Are you happy?' and 'Is that a knife I see before me?' are closed questions, whilst
'How are you?' and even 'How old are you?' are not, by this definition, closed. This
limited definition is also sometimes called a 'yes or no' question, for obvious reasons.

Using closed questions

Closed questions have the following characteristics:

• They give you facts.

• They are easy to answer.
 • They are quick to answer.
• They keep control of the conversation with the questioner.

This makes closed questions useful in the following situations:

Usage Example
As opening questions in a conversation, It's great weather, isn't it?
as it makes it easy for the other person
to answer, and doesn't force them to Where do you live?
reveal too much about themselves.
What time is it?
For testing their understanding (asking So, you want to move into our
yes/no questions). This is also a great apartment, with your own bedroom and
way to break into a long ramble. bathroom?
For setting up a desired positive or Are you happy with your current
negative frame of mind in them (asking supplier?
successive questions with obvious
answers either yes or no ). Do they give you all that you need?

Would you like to find a better supplier?

For achieving closure of a persuasion If I can deliver this tomorrow, will you
(seeking yes to the big question). sign for it now?

Note how you can turn any opinion into a closed question that forces a yes or no by
adding tag questions, such as "isn't it?", "don't you?" or "can't they?" to any statement.

The first word of a question sets up the dynamic of the closed question, signaling the easy
answer ahead. Note how these are words like: do, would, are, will, if.

Open questions
Definition

An open question can be defined as:

An open question is likely to receive a long answer.

Although any question can receive a long answer, open questions deliberately seek longer
answers, and are the opposite of closed questions.
Using open questions

Open questions have the following characteristics:

• They ask the respondent to think and reflect.

• They will give you opinions and feelings.
• They hand control of the conversation to the respondent.

This makes open questions useful in the following situations:

Usage
As a follow-on from closed questions,
to develop a conversation and open up
someone who is rather quiet.
To find out more about a person, their
wants, needs, problems, and so on.
To get people to realize the extend of
their problems (to which, of course,
you have the solution).
To get them to feel good about you by
asking after their health or otherwise
demonstrating human concern about
them.
Example
What did you do on you holidays?
How do you keep focused on your
work?
What's keeping you awake these days?
Why is that so important to you?
I wonder what would happen if your
customers complained even more?
Rob Jones used to go out late. What
happened to him?
How have you been after your
operation?
You're looking down. What's up?

Open questions begin with such as: what, why, how, describe.

Using open questions can be scary, as they seem to hand the baton of control over to the
other person. However, well-placed questions do leave you in control as you steer their
interest and engage them where you want them.

When opening conversations, a good balance is around three closed questions to one
open question. The closed questions start the conversation and summarize progress,
whilst the open question gets the other person thinking and continuing to give you useful
information about them.
A neat trick is to get them to ask you open questions. This then gives you the floor to talk
about what you want. The way to achieve this is to intrigue them with an incomplete
story or benefit.

1. Trust
Explanations > Trust

Trust is | When trust goes wrong | So what?

Trust is the key to the door of other people's minds. If they don't trust you, then you
haven't a hope in Hades of persuading them. If they do trust you, it doesn't necessarily
mean you can persuade them, but at least they will now listen to you and take you
seriously.

Trust is
• What is trust: Core factors of trust.
• The spectrum of trust: From blind trust to paranoia.
• Transaction cost: The cost of low trust.
• Trust in groups: The dynamics of trust in teams.
• Swift trust: Where trust happens quickly.
• Creating trust in organizations: How to increase trust in your company.
• Where we trust: The people we will trust.

When trust goes wrong

• Four types of justice: Distributive, Reparative, Procedural, Retributive.
• The economics of trust: The cost of trust and betrayal.
• The effects of betrayal: How people react in the lost of trust.
• The Hysteresis of trust and betrayal: An engineer's curve describes the human
dynamics.
• Low-trust responses: What people do when they do not trust.

So what?
So manage trust carefully. It can, as they say, take a lifetime to build and a moment to
lose. And the simplest way to do this is to be trustworthy. Be dependable. Care about
people. Deception may persuade people for now, but the cost of being found out can be
extremely high.
What is trust?

Explanations > Trust > What is trust?

Predictability | Value exchange | Delayed reciprocity | Exposed vulnerabilities | So what?

Trust is both and emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your
vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness.
Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating
expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in
question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both. I trust you
because I have experienced your trustworthiness and because I have faith in human
nature.

We feel trust. Emotions associated with trust include companionship, friendship, love,
agreement, relaxation, comfort.

There are a number of different ways we can define trust. Here are the dimensions of
trust and consequent definitions.

Predictability
It is a normal part of the human condition to be constantly forecasting ahead. We build
internal models of the world based both on our experiences and what others tell us, and
then use these to guess what will happen next. This allows us to spot and prepare for
threats and also make plans to achieve our longer-term goals.

The greatest unpredictability is at 50%; a reliable enemy can be preferable to an

unpredictable friend, as at least we know where we are with them.

Definition 1: Trust means being able to predict what other people will do and
what situations will occur. If we can surround ourselves with people we trust, then
we can create a safe present and an even better future.

Value exchange
Most of what we do with other people is based around exchange, which is the basis for all
businesses as well as simple relationships. At its simplest, it is exchange of goods. I will
swap you two sheep for one cow. It is easy to calculate the value in such material
bargaining. Things get more complex when less tangible forces come into play. A parent
exchanges attention for love. A company exchanges not only pay but good working
conditions for the intellectual and manual efforts of its workforce.

Value exchange works because we each value things differently. If I have a whole flock
of sheep but no milk, then I can do business with a person who has a herd of cows but no
clothes. This principle of reciprocity is what binds societies together.

Trust in value exchange occurs when we do not know fully whether what we are
receiving is what we expect. When we buy a car, don’t want to be sold a ringer which the
seller knows is faulty. When I get advice in business, I want it to be based on facts, not
wild opinions.

Definition 2: Trust means making an exchange with someone when you do not
have full knowledge about them, their intent and the things they are offering to
you.

Delayed reciprocity
Exchange is not just about an immediate swapping of cows and sheep or hugs and kisses.
What makes companies and societies really work is that something is given now, but the
return is paid back some time in the future. The advantage of this is that we can create a
more flexible environment, where you can get what you need when you need it, rather
than having to save up for it.

Trust now becomes particularly important, because otherwise we are giving something
for nothing. The delay we have placed in the reciprocal arrangement adds a high level of
uncertainty which we need to mitigate through trust.

What is often called the ‘golden rule’ is a simple formula for creating trust. ‘Do unto
others as you would have them do unto you.’ It sets up the dynamic for my giving you
something now with the hope of getting back some unspecified thing in the indeterminate
future.

Definition 3: Trust means giving something now with an expectation that it will
be repaid, possibly in some unspecified way at some unspecified time in the
future.

Exposed vulnerabilities
When we trust other people, we may not only be giving them something in hope of
getting something else back in the future, we may also be exposing ourselves in a way
that they can take advantage of our vulnerabilities. If I buy a car from you and I do not
know a good price, you can lie to me so you get a better bargain. If I tell you in
confidence about the problems I am having with work, you could use this to further your
own career at my expense.
Although the threat of retribution or projected feelings of guilt can counteract your
temptation to abuse my exposed vulnerabilities, if you succumb I still get hurt and may
still end up with the shorter stick. For our transaction to complete successfully, I must be
able to trust that such agonies will not come to pass.

Definition 4: Trust means enabling other people to take advantage of your

vulnerabilities—but expecting that they will not do this.

So what?
So learn about trust, how it works and how to build it. If you do it well, other people will
give you the earth. If you betray them, they will hunt you to the ends of the earth.

The spectrum of trust

Explanations > Trust > The spectrum of trust

Blind Faith | Paranoia | Reasonable Trust | So what

We don't trust all people equally and we don't all approach trust in the same way. There is
an overall spectrum, ranging from blind faith to paranoia. If we can identify where the
other person is situated

Blind Faith Reasonable Trust Paranoia

Everyone's trustworthy Some are trustworthy Nobody's trustworthy
Trust without evidence Trust with evidence Distrust without evidence

Blind Faith
At one end of the trust spectrum is blind faith, where the naive will happily do whatever
anyone asks of them. They assume that everyone else is trustworthy, even in the face
overwhelming evidence.
Few of us are as foolish as to be blindly faithful in all other people, though many of us do
have blind spots. I will blindly believe my football team can beat all comers or that my
great website will attract millions of admirers.

Paranoia
At the opposite end to blind faith is paranoia. The paranoid person trust nobody, and even
assumes that 'everyone is out to get them'. They distrust without evidence.

As with blind faith, paranoia can be broad or narrow in focus. I can be paranoid about
one person or a whole football team.

Reasonable trust
Somewhere in the middle is a reasonable position, where evidence is required before I
will trust other people.

So what?
Find out where the other person is situated along the spectrum, and act accordingly. The
more paranoid the other person is, the more you will need to spend time building trust.

You may also be able to move the person to a different context in which they are less
paranoid. For example, a meeting in your office with a supplier may immediately make
them feel threatened. A neutral location such as a restaurant may lead them to a more
reasonable position.

You may even decide to abandon the persuasion if the other person remains at the higher
end of the spectrum. If you have alternatives to the persuasion, they may be an easier
course!

Transaction cost
Explanations > Trust > Transaction cost

The cost of distrust | Organizations as trust boundaries | So what

The cost of distrust

Whenever you interact with another person, then a certain amount of what you do before,
during and after the interaction may well be directed at ensuring that you do not get
deceived by the other person. This activity is effectively waste, as it does not directly
create value for you or the other person. This is the transaction cost.

For example if you are going to buy a television, there may be a small local shop that
sells them, but you do not trust their prices, so you travel to a superstore. You still look
up prices on the internet beforehand and also check the store's returns policy. At the store,
there is a bit of a rigmarole whilst they check your credit and there is a security man on
the door who checks your receipt as you leave.

Transaction costs include those around:

• Search and information: Finding products and appropriate suppliers.

• Bargaining and decision-making: Negotiating and establishing the agreement.
• Policing and enforcement: Ensuring the other person conforms with agreements.

When your work involves interaction with many people, the cumulative transaction cost
can be a very significant part of the cost of doing business.

Organizations as trust boundaries

Transaction cost is a founding principle of economics and organizational theory. If you
can build an organization within which transaction costs are lower, then you can operate
at a lower cost than a set of individuals who are collaborating but who have a higher level
of distrust with one another.

Organizations thus act as 'trust boundaries' where people inside will automatically give a
level of trust to the people inside their company that they will not give to outsiders.
Companies have the opportunity to extend these boundaries into customers and suppliers,
reducing the transaction cost of the entire supply chain and thus create a highly
competitive ecology.

So what?
So if you are running a company, work hard to develop trust within the company to
reduce your transaction costs and hence the cost of operating your business. It is also
worth spending time breaking down trust barriers to partners, customers and other
stakeholders.

If you have any regular interactions with people, even on an individual basis, then
increasing trust reduces the cost of those interactions (and vice versa), increasing their
value to all concerned.

Trust in groups
 Explanations > Trust > Trust in groups

In-group conditions | Boundary conditions | Induction |Boundary threat | So what?

What makes a group a group: Is it the similarities between the people in the group? Or is
it their differences with people outside of the group? The answer is yes to both, but in
practice the second question is often more significant than the first.

In-group conditions
When a group forms, they will typically go through the formative ‘form, storm, norm,
perform’ sequence, where they will typically divide their work up into trusted roles which
they are individually best suited, such that they can together meet the larger group needs.
Just as individuals have beliefs, values, mental models and goals, so also will these
develop in the group, and the trust within the group develop around these.

The primary ‘glue’ that holds the group together is the trust as defined within the group
beliefs, values, etc. The ultimate threat to breaking this in-group trust is rejection from
the group, which is such a powerful motivator it has led to people abandoning their
personal values, even to the point of killing other people.

Boundary conditions
Groups are not defined solely by their similarities and shared culture. They can be even
more clearly defined by what is not in the group. A non-group person is immediately
subject to a lower level of trust and will be scrutinized for other factors through which
their potential behavior can be predicted.

Within the group, out-group people and other groups are often caricatured with
exaggerated non-group personality factors such as stupidity or cruelty. These not only
serve to isolate the group, they also emphasize the values, etc. of the group through which
in-group trust is maintained.

Induction
Induction into a group can often be through a ritualized process, from the ancient
practices of the freemasons to the group beatings (and worse) of Los Angeles street
gangs. Professional associations have similar practices, where entrants must submit to
examination and regular financial payments.
A person that has had difficulty in joining a group will be less inclined to leave, as the
‘sunk cost’ of membership can never be recouped. It is also a known psychological effect
that we deduce our beliefs from our actions, and the neophyte will often deduce that they
have accepted the group trust rules because of the actions that they took to join the group.

Boundary threat
When the group is threatened in some way, they will forget internal problems and band
together against the threat. In these situations in-group trust goes sharply up and out-
group trust sharply down. Take for example a wartime situation. The people under threat
work closely and passionately together to defeat the enemy, often trusting an in-group
person with their lives, even though no trust has been developed between them, other
than their membership of the same group.

The opposite also occurs: when there is no threat, in-group bickering and schisms form
and this threat from within can lead to subdivision of the group. This threat often leads
leaders to create crises and other threats that will heighten fears of damage to the group
and lead to more cohesive, trusting behavior.

So what?
So manage your relationship with groups carefully. Act differently if you are an outside,
but also seek to achieve the status of trusted advisor.

When joining a group, be prepared to go through an induction ritual and work to

demonstrate how you have adopted group rules and processes.

Swift Trust

Explanations > Emotions > Trust > Swift Trust

Characteristics of temporary systems | Key factors that make for swift trust

Sometimes there is no time to build a trusting relationship, such as when group of people
are thrown together and must start work immediately. A classic example of this is on the
movie set. Make-up artists, key grips, stunt-men and many others are all on the job from
day one, with little or no ‘getting to know you’ sessions. They must work out their
differences on the fly and blindly trust one another to do their jobs.
Characteristics of temporary systems
Temporary systems such as the movie set or organizational task force, where people are
brought together to complete a given task, have common factors which may include:

• Many different skills, assembled by a contracting organization to perform a

defined task.
• Limited history of working together and unlikely to work together ever again.
• Complex and on-standard tasks which are only partly understood.
• Interdependent tasks that require a high degree of collaboration.
• Tight timescales and high cost of failure.

