This Is Me Finding You

It had been years since the two had set eyes on each other. It had been
years since they'd talked in words that weren't saturated in code. It had been
years since they had opened their mouths and not had lies come out. Lies like
"I don't miss you" or "I'm not seeing anyone" lies about love or money, lies
about dealings or safety. But now, to look across the room and see her like
this. It had been years since she had trusted him like this. Years since she
had trusted him with something so serious as a bomb strapped across her
chest, literally.

01-01-01

Neal quickly glanced at his bathroom where he was sure Alex didn't know he
had company. "Alex," Neal said in a whisper. "I need you to put your coat
back on," he gestured to the long oversized coat that was hanging on her
elbows currently. "I'll send my date home and then we'll figure this out."

"Oh, your uh, date?" she said sounding displeased.

"Yes you met her once before," Neal said trying to interject some normalcy
into the situation.

"Oh the insurance broker, seems kind of pedestrian for you," Alex said with a
forced smile on her lips. She could feel her heartbeat speeding up and
swallowed trying to calm herself.

"What, what is it what's wrong?" Neal asked judging by her expression.

"It responds to my heartbeat," she divulged.

"Ok then just think calming thoughts and go sit on my bed while I get rid of
Sara."

Alex nodded and pulled her coat on. She thought of butterflies and bunnies
and frolicking children in fields to steady her heart.

"Sara," she heard Neal say as the insurance broker appeared in the room
once more. "I regret to say that I'm having a bit of a friend crisis," he nodded
towards Alex sitting on his bed and Alex looked away from the other woman.
"I really hate to do this but do you think you could accept a rain check, this
lovely bottle of wine," he pulled a rather expensive one from his stores and
handed it to her, "And this," he said as he pushed his lips passionately onto
her's. Alex looked at the scene in horror. He was her's she'd loved him for
years she wasn't willing to give him up. He was her beautiful fantasy.

When they pulled apart Sara smiled up at Neal and walked out of the
apartment just as Alex's chest started to beep again.
"What is that?" Sara asked peaking her head back in.

"New alarm," Neal said closing the door on her and hurrying towards Alex.
"Seriously what is that?"

"It is an alarm you weren't far off but it warns when my heartbeat is about to
set off the alarm."

"Ok so calm the fuck down!" Neal exclaimed.

"That isn't helping!" Alex said as she felt tears swell in her eyes.

"Ok, ok I'm sorry," Neal said feeling his own heartbeat start to race. "Here,
here," he offered and bent over to look into her eyes. He took his hand across
her cheek and stroked her cheek slowly. "Hush," he cooed to her and she felt
her eyes flutter closed from his ministrations. "I've got you," he promised.
The beeping slowed before disappearing all together and Neal let out a sigh of
relief. "I'll call Mozzie."

"Thank you," Alex whispered as Neal took out his phone.

01-01-02

A loud knock was heard on the door just as Neal was handing Alex her
second glass of wine. Neal rushed to answer and Mozzie stepped in.

"What is wrong with you?" Mozzie asked sounding annoyed. "Oh Alex is here,
wait I thought you had a date with Sara tonight, you cancelled our chess
game."

"We have a problem," Neal said.

"I assumed so you were very cryptic on the phone," Mozzie was clearly
annoyed.

"Here's your problem Mozzie," Alex threw her overcoat open and revealed the
bomb for a second time.

"Dear Lord this is bad."

01-01-03

"You boys enjoying the view?" Alex asked annoyed as both men stared at her
chest and stomach where the bomb was intricately attached.

"Mock all you want Hunter but you've got a serious explosive on your chest
right now," Mozzie said continuing to stare. "Our best bet at getting it off of
you is to figure out how it all works."
"What do you remember about them putting it on?" Neal asked.

"Oh well you know first they started by wrapping it around me as I spun in
ballerina circles then they attached the wires with tiny sparks of fairey dust,"
she said sarcastically. "Really Neal you think I just sat still consciously while
they attached a bomb to my chest?"

"Ok sorry stupid question," Neal muttered bringing his hand to his lips to
concentrate. "We could try just cutting the wires."

"That could trigger an automatic countdown," Mozzie interjected shaking his

head. "We could cut the beige wire that's usually the bluff wire."

"But if they're professionals they'd know we would think that and make that
one they're failsafe wire. Who did you piss off anyways?" Neal asked looking
at Alex.

