Basically, since my 21st birthday, I’ve had my home address listed

As either my mother or grandmother’s house;

Other people have also had ownership of this house, but I think in terms of matr
iarchy, ya dig?
Yes, these places have been a wonderful home; how much it helped me:
But I am no longer content to live in idle bliss- day dreaming, rarely scheming,
and following through on-
I want glee--- rich timbers in my voice
Inspired by the endurance and dedication I’ve exposed myself from within myself,
all through out the day;
I want a sustainable melody from an ability to know what a sustainable melody is
.
Most importantly, I wan to believe that hard work--- the sort my love craves of
me in order to not be embarrassed of me……. Perhaps allowing my harmonic side, I
need to align with sunlight.
I must study music; I can no longer allow “jazz nerds” to be a term I that does
not currently apply my to myself. I am jazz nerd retarded Ir must jazz nerd ins
pired. Because what is “art” compared to music? What are words but another lang
uage that falls short of the glory of music? This is a language that I have know
n but never KNWN KNOWN.
A moment ago, I believed, art is so limiting, because supplies do not last forev
er--- I want to write a letter to the JJC painting teacher: I have been to two w
eeks of your class, before, and in that time, you only taught me that it’s fun t
o sit down and spend time on art work: you helped me to learn to love to do art,
which is really teaching me to love first step… so very important:… Now I need
you to teach me what comes next. I need to know how to FORSEE art; I need/want
to understand how to pick an explicit direction, and I think this is because of
a specific lack of fundamental knowledge; (I just am trying to mix yellow acryli
c paint with my water color set as a means of covering some nasty old shades of
green/brown/puke from an old canvas888 because, most importantly, last night, I
saw my abstract art from the past take on in the present the shape of a drago br
eathing fire… I don’t know wat to do, but do I turn to my bible and see the reve
lation Dragon reference part? But gehd, again?1*__****888 Hahaha, just last nig
ht I said how horrible it was, now that I look at it I’m still in love with the
fact that I did it. Because yes, there it is in front of me.
____________
The chaos theory: nonlinear, with effects out of proporton to their causes.
Prone to randomness; and particularly sensitive to INITIAL CONDITIONS.
“Strange attractors:” random behavior that almost, but not quite, repeat
s itself. ---
Self Similarity, where patterns repeat themselves, but in different scal
es;
Doubling,
as for example, when a small change in force driving a pendulum
doubles its frequency.
“World of Ideas”
_____________
“The World’s Religions--- Huston Smith--- pg 169:
The solution simple to the ear but in substance profound, embodied the appositen
ess of social genius. In times of transition, an effective proposal must meet t
wo condition. It must be continuous of the past,
For only by tying it with what people have known and are accustomed to can it be
generally accepted--
“Think not that I came to destory; I came not to destory but to fufill” (Mathew
5:17).
At the same time the answer must take clear-eyed account of developing developme
nts
That render the old answers unworkable.
_______________
I mention the chaos theory because I notice my daily tendencies to be what I wou
ld assume to be conventionality; so I point out a pattern that might explain my
rationale: I say that strange attraction leads me to take this “lazy” life style
to some, or a genuinely perfected use of my time on this planet at this moment
in this condition which is my age and mental capacity-- that is mental preferenc
e which is study and writing and reflecting
Yes, this cycle of “lazy” working dedication has lead to mental hospitals
By the sheer ability within myself for GREAT mental capacity;
Self-similarity explains that yes, the patterns are repeating themselves
Buty in dient scales--- I am doing things with a much different approach,
Perhaps y could sa in this game of golf I’m carrying different discs.
Instead of popping those pills I take vitamins; yes, a bi-polar
With perfected medication, no longer toying with this recipe or concotion.
I’m repeating old [atterns with new thinking patterns; just because situationall
y things may seem the same
Doesn’t me am ding them the sya way as I am not the same bperson, but yes, of co
urse,
I am still Miranda Lynette Gothard,
The phrase Doubling may strike me two ways, in that the small change in the forc
e of my pendulum is my love for Vince; will this make my frequency of admirable
production double? How I hope indeed!
***** And now this double refers to the fac that I’ve lived in my own weird real
m all day and I am doing things for me, and not us, and so my pendulum sway, but
I focuse, I find the light, and I say hey, hes’ okay, and so we’re still… till
another day and the cirlce goes to play.*****
Sharon Gort and I were discussing something, and it evolved into the understandi
ng that every person should possess their own house library, a place open to all
the family to store in once place all of their books--- and where all of the fr
iends of family living in that house, can come, select books, they too would eno
y
And those books take home and read them and yes perhaps put thme back into their
own library until a time when the friends, yes we, may come to our friends home
and collect our books back for our own continual reference and daily spirartion
s. *inspiration+spirit+situations*
________________
And so the last thing I tell myself as I walk over here is that I want the pile
of books beside the bed
, perhaps the last thing I read before I go to sleep at night, is my own written
word, as the way I see the written word is a story that we play inside our mind
