Dying to Live, or How I Spent My Summer as a Vampire

Chance Jones
4/27/2017

Table of Contents
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Preface - 3

Chapter 1: Born Not to Belong - 11

Chapter 2: The Details are Wrong - 20

Chapter 3: First Meals - 32

Chapter 4: Thoughts and Actions - 49

Chapter 5: The Most Annoying Sort - 61

Chapter 6: Ends and Beginnings - 72

Acknowledgements
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Id like to thank the people who have supported me most, always, my parents. I have to

mention them especially over the rest of my wonderful family because I want them to

feel appreciated most of all.

Thank you to Dr. James Gorman, for his valiant efforts to wrestle with the madness Ive

presented to him along the way.

Preface
 3

Hello. Id thank you for reading my work, but since this is a preface you very well

may read this first. To a certain extent, Id caution anyone that is here first to consider

carefully the order in which you want to read this novella. I will be speaking frankly

about the content of the story in a way which might introduce bias into your reading

experience. Then again, perhaps it is better to tread into strange territory with a guide.

Strange territory is certainly where I believe Ive gone while following this piece. Of

course, that is also exactly what I set out to try to document from the first moments of my

conceptualization of this book. Because I am forced by certain obligations to ramble on

quite a bit, I believe we will also end up at that place in this preface as well. I will have to

speak on my motivations for writing this novel, and that means I will have to speak about

my motivations in general.

To give a brief literary accounting of the Dying to Live: It is a story focused on

the interaction between a nihilistic personality and an optimistic personality. There is no

particular genre to which Id commit the novel, nor is there an audience for whom it is

meant. It is a pure artistic expression of my ideas. Or rather, it is a stumbling and unsure

attempt to create something so lofty. This is in contrast to much of what Ive written so

far, which is calculated somewhat coldly to be capable of mesmerizing a reader. Of

course ideally, both the calculation and the ideas would be perfectly balanced in a single

manuscript. This, in whatever version it might its way to you, is my first striving toward

that unification. And to be sure, it is something which I think still requires many years of

new revisions to be built up enough to hold the weight of the feelings that back this

novel.

In Here am I, Samuel Johnson Woolf recounts a statement from Mark Twain: A

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critic never made or killed a book or a play. The people themselves are the final judges. It

is their opinion that counts. After all, the final test is truth. But the trouble is that most

writers regard truth as their most valuable possession and therefore are most economical

in its use. This is often shortened to just the last sentence, and I can understand why. It

seems to me to be a poignant statement. I certainly feel that in writing Dying to Live, I

was using truth very economically. Perhaps in terms of austerity measures. The narrator

of the story was a nightmare to inscribe onto the page. He is fundamentally dishonest

with others and with himself. Unreliable as a narrator even for his own thoughts and

feelings. Of course, I cant deny that the narrator is in some ways myself. Economic use

of the truth is certainly an inherited trait, but I dont have that particular luxury at the

moment. So whereas the narrator of the following tale refuses to share his truth, I shall

take this opportunity to speak earnestly.

Lets go back to the point of inception for this novel. In fact, it began as a joke. A

simple musing I engaged with while plotting out an essay for a summer class. It happened

to be 4am, because I have a terrible habit of upending my sleep schedule and the single

night class I was taking only acted to enable that habit. I was reflecting on just that

condition and said to myself that I might as well just become a vampire for the summer. I

amused myself by beginning to attack details to the joke to turn it into a narrative. How

would I become one? Why? And then I got to the most important question, what would I

try to communicate through such a story. I decided that it would have to be the sentiment

burrowed deep within me that gives rise to pacing the apartment at 4am while joking

about abandoning society. The vilest, cruelest pessimism which can be dredged up from

my heart. Does that even amount to much? I dont think so, but it is still the unique thing
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gnawing away at me. As a writer, it has to be that thing which I try to share with people.

To provide an example by drafting up a story and thereby hopefully impacting another in

a positive way, this could be said to be my most basic motivation.

Since I am here to speak earnestly, I should also discuss the novel which could be

said to be the primary influence on this work. I did not immediately make the connection

to the book when I was scheming about Dying to Live, even though it sat on a shelf

across the room from where I was pacing when I made that fateful joke. In any case, that

book is Kizumonogatari by NisiOisiN. To spoil a wonderful novel with a summary: On

the first day of spring break, a high school student saves a wounded vampire and is

forced to fight three vampire hunters as her proxy after he becomes a vampire himself.

For comparison, Dying to Live can be broken down to: A college student spends his

summer break as a vampire and is forced to spend time with another vampire. It was

actually in thinking about a summary of my idea that I finally noticed the similarities it

had to Kizumonogatari. If I had noticed from the start, I very well might have abandoned

the project due to an aversion to cleaving too closely to anothers writing. However, I had

already spent a few nights worth of thinking on the concept, so I decided to throw out all

reservations and create whatever I would end up creating.

The themes of Kizumonogatari run parallel to Dying to Live in a few ways. The

protagonist of that novel, Araragi Koyomi, has a twisted view of the world in much the

same way that my narrators view is distorted. The vampire Araragi meets is troubled by

the despair of immortality. Of course, my vampire was designed from the beginning to be

a highly positive entity whose misgivings about her nature drove her to value life all the

more. Kizumonogatari resolves with a much darker fate for its characters than I selected
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for Dying to Live. At the climax, Araragi reaches an impasse and can only ask earnestly

for a solution from the mysterious exorcist Oshino Meme.

He made a grin.
So, what is your hearts desire?
I want you to tell me a way to make everyone happy, I told
him.
That was what I desired, from the bottom of my heart.
A method that will keep all of us from being unhappy.
How could something like that possibly exist? Are you stupid or
something, Oshino shrugged. Theres convenient, and then theres that.
Thats an essay topic for elementary school ethics class. Its unrealistic.
Oshino, I-
However, Oshino said, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and
putting it back in his pocket. He looked at Hanekawa, then Kissshot, then
finally me before saying, I can think of a way that will make everyone
miserable.
As I looked at him, dumbfounded by his reply, he quickly went on
to explain.
In other words, the grief created by this incident will be split
among everyone evenly---no ones wishes will come true, but if youre
okay with that, there is a way.
(NisiOisin 330-331)

I chose the exact opposite sentiment for the end point of my story. I wanted the

narrator to be moved forward by his encounter, even if only a sliver of an inch. Or

perhaps I wanted to show that he was never really that far gone in the first place. In the

end, the goal was to get the narrator to be able to speak a bit more earnestly. It really was

quite troublesome for me to express an honest sentiment through a dishonest narrator. I

believe that is my biggest mistake in going forward with this novel, making a main

character whose response to everything would be to hide his response even from himself.

A character with both a lifeless persona and an inward belief in that persona.

However, I knew the difficulty in constructing something with such a character.

Its simply another concern I decided to throw by the wayside in order to create
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something with an uncertain outcome. From the beginning, I thought of this as a project

to challenge myself as an artist rather than trying to produce the most precise mockup of

writing that I could. If I wanted to play to my strengths, I would have moved on to

another project with a coherent narrative structured around the heros journey and lots of

vibrant physical details. Instead, Dying to Live is focused on dialogues, errant thoughts,

and low stakes scenarios.

So why would I go about writing this novel? More than anything with which I

might entertain a reader, my entire reason for trying to pursue an authors path is the

thought that I might be able to cause some good by it. Ive studied this world with curious

eyes and found many things that could distort ones ideology to match my narrators

disdain of society. Along the way Ive also found an abundance of reasons to skew ones

thinking toward that of the vampire in my story. Dying to Live is a humble attempt to

share some of those things in the hopes that someone else might find a useful idea or

emotion amongst the rest of the nonsense. There is a passage in the Bhagavad Gita which

draws my attention more than any other. It is part of Krishnas answer to Arjunas despair

at the prospect of engaging in battle against relatives and friends. From chapter 2, verses

31 through 33: Considering your dharma, you should not vacillate. For a warrior,

nothing is higher than a war against evil. The warrior confronted with such a war should

be pleased, Arjuna, for it comes as an open gate to heaven. But if you do not participate

in this battle against evil, you will incur sin, violating your dharma and your honor

(Easwaran 92). When I consider a place in the world for myself as a writer, I see it as

akin to the warrior confronted with a war against evil. You could say, writing is how I

can participate. Dying to Live is my first attempt at fully expressing some of my ideals. It
 8

was because I was pursuing that goal that I decided to throw away the various

reservations I had and go through with the project.

What are the ideals comprising my war against evil? If there was an easy way to

explain that, I imagine that this book would have been much easier to write as well.

However, I can start where I can lay out some definite points. The world I behold is filled

with societies on the brink of collapse by almost every measure but the attitudes of their

inhabitants. The virtues which led to the creation of civilizations have been eschewed in

favor of false ideals which trade the potential of the future for a moments gain. I think

the contrasts between urban and agrarian modes of living illustrate this very well. As far

as I am concerned, Calhouns experiments with population densities of rats and mice

show the folly of urban living at its most brutal. Just as the colonies of rodents collapsed

due to social dysfunction rather than want of resources, so too will any urban society fall

into chaos and implode. This process is already well underway in many countries today,

the United States among them. Though there are still many rural areas across the nation,

the power to steer the direction of the future resides with the concentrations of political

and economic activity which correlate with urban centers.

Economic theories play their part in the curse of modernity as well. In the

foreword to The Gift of Good Land, Wendell Berry describes a law of an economic

system focused on profit as being that farmers are worth more dead than alive. He

continues, A second law is that anything diseased is more profitable than anything that

is healthy. What is wrong with us contributes more to the gross national product than

what is right with us. It seems to me that this exact thread binds the world at the

moment. I see nations which have been reorganized into factories which produce broken
 9

people by design. There is no longer any consideration of the ways in which people

should live in order to be healthy rather than the profit or efficiency in living this way or

that.

This preface has taken some odd turns here toward the end, so I will have to try to

reel things back in. Dying to Live is my first attempt at an earnest communication in a

style which Ive tried to make unique. Given the irksome nature of the narrator, perhaps I

should ask that you fail to enjoy his company. Having made it this far, I can at least thank

you for reading the preface and suffering through just one of my rants. The book that

follows is certainly another one, and Im sure that anything else I create which might find

its way to your hands will be yet more of my earnest attempts at being disingenuous and

disingenuous attempts at being earnest.

Citations

Berry, Wendell. The Gift of Good Land: Further Essays Cultural and Agricultural. New

York, NY: North Point, 1981. Print.

Easwaran, Eknath. The Bhagavad Gita. Canada: Nilgiri, 2012. Print.

NisiOisiN. KIZUMONOGATARI: Wound Tale. Trans. Ko Ransom. New York:

Vertical, 2015. Print.

Woolf, Samuel Johnson. Here I Am. New York, NY: Random House, 1941. pp. 78-80.
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Print.

Chapter 1: Born Not To Belong

For as long as I can remember, Ive been an outsider. It might be a fabrication at

this point, but my younger selves have passed on a certain memory labeled as my first,

and Ill choose to have faith in my own words on the matter. That first moment of self-

awareness came as I was settled into a car seat, riding along with my parents one day in a

past now distant to my conscious mind. The ever doting pair had always made sure to

include me in their existence even just by turning to look at me while talking to each
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other and modulating the tones of their voices to appeal to my infantile ear. However, at

some point they lapsed in that effort, withdrawing to converse in private tones while

keeping their glances limited between them. Supposedly, according to my memory of a

memory, that is the exact moment when I first became aware of the separation of my

existence from the world at large. After all, the two with whom Id shared a mutual

existence, on whom I had depended for all needs and any attentions, were now engaged

in reverie with each other and without my inclusion. If my existence had been inseparable

from theirs, I should have ceased to be after such an excision from the focus of attention,

but I continued to placidly watch the two ignoring me.

Ive heard before that this is a definite stage in the development of children, that

we are not born with the ability to recognize ourselves as distinct from the rest of reality

and the people around us. Of course, Ive also heard others speak in lofty tones about the

falsehood of that recognition, suggesting that this idea of separation is not a development

at all but instead something more like a delusion or a curse. Its quite clear to me that it is

both and all of the above. Its an inevitable understanding and a damning one. There can

be no denial of the separation between individuals, or else we would be all of one mind

on every topic from the amount of salt in a pinch to how to draw the borders between

nations. Still, that recognition is a curse which demands that the recipient either languish

alone or delude himself and become subsumed by an illusory idea of unity. Thats right,

there is no way to bridge the gap, not by logic nor by emotion. Not with words, nor with

actions. We are born into this world alone, alone shall we remain, and dying, too, is done

alone. Becoming aware of that is why, for as long as I can remember, Ive been an

outsider.
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My parents have sometimes told the story of how they thought at first that I might

be mute. Even into my second year of life, I had uttered none of the stuttering attempts at

communication which they expected after reading countless manuals on the raising of

children. And then one day I spoke, a few words strung together, something about the

weather being too warm. To this day they speak of the event with a proud and mysterious

aura, but I think they would be downcast instead if they understood the truth. Or rather,

my hunch has always been that it was simply the first time they had posed to me a

question which I could not answer by either a shake or nod of my head. In fact, you

would be surprised by how much of life might be gone through just by the merest cranial

tilting in time with the questioning of others. I know for certain that Ive gone weeks

repelling all inquiries with that simplest of defenses.

