1

00:00:07,915 --> 00:00:09,214

D'oh!

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00:00:22,051 --> 00:00:26,051
<font color="#00FF00"> The Simpsons 27x11 </font>
<font color="#00FFFF">Teenage Mutant Milk-Caused Hurdles</font>
Original Air Date on January 10, 2016

3
00:00:26,075 --> 00:00:32,575
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

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Push it to the limit

5
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Walk along the razor's edge

6
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But don't look down,
just keep your head

7
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Or you'll be finished

8
00:00:49,623 --> 00:00:53,024

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Open up the limit

10
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Past the point of no return

11
00:01:00,267 --> 00:01:02,901
You've reached the top
but still you gotta learn

12
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How to keep it

13
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Welcome to the limit

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<i> The limit</i>

15
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Take it maybe one step more

16
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The power game's
still playing

17
00:01:18,051 --> 00:01:21,286
So you better push it
to the limit...

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<i> The limit, the limit,</i>
<i>the limit.</i>

19
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Damn reruns.

20
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"Even then, a wish,
I mind its pow'r,

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"A wish that to my latest hour

22
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"Shall strongly heave my breast,

23
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That I for poor
auld Scotland's sake..."

24
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All right, you little monsters!

25
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You've awakened
Scotland's shame!

26
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Willie, you know you can't play
that torture trumpet to kids.

27
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I'll just use it to vape, then.

28
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Class, I would like you
to meet your new teacher,

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retired Air Force
Sergeant Ms. Berrera.

30
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<i>Ay, caramba!</i>

31
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Air Force?
Sergeant?

32
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A woman?

33
00:02:31,525 --> 00:02:32,691
Good morning, crew.

34
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I am proud to be here
educating my country.

35
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For you, teacher.

36
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Because if there's one thing
I learned in combat,

37
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it's that the most powerful
weapon is knowledge.

38
00:02:47,007 --> 00:02:49,207
What's
the second most powerful weapon?

39
00:02:49,242 --> 00:02:52,210
Shoulder-mounted
anti-tank missile. Duh.

40
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Did you ever<i> American Sniper</i>
someone?

41
00:02:55,082 --> 00:02:59,551
Uh, that's really
not appropriate for me to say.

42
00:02:59,586 --> 00:03:01,553
How many hospitals
did you help build?

43
00:03:01,588 --> 00:03:03,755
Negative three.

44
00:03:03,790 --> 00:03:05,490
<i> Oh, my God,</i>
<i>I've got a cool teacher.</i>

45
00:03:05,525 --> 00:03:07,826
<i>What am I doing?</i>
<i>I'm sitting up straight,</i>

46
00:03:07,861 --> 00:03:09,594
<i>and my hands are folded</i>
<i>like a nerd.</i>

47
00:03:09,629 --> 00:03:11,029
<i>I've got to fix that.</i>

48
00:03:11,064 --> 00:03:11,830
Yes?

49
00:03:12,866 --> 00:03:14,232
<i>Now one's up in the air.</i>

50
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<i>Okay, let's show</i>
<i>this innocent young veteran</i>

51
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<i>what happens when you call</i>
<i>on Bart Simpson.</i>

52
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Ma'am, my name is Bart,
53
00:03:23,043 --> 00:03:26,611
and I just want to say how
delighted I am that you're here.

54
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<i>What the hell?</i>

55
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Thank you, Bart.

56
00:03:33,353 --> 00:03:34,953
A neck tat?

57
00:03:34,988 --> 00:03:36,955
Milhouse, have you ever
thought a teacher was cute?

58
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Oh, yeah. I thought
Krabappel was smokin'.

59
00:03:39,559 --> 00:03:42,827
I kept every issue of
the<i> Fourth Gradian</i> she was in.

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Great lady.

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Pretty sober

62
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I've only got one beer
inside me

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Pull me over

64
00:03:54,141 --> 00:03:58,843
My blood alcohol is .03

65
00:03:58,879 --> 00:04:02,947
Oh, I like it when the drivers
sing their blood alcohol level.

