Listening
Len Horridge
Len Horridge, After University,
Len worked at Philips and 3M before
joining a start-up consultancy and
then left to form his own company,
The Skills Exchange. Here, he is
involved in training and consultancy
with specialism in interpersonal skills,
such as communication, presentation,
public speaking, time management,
meetings, sales, management,
and so forth.
Abstract: Almost everybody in our world needs to listen,
to gain information, to sense danger, to understand
others ... yet we are not very good at it. Maybe the
simple reason is that we were never taught to listen,
we were just told to do so.
Maybe, to be cynical, the modern world has so many
distractions that it is increasingly difficult to listen
actively.
There are three questions:
Why is listening so inaccurate?
How can we improve our listening?
Is it important?
Keywords: empathy, listen, understand
Introduction
Listening is very important but it isnt that difficult.
Michael Moore, in his book Stupid White Men, said this:
Try listening. Heres how it works: when someone
else is talking, pay close attention to what they are say-
ing. Maintain eye contact. Do not interrupt. When he or
she is finished, pause and reflect on what was said. Try
saying nothing at all. Notice how what you have heard
is stimulating thoughts, concepts, feelings and ideas in
your head. This may lead to something brilliant. You
will then be able to take those ideas, claim them as yours
and become famous!
It really is that simple.
Two ears, one mouth. Use them in that ratio.
Why? Well, you will get information, you will find out
something new, and people will actually think you are
intelligent and like you because you listened to them.
And it will make you more informed.
Dale Carnegie researched powerful people in his
landmark book How to Win Friends and Influence People,
and he said this:
You can make more friends in two months by being
interested in them, than in two years by making them
interested in you. The only way to make quality, last-
ing friendships is to learn to be genuinely interested in
them and their interests.
Expert Insights 1
 Listening
This book was broadly about people like
presidents of countries and corporations
who made massive impressions on the
world; most did so through a strong ethic
of listening and using the information they
had to move forward their country, their
company, and themselves.
And, as a lovely by-product, you may
make more friends and people will like you
more.
As once was said, you learn nothing
from talking, except that maybe you should
listen more.
Its all about improving our communi-
cation.
Many assume that communication is a
one-way street but this is far from true. In
order for communication to be effective,
the sender needs to be clear with the mes-
sage that they send and the receiver needs
to listen attentively. Its the latter that is
truly key to effective communication; if
both parties are only intent in getting their
message across, this will soon become an
argument which is seldom constructive.
Its also an assumption that because
youre within earshot of a conversation that
you must have heard it. Well, this may be
true, but will you have necessarily listened
to it? Hearing requires about 25 percent of
our concentration, whereas listening re-
quires about 75 percent.
It is estimated that 45 percent of all com-
munication is spent listening; if this state-
ment is true, then many of us probably
need to brush up on our listening skills.
But why dont we listen well?
Are You a Good Listener?
People do say a qualified yes to this ques-
tion but think again. Lets do a simple test.
Have you ever been watching the TV or
listening to the radio or even listening to a
friend and you just zone out? Of course
you do, its a human trait. There is a reason
for it, which we will cover later, but if you
have ever done this (hearing without listen-
ing) then you can improve your listening
skills.
2 Expert Insights
Another test for you.
Which of the following applies to you?
Lack of concentration (being easily dis-
tracted, looking at your tablet, for example,
or just zoning out)
Mentally rehearsing your planned ques-
tions (so not listening to what is actually
being said)
Interrupting people (which is impolite at
best and stops your listening to the en-
tirety of a point)
Hearing what we expect to hear and miss-
ing the point (surface-level listening or just
hearing what you want to hear)
Defensive listening because we anticipate
being challenged/attacked (a sign of a
passive style)
Aggressive listening whereby we listen
only for those key remarks upon which
we can disagree (referred to as red flag
listening, which we cover later)
If you have nodded to any one of these,
you may be a poor listener.
Poor listeners show a tendency to be fo-
cused on themselves and their own reply
rather than the person speaking, where the
focus should be. Its known as empathetic
listening, that is, being really interested in
what the other person is saying. And its
not hard to do.
In contrast to the empathic nature of
good listening, poor listening includes such
habits and behaviors as:
interrupting and finishing sentences
waiting impatiently for your chance to
speak
communicating with someone else in
the room
correcting or undermining what was said
reinterpreting what the speaker said in
your own terms
telling them about your experience, mak-
ing theirs seem less important
having an answer for their problem b efore
theyve finished telling you what it is
giving advice when it has not been asked for
inappropriate level of eye contact (too
much or too little)
mismatching, and breaking rapport
 Listening
staying silent and giving no nonverbal
signals
stopping listening because you assume
you know what the other person means/
is going to say
drifting off (or zoning out)
Do you recognize yourself in any of the
above?
Then the bad news is that you are prob-
ably a poor listener. The good news is that
it doesnt take much to correct it.
And, to make you feel better, there are
some very good reasons why we do not lis-
ten well.
Why Dont We Listen?
Some people do listen well, but almost
everyone can improve their listening
skills.
Just think of the number of times in a
day you say Sorry, can you repeat that?
or Pardon? as you have just plain zoned
out when somebody is speaking to you (or
when you have missed something).
Or even when you just switch-off men-
tally when watching TV or listening to the
radio.
Why does this happen? Well, because we
are human and because we havent ever
been taught to listen.
There are some good reasons.
Barriers
OnOff: Our brain has a great capacity to
take in information, but the average person
only talks at around 125 words per minute.
Our brain uses the spare capacity to think of
other things and often distract ourselves, so
we can zone out when somebody is talking
to us. We hear but we dont listen.
This happens all the time. People just
drift; think about what they will be doing
tonight, what they would like to eat, or the
things they have to do; or be distracted by
their tablet or something that catches their
eye, anything, really.
Its natural but it is not listening (and can
be very impolite).
Expert Insights
Be aware of this; some people have very
short attention spans, others longer, but we
are all open to this.
Do not think of anything else; focus and
concentrate.
Red Flag: If somebody says something you
disagree with or you have a view about, you
may just stop listening, full-stop. Dont let
your prejudices or views get in the way, keep
listening for the person may go on to have
a different view longer term.
Open Ears, Closed Mind: Some people dont
listen because they dont want to. Thats fine
but this isnt listening actively.
Too Deep For Me: Sometimes technical or
highly complicated stuff can lead you to
glazing over but not being able to take things
in. This happens.
Pencil: Making notes can help you retain
information, but dont let the focus of noting
everything down get in the way of actively
listening to what is being said. For example,
stenographers in court (who only look for a
92 percent accuracy in noting down court
proceedings) cant really listen and write.
They will be able to read back what has gone
on but their concentration is so focused on
capturing the information that they will
normally not process what has been said as
real listening. (But, wow! They are good at
their job!)
Hubbub: Sometimes, its too noisy to really
hear what is being said. And how do you
listen better then? You lip read. And thats
a great idea, as it looks as though you are
having good eye contact and it makes you
concentrate more.
What am I going to say next?: See some of the
comments above; dont think of what you
are going to say; instead, focus on what the
other person is saying, listen carefully, see
if you can summarize and ask this back as a
question (So, what you are saying . . .?), and
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