"A lot of people are pissed at me for a lot of different reasons, this particular
run in is with the Italians," she paused, "I think."

"Lovely Alex," Neal threw a fake pleased smile up at her.

"Can you get it off or not?" she asked as the two men stood up straight.

Neal looked at Mozzie who's face confirmed his thoughts. "Well we can," Neal
said truthfully. "But you aren't going to like it," he looked at her as he slid his
hands into his pockets, his lips turning into a resigned straight line.
 This Is Me Trusting You

"What did you need Neal?" Peter was clearly annoyed that Neal had woken
him in the middle of the night with a cryptic phone call about an undetailed
emergency.

"We got your call boss," Diana walked in with a yawning Jones following her.
"What's up at such an ungodly hour?"

"Neal is going to enlighten us, and if it's anything short of fantastic I'm going
home and leaving him at your mercy."

"Oh it's pretty damn fantastic in the worst possible way," Neal felt stressed.
"I need a bit of a favor, well two really," he amended.

"We're up at one A.M. Neal we're already doing you a favor," Diana snipped.

"Ok two more," Neal said as the elevator dinged signaling another arrival.
"Oh and please don't get mad but Mozzie disabled the security cameras to
the elevator and this floor, they come back on in 10 minutes after he's in a
secure area. But I needed him to bring in a very nervous person."

"Is that Alex Hunter?" Jones asked.

"I'm leaving," Peter grabbed his jacket. Neal motioned to her coat as Mozzie
was escorting her into the dark offices. Alex untied her overcoat and let it fall
revealing the source of her most recent misfortune.

"Jones," Peter set his coat back down. "Call bomb squad."

01-02-01

"You brought a bomb into the office!" Hughes was yelling at Neal. "You
brought a live bomb into the office after hours AND you didn't call me!"

"Again very sorry," Neal apologized.

"Explain it to me this instant Caffrey."

"You see sir, the bomb is attached to her heartbeat, if it speeds up too much
the spark triggers and the bomb detonates. Coming into an FBI office was
stressful enough for her without her having to try and handle paranoid FBI
agents staring at her like well she's a ticking time bomb."

"Hughes," Peter radioed again.

"What is it Burke?"
"If you could spare Caffrey we'd all appreciate it down here. The girl's beeper
has gone off about five times and the little guy isn't that great at calming her
down."

"Beeper?" Hughes asked Neal.

"It starts when her heartbeat speeds up, it's a warning signal if you will."

"Fine I'll send him down, but you send him back up when that girl is off,"
Hughes barked.

"Will do," Peter responded.

Neal twiddled his thumbs when Hughes turned his glare to him. Neal looked
at him expectantly and confused. "Well go!" Hughes barked.

"Yes sir, sorry sir," Neal said jumping from his seat and heading down to the
basement where the bomb squad was working on the bomb.

01-02-02

"And then remember when we were all running out of the building?" Mozzie
was talking.

"Not calming," Alex hissed as the beeper accelerated.

"It's 2001 you and I have just met for the first time after Adler's place. You
were wearing a stunning yellow dress, I remember because until that night I
had thought of yellow as an unflattering color," Neal's voice was pure dark
chocolate as he cooed to Alex. The initial response was the beeper flared at
the sound of his voice before dying down all together.

"About time you showed up," Peter hissed from behind explosive safe glass.

"Seriously?" Neal whispered joining him as he watched about half a dozen

men poke and prod Alex and occasionally the bomb.

"What?" Peter asked.

"You've set up bomb proof glass barricades and you think that's not going to
freak her out a little?"

"She understands," Peter shrugged. "Anyways you said you needed two
favors, this is just one."

"Ah yes the other," Neal shifted on his heels. "As I'm sure you know Alex is
guilty of some not so great things."
"Neal we've looked the other way before because she helped us but this time,
this time we'll have to arrest her," Peter stated what Neal already knew.

"I know," Neal interrupted. "That's where my other favor comes in," Neal
pulled out his best charming smile.

"Neal what could you possibly," Peter paused as Neal pulled up his pant leg
revealing his anklet. "Oh no, no," Peter said firmly but not so firmly that Neal
knew he didn't have a chance. "We already have you we don't need her too.
Besides she'd have to have good information and the names of some serious
dealers and, no Neal no," Peter restated seeing the smile spread across his
face.