66
00:04:02,983 --> 00:04:04,682
Not so sober

67
00:04:04,718 --> 00:04:08,686
So drunk
I'll eat gas station sushi.

68
00:04:08,722 --> 00:04:11,790
Homer, don't forget
to pick up milk.

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00:04:11,825 --> 00:04:14,025
Oh.
And not just any milk--

70
00:04:14,061 --> 00:04:16,694
healthy milk,
without any hormones.

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I won't forget.

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Aw, they sell ads in
thought bubbles now?

73
00:04:24,738 --> 00:04:26,638
I'm running a basic errand.

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Homer Simpson buying
a healthy product?

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00:04:30,210 --> 00:04:33,378
Now I have seen all of the
things that there are to see.

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That will be $16.

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00:04:35,916 --> 00:04:39,084
And can I interest you in
any, uh, milk insurance?

78
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$16?! Oof,
79
00:04:41,054 --> 00:04:44,923
another case of the rich cows
stickin' it to the little guy.

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00:04:44,958 --> 00:04:48,359
Okay, don't worry. We're going
to get you into a milk today.

81
00:04:48,395 --> 00:04:52,197
Hmm. I like it's
in a plastic bottle

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00:04:52,232 --> 00:04:54,199
that'll be around
for millions of years.

83
00:04:54,234 --> 00:04:56,201
But is it good
for my kids?

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I know you have concerns.

85
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But this video will gloss over
all of your questions.

86
00:05:01,875 --> 00:05:03,875
It'd better.

87
00:05:04,244 --> 00:05:05,210
Hmm.

88
00:05:05,245 --> 00:05:08,079
How's that milk, Jimmy?
Boring.

89
00:05:08,115 --> 00:05:11,282
Now, we could engineer a new
Jimmy who is less of a brat,

90
00:05:11,318 --> 00:05:14,786
but we'll just use science
to jazz things up.

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00:05:16,423 --> 00:05:19,290
<i>We used to feed</i>
<i>boring old grass to cows.</i>

92
00:05:19,326 --> 00:05:21,793
<i>That might have been fine</i>
<i>for Farmer Brown.</i>

93
00:05:21,828 --> 00:05:25,130
<i>But we brought in a next-gen</i>
<i>blend of phenyl ketamine,</i>

94
00:05:25,165 --> 00:05:27,132
<i>ketyl phenamine,</i>
<i>and a healthy sprinkling</i>

95
00:05:27,167 --> 00:05:30,135
<i>of transuranic elements.</i>
<i>But don't worry,</i>

96
00:05:30,170 --> 00:05:34,172
<i>we still get the milk</i>
<i>from good old-fashioned cows.</i>

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00:05:42,249 --> 00:05:45,049
That's the best
milk I've ever had.

98
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You said "milk."

99
00:05:46,987 --> 00:05:49,220
We can't, legally.

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00:05:49,256 --> 00:05:51,556
I'm not the kind of guy
advertising works on,

101
00:05:51,591 --> 00:05:54,025
but I'll take 20,
no questions asked.

102
00:05:55,395 --> 00:05:57,095
Hmm?

103
00:05:59,666 --> 00:06:01,232
Bart, you're up already?
104
00:06:01,268 --> 00:06:02,767
Don't want to be late
for school.

105
00:06:02,802 --> 00:06:05,170
Hair combed,
face washed?

106
00:06:05,205 --> 00:06:06,405
I thought I'd shake things up.

107
00:06:06,439 --> 00:06:08,406
Morning, Marge.

108
00:06:08,441 --> 00:06:11,643
Morning, Bart.
What the? Ooh, la, la.

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00:06:11,678 --> 00:06:14,946
Is it a court day today?
Hmm, let's see.

110
00:06:14,981 --> 00:06:17,415
Nope, today we're off.

111
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The courthouse is closed because
the judge is becoming a citizen.

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What gives, boy?

113
00:06:22,355 --> 00:06:24,155
Nothing's going on.

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00:06:24,191 --> 00:06:25,957
Some days a boy
just wants to look

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00:06:25,992 --> 00:06:27,792
like he's going to church, okay?

