Get Her Back PDF

The
Ex Recovery System:
Get Her Back Edition
By Ashley Kay
The Ex Recovery System: Get Her Back 2011

The Ex Recovery System: Get Her Back Edition
All Rights Reserved

Copyright 2011 ExRecoverySystem.com
No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted or distributed in any form or by any
means, electrical or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any
information storage or retrieval system without permission in writing from
ExRecoverySystem.com.
The information contained in this book is provided as is without warranty of any kind. The
entire risk as to the results and the performance of the information is assumed by the user,
and in no event shall ExRecoverySystem.com be liable for any consequential, incidental or
direct damages suffered in the course of using the information in this book.
Ashley Kay 2
CONTENT
HEY... 5
GET HER BACK QUICK REFERENCE MIND-MAP 9
I. UNDERSTANDING & ANALYSIS 11
STEP 1 WHERE TO GO FROM HERE? ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY READY? 12
Complete Control Technique 17
Exercise 1: Taking Action NOW 22
Instant Emotion Buster 23
QUIZ: Are You Emotionally Out Of Control? 26
STEP 2 - WHAT REALLY WENT WRONG 28
Short Term Relationships 37
Exercise 2 - Why Your Ex Girlfriend Left 39
STEP 3 INSIDE THE FEMALE MIND 40
Why Is She Doing This to Me? 43
STEP 4 DO YOU REALLY WANT HER BACK? 48
QUIZ: Should You Get Back Together With Your Ex Girlfriend? 55
II. THE PLAN 57
STEP 1 MAKE HER CHASE YOU 58
STEP 2 THE SEED LETTER 66
STEP 3 REMOVE HER RESISTANCE 72
How to Start Being Single 73
Resistance Eraser 82
Quiz: Are You Ready For Contact? 89
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STEP 4 RE-ATTRACTION 91
The Direct Method 92
The Indirect Method 106
The Combo 117
QUIZ: How to Tell If Your Ex Still Has Feelings For You 118
BONUS: THE OTHER PERSON IN YOUR EXS LIFE 120
BONUS: KEY TO GETTING HER TO COMMIT 123
IF YOU GET BACK TOGETHER... NOW WHAT? 129
IF YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON... 133
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Hey...
Youve just picked up a manual very close to my heart - a unique, step-by-step system Ive
created to help you move through the painful transition of your break up to getting a
second chance with your girlfriend. In fact, the Ex Recovery System has been years
in the making.
I pride myself in knowing its one of the most in-depth and solid products on the market.
The goal I want to achieve today and for the next 30 days is to help you, stop your break up,
win your girl back and restore your relationship so it is the kind of relationship youve
always dreamed of having.
By the time this book gets to you, you will have transgressed through different stages of
your break up. This book caters to all the different stages and meets you where you
are right now.
This is the kind of book I feel proud to pass onto my closest friends and one I wish I had
when I was much more naive about relationships.
Not only does it contain the exact, step-by-step blueprint to reclaiming your girlfriends
heart. It will show you an in-depth psychological break down of your break up, give you
access inside a womans mind, as well as tricks and tips on female psychology that
will serve you well for years to come!
Youll discover...
WHY
Why your girl left; the reasons she wont say and why she wont say them.
What shes really thinking right now about you.
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Why she may act a certain way after the break up especially if this is confusing the
bejesus out of you.
We will also journey deep into your own mind and find psychological reasons why you may
have self-sabotaged the relationship. I will also show you how you can prevent it from
happening again.
HOW
The heart of this book lies within the unique method to re-attracting your woman back.
Many tactics in this book are based on proven female psychological triggers, things that
work on a woman, even though SHE may not want them to! (She wont be able to resist
you, trust me) I lay it all out on the table, holding nothing back. Youll have an extensive
array of tools you can use to turn into an ultra women magnet!
BIG WARNING! The Truth About Meddling With Women

When it comes to meddling with a womans actions and desires, there are never any
guarantees. Therefore I cant promise by implementing everything in this system that you
will get your woman back. No one can make that guarantee and theres a very good reason
for that.
When youre dealing with another persons feelings, needs and wants, you have NO control
over the things they eventually choose to do. The best you can do is influence them the best
way you can and hope they want what you want.
Therefore, no techniques, tricks or magic of any kind can get a woman back who doesnt
want you, even if you look like Brad Pitt or Robert Pattinson. We all have a thing called
Free Will. Respect your exes and learn to harness your own!
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With that said, Ive seen many cases where men have gotten their girl back using quick
fix techniques or strategies, only to break up a month or two later. Why is this?? Often
its because the men doing these exercises failed to understand the core problems within
the relationship. You might be able to wing it once or twice, but unless you really
understand why it failed and address those issues, you wont be able to sustain your
relationship in the long term.
Before We Get Started...

I want you to get this ingrained in your head right now:
You wont get your ex girlfriend back by simply reading this book.
You might know everything in the world but unless you actually start implementing what
you learn, youre not going to get far.
Knowledge isnt power - its POTENTIAL power. The key ingredient thats missing is
ACTION. Thats where the real magic happens.
After a traumatic break up, most people drive themselves crazy recycling the same
questions over and over in their heads. Eg. Why the relationship failed, what did I do wrong,
why wont she give me another chance etc.
When your mind asks a question, it is forced to come up with an answer. Most of the time,
the answers you come up with are not based on fact or truth, and they will only make you
feel worse. The point is, you dont want to make the problem bigger than it already is.
Negative thoughts are the demons that hold you back.
This is why Ive created this system; everything is broken down for you so you only focus on
one thing at a time. This will keep you from being overwhelmed and make sure you follow
through implementing all of the steps necessary.
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Alright lets get started!
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Get Her Back Quick Reference

Mind-Map
Below is a mind-map of the entire Get Her Back course.
Instantly see where you are and where you need to go next.
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I.
Understanding & Analysis
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Step 1 Where to Go From Here?

Are You Emotionally Ready?
Listed below are a range of common emotions youll experience during your break up:
The Break Up Emotion Cycle
Youll alternate from feeling angry, hurt to shocked, confused to finally feeling numb. This
cycle will continue throughout your break up until the time between each stage becomes
longer and longer. Youll no longer feel any of these emotions when you are completely
over the break up.
If youre going through this cycle of emotions on a daily basis, it is important you do NOT
skip this chapter.
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There are a few reasons why your emotions may be hindering you from this point forward,
and this WILL affect how effective this system will be for you.
Emotional Is Irrational, Irrational Is Borderline Crazy

If youre emotional, youre irrational. Break ups are extremely exhausting, both mentally and
physically. Your mind will be clouded by unjustified logic and illusions of what you believe
went wrong with the relationship.
How we control our emotions, ultimately comes down to how our brain works. Now,
during a break up, this is one time when you have the LEAST control over your emotions.
Its fairly obvious why. Break ups can cause extreme emotional turmoil inside you.
When your thought process is frazzled, youll often find yourself become physically tired too.
Have you ever had to study for many hours straight, to find yourself physically exhausted by
the end of it? Well, this is the same thing.
The BAD news is, when your thoughts are largely driven by your emotions, your
RATIONAL thinking process gets stumped out and ignored!
This is what I call a Break up Blackout.
How effective will your brain be when youre in a Break Up Blackout? Not a whole lot.
See, our brain have TWO modes of thinking. Left Brain vs Right Brain. Right now, you
are driven by RIGHT BRAIN functions.
Examples of Right Brain thinking are:
Uses of feelings
Imagination
Present and Future
Beliefs
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Philosophy
Right now, your feelings are dictating how to behave and act. The worse that you feel, the
more you will focus on what is wrong in your life. For example, you may envision:
Your ex girlfriend sleeping with other men
Your ex girlfriend being hit on and lured away by other men
Your ex girlfriend having a great time without you and not caring about you
anymore
You going to family or social events alone and having to explain why.
You spending the nights alone.
You watching movies and cooking dinner alone.
These images magnify how strongly you feel and in turn it creates a mini cyclone of
emotional turmoil.
You need to regain control.
You do this by altering your emotions using your body, mind and spirit. The focus is to
adopt LEFT BRAIN thinking.
Left Brain thinking will allow you to take onboard new information and ideas (this system).
It is also where the logical, rational and analytical part of your brain resides.
This is where some of your BEST kept tools are.
How successful would you be going to a job interview if youre feeling as you do now - an
emotional wreck? What about sitting for an exam? Performing simple math equations? Re-
attracting her back!?
Thankfully, most of us are not completely controlled by our emotions. There are times in
the day we can block out our Right Brain thinking and focus purely on Left Brain functions.
We need to do this to get things done.
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You will need your Left Brain functions to analyse your relationship and devise the best
plan of action to take, and then take action!
This isnt rocket science. In order to progress through this program, you must CALM your
nerves and regain CONTROL of your emotions.
Achievement comes from FOCUSED and CONSISTENT action.
Calm Your Nerves... Regain Control Of Your Emotions.
If you want a shortcut, pay attention and start applying what you learn today and everyday!
There are some men who seem to get everything they want easily... they have perfect
gorgeous partners, loads of confidence, optimistic attitudes, devoted friends everything
appears to come easy and when it comes to winning back an ex girlfriend? Its not even in
their vocabulary because theyre the ones doing the breaking up.
So what about you? Do you feel like youre the complete opposite? Are you unlucky-in-love?
Do you constantly find yourself in bad relationships?
Guess what? It can all stop right now.
Imagine your dream relationship right now. Imagine a girl who loves, admires you, and never
in a million years would want to leave you AND she is happy just to be with you.
That could be your reality in the coming WEEKS or MONTHS if you follow this system.
Now the first thing I want you to do is
GET A CUP OF HOT BEVERAGE.
Really I mean it. Right now. You can get coffee, tea, hot chocolate... anything that is a
HOT. That means no alcohol or soft drinks. Youll see why in a minute. But right now go
get that kettle boiling.
Dont come back until you have it steaming in front of you.
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Alright, are you back? Are you comfortable? You better be! If not, get a pillow or blanket to
put around you or around your seat so you ARE comfortable. This is all a part of the plan to
calm your nerves!
Now I want you to just sink into your seat and get as comfortable as you can while youre
listening to me.
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Complete Control Technique

Want to calm your nerves fast and push your worries away in an instant? Here are the hard
and fast steps to change your state right now.
Be Grateful.
Get Focused.
Find A Solution.
Take Action.
This is what works for me when I need to calm myself down and gain perspective on a
situation that is causing me stress or grief. This works for a multitude of things. Job
interview, business meeting, people pissing you off etc anything that makes you upset and
stressed or just undesirable to be around.
You dont even have to go through all four or in any particular order. As long as you
remember a FEW of these, itll work.
1. Be Grateful
Being grateful for everything in your life is a quick and easy way to lift your mood and
eliminate your worries.
What you do is to become AWARE of your current environment. Look around your desk
or room. Take notice of everything that you have taken for granted. Eg. The chair youre
sitting on. The solid roof over your head. The hot drink in your hand.
These are things other people invented or thought up, for the purpose of making your life
easier. How often do you really appreciate everything thats in your life?
Think of your family and friends and how much value they bring to your life. Can you
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picture your life without them? Dont you appreciate the things that they do, the company
they bring and the stories and jokes they tell? Be grateful theyre in your life.
Think of everything in your life that you are grateful for, because when consciously asking
this question youll find more and more things to be grateful for.
2. Get Focused
Close your eyes and think of something that contains the colour green in your current
environment. Now if you really close your eyes, you might only be able to think of a couple
of things that contains green. Or perhaps you wont be able to think of anything green in
your room.
Now open your eyes and take a good look around your room or environment. Count how
many things contain the colour green now? Are you surprised to find there are more than
you first thought?
Thats because your mind were focused on green while you were scanning. However
during the first exercise, I told you just to think of green before you had a chance to scan.
Your perspective of the room was altered just because I told you something particular to
focus on.
When you are depressed or sad, is your mind focused on all the positives things happening
in your life or the negatives?
Most people will say the negatives; we choose to focus on the negatives because thats what
our emotions are telling us to do at the time. But does this mean our life only contain
negative experiences?
In order to re-adjust what youre focused on, you need to gain a bigger perspective of the
problem.
Alter Your Focus
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Millions of couples break up each year. You are only one tiny pebble amongst the landslide
of the heartbreaks in the world. You might feel like youre about to die and your world has
crumbled around you, but there are people dying of famine and other diseases on other
parts of the world.
You might be focusing on your ex enjoying herself with someone else, completely ignoring
your messages, but what if you have never even been on a date, kissed anyone or
experienced being in love. Wouldnt that be even more depressing?
The point is your heartbreak is NOTHING compared to the sufferings other peoples day-
to-day dilemmas. Your pain will subside and go away in a few months. For others, they only
have a few months to live. Those less fortunate wont be able to feel love again, or sadness,
or happiness. What they wouldnt give to be in your shoes?
Ok, my point isnt to make yourself feel worse or guilty about feeling your current pain. Im
not trying to lessen the importance of the problem. I do want you to realize that your
problems are not as large or messed up as you make them out to be.
You are a bright and fortunate individual with so much to look forward to. Get focused on
the RIGHT things and realize this one problem is just that one small problem amongst a
much bigger world.
If you only had one week to live would you really want to spend it lamenting and crying
over your ex girlfriend? Can you imagine yourself 10 years from now, laughing about all of
this?
3. Find A Solution
Altering your focus and being grateful is great. However I bet that still doesnt completely
eliminate your break up pains. I mean, youre still depressed about your ex girlfriend, you
still want her back. You can delusion yourself for a while that you are fine without her but
eventually the pain will snap you back into reality.
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Thats why you need this step.
So as youre sitting there, think about what your IMMEDIATE problem is.
It could be youre feeling too sad to do anything productive. Or youre hungry but you cant
eat. Or that you know you should sleep but you cant sleep.
Pinpoint what your exact problem is right now and were going to solve this problem by
asking a very powerful and efficient machine.
That machine is your brain!
Here is an example:
Lets say youre tired but you cant sleep.
An example of how you could solve this problem is to ask yourself what you did in the
past that used to put you to sleep. How have you dealt with this situation before?
Think back to a time when you could sleep and you slept like a baby. Go back to that time
and visualize what you did that day, how you felt before you went to bed, what you did
before you went to bed, what you were thinking about while you were in bed.
Run through the entire day completely in your mind and be completely thorough if you
can. If you cant think of anything and your mind is blank, focus on how you felt on the
days when you could fall asleep and what you thought about while lying in bed.
I know when I sleep like a baby is the times when Ive had very eventful days, perhaps
with a lot of running around from place to place or needing to solve a big problem which
completely exhausted me!
If that doesnt work, its time to TRY SOMETHING COMPLETELY NEW!
Eg. Go for a walk, watch a really slow movie (anything to do with the planets always
manage to put me to sleep, not that theyre boring, just very relaxing), try to do some
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work, read a boring book, etc.
So, think of what problem youre currently dealing with. Maybe you want to stop thinking
about her or you want to stop wanting to call her and hear her voice.
To find a solution to a problem, you must ask yourself:
How can I solve this problem right now? What can I use to my advantage? (Eg. If you
like to procrastinate, nows a good time to use it if its something you SHOULDNT
be doing.)
How have I overcome this problem before?
How can I make myself feel better right now?
What are some ways I can ____ ?
What are some things that will make me feel __ ?
What are other things I can do right now that are more enjoyable?
Once you have come up with a solution...
4. Take Action... The 3 Second Rule

Once you have come up with a solution, dont just SIT ON IT. Its easy to dismiss any idea
that you come up with and make an excuse why it wouldnt work.
Instead of thinking about whether or not it will work, just do it!
What is the 3 second rule?

