Tending Your Inner Garden 1st Half Draft

Daria Kutuzova Tending Your Inner Garden
ABOUT THIS BOOK
How can you establish more harmony and order in your

life? How to discern what belongs in your life and what
doesnt? How to find motivation to move staunchly
towards your goals? You, dear reader, might have already
seen many books dedicated to these topics. What is
another one for? What is different about it?
This book is about establishing harmony and order in your

inner life. I know that the inner world can be a very cozy
inner garden or inner home, if it is cared after, mindfully
and regularly, one spot at a time. I believe that the
majority of people have got powerful inner resources to
solve their problems and live their preferred lives. To take
a step to the side, to step out of the flow of experiences,
to look at it and to become aware of ones stance in
regard to it, - it all means to become the author of ones
life. I believe very strongly in the power of the written
word, I believe that the thought that has been given firm
support - in writing - moves in a different fashion in
comparison to the thought that spins endlessly in the
mind. The written thought is more productive. I do not give
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to the readers instructions about how they should live
their lives. I think that, in fact, you dont need my answers.
What I am able to do is to ask good questions.
I developed the methodology that is presented in this

book, first of all, to help myself. In 2007 I quit my office job
and became a freelancer. Shortly after, I got married and
left my country of origin to become an expat trailing
partner. At the time I had a lot of different work-related
projects, hobbies etc., and I realized that I was not
capable of tracking all of them I realized also that I did
not take the time to make sense of all these radical
changes in my life. It felt like I was spun around in a
centrifuge and I was desperately trying to get hold of
something, anything at all, but all the things were flung out
of my hands with the speed of the movement.
I have been journaling since I was a teenager. It is easier

for me to understand myself by means of the written word.
That's why I started searching for and developing a
writing methodology that would suit my needs best. The
possibility of abandoning any of my projects was
upsetting. Also, in order to abandon something, I had to
determine the meaning and position of that particular
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project or theme in my life, and prioritize. I asked myself:
"What can I do to allow myself to concentrate on a single
project or theme? How can I think about something
without digressing from it, without worrying about not
thinking of something else, something not less
important?"
At that moment in my life, a serendipitous coincidence

happened. I was packing our collection of books for the
big move, and a book fell out from my husbands
bookshelf right on my head :) It was At a Journal
Workshop by Ira Progoff. Of course I got engrossed in
reading and I discovered that, actually, in the English-
speaking countries there exists and has been existing
for quite a while now a special branch of therapy and
self-help that is called therapeutic writing, or journaling
and poetry therapy. At that moment something clicked
for me, and I understood what kind of job I would like to
create for myself.
In that book by Progoff, I found a description of an

unusual way to keep a journal. In most cases people write
in a sort of flow-like fashion, describing what is in the
focus of their attention at the moment. Progoff suggested
3
a more structured way of writing. I tried keeping a journal
using Progoff's method, and it was very meaningful,
magical, profound and fascinating... but it was not exactly
what I was looking for. However, this encounter helped
me to understand what I could keep looking for - and
where.
Luck smiled at me in 2009, when I acquired "Journal to

the Self", a book by Kathleen Adams. There is a great
chapter in that book called "Journal to Go: 19 Ways to
Write for under 15 Minutes Each". In this chapter the
author addresses those "who don't have time for living,
not to mention writing in a journal". "Whoa, - I thought, -
sometimes it's exactly my case!.. At the end of the
chapter I found a description of a technique that
resonated with me deeply. The description was rather
short, it took only about a page. Kathleen Adams wrote,
that if, for example, you have a business, and you want to
keep all its different aspects in mind, it makes sense to
split all business-related activities (advertisement, sales,
financial transactions, reports, coordination of teamwork,
negotiations, and so on) into 14 meaningful topics, and to
"turn them over" twice per month - from the 1st to the 14th
of the month, and then - from 16th to 29th, one topic per
4
day, in sequence. The 15th and 30th days of the month
are reserved for reflecting upon the effects of this writing
technique, observing intermediate results, and short-term
planning. And the 31st, which doesn't happen every
month, is reserved for long-term planning, and formulation
of desired future outcomes.
This is an absolutely wonderful idea! I thought. It is

possible to apply it not only to business-related activities.
It is possible to determine up to 14 areas of life to which
one would like to pay attention regularly, so nothing would
be left unattended and forgotten. If I do this, I will be able
to say to myself with peace of mind, quoting Scarlett
OHara: I am not going to think about this today, I am
going to think about this tomorrow. Or maybe not
tomorrow, but on a specific day within the next two
weeks.
And so I started to experiment with this methodology. I

tried writing only about work-related projects. Then about
both work-related and personal projects, one topic per
day. Later I tried two topics per day, one work-related and
one personal, twenty-eight topics in total. Then for a while
I had seven topics, assigned to the days of the week. My
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needs and circumstances changed, and I changed the
writing format accordingly, tracking what was more
effective and what was less effective. I believe that there
is no writing methodology that would work for a specific
person in the same way forever. At some point it becomes
obsolete and boring, and thus it is not useful anymore. At
such moments it is important to find or create a different
methodology. I kept experimenting like this until the end of
2011. During this time, I had worked at my dream job,
lived in four countries, got pregnant and gave birth to my
first child.
By the end of 2011 I was able to determine two main

difficulties in my experimental versions of this
methodology.
First, it was difficult to keep the balance between self-

exploration and self-management. I became aware that
my regular writings on any kind of topic used to turn into
to-do lists, and many of the items on those lists never got
fulfilled... That was upsetting me more and more, I was
disappointed with myself. In the best case instead of to-do
lists there were got-done lists, but it was also
disappointing to see series of zero, zilch and nothing
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written there. I believe that right actions stem from the
right understandings of the persons intentions, values,
dreams and principles of life, and also from the persons
skills and knowledges. These important elements were
not present in the versions of the methodology that I
invented and tried out on myself in 2009-2011.
Second, if I was writing whatever was on my mind on

each topic, i.e. was practicing free writing, I only
managed to express on paper what was already known
and familiar to me. I kept walking around in circles
without reaching any new understandings. This was not
productive either.
I found the solution to those two problems in structured

narrative practices, developed by Dr. David Denborough
and his colleagues. What helped me also were Kathleen
Adamss ideas that free writing is actually the most
psychologically complex and difficult way of personal
writing. The more stress there is in a persons life, the
more structured the writing should be. And to write in a
more structured fashion, one can rely upon guiding
questions. Right! I thought. I need guiding
questions, different for each 2-week block (I will call such
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blocks of time iterations), built upon a particular logic of
self-exploration and self-creation. This is the answer I
have been looking for.
Thus, by the end of 2011 I developed an online project

based upon this methodology (I call it Tending Your Inner
Garden), and invited the Russian-speaking readers of my
blog writing_cures.livejournal.com to participate in it. That
online project was linked to the preparation for the New
Year its tagline was How to create the New Year
resolutions you will fulfil. The project elicited such
response and ongoing demand, that after the New Year I
created a closed online community with daily reminders
with the questions for self-exploration and reflection. We
tried out different questions in various combinations, and
by the middle of 2013 a stable working sequence of
questions was created. Since then, over 750 people took
part in the facilitated online groups, and more than 1300
people purchased the Russian edition of this e-book.
You will find this working sequence of questions and tasks

in this book, along with descriptions of the possible
difficulties one might encounter on this self-exploratory
journey, and the ways to overcome those difficulties. Also
8
there are examples and testimonies. But before we
proceed to the instructions for writing, I would like to give
voice to some of the people who worked through all six of
the 2-week iterations and who are willing to share their
experiences with you.
9
WHAT THE PARTICIPANTS SAY
Tending Your Inner Garden is a structured daily