Society, however, does not tolerate outsiders. Even if youre faking it, you have to

belong. I learned that lesson, or acquired that curse of understanding, as I entered the

school system. I had thought that I was meeting every expectation the teachers had set for

me, even the unspoken ones I had gleaned from reading the scripts behind their eyes.

That was the way I dealt with them, with the world outside myself, by calculating what

was expected of me and making sure that I at least showed an attempt at obedience. It

came as a surprise to me that a teacher one day called in my parents and had an urgent

conference between the four of us.

She began timidly, Im not sure if your son has mentioned anything at home, but

Im worried that hes being bullied by some of the other children. This was news to me,

in fact I hadnt yet received a definition for that word, bullying. My parents were

aghast at the suggestion and so the teacher continued, Well, you see, during recess the
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other children exclude your son from their games.

Is that true? That was the question my father put to me, but I was unsure how to

answer. After all, I had to ask what it meant to be excluded.

When the other children say that you cant play with them, my teacher

answered with a soft, sad voice which only confused me more. Thats excluding you. To

exclude someone means to not let them be together with you.

But they never said that. A nervous glance passed around the adults at my

decisive words. Of course, the source of the misunderstanding was that I had never asked

to be included, nor approached at the edges of attention where I might be dragged in by

some busybody.

Dont you want to play with the other kids? This time my mother was the one to

speak up.

No. And why would I? Those wretches were dirty, loud, fickle, impatient, and

short-tempered; and how many times already had I seen some poor childs trust returned

with duplicity by his peers? Even their fickle nature was fickle, with bouts of anger

turning to placid camaraderie as if each emotion was meaninglessly interchangeable. It

was the same for the games they played, being devoid of meaning. Why should I want to

play house when I had a home to return to? Neither endlessly mimicking the

machinations of the adult world nor chasing each other to and fro interested me, so I

spent my recesses wandering around the schoolyard in search of something else, anything

else. I could not put words to my feelings at that age and so I found myself struggling to

explain my disinterest at a conference about bullying which was not happening.

In the end, I learned that society does not tolerate outsiders. I was forced to play
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with those other children and they were forced to play with me, or else both sides risked

the annoying attention of authority. Because neither I nor they truly desired the outcome,

we were forced to compromise and establish an illusion of unity. I memorized their

names as they memorized mine, though I cant recall a single one at this time. I adopted

the patterns of behavior that allowed us all to move forward in time, but those things did

not become a part of me. When I returned home for the day, it became as though

returning from another world or another life. In that way, I began to understand that the

whole of society is built on artifice, delusion of the self and of others.

As I grew older, that feeling only grew with me. The behaviors I had to mimic

became more complex and the background knowledge necessary to maintain the illusion

became ever more extensive. No longer just at a school but wherever I went, it was

necessary to conjure an appropriate mask. At some point, two mes appeared: the me that

exists in the world for others to see and the me that exists outside the world with my true

thoughts and feelings. In that way, there is a barrier, a window or a film or a screen,

something just at the edge of tangibility which separates me from the world and the world

from me. Its not unique, everyone is born on one side of such a singular pane of glass.

Some people never even notice the transparent division, but others press up against it and

fog it up with their breath. In that car seat so long ago, I saw my breath catch on an

invisible barrier, and again when my teacher so graciously explained the concepts of

inclusion, exclusion, and forced participation, I witnessed a spreading haze that marked

the boundary of separation. Bearing witness to a world that rejects us from the start, what

course could I take other than rejecting that world? And so, for as long as I can

remember, Ive been an outsider.

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Living with that division in sight is like remotely controlling the body of a

stranger while on a covert mission in a dangerous land. Every action is filled with the

tension of possible discovery, and yet each one is ultimately unfulfilling to undertake.

When I realized that all of the conversations in which I engaged were superficial, I

stopped being connected to them. Around dinner tables I would politely listen to the

banter of my relatives, but it all seemed as trivial as the lights and sounds of the

television, or the disconnected words from a pulp novel. Watching through the portholes

of my own eyes, the world passes by meaninglessly. In the same way, I meaninglessly

pass by strangers in the street as if none of us exist in the same world. Perhaps naturally,

the more aware Ive become of the separating barrier, the more others are separated from

me.

It was those sorts of things about which I was thinking as I wandered around the

noontime streets. And why not? Or rather, what else could I think of during this, the most

unpleasant part of my day, when I had to leave my apartment to go to class? The

sidewalks were crowded with the stumbling zombies that inhabit the campus of the

college Im attending. Thats right, even for someone such as I, there are paths that lead

through college. Those people, the zombies, the mindless masses already dead from the

time they were born; their presence is part of the reason I hate going out. They wander

around only ever getting in the way as if theyd somehow become lost along their daily

routes. Robots programmed to perform simple tasks are more reliable!

Between my self-absorption and their lack of attention, it was as though they and

I existed in different worlds separated by that forlorn, invisible barrier. Passing by each

other a thousand times, not once would our eyes or paths meet. Thats why it is an
 16

absolute shock when a hand reaches through that barrier to take hold of my wrist. The

truly unexpected event, the sort of shock that is the only thing that can make reality feel

real when youve become lost in daydreams. There isnt even enough time for me to

panic before I hear my name being called out, and then I panic for sure. Though hearing

the voice lets me know who it is, and that her intent probably isnt quite as dangerous as

chomping down on my brain , Im still filled with dread as I turn to face my academic

advisor. Its never a good thing to be noticed by someone who has control over your

future.

Ive been looking for you? Im not sure why shes the one confused, but theres

also an indignation tingeing her voice which indicates a sense of being entitled to being

able to find me. Why should it be a fault of mine that she decided to look for me without

considering that I might not want to be found? Did you get my e-mail about your

internship options? It is possible that at least some of the fault lies with me. Really

though I have to commend her for getting to the point so quickly. If shed been vague

about the topic then we could probably have gone on for several pages before I even

knew we were talking about internships.

Ah, well, that is At once I began to employ the techniques I was at college to

study. Of course I had gotten her e-mail, or at least an e-mail she had sent months earlier.

Maybe she had sent one recently, but its too much of a hassle to check my inbox, you

know? Its not something I have to check every day, and once I skip a day, thats the end.

Knowing that theres probably just something unpleasant in there, Id skip the next day

too. After a week, the unpleasantness festering there becomes too heavy to even consider

and the only recourse is to never check it again.

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Well, I need to know what option youve picked. Impatience has joined her

indignation. Thats a bit unfair though, I dont even know the options. If I had to pick, Id

go with no option, but that is probably out of the question. Im mostly sure that the

summer internship is mandatory for the major Im in, and its just wishful thinking

keeping me from being sure. Even now, at a university, I was going to be made a puppet

dancing on the strings of enforced participation. In Bullshit 101 I had been taught to test

the limits of those sorts of definite terms like mandatory, but it seems like my luck has

run out if my advisor herself intends to hunt me down and hound me about it. Thinking

quickly, I slowly let out a string of disingenuous words,

I had an option in mind, but Id like to go over them all one more time before

making it final. I feel a little bad about being able to smile genuinely while delivering

such a well-crafted line, but my classes have been paying off indeed. I thought the

stalling tactic would work, but exasperation mixes into my advisors tone when she

replies.

Theres only that one internship opportunity left at this point. Ah, I see, well

that probably concludes the matter then, but I still dont know what that one even is.

Thats why I wanted to confirm that there werent any others.

There arent. Here, a few long seconds of silence passes between us. Finally, I

ask her to write down just a little bit of information about the internship on a scrap of

paper. Its fine, I dont even need to know what the internship is as long as I get to the

orientation. In fact, theres still a chance I can go and then later find a way to skip the

internship. As if in response to my barest hope, she takes on an air of concern and

intones, I hope youre taking this seriously.

 18

Of course. I cant even be sure what this is, but Im sure Im taking it seriously.

After all, college, classes, the internship, all of those things are dangerous matters that I

have to consider very carefully. Thats how Ive navigated this twisted maze of a society,

by taking every turn as seriously as if it could be my last.

Its just My advisors words trail off as if shes expecting me to ask what is

just. I know whats just and it has nothing to do with schemes of forced participation. I

was hoping that she wouldnt continue if I failed to engage in the ritual questioning, but

she went on by herself, Half of your professors leave the most amazing feedback in your

evaluations and the other half are amazingly disappointing. But they both say the same

things about you. I want to tell her that she shouldnt take it so seriously herself, but I

dont want to mention that those guys are just scam artists filling in the blanks and

blanking out the details, just like me.

Id sort of heard about this internship, actually. If I cant tell the truth, then I

might as well tell a pitiful lie. I put all the energy I can muster into my voice as I describe

a fake history, I was wondering why it would be the last one to fill up, or its more like,

I wanted to give everyone else a chance with the ones they wanted. I was screwed if she

asked for some kind of detail about this as of yet unknown Herculean task. So you see, I

really wanted to do this, because Im just curious about this sort of thing.

Im glad to hear that. She said, though her tone and raised eyebrows indicated

otherwise. In fact, her reaction causes me to have a bit of a premonition. I figured that I

had just stuck my foot in my mouth and hopped off a cliff. After all, wasnt I supposed to

live by calculation? I should have weighed putting her mind at rest against the room I

would have to wriggle out of this scenario later on. I guess I wasnt taking this seriously.
 19

Chapter 2: The Details are Wrong

Going out into the world at night actually doesnt bother me that much. There are

fewer and fewer people out the later it gets, and the shadow of a sunless sky makes for

another deterrent against being seen, recognized, or noticed. Still, it irks me to be forced

to waste my time going to a workshop for an internship I have no intention of

completing. I had been pushing off the selection for so long with the hope of slipping

through the cracks, certainly not from unplanned avoidance. When you dont let yourself

be noticed, that kind of thing is a pretty effective strategy for countering mandated

activities. Theres that saying, Its easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission, or

whatever it is. I think its a good saying, and it applies to my situation as well. Its easier

to ask for forgiveness for failing to participate than it is to ask for permission to go

against the order of society. All the better if everyone has started the activity already by

the time your non-participation is noticed, because to include you at that point creates a

hassle for the group. Non-compliance is the best way to achieve non-compliance,

naturally enough.

Sometimes though, you have to show a token effort in order to fool others. In
 20

other words, being distant can itself ruin your attempts to remain distant. Thats why I

dragged myself out of my apartment at 7 PM to go listen to someone ramble on about an

internship Id ultimately ignore. That was my plan at least. If I could clear this last hurdle

and procrastinate for another week, it would become a greater hassle to include me than

to permit my exclusion. Once the semester ended and the period of the internship actually

began, the door would close. I even left with enough time to arrive early. Despite what

impression you might have from the rest of what I say, I like to be punctual to the point

of arriving early. There are actually a lot of advantages to punctuality. The most obvious

is that making a good first impression means others will treat you better. More

practically, arriving before everyone else can give you a tactical advantage in selecting

things such as which chair you might choose within a classroom. There are many

different considerations to make just for something as simple as that. You might try to

choose a place where youll be surrounded by others and hidden from view, or maybe

somewhere with a good escape route for when youve been freed from obligation. Being

forced to attend various schools for over a dozen years, Ive built up quite a portfolio of

techniques just for the simple act of choosing where to sit.

Arriving fifteen minutes early, after only circling the building twice to build up

my defensive confidence, there is no competition for seats in the dingy classroom. Im

not really sure why this out of the way, almost forgotten room was chosen for the

orientation. I suppose I can understand the time chosen, to ensure those busy during the

day could attend, but the location is strange. A basement room barely big enough for a

dozen people instead of one of the larger, amphitheater-like rooms which must surely be

empty at this time of day. Its fishy, but in a way thats expected.
 21

In the days between being accosted by my advisor and now, I did brave the

immense stack of virtual mail building in my inbox to try to find out about the trap into

which I was walking. I found various emails about other internships, chock full of

information and even bearing the bright photos which are inevitably filled with false

rictuses. However, their sign up dates had already come and gone. The one which

remained had no such pictures and no more information than the time and place of the

orientation. Only that, and the title of Personal Blood Donation. As soon as I had seen

it, I jumped to the conclusion that it was some sort of scam. In a way, I had come to care

less about the waste of time in coming to find out more just because I was curious about

what sort of scheme it truly was.