Key factors that make for swift trust

Swift trust does not just happen. There are factors in the environment which are
preconditions by enable and encourage trust to be given and used well.

Aligned activity

Linked overall goals, rewards and penalties. By putting people in the same boat, such
that they share the glories of reaching the shore and sink or swim together, they are
forced to develop a system of trust.

Interdependence. If they are independent, no trust is needed. If some are more dependent
on others, then power positions are created with a much less trusting environment.

Constrained environment

Time. If there is no time to develop trust slowly, the pace is forced. Slack time also give
space in which idle hands can be turned to selfish or non-productive activities.

Just-enough resources. There should be sufficient resources to do the job, otherwise

battles for resource will erode trust. Too much resource is simply wasteful.

Non-person focus

Professional role focus. A focus on acting as and treating others as professionals leads to
trust in their professional capabilities.

Task/process focus. Focusing on the task or process removes focus on the people. If there
seems to be a personal problem, refocusing on the process and context that caused the
problem is more productive and supports trust.

Trust broker
Hires, fires and leads the charge. A central person who recruits everyone is responsible
for ensuring everyone is professional and can perform as above. If they are the chief
‘designer’ of the system (such as a movie director or project manager), they are a single
point where issues of difference are clearly resolved.

Creating trust in organizations

Explanations > Trust > Creating trust in organizations

Values and culture | Interdependence | Role and process clarity | Goal congruity |
Visibility | Consequences of transgression

The way an organization is designed can have a significant effect on the trust that is
engendered within its walls. Organizational elements that affect trust include the softer
side of the house, including values and behaviors, as well as the organizational structures
such as hierarchies and processes.

Values and culture

Values are the ‘unwritten rules’ of how people interact including as shoulds and
shouldn’ts, musts and must nots, rights and wrongs, and things which are important and
unimportant. Values are unwritten in that we all have them and they are reflected in what
we actually do, rather than any written set of company values. Writing them down is a
good thing only to the degree to which these are communicated and supported by the
company hierarchy.

Written sets of values are not new, as evidenced by the Christian Ten Commandments.
This overarching ruleset has influence trusting behavior for many centuries.

Values which support trust are those which encourage interdependent working and
support of others just because it is the right thing to do. Trust may be explicitly
mentioned in company values, along with themes such as ‘focus on the customer’
through which people can legitimately request things of one another and trust that they
will support activities that are working towards these common goals.

Values which act to reduce trust are often those which emphasize individual excellence
and financial goals above any statements of trust. Where people are rewarded more for
the achievement of individual rather than group goals, this divisive encouragement is
likely to lead to non-collaborative and untrustworthy behavior. Discouraging such overt
actions are the broader social rules, including what remains of historical social values.
Other cultural factors also may also support or hinder the trust rules that are set up by
values.

Interdependence
Where people are interdependent they require things of each other. The dynamic for
reciprocity is thus set up by the complex task environment and the limitations of time,
skill and control that the individuals possess. To do my work I need your help.
Fortunately, you are in a similar position so we can engage in mutually satisfying value
exchange.

Where dependence is a one-way street, there arises positions of vulnerability and power,
where the powerful can take advantage of the vulnerable almost on a whim. Power
behavior in organizations often involves delays and ‘not now’ can easily become a
technique of deliberate sabotage. Even when the powerful are well-intentioned, as most
are, pressures of work lead them to prioritize dependent people off the scale, thus leading
to unintentional sabotage (which is of little compensation to the dependent person who is
losing out).

Role and process clarity

Where people’s jobs are clear, it is easy to determine who is responsible for what, who
controls what resources, and consequently where you need to go for dependent actions
and whether the person you are depending on is obliged or interested in helping you.

An unclear role leads not only the requestor but also the person being asked to be
uncertain as to whether the requested action should be undertaken. Similarly, where
processes are unclear or unstated, especially in their boundary points where work touches
upon other people, then the uncertainty can make decisions arbitrary and based more
upon individual rather than organizational need.

This does not mean that all jobs and processes should be defined down to the nth level. It
does, however, mean that for trust to occur, decisions points and criteria must be clear.
Factors such as clear values and limited interdependence can simplify such situations.

Where fewer people need to be trusted, the problems of trust are immediately focused
although if such designs result in single authorization points, these can easily become
bottlenecks rather than open highways.

Goal congruity
Where I have one objective and you have another, my asking you for help is not likely to
get a positive response. If, however, we both are working to the same strategic plan
which is clearly communicated to us all, we have a point of commonality through which
we can work together. I can trust that what you do is not likely to be diametrically
opposite to my activities, and that when you make a promise, because we are working on
the same thing, you will keep to your word.

Goal congruity is not the same as role and process clarity, although they are closely
related. The goal marks the end-point and gives the overall direction, whilst roles and
processes are methods of achieving the goal. In situations of uncertainty, goals (like the
higher-level values) help us to make agreeable decisions.

Visibility
Where trust is given and it is clearly visible that the person being trusted is acting in a
trustworthy way, the feedback enables confidence in that trust to be rapidly increased.
Much trust comes through communication. If I ask you to do something and you
regularly give me updates of progress along the way, my imagination is

The corollary is also true. Where the actions and results of people’s decisions and
behaviors are hidden, and where there are other structural factors that encourage
untrustworthy behavior, then the temptation to manipulate others is higher. When,
however, the actions and their consequences are visible to those who can and will act to
punish transgressors, then untrustworthy behavior is significantly discouraged.

Visibility can be reduced by such as functional barriers, where requests are sent to a
department rather than to a named person. Similarly where the ‘process’ or equipment or
‘management’ can be blamed, the true source of untrustworthiness can be concealed. It
can (and often is) also be hidden through unwritten social rules, where ‘I won’t question
your incompetence if you won’t question mine.’

Consequences of transgression
If I trust you and you fail to meet our agreed actions then what happens? If there is
nothing else I can do, if there are no consequences for you as a result of this failure, then
why should you worry? A system that has no punishment for trust failure

Punishment can take two forms. Formal punish may happen if I go to your manager and
complain that you are not acting as you should. The consequences of this can then range
from a mild ticking off from your manager to expulsion or even legal action, depending
on the severity of the transgression. Much punishment, however, is informal and social in
nature. Social punishment can include being gossiped about, being ostracized or being
verbally abused, any of which can be extremely uncomfortable and professionally
damaging.

Where we trust
 Explanations > Trust > Where we trust

Frequent contact | Common goals | Single source | So what?

Beyond the religious maxim ‘In God do I trust’, perhaps the questions should be ‘Where
must we trust?’ Some situation force us to either trust or leave. ‘If you cant’ stand the
heat, get out of the kitchen’ comes to mind. The heat in groups is about collaborating
such that an acceptable system of value exchange is maintained, where even if people
don’t care too much for one another, they can still get on without terminal conflict.

Frequent contact
Where people are forced together, where they have some structural ties of location in
common, they have to get on in some form. Their enforced close relationship means that
they must discover how to establish and use trust.

Families have specific ties. Blood is thicker than water, and all that. You can get rid of
friends, but you cannot easily change your relationship with your brother or cousin.
Families can be acrimonious, but on the whole they tend to be harmonious, especially
when challenged from outside.

People who live in close proximity, whether they are prisoners, neighbors or workmates
may have more choice than families. Nevertheless, they must, if they are to co-exist,
develop agreement and trust around how they share their time and space.

Common goals
Where people have common goals and objectives, where they have interdependencies
and where they can obtain synergies from collaboration, development of a trusting
relationship is clearly beneficial to all parties.

Beyond collaborative work groups, other groups such as professional organizations seek
to create trust within their membership and may act as trust brokers with other
organizations.

Single source
Where we need information and there is only one place to get it, then we are obliged to
trust that source. Organizations that set themselves up as sources of knowledge include
universities, consultancies and professional organizations. Their brand name aims to
persuade us that they can be trusted.
So what?
So develop trust with people by staying in touch, calling up at unexpected time just to be
friendly as well as scheduling regular contact. Also seek to demonstrate that you are
aiming at the same stars as them. Also be aware of the brand effect and use it as
appropriate.

Concepts in psychoanalysis
Psychoanalysis is a discipline in which there are many difficult and often-misunderstood
concepts. Here are some straightforward explanations of many of them.

• Abjection: a state of deep and sickening horror.

• The chora: the initial chaotic state in a child's life.
• Counter-transference: is the effect that transference has on a person.
• The depressive position: where good and bad are realized as one.
• Desire: a component of loss and lack.
• Good object, bad object: separating the comforting from the unpleasant.
• The good-enough mother: who supports healthy development.
• Identification: seeking to join with others.
• Incorporation: primitive taking into the body.
• Internalization: installation of objects in the ego.
• Introjective identification: taking another's good objects.
• Jouissance: pleasure too great to bear.
• Life and death drives: Eros and Thanatos.
• Mirror phase: image, self and misrecognition.
• Narcissism: exclusive self-love.
• The neonatal phase: early undifferentiated unity.
• Object: something to which a Subject relates.
• Object Relations Theory: relationships between people and their objects.
• Oedipus Complex: mother, son, father, complications.
• Other: Who is not the subject so creates the subject.
• The paranoid-schizoid position: paranoid fear and projecting bad objects.
• Phallus: A symbol of male power and female lack.
• Phantasy vs. fantasy: unconscious vs. conscious imaginings.
• Play: development and imagining.
• Pleasure-pain principle: seeking immediate gratification, avoiding discomfort.
• Projection and Introjection: taking in and pushing out objects.
• Projective identification: expelling a bad object into another person.
• Reality principle: Pragmatic deferral of pleasure.
• Splitting: separating one item into two so they can be handled separately.
• The Symbolic register: stage of acquiring language and symbols.
• Three registers of human reality: real, imaginary, symbolic.
• Transference: projecting one person's character onto another person.
 • The Transition Object: not-me and carer-substitute that helps transition.
• True self, false self: healthy and not.

Abjection

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Abjection

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Abjection is a state of deep and sickening horror that we experience for example when
we see a corpse, see an open wound or hear of horrible crimes against children.

It is based in a breakdown in meaning caused by the loss of the distinction between

linguistic binaries such as subject and object or self and other.

Discussion
Kristeva suggests that abjection is something that we must experience as a part of our
psychosexual development, after the chora and before entering the mirror phase. The
horror of abjection at this stage may be an early step out of undifferentiated unity and
towards a sense of separate self, through realization of separation from the mother.

'Abjection preserves what existed in the archaism of pre-objectal relationship, in the

immemorial violence with which a body becomes separated from another body in order
to be.'

Kristeva describes how abjection is the first step in moving away from the base animal
state towards

'By way of abjection, primitive societies have marked out a precise area of their culture
in order to remove it from the threatening world of animals or animalism, which were
imagined as representatives of sex and murder.'

Abjection contrasts with Lacan's object petit a (object of desire), which coordinates
desires and facilitates the symbolic register.

Abjection in adult life is a threat of a return to the base animal place and is thus linked
with the real and jouissance, and is both repugnant and attractive.
One does not know it, one does not desire it, one joys in it. Violently and painfully.

The Chora

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > The Chora

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
The Chora is the initial state in a child's life where, between zero and about six months, it
is driven by a chaotic mix of perceptions, feelings, and needs.

The self is not recognized as the child sense of being is blended into its world and mother
in something close to a continuation of being in womb. There is no recognition of
boundaries.

This stage is is closest to the Real, where basic life and death drives are the prime
motivators.

Discussion
Kristeva's description of this early stage is similar to other descriptions such as the first
part of Lacan's neonatal phase and Winnicott's undifferentiated unity.

French feminists use the chora to reject Lacan's claim that gender is defined through
language and the symbolic register, highlighting it as a pre-Oedipal position from which
identity can be spoken. The Chora is .experienced differently by males and females, thus
creating gender difference.

The term 'semiotic' is often used either in tandem with 'chora' or sometimes as a
replacement. It in particular forms an opposite to the 'symbolic' of the later symbolic
register.

The depressive position

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > The depressive position

 Description | Discussion | See also

Description
The initial depressive position

The initial depressive position is a significant step in integrative development which

occurs when the infant discovers that the hated bad breast and the loved good breast are
one and the same. The mother begins to be recognized as a whole object who can be good
and bad, rather than two part-objects, one good and one bad. Love and hate, along with
external reality and internal phantasy, can now also begin to co-exist.

As ambivalence is accepted, the mother can be seen as fallible and capable of both good
and bad. The infant begins to acknowledge its own helplessness, dependency and
jealousy towards the mother. It consequently becomes anxious that the aggressive
impulses might have hurt or even destroyed the mother, who they now recognize as
needed and loved. This results in ‘depressive anxiety’ replacing destructive urges with
guilt.

The general depressive position

In the more general depressive position, projective identification is used to empathize

with others, moving parts of the self into the other person in order to understand them.

To some extent, this is facilitated when the other person is receptive to this act. The
experience that the projecting person through their identification is related to the actions
and reactions of the other person.

When the thoughts and feelings are taken back inside the projecting person from the other
person, they may be better able to handle them as they also bring back something of the
other person and the way they appeared to cope. It can also be comforting just to know
that another person has experienced a troublesome part of the self.

The depressive position is thus a gentler and more cooperative counterpoint to the
paranoid-schizoid position and acts to heal its wounds.

Discussion
Klein describes the depressive position begins after the paranoid-schizoid position
(initially first 3-4 months), at about 3 to 4 months, and may continue to play a forceful
role, depending on circumstances, throughout life. The person may oscillate between
these two manic-depressive states.
Wilfred Bion linked the depressive position to the normal operations of the adult Work
Group.

Bion (1959) described projective identification as a way of communicating that seeks an

experience of being 'contained'. In his theory of containment, this is expressed as a
linkage between the container (the other person) and the contained (the thought or
feeling). This includes parent-child and analyst-patient containment.