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00:06:27,827 --> 00:06:30,028
<i>I'm</i> the last one
to breakfast?
117
00:06:30,063 --> 00:06:32,197
You guys are planning
my birthday, right?

118
00:06:32,232 --> 00:06:34,199
'Cause last year's
was kind of lonely.

119
00:06:34,234 --> 00:06:36,634
Boy, that's when I realized
just how big

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00:06:36,670 --> 00:06:39,103
a bowling alley really is.

121
00:06:39,139 --> 00:06:42,173
Can we please get a move on? I
do not want to miss any school.

122
00:06:42,209 --> 00:06:45,176
Ooh, could this punctual
Bart possibly be connected

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00:06:45,212 --> 00:06:47,045
to your cute
new teacher?

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00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:50,748
Oh, do I have a cute new
sexy teacher? I hadn't noticed.

125
00:06:52,152 --> 00:06:53,718
Bart likes
his teacher

126
00:06:53,753 --> 00:06:56,387
Bart likes his
teacher.

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00:06:56,423 --> 00:06:59,324
Hey, nothing can turn a boy's
life around like a cute teacher.

128
00:06:59,359 --> 00:07:01,726
Like what Michelle
Pfeiffer did for Coolio.
129
00:07:01,761 --> 00:07:04,729
In fact, to be supportive,
I'll drive Bart to school.

130
00:07:04,764 --> 00:07:08,299
Are you just trying to see
how cute the teacher is?

131
00:07:08,335 --> 00:07:10,702
Or how handsome
<i>he</i> is, Marge.

132
00:07:10,737 --> 00:07:12,136
Not a he, right, boy?

133
00:07:12,172 --> 00:07:14,105
No.

134
00:07:16,409 --> 00:07:17,842
Hmm?

135
00:07:17,877 --> 00:07:20,178
Even my dad came back
for this!

136
00:07:20,213 --> 00:07:22,380
That's right, son.
But, uh, right after this,

137
00:07:22,415 --> 00:07:24,382
I have to go get
some cigarettes.

138
00:07:24,417 --> 00:07:26,985
Last time,
you never came back.

139
00:07:27,020 --> 00:07:28,987
Oh, don't cry, Norman.

140
00:07:29,022 --> 00:07:30,488
That's not my name!

141
00:07:30,523 --> 00:07:32,890
Oh, right. That's my
other abandoned son.
142
00:07:32,926 --> 00:07:34,626
I have a brother!

143
00:07:35,929 --> 00:07:38,263
And just what
are you doing?

144
00:07:38,298 --> 00:07:40,098
Putting the first new coat
of paint on this school

145
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:41,399
in 30 years.

146
00:07:41,434 --> 00:07:43,601
It's always good

147
00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:45,770
to have a joker
in the platoon.

148
00:07:45,805 --> 00:07:47,772
Bart, according to your folder,

149
00:07:47,807 --> 00:07:49,440
you need some extra help.

150
00:07:49,476 --> 00:07:51,342
Can you meet me after class?

151
00:07:51,378 --> 00:07:53,911
No problemo. I can move
my 3:30 freeze tag.

152
00:07:53,947 --> 00:07:56,781
Ugh,
just cancel.

153
00:07:56,816 --> 00:07:59,517
Bart, I'm glad
that you're trying,

154
00:07:59,552 --> 00:08:01,419
but I am worried that
you're starting from a place
155
00:08:01,454 --> 00:08:04,389
far behind most students.

156
00:08:06,626 --> 00:08:09,193
It's because I am so troubled,
ma'am.

157
00:08:09,229 --> 00:08:12,363
Vulnerable. I need a firm
but pretty hand.

158
00:08:12,399 --> 00:08:15,566
Oh. Would you like Martin Prince
to tutor you?

159
00:08:15,602 --> 00:08:17,635
No! Last time
he was at my house,

160
00:08:17,671 --> 00:08:20,471
he talked about bird-watching
all day.

161
00:08:20,507 --> 00:08:23,408
Even my mom got bored,
and she loves boredom.

162
00:08:23,443 --> 00:08:27,045
Well, I guess I could see you
Tuesdays after school.