After you come up with a solution, you must take action within the next 3 seconds. Dont
sit there and give yourself time to come up with why you shouldnt do something. Just do it!
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Obviously you need to come up with solutions that would actually be achievable, so dont
get too creative and sit on ideas like robbing a bank or running off across the country.
(Although, you CAN fantasize about this as long as you make it really crazy and silly,
anything that makes you laugh is a good thing in my opinion.)
The longer you sit there the bigger the problem will become because once again that is
what youre focused on.
Focus not on the problem but on how to solve the problem instead.
Lets recap what we have learned so far:
To achieve what you want, you must have a system in place (this one).
To execute the steps, you must CALM your nerves and regain CONTROL of
your emotions.
To do this, apply the Complete Control Technique:
1. Be Grateful.
2. Get Focused.
3. Find A Solution.
4. Take Action (using the 3 second rule).
Exercise 1: Taking Action NOW
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One of my favourite ways to keep busy is to learn something new and have fun doing it.
Now Im going to introduce you to a very important component to The Ex Recovery
System: Get Her Back.
Its going to be your saviour when youre feeling absolutely miserable, or when nothing is
going right.
Instant Emotion Buster

Every time youre feeling overwhelmed and your heart cant bear it anymore, heres what I
want you to do:
Step 1: Take out a piece of paper, notepad or even bring up Notepad on your
computer. For this exercise, simply use the space provided within your Interactive
Journal.
Step2: Without HESITATION, write down everything youre feeling and frustrated
about. Let it flow from your pen (or fingertips), not worrying about grammar or
spelling. Just write.
Step 3: Do this until the pain passes OR when 10 minutes are up. What Ive found
is, after you do this exercise, you will almost always feel 100% better after 5 minutes
of writing. Not only does this help straighten out your emotions, youre also forced
to use your Left Brain functions (by writing and constructing sentences).
You can expand on this by keeping these entries in an Online Journal. What I've found is
that by sharing your journey with others, youll find getting past the pain MUCH faster than
doing it alone.
Share your journal with fellow Get Her Back members
at: http://ersurl.com/forum/
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I did this exercise one night when I was really depressed and frustrated about becoming a
writer. One really bad night, when I felt I was ready to explode with emotions, I decided to
use this technique...
The most interesting thing about doing this is what youll discover once you read what you
have written afterward. Usually sentences run into one another but some of the most
insightful and poetic stuff tends of come out when you are writing from the heart.
Youll also get to see a glimpse of the REAL you, that inner voice in your head that keeps
going around in circles about all the fear youve withheld inside.
Theyll be laid out in the open and that will be scary, but afterward youll feel so much
better.
When youre done, publish it online or set it aside. DONT READ IT YET.
Get Up And Out

You thought you were going to be able to read what you wrote didnt you, well nope, not
just yet.
Youre going to get up and get out. Ok some of you might be groaning because its raining
outside or its cold or its dark; whatever excuse you have come up with, drop them now.
Dont worry. I dont want you to run a marathon. Just a 15 minute walk around the block.
Use this as an excuse to take the dogs out for a walk, get some things at the shops or post a
letter. Come up with reasons to head out for 15 minutes right now.
Once you come back, join me again and youll get your reward.
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Now that youre back from your walk you ARE back from your walk right? Do you find
youre experiencing a new kind of relief as you sink into your seat? Moving gets your
circulation going and injects your natural endorphins (happy feelings) into your system. This
is why going out and moving is a key step to altering your state and focus.
Now that youre back, reward yourself by reading what you had written during the Instant
Emotion Buster exercise.
Do you feel youre in a different state of mind than when you first began? While youre
reading take note of how it makes you feel and whether you still feel the same emotions as
you did 15-20 minutes ago.
The act of REWARDING yourself is very important in terms of motivating yourself and
taking action. Trust me, there will be times when you dont want to do what your rational
brain wants you to do, but remember, taking action when you know you should, is what
separates men who get what they want and men who only dream about it.
Once you feel ready, I want you to take the Are You Emotionally Out Of Control
Test below.
Go here to take this quiz online.
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QUIZ: Are You Emotionally Out Of Control?
Circle Yes or No:
Do you feel sad right now? Yes No
Do you feel anxious right now? Yes No
Do you feel a great deal of emotional pain? Yes No
When you run through the details of your break up, do you want to burst Yes No
into tears?
Do you think youll have a hard time moving on without your ex Yes No
girlfriend?
If you could talk to her right now, do you feel theres a slight possibility Yes No
you might break down and get emotional?
Every time youre reminded of her, do you go through the details of the Yes No
break up in your head?
Are you finding it hard to picture a happy/positive future without your ex Yes No
girlfriend?
Do you feel youd say YES to anything your ex girlfriend asks of you? Yes No
Do you still place blame for the break up on yourself and/or your ex Yes No
girlfriend?
Mostly YES
Instead of telling you to revisit this chapter, I want you to keep in mind these are the
emotions you MUST get under control if you want to be successful in attracting
your ex girlfriend back in the upcoming chapters.
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Mostly No
Youre ready to move onto the next step.
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Step 2 - What Really Went Wrong

The Straw That Broke The Camels Back
This is the most important Chapter in the whole book. It will not only give you insight into
what really went wrong in your relationship, it will also give you a better understanding of
yourself and what to look for and avoid in your NEXT relationship.
In order to know what went wrong, lets first look at what a relationship is made up of:
Relationship Needs The Soul Of A Relationship

There are 4 common needs we all require in a relationship:
a. Love / Connection the ability to relate to each other, communication,

compassion, common goals/interests
b. Physical Proximity the physical distance between you and your partner on a
regular basis
c. Sex / Intimacy passion, physical affection, sexual intimacy
d. Security / Certainty trust, comfort, stability and commitment
If a person wanted to leave, that means one or more of these needs were lacking in the
relationship.
The interesting thing is, not everyone will weigh these with equal value. Someone who
places Security above Love will act and expect different things from the relationship
compared to someone who places Love above Security.
Someone who places Love first, will always focus on receiving and giving Love before
anything else. For them, Security; may it be financial or certainty in the relationship is not
AS important as receiving and giving love. Therefore if Love is an element lacking in the
relationship, they will eventually leave.
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You must evaluate how you would prioritize your own Relationship Needs in order of
preference. It would also be beneficial for you to get inside your girls head and find out
what her preference may look like as well.
The Big WHY of Your Break Up

This section is all about getting you to understand:
The biggest reason why women leave a relationship.
What the difference is between a short term relationship break up and a long
term relationship break up.
You should have a pretty good idea of why your relationship failed after completing this
section, so get ready to do some evaluating and some thinking!
When it comes to women, they can seem extremely complicated compared to men. So
whats the secret to keeping a woman happy in a relationship? What is it that women
REALLY want? What makes women LEAVE a relationship?
These are most likely questions that will have plagued you ever since the break up, and
sometimes even when you suspect you know the answer, you still wont completely
understand the real reasons why she left.
I hope to shed some light on how women think and what ultimately pushes a woman over
the edge and want to leave a man.
Women are driven by distinct emotions and desires when seeking a relationship with a man.
Its these emotions we want to feel on a daily/regular basis:
To feel loved, desired, wanted and appreciated
To feel secure and safe
To feel there is growth and progression
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What you need to understand is that women dont dominate things like men do. We are
used to getting the things we want by influencing the people around us.
We dont have the advantage of strength, power and size like men do. Women tend to
want to empathize, understand and follow one another rather than LEAD like men do.
Leading, controlling, seeking power are mostly MASCULINE traits.
Sure women are forced to exhibit these traits if we want to rise to the top of our career,
but its typically NOT in our nature to do so.
You see, women (like men) need to see GROWTH in their environment. But unlike men,
women get into relationships with an end goal in mind.
Its simply in our nature to entertain the idea of what it would be like to marry the guy
were seeing or have kids with this guy we just started dating.
If the guy were seeing is someone we can CONNECT emotionally with on a deep level,
than naturally a woman will WANT to progress the relationship further down the road.
Biologically speaking women inherently know there is a big red timer ticking over our heads
telling us:
We need to find a man to settle down with
AND then we need to have babies before Im too old and not attractive enough to
find a man to do it with!
This is basically how we think because women just do not age as well as men do, and we can
only get pregnant within a certain time frame.
Even though were living in the 21st Century where women dont NEED to marry and have
kids at a certain age anymore, a lot of women still feel the biological pressure that their
ancestors felt.
When a woman meets a man, she will subconsciously place him into one of these categories:
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Friend
Potential boyfriend material
Potential husband material
How do women evaluate whom goes in which pile? Well, thats pretty easy. Here Ill lay it
out for you:
Women evaluate men on these 3 things:
Connection there MUST be some emotional connection
Chemistry is there sexual chemistry? Can you make her blush? Make her feel that
spark in her belly when she is around you?
Nice Guy Can she see you being able to protect her, provide for her and just make
her feel good over the long term? Can she see you raising your kids together and
being a part of the family?
All 3 components are crucial for a woman to START and STAY in a relationship with a man.
If any of these 3 are lacking, then she will most likely LEAVE at some point.
Now you may be thinking, But I DO have all three of these qualities! We had connection,
we had chemistry, I was extremely good to her, so whats going on?
The problem is, YOU may have felt these things, but did SHE?
If a woman isnt feeling a connection from her man, or she doesnt feel any spark with her
man OR she believes her man isnt treating her right nor will he treat her future kids right,
then shes going to pack up and leave!
Why else would she stay?
Remember that deadly timer over a womans head? She cant AFFORD to stick around and
find out what is going to happen in the future. After all, she isnt going to get any younger!
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A woman constantly has these concerns when in a relationship.
Now, a womans biggest problem isnt that she cant connect with a man. For a woman,
connecting with men (and women) comes generally pretty easily. Most women will latch
onto any guy who will listen and show interest in what she has to say.
So connection is not really much of a problem.
Chemistry on the other-hand CAN be tricky. A woman may feel chemistry off the bat and
then LOSE it along the way OR simply never feel any chemistry at all.
For men who cant spark any type of chemistry with a woman, they will most commonly be
dumped into the friend category.
If chemistry is achieved early on in the relationship, its HIGHLY likely that she will want a
relationship with you.
In fact, because women are emotionally driven, shell think shes more in love with you early
on in the relationship than as the relationship later matures.
This is what I commonly refer to as the honeymoon period. This lovey-dovey, everything-
is-bliss stage generally lasts from one-month to a year (sometimes even 2 years).
So whats the MOST common reason for a woman to want out of a relationship? When
going through these, think about which of the 3 categories above these belong to:
Lack of Commitment Lack of Growth in the Relationship

This is one of the most common reasons a woman will start to doubt her relationship. Like I
said before, a woman enters a relationship first because she sees the guy as a potential
husband or father. If she DIDNT then you were just a casual fling.
If after a certain period of time, she feels there is no growth and no progress in the
relationship, shes going to start to doubt whether the man she is with is the one.
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To understand our need for this constant growth in a relationship, you need to realize that
women need constant DAILY reminders that the man we are with will NOT leave us and
will stick around for the long haul.
Small signs of commitment are ways of SHOWING a woman that youre not going away
anytime soon and she has nothing to worry about.
The more you intertwine your life with hers, the more comfort she will feel (sort of like
insurance) that you will not leave.
Things like:
Moving in together
Investing in a property/business together
Getting married
Having kids
Having joint savings accounts
Women need to feel this security from a relationship, without it, we become unstable,
anxious and unhappy.
*NOTE*
On the reverse, sometimes its MEN who are pushing commitment too soon onto a woman.
Generally I will say that if you get the feeling that your woman is backing away from you
early on in the relationship, its a sign that youre coming on WAY too fast and too strong.
Lack of Chemistry Lack of Spark In the Relationship

Women dont seem to get complacent with relationships as much as men tend to. Maybe
because were conditioned from birth to believe in a much more romantic and fairytale-
like version of love one that requires a lot of work on the mens part to keep sweeping
us off our feet.
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Therefore, if a woman stops feeling passion, lust and love towards the guy she is with, shes
going to feel essentially dead inside.
Once again, in her mind, shes not going to feel there is growth, nor see a happy future with
her guy.
This lack of passion doesnt necessarily mean she has stopped loving you for good. It just
means she doesnt have lustful feelings towards you anymore.
This is usually caused by a lot of different things; conflict within the relationship, tension,
stress from outside circumstances, a lack of communication and therefore connection with
her man, a lack of physical affection etc. All of these can contribute to a woman not feeling
any spark towards her man.
The common pitfall men fall into is being complacent in the relationship. If youre not
showing your woman she is loved, appreciated and desired on a daily basis, then shes
going to lose that spark for you overtime.
Lack of Security and Trust

Like men, women need stability and certainty in a relationship. Often women still buy into
the stereotype that men are more likely to cheat than women. Especially when older men
are concerned, women always feel threatened by a younger woman.
The biggest issue men have is the inability to be completely open with their woman. They
might hold back because they want to avoid further arguments. Or perhaps they feel they
are protecting their woman by withholding information and trying to deal with it on their
own.
This means being completely open and willing to communicate with your girl is extremely
important. Its more important the more insecure she is. You need to always make sure that
she feels safe and secure with you, and you must do it by reassuring her whenever her
insecurities surface.
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Lack of trust kills any relationship, and it certainly doesnt matter who did the wrong deed
first, once trust is bruised, its a lot harder to rebuild and gain back.
Lack of Connection & Communication

Women absolutely NEED to be able to communicate with her man. The biggest pet peeve
they have is when they know their man isnt listening to them or they are simply ignored!
Men, whatever you do, dont ignore or shut your woman out! That is the ultimate nail in the
relationship coffin. Women feed off the constant communication she has with her man.
Thats why when men fail to communicate, women will start arguments, act unreasonable or
do hurtful things simply to get a reaction out of her man.
When a woman nags, complains or argues, dont simply go off into lala land. This is the time
when she needs you the most. If you look beyond what she is actually saying and feel the
emotions that come over her instead, youll see theres hurt inside.
Men may get intimacy through sex and physical affection, women get intimacy through
sharing a connection with her man. This involves sharing your feelings, having deep
conversations and knowing that her man cares and understands her more than anyone else
in the world. This is her way of getting close to you.
Always keep this part of the relationship in check because the more distance there is in the
relationship, the harder it is to feel close and in love with each other.
Misalignment of Your Social Values In The Relationship

This is a big one! The sad part is, this misalignment of values can sneak up on you when
you least expect it! This is when you are in a great relationship, thinking everything is
wonderful, nothing has changed, she loves you, you love her, and then WHAM! all of a
sudden, she comes out with the we need to talk line and then it all goes downhill from
there!
Think of social value as how we fit into society on a scale from the lowest value being the
homeless bum (0) to highest value being a hotshot celebrity (10).
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Youll subconsciously consider yourself... say a 5 (in the middle between lowest and highest).
When men and women go out to attract one another, they are always subconsciously
looking for people who are of equal value to them.
Now, how women judge the potential of a mans value is very different to how a man will
judge a womans value.
Men judge a woman by the value she holds right now.
A woman will judge a man by his POTENTIAL value in the future.
So, if at the beginning of your relationship, you had a lot of drive, a lot of mojo, you were
confident, smart and had a lot of great dreams.
A woman will find that extremely HOT and will see that, even if youre working at
MacDonalds earning minimum wage, shes going to place you a bit higher in the value scale
than you actually deserve. Basically shell be more attracted to the POTENTIAL man youre
to become.
Once again, this simply comes down to the fact that women want a man who can take care
of her, and can provide for her and her children in the long run.
So, say you get into a relationship, and after a while, the honeymoon period passes and you
settle into the relationship.
Some men will start to get lazy and stop chasing after those big dreams he had. Now at
this point, the woman will re-evaluate her mans value and if it isnt quite living up to the
value she had placed on him in the beginning of the relationship, shes going to start to
DOUBT the relationship.
The more your values start to move away from one another, the more UNHAPPY a
woman will become.
This is more something that will bother women more than men at least in the beginning.
So, when you first started dating, you both had a value of 5. Then a year later, she gets a
new job that pays more than you, she starts going to the gym, getting fit, meeting new
people and getting a lot of new attention. Her value will go up to say 6 or 7.
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Now, in the meantime, say you lost your job or got demoted, and then proceeded to sit on
the couch doing nothing, your value may go down to a 4.
This misalignment of values will severely break down the relationship.
It is never okay for a woman to be with a man of lesser value than her, shell instead seek a
man who is always ABOVE her in value.
On the other hand, a man wouldnt care about that as much.
Okay, Lets Recap What Weve Learned
Remember, when it comes to women, they just want to feel loved, desired, secure and safe
with her man on a daily basis. If she doesnt feel this way, overtime she is going to lose
interest or become so unhappy that she will leave.
Here are the top 5 reasons why women will leave a relationship. See how many you can
identity in your own relationship.
A woman will leave due to...
1. Lack of Commitment or Growth in the relationship

2. Lack of Chemistry in the relationship
3. Lack of Security and Trust
4. Lack of Connection
5. Misalignment of Social Values
Short Term Relationships
This isnt something that is often talked about but short term relationships need to be
approached slightly differently to long term relationships. This is mostly because Short Term
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usually implies that the honeymoon period is over and all evidence is showing a girl
who just isnt that into you.
Short Term relationships

Lets define what a Short Term relationship is:
Relationship spanning 1 12 months.
One made up of primarily lust and passion instead of deep emotional

connections.
Now, for most women, if she is willing to throw in the towel very quickly and easily, then
its likely she just didnt feel enough for you to want to stay.
This has little to do with you but more to do with how much connection and chemistry she
felt for you.
Remember, one of the primary Relationship needs is: Love & Connection. If she didnt
feel enough connection with you, then her heart isnt going to be in it for the long haul.
Break ups like this often occur around a certain event. Eg. One of you had to move away,
perhaps she was stressed from another divorce or work, perhaps you just received a new
job in another state etc.
Big transitional events like this in the first year of a relationship prove as a test of the true
strength and bond of the relationship. If she felt as strongly about you as you did for her,
then these events will simply be minor obstacles for both of you in the short term.
If she is willing to call it quits so soon, then Id bet she just didnt feel enough for you to
want to stick it through. Often a woman will create an event as an excuse to break up if
there simply isnt any other good reason for it.
This is probably the hardest break ups to accept because there is little you can actually do
to change her mind.
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And I agree. You can use re-attraction tactics on her and it would work in the short term.
However the basis for a real relationship that lasts needs to be made of Love & Connection
and if the connection isnt there, this makes it difficult to sustain her interest.
Exercise 2 - Why Your Ex Girlfriend Left
Write down in your Interactive Journal all the reasons you believe caused this break up
to occur. Remember arguments you have had and how your ex girlfriend made you feel
during the break up.
Next write down how she might have felt during those moments. Try to get inside her head
and come up with a reason why she reacted the way she did.
Be honest with yourself. Put yourself in her shoes and go through the motions through her
eyes. You might be surprised at what you might discover.
Spend a good hour or so doing this and once youre done, set it aside and walk away. Dont
try to over-analysis things, get it down and get it out of your system.
Remember to practice, the Complete Control Technique:
Be Grateful.
Get Focused.
Find a Solution.
Take Action.
Do this at least once a day if you can. Make it into a habit so you know you are mentally and
emotionally prepared for the later chapters to come.
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Step 3 Inside The Female Mind