"Come on Peter, she has names, she's good for her info and her intel. She'd
be a brilliant addition," Neal started his lengthy pitch.

"Neal save it," Peter said knowing what he was about to hear.

"But Peter just hear me out," Neal became more desperate.

"Neal save it, I've already sent in a request to Hughes."

"Peter she'd be a good asset she'd, what?"

"Mozzie gave me the same spiel, he already convinced me Neal. If Hughes

okays her and her intel is good then Alex will be out newest white collar
agent."

01-02-03

"Ok everyone," the head of the bomb squad spoke. "Hold you're breath it's
down to these last two wires." He glanced up at Alex, "Except you it might
actually be dangerous for you to hold your breath."

"I get it," Alex said in a flat tone her arms sore from being held out from her
body as they worked.

"It's now or never," that familiar little beep quirked up.

"Don't say shit like that," Neal reprimanded. "Look Alex it's ok," he sent a
charming smile to her and was surprised to see tears threatening to spill
over.

"No it isn't," she whispered. "I have a bomb strapped to my chest. A real live
BoMb Neal! I mean I don't think it hit me until just now! It's a bomb! As in
one false step and then BOOM!" Her tears had spilled over and her voice was
rushed. The beeping was accelerated and Neal was starting to get worried
too.
"Alex, hey listen to me, you're ok babe. They're about to get it off."

"It could explode if they cut the wrong wire!"

"But they won't," he was still trying to soothe her. Her heart rate was
increasing as her panic rose. The beeping was faster than Neal had heard it
before and he had no idea when it was going to blow up.

"Neal I'm petrified that this is going to go wrong!"

"I know Alex but these guys are the best," Neal said breaking eye contact
with her to signal to the bomb man to cut the fucking wire already.

"Neal I could die! We could all die!"

"Alex stop freaking out no one is going to die," he said frantically signaling
the bomb squad to just make the cut.

"But we could and I could never get to say another word!" she was so freaked
out that the beeping almost didn't have any more pauses between beeping
and Neal knew they were screwed soon.

"I could die before I get to tell you!"

"Cut the damn wire!" the two screamed simultaneously.

"I have to tell you!"

"Make the cut!"

"I LOVE YOU!"

The scissors closed around the black wire.

01-02-04
 This Is Me Saving You

Everything was quiet for a long time. Dead quiet, the kind of quiet that
happens when you think maybe your dead. But they weren't, no one was.
The bomb was neutralized and as a room everyone let out a held breath. Neal
opened his eyes to see Alex standing, arms still outstretched with tears
streaking quickly down her cheeks. She had come close to death. Neal looked
around the room and corrected himself; they had all come close to death. But
like everyone else around the world they lived to see another day.

"Nice work," Neal wasn't surprised that Peter was the first to move. He had
positioned himself next to the head of the bomb squad who had made the
final cut of the wire on Neal's demand. His hand was outstretched and the
man took a second to shake his head clear before taking it.

"Always a pleasure," he said while his men surrounded Alex and began
dissembling the pieces of her vest.

Neal looked away from the scene and ran his hand threw his hair. This was
one stressful night. He looked towards the elevator and remembered his
promise to Hughes. He shook his arms out, straightened his jacket, and
headed for the elevator.

"Woah, woah, woah, woah, where do you think you're going?" Peter asked
grabbing his elbow.

"To see Hughes, you heard what he said," Neal said very confused with
Peter's interrogation of his movement, maybe he just wanted to be sure that
Neal was going to see Hughes and hadn't forgotten or "forgotten".

"Neal, a woman just yelled out she loved you as she thought she was going
to die, you're really not going to talk to her?"

"No Peter, I'm not," Neal yanked his arm back and moved for the elevator
once more.

"Why not?" Peter asked following him.

"Because she thought she was dying, because I thought I was dying, because
I have a girlfriend," he said as Peter started to protest. "And Alex isn't her,"
Neal said getting into the elevator and watching as the door closed between
him and Peter.

01-03-01

"I'm here," Neal said standing in Hughes' doorway.

"Oh Neal, good to see you," Hughes nodded to him. "I assume since you're
standing here everything went as planned downstairs?"
"Yes sir," Neal confirmed.

"Hello Neal," a female officer he hadn't met before nodded to him.

"Neal this is agent Jane Curry she's just transferred from the Washington
White Collar Division."

