7 Signs of a Covert

Introvert Narcissist
7 signs youre in a relationship with an INTROVERT narcissist
Posted Jan 10, 2016

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Narcissism is often associated with its many external manifestations, including

attention seeking, grandstanding, superficial charm, lack of reliability, boundary
violation, manipulation, and many other traits.

However, not all narcissists are openly grandiose and outwardly intrusive.
Various researchers and authors have written about the introverted narcissist,
variously identified as the covert narcissist, the hypersensitive narcissist, the
closet narcissist, and the vulnerable narcissist (1)(2)(3)(4). This subtype of
narcissism is more hidden, and yet can carry the same self-conceit and negative
contagion as their extroverted counterpart.

Its important to point out that many introverts are not narcissistic. The ones who
are, however, may have a way of influencing others around them to feel off-
balance and/or insecure.

What both extrovert and introvert narcissists have in common is their

employment of an outer veneer of superiority, to disguise their inner sense of
vulnerability. While the extroverted narcissist will say, in so many ways, that Im
better than you, the introverted narcissist will strongly hint at it.*

Below are seven signs of an introvert narcissist, with references to my book (click
on title) How to Successfully Handle Narcissists(link is external). While some
people may exhibit a few of the following traits at one time or another, a
pathologically introverted narcissist tends to dwell habitually in several of the
following personas, while remaining largely unaware of (or unconcerned with)
how these behaviors affect others.

1. Quiet Smugness/Superiority

Many extrovert narcissists are fairly easy to spot, with their grandiose
mannerisms and attention-seeking machinations. Introvert narcissists, on the
other hand, can be more difficult to pinpoint, at least at the outset. They tend to
observe (judgmentally) rather than act, and listen (half-heartedly) rather than
speak. Yet, their quieter brand of superiority complex betrays itself through aloof
detachment and disconcerting nonverbal cues. They may not express their
negativity outright, but you get the distinct sense that they are barely tolerant with
their lack of eye contact, condescending glare, eye-rolling, dismissive gestures,
groans and sighs, high distractibility, quick boredom, impolite yawns, and overall
inattentiveness. When they do speak, their comments tend to be critical and
judgmental, focusing on their own conceited views.
This seemingly impenetrable smugness is, of course, a front, covering a sense of
vulnerability within. Part of the insecurity may be the inability to relate to people
meaningfully as human beings.

One cries because one is sadI cry because others are stupid, and that makes
me sad.

from Big Bang Theory

2. Self-Absorption

One of the most common characteristics of an introverted narcissist is a sense of

withdrawn self-centeredness. While many introverts are more quiet but good
listeners, introvert narcissists tend to be reticent and poor listeners. Often, they
will make a quick assessment of a person or situation, find it uninteresting,
flawed, or unworthy of their attention, and mentally tune out (block you out).
While most mature adults are capable of recognizing nuances of issues, and
giving people the benefit of the doubt, introvert narcissists tend to focus on only
what they selfishly want and find agreeable. All else might be labeled as boring
or stupid.

3. Lack of Empathy

Youre sick? But what about driving me to the mall?

Anonymous

Both extrovert and introvert narcissists share this trait. Narcissists are often
oblivious to, or dismissive of others thoughts and feelings. Even when you tell
them how their attitudes and actions are generating adverse consequences, their
response will be more about themselves. Such is the self-absorption.

4. Passive-Aggressiveness
Some introverted narcissists deal with disagreeable people or circumstances
in passive-aggressive ways. Upon receiving a reasonable request from you, they
might say okay, yes, of course, or as you wish, then either do nothing, or
behave however they please. When you inquire why they didnt follow-through on
an arrangement, they may shrug it off with an excuse, or say nonchalantly that
their way is better.

5. Highly Sensitive

Psychologist Glen Gabbard notes that some introverted narcissists are

exquisitely sensitive. They tend to be affronted by any signs of real or perceived
slights, and handle criticism poorly. In the face of negative feedback, some
introvert narcissists will defend with an increased sense of superior smugness
and dismissal (fight), while others will respond with sullen withdraw (flight).
Typically, they will not let on how much the negative experience bothers them,
and instead use their well-rehearsed aloofness to continue their schema.**

6. The Misunderstood Special Person

The self-perceptions of some introverted narcissists include notions such as: Im

special, Im one-of a kind, Im ahead of my time, Im so unique no one
understands me, and Im so smart Im above everyone else. Statements such
as these reveal common narcissistictendencies of superiority, grandiosity, and
entitlement. By constructing the superficial belief that one is exceptional, the
introvert narcissist creates a reassuring role, submerging thefearful and
vulnerable true self.

7. Impersonal and Difficult Relationships

As mentioned earlier, part of the introvert narcissists insecurity is the inability to

genuinely connect with people. To this extent, the aloofness and/or smugness
serve as a defensive mechanism keeping people away, lest the narcissist is
exposed for her or his interpersonal inadequacies. Some introvert narcissists
narrowly focus on self-absorbing work, technology,social networking, small
cliques, books, games, and/or other endeavors to minimize wider human
interactions. These activities may also help them enact their covert, self-
important personas.

For tips on how to deal with Narcissists, see my book (click on title): How to
Successfully Handle Narcissists(link is external).

For tips on how Introvert Narcissists can attain greater emotional and
social intelligence, see my book (click on titles): A Practical Guide for Narcissists
to Change Towards the Higher Self(link is external), and Confident
Communication for Introverts(link is external).