Occupation Student Truck driver Full-time Business Doctor

mother executive
6-7 pm
7-8
8-9
9-10
10-11
11-12
12-1 am
1-2
2-3
3-4
4-5
5-6
6-7
7-8
8-9
9-10
10-11
11-12
12-1pm
1-2
2-3
3-4
4-5
5-6

The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a
Canadian study.

The diagram below illustrates the time proportion of sleep patterns in five different careers based on a
Canadian survey.

It can be seen clearly clearly seen from the chart that the most sleep hours is allocated to students and
full-time mothers with eight hours during a day. But However, according to the diagramchart, full-time Comment [Afarinesh1]: BUT is not used at the
beginning of sentences in formal English.
mothers and truck drivers and doctors with eight hours and six and five hours respectively have the
worst sleep patterns because of undisciplined schedule which apparently can cause lots a lot of difficulty Comment [Afarinesh2]: informal
difficulties during their work day.
In contrast to the occupations which was were mentioned above, business executives have the a more
appropriate sleep pattern from eleven to five am which would be more beneficial for the well being
wellbeing of that person. Comment [Afarinesh3]: no personal analysis is
allowed in report writing.
In conclusion, the chart shows an accurate schedule of sleeping time in different types of occupations in
nowadays today's society societies, which would be both important and influential aspect in the quality
of their career. Comment [Afarinesh4]: What does it refer to?

TA: 8 CC: 7 LR: 6 GRA: 5+ >>> Overall: 5.5+

How people think about their job in under developed countries.

Over the last half century, the number of people who are spending a large proportion of their lives
working is dramatically increasing. Most of people from the whole of the world are doing different kinds
of jobs which are do not suited suit/match neither their personality nor their skills. So, job satisfaction
during this long hours working is an important issue which should be considered.

I cannot get the focus points in the topic! However, your introduction does not cover the given topic at
all!

It has often been said that, there is always a strong connection between the job satisfaction and the
quality. Obviously, the satisfaction rating level of satisfaction in developed countries is much less than
that of industrialized countries. Job dissatisfaction can be caused by poor educational experiences or
some of them who are educated cannot find a job suited related to their knowledge and abilities. Comment [Afarinesh5]: What does it refer to?

To tackle the problem of job dissatisfaction in developed countries, more investments to run new
companies is needed. A huge number of employees in less developed countries continued working
without any planning to promote their position in the company, and after a while they become the same
as blue collar which have no incentive to progress the quality of his or her their job. Comment [Afarinesh6]: What does it mean?
Comment [Afarinesh7]: Again the referent
On the other hand, some young adults who are more educated and more ambitious may aim to leave cannot be found!
their own countries to achieve better opportunities,opportunities; this issue also would caused a huge
disadvantages to developed countries by losing young experts as the economical investments.

In conclusion, it can be clearly seen from the rate of immigration rating that people in developed
countries are not enough satisfy satisfied with their jobs and daily routine works and of course it is the Comment [Afarinesh8]: Spoken phrase
government's responsibility to run new opportunities by public money or the young generation.

TR: 5 CC: 6 LR: 6- GRA: 5 >>> Overall: 5+

Overall on Both Tasks: 5.5

I cannot recognize if your writing has covered the focus points of the topic; yet, considering your
introduction, the conclusion is meaningless. Also, as I have mentioned in your previous writing, you
need a proofreading for your minor mistakes in writing.

Commented and Corrected by: Hamed Mohammad Hosseini