Secrets About Your Woman That Could Save You From
Another Break Up
How would you like to get inside your girls head? How would you like to know the telltale
signs that a girl is contemplating leaving a relationship? How can you use this to save your
relationship before its too late?
Most women will NOT leave a relationship unless theres another potential guy on
the sidelines.
Unlike men, women are often vocal about it when theyre unhappy in a relationship. Often,
women really do want things to work out but their way of trying to get a man to change
and fix her problems usually end up being a big bitch and nag session about what you arent
doing right, how youre not good enough and why you never do this or that.
Basically, making you feel inferior and useless as a man.
A mans natural reaction to this is to clam up and proceed to make the situation worse by
not talking about it, or going about it the wrong way.
When a woman is unhappy from continually trying to resolve issues with her man, at
some point shes going to reach her breaking point and say enough is enough.
At least, thats how it should be most of the time.
The truth is though most women are extremely loyal to her man and will not leave him
unless she finds someone else to replace him fairly quickly. Women just dont like to be
alone and the more a woman depends on a relationship or on a man in a relationship, the
less likely shell jump ship without another guy waiting in line already.
Women who dont do this are most likely the independent types that didnt rely a whole
deal on the relationship in the first place.
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So, here are some early warning signs that your relationship is on the rocks and its up to
you to save it before another guy enters the picture and steals her away!
She Has Distanced Herself From The Relationship

Heres some clues that a woman is slowly starting to detach herself emotionally from her
relationship. These are very telling signs that she is falling out of love, and you need to do
something FAST.
She is isolated from society where she doesnt go out, see anyone or do anything.
She is doing the same routine thing day after day.
She is chatting up other guys on the internet or spending a lot of time with co-
workers at work.
She often goes out without you.
She doesnt try to plan anything to do with you anymore (essentially given up on
having dates with you).
She is more content doing her own thing then spending time with you.
Her Social Value Is Moving Away From Yours

Like we talked about in Why Women Leave, a woman will seriously start to doubt her man
and the relationship if her value starts moving further and further away from yours. Heres
some clues that you need to get a move on so you can catch up to her before she leaves
you for a better man.
She gets a new job that is of higher status than yours, or is promoted to a much
higher position than you.
You have just lost your job and instead of being proactive and looking for work, you
fall into depression instead (be careful of this one!)
She gets into self-improvement, starts working out a whole lot, meeting new people
and dreaming bigger dreams than before. It is CRUCIAL that you are supportive of
her dreams and NOT put her down (no matter how outrageous you may think it is).
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She starts to befriend people who are of higher social status than her usual friends
and more importantly, to you.
Keep in mind, its not a bad thing if your girlfriend starts to do better than you, but what IS
bad is if you start to become bitter over the fact, or want to hold her back OR dont do
anything to improve yourself even when she tries to help you.
These are things that cause tension and stress in the relationship, so keep in mind you need
to always have your OWN goals separate from hers.
She Stops Wanting Sex

This is a big one! If she used to be someone who loved sex all the time, but now rarely
wants it or initiates anymore, its a sign that she is dealing with too much stress or
unhappiness in her life.
Contrary to popular belief, women DO need and crave sex on a regular basis. The problem
is that how much we want sex depends on how happy we feel about life in general and of
course, the relationship as well.
If youre not putting in the effort to make her feel loved and appreciated throughout the day,
then its unlikely shell feel in the mood to give you any loving at night.
Lack of interest in sex is also a sign that she isnt all that sexually attracted to you anymore
and that could be due to the unresolved issues in your relationship.
She Is Generally Unhappy In the Relationship

This is the most obvious one, but its important you dont simply gloss over it and put your
head in the sand when you DO see your woman unhappy.
Her lack of happiness may have NOTHING to do with you, but it WILL affect the
relationship. So if she has depression, or something bad happens that puts her in a negative
mood most of the time, its important that you are SUPPORTIVE of her and always try to
keep the mood light and upbeat.
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If you just sort of ignore her because you dont know what to do and you hope shell get
over it, thats really the wrong way to go about it.
This would be the time when she needs you the most, so if you have to sacrifice a bit of
enjoyment time to get her needs sorted, then thats what you have to do.
Why Is She Doing This to Me?
Have you asked yourself this question lately? Why is she doing this to me?
If your ex girlfriends behaviour is baffling you and youd like some straight answers, youve
come to the right place.
First of all, I believe that exes are not always clear-cut ex partners. Thats because if you
have ever loved someone, you dont simply stop loving them the minute you break up.
Human beings tend to fall in love 10x faster than we do when falling out of love. Falling out
of love is in fact very difficult with all things considered.
With that said, once you understand female psychology, her actions will suddenly make a
whole lot more sense and youll discover things you never would have before:
There are 3 emotions a woman will feel directly after a break up, her actions are largely
dictated by one or more of these emotions:
Guilt
Lust
Love
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The problem with these emotions is that theyre known as Present Feelings. Theyre
emotions that come and go and due to their extremity, your ex girlfriend may or may not
act on them.
To further explain how these emotions govern your exs feelings, heres the most common
ex behaviours to watch out for and what emotion your girl is actually feeling when doing
them.
She Shows Emotions (Good or Bad) Towards You = Love

If your woman is showing negative emotions towards you its because she is still
hurt from the break up. What causes hurt is not indifference to you, but actually
LOVE. If you love someone, youre usually more likely to be hurt by them too. So although
she may appear to hate you, she is actually trying to hide the part of her that still loves
you.
She Keeps Irregular Contact = Guilt & Love

If your woman keeps some sort of contact but its irregular its because she misses you
but doesnt want to chase you. Once a woman makes a big decision like to break up, she
will want to stick to her word for as long as she can. Chasing you at this point would give
you the wrong idea, and she needs to stick to her decision.
She Does Things to Evoke a Reaction = Guilt & Love

If your girl does something that you suspect may be just to get a reaction out of you, then
its likely she is doing it out of guilt and/or love for you. Actions that fall under this category
are: posting pictures of her with other guys on Facebook, flaunting her new boyfriend
around, does anything out of the ordinary that you suspect is to get your attention.
She Uses Push/Pull Psychology On You = Lust & Love

If your woman is acting hot and cold to you, its common that she is feeling emotions of lust
and/or love. Its not unusual for a woman to insist that youre just friends and then
continue to depend on you emotionally. In this instance she is using the fact that you still
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have feelings for her to her advantage. Thats why its important to set boundaries and not
allow her to take advantage of you.
Remember, these emotions are TEMPORARY and often give her instant gratification to her
emotions.
Its PARAMOUNT that you do NOT fall for her tactics!
Look, heres the truth, your woman will experience moments of weakness where shell miss
you, want to see you, talk to you or even go to the opposite extremes of hating you. These
are her emotions coming forth and dominating her immediate actions.
They do NOT matter!
Now, this may seem confusing but I want you to FORGET all these emotions your ex may
be feeling: Guilt, Lust or Love. These emotions dont matter because theyre all
manifestations of her feelings for you POST break up.
All you need to know is that she still has feelings for you after the break up, and these
feelings are NOT the same as feelings she felt while in the relationship! But that doesnt
necessarily mean its a bad thing! (She did leave based on feelings she felt for you during
your relationship.)
I get a lot of clients ask me about their exs behaviours and what they should do and what it
all means.
I mostly tell them the same thing - that it doesnt matter what your ex is doing. Your ex
girlfriends actions are dictated by emotions that are FLEETING for the most part. The only
thing they seem to do is give you setbacks!
Do NOT assume because she is calling you at all hours of the night and wanting to sleep
with you, that by giving her what she wants shell come back. It doesnt.
Do NOT assume because she is ignoring all your calls and messages that she is moving on
and youre just a distant memory in her mind. It doesnt.
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Do NOT assume because she says she is in love with Mark that she is not still in love with
you.
If you take action based on assumptions youll more likely to make mistakes and possibly
create bigger rifts between you and your girl.
If youre going to do something, do it because you feel it is the RIGHT thing to do, not
because of what you think she wants.
In Section II The Plan, Ill give you my step by step blueprint to winning her back.
NOTE About Being Friends
Let your ex know firmly that you can not be friends with her. Not allowing yourself to
be friends is a gentler way of saying youre pulling all contact from her.
Once you present the idea of cutting off all contact (remember its just an idea not
something youre going to do). This will often trigger levels of uncertainty in her mind and
will make her want to chase you. This is what you want.
Women want what they cant have. If you make her believe, she cant have you in
any way shape or form, thats when the table will turn.
Already Friends?
Its ok if you have already told your ex youre willing to be friends. Work through the rest
of this book as normal.
If the ONLY way your ex will maintain contact with you is if you agree to be friends,
then ok, agree to be friends. It is better to be in contact than not. Just remember you must
still follow the rest of the system as normal.
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Note: It is hard to stick to everything Ive covered in this chapter if youre still emotionally
a wreck over your ex. This is exactly why I want you to get in control of your emotions
as quickly as possible. Refer to I. Understanding & Analysis
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Step 4 Do You Really Want Her Back?
Now that you understand why your ex girlfriend left, her thought-process during the break
up and why shes hesitant to get back together right now, lets have a look at whether its in
YOUR best interest to take her back in the first place.
You might be tempted to skip this section as the entire reason you invested in this system
was to get your ex girlfriend back! However, this part is all about understanding more about
YOU and why you are drawn to the type of relationships you are drawn to.
If you know you should move on but cant...
If you know you can find someone else but dont want to...
If you constantly find yourself in similar relationships that just dont work
out...
This section will help you identify why and remove any type of conflicting feelings within you.
Someone having conflicting wants and needs can cause them great stress and trauma. Just
imagine the times when you feel like youre battling a great war within yourself, one side
of you pulling one way yet another is pulling you somewhere else. Thats not the most
pleasant feeling and oftentimes youll find yourself immobilized because you keep being
pulled in two different directions.
Lets sort out all those messy conflicts nested in you right now. Once you remove the
splinter that is causing you a lot of heartache, youll be able to move towards a happy and
healthy relationship.
The first step is to realize there IS conflict inside and whether its your heart telling you one
thing and your head telling you another, there is a key reason the two dont agree.
Deep down, you want MORE! More love out of your relationship, more connection,
more affection, more attention and more harmony. Because of this, when our relationships
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are not where we want them to be, we usually suffer and other areas in our life tends to
suffer as well.
The conflict comes from having beliefs about what a relationship should look like. Now,
where do these beliefs come from? Interestingly its not a part of some master plan your
subconscious has for you. Theyre simply little rules or lessons you have picked up along
the way that you just decided youll follow - with no real advantages or meanings as to why.
For example, if you believe youre someone who needs to fix women all the time to feel
needed, youll constantly attract women with issues, or baggage and keep putting yourself in
unhealthy relationships due to your need to want to help and fix women.
The thing is, we dont question our beliefs enough!
We simply decide and then mindlessly stick to these decisions. Remember the rule of
needing to be consistent with your own beliefs and values? If you dont know how to have
more control of what you believe in, youll turn into someone blindly following rules that
you set for yourself 5, 10, 15 years ago. Does that sound insane or what?
Of course there is a reason we dont question our beliefs all the time. A lot of us define
ourselves by our beliefs and values. If we are to question those things, it means well end up
with an identity crisis. Thats when you freak out because you dont know who you are or
what rules you should be following.
That is why many of us stick with our beliefs without questioning them, which works great
until you have beliefs that contradict each other and work against you. Eg. your beliefs about
relationships.
So lets find out whether your beliefs about relationships are working for you or against you.
You need to be completely honest with yourself as you answer these questions:
1. Why do I want a relationship?
2. What are the things that make me NOT want a relationship?
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3. What do I believe makes up a good relationship?
4. What does my girlfriend have to do for me to feel loved?
5. What does my girlfriend have to do for me to feel unloved? (Eg. Pissed off, angry,
upset)
6. What are 3 fears that I have consistently while in a relationship?
Fill out your answers within your Interactive Journal right now.
After answering these you should have a much better understanding of what a relationship
looks like to you. You might be surprised to find that some things do conflict with each
other.
Lets give you some examples using a fictitious character named John.
If John were to fill out the questions, here would be some of his answers.
Why do I want a relationship?
Because I want to feel loved by someone and have a connection with someone.
What are the things that make me NOT want a relationship?
I dont want a relationship because the women I attract always end up hurting me or
cheating on me.
So when John find himself in a relationship, he will be careful not to invest too much of
himself, because his belief is he will eventually get hurt. Once he has that thought, it will
come through in his actions and this will eventually make his belief come true.
He WILL end up being hurt and then hell say to himself See, I predicted this would
happen! Not realizing that he, in fact, was the one making it all happen.
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John will continue to seek relationships, one after the other, only to experience the same
cycle again. Eventually he might conclude that there is something wrong with him and stay
away from relationships altogether, OR even worse, ACCEPT that thats how things are
meant to be!
Lets move on...
What do I believe makes up my ideal relationship?
I believe a good relationship is one where we connect emotionally and physically on

a regular basis.
Heres what I believe must be present in my ideal relationship:
Active and healthy sex life
Communication
Understanding
Now, Id ask John to look back at his last relationship (the one that he wants back), Does
your last relationship live up to your ideal relationship? If Johns answer was no, then he
needs to ask himself, Why do I want back a relationship that was not ideal, by my own
definitions?
Can you see there is conflict when John can clearly define what makes up a good
relationship? Why do you think he would want to return to a relationship that wasnt living
up to his ideal standards?
Lets move on to Johns next few answers:
What does my girlfriend have to do for me to feel loved?
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I believe my girlfriend must always ask for my opinion before doing something.
She must agree with me and my opinions.
She must never look or talk about other guys.
She must have sex with me at least xx times a month.
She must give me affection every day.
What does my girlfriend have to do for me to feel unloved?
She must go against what I say.
When she talks to other guys behind my back.
When she denies me sex for over a month.
When she ignores me.
What are 3 fears that I have while in a relationship?
1. That shell leave me.
2. That I cant trust her.
3. That she wont love me as much as I love her.
When answering the questions:
What does my girlfriend have to do for me to feel loved?
What does my girlfriend have to do for me to feel unloved?
Try to be as specific as I have been in my examples. The reason is sometimes you may find
that your requests can be hard to meet!
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For example, in Johns case:
One of his beliefs for feeling unloved was:
When she talks to other guys behind my back.
One day, hes going to discover that she has been talking to a male co-worker or a male
friend she hasnt seen for a long time over Facebook or Skype, and then he will be furious
and hurt that she has gone behind his back to talk to this other guy.
Do you think its wise that he has the belief that his girlfriend doesnt love him simply
because she was talking to another guy on Skype? What do you think hell be thinking when
she is caught talking to other men? Perhaps shes cheating on him with this other guy?
All John had to do was ask the same question to himself.
Had HE ever talked to a girl who was just a friend? Had he caught up with a friend who was
a girl just for lunch or a drink?
If youre in the position of constantly questioning your woman, give her the benefit of the
doubt. Dont instantly jump to the wrong conclusions because doing so is going to hurt her
and build a bigger wedge between you.
What I want you to get out of doing this exercise is your beliefs about love is not
necessarily the same as someone elses beliefs about love. We all hold different associations
and meanings to different things.
If your ex girlfriend were to fill out the questions above, it would differ greatly from your
own.
Re-attracting her back and keeping her happy in a relationship is only a matter of
understanding how women think and what she wants in a relationship, not what you think
she may want.
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Alright, weve had a lot of thinking to do today so to end this section I just want you to do
one more quiz. This will really push home whether your decision to want the relationship
back is justified or not.
Go here to take this quiz online.
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QUIZ: Should You Get Back Together With Your Ex

Girlfriend?
Imagine for a second that she is at your door and practically BEGGED you to take
her back. Only under one condition... that nothing will have changed and she will not change
herself for you. Your relationship will simply resume back to the way it was, problems and
all.
If under those circumstances, before taking the leap and instantly accepting her back, ask
yourself the following questions first:
1. She doesnt come between me, my friends and my family. True False
2. She is extremely supportive of me and all of my wants. True False
3. Im sure she will be willing to place my needs ahead of her own. True False
4. I am happy to accept her for who she is, without the desire to change True False
anything about her.
5. Her beliefs and values about life match up with my own. True False
6. I see a happier and much more fulfilling future with her in my life. True False
7. I believe she will not force me to make compromises for her in this True False
relationship.
8. I find she makes me incredibly happy. Id rather live my life with her than True False
without her.
9. I dont believe well break up again and its not just wishful thinking. True False
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10. I believe she will be willing to work through any problems in the True False
relationship with me.
Mostly TRUE
You should try to get back together with your ex girlfriend.
Mostly FALSE
Are you SURE you really want her back in your life? There are many things that must
be addressed by you and her if you want to get back together. This needs to be an
ongoing thing. Even if you DO get back together, you should work on the issues
above that you answered FALSE for.
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II.
The Plan
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Step 1 Make Her Chase You