163
00:08:28,615 --> 00:08:32,650
Tuesday

164
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:37,522
Afternoon

165
00:08:37,557 --> 00:08:38,690
I'm just beginning

166
00:08:38,725 --> 00:08:42,093
To see

167
00:08:42,128 --> 00:08:45,096
Now I'm on my way
168
00:08:46,499 --> 00:08:49,667
It doesn't matter to me

169
00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:54,972
Chasing the clouds away.

170
00:08:55,008 --> 00:08:57,342
Uh, Ms. Berrera?

171
00:08:57,377 --> 00:08:59,344
I was, uh, wondering
if you needed any help,

172
00:08:59,379 --> 00:09:01,779
uh, pulling
your maps.

173
00:09:01,815 --> 00:09:04,015
You have to
give 'em a snap.

174
00:09:04,050 --> 00:09:07,852
Otherwise, they just
get longer and longer.

175
00:09:07,887 --> 00:09:10,288
<i>Oh, my God, he loves her, too.</i>

176
00:09:10,323 --> 00:09:12,023
<i>Oh, my God, he loves her, too.</i>

177
00:09:12,058 --> 00:09:14,459
<i>Oh, my God, they love me, too!</i>

178
00:09:14,494 --> 00:09:16,361
<i>That's right.</i>
<i>In my head, I sound like this.</i>

179
00:09:19,084 --> 00:09:21,885
<i>No! No, no, no, no!</i>

180
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:23,520
<i>What happened? Did jazz die?</i>

181
00:09:23,555 --> 00:09:25,155
Look at me!

182
00:09:26,892 --> 00:09:29,125
Acne? But she's
only eight.

183
00:09:29,161 --> 00:09:32,061
Somehow I'm becoming
a squeaky-voiced teen!

184
00:09:32,097 --> 00:09:34,264
Do you want fries with that?

185
00:09:34,299 --> 00:09:35,932
What am I saying?!

186
00:09:35,967 --> 00:09:39,369
I, too, was visited
by the Ghost of Puberty Present.

187
00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:41,871
I've got a starter 'stache.
Next, I'm a loser,

188
00:09:41,907 --> 00:09:43,773
then I'm a creep,
then I'm a perv.

189
00:09:43,809 --> 00:09:45,208
I've got to buy a van.

190
00:09:45,243 --> 00:09:47,777
This isn't fair.

191
00:09:47,813 --> 00:09:50,280
I'm not ready for
my awkward years.

192
00:09:50,315 --> 00:09:54,117
This is my happy childhood,
for crying out loud!

193
00:09:54,152 --> 00:09:55,952
Aw. Beep, bop, boop.

194
00:09:55,987 --> 00:09:58,588
Dialing for pizza.

195
00:10:00,325 --> 00:10:04,394
Somewhere, another mustache is
in tremendous pain.

196
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:06,763
It must be
precocious puberty.

197
00:10:06,798 --> 00:10:11,000
It's a thing. I just read
about it in<i> Thing Magazine.</i>

198
00:10:11,036 --> 00:10:14,504
Homer, I'll fix Lisa up,
and you teach Bart to shave.

199
00:10:14,539 --> 00:10:19,609
You got it.
But there will be blood.

200
00:10:19,644 --> 00:10:21,311
<i>And there,</i>

201
00:10:21,346 --> 00:10:23,980
there, and there.

202
00:10:24,015 --> 00:10:27,984
The cream looks delicious,
but don't eat too much.

203
00:10:28,019 --> 00:10:29,986
And there. See how
it's done, boy?

204
00:10:30,021 --> 00:10:31,454
Dad, aren't you supposed

205
00:10:31,489 --> 00:10:33,623
to take the little plastic
thing off the blade?

206
00:10:33,658 --> 00:10:37,427
Really? I always
wondered about that.
207
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:38,828
Hmm.

208
00:10:40,565 --> 00:10:44,033
Well, hello, Billy Zane.

209
00:10:45,737 --> 00:10:48,004
Sweetie, every kid
goes through this.