When I saw that the room was empty, that I had no competition for selecting the

most auspicious seat, my sense that this was a trap only increased. I say that the room

was empty, but that isnt quite true. One seat was already occupied, one of the worst

places in the room: the front row. Sometimes such a seat could be leveraged to hide in

plain sight, but almost always this would require giving the occasional answer to a

teacher. That didnt matter for this, but I still chose one of the seats at the back. I couldnt

quite see the person in front of me, only that it was a woman with black hair done up in a

neat nest of interwoven sheaves. I hadnt been expected many other people to show up,

after all, how many others would be in such a desperate situation as to be forced to attend

this shady seminar? Still, no others came in as the minutes ticked by, not even someone

that might seem like the scam artist set to give the presentation.

Five minutes before the top of the hour, the woman in the front row stood up with

a theatric grunt and walked a few steps to open space in front of the chalkboard. As she
 22

turned to face me, I was stunned by her beauty. Or maybe that isnt quite right, because I

might also say that she was stunningly cute. Or maybe sexy, stunningly, is the term for

which Im searching. I couldnt really describe the difference between such words, and so

Im wholly at a loss to describe her. Definitely her face would appear beautiful, cute, or

sexy depending on the light. Similarly, her figure was of beautiful proportion bound into

a cute size with sexy details. If I were an idiot, Id have fallen in love with at first sight.

However, I clawed myself back from the brink of folly upon realizing that she was the

scam artist set to give the presentation. She was dressed in a light grey business suit and

matching skirt, all of which was fit tightly to her sensual body. Even the lame glasses set

on nose were transformed by her appeal and completed the outfit with a severe sort of

grace. It was one of the oldest tricks in the book, to send a hot woman to sell the pitch.

Yo, hello, The casual tone she used seemed at odds with the great poise of her

image. She continued before I could collect myself. So, I dont think anyone else is

gonna show up. Technically anyone can come, but its only ever been the ones to sign up,

like you. My names Victoria, Ill kill you if you call me Vicky, but my friends called me

Vee. All I could do at this point was nod. She walked up to the chalkboard, searched up

a piece of chalk, and asked a question as she began to write. So, what do you know

about this internship?

Nothing. It was mostly the truth, since I had suspicions even regarding the title.

However, when Victoria stepped back the board I saw that she had written it out in the

most elegant handwriting Id ever seen applied to a blackboard. Personal Blood

Donation.

Huh, well usually rumor gets around. She faced me once again, hesitated, and
 23

enunciated her next words very carefully. Im a vampire. And that confirmed it for me,

this was absolutely some kind of scheme. Wasnt the Red Cross always warning about

the need for blood? People wont even give enough when theres money to be had for it,

so there definitely wouldnt be an internship of the sort.

What are the details of the internship, please? I didnt make any efforts to hide

the impatience I was feeling. The woman stared at me for a moment as if expecting

something more or something else.

Youll be donating your blood to me, as sustenance. She followed the carefully

measured words by repeating, Im a vampire.

Bullshit. This I hadnt quite meant to say aloud, but it slipped out as a knee-jerk

reaction.

Ah yeah, I know it doesnt really relate to your major, but thisll count for your

requirement just the same. She gave an apology as if it were all natural. However, Id

had something else in mind.

No, I mean you. I wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible, so Id

have to cut through any sort of illusion that was supplied to me. Youre lying.

She stated as though it were a matter of fact, Ah, no, I really am a vampire.

Vampires dont exist. I was growing a bit impatient.

I can understand why you wouldnt believe me, but its true. Those words,

spoken with a sort of melancholy as if I were at fault here, were the last straw. Whatever

scheme she was weaving, Id let it go. This was certainly enough ammunition for me to

use with my advisor to get out of the internship requirement. Once I brought the scam to

her attention, Id be off the hook. Suzy really didnt mention anything about this? A
 24

bolt of cold fear ran through me at the mention of my advisors name. Had she been

drawn into this deception? I reluctantly shook my head, eliciting a sigh from Victoria.

Here, look, And with that she gave a wide smile, even hooking her fingers into her

cheeks to pull open her mouth. There among the rows of pearly whites, two sets of

vicious looking canines protruded from her gums.

Thatcant be. I was almost at a loss for words. This was all beginning to be a

bit much for some kind of ploy. She dropped the gesture and gave another sigh.

Here then, watch this. She said as she leapt nimbly onto the back of one of the

chairs in the front row. She balanced atop it with an insane grace, and then stepped onto

the chair in the next row. Like a child playing hopscotch, she made her way right up the

row in front of me without disturbing the chairs or losing her poise. Sure it was

impressive, but it didnt quite seem like something impossible.

You know, whatever, just get on with it. I folded my arms, trying to remain

unimpressed. Her shoulders sagged slightly as she hopped back to the front of the room

and dismounted with a perfect landing.

Like I said, youll be giving me your blood over the period of the internship.

I asked half-heartedly, So I just have to have my blood drawn a few times or

something?

She smiled softly, No, I have to drink it fresh, from you. Not that I believed her

about any of this, but the statement was sort of chilling.

Look, how far are you going to take this? I tried once more to break through.

Vampires dont exist.

Says who?
 25

Says everyone.

No, Im saying they exist cause I am one. Suzyd say the same cause she

knows me.

By this point I had begun tapping my foot rather energetically and the sound was

the only thing to fill the silence between our exchanges.

Now she was getting impatient. Cmon, didnt you see my fangs?

Ive heard of people who get their teeth filed down, I began a rationalization,

but she cut me off by yelling,

Look, these are bigger than normal, not filed down or anything.

Dental implants.

Here she cried out in frustration and stomped over to the small table set aside in

the room. She hefted it easily and marched to back of the room before slamming it down

behind my chair. Vampire or not, it was sort of frightening.

Look, lets do it this way, Her annoyance died away as she spoke, replaced with

a cool confidence, Lets arm wrestle, and the winner has their way. She grinned at me

as she set her right arm down on the table, holding her hand out toward me.

I snorted, Thats ridiculous, what will that prove?

Come on, you should be able to beat a frail little girl like me easily, right? The

tone she was using was a perfect sort of aggravating. Unless youre scared youll lose.

Fine, but if I win, you have to sign off on me completing this internship without

my lifting a finger. I hated to give in to such cheap provocation, but if I could just win

then the whole ordeal would be done. I turned my chair around in order to place my own

arm on the table, though I was suddenly growing nervous. She was certainly smaller than
 26

I was, but its not like Im particularly strong. I set my mind in determination and locked

my hand to hers. The sensation of smooth, cold skin was almost enough to shake my

confidence entirely, but primal desires werent going to get in the way of my freedom.

She asked in a nonchalant tone, Ready?

I nodded and announced the start of the match. I tightened my grip and threw all

of my strength into pushing her arm down, but she didnt move an inch. Surprisingly, it

was like trying to bend a steel beam. She waited a few seconds as I ineffectually

struggled, and then she turned my arm aside with implacable force. I felt like my arm

would shatter if I resisted, so I gave in and found myself on the losing side.

Again. I stated it coldly and put my arm back up before she could even react to

her own victory. Silently, she obliged and took hold of my hand. This time I signaled the

start, but the result was the same. Over and over I repeated the match to no avail. Futilely,

I swung all of my weight against that invincible fixture of an arm only to be gently flung

aside when my attempts ceased. I dropped all pretext of gamesmanship and used both

arms against her singular, icy grip and eventually I even stood to give myself the best

leverage possible. However, having made no progress after countless attempts, I sunk

back into my chair with a sigh of absolute defeat.

So, are you gonna accept that Im a vampire now? Victorias question came out

as more softly than any words Id heard her speak yet. I didnt want to believe it, but at

this distance I could even see the large fangs in her mouth when she spoke. Suddenly, I

became afraid. What was sitting across from me was an impossibility, and one classified

as a great threat to humans at that. I thought that maybe this was the point after all, Id

overstepped my limit as an annoyance and now Id be fed to the lions. My advisor was
 27

going to off me just like that, because who would even speak out anyway?

It seemed that every instinct should have told me to take flight, however, instead I

offered a bitter reply. Maybe. Ill certainly admit that something beyond my

understanding is going on here.

This seemed to elicit a childish glee from her. Great, thats plenty to work with!

She hummed softly as she began to fish around her pockets, pulling out a pen and a

many-folded piece of paper. Once unraveled on the table, I could see that it was some

kind of form or contract. We can get started if you take a look over this. Scanning

down the paper, there were quite a number of troublesome things printed there. Release

the aforementioned from all liability related to personal injury suffered duringThe

Primary Party will be wholly responsible for fulfillment of proscribed dutiesIn the

event of hybridization, all claims to further compensation will be voided. And so on with

a mish mash of legal terms mixed with what seemed like pulp fantasy jargon. If I turned

in something like this for one of my document writing classes, Id be sure to get an A.

That is to say, it was completely indecipherable.

This I began while trying to find a way to put it, but Victoria finished as

though already expecting my response.

Is completely worthless, right? She beamed at me with a smile that was

somewhat unnerving due to the protruding fangs only a few feet from my face. We both

gotta sign it I guess, but I cant make heads or tails of it either. So heres the real deal:

We get together for the next three months, slightly less than that actually, and I drink

your blood. Technically it doesnt have to be every night, but it works out best that way

for a few reasons. She paused and gave me a look as if it were now my turn to speak, but
 28

it took me a moment to catch on to what I was supposed to be asking.

Dont I need my blood?

Well there is one little thing. The way her voice rose in pitch told me that it

wasnt really a minor thing. Once we start, youll sort of be a vampire too, so you wont

die from blood loss or anything, She hurriedly added, After the three months you go

right back to being a normal human, and there really isnt much impact being a vampire

for a little while.

Are you kidding me? It may not be much of an impact for you but Im not

becoming a monster even for a day! I was somewhat surprised to see her react as

strongly as she did when I said that. A sad smile spread out behind the slight twitch of

shock, an expression which seemed as powerful in its sadness as her exuberant smiles

had been in their joy.

It really isnt that big of a deal, for you at least. You dont have to go out and

hunt anyone or anything, in fact avoiding contact with others is the best plan of action for

the duration. Wait, a statement like that could be the start of a new take on this whole

situation. Suddenly, I felt a stirring of interest.

So what the hell does it mean to become a vampire? What even is a vampire?

These questions I posed to her more calmly, but I felt a touch of annoyance return as she

replied.

She said, I dont know, no one ever told me either. But I mean, what else do you

call an immortal blood-sucker?

Its not something you should be casually dismissing with a shrug of your

shoulders, but in turn I offered,What about leeches? Though Ive never heard of
 29

immortal ones. Ah, its actually really scary the sorts of smiles you can make armed

with great big fangs like that. Its hard for me to tell whether she can take a joke well or if

shes threatening me.

Just having your blood sucked once will start the process, but thats not enough

to make you an actual vampire. Or whatever. Sunlight will be an absolute bitch to deal

with and youll actually stand a chance of beating me in arm wrestling, thats really about

it though. Her statements were delivered in a matter of fact tone, and at this point all I

could do was consider them that way.

So I just have to let you suck my blood for a few months and hide out away from

people and the sun? Thats the deal? In the end, I distilled everything down to the most

important parts. Victoria nodded her head vigorously while making approving grunts.

Ignoring the incomprehensible entity sitting across from me, I leaned back to

consider the entire picture. Either I was walking into an impossible scenario or I was

being taken in by a sort of scheme which was even beyond my ability to detect. On one

hand, I stood to gain a seemingly effortless path through this internship course hazard,

and on the otherHere it became difficult to look for the cons in this potential con. If

shes not The Real Deal, then I suppose I could be walking into the clutches of a serial

killer or something, but there didnt seem to be any way my wallet or reputation or power

of attorney were on the line. If shes telling the truth, however, how am I to take that?

This woman who was trying patiently to wait for my decision but whose nervous smile

and childish swaying and kicking of her feet made it clear that she did not possess the

virtue of patience. No matter what sort of maliciousness I imagined from those pointed

teeth or the extraordinarily fishy situation, there was no bite to the feeling of danger.
 30

Perhaps I had been living so long without a care for what was supposed to be normal that

I was now blind to something I should have known to avoid. There was just one last

reaction I wanted to test, so I sat up straight once more and coolly stated, I think we

might have a deal.

One of the reactions I had been anticipating was like to this: the blossoming of a

wide smile as two fists come down on the table in excitement. Victoria met my imagined

expectation nearly perfectly, and then gave a joyous shout which was followed by words

I hadnt anticipated at all. Great, we can just sign this and then Ill see you over at your

place next Friday. Its perfect, we can have a party for your semester ending and

everything.