Your Man Factor
Now were getting to the fun part of the plan. Winning your ex girlfriend back is all about
understanding how women work and what triggers will make her chase after you.
The quickest way to change the dynamic between you and your girl is to alter your mindset
and your attitude.
Attitude is EVERYTHING when it comes to luring women.
If you want to get your woman to chase you easily, you must first change your attitude and
your mindset. This is the CORE part of the plan because it affects everything that you do
from how you talk to her to the subconscious messages you will send to her brain. All of
this affects how shell respond to you and how quickly shell chase you and want you back.
As a man, you must understand that you already have within you the power to lure her in
and keep her interest hooked. After all, your biggest advantage is the previous bond you
have created together. If she fell in love with you once, she can fall in love with you again.
At first, altering your attitude is something you need to do consciously. This early part of
the training reprograms your mind to think like a confident and sexy guy until you do it
automatically and it becomes habitual.
The more you do, the better youll get and the more natural it will become to you.
Your Man Factor
What sort of man are women naturally attracted to? Heres the core attraction attributes
women look for in a man. Ive combined it to call it Your Man Factor.
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1. Masculinity do not mistake this as you needing to be some kind of alpha male. Its
about bringing out your individual manliness. Each man has their own style of being
a man. This makes you unique and something that will attract women to you
BECAUSE of your uniqueness.
2. Ambition a man who has ambition is always higher up on the value scale than
men who dont have ambition. Each man should have a dream for his life, for the
man he wants to become and for the family hell eventually want to have map out
yours and be strong about going after those things that matter to you. It will make
you super confident and super attractive to any woman who crosses your path.
3. Inner Strength having inner strength is about knowing who you are, being
confident about who you are and not backing down just to please someone else.
This strength is about voicing your opinions, about standing up for what you believe
in and about having the confidence to believe in yourself and know what is best for
you - that is extremely attractive to a woman.
To best attract your ex girlfriend, you need to raise your social value by focusing on Your
Man Factor when youre around her.
During a break up, this is the time when you feel the LEAST masculine, ambitious or strong,
right? I mean, if you were just dumped or rejected by your girlfriend, your self-esteem will
be at an all time low.
Your Man Factor is something you need to program yourself to feel each morning when you
wake up and reinforce everyday for the next 30 days.
Heres a few tips for doing this:
Step 1: Become The Man You Want To Be By Changing Your

Physiology
Theres a theory that how we feel inside isnt just about what were thinking or feeling
about a certain situation but how our body is reacting to it at the same time.
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Now, when youre sad, what do you do with your body? You may be hunched over, your
head down, your eyes more closed than open and your voice is usually flat or low. That is
the universal body language for feeling sad or depressed.
Contrast that with when youre happy or excited about something. What kind of things do
you do with your body then? You may be standing more upright, your eyes are wide, your
voice is louder with a lot of variety of tone and youre overall more animated. This is also
the universal body language for feeling happy or excited.
How we move our body is usually governed by how we feel inside, BUT, if you want a
shortcut to having The Man Factor even when you dont feel like it, you can trick your body
into thinking you have the attitude first.
Like I said, this is about training yourself to be aware of your attitude each day. If you wake
up feeling lousy, tell yourself: I may feel terrible now, but I can choose NOT to feel like
this.
You can do this by moving, speaking and interacting as the man you want to be: move with
confidence, talk with passion and just getting yourself into the right frame of mind.
Its NOT going to be easy at first. Of course when you first start doing it, its going to feel
fake. In your head you may be thinking: Geez, this is stupid, I dont feel all that good so
how can I act like it?
But trust me, it takes very little time for your head to catch up with your body. The more
you can fake being the ultra women magnet that you are, the more youll actually start to be.
Your mind wont be able to tell the difference after a short period of time.
Heres a simple exercise to demonstrate what I mean:
Put on the BIGGEST smile you can. Not just a small one, but the biggest one you can
muster. Make it reach your eyes and grin so big your cheeks hurt.
Now... try to be sad at the same time. Can you do it?
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This is why laughter is one of the best medicines and being genuinely happy CAN save lives
and make people healthier. Remember your body movement is directly tied to your body
chemistry.
Heres another exercise:
I want you to get up and walk around the room with CONFIDENCE. Make sure youre
alone or you may just end up looking a bit odd to other people around. But do it anyway.
Make sure your movements are strong and certain.
Now, while youre doing this, do you feel shy? Insecure? Its actually tougher than you first
thought huh!
You cant feel confident without acting confident, but if you are acting confident, you can
trick yourself to feel confident sooner or later.
Step 2: Become The Man You Want to Be By Changing Your

Inner Conversation
You are always having conversations with yourself in your head. And believe it or not, the
conversation you have greatly governs how you feel about yourself, your attitude and how
you are perceived by others.
Your Man Factor is about constantly having a conversation with yourself that reinforces the
principles that make you attractive to women: to feel independent, strong and someone
women would want to get to know.
Heres an example of a conversation with yourself:
Wow, I look pretty suave today. I should really dress like this more often cos Im damn
handsome.
Im really excited about this latest project Im involved in, and if Im excited, I want others
to be excited too!
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I have some great and wonderful attributes that I need to share with others more often.
Im a successful, independent and driven man who deserves a woman who appreciates and
loves all these qualities of mine too.
I havent had the greatest luck with women YET, but Ive gotten better and Im learning
something new every day.
I know Im a great catch, I just need to allow myself to be more open to new things.
That inner conversation you have with yourself MUST be 99% positive. In other words,
when you talk to yourself, go EASY on yourself.
Look, so many of us walk around saying the meanest things to ourselves.
Things like:
God, Im such an idiot/loser/nobody.
How can anyone love me when I cant even stand myself.
Im ugly/fat/undesirable.
Why am I so stupid/so dumb/such a loser/so clueless with women?
I mean, come on! If these are things you wouldnt even say to your worst enemy, why
would you say it about yourself?
The best way to get rid of all negative conversations in your head is to replace it with a pre-
determined dialogue that actually helps you obtain and maintain confidence whenever you
need it.
Heres an exercise for you to do. Whenever you catch yourself saying anything that doesnt
reinforce Your Man Factor, come up with some positive and encouraging things to say
instead. Heres a few I came up with:
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I dont need a woman to be happy, I want a woman to share my happiness with.
I deserve a woman who makes me happy and puts effort into the relationship.
Im confident I can solve this problem.
I may not be successful yet, but I will be.
Im definitely more interesting and confident than other men.
Im way more caring, unique and special than other men.
As well as the internal dialogue in your head, you can also program yourself to say positive
things during normal everyday conversation.
Make jokes about being good looking, smart, better than superstars etc. If you do it in a
joking sort of way, people wont think youre obnoxious and full of yourself.
For example, when a friend gives you a compliment:
Hey, that looks really good on you!
You can say in a joking manner: Well, duh, of course it does. Everything looks good on
me. Believe it or not, saying things like this, even though youre being light-hearted
subconsciously TRAINS your mind to actually believe in what youre saying.
Although, it doesnt seem like a big deal, in the long run, it makes a HUGE difference to
your self-esteem.
Step 3: Become The Man You Want To Be By Changing Your

Physical Appearance
You can raise your value instantly by the way you carry yourself in public. Things like,
walking with confidence, having an easy smile, using intelligent comments/ wit and dressing
smart. If you want to be a successful business man, start dressing and acting like a successful
business man. This is a trick that many successful people did when they were starting out to
trick their mind into believing they were ALREADY successful.
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It may feel silly at first, but youll see the more you do it, the more comfortable youll be
doing these things. Not only does it instantly raise your value in societys eyes but youll
trick yourself into believing youre really someone of value and worth too!
Of course, it helps to reinforce this attitude into your mindset first thing each morning to
get you in the right mood.
Creating social value is also about the ability to connect with people and influence them to
like and respect you. This is your social proof. The confidence you will gain from having the
respect of others cannot be underestimated.
I also suggest getting yourself a male role model. By mimicking others who are already at a
level you want to be, you can shortcut your progress significantly. Of course, use this as a
GUIDE only ultimately you want to be your OWN man.
Your Homework For The Next 30 Days
Now that you understand how vital Your Man Factor is to your success, heres what I want
you to do for the next 30 days:
1. Map out the potential man you want to become from how you will look, how
youll walk and talk, down to how youll make other people feel.
2. Find yourself at least 1 male role model that you can model your success after.
Someone whose values and beliefs align with yours so you can look to them as the
physical goal youre trying to become.
3. Create the right Man Factor attitude first thing each morning and carry that with you
for the rest of the day.
Do this no matter what because it will affect every part of the ERS plan!
If you think this is too much work, then ask yourself what youd really be losing out on by
doing this. A few minutes of your morning?
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The hardest part can be to get started, so I suggest you get out your interactive journal and
a pen, and start mapping out the man you want to become right now. I expect you to get
going within the next 3 seconds... 1... 2... 3...
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Step 2 The Seed Letter

Re-Capture Her Attention
Now, having this newfound confidence is great but if your ex girlfriend isnt around to see
all this improvement youre making, then what good is it?
I knew you were going to say that first allow me to drill into you again, your attitude is
everything and its the thing that will make her chase you! So please do the exercise above
before you continue.
Now thats out of the way, lets turn our attention to removing her current resistance to
wanting to chase you to begin with.
The Seed Letter
Before I give you the exact Seed Letter to use to capture her interest, lets see if you are
emotionally ready first.
There is nothing worse than thinking youre emotionally ready for contact, and then losing it
once you actually get a call from your ex girlfriend or worse when she shows up at your
door. You want to be as prepared as possible so you know what youre doing and what
your next step will be.
When Should You Send This Letter?

In the original Ex Recovery System, I had devised a formula to help people pinpoint when
they should seek first contact with an ex.
I found this wasnt always applicable because a lot of people were at different points of the
break up: some people were in irregular contact, some exes wanted to be friends and other
situations where the ex may be doing most of the contacting anyway.
So I decided to improve this section so it was more applicable to most situations.
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So what is the Seed Letter for?
The Seed Letter is purely to capture her interest.
With this in mind, the TIMING of the letter is crucial to get right. If you send the letter too
soon, it will only raise SUSPICION. Thats the last thing you want her to do.
The original First Contact Formula was kind of complicated and needed improvements. This
time, Ive simplified things even further.
Actually, its rather simple...
Write and send the Seed Letter as soon as you meet these criteria!
1. You must accept and agree with her decision to separate.
2. You must have made changes and have exciting news to share.
3. Once you send the Seed Letter you must not contact her and move onto Step 3:
Removing Her Resistance.
If you dont meet all three of the above, then dont send it until you do!
Okay, thats my warning for you, now that youre aware of it lets get onto what this letter
should say.
The key elements in the letter are:
Keep the letter extremely short, LESS than 150 words! (Better if its less than 100
words)
Apologize for any outstanding behaviour
Show understanding and acceptance (youre on HER side)
Have exciting news to share, something you have changed or are changing about
yourself
Prompt HER to call you first (remember youre no longer going to chase her, she
needs to be doing the work)
Show excitement through your words and use of exclamation marks!
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NOT in contact with your ex at all? Use this letter template:
Hey baby!
I just wanted to send a quick message and apologize for my

behaviour lately. I understand what you mean now and I just
dont want to fight anymore.
On other news, Im finally putting my band together! Im

really excited about some of the things that are coming up and
I think Im finally enjoying where things are headed!
Maybe Ill tell you about it one day...
Call me if you ever want to chat.
Talk later,
Your Name
In contact with your ex? Use this letter template:
If youre in contact with your ex, I suggest you slowly DECREASE how often you do talk on
the phone or see each other in person for the next 30 days. Its important that she notices
you clearly pulling away from her, this is how you capture her attention if youre in current
contact.
To prepare for this letter, stop contacting her as often and then send this once distance is
achieved.
Hey baby!
Ive being super busy lately, so sorry if Im responding to

you late. I had a think about it and I understand where you
are coming from about the break up. I just dont want us to
fight anymore.
Anyway, on other news, Im finally putting my band together!

Im really excited about some of the things that are coming up
and I think Im finally enjoying where things are headed!
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Maybe you can come watch us play sometime!
Anyway, talk later
Your Name
Notice that in the second Seed Letter example, I did NOT include the Call me... line.
Thats because if youre in constant contact already the letter will already imply that she
does this.
It is only if youre NOT in contact, she may receive the letter and need a prompt to actually
call you.
Alright, lets break down all the key elements present in this letter.
This letter is only about 81-90 words long. You dont want your ex to open up the letter
and be overwhelmed by pages and pages of text. Keep it short!
I just wanted to send a quick message and apologize for my

behaviour lately.
Once again, reinforce that its a quick message and you didnt spend hours on it. Apologize
for your behaviour if theres any behaviour you need to apologize for.
I understand what you mean now and I just dont want to fight
anymore.
Shows you accept her point of view and understand where she is coming from. This is very
important if you want to remove her resistance. Saying you dont want to fight anymore also
shows change and a new you.
On other news, Im finally putting my band together! Im

really excited about some of the things that are coming up and
I think Im finally enjoying where things are headed!
This paragraph is the KEY of the letter! You must show your life is moving ahead and youre
EXCITED about the changes. This will trigger that curiosity side in your ex and make her
want to pursue you for contact. If only to find out what that new thing is.
Maybe Ill tell you about it one day...
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This line leaves the door open for future contact but also outlines that you intend to give
her space. Theres no pressure from you anymore.
Call me if you ever want to chat.
This gives your ex girlfriend a subtle embedded command as to what to do after she has
read your letter. Call me is a command so you need to make sure it is included at the
beginning of the sentence. This is a key factor to making this work.
As you can see, there is not a lot of difference between the Contact with Ex Letter and
The Not in Contact with Ex Letter.
The biggest difference is actually what you do before and after you send this letter.
If youre NOT in contact, send this letter once you have all the elements in place and youre
emotionally ready for more contact from your ex.
If youre in contact, your aim is to pull back from your ex, and this letter is simply to say
that youre pulling back even more because she doesnt know everything that is going on
with you.
For best results, do not deviate too much from these letter templates. Ive had clients
create 300+ word letters even though I had advised them not too. The longer the letter is,
the LESS effective it will be.
Keep it super short, get straight to the point and then finish and post! If you live locally,
send a handwritten letter. If your ex is a long distance lover, an email will be fine.
WARNING!
Do not mention the word friends. You dont want to be locked into the friends
category.
Mentioning you want to give her space implies you will NOT contact her after this letter.
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Now you may wonder, why go through all the preparation for contact when Im
not even going to contact her?
The aim of the letter is to pique her interest. NOT for you to chase her even more. She
needs to make the rest of the moves.
The second reason for going through the preparation first is when you send this letter it is
VERY likely she will contact you. If she does, you must make sure that you are emotionally
and mentally ready for it.
Before sending the letter, make sure there IS change in your life first. Aim to do just one
thing new that you may include in your letter.
Start a new hobby/activity.
Do something that interests you.
Book an event, outing, fun activity ahead of time.
Look back on the things youve always wanted to do OR even better, always told your ex
you wanted to do, but never did. Now is the perfect time to start doing it. If you can pick
something that has been an issue in the past between you and your ex, thats an even more
added bonus.
What to do if you dont hear back from your ex?