210
00:10:48,039 --> 00:10:50,440
That's why
proms are dark.

211
00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:55,011
Just stick some carrots in there
three times a day.

212
00:10:58,083 --> 00:11:01,784
So we won't see your sweet
little face for ten more years?

213
00:11:03,421 --> 00:11:07,891
Mom, the inside of this hoodie
is covered in tears.

214
00:11:09,094 --> 00:11:10,827
Let me try
some makeup.

215
00:11:12,264 --> 00:11:14,631
Cruelty-free?
Oh, yes.

216
00:11:14,666 --> 00:11:16,566
I'll be very gentle.

217
00:11:16,601 --> 00:11:18,701
Marge? Marge,
you got to see this!

218
00:11:18,737 --> 00:11:19,702
Oh, what is it?

219
00:11:19,738 --> 00:11:21,504
D'oh!

220
00:11:27,178 --> 00:11:29,646
I actually have two
different PTSDs.

221
00:11:29,681 --> 00:11:31,581
The kind we combat
veterans know.

222
00:11:31,616 --> 00:11:35,485
And, also, Parent-
Teacher-Student Dilemmas.

223
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,587
No!

224
00:11:39,691 --> 00:11:41,257
Bart!

225
00:11:41,293 --> 00:11:42,825
Do not worry.

226
00:11:42,861 --> 00:11:45,428
I am certified
as a paramedic.

227
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:52,168
Oh! Teacher,
could you kiss my owie?

228
00:11:52,203 --> 00:11:55,071
Boy, owies can only
be kissed by Willie.

229
00:11:56,741 --> 00:11:59,409
Where's the owie?
I'm fine. I'm fine.

230
00:11:59,444 --> 00:12:02,912
Whoa, Lisa,
you look great!

231
00:12:02,948 --> 00:12:04,948
Beautiful and mature.

232
00:12:04,983 --> 00:12:07,016
Like a sideline
reporter.

233
00:12:07,052 --> 00:12:08,851
Oh. R-Really?

234
00:12:08,887 --> 00:12:11,120
Didn't know you
were so cool.

235
00:12:11,156 --> 00:12:15,024
Well, um, uh,
well, duh.

236
00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:18,227
<i>Oh, my God, I'm popular!</i>

237
00:12:18,263 --> 00:12:20,430
<i>Hope this doesn't go</i>
<i>to my head.</i>

238
00:12:20,465 --> 00:12:22,865
<i>It went right to my head! Aah!</i>

239
00:12:22,901 --> 00:12:25,535
So when you're done with
this page, you will learn

240
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:28,738
how tectonic plates
rub against each other

241
00:12:28,773 --> 00:12:31,474
till something
gives deep down.

242
00:12:31,509 --> 00:12:33,876
You do not have
to tutor this boy

243
00:12:33,912 --> 00:12:36,245
under the new One
Child Left Behind law.

244
00:12:36,281 --> 00:12:40,116
But he needs help, and he's not
going to be a child much longer.

245
00:12:40,151 --> 00:12:42,118
He's got a mustache
coming in.

246
00:12:42,153 --> 00:12:43,786
Yeah, so beat it,
bald lip.

247
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:51,461
Oh, my God, I just got invited
to my first third-grade party!

248
00:12:51,496 --> 00:12:53,229
Are the parents
gonna be home?

249
00:12:53,264 --> 00:12:55,264
- Yes.
- Lame.

250
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:57,300
Guys, I need to
sharpen my mustaches.

251
00:12:57,335 --> 00:12:58,768
Which is better--

252
00:12:58,803 --> 00:13:00,403
A or B?

253
00:13:00,438 --> 00:13:02,338
<i>A...</i> or B?

254
00:13:02,374 --> 00:13:03,940
A or B?

255
00:13:03,975 --> 00:13:06,476
<i>A...</i> or<i> B?</i>

256
00:13:06,511 --> 00:13:08,077
B. - A.
N.

257
00:13:08,113 --> 00:13:09,679
Ugh! I'm tired of my son

258
00:13:09,714 --> 00:13:12,115
having a mustache
like a pool boy.