Desire

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Desire

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Desires, often borne out of unconscious need, drive much of how we feel and hence what
we do.

The relationship with loss and lack

Lack and desire are synonymous. When you do not have something and feel a sense of
loss, then you are actually feeling desire for that lost thing. Lack implies an incomplete
and unachievable wholeness. The resultant desire is a haunting ache that is more than the
lust for something more achievable.

Desire relates to the need to possess, to have, to own, to control. We thus lust after people
and possessions. Fear of loss and the greed of acquisitive desire are often stimulated by
advertising, marketing, etc.

Satisfaction -- or not

We dream that our desires will lead to complete satisfaction and fulfilment, that
achieving them will give us lasting happiness.

When we get that which we desire, we seldom achieve a lasting sense of fulfilment. That
which is acquired often turns out to be not as perfect as we had idealized. We also still
have other desires which now come to the fore and demand our attention.
Our desires are a part of who we are and contribute to our sense of identity. When those
desires are fulfilled, then we lose a part of ourselves. Thus fulfilment also brings a sense
of loss, which itself is a desire for what has passed.

Fantasy

Desire creates fantasy as we imagine having that which we desire. The power of our
imagination is such that these states of reverie are so pleasant that they can replace and
become reality. The more we fantasize, the more that reality is relatively dull and
unpleasant. Our lives can become very largely constructed by desire, particularly when
this practice starts when we are very young.

A dilemma with fantasized existence is that the difference between reality and fantasy
becomes so blurred that we are unable to distinguish between the two.

Robert Louis Stephenson said 'It is better to travel hopefully than to arrive.' Fantasy is
safe as we are in charge of what happens. Fear of disappointment can lead us to stay in
the fantasized state, as can self-doubt about our abilities to achieve our desires.

Discussion
Desire is triggered in Lacan's Mirror phase, where the image of wholeness seen by the
baby in the mirror creates a desire for that being. Beyond this phase, Lacan argues that
the subject, separated from itself by language, feels a sense of absence, of being not fully
present, and thus desires wholeness. He calls this sense of something missing as the
'object petit a'. We constantly put ourselves into the subject positions of language and
cultural codes in seeking to fulfil the futile desire for wholeness.

Jacqueline Rose considers all unconscious desire as making identity problematic or

'unfinished'. She says there is 'resistance to identity at the very heart of psychic life'.

Man's desire for woman can be seen as desire for the woman's desire for the phallus.

Lacan uses jouissance to indicate the lost object, that which is unobtainable and which
always escapes satisfaction. Rose uses this to show that women have a point of advantage
in the overall phallic economy, standing in the place of jouissance and thus being
perpetually both desirable and ultimately unobtainable.

Separation in the Oedipus Complex leads to desire as the boy distances himself from the
mother yet still yearns for her.

Good object, bad object

 Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Good object, bad object

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Objects that are experienced at the same time as emotions are causally associated with the
emotions and loved or hated accordingly (the unsubtle infant deals more in emotional
extremes than moderated variations).

Thus a 'good' breast that provides milk is associated with satiation and is loved, whilst a
'bad' breast that does not provide milk when wanted is associated with frustration and is
hated.

This emotion is extended from part-objects to whole objects. Thus the infant rejects or
wants the mother as wells the breast.

As the rage at the bad object subsides, it can turn to fear of recrimination or rejection
from the object or part-object (the infant may imbue the breast with intelligence).

This pattern repeats onwards as we categorize people and things as good and bad and
desire or attack them accordingly.

Discussion
Klein describes good and bad objects where the child seeks to join itself to the good
object and eject bad objects, in particular keeping good objects safe from the unpleasant
influence of bad objects. This is perhaps is reaching to the Lacanian neonatal phase
where the connected one-ness is achieved. Against this, separation of pushing away is an
isolating act, where the distressing loss of the wholeness is emphasized.

The child will seek to expel bad objects, either because they form a threat or because the
bad object which is a part of the self is in danger of attack from other aspects of the self.

The notion of a 'conversation with the breast' by an infant may seem strange, but these
ideas are based on long study.

In changing minds, being or bringing forth the good and bad objects of the other person
have deep effects on them, powerfully attracting or repulsing them.

Identification
 Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Identification

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
When I 'identify with' other people, I find something attractive about them and seek to
join with them in some way.

When I identify with another, I seek to change myself to be like the other either in some
limited way or in all ways. This change may range from changing a single view to dress
like them and trying to change all aspects of my life.

Discussion
Freud used 'identification' to describe how his patients related to other people, from
brothers to prostitutes.

A significant difference from such joining forms as incorporation and introjection is that
identification is practiced by moving the self towards a desirable object rather than
drawing the object towards them. If there is introjection, it is benevolent and does not
change the admired other.

Incorporation

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Incorporation

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Incorporation is derived from the Latin incorporare, meaning ‘to form into a body'.

It is perhaps the most basic form of taking the outside world into the inner world, being
focused on bodily sensation and ingestion.
Although this need not mean actual bodily ingestion, this term is used to explain the way
that incorporation is experienced and conceived. By bringing something into the body, I
make it undeniably a part of the physical, solid and real me. Once incorporated, it cannot
be separated from me, but I can choose what to do with it, including destroying or
expelling it.

Discussion
Freud used incorporation to refer to a primitive wish to unite with or cannibalistically
destroy an object. It is a a mechanism of the oral phase and a template for later
identifications. In Totem and Taboo (1913), he described identification as accomplished
through the murder and devouring the primal father.

Jung, who considered deeper factors, identified many myths and monsters by which the
ego is orally devoured and consumed.

Internalization

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Internalization

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Internalization occurs when objects are 'installed' into the ego, such that they are both
integral to sense of self and also experienced as separate and concrete internal objects.

In this way, the external world is brought into the internal world and incorporated with it.
When fully internalized, an item is fully 'owned' and considered as normal.

This is the process whereby the personality is created.

Of the various notions of how we take in the internal world, internalization is one of the
highest-level concepts. incorporation, introjection and identification are three more
detailed methods.

Discussion
When internalized, objects may feel that they are physically located within the body.
Melanie Klein related this to early experiences and phantasies of introjection.
These objects may be considered as being good or bad.

These objects may have active relations with one another, for example attacking and
rescuing one another.

Internalization implies a transformation of object cathexis (the investment of libidinal

energy in the object) into narcissistic cathexis (investment of energy in the self ), and
hence generating intrapsychic coherence and integration.

Internalization effectively turns object into personal subject, converting separate into self.

This bringing into the self resonates with the neonatal phase and its integrated wholeness.

With the resolution of the Oedipal complex, the ego ‘assimilates’ it to itself rather than
repressing or turning away from the complex and confusing outer world.

Historically, the original idea of internalization has been attributed to Shakespeare. More
recently, Nietzsche, in his Genealogy of Morals ([1887] 1956: 217) said ‘All instincts
that do not discharge outwardly turn inward. This is what I call man’s internalization;
with it begins to grow in man what later is called his “soul”.’

Introjective identification

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Introjective identification

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Where a person finds another person attractive in some way, then they will often take a
part of that other person and introject that part into their own ego.

In this way, they become more like the admired person. Also, having a part of that person
in them, they feel closer to them and usually like to be physically and emotionally closer
to them, perhaps for fear of distance leading to the introjected part (particularly if it is not
fully internalized) being lost.

Discussion
Introjection by followers may occur as a response to projection by would-be leaders. If
the part being projected is acceptable, then the projection-introjection bond is completed.

In some sense, it is form of 'psychic theft', although the other person does not lose
anything (and may gain our friendship).

Introjective identification is an opposite of projective identification, where unwanted

parts of the ego are projected into another person.

Freud used introjective identification to describe how Christians introject Christ into
themselves in order to be more like Him. This is made viscerally explicit through the
process of Mass or Communion, where they symbolically eat Christ's body and drink his
blood.

Within groups, introjective identification with the leader also allows group members to
more easily identify with one another (perhaps as 'identification by proxy').

Jouissance

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Jouissance

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Jouissance, in French, means enjoyment and pleasure, in particularly in an over-the-top
sense. It contrasts with 'plaisir', which is a controlled state that happens within cultural
norms.

Jouissance is pleasure (and any stimulation) that can be too much to bear. It may be very
largely felt as suffering. It is pleasure and pain together, a feeling of being at the edge.

It can indicate a breaking of boundaries, a connection beyond the self. This can range
from a mother feeling intense connection with a breast-feeding baby to meditative
feelings of oneness with the universe.

One of the goals of life is to manage jouissance. Unchecked emotion will control and
overwhelm you. Society helps this through controlling mechanisms such as education and
cultural norms. It has been said that jouissance is 'drained' from the body throughout life,
leading to the calm of old age.
Discussion
In French, jouissance connotes orgasm as well as pleasure, and can be used to describe
breaking down barriers between self and other. It may also be used to indicate orgasm
that is not achieved or not 'ultimate', thus bringing a sense of lack, loss and something
unattainable.

Lacan argues that the subject, separated from itself by language, feels a sense of absence,
of being not fully present, and thus desires wholeness. We constantly put ourselves into
the subject positions of language and cultural codes in seeking to fulfil the futile desire
for wholeness. We feel jouissance as the pleasure/pain that the subject feels as it tries in
vain to recapture the lost object.

Jacqueline Rose uses jouissance in description of women's management of identity. In the

phallic economy, the woman, who lacks the phallus, stands in the place of jouissance and
the lost object and is thus becomes both desirable and ultimately unobtainable. This gives
women a separate position from which they can 'speak themselves' and resist subjugation.

As post-Oedipal girls can sustain a closer relationship with their mother, they are
consequently able to sustain a greater level of jouissance. This is something that boys
envy and seek through dominance and possession of girls.

A significant part of the game of romance is in chasing jouissance. Although it can never
be gained, the anticipated pleasure of hope makes the pursuit a very exciting experience.

Zizek aligns by saying that psychical life is about enjoyment, but which is interwoven
with lack and alienation. Enjoyment comes from escapist fantasy. It gives ideology
power, creating meaning for the self within the frame of ideology. It cannot be
incorporated into the symbolic.

Life and death drives

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Life and death drives

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Freud identified ‘instincts’ or ‘drives’ (Triebe) that he viewed as innate, universal and
constantly felt.
An instinct differs from a stimulus in that it arises from sources of stimulation within the
body, operates as a constant force and is such that the subject cannot escape from it by
flight as he can from an external stimulus. An instinct may be described as having a
source, an object and an aim. The source is a state of excitation within the body and its
aim is to remove that excitation. (Freud, 1938)

Life is hence seen as largely about dealing with these conflicts, seeking to maximize
gratification whilst minimizing guilt and punishment.

Eros

Eros (the life drive/instinct, libido) is concerned with the preservation of life and the
preservation of the species, It thus appears as basic needs for health, safety and
sustenance and through sexual drives. It seeks both to preserve life and to create life.

Eros is associated with positive emotions of love, and hence pro-social behavior,
cooperation, collaboration and other behaviors that support harmonious societies.

Thanatos

Thanatos (the death drive/instinct, mortido, aggression) appears in opposition and balance
to Eros and pushes a person towards extinction and an 'inanimate state'.

Freud saw drives as moving towards earlier states, including non-existence.

‘The aim of all life is death...inanimate things existed before living ones’ (Freud 1920)

Thanatos is associated with negative emotions such as fear, hate and anger, which lead to
anti-social acts from bullying to murder (perhaps as projection of the death drive).

Repetition

Freud also noted that we have a strong drive to repeat things, even to the point where is is
harmful to us. This is at the root of several disorders, in particular Obsessive Compulsive
Disorder (OCD).

Rocking helps a baby sleep and traumatized adults will return to foetal position and rock
frenetically.

Fixation is a particular effect that leads to repetition where the person is unable to remove
their attention from something or someone.

Discussion
In defining these drives, Freud is using a dualist approach, whereby the identification of
Eros automatically defines an opposite. Eros and Thanatos both help define one another,
in that one is 'not the other'.

Eros and Thanatos interact and one can turn into the other, such a flipping of love and
hate, crying and laughter. Eating preserves life but destroys that which is eaten.

Perhaps repetition is due to drives that are only partially satisfied. It is important in early
activities such as suckling and crying for attention. Perhaps also it is an attempt to
completely fulfil all needs. Or maybe when an action fails to fully satisfy, the resulting
frustration and indignity increases tension to the point where we seek the nearest
potential gratification, which is to attempt the act again.

Freud's drives are often misunderstood. Eros is seen as simple sexuality and hence as
morally perverse, casting the human as base and primitive. The death drive is also
unacceptable as it opposes the idea of the sanctity of life and can be seen as excusing or
even encouraging suicide.

Melanie Klein disagreed with Freud in that she believed that we are born with a fragile,
brittle, weak and unintegrated Ego, and that the most basic human fear is that of
disintegration and death.

Mirror phase

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Mirror phase

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
At some time between six and eighteen months, the baby sees its image, generally in a
mirror, and realises that what it is seeing is somehow itself. This recognition causes great
confusion and ‘libidinal dynamism’ (Lacan, 1977) as the pre-linguistic infant struggles
with its first identity conflict.

With the boundary-formation of identity comes separation, and the image is perceived as
distinct Other. Separation also creates a sense of loss and a lifelong desire to regain the
jouissance of the connected wholeness.

The image seems to be perfect, an ‘imago’ (Lacan, 1949), an ‘ideal ego’ that is appealing,
to be loved and emulated in an enduring narcissistic fantasy. The perfect other also
creates envy and dislike and hence further confusion and tension between these polar
opposites. It also may seem to be asking questions or making demands of the child who
may wonder what it wants and what it will do.

An early sense of jubilation at recognizing its wholeness is followed by a fear that the
infant will regress to its previous state of being in 'bits and pieces'. The mirror does not
reflect feelings and 'lies' about the apparent independence of the image that the baby does
not have.

This misrecognition or méconnaissance (Lacan, 1949) is compounded when, in taking the

subject position of the image and looking back on its actual self, the baby contrasts what
it sees with the ‘ego ideal’. This casts itself as imperfect and inferior, thus exaggerating
the difference and cementing the trauma of imperfection and self-loathing and the desire
to become the unattainable ideal (Leader and Groves, 2000).

