Made with love

Hoda Harraz

1
Table of Contents:

1. My name-Guidance
2. writing
3. Elementary school
4. Family tree
5. The rain
6. Protest
7. Nightmare
8. Weekend
9. Memories
10. Feelings
11. Story of my life
12. This is to my friend R
13. Dear parents
14. TERRORIST
15. Jew
16. Broken heart
17. Home
18. Suicide squad
19. Insecurities
20. Taboo
21. Everything is fine
22. Feminism vs. meninism
23. muslim - jew
24. Backup
25. May 24th, wednesday
26. High and shy
27. Everything, everything
28. I am the

2
New Year

Those who don't care

About new years
Resolutions
Because they think
They will never achieve them
Because they say it's useless
Useless to write some stupid goals down and never do them

They don't have that faith

That they are not alone
And God is there to help them.

3
My name-Guidance

The story of my name

I was told
My parents had troubles
And they wanted to name me
Guidance
So that I could be their
Guidance
And guide them through life
They ended up divorcing
That's why I hate my name
Sometimes
When people ask
What's your name?
What's the story of your name?
And I hate it when I remember the story of it
And yet
They can't even say it the right way
But I don't really care.

4
Writing

I always write about myself

How I feel and how I struggle in life
I always write about nature
How the sun shines upon us
I always write about the past and how
Painful it is to think of it
I always write about work
People that make my day
By a simple smile
Simple compliment
Or maybe
Simple tip!

5
Elementary school

Who do you think you are?

When you made fun of me?
When you made fun of my hair?
You wanted me to hate my own hair looking
You would make me cry all the time
You called me fugly
Even my friends called me fugly
Cause my hair is super curly
Cause my hair is different
The way it looked on my face
My beautiful skin color looking
With my curly hair down
You called me fugly
Cause our culture is stupid
Cause your culture taught you
That
If you don't have a goddamn
straight hair
Then you are not pretty
You hated me
You called me ugly
Just because you had a straight hair
That is so easy to brush
That is so boring
You can't do anything to it
You called me ugly because I was special.

6
Family tree

In this family tree

There has been no family tree
There has been no love or care
I grew up in an evil home with my
Grandma after each of my parents
Left me for another life
Where my mom got a new family
And my dad immigrated to the United States
I would not talk much about my sister
Because I was taught to hate her and
She was taught to hate me
Because of the different personalities we have
They were never kind to me
All the nights I stayed up
And all the pain I had
In my heart
That created a gap
In me
I will never forgive
Cause I'm not able to.

7
The rain

Last weekend I enjoyed the rain

Every drop of water
From the sky
To the ground
Every smell leftover afterwards
Made me wonder in the sky
I closed my eyes and dreamed a 100 dreams

8
Protest

Protesting is a way
To express ourselves
And how we feel
And what we think.

9
Nightmare

When I opened my eyes

In the dark I found myself
Lost
In the lifetime
I asked myself where I was
But I couldn't
I got sad and cried and tried
To go back to the kindness.

10
Weekend

I wanna go out
Today I will enjoy my
Weekend and chill out.

11
Memories

She cried her

Feelings a river
Upon her pain
Under the rain her
Aches were washed away
Where memories are alive
Once again.

12
Feelings

Your face
feels
cold as
the snow
Your heart is
warm like a
fire heat
Your jealousy
smells like
vinegar
But
I love
how your care
sounds
like love
And your smile
Tastes like
chocolate
And
Feels
Soft.

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Story of my life

When I wake up
from a deep sleep,
and then I realize
that I had a bad dream,
suddenly I realize
that it made me
recall a memory,
tons of memories
that raised with me
as I was raising.
A kind of memory that
will not leave my mind,
that will be there forever,
forever unless I get Alzheimer's,
forever until I die.
I could still hear
My grandfathers yelling
when he came back
from work every night.
I still remember
the smell of the solution
I mopped the floor with
and are about to redo
because my aunt said so.
People who
I did not want to be with,
and
places where
I did not want to be at;
all memories that are
hunting me like a monster
and I wish they
could vanish but I
can't run away from
because in real life,
they have happened to me
When I am child
I start to realize things
around Me and I
start asking yourself
questions,
I try to find

14
answers and be able to
understand things the right way.
And the older I get,
the more curious
and excited I get.
Too excited to the point
where I cannot wait
to experience everything
that I did not know about,
that I have been
waiting for.
I realize I have
been waiting for
a very long time,
I have been waiting
until I was
twelve years old
and until then,
I taste a little bit
of a great feeling,
a combination of joy,
happiness, and
weirdness.
I feel yourself
dreaming as if I
was a bird flying
in the beautiful sky
with two wings.
It is all sweet
and satisfying,
but suddenly
I
stop
flying
and everything
goes back to normal.
I get very ambitious
and nervous,
I am craving
the great feeling
that once upon a time
I felt
But I realize
that I have
to wait again,
wait even longer.