Chapter 3: First Meals

Im rather talented at focusing on the things that are important and not dwelling

on things that dont really matter at that moment. By that I mean, I hadnt given much

thought to the internship since that night in the classroom. Finals were a lot scarier than

the vampire anyway, at least so I thought until the moment my last exam ended Friday
 31

afternoon. I wasnt entirely sure that it had all happened, even just from the distance of a

week and a half later it seemed too surreal. And so I returned to my apartment where I

waited somewhat numbly for the hours to pass. It only made sense that I had to wait at

least as long as sunset, which is quite a bit of time for having second thoughts. No matter

how I framed it, the logic I had gathered over the years screamed that it was a situation

worthy of utmost paranoia, but my heart was unmoved. It seemed way too convenient to

pass up, even if I had been forced to clean the apartment after that last surprise

announcement of hers. Even having my pure sanctum invaded by a stranger wasnt

enough to sour the deal. After all, the prospects for what other internships I might have

been forced to participate in were truly scarier. When you see a poster of an office with a

bunch of junior staff smiling in the foreground while the actual employees smiles tower

over them in the background, you can see the totem pole of complacency being

constructed. In that case the division of labor is sure to fall hardest on those whose efforts

are bought from the school rather than paid by normal wages. Farming out cheap labor of

every sort is a great racket; its a truly enviable scheme, a great inspiration for my classes,

but its definitely something I dont want to experience first hand.

I didnt realize I had gotten so side tracked with my thinking until a knock at the

door shocked me from my musings. The quick rapping sound came through with

undeniable volume. There could be no mistaking it for hallucination or fancy. Because I

didnt react immediately, there was a second round of knocks accompanied by a muffled

voice calling out. Although I couldnt make out what had been said, the voice itself sent a

thrill of recognition through me. I stood and made my way over to the door as though in a

trance. I hesitated for a moment before unlocking the dead bolt and turning the knob. I
 32

could barely crack the door open and begin to move aside as a figure obscured behind an

armful of paper grocery bags pushed her way into my apartment.

Yo, whats going on? Victoria called out as she walked past me and moved

toward the kitchen adjoining the entranceway. Like a homing pigeon or someone making

herself at home, she walked right over to the counter by the fridge and set the bags down.

I closed the front door and locked it.

Dont I have to invite you in, or something? I was actually somewhat more

curious about what shed brought in the bags. No, even more curious than that was the

outfit she was wearing. Gone was the business attire Id last seen and instead she donned

a white tank top with jeans that had been worn away to threading in several patches. It

was a completely different image from before. She turned to look at me with a wan smile.

Nope, but I think signing that contract would count, right? That answers a bit

confusing, you know? It doesnt seem to leave any room for doubt but Ill still find a way

to doubt it because it came with a question at the end. She turned round and reached into

two of the bags, withdrawing a bottle from each. Hard liquor. Strong alcohol. Not top-

shelf stuff, but not bottom shelf either. She spun around once more to properly display

them to me with another sort of grin. Im sure shes displayed more energy in just the

past few minutes than Ive shown in the past week. Maybe that isnt quite right due to my

finals, but watching her just makes me feel more tired.

So is all of that booze? I asked while nodding toward the bags.

She set the bottles down on the counter and began pulling more from the bags.

Eventually other sorts of things came out as well: chips, pretzels, mini-donuts, a packet of

cheap streamers and whistles. Naw, I brought all sorts of stuff.

 33

All sorts of stuff. I repeated the words under my breath as she fished out two

conical party hats. She slipped the string of one under her own chin, then stalked toward

me with the other in hand and an expectant gleam in her eyes. I wanted sorely to stop her,

but at this point I understood fully that she was the most difficult sort of person to deal

with, the sort that takes a no as a challenge rather an answer. Maybe here was the hidden

danger in the situation, a direct danger to my quiet way of life rather than to life itself. I

bowed my head with a listless lurch.

Eventually Victoria wandered off to inspect the rest of the apartment, the grand

entirety of the other three small rooms. There wasnt even a door in the frame separating

my bedroom from the living room, necessitating that I intervene bodily to keep her from

entering. As I stood in her way, she looked up at me with bright blue eyes set in a sort of

pout against having her path barred. The size of those twin orbs hovering below me made

me uncomfortably aware of the close proximity between us. I had to wonder if she had

beast-like senses that could detect my thundering pulse, or even if it could just be heard

normally. After a moment she set off toward the kitchen with a quiet huff. I watched from

the doorway as she brought a bottle of rum and a bag of chips out to the sofa. When shed

sat down, she bent her head back over the top of the sofa to call out to me.

Cmon, grab a few cups and lets get started. I was puzzled for a moment,

unused to taking orders in my own apartment, but I did as she asked and brought two

glasses out to the small table set in front of the couch. However, now I was unsure of

where to sit. It just seemed strange to sit next to her and so I sat down on the floor across

the table from the sofa.

So, can you even drink alcohol or is this all for me? I asked as she poured,
 34

seemingly answering by filling both glasses with shots.

Yep, but Ive gotta drink a lot to get drunk. She winked and added, One of the

only downsides, so knock em back while theyre still potent. With that she raised her

cup toward me. I considered it for a moment, then sluggishly ran my own glass into hers.

She shouted, To your finals and stuff! And I gave a half-hearted cheer before we

downed our drinks. Immediately, a new round was poured out seemingly as soon as my

glass had returned to the table. At that point, I knew I was trouble.

***

We spent some time in relative silence as we sat around the table. It was easy

enough not to talk when she was nearly always draining more liquor. I absolutely hoped

she was a vampire now, because otherwise Id have to start fearing for her liver. I was

starting to wonder how Id bring up the topic of donating my blood, when she suddenly

asked,

How were your finals, anyway? It was a purely innocuous question, which

surely tricked me into answering without really thinking.

Easy enough I suppose, theyre designed for people a lot dumber than I am.

This brought a strange sort of smirk to her face.

Oh, dost thou imagine thyself to be of superior mind? The way she delivered

the line was with a refinement shed not before shown. It was convincing, but really how

would I even know if she were faking accents from olden times? Maybe I should ask her

how old she really she is sometime.

I answered her with some more honesty since I had already slipped up. Not

really, I know Im probably not much above average, but the rest of the herd seems to be
 35

pretty pathetic if you ask me. Now she laughed openly.

Woah, are you always this much of a riot or is it the drinks?

Im sort of serious, you know. I took the opportunity to finish the glass I had,

and she poured another for me without hesitation. I really might die before we even get to

the part where I become prey.

I know youre serious, thats why I find it amusing. Her smile was reined in and

became a more genuine expression. Ive been wondering what sort of person you are,

since youve been so guarded. Now Im starting to see.

It was my turn to smile, a disingenuous expression full of mock malice. Well

now you understand who youre stuck with for three months, a truly miserable sort of

human.

But youre aware of it. This wasnt a reply Id expected. She continued with a

casual tone, The worst are actually the ones who dont even understand that much. Since

you know youre miserable, you can work to change that.

No, the worst are the people who think you can become anything but miserable.

I spoke with grim conviction. There isnt a human out there that isnt miserable. Were

all lonely wretches dragged along by fleeting dreams until the day we die. Maybe youve

lost your perspective on it, but thats how humans are.

She paused for a moment and then asked, What about people who achieve their

dreams?

Impossible, everything we can make eventually becomes unmade. You should

know that, right? How many generations have you watched pass away into nothingness

followed by the things theyve built? It was somewhat odd to speak aloud the sort of
 36

vitriol that I usually reserved for inner monologues.

Im not actually that much older than you, well, in immortal terms I guess. She

turned her eyes away from me for a moment. When her gaze returned, it carried a similar

weight to the words she spoke, I suppose Ive only seen one generation pass away into

nothingness, but I havent really noticed their efforts going to waste. If anything,

everything theyve built has gotten overtaken by everything thats been built up

afterward. Maybe in some sense it gets destroyed, but you could also say that its still

around in some form. She tipped the fourth bottle up to her lips and finished the rest of it

in one go. Over the course of our drinking, shed spread herself over the couch more and

more each time she returned from fetching a new bottle. When she came back with the

fifth and flopped down again, she looked as if she owned the place.

Talking about such things had aroused a certain curiosity, and so I asked her

quietly, What was your human life like anyway?

Nope. The answer came unexpectedly fast along with an outstretched finger

that pushed my lips closed. I dont think you want me digging into your life, so you

wont mind if I keep mine a secret. That goes for what Ive been doing up until now as a

vampire too.

Didnt you ask me about my classes first? I felt at once that she had no intent of

sticking to a policy of not prying into my life.

Another one of those little smiles appeared on her face. Well thats what the

partys about after all.

Like I said, the exams were easy enough. Im probably getting crucified on class

participation grades though. If we were going to have a party over these things, I wanted
 37

to make sure to get all of my complaints off my chest. Its always a toss-up for whether

the teacher actually expects you to participate or just pay attention. I find it really

annoying to try to both pay attention and try to come up with something to say. Isnt it

counter-intuitive, as though youre not also trying to refrain from interrupting?

Actually, Ive never even sat in on a class, so I wouldnt really know. There

was a certain amount of frustration in her words.

Why not, seems like youve had long enough? I asked that first, but as soon as

Id said it I felt a more pressing question bubble up. How are you running an internship

with a college anyway?

She chuckled dry. A few years ago Suzy and I started to frequent the same bar

and one thing led to another. It was her idea, but my sentiment. I asked her to clarify and

she went on. Well it kinda sucks being a vampire in my opinion. I mean, a lot of people

would flat out refuse to believe you exist. The governments included in that, so Im

basically cut out of the loop of society.

Wait, how the hell does that work? You proved it to me, right?

Hey youre preaching to the choir on that one. Maybe its a conspiracy or

something. She took a moment to recollect her thoughts and then went on. So its stuff

like that. But I guess its more than that too. I dont want to hunt people. I thought you

were going to run away after I convinced you of what I am.

I really felt like it for a moment. In fact I wasnt sure that somewhere deep

down there still wasnt a warning klaxon going off in my head. That very well could have

just been alcohol poisoning though.

I know, I saw that look in your eyes. She had quieted down as she slouched into
 38

the cushions of the sofa nursing the rum. But strangely enough you didnt, and I think

that worries me a bit too.

I scoffed at her. Your neck isnt the one on the line, is it?

Actually that makes me think, you dont mind if I stay here, do you? She asked

with a nonchalant air that meant she didnt understand at all how much of a big deal it

was already to even let someone into this space.

I dont know I was hoping that just a slight resistance would suffice.

Please, I dont really have anywhere else to go.

I asked incredulously, Where have you been staying up until now?

You know, around. Some times the park, some times down by the river bank.

She shrugged her shoulders as she answered in a carefree tone. Was that sort of thing

normal for vampires? Now I was starting to feel bad for her.

So let me get this straight: You want to crash here for three months and take my

blood every night? She nodded. Im suddenly starting to reconsider whether I didnt get

a worse deal with this internship than I thought.

You absolutely got a terrible deal that no human should ever take. It might seem

like it isnt my place to say it, but thats what I think. Youre the first to actually agree to

it in fact. She giggled as she spoke.

***

My memories of what we chatted about after that were nearly wiped out by the

drinking. Im sure I complained at length about every class Id had that semester,

Victorias occasional laughter only serving to fuel my ranting. The hours ticked away in

that manner until I found myself rebounding from insobriety amidst a crypt of empty
 39

bottles. When the vampire lounging on my sofa noticed me looking around, she sat up

and announced, Its probably about time. Before I could react, she lunged over the

table and pushed me onto my back. She sat straddling me with an unreadable mask.

What the hell are you doing? I asked.

She looked down at me for a few moments and then let her mouth slip into a

small smile. I was trying to provoke a reaction. Whether youd be afraid or aroused or

whatever

Annoyed, actually.

Thats right, barely a reaction at all. Her tone almost sounded like

disappointment. But this is pretty much what I was expecting. With that last test, shall

we move on to the blood donation?

So how does that work, anyway?

Victoria scratched her head and replied in a casual way, Well, Ill bite your neck

and youll pass out. Totally pain-free, you might feel a slight pinch though.

Im pretty sure physicians use that line about shots and those arent exactly

painless. And youre sure about the blood loss not being a problem?

Yep, once I drink your blood this first time, you become a bit like a vampire.

That includes being able to heal your wounds, which applies to blood loss. Youll

become closer and closer to a true vampire as time goes on. She stood up as she spoke

and started stretching. Three months is actually around the limit before youd need to

start drinking blood yourself, so it all works out with the schedule. Before I could stop

her, she stalked off into my bedroom. I called after her and stumbled to my feet.

Wait, where are you going?!

 40

When I arrived in the darkened room, she was standing beside my bed. Like I

said, your lights go out as soon as I sink my fangs in. Since youll be a vampire after that,

you wont become conscious again until sunset. I couldnt see very well in the gloom,

but I could hear a smile lurking behind her words. I hope you didnt have anything

planned for tomorrow.

I stepped into the room and stood next to her. Once more a sense of the surreal

came upon me and a touch of fear with it. By this point I really couldnt doubt that she

was exactly what she claimed to be. It seemed strange to just walk up to a semi-mythical

predator. Isnt this the point where Id be killed? But at the same time, if that was her

intent then shed also had plenty of opportunities already.

She spoke softly, This is sorta your last chance, I guess. I really cant force you

to go through with this. After a moment she added, Well I could, but I wont.