The desire for the connected whole and the desire for individual perfection represent a
tension between non-identity and identity that is perhaps related to Freud’s death and life
drives.

Within the ‘imaginary order’ of this stage, the child continues to build its self image,
oscillating between alien images and fragments of the real body. From surreal paranoia,
the ego starts to emerge as an unconscious construction. Somewhat wittily, Lacan called
this the ‘hommelette’ : the little man, made out of broken eggs. When a baby sees itself in
a mirror, it both recognizes itself and misrecognizes itself. The image seems to be
psychologically integrated and physically coordinated in a way that the baby does not
feel.

Adults still feel uncomfortable about themselves as integrated and whole individuals.
Self-images continue through their lives to cause narcissistic fascination and/or
discomfort in that the image somehow does not look like 'me'.

Discussion
The mirror phase was defined in 1936 by Jaques Lacan, a post-Freudian psychoanalyst,
who explained how the imaginary misrecognition 'situates the agency of the ego, before
its social determination, in a fictional direction.'

The mirror separates us from our selves. In order to recognize myself, I have to be
separate from my self. Thus identity as a notion I can consider appears.

The mirror image is the basis of Lacan's 'ideal ego', which is a subsequent destination for
striving. The 'ego-ideal' is where the subject, within the symbolic order, looks at themself
from the position of the perfect ideal ego, consequently seeing one's life as imperfect,
vain and useless. Narcissism is thus rooted in the adoration of the perfect image.
Althusser used the mirror principle to explain how ideology is used to reflect both the
subject and others and how the mirror of ideology implant received social meaning in the
imagined relationship between the person and their existence. The individual thus
recognizes themself as an autonomous subject.

The more general notion of mirroring has been taken up by others, such as Winnicott,
who saw mirroring occurring in the loving gaze of the mother. The gaze of the good-
enough mother does not reflect her own defences but rather a confirmation of the varying
moods that the baby is presenting to her.

Modern media utilizes the Lacanian fascination with the image, showing us pictures into
which we are invited to project ourselves.

This has been criticized, for example in the lack of consideration of the internal processes
that allow misrecognition to take place. For the infant to recognize itself in the mirror, it
must already have a sense of self. The development of the self thus may be already well
under way.

Narcissism

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Narcissism

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Narcissus

In Ovid's tale, Narcissus is the handsome and proud son of the river god Cephissus and
the nymph Liriope. The nymph, Echo, falls in love with him but is rejected and
withdraws into a lonely spot and fades away, leaving behind her voice. The goddess
Nemesis hears her prayers for vengeance and makes Narcissus fall in love with his own
reflection, which he cannot embrace. He sits by the pool, watching it until he dies and
turns into the narcissus flower.

Primary narcissism

Primary narcissism is the initial focus on the self with which all infants start and happens
from around six month up to around six years. It is a defense mechanism that is used to
protect the child from psychic damage during the formation of the individual self.
Secondary narcissism

Secondary narcissism is the more 'normal' form, where older children and adults seek
personal gratification over the achievement of social goals and conformance to social
values.

A degree of narcissism is is common in many people. It becomes pathological when the

narcissist lacks normal empathy and uses others ruthlessly to their own ends.

Cerebral narcissists derive their self-adoration from their intellectual abilities and
achievements.

Somatic narcissists focus on the body, seeking beauty, physique and sexual conquests.

Narcissist characteristics

Narcissists interact socially with others, but do not form relational social bonds with
others. In order avoid being 'owned' by others, the narcissist reduces them to non-human
objects.

Narcissists often need to feel that they are the only good objects in the world and
consequently harbor great envy, which appears as narcissistic rage that seeks to destroy
the good objects of others. This leaves bad objects intact.

The fear of extinction is very significant for narcissists. They often age badly and the
signs of aging infuriate them. They envy the young and will avoid or denigrate them.
Faced with damning external evidence, they may retreat further inside.

Narcissists will deliberately harm themselves in order to frustrate others, failing exams,
rejecting advice and taking drugs.

Inverted narcissism

Inverted narcissists projects their narcissism onto another narcissist, using projective
identification to keep the narcissistic state both distant and close. They experience
narcissism vicariously but are still narcissists.

Symptoms

Symptoms of narcissism include:

• Self-aggrandizement to the point of exaggeration, deception and outright lying.

• Seeking and requiring excessive attention, admiration and rewards from others.
• Fantasies of fame, power and success. Belief in their superiority over others.
• Exploitation of others without feelings of guilt.
• Envy of others. Belief that the perception is reciprocated.
 • Given to frustration, anger and irrationality when they do not get what they want.

Cause

There are several schools of thought about what leads to narcissism. A common theme is
that early transition into the 'real world' fails in some way, leading the person to remain,
at least in part, in the early self-focused primary narcissistic stage.

Narcissism appears across families, perhaps through some genetic causes, but also in the
way that a narcissistic parent is unable to bond with its children and thus causes it, too, to
become a narcissist.

Narcissus and Oedipus

Narcissism is related to the Oedipus Complex in that Oedipus often follows narcissism
and is a method by which narcissism is quelled.

Narcissism is about love of the self; Oedipus is about separating and externalizing love of
another (the mother) from the self.

Discussion
Freud

For Freud, narcissism is basically the investment of libidinal energy in the ego.

Secondary narcissism is regression to primary narcissism and is practiced because it

provides gratification. Fantasy generally is nicer than reality.

People make anaclitic object choices in the hope that others will fulfil narcissistic needs
in the manner of their parents (and especially the nurturing mother). Others who make
narcissistic object choice invest their libidinal energy in aspects of themselves.

Freud described homosexuals and clinging parents as making narcissistic object choices.
When a narcissist loves another, it is because they are like the self in some way.

Lacan

For Lacan, narcissism starts in the mirror phase, where the misrecognized 'perfect' image
is loved. Narcissism becomes problematic when this stage is not fully navigated and the
image is not realized as such and seeking after this impossible perfection becomes an
obsessive and unending goal.

Klein
Klein rejected Freud's idea of primal narcissism. In Object Relations Theory narcissism is
a type of object choice in which the self plays a more important part than the real aspects
of the object. In narcissists, the ego is split and never fully re-integrated.

Winnicott

For Winnicott, Narcissism is a form of false self. A goal of the good-enough mother is to
enable the child to form an integrated and healthy false self through steady
disillusionment and use of a transition object.

Kohut

Heinz Kohut notes that the subject-love of narcissism coexists with object-love of others
in most people, and identifies a whole class of self disorders that stem from a damaged
development of this normal balance. In particular, these come from a lack of attention
from parents or when the child is treated as an extension of a parent's ego.

Kernberg

Otto Kernberg views anaclitic and narcissistic object divisions as irrelevant and has a
Self, which is devalued or fixated on aggression. Pathological object relations are
detached from the real objects because they are uncomfortable. He sees pathological
narcissism as being more than regression to an earlier stage but requiring active
investment in a deformed self.

Lasch

Lasch (1979) attributes increasing narcissism to permissive culture, where the strict
super-ego is superseded by the mores of the ego. Capitalism encourages a focus on
gratification and social approval and hence also encourages more open narcissism.
Absent fathers are also seen as a cause, which links with Lacan's need for successful
transitions and the role of the father in the symbolic register.

Narcissism may also contribute to the break-up of capitalist systems as a focus on the self
ultimately leads to increased transaction cost and diseconomies of scale.

Interestingly, narcissism is a far more common condition addressed by psychoanalysts

today. In Freudian times the more common condition was more in id-based sexually-
based repression.

Managing narcissists

When you are confronted with a narcissist in a work situation or where you do not want
to arouse them, be impressed with them and avoid arguments. Never become dependent
on them as they will use and abuse you, then discard you.
To persuade a narcissist, use flattery and recognition. Ensure you have something unique
that they want for as long as you need their attention and compliance.

To help a narcissist, show them their condition without accusation or blame. Do not
expect to be able to cure them. Avoid arguments, especially where they can support their
ego through anger that is directed at you.

Narcissism

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Narcissism

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Narcissus

In Ovid's tale, Narcissus is the handsome and proud son of the river god Cephissus and
the nymph Liriope. The nymph, Echo, falls in love with him but is rejected and
withdraws into a lonely spot and fades away, leaving behind her voice. The goddess
Nemesis hears her prayers for vengeance and makes Narcissus fall in love with his own
reflection, which he cannot embrace. He sits by the pool, watching it until he dies and
turns into the narcissus flower.

Primary narcissism

Primary narcissism is the initial focus on the self with which all infants start and happens
from around six month up to around six years. It is a defense mechanism that is used to
protect the child from psychic damage during the formation of the individual self.

Secondary narcissism

Secondary narcissism is the more 'normal' form, where older children and adults seek
personal gratification over the achievement of social goals and conformance to social
values.

A degree of narcissism is is common in many people. It becomes pathological when the

narcissist lacks normal empathy and uses others ruthlessly to their own ends.
Cerebral narcissists derive their self-adoration from their intellectual abilities and
achievements.

Somatic narcissists focus on the body, seeking beauty, physique and sexual conquests.

Narcissist characteristics

Narcissists interact socially with others, but do not form relational social bonds with
others. In order avoid being 'owned' by others, the narcissist reduces them to non-human
objects.

Narcissists often need to feel that they are the only good objects in the world and
consequently harbor great envy, which appears as narcissistic rage that seeks to destroy
the good objects of others. This leaves bad objects intact.

The fear of extinction is very significant for narcissists. They often age badly and the
signs of aging infuriate them. They envy the young and will avoid or denigrate them.
Faced with damning external evidence, they may retreat further inside.

Narcissists will deliberately harm themselves in order to frustrate others, failing exams,
rejecting advice and taking drugs.

Inverted narcissism

Inverted narcissists projects their narcissism onto another narcissist, using projective
identification to keep the narcissistic state both distant and close. They experience
narcissism vicariously but are still narcissists.

Symptoms

Symptoms of narcissism include:

• Self-aggrandizement to the point of exaggeration, deception and outright lying.

• Seeking and requiring excessive attention, admiration and rewards from others.
• Fantasies of fame, power and success. Belief in their superiority over others.
• Exploitation of others without feelings of guilt.
• Envy of others. Belief that the perception is reciprocated.
• Given to frustration, anger and irrationality when they do not get what they want.

Cause

There are several schools of thought about what leads to narcissism. A common theme is
that early transition into the 'real world' fails in some way, leading the person to remain,
at least in part, in the early self-focused primary narcissistic stage.
Narcissism appears across families, perhaps through some genetic causes, but also in the
way that a narcissistic parent is unable to bond with its children and thus causes it, too, to
become a narcissist.

Narcissus and Oedipus

Narcissism is related to the Oedipus Complex in that Oedipus often follows narcissism
and is a method by which narcissism is quelled.

Narcissism is about love of the self; Oedipus is about separating and externalizing love of
another (the mother) from the self.

Discussion
Freud

For Freud, narcissism is basically the investment of libidinal energy in the ego.

Secondary narcissism is regression to primary narcissism and is practiced because it

provides gratification. Fantasy generally is nicer than reality.

People make anaclitic object choices in the hope that others will fulfil narcissistic needs
in the manner of their parents (and especially the nurturing mother). Others who make
narcissistic object choice invest their libidinal energy in aspects of themselves.

Freud described homosexuals and clinging parents as making narcissistic object choices.
When a narcissist loves another, it is because they are like the self in some way.

Lacan

For Lacan, narcissism starts in the mirror phase, where the misrecognized 'perfect' image
is loved. Narcissism becomes problematic when this stage is not fully navigated and the
image is not realized as such and seeking after this impossible perfection becomes an
obsessive and unending goal.

Klein

Klein rejected Freud's idea of primal narcissism. In Object Relations Theory narcissism is
a type of object choice in which the self plays a more important part than the real aspects
of the object. In narcissists, the ego is split and never fully re-integrated.

Winnicott
For Winnicott, Narcissism is a form of false self. A goal of the good-enough mother is to
enable the child to form an integrated and healthy false self through steady
disillusionment and use of a transition object.

Kohut

Heinz Kohut notes that the subject-love of narcissism coexists with object-love of others
in most people, and identifies a whole class of self disorders that stem from a damaged
development of this normal balance. In particular, these come from a lack of attention
from parents or when the child is treated as an extension of a parent's ego.

Kernberg

Otto Kernberg views anaclitic and narcissistic object divisions as irrelevant and has a
Self, which is devalued or fixated on aggression. Pathological object relations are
detached from the real objects because they are uncomfortable. He sees pathological
narcissism as being more than regression to an earlier stage but requiring active
investment in a deformed self.

Lasch

Lasch (1979) attributes increasing narcissism to permissive culture, where the strict
super-ego is superseded by the mores of the ego. Capitalism encourages a focus on
gratification and social approval and hence also encourages more open narcissism.
Absent fathers are also seen as a cause, which links with Lacan's need for successful
transitions and the role of the father in the symbolic register.

Narcissism may also contribute to the break-up of capitalist systems as a focus on the self
ultimately leads to increased transaction cost and diseconomies of scale.

Interestingly, narcissism is a far more common condition addressed by psychoanalysts

today. In Freudian times the more common condition was more in id-based sexually-
based repression.

Managing narcissists

When you are confronted with a narcissist in a work situation or where you do not want
to arouse them, be impressed with them and avoid arguments. Never become dependent
on them as they will use and abuse you, then discard you.

To persuade a narcissist, use flattery and recognition. Ensure you have something unique
that they want for as long as you need their attention and compliance.

To help a narcissist, show them their condition without accusation or blame. Do not
expect to be able to cure them. Avoid arguments, especially where they can support their
ego through anger that is directed at you.
Object

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Object

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
The Object is something to which a Subject relates. This can be a person, a physical thing
or a concept.

Objects are created through splitting, projection and introjection.

External Objects are things external to the person, typically other people.

Internal Objects are things inside the person, either imagined or internal representations
of an external object (which may vary significantly from the represented external object).
Internal objects achieve permanence with repetition and strong emotional associations.

A Part Object is a part of a person or other object, such as a hand or breast. Part objects
can be extrapolated to represent the whole object.