15
All the situations
and the difficulties
that i have
been through,
that made me strong,
very strong,
stopped me from
crying each time
as i got used to
the pain everyday.
Patiently getting
ready for the decisive
moment and each
time i get closer
and closer but fail again,
and again,
and again.
Sometimes i
am full of faith
and positivity,
I go on my knees
and pray that my
wishes come true,
may all your wishes come true
I hear your friend
trying to cheer me up,
though I know it is fake.
I am disappointed
and down now.
I do not care or give
it too much faith
anymore.
I tell all my
friends and teachers
to forget about it,
about the beautiful
dream that i
have been dreaming
of for years.
My fifteenth birthday
is coming up
very soon
and am not
getting as excited as
I used to
(although they did

16
nothing on most
of my birthdays).
It was not very special
except that it felt
weird and lonely.
It was like saying
good bye to everyone,
as if was not going
to see them ever again,
and this time it was real.
For the first
time in my life,
I have gotten
closer than ever
to my mom.
I have spent
more time than
ever with her.
It felt very different
and kind,
but also very sad
because i knew
it was not going
to last very long (just like when i was flying in the sky).
I find myself in the place where
separation happens.
My grandma is at home,
satisfied and relieved,
My stepfather is very happy,
waiting for my mom
in the car outside
with no patience,
and my mom is
standing in front of me
with two of my
young siblings.
It is time to say good bye
and i hug my mom
as i feel the pain
and remember the years
We are both holding
on to each other and
I wish i could stay
a little bit more but
I have to go before it is too late.
I love you mom

17
the words came out
of my mouth in
time and it hurts me so much.
My moms eyes are full
of tears but wont slide
down her face.
I look very carefully
at my siblings to save
their innocent faces
in my mind and
I walk away from them,
asking yourself
if you are going to see them
ever again.
I hear my two-year-old
sister screaming my name
as i get through
the gates of separation,
and i look back to
wave to them,
and i walk further
and look for the last time;
I see your moms worried and sorry face with tears on her cheeks,
with a beautiful and lovely smile.
I smile back and turn away, finally release my tears from their
cages.
A few minutes of waiting
were never as long as
the time i waited,
and finally i find
Myself flying in the air,
once again,
and i have a feeling
of relief but
cant stop the tears.
As i am full of faith
and hope; i fly far away,
very far away,
passing the continents and the seas,
to an unknown world.

How did that feel to you?

Do you even remember?
I know exactly how that felt to you,
because of course,

18
you were me, and I was you.

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This is to my friend R

That's why I smile when I see you...

The beauty and shininess of your face

Make my eyes not want to look at

Anything else

that's why...

The times we spent together

Before, after, or during work

You always walked me home after we got off to make sure I'm safe

We would talk about so many things like hair dye, food, and

clothes,

While walking down Virginia street

To my house

then when we got home you would play with Darwin my cat for a

while..

when it was time for you to leave you would hug me so tight and

say stay warm

I'm so thankful cuz you always helped me with stoichiometry

problems...

Very happy and good times right?

But that was old times

Until you turned 18

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And everything changed since then

You stopped talking to me

avoided me

When I tried to talk to you you always responded with an angry

tone

Every time I texted you you always replied with one word which

is...okay?

You told people I'm crazy every time I got quiet around you or

acted awkward just because I was afraid that you didn't want to be

around me.

When you freaked out about

my drawings of you

and my poems about you

cuz that's how I expressed myself to you

I did my best to show you how much I cared but I didn't see any

appreciation cuz

you were so distant

then so close

then got distant even more!

What?!!!!

You were so amazed by guys around you

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But you would never be satisfied

Or you pretended that you're not satisfied to make me worry

you always wanted the attention from me but did not appreciate it

Every Time you told me how and when and where you fucked a random

guy or even a friend of yours

You killed me a 100 times inside

you liked to see me hurt..Why would you do this to me I loved

you..

You were a best friend you were a sister you were a mother you

were a lover you were someone that I looked up to, you were my

everything in one person so why would you do that to me?

The fact that you are an adult and Im not, didn't make you better

than me didn't make me less than you

I was nothing but kind to you

I was always there for you...

I was arms to hold you when you cry

I was ears to listen to you when you talk

I was the attention that you loved each and every day

but I didn't tell you because it was out of my heart..

But You ran from me because of my age

why would you do that to me?