s, a movie we can pause and turn off and back on at our will; so therefore I str
uggled for a moment when sitting down here, because I said, well, what I intend
to do when I sit down theres not creat\ a FICTIONAL story, some piece of artwork
, some fake flimsy pretend pretend a game, NO, but some magnificent illustration
of conscious though, a running tablet of who I am and what I am and how I inten
d to DO as I am; and I say, is that something possible? Is that something that I
cance inoa book and place as a book beside my bed--- and I say yes,
It is, therefore what I am doing now is tangiable, it is then indeed?- no- yes a
tangible effort of my time, as it is the most pleasing of pleasing within my ab
ilities: therefore, this must be the greatest moment as it within complete circl
e completes itself: therefore alleviating all lacking, therefore alleviating all
worry, burden, guilt, shame: on;ly freedom ad and understandin
& understanding of the full potential of power of the perfected us of time pow
Power; when one act completes full achievement in every moment of its entirety
It is therefore wisdom enlightened.
_________________________
I wonder how many people were “negatively” effected by my deleting of a lot of f
ace book pictures;
That would have not only included photographs of myself, but of them as well; I
not only discarded my photos,-- but their’s; what ever I had kept photographical
ly for them, meaning captured for them, I gave it and took it away: that is NOT
to say what is gone is gone forever, as ah yet again, or shoult I not--- yet aga
in carry my camera to this weekends’ party so that they can reflect… WAT?! What
do I do? How do I react to this coming situation; as I’ve sparingly used my came
ra, and I’ve captured small bits of wonderous fleeting things;
*which are now deleted*
In nothing photographed has there been the bit ooh yes but there has been enough
.
________
The Everything Philosophy Book-- James Mannion: pg 148
Cultural Relativism:
An influential anthropologist who sought to make anthroplogy more respec
table was Franz Boas. He believed in field work, living among the civilaization
you were studying for an extended perior of time. He also rejected the ethnoce
ntric and racist views of many of his predeccessors.
He trained a whole generation of anthropologists, and his work was the basis for
the pratice of cultural relativism.
---By golly yo diggity, you don’t even know what I’m capable of, exactly: how mu
ch love I can potentially give; I can go too far in proving my love,
Proving to myself, my love for another individual; including myself
For the last blunt whoo never ever cared… I was willing to retardly throw my stu
pid ass off a train
“because I believed I would fly,” because my love for him was psychotic…
But my point is that THAT LOVE back then is still a capability inside me---
(Those who would take over the earth
And Shape it to their will
Never, I notice, succeed.
The earth is like a vessel so sacred
That at the mere approach of the profane
It is marred
And when they reach out their fingers it is gone. Smith, 22)
I guess I need to say that when I do things a certain way, some call it my way a
nd other call it, well I call it the right way; it might appear a bit odd to you
or whoever that is not me, wathcing me, me me alone in my me-ness…
But I have this way I that I vow to say that I do it this way because IT IS MY
Way and thank heavens at least I have a way that I am certain and precise about
Because it si mine,I developed it; imagine making your own dinner/meal utensils,
Imagin if every time you consumed the nutrition/energy that you put into your bo
dy was through vessels, erms or tools that you crafted….
____________
I then suppose the true lesson here is to never give wonder time to ponger
For then the unobtainable happens; as that whole train of thought I was
About to share with you seemed to slipp off tracks. Shucks.
What I’m saying is I walked away from what I was working on---
___________
The first and most important paradox is that the best way to win a battle is not
 to fight one. In other words, I must accept that this is but one step in a lon
g list of steps of many steps;
Yes, I may choose writing as top priority, but then I must build
My writing pyramid, each moment of dedication as another act of construction tow
ards that final majestic pyramid.
Concerns: misdirection; am I most efficiently using my time
What steps are necessary to achieve maximum potential
Goal: To achieve, consistently, 50-70 k words / mo.
Paradox: Must learn to supress numerous outside desires for
The sake of strengthening the intensity of the desire to wrte;
***IF I WRITE AT NIGHT, I’l record night thoughts, which meants not be shared wi
llingly in a lasting impression beyond wahtes capable of mental instant retentio
ns… play fair please***
Yet wondering the necessity of outside influence:
*Kidnapped: age 16: Summer 2002: wk @ night/wildwood time 4 sun
Location: Barn
Step 1: Converse w Papa & Nana @ dinner; survey barn; vizualize opportunity
Matterials: typewriter; music; lights; mirror; rugs; cushion;
Minimum essentials; less distractions, more writing
---------------------

Ied Idealism: (Rohmann, 190) In philosophy, the position that IDEAS,

Not objects, are the basis of reality; the opposite of REALISM/MATERIALISM.
The concept takes three general forms:
1. That all reality is a product of the mind;
2. That we can have knowledge only of the contents of our minds;
3. Or that the material universe is an imperfect reflection of an ideal realm be
yond our sense.
*The everyday connotation of term relates to these meanings in the sense that an
idealist is someone in pursuit of an ideal that is beyond the horizon but firml
y grasped in the mind.
BIBLIOGRAPHY-- WORKS CITED;
The World’s Religions-- by Huston Smith, 1961
A World of Ideas: a dictionary of important theories concepts beliefs and thinke
rs, Chris Rohmann, 1999