writing technique with distinct themes and lists of
questions to answer. Focusing on different topics
one by one helps to pay attention to different
aspects of life, not circling around one problem
area. The lists of questions change every two
week. This offers an opportunity of exploring every
topic from different points of view. Everything
taken together creates a forward movement, the
experience I was missing while practicing Morning
Pages. Unexpected points of view provide
unexpected solutions. The technique has revealed
connections I didnt know about. Progress and
advancement in strong topics provides traction
for the weak ones. The process of self-exploring,
of putting my ideas in order step-by-step, day after
day, turned out to be very interesting.
The results exceeded my expectations. I began to

feel well-grounded, self-confident, willing to act, to
go forward, to achieve my goals. This isnt just a
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feeling: now Im carrying out a lot of my plans, and
it is both surprising and amazing!
Source: almmatea.livejournal.com/89446.html
I became more relaxed and balanced. I was able

to face my fears and to accept them. After
participating in the project I feel like I can fly. I
know and I understand now what Im aiming to do,
and it brings feelings of pleasure and fulfillment
into my actions. Exploring my topics, I often
noticed how one follows from another, how they
intertwine, how closely they are related. My
actions within one area of life influenced my plans
within another. All my perception and experience
of life has changed!
Source: aitovinna.livejournal.com/683.html
For me, journaling is the safest way to express

myself. It is also both an instrument of visual
thinking and structuring and a way of looking at
myself from outside. Some topics are difficult to
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discuss even with my close friends or my
therapist.
A journal is like a mirror. It provides an opportunity

to see the reflection of yourself as a personality, to
see something that was hidden even from your
own mind. Sometimes you reread it and get
surprised. Is that me? Am I really able to do it? To
think that way, to do things, to phrase it so?
Ive been always wanting to provide some kind of

shape to this journaling work. In my previous
attempts there was no systemic quality to my
efforts. I tried a few things that were described in
Darias blog, but my attempts werent consistent
enough. For me, the great advantage of this
methodology is the structure, the neat and clear
framework. It takes 15 or 20 minutes, and the
questions themselves are very precise.
Sometimes it took me only 10 minutes to answer.
The questions Daria asked were always

supportive and helpful. They helped me to look
into my own soul with friendly attention. But they
were not easy at all. There was no obligation to
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follow them, but it was advisable. I freewrote my
answers once or twice, when I felt like doing it.
This flexibility is another great advantage for me.
Source: ira-mf.livejournal.com/488881.html
At first I thought that nothing was happening. I

wanted quick results and fireworks. But later I
realized that actually there were changes. They
just needed time, like everything that ripens and
grows. The questions, provided in this
methodology, allowed me to see each theme from
a different point of view, to find the reasons of
failures, to value different spheres of life and
activity.
Source: la-foi.livejournal.com/112218.html
Thanks to these self-exploratory writing practices I

became less anxious, more confident in myself
and my own actions. And, I think, Ive become
much happier. It all opened my eyes on many
things in myself and my life. When I started, I
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didnt think on following through to the end or
abandoning this practice. I just got into my groove
with it. Writing every evening became a fixture in
my life, in a good way. Its probably comparable to
meditation. And that is so pleasing: to sit every
evening (or any other convenient time) and meet
your true self, your desires, difficulties, fears, i.e.
everything that is normally forgotten and erased
after a hard days fuss.
Source: www.facebook.com/natasha.oleinikova/posts/
10202850491728220
The main effect from the practice is that any topic

is considered from different perspectives. And it
cannot be forgotten, it cannot get lost in the dark
corners of the mind. It cannot hide and stay
unconscious. It feels like order is being
established by itself.
Source: plus.google.com/104978405448752844545/
posts/BK6BUA5P6Wj
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I have always known that as soon as one writes
about a problem or a situation, one can see it from
different perspectives, so situations stop being
unbearable. Still, with the right questions and clear
focus such writing becomes much more useful.
Now I know how to stop and cease aggravating
the negative emotions. How to express myself so
that there is congruency between the external and
the internal. How to start doing what has long
been postponed. How to cheer myself on. How to
acknowledge my character strengths. And - most
important of all - how to act in my own interests, to
advance towards my dreams, instead of playing
against myself and ruining my own life. I have
learned to see more clearly the connections
between my own actions and the results they
bring, and to understand where different sorts of
actions are going to take me.
Source: ayuthaya.livejournal.com/173567.html
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For me this project was very useful. Even more
useful than my experience of psychotherapy - or at
least just as useful.
This is the benefit I got from it:
Inventorying and decluttering my mind. While

answering the questions, I clearly saw which
topics, projects and beliefs were dear to me. I also
realized which ones I could abandon, freeing the
space for something new and useful, or just
acquiring more life space. I have completed some
projects that were hanging there, postponed. In
some other projects I have made considerable
progress. Besides other things, this also boosts
self-esteem. Also, I withdrew from some projects,
but I did it consciously and without regret. This is
also good.
This online project gave me a wonderful

opportunity to reflect upon my values something
I hardly ever have done before in my everyday life.
This clarified and strengthened my sense of self
and transformed it, too. Certain aspects of my
sense of self that had been getting in the way got
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eliminated. Some new aspects were added that I
had not considered closely before. When one is in
touch with ones values, it is a reliable basis for
future choices and decisions, and a good source
of self-support.
One of the features of this project is that it

encourages to revisit regularly the topics and
areas that are important to you. I believe that
giving attention to any area of life is helpful per se.
At the least this helps to become aware of the
current status of affairs in this area, and at the
most this allows to change the status of affairs in
the way one wants. Just giving attention to a topic
works. But it works even better with guiding
questions. Imagine coming into the closet or spare
room in your house and looking into a corner that
your havent visited for ages. And while you look,
you see: okay, here is some dust, and here is a
candy wrapper, and here is a useful tool I have
been looking for. Sometimes you dont just stand
and look into a corner, you wipe off the dust, throw
away the candy wrapper, pick up the tool and put it
in working order. It feels like a small change to
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make, but there is a feeling of improvement in your
life. Imagine doing like this, one spot per day, for a
long while. After a couple of weeks you look back
and see significant improvements, and after a year
you look back and cannot believe your eyes. Just
because you have been regularly revisiting
important areas in your life.
Now I feel significantly less anxious. The

ruminations about what to do and what decisions
to make do not feel as scary now as they used to
be, because now there is a specific time and
procedure for them. I noticed that during the
project I started to need less time for myself.
From 15 to 30 minutes a day that I set aside for
journaling turned out to be enough for my solitude
and reflection needs.
During the project, I faced some of my peculiarities

that I had not been aware of earlier. They had
been influencing my actions and decisions. Ill be
frank: that was traumatic stuff. I prefer to be aware
of such things so I would be able to be more
aware when I make decisions. It is possible to
18
transform ones relationships with ones traumatic
stuff when one is aware of it.
Participating in this project, I acquired one more

tool for my self-help toolkit. When I need to
clarify something that is complex, I can just sit
down and write about it using the methods I have
learned.
What I liked most about this methodology:
o It supports you in your personal journey but

does not order you to do anything or to
take some particular direction. I find this
valuable.
o It is not labelling people with diagnoses, it

is not hunting for problems.
o When you practice this methodology, you

learn not just about your weaknesses, you
learn about your strengths and things to be
proud of in your life. It fosters self-support
and self-reliance.
o In this methodology the person is in control

of the depth of immersion it is possible to
19
step back, to take breaks and to quit at any
time.
During my work with this methodology I had a very