You always called me sweetness but only your bitterness turned my

sweet side sour

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even Darwin waited for you hoping that you would come back home

But you didn't

I cried each time I was stuck on a chemistry problem thinking of

you..then remembered that day when you thought you failed your

chemistry exam but you did just fine

You promised that you would never leave but I got your message

when I was the last person to know you quit work...the place where

we first met

I will always remember every detail about you

Each facial expression you made and what they meant

I will always remember how you love mustard and hate ketchup I

will remember how crispy you like your tater tots

Not so crispy but just perfect

I will remember that you are allergic to milk

that tiffany blue is you favorite color

I will remember the bruises on your thighs I will remember the

Target shoppings

when I drink Dr. Pepper I remember the first day we met when I

first tried it

I will remember you...

I want you to know

when you talk about yourself

I see how things are

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I feel how my heart burns

Because I don't matter to you

but the fact that you still matter to me

is funny

But don't worry

I'm nice enough that it makes me feel better just to think that

I'm better than you

because

you will always be someone who I care about

and I will always love you

Unconditionally

Parents

Dear parents
Thanks for the separation you made in my life
Thanks for the warm loving home
You never provided me
But thanks for the sorrow and depression you gave me
I wanna thank you for being selfish and loving yourselves
And not me

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Thanks for the loneliness and thanks for the sadness

Dear mother
Thanks for planting me in this life
Thanks for having me on your mind
Or I think. you did
Instead of asking for me
And knowing what I need rather than what I want
Which was home
That I never knew or felt in this life
In the life you left me in with my grandma
Where I lived a dark life
thank you for giving me education
Where I had a home or at least felt wanted and loved by some of my
friends
Where I loved to go every morning and hated to leave every
afternoon

Dear father
You are not a father to me
You never will be
To me you will always be a strange man
Just like you have always been
It doesnt matter at what age I got to know you and actually see
you
It doesnt matter if I didnt meet you at all
Because you disappointed me after you showed me who you truly are
You were the monster in my dreams
Coming to scare me
Coming to deceive me
And yet deny me and throw me
You loved your independent empty life
That didnt have any responsibilities
You simply didnt appreciate having me after you were the only one
who made promises
And you gave up on the life that involved me in it
You say every time I got closer I got burnt
How do you say you got burnt when you were the burning fire?
How do you say its my fault when you're full of mistakes?
Im not the adult to take decisions
Im not the one that has the power
Im not a person that should be unwanted
But Im not a toy to be played with whenever

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Dear father
Thanks for everything you have done to me
It makes me realize things I havent in so long
It makes me have this feeling towards you
Its not so great
But it awakens the real life inside of me

Dear parents
Im not blaming you for being my parents
Because no one chooses their parents
No one chooses their life either
I blame you for choosing to have me and not cherish me
I promise you that Ill never make the same ignorant selfish
decisions in my and my future childrens life

Dear parents
Im thankful because you exist
Even though it doesnt feel like you do
yet I have different parents
Multiple parents
People that actually love me by caring for me
Who help me through life step by step.
And Im here to tell you
That Im doing just fine without you
Just like Ive always been.
So thank you

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 TERRORIST

Ladies and gents. my name is Hoda. And obviously, as you can

tell, I'm Muslim, and this thing I wear everyday represents me.

Yes this thing on my head. How you call it again? Hajib? Hajab?

Hhajabi? Oooh it's a scarf. Yeah my scarf represents me and I

love to wear it all the time and everywhere. I eat with it, I

sleep with it, I pray with it, I pee with it, I even shower with

it. I NEVER take it off NEVER EVER. And you know what? I don't

even have hair under there!! That's why I always hide my bald

head!

All these years I've been hiding what I actually do when I go

home. I don't do no homework, no! I stay in my garage where I

prepare all these weapons and bombs to attack cities and

significant people, because you know, I'm a terrorist. Hahahh

They even replaced the real gun emoji with a toy gun emoji

because of my threats.But I don't care, cause I carry a real

bomb in my backpack everyday to school, because one day, ima make

this school explode!!!!

And very soon I'll destroy everything and take over the world

and kill all these annoying bitches. I'll destroy every building,

every family, every boy, every girl, I will kill little babies. I

give no fucks, I have no soul, I have no heart. I will burn the

white house and Im coming for Trump.

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 Let me tell you one of the happiest days ever. On

9/11/2001 when I was one year old, when I was bored and had

nothing to do, I took one of my little helicopters to New York

city to attack the twin towers to kill the people in it. Obviously

I didn't care I was gonna die with them because I'm right here

reading his poem and I wanna tell you that that you all are

infidels . You all deserve death. No! You deserve hell where you

get to be tortured forever. You all are going to hell and I'm

going to heaven. I went to heaven before and I even have the key

for it, and I won't let you get in cause you are sinners and you

don't deserve forgiveness.

