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Memorandum

To: Instructor McGinnis

From: Khrystofer Walton
Date: January 22, 2017
Subject: Prose Style Analysis

This memo report will discuss the findings conducted from an analysis
of my writing in the business prose style.
I used the business prose style to analyze my research essay titled
The Problems of Global Warming, which goes into detail about the
effects Global Warming has on our environment.

Cut Lard Redundant words & Dead phrases

Cutting lard simply means getting rid of redundant words, unnecessary
modifiers, and dead words or phrases. People normally find themselves
adding extra fluff to essays, in order to reach a certain page length
requirement. This is a common mistake because more isnt always
better when it comes too professional writing. In my essay, I found that
I did use some lard and when taken out of my essay the message I was
trying to convey was more clear and concise.

The burning of many fossil fuels creates a gas that is released into the atmosphere
that is known as greenhouse gasses.

This sentence contains an example of cutting redundant words and

cutting a dead phrase. The words many and that is known do not need
to be present in order for the reader to understand what I am trying to
say. Cutting these words out, create a more clear and simplified
statement. I found while analyzing my essay that I could easily take
out words that would not change what I was saying, but when removed
would help create a more precise and straightforward sentence.

Reanimate Phrases with a Single Word

Taking out a phrase and replacing it with a single word helps cut out
unnecessary jargon while writing

There is more carbon dioxide in soil than there is in plants, the reason being that
when the land is farmed; the carbon is released back into the atmosphere. Because

This is an example of how cutting out a phrase can help improve sentence structure.

Cut Unnecessary Modifiers

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These modifiers take up space in writing without adding any meaning

at all.

Desertification has definitely been occurring in some parts in the world because of
climate change.

This is a perfect example of a modifier that has no purpose in this sentence, and being
removed makes the sentence sound better.

Eliminate there with all forms of to be verbs

Removing there from the beginning of sentences and replacing them
with to be verbs helps remove a vague phrase replacing it with a more
specific detailed phrase.

In my essay I did not find any examples where I could have replaced
there with a to be verb.

Use Strong Verbs & Tighten Verb Form

Using strong verbs make your writing more specific, choosing the best
word or words can enhance your writing making what you are trying to
say clearer, stronger, and more effective. In my essay, I did a fair job of
using strong verbs to describe situations involving global warming.
However I could have done a better job of tightening the verb to make
it stronger.

Global warming does not only affect Americans, it also has an effect on
everybody around the world. effects

This sentence contains an example of tightening the verb form to make it stronger.
Removing unnecessary words allows you to make a verb stronger and help create a more
efficient statement.

Use Mostly Active Voice & Passive Voice

When you write in the active voice, the person who is doing the action is the subject of
the sentence. In comparison, when you write in the passive voice, the action of the object
being acted upon is the subject of the sentence and who or what is doing the action is
either missed or implied in a by phrase. Throughout my research essay I found that I
did not consistently write with a passive or active voice. However I did find a couple
examples in my writing.

The discovery of marmots prematurely coming out of hibernation was conducted

by a lead group of Scientists
- Like this:
Here, the marmots are the subjects and discovered is the action.
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This excerpt from my research essay is an example of using a passive voice. In my

writing I did not use much of the passive voice and normally it makes it hard for readers
to figure out what you are telling them. However, in some specific writing occasions the
passive voice is regularly utilized.

Stress Emphasis Meaning & Stress Emphasis

When we speak, how we emphasize or stress certain words affects the meaning. Writing,
however, is different. In the English language, readers naturally look for meaning at the
end of a sentence or paragraph, known as the stress emphasis or stress position. The start
of the paragraph is normally the area where you setup your topic and then by the end the
reader should have figured out the point of what you are writing.

Humans are the biggest cause of climate change. Human pollution has been the
leading cause in global warming since the end of WWII. Climate change is a natural
occurrence but due to human activity the last eleven out of twelve years have been the
warmest on record since 1850. Although greenhouse gasses are the biggest cause for
earths changing atmosphere, the logging of the trees are also impacting the earths
natural balance. Logging of trees is a problem us as humans continue to contribute to.

This paragraph taken from my essay shows an example of stress emphasis. The beginning
of my paragraph introduces a topic and throughout the paragraph I explain my reasoning
about the topic.

Watch Sentence Length

Typically, modern business prose style uses shorter sentences. The average sentence is
between 14 and 18 words.

The corals can only tolerate a certain warming of the salt water, when the water
warms too rapidly the corals start to turn a white color, and if the water doesnt cool
down the corals will eventually die

Here is an example of a sentence that is too long for the prose style. Even though this
sentence was beneficial to my research essay, in a prose style essay it would be
considered to long.

Keep Paragraphs Short and Focused

Paragraphs in modern business writing are often much shorter than in academic prose
style. Keeping paragraphs short and focused is key.

My paragraphs in my research essay where mostly short and focused on a variety of

different global warming topics and arguments.

Use Summative Modifiers

A summative modifier works by summing up whats been said so far in a sentence, and it
can help create the right emphasis.
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The temperature of earth on average rises five degrees, a climatic event that will
annually create problems.

This is an example of a summative modifier that helped create the right emphasis
in my research paper.

Avoid Strings of Prepositions

Strings of prepositions make it hard for readers to find the emphasis you intend.

There are key things that are being affected in the marine environments.

A revision and the removal of these string prepositions will help make my sentence flow
and sound better.

Avoid Needless Business Jargon

Jargon is industry or discipline specific terminology. It is used when the audience is
knowledgeable about how the term is both being defined and used.

In my research paper there was no information that would be considered Jargon. All the
facts and data throughout my research helped further elaborate my thesis about global
warming.

Grammar vs. Style

Grammar is about language rules. Prose style is about the words you choose and how
you arrange these words. There are three kinds of grammar rules: real rules, social rules,
and invented rules. Real rules are rules people never break unless they are not thinking.
Social rules distinguish Standard English from nonstandard English. Invented rules are
those rules we think we should observe. These are rules we are taught in school.

Throughout my essay I could not find any examples of breaking any of these grammar
rules. I was able to effectively avoid starting a sentence with: and or but, because, and a
preposition. Even though these are style choice, when excessively used your writing will
start to lack sentence variation. I personally believe I had strong sentence variation
throughout my research paper.

Conclusion
In conclusion, a major weakness I found in my paper was the amount of lard I had. The
amount of words and phrases I was able to remove without changing what I was saying
was quite surprising. A goal I can set for working on this would be being more straight to
the point and concise with my sentences. After analyzing my paper under the prose style I
was surprised how much my writing could be improved and look forward to applying
what I learned in my next writing assignment.