good feeling of clarity in my mind. By the end of
the work I feel more orderly inside, in a good way.
I feel more in touch with my wishes and
preferences, in general and in particular. I feel
more in harmony with myself and I am happier
with my life and with myself, in comparison to the
beginning of the work. The most important
sustainable result for me is the recovery of my
self for myself, freeing myself from the tyranny of
various shoulds and should nots, rights and
wrongs of different schools of thought and
societal discourses.
Ill be frank: from what I know about various

branches of therapy, I would not be able to
recommend some of them to a friend. On the
contrary, I always recommend this methodology,
because it is a very supportive and safe practice,
in my experience. I can see how it might not be
the perfect fit for some people, but it is hard to
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imagine that somebody could come to harm
practicing it, especially in a group with facilitators.
Source tinngwen.livejournal.com/1627.html
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HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
This book is a guide for independent work with my

journaling methodology Tending Your Inner Garden. If
you are interested in participating in an online group that
uses this methodology, or in an offline group, or if you
want to run such a group please contact me at
16themes@gmail.com
It is known that about 90% of people who buy self-help

books never read them to the end. From the 10% that do
read such books till the end, at least half of them never do
any suggested exercises in writing. From the 5% that do
exercises in writing, only about one tenth of those actually
work systematically and complete the course of written
exercises suggested. I abhor the idea that your
experience might add to this woeful distribution. That is
why I wrote this book and developed the methodology
in such a way so the work with it would be effective no
matter how many exercises you actually do.
You dont need to read this book to the end for it to be

helpful. However, it is important to do the exercises
22
sequentially, in the presented order. This is not a kind of
book that you can skim through in an hour, grab a couple
of useful ideas and then put it away and forget about it. It
would not work that way. Ideally, this is a book that you
would read for 15 minutes every couple of weeks, for
three months.
Even if you complete only one exercise, the preliminary

one (about selecting and naming the important areas in
your life), this already will be helpful. You will gain more
clarity. If you complete the task of the first iteration (the
inventory), it will be even more helpful. It might even be
enough for you at this time in your life. But I think that it is
good to know that if you complete the tasks of all the six
iterations, you will get a different type of result a far
more long-lasting and sustainable result.
In each chapter of this book you will find a task with

guiding questions, an example, answers to frequently
asked questions collected from the records of the online
groups, and examples of possible good results of working
with this task, also from the records of online groups,
quoted with permission of the participants. They chose
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not to publish their names or pseudonyms, and I would
like to take this opportunity to express my heartfelt thanks
to all of them. The largest number of questions and
answers are in the chapters about the preliminary stage of
the work and about the first iteration. Further along,
people usually find or create a way of working with this
methodology that suits them best, and they have fewer
questions to ask.
The examples of possible results of work are given not as

something to judge your own results against, but to be
used as springboards for reflection. The participants of
the online courses mentioned many times that it was very
important for them to witness how others progressed in
their work with this methodology, how this work impacted
them. It is probable that your work with this book will be
conducted in solitude, so the examples in the book are a
kind of greetings to you from a community of people who
share the same journey, the same purpose as you. It is
helpful to read them and ask yourself: What words and
expressions attract my attention, elicit an emotional
response from me? Why? What does it remind me of?
What is important to me in this?
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The work with Tending Your Inner Garden can be

compared, to a certain extent, to a journey. The
methodology can be seen as a vehicle that transports you
from one place on the landscape of your inner experience
to a different place.
I would like to wish you a fascinating and useful journey.

Bon voyage!
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THE MOST IMPORTANT: BRIEFLY
We choose from 7 to 12 (up to 14) significant

topics in our lives.
During two weeks we write about them, taking no

more than one topic per day.
For writing, we use guiding questions. After

responding to them we write a reflective response - what
it felt like to write about that particular topic using those
questions.
On the 15th day of the course we reflect upon the

road weve just travelled. Then we perform a
consolidating task, examine the experience we gained,
and work out plans for the coming two weeks.
Once a month we work with the image of a distant

preferred future (the 16th topic).
An iteration is a period when we use a particular

set of guiding questions. The first, the third, and the fifth
26
iterations last for 15 days each, and the second, the
fourth, and the sixth iterations last for 16 days. On the
16th day we work on the distant future.
The methodology consists of six iterations, but you

may finish your work with it after any iteration. Being able
to understand when it is enough for you personally is
important, as opposed to turning the work with this
methodology into a chore.
The order of iterations is important, especially if

youre working with this methodology for the first time.
If you are returning to this methodology after a

long break, start your work again from the very beginning.
Formulate the topics, and answer the questions of the first
iteration to apprise yourself of the current state of your
affairs. After that, you can choose your own trajectory of
working with the iterations.
27
TENDING YOUR INNER GARDEN METHODOLOGY
IS MOST USEFUL WHEN
You feel that your life is stuck, is not moving anywhere,

and you would like to find an internal driving force and
discover your preferred direction(s)
Or
When your life is very full with all kinds of projects, you
are overwhelmed, you find it difficult to prioritise your
activities and to keep track of the progress & to-dos in
all of them
28
BEFORE YOU BEGIN
Therapeutic writing is not a panacea. It is not for

everyone, and it doesnt always help. It is a powerful tool,
and one can accidentally harm himself or herself by using
it. To avoid that, please consider the contraindications and
recommendations of how to make the therapeutic writing
as much help for you as possible.
DO NOT TRY THIS ON YOUR OWN, IF
You know that you have a mental illness, and it is in an

acute phase now.
You are not sure if whatever you are suffering from

qualifies as mental illness or not, but the things that are
happening in or to your mind are weird and scary.
You experienced severe adversity, and you are still very

much influenced by it. You have flashbacks or nightmares,
you cannot think about things related to that event, and
you feel anxious and cannot relax.
29
In these cases, therapeutic writing might help, but you

must also get support and supervision from your
physician, psychiatrist or psychotherapist.
30
TO MAKE WRITING WORK FOR YOU
Find/create some time and place when/where you wont

be disturbed.
Ensure youve got the type of social support you would

prefer, in case you need it after writing.
Protect your privacy ensure that the things you write for
yourself are not going to be read by anyone else.
Dont force yourself to write if it makes you feel worse.

Allow yourself to stop if you feel overwhelmed.
If you are stressed, give yourself a lot of structure for/in

your writing.
If you are feeling vulnerable, write about something that

makes you happy.
31
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS
WRITING PRACTICE
TO WRITE OR TO TYPE?
If your handwriting is readable enough, and you enjoy

writing by hand why not? Handwritten text is always
perceived as something very personal (unlike letters on
the screen, which are almost always impersonal and
identical). Some people have an easier time accepting
themselves as authors of their own ideas when they can
actually see them written by their own hand.
If you intend to type your journal on a computer (if that is

quicker and easier for you and you are accustomed to it),
you can use an ordinary word processor and name the
files you create after your topics from the first one to the
fourteenth. More about formulating your topics later.
If for some reason you are unable to write or type (for

example, if you suffer from arthritis or have a broken arm),
you can use a computer program that transforms spoken
language into text. Alternatively, just speak your thoughts
32
out loud and record them with a voice memo app or any
other recording device. If that is the case, do not forget to
state the topic, date and iteration number at the beginning
of each recording so you will have an easier time tracking
your progress later.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO IN EACH ITERATION?
For each iteration, we take a certain task (a set of guiding

questions) and apply it to all the chosen topics one after
another. Each iteration continues for 15 or 16 days.
In the first iteration, we take inventory of our lives, turn to

the present, describe the actual state of affairs for every
topic, and describe our attitude towards it. We also denote
the limits of what is known and familiar, and the direction
of possible development. And, last but not least, we pay
attention to the inner voice of self-criticism, and also to
what we can be proud of.
In the second iteration, we choose one of our actions from

the recent past (different for each of the topics) and link it
together with our intentions, values, dreams, life
33
principles, commitments, and plans. In many respects,
this iteration is dedicated to the work with the ideal image
of our preferred future.
In the third iteration, we turn to the past to find resourceful

memories, gather valuable skills, and explore how they
are connected to a wider cultural context.
In the fourth iteration, we bring to the light the demands of

society and stereotypes that guide our decisions, both the
daily ones and the life-altering ones. We describe our
retired beliefs and those that have replaced them.
In the fifth iteration, we investigate the obstacles standing

in our way to the preferred future of our choice and also
any obstacles we find to acting in a preferable manner in
the present, and so we discover how to avoid or
overcome them.
In the sixth iteration, we bring together all the experience

we have gained, make sense of the resulting stories,
explore the transformations we have been going through
34
as the protagonists of these stories, and outline the
following pages of our preferred stories.
WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO ORGANISE MY