Whatever, lets get this over with. I mustered up the most cavalier sort of

attitude that I could. In the worst case, Id be killed. So what, right? At least this would be

an extraordinary death. That was more than could be hoped for in most cases. I was

curious, too, although it was hard to say about what exactly I was curious. Here, at least,

was something Id never considered possible.

Right, well, you can lie down or, uh, we can do it standing and I promise to catch

you. She took a step toward me and just that turned up my pulse.

My response came out as barely a whisper, Whichevers easiest. With another

step she brought herself within inches of me. It was somewhat off-putting how intimate

the whole thing had to be. She put her arms around me and pulled me down to her height.

Victoria mumbled, Good night, Before putting her lips to my neck. Just like
 41

that, without even a slight pinch, my vision faded to the black ocean of a dreamless sleep.

***

I woke up in my own bed, in my own darkened room. For a few moments, I didnt

have a full sense of what was going on, as though Id woken up on any other day. Then a

few things became apparent. First, I could see quite well in the darkness. Second,

someone else was in my bed. I rolled over to find Victoria laid out with her arms folded

across her chest. Her eyes were closed and I wasnt sure whether I should call out, until

she calmly spoke.

Geez, its been an hour or so since the sun set. She smiled as she opened her

eyes and went on, Youre one of those really lazy types, arent you?

I guess so. My wits failed me as I looked around the rest of the room and then

down at my hands. So, am I?

Yep, youre a vampire, mostly. She clapped with sarcastic enthusiasm.

Congratulations. I sat up and tried to discern any sort of difference in how I felt. If

anything, it might be significant that I didnt have a hangover. Although my vision had

definitely become sharper, I didnt feel like some kind of superhuman being. I swung my

legs out of bed and stood. Still, nothing out of the ordinary.

Are you sure? I had to ask because things seemed too normal.

Yeah, its really not all that different, right? She said with a bemused smirk.

Wait, what are you doing in my bed? If youre going to stay here Id prefer you

to sleep on the couch. It was really starting to annoy me how many liberties she was

taking in someone elses home.

Still without moving from her repose, she said wistfully, Actually vampires
 42

dont sleep during the day, your situation is just a bit different in that youll truly be

losing consciousness due to the bite. And then she lazily rolled across the bed and onto

the floor. As she picked herself up, she added, I thought Id hang around in case you

freaked out when you woke up.

Of course Id lose my cool with a stranger in my bed. I said without really

thinking and there seemed to be a mixed reaction behind her eyes.

Is that how you view me? She didnt wait for an answer before walking past me

into the living room while musing, Say, do you remember my name?

Victoria, I stated plainly.

Thats right. And yet the way she said it made it sound as though she wanted to

say that it was wrong.

Im not sure what she could really be confused about, but I have to assume its

something shes lost being out of touch with humanity. After all, who wouldnt be

aggravated waking up to have some unknown person defiling his bed? Such invasion of

an absolute manifestation of your privacy is not something to be taken lightly. I was

grumbling to myself about such things as I wandered into the kitchen. I stopped. Id

moved out of habit, but there wasnt really any point to coming to the kitchen for

breakfast if I was a vampire, or whatever Id become. At this point I found my hand

drawn to my mouth and I gently pushed open my lips to feel around the teeth behind

them. Sure enough, my canines felt different. They seemed impossibly large compared to

what should have been there and as soon as Id become aware of the difference, I noticed

that even the feel of how my lips pressed against them with my mouth closed was subtly

different.
 43

I was idly scanning the room while testing the points of my fangs with my

fingertips when the refrigerator came to my attention. I presumably had no more need for

food, but I hadnt thought to clear out the fridge. Id made sure to go shopping before

exams so there was still plenty of food left that would go bad if I let it sit for three

months.

Shit. I intoned it slowly, and in an instant I felt a presence behind me.

Whats up? Victorias inquisitive voice rang out seemingly right next to my ear.

The suddenness of her appearance startled me and I yelled, Dont sneak up on

me like that.

Isnt the problem that you were actually able to notice me? She smiled

mischievously and went on, Youre not used to it yet, but you can sense my movements

more than you could as a human.

Im pretty sure Im going to bite my tongue getting used to these too, I said

dryly while showing her the fangs Id found.

She laughed and reminisced with a faraway look, It took me years to stop doing

that. Then she fixed me with her gaze and asked, So is that what you were cursing

about?

Id almost forgotten about the fridge in that small moment, but I explained my

concern to her.

Oh that shouldnt be a problem, you saw me eating chips last night, right? She

began to explain with a gleeful pride, Vampires can eat food just the same as humans, it

just doesnt satisfy our true nutritional needs.

How does that work? I asked because I couldnt make heads nor tails of a sort
 44

of consistency with what vampires were supposed to be. Perhaps it was pointless to try to

make sense of something that was relegated to the realm of the supernatural.

She gave me a dopey smile and said, Beats me.

Its not really that helpful if you cant explain it properly.

I can only tell you what its like to be a vampire, I cant explain any of the

whys. As she spoke she stalked back into the living room, then called over her shoulder,

So anyway, feel free to cook up whatever, Im just looking forward to a home cooked

meal.

Im not sure at what point it was decided Id be cooking for her, but on the other

hand it would be quicker to get rid of the food in the fridge that way. I set about choosing

ingredients which were closest to their expiration dates and arrived at the simple selection

of steak with some vegetables. While boiling water, I brought out the beef. For a

moment, I was captivated. How many times had I prepared some raw meat and been

mildly repulsed by the bloody slime oozing from it? However, this time I had to think

that this was now more appropriate food for me, as a vampire, you know? I imagined

myself slurping the blood from the raw meat, perhaps even putting on a devilish smile or

laughing maniacally, just for a moment. With a decisive strike I scooped the slice of meat

up and onto the pan while shaking my head. It was simply too undignified of a thing to

actually do. I put the thought from my mind and hummed softly as I cooked the steaks

and boiled a small selection of vegetables. When it was done, I brought out table settings

and some condiments.

This is interesting. She said this after crossing her arms over her chest and

mulling over the plate set in front of her. Now she sat on the floor while I slouched across
 45

the sofa.

I dont think theres much to it at all. I returned while testing my new fangs

against a small carrot.

Well, for starters, I cant understand the reasoning behind the vegetables. Theres

one potato, a handful of carrots, like three asparaguses; its all random. She said not as a

complaint, but as a conspiracy.

Isnt that just normal? I grabbed a variety of vegetables for a coverage of

nutrition. I stopped for a moment and sighed, Ah, I guess that doesnt matter now.

No, even setting that aside. You generally make meals with defined dishes, like

steak and just potatoes. Or just asparagus. Isnt that the way of this era? It was strange to

see her take this so seriously, and yet it seemed to me a trivial thing.

I wouldnt really know if thats a convention for this society I guess. Maybe

thats just how it seems when you look at the surface. Or else, I dont know, itd be pretty

terrible if thats how things actually are. I broke up my reply by stopping to chew and

swallow pieces of steak as I cut them.

See, thats why its interesting. She showed the smile of a child whod found a

favorite candy. Youre both out of synch with society and with being a vampire.

Ill take that as a compliment. I beamed down at her. That just means I have to

be pretty good as a human.

Or that youre good at denying what you are. She spoke with a guarded

softness. But youre going to get annoyed if I become a preachy sort of person, right?

It would certainly make having to share this place with you for a few months a

lot more of an annoyance. And after that we lapsed into silence for a time. We ate in
 46

silence and I assumed that she was reflecting on what had been said just as I was.

After awhile, Victoria looked up and spoke, Having a regular meal made me

think, there is one condition I should mention. Not that you wanted to, but make sure

never to drink blood. If you do that, you wont be able to go back to being a regular old

human.

Wait, what if I didnt cook the steak enough? I asked with a confused panic.

No no, it doesnt count if you arent drinking the blood. Its strange, but you

have to willfully commit the act of drinking it. Its some sorta spiritual thing.

There was no urgency in her tone, but somewhere inside I felt a cold spark of

relief even as I remembered a certain action Id earlier imagined.

 47

Chapter 4: Thoughts and Actions

The two of us settled into a sort of routine everyday, or every night. I was

pleasantly surprised by how self-contained the vampire could be after she began to pick

through my bookcase. In turn, I was free to pursue my fancies from sundown to sunup. In

a sense, Id achieved the ideal lifestyle which I had been sure an internship would

interrupt. Doing my best to adhere to her warning against encountering others, I shunned

the outside world entirely in order to browse the net, play video games, read, and watch

movies. Sometimes it even seemed as if a night or two would pass with neither I nor

Victoria speaking.

It was on such a quiet night that I decided to indulge in another hobby of mine. In

one corner of the living room was set a smaller bookcase, a chair, and a little table with a

chess board upon it. Every shelf in that corner was packed with volume after volume of

The Greatest Chess Matches of All Time. The volume Id left off reading was sticking out

of the line up and so I sat down after taking it up and opened the book to the earmarked

page. With methodical swiftness, I began tracing each move of the next match on the

board. I played a game with myself of trying to determine what each move would be

before reading on, and when I was wrong, which was more often than not, I tried to

reflect on where my reasoning must have differed from the one making the move. I had

scarcely re-enacted two matches when a frustrated cry sounded out from the sofa where

Victoria was lounging.

What are you doing? There was a pathetic-ness to her demeanor as if from

shame over giving in to impatience and curiosity.

 48

I like to play out chess matches like this. I figured the simplest and most honest

answer would suffice to sate her interest.

But she went on with a confused tone, You just move the pieces around as

recorded in the books?

Sure.

But isnt that boring? I mean, dont you ever want to play chess against

someone? She asked still incredulous.

Of course not, whats the point? I could never play as well as the masters and

grandmasters here. I replied simply while waving the book in the air.

She gave me a dark look. I suppose thats a better answer than not wanting to

interact with a second player.

That too. I nodded sagely. She held back a smile.

But if youre learning about it that much, dont you ever want to put it all into

practice?

Not really, I just find it relaxing to go through the motions like this. I shrugged

as I dismissed the notion.

She shook her head vigorously. I cant accept that. Whats the point in learning a

game if not to play it? Bring that shit over here and lets go at it. You know itll be

quicker to just defeat me to shut me up instead of arguing, right?

All I could do was let out a sigh. To be honest, I was somewhat curious about her

skill level. It seemed like a some-hundreds year old vampire should have a superhuman

status. Then again, nothing else about her seemed to match the image of an immortal

aristocrat of the night (nor a fiendish undead glutton, nor any such image I could
 49

conjure). So I gave in to her demand and carried the board and pieces to the coffee table.

Afterward I made a show of dragging the small chair from the corner over before sitting

with arms crossed. I gave her an intimidating look and nodded toward the board.

Youre on white, the first move is yours.

She took a few moments to think, looking between me and the board. Finally, she

snatched up a pawn at the extreme end of the line and moved it forward. It was not one of

the opening moves Id seen repeated over and over in the books, and so I was unsure of

what I should do in response. Eventually, I decided to just act as if shed made a similar

move for which I knew the line of play. However, her follow-up from the other side of

the line of pawns was equally baffling. I wondered if shed already determined a strategy

against the opening I was using, but I resolved to continue with it for a few more turns. In

that way, the two of us exchanged moves until an unleashed rook unexpectedly began

taking my pieces. It was easy enough to take in return, but from there I couldnt really

follow the pattern I knew and the game devolved into a massacre for both sides that

ended in a narrow victory for me.

I see, I see. She mused while surveying the almost empty board. You know, I

purposefully left myself open to a three-turn checkmate at the beginning.

A what? I asked with piqued curiosity.

She avoided the question and winked at me. Okay, ready to see a neat vampire

trick? And without waiting for an answer she began setting pieces back on the board

with a lightning speed.

I felt as though I could barely keep up with the pace of her movements, but I

realized that despite the whirlwind of activity I could follow every move with my eyes if
 50

I concentrated hard enough. Itd be more impressive if I was still human I think.

Thats right, at the moment you could do this as well. She said as she finished

resetting the board.

Whats the deal with the vampire strength and speed anyway? I dont really feel

stronger or anything.

Oh, now youre curious about it? She cooed softly before spinning the board

around. Beat me again and Ill tell you about it.

I began the match according to the winners opening in the last entry Id read in

Greatest Matches. Unfortunately, she didnt respond in a way that made any sense. I

could only follow the entry for a few moves before I had to adjust to a bishop threatening

my flank. However, as soon as I did that, it seemed as if every move I made played into

her eventual win.

Muscle memory. She stated it so plainly that I couldnt follow what she meant

at first. Youre more used to being a weak human than being a strong vampire. In a way,

its like being an infant and learning how to control your limbs again.

I thought I had to beat you to get that info. I said listlessly while toying with a

pawn.

Consider that much charity, since the actual answer is that you have to put in

effort to reach that potential anyway.

