TASK 3 : CRITICAL ESSAY

Basically, a paragraph is a group of sentences organized around a central unit. Paragraph

writing is to focus on one main idea. A solidly written paragraph takes its readers on a clear path
without detours. A basic paragraph structure usually consists of five sentences which are the
topic sentence, three supporting sentences including elaborations and examples and lastly a
concluding sentence. There are few elements in producing an effective paragraph. First, the
unity or cohesion in a paragraph begins with a topic sentence. Every single paragraph has only
one single controlling idea which is typically the first sentence of the paragraph followed by the
supporting sentences that provide detail and discussion. Those supporting sentences should be
organize neatly because a solid paragraph always has a definite organization. In a well- ordered
paragraph, the readers can follow the writing easily and grasp its meaning as well as avoiding
confusion.

Next element in having an effective paragraph is coherence. It is to make the writing

understandable. It will be easy for the readers to understand the paragraph without repeating
the sentences. In a paragraph, the sentences need to connect to each other in order to achieve
the coherency. One of the best ways to achieve coherency is to use transitional words. The last
element of an effective paragraph is the completeness or development. Usually, the three
supporting sentences and concluding sentence are needed for a paragraph to be complete. The
last sentence of the paragraph should summarize the main idea by reinforcing the topic
sentence.

Friendship is one of the most precious gifts of life. A person who has true friends in life is
lucky enough. Friendship makes life thrilling. It makes life sweet and pleasant
experience. Friendship is indeed, an asset in life. It can lead us to success or to doom. It
all depends on how we choose our friends.

Based on the selected essay, the main topic of this writing is about friendship. For the
introduction paragraph, it is a poorly developed paragraph. This is because the writer seems like
to have lack of ides. He or she should elaborate more on the definition of friendship. In the first
paragraph, we can see that the details of what friendship is does not enough and there is also
no example provided. In order to grab the readers attention to continue reading the writing, the
introduction paragraph should be impressive and interesting. For example, the writer can add on
some quotes or paraphrase by some famous and well-known people. The writer can also give

7
some justifications on how friendship makes life thrilling as well as giving sweet and pleasant
experiences to us.

True friendship is a feeling of love, sharing and caring. It is a feeling that

someone understands and appreciates you as you are, without any
exaggeration, flattery and pretensions. It gives a feeling that you are wanted
and that you are someone and not a faceless being in the crowd. A true friend
stands by you through thick and thin. True friendship knows no boundaries or
demarcations of caste, creed, race and sex.

For the second paragraph which is the first point in supporting the main topic. There is no
cohesion in the paragraph. Young Min stated that the cohesion of writing focuses on the
grammatical aspects of writing. There is a few mistakes regarding the sentence structure. It
gives a feeling that you are wanted and that you are someone and not a faceless being in the
crowd, from that particular sentence, we can see that the structure of the sentence is not in a
well ordered and it is hard to understand its meaning. The sentence should be written as
Friendship gives us a feeling that we are not alone in this world. The writer also does not
provide some example to prove that true friendship is a feeling of love, sharing and caring.
There is also no concluding sentence to reinforce the topic sentence. In my point of view, the
last sentence True friendship knows no boundaries or demarcations of caste, creed, race and
sex should be under the content of choosing friends. In summary, there is no cohesion and
coherence in this second paragraph.

Friendship is both good and necessary. Man cannot live all alone. He is a social being.
He needs someone to share his joys and sorrows. Generally, it is only the people of the
same age, character and background, mentality, etc., who can understand him and
understand his problems. Friends are needed for support and for sharing. Friendship is
an elixir which is essential for a happy life.

Next, the writer does not insert some transition words in building next paragraph. In order to
obtain a coherent paragraph, transition words help connecting ideas from one point to another
point. Well organized paragraphs use transitions between the topic sentence, support and
analysis sentence which let the reader know where the argument is going. Simple transitions
such as "for example," "for instance," "therefore," "however," and "also" are useful to show

8
relationships between ideas. More complex transitions can be whole phrases or even sentences
that show how the writer is moving from one idea to another. The third paragraph is also not an
effective paragraph because there is no cohesion in the paragraph. There is no specific details
or facts to reveal the reasons on why friendship is good and necessary in our life. The writer
should provide enough details or proof to stress out the topic sentence.

