KeDavion Kennedy

Scharf

ERWC

Jan. 27, 2017

Argument Synthesis Essay Revision

Privacy. One of the most controversial issues in todays growing society. Now whether it be an

adults or that of a teenager, its something important that everyone has and should not be broken.

However, a crossroads is met with that last part and how privacy should not be broken because it

would seem that there is an outstanding question of Should teenagers have the same rights to

privacy as adults do and expect? While it can be agreed upon that there are proponents that

agree teenagers should be allowed those same rights, there poses the problem of opponents, the

ones who disagree and dont see eye-to-eye with the proponents.

First the claims of the proponents. The proponents believe that Teenagers should have the same

privacy rights as adults, because no matter the fact of being a young and upcoming adult

privacy is the glue that not only establishes trust between parent/adult and teenager but builds

and strengthens that trust. Most parents have established that trust with their teens and have

allowed them their rights to privacy,of course under a small set of rules but nonetheless have that

trust. If given the chance by all adults/parents teenagers can prove to be responsible enough to

have their own privacy without it being invaded.

Next there are the opponents. The opponents believe that Invasion of privacy is necessary to

keep teenagers safe. Invading the privacy of a teenager can in fact help keep them safer to an

extent, perhaps by making sure that nothing suspicious is going on. However it is also the
quickest way to break that trust that was either already there or in the process of being there.

Confronting the teenager in an appropriate and calm way to consult with them if suspicion is

developed at any time. Invading their privacy is an unwelcome way of confronting them and

potentially threatening to the relationship of parent and teen.

Next is mutual ground for both opponents and proponents. Privacy rights should only be

granted to responsible individuals. This is a statement that in a way combines both aspects of

the proponents and opponents. It does so by incorporating the trust and providing of privacy to

teenage individuals, while also adding the restraint of that privacy so desperately wanted by the

opponents.

In conclusion, privacy shouldnt be taken as lightly as it is now. As the trust and loss of closeness

of parent and teenage relationships grows narrow due to invasion of privacy and the

non-understanding of the importance of privacy. If parents/adults begin to understand and put

more trust into their children and set guidelines that the teen can agree with, a better

understanding and trust can be created. The same can be said for teenagers as well however. If

they would be willing to let their parents in more there wouldnt be an urge or need for an

invasion of privacy. Maybe then the most controversial problem in this society, wont be as

problematic as it is now. As a teen would you want your privacy invaded? Or as an adult would

you want to risk your child's trust?

Reflection

The first thing I changed in this essay was the introduction paragraph because it lacked a certain

depth and the hook wasnt strong enough to catch the eyes of the reader before. I also changed

the first body paragraph. I changed it to focus more on what the proponents believe about the

rights to teenage privacy. Next I changed the second body paragraph, because it also lacked in

truly identifying what the opponents were really against. I feel it still lacks the depth it could

have but it I also believe that it has made a big improvement considering what it was previously.

I added an extra paragraph. I consider it mutual ground, not exactly a rebuttal or a strong thesis.

But rather a point that both sides of the argument could agree on or finally see eye-to-eye. Lastly

the conclusion paragraph. I changed the ending of to appeal more to the reader, along with

suggestions related to the prompts thesis.