259
00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:16,185
Hey, those pool boys
pull in some sweet jingle.

260
00:13:16,221 --> 00:13:18,187
Plus, they get to
work in flip-flops.

261
00:13:18,223 --> 00:13:20,690
Homie, it's time
we figured this out.

262
00:13:20,725 --> 00:13:22,792
Maybe milk will
help us think.

263
00:13:22,827 --> 00:13:24,293
How would milk do that?

264
00:13:24,329 --> 00:13:26,362
It's from cows
who are smart enough

265
00:13:26,398 --> 00:13:28,498
not to get turned
into hamburger.

266
00:13:28,533 --> 00:13:29,999
Hmm.

267
00:13:30,035 --> 00:13:33,770
Oh. I never looked closely
at this milk before.

268
00:13:33,805 --> 00:13:35,872
Is it made by a soda company?

269
00:13:35,907 --> 00:13:37,807
They don't just make soda,
Marge.
270
00:13:37,842 --> 00:13:39,642
They also make industrial foam.

271
00:13:43,314 --> 00:13:44,914
Homer, it's the milk!

272
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:45,949
Oh.
Hey.

273
00:13:47,052 --> 00:13:49,152
I'll call the help hotline
on the carton.

274
00:13:53,691 --> 00:13:55,691
Talk to me.

275
00:13:55,727 --> 00:13:57,360
Yes, I need a milk refund.

276
00:13:57,395 --> 00:13:59,862
Right. Um, address, please?

277
00:13:59,898 --> 00:14:01,831
Wait, wait. Hold on.

278
00:14:01,866 --> 00:14:07,637
742 Nevergreen...
Oh, Evergreen Terrace.

279
00:14:07,672 --> 00:14:10,406
Sorry. Our system's
a little slow.

280
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:16,045
Aw!

281
00:14:19,451 --> 00:14:22,652
Ew! I mean, cool!

282
00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:25,221
I just turned a
big corner, Bart.

283
00:14:30,901 --> 00:14:32,534
Oh, Simpson,

284
00:14:32,570 --> 00:14:34,603
I called you here to gloat.

285
00:14:34,638 --> 00:14:37,539
Yeah, yeah, I know
about you and Berrera.

286
00:14:37,575 --> 00:14:39,775
You know about me and Carol?

287
00:14:39,810 --> 00:14:41,810
You know her name?

288
00:14:41,846 --> 00:14:43,912
Oh, first and middle,
and I know more.

289
00:14:43,948 --> 00:14:46,882
Her favorite salad bar item
is little shredded cheese.

290
00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:48,283
Pff. Everyone likes that.

291
00:14:48,319 --> 00:14:50,386
Oh, I know a lot
more than that.

292
00:14:50,421 --> 00:14:52,254
She's never seen
an episode of<i> Friends.</i>

293
00:14:52,289 --> 00:14:53,722
Not even "The
One with..."?

294
00:14:53,758 --> 00:14:55,124
No, not one.

295
00:14:55,159 --> 00:14:57,126
And she has a cat
with different color eyes.

296
00:14:57,161 --> 00:14:59,561
His name is Bowie.

297
00:14:59,597 --> 00:15:01,563
No!

298
00:15:01,599 --> 00:15:04,166
Face it, Simpson:
you can't compete with me.

299
00:15:04,201 --> 00:15:05,934
I can rent a car.

300
00:15:07,338 --> 00:15:09,838
How can I derail
his happiness?

301
00:15:09,874 --> 00:15:12,574
I got a delivery
of live class pets here.

302
00:15:12,610 --> 00:15:15,310
Interesting. Excuse me.
I have one question.

303
00:15:15,346 --> 00:15:17,179
Yes.

304
00:15:17,214 --> 00:15:20,749
When you're in the shower,
do you shampoo your mustache?

305
00:15:20,785 --> 00:15:23,085
Of course.
It's a must-stache,

306
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,287
not an
if-you-feel-like-it-stache.

307
00:15:25,322 --> 00:15:26,955
All right,
have a good day.

308
00:15:26,991 --> 00:15:27,956
Dickory doo.