You are a sinner because you party a lot, you are a sinner

because your laugh is loud, you are a sinner for smiling to that

guy, you are a sinner for every singles thing you do, even for

waking up and going to sleep. You are a sinner! And you are a

sinner! And when it's the day of judgement, you are gonna regret

everything and wish if you followed me and my beliefs, but it will

be too late since you are going to hell anyways.

Yeah I might seem nice and everything but you don't know how

much I wanna murder you every time you say something, because

everything you say is WRONG!! You are a sinner because you talk!

You are a sinner because you breathe you are a sinner because you

probably think what Im saying is fucked up...I'd rather have you

die instead of living and doing absolutely nothing useful.

Hey!!! When classmates ask, Do you wanna hangout this weekend?

28
This weekend? Let me check my schedule. Oh sorry I can't, I have a

meeting with ISIS about our next act of terrorism. But don't worry

I'll make time for you later.

29
Jew

Dear the love of my life

You are the first person

That was willing to become a great friend

Of mine

You are so loving and

Warm

You are a caring and a beautiful one

You are always on my mind and I cant get enough of you

I miss you from the moment i see you to the moment you leave

Sometimes i wonder if you love me at all

When you get a little distant

And stop talking to me for a while

But then i remember that lifes problems might

Take you away from me

Im a little ambitious from the inside

But i may not show it on the outside

But for surely i know that

I will always love you

As a friend

As a sister

As a family

As a hug that raps around me when i need it

And as a great strong woman

30
She replied:

I love you

If im distant, just know

Ill always come back

Ill love you forever

And thats that. <3

31
Broken heart

You used me

You used my feelings towards you

Or maybe thats how how you made me feel

You changed so much

When guys started liking you at your school

They perhaps didnt appreciate your care

They perhaps didnt understand what youre missing

What youre needing

They dont know whats truly inside of you

Even though they might have gone

Inside you

32
Home

She walks away. Left so far

And wont come back home

She ignores the fact that home

Is the best place she will ever have

That warmest she will ever feel

And where she would get love and care the most

The place that shes welcomed 24/7

She lies to herself thinking that

Theres better than home but

Deep down her heart she knows

There isnt

She manipulates herself telling herself

Home wasnt the best choice.

She forgets and fades away not

Knowing that the fading home

Is me.

33
SuiCide sQuAd

Mouths shut.fingers in ears . And eyes closed

Dont shoot!.. I wont hurt you.

First attempt: I panic, I howl, I scream

No one wants me!!

I isolate myself in my own shadow raped with my sadness

That I loved more than anything else

More than myself

The words repeat in my head like dark songs

Poison in my mind

Wortheless

Useless

Slave

Meaning less

You

Dont

Belong

My brain is aching

Like my hands are shaking

Like my tears are waterfall

Like my body is numb

My hand slowly pulls a blade

I run it on my skin where my vein are but my veins wont cut

Like theyre telling me

Were made to make you live not to kill you

34
My blood stream is boiling rushing through my body ready for an

explosion

I feel the extreme heat like I cant feel anything else like Im

shocked

My sweat mixed up with my tears my blood

Is dripping everywhere

I tried to kill myself once

The thought is just satisfying my mentality

But life pulls me back like my soul is forcefully entering my body

again. It hurts

The feeling is not neutral

I ask myself well what is meaning of life?

Or do I love myself that I dont want it to live this oppressing

life

Where everyone is too ignorant or too nice until they drive you

crazy

With a mysterious past and an unknown future!

I am weak

I dont know what to do anymore

My second attempt

I lost count how many pills I took

Like I just wanna take my pin away

Just pray the lord my soul to take

My heartbeats chasing my thoughts

I hear them loud like my erat is coming out. I collapse

24 hours passed. I hear my conscience telling me.

35
Its over. In the dark i found myself lost

Wondering in my shadow

Thinking

Am I dreaming or am I living?

I feel a cold chill on my skin. I shocked

My eyes wide opened

I failed.

My insecurity is killing me

My anxiety is stressing me

I am claustrophobic

Nothing is helping

I attempted suicide twice

Dont get me wrong but

Im pretty much okay with that

But I shouldnt

Like Im used to it

when I shouldnt like its something normal and aint like

anything else in this world that is not supposed to be

Everyday I think that I forgot but

I keep sinking even deeper nothing heaLs

My third attempt: SiLenCe!!

I would like to keep it to myself

Dont worry Im on a journey to find my purpose

In this empty life

Ladies and gentlemen I attempted three times so tell me

36
Is there gonna be a fourth time?

37
Insecurities

Dear my insecurities,

Are you ever gonna set me free?

