Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at

http://download.archiveofourown.org/works/11308671.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandom: D.Gray-man
Relationship: Kanda Yuu/Allen Walker
Character: Allen Walker, Kanda Yuu
Additional Tags: off-screen monkey business, casual contact intimacy, allen actually
has the worst ideas sometimes, or at least the worst fallout from them,
kanda does not give a shit
Stats: Published: 2017-06-26 Words: 949

A Modest Proposal
by zovinar

Summary

No, really. I think its a good idea.

None of your ideas are ever good. Also: what the fuck.

Notes

See the end of the work for notes

We should have sex.

Kanda pauses, squints up at him, then huffs.

Yeah, hes not even gonna bother with that. Half of what Walker babbles is gibberish when hes
injured.

Mm, he says instead, finishing up the last row of stitches. He deliberately digs his fingers in as
he bandages up Walkers thigh.

Walker just sort of wheezes and glares, slumping in his chair. Mostly he looks like he wants to
kick Kanda in the facehes got the right leverage for it, Kandas still sitting between his legs
but he also still has Kandas golem sitting in his palm.

Koumi was very explicit: no fights while they were waiting for pickup. Normally that wouldn't
even faze them, but hes threatening them with the Head Nurse and Lenalee. Lenalee would kill
them.
Kanda shifts to get up, but Walker traps him, hooking a leg over his shoulder as he starts to stand.

No, really. I think itll be a good idea.

Kanda sends him a baleful look. None of your ideas are good. Also: what the fuck.

Yes, exactly. But seriously, hear me out.

Right, Kanda snorts, not until Im sure youre not concussed. Bend down.

What, fuckno.

I will sit on you beansprout, get over yourself.

Walker resists anyway so Kanda shoves him back into the chair, sits on him, and yanks his head
down to check for any signs of blunt force trauma. Kanda doesnt actually remember anything like
that happening, but he still needs to rule it out.

Uggghhhh, Walker protests. But he knows better by now than to try anything so Kanda gets to
do a quick touch-check while Allen spits and sputters when Kandas hair get in his mouth.

Koumi had said Walker couldnt even use the Ark so they were in the middle of butt fuck
nowhere, stuck and snowed into this bullshit of a safe house that has medical supplies, food, and
not much else.

They could either fight (forbidden), train (forbidden), or talk (disastrous).

In theory, they could also eat or sleep but Walker needed all the food because of his dumb shitty
arm and they were both too on edge to sleep in anything but shifts. Which wasn't gonna happen
because Kanda has to stay up to watch over Walkers stupid injured ass because he was the idiotic
type who exacerbated his injuries when left to his own devices. Like a dumbass.

Walker elbows him lightly in the stomach so Kanda sits back and grabs his chin to jerk his head
up and check his pupils.

Hm. Looks like its not delusional nonsense this time, just Walkers regular brand of batshit crazy.

Why, Kanda asks flatly.

Oh! Considering it? Walker lights up, smiling as bright and chipper as the sun at dawn.

Kanda narrows his eyes. He knows that smilehasnt ever bothered to warn people off it because
theyd never believe him. But the mouth: it lies.

You dont have a head injury so I have no remorse about knocking you out.

Walker makes a face before dropping his expression into a less affected wry grin.

Better. Why.

Walker tilts his head from side to side, collecting his thoughts, then glances at Kanda out of the
corner of his eye. You know that most people have sex cause its fun, right?

If you think I actually

I know you dont care. Still.

Kanda scowls. Yes.

Okay, well, one of the reasons fighting makes you feel better is because it releases chemicals in
your brain that make you feel satisfied and less stressed.

So?

So, you can get something similar from sex.

You know this because Kanda starts before trailing off. Tch, Cross.

Walker shrugs. Basically. He flicks his eyes over to the side and Kanda reaches over to grab
him one of the canteens.

And why does that matter?

Well, we cant spar or train.

Yeah.

And neither of us are going to sleep as it is.

Mm.

And unlike almost everyone else on the planet, you wont stab me if I touch you for more than
two seconds.

Kanda raises a brow.

And theres no way Im staring at your face for how many hours theyll take to get here. Allen
gives him a dry look, Id be too tempted to punch it.

Yeah, Kanda feels about the same.

And then Lenalee will kill us.

Kanda makes a vaguely affirmative noise.

So why not? Allen leans back in the chair and takes a sip of water.

Thinking, Kanda idly cards a hand through his hair.

Also, Lavi might cry when he finds out.

Kanda blinks. Oh shit. We should have sex.

So? asks Allen.

Mmgh, Kanda mumbles into his shoulder.

Sex apparently makes Kanda very, very, relaxed. Hes languid to the point of dozing as he drapes
himself unapologetically over Allen. It's kinda nice, but he's also kinda putting half his weight on
 Allen's stitches.

So? he prods.

Resting a hand against the wall and pushing up slightly, Kanda tilts his head and blinks hazily,
considering. The shift has his hair spilling off his shoulders, cold where it falls onto Allens chest
and neck, half obscuring Kandas expression.

Different, he concludes.

Well we certainly weren't sparring.

Kanda shoots him a nasty look before flopping down again to pillow his head on Allens
collarbones.

The endorphins are making you mushy.

Walker, I really don't give a flying fuck right now.

Obviously. I'm just gonna assume you liked it.

Kanda leans an elbow onto his bandages. Definitely on purpose this time.

Maybe we should put on more clothes before our pickup gets here.

If you move, I will stab you, Kanda says and goes to sleep on him instead.

End Notes

This is basically my other ship manifesto that came from me being a cranky aromantic and
general mumblings about casual intimacy in combat field teams.

Runs in contrast with Like an Optical Illusion

For anyone who doesn't know, A Modest Proposal is an old-ish satirical essay about
how to deal with rampant poverty and starvation during the Irish potato famine. Id
recommend it bc its hilarious but content warning for gross hypotheticals used to make a
point.

Also, If you hadnt realized it previously, please keep in mind that most of the first
conversation takes place as Kanda was threatening Allen with medical treatment while
trapping him by essentially sitting in his lap. You know. Just saying.

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