Whether or not you hear back from your ex after contact, move onto the Next Chapter.
Whatever you do, you MUST NOT contact her!
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Step 3 Remove Her Resistance

Rediscover The Best of You
Okay, the next part of the plan is simple. In order to get her to chase you, you must
REMOVE yourself from her life!
A girl cant chase you if youre always there to talk to, always willing to see her and always
want to please her.
There is only ONE rule for the next 30 days.
Focus on You, You and more of YOU!
How do you climb a mountain? One step at a time. The step doesnt have to be large, but it
does need to be consistent.
Were going to focus on transforming your mental, physical and spiritual self. Each
element is designed to create a women magnet aura of confidence and attitude that will help
you attract the woman you want.
There is no better time to do this than directly after a break up. Break ups can bring out the
worst in people. Emotionally it is very draining. But the liberating thing is directly after you
go through the toughest times of your break up, you are forced to view everything
differently. Eg. your future, your goals, your image, who you are as a person (not as
someones boyfriend) and what you want out of your life.
Once you emerge from re-evaluating your life, youll feel a new sense of empowerment.
Youll be stronger and more willing to tackle the challenges ahead.
By understanding yourself to a higher degree, youll be able to protect yourself from

repeating past mistakes and catch issues before they have a chance to snowball into big
unstoppable enemies.
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Embrace Your Freedom

The first step is to enjoy being single!
Youve heard the saying, you cant love someone unless you love yourself first.
In order to attract the things you want, you need to be someone who is deserving of all
those things. That means learning and appreciating the things that make up you as a person,
and falling in love with all those aspects of yourself.
The reason its better to do this while you are single is because a relationship by default
tend to make you feel better about yourself. When youre in a relationship there is a girl to
tell you how wonderful you are, how much you are loved and how special you are. That is
great, but it also takes away the need for YOU to reaffirm these things for yourself.
What eventually happens if youre in a relationship long enough is that you become so used
to someone else validating how great you are, that once that person is gone, youre left
feeling miserable, alone and empty. You dont feel great anymore, you dont feel special
anymore, and thats all because you relied too much on someone else confirming those
things for you.
Lesson #1 When you need to feel good about yourself, look to yourself instead of
others. The answer is already there.
How to Start Being Single
Being single is a mindset not a curse or disease. When youre single youre free. You dont
need to worry about another girl. You look after taking care of your needs and your needs
only. If you want something, you dont have to stop and think whether your girl would want
it too. You take what you want, when you want and youre free to do what you want
(within reason).
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Being single is about doing the things that make you happy.
Some people find this scary and others find it extremely liberating. Others have the single
mindset even when theyre in a relationship.
But lets replace the word single with independent.
So where do we start?
Step 1: Clear Your Ex Girlfriend OUT

You need to start living and breathing independence. Embrace it instead of shying away from
it. It will not only empower you, youll gain control of your emotions and the upper-
hand in your relationship.
Start by removing everything in your life that reminds you of your ex. Go through your
house and pack away everything that holds some sort of emotional association with your ex
girlfriend.
Find everything that reminds you of her and your relationship together, eg photos, messages,
love letters, gifts and store them away in a box. Get on the computer and gather everything
into its own folder. Include instant message conversations, emails, photos etc. Burn it to a
CD and put it away along with the rest of the stuff.
Write your exs contacts on a piece of paper and delete all of her contact information from
your phone and/or computer.
Dont worry this isnt permanent, but it is important to remove all temptations to
contact while youre doing this step. You dont want to keep seeing her name on your MSN
or Yahoo list and feel tempted to message her.
A note on Facebook if you both use it:
DO change your relationship status to something OTHER than in a relationship

with your ex. I recommend changing it to BLANK.
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DO take down the pictures you have together. (Its just awkward for you and her to
leave these up.) I recommend doing it during a CALM period so not directly after a
fight/argument/breakup/sending The Seed Letter. You can always put them back up
or put up new ones when youre back together. (I recommend 1-2 weeks after you
send the Seed Letter)
DO add new friends and be social to your other friends.
DO update everyone on your changes and the exciting things you are doing.
DO NOT talk about the break up or your ex girlfriend.
DO NOT block or delete your ex girlfriend.
DO NOT look at her profile AT ALL.
Dont make this exercise seem like a chore. Youre not throwing anything away, just
rearranging and cleaning up so you feel better afterwards. Once everything is in a box, put it
somewhere difficult to reach. Eg. In a closet underneath a heap of other boxes.
Make sure everything in there is not essentials that youll need to use, like a gift that
happens to be your phone!
After youre done, reward yourself! Giving rewards is a big part of this process. Treat
yourself to chocolate, a movie, gifts, new clothes or anything that you would really like. The
better the reward the more motivated youll feel.
Step 2: Fall In Love With You

At the end of the day, relax somewhere quiet, get out your Interactive Journal and jot
down everything that you love about you; all of your best qualities, the things youre good at
and what great obstacles you have overcome in the past.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
1. What am I really good at?
2. What is something I do that makes me smile?
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3. What great obstacles have I overcome in the past?
4. What are some great qualities others have told me about me in the past?
5. What do I enjoy doing?
6. What makes me different to everyone else?
7. What were some qualities that attracted my ex girlfriend to me in the first place?
Step 3: Your Image

When it comes to your appearances, how you feel on the inside reflects highly on how you
look on the outside too. Most of us are slightly obsessed about how others see us, but if it
hasnt been high on your list of priorities, now is a good time to do a body image evaluation.
Even if you always take good care of your image, you shouldnt skip this exercise. Its never
a bad idea to experiment and try out new things.
Its not how you change, only that you DO change. Remember you need to build up
momentum of change by doing the little things. When they accumulate, it will give you a
huge boost in confidence.
Stand in front of a full-length mirror in something you normally wear. Just take yourself in
for a few minutes. See yourself as a whole instead of instantly focusing on all your flaws.
Imagine you have never seen yourself before and the person standing before you is a
complete stranger. Now give this stranger an evaluation.
Does this person look happy?
Does this person look inviting?
Does this person look like he would have a lot of admirers?
Do you wish you knew that person?
Now, see yourself as you again:
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Am I happy with the way I look?
Does the way I look reflect how I feel about myself?
Do I think Im good looking?
Do I look like Im fit and full of energy?
Do I look like Im capable of attracting women into my life?
You might not answer Yes for all of these and that is fine. The key thing is to take note of
how your image makes you feel and if there are areas youre not completely happy with.
You know those are things you can work on.
When it comes to clothes, youll need to see what you have accumulated over the years and
look at them collectively as a whole. Do these clothes fit your personality? Are they clothes
you feel comfortable and proud to wear? Do they make you happy wearing them?
If that description fits some of the items in your wardrobe, take note of which ones and why.
The others you should throw out or keep aside for a rainy day.
Next time when you go clothes shopping, you can specifically target the type of clothes that
you know fits well and make you feel good.
You can experiment and take risks by going for a completely new look but remember, it
might feel or look good in the store but you need to ask yourself practical questions like: do
I really see myself wearing this amongst friends, family, my ex? Would I feel comfortable
wearing it out? Is it really me?
Dont go too drastic, the point of buying new clothes is to feel good and confident! Getting
clothes that are too bold might just mean it never sees the light of day.
Physical changes:
No one is completely happy with the way they look naked. But it is important to be happy
with MOST of how you look. You might hate your arms or your chest but the overall
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package should be something youre quite pleased with. After all thats what makes you
unique!
If youre really unhappy with the way you look, you need to get to the bottom of why. Are
you overweight? Under-weight? Disproportional? Too short? Too tall?
We tend to make a bigger deal of things than they really are. How you see yourself isnt
always how others see you. If there are elements about yourself you dislike, you need to
start appreciating those things just as how others appreciate you.
Body image is all in your mind and the more you put yourself down, the more hopeless and
miserable you will feel. Once you get to a self-abusive state you will find it hard to exert any
sort of positive energy.
Lesson #2 - Learn to love who you are the way you are.
Step 4: Personal Development & Growth

Step 4 is my favourite step and its the most important component to this chapter. People
need continual growth in life to remain happy and fulfilled. However, an alarming
amount of people fail to do this and fall into a rut.
This is a huge mistake. If youre not growing, youre dying. Sorry to be so negative. But
everything in life must grow or else they die. Is this not true?
You know youve been neglecting a certain area in your life when you find yourself saying:
I want to do ____ but just havent had time.
If only I had X then Id be able to do Y.
Ill do ____ tomorrow.
Yea, but....
And the list goes on. Excuse after excuse right?
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Thats all they are, a butt-load of EXCUSES. This isnt a huge problem unless these are
things that are preventing you from growing and moving ahead in life.
When youre feeling sad or depressed without understanding why, its because deep down,
you know youve fallen off track; from achieving your dreams, your goals, the things that
make you want to get out of bed each morning, the things that make life worth living; Your
PURPOSE in life.
I cant tell you to change. That has to come from inside you. I just want to plant a seed in
you a desire to do something about the areas in your life that isnt working anymore.
Personal development is a huge area, and out of the scope of this book. However, Id like
you to start defining some of your immediate goals right now. The things youd like to
achieve within the next 3 months... the things that will have an impact on your ex girlfriend.
The key areas you should focus on are:
Health & Well-being
Self-development
Relationships
Career
Fun
In your Interactive Journal, jot down achievable goals you can accomplish within the next
1 - 3 months. Try for a couple of smaller goals or one major goal within each category
above. They dont have to be anything massive, and in fact, to keep you from following
through, I suggest to keep goals small for now.
For example:
Under Health & Well-being, your goals could be:
To lose weight.
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To eat healthier.
To quit smoking.
Under Self-development:
Every week, I will go out and/or participate in a hobby/activity that I enjoy.
Be more positive and less negative.
Under Relationships:
I will meet someone new every week.
I will further develop a current relationship with a friend or co-worker.
Under Career:
I will enrol into University.
Aim for a promotion.
Deposit at least $10,000 in my savings account.
Under Fun:
To paint and draw
DIY projects
Bungee jumping
Sky diving
Wakeboarding (water sports)
After writing down your goals, dont simply put it away and forget you have ever written it.
Instead, take IMMEDIATE action towards fulfilling some of those goals.
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Some of these goals you will complete immediately, others might take longer. I suggest, after
achieving one, to cross it out. Once you have all the goals accomplished within one
Category, create new goals for yourself.
Additionally, youll want to create Long-Term goals for yourself. These are things you want
to achieve within the next 1 5 years. Set realistic goals, and break these large goals into
smaller bite size goals.
Dont allow yourself to get caught up in the daily grind; going through the motions and living
day-to-day. Youll feel alright for a while, but one day youll wake up, look back on your life
and not see any progress. This is how people fall into depression.
You only have one life to live, make it good and set some nice big goals for yourself.
The great thing about this is that, the more you accomplish, the happier and more
confidence you will gain as a result. Not only will you have a ton of things to tell your ex,
but this will show her actual CHANGE and momentum in your life.
Remember Your Man Factor. Setting goals and achieving them will give you a MASSIVE
boost in confidence and will consequently make you feel independent too. The less stressful
your life is, the happier you are and the more care you will have for others as well as
yourself.
Your ex girlfriend wont be able to help but be extremely drawn to you because anyone
who is living a quality life and is HAPPY will naturally attract a lot of good people too.
Special Note!
As youre finding new things to do under FUN, also jot down potential Date ideas for you
and your girl to do once you are back together. This will come in handy later on in keeping
the spice in your relationship. Always be on the lookout for cool Date ideas. It is only
limited by your imagination and there are things to do to suit all budgets.
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Wrapping up How to Start Being Single

Remember the 4 steps to being single:
1. Clear your life of distractions of your ex.
2. Identify and fall in love with all the qualities that make up you.
3. Become aware of the visual image you present to the world. Dress and present your
image in a manner that makes you feel confident and comfortable.
4. Set goals to accomplish within the next 1 3 months that will have an impact on
your ex. Remember if youre not growing, youre dying!
Resistance Eraser
Removing Your Exs Resistance While You Work on Yourself
No Contact, Limited Contact & Everything In Between
During this time as you work on yourself, you will also be simultaneously removing your
Exs resistance to you. The best way to do this is by allowing space to come between you
and your Ex naturally, and using a few tricks to lure her in slowly.
By giving your ex girlfriend space away from you, it allows her to forget hurtful feelings and
be able to rebuild the trust she needs to communicate with you without being tainted by
the break up.
If your case falls within the following:
You work together
You live together
You have kids together
In these cases, youll need to use Limited Contact how you handle these situations are
listed below.
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If you are ALREADY in regular contact with your Ex, you need to use the Push/Pull
Reverse Tactic.
And in any other case, you should firmly be using No Contact.
No Contact
No Contact means just that. You can NOT contact your ex girlfriend under ANY
circumstance. This includes:
If you have your things at the Exs House or your Ex has things at your house.
Any Holiday events including: Christmas, Birthdays, Anniversaries etc
You heard from a mutual friend that your Ex wants to talk to you.
Youre dying to know what your Ex is up to.
You miss your Ex like crazy.
Your ex is going away in XX amount of days/weeks.
Your ex is getting married.
There are only a few exceptions to when you can break No Contact and if you need to
know when you can break No Contact, heres a simple way to evaluate this.
If your Ex was a distant relative, would you send a message to her at

this time?
So, if you wouldnt send a birthday message to a distant relative, there is no need to send
one to your Ex.
No Contact is meant to be harsh and completely different to everything youre USED to

doing. Its not NATURAL to treat the person you love as if she doesnt matter to you
anymore.
BUT...
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You must remember, you ONLY need to stay in No Contact for as long as your Ex is not
chasing after you. As soon as she calls you, text you and asks you a question, you can stop
No Contact.
On the other hand, as soon as your Ex stops all contact, its time to go back to No Contact
again. This is because your Ex WANTS you to be the one chasing. The Ex Recovery
System is not about how to chase after your Ex, its about getting her to chase YOU.
Anytime you feel like youre doing all the work again, its time to go back to No Contact.
Due to the severely of No Contact, it is an EXTREMELY powerful psychological tactic to

use on your ex girlfriend.
Youll see far better and faster results if you use No Contact as its meant to be used.
Limited Contact - Remaining In Contact With Your Ex

Even though you should not contact your ex while focusing on YOU, that doesnt mean
unexpected conversations or encounters wont occur.
This might happen if:
She calls you out of the blue just to get something from you.
You bump into her while out.
You need to see her on a regular basis due to work, school or marriage
commitments (kids etc).
During these encounters you simply need to remember to:
Be happy and upbeat.
Keep conversations brief, 10 15 minutes max, then exit gracefully by saying you
need to be somewhere/do something.
Keep topics purely on a social level, dont get personal.
You must never:
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Talk about problems youre facing.
Bring negativity to any topic that IS raised.
Bring up the break up.
If she asks questions about you, keep your answers vague but express enthusiasm. Dont
offer details or information about yourself willingly.
You want to be as emotionally distant from her as much as possible because remember, you
said you would give her space and thats exactly what youre going to do.
Push Pull Reverse Tactic

This is a tactic to use if youre neither in No Contact or Limited Contact with your Ex. This
happens when:
Your Ex initiates contact regularly
Youre friends with your ex
Your ex uses push pull tactics on you (hot and cold)
Basically, I call it the Push Pull Reverse Tactic to reverse the effect from your Ex doing push
pull on you, to you on her.
Push pull is about drawing her close and then shutting her out again in a predictable pattern.
What to do:
You act completely happy, upbeat and excited when your ex initiates contact (like
normal)
Then make sure YOU always pull away first by not contacting your Ex for longer
periods of time than normal.
If your Ex gets suspicious and confronts you about it, you should always deny that youre
doing it on purpose.
This is a good time to mention youre busy working on all those new goals you set for
yourself!
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At this point, you should always make it up to your Ex by acting happy, upbeat and giving
her heaps of attention again.
Once again, make sure to pull away first.
The more upset your Ex becomes, the more its a sign that its working. At this point, you
need to also use other additional tactics to keep her hooked or else she will simply lose
interest and allow you to slip away. (I go more in-depth on this in the next section)
What to Do When Your Ex Wants More From You
There are times when she will not feel comfortable with this new you, and might even
lash out by being emotional, rude or any other odd behaviour that makes it hard for you to
keep your distance.
This happens when an ex wants more from you than is appropriate.
Examples are when:
An ex wants intimacy.
An ex wants companionship.
An ex wants help or support of some kind.
If she acts as if shes still in a relationship with you but will not commit, this is HER strategy
to fulfil her own needs.
As I have mentioned before, if you insist on giving her everything, anytime she wants, then
she no longer needs to chase you anymore!
Dont make the misconception that shes doing it to test your devotion to the relationship
or to her. You dont HAVE a relationship right now. SHE needs to win you back if she
wants more of you.
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Lesson #3 - You must train others to treat you the way you want to be treated not
the other way around.
The truth is she doesnt really want you to succumb to her every wish. What she wants is a
man who commands respect. Thats the sign of a strong, independent and
extremely sexy man because he knows his own worth.
Stand up tall to your ex and show her you want and deserve more than shes willing to give.
Let her know you wont stand for anything less.
What to do during Holidays/Birthdays/Anniversaries

Unless youre on strict No Contact, you can opt to send your Ex a card on special holidays.
The rule is if youre going to send something to your ex, send it late and only send
something small like a card.
Dont get fancy with flowers, presents etc. Keep it simple.
A good tip is to send the card on the DAY of the holiday, so itll get to her a few days late.
It is very likely that your ex might expect something from you. This will play on her
conscience when she doesnt get anything, and might even prompt her to call you.
Once she does get the card you send, she might even become emotional.
This strategy ensures that you show you still care and firmly places you in her mind.
To wrap up:
Weve covered...
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How to Start Being Single becoming a better improved YOU and growing into
a confident, happy individual. Remember, youre collecting ammunition for attracting
her back.
How NOT to push your ex away during this time.