Will I ever be able to go to bed and not be too scared to have

nightmares?

Will I ever sleep comfortable enough? To not wake up 3 times a

night?

Will I ever? Without being too scared to fall back asleep? Too

scared to dream? Too scared to wake up? And not to wake up or

wake up

Dear my insecurities

Will you ever let me free?

Without having to think too much before eating, before talking,

before putting on my outfit. Before touching my face?

Dear poor oppressed,

No, you will never get rid of me. Even if succeeded in reducing

me. I feed you the attention you need. By other people, well

sometimes.

You cant be complete without me. No one is perfect anyways.

Im not that dangerous dont hate me

I wont kill you I promise

But promise me first not to over think about me and what Ill do

to you

38
Keep in mind that everyone, has a type of me. So dont worry we

can be oppressed together. At the end, I make you who you are

39
Taboo

They say I shouldnt express myself violently verbally

But what does that even mean?

Why are curse words even considered violent or inappropriate?

Why does expressing myself have to make you uncomfortable?

If the way I express myself bothers you that much then dont

fucking be around me

At the end, when you run out of ways to express yourself

Cursing will be the only way

40
Everything is fine

I look at her in the eyes

I( asked her, how are you?

She looked back at me

As if my words werent understandable

But as usual, she replied Im fine

She repeat in her poems

Everythings fine everything's fine everythings fine

Or maybe she thought. That everything is okay

Maybe she didnt want or need the attention when she was too quiet

Or did she want even more?

She depends on some people by making them depend on her but she

doesnt understand what being dependent actually means

Because she never had the chance to know the feeling of being

independent. Being an individual that doesnt need others to be

happy

Does not need attention to breathe

She hurts her veins to create a conflict

She gets more oxygen and feeds on more popularity

She cant really see reality and if she does its hard for her to

acknowledge the beautiful things that could provide her all the

oxygen she needs without having to suffer to find

Because sometimes people choose the harder way when there is an

easier and look for easier when its not available

For not so long

41
The easier will be valid

Because nothing lasts long

Theres an end to everything

She says

Whenever I become so distant

I will always came back at the end

But she takes too long

Too long to the point where coming back wont be allowed.

42
Feminism vs. meninism

I am a man that has a voice to speak against

Feminism

This bullshit that doesnt make sense

Women say that they

Are oppressed by us

But what they dont know is the feeling

When youve been working

All day

Then come home to

Loud ass kids

And

Dirty as fuck house

They dont work so

They should at least

Cook,refresh, prepare, take care of children

and do

Everything

To please their husbands

And thats one right of

A man

Like me

-just take a moment to snap it

Up for the mister

43
I appreciate your cooperation

with your wife

I can tell that you are a loving

Husband and father that is thrilled

To go home after work

You totally dont go and hangout

With another woman that doesnt even

Have a life

Your are right

She would never know the feeling

Because she never worked before

She was never allowed to

She is obviously selfish and wants

To have more than she actually

Deserves

I think she should be

Beaten up

You should definitely go for

it

44
Muslim- jew

Amal & Huda: Allahu Akbar

Annika: Barukh Ata Adonai

All: God is good

All: Blessed are you, our lord

All: how does it feel to be a minority?

Amal: Do you speak Jewish?

Annika: Do you speak Muslim?

All: No, but I am fluent in your ignorance!

Annika: Do you ever take that thing off ?

Amal & Huda: Do you wear those little Jewish hats?

All: This is a hijab, that is a yamaka say it right

Amal: Why is it I feel uncomfortable every time

We talk about 9/11

In history class

As if instead of being 2 years old

And playing with toys

I was somehow apart of this massacre.

Huda: I hear the giggles behind my back

I feel the desk shaking

Its hard to take in what theyre Saying,

Annika: hey, can you show your ankle?!

Annika & Amal: What's underneath that scarf?

45
My hijab is not something for you to unwrap like a piece of

candy

Annika: Like yo can I touch you?

No, you cant just touch people like they dont have boundaries

My religion does not make me exotic

Annika: At the age of 8 i learned what hate felt like

When one of the boys in my class called me a

Hoda & Amal: kike

For not letting him copy my homework

at the age of 13 i was reminded of how ignorance felt

When a girl in my english class

Asked me how it felt that i knew i was going to hell because i

was a jew

Without understanding that judaism does not have a hell

Because we do not believe in eternal pain

All: Do not tell me That I am a sinner

Annika: When each word that spills from your lips are laced in

hate

All: Ephesians 4:32 be kind to one another, tender hearted,

forgiving each other

Annika:Yet you destroy our cemeteries

Amal and huda: And deface our mosques But you CALL US,

Terrorists?