It doesnt really matter, I dont have a use for vampiric power anyway. I had to

marvel for a moment at how strange a situation I had found myself in to even make such

a statement.

My response seemed to amuse her as well. She smirked and said, I mean, how
 51

useful could super strength be, anyway?

I was confused by her question and asked her to clarify.

She explained, You made me think of Suzy. Remember how I pounced on you

after wed been drinking on that first night? I tried something similar on her to get an idea

of her true feelings, but she threw me to the ground. Turns out shes some hardcore judo

student. I guess it doesnt matter how strong you are when all that strength is just turned

against you.

You have a strange way of testing people, you know?

She shrugged and then changed the subject. Since I gave you that hint for free, in

return, let me ask about your ambitions.

My ambitions? I was surprised mostly because I had no such things.

For instance, what are you going to do after you graduate? She asked while

slowly setting pieces back on the board.

I dont know, but there are plenty of places I can get in the door just with the

degree. A degree in Bullshit is good for a lot of different fields, you know? I answered

idly as we began the next game. Since she had opened with a standard move, I recalled

the last match Id read with someone defeating that opening and played out the

corresponding move.

Then let me ask it this way, whyd you come to college in the first place? She

followed with a move that deviated from the game Id had in mind, but I quickly thought

of another that matched the new board state and responded appropriately.

It was the natural thing for me to do with enough money and high enough grades

to get in.
 52

But dont you want something out of it? Now her moves were completely

unrecognizable again.

Sure, the diploma, or rather the degree itself. This time I would try playing out

the match according to the one Id read about it.

So you really dont see yourself having any particular niche in society, nor do

you want to change the world? Almost immediately she began picking away at my

pieces and I was forced to adapt once again simply because I couldnt follow the list of

moves with non-existent pieces.

That society crap is just a delusion. We all have to make it on our own anyway,

so I dont think anyone can find a niche so much as just surviving everything that

happens in a day. Theres no changing this world either. Maybe in a hundred years itll be

different for you, but for a single human theres no such thing as change. It felt

somewhat unnatural to speak my thoughts aloud, but at the very least Victoria had always

proven to consider my words seriously.

Isnt that just a self-fulfilling prophecy though? This much she seemed to ask

rhetorically before continuing with more energy, Checkmate. Sure enough, shed

cornered me again.

At least in some ways, she could live up to the image of a vampire, unless it was

just my own bias that they should be good at highbrow stuff like chess. I picked up the

board and took it back to the corner.

Arent you interested in more? Victoria called after me.

Not really, it should be clear by now that Im not actually studying how to play

chess. I explained dryly as I took up the volume of Greatest Matches once more.
 53

Maybe if you tried to play a perfect game, Id know what to do. As long as were just

playing chaotic scenarios, Im left with a basic knowledge of how the pieces move.

She waited for a few moments and then sighed. At least you understand that

part.

I was bothered by the feeling that Id missed some other point to her question, but

I set about going through the motions of another match from the book. Again, I could

only get through a few such recreations before she spoke up again.

Actually, youre gonna hate me for this, but there are a few requirements to the

internship.

I had been waiting for some kind of catch, and it seemed that the end to my

peaceful life as a vampire was finally here. I asked listlessly, Oh, and what are they?

Well you see, since youre going to be a vampire for a few months, I really need

to teach you a few of the basics. For survival. There was a certain conviction underlying

her tone which made me realize that I likely wouldnt be able to talk my way through

this.

I turned to look at Victoria and gave out a bit of the truth, I wont mind listening

to some of that; Im a little curious about the truth anyway.

She laughed before explaining, Unfortunately this first topic isnt a lecture. I

have to teach you what to do if youre caught outside with the sun coming up.

The way to avoid that is to never go out in the first place. I said this with smug

self-satisfaction.

I know its not really on the agenda, but you never know what could happen in

the future. Think of it like swimming or even breathing; its just a basic function of
 54

surviving and teaching it to new vampires is part of our honor code. She shrugged and

then stood up from the couch.

Id bet youre making that up. There was little doubt in my mind about it.

She chuckled evilly, Alas there is no third party to tell you the truth so I cannot

take you up on that bet. Well, come on, the quicker we get moving the quicker well be

done.

I wasnt thrilled about it, but I figured it really would be easier to indulge her than

to fight the inevitable, and so we set out from my apartment into the darkness of the

midnight world.

A short while later, the two of us stood at the middle of an open field in a nearby

park. Id been unsure of what sort of survival training this would be, as Id imagined that

finding shelter indoors was the best protection against the sun.

Victoria beamed at me with an enthusiastic vigor. Okay, so first youre going to

have to learn how to dig. Without ceremony she bent down and swung her hand at the

ground. With a thwump her hand sunk into the grassy soil and then blasted aside a small

shower of dirt as if having set off an explosive. She shook some dirt from her hand and

smiled at me. Now you give it a shot.

It was an impressive enough looking feat and I understood at once that it was the

result of the same sort of power Id felt when trying to arm wrestle her. I looked down at

my own hand uncertainly and then I gave an imploring look to Victoria. I dont know

about this; I feel like Im going to end up just hurting my hand.

Even if you go slam your fist into some concrete, you wont really feel it. You

havent tested out your strength at all yet, right? So just try it.
 55

I took a deep breath and tried to psych myself up as best as I could. Then, with a

motion like a lopsided karate chop I leaned down and took a swipe at the ground with all

the might I could muster. Whiss. A plume of soil was carved out where my hand passed

with a sensation somewhere between pushing aside loose sand and crushing a mess of

mud.

Hmm, not bad, but your technique is all wrong. Victoria held up her hand and

made a claw-like gesture with her fingers splayed outward. You have to distribute the

force more so you can move as much dirt as possible. Just as Id copied her form and

was lining up for another attempt, she chimed in again, Oh, and try shouting a bit when

you do it. Ive heard thats supposed to help with martial arts and stuff.

Even if I concurred with the assessment, actually giving a battle cry for something

so strange was a bit embarrassing. Still, with a short yell I took another swipe at the earth,

but this time the angle of my strike was poorly chosen. Rather than removing a chunk of

dirt, I plunged my arm down into the ground up to my elbow. At that point I became

somewhat frustrated, and with Victoria cheering me on I pulled my arm free to take

another swing. After a few more attempts, Id managed to begin displacing dirt in similar

amounts to her.

Great, now then, the entire point is to dig a hole you can hide in. She leaned

forward again and began furiously clawing at the ground. Each stroke smote a bunch of

soil until after only a few moments she began to carve out a pit large enough that she

started to crawl into it like a mole. I watched her disappear several feet beneath the

ground with some amazement at the unleashed capabilities of a vampire. A minute later,

she poked her head out over the rim of a cozy little hideaway.
 56

Im guessing I have to do that now? I asked while casting a sardonic smile

down at her.

Yep, and be a gentleman and help me out.

I took the hand she held up and pulled her from the small pit. She was now mostly

covered in dirt and I realized that sort of fate was in store for me as well. I sighed, This

really seems like a terrible method.

She replied cheerily, Maybe, but its the basic, traditional thing. I guess.

I still think youre making that up. I made one last complaint before starting my

own assault on the ground. Alternating arms I smashed aside the soil and grass with far

less effective blows than she had used. Still, I quickly made progress in digging out a

large hole. I threw myself into the work with shouts to accompany every few strikes.

Before I knew it, Id completed the shelter. I called up to Victoria, Is this good enough?

Yeah, looks good. She lowered a hand down to help me out and then asked,

How do you feel?

I feel dirty. I mused while brushing myself off of the clumps of dirt and grass

which clung after my effort. Can we go back now?

Dont you feel invigorated or anything? The way she asked confirmed that she

did feel that way.

But I didnt. Neither did I feel exhausted in the slightest though. Without breaking

a sweat or needing to pant for breath, the entire thing had been easy. It was my opinion

that a lack of tiredness isnt what can be called invigorated. I said to her, No, this was all

sort of a waste. In the worst case I probably could have figured it out myself if there ever

was some emergency, but I dont intend to ever need to do this anyway.
 57

Sure, but youd never really experience the power you have right now that way.

There was a certain exasperation in her expression which set off a pang in my chest.

Something about the true and earnest concern which must have underlain her words

spoke to me. She continued almost pleadingly, I think its sort of fun, no matter whether

I get covered in dirt or if its a waste of energy. I guess Im keeping the immortality and

you arent, but you have the time and energy for now, right?

I considered her words for a few moments. I reread the past few pages looking for

some sort of enjoy-ability in the events that had transpired. It had been a bit amusing to

see her shift the ground so explosively because it was so far beyond what I was used to

under a humans limited strength. I felt once more the sensations of churning through the

earth like a beast myself, and I came to be glad that Id done it. The sheer feeling of

potency in performing the preternatural feat was suffused with its enactment. Truly, it

was something Id never even be able to conceive of experiencing under any other

circumstances.

I let out a long sigh and then said calmly, I guess it might have been

invigorating.

The smile she showed in response was perhaps the most genuine thing I could

recall having seen in all of my memories. The smile changed to an impish grin as she

cried out, Ah! Theres life to him after all.

Somehow we ended up digging more holes; in competition and in collaboration,

we passed the time. Taking enjoyment from the very fact of being able to do something

so out of the ordinary and from the company of each other, we tore apart the field for

several hours. Alternately shouting with effort and laughing with joy, the hours until
 58

sunrise dwindled.

Finally, as we stopped to survey the ruinous result, she turned to me covered in

dirt and asked, So, do you remember my name now?

This again? Your names Victoria. I was confused.

Not for friends it isnt. She spoke softly and something stirred in my memory.

Vee. I hadnt meant to whisper it, but it was something that I had to almost

force out.

She smiled as she looked back to the field. Thats right, now lets fill in the holes

before dawn.

Chapter 5: The Most Annoying Sort

Time moved swiftly. The nights we spent together had turned into weeks and

those weeks began to accumulate into months. Along the way, I found myself

accumulating curiosity about Vee as well. Though we sometimes spoke throughout the

dark hours, our conversations did not often stray toward topics of the past. By her own

admission, she was at least a hundred years old, and I could not help but wonder what she

had done with so much time on her hands. It was difficult to imagine her either quietly

whiling away the nights as we were then, or lurking in parks and at the fringe of

civilization as she had mentioned as her recent past. I wondered what the world might

have been like at the time of her own life; whether that world was as empty as the one

into which Id been born or if shed found meaning in a human existence then. After all,
 59

it was the artifice pervading modern society which so drove me to reject association with

it. Even the lives of ordinary people had been turned into a random assemblage of gears,

meaningless in their futility and interchangeability.

After that night digging holes, Vee and I occasionally wandered out into the dead

world of the night. We spoke about this or that as we passed by the rows of houses turned

off to sleep or strayed out to the boundaries of the civilized world at the edges of forests

and wide plains. One such night, we lingered again near the park where it overlooked a

creek which encroached into the city.

Hey, what do you think of fate? Vee was staring up into the star-filled sky for

some time before she posed her question.

I dont believe in it, I replied.

Vee turned to look at me. Is that so? Thats a bit more hopeful than I figured for

you.

Hopeful? Its not about that. I believe in causality. If you know the input for

something, you thereby know the output.

That kinda sounds like fate actually.

Except with that there is the concept of altering ones fate, right? However,

theres no way something like that could happen. If I flip a coin, it would be normal to

say that the probability of it landing on one face or the other is 50%. Thats just an

illusion though; if we could measure the variables of the forces in my motions to flip the

coin along with all other influencing factors, we would come to a 100% certainty of the

future.

The same applies to human reasoning. If a stimulus is presented to a person in

 60

the same way in a hundred parallel instances, all one hundred should come to the same

conclusion. Personality, identity, experience: those things are merely variables too

complex for us to measure each other and ourselves as uncertain probabilities. But those

measurements are just more variables, the instinct to reflect at all is accounted for from

the beginning. I found myself looking up at the stars myself as I provided my answer to

her.

I see. Vees response was simple, but she spoke with a grim tone. And what

about after meeting a vampire? Doesnt all this make you question that rigidity?

I held my hand over my chest feeling the lack of a heartbeat. It was undeniable

that my existence had become something beyond the ordinary; however, I replied dully,

I assume it all makes sense somehow. Its not like I truly understood the world before

finding out that society was wrong in telling me that vampires dont exist. If anything, I

should have expected as much simply because of how wrong society has been in every

other matter.

Vee laughed with a certain wistfulness. I guess youre right about how that never

really changes.

What do you mean?

Just that the same sort of bickering has been going on for as long as Ive been

around.

Bickering?

Uh-huh, between individuals and society. There have always been people who

felt that the current state of things was wrong in some way. A lot of people, with many

conflicting views of what would be right.

 61

I understood her meaning, that I wasnt any sort of unique specimen. I had never

supposed I was nor did I want to be one. Being unique carries no significance of its own,

and so to strive to be unique for no other reason would be an artifice no different from

accepting a place within the fabric of a fake society. After thinking for a few moments, I

asked her, So what do you think of fate then?

