Derivations of France- 950 Ways to Survive an Indian

Slaughter

by

Morton Galley

Dedicated to Rita (2015)

 William Seward, Dept. of War
or An Historical Custodial, Act III

'Are you in Mr. President?'

Pres. 'What is the ante?'
'The south of France.'
'Spain w/ its Southern Borders.'
Pres. 'I suppose. It is only another victory.'
'The ante is vermilion.'
'And the vermilion is three-thousand to be precise. But only for this hand.'
'Large swath of land indeed.'
'It is quite alluring. If can make them all dead.'
'Is anyone willing?'
S/S.'We have an idea your excellency.'
'Robber barons at the post.'
'Home by nine and sleeping by ten.'
'Buffoon.'
'White baboon.'
Seward. 'A simpleton.'
'A charlatan.'
'Savannah.'
'Georgia.'
'Ahh. The south of France.'
'In Spain, she was my lover.'
'I married her in France.'
'Long lasting.'
(raises glass as the others raise theirs)
'To long life.'
(shoots)
'Until I am dead.'
Stanton. 'You mistrust me too much Mr. President.'
'Perhaps the ante will despoil you.'
'Buffoon.'
'Simpleton.'
'Rather trouncing.'
'His wife is rather delicate. He refuses to perform in bed.'
'It will not end.'
'Wherever did he acquire such a profession?'
'Madness.'
'Lack of civility.'
'His wife is great in bed.'
'Poor, poor Lincoln.'
Seward. 'I want him dead.'
Stewart. 'I'm saying We, Mr. President.
Pres. 'And all the south of France?'
'A juggernaut.'
'Sex with men.'
'Absolutely disgusting.'
'Whoever heard of such nonsense?'
'Mr. Stanton believes he can be'
Stanton. 'Privileged.'
'Ghouled as you were.'
'And his brother?'
'Ready to raise arms w/in the firing of the first shot.'
'Like a piece of bread.'
'Moist.'
'Soggy.'
'Powdered.'
'Enflamed.'
Pres. 'How convenient.'
'Seward thinks he will not communicate.'
Stanton 'Or even worse, he may just free the slaves.'
(roars of laughter)
'Commodity.'
'Conviviality.'
'A nuisance.'
Pres. 'To drink with the President?'
'Will you drink to that Mr. President?'
(toasts)
Seward. 'Then it's curtains for him.'
Stanton. 'Single shot.'
Seward. 'Blindside.'
'I didn't know Lincoln was blind in one eye.'
'His willie.'
'His wife in my bed.'
'She is rather lovely.'
'Charming.'
'Decent.'
'Courteous.'
'Loving.'
'Caring.'
Seward. 'A talk of the town.'
Stanton. 'Always ready to host a party.'
'She is quite good in bed.'
'He is always traveling.'
'Reading books in bed.'
'Fancies himself a great attorney.'
'I'll have her then.'
Seward. 'And he in a box of blue irons.'
Pres. 'Dissemination of the Union?'
Stanton. 'Abolition of the state.'
'A masterpiece.'
'A Beethoven.'
'The performance will not be that difficult.'
'Absurd.'
Stanton. 'A Civil War.'
'It will not be allowed.'
Pres. 'And how many dead?'
'Thirty-three thousand.'
Stanton. 'One Hundred Fifty Thousand dead.'
Seward. 'Easy.'
'It will be remembered in history,'
Pres. 'I will go down in chains.'
'Perhaps you do not live.'
Pres. 'I cannot be alive.'
Stanton. 'Then you will be dead to me, Mr. President.'
Pres. 'And history?'
Seward. 'Will decide indeed.'
Stanton. 'We will save many lives.'
Pres. 'Like a charter raised against us.'
Seward. 'New mansions for me.'
(raising glass)
'Overdose!'
'Maimed!'
Stanton. 'A proud registrant to the Southern Army.'
'He lives!'
Stanton. 'He will die.'
'Again!'
(shots around toasting)
Pres. 'Perhaps then at a masquerade party.'
'No. How about at a ball?'
'The hotel.'
Seward. 'No, no, no. In the theatre.'
Stanton. 'Quite dead.'
'And silent to-'
'Do you think he'll even notice?'
Seward. 'Even if he becomes aware, I'll have his wife to distract him.'
'With a bullet.'
'At the ballet?'
Seward. 'In his head!'
'Sinking into the cushions.'
Pres. 'While sinking into the dead.'
'Like an envelope.'
'Like everyone else.'
Stanton. 'He will not allow for separation.'
'Too proud.'
'He will not allow us hell.'
Seward. 'You give the order Mr. President.
Stanton. 'And I will give you hell.'
'What a carnival,'
'What a hotel.'
(roars of raucous laughter)
Pres. 'You can guarantee this Mr. Seward?'
Seward. 'He is a showman.'
Stanton. 'He is a Tory.'
'He is ready for burial.'
'Monuments to misclaim his fortunes.'
Seward. 'And always ready to tell.'
Pres. 'Ready to act?'
(the shaman casts his spell)
?Stanton?. 'I want to have his power, Mr. President.'
Seward. 'I want to shower the North with shells.'
Pres. 'Finally.'
Stanton. 'What is the current state of affairs Mr. President?'
Pres. 'Then it is war you shall have.'
Stanton. 'Two hundred thousand dead.'
'At minimum.'
'Your wish is my command.'
Pres. (toasting Stanton) 'Governor.
(roars of laughter, tinking of glasses around, the sound of all at table tossing chips/coins into the
ante)

[Lights Fade, Curtain Falls]

The End