46
Amal and huda: In february, 200 tombstones in a jewish cemetery

were destroyed

Annika: only 20 days later a mosque burned to the ground.

All: This is what terrorism looks like.

Annika: A woman riding the bus in a hijab is not a terrorist

Huda and Amal: A jewish child walking into synagogue does not

need jesus to save them

Annika: Just one day after they destroyed our cemetery a muslim

group raised 60,000 dollars to repair the damage

Amal: And the day after the mosque was burned the jewish rabbi

from the temple next door turned to his muslim brothers and

sisters,

Annika: Handing them a key to the synagogue and offered to share

their temple with us.

All:You cannot break this bond

Huda: As much as they try to separate us,

The oppressed will always band together,

All: Muslim and jewish sisters

We hold hands in the face of white supremacy In the midst of

Christian extremism

Amal & Hoda: I'm sure you hate it when we throw that word back at

you

All: Were here to tell you

47
 Hoda:Our religions are not broken branches of christianity

Amal: our religions are not lesser versions of yours

Annika: At the age of 14 all jews promise to commit a thousand

acts of kindness in their life

Huda and Amal: Muslims, we do not just say hello when we see you,

we wish peace and blessings upon you before we even know you

All: but you wouldn't know that would you?

Annika :Because it is easier to hate something you do not

understand, than it is to appreciate something different

Amal: It is easy not to know the name of our god

Hoda: Or to know our place of worship

Annika: Stop Trying to reduce us into something were not

because it is more comfortable for your narrow minds

All: no matter how many bombs you drop, mosques you burn,

cemetery's you vandalize, we will rise from the ashes- together!

Backup

48
Amal:I am tired of people
Asking me about
My hijab.

Huda:How you call it again?

Hajib? Hajab? Hhajabi? Oooh it's a scarf.

People ask Do you have hair under there um no, you see that
thing at the back of my head that looks like a bun is actually
A giant tumor
Do you like shower in it?
yea, I eat with it, I sleep with it, I pray with it,
I pee with it, I even shower with it.
Do you feel hot in that? yea, can you tell Im shivering from
all the sweating

Do you ever take it off?

You tell me to
Take it off.
You tell me
Im oppressed
Not knowing
you are oppressing me

And I dont need your fucking white feminism

To fix me
Like broken toys
When I am not the one broken.
Just because you talk about about feminism
And choose to wear revealing clothes
Doesn't mean you're free
Freedom starts in your head
Not on your head..
Just take it off and all your problems will be solved
And you will get less attention with bad intentions
To everyone that looked at me and disliked me for whats wrapped
around my head
Your resentment bothers me
Your gazing makes me uncomfortable
And you make me feel like i dont belong here

All muslims are terrorists

Why do people look at me every time we talk about 9/11 in history

class

49
My face gets red and my palms sweat
As if instead of being 1 year old and playing with toys
I was somehow apart of this massacre

Cross the street

Terrorists are approaching
I'm tired of coming up with excuses
Every time my little sister asks me
Why did they get off the sidewalk?
I say
they don't want to crowd the sidewalks
But I think she knows why.

I will not let your ignorance drown me

And allude that i dont know how to swim

I will not stop rising up to the sky for your satisfaction

If your freedomland wasnt made for me to to be free
I would build my own
filled with knowledge and call it hijab land

Amal: There are arab and indian boys running around a sambosa ice
cream
Huda:The palestines play oud and the egyptian play tabla
Amal: while the somalis dance the dabka
Huda:And the yemenies doing the rollixchallenge
All:It's like berkeley but everyone is accepted

May 24th, wednesday

50
Today has been
Postponed multiple times but
It's finally here
Today that I waited for
So long
Today is the day
I was feeling myself
I was fresh, I guess
Even though it started
Fun with my friends
I still couldn't wait
til I see you
I counted the hours
One after one
I was afraid that you forgot
I was nervous
Very nervous
I waited for you to text
But the time came
And I texted you first
But all that don't matter
I'm happy to be with you today

Thank you for being with me

The words came out of your lips like
Sharp bullets into my heart
I was shocked

After you told me that you lied to me

To make me feel better

But I was too high to get mad at you and yell in your face
How could you say that
How could you do that
How do you expect others to be honest
when you are not honest?
Why does it upsest you if you do it yourself?
Anything you do now I cant trust
You took the trut away
You should be sure of yourself before you try to say something
Because your words can cut harder than a knife