Ah, I was going to be disappointed if you never asked. Vee smiled and began to

speak with enthused celerity. I cant say that youre entirely wrong, but in a way I dont

think it matters. Personality and the experiences we collect might just be variables, but

those things are still the definition of singular entities. Even if wed have the same

thoughts or the same conclusion in a hundred cases out of a hundred, the reality is that

well only face any moment once. The outcome might be predetermined, but its still the

outcome we arrive at as individuals. Thats why Id consider even a twisted version of

fate such as your causality to be hopeful, because it still doesnt deny the existence of the

self, even if there is no changing our destinies.

Then, you dont think that we can will a different fate?

When you go so far as to consider even the act of stopping to reflect or how one

feels about that reflection as predetermined, it really does seem like the law of causality is

ironclad. Her words trailed off and she seemed to be lost in thought for a few moments

before she began again. However, I also cant be sure about such a rigidity to reality in

the first place. Ive seen plenty of illogical things over the years, and Id consider myself

to be one of those things. You suppose that vampires must follow some set of rules akin

to biology, but Im not convinced either way. Like you said, the variables are obscured,

so theres an illusion called probability. In the case of people, you might call the illusion
 62

free will.

Her words made sense, after all, I had thought of similar things before in deciding

on my own beliefs. From the amount of time I had wasted on such thoughts, I knew it

was pointless to argue for either side beyond. Instead, something caught my attention in

her reasoning. If a rigid fate is hopeful, is a chaotic sort of reality somehow worse?

Of course not, in that case its even more hopeful. The hopefulness of every

possibility can be expressed even if that means zero hope in some instances. Vee smiled

warmly as she replied.

I laughed and said, You really did become something illogical.

She wrinkled her nose in mock anger before joining in with my laughter. We

lapsed into silence for awhile, but eventually I decided to ask, How did you become a

vampire, anyway?

She looked at me with a serious expression and spoke words of warning. I told

you before that Id prefer to keep quiet about my past. I dont mind telling you, but if you

come to understand more of the variables, the illusion will be dispelled, right?

I took another moment to reconsider, but I asked again. I wanted to know.

There really isnt much to it, or at least no story really worth retelling. I was

attacked by a vampire indiscriminately one night; wrong place, wrong time. Her gaze

settled somewhere on a distant horizon. I was left to die, or rather I was abandoned to

this living death. I wasnt told anything and I only knew what rumors were passed on in

folk tales. I couldnt go back to my family, so I wandered off into the night and sank into

despair. Eventually, I decided I had to feed on blood in order to survive, which sealed my

fate. If Id known then what I do now, I might have been able to return to being human.
 63

So youve preyed on people? The question left my lips before I was entirely

sure I wanted to ask it.

Thats right. Ive hurt people; Ive killed as well. Thats the dirty secret and the

honest truth. Vees usual smile wilted just a little.

You were actually lying about that tradition of teaching new vampires how to

dig then?

She giggled with a lifting spirit. Thats what you focus on? Sure, ya got me. That

was a lie to get you out of the apartment. It really should be a tradition though, I had to

figure it out for myself.

I wanted to ask more, but I wasnt sure exactly what questions I had. It was

obvious that she regretted what shed done in the past and shed once said she didnt want

to hurt others. I could imagine being trapped alone in a situation where hunting humans

seemed to be the only recourse. Once shed begun to prey on humans, it was

understandable that shed be unable to exist within society. I was about to ask how things

had turned around from that desperate sort of situation, but I noticed Vee acting

strangely. She had sat up straight and was peering intently into the darkness upstream of

the creek.

Shit, she said with an alarm I had yet to witness in our time together. I could

plainly recognize a sort of panic spread across her features. No, no, no.

Whats wrong? I asked in confusion.

Cant you hear it? she whispered, Its another vampire.

I was taken aback by the statement, I hadnt considered meeting another. I

supposed that others must exist, but meeting with humans was rare enough for me as it
 64

was. Still, as I stared up the creek alongside her I could just make out a faint sound.

He has theme music, she said with palpable dread.

Bullshit. It was the only thing that came to mind. I had to ask, How the hell is

that supposed to work in a text format?

I dont know either, but you can hear it, right?

And sure enough, I could distinctly pick out the strains of music growing closer as

if an entire orchestra was floating down the creek toward us. The music raged elegantly

and threatened continuously to swell to a crescendo.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

What the hell is going on? I asked beginning to become infected by her fear.

Vee didnt reply except to continue swearing under her breath until a figure came into

sight. A small rowboat drifted down the creek and at its center stood an elegant looking

man. As he approached, the music grew louder and louder still without any reasonable

source. I tried asking another question. Can vampires do this?

Yes, no, I have no clue. As she replied, Vee placed her hands over her ears and

seemed all but ready to curl into a ball.

It seemed like an overreaction, but I was quickly becoming annoyed by the

obtrusive presence as well. The intruder reached a point parallel to us and elegantly

stepped ashore, leaving the boat to drift off without him. He was dressed in the elegant

finery of a previous era and his every movement was matched by elegant shifts in the

theme music which had increased to nearly intolerable volume.

He approached and spoke in an overly elegant timbre. Greetings my dear, we

meet once more under the light of a moon whose beauty pales in comparison to yours.
 65

And before he could continue, I resolved to hate him and all of his elegance. I have

come again to take your hand in a truly eternal marriage.

I was getting really tired of his elegance.

Just fucking kill me. Vee pleaded with a whimper.

I had wanted to be curious about how one goes about obtaining theme music, but I

was too annoyed. I interposed myself between the two of them and addressed him

directly since he had yet to even acknowledge my presence. What are you?

He snorted and rejoined, How rude. I am a who, not a what, and that who would

be Duke Quentin Ashfield of Shrewsbury.

Hes not actually a duke, at least not since becoming one of the undead, said

Vee.

I assure you, my style remains for as long as I walk this Earth.

Vee seemed to be on the verge of a breakdown as I asked, Whats the deal with

him?

Think of him like a stalker, in fact that is exactly what he is. The worst and most

annoying sort of person. Nothing you say can get through the wall of self-importance.

Will he go away?

We might have to run.

I sighed and began to wonder if it was possible for vampires to get headaches. I

was becoming sure that Id find out shortly. The Duke did not simply stand idle either, it

seemed that at every moment he had to compulsively shift to some new posture with a

dramatic spasm. Each new pose grated on my nerves further and the effect was only that

much greater on Vee who had seemingly dealt with him in the past.
 66

He began to speak again. As I said, Ive come to make good on my promise to

have your hand. So now, dear, let us alight into the endless nights of an immortal

honeymoon.

Shut up, I barked.

Interloper, I would ask that you leave immediately. His voice was tinged with a

threat, but I was too incensed by his presence to care.

Thats exactly what Id ask of you. What the hell gives you the right to make

demands about marriage or force people to listen to this pretentious music?

I am of royal blood. His chest and his theme swelled with pride. A true noble

who has become a lord of this world through my ascension as a vampire. All lesser

beings tremble before me as they come to know my magnificence.

I muttered, Theyre just going deaf under this assault. And then I drew my

contempt to a point. That was a lot of empty words.

What do you mean?

How long have you been a vampire?

Four hundreds and fifty-five years, one hundred and twenty days, he said with

unwarranted smugness.

And what have you done in that time?

What do you mean?

What have you accomplished? What have you built? I asked already knowing

the answer.

He tried to reply with arrogance, but there was a hollowness creeping into his

tone. I am a vampire of royal blood, I roam the infinite nights of an eternal life seeking
 67

for prey among lesser beings.

Exactly, you havent used that time at all. You just wander around aimlessly

content to be a vampire. I thought about Vee. You shamelessly prey on humans

because youve accepted that as the natural thing to do without ever contributing. Youre

all bluster with a built-up ego, but youve done nothing worthy of actually gloating over.

As I berated him, there was a deflation in his swollen presence. I cant stand people like

you, those who embrace their egos and pump themselves up on their own existence when

theres no meaning to that existence. Your name isnt actually known far and wide, right?

Youve wasted hundreds of years doing nothing.

He looked confused and began saying, Ridiculous, the majestic power I have

Ill show you majestic power! And with a shout I kicked the ground, dragging

my foot to distribute a pressure wave through the soil. A spray of dirt shot forth and

covered the Duke from head to boot. The music ceased.

How dare you. He spoke shakily and said nothing more. He tried and stuttered,

sputtering to a stop before fleeing into the night with a howl of rage.

Huh, so it was caused by an inflated ego. I mused on the source of his ability to

interject music into a novel.

Vee lowered her hands from her ears and cycled quickly from despair to

confusion to awe. That was incredible. Holy shit, Ive never been able to deal with that

guy.

I really hope he fucks off at least for the next month and a half. If he puffs

himself back up, hell be even harder to manage, I said idly while setting off down the

park pathway.
 68

No really, thanks.

Sure thing, Vee, and by the way, Im starting to see what you meant about

encountering illogical things. Lets head back, I dont feel like going outside for at least a

week.

She laughed and then cheerily agreed. I can understand that. Too bad the liquor

stores are already closed.

 69

Chapter 6: Ends and Beginnings

One thing I noticed about waking up as a vampire is that waking up isnt quite the

right way to describe what happened to me every evening as the sun faded below the

horizon. The return to consciousness from whatever abyss being bitten cast me into made

me think of a computer snapping from idle to active. No drowsiness, no confusion, no

memories of half-dreamed dreams. Actually, I quite liked that part, dreams are a

miserable sort of thing after all. Whether its the stress of a nightmare vision or the

bitterness following a fleeting bliss, Ive always preferred to forget my dreams rather than

remember them.

You better not have been drawing on my face or something, I said sardonically

upon waking to find Vee lying beside me again one such evening toward the end of

summer.

She chuckled and said, It is tempting, every day. As she spoke she lifted my

phone up into the space above us. But I thought you should know that someone tried

calling you a few times during the day.

I thanked her with a furrowed brow and took the phone from her hand. It was rare

even to receive a single wrong number call or the annoying telemarketing call. The

people who might try to contact me persistently could be numbered as two, my parents.

Sure enough, the phone recorded four missed calls from my mother. I sighed, hit the

redial button, and rolled out of bed with a lazy energy. Vee lay supine on the bed and

watched as I started to pace the room.

 70

Hello, dear! The enthusiasm in her voice put to rest any need to fear an

emergency.

Hiya mum, whats going on?

Oh Im so sorry, I tried calling earlier because I wasnt sure what your hours are

with that internship.

I shot a sarcastic glare toward Vee. Yeah, the boss really imposes on me, and Im

busy through the day. Was there something you need to talk about?

My mother paused and when she resumed speaking a certain weight was draped

over her words. Your uncle Freddie passed away yesterday.

Uncle Freddie was, or had been, someone for whom a sudden passing was

surprising, but not shocking. Perhaps you know the sort of person who lives, and lives

fast enough to barrel toward death.

She went on, Theres a memorial service on Saturday, unfortunately the church

was so busy already that it had to be set for nine P. M. Can you come?

I was conflicted because I wanted to go, but I wasnt really sure about appearing

in front of my family as a vampire. However, Vee sat up and caught my eye. When I

looked her way, she nodded vigorously and raised both of her thumbs.

Yeah, I think so. I laughed dryly. The evening works for my schedule better

anyway. I searched out a pad of paper and took down the details of the location.

It feels like its been forever since weve seen you, I just wish the circumstances

were different. Bye dear, we love you.

Love you too.

As soon as I pulled the phone from my ear, Vee was by my side in a flash with a
 71

smile and a hand outstretched to ruffle my hair. She cooed teasingly, Such a precious

son, isnt this a surprise?

The hell are you talking about?

I didnt expect you to treat your family so warmly. Its adorable compared to the

gloominess you keep showing me.

I pushed her arm away. I dislike people generally, but I dont dislike my own

family. My mom and dad, I stopped to gather some truthful words, Are good people.

Theyve always treated me lovingly, so I always make sure to show filial piety.

Such a roundabout way of saying that you love your parents, Vee said, and I

replied by pointing out that Id told my mother plainly. I also know that you arent

above telling lies to manipulate people, but hearing you say it makes me sure that the

sentiment is genuine. She smiled whimsically as she wandered away into the living

room. Over her shoulder, she added, Oh, and by the way, Im coming with you.

At that point, all I could do was give in to the sinking feeling that arguing was

pointless, perhaps most of all because I could find no solid reason to argue.

***

9 P.M. Saturday.

So, just to confirm, we arent going to explode if we walk into the church,

right?

Vee stopped a pace ahead of me with her hand just about to touch the church

door. She turned back with a somewhat sickly looking grin. Ive never heard of it

happening, but Ive also never heard of another vampire trying.

I closed my eyes to gather up a bit of hope. There had to be some religious nuts to
 72

have been made vampires at some point. At least one would try to enter a church and the

rest would be history. Or vampire gossip. Although if they get vaporized, maybe the story

would never spread.