WRITINGS?
If you write by hand, a ring binder with colourful dividers

or a folder-binder is the most convenient choice. You will
file the notes on each chosen topic in the appropriate
section in the ring-binder or in a corresponding folder.
Later, when we reread our notes, you may select all you
have written on each topic, and reread one entry after
another.
Dont forget to put the date at the beginning of each piece
of writing. It may be useful to number the pages within
one topic continuously. For example, during the first
iteration youve filled up four pages on the first topic and
numbered them as 1, 2, 3, 4, and then, during the
second iteration, you have filled up three pages on the
same topic and numbered them as 5, 6, 7, etc. This will
be helpful if at any time your writings get scattered, and
you have to arrange them back together.
35
If you type your notes on the computer or on another

gadget, you may use either separate text files (one for
each topic) or keep records inside a special program for
journaling and notes like Evernote or DayOne. Such
programs are very handy for tagging, and the notes could
be dated automatically.
In any case, please take care of keeping your writings

private. If you are unlucky in the way that those who live
with or near you do not respect your boundaries, think of
ways that you can protect your notes and prevent them
from being got into and read.
SHOULD I WRITE IN MY PRIVATE JOURNAL OR IN MY

BLOG?
This is a question concerning privacy/publicity, a decision

that each person has to make on his/her own. Total
privacy (when you write only for yourself) has a significant
advantage it allows you to limit the influence of the
internal censor, take an honest look at your life, and
confess something to yourself. Without the freedom of
36
total privacy, true self-exploration is impossible.
Alternatively, publishing your notes in a blog for a
specially selected group of friends, who believe in you,
have an interest in your life and are ready to support you
also has its own advantages. This way, you will not only
receive supportive comments but, sometimes, will receive
an opportunity to look at a topic from an unexpected
direction. However, I would recommend you to keep your
first drafts private, so you would not sacrifice your
privacy and the opportunity that it gives to write without
censoring yourself at all. If you want to share your notes
with your friends and receive their comments, then set
aside more time, write first for yourself, honestly and
openly, and then read it again and pick whatever parts
you want to share. You can publish this edited version.
WHAT IS THE BEST TIME OF DAY FOR THIS KIND OF

WRITING?
It makes sense to write about the important areas in your

life at the time when your mind is working at its best. This
journaling methodology is an investment into your own
self the more clear and unhindered your thinking is, the
37
more revenue this investment will generate for you. Some
people are in optimal condition in the morning, others in
the early afternoon, or during lunchtime, or in the evening.
Experience shows that for most people the optimal time
for writing lies in the first half of the day, not immediately
after waking up, but after performing all the daily routines
aimed at improving clarity (gymnastics, shower, a cup of
tea or coffee, breakfast, etc.) Some people read the
questions in the morning, let them stew over in their
head, for example until lunch break, when they have the
opportunity to write down the resulting ideas. For other
people, it might be better to read the questions
immediately before starting to write on a topic this way
the good ideas do not scatter away.
Determine your time of greatest clarity. When is your

thinking the clearest and the most flexible? Promise
yourself to dedicate 20-30 minutes of this time to
journaling for self-exploration. If you cannot allow 20-30
minutes in one piece, you can do several runs of 5
minutes each. It will still be productive this way.
38
Make it your time for yourself - something that brings
you pleasure, like a date with your own self. Do not turn
this into some sort of chore. How can you arrange it so
this time for yourself will be really personal and pleasant
for you?
HOW MUCH TIME SHOULD I SET ASIDE FOR THIS

PRACTICE?
On average, it takes about twenty minutes per day.

Sometimes it will take longer, sometimes it will take less
time. It is okay not to follow the twenty minutes
recommendation rigorously.
In the beginning of the work, especially if you have never

journaled regularly before, it is better to give yourself a
time limit of 20 minutes (it is good practice to use a timer).
If you feel you have not finished writing something
important, set the timer for 15-20 more minutes, and then
finish. It is better to let something remain unsaid than to
write too much in the very beginning and to burn out.
39
If you got interrupted somehow before the timer rang, and
you didnt have a chance to finish your notes, return and
complete them when you can.
The timer is also useful for those who know about

themselves that they can write for a long time, getting in a
rut and going in circles without any progress.
WHAT IS THE REFLECTIVE RESPONSE AND WHAT

IS IT NEEDED FOR?
The reflective response is a characteristic feature of

developmental and therapeutic writing techniques.
Essentially it is like taking a step back, or aside, or above
the flow of experiences so that from time to time you take
a look at them from a distance, in perspective.
When we are working on Tending Your Inner Garden,

each time we will have two approaches to each topic. For
the first approach, we answer the guiding questions for
the topic, and for the second approach, after a relatively
short break (from several seconds to several hours), we
describe how we felt while answering the guiding
40
questions. In other words, we describe the process of
writing which feelings visited us, how the body felt,
which insights came to us, and so on.
Writing a reflective response is an unusual and

challenging task for most people. Thats why I list several
questions and sentence prompts. They can help you find
your bearings.
Usually, I offer the following questions for reflective
response:
What did it feel like to write on this topic today? What

was easy and what was difficult?
What have you understood, realised, and what was in

the focus of your attention?
What did you surprise yourself with? Which things

that you knew already, became clearer?
What does this prompt you to reflect upon? Where

does it lead you to which actions in the near
foreseeable future?
41
Answering the same questions every day, however, may

be boring. Olga Rowe composed a list of sentence
prompts for reflective response based on the Creative
Journal Writing by Stephanie Dowrick. Some of them may
serve you as a source of fresh understanding. If you wish
to use them, please always choose one prompt at a time
(instead of choosing several prompts and, of course, dont
try using them all at once).
The most important thing I have written down today is

because
I have understood that [insert your topic] is more

difficult/easy/important/interesting/pleasant than I
used to think before because
My most important achievement in this area is
I was pleased with
I am grateful for
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A person who has just written on this topic
Within this vast area, this specific detail comes out in

relief ________
Now Im feeling
What most of all gives me hope now is
My heart told me that
It is astonishing, but
The conclusion that may be drawn from this is
I can congratulate myself on
I have clarified for myself that
I want to bring to your notice one more aspect related to

reflective response and safety. It may happen that after
answering the questions you might become upset and
uneasy. In this case, try answering this question: If my
43
best friend had written this while narrating his/her life
in a letter to me, how would I have supported him/
her? This may be helpful as a reflective response.
CAN I ADD TO WHAT I HAVE ALREADY WRITTEN?
If the insights on the topic of the day come after the close
of your todays writing work, you may and you should
write some more. Add it to the same file, to the same
digital notebook, or to the same part of your paper diary,
and dont forget to date your notes.
If in parallel, and as an effect of your work on the topics, a
lot of memories and realisations start coming up and call
for writing them down, use for them your regular diary,
one that you might have used prior to your work with
Tending Your Inner Garden. Or you may start a new
notebook if you wish to :) Sometimes a regular diary,
where we write in a not very structured way, turns out to
be useful for different feelings and ideas that are beyond
the chosen set of topics.
44
CAN I USE THIS PRACTICE ALONG WITH OTHER
WRITING PRACTICES?
It is better not to combine Tending Your Inner Garden

with the Morning Pages or other techniques that require
keeping systematic records in a self-exploration journal.
The Morning Pages taken in their purest form as they
are described by Julia Cameron in The Artists Way
are based on assumptions and principles that are entirely
different from those which Tending Your Inner Garden is
based on. For the purity of your experiment in self-
discovery, it is better to test one technique at a time. At
this point, let it be Tending Your Inner Garden.
DOES MY CURRENT PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL

