Zavaleta Venedicto 1

Alicia

Batty

English 101

30 May 2017

Reflection

The while writing the original essay I believed I had the money in the bag but

after receiving my grade I knew I messed up somewhere. After reading my professors comments

I realized I did not give what the prompt had asked for. Even though I had good and informative

information it was not the writ information that was needed. In the first paragraph, I started with

some brief information of the location I choose, LA Fitness in Van Nuys. The second sentence in

the first paragraph I decided to edit a bit so it read smoother. And fixed any grammar issues. In

my second paragraph the in-text citation was executed incorrectly. It had included the authors

name as well as the article name, which I learned was not needed in an in-text citation. Through

my revising process I learned that an in-text citation only needs to include the authors name, or if

no name is give the first few words of the article name, not the entire article name. After revising

my essay, I came to the conclusion that my original second paragraph was not needed. My newly

revised second paragraph discusses some observations I made at the location. In my observation

paragraph, I noticed many grammar errors which seem to be a reoccurring problem. After fixing

those errors I reworded some sentences. My next body paragraph in my original essay discussed

what exercise can do for a persons body and mind I decided to move that as my third body

paragraph and my new second body paragraph is about the Van Nuys community. In my revised

essay, I added a new paragraph discussing how stressful it is to live in a community where the

average income is below the income to live comfortably. I revised my conclusion to fit my thesis
 Zavaleta Venedicto 2

better. Something I need to focus on as a student and writer is what is being asked of me,

understand what I am writing about and give proper detail and examples.