BABY NAPPIES

By: Criscel Joy Luis Sambrano

Stains. Marks. Smudges. I wonder why they are very hard to eliminate whether on floor
tiles, kitchen sinks, utensils, walls and worse on clothes. Truly, they are one of the customary
predicaments I used to eradicate in the household. Despite the eliminating power of the
bleaching products I used, sometimes they still exist. Why is it that they are too stubborn to
submit themselves under the firm law of our hands? Is it because they were really destined to
blot the purity of things? Or maybe, just maybe, these blood-stained nappies in my hands could
help as I wander into the world of thoughts and stars tonight.

Stars always captivate us. They always appear dazzling in the heavens that they could
even straighten the wrinkled lines in an old maids forehead despaired for being alone in life.
Like the astronomers, many of us want to study them because they are very influential on human
life. They can be our guide once we get lost in the middle of a dark night.

As I savor the flow of my thoughts with this band of fuzzy white lights scattered across
the sky, I saw a figure formed. I was surprised and tears started to well in my eyes as this image
glittered above. At last, a well-kept promise has been fulfilled- something that stirs the past.

Books, notebooks and papers doodled with formulas and equations were scattered on the
grassy ground after a bloody problem-solving in Algebra and Trigonometry. Karen and I enjoyed
a bottle of cola and fish crackers courtesy of Aling Lucings nearby sari-sari store to satisfy our
hungry stomachs. We freely rested our backs against the refreshing blades of the carabao grass as
we are veiled by the leaves of an old acacia tree against the scorching heat of the sun.

What are your plans after college? I asked Karen.

She paused for a while as her emerald eyes intently gazed at blank images in the air. Then she
answered uncomprehendingly,

Nothing special, I will just kinda complicate my life. The words seem to get stocked on my
throat making me speechless. Why that silly thought came out from those full, red lips, I thought.
Then she continued, Sometimes, simplicity isnt the greatest thing in this world as I once read
from a religious magazine.

I looked at her, still puzzled as questions traced every details of my face. She freed a soft
laugh as she recognized the bewildered image I just revealed.

Angela, what I mean is I just wanted to love, she added laughing.

And loving means complicating your life? I said.

Exactly! she said as her delicate fingers snapped a ticking sound in the air.

And loving means molding our future students in reaching the zenith of their dreams; serving
our country; sharing our lives with someone whom we can be with for the rest of our lives-
making our own family and raising our own kids. That is the greatest way of complicating my
life, she exclaimed seriously.

I gave her a favorable nod as I understood what she said and then a deep silenced
followed before we went home.

It was a clear day and the sun spread the venom of its glorious rays. Finally, I and
Karens name would now be included in the prestigious list of MMSU (Mariano Marcos State
University) Alums. Witnessing our final march, our parents stood with radiant faces, they are
very proud of us. I could see it in Nanang and Tatangs sweet smiles as they watched me dearly.
Paulo was there too, waving his love for me as he always did for almost two years now. We met
each other one summer at a family gathering sponsored by Karens parents and there buds a seed
of love. Plans have been made and the next day after our graduation, we went to Maxs
restaurant for a simple dinner.

Early in the morning, I was startled from a very sound sleep caused by the loud voice of
the newspaper boy outside. I decided to get up and buy the Manila Bulletin issue. It has been a
month since we had our licensure examination in Baguio City. In the kitchen, I saw Nanang
busy preparing our breakfast while Tatang enjoyed a cup of tea in his hands. The aroma of
tinapa and bagoong enslaved my sense of smell and faster than the thunder roaring in my
belly, I gobbled the sumptuous breakfast with my fingers. The idea of reading the newspaper has
gone as the food captured my attention.

Krriinnggkrriinngg, the telephone rang. It was Karen calling. Angela, have you
read the newspaper? she asked. Ohhh, I forgot. I told her. Then you must because we made
it! she exclaimed dramatically. W-what do you mean? I asked her. We made it, we passed
the licensure exam. We are now teachers, Angie! she uttered in a cracked voice. Unconsciously,
I left the phone hanging and I bent on my knees in front of the altar. In prayer, I lifted my
gratitude to the Lord.