STATE IMPACT MY ANSWERS?
Generally, yes. Precisely for this reason I follow the

recommendations of Kathleen Adams and ask you to
write down three words or expressions that reflect your
current state in the very beginning, before starting with the
exercise itself. And then, after finishing the writing on the
topic, write three more. In that case, while you are
45
rereading your notes, you will be able to trace your own
patterns how both your emotional and your physical
states influence what and how you write on a topic.
SHOULD I ONLY ANSWER THE QUESTIONS, OR MAY

I FREEWRITE?
On the whole, it is strongly recommended to follow the

questions in your writing. It is exactly the questions
themselves that set apart this technique from casual free-
writing. You may write on the questions strictly (it is
especially helpful if you feel not very well, if you are tired,
or if the topic causes in you quite a lot of negative
feelings), and you may read the questions, for example, in
the morning, walk with them during the day, and then
write down what you arrive at in your reflections. It is good
to have a look at the questions once more to see what
your mind has decided to miss or to reformulate in his
own way, in a more customary manner.
If there is something urgent that needs to be written down

but doesnt go well with the questions of the current
iteration, first write it down but set the timer for it for just
46
5-10 minutes. And then answer the questions of the
current iteration.
47
TUNING-IN BEFORE WRITING
Every writing technique becomes more effective if, before

starting, you will sit in a comfortable position, close your
eyes, and take several calm, slow, deep breaths. You can
put your hand on your belly, and feel how it moves up and
down as you breathe.
Imagine that your attention is the beam of a flashlight.
Shine it on different parts of your body your hands, legs,

buttocks, belly, chest, throat, face.
Direct your attention towards the feelings of discomfort,

stress, stiffness.
Direct the beam of your attention on your feelings and

emotions what is the brightest right now?
Try to characterise your current condition with three words

or expressions. Maybe these words will be something like:
anxiety, annoyance, clenched teeth, or maybe more
like - interest, lightness, anticipation, and so on. Our
48
state changes from one moment to another, so there are
no wrong designations. If you are feeling that thoughts
and worries are swarming in your head, preventing you
from concentrating on the daily topic and iteration
questions, take a separate sheet of paper and for 5
minutes pour out everything that worries you on that
sheet. Then, when you are done working on a topic, you
can stash your worries back into your head, if you want
to.
49
THE PRELIMINARY TASK: CHOOSING AND NAMING
THE TOPICS
It is quite possible that you are already asking yourself:

How can I formulate 14 meaningful topics? It depends
on your objectives, on what do you want to focus on and
pay attention to. You can take everything that makes up
your life, and divide it all into 14 sections, so nothing gets
left behind. This is the basic instruction for this technique,
and this is the method I will be explaining further. An
alternative variant involves only picking topics related to
your work, for example. Tending Your Inner Garden also
makes writing annual reports much easier :)
It is important to make your topics approximately equal in
scope or breadth, so that one of the topics is not so
enormous that you can write on it for two hours, and
another one is so small that you are done with it within
five minutes.
WHEN IS IT BETTER TO CHOOSE FEWER TOPICS?
How do you feel at your current stage of life in general? If

you are recovering from a severe disease, a physical or
50
mental trauma, or you have gone through significant life
changes (e.g. moved to another country or had a baby)
its better to make topics fewer but broader. From our
experience, if you have for example seven topics, you can
always find something to write about, particularly what
you have done or thought about every topic. It gives a
feeling of progress and clarity, the feeling that the topic is
not dead. This feeling, in its turn, gives support. Once you
recover or feel better, you might want to split the bigger
topics into several smaller ones. If you have seven
topics, try to write once every two days. If you have more
than seven topics but fewer than fourteen, try to spread
them evenly among the weekdays. Take into account the
days when you have more work to do. On the hardest
days take a day off from Tending Your Inner Garden.
CAN I RENAME MY TOPICS?
Normally in the process of work some topics change and

may be renamed, some may disappear and give place to
others. So dont be afraid to misname the topics to start
with. They change and reflect what is relevant for you
now. They are not carved in stone. After every iteration,
51
you can review the topics and decide whether you still
need them in the way they are worded. Most often some
of the topics-projects disappear - the project is over, and
the topic is not relevant any longer. You then have to
come up with a new one. Sometimes this may cause
anxiety or distress. But if you choose the spheres and
activities where you dont see any end or even a clear
goal (these are the parts of life that just exist), it will
relieve you of the necessity to come up with a new topic-
project once the previous one has been fulfilled.
IS THE EXACT NAMING OF THE TOPICS

IMPORTANT?
It is important to name the topics as clearly and

meaningfully as you can. It is better to mention your own
active stance in them. For example, it is better to say My
work with fears and not Fears about the future. If you
just call a topic Art, Creativity or Philosophy, chances
are that you might start to write empty clichs, as one of
the project participants said. If you do that, then you may
get bored and Tending Your Inner Garden wont bring
you any real benefit. Its better to make the topics more
52
precise, like The calligraphy classes Im taking, My
felting craft, Looking for inspiration or My questions to
the world/ humanity. Listen to yourself and find the
wording that works best for you.
SHOULD I WRITE ONLY ABOUT PROBLEMATIC

TOPICS, OR ALSO ABOUT THE ONES THAT ARE
FINE?
If you are experiencing a temptation to include only

problematic topics in which you have to improve in your
life, it is better not to yield to it. Also include the topics that
are clear and pleasant. This is an important guideline.
First of all, it is hard to write every day - or almost every
day - about something difficult and unpleasant. You may
become weary and may want to give up the practice. It is
pleasant and healthy to write about the happy topics.
Secondly, in the positive topics, you can write about the
next step. Thirdly, if something is good somewhere,
unfortunately, it doesnt mean that it will always be like
that. If you write about these topics too, it can help you to
notice at the very beginning if anything is starting to go
53
wrong. So, with this awareness, the problems wont grow
like a snowball.
IS THE ORDER OF THE TOPICS IMPORTANT?
If, among the topics you chose, some are hard, then let
those be preceded and followed by an easy topic. In the
first iteration, you can write choosing the topics from your
list in any random order. Later it is better to maintain and
repeat this same order so that the interval between the
exercises for every topic would be even, although that is
not an iron-clad rule. You might find out that on some
days you fail systematically and just write superficially and
formally. If so, then it is better to change the order of the
topics so that the problematic one would fall on the day
when you are more energetic and enthusiastic (e.g. closer
to the beginning of the iteration). Please read the
examples of topics below. They were suggested by the
participants of an online project that was carried out in my
blog writing_cures.livejournal.com at the end of 2011.
Write your own list of topics in your notebook or in a text
file.
54
EXAMPLES OF POSSIBLE TOPICS
There are typical and unique topics in the life of each