51
52
High and shy

Hey, can you meet

At the bus stop?
I'm kind of shy
Right now
-yeah sure I said
I walked instantly
After I was back
To school
I kept getting closer
And closer
Little by little
Getting more nervous
I saw you.
My heart started
Beating hard
For you
I crossed the street
I walked towards you and
You looked
-hey! I hugged you
You were already high
I was a little irritated by that
but
I was fine
I understood that you're
Nervous too
And that's the only way
You can calm down
We got on the bus
You told me to trust you
And I did
You asked me to calm you down
You were breathing fast
I didn't know what to do
I didn't know what's comfortable for you
You said keep talking to me
We kept talking then you
Started singing the alphabets
I sang with you
You barely made eye contact with me
But I was..
You looked so fragile
The feeling of wanting to hold
You but not being able to

53
Won't leave me
I was afraid you'd push me away
The feeling of seeing you breaking
But not knowing how to help you
Made me want to kill myself
You are hurt
And I'm hurt to see you weak

54
Everything, everything

We sat down

It was only me, you

And two other people

It was dark

And quiet

We paid attention to each word was heard

And it was mind blowing

I was thinking about it

Telling you

I was nervous

You didnt see me

My heartbeats pace increased

To the climax and then I said it

You said, lets talk about this after the movie

I couldnt stop thinking

In my deep conscious

But I felt relief

For releasing this bomb

I wonder what you thought

Were you surprised at all?

Shocked?

Upset?

Happy at all?

We walked out

55
We talked about the scenes

What we liked

What we didnt like

We think like each other

You said

Almost everything

We have the same thinking,

Worries

Hopes

Fears

Everything

Not sure if its a good thing

High five

Fistbump

Thumb

Everything is alright

You said thats good

Thats what I wanna hear

At moments you were my everything

But all at once you took away everything

You lied a serious lie

An unforgivable lie

But I couldnt say anything

My brain was burning

Overthinking

Just like the way we both do

56
Stop saying the s word

Dont apologize

Its not making anything better

If they are not trustworthy, why bother?

Its our connection

And yet out detachment

Only me and you understand

That day

You destroyed my hopes

My beautiful feelings

Everything ad anything Ive ever felt

For you

That day

You took away

Everything everything

57
I am the great nation

I am guidance
The meaning of
my name that
makes me wonder
If im meant to guide others
Or guide my own self
But im sure
that i will Find my way
Someway Somehow

I spend time thinking

Trying to learn my roots
Boast about them
And love them

I find myself born in a geat

Civilization of ancient northern
Africa1
Where my heart pumped
The nile river into my veins
And took my first breath of its fresh
Breeze
And a first sip
Out of its pure
Water
where the suitable climate
Produces a great quality of
Cotton and wheat that
Made it one of the best
Traders
In the world

My earth people wrote the

500 hyloghraphics
On stones in caves and
saved Them since 3000 BC
To express themselves

I am the sphinx of Giza

With a missing nose that
Left my people in confusion

1
http://www.ancient.eu/egypt/
58
Was it the Napoleons soldiers?
Was it a cause of erosion?
Or did I not have a nose at all?

I am the great pyramids

Menkaure,
Khafre,
Khufu
Built and raised
From about 26 centuries
Before christ
by the
Ancient kings and queens
And where they were
buried
The middle pyramid
might Seem
The biggest
But only because it was built
On a higher surface

I am the Egyptian Arab Republic

And I am
Proud
Of that

59
I am the mystery
Of more than
6,000 years of history
And culture
I am the bright star

The first intermediate

Period
After the fall of Old
Kingdom
The lamentation texts
That allude to what happened
During the period
Where my pyramid and
tomb complexes
were robbed

I am the middle kingdoms

Exclusive Mummies
Found decorated
With magical spells
Of the kings of the
Sixth dynasty

I am the new kingdom

A great wealth and power
for egypt
Lead by the
ambitious and competent
Pharaoh Hatshepsut
A rare occurrence
In my history

I am Cleopatra of alexandria
The last queen of my ancient
I struggled with my siblings
Fighting against
The cassius invasion
Preventing them from
Stealing our treasures
I am the bright star

My grandfather
Was in the military
Participated and
Took part of

60
The October war 19732
To free Sinai
The land bridge
Of Egypt between
Africa and Asia

He showed
loyalty
Giving all the
Effort he could
Into this battle
Leaving my grandma behind
Hoping that everything
Will be ok
She had too much to worry about
And when it took
Him too long to come back home
She was concerned that she wont ever see him again
But that day
he came back
Loyal
Relived
And proud
After that they
Moved to kuwait
Where they could be safer
And where
Jobs for foreigners we offered

Despite all the struggles

They have been through
They believed in themselves
They believed in their dreams
They worked hard for their children
To provide them the best living

I was born in
August 2000,
Giza, Egypt
And when I just turned
3 months
My family happened
To break apart