A Whole Object is a complete object, usually another person.

A Self Object occurs where the self and an object merge. This is called 'confluence' in
Gestalt therapy.

Object constancy occurs when a relationship with an external object is stable over a
period of time.

A Good Object is one which satisfies our needs and desires. Good objects are given love,
affection and liking.

A Bad Object is one which frustrates or otherwise does not support our needs and desires.
Bad objects are hated and despised.

Discussion
Freud originally used the term 'object' to mean anything that an infant drives toward in
order to satisfy needs. Freudian drives can be are of two types: libidinal and aggressive.
Klein, Winnicott and others took the view that the drive was more towards relationship
with others, and that other people are primary 'objects' of desire and attention.

Objects can include feelings and ideas. In a primitive way, infants will assume these as
being concrete things, equating internal feeling with external feeling. This allows them to
have substance and be projected.

In grammar, the object in a sentence is acted on by the verb. Thus, in 'the cat sat on the
mat', the cat is the subject and the mat is the object.

Subject

Explanations > Identity > Subject

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
This is the view of identity being built by being the 'subject' of language.

• Identities are built by and in the subject positions.

• They are available to us in language and cultural symbolic codes. They are
interpellated.
• Identities are produced through relations of difference (race, sexuality, gender,
etc.). These differences are internal to language. They include relations of power.
• Identity is defined by 'others'. When we distance ourselves from these others, we
may collapse from within.
• Individuals are inserted ('sutured') into subject positions by the unconscious.

Discussion
There is a whole position around identity as being the 'subject of language' that takes an
anti-humanist and structural view of the person. 'Humanity' is ignored in favor of the way
our environment and cultures controls us through language, replacing the purposeful
agent with a dumb puppet.

Althusser's 'subject' came from attempts to rethink Marxism, using structuralism in

opposition to mechanistic thought in a more humanist way, seeking to put conscious
activity at the heart of Marxism in combination with the 'alienation' of people from their
full altruistic potential.
He saw human individuals being constituted as subjects through ideology. Consciousness
and agency are experienced, but are the products of ideology 'speaking through' the
subject.

Althusser uses Lacan's mirror phase to highlight how subjects are interpellated, but does
not recognize the critical misrecognition that Lacan highlights. Althusser has also been
criticized for how his subject is magically created of nowhere (what is there before the
subject?).

For Saussure, the subject is an effect or product of the process of signifying. He believed
that nothing exists outside of language, including 'I'.

Benveniste said that man constitutes himself as a subject in and through language, and
that 'ego is he who says "ego"'. This challenges the notion that 'I' exists outside of
language. Speaking from 'I' creates the 'I'. 'I' can also be used (by you) to mean you,
making it unstable as a definer of identity. Identity (as everything) in language comes
from difference. To define 'I' there must be a 'you'. These are also reversible, as 'I'
become 'you' when others talk.

Barthes noted that language knows a subject, but not a person.

Lacan argues that subject positions are made available in the symbolic order into which
people place themselves in order to speak that position. He also noted that there is always
a gap between the subject and the subject position they inhabit.

Hall notes how the speaker and the spoken are never identical, thus fragmenting identity
across time and space.

In grammar, the subject is the person or thing in a sentence that does what the verb says,
to the object. Thus, in 'the cat sat on the mat', the cat is the subject and the mat is the
object.

Object Relations Theory

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Object Relations Theory

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Object Relations Theory is a theory of relationships between people, in particular within
a family and especially between the mother and her child. A basic tenet is that we are
driven to form relationships with others and that failure to form successful early
relationships leads to later problems.

It is also concerned with the relation between the subject and their internalized objects, as
well as with external objects. Thus we have a relationship with the internal mother as
well as an external one.

The development of male gender identity is seen as more difficult as the first person with
whom the infant identifies is female.

Winnicott differentiated between object-relating and object-usage. Object-relating is a

phenomenon of the subject and thus about Projection and the early undifferentiated unity
when the mother facilitates the child's illusion of omnipotence. Object-usage is more
developed, as it requires cognitive separation from the object.

Discussion
The idea of object relations was invented and developed in a paper by Karl Abraham
(1927), however Melanie Klein is largely credited with developing the modern theory,
particularly with the mother as the principal object.

Unlike Freud, who focused on introjection of same-sex parents, Object Relations Theory
considers the child having multiple internal objects.

Klein saw relations with the breast as significant. As the child feeds, it feels gratified and
satiated when the breast produces sufficient milk, in which case it is loved and cherished.
When the child is prematurely withdrawn or the breast does not provide sufficient food,
the child is frustrated and the breast is hated and the recipient of hostile thoughts. The
mother thus receives love or destructive attack depending on this.

The baby experiences extremes of feeling. When he is angry, it is total anger and rejects
and thrusts away the mother. When he is happy, he loves and adores her. He projects his
bad feeling and associates her with it.

ORT is related to Attachment Theory.

Oedipus Complex

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Oedipus Complex

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
In the Oedipus complex, a boy is fixated on his mother and competes with his father for
maternal attention.

The opposite, the attraction of a girl to her father and rivalry with her mother, is
sometimes called the Electra complex.

Sexual awakening

At some point, the child realizes that there is a difference between their mother and their
father. Around the same time they realize that they are more alike to one than the other.
Thus the child acquires gender.

The child may also form some kind of erotic attachment to the parent of the opposite sex.
Whilst their understanding of the full sexual act may be questioned, some kind of
primitive physical sensations are felt when they regard and think about the parent in
question.

Jealousies

The primitive desire for the one parent may also awaken in the child a jealous motivation
to exclude the other parent.

Transferring of affections may also occur as the child seeks to become independent and
escape a perceived 'engulfing mother'.

A critical point of awakening is where the child realizes that the mother has affections for
others besides itself.

Primitive jealousies are not necessarily constrained to the child and and both parents may
join in the game, both in terms of competing with each other for the child's affections and
also competing with the child for the affection of the other parent.

Note that opposition to parents may not necessarily be sexually based -- this can also be a
part of the struggle to assert one's identity and rebellion against parental control.

The process of transitioning

A critical aspect of the Oedipal stage is loosening of the ties to the mother of
vulnerability, dependence and intimacy. This is a natural part of the child becoming more
independent and is facilitated by the realization that the mother desires more than just the
child.
The Oedipal move blocks the routes of sexual and identification love back to the mother.
She becomes a separate object, removed from his ideal self. Thus she can be the subject
of object love.

This separation and externalization of love allows a transition away from narcissism of
earlier stages.

The father's role in this is much debated. In a number of accounts, such as Lacan's
symbolic register, the child transitions their attentions from mother to father.

The father effectively says 'You must be like me -- you may not be like the mother -- you
must wait to love her, as I do.' The child thus also learns to wait and share attention.

Separation

The boy thus returns to the mother as a separate individual. That separation may be
emphasized with scorn and a sense of mastery over women. that can also be seen in the
long separation of boys and girls in play and social relationships. This is a source of male
denigration of women.

Women become separated reminders of lost and forbidden unity. Their unique attributes,
from softness to general femininity are, in consequence, also lost and must be given up as
a part of the distancing process. Women become thus both desired and feared. The
symbolic phallus becomes a means of protection for the boy and the rituals of mastery
used to cover up feelings of loss.

Separation leads to unavailability and hence the scarcity principle takes effect, increasing
desire. Women thus create a tension in boys between a lost paradise and dangerous
sirens.

Excessive separation leads to a sense of helplessness that can in turn lead to patterns of
idealized control and self-sufficiency.

Whilst the boy becomes separated from the mother, it is a long time before he can be
independent of her and hence must develop a working relationship that may reflect the
tension of love and difference he feels.

The relationship thus may return to a closer mother-son tie, where the point of healthy
distance is a dynamically negotiated position, such that comforting is available but is
required only upon occasion.

What about the girls?

Most writings about the Oedipal stage focus largely or exclusively on boys, who are seen
to have a particular problem as they start with an attachment to the Mother that they have
to relinquish both from the point of view of individual independence and especially as a
result of the social incest taboo which forbids excessively-close in-family relationships.

The Electra complex, identified by Carl Jung, occurs where a triangle of mother-father-
daughter plays out is not a part of traditional psychoanalysis. It is neither a direct mirror
image of Oedipus, as the start position is female-female connection.

Jung suggested that when the girl discovers she lacks penis that her father possesses, she
imagines she will gain one if he makes her pregnant, and so moves emotionally closer to
him. She thus resents her mother who she believe castrated her.

The father symbolizes attractive power and a potentially hazardous male-female

relationship is formed, with predictable jealousies and envy as the mother completes the
triangle. The dangers of incestuous abuse add, and perhaps develop, the female position
of siren temptation.

Girls, as well as boys, need to find independence and their separation from the mother is
a matter of creating a separate femininity. This is not as strong a separation as boys and
girls can sustain a closer female-female relationships with the mothers. This perhaps
explains something of why relationships with others is a more important part of a female
life than it is for a male.

The father does provide a haven from female-female jealousies, and so a healthy father-
daughter relationship may be built, that also includes appropriate distance. As with
mother-son, once the incest taboos are established, a uniquely satisfying opposite-sex
relationship can be built, although secret desires for the father can result in the girl feeling
some guilt about the relationship.

Discussion
There are three common threads in the Oedipus complex: The primacy of the desire for
one-ness, the maternal embodiment of this and the necessity of paternal intervention.

Historical Oedipus

In the Greek play by Sophocles, Laius, king of Thebes, is told by an oracle that he would
be killed by his son and so leaves Oedipus out on the mountainside to die. Oedipus is
rescued by a shepherd and taken to the king of Corinth who raises him as a son.

Oedipus, in turn, is told by the Delphic oracle that he will kill his father and marry his
mother. Horrified by this, he flees Corinth. At a crossroads he meets Laius, quarrels and
kills him. At Thebes, he correctly answers the sphinx's question and hence wins the hand
of Jocasta, his real mother, with whom he had two sons and two daughters. When at last
the truth comes out, Jocasta hangs herself and Oedipus, finding her, blinds himself with
her golden brooch.
Electra was the daughter of Agamemnon who helped plan the murder of her mother.

Freud

Freud puts the Oedipal stage as occurring between 3-5 years. He considers it a stage
where the child experiences an erotic attachment to one parent and hostility toward the
other parent. The ensuing triangular tension is seen as being the root of most mental
disorders.

Freud cites the incest taboo as as at the root of many other prohibitions. He sees the
struggle against this as a core part of this development period with transgressions in
practice and phantasy.

'We cannot get away from the assumption that man's sense of guilt springs from the
Oedipus complex and was acquired at the killing of the father by the brothers banned
together'. (Freud, 1930)

Freud links the Oedipus complex with development the superego, which uses guilt to
prevent continuation of incestuously oriented relationships.

Failure to get past this trigger point and into the symbolic order is considered to be a
classic cause of lasting neurosis.

Lacan

For Lacan, the mother is characterized by 'lack' of a phallus. The pre-Oedipal child tries
to make good the lack. But the mother desires the phallus that will cover over her
division in language. The child then realizes its own lack, or 'castration' and seeks to
speak or use words such that it can stand in for that which is missing.

The child can hence either speak itself from the position of 'having the phallus' or lacking
it. Having a penis, boys are more likely to take the former position. However, taking this
position requires living up to the god-like status of having the phallus.

Note that Lacan considered that the Oedipal stage can be successfully navigated without
the father, as long as cultural norms and prohibitions can be met, as it is these, rather than
the father himself which facilitates the way through

Rose

Jacqueline Rose uses Lacan to show how sexual identity is acquired through the Oedipus
crisis, rather than being something innate.

Klein
Melanie Klein, through her work with young children, saw oedipal conflict occurring
much earlier than Freud and involving part-objects rather than whole parent-figures, and
including infantile sadism. How early this starts has been questioned including a
consideration that some version of the Oedipal stage occurring almost from the very
beginning, at least in phantasy. She see emotional and sexual development occurring:

'...from early infancy onwards includes genital sensations and trends, which constitute
the first stages of the inverted [desire toward the same-sex parent and aggression toward
opposite sex one] and positive Oedipus complex.' (Klein, 1945)

She places the Oedipal complex as occurring in the paranoid-schizoid position, where the
infant's world is largely split and relations are mainly to part-objects. Thus the Oedipal
stage involves working through the paranoid-schizoid position to the depressive position.

As well as the classic early Oedipus complex, Klein also identifies the Oedipal situation
which occurs throughout life.

She saw how children realizes a sexual link between parents at an early age, but perceives
it through the infantile experience, thus conceiving of feeding one another, devouring one
another, or even exchanging bodily excretions.

Bion

Wilfred Bion placed the Oedipus complex even earlier than Klein, hypothesizing an
innate oedipal preconception.

He related pairing to the Oedipal stage and the importance of the family group. Early
group setting are familial or kinship and these are used as later templates for group
activity, and early anxieties may reappear.

Other notes

A common experience in families is that the opposite gender relationships of mother-son

and father-daughter are stronger than same-sex relationships, where there may be intra-
gender rivalries, for example where the daughter continues to compete with the mother
for the father's attention. In most cases, the incest taboo holds and this is a relatively
harmless attachment.

Oedipus represents responsibility and guilt, in contrast to Narcissus, who represents self-
involvement and denial of reality. Oedipus is an escape from early fantasy of
omnipotence.

The gender polarity that Oedipus creates is echoed in modern feminist concerns and male
confusion as rights issues erode instinctive positions.

Moving away from the mother, for the boy, is also a part of instilling the incest taboo.
Other

Explanations > Identity > Other

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
In searching for and creating our identity, we create the other. The other is not us and
thus helps us to understand, create and define ourselves.

The other is outside us, showing first that there is existence outside our bodies.

Others may reflect us, so we can see ourselves from the third-person perspective.
Otherness thus creates familiarity and attraction.

Others may be not-us, and so we can see how we are different from others. Otherness
thus creates alienation and fear.

What we see in the other tells us what is right and wrong, good and bad, perfect and
imperfect.

Others can be imagined people. Thus we may define an ideal prototype personality to
which we aspire and use this as a comparison.

There can be multiple others each giving us a perspective on ourselves.