They are needed to turn to when one is in trouble, and facing difficulties. According to
the great Roman Statesman Cicero Friendship increases happiness and diminishes
misery by doubling our joy and dividing our grief. Friends are needed in every stage of
life. Friendship has no age limit. Every group of people- children, youth, elders, very
elderly people, etc. have their friends. However, it is better to have friends of the same
age group and cultural backgrounds.

For the fourth paragraph, it is much better than the paragraph before. It is because in this
paragraph, the writer did add on a quote from the great Roman Statesman Cicero which can
attract the readers interest to keep on reading. Without support or evidence from quotations, the
topic sentence will go unproven and the paragraph will fall flat and dull. By inserting the
quotation or summary, the reader can clearly understand the writing or an essay. As a writer, we
cannot necessarily assume that our reader will draw the same conclusions as the writers has
drawn from the evidence. However, there is no transition words inserted to connect from one
sentence to another sentence. It will distract the readers focus when reading the paragraph as
they have to keep on reading the same sentence repeatedly in order to understand. Therefore,
there is also no coherency in the fourth paragraph.

We need to select our friends very carefully. We have to remember the maxim All that
glitters is not gold. In the same manner, we must not be moved by apparent show of
friendship. Many remain with us in the guise of good friends and lead us to the wrong
path. Today, many youngsters have become social nuisance mainly due to wrong
company and bad friends.

In the next paragraph which is the fifth paragraph, the writer also put on a maxim or a saying.
Maxim is an expression of a general truth or a principle. By adding the saying, it will increase
the understanding of the readers. For instance, All that glitters is not gold, the quote brings a
deep meaning. The writer wishes to emphasize that even though we have a lot of friends, not all
of them are true friends. Some of them may want to take us for granted or maybe befriending
with some reasons. Therefore, the saying is used to ensure that everyone should be careful in

9
choosing friends or partners as we cannot read others intention. On the other hand, the
paragraph is poorly developed. This is due to the lack of statistics or facts provided. It is stated
in the paragraph that many youngsters nowadays have become social nuisance mainly due to
wrong company and bad friends. The writer should portray some evidences or any social
problems statistics to support the idea. It will help the readers to clearly understand the idea if
there are few examples of facts added in.

We spent much of our time with them. Their mental outlook, behaviour, attitudes affect
us too. Therefore, we have to choose our friends very carefully. We have to distinguish
between fair-weather friends and true friends. True friends remain with us through thick
and thin while fair-weather friends are found only during sunny days.

For the last paragraph of content point, the first sentence should be the topic sentence.
However as we can see in the paragraph above, the first sentence is not a strong point to
support the main topic of friendship. Instead of writing we spent much of our time with them,
the writer can write most of our precious time is spent with our friends, just to make the topic
sentence is more understandable. In addition, there is also no coherency in this paragraph as
the supporting sentences are not related to the topic sentence. Those supporting details are
more likely to be under the point of choosing friends. The writer was talking about spending time
with friends, somehow the supporting details were about to wisely distinguish between fair-
weather friends and true friends. The writer actually should focusing on time spent. For
example, the writer can talk about boarding school students which spending most of their days
with their friends at the hostel. He or she should elaborate more on that point to improve the
coherence and cohesion of the paragraph.

Lasting friendship is indeed, a blessing. Good friends are great pillars of life. They help
us to stand tall and erect in life. Friendship can make or break us. It can lead to good
careers and proper living. It does not matter how often you meet your friends, but how
much you care and feel for another in good times as well as in bad times. True
friendship is a great asset in life.

Last but not least, every effective writing should contain the conclusion paragraph. In the
conclusion paragraph, the writer is emphasizing on the importance of friendship. The writer can
use some transitional words such as as mentioned earlier, in conclusion, therefore and many
more. In my opinion, the last paragraph is well-developed and the readers can easily

10
understand and start to appreciate their friends and strengthen the friendship bonding among
one another.

In conclusion, based on the selected essay or writing, every paragraph of the text is poorly
developed and lack of coherency and cohesive. The main problems affecting the paragraph
from becoming an effective paragraph are focus and development. The writer seems like to
leave out some important information and lack of idea to elaborate on the topic sentence.
Therefore, in order to achieve and to have an effective paragraph, every writer should focus on
the few aspects of writing which are the development of writing, cohesion and coherent of every
sentence and paragraph.

(1874 words)

11