309
00:15:31,162 --> 00:15:32,795
I brought you
some candy, Carol.

310
00:15:32,830 --> 00:15:35,097
Not from CVS,
not from Walgreens.

311
00:15:35,132 --> 00:15:36,865
From the airport.

312
00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:38,801
And I wasn't even
going anywhere.

313
00:15:38,836 --> 00:15:40,202
Oh!
Ah.

314
00:15:40,237 --> 00:15:42,538
Your candy's filled
with chupacabras.

315
00:15:42,573 --> 00:15:45,507
We've been pranked
or possibly punked.

316
00:15:45,543 --> 00:15:47,376
I know who
your prankster is.

317
00:15:47,411 --> 00:15:49,044
The Simpson lad.

318
00:15:49,079 --> 00:15:51,213
Were you watching us make out?

319
00:15:51,248 --> 00:15:52,815
I was watching you try.

320
00:15:55,419 --> 00:15:58,620
Mom, could you please,
please,<i> please</i>

321
00:15:58,656 --> 00:16:00,722
stay within the lip liner?
322
00:16:00,758 --> 00:16:03,559
A week ago, you'd never
even worn makeup.

323
00:16:03,594 --> 00:16:05,794
Now you're an expert
like Ace Frehley.

324
00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:07,663
Aah!

325
00:16:13,604 --> 00:16:15,904
Sherri. Terri.

326
00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:18,807
I usually don't see double
until an hour into the party.

327
00:16:22,179 --> 00:16:23,645
<i>It's going to rain,</i>

328
00:16:23,681 --> 00:16:25,147
<i>and rain washes off makeup,</i>

329
00:16:25,182 --> 00:16:27,382
<i>and then they will see me</i>
<i>as I truly am--</i>

330
00:16:27,418 --> 00:16:29,518
<i>imperfect, blemished,</i>

331
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:31,687
<i>a social mess</i>
<i>in a lampshade dress.</i>

332
00:16:33,357 --> 00:16:35,357
<i>Okay, all right.</i>

333
00:16:35,392 --> 00:16:37,059
<i>Lisa, you were never popular,</i>

334
00:16:37,094 --> 00:16:38,894
<i>so you're playing</i>
<i>with the house's money.</i>

335
00:16:38,929 --> 00:16:40,996
Attention, party!

336
00:16:41,031 --> 00:16:43,832
I'm not like you.

337
00:16:43,868 --> 00:16:47,603
What I'm saying is, I gave
my Christmas money to NPR.

338
00:16:47,638 --> 00:16:50,239
I have a chemistry set...
that I've used!

339
00:16:50,274 --> 00:16:51,707
Is there a
point to this?

340
00:16:51,742 --> 00:16:53,542
And beneath all this makeup,

341
00:16:53,577 --> 00:16:55,944
I have... problem skin.

342
00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:58,080
Ew!

343
00:17:00,651 --> 00:17:02,618
What are you
talking about?

344
00:17:02,653 --> 00:17:04,620
Your skin
is fin

345
00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:07,389
Really? The bad milk wore off.

346
00:17:07,424 --> 00:17:10,259
So, uh, admitting
you're not cool is probably

347
00:17:10,294 --> 00:17:12,427
the coolest thing
you can do, right?

348
00:17:14,064 --> 00:17:17,165
I will see myself out.

349
00:17:20,337 --> 00:17:22,704
You look
ba-lonely.

350
00:17:22,740 --> 00:17:24,139
I feel ba-lonely.

351
00:17:24,174 --> 00:17:26,542
You want to be friends?
I do.

352
00:17:26,577 --> 00:17:28,610
Um, how clean
is that hand?

353
00:17:28,646 --> 00:17:30,212
Mmm... mah!

354
00:17:30,247 --> 00:17:31,813
Cleaner now.

355
00:17:31,849 --> 00:17:33,215
Okay.

356
00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,317
A fish says, "Moo!"

357
00:17:35,352 --> 00:17:37,553
This isn't gonna
last long.

358
00:17:37,588 --> 00:17:39,588
I still take baths
in the sink.