Our own image is a special form of other, as we know that it is us, yet it does not seem to
be us.

When the other interpellates us, we are created as subjects. Accepting that creation means
accepting the other as superior and creator and hence deifying them. This Other may be
capitalized, to signify its omnipotence.

When we see ourselves in an other, we realize that we are divided and not whole. This
creates a deep and lifelong desire to become whole again.

All recognition comes through contrast, which opposites provide. In all sensory
recognition, difference enables us to separate and name. An other person does the same
for identity. It shows us where our own boundary is.
Objects can be others too, as we see ourselves in relation to and reflected in the things
around us.

Discussion
Lacan described how the Other is discovered in his Mirror phase, where we first see our
own image.

Laplanche described primal seduction as the offering of a message by a parent to a child.

Communication from an other entices the child away from its state of one-ness with the
mother.

Winnicott described the transition object, which is typically a doll or blanket that
represents not-me for the child. When it is removed, it is as if a part of the child is
removed and they feel a sense of loss. This attachment to objects continues throughout
our lives.

Other-ness is a key element of dualism, where the world is seen as a set of pairs, where
one thing is understood only in terms of its opposite. The thing also creates its opposite,
as in the dynamic oscillation of the Taoist yin and yang.

The ego and id (and the ego and super-ego) may be consider others to one another, each
creating the other.

The paranoid-schizoid position

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > The paranoid-schizoid position

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Anxiety is experienced by the early infant’s ego both through the internal, innate conflict
between the opposing life and death drives (manifested as destructive envy) and by
interactions in external reality.

A child seeks to retain good feelings and introjects good objects, whilst expelling bad
objects and projecting bad feelings onto an external object. The expulsion is motivated by
a paranoid fear of annihilation by the bad object.
Klein describes this as splitting, in the way that it seeks to prevent the bad object from
contaminating the good object by separating them via the inside-outside barrier.

The schizoid response to the paranoia is then to excessively project or introject those
parts, seeking to keep the good and bad controlled and separated. Aggression is common
in splitting as fear of the bad object causes a destructive stance.

The child's ego does not yet have the ability to tolerate or integrate these two different
aspects, and thus uses 'magical' omnipotent denial in order to remove the power and
reality from the persecuting bad object.

This splitting, projection and introjection has a frighteningly disintegrative effect, pulling
apart the fragile ego.

Projective identification is commonly used to separate bad objects whilst also keeping
them close, which can lead to confused aggression.

Discussion
Klein considers that anxiety occurs very early in an infant's life as the shock of external
reality leads to pain and fears of annihilation. The initial paranoid schizoid position spans
the first 3 to 4 months of life and subsequently can play a forceful role, to different
degrees according to different circumstances, throughout a person's life.

As a part of the separation process, the good object may be idealized, making it more
comforting and a contrasting polar opposite of the bad object.

This splitting can be seen in children's stories in the clear division and separation between
good and bad.

Good and bad can each transform into the other, as also appears in stories where the good
person gets corrupted and the bad person repents. This transformation often occurs as
sudden conversion rather than a gradual slide. Extreme emotions can lead to flipping of
mood, perhaps in the way of agony-ecstasy.

Klein described 'envy' as the hatred of an external object that led to aggression.

Manic-depressive states, for Klein, provide the same function as the Oedipal experience
in the formation of the psyche.

The paranoid-schizoid position is often followed by the more mature depressive position.

Wilfred Bion described how the paranoid-schizoid position appears in adult group
members when, faced by anxiety, they become a Basic Assumption Group.
Phallus

Explanations > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Phallus

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
The phallus is used in psychoanalysis either as a symbol of ultimate male power or the
female lack.

In the male sense, it symbolizes creation, ultimate power, omnipotence and even
godhood. However, this ultimate quality is also unattainable and hence also indicates
lack.

In the female sense, it connotes general lack, loss and an aching sense of incompleteness.
Women desire the phallus and hence are attracted to men.

Discussion
Lacan saw the phallus as the symbolic function, the bearer of the 'Law of the father'. In
the symbolic register, it 'covers over' the division of the subject from the mother. It is a
position of unreachable 'fixity' from which the subject could speak as if it were the author
of its own meaning. It represents exchange, communication and representation.

Taking up a position relative to the phallus enables the child to position itself sexually,
either 'having the phallus' or 'lacking it' (often framed as 'being the phallus'). This
becomes particularly significant during gender discovery and the Oedipus Complex,
where the boy may re-present himself to his mother as 'having the phallus' and the girl as
'being the phallus', both on the assumption that the mother desire the phallus.

Phantasy vs. fantasy

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Phantasy vs. fantasy

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Phantasy

Phantasy is a state of mind of an infant child during the early stages of development.

They are largely unconscious in that they are not differentiated from conscious reality. In
their early, pre-linguistic existence, infants differentiate little, if at all, between reality and
imagination.

Phantasies stem from genetic needs, drives and instincts. They appear in symbolic form
in dreams, play and neuroses.

They are constructed from internal and external reality, modified by feelings, and
emotions, and then projected into both real and imaginary objects.

Phantasies are the means by which infants make sense of the external world and hence
relate to it through Projection and Introjection.

In Klein’s concept, phantasy emanates from within and imagines what is without, it
offers an unconscious commentary on instinctual life and links feelings to objects and
creates a new amalgam: the world of imagination. Through its ability to phantasize the
baby tests out, primitively ‘thinks’ about, its experiences of inside and outside. (Mitchell,
1986)

Fantasy

Fantasy is a reverie, a daydream, an imagined unreality that anyone can create.

We fantasize consciously about future possibilities and fulfilment of our basic needs and
wishes.

Fantasies may well include elements of the deeper unconscious phantasies.

Discussion
Klein's view

Klein was particularly interested in the early psychological development. She saws
phantasies as prime motivators and thus as important forces for development.
For Klein, unconscious phantasies underlie not only dreams but all thought and activity,
both creative and destructive, including the expression of internal object relations. They
modify external events, investing them with significance.

"Infantile feelings and phantasies leave, as it were, their imprints on the mind, imprints
that do not fade away but get stored up, remain active, and exert a continuous and
powerful influence on the emotional and intellectual life of the individual"
(Klein:1975:290)

Phantasies satisfy instincts by converting them into ideas and images. Hunger leads to a
phantasy of an object that can satisfy it.

Phantasies come from instincts that border physical and psychical activities and are thus
experienced both physically and mentally. For example a child who sucks its thumb is
enacting the phantasy of feeding. Satisfying experiences are re-enacted internally through
phantasies.

Phantasy enables the ego to perform its most basic function of establishing object
relations. A world of good and bad objects are thus constructed through a process of
projection and introjection between the external and internal worlds. Phantasy thus allows
us to construct both our own identity and also, through projection, the construction of
Others.

Phantasies develop in and into play, and Klein used 'play therapy' to learn about the early
development of infants as a more effective method than Freud's use of free association.

Phantasies continue through childhood and into adult life.

"Phantasies - becoming more elaborate and referring to a wider range of objects and
situations - continue throughout development and accompany all activities; they never
stop playing a great part in all mental life" (Klein:1997:251)

Freud's view

Freud recognized phantasies, but looked to the unconscious wish as the prime mover. He
saw phantasies as imagined fulfilments of frustrated wishes. Klein puts phantasies
beneath unconscious wishes, rather than alongside them.

Play

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Play

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
As a pediatrician and student of Melanie Klein, Winnicott found play to be an important
part of the child's development process.

Fort! Da!

In Freud's Fort! Da! game ('Gone! Here!'), the 15 month child throws a cotton reel from
its cot and pulls it back into sight.

This may well symbolize the mother, disappearing and reappearing. The child is
reassuring itself by showing that something that disappears can be brought back at will.

For Klein, the reel is a symbolization of an internal object that is the mother who has, in
phantasy, been harmed by the child which leads to her absence and is an anxiety of the
depressive position. The child's actions involve projective identification towards the reel-
mother.

For Winnicott, the reel acts as a transition object, representing the mother and aiding the
transition to independence.

Spatula game

In the early spatula game that Winnicott observed, a baby picks up a tongue depressor, a
spatula, from the table and interacts with it, perhaps waving it about. At some point, the
baby holds the spatula quietly, unmoving, pausing. Then suddenly, the spatula become a
'something', perhaps an airplane, moved up and down by the child with the delight of
discovery. This 'moment of hesitation' in which the baby was given both the presence and
the space to be in its quiet inner world, uninterrupted, is critical for Winnicott.

It is important to give the child time to decide, even on small things. If a child is hurried
or directed in its early reaching to objects then it does not have time to invest meaning in
the object, remaining an alien object from the adult world. Creativity becomes passive
compliance or thought of as fraud and envied.

Squiggle game

In the later squiggle game (as used by Winnicott) the therapist makes a squiggle and asks
the child to turn it into something. This encourages the creation of meaning. The child is
then invited to make a squiggle in return, which keeps the game going and gives the
therapist more material.

Play therapy
In Klein's play therapy (or the Psychoanalytic Play Technique), the child is seen by the
therapist under consistent conditions (same time, place, environment, toys, etc.). In a
scientific manner, by keeping variable to a minimum, a truer assessment is possible.
New, even innocuous-seeming items can be perceived as a threat and change the child's
manner.

In the diagnostic interview the analyst makes contact with the projected aspects of the
child's inner world of object relations through an initial play contact.

The analyst takes great care in understanding projection and introjection, and other
aspects of Object Relations Theory as an understanding of the child's inner world is
sought. Counter-transference is also monitored with care. It is critical that the child feels
safe.

As therapeutic healing, it can be used with adults also. Play is seen as a 'safe' place where
phantasy and fantasy may be used, hence allowing the therapist to directly interact with
the inner world of the client.

Some play therapy approaches are more directive than others, but there is a general theme
of letting the child lead and any interaction is done very carefully.

Discussion
Play is often viewed as irrelevant recreation by adults, but for children it is a multi-
purpose vehicle for learning and adapting to the real world.

In early play, children experience and experiment with objects. Later on, they copy and
rehearse life scenarios in order to understand and introject social codes.

Play therapy has been developed further, including by such as Carl Rogers.

Pleasure-pain principle

Explanations > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Pleasure-pain principle

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
We are born with a pleasure principle, that we will seek immediate gratification of needs,
for which our bodies reward us with feelings of pleasure.

The reverse is also true, and the pain principle says that, whilst seeking pleasure people
will also seek to avoid pain.

Discussion
The pleasure-pain principle was originated by Sigmund Freud in modern psychoanalysis,
although Aristotle noted their significance in his 'Rhetoric', more than 300 years BC.

'We may lay it down that Pleasure is a movement, a movement by which the soul as a
whole is consciously brought into its normal state of being; and that Pain is the opposite.'

The pleasure principle is at the base on hedonism, the idea that life is to be lived to the
full and pleasure sought as a primary goal. Hedonists in the extreme will be self-
destructive in their use of sex, drugs, rock and roll and other methods of gratification.

Pleasure is also related to Jeremy Benham's notions in Utilitarianism, where the 'felcific
calculus' is used to calculate the maximum utilitarian gain in happiness.

Pleasure and pain are basic principles in Conditioning, where you get more of what you
reward and less of what you punish.

Pain can be more immediate than pleasure, leading us to become more concerned with
avoidance of pain and hence paying more attention to it. This can develop into a general
preference in life towards avoidance.

Pleasure and pain are at the root of the principles of Pull and Push.

When pleasure and pain occur together, a certain amount of confusion may occur, which
itself may be pleasant or painful and hence determine what happens. Simultaneous pain
and pleasure is a basis for masochism.

Projection and Introjection

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Projection and Introjection

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Projection and introjection describe some interactions between the inner and outer
worlds.

Projection

Projection takes aspects of one's internal world and projects them onto external subjects.

This can be a defense mechanism where it is used to expel and externalize uncomfortable
inner thoughts and feelings.

Projective identification involves projection into another object and then identifying with
the object (often a person). This keeps bad parts of the self at a safe distance without
losing them.

Projection is based on an unconscious phantasy of excretion and expulsion.

It is thus 'output' from the internal world into the outer world.

Introjection

Introjection occurs where a subject takes into itself the behaviors, attributes or other
external objects, especially of other people.

A common pattern is where a child introjects aspects of parents into its own persona.

According to Freud, the ego and the superego are constructed by introjecting external
behavior into the subject's own persona.

This can be a defense mechanism where one takes on attributes of a strong other person
who is able to cope with the current threat.

It is based on an unconscious phantasy of ingestion.

Introjection is not as primitive as incorporation, as it often involved drawing an object in,

but not incorporating it into the body. An introjected object is drawn into the 'inner
circle', but can still have a life of its own.

Introjective identification is the taking in of someone else's good objects. This occurs
with people we like or admire.

Introjection is thus 'input' into the internal world from the outer world.

Discussion
Much of psychoanalysis is concerned with the interaction between the outer world inner
worlds: how we take in and make sense of external events and how we put our inner
thoughts and understandings back out into the outer world.

Projective identification

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Projective identification

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
When a person expels a bad object, it may well be onto another person. Projective
identification is used to project the bad object into (not onto) another person so it
becomes a part of that person.

The person then identifies with that other person, and hence has means to control them.

The person projected into may consequently be pressured to behave congruently with the
projective phantasy. The projecting person may also seek to be physically close to the
person into whom the phantasy is projected.

Projective identification may also be used to externalize confusing or uncertain aspects of

the self so they can be studied more objectively and then re-internalized in a more
acceptable form.

Another form of projective identification that is associated with the depressive position is
a way of expressing unconscious hope for internal change.

Projective identification may even be used to put good parts of the self into other people
in order to keep them safe, perhaps whilst internal struggles occur.

It may again be used to 'put yourself in another's shoes', doing this in order to connect
with and hence understand other people.

Discussion
Projective identification is an important part of Klein's paranoid-schizoid position and
depressive position.
Thus the infant projects 'excrements' into the mother such that the dangerous parts of the
ego are safely removed but will not be lost. This can also leads to confusion of the self
around the identity connection with the external person.

Asbach and Sharmer (1987) described how projective identification not only was used as
an intrapsychic defense, but also as a way of relating to others.