"Oh, hi Jane I'm Neal Caffrey," he stepped in and held his hand out to her.

"Yes I've heard," she paused, "Interesting things about you Mr. Caffrey," she
smiled and it was somewhere between genuine and fake.

"You wanted to speak to me after everything was said and done sir?" Neal
addressed Hughes once again wanting nothing more than to return home and
fall into a deep sleep.

"Yes Neal I did, have a seat," he motioned to the chair in his office. Neal
sighed and sat down even though that meant he would probably be here for a
while. "Neal as Peter might have mentioned to you he sent me some
paperwork involving your friend."

"Oh ya he said he sent up a collar request," Neal tried to sound disinterested

thinking that with Hughes a low level of interest was always the best route to
take.

"Yes he did, that's why Jane is here Neal. She's going to interrogate Alex with
you and if everything works out then Alex will become her CI."

"Wait I'm interrogating Alex?" Neal asked suddenly worried.

"Problem?" Jane asked seeming a bit more curious than Neal thought
necessary.

"No I just don't think she'll be too fond of me when she learns that since I
brought her in she'll be arrested."

"I'm sure she'll get over it," Jane said grabbing her overly stuffed briefcase.
"Let's go Caffrey," she walked to the large meeting room.

Neal looked to Hughes with his mouth slightly open in disbelief, "Well go on,"
Hughes urged.

01-03-02

"That was long," Neal complained as he and Jane stepped out of the room
with three full tapes of Alex revealing every last drop of information she had
about anyone except herself.
"Those meetings always are," Jane said sipping her coffee that she had made
Jones fetch instead of Neal.

"So what happens now?" he asked. He noticed Jane look him up and down
and seem pleased in less time than it took to blink.

"Now we check out a few of these names while she stays in a temporary
holding facility and if more than a fifth of them check out then we'll have her
out and fitted for her anklet."

"Really it's just a fifth?"

"Please with the list she gave us she could have stopped talking after the first
thirty minutes and we would have considered her for a capable CI. Usually it's
about half sometimes more but most people aren't floating the kind of
information or the volume of information that Alexandra Hunter is." Jane
walked away from Neal with all of her belonging stuffed into her briefcase,
she had somehow managed to find room for all of Alex's things too.

01-03-03

"I'm still mad at you," Alex hissed when Neal walked into her cell to visit.
"You turned me in."

"I got the bomb off your chest."

"You handed me over to the FBI."

"It saved your life."

"You ignored me."

"When?"

"I love you," she snipped and he looked down. "Oh look you're doing it
again."

He stared out the window instead of at her when he talked. "I just wanted to
let you know that they decided if you'll get an anklet or not."

01-03-04
 This Is Me Confused

Because of his secret late night meet with Peter, Diana, and Clint Neal had
worked from 1 A.M. to 9 P.M. and he was so grateful to be home. He
collapsed on his bed and slept almost as soon as his body came in contact
with the soft welcoming sheets.

01-04-01

Neal was woken up by a knock on his door. It was really more of a soft
pounding than a knock though. He debated staying in bed but as it persisted
he decided he would probably be unable to ignore it long enough to drift off
again. He stood and noticed with distaste he was still wearing his suit from
work. He yanked the door open and was surprised to see Sara standing
there.

"Sara?" he asked.

"Ya sorry I was just worried after last night. What happened with your friend
I kind of got the feeling you weren't being one hundred percent honest with
me," she smiled at him.

"Yes you're right I wasn't. Come on in," he stepped aside so she could enter.

"So why did you lie to me? And why are you admitting it now?" she came and
sat in one of his kitchen chairs.

"I lied to you then because it was a delicate situation and I'm admitting it
now because it no longer is. Wine?" he asked walking to his store.

"No thank you. I still have the one you sent me home with. I will however
take some truth, no ice," she smiled at him clearly enjoying herself.

He laughed a little dispite himself. "In case it was unclear before my friend
isn't the most upstanding citizen."

"I figured she was a criminal of some sorts," Sara conceded. "I don't see how
that affects our date night though."

"Last night she came to me because she had gotten herself into some
trouble. Some serious trouble," Neal amended when he saw Sara open her
mouth to ask how bad. "She had pissed off some Italians, she thinks, and
they drugged her and strapped a bomb to her chest."

"Oh my God," Sara covered her mouth in horror. "Is she ok?"