359
00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:42,824
Okay, it's over.
Sorry, Ralph.

360
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:45,661
I'll be eating crayons for one.

361
00:17:50,601 --> 00:17:52,301
Oh, the plan is perfect!

362
00:17:52,336 --> 00:17:54,570
I just have to get Skinner
to hold still

363
00:17:54,605 --> 00:17:56,572
while I slip a firecracker
in his butt.

364
00:17:56,607 --> 00:17:58,140
Come on, give it up.

365
00:17:58,175 --> 00:18:00,609
Bart, I realized
what's been going on.

366
00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:03,579
We've been operating under
the influence of hormones.

367
00:18:03,614 --> 00:18:05,981
Hormones? Sounds far-fetched.

368
00:18:06,016 --> 00:18:07,583
Very far-fetched.

369
00:18:07,618 --> 00:18:10,152
Well, it's true, so
give Skinner a shot.

370
00:18:10,187 --> 00:18:12,187
Everyone deserves happiness.

371
00:18:12,222 --> 00:18:14,656
Even wieners.

372
00:18:18,395 --> 00:18:21,330
Hey, Dad, how much
does the Mustache Fairy pay?

373
00:18:21,365 --> 00:18:23,799
Hmm, three bucks.

374
00:18:27,905 --> 00:18:31,440
When you asked me to go skating,
I really thought you knew how.

375
00:18:31,475 --> 00:18:36,044
Uh, I thought I could learn by
watching YouTubes this morning.

376
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,213
All right, Simpson, I'm here.

377
00:18:38,248 --> 00:18:40,549
Do what you do best--
your worst.

378
00:18:40,584 --> 00:18:42,784
Look, Seymour,
I'm not gonna do a thing.

379
00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:45,520
Carol, he's all yours.

380
00:18:45,556 --> 00:18:47,356
Wow. The first
war I've won.

381
00:18:47,391 --> 00:18:50,158
Uh, Carol, all that's left is
for you to meet my mother,

382
00:18:50,194 --> 00:18:52,027
and, uh, up
she skates now.

383
00:18:52,062 --> 00:18:56,565
My son, I just want to say, I
wish the four of you the best.

384
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,300
Four of us?

385
00:18:58,335 --> 00:19:02,404
You, her, your model
planes and nudie books.

386
00:19:02,439 --> 00:19:03,972
Sorry, Seymour.

387
00:19:04,008 --> 00:19:07,009
Now I can't look at you
without picturing it.

388
00:19:07,044 --> 00:19:08,644
Oh, my room's
not that bad.

389
00:19:08,679 --> 00:19:10,879
I'm talking
about your mother.

390
00:19:14,084 --> 00:19:16,818
Hey, listen,
want to roast marshmallows?

391
00:19:16,854 --> 00:19:19,221
I'd like that.
Great, man, great.

392
00:19:19,256 --> 00:19:21,623
You're buying.

393
00:19:25,229 --> 00:19:26,762
Thank you, Simpson.

394
00:19:26,797 --> 00:19:28,497
That does
feel better.

395
00:19:28,532 --> 00:19:30,932
Fire looks
like it's dying down.

396
00:19:33,070 --> 00:19:35,103
Thanks, man.

397
00:19:35,139 --> 00:19:37,239
Well, I guess a lot of
women leave their men

398
00:19:37,274 --> 00:19:38,774
to go back and serve
in Afghanistan.

399
00:19:38,809 --> 00:19:40,709
No one drives 'em away
like you, Seymour.

400
00:19:47,301 --> 00:19:50,646
Well, no more
makeup for me. Ever!

401
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:52,280
What about when

402
00:19:52,315 --> 00:19:53,670
you're blowing your stupid horn
at Carnegie Hall?

403
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:57,171
If you say it out loud,
it won't come true!

404
00:19:57,206 --> 00:19:59,106
Carnegie Hall. Carnegie Hall.
Carnegie Hall.

405
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,580
Looks like someone's
still drinking the milk.

406
00:20:08,951 --> 00:20:15,451
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

407
00:20:55,002 --> 00:20:56,969
Shh!