Before I could finish running the odds on the likelihood of melting on contact,

Vee pushed through the front door and took a few cautious steps into the foyer. She

muttered, I think were good.

I followed her inside with a slight hesitation. I didnt burst into flames, but it still

wasnt a place I could feel comfortable entering. Only a few members of my family cared

for the community of the church, but the rest of us obliged them with our presence for

important events. We made our way through the entranceway and to the sanctum where

the memorial was being held. It wasnt exactly nine o clock, Vee and I had set out late

after waiting for the sun to disappear entirely. Coincidentally, some weeks ago Id taken

the opportunity from awakening early to test the effect of the vestigial sunlight of dusk. It

took a few days for the burns to heal. So with the ceremony already beginning, the two of

us slunk into a pew at the back.

I wont bore you with the details of an unrelated persons eulogies nor would I

betray the secrets of the dead, but it was a moving tribute by the various people whod

been closer to my uncle than I. More than the stories of familial love which were shared,

I noticed the impact they had on Vee. She laughed when joyous times were recounted and

not infrequently wiped tears away with her palm when people spoke of the loss they felt.

We had all begun on the seventh verse of another overly long hymn when it

struck me how wholeheartedly Vee sung along. As someone only capable enough at

singing to know that Im incapable of singing, I had to admire the beauty of her voice. In
 73

that moment with the age-soaked air of the church reverberating with lively voices, I was

captivated by the form of the woman next to me. However, I just couldnt understand

how she could become so invested in it all.

I gave up mumbling the lyrics and whispered, What difference does it make to

you?

What do you mean? she asked.

You dont have a connection to any of this. Why smile and grieve?

Vee didnt hesitate at all in answering. Because I think life is valuable, every

moment of it in every type of moment that comes along.

I dont get it. If anything, you should be unfazed by this sort of thing. With how

many human lives have passed before your eyes But I didnt get to finish before she

interrupted with a zealous growl.

Its exactly because I could be forgiven for seeing things that way. I could be

forgiven for seeing people as nothing more than prey; it would be natural for me to think

of human mortality as nothing. After a few moments she added with a softer whisper, I

tried it for awhile, it sucked.

I wasnt sure what to say. I felt that perhaps I should have said something, but I

turned over her words again and again thinking about what sort of existence shed

experienced with her unnatural lifespan. What seemed to me like something that should

have made her infinitely more callous than myself had instead engendered a powerful

sentimentality to take root. No matter how I wrestled with her words, I could reach no

conclusion of my own, and so I eventually began mechanistically following the motions

of the ceremony once more. I waited for the signs that the event was drawing to an end so
 74

that as soon as the memorial threatened to wind down, I moved to leave while pushing

Vee ahead of me. She resisted for a moment confused by my sudden hurry. Even just that

momentary delay meant that as we left from the bench and made our way toward the exit,

the mourners came along behind us. Before I could reach the door to the free night air, an

all too familiar voice addressed my retreating back.

Dear, where are you going? My mother called out.

I had somewhat been hoping to be able to disappear before they caught up to me,

but with hopes dashed, I turned to face my parents where they stood a few feet away in

their dark mourning clothes. I greeted them nervously, Oh, I was just on my way out.

We were expecting you to come visit with us, so Im glad we caught you before

you left.

My father spoke next while shifting his eyes over to the vampire who stood next

to me wearing a small, cherubic smile. And whos this?

My mother joked, Im sure theyre dating, right?

This is Victoria, the one overseeing my internship. I could detect varying hints

of disappointment as I told them.

She exchanged handshakes and introductions with them. When they were done,

she gave an explanation for her presence. She said, I happened to have the time free and

I wanted to support your son, hes been working ever so hard.

Is that so? Sounds like you figured out how to whip him into shape for once.

My father grinned and mother seemed pleased as well. Of course, I knew Vee was

exactly the sort of person who could make a strong impression on others with a magnetic

charisma. It was a compelling attitude that Id found myself having to resist for months. I
 75

allowed her to take over the interaction while standing aside.

After a few minutes, mother turned to me and asked, So, are you doing well?

Sure, sure. Well enough. I neither wanted to overstate or understate what had

been happening. However, even if I discounted meeting a vampire, becoming one

temporarily, and all those sorts of things as meaningless, it felt like I was leaving

something out. Unfortunately, we should really be going now. Its getting late and this

certain slave drivers internship covers Sundays as well.

We all traded farewells and I ushered Vee to the door before any other relatives

could take note of my presence. I pulled the door open and reveled in the blast of

refreshing night air as we stepped out into the darkness.

Do you think they suspect anything? I asked while trying to analyze the glances

my parents had given us for signs theyd figured out our vampiric nature.

Vee merely laughed and said, I think they have some suspicions, but nothing to

worry about.

We wandered away under the light of the moon, wasting away hours on idle

chatter as we returned to my apartment by a haphazardly circuitous path.

***

Another thing I noticed about waking up as a vampire is that as the summer wore

on, Id begun coming to earlier and earlier after sunset. With only a dozen or so days left,

I was waking up early enough to see the last light of the sun leaking into the sky from

beyond the horizon. After waking up one evening I stood up on my bed to reach the small

window on the wall. I pulled the curtain open and looked at the brilliant sky where a few

searing rays pulsed low and spread out into vast, vivid purple streams which flowed away
 76

darker and darker. Even that faint glow was enough to cause a scalding sensation after a

few moments, so I closed the curtain and began to walk toward the living room. Then I

noticed something strange. My closet had been opened and clothes spilled out onto the

floor. I went to go look for Vee, but I knew she was gone from the moment I stepped into

the living room. My vampiric senses made it easy to tell whether someone else was

nearby or not. It was strange to think how used to living as a vampire I had become.

Though Vee was missing, there was a piece of paper laid out on top of the sofa. If I had a

heartbeat, Im sure it would have shot up. I snatched up the note and began to read.

Sorry, not much time to write

Someone told a vampire hunter about me. Bastard tracked down Suzy and is holding her
hostage. Well have to call the internship over with at this point. I never told you how to
turn back into a normal human, right? Perfect for you, just dont do anything. As long as
you dont fuck it up and drink blood, youll be back to normal in a few weeks. Youll
know when you can sleep again!

Im taking your cell phone, sorry. I have to go bail Suzy out. I wish we could have
finished things properly.

P.S. Im also taking some of your clothes, sorry.

I was out the door before the paper could float to the ground after it slipped from

my grip. I had no doubt about it, Vee was prepared to exchange her own life for my

advisors. I had to do something, so my body moved on instinct. I flung the door shut

behind me and stood in front of my apartment in the faltering twilight. Though I had the

impulse to run off with superhuman speed, I had no sort of clue of where to go. How long

ago had she even left? If she took some of my clothes, she had probably left while more

sunlight was still bearing down. At that moment, I was given a small miracle. With the

sharp nose I would never use for hunting, I caught a trace of burnt flesh. The last time Id
 77

smelled that was when I had burned my own hand testing the fading sunlights power.

I took hold of the trail like a bloodhound and bounded off down the street. There

was no way Id care even if it was still early enough that I should have feared being seen.

I sped by the rows of houses at an inhuman pace, hoping Vee had been slowed by the

oppressive light. I pushed myself faster so that I seemed to pass each block in a single

stride, pivoting wildly at the street corners to chase down the record of Vees movements.

It was hard to keep track of time as I moved so quickly and yet an anxiety of losing

precious seconds beset me. I took solace in the increasing power of the smell and finally

found myself standing outside a home into which the trail seemed to lead.

It was a rundown place, an old two story house with a condemning notice posted

to the door. The door had been broken open and even now stood slightly ajar. I walked up

to the porch trying to psych myself up. It was actually somewhat distressing not to need

to pant in exhaustion or wait for my muscles to regain their strength. There was nothing

holding me back from rushing in other than my own nerves. I balled my hands into fists

and squeezed through the gap in the door as quietly as I could.

I dont give a damn about any of that, Ive told you how this deal works, a

mans voice shouted from an interior room.

I heard Vee speak calmly as I stalked through the disheveled home. Just let her

go free.

When I got to the kitchen at the back of the house, I carefully peeked around the

corner to survey the situation. There was a stench of burnt flesh, gunpowder, and fresh

blood overwriting the musty air of the ruined building. Vee rested with one knee on the

dirty linoleum floor, a small pool of blood spread out from under her leg where I had to
 78

assume she had been shot. Standing at the far side of the kitchen was a man dressed in a

thick leather duster jacket. To my eyes, he looked exactly like the rough sort of guy who

would be a vampire hunter. He held a large revolver with the barrel hovering a few

inches from Suzys head. Suzy herself was obviously nervous, but I could see the tension

in her body indicating she was patiently biding her time.

The hunter growled, Hold still, or she can try to dodge one too.

I knew how the scene would play out. He could level the gun at Vee, and she

would stay perfectly, calmly still. Before I could envision it any further, I moved on

impulse again. I stepped into the kitchen and spoke loudly to fill the room with my voice.

Now then, isnt this a strange scene. There was a trick I wanted to try, or rather there

was only one way I could possibly imagine a winning move. Something I had heard

another vampire enact; I went on with pressuring words, I hadnt heard there were

vampire hunters. I suppose it makes sense however.

Who the hell-? The mans question didnt even reach me as I let Vees words

take my attention.

She asked almost pleadingly, Why are you here? With her looking up at me, I

could see the traces of still healing burns spread across her skin. She was wrapped in a

draping of random clothes from my closet, her entire appearance was pathetic. It really

pissed me off.

What kind of lousy person do you think I am, that Id take the opportunity to get

out of an internship early? I knew youd end up rushing to save Suzy without thinking

about yourself. I spoke with a grandstanding attitude which set the air abuzz with faint

tones. You would have to imagine a subtle but gripping orchestral piece. I dredged up my
 79

memories of the strange Duke Id met and forged a mask to wear based on my

impressions of him. With that sort of force of will, I cowed the vampire hunter with my

presence.

His voice wavered just a bit as he shouted, Who are you?

I replied, Actually Im quite curious about who the hell you are. A vampire

hunter? Where are you aiming that gun?

What the hell are you talking-

Thats a human you have as a hostage. Hey, Vee, youre being hunted because

youre a threat to humans, right?

She spoke softly. Yes, thats right.

Well then, what do you think youre doing threatening a human? I aimed

pointed words at the man. What right do you have to hunt vampires if youre just the

same? In fact, maybe vampires arent even a threat. Victorias been here for months now

and no ones been hurt. Ill revert back to being a human soon, as if nothing happened.

You do know you can turn back from this if you dont drink blood, right? What if its just

punks like you that make it impossible for vampires to fit in? Its damn clichd, but

maybe we can all live in harmony or some bullshit. I crept across the kitchen with bold

steps while holding the mans attention. As I neared him, I said, So turn her loose and

use me as your hostage instead.

No! Vee cried out from behind.

The hunter looked confused for a second, a slight opening of weakness. In the

next moment his face hardened with anger as his eyes seized me up anew. He had seen

through my ploy to get closer. He started to shout. Get the hell away! The revolver
 80

turned toward me, and I winked at Suzy.

In an instant she reached up grab the mans outstretched arm at the wrist and

armpit, then he was on the floor in a heap. With my vampiric perception I could truly

appreciate the grace of her self-defense technique even in that brief struggle. I leaned

over to strip the gun from his hand as she pinned him to the floor in a way I was sure

meant that his airflow was being choked. As his spasms wound down, Suzy looked up

and greeted me in a shaky voice.

I wasnt expecting you to show up at all, she said.

Vee lunged forward and pulled the two of us into an embrace as the vampire

hunter fell limply to the floor. I wasnt expecting you to remember Suzy knows judo.

Her face was wrought with more emotions than the one who had been taken hostage.

Are you serious about what you said, returning to being a human? Suzy asked

out of the blue.

I spoke conspiratorially. If I dont go back to being a human, I cant really get

back into society. If I cant become a part of society, who is going to include her in it? I

nodded toward Vee.

She looked like I was about to find out if vampires could cry. But why? And

why finish this stupid internship charade?

Who knows when the next time Ill be able to experience being a vampire will

be. Shouldnt I see it through to the end?

With an introspective tone, Suzy said, I actually thought youd end up choosing

to become a vampire as well.

I told them that Id considered it, but decided to put it off. To procrastinate
 81

something like that, it seemed more in line with my nature. We laughed together, each of

us letting out our nervous energy and fueling the others. After a few minutes I asked how

we should deal with the hunter.

I guess all we can do is take his gear and hope he runs away. Losing all his

advantages, he should retreat for now, Vee said sagely.

Suzy glared at his unconscious form and asked, Can I get him charged with

abduction?

Not with vampires as your witnesses.

Lets just get out of here then.

You know what, we should go out drinking. Its early so the bars are all open.

The three of us should go together.

I smiled and followed Vee as she led the way out of the condemned house.