person. Thanks to the participants of the online project,
who decided to make them public, we now possess a list
of topics that we can build on when we formulate our own.
Let us take a look:
What does home mean to me, what is important in it, what

do I want to see, what is comfort; repairing, building,
designing a house
Work what is it for, what kind of job do I want, what is

pleasant and what is unpleasant in my current job, how to
work effectively, professional growth
My bodily and mental health the present and the future
Spending time with my children, their health, development

and education, my relationship with them
Hobbies how to find time for them, how to make them

more meaningful, and possibly profitable
55
Important papers, documents, reports, interacting with

bureaucracy
Financial well-being of my family the present and the

future
Beauty and style
What does it mean to be a woman or a man/searching for

my way
My relationship with my parents, their influence on my life,

what do I want, and what I do not want to reproduce in my
interaction with my own children
Communication with my friends
Joint projects with my friends
Communication with my beloved
Our family traditions
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My relationship with God, church, sangha, parish, spiritual

practices in my life
What do I want to learn
Travel, reading, music, movies
A big study-related project (thesis or dissertation,

preparation for important exams)
My book
My blogs
Business: promotion, marketing ideas, negotiations and

sales
Volunteer work, social activity, charity
57
WORKING WITH THE VOICE OF SELF-CRITICISM,
ALSO KNOWN AS THE INNER CRITIC
Sometimes, your decision to work with Tending Your

Inner Garden has already been made, and the topics
have been formulated but then there appear
unexpected obstacles in the way of actual writing. If this
happens to you, please know that you are not alone. Here
is what one of the participants of the online project wrote:
I was very inspired by the idea of Tending Your

Inner Garden, but I have encountered a problem:
an internal voice began to scream that I do not
have to deceive myself, that I am a complete non-
entity, and that I will not be able to achieve any
progress, especially with the help of something so
stupid. Next day the voice was silent, but I am
unable to focus now. Please, give me some advice
what should I do to tune myself correctly and
avoid harming myself?
If what is written above corresponds to your experience,

most likely the main obstacle in the way of your writing is
58
the voice of self-criticism. In other words, the feeling of
personal inadequacy. This is the traditional name for
deeply nested notions about oneself, and negative
attitude towards it, formed as a result of cruel treatment
and/or lack of attention from important others earlier in our
lives. This voice destroys persons trust in themselves and
prevents them from expressing and processing significant
feelings. It is very important to escape from the power of
this destructive negative voice and gain the ability to
speak about yourself and for yourself.
If the voice of your feeling of inadequacy is very loud,

then it makes sense to work with it, either by yourself or
with the help of a specialist. Usually this feeling is a real
hindrance in the way of any undertaking. If you manage to
take care of it, then your life can really change for the
better.
Below I will give a couple of methods of how you can work

by yourself with your inner voice of self-criticism, using
writing techniques. They come from narrative therapy, the
second one - specifically from the work of Michael White. I
adapted them for journaling. Try them, and if they just do
59
not work, do not lose heart. See a therapist or other
specialist that might help you. It is worth it.
1. Imagine that the Voice of the Critic is a character

that you can speak to. Imagine what it looks like, what it is
dressed like, how does it behave itself. Ask it what is its'
duty, and why is it doing its work now? Who or what is it
protecting? How, from its own point of view, is it caring
about you? What does it think about your future? Can you
imagine the personal history of this character? How did it
become what it is today?
After you create its portrait this way, write a letter to it,
stating your stance on your situation.
2. Usually, criticism is an indication of a discrepancy

with certain standards. It can be really interesting to study
where is the Voice of the Critic coming from. If it is
claiming that you are not a real human being in some
way, you can try to find out and record whom does it
consider to be real.
60
The Voice of the Critic usually possesses a lot of
strategies to make a person conform to its standards of
realness. It makes a person attempt to improve
himself. Try to write down, what has it already made you
do (for example, visiting personal growth workshops,
buying self-development books, etc.)
However, no Voice of the Critic can force a person into

submission completely. Where there is pressure, there is
also resistance. Try to remember, perhaps, there were
occasions when you protested against the orders of the
Voice of the Critic, sabotaged them, or simply gave
yourself a break. Write down what were you doing or
telling yourself at those times.
When we rebel against something, we do it to protect

something really important for ourselves. Try to write, in
maximum detail, what exactly were you protecting when
you protested against the attempts of the Voice of the
Critic to make you conform to its standards of realness
or rightness. Where lies the line that you will never
cross, no matter how hard you are pressured?
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What if the things you are protecting could get fully
realised in your life, what would your life become like?
Which positive results could be brought to life with the
realisation of these values?
Do you know someone for whom these or similar values

and dreams are also important? How can this person or
these people support you in your struggle against the
destructive aspects of the Voice of the Critic?
62
FIRST ITERATION: MAKING INVENTORY
I hope that by now you have already managed to make a

list of between 7 and 14 meaningful topics for our work.
The fifteenth topic is the reflection, summing up the
interim results, and planning. The sixteenth topic is
imagining the preferred future. We have explained in
detail how to make a list of topics in the section
Preliminary Task: Naming the Topics. If you have not
made your list yet, please take a break now and do it.
Then the text below will make much more sense to you.
I am going to remind you what can make your work with

the topics more efficient.
After you have chosen the time and place when and
where you wont be disturbed, take a seat with your
notebook, computer or other gadget and choose the topic
youre going to write about today.
1) Write three words or expressions about how you are

feeling now. They might be, for example, tiredness,
anticipation, hard to focus, calmness, etc.
63
2) Take two or three deep breaths.
3) While writing you may have pauses, moments when it

is not quite clear what to write about next. At such
moments the best thing is to write Now in my body I am
feeling and describe whatever you are feeling and
where this sensation is located in your body. It can help
you improve your awareness and understanding of the
topics.
4) On finishing the writing, put down three more words or

expressions defining how you are feeling. Later you can
look through your notes and compare how your state was
changing.
And now, lets get started!
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GUIDING QUESTIONS FOR THE TOPICS
- What is happening in this area of your life now?
- What are your feelings about it?
- Do you have a comfort zone in this area of life

something that you are able to do easily, effortlessly and
confidently?
- Is there anything in this area of life that you are not yet
able to do independently but, if there was a more
experienced person by your side guiding and supporting
you, you would be able to do these things?
- Are there any things/tasks/phenomena in this area of

your life that you dont know how to approach?
- What do you criticise yourself for in this area of your life?
- What are you proud of in this area of your life? What

brings you joy?
65
QUESTIONS FOR THE REFLECTIVE RESPONSE
1. What was your experience of writing about this today?
2. What was easy? What was difficult? What did you

understand? What came up into the focus of your
attention?
3. Was there anything new for you, any discoveries? Did

you surprise yourself with anything? Or has something
that you already knew become clearer?
4. What does it make you think about? Where does this

lead you?
AN EXAMPLE
Here are my answers in April 2015 to the first iteration

questions for the topic Self-management:
1. How am I doing with self-management now?
66
In three weeks we are going to move, so apart from my
regular chores I have to plan things almost six weeks
ahead: packing and getting ready to move, organizing the
journey, getting to know the new place (we are moving to
a distant part of the country, but the place is not totally
unknown). I am keeping track of the actions of four adults
- my husband, the au pair, the cleaning lady and myself. I
have a paper list of things to do in different spheres of life
and I consult it every other day, adding something or
crossing something out. We have a family calendar on the
wall where we put things as soon as we have agreed on
the timing. I have a list of daily and weekly things in
different spheres of life in habitrpg.org , but I have paused
it for now. I am recovering from severe sleeping disorder,
and if I tried to control my everyday actions, the stress
level would surpass what I can handle now.
2. What is my attitude towards this?
In general, I feel quite confident, though sometimes I am