It has been several years from now when I and Karen passed the Licensure Examination
for Teachers (LET). Fortunately, we are now permanently employed in our high school Alma
Mater both teaching the English subjects. I am thankful that through thick and thin, we are still
here together as friends, stronger than before.

Months continue to pass and things have been constantly changing. After all, I and Paulo
decided to get married and of course Karen would be my maid of honor. But as for her, I keep on
thinking why shes not telling me anything about her love life though I heard rumors buzzing
around her. But I know she cant do any of those, not my friend, not Karen whos a very smart
person. However, I still have second thoughts sometimes especially that lately; she has this
pattern of morning sickness that should only be seen on a married woman.

The fourth periodical exam of my students has been ended and I have to check their
papers. Unfortunately, I left my bag downstairs and I dont have any pen to use. So I asked one
from Karen. Its right there at the small pocket of my bag, she said as she enjoyed eating
mangoes sauced with aramang. How foolish she was eating those at lunch, I thought.

My fingers explored the small pocket and luckily, I pulled out something but oh, its not a
pen so I put it back. But wait, fear and disbelief lingered on my chest as I recognized what it
is. Oh my God, it is a pregnancy test and it is positive I whispered horribly. Now, the rumors
have been proven with my naked eyes.
 Can we talk? I asked her one lazy morning. Talk about what? she said. Karen. Do
you want to tell me something? I asked seriously. She stiffened and silence filled the spaces
between us. Are the rumors true, Karen? Are you pregnant? I asked hysterically.

Without answering my question, she cried painfully saying, Angela, they are all true.
But why a married man, Karen? Are you out of your mind? I scolded her. He lied to medo
you think Im that stupid? I thought he loves me but only to find out, hes married. Im the victim
here Angie. You dont know how much Ive tried hiding the pain and ignoring those rumors; to
stay happy while Im sad, to smile though it hurts and to laugh amidst my chaotic situation. I
dont know what to do and being a teacher is the hardest point, she said in between sobs.
What will I do Angela? she said as tears wet my shoulders. With all my sincerest intentions, I
hugged her tight as I whispered the voice of my heart, just let the baby live, Karen.

As a newlywed couple, Paulo and I were very excited to raise our own family. Certainly,
Karen is our angel because without her, we wouldnt have known each other. Despite her awful
situation, she remained strong, still moving with the child in her womb. She resigned in the
school and put up her own business to start a new life.

However, destiny shifted its trick on me. Five months after our marriage, my
gynecologist confirmed that I cannot bear a child. Like an atomic bomb, the idea shattered all my
dreams into pieces. We looked so much devastated that we went home that day, speechless and
in vain.

In the middle of the night under the starry sky, the pain began. Karen screamed as water
gushed between her legs. In an instant, she was rushed to the nearby hospital. She pushed hard
until the veins in her body treated to part, until her stomach curled in pain, until she could no
longer hold her breath. After a struggle between life and death, at last, a cry of an infant
awakened our senses from worries and fears. A baby girl was born, sweet and angelic with those
pair of emerald eyes like her mother. Carefully, she was wrapped with baby nappies.

Once again, I caressed these baby nappies in my hands, blood-stained with Karens blood
and her baby, my baby. Karen did not make it until the end; we lost her after her newborn but
never her love to us. In her last breath, she murmured Angela, please take care of my baby and
love her as your own. I may not be here anymore but my love will prevail in the skies at night. I
promise, someday, you will see me up high as vibrant as the evening stars in the heavens.

Indeed, I may not bore a child but now I have my own. We lost Karen but we also gained
a new life. With that, God is really wonderful in all ways. After the storm that ruined our lives,
He gave us a new life in a better direction. But in the other hand, are you still wondering why
stains, marks and smudges cannot be eradicated sometimes? I hope not. Just like the stains,
marks and smudges in our lives, they still exist no matter how we try to eliminate them, they
remind us that once, we hardly fought in a battle and that battle is worth-fighting for.