Reality principle

Explanations > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Reality principle

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Demanding immediate gratification, as in the Pleasure-pain principle, is not always a
good move and we have to learn to wait. This is particularly difficult for an infant who is
driven by primitive needs and lacks sophisticated reasoning.

The reality principle says that we learn how deferring pleasure and enduring pain can
result in an overall improvement in pleasure.

Discussion
The reality principle was originated by Sigmund Freud.

Deferrment of pleasure is related to Jeremy Benham's notions in Utilitarianism, where the

'felcific calculus' is used to calculate the maximum utilitarian gain in happiness.

Deferred pleasure also allows an ongoing anticipated pleasure, that adds to the overall
pleasure of delay.

The reality principle also explains such as religiously-motivated suicide bombers, who
endure the pain of corporal annihilation in the belief in eternal pleasure in heaven.

Splitting
 Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Splitting

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
In its most fundamental form, splitting is the separation of one item into two such that
they can be handled separately.

When a person holds two thoughts in the mind that are contradictory or otherwise so
uncomfortable, the person will cognitively separate them, not thinking of the separate
thoughts at the same time. This is a process of 'psychic economy' whereby a complex
situation is simplified by separation rather than resolution.

The lines of division can be any form, from visual appearance to concepts and ideas. A
common split is into good and bad. The good part can then be retained, loved and
admired whilst the bad part is attacked or repressed.

When a part of the self is associated with both of two separated thoughts, then the person
is also split. In extreme, this is a basis for schizophrenia. In more general practice, we all
have multiple internal voices which may have appeared from repression.

Discussion
Splitting was first described by Freud in his work on fetishes and pathological grief,
where he referred to a mental process by which two separate and contradictory versions
of reality could co-exist (Freud, 1900).

Splitting can lead to polar simplification and classification, such as where an object is
assigned as good or bad, rather than considered as something more complex.

Klein considered that splitting could not happen without division of the ego, classically
between instincts of love and hate.

Klein describes splitting in the way a child seeks to retain good feelings and introject
good objects, whilst expelling bad objects and projecting bad feelings onto an external
object, in order to protect the good object from being contaminated by the bad object.

Splitting is a part of ordinary life as well as an aspect of schizophrenia.

"Splitting is a boundary-creating mode of thought and therefore a part of an order

generating process." (Ogden, 1986)
Splitting is an essential part of learning, where 'more and more is known about less and
less'. To understand something in more detail is to split it. Splitting of ideas is thus a
hierarchical process. It may be combined with association of separated ideas to build a
network of understanding.

Splitting also is seen as a normal part of development, such as when a child differentiates
itself from its context.

The Symbolic Register

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > The Symbolic Register

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
The Symbolic Register (or 'Symbolic Order') is Lacan's third and final stage of early
development that occurs in the post-mirror phase, from 18 months up to about the age of
around four.

The 'Name of the Father'

Lacan describes insertion into the ‘symbolic order’ through an Oedipal crisis, facilitated
by the father, with the symbolic rules being represented as the 'Name of the Father' (or
‘Law of the Father’). In this pattern, ‘the signifier 'father' has no relation whatever to the
physical fact of any individual father.’ (Silverman, 1983). Lacan thus navigates the
controversy over Freud’s more literal descriptions. The father may well be involved, but
the principle is that the child gets introduced, through language, to cultural codes.

This phase breaks the early relationship with the mother as language and social codes
take over as the major source of meaning for the child.

Acquisition of language

In this period, the child gradually acquires language. This entraps the child in the
symbolism of linguistic codes, further separating it from the real and pre-mirror stage.
Words and linguistic structures are defined by cultural and social norms, which the child
must adopt to enable interaction with others. As the child learns to communicate and
think in linguistic terms, it gains the benefits of shared and encapsulated meaning but
simultaneously is separated from anything outside these definitions.

As a religion denies consideration of things outside its belief system (Rockeach, 1960),
so language excludes thoughts about that which is not named. Lacan considered that
language even structures the unconscious – a break from the Freudian view of the
unconscious as a virtually autonomous entity.

Language also has benefits, bringing social meaning to the child and the comfort of
acknowledgement and acceptance by others as the child joins the wholeness of society.
Thus it gains social identity as it accepts subject positions interpellated by the father and
significant others through language.

Whilst language brings social comfort it also separates the child further from the ‘real’ of
the neo-natal period as linguistic codes create a new reality. As in the Sapir-Whorf
Hypothesis, we ‘language reality into existence’.

Unconscious

Lacan describes the unconscious as 'structured like a language', operating with relations
of difference, metaphor and metanymy.

He considers the unconscious as arriving in the symbolic order, and that the unconscious
is 'outside' the subject, in contrast with the Freudian view of the unconscious as 'inside',
being deep-seated and present at birth.

Discussion
Lacan conceives of the linguistic unconscious by adopting Saussure's signs, although
subverting this by rejecting the stability of the signified and framing the unconscious as a
interconnected and sliding sea of signifiers. This instability prevents stability of any
identity-ego created by the unconscious, condemning the child to a life of uncertainty,
compounding experiences of lack and desire.

Lacan engages the Freudian Oedipal stage in a characteristically symbolic way, as a

transition to the symbolic order where obedience of cultural laws includes the very strict
incest taboo, which requires that the boy gives up sexual desires for his mother and the
girl for her father. As the girl does not have to give up her relationship with her mother,
she can sustain a closer relationship and hence also sustain greater jouissance.

In language and the symbolic order, societal sexual differentiation asserts itself, wherein
different gender roles are subtly inculcated. These are still symbolic and Lacan argued
that rather than producing complementary ‘male’ and ‘female’ entities, the fantasy on
which these are founded should be exposed (Rose 1986). Rose describes the difference
that ‘Men and women are signifiers, bound to the common usage of language’

This leads to a life-long sense of lack and seeking after the wholeness and feeling of
connection of the early stage. We thus oscillate between seeking identity and seeking to
lose it for example in crowds, meditation, stories and hobbies.

Three registers of human reality

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > Three registers of human reality

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Lacan described what he called 'three registers of human reality', whereby we perceive
and understand.

The Real

The 'real' is a world which we never actually perceive. It is the world outside of our
senses that we can only perceive through those senses.

Living in the real is almost animalistic in that it is dominated by need and satisfaction,
existing before the constraints of language, mental models and cultural codes that censor
such basic mores.

We get as close to the 'real' as possible during the neonatal phase, when we are pre-mirror
and pre-symbolic, but we never really know it fully. It is as behind a dark glass. We know
it is there, but can only see a filtered version of it.

Because we cannot fully know the real, we always have a sense of lack, of something
missing or wrong. This is a fundamental motivational force, constantly moving us to seek
completion.

The Imaginary

The imaginary is not so much about 'imagination' as 'images'. Images are coherent
objects. They have outlines and are distinguished from one another. After the amorphous
neonatal phase, this involves separating things out.
The imagination can be used to help fill in the void that is created by the inaccessible real
by making images of completeness.

The imaginary is associated with the Mirror phase, where a child sees an image of itself
and knows it as itself. It is thus pre-symbolic and pre-language.

When we think in images, we do not need words.

The Symbolic

Symbolic understanding uses metaphor and other symbols and signs to represent our
perceptions and ideas, in particular language.

With symbols, we can communicate with others and partake of the wider social sphere,
but in doing so we leave behind the 'real'.

Symbolic understanding is most closely aligned with the Symbolic register.

Discussion
Although we seek to understand and communicate about the real, we can only get to
'reality' in terms of images and symbols (and a written image is a symbol). We can thus
never know the real.

A healthy psyche has an effective balance between the three registers, without one
dominating to the exclusion of the others. If this imbalance happens, then neurosis
appears.

This need for dynamic balance also shows that there is no perfect and stable subject
position.

The Transition Object

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > The Transition Object

Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Mother substitute
When a mother (or carer) leaves an infant, they can easily become upset by the
disappearance of their primary care-giver. To compensate and comfort for this sense of
loss, they imbue some object with the attributes of the mother. This item is called a
Transition Object.

This is a form of splitting as the mother is divided between the actual mother and the
transition object.

Use of transition objects starts to appear at around 4 to 6 months, when the infant is
moving towards the external world, but has not quite separated it from the internal world.

The transition object is typically something soft, such as blanket or soft toy, that is
reminiscent of the mother's warm arms and breast. By cuddling the object, they feel that
they are cuddling the mother and thus feel comforted. Around 60% of children adopt
such objects.

Taking away the object from the child can cause great anxiety as they are now truly
without their mother and suffer great feelings of loss and aloneness.

Not-me

The transition object also supports the development of the self, as it is used to represent
'not me'. By looking at the object, the child knows that it is not the object and hence
something individual and separate. In this way, it helps the child develop its sense of
'other' things.

However the object is now intimately bound up with the identity of the child. Taking
away the object now is also taking away something of the child itself.

The idea of the transition object can also now be applied to the mother, who becomes
identified as separate from the infant, and who can be a significant representative of the
external world.

Key attributes of the transition object include:

• The infant has total rights over it.

• The object may be cuddled, loved and mutilated.
• It must never be changed, except by the infant.
• It has warmth or some vitality that indicates is has a reality of its own.
• It exists independently of 'inside' or 'outside' and is not a hallucination.
• Over time, it loses meaning and becomes relegated to a kind of limbo where it is
neither forgotten nor mourned.

Discussion
The creation of a transition object is perhaps the first truly creative act of the child as it
uses its imagination to create reality out of nothing.

The transition object is a tool that allows the child to let go of the mother and develop a
more independent existence. It can take the object anywhere and receive a quick dose of
comfort whenever it feels anxious.

The object also facilitates the transition from a 'magical' sense of omnipotence to control
through physical manipulation.

It may have some relationship with the first object, typically the breast. It may also anal-
erotically stand for faeces (which may explain why it may be preferred as unwashed and
smelly).

Winnicott noted that the transition object allows the child to enter the paradoxical feeling
that they have simultaneously created and discovered the object.

Providing the child with a soft object such as a teddy bear can encourage them to transfer
affections to that object and thus become more independent and less clinging. A problem
can occur when the object becomes a pacifier on which the child fixates rather than using
it to transition to independence.

The object may also be the subject of the child's phantasies, for example where a teddy
bear is spoken to, hugged, punished, etc. It thus becomes a tool for practicing interaction
with the external world. By giving the bear a will of its own, the child is also
phantasizing that it is not omnipotent and can yet survive this initially scary state. Play
thus provides a pathway to independence.

The use of transition objects continues through our lives as we imbue objects with
meaning and memories that are associated with other ideas, places and people.
Photographs, mementos and other memorabilia are used to remember good times and
friends. Transition objects may also translate as fetish objects.

Virtually all possessions have a value in creating the self. What is 'mine' is that with
which I have a defining relationship, that not only defines the object but also defines me.
Possessions can vary in the degree to which they have this effect, and 'treasured
possessions' have a far more significant effect on the ego if they are lost.

Use of the transition object is related to Klein's description of the depressive position.

True self, false self

Disciplines > Psychoanalysis > Concepts > True self, false self
 Description | Discussion | See also

Description
True self

There is true self that has a sense of integrity, of connected wholeness that harks to the
early stage.

False self

When the person has to comply with external rules, such as being polite or otherwise
following social codes, then a false self is used. The false self constantly seeks to
anticipate demands of others in order to maintain the relationship.

In early development, the false self is split off as an adaptation to a mother or carer who
reflects her own defenses onto the infant rather than reflecting the infant's actual moods.

Healthy false self

When the false self is functional both for the person and for society then it is considered
healthy. The healthy false self feels that that it is still being true to the true self. It can be
compliant but without feeling that it has betrayed its true self.

When the situation becomes difficult, the true self can still override the true self and so
acts as an effective conscience or super-ego.

Unhealthy false self

A self that fits in but through a feeling of forced compliance rather than loving adaptation
is unhealthy.

When the false self wins debates against the true self, the person finds that they are
unable to be guided by their true self and so has to adapt to the social situation rather than
assert its self.

Cognitive Dissonance

Explanations > Theories > Cognitive Dissonance

 Description | Research | Example | So What? | See also | References

Description
This is the feeling of uncomfortable tension which comes from holding two conflicting
thoughts in the mind at the same time.

Dissonance increases with:

• The importance of the subject to us.

• How strongly the dissonant thoughts conflict.
• Our inability to rationalize and explain away the conflict.

Dissonance is often strong when we believe something about ourselves and then do
something against that belief. If I believe I am good but do something bad, then the
discomfort I feel as a result is cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance is a very powerful motivator which will often lead us to change one
or other of the conflicting belief or action. The discomfort often feels like a tension
between the two opposing thoughts. To release the tension we can take one of three
actions:

• Change our behavior.

• Justify our behavior by changing the conflicting cognition.
• Justify our behavior by adding new cognitions.

Dissonance is most powerful when it is about our self-image. Feelings of foolishness,

immorality and so on (including internal projections during decision-making) are
dissonance in action.

If an action has been completed and cannot be undone, then the after-the-fact dissonance
compels us to change our beliefs. If beliefs are moved, then the dissonance appears
during decision-making, forcing us to take actions we would not have taken before.

Cognitive dissonance appears in virtually all evaluations and decisions and is the central
mechanism by which we experience new differences in the world. When we see other
people behave differently to our images of them, when we hold any conflicting thoughts,
we experience dissonance.

Dissonance increases with the importance and impact of the decision, along with the
difficulty of reversing it. Discomfort about making the wrong choice of car is bigger than
when choosing a lamp.

Note: Self-Perception Theory gives an alternative view.

Research
Festinger first developed this theory in the 1950s to explain how members of a cult who
were persuaded by their leader, a certain Mrs Keech, that the earth was going to be
destroyed on 21st December and that they alone were going to be rescued by aliens,
actually increased their commitment to the cult when this did not happen (Festinger
himself had infiltrated the cult, and would have been very surprised to meet little green
men). The dissonance of the thought of being so stupid was so great that instead they
revised their beliefs to meet with obvious facts: that the aliens had, through their concern
for the cult, saved the world instead.