As important as it is to focus on yourself. You still want to show your ex that you
care... just at a controlled distance away.
Resistance Eraser how to remove resistance using No Contact, Limited Contact

or the Push Pull Reverse Tactic. This sets the stage for the next chapter.
After 30 days OR unless she contacts you first, youre ready to move onto...
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Quiz: Are You Ready For Contact?
Circle True or False:
Youre still having trouble eating, sleeping or working because of thoughts of True False
your ex girlfriend.
You find yourself constantly checking your phone, email or any other True False
communication device to see if your ex girlfriend has tried to contact you.
You constantly want to numb the pain of the break up. True False
There are still feelings of anger and resentment when you think of your True False
relationship.
You want to cry when you run through the details of the break up. True False
It feels like your future is shattered without your ex girlfriend. True False
You still blame yourself for the break up even though you dont know why. True False
Youd rather stay at home than go out with friends/family. True False
Theres a chance you might become emotional/lose it during an unpleasant True False
conversation with your ex girlfriend.
You feel like anything you say or do is only going to make things worse. True False
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Mostly TRUE
You might need a bit more time before contact. You dont need to strictly stop
communications for good, but keep in mind you are extremely vulnerable at this
time and your ex girlfriend will know that youre still not quite over the break up.
This might mean shell regard your consequent actions as suspect; your only motive
being to get back together. Even though that is true, you dont want her to know
that.
The chance to make even more mistakes can be upon you when youre not
emotionally ready to face your ex yet. Therefore, I strongly advise you to keep your
distance until you DO have your emotions in order.
Mostly FALSE
Great, theres a good chance youre ready to make contact now.
Take This Quiz Online Here.
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Step 4 Re-Attraction
Drive Her Crazy With These Ancient Attraction
Techniques
There are TWO TYPES of method to get your ex girlfriend back. You can use one or
both methods.
a. The Direct Method
b. The Indirect Method
The concept behind The Direct Method is that ideally, you want to bond, reconnect and
attract your ex girlfriend back over a casual and fun date, revealing the real you through
one-on-one/face-to-face interactions. This method works great IF you can get your ex
girlfriend on a date with you. The problem is, for many people, one month is just not long
enough for an ex to agree to go on a date with you.
The advantage of this method is the speed that it can bond you with your ex girlfriend
again.
The second method, The Indirect Method is a much more subtle way of getting her back
It was created to help those in:
Long Distance Relationships
Where dating wouldnt work
When an ex refuses to accept a date with you
If you have tried everything you could think of to win her back
I want to stress that The Indirect Method requires 1 2 months to take affect and if
after 2 months your ex still shows no signs of coming back, its time for you to move on.
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The Direct Method
a. If you have given your ex space
If you have given your ex sufficient space from your Seed Letter, and she has not tried to
contact you. Its time to re-establish contact by inviting her to a short get-together;
something casual and fun.
b. If your Ex cracked and broke no contact
If she has started to contact you and is showing some interest in you, you can easily get a
date out of her. Its as casual as asking her out to a small get-together over lunch or coffee.
The Plan of Attack To Drive Her Wild!

Youre going to invite her out for a simple 30 minute to 1 hour get-together where you can
catch up. During this date, youll embed some psychological tactics that will wet her
appetite for more. Remember, if she is already chasing you, youre on the right track. You
can now have some fun and tease her a little to really drive her wild!
The Place
You want to pick a place she has never been to before. Youll need to scour your town for
a location that best fits the following:
Small coffee shop, cafe-type place.
Nice, relaxing atmosphere. Eg. A place with comfy cushions and soothing music.
Avoid loud music, overcrowded people.
Go there a few times by yourself or with a friend so you know firsthand whether the overall
service will be a good experience for you and your ex girlfriend.
First Contact After Giving Her Space

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This is what youll need to do if your ex girlfriend have NOT made contact for the last 30
days (for best results however, I HIGHLY recommend waiting until she makes first contact).
Before calling, make sure youre emotionally ready for contact (Quiz: Are You Ready For
Contact?).
You need to think through your phone call BEFORE dialling her number. Here are some
simple guidelines to follow:
Pick an ideal time to call; when she will have a few moments to talk to you
privately.
Be happy and upbeat.
Ask to catch up in the upcoming week. Pick a date and time yourself.
Keep it short.
Try to keep things light. Make small talk with her for a few minutes, bring up something
familiar and do a little mini catch up before you come out with your invitation. If you wait
until you have a good vibe going, your ex will more likely agree to meet you.
Dont be scared or nervous to talk to your ex. Remember shes not going to bite and
youve known her for a while. She will appreciate it when things arent awkward between
you.
Your Ex Says Yes

If you have planned your phone call carefully before calling and your invitation is specific and
non-threatening, the chance of your ex accepting is much higher.
Your Ex Says No
If your ex doesnt take you up on the offer, be completely cool about it and exit quickly
with grace. You can remind her that it is only coffee and it wont kill her, but only do it once!
Make sure you say it in a joking tone, so she doesnt feel threatened or pressured.
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Dont linger in the conversation to ask why or try to convince her otherwise because
you dont want to sound needy. She may need a little more time, wait a week before trying
to contact again.
You may get a call from her later on, its common shes not prepared for it the first time
around and need some time to think things through.
If you dont hear from her, just leave it. She may have more issues concerning the break up
than meets the eye and really, you dont want to chase her anymore.
In the case you get voicemail...

At this point, dont leave a message. Remember shell know you have called. Its best not
to let her know why. This will also prompt your ex to call you back as well.
Wait a few days to a few weeks before calling again and never call more than once a day!
If your second call goes unanswered, leave a short message saying you would like to talk to
her and if she could get back to you that would be great
If by this point your ex is still not responding, I suggest you go on strict No Contact until
SHE contacts you!
The Meeting
Remember to relax, aim to have fun and reconnect through casual conversation. You should
be emotionally prepared for your get-together and all feelings of panic should be repressed
or ignored.
Be yourself, dont bring up problems of the past and stick to all the positive things going on
in your life.
Dress to Impress
Men, iron your clothes, wear something new your ex has never seen before. Something that
accentuates your positive features is going to have the best appeal. Eg, if you have a nice
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upper body but short legs, go for a more fitting shirt and tight but long dark pants. If you
need help with this, ask for assistance at clothing stores.
The Hug Greet

When you first meet, ease the tension of the moment by giving her a hug. A brief, gentle but
firm embrace is what youre after as soon as you see her. Dont hesitate. Your ex is likely to
be a little nervous and doing this will help calm her nerves. This will act as a pleasant
surprise, which is the vibe you want to get across; youve changed, youre a different person,
youre a relaxed, happy and confident.
Starting off with physical contact will also jolt her memory on the familiarity of being close
to you again. You want to bring up fond memories of the past to bond you closer together.
Your aim is to make her feel comfortable and allow the conversation to flow naturally.
During The Date

Ask your ex what is happening in her life and talk about the things shes passionate about. Eg.
If you know your ex was looking to become a doctor at the time of the break up, ask her
how that is going, what her plans are for the future and what steps shes taking now to
accomplish some of her goals. Be supportive of her goals and ambitions.
Open up about some of the new things you have experienced and changes youve made in
your life. However dont go on and on about how wonderful your life is now. Boasting
about how great things are since the break up, will only make your ex feel bad about her
own life if it doesnt seem quite as exciting.
Be brief when talking about yourself and try to focus more of the attention on her.
Add Subtle Female Triggers to Get Her Attention

Below Ive included female attraction tactics to use on your first meetup. Make sure to use
them sparingly on this first date to wet her appetite, if you have a great date, youll have
plenty more chances to see her and use it on her again.
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The Break Up Talk

If the break up is brought into the conversation, remind her that youve accept it and that
you dont dwell on the past anymore. What is done is done and youre focused firmly on
the future. This will give her another indication that youve changed.
If she insists on talking about the break up or the issues around it, LISTEN! Dont butt in or
ignore what she has to say. The fact that she wants to talk about it means shes not over it
and theres a strong chance they want to work things out with you.
After listening to her, mention that youd like to work through these things at a later time.
Right now, you just want to enjoy catching up again.
If she still wants to talk about it, work with her and get things sorted. This time, you should
be in more control. Talk about your feelings and what you want without getting emotional.
Whatever you do, dont turn things into a fight. Remain calm and be happy that you are
working through this.
Your Ex Moving On
Prepare to hear that she is moving on and is happy in her new life with someone else. This
may inevitably happen, and you cant expect it not to.
What is important to remember is your REACTION to this news.
She will be testing how truly over the break up you are by seeing your reaction. If you
winch and look away, fidget nervously, go quiet or start looking sad, this is a clear indication
that youre not over the break up.
What I suggest:
Keep eye contact.
Be genuinely happy for her.
Dont fidget, look away, frown or say something negative to bring her down.
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Dont criticise her just to make yourself feel better. Remember this conversation is to
bring yourself into the good light with your ex. Even if she appears to be happy with
someone else; it doesnt necessarily mean shes not still in love with you.
How to Keep Her Interest For Another Date

You may hit things off beautifully and before you know it, an hour has passed. Remember to
end things on a high note. Say youve had a great time and you should catch up sometime
again.
If things went really well, your ex may act very interested for another get-together. If she
suggests one, tease and flirt with her a little by saying: Maybe, if youre good. Or Im not
sure, Ill have to think about it. Or Im not sure, maybe if you dress this sexy next time.
NEVER give the impression that you expect to see her again, always expect HER to be the
one asking to see you again.
Hug goodbye to end your date and thats it!
Post Date Contact Rule

This is extremely important so pay attention.
If you want your woman to chase after you, you must NOT contact her first after
your first meetup.
If the date went really well, be CONFIDENT that she will contact you first.
If youre confused why she hasnt called after a week or more, drop her a quick note on
Facebook or text message that is just casual like: Hey, did you see XXX the other day? I
thought she looked good huh?
Do NOT call and demand to know why she hasnt called you yet!
If the date did not go well, allow her a few weeks away from you and wait to see if she does
eventually contact you. If she doesnt, send her a casual message like the one above.
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After that, do NOT contact until she initiates contact with you.
When she does call, be surprised to hear from her. Make polite chit-chat and wait to see
what she is after. If she is calling you, chances are its a GOOD thing. If she asks you out on
another date, thats even better.
Once again, flirt and tease her, dont make her have it too easy, especially if you know an
invitation is coming up.
Female Attraction Triggers to Make Her Want You
Alright, if youre at the stage where you and your ex hang out or date but youre unsure
where your relationship stands, these female attraction triggers will ensure that youre
pushing the right HOT buttons to keep her wanting you more and more each time.
Keep in mind Your Man Factor whenever youre around her, and she wont be able to resist
you!
1. Smile
This may be pretty obvious, but if you SMILE more at a woman, its going to automatically
make HER smile more. (If you make her smile more, it automatically puts you in her good
books and makes her feel good around you).
Smiling is extremely contagious and its also something that is very simple and easy to do.
Smiling indicates to a woman that youre easy-going, happy and have a sense of humour
about things; basically youre not all gloom and doom about your life and you have a positive
and upbeat vibe!
The only trick to this is to appear GENUINE when you do it. If you constantly have a smile
plastered on your face, then it will only come across as creepy and weird! Just be genuine
and youll notice that not only will your mood be lifted but hers will be too.
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NOTE: If she starts asks why youre smiling, or what youre smiling about, just reply that
you are happy to see her and youre just having a good day. This would also be a good time
to refer to the things youre doing in your life right now.
2. Use Intelligence and Wit
You may have heard the saying: Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of
intelligence.
One of the things women look for in a man is their intelligence. Me and other women Ive
known tend to seek out men who know more than we do. This is because its just really
nice to have a problem that the guy youre with can solve quickly. Plus its just really
impressive to be with a guy who knows more than you do.
Now, I know if youre reading this youre DEFINITELY an intelligent man, so thats not a
problem.
The problem may be HOW you show that intelligence.
This is why I recommend using your sense of humour to your advantage. Wit usually goes
hand-in-hand with intelligence, and its one of the best ways to show this off without coming
across as arrogant and obnoxious.
The other benefit of showing wit this way is that its just fun. Women like to be around men
who are fun and entertaining. Keep her on her toes and shell want to keep coming back for
more.
3. Cleanliness Is Next to Godliness
The most important thing about your appearance when it comes to women is that youre
CLEAN. Simply?
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Well, for women it seems pretty obvious, but some men still tend to think theyre in the
cavemen days and expect women to swarm all over them when they look like they spent
the last 8 hours rolling around mud wrestling each other.
Just as men like women who could be potential mothers for their child, women also look
for men who could embody the ideal father for their child. This is why first impressions and
how you dress and appear is very important to a woman.
Clearly, your ex knows your sense of style in fashion and personal hygiene, but what
happens during a break up can make a guy go backwards in the looks department. So if you
havent been bothered to shower, wash your clothes, shave etc because you figure whats
the point, she isnt going to see me anyway, then you couldnt be any more WRONG!
The point is word gets around, especially if youre in a small town and you definitely dont
want to bump into your ex looking less than marvellous. Looking less than great also puts
a great dent in your self-esteem.
So, put the effort in to keep your skin clean, hair trimmed and washed, nails clean,
teeth/mouth clean and fresh and wear clean and ironed clothes. You dont need to go out
and get a new wardrobe.
Also using deodorant or a tiny bit of cologne is a plus as well.
4. Use Playful Flirting to Build Sexual Tension
Flirting is a great way to create subconscious tension and make her aware that youre
interested without you needing to say you are. This is different to confessing you want her
back because the unspoken word here is 10x more powerful to influence her subconscious.
Heres how to flirt with her:
Use open body language like back straight, shoulders back, chest out, arms open,
hands unclenched, body leaning forward, feet pointing to her.
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Accidental touches: when you reach out to get something and you brush her arm,
lean into her a little when standing side by side
Wipe something from her lips when shes eating
Brushing her hair away from her face.
Preening yourself.
Tease her playfully.
Now, when you do this, she will know youre flirting with her. Ideally she should flirt back
with similar body language, HOWEVER, if she doesnt or she is showing signs of disinterest
or discomfort, just ignore it. Shes still conflicted inside and its best that you dont allow her
discomfort to make YOU uncomfortable.
A confident man is someone who wouldnt let these things bother him, so dont let it
bother you.
5. Super Confidence
Heres another obvious one that Ive mentioned a fair few times. Being confident is really
just about knowing who you are, what youre about, what youre willing to do and the
things that you believe in, and STICKING by them even if other people dont agree with you.
Its about knowing your own self-worth and others will respect you for it.
That means youre not going to succumb to everything she asks you to do or do things just
to please her. You need to place yourself first here, and by doing that it will show her that
youre a strong, independent and confident person! And thats the type of man a woman
admires and wants to be with.
6. Touch Her Accidentally
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When you reach for something, accidentally touch her hand. When youre making a point in
the conversation, touch her briefly on her arm. Try standing physically closer to her too so
you can bump shoulders every now and then.
Dont make this too obvious and this may need to be situational, but subconsciously youll
remind her that you dont just want to be friends and should help build sexual tension and
make her think of you OTHER than a friend (which is what you want).
Touching each other is extremely sexy and powerful way to flirt, heres some other ways to
create situational touches.
Open doors for her and when she steps inside, place your hand on her waist, as if
youre escorting her.
Read her palm to tell the future (great way to touch her hand)
Tickle her or playfully punch her when she is teasing you.
Theres tons of ways to touch without it being weird, but all of these work to build
subconscious sexual tension.
Make sure that every time you see her, that you find some way to touch her slightly.
7. Be Mysterious
Its no fun if you always reveal everything straight away. Tease her, delay her, keep some
things from her but make sure she knows youre doing it for fun.
For example, instead of offering information upfront, make her guess for it first. This creates
great banter and interesting dialogue.
Make her dig information out of you in a playful manner. The more fun she has interacting
with you, the more shell welcome more dates and time with you.
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A man who is mysterious will also create a need for a woman to want to decode him.
This is why women will spend hours trying to figure a guy out with her friends and this is
also what will keep you constantly on her mind.
To be mysterious, you just need to be a little spontaneous, a little unpredictable and hint
things at her instead of tell her everything if you want to capture her attention. A great way
to do this is through the use of humour, ambiguous language and teasing her about
something but never fully explaining what you mean.
8. Toot Your Own Horn
This one you need to be somewhat careful about using, but I strongly advise that you do it
without OVER-doing it.
Heres why its important for you to toot your own horn in front of her. Women are
attracted to confident, intelligent and driven men who know what they want and arent
afraid to go after the things they want.
If you have achieved things youre proud of, SHOW IT OFF. Dont be shy and timid about
this, this is about you and about your accomplishments. She also needs to see that youre
making progress and not just a lazy couch potato that sits around drowning in misery every
night.
This is probably the only time you shouldnt be mysterious, and when you tell her these
things, you want to make it sound like youre REALLY excited and proud of yourself!
If you sound excited it will get HER excited and make HER feel good for you too!
Believe me this works!
NOTE: Is there a point of overdoing it? Well, yes, if you find yourself going on and on and
on about yourself and your achievements, then you may be in trouble.
If you see her getting BORED, then you also need to stop and change the focus back onto
her.
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9. Social Proof
Social proof is a POWERFUL tool to get your ex girlfriend to instantly pay attention to you.
Theres many ways to use social proof to your advantage, so heres just a few ways to get
your creative juices flowing:
Get a lot of friends to comment on your Facebook wall (you do this by commenting
on other peoples wall first)
When you go out to a lunch date or to the mall, be extremely charming and sociable
to the waiters or store person. It makes you look like a very popular and social
person.
Briefly mention that youve had a lot of party invites lately but youre just so busy!
(Implies of social proof here)
Briefly mention youve noticed girls checking you out or some girls bugging you to
take them out, but youre just not interested.
Briefly mention that youve been hanging out with friends who are girls lately.
Showing social proof is a very subtle but extremely powerful tactic. It will definitely play on
her mind and make her want to stick close by just in case she wants you back and youre no
longer available!
WARNING ABOUT SEX WITH AN EX GIRLFRIEND
For women, sex is bonding and if you have sex with your ex, then in her mind youre back
together. In order to woo a girl into the bedroom however, the foreplay must start
DURING your date.
If your ex doesnt want to come back with you dont make a fuss, end the date gracefully
like you did the first time. This time however end the date with a kiss, this signifies that
there is progression in your relationship.
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You can schedule another date in a few days and just repeat all the good things you have
done so far and remember if shes not keen to come back to your place, take it slow, you
shouldnt put too much pressure on her as it will just push her further away.
The Direct Method Overview
Okay, so you now have some female attraction tactics to use during your get-togethers. The
good news is, even if you cant officially get her on a date with you, you can still use these
tips every time you interact with each other.
I also recommend mixing parts of the Direct Method with the Indirect Method below.
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The Indirect Method
The Indirect Method is all about training your ex over a certain period of time to see you
as attractive, fun, sexy and IMPROVED version of you. Youll be building attraction and
connection through a few systematic tactics.
Please be ethical about using some of these. Not everyone will feel morally right about using
some of these tactics. Thats fine, I dont expect you to use them all, just pick the few that
feels most comfortable for you.
To win your ex girlfriend back requires the right mindset and confidence, but its also
learning to be sharp-minded and focused.
You want to treat building her attraction for you like a thermostat. Raise the temperature
slowly over a long period of time and she wont notice what is happening until its too late
and youve got her. She will feel herself slowly fall in love with you with equal or more
intensity as before. The best part is, shell think it was HER idea.
The main concept behind this method is that small things accumulate overtime and build
into something huge in the end. The key is not to focus on getting your ex back, focus on
the MAN Factor and focusing on YOU whilst gradually building up contact and connection.
WARNING!
Keep the reasons she left FIRMLY in your mind. Every time she see or talk to you, it will be
subconsciously in her to remind her of why she left in the first place. You must make sure
you are aware of this too.
If your break up was due to TRUST issues, remember trust is something you EARN
overtime and can be destroyed in an instant. This is why if youre dealing with trust, you
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need to take it seriously and work hard on maintaining and building that trust one small step
at a time. Youll need a lot of patience here.
Emotional Programming
The first tactic is emotional programming, which is essentially training or programming your
ex girlfriend to think a certain way about you. If you want her to think of you as attractive,
sexy and fun, this is where Emotional Programming comes in. You need to associate
ATTRACTIVE, SEXY and FUN to the thought of you.
This is a long term strategy and in order for it to take effect, you must repeat a certain
pattern over and over to re-program a desired thought in your exs thinking or association
of you.
Over the cause of your relationship, your ex has developed negative thought patterns
around you. An example of such is:
Every time you get drunk, your ex gets pissed off at you and refuses to talk to you.
Every time you dont get your way, you start to be demanding and try to tell her
what to do.
Every time you fail to take the garbage out, your ex starts an argument on how you
never help out around the house.
These are patterns that are developed in your relationship. You need to understand how
these patterns are created.
Lets take the first example; if your ex gets upset with you every time you get drunk, its not
because you were drunk, its because of the things you said and did WHILE you were drunk
that upset her.
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Lets dig deeper, what EXACTLY did you say and do? Did you ramble on about other
women? Did you start rattling off insults at people? Did you put your ex down? Belittle her?
Call her names?
Before you know it, your ex girlfriend just has to think of alcohol and you, to instantly get
mad, pissed off and emotional.
This will come back to bite you in the ass when youre trying to get her back. Mention even
ONCE youve been out drinking and your ex will get turned off instantly.
Or even worse, call your ex WHILE drunk and start running the same old patterns. Thats a
sure-fire way to get her never wanting to talk to you again.
You must reassociate the thought of alcohol and you to something new. The only way to do
this is to show her youre not a bastard WHILE drunk.
What to Do
Casually mention to your ex that you dont drink much anymore, as you have realized you
werent very nice while drunk and you dont like yourself in that state. Next, bring up a
story that contains social proof that backs up your claim, something like, you went out
last Friday, everyone was drinking, you had one or two drinks and then you went home, but
still had a good time.
The next time you DO drink, give your ex a call, make sure youre not DRUNK, just a few
drinks. Talk to her like normal, mention that youve had a few drinks... SHOWING HER
that youre just fine to talk to even while drinking!
After about 3 times, your ex will start to reassociate a different meaning when she thinks of
alcohol and you. The key is of course to be consistent with your efforts and never run an
old pattern!
Lets recap on how Emotional Programming works:
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1. Identify negative patterns in your relationship. (These should be factors