2
Abeer Safwat
61
Each of my parents
Splitted into two different worlds
Leaving me and my older sister
In between
The foundation of my childhood
Was lost and couldnt be found
All I can remember is
The innocence and beauty
Of an ignorant child
All I could do was watch, observe and, learn
listening to the perfect arabic dialect
From my mothers tongue and trying to imitate it
Was the best thing I was good at
I remember following my mom everywhere
And doing the exact same things as if I was her own shadow
I still remember saying the
Egyptian national anthem in the morning queue
In pre school

The connection that attaches me with my mother land

You are the mother of all countries
And aboves all the eras
You are my devotion and inspiration

I might seem
Simple
But me and my life
Are over complicated
Which no one can
Realize except
Me myself and I
Because it is easier
Sometimes for others
To make assumptions
Then to actually find out
The Straight facts

When People in America

Know that I grew up
In Kuwait they think

62
Ooo! U GOT THAT OIL
AND GAS MONEY?!
GURL YOU ARE RICH!!
And when people in Kuwait
Know that I live in the
United states
They say that I must
Be living the best life ever
That Im living on the
Freedomland

But what Americans dont know

Is that in Kuwait
I dont have the access to
public schools,
Free housing,
Medicine,
Government jobs,
A.k.a the best jobs
If Im not kuwati
And therefore
I have to pay
Tons of money
If I want one of those things

That I cant be a citizen

Unless I marry a citizen

And what people

In kuwait dont know
Is the bitter sweet
Of this country
Like a cry baby
Bubble gum
That I didnt understand
Until I was inside

They dont know

How much I struggle
Having to deal
With issues in this land...
too young

That believing in a
Certain religion
Or your own beliefs

63
Is a problem to others
That the phobia of
Experiencing or
Seeing something
Different or unusual
exists

But what I learned

Is that both countries
Share a lot in
common like
Racism,
Sexism,
Homophobia,
And all the isms
And phobias you can
And cannot Name

Now dont get me wrong

Im not trying to criticise where I grew up and where I live
Im just speaking reality here
and like everything in the world
That has a positive and a negative side..
I will always keep the beautiful things in my mind and my heart
I wont forget the 10 years of my life
When I made my first and forever friends
(transition here)

Judgement
The monster
That I cant run from
In my dreams

Disunity
The opposite
Of what a puzzle
Should look like

Insecurities
Hunting me
Whenever and wherever
I am

Goals
The stars that
Everyone should look at

64
And try to reach

Positivity
The water that
keeps everything
alive

Hope
The soulmate
We need to hold on to
And never lose

Dreaming
I cant stop dreaming
I am more than
What you think
I am

You tell me Im a
Foreign not knowing
you are a
Foreign to me

You pity me as
If I need your land
Without realizing
That Im not a refugee

You are either

Too nice or
Too mean but
Nothing in between

You spend
too much
Time criticising Your
Surroundings

To make yourself Feel better

But you dont understand
That you sound ignorant
Why cant you just be real?

You say I shouldn't

Express myself
That way

65
So tell me the better way

Just because
It makes you feel uncomfortable,
Doesnt mean it has
To change

You resent me for my success

As if education is too good
For me to learn as if
I should lower my intelligence to yours

And as if Im too uncool

To deserve what I have
Even though
I wont ever have what you have

I am more than what you think I am

When I aim for something

I work hard until I get it...
And if I dont then
Its not meant to be

My expectations are high

high up to the sky
I shoot for the stars to land on the clouds
If I dont then I dont give up but I wont get down

I work for my own living

I work for what I WANT
I work for what I NEED
I work to succeed

I am more than what you think I am

I will not stop rising up to the infinites

I will not shatter for your thinking
I will survive
Regardless

I am not who you think I am

Dreaming, I cant stop dreaming

Dreaming, I wont stop dreaming

66
If my dreams are too big for you to perceive
Or for this land to contain
Ill find a future that fits them the most
But sacrificing them, would be my least interest

Just because
It makes you feel uncomfortable,
Doesnt mean it has
To change

If your freedomland wasnt

made for me to be free
I will build my own filled with knowledge
And call it my own kingdom

I am more than what you think I am

I am the bright star
I am strong
I am courageous
I am independent
I am a hardworker
I am.. A woman
I am finding myself in this lost world
I am a bright star that shines day and night

I am my own conscious
My existence is me
I keep finding myself
Until I realize

That I am..
My
Own
American
Dream

This is me
My mom is in a different continent and I cant see her
My dad and my sister are a few miles away from me and I dont live
with them

Id rather call myself independent than abandoned

Id consider myself adjustable and not broken
I learn from my past and live the experience of the present
To make a better future
I am adaptable

67
I am capable
I am compassionate
I am empathetic
I am persistent
I am a human
And for the sky I will aim

68