worried whether I would manage to do everything before
our departure. This anxiety is not too strong, as we have
done most of the key things, and not managing the rest
67
will be sad but not catastrophic. The most important
things to think through are the first five, six or seven days
after arriving at the new place before we receive most of
our possessions and most of the toys our kids are used
to.
3. Do I have a comfort zone in my self-management,

something that I do easily and confidently?
I am good at imagining. I can imagine all the possible

inconveniences in the future and make a list of things to
do to prevent them. When I sleep enough, I can follow a
few processes simultaneously (for example, cook a few
dishes for dinner so that all of them were ready at the
same time).
4. What could I do if I could use some help from a

more experienced person?
I could plan and organise a great party (I am not really

good at it).
68
I could systematically pay attention to small steps related
to self-care, if somebody reminded me of it or participated
in my life with this focus, saying something like lets
spend fifteen minutes tonight on girly things like nail-filing,
facials etc.
5. Are there any tasks I do not even know how to

approach?
I have got a lot of incomplete tasks which require a lot of

time - my studies at the Therapeutic Writing Institute,
writing the thesis, articles, completing my website in
English, answering some emails. But right now I am so
busy with the routine, I am doing what is necessary to
stay at my current level, but I dont know yet how to
organise myself to go to the next level.
6. What do I criticise myself for in self-

management?
For the fact that I have a lot of things on my everyday task

list, but I dont do everything out of it, although every
single task takes very little time. Sometimes I dont even
69
want to look at this list. I am scolding myself for not
planning responsibility-free days and time for idle chat.
Also for not always following the most useful habit once
youve finished, put your things away at once.
7. What am I proud of, what am I happy about?
I am proud of the fact that even when I am sick and I am

feeling unwell, my family is happy and relatively healthy,
there is food on the table, everybody is wearing clean
clothes, the members of my team get paid for their work,
and I can find any object or document in our apartment in
two minutes or less. Now I am especially proud that every
day I pack some things for moving.
AN EXAMPLE OF REFLECTIVE RESPONSE
This was interesting to write. I felt that it was a

good, important and useful opportunity to audit
my self-management, to know what to do next. It
was pleasant to see how many things I manage,
and it was sad to see the things that I skip
systematically. I realised once again that right now
70
I cant upgrade my self-management system to
complete everything I couldnt even start. I started
thinking about how to organise my time after
arriving at the new place so as to manage what I
want to. I also got some ideas regarding who
could be the experienced person to help with the
great party and who could remind me of fifteen
minutes dedicated to beauty. That is something
already, I feel more focused and energetic.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE

FIRST ITERATION
My topics overlap, and answers for one creep into

another. Is it normal?
The topics are certain to intertwine because thats the way

they are in life :) A greater understanding of oneself within
one topic certainly helps with progress in other topics.
Most of my topics turned out to be tied to self-

organizing. Is it unusual?
71
No, it is pretty common. In practice, self-organizing
proved to be one of the key skills. All the topics live and
breathe by it.
For every topic I write, at some point, I end up making

a to-do list. Is it OK?
This is a very frequent effect of the methodology. It is

useful if you start a separate notebook or a text file for
writing down all the necessary actions as a combined list.
Well need it for exercises for the fifteenth topic.
To me, Tending Your Inner Garden closely

resembles the Flylady system for decluttering and
general housekeeping, except in Tending Your Inner
Garden we put in order our inner space, not our
home. Is this indeed the case?
Yes, this is neither surprising nor coincidental. I used

some concepts outlined by Flylady (real name Marla
Cilley) as a basis for Tending Your Inner Garden.
Indeed, quoting from Flylady, You can do anything for
72
fifteen minutes, - and that includes exploring the
questions you always postpone or just brush aside.
Every little bit counts is also one of the crucial concepts

of both the Flyladys system and Tending Your Inner
Garden. It helps you to navigate your ship of action
between the Scilla of Perfectionism and the Charybdis of
Procrastination.
To help people manage the household cares, Marla

suggests dividing the house into zones. Every zone is
assigned to a particular week of the month, and you carry
out the corresponding tasks in the zone for the current
week. After a few months youd notice a feeling that the
house practically cleans itself! without substantial effort
from you. Tending Your Inner Garden works in the same
way. After three months of work (a full course) you will put
in order a number of different areas and topics of your life
by regularly applying some effort. Later this order
practically keeps itself going for a long time, sometimes
up to several years.
73
Also I am exceptionally fond of Flyladys notion that You
are not behind! I dont want you to try to catch up; I just
want you to jump in where we are. It helps to put ones
guilt aside and start working constructively without
wasting your precious energy on nagging yourself.
Instead of indulging self-criticism, you start to feel self-
compassion. Not in a condescending pity, and not self-
deprecation, but a kind a reliable, supporting empathy to
yourself. Same goes for Tending Your Inner Garden.
Those who tried this methodology know how ones inner
climate changes when a voice of self-compassion
overrides the voice of self-criticism.
I wrote a topic I had already considered every

possible way in my mind, and I didnt learn anything
new from doing it. Whats the use of such writing?
For some topics everything is pretty clear and

straightforward already, no revelations. But, when you
pour all these considerations onto paper, it can free up
your mind for new thoughts and for taking decisions on
concrete actions. Often it can help to clarify your plans,
too.
74
What would change in your life and your relationships with
yourself and others, if this relevant theme in your life
reached a level entirely to your liking?
I cant fit in the allowed time slot! What should I do?
It is natural that sometimes youre only able to answer the

first and the second questions, sometimes even in two
sittings. As if it was at the end of a lesson in school, finish
your sentence and put a full stop. If you feel that youre
writing constructively, without going in circles, it may be
viable to continue writing until you reach the logical
conclusion.
If you really want to write some more, you can take a

break and then set a timer for another 15 minutes, or you
can return to your notes later. As when running a long
distance, it is vital not to rush the tempo too much in the
beginning. This is especially important if you want to go
through all six iterations.
It makes sense to sum up the intermediate results after

exploring all your topics through the prism of the
75
questions of the first iteration. So, if you havent done it
yet, better put the book aside and return to it later, when
all the answers are written. There is no hurry, it will wait
for you as long as you need.
76
THE FIFTEENTH TOPIC: CONSOLIDATION AND
SHORT-TERM ACTION PLANNING
So, weve reached the end of the first iteration. Our task
today is to look back at the road weve travelled during
this fortnight. Please answer in writing to the questions in
the list below.
In comparison with how you felt at the start of the

work with this journaling technique, how are you
feeling now?
How do you perceive yourself and your life?
If you could define and name some directions of

change that are now present in your life, what would
they be?
What is more present for you now than it was before,

and what is less present?
After answering these questions, lets dedicate some time

to short-term action planning.
77
While working on their topics or themes, many

participants make lists of actions they want to take or feel
they should take. Such to-do list may appear to be
enormous. Experience shows that two recommendations
are useful for balanced and ecological embedding of
changes into your life.
The first recommendation is this: dont try to advance in