"She is," Neal nodded. "She's in FBI custody now because Mozzie and I didn't
want to risk her life on a gamble that we could disable it. So they called bomb
squad and cut a deal with her after it was off."
"What kind of a deal?"

Neal shook his anklet bearing leg. "She has a long list of wanted names and
very reliable ways of getting in touch with them."

"I see, so if everything goes as planned we'll have another con artist in our
midst soon," Sara joked.

"Yes we will," Neal smiled back.

"Well give her my best," Sara said standing.

"Wait where are you going?" Neal asked grabbing her hand as she headed for
the door.

"Home, I got the answers I came for," Sara stared at him like he had three
heads.

"Stay, it's late, you shouldn't be driving," he chastised.

"Oh Neal I don't know if I should," but she was already giggling and smiling
as his lips assaulted her neck going to work on changing her mind.

01-04-02

A loud knock was heard followed by a door opening. The noise startled Neal
awake and he pulled the sheet up to cover Sara's exposed body beside him.

"Just put it anywhere," he heard a familiar female voice say.

The command was followed by shuffling, some grunts, and clatter as items
were set down inside of his apartment.

"What's going on?" he asked looking on the floor for his pants.

"Oh Neal," Alex said looking over. "Oops, next time you should leave a tie or
something," she motioned to Sara with her head.

"Ya seeing as I live here alone I don't usually find the need. What's that
stuff?" he asked motioning to the boxes piling up in his kitchen.

"Oh my boxes, just a few things don't worry, most of it's in storage. But I
need a few essentials to live here," she clarified tossing her purse onto the
table.

"I'm sorry living where? Here? I live here."

"Oh ya me too now," she smiled at him. "Hope you don't mind but the bureau
okayed it. They thought it was a great idea," she smiled. "Don't worry they're
bringing up my couch bed soon, I won't be bunking up with you two," she
motioned to the still sleeping Sara.

Neal faked a laugh, "Right ya of course not because you know that would be
crossing a line."

Alex smiled, "Glad we see eye to eye."

01-04-03

"What is she doing here?" Sara asked in an upset whisper.

"She's my friend and she needs a place to stay within a two mile radius.
Remember I told you she might get collared as it turns out she did. And
remember how you were wishing her your best?" Neal smiled brightly using
her own words against her.

"Yes the best not wishing her to come stay at your place," Sara was clearly
unhappy with the situation as Alex was ignoring the two and getting two guys
to place a painting for her. "Has she even talked with June?"

"I'm sure she has but if she hasn't then maybe June will send her away even
though she's my friend with no where else to go," he tried sweet talking her
one more time.

"I'm not happy about this," Sara hissed.

"You know I kind of got that vibe from you."

"Neal," Sara harsh whispered not appreciating his attitude at the moment.

"Look Sara, she's an old friend, I can't just kick her out. It doesn't work like
that we have codes. She's taken me in before when it would have been easier
for her to live without me. She's a good friend and I owe her."

"You got a bomb off of her chest," Sara clearly wasn't buying it.

"Like I said we have a code," Neal fell back onto the more vague one.

"Look at least try and find somewhere else for her to stay," Sara said as she
looked at her vibrating phone. "I have to go, work is calling. I'm not happy
about this," she said again before kissing Neal and leaving.

01-04-04

"So that woman," Alex paused waiting for Neal to supply a name.

"Sara," he told her while he sat at the table.

"Sara seemed thrilled that I was moving in," Alex said while bringing over a
plate of freshly baked roast and mashed potatoes over to Neal.

"Ya she's just concerned since you're an attractive friend," he lied.

"Oh well you know it has been a while since I've gotten laid," Alex said taking
her seat. Neal choked on his bite of roast. "Neal relax," Alex said rubbing his
back gently. "It was a joke," she comforted him. "Jeez I didn't think you'd
have a problem with me moving in. I mean I knew I had to clear it with June
but I didn't think I'd have to ask you." She pushed her food around in the
gravy.

"No, no that's not it Alex," he looked up and lied because well that was kind
of hitting the nail on the head. "It's just you know how it is I'm with Sara and
I'd like to make it work."

"I know Neal I'm not going to get in the way of that."

"It's just that she's a little uncomfortable with the idea of you here. But she'll
get used to it, I'm sure," he smiled. In truth Neal wasn't sure if he'd get used
to the idea let alone if Sara would.

01-04-05