associated to the break up).
2. Tell your ex you have stopped that certain behaviour she disliked.
3. SHOW your ex a new pattern associated with that behaviour reprogramming

aspect.
4. Show her AGAIN under different circumstances.
5. Show her ONE LAST TIME.
6. NEVER repeat an old pattern.
Sometimes due to severity of the old pattern, you may have to repeat it more than 3 times,
but 3 times is usually enough to replace the old pattern with the new.
Levels of Conversational Intimacy

The foundation of a relationship must be built upon TRUST, CONNECTION and
INTIMACY. All of which are created through communication. If you think back to the things
that made you fall in love with your ex, it was through interacting and communicating with
one another.
In order to recreate those feelings of falling in love well need to increase the level of
intimacy present in your conversations.
Why purely through conversation? Because trust, connection and intimacy happens in the
head first. Words have the power to change your state in a way images cant. Just take
books for instance. A book, through mere words, has the power to evoke strong emotions
from you they can make you cry, laugh, love and even hate. You always feel much more
intimate with a character in a book than one in a movie. Stories presented in a book are
often much more memorable than one in a movie, especially if the book resonates with you
on a personal level.
This tactic can be very successful if:
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In Long Distance Relationships (through the use of email/instant messenger).
You speak regularly with your ex on the phone.
You have the opportunity to talk one-on-one with your ex on a regular basis.
This tactic is less intimidating than asking an ex out on a date. You can also take advantage
of it anytime you can talk with your ex for any decent chunk of time, say longer than 20-30
minutes.
What to Do:
First realize, it wont be easy at first. Your ex has developed a fear of trusting you and
negative emotions towards you, will have forced them to put a protective wall around
herself.
You want to show her:
Youre not a threat.
Youre now a strong, confident and together person.
Youre looking out for her best interest.
This is how kidnappers work. They build trust first through a series of small and innocent
actions this develops likeability and then once the victim feels comfortable, theyll
virtually hand themselves over to the kidnapper without any resistance whatsoever.
You begin by making small talk; the weather, news, local gossip etc and gradually build
towards more in-depth personal topics of conversation.
Here is a look at the Levels of Conversational Intimacy you need to develop with your ex
from low to high.
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Levels of Conversational Intimacy:
Levels Of Conversation Topics Intimacy

Intimacy Level
Level 1 Recent events, the news, the weather, what you did Low
this weekend, your immediate environment or
circumstance.
Level 2 Personal opinions about an external factor. How you Medium

feel about something non-personal (what you
like/dislike).
Level 3 Your personal dreams and goals. Your passions. Med-High

What you want to achieve. The more important
these dreams or goals are to you the more personal
it feels talking about it with someone else. You
usually only share your deepest/biggest dreams with
your closest friends
Level 4: Your deepest fears and regrets. Things youre High

ashamed of or embarrassed by. Pointing out your
vulnerability, flaws without being scared of the
consequences.
Depending on how much she reveals to you about herself, you can gauge how comfortable
she feels around you. The more she reveals, the more comfortable she feels around you.
Your goal is to get your ex girlfriend comfortable talking to you on all 4 levels. The longer
she can stay in Level 3 and 4, the closer the emotional connection and intimacy she feels
with you. If your trust is gone and your ex barely even talks to you on Level 1, its not as
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hard as you think getting her to open up the second time around. You just need to be
patient and build up the trust and connection slowly...
How Do You Do This?
By revealing yourself first on all 4 Levels!
Scary & intimidating huh? Its not easy to reveal everything about yourself to another human
being. Especially on Level 4. This is going to be really scary because essentially youre
opening yourself up to criticism and rejection... again.
But thats why you need to build it up SLOWLY. Dont jump straight to Level 4 when you
cant even converse comfortably on Level 1. She wont be ready for it and it will only freak
her out!
Once she opens up to you, shell be emotionally vulnerable.
But heres the kicker. Once shes at her peak - when shes really into the conversation and
dying for more - you want to EXIT out of the conversation!
For example.
Damn, I really wish I could keep talking, but Ive got to get going...
OR
Hey Id love to stay but want to continue this conversation later? I just remembered I had
to do something...
Apologize for leaving and mention you want to resume the conversation at a later time. This
will be completely acceptable. Your ex wont be angry or upset. It will only leave her dying
to talk to you some more.
You want to keep her interest as high as possible for as long as possible. You do this by
cutting the conversation early and resuming at a later day.
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You also want to alternate between the deep and heavy stuff and the light and fun subjects.
This is so you dont burn both of you out and keeps her wanting more all the time!
Remember to build TRUST, CONNECTION and INTIMACY from the ground up by:
Building the Level of Conversational Intimacy in small amounts each time you talk.
Start at Level 1 and progress to Level 4 when comfortable.
Once youre able to maintain Level 3 and 4, cut the conversation early and resume
on a later day.
Alternate between the Level 3-4 and Level 1-2 to maintain variety in your
conversations.
Magnifying Attraction
Rebuilding attraction is all about creating sexual tension between you and your ex. Within
the Direct Method, Ive mentioned ways to flirt with your body. In fact, flirting this way is
the most recommended way because people can communicate and feel much more intimate
when interacting with someone face to face.
But if you dont have the luxury to be see your ex in person on a regular basis, youll need
to learn the Indirect Method of flirting and magnifying that attraction.
NOTE: Even if youre in close proximity to each other, you can still flirt using these
techniques online through Facebook, messenger or even text messaging on your phone.
What to Do:
TEASE Your Ex
This is a common PUA (pick up artist) technique. And in fact works very well for both
women and men. The great thing about this technique is that it is nearly always appropriate,
as long as youre on talking terms. Inject a bit of playful teasing.
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Pick something fairly harmless you can tease your ex about. This should not be close
to any sensitive subjects.
Give a light criticism, poke fun or tease about the subject making sure to do it
jokingly. Eg. Calling her a dork, loser, nerd.
Mention how youre more superior or better than her. Eg. Ive always been the
better cook, Im always right, dont talk back, Youve always had two left feet
etc.
Playful slaps and hits on the arm or shoulder (or virtual hits and slaps). This is great
when your ex picks up on your teasing and starts to do the same back.
Be careful you dont overdo this technique. Teasing her every 10 minutes will get old really
quickly. You dont want to ever cross the line and actually insult or hurt her feelings.
However if you can get her to tease you back, this is a golden way to build sexual tension
while appearing completely innocent.
Upping the Stakes
After a while of innocent flirting or teasing, youll want to up the ante a little bit. Instead
of teasing your ex with criticism, now youll want to add genuine compliments in the form
of a joke or tease.
Eg. If your ex says something negative about her appearance, say Are you kidding? You
always look hot in jeans.
Try to give a nice compliment on her appearance or something you know she cares about.
You want to try to make her blush without being too uncomfortable.
When are inappropriate times to flirt with your ex?
Too soon after a break up.
When your ex still acts very tense and awkward around you.
When your ex is with her new partner.
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When there are mutual friends around.
It is paramount you dont flirt during these times, as doing so might completely backfire and
make her want to avoid seeing or talking to you in the future.
What have we learned? That flirting and teasing is a great way to magnify attraction and
sexual tension in a very safe manner. You dont need to worry if shes seeing someone else
or not. As long as you dont receive any negative reactions to your flirting, you should try to
do it every time you can interact in one way or another.
The Pull Away Method

The Pull Away Method is another way of playing hard to get. Women want what they dont
have, and if she doesnt have you the way she wants you, shell become frustrated and make
her rethink what she really wants.
What to Do:
If your ex is calling you on a regular basis, gradually increase the time it takes for you to
return her calls. In the beginning, you might answer her calls immediately. Perhaps youre
calling her as often as shes calling you. Now youll want to slowly decrease the amount of
time you call her and the time it takes for you to answer her calls.
For example:
If your ex messages you on a Monday. You might respond that evening.
The second time, your ex might message you on a Wednesday. This time wait
until Thursday to respond.
The third time, your ex messages you on a Saturday. You might wait until
Monday before responding back.
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Although youre increasing the time it takes to get back to your ex, you must keep your
conversations the SAME. That means, staying upbeat and happy. Although the time between
your conversations may increase, you dont want to appear distant when you talk. Still act
as you always do.
You want to increase the amount of time your ex contacts YOU, while you are decreasing
the amount of time you are contacting her.
When your ex starts wondering why youre taking so long to respond, say youve been
really busy and insert joking tease/flirt, So you missed me huh?.
Dont make it look like youre deliberately avoiding him. The key is to always be optimistic
and happy to hear/talk to your ex when you do call her back.
This is going to frustrate the hell out of her. You should alternate between taking your time
getting back to her and answering straight away.
Using The Indirect Method

As you can see, The Indirect Method talks about 4 separate methods of attraction. To be
successful, you need to use a mixture of all 4 upon seeing or interacting with your ex. You
should gradually build up her desire for you after each session with your ex.
The duration I would recommend to use this method is 1 -2 months. This is assuming you
can talk or see each other on a regular basis. Remember these tactics need to be used
subtly and not all in one evening.
To recap, your aim is to build:
Attraction / Connection through Levels of Conversational Intimacy and

Magnifying Attraction.
Trust, by being honest with everyone especially yourself! Dont simply rely on
words to build trust. It is something you earn through reinforcement time and time
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again. You cant fast forward this one. Use Emotional Programming to
accomplish this.
Desire by focusing on yourself and The Pull Away Method.
The Combo
Direct to Indirect to Direct
Although The Direct method is great to use if you live close to your Ex AND your ex is
agreeable enough to want to go on dates with you, often it doesnt really work that way.
Your Ex may go on a date or two and then withdraw.
She may refuse to see you at all in fear that she may lose it.
You may end up having a terrible first date, and hence cant get a second date.
Your Ex is seeing someone else.
Your ex is moving away.
In some circumstances youll need to use a combination of both methods. Usually this
means, you meet up every now and then, but communicate mostly via email, text or the
phone.
Also, if you start off using The Indirect Method, you will want to progress to The Direct
Method at some stage. Even if youre in a long distance relationship, I still recommend going
to the same city as your Ex and arranging a proper date.
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QUIZ: How to Tell If Your Ex Still Has Feelings For You
Here is a quick quiz for you to gauge if your ex still has feelings for you
Circle True or False:
She smiles your way a lot. True False
She seems happy to talk to you. True False
She brings up the past in a positive way. True False
She still seems concerned about you and want to stay up-to-date in your True False
life.
She looks out for your best interest. True False
She shows ANY kind of emotion towards you (good or bad). True False
She regularly seeks contact with you. True False
She tells you she still cares. True False
She tells you about things shes proud of or excited about... as if shes True False
seeking approval.
Shes hot and cold with you. Eg. Missing you one minute, hating you the True False
next.
Mostly TRUE
Its a good bet your ex still has feelings for you.
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Mostly FALSE
Its hard to tell how she feels, but she certainly isnt ready for regular contact with
you.
Take This Quiz Online Here.
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BONUS: The Other Person In Your Exs

Life
If your ex girlfriend is seeing someone new, its going to take a little longer to get her back.
Think back to the beginning of your relationship and youll know what your ex might be
going through with someone else now. Believe it or not there are some good things going
for you too.
First, dont assume anything:
Just because your ex SEEMS happy....
Just because you hear how wonderful her new man is...
Just because she says that shes in love with him...
... does NOT mean its true and more importantly does NOT mean she is not still in love
with you!
In fact, statistics show that 90% or more of rebound relationships (thats what they are)
dont work out.
I want to warn you that there are some common mistakes people make when theyre
jealous of an exs partner. The following things should be AVOIDED at ALL COSTS.
Remember you are still trying to attract your ex girlfriend. Your actions will be judged and
compared with her new partner whether you like it or not. You must make sure you appear
like the better catch no matter what you are doing.
Mistakes to Avoid!
Focusing too much on her new boyfriend instead of on yourself.
Talking down your exs new boyfriend (this comes across as jealous and insecure).
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Saying I dont think he is right for you to your ex. Once again this appears jealous
and insecure.
What you should do:
Be supportive of your exs new relationship; whether you think it is a good choice or
not, its still your Exs choice.
Be happy if she is happy.
Give her PLENTY of space while shes seeing someone new.
Focus more on working towards your own goals, instead of being jealous/envious of
someone you dont even know.
Understand this other person is NOT your enemy nor are they the reason for your
break up.
Appear like the COOLER guy.
Now, although it may seem like youre at a disadvantage, you actually do have a few things
over this other man:
You and your ex have a history together. Memories and experiences that their new
partner wont have with your ex.
You know your ex better than they do.
There is a chance this new man will screw up the relationship.
You have a stronger bond with your ex and therefore already have a powerful
advantage over the new partner.
Now, this other person will not be oblivious to your presence. If youre planning on
contacting your ex and meeting up every now and then, hes going to have an opinion about
it.
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This can work to your advantage if he is the extremely JEALOUS type. Men can turn
paranoid, clingy and controlling once they turn jealous. This is a side your ex wont like to
see, and its exactly the kind of thing that will push her back into your arms!
You just need to make sure you are the exact opposite of any jealous behaviour. That
means, keep a fair amount of distance and make good use of the Pull Away method.
Apart from being confident around your woman, stimulate her visual senses by looking nice
and being SUPPORTIVE.
One thing I dont suggest is to deliberately strike up any friendship with the person your ex
is seeing. Better to keep some distance in that regard.
So what have we learned here?
Do:
Focus on YOURSELF.
Be happy for your ex.
Be supportive.
Respect your exs need for space during this time.
Dont:
Presume you know anything about their new relationship.