In a more mundane experiment, Festinger and Carlsmith got students to lie about a boring
task. Those who were paid $1 felt uncomfortable lying.

Example
Smokers find all kinds of reasons to explain away their unhealthy habit. The alternative is
to feel a great deal of dissonance.

So what?
Using it

Cognitive dissonance is central to many forms of persuasion to change beliefs, values,

attitudes and behaviors. The tension can be injected suddenly or allowed to build up over
time. People can be moved in many small jumps or one large one.

Defending

When you start feeling uncomfortable, stop and see if you can find the inner conflict.
Then notice how that came about. If it was somebody else who put that conflict there,
you can decide not to play any more with them.

Coping Mechanisms

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping Mechanisms

We are complex animals living complex lives in which we are not always able to cope
with the difficulties that we face. As a result, we are subject to feelings of tension and
stress, for example the cognitive dissonance and potential shame of doing something
outside our values. To handle this discomfort we use various coping methods.

Here are coping mechanisms by type:

• Adaptive mechanisms: That offer positive help.

• Attack mechanisms: That push discomfort onto others.
• Avoidance mechanisms: That avoid the issue.
• Behavioral mechanisms: That change what we do.
• Cognitive mechanisms: That change what we think.
• Conversion mechanisms: That change one thing into another.
• Defense mechanisms: Freud's original set.
• Self-harm mechanisms: That hurt our selves.

Here is a full list of coping mechanisms:

• Acting out: not coping - giving in to the pressure to misbehave.

• Aim inhibition: lowering sights to what seems more achievable.
• Altruism: Helping others to help self.
• Attack: trying to beat down that which is threatening you.
• Avoidance: mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.
• Compartmentalization: separating conflicting thoughts into separated
compartments.
• Compensation: making up for a weakness in one area by gain strength in another.
• Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
• Denial: refusing to acknowledge that an event has occurred.
• Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
• Dissociation: separating oneself from parts of your life.
• Emotionality: Outbursts and extreme emotion.
• Fantasy: escaping reality into a world of possibility.
• Help-rejecting complaining: Ask for help then reject it.
• Idealization: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
• Identification: copying others to take on their characteristics.
• Intellectualization: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
• Introjection: Bringing things from the outer world into the inner world.
• Passive aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
• Performing rituals: Patterns that delay.
• Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
• Provocation: Get others to act so you can retaliate.
• Rationalization: creating logical reasons for bad behavior.
• Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
• Regression: returning to a child state to avoid problems.
• Repression: subconsciously hiding uncomfortable thoughts.
• Self-harming: physically damaging the body.
 • Somatization: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
• Sublimation: channeling psychic energy into acceptable activities.
• Substitution: Replacing one thing with another.
• Suppression: consciously holding back unwanted urges.
• Symbolization: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
• Trivializing: Making small what is really something big.
• Undoing: actions that psychologically 'undo' wrongdoings for the wrongdoer.

So what?
To help people cope, find ways to let them safely let go of the stress that they experience
or gain a greater understanding of the situation.

Remember that coping actions are usually symptoms of deeper problems and addressing
them directly can be ineffective or even counter-productive. The best approach is to
discover the deeper cause and address this, which will hopefully then result in the coping
mechanism disappearing.

Be aware of your own coping mechanisms and move to more functional means of
managing stress.

If you are using deliberate theatrical methods during persuasion, feigning a coping
mechanism makes it harder for the other person to broach an apparently stressful
situation for you.

Adaptive mechanisms

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Adaptive mechanisms

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

We cope with difficulties in various ways, many of them negative and uncomfortable as
we try to repel or hide from uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes we manage to act in
more positive and helpful ways. Here are some of these:

• Compartmentalization: separating conflicting thoughts into separated

compartments.
• Compensation: Over-doing one thing to compensate for another weakness.
• Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
• Idealization: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
 • Identification: copying others to take on their characteristics.
• Intellectualization: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
• Performing rituals: Getting time to think.
• Sublimation: Channel psychic energy into acceptable activities.
• Substitution: Replacing bad things with good things.
• Undoing: actions that psychologically 'undo' wrongdoings for the wrongdoer.

These are some of the more positive mechanisms or methods that can be used positively.
In practice, a number of other coping methods work well enough without doing any
harm.

So what?
Try to use some of these more positive methods rather than falling into the more
destructive mechanisms. If you are helping others adapt, encourage them to use these
rather than other defenses.

Remember that coping is not curing. It is an adaptation in any form. Eventually, the best
approach is to address the underlying issue.

Attack mechanisms

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Attack mechanisms

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

We cope with difficulties in various ways. Some are more positive than others. Perhaps
the worst kind is where we may attack others. Arguably, all attacks on others are forms of
coping with our own internal troubles.

• Acting out: not coping - giving in to the pressure to misbehave.

• Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
• Fight-or-Flight reaction: Reacting by attacking.
• Passive aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
• Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
• Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
• Trivializing: Making small what is really something big.

Not all of these lead to harm of others, but they all have the potential to do so.
So what?
Guard against negative behavior that can harm others and lead you into trouble. Try
converting these into adaptive mechanisms.

When you are working with others, beware of them attacking you! Sometimes, when you
take the cork out of a pressurized bottle, there is a significant explosion.

Avoidance mechanisms

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Avoidance mechanisms

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

We cope with difficulties in various ways. Some are more positive than others. Whilst
avoidance and denial is a relatively harmless method that can be useful in the short term,
it can still result in significant internal damage and may end up coming out in other ways.

• Acting out: not coping - giving in to the pressure to misbehave.

• Avoidance: mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.
• Denial: refusing to acknowledge that an event has occurred.
• Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
• Fantasy: escaping reality into a world of possibility.
• Idealization: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
• Intellectualization: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
• Passive aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
• Performing rituals: Patterns that delay.
• Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
• Rationalization: creating logical reasons for bad behavior.
• Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
• Regression: returning to a child state to avoid problems.
• Repression: subconsciously hiding uncomfortable thoughts.
• Symbolization: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
• Trivializing: Making small what is really something big.

In some ways, most forms of coping include denial as the person avoids the real issue.

So what?
Guard against negative behavior that can harm others and lead you into trouble. Try
converting these into adaptive mechanisms.

When you are working with others, beware of them Denialing you! Sometimes, when
you take the cork out of a pressurized bottle, there is a significant explosion.

Behavioral mechanisms

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Behavioral mechanisms

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

We cope with difficulties in various ways. Some are more positive than others. Here are
various mechanisms that change how we behave.

• Acting out: not coping - giving in to the pressure to misbehave.

• Aim inhibition: lowering sights to what seems more achievable.
• Altruism: Helping others to help self.
• Attack: trying to beat down that which is threatening you.
• Avoidance: mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.
• Compensation: making up for a weakness in one area by gain strength in another.
• Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
• Identification: copying others to take on their characteristics.
• Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
• Regression: returning to a child state to avoid problems.
• Undoing: actions that psychologically 'undo' wrongdoings for the wrongdoer.

So what?
Behavior is easy to see and hence is a strong signal that you can read in others and that
they can read in you.

When people act in certain ways that seem strange to you or seem to be directed against
you, pause to think. These are often coping mechanisms and are not about you.

Cognitive mechanisms
 Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Cognitive mechanisms

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

We cope with difficulties in various ways. Some are more positive than others. Here are
various mental mechanisms that help us cope.

• Aim inhibition: lowering sights to what seems more achievable.

• Altruism: Helping others to help self.
• Avoidance: mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.
• Compartmentalization: separating conflicting thoughts into separated
compartments.
• Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
• Denial: refusing to acknowledge that an event has occurred.
• Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
• Dissociation: separating oneself from parts of your life.
• Fantasy: escaping reality into a world of possibility.
• Idealization: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
• Identification: copying others to take on their characteristics.
• Intellectualization: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
• Introjection: Bringing things from the outer world into the inner world.
• Passive aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
• Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
• Rationalization: creating logical reasons for bad behavior.
• Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
• Regression: returning to a child state to avoid problems.
• Repression: subconsciously hiding uncomfortable thoughts.
• Somatization: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
• Suppression: consciously holding back unwanted urges.
• Symbolization: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
• Trivializing: Making small what is really something big.

So what?
Mental mechanisms like this are sometimes deliberate and conscious and sometimes
invisible to the person so they do not realize what is really happening. In the latter case it
is difficult for a person to even begin to understand what is happening. A therapist or
counsellor may be able to help them understand the inner processes and hence
deliberately change how they think.

Conversion mechanisms
 Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Cognitive mechanisms

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

We cope with difficulties in various ways. One family of coping mechanisms acts to
transform the difficulty in some way.

• Aim inhibition: lowering sights to what seems more achievable.

• Altruism: Helping others to help self.
• Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
• Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
• Idealization: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
• Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
• Somatization: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
• Sublimation: channeling psychic energy into acceptable activities.
• Substitution: Replacing one thing with another.
• Symbolization: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
• Trivializing: Making small what is really something big.

So what?
Conversion coping can be confusing as the real problem is hidden behind a different
mask. The reasons and route of conversion is not always clear and some exploration can
be needed to help understand what is going on.

When people are acting strangely, ask whether this is authentic or whether it is a problem
being acted out in some different way.

Self-harm mechanisms

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Self-harm mechanisms

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

We cope with difficulties in various ways. One family of coping mechanisms is to attack
ourselves in some way, doing actual or psychological harm.
 • Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
• Somatization: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
• Self-harming: Conscious physical self-harm.

So what?
Conversion coping can be confusing as the real problem is hidden behind a different
mask. The reasons and route of conversion is not always clear and some exploration can
be needed to help understand what is going on.

When people are acting strangely, ask whether this is authentic or whether it is a problem
being acted out in some different way.

Conversion

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Conversion

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

Description
Conversion as a defense mechanism occurs where cognitive tensions manifest themselves
in physical symptoms. The symptom may well be symbolic and dramatic and it often acts
as a communication about the situation. Extreme symptoms may include paralysis,
blindness, deafness, becoming mute or having a seizure. Lesser symptoms include
tiredness, headaches and twitches.

Example
A person's arm becomes suddenly paralyzed after they have been threatening to hit
someone else.

Discussion
Conversion is a subconscious effect that can be as scary for the person as it is for those
around them. It is different from psychosomatic disorders where real health changes are
seen (such as the appearance of ulcers). It also is more than malingering, where conscious
exaggeration of reported symptoms are used to gain attention.
So what?
When a stressed person suddenly becomes paralyzed or otherwise physically
handicapped, consider the possibility that it may be a case of conversion. With time, the
symptom will go away, so act to reduce their stress, for example taking them away from
the initial situation. Explaining conversion to them may help.

Somatization

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Somatization

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

Description
Somatization occurs where a psychological problem turns into physical and subconscious
symptoms.

This can range from simple twitching to skin rashes, heart problems and worse.

Example
A policeman, who has to be very restricted in his professional behavior, develops
hypertension.

A worried actor develops a twitch.

Discussion
When the subconscious mind is suffering from a problem which is not addressed and
cannot be considered, it grabs attention by attacking the physical body.

This can have useful consequences, for example, a person who is overstressing
themselves may get a physical problem that forces them to slow down.

The symptoms created can be a problem for normal doctors, as there is no physical cause
of the problem.

The reverse effect can happen where a placebo actually causes a person to recover.
So what?
When people have physical symptoms, consider the possibility of psychological causes.
Of course you should get medical opinion first to determine whether there really is a
medical cause (and perhaps to help them get physical relief). If symptoms persist, you
may be able to effect a 'miracle cure'.

Self-harming

Explanations > Behaviors > Coping > Self-harming

Description | Example | Discussion | So what?

Description
The person physically deliberately hurts themself in some way or otherwise puts
themselves at high risk of harm.

There is a whole spectrum of actions that can appear here, from harmlessly tapping one's
head ('I'm so stupid') to drawing one's own blood and acting in reckless, near-suicidal
ways. Self-harm is generally considered to be more about the more extreme end of this
spectrum, where sustained bodily harm is caused.

This can be a one-shot activity, taken in anger or frustration. It can also be an obsessive
activity that can lead to life-threatening damage.

Example
• Slapping oneself
• Banging one's head against a table
• Punching a hard wall
• Picking at wounds
• Cutting oneself with a knife or sharp object
• Burning oneself
• Biting oneself
• Picking fights with others (especially tough people)
• Reckless driving
• Body piercing or tattoos (painful!)
• Taking narcotic drugs or medicine overdoses
Discussion
Self-harm is a remarkably common activity, particularly amongst young people
(particularly teenagers), that can have many different causes. Common causes include
bullying, death of a loved one, neglect, abuse and debilitating illness. Many of these can
lead to low self-esteem, which has a particular causal link with self-harm.

It can be scary for others when they find out the person is self-harming. Parents fear
suicide. Others fear the rage being projected outwards.

Self-harm can be an attention-seeking activity but mostly is not. Many hide their injuries
and do not seek help.

When you harm yourself, you feel pain. When you are numbed by depression, this can,
paradoxically, be life-affirming.

People who self-harm may be punishing themselves, perhaps because they believe they
have done wrong or often because others have told them they are bad.

Self-harm can have a strong control aspect. I feel I cannot control the world around me,
but at least I can do this. If I cannot attack others at least I can attack myself as a
substitute for the intended target.

It can also be a displacement. I want to harm someone else, but I cannot, so I will harm
myself instead.

Releasing blood can, strangely, seem like letting out bad feelings.

In psychoanalysis, the death drive may help to explain this oft-baffling activity. Freud
discussed this as the opposite of eros, or libido, the life drive.

Self-harm is also known as self-abuse, self-mutilation, self-inflicted violence or self-

injury.

So what?
Watch those you know who are unhappy or who have low self-respect. Watch for
covering up of skin and excuses for bruises and other signs harm.

In helping others, first find out when the behavior started. This may give a clue to the
original cause.

Give them harmless displacement activities that may reduce stress, such as running,
dancing or listening to music. Counting down from ten and just focusing on a nearby
object can also be helpful when other activities are not available.
Otherwise helping them to increase their confidence is likely to help. Find doable
challenges for them and help them succeed. Praise them for things well done. Help them
to socialize with caring others.

If you have any doubt or concern, it is often a good idea to get professional advice.