all fourteen directions at the same time. Even seven
directions at once are too much. For the next couple of
weeks, please select two topics you want to make
progress in, by getting things done. This means that you
should carefully pick the actions which will help to improve
the condition of the chosen topics. Then choose when
and how you are going to carry them out. Finally, make a
commitment to fulfil them. It is desirable that you select
topics in which an investment of your energy can produce
a significant result quickly. There is no hurry with the other
important topics: they have been waiting until now and
can wait a little bit longer :) Narrow your focus, dont
spread your energy too thin, and you will see progress. In
78
a couple of weeks, youll be able to choose another set of
two topics and advance them.
The second recommendation is this: look through your to-

do list and make an estimate of how much time each of
your planned actions takes. Then pick out a group of two
minutes actions (by this I mean the actions you can
accomplish in five minutes or less), a group of fifteen
minute actions and a group of actions that require more
than that. Twice during the next two weeks, take an hour
and dedicate it to your two minute actions. You will feel
the difference immediately :)
Now lets take a breath, reboot, do something good for

yourself.
79
GOOD (AND QUITE TYPICAL) RESULTS OF THE
FIRST ITERATION
Lets consider the following examples as a starting point

for exploration. When you read them, ask yourself: Which
words and expressions attract my attention? Why? What
feelings do they cause? What do they make me think
about?
Im feeling calmer and more confident now, even more

relaxed. At the same time, my energy has increased.
I feel I can control my life now.
I feel that there arent any dark and cluttered corners in

my life anymore, no places in which I cant even
remember what is stored. I used to have some, they
irritated me and drew away my energy. Now I feel I am a
real mistress of my inner home, with no more uncharted
areas. I still have plenty to deal with, but at least I know
exactly, what that is, and I know that in time I will
succeed.
80
Theres more clearness, certainty, and mindfulness now,
as well as more precision, self-discipline, and structuring.
I feel I am living in the present to a larger degree. And the

feeling is pleasant.
For me, a habit of regularly focusing attention on myself

and on my life began to form. This opportunity to stay with
oneself for twenty minutes every day is invaluable.
I saw the ways of development in problem areas, and I

suppose this is the most important for me.
To my surprise, I found out that the results of the

therapeutic writing differed very much from just thinking
and re-thinking things over in my mind. It was most
unexpected!
It was surprising and very good for me to realise that

there are grounds for pride and not only for self-criticism
in my behaviour.
81
A simple categorization of my life into distinct topics and
areas proved to be very beneficial in itself. Not only
figuring out the categories but also working with each
topic and examining whether it is indeed important for me.
As a result, I rephrased and restructured many topics, and
now I have a natural and comfortable notion of what my
life really consists of.
For every topic every area of life, I was able to work out
a specific plan of actions. Since then Ive even completed
some of them! It was a particularly pleasant change for
those topics that were stagnating for a long time.
It became the case that I can act easily and without

pressuring myself in areas where I had to force myself
before.
The changes in the topics started just because I wrote on

them: information started coming my way, as well as
necessary people and resources. It was magical!
Probably, this is how attention paid to a process works.
82
I began to see both problems and opportunities more
clearly.
I understood how important is to ask the right questions

rather than just let the words flow onto the page in an
unstructured way.
It became obvious why it is important to return to

previous notes, re-read them and write reflective
responses. Im discovering more and more beneficial
effects of it.
I was unpleasantly surprised when I realised that I am

constantly criticising myself, but dont seem particularly
proud of anything :( Nevertheless, while exploring
different topics, I noticed that Im blaming myself for
almost the same things in different areas. Now I have to
transform my annoying inner critic into a coach whos
rooting for me, I need to make the criticism constructive
And my life will get better, thats certain.
83
I realised both how it is difficult for me to do something
little by little every day - and how, in fact, it is helpful. Now
Im going to build this practice into my life.
I was able to formulate a precise and concrete theme for

therapy, so now the collaboration with a specialist will
become more effective.
84
WHAT IS NEXT?
So, you wrote about your topics using the first set of
guiding questions, and also completed the consolidation
task? Wonderful! If you are ready to continue lets go
ahead, there is a new iteration waiting on the next page
(with completely new questions).
Or maybe it feels like the first iteration was enough? You

are seeing your priorities more clearly, and you know
where your energy should go? This is absolutely fantastic!
Good luck in any and all of your endeavours! You can
always return to Tending Your Inner Garden again later if
you feel the need.
You havent chosen your topics yet, have you? So, what
gets in the way? Or, maybe, the question should be
where are you rushing to? If you just read the book but
would not complete any written exercises, there will be no
beneficial effects for you whatsoever. It will be just a
waste of money. Please go ahead now and formulate your
topics. You can work with this methodology, even using
short increments of time, 5-10 minutes long each.
85
You have started working with your topics, you have

written vigorously about one, two, three or even five
topics, and you felt that it was useful and then you ran
out of steam, because it became difficult to find the time,
you forgot, you got bored, your inner deprecating voices
told you that no-one really needs it? Or you felt that you
needed more external support and some extra questions?
In this case, maybe it might be better for you to work with
this methodology not alone but in the online facilitated
group. Or maybe what might work for you is a series of
email reminders plus a bi-weekly individual coaching
session. If this rings a bell, please write me and we will
find the most useful format for you personally for working
with Tending Your Inner Garden.
86

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Daria Kutuzova Tending Your Inner Garden

ABOUT THIS BOOK

How can you establish more harmony and order in your

This book is about establishing harmony and order in your

I developed the methodology that is presented in this

I have been journaling since I was a teenager. It is easier

At that moment in my life, a serendipitous coincidence

In that book by Progoff, I found a description of an

Luck smiled at me in 2009, when I acquired "Journal to

This is an absolutely wonderful idea! I thought. It is

And so I started to experiment with this methodology. I

By the end of 2011 I was able to determine two main

First, it was difficult to keep the balance between self-

Second, if I was writing whatever was on my mind on

I found the solution to those two problems in structured

Thus, by the end of 2011 I developed an online project

You will find this working sequence of questions and tasks

Tending Your Inner Garden is a structured daily

The results exceeded my expectations. I began to

I became more relaxed and balanced. I was able

For me, journaling is the safest way to express

A journal is like a mirror. It provides an opportunity

Ive been always wanting to provide some kind of

The questions Daria asked were always

At first I thought that nothing was happening. I

Thanks to these self-exploratory writing practices I

The main effect from the practice is that any topic

This is the benefit I got from it:

Inventorying and decluttering my mind. While

This online project gave me a wonderful

One of the features of this project is that it

Now I feel significantly less anxious. The

During the project, I faced some of my peculiarities

Participating in this project, I acquired one more

What I liked most about this methodology:

o It supports you in your personal journey but

o It is not labelling people with diagnoses, it

o When you practice this methodology, you

o In this methodology the person is in control

During my work with this methodology I had a very

Ill be frank: from what I know about various

This book is a guide for independent work with my

It is known that about 90% of people who buy self-help

You dont need to read this book to the end for it to be

Even if you complete only one exercise, the preliminary

In each chapter of this book you will find a task with

The examples of possible results of work are given not as

The work with Tending Your Inner Garden can be

I would like to wish you a fascinating and useful journey.

We choose from 7 to 12 (up to 14) significant

During two weeks we write about them, taking no

For writing, we use guiding questions. After

On the 15th day of the course we reflect upon the

Once a month we work with the image of a distant

An iteration is a period when we use a particular

The methodology consists of six iterations, but you

The order of iterations is important, especially if

If you are returning to this methodology after a

You feel that your life is stuck, is not moving anywhere,

Therapeutic writing is not a panacea. It is not for

DO NOT TRY THIS ON YOUR OWN, IF

You know that you have a mental illness, and it is in an

You are not sure if whatever you are suffering from

You experienced severe adversity, and you are still very