Dont badmouth the person your ex is seeing.
Act jealous.
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BONUS: Key to Getting Her To Commit
After successfully carrying out either The Direct Method or The Indirect Method (or
both) you might reach a point where a talk will need to be made on getting back together.
A talk might not always be necessary, however sometimes an ex will avoid talking about it
to enjoy what is for now.
However, youll want an official commitment from her as quickly as possible. You dont
want to give the impression youre happy being casual.
The key to getting her to commit:
Dont push her. Let it be her idea.
Be prepared to bring up all the reasons why the relationship will work this time.
Reiterate how you have changed.
Point out all the things that went wrong in the relationship to let your ex know that
you understand exactly why they left in the first place.
This is a conversation that will help you find out if you both are on the same page and are
both ready to become committed to the relationship. For this to be most effective you will
need to use the four key elements listed below to ask her if she wants to commit to this
relationship with you.
Key elements to getting a commitment:

Your attitude.
Your understanding.
Showing positive changes.
Your true intention.
Lets go through each of these in more detail:
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Your Attitude
When trying to get an ex girlfriend to come back, you must start with the right
attitude FIRST.
You need to be:

Calm
Dont rush, take it slowly, pick your words carefully. Be relaxed.
Confident
Be ready to accept a rejection but be confident that you do have what she wants in a
partner.
Understanding
Listen to whatever she has to say and be open-minded. You dont want to start an
argument at this point.
You should NOT:

Be pushy
Be nervous
Fear rejection
You should be at the point where youre emotionally stable and not scared to move on in
case you get rejected.
Your Understanding
At this stage you should have a clear understanding of why the break up happened in the
first place. You want to mention to your ex all the reasons you believe they left and that
you completely understand WHY they did.
For example:
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I understand what made you leave in the first place. I wasnt _____ and I didnt
do enough _______. You needed me and I wasnt there.
Give her time to chime in at this point and LISTEN to what she has to say. Dont argue with
her, or try to get her to see your side of the story. Listen and show that youre on HER side.
Positive Changes
If there is any specific thing that happened to be a main reason for the break up, mention
what steps you have taken so far towards positive changes.
There will be a tendency to come across too desperate if you say you ONLY made those
changes to get her back. You must emphasize that you did those things FOR YOURSELF,
and what positive effects they have had in your life.
Tell her that you know what went wrong in the relationship and that youve started to work
on these issues, but more importantly, youre doing it for yourself and youre a happier
person because of it.
Your True Intentions

All human beings want to be liked and we definitely love to be loved. The catch is, we want
to be loved for who we are, even our flaws. We desperately want someone who will stick
by us on the good days and the bad. That means someone who will put up with our crap
and someone who will support us through just about anything we do.
You want to show your girl that you want her for her, not for someone you THINK she
could become.
Thats where the power of your TRUE intentions come in. If you get this across right, you
will have her in your hands and make her never want to leave you.
You must:
Be genuine.
Speak from the heart.
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Show your true intentions, which MUST be: as long as shes happy, youll support
her no matter what she wants to do.
For example:
I think youre a terrific person, and at the end of the day, whether you want to
be with me or not, I just want you to be happy. Thats all I want because I care
about you so much. So whatever you decide, Ill support your decision.
You want to get this across with great sincerity. Sometimes you dont even have to say it
with words, but you can imply it with your actions or the way you look at them.
There are a few things you need to be aware of here. Your ex may still hesitate to come
back, and may even bring up the past against you.
If she brings up the past, say that you know the past is there and you cant change that, but
youre not the same person you used to be and youd rather leave the past behind and focus
on the future.
If she hesitates or tries to say no in a round bout way:

Leave it at that. Dont keep re-iterating things.
Listen to her and understand what shes saying. Dont ARGUE with her.
Give her more time to think about it. Let her know there is no pressure to respond
right now.
CAUTION!
Do not be hoaxed into being a friend for now deal. If I havent mentioned this enough, do
NOT agree to be friends with an ex. You are NOT a friend, even if you were to begin
with; your relationship has changed for good now and you need to let her know.
Give her a few days to think about it, if you dont hear from her in over a week, its
time for you to move on.
Remember, the key ingredients to getting her to commit are:

Your attitude.
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Your understanding.
Showing positive changes.
Your true intention.
Most of the time, if youve reached this point, you wont even need all of these. Sometimes
just being physically together again is signal enough that youre back together.
However if youre still unsure and want a definite answer, this is how you can get the most
desirable response out of her.
Hesitation
If she hesitates, reassure her that you want to take things slowly, and she doesnt need to
commit to anything right now (this will help ease her into it). If shes still on the fence about
officially getting back together, ask her what is stopping her and what would make them feel
more comfortable about committing again.
Rejection... Again
If there is someone else she wants to pursue or she has other reasons for rejecting your
idea, youll simply need to be cool about it. You dont want to go off your knockers or
become unstable again. At this point you should be well-prepared for a rejection and to
move on with your life.
It is her choice at the end of the day and you need to respect that. At the same time, dont
allow yourself to be strung along as a backup in case her current relationship doesnt
work out.
Let her know you cant be friends if shes seeing someone else, you are still interested in her
and want to work things out, but if she wants to be with someone else, you need to move
on for your own sanity.
Ashley Kay 127

Once you mention this to your ex, you MUST stick to your word! The biggest mistake I see
people making is going back on their word during a break up. It shows a lack of confidence
and strength in your character and tells people that they can simply walk all over you.
At this point, you may need to implement strict No Contact and start dating new people.
Ashley Kay 128

If You Get Back Together... Now What?
If you managed to get back together, congratulations! Now before you get too excited, take
this into consideration... 80% or more of couples that do get back together... break up
within the first 1 - 3 months. That scary statistic is a warning to you in case you feel youre
in the green.
So many people rush back into a relationship and then realize all the old problems still exist.
Go back over the exercises you did in Step 2 What Really Went Wrong and Step 4
Do You Really Want Your Ex Back. Its recommended to even show your girlfriend
the First Part of this book and get her to do the exercises. Youll be able to get a deeper
insight into what she wants out of a relationship.
Make sure both of your 4 common needs are met:
Love / Connection
Physical Proximity
Sex / Intimacy
Security / Certainty
Practice being open about your problems on a regular basis and remember small issues
accumulate and build into avalanches of trouble. Stop them from starting by dealing
with them immediately.
At the end of the day, it doesnt matter who hurt who or what mistakes youve made,
return back to what brought you together in the first place... your love with one another.
Always keep that at the forefront of your relationship and show each other daily how much
you care and mean to one another.
Ashley Kay 129

Break Up Blocker - Keeping Your Relationship Going Strong

You went through a lot just to attract your girlfriend back, now how do you make sure you
dont break up again? Follow these four tips.
Continue Working On You
Although youre back together, you should continue to work on your goals and focus on the
things talked about under Step 3: Rediscover The Best You. You wouldnt want your ex to
see you revert back to old ways and routines. The key is to do those things for yourself...
not for someone else.
I encourage you to get your girl to do the same. Aim to be each others support and help
one another accomplish your goals much faster. Growth together will further bond the two
of you closer together. Bonding will strength your relationship through any rain or hail to
come.
Experience New Things Together
Schedule a day in the week where you each learn something new together. It could be
trying out a new recipe, seeing a new movie together or learning how to speak a new
language.
Go through all the new things you have learned and ideas of activities you gathered during
Step 3. Now you can go back and do them all again with your girl.
Something me and boyfriend have tried is alternate the role of picking a Date idea each
week. Eg. You choose a Date idea for this week, your partner will for the next. Each of you
keep it a secret until the day of the Date.
I recommend agreeing on a budget beforehand so your spending for a Date never surpasses
a certain amount.
This forces you to be on the lookout for ideas all the time, which is a great way to keep the
spice in the relationship. Sooner or later youll be looking forward to this day every week.
Ashley Kay 130

Have Fun
A skill to be treasured is the ability to see the funny side of anything. Even those moments
when everything goes wrong and youre in the midst of an argument, finding the humorous
side of things will keep the two of you always laughing, smiling and feeling good.
Remember the effects of Emotional Programming. Aim to be around each other when
youre happy and feeling good, so whenever you see one another you will instantly feel
happy and good. Avoid getting into arguments and then staying to battle it out head-to-head.
Instead you should calmly walk away.
Calm your nerves and emotions before coming together to talk rationally with one another.
Focus on the fun and positive side of your relationship as well as in each other. Continue to
tease, flirt and joke with one another. Dont take yourself seriously and have the guts to
laugh even in the middle of an argument. At the end of the day, small petty arguments arent
worth getting your undies in a knot over.
Be Passionate
Flirt, be romantic, give massages, kisses and hugs. Let them know how you feel about them
and dont hold anything back! Dont be afraid to show love and emotions. Be spontaneous!
Passion doesnt just have to be in the bedroom. People are drawn to others who have a
passionate for something in life. Define your passion, things that are outside of the
relationship and use a bit of that passion to fuel the relationship as well.
Talk about things youre passionate about and share everything with your partner. Passion is
an addictive quality, one everyone is inspired by.
Be Honest
Above all else, be honest about yourself. Learn to get problems out in the open and work
on solving problems together.
Ashley Kay 131

The more you accomplish together and the more obstacles you overcome, the stronger the
bond of your relationship.
Being honest is one the most important things that hold a relationship together. Be honest
with yourself and with your girl. Share your thoughts and feelings, whether good or bad and
learn to talk about things with her.
She will be able to offer you more insight into the problems than youll be able to. Even if
you fear the response is not desirable, you may be surprised.
Remember communication is also about being good listeners. Take the time to look your
girl in the eyes when shes talking and take in everything she says even if it may be boring
to you.
There will be times when you want to avoid conflict. Most people dont like to deal with
conflict directly. However its in a relationship when you need to address them the most.
The best kind of relationship is when youre loved for being you, whether you say or do the
wrong things, your girl should accept and love you for you. This applies the other way
around too. You must accept your woman for who she is. Dont try to change her or even
want to change her. Remember you wouldnt be in love with her if she was any different.
These 5 key components are really the RECIPE for maintaining a happy and healthy
relationship:
1. Focusing on your continual growth.
2. Experience new things together.
3. Have fun.
4. Be passionate.
5. Be honest.
If ever you feel lost, the tools you need to get back on track are all in here. Nothing is ever
hopeless or lost. There is a lesson to be learnt everywhere.
Ashley Kay 132

If You Have To Move On...
Alright, sometimes you just have to accept defeat. There are some things you cant change
and its your ex girlfriends heart. If she has moved on and her heart is elsewhere, youll
want to move on at this point.
If you still feel a long way away from being over your ex girlfriend and this break up, you
must take some time to figure out why that is.
Are there certain qualities about her that you feel are perfect for you? That you
fear you wont find in another person?
Are you scared of dating new people and starting all over again?
Are you worried you wont find anyone else? That youre not good enough?
Are you scared this might happen to you again?
Look over the exercise you did in Understanding & Analysis: Step 4 Do You Really Want
Your Ex Back. What are your warped perceptions of a relationship and what is stopping you
from looking for your ideal or dream relationship with someone else?
I also highly recommend checking out http://ersurl.com/forum/ to get members support if

youre not coping with it well.
The truth is the world is FULL of women perfect for you. In fact, if you met them, you
would believe they were purposely made just for you.
There is not just ONE soul mate for you. There are MANY. Hundreds in fact. Male and
female. Some to be lovers for life, some to be friends for life. Others come and go to teach
you a specific lesson at a certain point in your life. They are there to serve you and all you
need to do is go out there and find them!
Alright, but finding them is the hard part right?
Ashley Kay 133

But is it really? The majority of couples that get together and get married are people who
live within the same town, or work at the same company or study at the same schools.
They all tend to believe they were just lucky to have found one another in the same place.
The truth is your soul mate or dream partner is walking around everywhere!
The key to finding them is to be OPEN to all possibilities. The worst thing you can do is to
limit yourself to only certain types of people.
How to Know When She is The One?

When you meet someone new, how do you know hes the right one for you? Perhaps its
the girl youve always been friends with, or the girl who just isnt your usual type. How do
you know youre not passing up on something great?
The real test or connection is when you know, upon meeting someone that you share a
certain connection with them. This connection must be so strong, you cant think of
anything else and everything in your body pulls you towards that person.
Even if its a girl whose not your normal type, or the girl who you have seen as just
friends. These people could potentially be the love of your life but if you place beliefs on
what shell be like as a romantic partner before you really find out, youre really selling
yourself short.
If theres some connection, even if its little or no physical attraction, give it a chance and
see where it goes. You may be surprised.
On Dating
I want to briefly touch on the prospect of dating. In other Ex Back products, they
recommend Dating as one of the strategies for winning back your ex. I dont really agree
with this.
Ashley Kay 134

I believe you should only date if youve moved on and completely ready to allow someone
new into your heart.
It is not fair to drag a third person into your affairs just for the sake of appearances. What if
this person falls in love with you? What if you get more involved than you should? You
certainly dont need the extra drama.
Now, dating when youre READY is a different matter. It can be fun and a great way to get
over your ex for good.
There are many dating sites around, here are a few to check out:
http://www.plentyoffish.com free
http://www.match.com paid
http://www.lavalife.com partly paid
I met my sweetheart on PlentyOfFish.com, see if you can catch your lucky fish too!
I want to thank you for investing in the Ex Recovery System: Get Her Back Edition. I
hope with all my heart that it has been and will continue to be, a valuable source of
information for your current and future relationships.
Best Wishes,
Ashley Kay
http://www.ExRecoverySystem.com
Ashley Kay 135

Have A Question?
No problem, send your questions to http://myadvicesupport.com
Ashley Kay 136

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The Ex Recovery System: Get Her Back 2011

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GET HER BACK QUICK REFERENCE MIND-MAP 9

I. UNDERSTANDING & ANALYSIS 11

STEP 1 WHERE TO GO FROM HERE? ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY READY? 12

Complete Control Technique 17

Exercise 1: Taking Action NOW 22

Instant Emotion Buster 23

QUIZ: Are You Emotionally Out Of Control? 26

STEP 2 - WHAT REALLY WENT WRONG 28

Short Term Relationships 37

Exercise 2 - Why Your Ex Girlfriend Left 39

STEP 3 INSIDE THE FEMALE MIND 40

Why Is She Doing This to Me? 43

STEP 4 DO YOU REALLY WANT HER BACK? 48

QUIZ: Should You Get Back Together With Your Ex Girlfriend? 55

II. THE PLAN 57

STEP 1 MAKE HER CHASE YOU 58

STEP 2 THE SEED LETTER 66

STEP 3 REMOVE HER RESISTANCE 72

How to Start Being Single 73

Quiz: Are You Ready For Contact? 89

The Direct Method 92

The Indirect Method 106

The Combo 117

BONUS: THE OTHER PERSON IN YOUR EXS LIFE 120

BONUS: KEY TO GETTING HER TO COMMIT 123

IF YOU GET BACK TOGETHER... NOW WHAT? 129

IF YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON... 133

What shes really thinking right now about you.

BIG WARNING! The Truth About Meddling With Women

Before We Get Started...

Negative thoughts are the demons that hold you back.

Alright lets get started!

Get Her Back Quick Reference

Step 1 Where to Go From Here?

The Break Up Emotion Cycle

Emotional Is Irrational, Irrational Is Borderline Crazy

This is what I call a Break up Blackout.

Examples of Right Brain thinking are:

Present and Future

Your ex girlfriend sleeping with other men

Your ex girlfriend being hit on and lured away by other men

You spending the nights alone.

You watching movies and cooking dinner alone.

You need to regain control.

This is where some of your BEST kept tools are.

Achievement comes from FOCUSED and CONSISTENT action.

Calm Your Nerves... Regain Control Of Your Emotions.

Guess what? It can all stop right now.

Now the first thing I want you to do is

GET A CUP OF HOT BEVERAGE.

Dont come back until you have it steaming in front of you.

Complete Control Technique

Alter Your Focus

Thats why you need this step.

That machine is your brain!

Lets say youre tired but you cant sleep.

If that doesnt work, its time to TRY SOMETHING COMPLETELY NEW!

work, read a boring book, etc.

To find a solution to a problem, you must ask yourself:

How have I overcome this problem before?